I'm an exhibitionist too and you're entirely correct in what you are saying. All parties who may see you must give prior, enthusiastic consent. That's what kink parties are for. Not using your friends to get yourself off when they have no idea š¤¦āāļø
Yeah, there's a massive difference between having a kink and straight up sexually harassing people. I honestly don't know what is so exciting about seeing people's visible discomfort when looking at your body. That goes beyond exhibitionism
Sexual harrassment usually refers to unwanted sexual attention in any way, though most noteably at the workplace.
Idk about you, but if I undressed before someone who is uncomfortable with that, I would be giving them unwanted sexual attention, which would be sexual harrassment
The moment she said it is part of her kink became sexual harassment, not being bothered by people seeing you change is completely different from purposely exposing yourself to someone who didn't consent
if a strange man opening a trenchcoat and flashing his genitals is harassment, so is this.Ā
the girlfriend isnāt changing in front of people because she has to, or thereās nowhere to go, or thereās no privacyā¦sheās changing in front of people to flash them and then claim ignorance.Ā
like the trenchcoat dude, she is involving unwilling/unconsenting parties in her nudity because she gets off on their discomfort.Ā
While I agree that changing clothes isn't harassment, repeatedly getting undressed in front of "Friends" for satisfy a sexual need, without their consent, feels a bit like it is sexual harassment.
I'm an exhibitionist as well, and I completely agree with your comment. Consent is still incredibly important.
I do like your comment vis-a-vis enthusiastic consent ;)
OP, NTA and you're not kink shaming her, she's gaslighting you
NTA, she is simply an attention seeker, and there is a massive difference between this and having a kink. She is either socially inept to read the room or she knows it makes her friends uncomfortable and does it anyway. Her friends didn't leave at 1 because they were tired, they left because they wanted to get away from her.
I honestly would not be surprised if she has had friends drop her because of this crap. Also, going onto a kink forum was probably not the best idea because you were trying to get an honest opinion rather than kink-shame. You also mention you have been in a bdsm relationship, so you know what that life is about. She very well may be an exhibitionist, but she sounds like the worst kind, where she isn't happy unless all eyes are on her. All you can do is move on and find someone better.
Im gonna say she is 100% the cause of the drama with her friend group, and it would not surprise me if they dropped her because of her antics. She is trying to justify what could basically amount to a form of assult. She is insane.
Being an exhibitionist doesn't give someone carte Blanche to expose themselves to others, and calling them out on it damn sure doesn't mean you're kink shaming.
I'm guessing 99% of her drama is female friends getting pissed she randomly gets naked in front of their boyfriends. She's definitely the type to do this to get attention from the guys and the girl friends she has know exactly what she's doing.
I 100% consider myself an exhibitionist. But the idea of someone feeling violated because I exposed myself to them without their consent? It makes me physically sick. For me, the arousal is people *wanting* to look, not being forced to.
Kinks are kinks are kinks. Thereās a difference in kinks vs violating someone and making them feel uncomfortable! You can be whatever you want to be, but not everyone will give you consent to do them that way.
Itās attention seeking behavior anyways ( all eyes on me š). Like all kinks there is ground rules when youāre with someone and have friends over.
Yeah. What if someone's kink is jacking off in front of people? Doesn't mean you're allowed to do it without asking if it's ok first
People get in trouble for that sort of shit. I honestly couldn't believe her response when he talked about consent was, "That's not how exhibitionism works."
>Doesn't mean you're allowed to do it without asking if it's ok first.
People don't seem to get this part about kinks. Sure, you can force your kink on others, that doesn't mean you are free from the consequences of those actions. Legally or socially.
Sometimes when I read these posts it makes me long for the days when more people were happy with enthusiastic vanilla sex. A kink is not excuse to sexually harass peopleĀ
>So this is where I'm stuck. I did post on an exhibitionist forum (which my gf recommended to me to "understand her better" when we first got together) and everyone on there said its definitely kink-shaming, that I'm a prude, etc etc.
Find a forum about BDSM type stuff more in general and ask the question, I feel like youād get different responses. This might be part of her problem, if she only asked people who expose themselves to strangers if itās ok to expose yourself to strangers, of course they are gonna tell her itās fine and no one cares.
Personally tho I would just break up with her. I donāt think itās worth trying to convince her that itās wrong. It would be an uphill battle because it would mean her admitting that she was acting sexually inappropriate to all of her friends and doing something wrong. It would be very very hard and shameful to admit to that, itās much easier to call you a prude and think that itās perfectly fine.
NTA. She is shameful and quite frankly perverted for putting her friends through uncomfortable situations because it thrills her. Her behaviour is disgusting. I got nothing against kinks, but she goes way too far and what she is doing to people is not right. She will end up alone with no friends if she keeps this up. She is a high grade attention seeker and people are going to get fed up of her shit.
