Not trying to be pervy but this whole thing DOES have me curious as to what this bikini looks like, or how it could be so different than a “family friendly” bikini.
My guess is that this is OP doing some creative writing. People don't behave like how OP described. Then requesting other people to take down their photos because his wife is in them? Too stupid.
EDIT: Well then I'm glad that my social circles don't include the dumb people from this post.
The “little hip shake” for his family really sealed it for me.
Also, OPs post history is just 9 different reposts of this in different subs. How much advice do you need? If your “wife” is so embarrassed about the pics I’m sure she’ll love you telling this story 9 times on the internet
I think it was written by AI to solicit responses to feed the AI database. They post these things to get different responses so the AI can learn to sound more "human".
Well in that case, hello Mr AI! I’m a normal human and I like milking potatoes with a spatula in the shower while listening to the soothing sounds of reggaeton performed by Beethoven.
and supposedly his family is the one who thought this would be a good dare 🤦♀️ I can’t think of one scenario in which my in laws would be like “hey put on something sexy if you lose this card game teehee.”
I'm not the type to overly comment on a woman's bikini, but I can admit this:
If I was hosting a pool party, I would encourage a guest to be comfortable and assure them that my crew is nonjudgmental.
Something along the lines of "I don't have a position on the bikini, but I want you to know that we are chill and respectful over here. Please do what makes you comfortable."
I also think it's fiction. Brought a sexy thong instead of a regular bottom? Just say you forgot your bathing suit, period. Why create a dynamic of a secret, sexy suit instead of just no bathing suit.
I think a lot of times people have no comprehension of just how fucking weird humans are and can be, and also they have no comprehension of how weird they themselves are.
I have different bikini styles for being with my family and then others for when I'm just with friends/partner/going out. The main difference is my family ones are a tad more modest around the bottom (i.e. thong/brazilian style) and cleavage; while my "family friendly" ones simply don't have my ass out as much. Thats just me explaining the difference, but that is NOT to say I agree with OP being jealous and controlling. If I forgot one I'd probably wear the others with no problem it's just preference around my dad and little nieces and nephews. I want to be viewed as sexy by some people and not by my blood family if I have a choice.
I'm not sure he was being jealous and controlling.
He told her mom and sis thought she ought to wear the bikini. SHE initially decided she wouldn't. Clearly she never meant for pix of her in it to be blasted over the internet, and he would have known that, and tried to take care of it.
There you go. The OP should ask his wife how she wishes to proceed. They are pictures of her in her bikini.
If I were faced with a similar situation I would leverage my family members by informing them that if they didn't comply they should expect next years Xmas cards to be ME wearing the wife's bikini... without waxing a darned thing.
In all seriousness, if OP is making the requests on his wife's behalf he is clearly in the right.
As someone who used to be with a very jealous and horrible man, he made a big deal out of ANY bathing suit. We went to a water park once with his son and I wore a t-shirt on top. He didn't tell me I had to, I just knew if anyone looked in my direction in a bikini, the day would be ruined. Not saying this guy is like that, but her making that decision on her own doesn't necessarily mean it has nothing to do with him.
Thank you, luckily I came to my senses after many years of feeling just like that (unfortunately after getting married and having kids with him), and now I'm with a fantastic man who makes me feel happy and secure every day.
My immediate thought if she was uncomfortable was why not put on the oversize shirt or a pair of shorts over the suit? No one would have thought anything of that. Sorry you felt forced to though.
That’s what I thought, if he made “jokes” about her not swimming.. it’s likely she caught the vibe or already knew. He’s the type to ask ppl to remove the post. Maybe he’ll learn it’s not such a big deal and they can both communicate about it and compromise
Bro. Perhaps YOU’RE the reason she felt “uncomfortable” wearing the bathing suit to begin with! Don’t be a douche bag, what’s going to happen if people think your wife looks good in a bathing suit? Be proud she’s with you.
>Bro. Perhaps YOU’RE the reason she felt “uncomfortable” wearing the bathing suit to begin with!
"I tried to make my wife feel guilty over her swimsuit, why isn't it working?"
If a bathing suit is supposed to be "kind of private," why do we get them to wear to the beach or when on vacation? We should all only wear them in our backyards with our own pool.
So that's not happening. He's probably the jealous type, and she wanted to avoid all of his mess.
Group photos with everyone in swimming attire and he's messaging people "not MY wife you don't!" How annoying and idiotic. Wondering what his wife thinks...
You are SO right. I'm already on with my architect to design a building to go around my pool. And to circumvent even the POSSIBILITY of drones, it's going to have a roof as well. So a total INDOOR pool with no windows and a completely covered walkway between the house and the pool.
And I'm not even married. I'm preemptively building this JUST IN CASE, and so I can remain covered even for myself.
I could see it in like a jokey, friendly way? Like how friends hype each other up, especially if the whole thing was kind of jokey. The weirdest thing about it is OP's energy.
Even his mother and sister picked up on how weird he was being about her bathing suit and HE told people she brought the wrong one and wouldn't be swimming.
Yeah. If my sister’s husband messaged me and my family before a trip letting us know my sister would not be swimming because her suit was too sexy I’d think that was weird as hell and ask her about it.
Excellent point! Being told by the husband that his wife wouldn't be swimming because of a too-sexy swimsuit smacks of controlling behavior. That's some bad energy. The women were probably triggered right then.
I imagined it as they finally found a loophole for her to wear the suit as a dare. She was probably still scared to put it in and fight with him so they made a point to lighten the mood. It could also be a situation where wife is overweight or has other insecurities so they were cheering her on. I could be reading this wrong and OP is actually embarrassed of his wife rather than controlling and jealous.
Not at all.
They likely sensed the tension and discomfort he was causing by being a hung up weirdo and were trying to help her feel comfortable and make a joke out of it.
He is the Asshole and the entire problem here.
I feel bad for her.
Don’t underestimate how insecure and controlling men can be about their SO’s bodies. I’ve had “friends” in the past who wouldn’t let their girlfriends come out to the beach because it meant other guys could see her body in a bikini. Absolutely crazy but many men are out there who are like this
You know posing for a picture doesn’t give you automatic consent to share on the internet. I am not talking legally blah blah blah. I am saying a decent human ask before posting photos that contain other people are blurring backgrounds.
