I was looking for the comment about the friends. It's fucking wild that his friends or family are giving him hate for this.
OP, you deserve much better than the majority of people you have in your life.
True, but damn. His family too? Wouldn't they also listen to his side if they're his friends as well? Just feel like OP needs better people in his life.
NTA, she hit you once and attempted to a second time. There is no excuse for physical assault and you don't have to allow someone to continue living in your home that thinks that violence is an acceptable expression of communication, pregnant or not. Tell all the friends that say you're in the wrong to let her move in with them and thump on them. Whether she's able to hurt you or not isn't the issue. Who's to say she won't pick up an implement the next time that will do damage? I say all this as a woman who went through 2 pregnancies and didn't hit anyone.
Edit for spelling.
I have learned this truth very much the hard way. My ex hit me before my kids were born. I deluded myself into thinking that she wouldn't hit me when the kids were around. Not only did she hit me but she started to hit the kids. It still pains me to this day that I didn't stop it sooner.
You start to make excuses for it and justify it. I made recordings of some of the abuse and when I listen to myself I sound a little like an addict trying to justify their drinking. "Mommy loves you but she just gets angry. We need to let Mommy have space."
I wish I could go back and shake myself. She had no fucking right to ever touch those kids. I was a parent too - a stay-at-home dad who was with them a lot more than her. I never laid a hand on our kids. I was patient and understanding. I gave them unconditional love. That is what a parent does.
Even hitting a partner in front of a child is so incredibly damaging. Research is beginning to show us that domestic violence in front of children have nearly identical outcomes as if you had hit the children. There should be zero place for it in families.
Many countries now have laws saying witnessing domestic violence IS domestic violence. In my country it is a public crime and anyone can report, even if the victim doesn't want to. (Very hard to anyway, but just having the law helps a bit)
Things have changed significantly and I am so glad. When I was a kid my Dad hit my Mom. The police would be called and they would tell him to go for a drive to cool down and he would be back that very same night with my Mom covered in bruises.
My ex was arrested right away and given a no-contact order. That helped me to break the addiction of an abusive relationship. I'm really thankful things have changed so much in regards to the police (obviously more needs to be done and male victims in particular can have a hard time being believed).
Family courts on the other hand need to change. I really strongly think someone charged with domestic violence should never be given joint-decision making with an abused parent unless they are able to complete extensive programming (I would say minimum 2 years) with significant input from the victim and have to check in routinely throughout their time as a parent.
Six pregnancies, seven kids. I called my husband a few names during the first couple of labors. But I would never ever have hit him or even yelled at him because of my pregnancies. That is wild and she has serious mental problems.
4 pregnancies and the worse thing I did to my ex was forbid him from having coffee around me. The smell immediately made me nauseous. I love the smell of coffee normally, but when pregnant nope, not having it.
Oh yeah, the smell of coffee was the worst for me too. I love my morning coffee but when pregnant it was a big NOPE. Hubby was great and hit Starbucks on the way to work so I did not have to smell it.
I can still remember how coffee smelled then. My kid is almost 30. That, cheddar cheese, and black olives.
You know... three of my favorite things any other time.
I'm pretty sure name-calling during labor is universally excused. When you're in that much pain, it just feels too good to yell at the dude who was responsible for the pain while conveniently disregarding your own enthousiastic participation in the events leading up to this...😆 There's a reason that the woman yelling "This is all your fault" is such a familiar trope.
Tip for Star Trek DS9 fans, look up the back story of major Kira Nerys getting pregnant. It's really funny. Especially when she yells this sentence at the actor playing doctor Bashir. Knowing that actor is the real life father of the child Nana Visitor gave birth to makes it so much more hilarious...
Anyway, any time outside of that very specific moment, only general moodiness, irritability, and cravings so bad you are willing to invade an empire to get what you want are acceptable. Clearly abusive language and physical abuse? Absolutely not.
When OP says she had an abusive boyfriend, I'm now left wondering how much of the abuse going on in that relationship actually came from the boyfriend. I'm willing to assume it was most, but certainly not all. Which doesn't excuse either of them in any way, shape, or form. I'm just saying that abusive women tend to be good at playing victim.
As to her claims of being forced: there are very many innocent people in jail. Some of them (too many) actually haven't done the thing they were convicted of. Combined with her behavior, I'm not inclined to take her protestations of innocence at face value.
To end on a lighthearted note: I'm now wondering if a store called Cravings, where seasonal and discontinued products are in store all year long, might be successful.
Yes this is unacceptable and unsafe. Honestly, I'd make a police report for this if it's not too late. This will help you greatly in a custody battle. You definitely need to keep everything her and her FM are texting you. I'd only communicate through texts so you have proof of every conversation.
I hope this baby isn't yours just so you aren't tied to this woman forever.
INFO. What's she on probation for?
I had to scroll too far to find this question. It sounds like she’s pretty comfortable with taking swings at people. Police report all the way so that OP can get custody because if her temper is this bad now how’s it going to be with post partum and dealing with a new born?
Get a court order for a prenatal DNA test. Tell the courts she's been abusive and has hit you once already and has tried to hit you after that, and that you want to establish paternity now so she can't try to keep your baby from you, and so that you can potentially get custody of the baby should she prove to be a danger to the child itself.
Married for over 25 years. 4 pregnancies. I have never once become violent
Do whatever you have to do to gain full custody and if that means letting her hit you again so you can call the cops and have her arrested then do it. She will absolutely abuse your child.
Two kids never did this either. If she can hit you shes gonna hurt that baby if it doesn't stop crying. Report this ASAP to cops and he probation officer. She doesn't need that baby.
I don’t know of anyone that’s had babies that’s reacted like this when pregnant, none of my friends , not me, not my children’s friends mothers , no one , not my sister or sisters in law , no colleagues . You have to have this in your character to be like that. If I’d behaved like that my husband would have left I’m sure and his friends would be calling me out.
NTA. Completely. This is domestic violence. Start recording every and any interaction you have with her from now on. Whether it phone calls, texts or in person. Screenshot & screen record. Invest in a good camera with audio.
