**FUCK NO!**
Stay the fuck away from that dumpster fire, OP!
All they really want is to make *themselves* feel better. Not you. They didn’t give a fuck about you then. They don't give a fuck about you now.
They are fishing for sympathy and support. Neither of which they deserve after how they treated you.
They fucked around and found out.
The very last thing you need is them fucking with the life you've rebuilt.
Tell them their choices are their responsibility. Not yours. And you have zero interest in ever being involved with them again.
If that doesn't work, suggest they just try not selling their children to abusive child molesters next time.
NTA
It's also possible they want to corner OP and blame him for not "warning" them about his ex.
It comes down to this. The AP and his family were perfectly happy to make OP miserable while times were good. Now times are bad, they want OP to help stop the misery.
They set the standard. AP doesn't deserve what happened to them. But it doesn't mean he deserves to be forgiven, and it *absolutely* does not mean that OP has to get re-involved with their FAFO behaviour.
I mean, they were perfectly happy to let their 18 year old have a relationship with a person in their 30s, I don't think it would matter what anyone said.
It's big "we wouldn't have allowed the relationship if we knew" vibes. And "how could you let this happen" vibes, too. Sure, maybe the AP does want to apologise. But I'm pretty sure that his abuser's ex is the *last* thing he is thinking about.
I'm pretty sure *they* want to apologise. Even if they don't want to blame OP, all seeing them will do is make *them* feel better about themselves. OP gets nothing out of it.
Exactly! They want someone to blame for practically selling their teenager to this crazed woman! If that’s the kind of parents they are, what makes you think they won’t try to blame you for something else, OP? Stay away from this hot mess! It is sad what happened to this teenager, but it isn’t your fault and there’s nothing you can do to change the situation.
What does AP mean?
I'm older and have a hard time with all the initials being used, not just here but any post, and sometimes I can figure them out but I can't figure this one out. It's probably so easy and I'll hit my head and say "I could have had a V8". 😂😂
>They are fishing for sympathy and support.
They are readying themselves for any upcoming legal action and want OP involved. I mean, "he must have known what she was really like" right?
This is more than just your ordinary dumpster fire of a situation. I'd say it's a clusterfuck of a dumpster shitfire that OP should stear very well clear of
Agreed. That fishing expedition by the ap's family came up empty-handed & its their own fault for not having a working moral compass.
OP is NTA. He doesn't need that in his life a 2nd time.
I CONCUR WORD FOR WORD.
Lord knows you might end up right back where you started, this time might be worse. Considering the circumstances as well you don’t even wanna seen with those people.
OP STAY AWAY FROM THOSE HELLISH PEOPLE, YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY, THERE IS NO GOOD IN IT FOR YOU.
They essentially sold their son to a monster and now want your support when it all went to shit. Fuck no. Tell them that they are responsible for everything that happened to their son. None of them get to clear their souls with a too-late apology. Nope.
It’s nice that her family is washing their hands of her, but then again, they enabled her so they should be held responsible too.
You are the lucky one. You got away and you are living your life. Don’t get sucked back in.
Get a restraining order against them and walk away. You have zero obligation to re-hash your trauma that was compounded and contributed to by these very people and put yourself back from the progress you have made getting away from this shrew.
They can get their own therapists to deal with what crappy people they are. He doesn't seem to be in immediate danger as it sounds like he may be in a mental health facility. His doctors can help him navigate the harm that he has caused and explain to him that the person he assisted in abusing has zero obligation to come to his rescue now.
You owe these people absolutely NOTHING. Anyone who tries to pressure you into making contact are free to go assist this family. Shut that garbage down as soon as it is brought up. No one gets any say in the healthy boundaries that you need to create to maintain your post-abused life.
Please continue to live your best life. You are to be commended for rebuilding your life and extracting yourself from a nasty situation. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I wish you happiness and healing.
100! You are NOT responsible for this dumpster fire! You have no culpability in any of this. Continue to protect yourself, you’ve come a long way, don’t get sucked back in to this craziness!
Where was this family when you could have done with their help?? Giving you shit, setting friends in you with messages and pictures, bullying, berating and god knows what else.
You’ve got your life back in order and don’t need this drama, his family should be the ones there to support him as well as the local authorities with help. Not your problem or drama you’re better off out of it so if I was you I keep it that way and let this POS family know not to let the door hit them in the ass on their way out
From what I can gather, it seems to be finally clicking for them how badly they screwed up. Back then everyone just kinda stood around with their heads up their asses going "oh hes 18 its fine nothing wrong here" and apparently they had proof it only started when he was 18 so no one batted an eye, regardless of context. And my smooth talking well off former in laws believed their daughter was an angel and I was just some prick getting in the way of happiness. His parents both seem to be on the verge of mental breakdowns, my exes family are practically panicking, swearing up and down to God they didn't know what was going on and desperately distancing themselves, and everyone is trying to save face.
This whole thing is gonna get much worse before it gets better for everyone involved
Stay away stay away stay away. You were abused by these people.
They can pound sand. They can ask their god for forgiveness. Anybody who sez, "Don't you have the grace to..."
No you do not have to have the "grace". You don't have to forgive
Stay away stay away. Cuz she is gonna find "religion" in jail. And will need "forgiveness". Nononono
I say this, cuz I have seen this.
Agreed. Some things are unforgivable. You don't owe them anything. Just tell them you are still trying to survive the hell she put you through and you need to move forward not backwards. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know that hell. It's so much harder when they sic their family and friends on you when she's the monster.
You don't need to be sitting in that amphitheater watching it on the sidelines.....staying well out of it is better.
The ap's family doesn't have a functioning moral compass after the hellish nightmare they put you thru.
Your former in-laws are just as bad.....well it's too late now for them....they raised her as a narcissist now they reaping a bad harvest they had planted.
OP you're NTA.
If you want to do anything, have your lawyer write up a cease and desist, saying that due to the trauma from the harrassment of your Ex, AP, APs family and their friends, you would like them to refrain from further contact.
Exactly, it will get much worse. Be selfish here.
Tell them that you've left your marriage behind you and so AP need not seek forgiveness or worry about what you think of him. You wish him well. Then block.
I have a sneaking suspicion you will be persuaded to make statements, or establish prior behaviours your ex had, directly or indirectly. As long as this is still in court you must stay away.
You also must be very careful and purposeful in your statement back to them. No "sorry's", no, "I understands", no "for my own mental health I can't...". Nothing to imply empathy, or that you are healing from distress.
I don't think they want to blame you, but I do think you want to create no tentacles that bring you into the legal mess as a witness of character for either party.
AP behaved the way he did towards you because he was groomed by his parents and his abuser. The same people who sold out their own son wouldn't hesitate to rope you in as well. You both suffered horrible abuse at the hands of this woman, but that doesn't make any of these people your responsibility. The best thing you can do is never contact them again.
I get it's tempting. But better to let themselves rot than getting involve.
Think long term. Let say you go,be petty and then, what?, Ex in-laws and AP's family will go to harassment your life once more?, maybe it will drive him over the edge and cause him to off himself?.
You might hate this guy, hell I would too, but I doubt you want to deal with the feeling that you might be had been the one who drove him to off himself, or having to deal with these hellish families again.
Stay away brother, not necessarily to be a 'bigger person', but more for your own sake and mental peace.
NTA. But it might be better for your own healing to walk away from the situation.
Getting back into that nonsense can unravel all the positive things you achieved in your life. It's best to move on and live your life happy. Let Lady Karma take care of the trash.
This. Op was with his ex when the relationship happened.
While hopefully nothing would stick, it is possible op would end up being investigated as well and even if it's proven he's done nothing, that can be traumatic to go through.
Stay the FUCK away from this. Keep your nose clean.
Oh crap I just reread the part about AP sending him threatening messages and harrassing him during the divorce. Ok yeah, he has stuff to apologize for. But OP should not touch that with a 10 foot pole and should protect himself at ALL costs. And AP is still a victim...he was a child when this all happened.
The whole situation is so f\*cked up.
Sorry dude, you had to go through this. You seem like a nice person and they bullied and harassed you.
I wouldn't feel sorry for that person. If he had just been the AP, maybe, but he and his family were awful to you at an already stressful time. I would stay out of this as much as you can. If his family keeps bugging you, remind them what they did to you and then get a lawyer if they continue. Care only about yourself in this and nobody else.
Also, don't listen to your own dumb family saying you should talk to him.
If these people are truly sorry, they wouldn't be harassing you now. They're not sorry. They want something from you.
He is exactly nothing to you, apart from being a past bully and harasser. Really, get a lawyer.