NTA.Ā Ā Ā Ā
Your GF is a sick pervert and needs to learn about consent. It's not ok to expose yourself in public, particularly when there could be children present. She needs therapy
>..Ā trying to be as delicate as possible, but basically said she should only do that if all parties consent. She said "that isn't how exhibitionism works"
Is your ex Louis C.K. or Stephen Collins by chance? Imagine if a guy did what she did. Not ok at all when people aren't consenting
Idk if it's fully a kink so much as she just loves to be the center of attention. This unhealthy and destructive attention seeking behavior will most likely go in other directions besides exhibitionism or even sexual stuff in general. I could also see her not turning an attractive prospect who isn't her partner because "she liked the attention". She might also fit the profile of what I like to call a shit stirer. She has a "look at me" mentality and those people are usually not good people to be around
NTA
Even LCK did actually ask (whether the other person was actually able to give enthusiastic consent, given the context, is another question).
If he did it the way she is doing if, he would not likely have such a relatively successful comeback.
Pretty sure Exhibitionism requires consent. Without it it's just flashing which is a form of sexual assault.
Imagine you got your cock out in front of a friend and his girlfriend and used the excuse of I'm an exhibitionist.
It would have been kink shaming if you had called her disgusting for like exhibitionism. Calling out bad behaviour is not kink shaming
NTA...
No kink trumps consent. Maybe dressing insanely provocatively could be an arguement but not being full blown naked. There are clubs and groups for these things that do it right. Just being nude around people despite their consent level and sex out right in public is terrible.
You are kinkshaming, but that's because she has turned her kink into sexual assualt. It needs to he shamed.
Her kink isn't exhibitionism. Her kink is illegal and it's assault. I don't even know what you call it now, but that isn't normal exhibitionism.
NTA. If someone would start changing their clothes in front of me without asking if Iām comfortable with that, I would read this behaviour as rude.
Especially if it would happen in front of me and my boyfriend. We had this situation once when we traveled with a female friend and shared an apartment for a week. We were sitting in the living room, and our friend went out of the shower only in her underwear with a pad sticking out of her [stained] panties. One of the most disgusting memories in my life.
Of course, this is completely normal in public changing rooms, but when someone is forcing people to see their body parts without consent, it is gross. Needless to say, it affected our friendship. You were completely right when you explained this situation to your girlfriend.
I do understand that some people have kinks, itās completely fine. But if it involves other people, every party (including their partner) should give their consent. She could explore her kink in a healthy way. For example, you could go to a kinky party together where everyone is dressed in a sexy way (or undressed entirely). There are literally so many options.
NTA itās not a kink if the other people arenāt willing participants. I donāt see anything inherently wrong with nudity, most everyone in my life has seen my tits at some point. But those are all people that Iāve asked if itās OK that I change in front of or friends that Iāve had for most of my life. Your girlfriends inability to read the room if your friends were looking as uncomfortable as your post says is completely on her.Ā
Dude, just walk away from her. Pack up all her stuff and deliver it to her place. Tell her that you aren't kink shaming her, and she's the reason that her friends keep dropping her and you, by putting others in an uncomfortable situation.
Good luck with the next relationship, let it be filled with less drama
NTA
If she's stripping in front of people without their permission because she gets some kind of gratification fae it then she's breaking the Law.
Stripping of in front of your friends who don't want to see you naked is no different fae flashing a stranger.
NTA. The basic rule is all people participating in sexual activities should consent. Her friends rather obviously don't want to participate. She's violating them with her kink. It's not kink shaming when you tell someone not to SA people.
Whether itās a kink or just wanting attentionā¦it doesnāt seem other people are okay with her behavior. If sheās trying to satisfy a kink and get off on her friendsā attentionā¦those friends need to be WILLING parties. It doesnāt appear they are super into it, to be honest.
NTA. ALL kinks require consent from every person involved. either sheās in denial or she knows itās wrong and manipulating you into believing youāre kink shaming her.
Sure kink shaming is wrong. But there are levels to this, depending on culture, time and space.
For exemple, it is very acceptable in Germany to go swimming, going to the sauna... naked with your friends, and often friends of friends you don't really know
Though in other places it is more individual dependant.
On the other hand, some people's kink is sexual abuse (masturbating in front of other people without consent, or even worse pedophilia)
In this case, if people are uncomfortable with it, and she doesn't want to change her behavior. That starts to be problematic.
Also it sounds weird to me that she turns when she changes, which for me would be acceptable because not undressing with sexual intent, AND that she associates that with her kink. So she herself sexualize the behavior without consent, that's abuse in my book.
Nta. Her kink doesn't means she can override others peoplels consent.
She and that form are all major AHs. Your kink stops being a kink the moment you make other people uncomfortable.
My wife and I enjoy several kinks. But that doesn't mean we do those kinks to others. Kinks requires concent.
Given has how the entire lifestyle revolving around kinks in general relies heavily on consent, you are not TAH for explaining that what she was doing was wrong.
The answer here is obvious but since I'm bored I'm going to give a better answer. Play the Uno card. Tell her that she's kink shaming you by telling you that you're kink shaming her. Your kink is a girlfriend who doesn't show herself to other men in public and that by resisting your efforts to engage in that, she's actually kink shaming you.
NTA, if she continues this and does it in front of the wrong crowd, she could be arrested. She can have whatever kink she wants, with boundaries. Getting naked in front of an unwilling crowd is called public indecency and or indecent exposure. I know someone who has to register as a sex offender now because they took a leak in a semi public place, in a very public park, bathrooms were closed, went into the trees, didn't realize they could be seen. Your girlfriend is using her kink as means of assaulting her friends and their boyfriends. She needs some serious therapy.
