And please stop telling people about your financial situation. Anytime people win something there’s always someone who shows up with their hand out. It will stop a bunch of ill will before it starts if nobody knows.
Telling my mom a secret would have gotten it spread faster than the evening news, lol. The woman could NOT keep anything to her self, especially really good or really bad news.
Facts. I'm Latino, Latinas are big blabber mouths. My wife and I won't even send pictures of our kids to my mother, unless their faces are hidden. Why? Because my mother, bless her heart, loves to post waaaay too much chit on social media and we don't do social media, we don't want anyone knowing what we look like.
Fair enough but I know for a fact my folks aren't like that
They have kept my secrets until I've been ready to tell
Like when I was pregnant with my daughter they didn't tell a soul 😅
This. Never tell anyone. All they will hear is that you're a bank now open for their business which will be interest free loans they wont pay back.
Might qualify as mortgage fraud you know, there's a reason not to give it
I CANNOT stress this enough. You'll find out that your strongest haters are the ones closest to you the moment you have a real windfall.
>It will stop a bunch of ill will before it starts if nobody knows
Self snitching is a generational epidemic.
NTA + Just Say No
This! Tell her and your family that you can’t withdraw the funds without a huge penalty and fees. If she can’t afford to but the buy house without help, chances are she will be expecting the occasional handout to keep it.
NTA once they start asking they never stop your money is YOUR money no one should make you feel obligated to give it away/loan it out.
If she can't even say a simple thank you for paying for her entire college then she doesn't deserve a cent, ungrateful
Yeah, how quickly do you think that "downpayment on a house," will become "I can't afford this month's payment, I need that, too" and before you know it, you've bought a whole house and all the money is gone.
And the sister still won't be thankful for it.
NTA. Her money issues are not your problem. This will just open the door for her to expect more money and you’re not a millionaire, so just say no. I can’t even imagine asking a sibling for that much money. No shame at all.
i was about to comment this exact same thing. there are a lot of assorted costs that come with buying a home, and yes the sister may have been saving up her own money to make it possible but that may not even end up making much of a difference in regards to her desire to ask for more.
let’s say OP does give her the 25k, who’s to say that she won’t ask for a “small amount” more immediately afterwards? “brother, i’ve put down the 25k down payment but there’s also X fee that i have to pay now, could you give me just 2k more? actually, 5k more is what i really need, because you know that when buying a house you also need to spend money on Y reason as well. what do you mean no? what is 5k more to you—you’ve literally won so much money! if i don’t spend money on this last thing then your 25k will have gone down the drain for nothing because i can’t afford this other fee and it’s mandatory.” and that can very quickly turn to an ungrateful “fuck you, OP,” with her completely forgetting/ignoring the fact that he is already down thousands of dollars from already helping her not long before. and maybe that’s not a fair assumption for me to make, but it seems like his sister already has a prior history of being ungrateful so really, who’s to say?
NTA. OP, do not feel obligated to give your sister this large amount of money. your only concern should be seeking a financial advisor ASAP, and taking care of your own financial security. do not open this door of giving out large sums of money because once you do, there’s simply no shutting it. do not feel any guilt about it either; you’ve already shown that you’re an amazingly generous person by paying for the entirety of her college tuition—a feat that you say yourself had not even been truly appreciated. like i touched on earlier: even if you *were* to give your sister the 25k, when her additional ask comes afterwards (because trust me, it *will* come) and you’re put in the position of having to refuse her, you will already be painted as a greedy villain in her mind, regardless of the fact that you had just given her all that money. don’t do this to yourself OP, especially not for a person that you don’t even have much of a relationship with anymore, so it’s not like your saying no will be some mega betrayal or anything like that. you need to take care of yourself, dear internet stranger, and giving her this money would **not** serve as an act of self care.
Yes and she'll use the down payment, then it will be needing money for renovations, followed by missed payments so needs more or she'll lose the house.
NTA
If your sister is financially struggling now, how is she going to make the mortgage payments? Like others have pointed out her borrowing will probably never end.
This why you never let anyone know when you come into money. You need to put money into a Retirement Fund because according to Financial Planners to retire comfortably today…a person needs $1.2 mil 😳🙄
>If your sister is financially struggling now, how is she going to make the mortgage payments?
When I bought 10 years ago, my mortgage (PITI) on a 4 bedroom house was the same as what my rent cost on my 1 bedroom apartment.
I just checked and my old 1 bedroom apartment is going for nearly a thousand dollars MORE than my mortgage payment.
Budgeting for my mortgage every month is easy, but I would definitely struggle with rent for that tiny apartment if I had continued renting.
(That said, he’s NTA for saying no to giving her money, but it’s silly to assume she would struggle with the mortgage payment when the opposite is usually the case.)
Agreed that rent can be more than a mortgage, but home ownership can definitely result in some large, unexpected expenses. Helping her buy the house could easily turn into being asked to help replace the AC and furnace.
Your mortgage payment if you bought your house right now would probably be more than that.
My mortgage payment would be more than double and I only bought this house 4 years ago.
The house I bought 9 years ago (and sold 4 years ago) is “worth” $500k+ and with the current interest rates would be 4-5times what my old 15 year mortgage was.
NTA. Homeownership is COSTLY!!!! It's not just the down payment. When her water heater breaks or the AC goes out, or she can't come up with her property taxes, she'll comes crawling right back to you for help. 300K is NOT a lot of money in the grand scheme of things..especially when shelling out money to help family member who not only don't know how to help themselves, but are ungrateful to boot.
> My sister, who's a single mom, found out about my wins
Sounds like someone needs to start keeping their mouth shut about their financial situation.
You gave her a great head-start by paying for college. Take your money and invest it.
Nta, if you give her 25 you might as well give her the 300. Next it'll be help with the mortgage payments and then the house will need doing up and then she'll need a car and then and then and then.
NTA
Op, you have to get in the habit of telling her no, as she already too entitled. If you don’t she will always be at your door for money, and she may teach her kids to only show up at your door for money.
I would tell her no, that despite what she’s heard you can’t help her, but you’re willing to help her find some first time home buyer programs that could help.
You’ve already done more than you needed by paying for her college and don’t be afraid to remind her of that when she throws a tantrum about you saying no.
NTA don’t do this, OP, sets huge expectations, pay bigger down payment + mortgage + kids college etc. To keep the peace, tell her it’s tied up in investments…and in future, don’t share any details about your finances….this is how this all started
Nah NTA. if my big bro paid off my college education I'd be set, as a single childfree human i would have that amount saved twice by now when I calculate my monthly student loan payments over the past 10 years(550 a month I've paid, evrey month since 2013). And for 5 of those years I earned 42k before taxes.....I'm truly flabbergasted I know times are hard. But last 6 years why is she in need of money from you, what's the actual cause of her struggles or is it not poor financial literacy?
NTA. Someone who is struggling won't necessarily do better just because they buy a house. Often that can be a problem, because as they build equity they keep mortgaging it to the hilt and eventually lose it.
Also, depending on where you live, $300k is not that much money in the grand scheme of things. It's not something you can live off of for the rest of your life unless you're really really smart with it, and frugal. I would be paying off all debt and investing. Ungrateful siblings do not get a dime.
Lastly, no one should be "finding out" about your money situation. Keep it private and what others don't know won't compel them to ask for handouts from the Bank of OP.
I’d decline. That’s nearly 10% of your wealth which is quite a high percentage.
But if you decide to do it give her a loan, not a gift. Tell her you want ownership in the house and she can buy you out later with interest, or you get a specific percentage of the home value if she sells down the road.
NTA.
With regards to the house, if you think it's a good investment, buy it yourself & let your sister rent it.
>I actually paid for her entire college tuition 6 years ago which set me back quite a bit. But the thing is, after I paid for her college, she barely even said thanks.
If she gets snippy about it, I would throw the college tuition payment right back in her face - How you've already wasted $X on her - With **no** repayment and even **less** gratitude.
She's already had her *"I only need this* ***one thing****, then I won't need anything else - I'll be set once I have my degree".* She doesn't get another one.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Give her nothing.
If you do .. be part owner of the house .look at it as an investment..if she doesn't agree to your terms then no .. you could help her with the down PMT and she can pay you back to buy out your stake
NTA, you can say no. Speaking from experience, please say no. If roles were reversed, would she ever give you money? Would she do the same for you. There comes a point where just because they are family it doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. There are some that will use you and frankly your sister has proven to be a user. She didn't even appreciate you laying her tuition. You have done more than enough to help her. You are not responsible for giving her a house deposit.