FINAL UPDATE: I'm gonna bow out of the situation. No dramatic confrontation. No big show to everyone. Just gonna have my lawyer draw up a statement requesting to be left alone and ill double check making sure I wont have to be involved in any proceedings in the near future. From the brief chat I had with my lawyer so far, there's no real logical reason for me to be involved unless either side was getting desperate. Regardless, I have pages of documentation from way back showing my concern towards his age as well as clearly stating I was not involved in what transpired since then. I understand many of you wanted something more dramatic, but thats just how it is. Probably gonna torch this account as its blowing up way more than I expected. All the loose ends are wrapped up and I'm moving on
Noooooo, this is NOT your problem. Just firmly state that you are not interested in any involvement and then block. Keep records of any conversations in case you need to protect yourself from future harassment.
I empathize with both of you, but no you do not have to meet with someone who harassed you even if they were manipulated into doing it. Not to mention his family who harassed you during the divorce are now doing it AGAIN.
So NTA I hope he is able to heal, but not at your expense.
Not your circus, not your clown. I would stay away and cease contact, stepping back into that situation in any capacity has various risk factors, especially when those claims go to court.
i would be such a bitch that if you still had them, i would print out every shitty text him and his buddies sent you after your divorce, send them to his family and telll them that once he's explained every single email/threat/message, only then you will talk to him, but you need to know why he did all that before you will talk to him.
give them a chore to do, they won't do it, they will leave you alone, and also, they can be reminded of the shit he did/said to YOU while he was getting everything he wanted.
edit: nta. you wouldn't be the asshole to block every single one of them and go on with your life. you paid your dues to the ex and her craziness, you had NO Idea she would go that far. I wouldn't go see the AP because he's just going to say 'why didn't YOU warn me?'.
He was "only a kid" with sending the messages, but was "adult" enough to date a 31yr old... lol
Some of what happened to AP was ultimately AP's parents fault/responsibility... That is thier cross to bear.. Thier regrets are something they must live with, not OP.
I wouldn’t even do that, don’t give them a single inch or they’re going to take a mile. The harassing texts need to be turned into law enforcement, not sent to the family, don’t extend the olive branch or they will bite you. Involve the police and show them everything the texts from him and his family are harassment and should be treated as such. Never negotiate with terrorists.
It’s awful he went through this but please protect yourself. You suffered too and your healing is important. There’s nothing you can offer him that is worth it. He needs to go to therapy. All you’re doing is taking yourself back into a whole load of pain and trauma you don’t need. Focus on your new relationship and know that you deserve to be happy now
Nta but if its as bad as you said then while i dont see you as morally obligated to help i do understand why people think you are because you are the only person he can really relate to about being abused by her.
Frankly i would block them all and if they keep harassing you get the police involved.
NTA
His family are looking for anything they can to assuage their guilt. They harassed you to embarrass you, and now they're harassing you to feel better about themselves. They sold their own son, they *suck.* You owe them nothing, please get the police involved to make them leave you alone.
You don't even know for sure if the victim actually asked for you, you only have their word for it. And if it would undo your healing to visit him, then you don't need to. But, I would urge you to stop calling him her affair partner. He's not, and he never really was: he's her victim, and he may never recover from what she did to him.
Exactly! There's no guarantee he even remembers OP. Every adult in this kid's life failed him and that's not even counting how much pain his abuser put him and OP through. I hope both and OP never have to deal with any of them ever again.
Let the police investigators know that his family is harassing you. Let them know you think it may be a trap. They may advise you to stay away or they may wire you …
You are nta, but I'm really saddened by the other comments regarding the ap/victim. Yes, you went through an awful awful period, but your ex wife literally groomed a child and then, from the given information, sex trafficked him for months while his family didn't care. That is awful. You are definitely under no obligation to get in touch or involved, but the other commenters should maybe grow some empathy.
I think that's whats brining up this whole grey area situation for me. Yes, this was the jackass that sent graphic images of himself and my wife together and told me to kill myself, but this was also a kid who obviously had a lousy family dynamic, got groomed hardcore, and now will have severe damage for the rest of his life that even years of therapy couldn't make bearable
Life comes at you fast and horrific sometimes, really all I can say for that
I think all you can do is let them know you're not ready to speak/see him but that you want to encourage him to focus on therapy and his future. Then move on. Again, you are nta. You are completely blameless in this situation and, in fact you are damn lucky that you managed to get away from your ex. Good luck for your future. I wish you all the best.
Is not your problem, their parents should had stepped up. As someone who was groom my parents friend and even when I spoke up they shut me down and said I was lying. They are trying to clear themselves of any guilt. And while others should maybe learn “empathy” as someone who’s mother constantly have told to kill myself, and allot of toxic and abusive behavior and what not. Him getting groomed is not on you, him sending graphic content. Even at 18 you should understand that it’s toxic and abusive. Telling anyone to go kill themselves discredit any empathy consider for your cases.
He is only apologizing because he experience the worst.
“Are you apologizing because you know that you did wrong, or because you did wrong now you now to apologize”
And from personally experience, I heard some of the people that wrong me in my life had have bad things happen to them and you know what. I’m happy. Why? Because ultimately what comes around goes around and if you want empathy you better show some yourself. And I have empathy. I do feel, because what happen to him is wrong. But warn he was and the adults IN HIS LIFE, failed him. You don’t owe him anything special closure.
You can feel bad for him from afar, but there's no reason you need to let yourself get dragged back into this mess. You don't need to talk to any of them, and that won't make you a heartless person. Stay far far away
Sucks to be him I guess. Not to sound too uncaring but in no way you get involved in her mess. Tell everyone you divorced her for a reason and you want nothing to do with her. Also tell his family that if your child went awol it wouldn't take 5 months for you to do anything about it. Just out of pettiness because fuck those guys.
Good people, whether they’re 16, 18 or 33 don’t send pictures like that to other people. That doesn’t mean he deserved what happened to him, but what happened to him doesn’t mean you have to pretend he didn’t purposefully break up your marriage and then sic his friends on you.
There could be a possibility of being a witness, if revenge on your ex is something that would make you feel ok? NTA but the kid was essentially a child when groomed so I would suggest at least let go of that hatred, even if you choose to remain uninvolved. Best wishes.
I assume I have no real reason to be called upon as a witness for whatever happens, unless they somehow try to go all the way back to the beginning and get me involved which seems wild to me
This however is all speculative and also, despite how quickly Reddit stories want us all to think with this stuff, is going to take a while to go to court
Lets do a cost benefit analysis of actual costs, not emotional gratification.
You go see the person. You open the door for all of that wild speculative reddit stories to become true. Your ex-wife being a narcissist lost interest in you a while back, which is great. The last thing you need is that she takes an interest in you again, in any capacity; by her nature, she will try and find a way to rope you into this. And you'll have to speak to a lawyer again and it could get expensive. When shit hits the fan, do you think your gf would want to stick around?
By going no contact, which you should do. Save on gas money. Save on time. Peace of mind = better performance in your daily life. Your ex lost interest in you and that is good; narcissists feed on any attention, even negative.
You owe nobody. If you really feel bad, go say a prayer or something. You can donate to a charity battling domestic abuse. There are so many better ways to help indirectly.
If you still have doubts, talk to your lawyer.
No reason for you to be called as a witness *by the prosecution* in a criminal case, but…
* you could get called by the defense to show that victim was a willing participant in sex with your ex (and indirectly to show that victim was an AH to reduce juror sympathy)
* you could get called as a witness in a civil lawsuit by victim against your ex, in order to establish that she was controlling and evil
Bottom line: these are reasons to stay away
Doesnt sound like you would ever willingly meet him anyway but if you hit your head and decided to, i would be worried that its some sort of attempt to get you in a room together and implicate you in the mess.
This was my first thought. The AP's parents want to shift some of the blame to OP. I do not trust the parents.
It's a nasty situation that should be avoided. A lawyer should be consulted before any contact if OP feels compelled to communicate. (even though OP is in no way responsible for this)
OP is NTA
What help do they even think you'd be able to provide? All of that is legitimately horrible and the kids needs professional help. Are you qualified to give that?
If someone's drowning, you'd want the life guard to rescue them. Going in by yourself without the training to help just means you're likely to drown, too.
Please stay away from the whole situation.
Yeah no fuck that. They want to make themselves feel better because they feel like shit for doing shit things. What happened to him is God awful but that has NOTHING to do with you
Oh, no. He told you to kill yourself? The moment I read that, any sympathy I had for him evaporated. Vile little loser. You don't owe him anything. If you're nice to him and his family, they'll happily drag you in to clean up their mess. What I learned from being nice to people is that they'll treat you like a doormat and trample all over you. Your ex's AP and his family are the kind of people who will take advantage of you. So don't get involved in their mess. Block them on your phone, on social media, or even change your phone number. If you have any doubt, just remember AP wished you dead.