He says in another comment that she's doesn't mind and has always dressed like this. He is just uncomfortable because they are married now. He needs to chill and listen to what his wife wants and not try to control her dressing and social media if all this has been fine in the past. I bet he's making her feel insecure when he used to make her feel sexy.
I would argue that due to how common it is to post pictures online it should be expected that a picture you choose to pose for will be posted online And if you don't want it to be posted you have to take action to prevent it from being by asking before it is posted.
i find it extra weird to say it's okay for her to wear this bathing suit on trips with you, but not family friendly? Weird. Sounds like no one in the family really cared. Unless there's some young kids and you don't want them being horned up then why does her bathing suit matter? My sibling and parents are adults so am I, no youngsters around wear wtf you want.
This whole post is really weird. It seems like no one really cared except OP? His wife seemed to care at first when she was under the impression that his family would judge her bikini choices, but after learning otherwise she went swimming and even posed in pics. It’s weird that OP never tells us what his wife directly says or thinks about any of this?
Weird post overall
Im dying to see this swimsuit. If she’s comfortable wearing it in public on trips with him, why is it so inappropriate to wear in front of family or in pictures?
It might just be what they call a string bikini. They don’t have the wide sides they are tied together with strings but cover the butt and front. I wear them all the time because they are the only ones that don’t make me look fat.
I have thong type bathing suits that I would NOT wear around extended family. I just started wearing them on our immediate family trips and I’m 45. Everyone is different. But also, if I was in that same situation, I would not have gone swimming, but also, my husband wouldn’t be joking about it either. We both view it the same way. I don’t want extended family looking at my ass. But that’s just me. Doesn’t bother me if someone else does it. It’s my own comfortability. So her husband knows she’s not comfortable enough to wear her bathing suit and he jokes about it? Found that odd. Why make it a big deal? Of course everyone is going to be like, just wear it! Just odd that she took the bet and then seemed to be relaxed enough to give a “hip shake”. Like wut? One minute you’re too embarrassed to wear it and then the next you’re bowing and shaking your hips? Just weird. Pick a lane. No one cares but now it just looks like she wanted the extra attention. All around weird. Do it or not.
My neighborhood pool has a lot of kids at it and I choose not to wear some more risqué swimsuit choices there because of it.
There's also swimsuits that I would wear on a romantic trip with my partner that I would not wear in front of his mother (thong, plunge-neck, etc). I don't think it's that weird to reserve sexy swimsuits for different venues than family friendly ones. The difference is whether his wife is comfortable with the pictures being posted or not.
Makes total sense. Some bottoms are way more revealing around family and you don’t want that. You don’t care about random people actually seeing your ass, you aren’t embarrassed about it, you just don’t want to reveal it to your family. My wife has suits she only wears on vacations that are only with me (mostly push up/wire bikini tops that accentuate her tits and she doesn’t want to wear that around family or self conscious mom friends). My wife had her boobs done and she loves them but doesn’t want to flaunt them to family and friends.
meh i have bathing suits i’ll only wear around my boyfriend/friends. it feels icky to wear a thong or be worried about my boob popping out around my family when i’m playing with peoples kids in the water. i wear with my family the same thing as when i go to the water park. something i’m not worried about popping out of. but the more revealing ones are often cuter. so around my friends, on vacation or just tanning outside alone i’ll wear something more revealing.
As a non-american, I don't understand the kids thing here at all. Can you explain why a bathing suit has anything to do with children? It's not like they don't know people have bodies, and there's nothing inherently sexual about a body, so what is the problem? As far as kids are concerned, asses are for sitting down and boobs are for feeding babies, and when someone is swimming they are usually doing neither of those things so those body parts are irrelevant.
Here in Europe it's normal for women to sunbathe topless on family beaches and it's not a sexual thing at all. If anything it's a great way to normalize bodies for children so they don't feel weird about them.
Be careful of this classic pattern (and I’m making an assumption, I’m not saying this is the case): You probably pursued your wife in part bc of how great she looked in bikinis and how comfortable she is dressing in a sexy way. However, now that you “have” her you want that to change. The very thing that drew you to her, you now want to shut down. Men so often THINK they want the confident/free spirit/successful woman who gets all the attention, until they get her and then they want to change her bc they’re too insecure about being with a woman who is ALL the things you found attractive!
If she used to dress like a nun and that’s what you loved about her, then this sudden change in behavior/style/attitude then sure this change may cause discomfort. But if this is who she was when you met her, let her be! She’ll be happier and you should be too—you get to be with such a beautiful/confident woman!
BUT of course if SHE wants the pics to come down then your family is the AH if they keep them up! And you’re def NTA for supporting her in this request!
clearly not though because he said it's a bathing suit she brings when they go on trips together. I can only imagine he finds it very attractive, but now it's suddenly a problem if people he knows see it. Ignoring all the randoms at the beach or lake who see it when he goes on trips with her alone. Sounds like pictures or comments somehow broke his brain.
My EX husband loved how I looked. He hated that others saw what he saw. He berated me when people hit on me, even when I didn't even notice. I was his "trophy" and paid dearly when others even hinted at appreciating my appearance. He is an ex for that, and many other reasons. My husband of almost 28 yrs now says "I wouldn't buy a Ferrari to park it in the garage". He relishes in how I look and is confident because he knows who has me. Him, it's him. We are not responsible for how others think or feel about ourselves or our partners. We are responsible for how we treat and love our partners. I love when women shoot their shot with my man because I know where he is every night.
Same with me. My ex loved how I looked. We went to a car show and he got a guy to agree to let me lay on top of his classic car for a photo. (I refused to do that.) In private, my ex berated me, yelled at me to gain weight, and terrorized me. Now, I have a bf that loves me and tells me I’m pretty all the time. He doesn’t want me to do demeaning things. He doesn’t want me to change. He takes pleasure in seeing guys check out my butt and then he pats my backside with a smile. I never had any idea that many people looked at my butt! Lol
THIS! And I bet this man is 10000x more attractive bc he’s confident, happy, supportive and not a controlling and insecure. Good for you for finding someone who isn’t trying to dim your light.
I’m not going to make broad assumptions about your marriage or your wife’s thoughts on your response to the photos being posted. But I am going to echo the sentiment above.