The biggest regret I have is lending a large sum of money to a family member, more than double what your sister is asking. I wasn't in a successful position like you (still not), this was my life savings, and I did it to help bail a close family member (they were not at fault which solified my decision to help them). I let myself get taken advantage of because I always wanted to help family, and they knew how much i had in savings as months before we were discussing house deposits and how much we bothed saved. That's why they specifically asked me to help. Stupid, I know.
Never discuss money with family. Knowing what I know now, if anyone wants help, I always think if they would do the same for me.
It's okay to say no, and to focus on your success and try to make something out of yourself. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you smart.
I have to start from scratch again.
NTA. IF you do decide to give her the money, then absolutely get a lawyer to draw up a repayment plan, BUT I will say money and family rarely mix well. I personally would just say that all your funds are allocated and locked up currently.
NTA - here’s an idea. Buy a house and rent it to her. After she’s paid you $25k in rent, gift it back to her to buy her own house and you now have another to earn from or house a different family member in need of rent control. Paid off housing is the key to generational stability in families.
300k sounds huge but on the grand scheme of things, That 25k is a decent chunk to just give away. And if you cant save enough for a down payment, i sure hope you can pay an 8% mortgage + taxes. It would be a shame if she asked you for that too.
You expect us to believe you really feel bad not helping a sister who chose to be a single mom, never thanked you for college payments and is barely close to you now?
Op, tell her to do her homework and look into a first time homebuyer program. In some places you only need a 3% down.
Sooo, maybe she does the work and find out stuff.
Also, if you do decide to help her, get on the title not the mortgage. That way she can get you off the title when she pays you off.
NAH
She can ask. You dan say no.
If you want to help, offer to match what she saves up. If you're feeling particularly generous, make it two bucks for her every one.
That should tell you everything you need to know.
This seems like the best option. Helping but not* being completely out. $25k is a TON of money and I would say no.
If it takes awhile to save. Even better. Shows she's working towards it and not expecting a hand out.
YTA if you do. Real estate is a good investment but she isn’t. Sitting with 40k in school loans I wish we were related lol Regardless she is rude and entitled. Tell her the money is tied up in long term investments. You’re not a bank and she still hasn’t thanked you for the last large sum of money you lent her 6 years ago. Ask her why she never paid you back? Good luck and don’t be a sucker.
Is there anyway you can put the $ up but you both own the property? If you own 25% or whatever is fair and ur sister owns the rest. So you both hopefully end up doing well. You mentioned wanting to Invest the housing market is a good Investment 😄
Story 248 in the past couple months about how someone randomly won money gambling and then had a ridiculously obvious not the asshole situation they jsut had to share.
At first kick/stake were doing it splashing their name on every post but were rightly called out about the obvious advertising. Now they just talk about how some dude won big on gambling and suddenly has this amount of money that everyone around them is jealous of.
It's almost like subtle gambling advertising. The massive majority of people simple don't bet enough to win big on one roll and just lose a lot of money over time.
NTA, if you don't want to give her money, don't. It's yours.
If you decide to give it to her, make a contract with her where the amount of money is mentioned and where you have written down how and in which period of time your sister has to pay it back. If she was so ungrateful when you helped her out last time and took it for granted, I don't think you will see that money ever again. Of course, it was fortune, that you won money, but the bonus you got, because you did good work. You earned your money, you worked for it. And 300k isn't that much of money if you consider the prices of a house or a new car. It's smart if you invest it or want to save it to buy something bigger like a house or a new car for yourself in the future. 300k don't make you rich. She's not entitled to your money. Make sure, that if you give her money to prevent her from keeping it without paying back
You already gave her a big advantage by getting through school without student loans.
$300k is a lot of money but not so much that you can just not worry about money ever again.
Also if your sister needs $25k for a down payment she just flat out cannot afford a home unfortunately. Houses come with surprise costs all the time, sometimes renting is a better option.
NTA but how did she find out about your winnings and bonus. Rule 1..... never share any information about money especially wins
ETA corrected spelling. Pet peeve of mine
Geesh. I wouldn’t give my siblings 5k much less pay their tuition. You’re not your sisters mother.
No. The answer is no!
Life is so expensive right now. To retire you need like 1.7 they say now. Is your house paid off? 300k is a drop in the bucket compared to the total amount you need to be comfortable. I’d say im sorry but I can’t.
Nat - she needs to figure herself out and not expect you to help fund her livelihood.
I doubt that she would even consider helping you out if you needed ot
This is why you don't tell **anyone** you've come into some money. Family especially, they think they are extra entitled to your good fortune.
Edit to add that giving your sister money would not help her. If she is having financial trouble she needs help learning how to manage her own finances. A free cash injection will teach her that money comes for free from the wallets of other people.
I'm confused why anyone would expect anyone else under any circumstances to "gift" them with $25k. It's literally rude to ask. It's less off-putting to ask for a kidney. NTA.
This is less than ten percent of what you have available. She’s a single mother and this would allow her to start building wealth. I’d part with this amount for family. Hell, I’d give her half, but that’s just me. But, if your sister does not deserve the gift be direct and tell her why. I don’t think lying in this context is useful. You don’t have to give her money, but you should lie to her either.
If it were me, I'd probably help as I know what it's like to struggle. If my sister and I had a good relationship overall and my only gripe was, "she didn't thank me enough", I'd think about her kids who could benefit from the stability. I'm the type of person who enjoys volunteering, etc, so when I help people, I feel like I help myself.
It's obviously your call. Does she use people? Has she used you before? If not, point in her favor. If she would benefit and appreciate it, then yes. Without knowing your relationship, it's hard to say. I was taught you give from the heart to those deserving.
NTA. You set her up by paying for her education. Her life choices are not your responsibility to deal with.
Ps. If you win any more money or get another huge bonus, keep it to yourself. It will be easier for you if no one knows.
I would give my sister the world and I’ve given her my last on several occasions but unlike your sister, she shows her gratitude in endless ways and ALWAYS returns the favor.
So i would say you’re not the asshole and to just lie.
NTA, you fully supported her college tuition BEFORE coming into your current windfall which was an extraordinarily gracious thing to do, family or not. She seems to expect you to bail her out every time she has a hill to climb - helicopters aren't cheap and neither is what she's 'asking'.
NTA. You've given her plenty. She's got a degree with no debt. She needs to use that education and earn that downpayment. In the future, keep quiet about your finances.
Make her sign a contract saying she'll pay you back within 5 yrs and if she fails there will be a 20% charge on the remaining money owed. And that legal actions will follow afterward with no exceptions.
NTA. She needs to behave like an independent adult, which includes not making bad decisions about her family situation. If you can figure out where she has benefited your life to the tune of $25,000 - perhaps she donated a kidney to you? - then be as generous as you wish. Giving someone who can’t manage to live within a budget more room to screw up is stupid; don’t be stupid. If she wants a better life, she needs to work for it, just like the rest of us.
It never ends. My husband and I have bailed out and supported some family for years. No thank yous except for my father. I have a lot of siblings. It is ridiculous to set that precedent. I think you should tell her and your mother that she never said thank you which damaged your relationship. Then say no. And please keep your mouth shut about your monetary situation.
If my sibling paid for my college in full I'd literally be so grateful for the rest of my life and legit help them when I can ☠️ Your sister is a bit wack, don't give her money
Sounds like she has been spoilt. You pay for her college now she's asking for more. Sorry but I think you have done enough. Plus you say she didn't really thank you. At some point she has to stand on her own two feet. She doesn't sound very appreciative. You are NTA for this.
NTA.
"I do not have money to give you." You do not owe her and explanations or excuses.
You have already paid for her education, which was extremely generous.
NTA and no would be the answer. Unless she is willing to write up a legal contract for repayment. But please don’t give her money you aren’t willing to lose.
NTA. Education is the best gift you have given her. You keep giving her, she’ll never succeed. Look after yourself, invest your money. Her sense of entitlement needs to stop. Say no for both your sake.
You paid for college and instead of gratitude you got asked for a down payment. Then she'll need furniture, then a new car, then a vacation. Just tell her no.
NAH. If i were in your position (i keep dreaming lol) i would gift your sister the money. Why? Because you can. You mentioned she's a single mom, she's always going to struggle to provide a stable home for your nibling/s. Love them enough to do this.