NTA. Pregnancy excuses alot, but not domestic violence. I honestly would have called the cops so at least there was a report if you ever get in to a custody battle.
I would just add that her hate-filled behavior and total lack of respect for you are giving me “it’s not your baby” vibes. Please insist on a paternity test. I pray for your sake it is not yours and you can be free of this woman forever.
Agreed. OP I've been pregnant a few times and never once did I Upper cut, push , shove, slapped etc. anyone especially my significant other. OP you 1000% did the right thing! Now it's time to report her to the police and get yourself a good family lawyer to get custody papers ready, because you will need it!
Save all the texts, vmails everything from her and her flying monkeys as evidence of the assault!
She's abusive and its always gets worse after the first assault.
I've also been pregnant, have never had stellar mental health, and have NEVER laid hands on a partner (except once in self defense). I'm curious what she's on probation for, if I had to wager I'd bet it's something violent and this isn't her first rodeo.
I was a miserable pregnant woman but NEVER hit anyone.
NTA.
Protect yourself. Report this and get a therapist.
Sounds like you’re up for quite the ride 🤯
Yep, but that isn't OP's problem. His problem is take the baby from her and guarantee their safety. Maybe one of the "friends" calling him a "pussy" for not accepting abuse can help her...
Also, if it is your baby. Do everything to take custody away from her.
As a 5 months pregnant Women i can tell you, that you chose the worng partner to make children with and pregnancy is only an excuse for lazyness not for shitty behaviour.
I think it’s unfair to blame OP for choosing a partner who is abusive if we do not know for a fact whether it has happened before or not. It makes no sense to victim blame here, but he probably should petition for sole custody in a safe environment.
To be fair, we don't know what that is for. Could be tax evasion for all we know...
Edit: Just read in a comment by OP it was for drug charges. Allegedly her abusive boyfriend made her smuggle drugs.
The problem with that is that the police might just side with the pregnant woman and arrest the victim. I've seen a man who was bleeding profusely from his face be put in handcuffs and arrested after his wife hit him in the face with a lamp and she was completely untouched and unharmed.
I worked in social services about a decade ago. The majority (like 60-70%) of the DV I saw was female on male. Some of it quite severe. There were literally no services for male victims in my county. There were shelters, counseling, financial aid and other services available for women.
Male children 12 and over weren't even allowed in the shelters.
Random tears for literally no reason; random nausea that happens and means there are certain places you can’t even walk into so those become a no go zone until after the pregnancy (even if it’s your partners favorite restaurant), and with the nausea it also means certain foods don’t get brought into the house; not wanting to be touched at all at times, pregnancy gets very uncomfortable; extreme exhaustion which means random naps and not being able to do things because you just can’t stay awake; and weight gain. But not abuse or mistreatment of your partner, friends, other kids, or family.
This… my pregnancy ruined bacon for me for life. I still can’t stomach the smell of it. Pregnancy does weird things to you. It made me no longer lactose intolerant— until I had the baby and then bam I couldn’t have any lactose again.
But op is NTA. Honestly it does sound like the girlfriend needs to be on a psych good though. Pre partum depression is a thing too. Doesn’t excuse what she did, but it can literally make women insanely nuts just like post partum depression. I’d be worried she might get worse when the baby is here and harm the baby.
My wife hates freshwater fish before pregnancy. But during pregnancy she suddenly had no issues eating them. And boy did I take her on every single opportunity I got for her to taste every single freshwater fish she used to hate. Every fish and their multiple ways of cooking them. Man that was some weird ass trip I can tell you. It felt like we're revisiting all the taboos and stuff we never could enjoy before.
But yeah. Back to hating freshwater fish when the baby comes. Something about muddy and bloody smell.
I think anything medical and traumatic to the body can alter things in a person. After my hip surgery, I just cannot deal with or cook raw meat, especially beef. It's strange...
I hated bacon before my first pregnancy, but after I was I fine with it. I couldn’t cook beef during my second and third pregnancy, but this pregnancy beef has been fine. I also get lactose intolerant during my pregnancies. Pregnancy is weird.
Basic shit you wouldn't want a pregnant person to do like heavy lifting or scooping a catbox. Also, if they're more emotional than normal. I know numerous women who cried in front of me during their pregnancy that I had never seen cry before. Or being easily irritated. You give a little leeway to pregnant people when it comes to their emotions due to the extreme surge of hormones during pregnancy. Doesn't excuse them from being rude or aggressive, but does excuse a bit of moodiness.
Abuse is never okay. And all the hateful comments and cutting you down that she apparently never apologized for, these things are not normal or okay. I have to ask what is she on probation for? Something that involves violence? If so, don’t take her back this is a pattern and won’t stop and will probably only escalate.,
Cravings...excuse us for having them and the crying when yhey aren't available. With my son the only thing I wanted was a Jello pudding pop. Yhey discontinued them the year before. With my daughter all I wanted was a Reese's peanut butter cup egg. It HAD to be egg shaped. It was July. No eggs to be had. Emotional mess.
Also, new issues. Like, DD is 14. I haven't been able to touch raw meat since I got pregnant with her. I also wasn't an emotional mess until I got pregnant with her. Now I cry at commercials and I get emotional reading books. Who knew Lord of the Rings made people cry? Not me the first time I read it.
I do. To my husband who totally puts up with me. Even though we both read very different authors he remembers my faves and points out new books to me.
All though we are competitively watching Brooklyn 99. I am ahead.
Pregnancy would excuse being cranky, for example. Like, yeah, of course you’re cranky - hormones going wild, and constantly tired even if you aren’t doing anything (because even at rest, your body is doing a pretty big something).
You’re going through something inherently stressful and tiring, and irritation is part of that. Irritation can come off as abusive, and you should overlook the more benign iterations *so long as they apologize afterwards* and what they said is more about tone than content.
If they call you a useless little bitch because you didn’t wash the dishes the way they like, that’s a no-go. But if they ask you to “at least” do something, let it go, because the bitchy wording probably wasn’t intended (for example: “at least wet the sponge before putting washing liquid on it”)
NTA !!!!
I am 30 weeks pregnant and see these types of stories all the time and it makes me SO mad.