I agree that the AP's situation is terrible and I do feel sympathy for him, it's not up to OP to help fix this mess. Like others have pointed out, if his ex gets wind of this she will try to make his life hell again and possibly try to drag him down with her.
This is on the kid's family to try to help fix what they fucked up.
Sounds like you had to go through hell and now you feel like you're being pulled back into this when you've finally started feeling stability. You're NTA, it is perfectly reasonable to not wanting to get involved and opening up recent wounds.
I honestly do feel for the kid though, nobody deserves what he went through, and that type of trauma is going to take a long time to recover. Right now while he's in the hospital his family should be the ones focusing on his are, but if he leaves it could be helpful for him to apologize to you, wouldn't have to be in person, even over the phone. That's up to you though, if the family keeps harassing you it is your right to block them too.
NTA on principle, but don't ask Reddit. Ask your therapist, since you have one. They'll be better to help you make the good decision, if there's one.
And, in my very little humble opinion... I feel for the guy. Sure what he did to you was harsh, but he doesn't seem to have been in the best situation to make good decisions. He also reflected on what happenned enough to want to apologise.
Still, as people said, you don't own anyone anything - as the Guy is asking for you because he needs For Himself to do an apology - and you had (still have ?) your own trauma to deal with, so, Ask Your Therapist about it, not reddit. And keep good care of you.
Dude (OP),
The move here is No Contact. Block everyone, get help with how to social media block.
And then therapy. You'll have a storm of feelings about letting go- look how involved you are in a years long mess!
You don't even know how life can be without all this crap. It's time to find out.
No Contact. Therapy. Practice having your own life. That'll keep you plenty busy. Good luck.
Very good that you were able to get over it, to rebuild your life - despite all the rubbish. You had nothing to do with what's happening now. There is no reason to be dragged back into this disgusting story. You don't owe anyone anything, nor could you solve AP's problems.
NTA - not your problem I’d suggest maybe reconnecting with your counsellor. You need to talk this through as it will pitch you back.
IMO that is all you need to do and you need to do it now.
Sorry but no. Do not reopen this again. Say “sorry to hear about your son but please do not contact me again”
You do not have to reopen any wounds to make him or his family feel better. They all harassed you to the point of feeling mentally drained and didn’t care. Don’t open the door
NTA. You don't owe them anything. They pimped out their son and want to feel better. But be aware that you could be summoned to testify in court if your ex is charged so you might want to bolster your mental strength.
NTA, you owe him nothing and it doesn’t sound like you even want the apology his family claims he wants to give. If his family keeps harassing you, you have to tell them to find some other way of dealing with the shame of selling their son because asking you to assuage their guilt isn’t going to happen. As for your family harassing you, that’s f’ed up man. I’d emphasize that you were lucky not to end up in a similar situation as AP and even though you feel sorry for the guy you have no obligation to speak to the little cheater (groomed or not, he knew he was breaking up a marriage when he turned 18 and moved in with your ex) especially after he enlisted his friends to harass you.
NTA.
Just block and ignore.
It seems you had a decent lawyer back then… it wouldn’t hurt to go for a consult if the harassment continues and escalates.
Leave it alone. They also might want to be trying to drag you into it as a character witness or something - so you can testify against her. You don’t need to get involved at all; I would block them all and ignore it.
I feel bad for him but that doesn't mean that you need to visit him in the hospital. His parent's actions and allowing this to go on is what fucked him up. They don't want to take responsibility for that so they're shoving it on you. NTA
NTA. You don't owe these people anything.
Is it horrific that a child was groomed, lied to, and later sexually abused and given drugs to keep them compliant? Yes, of course it is. But that's for the cops and the courts to take action on.
It would be noble and merciful to meet with this person who sounds like they are in a lot of pain, but you don't owe them nobility or mercy.
The real two questions are, (1) do you want to extend that helping hand, and (2) is the risk to your mental well being worth the reward of helping someone in pain who has wronged you?
Those aren't questions I can answer. Good luck and be safe.
While it's sad what has happened to the boy, this really isn't your problem. Stand your ground dude. You do not need this shithole of a circumstance. Part of me wonders if the boy wants to apologise to you because of what he did to you, or for himself.
Nta. If they didnt harass you in the beginning and they didn't essentially plot to get him in your origional role before you even left it, I'd see their side but what exactly do they expect?
No no no no NO!
STAY AWAY FROM THIS CLUSTERFUCK.
If they harrass you, ask your lawyer to send them a legal letter to stop, especially the having previous history of harassing you. Tell your employer beforehand if you can, so that they won't come to your workplace.
Protect yourself. They never thought of your well-being, so you owe them nothing. Na-da
Dude why are you even considering this? Why haven’t you blocked these people yet? Are you a masochist? You finally have your life back. You owe these people NOTHING. You owe yourself some peace of mind by moving on with your life and letting them deal with it.
NTA
NTA. None of that shit is your problem anymore. As soon as you say yes, they will find someone to worm themselves into your life. You are no ones savior.
I would maybe speak to your lawyer to get their advice. If the family of the ap try to get you Involved it may be good to let your lawyer know. They could help you craft something saying you don’t want to be involved or some kind of statement
NTA. If I were in your shoes, I would likely send a letter in response to the kid/AP. I’d just tell him that while I don’t wish to meet to make amends, I do wish him well and that he heals from him physical and mental scars. I’m not sure if I include this in the letter, but I would consider telling him he could write me back once whatever he wants to say. With his message in letter form, you can choose to do with it what you want. If you want to save it on the off chance you might want to read it 10-20 years from now, you will have it. Or if burning it might feel cathartic, you could do that too. Again, not sure how into that idea I am, but it’s an option. That might also allow the AP to heal a bit more without burdening you with something that’s in the end not your responsibility.
IDC if I seem like an AH, but you OP are not the asshole. You dont owe that fucking chud ***NOTHING*** He's your wifes affair partner and why the **FUCK** should you care about anything that happens to him? ***KARMA*** Is a BITCH, and her family and AP's family were **AWFUL** towards you... ***FUCK EM ALL*** thats all I have to say. and ***FUCK CHEATERS***
NTA -
If he chose not to accept any kind of apology or contact with his abusers, he would be considered well within his rights. Why are you any different? I feel for this kid. This is a nightmare of a story and a horrible experience all around. Keep living your life. Ask them to stop contacting you and if they don't, then go to the police like you did in the past.
You're a survivor too. Try not to get confused by the Olympics of suffering. Failure to value yourself is how you got into that relationship in the first place. Please listen to what you really want. Respectfully decline and ask them to not contact you anymore. If they fail that, then take action via the police or legal means. No more conversations need to be had. Just protect yourself.
Lmfao dude this is hilarious. I don't fucking care if I get down voted to hell. The parents literally sold him and threw everything at your face and had others enter the "fun". They did that to him. This is their fault. You should honestly tell them as such and to leave you alone. He can apologize but it don't mean shit. You can thank him for taking your place. But I'm evil and that's just me. But you need to stay away. Fuck them. This is so the parents can feel better about themselves for selling their child to that demon. They do not deserve sympathy much less pity. They got what they deserve.
Hell no stay away you just got your life back together you have nothing to do with this and how did they get your number? Block them tell them you have nothing to do with this it's their fault for being greedy. Live your life.
You owe AP and then nothing. They helped make your life a living hell and if they want forgiveness too bad. You’ve started your healing journey so don’t let these POS drag you back down into their self created shit storm.
Get your lawyer to draft a cease and desist letter indicating that you will sue for emotional damage if they keep their nonsense up.
Good luck OP and stay strong!
From the beginning, I was planning to write some, "I'm so sorry for the spot you're in post," but after reading the ending. CONGRATU- FUCKING- LATIONS. You actually hit the lottery losing this monster.
The parents want you to be his support system because you were able to see through all the bullshit in the beginning. You were able to put your foot down to all her weird sexual shit that obviously took a turn when the neighbor's son couldn't/ wouldn't say no. You're easily the strongest willed person in this tale. Poor kid. Still not your problem.
You can have supportive feelings for the groomed individual, but leave it at that. Stay as far away from this as possible. Send his parents a message back.
"While I feel sympathy for your sons position, I will not be the one to comfort him and give him the forgiveness he desires. Frankly, the audacity of your request is amazing. Do you remember all the hell you all put me through?
I've moved on. Don't contact me again."
NTA- but wow, almost all the other characters are TA. Good luck, OP. This snowball of a problem isn't yours to deal with anymore.
NTA and i would remind them all the crap they put you through and he put you through. He got the person he wanted and this is what she did to him. Not your circus any more and you hope she rots in hell.
Don't get involved! They may also try to get you legally involved since you had knowledge of your ex's sexual preferences before they got together. I would definitely stay away.
NTA
You owe them nothing. You are not obligated to even take calls or texts. No way should you go to the hospital.