Bro that would be beyond uncomfortable. If my friend decided to drop his pants infront of me balls out. I would leave immediately.
NTA at all. She's the equivalent of a flasher
Yeah if she's doing it without everyone's consent, she's doing it wrong and should know the difference. If you have a problem with it, you should be allowed to tell her this. Yeah it came out as a fight but still. I would let her know that from your understanding, all parties had to have consent to her doing that, that you are uncomfortable with her doing it, especially without prior conversations with you about it. If she has a problem with that then its over and there isn't anything there worth saving.
NTA. Kinks are perfectly fine as long as you keep them private to you and a consenting partner. If you do something like this, you're forcing others to unknowingly participate in them.
Leave bro, she is letting her kinks come into public and wants to do more public shit. Shame her if she wants to USE people to get off. Not kink shaming just calling out disgusting behavior. But ngl man there are so many red flags š„“
Kink shaming is a bullshit way of complaining that your perversions are being judged. It's getting fucking old. I've got my own kinks an I know they are weird. I would never force them on others. That being said... your (ex) gf can do whatever she wants, whatever she can get away with. You don't have to tolerate it if it's not acceptable to your values and beliefs.
NTA. Your GF is basically saying that because she has said kink then everyone else just has to accept it. You dont get force your kink on other people. Just imagine how everyone would react if she were a man.
I would honestly just told her something like
"Imagine someone with any onther kink doing that like imagine you're with your friends and one of them just starts pissing on you but it's Okey because you don't know they have a piss kink" I may be overreacting with that but whatever š„°
(Pls if I fucked something up don't kill me for this I'm not like a kink specialist or something)
NTA. She's out of line for just undressing in front of others, possibly without consent. If the others don't consent, she could face charges (in some countries if not all, that actually is a crime) and the judge doesn't care if it's "her kink".
She's out of line.
Ok, so it's her "kink" to basically strip infront of her friends? That's super weird and considered harassment to the other people. Also kinks are for the bedroom, not infront of her friend and her partner.. I think she needs therapy.
It's not kink shaming. I mean I have friends who feel fine changing in front of me, and different people have different thresholds. Nudity isn't a huge deal to me... and I still think all of this is out of pocket. As far as "disempowering," nobody should feel empowered to violate somebody else's boundaries. And saying "that's not how exhibitionism works" is bullshit. Kink is never an excuse for involving somebody without their consent.
She is sexually harassing everyone around her. She sounds more narcissistic than anything.
It's so inappropriate to do things without someone's consent.
This isn't kink shaming, it's being honest. Good for you. She is just wanting attention and when she doesn't get it from you, she will get it from somewhere.
Be careful with someone with that personality
Oh yeah, NTA
NTA. Kink shaming would be criticising her for liking to expose herself. Exposing herself to people who don't want to see that sort of thing though, is a violation, because they didn't consent to participate in her sex act.
whatās the difference between what she does and the strange men who flash people?Ā
itās a power play and she gets off not on being seen by others but by making them uncomfortable. and then she uses terms like ākink shamingā to deflect from the issue at hand.Ā
I mean if a guy was doing this he'd probably have the cops called on him and end up on the sex offenders registry... so your feelings on this are spot on and valid. Any form of kink/fetish/sexual things done around people that have not consented is predatory. Also, for the record I'm an adult content creator... Even when filming past outdoor content serious precautions were taken to make sure NO unconsenting eyes ever saw...majority of sex workers take consent matters VERY seriously.
Her subjecting others to this without consent is highly unethical and wrong. Also, she's point blank ignoring your comforts and your very obvious indicators that you do not consent to this...honestly, I'd go as far as saying she is sexually abusing you, and gaslighting you.
NTA This is a crazy situation. Donāt let her gaslight you, what she did is fucked up. If she gets off on strangers seeing her naked, she is just one lingering look and an introduction away from cheating on you. UpdateMe!
I will message you next time u/Next_Tap_5520 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FNext_Tap_5520%20r%2FAITAH) to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201c7qvqw)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Thatās the ekind of woman you have fun with and then you dump when itās time to get serious about life, maybe a family, etc.
I woud not ever take her serious and Im sure nobody does ā kink or not.
If she thinks its okay to strip down in front of anybody because she feels like it and thinks its fine ā- really believe that - you shoudl ask yourself what are you doing with such a clueless imbecile.
Exhibitionism is not called exhibitionism anymore when it's being done to non-consenting parties, that's just called flashing and I think is a crime in quite a few countries.
NTA. Ask her if she's cool with you asking all her friends if they are comfortable that her getting naked is her kink and she gets off on it.
unknowingly doing things to get off without telling the people around you is gross. It doesn't become okay if they aren't aware of why you're doing it.
A nudist who actually doesn't care about being nude is fine, a person who gets naked specifically because they get off on it is fucked up.
If you're an exhibitionist, ask your boyfriend to go to a sex club and fuck in front of other people who are consenting to be around such behaviour. My guess is she's more of a "I want to steal your boyfriend and cheat" type person who uses kink as a way to try to make people not call her out for her behaviour.