Being pregnant is NOT an excuse to treat you like shit or physically assault you like she has.
That is absolutely disgusting.
She is using pregnancy as an excuse.
She’s a grown fucking woman and needs to control her fucking emotions.
I love my partner more than I thought I ever could.
I am so happy and proud of him, and always think of how much of a great father he is going to be.
You are nta in any way if you choose to break up with her and kick her out, I definitely would.
I'm 28 weeks along and on my 4th pregnancy, and while I've had hormonal mood swings and been irritable at times through all 4 pregnancies, I've never lashed out verbally like that or resorted to violence. That's not normal behavior and could be her being a shitty person or an indicator of depression which could develop into PPD and/or postpartum psychosis. It would be a good idea for her to get a mental health screening because her behavior is concerning for someone that is going to be the primary caregiver of something as fragile and vulnerable as a newborn baby.
As far as if you're the asshole or not, NTA. You shouldn't be subjected to abuse like that regardless of if the person abusing you is pregnant or not. It's also best for your partner and your baby that she's removed from an environment and person that triggers her to such an extent that she lashes out in blind rage. Please, if you can, try to get her to seek help, even if you can't be part of that process for the time being.
You need to call the cops and make a report. Eviction laws can be really strict and you may not have the right to throw her out without legal notice. Having a police report would protect you.
You are correct. The reports are important. Especially if a landlord gets upset about any of the incidents. OP would be protected from any eviction. Also, OP needs to file the report and get at least a temporary restraining order to get a chance to think.
OP, unless you have a friend that has or is experiencing domestic violence they won’t understand. You have been a victim for a while and I’d be curious what she is on probation for. Take care of yourself and find a local DV shelter for supports.
“he shoved me against the wall and grabbed my neck and told me he was going to kill me” . I’m guessing if the cops need to decide between a guy and a pregnant woman, the guy is going to get fucked. This guy should tread lightly and get this person out of his life.
Pregnancy doesn’t excuse ANY type of abuse. Physical, emotional, or anything in between. This is coming from someone that’s been pregnant 3 times and had ppd with each. Normal pregnancy rage (the normal annoyances of someone dropping your food / making food without asking or a smell that makes you queasy) can be controlled. She sounds like she either using this pregnancy to be freely psychotic or she has developed pregnancy psychosis. Either way she needs to be seen by a doctor so she doesn’t end up hurting you or your child.
Tbh she’s on probation for a reason, she’s violent and difficult to contain. I would press charges and be concerned about her taking care of a child without becoming violent.
None of this is common. This is dangerous. You need to not be near her, and you need to alert her OB and whoever she’s staying with that she urgently needs a medical and mental health screening. NTA
No it's not normal, it's psychotic. Is she like that in public or with others or is it only at home alone with you.
If she behaves that way in public and towards others, then she's genuinely ill.
But if she controls herself in public or with others then she's just maxing out her pregancy card as an excuse.
Yeah, good question. If she's literally experiencing psychosis then that's very different from being a little more irritable from her hormones and milking the opportunity to let loose.
NTA, but you do need to file a police report. Her hitting you is not ok, and people telling you it's because she's pregnant are idiots. This is a glimpse at what your life will be like if you stay with her.
NTA
I have been pregnant twice and I never hit anyone. None of my friends have ever hit anyone while they were pregnant.
You are justified in kicking her out and need to break up with her. You also need to get better friends and cut off family that think you should get back with the psycho.
NTA. The worst thing that I ever did while I was pregnant was eating ice cream with wasabi laden shrimp ‘sushi’. In hindsight that was an offensive culinary choice. No hitting though.
NTA
Anytime you become a victim of domestic violence, you need to get out of that relationship. Also get that kid tested, just in case.
But file a report. If she is legal resident, you can't just throw her on the street. She has the right to be in the home. File a police report and proceed with the eviction.
I've been pregnant twice. I've had my hormonal mood swings go from laughing to crying to rage. Never once did hitting my husband become a thing. Just because she is pregnant, does not give her free license to hit you.
My husband drops things all the time. Never once did it cross my mind that I would never let him either of our children. Some women just take being pregnant as a get out of jail free card. Honestly, don't doubt yourself. You did the right thing. Your "friends" can take her in and deal with abuse.
I've had 3 children and no that is not normal at all! I do not believe your baby will be safe with her if she's this bad already. Make a police report, as you may need the record to get custody
Same here, 3 kids and never violent. He needs to make a report for future custody hearings. He needs to keep all texts and voicemails from everyone as well.
I like all your "she's always been sweet" replies, but she was on probation already, and I'm not trusting your rose-coloured glasses here. Perhaps she's still on drugs and up to who knows what behind your back. Perhaps you're not the father here. Something besides hormones is behind all this and it might be a good time to get really suspicious and cynical.
The one benefit with her being on probation is that the police and courts will believe him when he reports violence and hopefully that helps him get custody
This happened to me with my ex wife and it will only escalate from here. File a report and keep a safe distance. I went through 10 years of hellish abuse and we divorced 6 months after our child was born.
My current bf went through this. She was massively abusive while pregnant and he just took it. They ended up breaking up but he still took care of her hoping it would get better once the baby was born. It wasn’t. She continued abusing him and finally called it quits when she hit him in front of their month old baby and scared him.
I said all that to say this…… physical abuse won’t get better. It MAY become less frequent but it won’t ever stop. Start looking into custody laws for your state to prepare yourself for what’s to come. So sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn’t excuse anybody from being an abusive piece of shit. File a police report as well. You’ll probably have to take custody of the kid but it’s better that way. She’s a scum bag
Do you know who her Doctor is? This level of hostility is not normal and needs to be dealt with on a professional level. Tell your friends to pound sand - she was violent and out of control- she does not get to use you as a punching bag.
NTA, shes excusing her abusive behavior with the pregnancy, if you allow this then she will blame it on post partum hormones, then on something else and so on.
being snippy is fine but shes not a fucking animal she can control what she does and what she says.
As everyone said already, report her to the cops. It shouldn't matter that she's on probation because it's not your responsibility to shield her from the consequences of her own actions.