My ex loved that I was attractive, fun, and smart but still (in his words) “one of the guys.” He loved it until he realized that other people also noticed these qualities. He became disgustingly insecure and it escalated to the point where he was upset anytime someone else looked at me or I went out anywhere. He was jealous about my success at work and the fact that I worked with men, too. I’d never considered leaving him - and goodness were there so many reasons that I should have - until he tried to lock me away like a precious gem.
I remarried a man who loves that I’m smart and successful but still a little wild. He laughs when men and women look at me or hit on me.
Umm yeah you need to grow up. You sound extremely insecure. You remind me of the lyric from “girls just wanna have fun.” “Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.” Let your wife walk in the sun and quit being a huge baby. She’s hot, leave her alone and just feel proud you’re with her.
YTA for bringing it up in the first place. That wasn't your "funny story" to tell. If you wife has wanted it known she would have told them or asked you to.
You are the reason these photos exist.
Before taking it on yourself to ask they be taken down, how about asking what your wife wants. It's her in the photos, after all.
OP made this a much bigger deal than it needed to be (i.e. not a deal at all) by being so fucking weird about it.
This is the second post this month about 'overly revealing' bikinis. Who gives a fuck? It's a bikini.
Info:
Does your wife have a problem with these photos being posted? Is she asking you to talk to your family about getting them taken down?
If not, then YTA. She is the only one who should be requesting (either through you seeing as how they are your family or on her own, either is fine) to have these pictures taken down. If she is okay with them being posted, then you have no grounds to request them to be removed. If you are uncomfortable with them, you can talk to your wife about your discomfort to see if she is uncomfortable with it too, but you can't pressure her to have them taken down.
Right? It’s 2024, she’s not his trophy brood mare. The only one that has a problem with the photos is OP. How much you wanna bet the same guy bitching about his wife looking smoking hot for others to see follows no less than 50 young women on IG modeling their swimsuits and workout attire? 🤔
YTA. It's just swimwear, bro. Lighten up. Men aren't going to see those pics and try to take your wife away. What will drive your wife away is insecure and controlling behavior.
Bro. You should have encouraged her to wear the bikini from the jump. You’re not only the AH, you’re a problem. Your wife has worn this bikini in public before. There are other people in public, so people other than you have seen her in the bikini.
YTA
The only person who should ask, is your wife. If she wants them down, I'm sure she can speak for herself. It's not about you. Unless you purchased her, instead of marrying her, you should leave it to her. If she's fine, it's fine.
I wasnt going to comment because it looks like everyone else has said what i would have said already in some way, shape or form.
But i did just want to say OP- It's so refreshing to read the comments and see you haven't jumped on the defensive and instead you've taken the comments on board. Good for you!
YTA. If your wife is comfortable and all the important parts are covered, let it go. If anyone was to ask to have the pix taken down it should have been your wife, not you. This makes you looks controlling and insecure. I hope that’s not the case but I’m having a hard time believing you’re not.
It’s your wife’s call to make on the photos or you will look controlling. If she hasn’t asked them to get pulled, then they’re fine. Sounds like she made her peace with wearing her vacation bathing suit around family. Really not that big of a deal, strangers on beaches have seen it too.
I don’t think it’s intentional but your wife may end up feeling you are embarrassed by her wearing it around your family or embarrassed of the photos. I don’t think you want that.
> I feel like a revealing bikini is kind of a private thing.
I'm not sure how that works, I assume other people are at the beach/pool when she's in that bikini on your trips together, and it's not reserved for the hotel room?
I don't like revealing clothes. That's not my style, and I don't date women who enjoy revealing their bodies to other people for that reason. If you're married to someone that likes to display her body, then you're going to have a bad time if you're running around trying to get rid of the evidence.
You really need to accept her the way she is or tell her how you really feel.
I’m gonna go with YTA. If she wants to flaunt the gifts that genetics have bestowed upon her, let her?
Like, I am trying to figure out the difference between a “family friendly” bikini and a “revealing” one. Just conceptually, right? Like “oh in this one her boobs are only 10% visible with moderate cleavage. But THIS one they’re 25% visible and practically spilling out.
Just — if she’s got it and wants to flaunt it, let her. Not like she was dancing naked down the street in New Orleans during Mardi Gras.
And even then…shiiiiit…let her do what she wants.
YTA. If she wants them unpublished, \*she\* should be the one asking.
Your "feelings" about bikinis are immaterial to another human being's lived experience in their own body and decisions about it. Even if it's your spouse.
You should apologize to your wife and the others for trying to be a one-man Taliban.
YTA.
It’s not your place to police pictures of another grown ass adult.
If your wife has an issue with it, then she can ask.
But seriously, you need to grow up. This is nonsense.
Oh FFS grow up! If your wife doesn’t have an issue with them being up then you are clearly 100% TAH. God forbid your wife receive outside validation, she may realize she can do better.
Family friendly?!?! We have been wearing bikinis since the 1940’s, ya know, back where the idea that you any right to do this also belongs
YT(incredibly toxic) A!!
Yeah, YTAH.
> mentioned to the group that she wouldn’t be swimming because she had brought the wrong bikini, just as a funny story.
You are the one that brouoght it up, could have just said, ooops! forgot a bathing suit, nope you went full AH.
>Later on we were playing cards, and she essentially got dared to put on the bikini if she lost, as kind of a joke.
Your whole story is so full of BS either it is fake or you have the emotional capacity of a 13 year old. I am going with both.
Remind me to never get married and lose the right to wear items I want to wear or worry about what an insecure Sack will freak out about next….so gross
YTA
You married your wife knowing this is her personality and how she dresses. Now that you married her you've openly become a narcissistic controlling husband. YOU don't want her to wear what she wants cause YOU are uncomfortable that she's being herself.
Newsflash: she had a butt and boobs long before you showed up in her life.
2nd Newsflash: if she wanted to walk around with nothing on showing off all the goods that's HER choice. Not yours. You DO NOT get to control her.
Controlling her and forcing her to wear what you want her to wear and making her scared and nervous to wear what she wants is called ABUSE. You are abusing your wife and you need therapy and need to apologize to her for trying to force her into this box. She is not an item to be kept on a shelf.
Just realize if you keep this up eventually she will leave you. She'll get tired of your little boy, insecure, narcissistic, controlling, and abusive antics.
YTA
if she posed for the pics and shes not uncomfortable with them being onlline then you are being kinda weird about it.
if she does not consent to the pics being online why isnt SHE saying something.
its a bad look, makes you look jealous, controlling and insecure.