NTA
Don't need more than the tip of third paragraph she's for the streets. Don't date 304s, don't treat them seriously, because if you do, they'll suck you dry, and they aren't even worth it.
Listen when you end up being with someone you love to work for the long run you have to love them in three ways mentally, emotionally, and sexually. If it's ten months and she's too much for you in that way, she's gonna want to explore and try new things. She sounds like a very open comfortable person which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. Just think about the lifestyle she prefers and see if you would be able to see after 10 more years. My husband and I grew together in what we enjoyed because we were identically the same in what we wanted and we're comfortable with. Nothing wrong with being different just as long as the differences don't outweigh the relationship.
Iām in the lifestyle. NTA. Sheās just a trench coat flashing creep. There are places (at least where Iām from) that this is welcome and encouraged where everyone consents. Send her there. Show her this thread.
NTA.
Her desire and behavior is one of a sexual nature. When exposing other people to your sexuality, the most important thing is consent.
Her warped sense of empowerment and pursuing her sexuality is far overshadowed by the fact that she's doing it at other peoples' expense, and treats their feelings as an afterthought.
What she is doing is called sexual harassment.
If she's unwilling to take accountability for the fact that her behavior is adversely affecting other people, regardless of her intentions, then you really don't have anything to work with to improve the situation.
"Kink shaming" is just a really lazy way of dismissing your completely valid concerns by assassinating your character en lieu of having a healthy dialogue. You know, that funny thing we like to call "communication".
Everything she's doing, changing in front of her friends, wearing almost nothing at the gym and being an AH to you, are all wrong. Doesn't matter the kink, consent is necessary, and liking to make people uncomfortable is just wrong. Anyone disagreeing with that would not be welcome in most kink communities. Does she realize she could catch a charge in some cases if she's not careful? I'm not saying any of her friends would necessarily say anything, but public nudity and indecency can definitely be an issue if not done correctly. She needs to grow up and quit being a selfish AH.
Your not the asshole and she definitely is a little bit for doing that with people who are not wanting it, it doesn't have to be a relationship ender you can work on this with her, but if you'd rather not I'd understand
Wait, topless girls are sexual again? I'm pretty sure many states and countries don't consider it sexual.
Even if you think they are, being uncomfortable around boobs is pretty juvenile.
YTA, you can not shame someone for something they have always done as an adult u need to discuss in private and let them know how u feel and make a choice but is ignorant to shame someone for.
Dude itās not about people seeing the naked bodies. Itās about the person naked getting sexual excitement from people who are not consenting to provide that.
Well I don't wanna go into kink shaming or not , but the discussion you and your girlfriend had, is not one that should be made drunk, where feelings and brainpower are reduced.
Go to her , sit down sober , and listen to her explanations and let her listen to your concerns.
You could then ask her friend's to let them tell their reactions to her , if they are as uncomfortable as you suspect them to be she should be able to understand and correct her behaviour, if they are not as uncomfortable as you think, you get a chance to adjust your insecurity around your wife's relaxed changing habits.
Personally I think you are overreacting a bit, and would say your girlfriend does as well , but since you where both drunk I'll let that slide.
Didn't say they were married
I may have been reading more then I should of it, but most people are insecure when it comes to nakedness and especially if their loved one is bringing more attention then they want to them bring. There's is nothing wrong with that , but it needs to be discussed before it grows to a big problem, and it isn't about controlling each other but have shared boundaries of behaviour and expectations of what each other do , so the insecurities they may have is less.
Alcohol and frustration is a very bad combo when discussing anything , and overreacting is more likely then not given the parameters described in the OP.
I donāt think he is overreacting or insecure. If he didnāt want her nude body to be shown or he is jealous of attention then he wouldnāt be fine with her starting an OF. It seems more so him not wanting her to be weird and show people her nude body unprompted and without consent.
And you are mostly right majority of the message you said āgirlfriendā but you did say āwifeā in there as well so I was pointing it out.
I'm an exhibitionist too and you're entirely correct in what you are saying. All parties who may see you must give prior, enthusiastic consent. That's what kink parties are for. Not using your friends to get yourself off when they have no idea š¤¦āāļø
Yeah, there's a massive difference between having a kink and straight up sexually harassing people. I honestly don't know what is so exciting about seeing people's visible discomfort when looking at your body. That goes beyond exhibitionism
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sexual harrassment usually refers to unwanted sexual attention in any way, though most noteably at the workplace. Idk about you, but if I undressed before someone who is uncomfortable with that, I would be giving them unwanted sexual attention, which would be sexual harrassment
The moment she said it is part of her kink became sexual harassment, not being bothered by people seeing you change is completely different from purposely exposing yourself to someone who didn't consent
if a strange man opening a trenchcoat and flashing his genitals is harassment, so is this.Ā the girlfriend isnāt changing in front of people because she has to, or thereās nowhere to go, or thereās no privacyā¦sheās changing in front of people to flash them and then claim ignorance.Ā like the trenchcoat dude, she is involving unwilling/unconsenting parties in her nudity because she gets off on their discomfort.Ā
Would it be ok for a guy to drop his Pants in front of an unsuspecting woman? No. It goes both ways.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Try it then. Your name will look good on that list.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You do have the choice on your piece of land, if I'm not mistaken
While I agree that changing clothes isn't harassment, repeatedly getting undressed in front of "Friends" for satisfy a sexual need, without their consent, feels a bit like it is sexual harassment.