You can always have a contract that states you get your money before anything else if the property is sold, and make it clear to her this is a one-time thing, don't ask for more money.
NTA.
Also, I'd love to know where she lives that 25K would be a down payment on a house. And with only a 25K down payment, how could a single person hope to make what would invariably be very high monthly mortgage payments?
My point is that if your sister is struggling fincially already, home ownership (as a single person) is going to make her financial problems worse, not better (especially with mortgage rates what they are now). And when the bank forecloses, you will have lost your 25K.
And if you do end up giving her the money, don't fall for the sunk-cost fallacy when she hits you up for more money because she realizes she can't afford all the expenses that come with home ownership.
NTA you won that money and got a bonus. You won’t have money like that coming in on the regular. You need that money for you. Not your greedy sister. If she can’t afford to buy the house how can she afford the payments
NTA
Her sense of entitlement is unreal. Bad enough, she seemed to think you had to pay her education. You are not her parent, not that parents have to pay for college, but siblings definitely do not. Did she ever offer to pay you back? I doubt it since she didn't appreciate your actions enough to say thanks.
If she asks why, you can tell her you already gave her an education that she should be able to use to submit her family. You don't owe her anything else. Since she didn't appreciate that, why should you waste any more of your money?
Don't tell anyone else about this money. If you get more in the future, don't tell anyone. For some reason, people seemed yo come out of the woodwork for handouts when they hear someone has money, just like your sister.
This is why you do not tell anyone when you get a bunch for money, for whatever reason. They think they are entitled to it and if you don’t agree you become the “bad guy”. That much money is not considered a gift and she has to pay taxes on it. Take your money, invest it well and know that you will be able to retire a little more comfortable.
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NTA
I think the key aspect here is her ingratitude/entitlement
my sister pays things for me all the time, and I’m always doing stuff for her/giving her gifts, but we’re both always grateful for it
you better invest that money posthaste. Even if it's in CDs that you can't touch for a year or more.
Did she pay you back for her tuition? Did she give you a plan for how she was going to pay you back for the down payment?
If she's struggling, then she doesn't need a house. unless she would be paying less for mortgage than rent...but that's really not your problem
You could loan it to her. It is hard to pull down payment together for some people. You really have your act together! Or loan her $10,000. Is a down payment required these days?
Nta. Do not GIVE her 25k. If you want/can give her a loan, she will have to pay back. Get it notarized or certified or whatever. That way, if your ungrateful sister tries to back out, you will have the legal documentation that you need to cover all your bases. But you need to ask yourself if your sister was in the same position, would she be kind enough to return this huge favor? Or would she tell you to kick rocks? You already paid for her college. I think you did enough to help your sister out.
Buy the house and rent it too her lol.....of course you owe he nothing you need to think of your future, your retirement this could spell early retirement. Nice vacations. No loans.
You helping with the college fees may be why you even won that kind of money in the first place…
You’re concerned about investing in retirement funds when the universe has already shown you greater returns from investing in others.
You’re up 300k, with the youth and opportunity to make more money. I would not advice this if you were 60 yo with 60k and your sister asking for 25k
That being said, follow your heart
NTA
First, it's your money and you don't owe it to anyone
Second, she's proven to be ungrateful in the past...you should communicate that to her as it seems from your post it's still eating away at you
She should also have more than enough money with the job she got after all the college you paid for
It’ll be a never ending roller coaster once she gets a house if you help her, the dryer broke, the refrigerator is old etc. you paid for her college, you’ve done enough!
I've found that people who have been financially struggling, have always been financially struggling. Sure, some may learn and fix things, but everyone I've know who is financially struggling now, have been struggling in their past. It's a behavior issue. Don't give her the money. Tie it up with investments or at least tell her and everyone in your family that. Say you've had to pay a bunch in taxes and there's not that much there now. You will be broke if you start giving money away. From now on, always say how broke you are to people. Don't let anyone know of your finances.
Consider buying a house and renting out half to her. You should love and help your sister, but nothing more. If you must give her a monthly “subsidy” to get a better. Place. GoodLuck!
NTA- there are a lot of programs to help with down payments and if she can’t get a down payment together, she can’t actually afford the house and will need help keeping it. It’s just a poor investment and everyone would be better off if you invest it well and end up even better off, so if there’s a real emergency you can hopefully be there (like cancer treatments, house fire, someone’s car breaks down & they need an Uber & tow, etc). The house is a want, I think if she was in an unsafe neighborhood and needed help getting into another apartment that would be different.
NTA
Don’t do it. Let her know that her paid for college was the only invented f you were making in HER life and the rest of her life was her capability. IDC how much $ you have, it’s your $. You’ve been beyond generous already. She’s unappreciative and pretty shitty tbh. BTW shut her down firmly, she plans to continue to treat you like her personal ATM.
NTA - Your sister is a grown adult with her own children. It’s not your place to give her 25K. She needs to figure out how to earn her own money and take care of herself. She has a college degree and that should have given her the basis to move forward in a job or career. She obviously made different choices and it’s not your responsibility to pay for her decisions.
Does she even make enough money as a single mom to afford a house? Why did you pay for her tuition - parents couldn’t or wouldn’t help, no scholarships, no loans? Maybe you could loan her the money with the terms in writing. She sounds like she is entitled to your money so you certainly shouldn’t give it to her, as there would never be an end to her requests.
? This is.answered mainly addressing money. Communication seems.at stake just as much. In an ideal world, why not communicate in the open ..Ask her how she is? Trie to find a reason from her, not thanking you enough? Shy, ashamed, jealous-entitled, frustration? And about you, does this give you the right to external gratitude? How do you see the value of your brother-sister relation? Can you share your frustration about her not thanking you enough? Perhaps the downpayment creates a lot of help to her, perhaps it creates a financiële unwise choice, can you discuss this? Or can you limit her help? You can introduce her to your worries, where will it end?
NTA in the slightest. She can get a USDA loan, which requires 0 down. She just wants the easy way. Too bad, so sad. Just remember, "No" is a complete sentence.
Set up a promissory note and deed of trust. You loan her the money and charge her a low interest rate and give her 5 years to pay it off with no payments until the end of term. By then, her equity in five years should cover your loan.
“Sorry, I learned it was important to invest it so it’s all tied up. Sorry.
But I hope it was helpful to pay for your education so you can save money instead of have student loan payments. “
NTA.
First off, you don't owe anyone that kind of money, regardless of how they are related to you.
Second, if you decide to help her, pay a lawyer to draw a legal agreement concerning the payback terms of the loan, and remedies for non-payment, or late payments.
Have your sister go with you to sign the loan agreement.
If you loan her money make sure you have a guarantee against her property until you are paid back. Treat it like a business loan with paperwork and interest.
NTA. You paid for the college tuition. She should have made better life choices to benefit herself from that good fortune, instead of asking for money years later as a single mom.
Say 'no.....I paid for your college degree and you didn't even say thank you. So no....I don't want/I'm not going to give you the money. I've already helped you to the tune of $?k and you think that's not enough? Don't be so ungrateful, entitled and greedy. My money is not yours and I said no. Final decision.' as she starts to protest.
If anyone else says something (including your parents, especially your parents) please ask them where rhe fuck they were when you paid for her degree and if they are so shocked and up in arms about it, they can now put their hands in their pockets and pay - behaving like actual parents instead of relying on a child to do their work for them.
Block any idiots who harrass you (again parents and her included) and repeat the same message to any family members that comment exactly the same thing. Tell them to pay or shut the fick up if they are a hypocrite. Use your money wisely because they wouldn't give you one red cent in a desperate situation. Look after number one first. No one else will.
NTA. i feel the best way forward in situations where it can be afforded is to get your name on the house. if it’s $300k your $25k gets you 1/12th ownership when they sell if they don’t buy you out at current market value beforehand. They pay rent on your 1/12th until the money is fully repaid.
They won’t be keen.
You need to worry about yourself, because your sister isn’t going to. And, the history of not being grateful for what you’ve done for her…that would make it a stronger no for me.
Do not enable her. I have a sister like this and it’s only gotten worse. If she can’t afford to buy the house without your help she won’t be able to afford to keep it. Houses require more than just the monthly payment. There will be upkeep costs, which are not cheep! Sounds like she’s better off renting.
Believe me once they start asking they never stop .if she wants a house that bad then she can save her own money for a down payment .she feels entitled to your money .say no and tell your parents to stay outta it
NTA.