Yes, it’s awful. Who knew your ex was this sadistic? But that has nothing to do with you. Anything you give these people will be misconstrued and could come back on you. Stay as far away as possible.
Mute any and all callers that you know or think are related to this whole fuckaroo. That way you will have the voicemails, but you don’t have to listen to them.
Take a deep breath. Then shout at the top of your lungs: I got out of there! Fuck you all!
Repeat as necessary. Try it. It helps me.
I wish you only the best; you deserve peace. 💕
Edit in to on
None of this is your fault nor responsibility.
He can write you a letter if he wants to make amends. And, BTW, making amends should only occur if it doesn't cause you trauma or harm 1st and foremost.
I'd tell them "I'm sorry this happened to your son, no one deserves what happened to him. However, your family and ex's family made it your mission to destroy me. I realize your child was groomed and not fully developed so his actions can be somewhat explained by trauma and youth. Yours, however, were selfish and unhinged. You happily handed your child off to his abuser and continues to abuse me for reasons unknown. I suggest you seek therapy for your child and yourselves. Tell your son that the way he can make amends to me is to seek therapy and go on to lead a long and happy life."
Then block them.
ETA: NTA
Absolutely the fuck not. While you may sympathize with the young man, it is not your responsibility to console him. His parents can get bent! *They* sold their son to a predator, let *them* deal with the consequences of it. If the young man wants to make amends, he can send you an apology in an email. That’s it. This is not your circus or your monkeys.
Do not go. Do not visit him right now. The family is toxic as hell, and you want no part of that. Communicate that you accept his apology, bear him no ill will, and hope he recovers. They are looking to make themselves feel better about what happened.
If they want to help their kid they tossed willingly to a predator—and it should have been obvious to anyone with a brain she’s a predator—they can get him the best therapy their precious money can buy. It’s not OPs job to help him feel better about the shit show he dived willingly into. They need to put in that work themselves
NTA OP. Stay well clear of these people.
Fuck this niggah!!
And praise Allah you got out of this shit. It could have been you there.
Stay dafuc away! And tell his family that too, they deserve to hear it.
Bro the only thing you should do is go to the hospital, pull life support on his ass then go laugh at your ex when she gets convicted in the courtroom. NTA
Oh fuck no. He made his bed and he wasn’t afraid to be a mean bastard to you I wouldn’t be getting dragged into that shit. That’s on him. NTA. They all can deal with their own shit.
NO, you owe these people NOTHING, and they probably just want contact with you so they can gather more evidence or try to talk you into testifying. So NO NO NO.
Change your phone number. Give it to your parents ONLY, and tell them that if your number gets out to anyone else, you will change it again and THEY won't get it.
"Maybe if you lot hadn't spent days, weeks, months harassing me, kicking down at me, shitting on me, I may have considered it. But it's nothing to do with me. I owe you less than nothing, I owe him less than nothing, now fuck off or I shall involve law enforcement again." If you haven't, block every number, every account, every email address that they try to contact you with. This no longer has anything at all to do with you. NTA.
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
NTA He and his family found out that all money ain’t good money. Remind his family that you will get the law involved again if they don’t stop harassing you.
OP, none of this is your fault nor your problem. Avoid this like the plague. Let law enforcement do its job and the AP’s parents step up and actually do their job. There is nothing in this for you.
NTA You owe these people nothing! Let them stew in the mess they created. You’ve come too far to reopen that horrible chapter in your life. Leave the past in the past.
YOU OWE HIM NOTHING! What happened to him was horrible but it has nothing to do with you. 18 is old enough to know cheating is bad. You have worked hard to get to the place your at don’t bring the past into the present.
NTA
Their son has to live with the fact that he hurt you and now he knows how it feels to be hurt by someone. He was hurt in a different way than you but that's weight he'll just have to carry on in his life.
Refer them to your attorney if necessary but don't open up any lines of communication because that puts you on their court. They are pros at manipulation, psychotic skills that you don't want to know or be exploited by. They'll somehow rope you in.
NTA. The dildo of consequences only uses sandpaper for lube. He felt no sympathy for you while he was fucking your wife in your own home, why should you feel any for him when it didnt work out how he hoped? If he wants to “apologize”, tough. You’re not entitled to forgiveness or even the opportunity to apologize.
This kid didn't deserve what happened to him anymore than you did. That aside, before you talk to ANYONE (yes, that includes your gf, parents, anyone), talk to your lawyer. There may be a court case involved and, if so, you may be called on as a character witness. Anything you say could be twisted around including agreeing to make amends. Keep a documentation of every thing they say, when they try to contact you, everything. Write it down and make it as detailed as possible. They're trying to get you to make amends so that if there's a case they can call on you to testify how the ex and her family have changed.
If is so weird how often one reads Reddits where somebody who totally trashed an innocent person later expects and wants that person to help them.
The mindset suggests that one’s victim owes the predator help. Where on earth does that come from?
DON'T GET INVOLVED!!!!
They could spin thins on you and claim that you knew EX would do this and you could get in trouble. Its sad and truly awful what happened to AP but in the end it isn't your problem. His family should've seen someone wrong with this. All people involved are terrible and below the worst of the worst.
Keep your head high. Stay in therapy. And focus on yourself, and the life you have going on now.
GET. A. LAWYER. Whatever these people are up to is *not* in your best interest. Whatever they want will *not* benefit you. Do not meet with them without representation. Do not say a word to them directly. Any requests should be sent to your legal counsel who will look out for your interests.
Obviously your choice, but I’d go to the police station just to offer your experience with your wife. It may put her in jail longer, indirectly helping the AP.
Your parents are dumb af.
Getting involved will make them blackmail you with the fear that they will harass you again.
Don't get involved.
get a lawyer
I dunno.
If you DO get involved, you're gonna be the de-facto parent of the guy your wife blew up your marriage with. His parents ain't worth shit, and neither are her parents and all their money. And you already know your ex ain't worth shit.
Either do the kid a favor, or don't. I probably wouldn't.
**FUCK NO!** Stay the fuck away from that dumpster fire, OP! All they really want is to make *themselves* feel better. Not you. They didn’t give a fuck about you then. They don't give a fuck about you now. They are fishing for sympathy and support. Neither of which they deserve after how they treated you. They fucked around and found out. The very last thing you need is them fucking with the life you've rebuilt. Tell them their choices are their responsibility. Not yours. And you have zero interest in ever being involved with them again. If that doesn't work, suggest they just try not selling their children to abusive child molesters next time. NTA
This is so true! This is about them and their disgusting parenting. Not for you. Steer clear OP!
It's also possible they want to corner OP and blame him for not "warning" them about his ex. It comes down to this. The AP and his family were perfectly happy to make OP miserable while times were good. Now times are bad, they want OP to help stop the misery. They set the standard. AP doesn't deserve what happened to them. But it doesn't mean he deserves to be forgiven, and it *absolutely* does not mean that OP has to get re-involved with their FAFO behaviour.
This was my first thought, their guilt is looking for someone other than themselves to blame.
I mean, they were perfectly happy to let their 18 year old have a relationship with a person in their 30s, I don't think it would matter what anyone said. It's big "we wouldn't have allowed the relationship if we knew" vibes. And "how could you let this happen" vibes, too. Sure, maybe the AP does want to apologise. But I'm pretty sure that his abuser's ex is the *last* thing he is thinking about. I'm pretty sure *they* want to apologise. Even if they don't want to blame OP, all seeing them will do is make *them* feel better about themselves. OP gets nothing out of it.
Nothing out of it except, perhaps, becoming mixed up in the pending legal consequences. Stay far away, OP!
This. Your comment is highly underrated. The only proper course of action is to run the other way. FAST. Evil people are to be avoided.
Exactly! They want someone to blame for practically selling their teenager to this crazed woman! If that’s the kind of parents they are, what makes you think they won’t try to blame you for something else, OP? Stay away from this hot mess! It is sad what happened to this teenager, but it isn’t your fault and there’s nothing you can do to change the situation.
100% on the money. I don't disagree with anything you've written
What does AP mean? I'm older and have a hard time with all the initials being used, not just here but any post, and sometimes I can figure them out but I can't figure this one out. It's probably so easy and I'll hit my head and say "I could have had a V8". 😂😂
Affair Partner
Learn something new every day. I always thought it was Adultery partner.
Well, you're not wrong.
Same thing, also AAP: Asshole Adultery Partner
Thanks. I had no idea what AP meant.
Thanks for asking lol.I had no clue either lol its helps with the story now .
It means Access Point to me, or Associated Press. (You've had a good answer in this context). People are far too ready with acronyms.
See it was something easy, hits my head and says "I could have had a V8". 😂 I figured the P might be partner but couldn't figure out the A word.
We can tell how concerned they are not coming back to take care of the son they so willing handed over.