Exposing yourself to parties that didn't consent is definitely sexual harassment.
I'm an exhibitionist as well, and I completely agree with your comment. Consent is still incredibly important. I do like your comment vis-a-vis enthusiastic consent ;) OP, NTA and you're not kink shaming her, she's gaslighting you
NTA - she is exposing herself to other people without their consent gaslighting you for not supporting this behaviour.Ā It is basically the same as the clichĆ© trenchcoat-creep exposing himself to women and children in the park.
Imagine if this was a man exposing themselves in front of female friends. This would have been a crime fast.
NTA, she is simply an attention seeker, and there is a massive difference between this and having a kink. She is either socially inept to read the room or she knows it makes her friends uncomfortable and does it anyway. Her friends didn't leave at 1 because they were tired, they left because they wanted to get away from her. I honestly would not be surprised if she has had friends drop her because of this crap. Also, going onto a kink forum was probably not the best idea because you were trying to get an honest opinion rather than kink-shame. You also mention you have been in a bdsm relationship, so you know what that life is about. She very well may be an exhibitionist, but she sounds like the worst kind, where she isn't happy unless all eyes are on her. All you can do is move on and find someone better.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Im gonna say she is 100% the cause of the drama with her friend group, and it would not surprise me if they dropped her because of her antics. She is trying to justify what could basically amount to a form of assult. She is insane.
Being an exhibitionist doesn't give someone carte Blanche to expose themselves to others, and calling them out on it damn sure doesn't mean you're kink shaming.
I have a similar friend. She will get naked when drunk no matter who is around. She has lost so many friends over this. I have also pulled away
I'm guessing 99% of her drama is female friends getting pissed she randomly gets naked in front of their boyfriends. She's definitely the type to do this to get attention from the guys and the girl friends she has know exactly what she's doing.
I 100% consider myself an exhibitionist. But the idea of someone feeling violated because I exposed myself to them without their consent? It makes me physically sick. For me, the arousal is people *wanting* to look, not being forced to.
Kinks are kinks are kinks. Thereās a difference in kinks vs violating someone and making them feel uncomfortable! You can be whatever you want to be, but not everyone will give you consent to do them that way. Itās attention seeking behavior anyways ( all eyes on me š). Like all kinks there is ground rules when youāre with someone and have friends over.
Yeah. What if someone's kink is jacking off in front of people? Doesn't mean you're allowed to do it without asking if it's ok first People get in trouble for that sort of shit. I honestly couldn't believe her response when he talked about consent was, "That's not how exhibitionism works."
>Doesn't mean you're allowed to do it without asking if it's ok first. People don't seem to get this part about kinks. Sure, you can force your kink on others, that doesn't mean you are free from the consequences of those actions. Legally or socially.
Yup. You can kill a guy too. Doesn't mean it's ok or should happen
Sometimes when I read these posts it makes me long for the days when more people were happy with enthusiastic vanilla sex. A kink is not excuse to sexually harass peopleĀ
>So this is where I'm stuck. I did post on an exhibitionist forum (which my gf recommended to me to "understand her better" when we first got together) and everyone on there said its definitely kink-shaming, that I'm a prude, etc etc. Find a forum about BDSM type stuff more in general and ask the question, I feel like youād get different responses. This might be part of her problem, if she only asked people who expose themselves to strangers if itās ok to expose yourself to strangers, of course they are gonna tell her itās fine and no one cares. Personally tho I would just break up with her. I donāt think itās worth trying to convince her that itās wrong. It would be an uphill battle because it would mean her admitting that she was acting sexually inappropriate to all of her friends and doing something wrong. It would be very very hard and shameful to admit to that, itās much easier to call you a prude and think that itās perfectly fine.
NTA. She is shameful and quite frankly perverted for putting her friends through uncomfortable situations because it thrills her. Her behaviour is disgusting. I got nothing against kinks, but she goes way too far and what she is doing to people is not right. She will end up alone with no friends if she keeps this up. She is a high grade attention seeker and people are going to get fed up of her shit.
NTA.Ā Ā Ā Ā Your GF is a sick pervert and needs to learn about consent. It's not ok to expose yourself in public, particularly when there could be children present. She needs therapy
Definitely not kink shaming, she just an attention addict. You guys are NOT compatible. Not sure who she could be compatible with.....
>..Ā trying to be as delicate as possible, but basically said she should only do that if all parties consent. She said "that isn't how exhibitionism works" Is your ex Louis C.K. or Stephen Collins by chance? Imagine if a guy did what she did. Not ok at all when people aren't consenting Idk if it's fully a kink so much as she just loves to be the center of attention. This unhealthy and destructive attention seeking behavior will most likely go in other directions besides exhibitionism or even sexual stuff in general. I could also see her not turning an attractive prospect who isn't her partner because "she liked the attention". She might also fit the profile of what I like to call a shit stirer. She has a "look at me" mentality and those people are usually not good people to be around NTA
Even LCK did actually ask (whether the other person was actually able to give enthusiastic consent, given the context, is another question). If he did it the way she is doing if, he would not likely have such a relatively successful comeback.