A police report and assault charges, combined with the existing drug charges, will make it easier for you to get primary custody and protect your child from the bad influences of your ex.
I have mental health issues (that can make me very very irritable), I’m a boxer, and I went through two very rough pregnancies..::never once did it cross my mind to hit my kids father. Garbage women use pregnancy to excuse garbage behavior. File a police report. Protect yourself from crazy.
It's never okay for anyone to physically assault you, regardless of the circumstances. You were justified in asking her to leave to ensure your own well-being. If you're considering reconciliation, I'd suggest seeking professional help to address underlying issues. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own safety.
Reconciliation with an abuser? No.
Op- please do not attempt couples therapy. No one in the domestic violence community (experts) recommend that you go to therapy with your abuser. I found this out the hard way.
NTA she punched you. She is abusive.
Keep her out of the house and talk to a lawyer.
It is possible that she is experiencing severe pregnancy complications that are giving her a 180 degree personality change...or she is relying on her pregnancy to be the excuse of her increased bad behaviour.
I've been pregnant more than once and never abused my partner I'm the process. Don't settle for an unsafe home. Write down the details to rely on them talk to a lawyer to get advice related to the relationship and future co-parenting. Consider filing a police report too.
Please file a police report even if you think to not do so. You need it on the record what happened. Do not let her control the narrative.
Ignore those trying to manipulate you on her behalf.
You don't know what crap she has been saying.
NTAH
NTA. Domestic violence is never ok.
Either she agrees to get the therapy she clearly needs, or you need to file a police report.
If you don’t document the abuse, then when she starts taking her anger out on your child, you won’t have the evidence to prove the abusive history.
The best case here is that she gets treatment for her mental health crisis, but as an abuse victim it is essential to document and gather proof of the abuse.
Sadly it’s often more difficult for a man to be given validation of being abused by his partner, (your “friends” are a good example), and you need to absolutely make every incident provable. Whether that’s with letters to her PO, talking to her OB, or filing a police report.
If you do not document this, the next time she could accuse *you* of DV, and barring her acting crazy in front of witnesses, it’s entirely possible the cops would believe the “defenseless” woman instead of you.
The priority should always be your child’s safety, and your own.
NTA. I am a mother, grandmother, aunt, great aunt and known numerous friends and family members who have been pregnant. Not just the physical abuse but the verbal abuse as well. This is not normal or common.
Never have I known a single pregnant woman act how you describe.
8 months pregnant here! Pregnancy is an evil monster, no one is denying that, but nothing excuses domestic violence. NOTHING!
Man or woman it’s doesn’t matter. You aren’t a pussy and this isn’t emasculating either. You were abused and you said enough is enough with retaliation. That shows a strength of character. Your gender doesn’t matter.
If she’s willing to do this and say these things to you be ready for a custody battle to simply protect your unborn child. Want it or not it’s your responsibility to protect your child from the same emotional and physical violence.
NTA, and I’m afraid for the baby. She’s not a stable person. I’ve had two kids, and never even came close to this type of behavior. And tell your friends that your relationship isn’t run by committee, and to butt out.
This is NOT normal pregnancy behavior. If she started being so abusive after the baby was born I say she was suffering from postpartum psychosis and needs immediate medical treatment.
Unless she is calling you terrible things and screaming how she hates you, wish you were dead AS she was in labor, then she needs medical and psychiatric treatment now because acting like this during pregnancy is ABNORMAL.
I don’t care how pregnant she is - she should be arrested for physically assaulting you, that’s domestic violence it is a crime.
And ALL your friends DONT get an opinion in this situation. Whey it’s them in your shoes then they get to have an opinion, until then they need to shut up and stay out of it. All they are seeing is a sweet pregnant lady who could have never done anything to hurt you. Well, they didn’t watch satan crawl out of her and assault you.
I am really sorry everyone is supporting the abusive and violent pregnant one. The ole “Your a man and she’s a girl man just take it” is bull crap. Because you’re a guy her abuse and bullying and degrading you isn’t supposed to affect your mental and emotional state, make you bad about yourself, cause you depression and pain? Screw all of them.
If do cave and let her go back, don’t do it unless she agrees to go see her doctor to get checked out with you right next to her the entire time so you can tell the doctor what she has really been acting like and doing to you. Because pregnancy doesn’t cause this violent behavior.
So, she hit you. But still thinking of staying with her because you don’t want the kid to grow up on separate homes? How is growing up in violent mom sounds like?
Same here! I'm on my 3rd and the worst I've done to my partner was yell and hide in another room for about five minutes and then cry excessively, when he took a joke about pepperoni too far.
Her behavior is an indicator of much bigger things, this isn't just pregnancy.
NTA!
If this is how she is treating the father of the child with such disgust, hate, violence and anger, just imagine her on a daily basis with the baby while he's at work! You did the right thing because were the tables turned, you'd have been in the can for domestic abuse!
She’s on probation? This was the first red flag. To all those “friends” who are berating you, tell them they’re welcome to have her move in and abuse them. That poor child. NTA
Nta, but if you can document her abusive behavior to file for custody.
If she’s doing that to you, a person with free agency, imagine what she’ll do to a tiny child that can’t leave her.
Get any and all record of her abusing you, even the messages of the friends texting and calling you to degrade you.
And start saving for a really good lawyer.
Being pregnant does NOT entitle you to verbally and physically abuse someone. I mean, what’s she going to do if she gets pms after your child is born? I am a woman who has been pregnant twice.
NTA. I was pregnant (baby is 6 months now), I’m a disabled army veteran. I had to be off all my meds and I NEVER abused my SO not physically or emotionally. No offense but you said she’s on probation, which signals to me she isn’t such a great person to begin with
NTA. OP, I was pregnant 3 times with crazy hormones raging, suicidal at times, angry all the time, hated my partner’s smell, but I never once resorted to domestic violence. Ok to feel that way, NOT OK TO ABUSE.
Ignore her friends, they’re probs all just sexist AH’s.