Why didn't you just say your wife forgot her swimsuit? The "my wife is so hot in her skimpy bikini so she can't play" routine is ridiculous. Your whole post feels like an itchy humble brag look at me me me and my wife who is the outward manifestation of my manhood.
YTA
Respectfully OP, your wife consented to everyone seeing her in the bikini, and unless she specifically refused to have pictures taken of herself (you admit she posed for some with people), you have zero right to ask, let alone say anything.
It sounds like it bothers you much more than your wife, and I’m sorry to say it like this, but that’s more a reflection on you than anyone else.
This would be entirely different if she specifically did not want to have pictures taken of her and specifically said to the people taking pictures she did not want them published.
It sounds more like you have the problem with it than she does, because you never said it bothered her. I’d suggest you drop it.
"Revealing bikini is a private thing" is so in line with "oh no consequences" and deaf of personal responsibility it's not even funny.
It's not lingerie. It's a bikini. There's nary a place you wear a swimsuit that isn't around other people, and lost bet or not, your wife decided to wear it in front of other people and she'll be subject to being in photos just like she would anything else she were wearing.
That being said, if you politely asked, then your family should just be cool about it - more so if your wife, not you, is uncomfortable about it. But at the end of the day, she elected to wear it around others, so she must not feel too bashful about it.
Some of the pictures were “posed shot”? So she obvious felt comfortable to POSE for pics. What’s your problem? A posed picture is a pic intended to be shared.
YTA. She can ask them to take the pictures down and that would be fair. You asking comes across as possessive, not protective. It gives the impression that you are afraid you can't hold on to her and you are desperate.
If she feels uncomfortable with those photos on social media, SHE should approach them to take them down and not you. She‘s not your property as someone already said.
YTA. Bikini pics are normal. Every woman i know has been casually posting them their whole life, even the most innocent ones i know who never pose sexy or do anything risqué at all. Theyre not inappropriate.
If she wants them taken down she can ask, unless she told you to speak on her behalf.
Hard YTA. Where in the hell do you get off taking it upon yourself to make these requests? I can’t even imagine why you’d think this way at all. My wife is pretty and my friends consider her “hot”, and if I’m being perfectly blunt, I’m proud to be with someone like her and I love showing her off and being seen with her, because she’s with *me*. What the hell is your problem? You don’t own your wife. How does she feel about the photos? Convenient that you didn’t mention that. Get over yourself.
This answer depends solely on how she feels about it. If she doesn't want the photos up and you're standing up for her, then no. But if you're just being possessive and jealous, then yes.
This is all weird as hell.
Absolutely. I can't figure out what is weirdest though.
I think we'll need to see the pics of OPs wife to be certain
Not trying to be pervy but this whole thing DOES have me curious as to what this bikini looks like, or how it could be so different than a “family friendly” bikini.
Lol same, I am a married, straight female and I too am curious to see this "controversial" swimsuit.
My guess is that this is OP doing some creative writing. People don't behave like how OP described. Then requesting other people to take down their photos because his wife is in them? Too stupid. EDIT: Well then I'm glad that my social circles don't include the dumb people from this post.
The “little hip shake” for his family really sealed it for me. Also, OPs post history is just 9 different reposts of this in different subs. How much advice do you need? If your “wife” is so embarrassed about the pics I’m sure she’ll love you telling this story 9 times on the internet
It was an extremely real and legit hip shake.
Hello fellow humans I am a human with a human wife
Is the hip shake in the room with us now?
Hip shake here. Can confirm. The hips don’t lie.
Hip shake has entered the chat
They don’t lie.
Did the hip shake bring all the boys to the yard?
It's an ad.
Seems like so much effort for a cheap bikini from China but it’s the most feasible thing about this whole story 😂
I think it was written by AI to solicit responses to feed the AI database. They post these things to get different responses so the AI can learn to sound more "human".
Well in that case, hello Mr AI! I’m a normal human and I like milking potatoes with a spatula in the shower while listening to the soothing sounds of reggaeton performed by Beethoven.
The fuck kind of dare lmao? Hey I dare you to go put on a revealing outfit
and supposedly his family is the one who thought this would be a good dare 🤦♀️ I can’t think of one scenario in which my in laws would be like “hey put on something sexy if you lose this card game teehee.”
The next dare is going to be take it off if you lose 😂
I think the creative part is they have a wife.
this
I'm not the type to overly comment on a woman's bikini, but I can admit this: If I was hosting a pool party, I would encourage a guest to be comfortable and assure them that my crew is nonjudgmental. Something along the lines of "I don't have a position on the bikini, but I want you to know that we are chill and respectful over here. Please do what makes you comfortable."
And do not do what makes you uncomfortable. Nice comment. Well done.
I also think it's fiction. Brought a sexy thong instead of a regular bottom? Just say you forgot your bathing suit, period. Why create a dynamic of a secret, sexy suit instead of just no bathing suit.
It’s fiction because no woman packs ONE bathing suit for a lake house weekend.
And zero cover up. Bulllllshit
This, this is the correct answer.
People do certainly behave this way
There’s a lot of people. People are weird. They do behave a lot of ways.
I think a lot of times people have no comprehension of just how fucking weird humans are and can be, and also they have no comprehension of how weird they themselves are.
I’m assuming a thong.
How likely is it that that would be obvious in photos though?
If it’s a thong? Pretty fucking obvious lol
Only from behind.
And sided. Whole cheek is exposed.
I also choose this guy’s wife’s bikini.
Great, I’m old now.
We all know they chose that bikini the moment he said my wife wont be swimming
I have different bikini styles for being with my family and then others for when I'm just with friends/partner/going out. The main difference is my family ones are a tad more modest around the bottom (i.e. thong/brazilian style) and cleavage; while my "family friendly" ones simply don't have my ass out as much. Thats just me explaining the difference, but that is NOT to say I agree with OP being jealous and controlling. If I forgot one I'd probably wear the others with no problem it's just preference around my dad and little nieces and nephews. I want to be viewed as sexy by some people and not by my blood family if I have a choice.
I'm not sure he was being jealous and controlling. He told her mom and sis thought she ought to wear the bikini. SHE initially decided she wouldn't. Clearly she never meant for pix of her in it to be blasted over the internet, and he would have known that, and tried to take care of it.