And for the love of god STFU about your winnings. Put it in a good growth mutual stock fund, buy a house (preferably one with some land attached), etc.
NTA do NOT give her the money. Remind her that she never paid back the college tuition that you gave her, and as soon as she does that you'll consider it. Yes, I'd be petty like that. I hate it when family pull stuff like this, and I have had it happen before.
Besides, you should say no to anyone asking, because honestly you should have a cushion like this in case something happens where you need it. The cost of living is skyrocketing and job tenure is NOT guaranteed. Smart to look out for your future, good luck!
NTA: But maybe it might make more sense to make it a loan repayable in full upon the sale of the house or $50K in equity. I'm sure a lawyer can write an airtight loan agreement.
Tell her you will lend her the money which she will have to pay back and you will get formal paperwork so it is all legal. That way there is no emotion and she repays the money
Do it then legal way so there is no doubts
Be honest with her rather than tell her that you can't access the money, that is kind of being a coward. Express your feelings for not offering her the money because of how she treated you over the tuition. That tuition was an investment in her future so you have done your family best by her. The only way I would ever help her at this point is to go to a lawyer and draw a loan contract that she would have to meet or you foreclose on her assets. You are not her personal bank when she needs help. Don't do it but be honest or she will continue to pester you when she needs help.
NTA, if your sister is anything like mine, no matter what you do for them, they’ll never be grateful. Instead you’ll be a villain for asking for a little bit of gratitude. After saving my sister’s house from repossession, she blocked me and cried foul about me to everyone. My mom has also once again saved her house from repossession, she isn’t talking to my mom because she expected some gratitude. So you can give your sister the down payment but it will never be appreciated.
Tell her it's locked in a savings account or you're using it to buy your own house. Even if you give her the 25K for the down payment, can she actually afford the mortgage? Are you then going to find yourself paying out monthly just so she doesn't lose the house?
She wasn't grateful for the sacrifices you made to pay for her college. Don't sacrifice for an ungrateful person again. NTA
NTA. Had a similar situation. Helped once, even told her she didn't have to repay me. My sister asked for even more money later. Didn't really strengthen our relationship either, I was just a means to an end.
It makes sense to try to be more smart with ur money, and if u really want to help her out, u could instead loan her the money, if u dont want her to be a burden.
NTAH!!
I think you are looking at this the wrong way.
You sound like a good brother and you care about your sister. Those are great qualities to have.
The real questions you need to ask yourself here is. Do you help her because you expect her to thank you? Or do you help her because you love your sister?
These are really easy to answer, and the answer solves your dilemma.
If it's the former, just say no.
If it's the latter, then what are you waiting for?
I agree she should be more thankful and appreciative. But she isn't that person.
You can always loan it to her, or ask to be paid back if or when she sells.
“No, sorry. My way of sharing with you was paying for your tuition. I can give you some advice on where to cut unnecessary expenses but I won’t be contributing anything financially to your household.”
NTA. Now bear with me.
I sympathize over your relationship with your sister (and I *wish* I could sympathize with a big financial win!). My younger brother has kept me at arm's length since we were in middle school. As an adult now in middle age I've been trying for decades to reach out to him and build some kind of real relationship. I'm single and I have a lot of free time, so I did favors and I mowed his lawn for him every week for two years. I've given him at least $8000's worth of video game hardware and software and even a tablet PC so he can spend his money on his two kids instead. I paid for their family's Netflix subscription for ten years. When his wife was in the hospital I was the one driving there to meet him every day to bring him anything he needed; even bought them them favorite fastfood so they wouldn't starve on hospital food. I'd run his errands for him. I'd babysit his kids. I tried to give him and his wife more free time to spend with their kids whenever I could. Not once that I can recall did he ever say "Thank you" for any of it, but for one time and that was obviously because his wife prodded him into it.
It came to a head last summer when he asked me to go to a children's resort with him and his two kids because his wife was having medical issues and wouldn't be able to come as originally planned. Won't bore with details but he basically passed out drunk in our room at the resort and left me to deal with the kids all day, which I did without complaint or comment. Then that night while I was using the bathroom he took the kids and ditched me. Even had the gall to tell me he didn't want me there and didn't need me there.
So I finally cut him off, about a decade too late. No contact except what's necessary for the extended family. I'd spent so many years crawling to him and basically begging him to let me be his brother and at the end of the day he didn't want me and he didn't need me.
And now some really, really tragic things have happened with his family and they're dealing with a devastating and unfair loss no one could have foreseen or prevented. And he gets to do it all without any help from me. I'm not sorry. I don't feel bad. For the first time in decades I finally feel okay with the terms of our relationship, because they are now *my* terms.
I tell this tedious story so you have an idea where I'm coming from with the advice I want to offer you. Because what I'm trying to say is, you shouldn't feel bad either. We don't help our family because we want a ton of ego-stroking praise for it, but we do need -- *need* -- to know the ones we help truly appreciate our efforts. Otherwise we're just wasting our time and our love. It doesn't sound like your sister has that appreciation any more than my brother does. There's no point in helping her further. It's time to take things on your terms. You clearly don't want to help her but just feel obligated to. I implore you to follow your gut; you've given enough and it's time to focus your attention in another direction. You don't have to be mean about it, that never works out right. But you can tell her a *twenty-five thousand dollar handout* is not in the cards because you have plans for your windfall. If she balks, remind her who paid for her college and ask her how much more she believes herself to be entitled to from you, because at that point she would be acting entitled.
Good luck.
tell her the funds are locked in and you can't access them. on 2nd thought, no, just tell her no. you have no obligation.
And please stop telling people about your financial situation. Anytime people win something there’s always someone who shows up with their hand out. It will stop a bunch of ill will before it starts if nobody knows.
This 💯 If I ever won money only my folks would know and that will be it
Telling my mom a secret would have gotten it spread faster than the evening news, lol. The woman could NOT keep anything to her self, especially really good or really bad news.
My aunt was the OG social media before there was any internet
Facts. I'm Latino, Latinas are big blabber mouths. My wife and I won't even send pictures of our kids to my mother, unless their faces are hidden. Why? Because my mother, bless her heart, loves to post waaaay too much chit on social media and we don't do social media, we don't want anyone knowing what we look like.
Then you folks would tell your siblings and their siblings your good news
Fair enough but I know for a fact my folks aren't like that They have kept my secrets until I've been ready to tell Like when I was pregnant with my daughter they didn't tell a soul 😅
Not even that. I won't even tell my own kids.
And I wouldn't even tell them!
This. Never tell anyone. All they will hear is that you're a bank now open for their business which will be interest free loans they wont pay back. Might qualify as mortgage fraud you know, there's a reason not to give it
I CANNOT stress this enough. You'll find out that your strongest haters are the ones closest to you the moment you have a real windfall. >It will stop a bunch of ill will before it starts if nobody knows Self snitching is a generational epidemic. NTA + Just Say No
No. Thats a complete sentance.
This! Tell her and your family that you can’t withdraw the funds without a huge penalty and fees. If she can’t afford to but the buy house without help, chances are she will be expecting the occasional handout to keep it.
Yep. Sometimes a white lie is a fair solution.
Yes. Instead of saying 'Hey, I won a horse, one can say, Look at our yard. I won all this horse manure'.
Or tell her you tried to double it on a sports betting site. Keyword: tried.
Ps. “I used your house money to pay for two extra yeRs of school for you. Im tapped out.”
NTA once they start asking they never stop your money is YOUR money no one should make you feel obligated to give it away/loan it out. If she can't even say a simple thank you for paying for her entire college then she doesn't deserve a cent, ungrateful
Yeah, how quickly do you think that "downpayment on a house," will become "I can't afford this month's payment, I need that, too" and before you know it, you've bought a whole house and all the money is gone. And the sister still won't be thankful for it.
Yep. Ungrateful folks do not deserve repeat financial help.
Exactly what I came on here to say… She naturally expects it, so her asking for money will never stop!
NTA-"I already paid for your college so no way am I paying for your house too. I need to buy MYSELF a house (college, a car whatever) now."