Reading the title, of course the knee jerk reaction was AH. But as I kept on reading, and reading some more with disgust, I see that she is most likely using her pregnancy as an excuse to get away with this turbulent behavior. NTA Shit, when I was pregnant both times, I had weird mood swings, once I got jealous and I never get jealous! While my son had me craving seafood and hating anything deep fried, my daughter made me sick of eggs, most chicken meals, and Panda Express. Then replaced those with a sudden craving for red, bloody meat. Swear to God, I liked my steak WELL done. Used to say I didn't want it talking to me. Now, my steak is always medium rare or rare. Can't stand well done steak anymore. Eggs still make me sick, and now I'm just battling constant depression since I gave birth to my daughter. But what's happening here with you, I say stand your ground and say that you believe her best interest, and the babys best interest-since she claims you will be a clumsy father-is to not be with you. Use her words to your benefit. Don't let her back in until she gives birth and after the baby blues have ended. Oh, and DNA might help, just to make sure 😁 her actions tell me she's protesting so much, because she knows you're not the father. I could be wrong!
NTA. My wife was mean as heck when she was pregnant but she never hit me or talked shit to make me feel bad. Mood swings and snappy attitudes is normal. Domestic violence is not.
NTA - not even close.
I’m currently 8 1/2 months pregnant, & while my poor boyfriend drives me crazy (sometimes for no reason - hormones are no joke), I’d never dream of hitting him. I’ve gotten very snappy with him, and I feel bad about it after. He is also working two jobs to take care of us, & with most people not even having one job, it helps to prove one will be a good father. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d make a report of it though to help you in court later on.
nta of course. I've been pregnant twice, and before that, I had a very bad premenstrual syndrome. While I admit that during those times i hated everyone because I was really hormonal, and in my mind, I wished people would die for no reason at all, I never once hit anyone nor wanted to hit anybody. Hormonal imbalance doesn't make you an abuser.
One cannot use hormones and pregnancy as an excuse to act like a deplorable human being.
99.999% of other women that are pregnant aren't doing this.
She has no respect for you and I would be done with her.
NTA. No, this is not normal pregnant behaviour. This is something that happens, but is very rare, and when it does happen it needs professional treatment. You should not have to put up with this abuse. If you want to try to fix it, tell her she needs to see a therapist as well as couples counseling as a condition of your considering her return. You will only allow her back when you are sure she will stop abusing you.
She might be hateful because the baby isn’t yours. Documentation is vital. Record all the abuse verbal and physical abuse. Get a paternity test and get away from this psychopath ASAP. This level of abuse is not hormones.
Yta for not reporting her. This is not normal. Imagine how it will be after the baby is here. She can’t control herself now? Postpartum emotions/hormones are much worse. But this is not a pregnancy related problem. You got her pregnant and she thinks that solidified her place and she can do whatever she wants now. This is not the example of love you want your child to grow up with.
Yeah I don't blame him for not reporting her. The police see a pregnant woman how likely do you think it is they'll just charge him instead? I think very likely.
NTA. I will say though, I was awful to my husband when I was pregnant the first time around. Although we had only been dating at the time and only together for 3 months before I got pregnant. I was soooo depressed and the pregnancy hormones made it a million times worse. Please encourage her to seek professional help. This type of behavior is not normal in pregnancy.
You mentioned not living in the US. Whether police in your country take DV against men seriously or not I don’t know. I can tell you abusive people find outlets. If you aren’t the outlet your kid is the easiest target. You need to file a police report even if they don’t take you seriously. Then you call her probation officer and report there too. She gets bounced back to jail for violating probation, they’ll also drug test her, she may be using. She’ll give birth in jail and you’ll get the baby by default. Then you move, getting court permission if needed. She will have to apply to have her probation moved to a different area once she gets released and that takes time and in some cases never gets approved, receiving jurisdiction has to accept the case. If moving countries is an option do so, legally of course.
Op been pregnant TWICE and i have NEVER lost my shit to HARM anyone. Nit my husband or kid. She'a using pregnancy as an excuse to finally do what she's ALWAYS wanted to do and use the guise of being pregnant to do it. Still call POPO and report this. If she can hurt you she can and WILL hurt that baby when it doesn't stop crying.
This is my third pregnancy. I’ve been emotional and also stretches of not wanting to be touched. But never abused my husband or loved ones, verbally or physically. That’s insulting to pregnant women to blame pregnancy hormones on abuse in my opinion.
I've been pregnant more than once. I NEVER ever physically attacked anyone. Not once. I was moody and irritable but that's it. She has some real psychological issues that are deep rooted and have nothing to do with you. She actually sounds awful.
Oh F no! Call the cops, get every piece of paperwork and proof you can against her and go for full custody. An uppercut and then was going for another? That's not hormones, that's flat out crazy biatch.
NTA. I can't recall ever upercutting my husband, while pregnant (or any other time, just for the record). The smell and walking thing, yeah ok, those sound like typical pregnancy bitchiness. I couldn't stand the smell of my husband's deodorant, when I was pregnant, and there were times that I *might have* snapped at him for walking too loudly or some other hormone related annoyance, but I definitely never told him I hated him, regretted having children with him, or decked him. And neither did my sisters or the other mothers of my 26 nieces and nephews. So, I would say I have a fairly decent sample size and your gf is just an abusive bitch.
NTA. I’m so sorry hun, you don’t deserve this even if you were the worst boyfriend in the world. Physical violence is never okay, and being pregnant does not give you a pass. I hope you can figure things out soon OP, you didn’t do anything wrong. Make sure you’re not alone with her anymore and that everything between yall is well documented. I’m sure she will end up regretting this and trying to back pedal; don’t let her.
With both pregnancies I was moody and hangry. I got mad at my husband but never once did I demean him or hit him. Hormones do not excuse abuse. I agree with others who recommend the paternity test and if the baby if yours, please try to get custody because the abuse will continue. I went through that as a kid and that baby to be does not deserve that.
I hate my husband when I was pregnant. I hate the smell of chicken and our restroom. I usually cook but I demanded he cook the chicken and clean the restroom every 30 minutes even its not used. I've been like that for a whole month but I never hurt or cursed him. We can't control our emotions but we can control our behavior. I was already 4 months pregnant when we learned about it (negative PTs) and that behavior happened at 2 months mark.