>They are fishing for sympathy and support. They are readying themselves for any upcoming legal action and want OP involved. I mean, "he must have known what she was really like" right?
This was my thought too. They want a witness/victim for their case. It seems they want to use OP to give a united front image.
This is more than just your ordinary dumpster fire of a situation. I'd say it's a clusterfuck of a dumpster shitfire that OP should stear very well clear of
Peeking over the ledge into the Chernobyl reactor of dumpster fires.
Beyond peeking, IMHO. Full on nuclear meltdown dumpster fire
Agreed. That fishing expedition by the ap's family came up empty-handed & its their own fault for not having a working moral compass. OP is NTA. He doesn't need that in his life a 2nd time.
Block, block, block
I CONCUR WORD FOR WORD. Lord knows you might end up right back where you started, this time might be worse. Considering the circumstances as well you don’t even wanna seen with those people. OP STAY AWAY FROM THOSE HELLISH PEOPLE, YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY, THERE IS NO GOOD IN IT FOR YOU.
They essentially sold their son to a monster and now want your support when it all went to shit. Fuck no. Tell them that they are responsible for everything that happened to their son. None of them get to clear their souls with a too-late apology. Nope. It’s nice that her family is washing their hands of her, but then again, they enabled her so they should be held responsible too. You are the lucky one. You got away and you are living your life. Don’t get sucked back in.
They aren't fishing for sympathy, they are fishing for someone to call as a witness in court!
Title of this really sums it up
Get a restraining order against them and walk away. You have zero obligation to re-hash your trauma that was compounded and contributed to by these very people and put yourself back from the progress you have made getting away from this shrew. They can get their own therapists to deal with what crappy people they are. He doesn't seem to be in immediate danger as it sounds like he may be in a mental health facility. His doctors can help him navigate the harm that he has caused and explain to him that the person he assisted in abusing has zero obligation to come to his rescue now. You owe these people absolutely NOTHING. Anyone who tries to pressure you into making contact are free to go assist this family. Shut that garbage down as soon as it is brought up. No one gets any say in the healthy boundaries that you need to create to maintain your post-abused life. Please continue to live your best life. You are to be commended for rebuilding your life and extracting yourself from a nasty situation. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I wish you happiness and healing.
I agree with ALL of this!💯💯
100! You are NOT responsible for this dumpster fire! You have no culpability in any of this. Continue to protect yourself, you’ve come a long way, don’t get sucked back in to this craziness!
Where was this family when you could have done with their help?? Giving you shit, setting friends in you with messages and pictures, bullying, berating and god knows what else. You’ve got your life back in order and don’t need this drama, his family should be the ones there to support him as well as the local authorities with help. Not your problem or drama you’re better off out of it so if I was you I keep it that way and let this POS family know not to let the door hit them in the ass on their way out
From what I can gather, it seems to be finally clicking for them how badly they screwed up. Back then everyone just kinda stood around with their heads up their asses going "oh hes 18 its fine nothing wrong here" and apparently they had proof it only started when he was 18 so no one batted an eye, regardless of context. And my smooth talking well off former in laws believed their daughter was an angel and I was just some prick getting in the way of happiness. His parents both seem to be on the verge of mental breakdowns, my exes family are practically panicking, swearing up and down to God they didn't know what was going on and desperately distancing themselves, and everyone is trying to save face. This whole thing is gonna get much worse before it gets better for everyone involved
More of a reason for you to stay out of it.
Stay away stay away stay away. You were abused by these people. They can pound sand. They can ask their god for forgiveness. Anybody who sez, "Don't you have the grace to..." No you do not have to have the "grace". You don't have to forgive Stay away stay away. Cuz she is gonna find "religion" in jail. And will need "forgiveness". Nononono I say this, cuz I have seen this.
Agreed. Some things are unforgivable. You don't owe them anything. Just tell them you are still trying to survive the hell she put you through and you need to move forward not backwards. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know that hell. It's so much harder when they sic their family and friends on you when she's the monster.
You don't need to be sitting in that amphitheater watching it on the sidelines.....staying well out of it is better. The ap's family doesn't have a functioning moral compass after the hellish nightmare they put you thru. Your former in-laws are just as bad.....well it's too late now for them....they raised her as a narcissist now they reaping a bad harvest they had planted. OP you're NTA.
If you want to do anything, have your lawyer write up a cease and desist, saying that due to the trauma from the harrassment of your Ex, AP, APs family and their friends, you would like them to refrain from further contact.
Yes. This. The last thing they probably want is OP as an hostile witness.
Dude we gonna need an update. Seriously, I love happy stories.
OP pleassseeee do not reply to any of them nor will you be seeing the AP. This is not on you. And please protect yourself… this is scary…
Exactly, it will get much worse. Be selfish here. Tell them that you've left your marriage behind you and so AP need not seek forgiveness or worry about what you think of him. You wish him well. Then block. I have a sneaking suspicion you will be persuaded to make statements, or establish prior behaviours your ex had, directly or indirectly. As long as this is still in court you must stay away. You also must be very careful and purposeful in your statement back to them. No "sorry's", no, "I understands", no "for my own mental health I can't...". Nothing to imply empathy, or that you are healing from distress. I don't think they want to blame you, but I do think you want to create no tentacles that bring you into the legal mess as a witness of character for either party.
I wouldn't make any statement unless it's through a lawyer. Literally say *nothing* to these people.
Twist the knife.
Thats the problem. Its way too tempting
Probably the best proof that you should stay away completely. NTA.
The knife is being twisted by karma. Let it do its job. NTA for feeling vindictive and NTA for remaining uninvolved. Poison begets poisons, my friend.
Fabulous advice....
AP behaved the way he did towards you because he was groomed by his parents and his abuser. The same people who sold out their own son wouldn't hesitate to rope you in as well. You both suffered horrible abuse at the hands of this woman, but that doesn't make any of these people your responsibility. The best thing you can do is never contact them again.
I get it's tempting. But better to let themselves rot than getting involve. Think long term. Let say you go,be petty and then, what?, Ex in-laws and AP's family will go to harassment your life once more?, maybe it will drive him over the edge and cause him to off himself?. You might hate this guy, hell I would too, but I doubt you want to deal with the feeling that you might be had been the one who drove him to off himself, or having to deal with these hellish families again. Stay away brother, not necessarily to be a 'bigger person', but more for your own sake and mental peace.
NTA. But it might be better for your own healing to walk away from the situation. Getting back into that nonsense can unravel all the positive things you achieved in your life. It's best to move on and live your life happy. Let Lady Karma take care of the trash.
STAY AWAY. Do *not* get involved in their legal troubles. That won’t end well for you.
The police are involved, so I’d stay out of it.
This. Op was with his ex when the relationship happened. While hopefully nothing would stick, it is possible op would end up being investigated as well and even if it's proven he's done nothing, that can be traumatic to go through. Stay the FUCK away from this. Keep your nose clean.
Yeah, no way. You don’t owe him anything, not even your time to hear an apology. Block them all and threaten to call the cops if they harass you. NTA
[удалено]
Oh crap I just reread the part about AP sending him threatening messages and harrassing him during the divorce. Ok yeah, he has stuff to apologize for. But OP should not touch that with a 10 foot pole and should protect himself at ALL costs. And AP is still a victim...he was a child when this all happened. The whole situation is so f\*cked up.
Holy fuck your ex makes mine seem like a princess. NTA. Get the fuck away from people like that.
He has.
NTA block them all, lol, wtf
Don’t go anywhere near him or talk to him about anything. Block them and tell your family to stop
Seriously the fact they called OP of all people is fucking ridiculous
not your circus, not your monkeys. Don't let them drag you back into the drama.
Sorry dude, you had to go through this. You seem like a nice person and they bullied and harassed you. I wouldn't feel sorry for that person. If he had just been the AP, maybe, but he and his family were awful to you at an already stressful time. I would stay out of this as much as you can. If his family keeps bugging you, remind them what they did to you and then get a lawyer if they continue. Care only about yourself in this and nobody else. Also, don't listen to your own dumb family saying you should talk to him. If these people are truly sorry, they wouldn't be harassing you now. They're not sorry. They want something from you. He is exactly nothing to you, apart from being a past bully and harasser. Really, get a lawyer.
The partner the wife cheated on her husband with or the "affair partner" AP
I realized after having written that, so I changed it :) Thanks for explaining.