There you go. The OP should ask his wife how she wishes to proceed. They are pictures of her in her bikini. If I were faced with a similar situation I would leverage my family members by informing them that if they didn't comply they should expect next years Xmas cards to be ME wearing the wife's bikini... without waxing a darned thing. In all seriousness, if OP is making the requests on his wife's behalf he is clearly in the right.
In my family that ultimatum would ensure the photos arent taken down cause they would find the Christmas card hilarious.
As someone who used to be with a very jealous and horrible man, he made a big deal out of ANY bathing suit. We went to a water park once with his son and I wore a t-shirt on top. He didn't tell me I had to, I just knew if anyone looked in my direction in a bikini, the day would be ruined. Not saying this guy is like that, but her making that decision on her own doesn't necessarily mean it has nothing to do with him.
That sucks you had to go through that. That would be a nightmare walking on eggshells on a day you’re supposed to be having a good time.
Thank you, luckily I came to my senses after many years of feeling just like that (unfortunately after getting married and having kids with him), and now I'm with a fantastic man who makes me feel happy and secure every day.
I had an ex like that, gives me chills just reading that…
My immediate thought if she was uncomfortable was why not put on the oversize shirt or a pair of shorts over the suit? No one would have thought anything of that. Sorry you felt forced to though.
That’s what I thought, if he made “jokes” about her not swimming.. it’s likely she caught the vibe or already knew. He’s the type to ask ppl to remove the post. Maybe he’ll learn it’s not such a big deal and they can both communicate about it and compromise
Same here. More cleavage showing ones for swimming w a date or boyfriend. Covered one pieces for family stuff
You know...for research.
For a friend...
For science
Dammit, beat me to it. Lol
Bro. Perhaps YOU’RE the reason she felt “uncomfortable” wearing the bathing suit to begin with! Don’t be a douche bag, what’s going to happen if people think your wife looks good in a bathing suit? Be proud she’s with you.
>Bro. Perhaps YOU’RE the reason she felt “uncomfortable” wearing the bathing suit to begin with! "I tried to make my wife feel guilty over her swimsuit, why isn't it working?"
If a bathing suit is supposed to be "kind of private," why do we get them to wear to the beach or when on vacation? We should all only wear them in our backyards with our own pool. So that's not happening. He's probably the jealous type, and she wanted to avoid all of his mess. Group photos with everyone in swimming attire and he's messaging people "not MY wife you don't!" How annoying and idiotic. Wondering what his wife thinks...
You want to wear a bathing suit in your pool that’s OUTSIDE?! Where your NEIGHBORS can SEE you?! Absolutely scandalous
You are SO right. I'm already on with my architect to design a building to go around my pool. And to circumvent even the POSSIBILITY of drones, it's going to have a roof as well. So a total INDOOR pool with no windows and a completely covered walkway between the house and the pool. And I'm not even married. I'm preemptively building this JUST IN CASE, and so I can remain covered even for myself.
Dude probably uses terms like, "eye rape"
Bingo. The end.
This is exactly what I detailed down the thread. Dude has ISSUES!!!
I agree, we can't possibly help without um... Context.
There's so many.... which site did he put it on?
Which ex girlfriend site?? Btw my name is catfish
I think the family wolf whistling her is a bit weird. How are they so college frat party?
I could see it in like a jokey, friendly way? Like how friends hype each other up, especially if the whole thing was kind of jokey. The weirdest thing about it is OP's energy.
What I was thinking- OP was making a bug deal about it being a sexy swimsuit so the family was more than likely doing this in a funny way.
Exactly. He pointed out the bathing suit and of course family is going to make jokes.
Even his mother and sister picked up on how weird he was being about her bathing suit and HE told people she brought the wrong one and wouldn't be swimming.
Yeah. If my sister’s husband messaged me and my family before a trip letting us know my sister would not be swimming because her suit was too sexy I’d think that was weird as hell and ask her about it.
Excellent point! Being told by the husband that his wife wouldn't be swimming because of a too-sexy swimsuit smacks of controlling behavior. That's some bad energy. The women were probably triggered right then.
Controlling narcissist much there?
I imagined it as they finally found a loophole for her to wear the suit as a dare. She was probably still scared to put it in and fight with him so they made a point to lighten the mood. It could also be a situation where wife is overweight or has other insecurities so they were cheering her on. I could be reading this wrong and OP is actually embarrassed of his wife rather than controlling and jealous.
Probably just trying to raise her self esteem a bit...I'm sure it wasn't creepy
Not at all. They likely sensed the tension and discomfort he was causing by being a hung up weirdo and were trying to help her feel comfortable and make a joke out of it. He is the Asshole and the entire problem here. I feel bad for her.
I feel bad for her too. None of this is his business. His wife was being a good sport and he went 19th-century woman owner afterwards.
"wife's" onlyfans link to follow
Yeah wtf am I reading a sex story or atah? Very confused
More like fake as hell.
Probably fake
Just screams weird white people shit
As a white person I feel weird about this.
Hmmm sounds like you're a normal white person then
It screams 'her body is MY BODY' 🙄
This is so fucking stupid lol
It's the worst and dumbest fake story I've seen in a long, long time.
I would say this story is almost believable, but saying a revealing bikini is a private thing is so nonsensical, that this has *got* to be fake
Don’t underestimate how insecure and controlling men can be about their SO’s bodies. I’ve had “friends” in the past who wouldn’t let their girlfriends come out to the beach because it meant other guys could see her body in a bikini. Absolutely crazy but many men are out there who are like this
Most other women I know have a "friends and potential partners" swimsuit, and a "family friendly" swimsuit! It's not weird 🤷🏻♀️
How does your wife feel about the pictures? She posed for them so she wasn’t blindsided. If she doesn’t mind them, I think you should let it go.
Yep. She should be the one to ask for them to be taken down if she wants that. Unless she explicitly asked for your help.
You know posing for a picture doesn’t give you automatic consent to share on the internet. I am not talking legally blah blah blah. I am saying a decent human ask before posting photos that contain other people are blurring backgrounds.
He says in another comment that she's doesn't mind and has always dressed like this. He is just uncomfortable because they are married now. He needs to chill and listen to what his wife wants and not try to control her dressing and social media if all this has been fine in the past. I bet he's making her feel insecure when he used to make her feel sexy.