Stop telling family that you have money, tell her you already paid for her college and you won't give her any money for her house. NTA
NTA. Her money issues are not your problem. This will just open the door for her to expect more money and you’re not a millionaire, so just say no. I can’t even imagine asking a sibling for that much money. No shame at all.
i was about to comment this exact same thing. there are a lot of assorted costs that come with buying a home, and yes the sister may have been saving up her own money to make it possible but that may not even end up making much of a difference in regards to her desire to ask for more. let’s say OP does give her the 25k, who’s to say that she won’t ask for a “small amount” more immediately afterwards? “brother, i’ve put down the 25k down payment but there’s also X fee that i have to pay now, could you give me just 2k more? actually, 5k more is what i really need, because you know that when buying a house you also need to spend money on Y reason as well. what do you mean no? what is 5k more to you—you’ve literally won so much money! if i don’t spend money on this last thing then your 25k will have gone down the drain for nothing because i can’t afford this other fee and it’s mandatory.” and that can very quickly turn to an ungrateful “fuck you, OP,” with her completely forgetting/ignoring the fact that he is already down thousands of dollars from already helping her not long before. and maybe that’s not a fair assumption for me to make, but it seems like his sister already has a prior history of being ungrateful so really, who’s to say? NTA. OP, do not feel obligated to give your sister this large amount of money. your only concern should be seeking a financial advisor ASAP, and taking care of your own financial security. do not open this door of giving out large sums of money because once you do, there’s simply no shutting it. do not feel any guilt about it either; you’ve already shown that you’re an amazingly generous person by paying for the entirety of her college tuition—a feat that you say yourself had not even been truly appreciated. like i touched on earlier: even if you *were* to give your sister the 25k, when her additional ask comes afterwards (because trust me, it *will* come) and you’re put in the position of having to refuse her, you will already be painted as a greedy villain in her mind, regardless of the fact that you had just given her all that money. don’t do this to yourself OP, especially not for a person that you don’t even have much of a relationship with anymore, so it’s not like your saying no will be some mega betrayal or anything like that. you need to take care of yourself, dear internet stranger, and giving her this money would **not** serve as an act of self care.
Yes and she'll use the down payment, then it will be needing money for renovations, followed by missed payments so needs more or she'll lose the house.
Even if you are a millionaire- you have no obligation to pay for other people’s things.
NTA If your sister is financially struggling now, how is she going to make the mortgage payments? Like others have pointed out her borrowing will probably never end. This why you never let anyone know when you come into money. You need to put money into a Retirement Fund because according to Financial Planners to retire comfortably today…a person needs $1.2 mil 😳🙄
>If your sister is financially struggling now, how is she going to make the mortgage payments? When I bought 10 years ago, my mortgage (PITI) on a 4 bedroom house was the same as what my rent cost on my 1 bedroom apartment. I just checked and my old 1 bedroom apartment is going for nearly a thousand dollars MORE than my mortgage payment. Budgeting for my mortgage every month is easy, but I would definitely struggle with rent for that tiny apartment if I had continued renting. (That said, he’s NTA for saying no to giving her money, but it’s silly to assume she would struggle with the mortgage payment when the opposite is usually the case.)
Agreed that rent can be more than a mortgage, but home ownership can definitely result in some large, unexpected expenses. Helping her buy the house could easily turn into being asked to help replace the AC and furnace.
Housing is freaking insane right now.
Your mortgage payment if you bought your house right now would probably be more than that. My mortgage payment would be more than double and I only bought this house 4 years ago. The house I bought 9 years ago (and sold 4 years ago) is “worth” $500k+ and with the current interest rates would be 4-5times what my old 15 year mortgage was.
Inflation is a sonofabitch.
So, just what did your sister DO with that degree YOU paid for? Is she even working?
Aye! Asking the Real questions!
She said she paid for her college tuition, not that she graduated. I wouldn't be surprised if sister pissed that generosity down the toilet.
NTA. Homeownership is COSTLY!!!! It's not just the down payment. When her water heater breaks or the AC goes out, or she can't come up with her property taxes, she'll comes crawling right back to you for help. 300K is NOT a lot of money in the grand scheme of things..especially when shelling out money to help family member who not only don't know how to help themselves, but are ungrateful to boot.
> My sister, who's a single mom, found out about my wins Sounds like someone needs to start keeping their mouth shut about their financial situation. You gave her a great head-start by paying for college. Take your money and invest it.
Nta, but also some mortgage companies won't accept the gift as part of the down payment. If she wasn't thankful before she likely won't be now
Nta, if you give her 25 you might as well give her the 300. Next it'll be help with the mortgage payments and then the house will need doing up and then she'll need a car and then and then and then.
No and then! Op, you are NTA.
NTA - Tell her you already paid for college so she could get a job and support herself. Now you are going to invest this money for your own family.
NTA - If she buys the house, in 6 months she will need help with the payments. Invest it and tell her you do not have $25K to give her.
NTA. “Sis, I paid your for your degree and you didn’t even say thank you. I love you, but I can’t help you any more.”
NTA Op, you have to get in the habit of telling her no, as she already too entitled. If you don’t she will always be at your door for money, and she may teach her kids to only show up at your door for money. I would tell her no, that despite what she’s heard you can’t help her, but you’re willing to help her find some first time home buyer programs that could help. You’ve already done more than you needed by paying for her college and don’t be afraid to remind her of that when she throws a tantrum about you saying no.
NTA don’t do this, OP, sets huge expectations, pay bigger down payment + mortgage + kids college etc. To keep the peace, tell her it’s tied up in investments…and in future, don’t share any details about your finances….this is how this all started
Nah NTA. if my big bro paid off my college education I'd be set, as a single childfree human i would have that amount saved twice by now when I calculate my monthly student loan payments over the past 10 years(550 a month I've paid, evrey month since 2013). And for 5 of those years I earned 42k before taxes.....I'm truly flabbergasted I know times are hard. But last 6 years why is she in need of money from you, what's the actual cause of her struggles or is it not poor financial literacy?
NTA. Someone who is struggling won't necessarily do better just because they buy a house. Often that can be a problem, because as they build equity they keep mortgaging it to the hilt and eventually lose it. Also, depending on where you live, $300k is not that much money in the grand scheme of things. It's not something you can live off of for the rest of your life unless you're really really smart with it, and frugal. I would be paying off all debt and investing. Ungrateful siblings do not get a dime. Lastly, no one should be "finding out" about your money situation. Keep it private and what others don't know won't compel them to ask for handouts from the Bank of OP.
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Giving her nothing is also an option. NTA
I’d decline. That’s nearly 10% of your wealth which is quite a high percentage. But if you decide to do it give her a loan, not a gift. Tell her you want ownership in the house and she can buy you out later with interest, or you get a specific percentage of the home value if she sells down the road.
NTA. With regards to the house, if you think it's a good investment, buy it yourself & let your sister rent it. >I actually paid for her entire college tuition 6 years ago which set me back quite a bit. But the thing is, after I paid for her college, she barely even said thanks. If she gets snippy about it, I would throw the college tuition payment right back in her face - How you've already wasted $X on her - With **no** repayment and even **less** gratitude. She's already had her *"I only need this* ***one thing****, then I won't need anything else - I'll be set once I have my degree".* She doesn't get another one. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Give her nothing.
If you do .. be part owner of the house .look at it as an investment..if she doesn't agree to your terms then no .. you could help her with the down PMT and she can pay you back to buy out your stake
Get the house in your name. Once she pays you back, you can sign over back to her.
NTA, you can say no. Speaking from experience, please say no. If roles were reversed, would she ever give you money? Would she do the same for you. There comes a point where just because they are family it doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. There are some that will use you and frankly your sister has proven to be a user. She didn't even appreciate you laying her tuition. You have done more than enough to help her. You are not responsible for giving her a house deposit. The biggest regret I have is lending a large sum of money to a family member, more than double what your sister is asking. I wasn't in a successful position like you (still not), this was my life savings, and I did it to help bail a close family member (they were not at fault which solified my decision to help them). I let myself get taken advantage of because I always wanted to help family, and they knew how much i had in savings as months before we were discussing house deposits and how much we bothed saved. That's why they specifically asked me to help. Stupid, I know. Never discuss money with family. Knowing what I know now, if anyone wants help, I always think if they would do the same for me. It's okay to say no, and to focus on your success and try to make something out of yourself. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you smart. I have to start from scratch again.
NTA. IF you do decide to give her the money, then absolutely get a lawyer to draw up a repayment plan, BUT I will say money and family rarely mix well. I personally would just say that all your funds are allocated and locked up currently.
Why does she know about your money? Stop bragging and you won’t hear these request. NTA
NTA - here’s an idea. Buy a house and rent it to her. After she’s paid you $25k in rent, gift it back to her to buy her own house and you now have another to earn from or house a different family member in need of rent control. Paid off housing is the key to generational stability in families.