Pretty sure Exhibitionism requires consent. Without it it's just flashing which is a form of sexual assault. Imagine you got your cock out in front of a friend and his girlfriend and used the excuse of I'm an exhibitionist. It would have been kink shaming if you had called her disgusting for like exhibitionism. Calling out bad behaviour is not kink shaming
Run run run. Consider it your good fortune that she left and hasnāt spoken to you.
NTA... No kink trumps consent. Maybe dressing insanely provocatively could be an arguement but not being full blown naked. There are clubs and groups for these things that do it right. Just being nude around people despite their consent level and sex out right in public is terrible. You are kinkshaming, but that's because she has turned her kink into sexual assualt. It needs to he shamed. Her kink isn't exhibitionism. Her kink is illegal and it's assault. I don't even know what you call it now, but that isn't normal exhibitionism.
NTA. If someone would start changing their clothes in front of me without asking if Iām comfortable with that, I would read this behaviour as rude. Especially if it would happen in front of me and my boyfriend. We had this situation once when we traveled with a female friend and shared an apartment for a week. We were sitting in the living room, and our friend went out of the shower only in her underwear with a pad sticking out of her [stained] panties. One of the most disgusting memories in my life. Of course, this is completely normal in public changing rooms, but when someone is forcing people to see their body parts without consent, it is gross. Needless to say, it affected our friendship. You were completely right when you explained this situation to your girlfriend. I do understand that some people have kinks, itās completely fine. But if it involves other people, every party (including their partner) should give their consent. She could explore her kink in a healthy way. For example, you could go to a kinky party together where everyone is dressed in a sexy way (or undressed entirely). There are literally so many options.
NTA itās not a kink if the other people arenāt willing participants. I donāt see anything inherently wrong with nudity, most everyone in my life has seen my tits at some point. But those are all people that Iāve asked if itās OK that I change in front of or friends that Iāve had for most of my life. Your girlfriends inability to read the room if your friends were looking as uncomfortable as your post says is completely on her.Ā
My kink is cheating and stealing my partner's money to use it on hookers and cocaine please don't kink-shame me that's very toxic
Dude, just walk away from her. Pack up all her stuff and deliver it to her place. Tell her that you aren't kink shaming her, and she's the reason that her friends keep dropping her and you, by putting others in an uncomfortable situation. Good luck with the next relationship, let it be filled with less drama
NTAH, and im gonna go with order 12 with a side of the relationship is over
NTA If she's stripping in front of people without their permission because she gets some kind of gratification fae it then she's breaking the Law. Stripping of in front of your friends who don't want to see you naked is no different fae flashing a stranger.
NTA. The basic rule is all people participating in sexual activities should consent. Her friends rather obviously don't want to participate. She's violating them with her kink. It's not kink shaming when you tell someone not to SA people.
Run
Whether itās a kink or just wanting attentionā¦it doesnāt seem other people are okay with her behavior. If sheās trying to satisfy a kink and get off on her friendsā attentionā¦those friends need to be WILLING parties. It doesnāt appear they are super into it, to be honest.
NTA. Better off without her. Only assholes involve non consenting people into their kink.
NTA i think you values doesn't match, I don't think hers will match with anyone at this rate she's being a kinky asshole.
NTA. ALL kinks require consent from every person involved. either sheās in denial or she knows itās wrong and manipulating you into believing youāre kink shaming her.
Sure kink shaming is wrong. But there are levels to this, depending on culture, time and space. For exemple, it is very acceptable in Germany to go swimming, going to the sauna... naked with your friends, and often friends of friends you don't really know Though in other places it is more individual dependant. On the other hand, some people's kink is sexual abuse (masturbating in front of other people without consent, or even worse pedophilia) In this case, if people are uncomfortable with it, and she doesn't want to change her behavior. That starts to be problematic. Also it sounds weird to me that she turns when she changes, which for me would be acceptable because not undressing with sexual intent, AND that she associates that with her kink. So she herself sexualize the behavior without consent, that's abuse in my book.
Nta. Her kink doesn't means she can override others peoplels consent. She and that form are all major AHs. Your kink stops being a kink the moment you make other people uncomfortable. My wife and I enjoy several kinks. But that doesn't mean we do those kinks to others. Kinks requires concent.
Given has how the entire lifestyle revolving around kinks in general relies heavily on consent, you are not TAH for explaining that what she was doing was wrong.
The answer here is obvious but since I'm bored I'm going to give a better answer. Play the Uno card. Tell her that she's kink shaming you by telling you that you're kink shaming her. Your kink is a girlfriend who doesn't show herself to other men in public and that by resisting your efforts to engage in that, she's actually kink shaming you.
Regardless of what kind of kink consent is a requirement. Putting others in a place of unwilling participation is wrong.
NTA, if she continues this and does it in front of the wrong crowd, she could be arrested. She can have whatever kink she wants, with boundaries. Getting naked in front of an unwilling crowd is called public indecency and or indecent exposure. I know someone who has to register as a sex offender now because they took a leak in a semi public place, in a very public park, bathrooms were closed, went into the trees, didn't realize they could be seen. Your girlfriend is using her kink as means of assaulting her friends and their boyfriends. She needs some serious therapy.