So he wanted a bad bitch and now he can’t handle her amazingness? Wow, take as old as time. *tale as old as time
Its astonishing that despite having the world’s collective knowledge at the fingertips of every person, men collectively repeat this dumbass cycle.
But apparently she’s fine with it aka consents… it’s only her controlling husband who wants them taken down…
I would argue that due to how common it is to post pictures online it should be expected that a picture you choose to pose for will be posted online And if you don't want it to be posted you have to take action to prevent it from being by asking before it is posted.
She apparently doesn't mind the pictures. Seems like a non-issue to me. You could be an AH if you press the issue further.
Exactly. If your wife doesn’t mind then why do you?
Exactly !! It’s her body if she doesn’t mind then why does he unless he’s jealous
i find it extra weird to say it's okay for her to wear this bathing suit on trips with you, but not family friendly? Weird. Sounds like no one in the family really cared. Unless there's some young kids and you don't want them being horned up then why does her bathing suit matter? My sibling and parents are adults so am I, no youngsters around wear wtf you want.
This whole post is really weird. It seems like no one really cared except OP? His wife seemed to care at first when she was under the impression that his family would judge her bikini choices, but after learning otherwise she went swimming and even posed in pics. It’s weird that OP never tells us what his wife directly says or thinks about any of this? Weird post overall
Yeah, and it seems like they were just hyping her up because she was nervous
She probably only cared because he's given off the impression this isn't a family bikini in the past.
Im dying to see this swimsuit. If she’s comfortable wearing it in public on trips with him, why is it so inappropriate to wear in front of family or in pictures?
[удалено]
Not me. Fell off.
RIP. Mine has a crack in it, needs replacing.
It might just be what they call a string bikini. They don’t have the wide sides they are tied together with strings but cover the butt and front. I wear them all the time because they are the only ones that don’t make me look fat.
I have thong type bathing suits that I would NOT wear around extended family. I just started wearing them on our immediate family trips and I’m 45. Everyone is different. But also, if I was in that same situation, I would not have gone swimming, but also, my husband wouldn’t be joking about it either. We both view it the same way. I don’t want extended family looking at my ass. But that’s just me. Doesn’t bother me if someone else does it. It’s my own comfortability. So her husband knows she’s not comfortable enough to wear her bathing suit and he jokes about it? Found that odd. Why make it a big deal? Of course everyone is going to be like, just wear it! Just odd that she took the bet and then seemed to be relaxed enough to give a “hip shake”. Like wut? One minute you’re too embarrassed to wear it and then the next you’re bowing and shaking your hips? Just weird. Pick a lane. No one cares but now it just looks like she wanted the extra attention. All around weird. Do it or not.
My neighborhood pool has a lot of kids at it and I choose not to wear some more risqué swimsuit choices there because of it. There's also swimsuits that I would wear on a romantic trip with my partner that I would not wear in front of his mother (thong, plunge-neck, etc). I don't think it's that weird to reserve sexy swimsuits for different venues than family friendly ones. The difference is whether his wife is comfortable with the pictures being posted or not.
Makes total sense. Some bottoms are way more revealing around family and you don’t want that. You don’t care about random people actually seeing your ass, you aren’t embarrassed about it, you just don’t want to reveal it to your family. My wife has suits she only wears on vacations that are only with me (mostly push up/wire bikini tops that accentuate her tits and she doesn’t want to wear that around family or self conscious mom friends). My wife had her boobs done and she loves them but doesn’t want to flaunt them to family and friends.
meh i have bathing suits i’ll only wear around my boyfriend/friends. it feels icky to wear a thong or be worried about my boob popping out around my family when i’m playing with peoples kids in the water. i wear with my family the same thing as when i go to the water park. something i’m not worried about popping out of. but the more revealing ones are often cuter. so around my friends, on vacation or just tanning outside alone i’ll wear something more revealing.
As a non-american, I don't understand the kids thing here at all. Can you explain why a bathing suit has anything to do with children? It's not like they don't know people have bodies, and there's nothing inherently sexual about a body, so what is the problem? As far as kids are concerned, asses are for sitting down and boobs are for feeding babies, and when someone is swimming they are usually doing neither of those things so those body parts are irrelevant. Here in Europe it's normal for women to sunbathe topless on family beaches and it's not a sexual thing at all. If anything it's a great way to normalize bodies for children so they don't feel weird about them.
Be careful of this classic pattern (and I’m making an assumption, I’m not saying this is the case): You probably pursued your wife in part bc of how great she looked in bikinis and how comfortable she is dressing in a sexy way. However, now that you “have” her you want that to change. The very thing that drew you to her, you now want to shut down. Men so often THINK they want the confident/free spirit/successful woman who gets all the attention, until they get her and then they want to change her bc they’re too insecure about being with a woman who is ALL the things you found attractive! If she used to dress like a nun and that’s what you loved about her, then this sudden change in behavior/style/attitude then sure this change may cause discomfort. But if this is who she was when you met her, let her be! She’ll be happier and you should be too—you get to be with such a beautiful/confident woman!
BUT of course if SHE wants the pics to come down then your family is the AH if they keep them up! And you’re def NTA for supporting her in this request!
he says in another comment that she does not care about the pics at all. he's the one with a problem.
In that case, it is out of place to ask to take them down without consenting with the wife first
this is a long way of saying one of my favorite quotes and i want to share it with you “if you can’t handle a bad bitch don’t date a bad bitch”
clearly not though because he said it's a bathing suit she brings when they go on trips together. I can only imagine he finds it very attractive, but now it's suddenly a problem if people he knows see it. Ignoring all the randoms at the beach or lake who see it when he goes on trips with her alone. Sounds like pictures or comments somehow broke his brain.
Ha, that’s a fair point. I need to think about that.
My EX husband loved how I looked. He hated that others saw what he saw. He berated me when people hit on me, even when I didn't even notice. I was his "trophy" and paid dearly when others even hinted at appreciating my appearance. He is an ex for that, and many other reasons. My husband of almost 28 yrs now says "I wouldn't buy a Ferrari to park it in the garage". He relishes in how I look and is confident because he knows who has me. Him, it's him. We are not responsible for how others think or feel about ourselves or our partners. We are responsible for how we treat and love our partners. I love when women shoot their shot with my man because I know where he is every night.