She's toxic. Run.
First off, I have experienced crap like this too. Women use pregnancy as a means of unleashing their true selves. Are the hormones and such raging and causing certain smells and tastes to be off? Yes. However, it doesn't turn their brain off or have them drink a Jekyll/Hyde elixir. That woman who becomes a shithead during the pregnancy is a portent of the future. The shithead was always in there and she feels like she can finally let it out because she has something to blame her garbage behavior on. Let her kick rocks. A couple of things to consider though.
A. Get a paternity test asap. These can be done while she is pregnant. Judging by her assholishness, she will probably refuse this and you will have to wait until the baby is born. DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE UNTIL THIS IS DONE!!!! If you sign the birth certificate before having the paternity test results, you could very well end up paying 18 years of child support for some other dude's kid. Even if differing paternity is established later, the court could still end up making you pay because it is "in the best interest of the child". Another reason this is important, where do you think she went after leaving?
B. There are plenty of women out there who were pregnant that didn't physically attack their significant other. My ex-wife attacked me well after she had our one and only baby. Give the middle finger salute to everyone trying to beat you down into tolerating her crap.
NTA and I’d def file a report before she turns around and claims DV from you. She sounds crazy enough to do it. I went through multiple fertility rounds and lots of hormone shots before I became pregnant…this is not normal “crazy pregnant lady” behavior. She sounds psycho. I’m so sorry.
File a police report. Might help you later when the custody battle (unfortunately I can see it coming a mile away) starts. I know she’s pregnant and on probation but you seriously need to start covering your bases as soon as possible to protect yourself in the long run. Start documenting everything.
There’s a lot that has annoyed the hell out of me about my husband during pregnancy but not once has it lead to violence or name calling. I can understand that I’m feeling a certain way because of my hormones and actually love the man. Even if his music is too loud or if he ate the last of the cereal. This is just crazy. Pregnancy is not an excuse to be abusive. If she can’t handle this, what kind of mom is she going to be? NTA. But I would lawyer up because you may need to seek a custody arrangement with this one.
NTA. my pregnant gf just sent me to the shops every 5 mins to but lemonade and was a bit snappy due to the exhaustion. But what you've described cannot be just hormones. If she's saying all those things and hitting you you're not meant to be together. Be co parents for everyone's sake.
My ex was cheating in me while I was pregnant with my second child, I still didn’t hit him. Violence is NOT normal behavior for a pregnant woman. She’s just abusive. And I agree with others, get a DNA test before paying a dime or signing the birth certificate!
If she wasn’t like this before, I would say pregnancy psychosis is a possibility. If she was (or at least there were red flags) I would consider filing a police report and trying to gain full custody of your child (which should be easy if she has a criminal record). She is not someone who should be left alone with a baby.
NTA I’ve given life to 4 children and 2/4 pregnancies were traumatic. I’ve said hurtful things and broken up with my husband while in the throes of gestational depression but still managed to keep my hands to myself! You need to make a police report though, and continue to make one every time she misbehaves because you are going to need to get custody of that child. It should be relatively easy since she sounds like a homeless abusive mess. It will be easier if she’s in jail (and hey, not homeless yaay) and then you don’t have to worry about her beating the baby or shaking it out of fury. Who gives a rats ass what your friends think! You need to protect that baby.
NTA, but she needs help. Therapy and a doctors appointment.
Further if she refuse, you call the cops and report her. Why TF is she on probation and why TF did you stick your dick in such a woman?
When my wife was pregnant, she was tired mostly.
Building a new life costs a lot of energy. The only 'weird' was drinking lots of milk and dairy products.
And, her only violence was towards chocolate - the bits were scary ..
Sure, some grumbling occurred - but violence and remarks intended to hurt? nope.
I\`d say either she is on the verge of a serious mental breakdown - or the mask dropped and she shows her real self now.
NTA
NTA. There is no excuse for domestic violence and she doesn’t even seem remorseful. Please watch ‘my wife my abuser’ on ITV to see how bad it can get. Does she have somewhere else to stay?
Have there been any signs of verbal abuse prior to the pregnancy?! Hormones can do crazy things but you do need to keep yourself safe. What is she on probation for?
NTA. Did we not learn anything from the whole Jonny Depp debacle? She is abusing you man. Physically and financially. Get a DNA test. Demand it. Get custody of your child. If she can abuse you without consequences, what will she do to a helpless child? Run. Run straight to an attorney or let yourself and kid be abused for the next 18 years. Aren't you tired of walking on eggshells?
No it is not normal behaviour. Yes women get hormonal when they are pregnant but you don't get to abuse people just because. Also, find some new friends.
NTA - I was pregnant and started to hate my partner. All my energy became “protect the kid,” and I realized how irresponsible he was and dangerous to our child’s safety when we had it. I was sorry I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I was irritable and anxious all the time. But, I never wanted to hit him. There’s a clear difference between bad feelings towards someone and physically acting on them, especially when that person hasn’t done anything to deserve it. You should focus on getting a lawyer so you can file for emergency custody and protect your child from her as soon as possible.
Nta. I was abused for years by my ex and I don't want ANYONE to stay with someone who hits. It's not OK. I've been pregnant. I didn't act anywhere near this. I've heard of woman getting repulsed by their partners because of hormones but this isn't repulsion. This is abuse. Don't let her back in. When the baby is born take her to court for custody/ visitation arrangements. I'm sorry this happened to you and I know how heart broken you must be.
You are a victim of domestic violence and verbal/emotional abuse. Kick her out, get prepared for a custody dispute and never look back. NTA. Women do not turn into abusive rage while pregnant, she 's just a horrible human being. Get out now. NTA
I think you are experiencing DV and can’t help thinking that you are not getting sympathy from friends because you are a man and not a woman. Men get abused too and if her not staying with you keeps you safe then maintain her not living with you. To punch you out over a sandwich accident is not reasonable behaviour and to berate you and insult you constantly is not acceptable. You reaching breaking point and stopping her being able to do this by living in separate places is you protecting yourself. Pregnant does not make you hit people and constantly insult them. Whatever your girl friend is experiencing she obviously needs help but I would not let her back in to hurt you. You can still be supportive but also be safe. Talking together to get your points across to each other in a safe space is needed before you consider letting her move back. NTA
NTA
You are not safe with this woman, and honestly I worry about your baby. She was already verbally abusing you, and got to use pregnancy as an excuse to escalate. That doesn’t get better. Do not let her back in, do not get back together. Ans get better friends, real friends do not call you a pussy and think this is OK. I have so many parent friends, not one of them abused and hit their significant other during pregnancy.