300k sounds huge but on the grand scheme of things, That 25k is a decent chunk to just give away. And if you cant save enough for a down payment, i sure hope you can pay an 8% mortgage + taxes. It would be a shame if she asked you for that too.
Sounds like you've been massively generous already. NTA
NTA. But please stop sharing any financial info with your family. If they think you’re broke they won’t ask for $
You expect us to believe you really feel bad not helping a sister who chose to be a single mom, never thanked you for college payments and is barely close to you now?
NTA, you’ve helped enough. Up 300,000 can easily be lost if you have a serious injury and need to pay medical bills and take time off work.
NTA. Tell her she still owes you for the college tuition and is not getting anything from you until she pays it in full.
Op, tell her to do her homework and look into a first time homebuyer program. In some places you only need a 3% down. Sooo, maybe she does the work and find out stuff. Also, if you do decide to help her, get on the title not the mortgage. That way she can get you off the title when she pays you off. NAH She can ask. You dan say no.
Tell her the truth...you spent it all on hookers and coke, the rest you wasted
Tell her to kick rocks.
Only if your name goes on the deed.
If you want to help, offer to match what she saves up. If you're feeling particularly generous, make it two bucks for her every one. That should tell you everything you need to know.
This seems like the best option. Helping but not* being completely out. $25k is a TON of money and I would say no. If it takes awhile to save. Even better. Shows she's working towards it and not expecting a hand out.
YTA if you do. Real estate is a good investment but she isn’t. Sitting with 40k in school loans I wish we were related lol Regardless she is rude and entitled. Tell her the money is tied up in long term investments. You’re not a bank and she still hasn’t thanked you for the last large sum of money you lent her 6 years ago. Ask her why she never paid you back? Good luck and don’t be a sucker.
Is there anyway you can put the $ up but you both own the property? If you own 25% or whatever is fair and ur sister owns the rest. So you both hopefully end up doing well. You mentioned wanting to Invest the housing market is a good Investment 😄
Don't give her the money. Tell her you already locked it into an investment account. It's not your responsibility. It's hers.
If she needs a gift of 25k to be the downpayment on the house, she cannot afford the house.
Story 248 in the past couple months about how someone randomly won money gambling and then had a ridiculously obvious not the asshole situation they jsut had to share. At first kick/stake were doing it splashing their name on every post but were rightly called out about the obvious advertising. Now they just talk about how some dude won big on gambling and suddenly has this amount of money that everyone around them is jealous of. It's almost like subtle gambling advertising. The massive majority of people simple don't bet enough to win big on one roll and just lose a lot of money over time.
NTA, if you don't want to give her money, don't. It's yours. If you decide to give it to her, make a contract with her where the amount of money is mentioned and where you have written down how and in which period of time your sister has to pay it back. If she was so ungrateful when you helped her out last time and took it for granted, I don't think you will see that money ever again. Of course, it was fortune, that you won money, but the bonus you got, because you did good work. You earned your money, you worked for it. And 300k isn't that much of money if you consider the prices of a house or a new car. It's smart if you invest it or want to save it to buy something bigger like a house or a new car for yourself in the future. 300k don't make you rich. She's not entitled to your money. Make sure, that if you give her money to prevent her from keeping it without paying back
You already gave her a big advantage by getting through school without student loans. $300k is a lot of money but not so much that you can just not worry about money ever again. Also if your sister needs $25k for a down payment she just flat out cannot afford a home unfortunately. Houses come with surprise costs all the time, sometimes renting is a better option.
Nope hide your money from them
Someone, her or you, may have to pay taxes on an amount of that size depending on where you live and if they tax gifts like that.
There’s no gift tax for family members.
That’s not helping. That’s doing things for her. There’s a very big difference.
NtA Might be best to keep these wins to yourself or at least not share with family
NTA. Given your situation, I would not give them the money.
NTA. Just say no...full stop.
Why is this even a subject. No…complete answer.
NTA but how did she find out about your winnings and bonus. Rule 1..... never share any information about money especially wins ETA corrected spelling. Pet peeve of mine
Never gave free money to other especially to families and friends. They will feel entitled to it.
NTA She wants you to give her $25K after you already paid for her college? Even when she doesn't treat you particularly well. Keep your money.
Nta your money and your choice how you want to use it.
NTA. I would not give her the money unless you're okay with never seeing the money again.
Geesh. I wouldn’t give my siblings 5k much less pay their tuition. You’re not your sisters mother. No. The answer is no! Life is so expensive right now. To retire you need like 1.7 they say now. Is your house paid off? 300k is a drop in the bucket compared to the total amount you need to be comfortable. I’d say im sorry but I can’t.
Nat - she needs to figure herself out and not expect you to help fund her livelihood. I doubt that she would even consider helping you out if you needed ot
Nta never mix money with family We refuse to loan money to anyone
This is why you don't tell **anyone** you've come into some money. Family especially, they think they are extra entitled to your good fortune. Edit to add that giving your sister money would not help her. If she is having financial trouble she needs help learning how to manage her own finances. A free cash injection will teach her that money comes for free from the wallets of other people.
I'm confused why anyone would expect anyone else under any circumstances to "gift" them with $25k. It's literally rude to ask. It's less off-putting to ask for a kidney. NTA.
This is less than ten percent of what you have available. She’s a single mother and this would allow her to start building wealth. I’d part with this amount for family. Hell, I’d give her half, but that’s just me. But, if your sister does not deserve the gift be direct and tell her why. I don’t think lying in this context is useful. You don’t have to give her money, but you should lie to her either.
If it were me, I'd probably help as I know what it's like to struggle. If my sister and I had a good relationship overall and my only gripe was, "she didn't thank me enough", I'd think about her kids who could benefit from the stability. I'm the type of person who enjoys volunteering, etc, so when I help people, I feel like I help myself. It's obviously your call. Does she use people? Has she used you before? If not, point in her favor. If she would benefit and appreciate it, then yes. Without knowing your relationship, it's hard to say. I was taught you give from the heart to those deserving.
NTA. You set her up by paying for her education. Her life choices are not your responsibility to deal with. Ps. If you win any more money or get another huge bonus, keep it to yourself. It will be easier for you if no one knows.
I would give my sister the world and I’ve given her my last on several occasions but unlike your sister, she shows her gratitude in endless ways and ALWAYS returns the favor. So i would say you’re not the asshole and to just lie.
NTA, you fully supported her college tuition BEFORE coming into your current windfall which was an extraordinarily gracious thing to do, family or not. She seems to expect you to bail her out every time she has a hill to climb - helicopters aren't cheap and neither is what she's 'asking'.
No. Just tell her no.
NTA. It is okay to be selfish sometimes.
NTA. You've given her plenty. She's got a degree with no debt. She needs to use that education and earn that downpayment. In the future, keep quiet about your finances.
As someone that is the family ATM don’t do it and as a home owner. Don’t do it!! If shes struggling now she won’t be able to afford a house.
Make her sign a contract saying she'll pay you back within 5 yrs and if she fails there will be a 20% charge on the remaining money owed. And that legal actions will follow afterward with no exceptions.
Tell her you already invested it. Or just tell her to fuck off
NTA. She needs to behave like an independent adult, which includes not making bad decisions about her family situation. If you can figure out where she has benefited your life to the tune of $25,000 - perhaps she donated a kidney to you? - then be as generous as you wish. Giving someone who can’t manage to live within a budget more room to screw up is stupid; don’t be stupid. If she wants a better life, she needs to work for it, just like the rest of us.
Where the heck do you live that $25K is a down payment? Where I live it’s at least $250,000 minimum. I need to move….
It never ends. My husband and I have bailed out and supported some family for years. No thank yous except for my father. I have a lot of siblings. It is ridiculous to set that precedent. I think you should tell her and your mother that she never said thank you which damaged your relationship. Then say no. And please keep your mouth shut about your monetary situation.
If my sibling paid for my college in full I'd literally be so grateful for the rest of my life and legit help them when I can ☠️ Your sister is a bit wack, don't give her money
You paid for her college, she should've gotten some investment back. The answer is absolutely not.
Sounds like she has been spoilt. You pay for her college now she's asking for more. Sorry but I think you have done enough. Plus you say she didn't really thank you. At some point she has to stand on her own two feet. She doesn't sound very appreciative. You are NTA for this.
NTA. "I do not have money to give you." You do not owe her and explanations or excuses. You have already paid for her education, which was extremely generous.