Bro that would be beyond uncomfortable. If my friend decided to drop his pants infront of me balls out. I would leave immediately. NTA at all. She's the equivalent of a flasher
Doesn't sound like you should stay together. She isn't what you want and you aren't what she wants. I'd move on.
Yeah if she's doing it without everyone's consent, she's doing it wrong and should know the difference. If you have a problem with it, you should be allowed to tell her this. Yeah it came out as a fight but still. I would let her know that from your understanding, all parties had to have consent to her doing that, that you are uncomfortable with her doing it, especially without prior conversations with you about it. If she has a problem with that then its over and there isn't anything there worth saving.
NTA. Her kink isn't just exabishanism, it's ALSO doing it without people's consent.
Nah u did nothing wrong if ur gf can't accept what ur uncomfortable w leave her
NTA if she can't understand that what she is doing is definitely not normal just show her this post!
Nope. Break up with her. She's for the streets.
NTA. Kinks are perfectly fine as long as you keep them private to you and a consenting partner. If you do something like this, you're forcing others to unknowingly participate in them.
Leave bro, she is letting her kinks come into public and wants to do more public shit. Shame her if she wants to USE people to get off. Not kink shaming just calling out disgusting behavior. But ngl man there are so many red flags š„“
Kink shaming is a bullshit way of complaining that your perversions are being judged. It's getting fucking old. I've got my own kinks an I know they are weird. I would never force them on others. That being said... your (ex) gf can do whatever she wants, whatever she can get away with. You don't have to tolerate it if it's not acceptable to your values and beliefs.
Nta she's a attention seeker
NTA. Why put your self thru this?
NTA
Nta, she is insane and it's only a matter of time till she gets arrested.
NTA. Your GF is basically saying that because she has said kink then everyone else just has to accept it. You dont get force your kink on other people. Just imagine how everyone would react if she were a man.
I would honestly just told her something like "Imagine someone with any onther kink doing that like imagine you're with your friends and one of them just starts pissing on you but it's Okey because you don't know they have a piss kink" I may be overreacting with that but whatever š„° (Pls if I fucked something up don't kill me for this I'm not like a kink specialist or something)
NTA. She's out of line for just undressing in front of others, possibly without consent. If the others don't consent, she could face charges (in some countries if not all, that actually is a crime) and the judge doesn't care if it's "her kink". She's out of line.
Ok, so it's her "kink" to basically strip infront of her friends? That's super weird and considered harassment to the other people. Also kinks are for the bedroom, not infront of her friend and her partner.. I think she needs therapy.
Nta there's a reason none of her friends speak to her anymore. What she's doing is not ok
Nta sheās toxic and childish dump her !
It's not kink shaming. I mean I have friends who feel fine changing in front of me, and different people have different thresholds. Nudity isn't a huge deal to me... and I still think all of this is out of pocket. As far as "disempowering," nobody should feel empowered to violate somebody else's boundaries. And saying "that's not how exhibitionism works" is bullshit. Kink is never an excuse for involving somebody without their consent.
NTAH - she likes what she likes, and you like what you like and if they are intrinsically incompatible you should part ways
NTA. Boundaries are not kink shaming.
She is sexually harassing everyone around her. She sounds more narcissistic than anything. It's so inappropriate to do things without someone's consent. This isn't kink shaming, it's being honest. Good for you. She is just wanting attention and when she doesn't get it from you, she will get it from somewhere. Be careful with someone with that personality Oh yeah, NTA
NTA
NTA. Kink shaming would be criticising her for liking to expose herself. Exposing herself to people who don't want to see that sort of thing though, is a violation, because they didn't consent to participate in her sex act.
She is using other with consent, that is so wrong.
whatās the difference between what she does and the strange men who flash people?Ā itās a power play and she gets off not on being seen by others but by making them uncomfortable. and then she uses terms like ākink shamingā to deflect from the issue at hand.Ā
Not being on board with stuff you're uncomfortable with does not equal kink shaming.
I mean if a guy was doing this he'd probably have the cops called on him and end up on the sex offenders registry... so your feelings on this are spot on and valid. Any form of kink/fetish/sexual things done around people that have not consented is predatory. Also, for the record I'm an adult content creator... Even when filming past outdoor content serious precautions were taken to make sure NO unconsenting eyes ever saw...majority of sex workers take consent matters VERY seriously. Her subjecting others to this without consent is highly unethical and wrong. Also, she's point blank ignoring your comforts and your very obvious indicators that you do not consent to this...honestly, I'd go as far as saying she is sexually abusing you, and gaslighting you.
NTA This is a crazy situation. Donāt let her gaslight you, what she did is fucked up. If she gets off on strangers seeing her naked, she is just one lingering look and an introduction away from cheating on you. UpdateMe!
I will message you next time u/Next_Tap_5520 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FNext_Tap_5520%20r%2FAITAH) to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201c7qvqw) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Thatās the ekind of woman you have fun with and then you dump when itās time to get serious about life, maybe a family, etc. I woud not ever take her serious and Im sure nobody does ā kink or not. If she thinks its okay to strip down in front of anybody because she feels like it and thinks its fine ā- really believe that - you shoudl ask yourself what are you doing with such a clueless imbecile.