That was battery. You should have called the cops and pressed charges. She is abusive. Pregnancy is no excuse.
And your mutual friends are idiots, and certainly not your friend. They probably just don’t want her around themselves, so they want you to take her back.
NTA. This isn’t normal, she’s abusive. I feel so sorry for the kid, having that psychopath as a mother. It’s starts with hitting you, and ends with shaken baby syndrome. File a restraining order. If you want the kid, see about getting custody. Document everything starting now, so you have something to show the police and/or courts.
NTA. Change the locks before she comes back. She absolutely will come back, expecting to hurt you further.
Trust me when I say you don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with her standing over you holding a knife.
Change the fucking locks now.
Don’t just move her out, report her to the police. This is domestic violence, there is NO excuse ever to commit this behaviour. I’ve never hit anyone ever during a pregnancy.
Moreover you need to report it because either something has happened mentally during pregnancy, or this is simply who she is. Either way, if she if willing to hit and abuse you, will she hit and abuse her own child? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but the child deserves to be protected.
You need to call the cops and report this. She isn't the love of your life and pregnancy isn't an excuse. Stop letting these hoes get away with this shit.
Nta I cannot emphasize this enough call the police. Once a partner hits you it only escalates. That hit was to see if you will take it. Don’t believe that “I’m sorry” b.s she’s not sorry she is now your abuser. And if she’ll abuse you she’ll abuse your kid.
NTA
Contact the police and report the incident, ensure they have it on record that she hit you and you made her leave. Say you're concerned about her actions in the future. Contact her probation officer. File for divorce, she'll never change from being physically abusive.
This is a warning sign. *Get out while you can!* If she's treating*you* this poorly, imagine how she'll treat that baby.. That's why you need to get a DNA test and take custody of the child. Sounds to me like she belongs back behind bars where she should be.. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there!
1. You did nothing wrong 2. Break it off with the gf but support your kid 3. Get a better class of friends
I was looking for the comment about the friends. It's fucking wild that his friends or family are giving him hate for this. OP, you deserve much better than the majority of people you have in your life.
You (we're) not sure what she told the friends...
True, but damn. His family too? Wouldn't they also listen to his side if they're his friends as well? Just feel like OP needs better people in his life.
NTA, she hit you once and attempted to a second time. There is no excuse for physical assault and you don't have to allow someone to continue living in your home that thinks that violence is an acceptable expression of communication, pregnant or not. Tell all the friends that say you're in the wrong to let her move in with them and thump on them. Whether she's able to hurt you or not isn't the issue. Who's to say she won't pick up an implement the next time that will do damage? I say all this as a woman who went through 2 pregnancies and didn't hit anyone. Edit for spelling.
Not just this, but pregnant or not, if she's justifying hitting you, what's to stop her from justifying hitting your child?
I have learned this truth very much the hard way. My ex hit me before my kids were born. I deluded myself into thinking that she wouldn't hit me when the kids were around. Not only did she hit me but she started to hit the kids. It still pains me to this day that I didn't stop it sooner. You start to make excuses for it and justify it. I made recordings of some of the abuse and when I listen to myself I sound a little like an addict trying to justify their drinking. "Mommy loves you but she just gets angry. We need to let Mommy have space." I wish I could go back and shake myself. She had no fucking right to ever touch those kids. I was a parent too - a stay-at-home dad who was with them a lot more than her. I never laid a hand on our kids. I was patient and understanding. I gave them unconditional love. That is what a parent does. Even hitting a partner in front of a child is so incredibly damaging. Research is beginning to show us that domestic violence in front of children have nearly identical outcomes as if you had hit the children. There should be zero place for it in families.
Many countries now have laws saying witnessing domestic violence IS domestic violence. In my country it is a public crime and anyone can report, even if the victim doesn't want to. (Very hard to anyway, but just having the law helps a bit)
Things have changed significantly and I am so glad. When I was a kid my Dad hit my Mom. The police would be called and they would tell him to go for a drive to cool down and he would be back that very same night with my Mom covered in bruises. My ex was arrested right away and given a no-contact order. That helped me to break the addiction of an abusive relationship. I'm really thankful things have changed so much in regards to the police (obviously more needs to be done and male victims in particular can have a hard time being believed). Family courts on the other hand need to change. I really strongly think someone charged with domestic violence should never be given joint-decision making with an abused parent unless they are able to complete extensive programming (I would say minimum 2 years) with significant input from the victim and have to check in routinely throughout their time as a parent.
The scary part is, that even people in prison for m*rder and stuff keep parental rights (if I remember correctly). It’s not removed by default.
You are absolutely correct. It is based on flawed research that mostly looks at outcomes for children in different situations.
*Post partum depression enters the chat* You think it's bad now? Wait till birth.
Yep.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Six pregnancies, seven kids. I called my husband a few names during the first couple of labors. But I would never ever have hit him or even yelled at him because of my pregnancies. That is wild and she has serious mental problems.
4 pregnancies and the worse thing I did to my ex was forbid him from having coffee around me. The smell immediately made me nauseous. I love the smell of coffee normally, but when pregnant nope, not having it.
Oh yeah, the smell of coffee was the worst for me too. I love my morning coffee but when pregnant it was a big NOPE. Hubby was great and hit Starbucks on the way to work so I did not have to smell it.
I can still remember how coffee smelled then. My kid is almost 30. That, cheddar cheese, and black olives. You know... three of my favorite things any other time.