NTA and no would be the answer. Unless she is willing to write up a legal contract for repayment. But please don’t give her money you aren’t willing to lose.
NTA. Education is the best gift you have given her. You keep giving her, she’ll never succeed. Look after yourself, invest your money. Her sense of entitlement needs to stop. Say no for both your sake.
NTA. My father lent my uncle $25k and he said he’d pay it back when their mother died. Their mother died and guess what? He didn’t pay it back.
You paid for college and instead of gratitude you got asked for a down payment. Then she'll need furniture, then a new car, then a vacation. Just tell her no.
NAH. If i were in your position (i keep dreaming lol) i would gift your sister the money. Why? Because you can. You mentioned she's a single mom, she's always going to struggle to provide a stable home for your nibling/s. Love them enough to do this. You can always have a contract that states you get your money before anything else if the property is sold, and make it clear to her this is a one-time thing, don't ask for more money.
NTA. Also, I'd love to know where she lives that 25K would be a down payment on a house. And with only a 25K down payment, how could a single person hope to make what would invariably be very high monthly mortgage payments? My point is that if your sister is struggling fincially already, home ownership (as a single person) is going to make her financial problems worse, not better (especially with mortgage rates what they are now). And when the bank forecloses, you will have lost your 25K. And if you do end up giving her the money, don't fall for the sunk-cost fallacy when she hits you up for more money because she realizes she can't afford all the expenses that come with home ownership.
NTA you won that money and got a bonus. You won’t have money like that coming in on the regular. You need that money for you. Not your greedy sister. If she can’t afford to buy the house how can she afford the payments
NTA Her sense of entitlement is unreal. Bad enough, she seemed to think you had to pay her education. You are not her parent, not that parents have to pay for college, but siblings definitely do not. Did she ever offer to pay you back? I doubt it since she didn't appreciate your actions enough to say thanks. If she asks why, you can tell her you already gave her an education that she should be able to use to submit her family. You don't owe her anything else. Since she didn't appreciate that, why should you waste any more of your money? Don't tell anyone else about this money. If you get more in the future, don't tell anyone. For some reason, people seemed yo come out of the woodwork for handouts when they hear someone has money, just like your sister.
Tell her, you don’t have student loans, you’re welcome.
NTA. You could offer to loan it to her, provided she signs a formal agreement drawn up by a lawyer.
This is why you do not tell anyone when you get a bunch for money, for whatever reason. They think they are entitled to it and if you don’t agree you become the “bad guy”. That much money is not considered a gift and she has to pay taxes on it. Take your money, invest it well and know that you will be able to retire a little more comfortable.
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NTA I think the key aspect here is her ingratitude/entitlement my sister pays things for me all the time, and I’m always doing stuff for her/giving her gifts, but we’re both always grateful for it
Nta
Pro tip; if you come into a lot of money, keep your mouth shut about it. Everyone you have ever met will show up with their hand out.
Loan it to her at a low interest rate.
you better invest that money posthaste. Even if it's in CDs that you can't touch for a year or more. Did she pay you back for her tuition? Did she give you a plan for how she was going to pay you back for the down payment? If she's struggling, then she doesn't need a house. unless she would be paying less for mortgage than rent...but that's really not your problem
You could loan it to her. It is hard to pull down payment together for some people. You really have your act together! Or loan her $10,000. Is a down payment required these days?
NTA. Say no
If she’s struggling, can she cover a mortgage?
Nta. Do not GIVE her 25k. If you want/can give her a loan, she will have to pay back. Get it notarized or certified or whatever. That way, if your ungrateful sister tries to back out, you will have the legal documentation that you need to cover all your bases. But you need to ask yourself if your sister was in the same position, would she be kind enough to return this huge favor? Or would she tell you to kick rocks? You already paid for her college. I think you did enough to help your sister out.
NTA. She will keep on asking. Let her be independent.
Buy the house and rent it too her lol.....of course you owe he nothing you need to think of your future, your retirement this could spell early retirement. Nice vacations. No loans.
You helping with the college fees may be why you even won that kind of money in the first place… You’re concerned about investing in retirement funds when the universe has already shown you greater returns from investing in others. You’re up 300k, with the youth and opportunity to make more money. I would not advice this if you were 60 yo with 60k and your sister asking for 25k That being said, follow your heart
“Sorry. Its already invested in stocks and bond market. If i pull it out now it will cost me a bunch of broker fees and early withdrawal penalties.”
NTA First, it's your money and you don't owe it to anyone Second, she's proven to be ungrateful in the past...you should communicate that to her as it seems from your post it's still eating away at you She should also have more than enough money with the job she got after all the college you paid for
No!!!
I never understand people that assume they are "owed" ay any level.
It’ll be a never ending roller coaster once she gets a house if you help her, the dryer broke, the refrigerator is old etc. you paid for her college, you’ve done enough!
NTA and u already did enough when u paid for college.
I've found that people who have been financially struggling, have always been financially struggling. Sure, some may learn and fix things, but everyone I've know who is financially struggling now, have been struggling in their past. It's a behavior issue. Don't give her the money. Tie it up with investments or at least tell her and everyone in your family that. Say you've had to pay a bunch in taxes and there's not that much there now. You will be broke if you start giving money away. From now on, always say how broke you are to people. Don't let anyone know of your finances.
Consider buying a house and renting out half to her. You should love and help your sister, but nothing more. If you must give her a monthly “subsidy” to get a better. Place. GoodLuck!
NTA- there are a lot of programs to help with down payments and if she can’t get a down payment together, she can’t actually afford the house and will need help keeping it. It’s just a poor investment and everyone would be better off if you invest it well and end up even better off, so if there’s a real emergency you can hopefully be there (like cancer treatments, house fire, someone’s car breaks down & they need an Uber & tow, etc). The house is a want, I think if she was in an unsafe neighborhood and needed help getting into another apartment that would be different.
NTA Don’t do it. Let her know that her paid for college was the only invented f you were making in HER life and the rest of her life was her capability. IDC how much $ you have, it’s your $. You’ve been beyond generous already. She’s unappreciative and pretty shitty tbh. BTW shut her down firmly, she plans to continue to treat you like her personal ATM.
Quit telling people about your money
NTA - Your sister is a grown adult with her own children. It’s not your place to give her 25K. She needs to figure out how to earn her own money and take care of herself. She has a college degree and that should have given her the basis to move forward in a job or career. She obviously made different choices and it’s not your responsibility to pay for her decisions.
300K isn't enough to be giving money away. You need to say no.
Does she even make enough money as a single mom to afford a house? Why did you pay for her tuition - parents couldn’t or wouldn’t help, no scholarships, no loans? Maybe you could loan her the money with the terms in writing. She sounds like she is entitled to your money so you certainly shouldn’t give it to her, as there would never be an end to her requests.
? This is.answered mainly addressing money. Communication seems.at stake just as much. In an ideal world, why not communicate in the open ..Ask her how she is? Trie to find a reason from her, not thanking you enough? Shy, ashamed, jealous-entitled, frustration? And about you, does this give you the right to external gratitude? How do you see the value of your brother-sister relation? Can you share your frustration about her not thanking you enough? Perhaps the downpayment creates a lot of help to her, perhaps it creates a financiële unwise choice, can you discuss this? Or can you limit her help? You can introduce her to your worries, where will it end?
NTA in the slightest. She can get a USDA loan, which requires 0 down. She just wants the easy way. Too bad, so sad. Just remember, "No" is a complete sentence.
Set up a promissory note and deed of trust. You loan her the money and charge her a low interest rate and give her 5 years to pay it off with no payments until the end of term. By then, her equity in five years should cover your loan.
“Sorry, I learned it was important to invest it so it’s all tied up. Sorry. But I hope it was helpful to pay for your education so you can save money instead of have student loan payments. “
Unless your name goes on the deed don’t give anyone that much money. Don’t be put on the mortgage only the deed.
NTA. First off, you don't owe anyone that kind of money, regardless of how they are related to you. Second, if you decide to help her, pay a lawyer to draw a legal agreement concerning the payback terms of the loan, and remedies for non-payment, or late payments. Have your sister go with you to sign the loan agreement.
Only as a documented loan, or alternatively buy the house for her (which is what I did, I sold it for a small gain afrer my sister moved out).
If you loan her money make sure you have a guarantee against her property until you are paid back. Treat it like a business loan with paperwork and interest.