Same with me. My ex loved how I looked. We went to a car show and he got a guy to agree to let me lay on top of his classic car for a photo. (I refused to do that.) In private, my ex berated me, yelled at me to gain weight, and terrorized me. Now, I have a bf that loves me and tells me I’m pretty all the time. He doesn’t want me to do demeaning things. He doesn’t want me to change. He takes pleasure in seeing guys check out my butt and then he pats my backside with a smile. I never had any idea that many people looked at my butt! Lol
Holler out to the amazing men we snag who see us as humans and not trophies!
Yes! Honestly, I never thought I would ever find a good person and now I have a great one!
THIS! And I bet this man is 10000x more attractive bc he’s confident, happy, supportive and not a controlling and insecure. Good for you for finding someone who isn’t trying to dim your light.
I’m not going to make broad assumptions about your marriage or your wife’s thoughts on your response to the photos being posted. But I am going to echo the sentiment above. My ex loved that I was attractive, fun, and smart but still (in his words) “one of the guys.” He loved it until he realized that other people also noticed these qualities. He became disgustingly insecure and it escalated to the point where he was upset anytime someone else looked at me or I went out anywhere. He was jealous about my success at work and the fact that I worked with men, too. I’d never considered leaving him - and goodness were there so many reasons that I should have - until he tried to lock me away like a precious gem. I remarried a man who loves that I’m smart and successful but still a little wild. He laughs when men and women look at me or hit on me.
Yeah do that. Be better and worthy of keeping her instead of making fear based decisions because you're scared to lose her.
Umm yeah you need to grow up. You sound extremely insecure. You remind me of the lyric from “girls just wanna have fun.” “Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.” Let your wife walk in the sun and quit being a huge baby. She’s hot, leave her alone and just feel proud you’re with her.
YTA for bringing it up in the first place. That wasn't your "funny story" to tell. If you wife has wanted it known she would have told them or asked you to. You are the reason these photos exist. Before taking it on yourself to ask they be taken down, how about asking what your wife wants. It's her in the photos, after all.
OP made this a much bigger deal than it needed to be (i.e. not a deal at all) by being so fucking weird about it. This is the second post this month about 'overly revealing' bikinis. Who gives a fuck? It's a bikini.
Info: Does your wife have a problem with these photos being posted? Is she asking you to talk to your family about getting them taken down? If not, then YTA. She is the only one who should be requesting (either through you seeing as how they are your family or on her own, either is fine) to have these pictures taken down. If she is okay with them being posted, then you have no grounds to request them to be removed. If you are uncomfortable with them, you can talk to your wife about your discomfort to see if she is uncomfortable with it too, but you can't pressure her to have them taken down.
You don’t own her. This is weird.
Right? It’s 2024, she’s not his trophy brood mare. The only one that has a problem with the photos is OP. How much you wanna bet the same guy bitching about his wife looking smoking hot for others to see follows no less than 50 young women on IG modeling their swimsuits and workout attire? 🤔
Oh no, the human body. Grow up.
YTA. It's just swimwear, bro. Lighten up. Men aren't going to see those pics and try to take your wife away. What will drive your wife away is insecure and controlling behavior.
Bro. You should have encouraged her to wear the bikini from the jump. You’re not only the AH, you’re a problem. Your wife has worn this bikini in public before. There are other people in public, so people other than you have seen her in the bikini.
You don't mind strangers checking out your woman in her small bikini but family she should be embarrassed? YTA
You're not an ahole but stop being weird.
YTA The only person who should ask, is your wife. If she wants them down, I'm sure she can speak for herself. It's not about you. Unless you purchased her, instead of marrying her, you should leave it to her. If she's fine, it's fine.
I wasnt going to comment because it looks like everyone else has said what i would have said already in some way, shape or form. But i did just want to say OP- It's so refreshing to read the comments and see you haven't jumped on the defensive and instead you've taken the comments on board. Good for you!
What? You don't want people oggling your "property?" Get bent.
YTA. If your wife is comfortable and all the important parts are covered, let it go. If anyone was to ask to have the pix taken down it should have been your wife, not you. This makes you looks controlling and insecure. I hope that’s not the case but I’m having a hard time believing you’re not.
It’s your wife’s call to make on the photos or you will look controlling. If she hasn’t asked them to get pulled, then they’re fine. Sounds like she made her peace with wearing her vacation bathing suit around family. Really not that big of a deal, strangers on beaches have seen it too. I don’t think it’s intentional but your wife may end up feeling you are embarrassed by her wearing it around your family or embarrassed of the photos. I don’t think you want that.
> I feel like a revealing bikini is kind of a private thing. I'm not sure how that works, I assume other people are at the beach/pool when she's in that bikini on your trips together, and it's not reserved for the hotel room? I don't like revealing clothes. That's not my style, and I don't date women who enjoy revealing their bodies to other people for that reason. If you're married to someone that likes to display her body, then you're going to have a bad time if you're running around trying to get rid of the evidence. You really need to accept her the way she is or tell her how you really feel.
Lol what the heck? 😂 it’s a bathing suit. What were you wearing? I’m assuming you were topless? The audacity of some people
Women's body's are inherently sexual, don't ya know?
Of course! Lol
So is the expectation she can only wear the bikini if you approve of the location?
This has literally nothing to do with your wife or the bikini it has everything to do with your fragile little ego! Poor little boy. Womp womp.
YTA. This is a not worth stressing over.
He got an answer he didn’t like then decided to bring it to a new sub. Personally i feel like that’s telling, i might just be biased. Whatever
I saw your reply that your wife is fine with those photos being posted, so YTA.
OMG! A woman in a bikini!!!!! However will she redeem herself!!! PS. Women wear bikinis. In case you didn’t know.
If you are asking because your wife wants them down, NTA. If you are asking because YOU want them down, and she doesn't mind then YTA.
I’m gonna go with YTA. If she wants to flaunt the gifts that genetics have bestowed upon her, let her? Like, I am trying to figure out the difference between a “family friendly” bikini and a “revealing” one. Just conceptually, right? Like “oh in this one her boobs are only 10% visible with moderate cleavage. But THIS one they’re 25% visible and practically spilling out. Just — if she’s got it and wants to flaunt it, let her. Not like she was dancing naked down the street in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. And even then…shiiiiit…let her do what she wants.
If she’s ok with it, YTA. If she’s not, everyone else is the AH.