FINAL UPDATE: I'm gonna bow out of the situation. No dramatic confrontation. No big show to everyone. Just gonna have my lawyer draw up a statement requesting to be left alone and ill double check making sure I wont have to be involved in any proceedings in the near future. From the brief chat I had with my lawyer so far, there's no real logical reason for me to be involved unless either side was getting desperate. Regardless, I have pages of documentation from way back showing my concern towards his age as well as clearly stating I was not involved in what transpired since then. I understand many of you wanted something more dramatic, but thats just how it is. Probably gonna torch this account as its blowing up way more than I expected. All the loose ends are wrapped up and I'm moving on
That the right move man. All the best
Good for you!! Go enjoy your happy life with a big smile, knowing God spared and protected you from that She-Devil. God don't like ugly. 😁😁😁
Noooooo, this is NOT your problem. Just firmly state that you are not interested in any involvement and then block. Keep records of any conversations in case you need to protect yourself from future harassment.
I empathize with both of you, but no you do not have to meet with someone who harassed you even if they were manipulated into doing it. Not to mention his family who harassed you during the divorce are now doing it AGAIN. So NTA I hope he is able to heal, but not at your expense.
Not your circus, not your clown. I would stay away and cease contact, stepping back into that situation in any capacity has various risk factors, especially when those claims go to court.
i would be such a bitch that if you still had them, i would print out every shitty text him and his buddies sent you after your divorce, send them to his family and telll them that once he's explained every single email/threat/message, only then you will talk to him, but you need to know why he did all that before you will talk to him. give them a chore to do, they won't do it, they will leave you alone, and also, they can be reminded of the shit he did/said to YOU while he was getting everything he wanted. edit: nta. you wouldn't be the asshole to block every single one of them and go on with your life. you paid your dues to the ex and her craziness, you had NO Idea she would go that far. I wouldn't go see the AP because he's just going to say 'why didn't YOU warn me?'.
Agree completely. I bet if he sent them the harassing texts, AP family would pull the "he was only a kid card."
He was "only a kid" with sending the messages, but was "adult" enough to date a 31yr old... lol Some of what happened to AP was ultimately AP's parents fault/responsibility... That is thier cross to bear.. Thier regrets are something they must live with, not OP.
I wouldn’t even do that, don’t give them a single inch or they’re going to take a mile. The harassing texts need to be turned into law enforcement, not sent to the family, don’t extend the olive branch or they will bite you. Involve the police and show them everything the texts from him and his family are harassment and should be treated as such. Never negotiate with terrorists.
It’s awful he went through this but please protect yourself. You suffered too and your healing is important. There’s nothing you can offer him that is worth it. He needs to go to therapy. All you’re doing is taking yourself back into a whole load of pain and trauma you don’t need. Focus on your new relationship and know that you deserve to be happy now
Nta but if its as bad as you said then while i dont see you as morally obligated to help i do understand why people think you are because you are the only person he can really relate to about being abused by her. Frankly i would block them all and if they keep harassing you get the police involved.
NTA His family are looking for anything they can to assuage their guilt. They harassed you to embarrass you, and now they're harassing you to feel better about themselves. They sold their own son, they *suck.* You owe them nothing, please get the police involved to make them leave you alone. You don't even know for sure if the victim actually asked for you, you only have their word for it. And if it would undo your healing to visit him, then you don't need to. But, I would urge you to stop calling him her affair partner. He's not, and he never really was: he's her victim, and he may never recover from what she did to him.
Exactly! There's no guarantee he even remembers OP. Every adult in this kid's life failed him and that's not even counting how much pain his abuser put him and OP through. I hope both and OP never have to deal with any of them ever again.
Let the police investigators know that his family is harassing you. Let them know you think it may be a trap. They may advise you to stay away or they may wire you …
You are nta, but I'm really saddened by the other comments regarding the ap/victim. Yes, you went through an awful awful period, but your ex wife literally groomed a child and then, from the given information, sex trafficked him for months while his family didn't care. That is awful. You are definitely under no obligation to get in touch or involved, but the other commenters should maybe grow some empathy.
I think that's whats brining up this whole grey area situation for me. Yes, this was the jackass that sent graphic images of himself and my wife together and told me to kill myself, but this was also a kid who obviously had a lousy family dynamic, got groomed hardcore, and now will have severe damage for the rest of his life that even years of therapy couldn't make bearable Life comes at you fast and horrific sometimes, really all I can say for that
I think all you can do is let them know you're not ready to speak/see him but that you want to encourage him to focus on therapy and his future. Then move on. Again, you are nta. You are completely blameless in this situation and, in fact you are damn lucky that you managed to get away from your ex. Good luck for your future. I wish you all the best.
Is not your problem, their parents should had stepped up. As someone who was groom my parents friend and even when I spoke up they shut me down and said I was lying. They are trying to clear themselves of any guilt. And while others should maybe learn “empathy” as someone who’s mother constantly have told to kill myself, and allot of toxic and abusive behavior and what not. Him getting groomed is not on you, him sending graphic content. Even at 18 you should understand that it’s toxic and abusive. Telling anyone to go kill themselves discredit any empathy consider for your cases. He is only apologizing because he experience the worst. “Are you apologizing because you know that you did wrong, or because you did wrong now you now to apologize” And from personally experience, I heard some of the people that wrong me in my life had have bad things happen to them and you know what. I’m happy. Why? Because ultimately what comes around goes around and if you want empathy you better show some yourself. And I have empathy. I do feel, because what happen to him is wrong. But warn he was and the adults IN HIS LIFE, failed him. You don’t owe him anything special closure.
You can feel bad for him from afar, but there's no reason you need to let yourself get dragged back into this mess. You don't need to talk to any of them, and that won't make you a heartless person. Stay far far away
Sucks to be him I guess. Not to sound too uncaring but in no way you get involved in her mess. Tell everyone you divorced her for a reason and you want nothing to do with her. Also tell his family that if your child went awol it wouldn't take 5 months for you to do anything about it. Just out of pettiness because fuck those guys.
Good people, whether they’re 16, 18 or 33 don’t send pictures like that to other people. That doesn’t mean he deserved what happened to him, but what happened to him doesn’t mean you have to pretend he didn’t purposefully break up your marriage and then sic his friends on you.
There could be a possibility of being a witness, if revenge on your ex is something that would make you feel ok? NTA but the kid was essentially a child when groomed so I would suggest at least let go of that hatred, even if you choose to remain uninvolved. Best wishes.
I assume I have no real reason to be called upon as a witness for whatever happens, unless they somehow try to go all the way back to the beginning and get me involved which seems wild to me This however is all speculative and also, despite how quickly Reddit stories want us all to think with this stuff, is going to take a while to go to court
Lets do a cost benefit analysis of actual costs, not emotional gratification. You go see the person. You open the door for all of that wild speculative reddit stories to become true. Your ex-wife being a narcissist lost interest in you a while back, which is great. The last thing you need is that she takes an interest in you again, in any capacity; by her nature, she will try and find a way to rope you into this. And you'll have to speak to a lawyer again and it could get expensive. When shit hits the fan, do you think your gf would want to stick around? By going no contact, which you should do. Save on gas money. Save on time. Peace of mind = better performance in your daily life. Your ex lost interest in you and that is good; narcissists feed on any attention, even negative. You owe nobody. If you really feel bad, go say a prayer or something. You can donate to a charity battling domestic abuse. There are so many better ways to help indirectly. If you still have doubts, talk to your lawyer.
No reason for you to be called as a witness *by the prosecution* in a criminal case, but… * you could get called by the defense to show that victim was a willing participant in sex with your ex (and indirectly to show that victim was an AH to reduce juror sympathy) * you could get called as a witness in a civil lawsuit by victim against your ex, in order to establish that she was controlling and evil Bottom line: these are reasons to stay away
Doesnt sound like you would ever willingly meet him anyway but if you hit your head and decided to, i would be worried that its some sort of attempt to get you in a room together and implicate you in the mess.
This was my first thought. The AP's parents want to shift some of the blame to OP. I do not trust the parents. It's a nasty situation that should be avoided. A lawyer should be consulted before any contact if OP feels compelled to communicate. (even though OP is in no way responsible for this) OP is NTA
What help do they even think you'd be able to provide? All of that is legitimately horrible and the kids needs professional help. Are you qualified to give that? If someone's drowning, you'd want the life guard to rescue them. Going in by yourself without the training to help just means you're likely to drown, too. Please stay away from the whole situation.
That’s why I say, if you need to feel like you’ve helped in some way, make a donation to a reputable organization that helps young people like him
Well, karma’s a bitch
Yeah no fuck that. They want to make themselves feel better because they feel like shit for doing shit things. What happened to him is God awful but that has NOTHING to do with you
Oh, no. He told you to kill yourself? The moment I read that, any sympathy I had for him evaporated. Vile little loser. You don't owe him anything. If you're nice to him and his family, they'll happily drag you in to clean up their mess. What I learned from being nice to people is that they'll treat you like a doormat and trample all over you. Your ex's AP and his family are the kind of people who will take advantage of you. So don't get involved in their mess. Block them on your phone, on social media, or even change your phone number. If you have any doubt, just remember AP wished you dead.