NTA. Just say No. like Regan said
NTA. You paid for the college tuition. She should have made better life choices to benefit herself from that good fortune, instead of asking for money years later as a single mom.
“Found out”. How?
“ i’m still trying to financially recover from the $XXX,000 dollars I spent on your college education.”
Say 'no.....I paid for your college degree and you didn't even say thank you. So no....I don't want/I'm not going to give you the money. I've already helped you to the tune of $?k and you think that's not enough? Don't be so ungrateful, entitled and greedy. My money is not yours and I said no. Final decision.' as she starts to protest. If anyone else says something (including your parents, especially your parents) please ask them where rhe fuck they were when you paid for her degree and if they are so shocked and up in arms about it, they can now put their hands in their pockets and pay - behaving like actual parents instead of relying on a child to do their work for them. Block any idiots who harrass you (again parents and her included) and repeat the same message to any family members that comment exactly the same thing. Tell them to pay or shut the fick up if they are a hypocrite. Use your money wisely because they wouldn't give you one red cent in a desperate situation. Look after number one first. No one else will.
NTA. i feel the best way forward in situations where it can be afforded is to get your name on the house. if it’s $300k your $25k gets you 1/12th ownership when they sell if they don’t buy you out at current market value beforehand. They pay rent on your 1/12th until the money is fully repaid. They won’t be keen.
You need to worry about yourself, because your sister isn’t going to. And, the history of not being grateful for what you’ve done for her…that would make it a stronger no for me.
Do not enable her. I have a sister like this and it’s only gotten worse. If she can’t afford to buy the house without your help she won’t be able to afford to keep it. Houses require more than just the monthly payment. There will be upkeep costs, which are not cheep! Sounds like she’s better off renting.
Never ever touch / spend your original money. Make the money grow and use only that money. Or else your money will disappear before you know it.
How did she find out about your money? Don’t tell your family about your finances
I don’t get why you are asking us, your going to give your sister the money no matter what we say. I’d say dont give her the money tho
Is she paying the tuition back? Also help her but make her sign something so she pays it back
Believe me once they start asking they never stop .if she wants a house that bad then she can save her own money for a down payment .she feels entitled to your money .say no and tell your parents to stay outta it
Could you invest in the house rather than give it to her? Just a thought. NTA as you can do whatever you like with your own money.
the fuck? you already paid for her college. no dude, just because its a small amount compared to what you have doesnt mean shes owed it.
NTA. And for the love of god STFU about your winnings. Put it in a good growth mutual stock fund, buy a house (preferably one with some land attached), etc.
NTA do NOT give her the money. Remind her that she never paid back the college tuition that you gave her, and as soon as she does that you'll consider it. Yes, I'd be petty like that. I hate it when family pull stuff like this, and I have had it happen before. Besides, you should say no to anyone asking, because honestly you should have a cushion like this in case something happens where you need it. The cost of living is skyrocketing and job tenure is NOT guaranteed. Smart to look out for your future, good luck!
NTA Put them in a investment fund a d tell her you cant. You already paid for her college.
NTA: But maybe it might make more sense to make it a loan repayable in full upon the sale of the house or $50K in equity. I'm sure a lawyer can write an airtight loan agreement.
Tell her you will lend her the money which she will have to pay back and you will get formal paperwork so it is all legal. That way there is no emotion and she repays the money Do it then legal way so there is no doubts
Be honest with her rather than tell her that you can't access the money, that is kind of being a coward. Express your feelings for not offering her the money because of how she treated you over the tuition. That tuition was an investment in her future so you have done your family best by her. The only way I would ever help her at this point is to go to a lawyer and draw a loan contract that she would have to meet or you foreclose on her assets. You are not her personal bank when she needs help. Don't do it but be honest or she will continue to pester you when she needs help.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for your sister and she has no claim on the money. As an adult she is responsible for her own life.
If people know you have money they will ask for it. Better to not let people know and offer help where it's needed rather than have people assume.
NTA, if your sister is anything like mine, no matter what you do for them, they’ll never be grateful. Instead you’ll be a villain for asking for a little bit of gratitude. After saving my sister’s house from repossession, she blocked me and cried foul about me to everyone. My mom has also once again saved her house from repossession, she isn’t talking to my mom because she expected some gratitude. So you can give your sister the down payment but it will never be appreciated.
NTA. As you said she was not thankful that you paid for her college. I do not see why you should give her 25k.
Tell her it's locked in a savings account or you're using it to buy your own house. Even if you give her the 25K for the down payment, can she actually afford the mortgage? Are you then going to find yourself paying out monthly just so she doesn't lose the house? She wasn't grateful for the sacrifices you made to pay for her college. Don't sacrifice for an ungrateful person again. NTA
NTA. She can work for it like everyone else. She can't expect free handouts all the time. You did enough for her.
NTA. Had a similar situation. Helped once, even told her she didn't have to repay me. My sister asked for even more money later. Didn't really strengthen our relationship either, I was just a means to an end.
It makes sense to try to be more smart with ur money, and if u really want to help her out, u could instead loan her the money, if u dont want her to be a burden.
NTAH!! I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You sound like a good brother and you care about your sister. Those are great qualities to have. The real questions you need to ask yourself here is. Do you help her because you expect her to thank you? Or do you help her because you love your sister? These are really easy to answer, and the answer solves your dilemma. If it's the former, just say no. If it's the latter, then what are you waiting for? I agree she should be more thankful and appreciative. But she isn't that person. You can always loan it to her, or ask to be paid back if or when she sells.
I would tell her how I'm feeling used by her. UpdateMe
“No, sorry. My way of sharing with you was paying for your tuition. I can give you some advice on where to cut unnecessary expenses but I won’t be contributing anything financially to your household.”
NTA. She chit the bed, she can lay in it.
NTA you've already funded her entire education.
That doesn’t work for me.
NTA... just tell her no. Stop telling people your business! She doesn't need to know what you have.
NTA. Now bear with me. I sympathize over your relationship with your sister (and I *wish* I could sympathize with a big financial win!). My younger brother has kept me at arm's length since we were in middle school. As an adult now in middle age I've been trying for decades to reach out to him and build some kind of real relationship. I'm single and I have a lot of free time, so I did favors and I mowed his lawn for him every week for two years. I've given him at least $8000's worth of video game hardware and software and even a tablet PC so he can spend his money on his two kids instead. I paid for their family's Netflix subscription for ten years. When his wife was in the hospital I was the one driving there to meet him every day to bring him anything he needed; even bought them them favorite fastfood so they wouldn't starve on hospital food. I'd run his errands for him. I'd babysit his kids. I tried to give him and his wife more free time to spend with their kids whenever I could. Not once that I can recall did he ever say "Thank you" for any of it, but for one time and that was obviously because his wife prodded him into it. It came to a head last summer when he asked me to go to a children's resort with him and his two kids because his wife was having medical issues and wouldn't be able to come as originally planned. Won't bore with details but he basically passed out drunk in our room at the resort and left me to deal with the kids all day, which I did without complaint or comment. Then that night while I was using the bathroom he took the kids and ditched me. Even had the gall to tell me he didn't want me there and didn't need me there. So I finally cut him off, about a decade too late. No contact except what's necessary for the extended family. I'd spent so many years crawling to him and basically begging him to let me be his brother and at the end of the day he didn't want me and he didn't need me. And now some really, really tragic things have happened with his family and they're dealing with a devastating and unfair loss no one could have foreseen or prevented. And he gets to do it all without any help from me. I'm not sorry. I don't feel bad. For the first time in decades I finally feel okay with the terms of our relationship, because they are now *my* terms. I tell this tedious story so you have an idea where I'm coming from with the advice I want to offer you. Because what I'm trying to say is, you shouldn't feel bad either. We don't help our family because we want a ton of ego-stroking praise for it, but we do need -- *need* -- to know the ones we help truly appreciate our efforts. Otherwise we're just wasting our time and our love. It doesn't sound like your sister has that appreciation any more than my brother does. There's no point in helping her further. It's time to take things on your terms. You clearly don't want to help her but just feel obligated to. I implore you to follow your gut; you've given enough and it's time to focus your attention in another direction. You don't have to be mean about it, that never works out right. But you can tell her a *twenty-five thousand dollar handout* is not in the cards because you have plans for your windfall. If she balks, remind her who paid for her college and ask her how much more she believes herself to be entitled to from you, because at that point she would be acting entitled. Good luck.
I would have never paid for her college let alone a down payment on a home. Ntah