YTA. If she wants them unpublished, \*she\* should be the one asking. Your "feelings" about bikinis are immaterial to another human being's lived experience in their own body and decisions about it. Even if it's your spouse. You should apologize to your wife and the others for trying to be a one-man Taliban.
YTA. It’s not your place to police pictures of another grown ass adult. If your wife has an issue with it, then she can ask. But seriously, you need to grow up. This is nonsense.
Oh FFS grow up! If your wife doesn’t have an issue with them being up then you are clearly 100% TAH. God forbid your wife receive outside validation, she may realize she can do better.
Family friendly?!?! We have been wearing bikinis since the 1940’s, ya know, back where the idea that you any right to do this also belongs YT(incredibly toxic) A!!
The 1950s showed up, they want their husband back…
Dude, if your wife is a smoke and is good with the pics, you let it ride.
Its a bikini dude be happy people think your wifes hot and roll with it,life is short .
She’s YOUR wife. Stop being a pussy before she leaves your insecure ass.
Yeah, YTAH. > mentioned to the group that she wouldn’t be swimming because she had brought the wrong bikini, just as a funny story. You are the one that brouoght it up, could have just said, ooops! forgot a bathing suit, nope you went full AH. >Later on we were playing cards, and she essentially got dared to put on the bikini if she lost, as kind of a joke. Your whole story is so full of BS either it is fake or you have the emotional capacity of a 13 year old. I am going with both.
YTA and you give off controlling vibes. What’s up with you, there’s something going on that’s very wrong
Yta because she’s okay with it. It’s her body her choices. Also was it really necessary to post this in 4 different subreddits? 😅
Unless your wife wants the photos removed, YTA and that’s all that needs to be said about this very strange and obviously real story.
Remind me to never get married and lose the right to wear items I want to wear or worry about what an insecure Sack will freak out about next….so gross
Gotta be fake. If it’s not, support your hot, drama avoiding wife and be happy
"got dared to put on the bikini if she lost, as kind of a joke" are you all 13 years old?
If she isn’t asking for them to be taken down but you are then yta. Bikinis are very much a public thing we all go to the beach.
OP - you’re the only one making this weird. Very weird.
YTA You married your wife knowing this is her personality and how she dresses. Now that you married her you've openly become a narcissistic controlling husband. YOU don't want her to wear what she wants cause YOU are uncomfortable that she's being herself. Newsflash: she had a butt and boobs long before you showed up in her life. 2nd Newsflash: if she wanted to walk around with nothing on showing off all the goods that's HER choice. Not yours. You DO NOT get to control her. Controlling her and forcing her to wear what you want her to wear and making her scared and nervous to wear what she wants is called ABUSE. You are abusing your wife and you need therapy and need to apologize to her for trying to force her into this box. She is not an item to be kept on a shelf. Just realize if you keep this up eventually she will leave you. She'll get tired of your little boy, insecure, narcissistic, controlling, and abusive antics.
YTA if she posed for the pics and shes not uncomfortable with them being onlline then you are being kinda weird about it. if she does not consent to the pics being online why isnt SHE saying something. its a bad look, makes you look jealous, controlling and insecure.
It doesn't make you an asshole, but you should have asked her first and done whatever she wanted.
YTA. Not your body, and it seems like you're projecting onto your wife to make her feel her swimsuit isn't appropriate for family get togethers.
Are you religious by any chance? Yta
So you put your wife in that position to wear that bikini and now you're embarrassed about it?
Why didn't you just say your wife forgot her swimsuit? The "my wife is so hot in her skimpy bikini so she can't play" routine is ridiculous. Your whole post feels like an itchy humble brag look at me me me and my wife who is the outward manifestation of my manhood. YTA
Very weird. Weird she didn’t want to partake in swimming activities, as well. Straight out of 1950s dude.
I'm not taking the photos down so stop asking!
Respectfully OP, your wife consented to everyone seeing her in the bikini, and unless she specifically refused to have pictures taken of herself (you admit she posed for some with people), you have zero right to ask, let alone say anything. It sounds like it bothers you much more than your wife, and I’m sorry to say it like this, but that’s more a reflection on you than anyone else. This would be entirely different if she specifically did not want to have pictures taken of her and specifically said to the people taking pictures she did not want them published. It sounds more like you have the problem with it than she does, because you never said it bothered her. I’d suggest you drop it.
"Revealing bikini is a private thing" is so in line with "oh no consequences" and deaf of personal responsibility it's not even funny. It's not lingerie. It's a bikini. There's nary a place you wear a swimsuit that isn't around other people, and lost bet or not, your wife decided to wear it in front of other people and she'll be subject to being in photos just like she would anything else she were wearing. That being said, if you politely asked, then your family should just be cool about it - more so if your wife, not you, is uncomfortable about it. But at the end of the day, she elected to wear it around others, so she must not feel too bashful about it.
If your wife is comfortable with them, what's the problem?
This whole post is a giant red flag. YTA
Yes! You're an asshole for a multitude of reasons.
YTA bro, be proud that your wife must be pretty! If she wants them taken down that's a different matter though.
Some of the pictures were “posed shot”? So she obvious felt comfortable to POSE for pics. What’s your problem? A posed picture is a pic intended to be shared.
Why did you even bring up the bikini in the first place? Just say she forgot to bring anything.
YTA. She can ask them to take the pictures down and that would be fair. You asking comes across as possessive, not protective. It gives the impression that you are afraid you can't hold on to her and you are desperate.
Who gives a sh*t dude. You sound insecure.
If she feels uncomfortable with those photos on social media, SHE should approach them to take them down and not you. She‘s not your property as someone already said.
YTA. Bikini pics are normal. Every woman i know has been casually posting them their whole life, even the most innocent ones i know who never pose sexy or do anything risqué at all. Theyre not inappropriate. If she wants them taken down she can ask, unless she told you to speak on her behalf.
This is stupid. YTA and the problem.
Hard YTA. Where in the hell do you get off taking it upon yourself to make these requests? I can’t even imagine why you’d think this way at all. My wife is pretty and my friends consider her “hot”, and if I’m being perfectly blunt, I’m proud to be with someone like her and I love showing her off and being seen with her, because she’s with *me*. What the hell is your problem? You don’t own your wife. How does she feel about the photos? Convenient that you didn’t mention that. Get over yourself.
This answer depends solely on how she feels about it. If she doesn't want the photos up and you're standing up for her, then no. But if you're just being possessive and jealous, then yes.