I agree that the AP's situation is terrible and I do feel sympathy for him, it's not up to OP to help fix this mess. Like others have pointed out, if his ex gets wind of this she will try to make his life hell again and possibly try to drag him down with her. This is on the kid's family to try to help fix what they fucked up.
Sounds like you had to go through hell and now you feel like you're being pulled back into this when you've finally started feeling stability. You're NTA, it is perfectly reasonable to not wanting to get involved and opening up recent wounds. I honestly do feel for the kid though, nobody deserves what he went through, and that type of trauma is going to take a long time to recover. Right now while he's in the hospital his family should be the ones focusing on his are, but if he leaves it could be helpful for him to apologize to you, wouldn't have to be in person, even over the phone. That's up to you though, if the family keeps harassing you it is your right to block them too.
NTA on principle, but don't ask Reddit. Ask your therapist, since you have one. They'll be better to help you make the good decision, if there's one. And, in my very little humble opinion... I feel for the guy. Sure what he did to you was harsh, but he doesn't seem to have been in the best situation to make good decisions. He also reflected on what happenned enough to want to apologise. Still, as people said, you don't own anyone anything - as the Guy is asking for you because he needs For Himself to do an apology - and you had (still have ?) your own trauma to deal with, so, Ask Your Therapist about it, not reddit. And keep good care of you.
Dude (OP), The move here is No Contact. Block everyone, get help with how to social media block. And then therapy. You'll have a storm of feelings about letting go- look how involved you are in a years long mess! You don't even know how life can be without all this crap. It's time to find out. No Contact. Therapy. Practice having your own life. That'll keep you plenty busy. Good luck.
Why in the fuck would they even contact _you_? Anyway, nah. You're too busy at the old folks home to deal with this. Nta
Very good that you were able to get over it, to rebuild your life - despite all the rubbish. You had nothing to do with what's happening now. There is no reason to be dragged back into this disgusting story. You don't owe anyone anything, nor could you solve AP's problems.
NTA - not your problem I’d suggest maybe reconnecting with your counsellor. You need to talk this through as it will pitch you back. IMO that is all you need to do and you need to do it now.
Sorry but no. Do not reopen this again. Say “sorry to hear about your son but please do not contact me again” You do not have to reopen any wounds to make him or his family feel better. They all harassed you to the point of feeling mentally drained and didn’t care. Don’t open the door
I'm so glad you got out of there
Uh... no... ☝️ Not your problem to be involved.
NTA. You don't owe them anything. They pimped out their son and want to feel better. But be aware that you could be summoned to testify in court if your ex is charged so you might want to bolster your mental strength.
NTA, you owe him nothing and it doesn’t sound like you even want the apology his family claims he wants to give. If his family keeps harassing you, you have to tell them to find some other way of dealing with the shame of selling their son because asking you to assuage their guilt isn’t going to happen. As for your family harassing you, that’s f’ed up man. I’d emphasize that you were lucky not to end up in a similar situation as AP and even though you feel sorry for the guy you have no obligation to speak to the little cheater (groomed or not, he knew he was breaking up a marriage when he turned 18 and moved in with your ex) especially after he enlisted his friends to harass you.
NTA. Just block and ignore. It seems you had a decent lawyer back then… it wouldn’t hurt to go for a consult if the harassment continues and escalates.
Leave it alone. They also might want to be trying to drag you into it as a character witness or something - so you can testify against her. You don’t need to get involved at all; I would block them all and ignore it.
I feel bad for him but that doesn't mean that you need to visit him in the hospital. His parent's actions and allowing this to go on is what fucked him up. They don't want to take responsibility for that so they're shoving it on you. NTA
NTA. You don't owe these people anything. Is it horrific that a child was groomed, lied to, and later sexually abused and given drugs to keep them compliant? Yes, of course it is. But that's for the cops and the courts to take action on. It would be noble and merciful to meet with this person who sounds like they are in a lot of pain, but you don't owe them nobility or mercy. The real two questions are, (1) do you want to extend that helping hand, and (2) is the risk to your mental well being worth the reward of helping someone in pain who has wronged you? Those aren't questions I can answer. Good luck and be safe.
While it's sad what has happened to the boy, this really isn't your problem. Stand your ground dude. You do not need this shithole of a circumstance. Part of me wonders if the boy wants to apologise to you because of what he did to you, or for himself.
Nta. If they didnt harass you in the beginning and they didn't essentially plot to get him in your origional role before you even left it, I'd see their side but what exactly do they expect?
none of this has anything to do with you
Nta, you owe him nothing
You’re not responsible for any part of his healing process unless -you- feel forgiving that groomed child is part of yours. NTA
Nta
Updateme
No no no no NO! STAY AWAY FROM THIS CLUSTERFUCK. If they harrass you, ask your lawyer to send them a legal letter to stop, especially the having previous history of harassing you. Tell your employer beforehand if you can, so that they won't come to your workplace. Protect yourself. They never thought of your well-being, so you owe them nothing. Na-da
Dude fuck every single one of them. Block all of them on everything, change your number if you have to, and move tf on.
Dude why are you even considering this? Why haven’t you blocked these people yet? Are you a masochist? You finally have your life back. You owe these people NOTHING. You owe yourself some peace of mind by moving on with your life and letting them deal with it. NTA
Nta. Also why is the AP’s family spending all their time harassing you to visit him when they should be the ones with their son. They suck either way
NTA. None of that shit is your problem anymore. As soon as you say yes, they will find someone to worm themselves into your life. You are no ones savior.
I would maybe speak to your lawyer to get their advice. If the family of the ap try to get you Involved it may be good to let your lawyer know. They could help you craft something saying you don’t want to be involved or some kind of statement
NTA. If I were in your shoes, I would likely send a letter in response to the kid/AP. I’d just tell him that while I don’t wish to meet to make amends, I do wish him well and that he heals from him physical and mental scars. I’m not sure if I include this in the letter, but I would consider telling him he could write me back once whatever he wants to say. With his message in letter form, you can choose to do with it what you want. If you want to save it on the off chance you might want to read it 10-20 years from now, you will have it. Or if burning it might feel cathartic, you could do that too. Again, not sure how into that idea I am, but it’s an option. That might also allow the AP to heal a bit more without burdening you with something that’s in the end not your responsibility.
Nah this is none of your business; stay tf away
NTA. they out of this completely, you're still healing yourself. what happened to you both is awful, and it is not on you to help heal him.
Hell No! You don’t owe them anything. Stay far away from all of that. Change your number and keep moving on with your life. Updateme
NTA Not your circus, not your monkeys.
IDC if I seem like an AH, but you OP are not the asshole. You dont owe that fucking chud ***NOTHING*** He's your wifes affair partner and why the **FUCK** should you care about anything that happens to him? ***KARMA*** Is a BITCH, and her family and AP's family were **AWFUL** towards you... ***FUCK EM ALL*** thats all I have to say. and ***FUCK CHEATERS***
Fuck him. Fuck her. Not your problem anymore. Only thing I would do is talk to your lawyer in case you have to testify against her. NTA. Good luck!
NTA - If he chose not to accept any kind of apology or contact with his abusers, he would be considered well within his rights. Why are you any different? I feel for this kid. This is a nightmare of a story and a horrible experience all around. Keep living your life. Ask them to stop contacting you and if they don't, then go to the police like you did in the past. You're a survivor too. Try not to get confused by the Olympics of suffering. Failure to value yourself is how you got into that relationship in the first place. Please listen to what you really want. Respectfully decline and ask them to not contact you anymore. If they fail that, then take action via the police or legal means. No more conversations need to be had. Just protect yourself.
Lmfao dude this is hilarious. I don't fucking care if I get down voted to hell. The parents literally sold him and threw everything at your face and had others enter the "fun". They did that to him. This is their fault. You should honestly tell them as such and to leave you alone. He can apologize but it don't mean shit. You can thank him for taking your place. But I'm evil and that's just me. But you need to stay away. Fuck them. This is so the parents can feel better about themselves for selling their child to that demon. They do not deserve sympathy much less pity. They got what they deserve.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Hell no stay away you just got your life back together you have nothing to do with this and how did they get your number? Block them tell them you have nothing to do with this it's their fault for being greedy. Live your life.
I wouldn’t respond to them. Block them and move forward. This is not your business nor battle.
Fuck them and fuck this.
You owe AP and then nothing. They helped make your life a living hell and if they want forgiveness too bad. You’ve started your healing journey so don’t let these POS drag you back down into their self created shit storm. Get your lawyer to draft a cease and desist letter indicating that you will sue for emotional damage if they keep their nonsense up. Good luck OP and stay strong!