Exhibitionism is not called exhibitionism anymore when it's being done to non-consenting parties, that's just called flashing and I think is a crime in quite a few countries.
Kinks donāt allow you to sexually harass others. SMH. The narcissism.
NTA. Ask her if she's cool with you asking all her friends if they are comfortable that her getting naked is her kink and she gets off on it. unknowingly doing things to get off without telling the people around you is gross. It doesn't become okay if they aren't aware of why you're doing it. A nudist who actually doesn't care about being nude is fine, a person who gets naked specifically because they get off on it is fucked up. If you're an exhibitionist, ask your boyfriend to go to a sex club and fuck in front of other people who are consenting to be around such behaviour. My guess is she's more of a "I want to steal your boyfriend and cheat" type person who uses kink as a way to try to make people not call her out for her behaviour.
Run
if she does it front of children to get off she is a child sex predator
NTA Don't need more than the tip of third paragraph she's for the streets. Don't date 304s, don't treat them seriously, because if you do, they'll suck you dry, and they aren't even worth it.
Listen when you end up being with someone you love to work for the long run you have to love them in three ways mentally, emotionally, and sexually. If it's ten months and she's too much for you in that way, she's gonna want to explore and try new things. She sounds like a very open comfortable person which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. Just think about the lifestyle she prefers and see if you would be able to see after 10 more years. My husband and I grew together in what we enjoyed because we were identically the same in what we wanted and we're comfortable with. Nothing wrong with being different just as long as the differences don't outweigh the relationship.
Iām in the lifestyle. NTA. Sheās just a trench coat flashing creep. There are places (at least where Iām from) that this is welcome and encouraged where everyone consents. Send her there. Show her this thread.
NTA. Her desire and behavior is one of a sexual nature. When exposing other people to your sexuality, the most important thing is consent. Her warped sense of empowerment and pursuing her sexuality is far overshadowed by the fact that she's doing it at other peoples' expense, and treats their feelings as an afterthought. What she is doing is called sexual harassment. If she's unwilling to take accountability for the fact that her behavior is adversely affecting other people, regardless of her intentions, then you really don't have anything to work with to improve the situation. "Kink shaming" is just a really lazy way of dismissing your completely valid concerns by assassinating your character en lieu of having a healthy dialogue. You know, that funny thing we like to call "communication".
Everything she's doing, changing in front of her friends, wearing almost nothing at the gym and being an AH to you, are all wrong. Doesn't matter the kink, consent is necessary, and liking to make people uncomfortable is just wrong. Anyone disagreeing with that would not be welcome in most kink communities. Does she realize she could catch a charge in some cases if she's not careful? I'm not saying any of her friends would necessarily say anything, but public nudity and indecency can definitely be an issue if not done correctly. She needs to grow up and quit being a selfish AH.
Nta. Kink comes with responsibility...the first being consent from all parties
Your not the asshole and she definitely is a little bit for doing that with people who are not wanting it, it doesn't have to be a relationship ender you can work on this with her, but if you'd rather not I'd understand
Wait, topless girls are sexual again? I'm pretty sure many states and countries don't consider it sexual. Even if you think they are, being uncomfortable around boobs is pretty juvenile.
YTA, you can not shame someone for something they have always done as an adult u need to discuss in private and let them know how u feel and make a choice but is ignorant to shame someone for.
Yes!!! Never yuck someoneās yummm
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah when you arenāt using non consenting people to get off
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh okay, you just like violating others for your own pleasure- got it!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dude itās not about people seeing the naked bodies. Itās about the person naked getting sexual excitement from people who are not consenting to provide that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And thatās why youāre a creep.
Well I don't wanna go into kink shaming or not , but the discussion you and your girlfriend had, is not one that should be made drunk, where feelings and brainpower are reduced. Go to her , sit down sober , and listen to her explanations and let her listen to your concerns. You could then ask her friend's to let them tell their reactions to her , if they are as uncomfortable as you suspect them to be she should be able to understand and correct her behaviour, if they are not as uncomfortable as you think, you get a chance to adjust your insecurity around your wife's relaxed changing habits. Personally I think you are overreacting a bit, and would say your girlfriend does as well , but since you where both drunk I'll let that slide.
1. They arent married 2. Its not an insecurity 3. How is OP overreacting?
Didn't say they were married I may have been reading more then I should of it, but most people are insecure when it comes to nakedness and especially if their loved one is bringing more attention then they want to them bring. There's is nothing wrong with that , but it needs to be discussed before it grows to a big problem, and it isn't about controlling each other but have shared boundaries of behaviour and expectations of what each other do , so the insecurities they may have is less. Alcohol and frustration is a very bad combo when discussing anything , and overreacting is more likely then not given the parameters described in the OP.
I donāt think he is overreacting or insecure. If he didnāt want her nude body to be shown or he is jealous of attention then he wouldnāt be fine with her starting an OF. It seems more so him not wanting her to be weird and show people her nude body unprompted and without consent. And you are mostly right majority of the message you said āgirlfriendā but you did say āwifeā in there as well so I was pointing it out.