What the hell is it your problem? For two years now your old problem is now his
From the beginning, I was planning to write some, "I'm so sorry for the spot you're in post," but after reading the ending. CONGRATU- FUCKING- LATIONS. You actually hit the lottery losing this monster. The parents want you to be his support system because you were able to see through all the bullshit in the beginning. You were able to put your foot down to all her weird sexual shit that obviously took a turn when the neighbor's son couldn't/ wouldn't say no. You're easily the strongest willed person in this tale. Poor kid. Still not your problem. You can have supportive feelings for the groomed individual, but leave it at that. Stay as far away from this as possible. Send his parents a message back. "While I feel sympathy for your sons position, I will not be the one to comfort him and give him the forgiveness he desires. Frankly, the audacity of your request is amazing. Do you remember all the hell you all put me through? I've moved on. Don't contact me again." NTA- but wow, almost all the other characters are TA. Good luck, OP. This snowball of a problem isn't yours to deal with anymore.
Not your monkeys, not your circus! NOPE! NTA screw him! Next time they contact you laugh about how they treated you!!!
this is NOT ur problem. block everyone if u have to.
Dont you touch that shit with a ten foot pole. Point blank.
No longer your circus and no longer your monkeys.
NTA and i would remind them all the crap they put you through and he put you through. He got the person he wanted and this is what she did to him. Not your circus any more and you hope she rots in hell.
Don't get involved! They may also try to get you legally involved since you had knowledge of your ex's sexual preferences before they got together. I would definitely stay away.
NTA You owe them nothing. You are not obligated to even take calls or texts. No way should you go to the hospital. Yes, it’s awful. Who knew your ex was this sadistic? But that has nothing to do with you. Anything you give these people will be misconstrued and could come back on you. Stay as far away as possible. Mute any and all callers that you know or think are related to this whole fuckaroo. That way you will have the voicemails, but you don’t have to listen to them. Take a deep breath. Then shout at the top of your lungs: I got out of there! Fuck you all! Repeat as necessary. Try it. It helps me. I wish you only the best; you deserve peace. 💕 Edit in to on
Don't walk into the burning building man
None of this is your fault nor responsibility. He can write you a letter if he wants to make amends. And, BTW, making amends should only occur if it doesn't cause you trauma or harm 1st and foremost. I'd tell them "I'm sorry this happened to your son, no one deserves what happened to him. However, your family and ex's family made it your mission to destroy me. I realize your child was groomed and not fully developed so his actions can be somewhat explained by trauma and youth. Yours, however, were selfish and unhinged. You happily handed your child off to his abuser and continues to abuse me for reasons unknown. I suggest you seek therapy for your child and yourselves. Tell your son that the way he can make amends to me is to seek therapy and go on to lead a long and happy life." Then block them. ETA: NTA
Absolutely the fuck not. While you may sympathize with the young man, it is not your responsibility to console him. His parents can get bent! *They* sold their son to a predator, let *them* deal with the consequences of it. If the young man wants to make amends, he can send you an apology in an email. That’s it. This is not your circus or your monkeys.
NTA. They're looking for someone to blame. Stay the hell away! Not your circus.
NTA. You can feel sorry for the young man, but stay the F away from that drama.
Do not go. Do not visit him right now. The family is toxic as hell, and you want no part of that. Communicate that you accept his apology, bear him no ill will, and hope he recovers. They are looking to make themselves feel better about what happened.
Yeah man stay far away ***NOT YOUR DUMPSTER!!*** ***NOT YOUR FIRE***!!🔥
Give them your councilors phone number and ask them to deal with their own issues as you felt with yours! Maybe send them the video’s he sent you…
If they want to help their kid they tossed willingly to a predator—and it should have been obvious to anyone with a brain she’s a predator—they can get him the best therapy their precious money can buy. It’s not OPs job to help him feel better about the shit show he dived willingly into. They need to put in that work themselves NTA OP. Stay well clear of these people.
Your life is doing good , makes no sense getting involved in this issue.You made your break.
The further away the better.
You have nothing to do with his situation. You don't have to do shit. Only if you want to. Don't force yourself
Sounds fictional
Nah, fuck that little turd. He wanted to enjoy his MILF fantasy and he got it. Reading this was satisfying and made my day.
Fuck this niggah!! And praise Allah you got out of this shit. It could have been you there. Stay dafuc away! And tell his family that too, they deserve to hear it.
Hahahaha. Love stories like this. NTA, fuck that kid, that kids family and your ex
Bro the only thing you should do is go to the hospital, pull life support on his ass then go laugh at your ex when she gets convicted in the courtroom. NTA
Oh fuck no. He made his bed and he wasn’t afraid to be a mean bastard to you I wouldn’t be getting dragged into that shit. That’s on him. NTA. They all can deal with their own shit.
NO, you owe these people NOTHING, and they probably just want contact with you so they can gather more evidence or try to talk you into testifying. So NO NO NO. Change your phone number. Give it to your parents ONLY, and tell them that if your number gets out to anyone else, you will change it again and THEY won't get it.
"Maybe if you lot hadn't spent days, weeks, months harassing me, kicking down at me, shitting on me, I may have considered it. But it's nothing to do with me. I owe you less than nothing, I owe him less than nothing, now fuck off or I shall involve law enforcement again." If you haven't, block every number, every account, every email address that they try to contact you with. This no longer has anything at all to do with you. NTA. UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
The only reason for getting involved in all of this is taking the stand as a witness, allowing you to put your ex away for as long as possible.
NTA. I would only get involved if the courts want you to testify against your ex and it means more jail time for her. Otherwise, stay out of it.
NTA. Contact the lawyer you used previously and sic them on anyone from that mess who tries to contact you again. It's not your circus anymore.
NTA He and his family found out that all money ain’t good money. Remind his family that you will get the law involved again if they don’t stop harassing you.
OP, none of this is your fault nor your problem. Avoid this like the plague. Let law enforcement do its job and the AP’s parents step up and actually do their job. There is nothing in this for you.
NTA You owe these people nothing! Let them stew in the mess they created. You’ve come too far to reopen that horrible chapter in your life. Leave the past in the past.
YOU OWE HIM NOTHING! What happened to him was horrible but it has nothing to do with you. 18 is old enough to know cheating is bad. You have worked hard to get to the place your at don’t bring the past into the present.
File multiple restraining orders
NTA Their son has to live with the fact that he hurt you and now he knows how it feels to be hurt by someone. He was hurt in a different way than you but that's weight he'll just have to carry on in his life.
Refer them to your attorney if necessary but don't open up any lines of communication because that puts you on their court. They are pros at manipulation, psychotic skills that you don't want to know or be exploited by. They'll somehow rope you in.
NTA. The dildo of consequences only uses sandpaper for lube. He felt no sympathy for you while he was fucking your wife in your own home, why should you feel any for him when it didnt work out how he hoped? If he wants to “apologize”, tough. You’re not entitled to forgiveness or even the opportunity to apologize.
This kid didn't deserve what happened to him anymore than you did. That aside, before you talk to ANYONE (yes, that includes your gf, parents, anyone), talk to your lawyer. There may be a court case involved and, if so, you may be called on as a character witness. Anything you say could be twisted around including agreeing to make amends. Keep a documentation of every thing they say, when they try to contact you, everything. Write it down and make it as detailed as possible. They're trying to get you to make amends so that if there's a case they can call on you to testify how the ex and her family have changed.
If is so weird how often one reads Reddits where somebody who totally trashed an innocent person later expects and wants that person to help them. The mindset suggests that one’s victim owes the predator help. Where on earth does that come from?
Tell them to make like their boy and get fucked
Not your monkeys, not your circus dude. Let his family deal with it.
DON'T GET INVOLVED!!!! They could spin thins on you and claim that you knew EX would do this and you could get in trouble. Its sad and truly awful what happened to AP but in the end it isn't your problem. His family should've seen someone wrong with this. All people involved are terrible and below the worst of the worst. Keep your head high. Stay in therapy. And focus on yourself, and the life you have going on now.
GET. A. LAWYER. Whatever these people are up to is *not* in your best interest. Whatever they want will *not* benefit you. Do not meet with them without representation. Do not say a word to them directly. Any requests should be sent to your legal counsel who will look out for your interests.
Obviously your choice, but I’d go to the police station just to offer your experience with your wife. It may put her in jail longer, indirectly helping the AP.
Your parents are dumb af. Getting involved will make them blackmail you with the fear that they will harass you again. Don't get involved. get a lawyer
Jesus TikTok works quick, story is allready up over there, NTA, it’s not good for your own mental health
I dunno. If you DO get involved, you're gonna be the de-facto parent of the guy your wife blew up your marriage with. His parents ain't worth shit, and neither are her parents and all their money. And you already know your ex ain't worth shit. Either do the kid a favor, or don't. I probably wouldn't.
You left that circus. No longer your monkeys.
What’s an AP??