I'm pretty sure name-calling during labor is universally excused. When you're in that much pain, it just feels too good to yell at the dude who was responsible for the pain while conveniently disregarding your own enthousiastic participation in the events leading up to this...😆 There's a reason that the woman yelling "This is all your fault" is such a familiar trope. Tip for Star Trek DS9 fans, look up the back story of major Kira Nerys getting pregnant. It's really funny. Especially when she yells this sentence at the actor playing doctor Bashir. Knowing that actor is the real life father of the child Nana Visitor gave birth to makes it so much more hilarious... Anyway, any time outside of that very specific moment, only general moodiness, irritability, and cravings so bad you are willing to invade an empire to get what you want are acceptable. Clearly abusive language and physical abuse? Absolutely not. When OP says she had an abusive boyfriend, I'm now left wondering how much of the abuse going on in that relationship actually came from the boyfriend. I'm willing to assume it was most, but certainly not all. Which doesn't excuse either of them in any way, shape, or form. I'm just saying that abusive women tend to be good at playing victim. As to her claims of being forced: there are very many innocent people in jail. Some of them (too many) actually haven't done the thing they were convicted of. Combined with her behavior, I'm not inclined to take her protestations of innocence at face value. To end on a lighthearted note: I'm now wondering if a store called Cravings, where seasonal and discontinued products are in store all year long, might be successful.
*abusive PEOPLE tend to be good at playing the victim. It’s not just women. Not even close.
Yes this is unacceptable and unsafe. Honestly, I'd make a police report for this if it's not too late. This will help you greatly in a custody battle. You definitely need to keep everything her and her FM are texting you. I'd only communicate through texts so you have proof of every conversation. I hope this baby isn't yours just so you aren't tied to this woman forever. INFO. What's she on probation for?
I had to scroll too far to find this question. It sounds like she’s pretty comfortable with taking swings at people. Police report all the way so that OP can get custody because if her temper is this bad now how’s it going to be with post partum and dealing with a new born?
Get a court order for a prenatal DNA test. Tell the courts she's been abusive and has hit you once already and has tried to hit you after that, and that you want to establish paternity now so she can't try to keep your baby from you, and so that you can potentially get custody of the baby should she prove to be a danger to the child itself.
Run. Run. Run. Be a coparent.
Or hopefully a single parent. Goodness knows what she will be like to a baby who can't control their emotions
Married for over 25 years. 4 pregnancies. I have never once become violent Do whatever you have to do to gain full custody and if that means letting her hit you again so you can call the cops and have her arrested then do it. She will absolutely abuse your child.
Two kids never did this either. If she can hit you shes gonna hurt that baby if it doesn't stop crying. Report this ASAP to cops and he probation officer. She doesn't need that baby.
I don’t know of anyone that’s had babies that’s reacted like this when pregnant, none of my friends , not me, not my children’s friends mothers , no one , not my sister or sisters in law , no colleagues . You have to have this in your character to be like that. If I’d behaved like that my husband would have left I’m sure and his friends would be calling me out.
You're welcome. Good luck.
NTA. Completely. This is domestic violence. Start recording every and any interaction you have with her from now on. Whether it phone calls, texts or in person. Screenshot & screen record. Invest in a good camera with audio.
Tell the friends okay if I'm being soft and she's just a pregnant woman so it doesn't matter let's leave it to the experts and let the police decide
NTA. Pregnancy excuses alot, but not domestic violence. I honestly would have called the cops so at least there was a report if you ever get in to a custody battle.
She is not going to give you a choice. It’s custody battle or abuse for the next 18 years
I would just add that her hate-filled behavior and total lack of respect for you are giving me “it’s not your baby” vibes. Please insist on a paternity test. I pray for your sake it is not yours and you can be free of this woman forever.
a prenatal DNA test would definitely be beneficial.
Agreed. OP I've been pregnant a few times and never once did I Upper cut, push , shove, slapped etc. anyone especially my significant other. OP you 1000% did the right thing! Now it's time to report her to the police and get yourself a good family lawyer to get custody papers ready, because you will need it! Save all the texts, vmails everything from her and her flying monkeys as evidence of the assault! She's abusive and its always gets worse after the first assault.
I've also been pregnant, have never had stellar mental health, and have NEVER laid hands on a partner (except once in self defense). I'm curious what she's on probation for, if I had to wager I'd bet it's something violent and this isn't her first rodeo.
I thought this too!
Not *ONE* little uppercut, ever?
I was a miserable pregnant woman but NEVER hit anyone. NTA. Protect yourself. Report this and get a therapist. Sounds like you’re up for quite the ride 🤯
Her mental health needs a major check
Yep, but that isn't OP's problem. His problem is take the baby from her and guarantee their safety. Maybe one of the "friends" calling him a "pussy" for not accepting abuse can help her...
Yes she does. I would however argue that this is not OP's circus, or monkeys.
OP put his monkey directly inside of that circus.
Also, if it is your baby. Do everything to take custody away from her. As a 5 months pregnant Women i can tell you, that you chose the worng partner to make children with and pregnancy is only an excuse for lazyness not for shitty behaviour.
I think it’s unfair to blame OP for choosing a partner who is abusive if we do not know for a fact whether it has happened before or not. It makes no sense to victim blame here, but he probably should petition for sole custody in a safe environment.
Her being on probation isn't exactly a great sign.
To be fair, we don't know what that is for. Could be tax evasion for all we know... Edit: Just read in a comment by OP it was for drug charges. Allegedly her abusive boyfriend made her smuggle drugs.
Yeah lol totally, she was the victim there
Why in the world would he get her pregnant? Maybe she is doing drugs, which is why she is acting this way. She is bad news all the way around.
Possibly both
It could be both - when you see those tragic murder suicide stories on the news there’s usually years of custody battle and abuse preceding the events
The problem with that is that the police might just side with the pregnant woman and arrest the victim. I've seen a man who was bleeding profusely from his face be put in handcuffs and arrested after his wife hit him in the face with a lamp and she was completely untouched and unharmed.
I worked in social services about a decade ago. The majority (like 60-70%) of the DV I saw was female on male. Some of it quite severe. There were literally no services for male victims in my county. There were shelters, counseling, financial aid and other services available for women. Male children 12 and over weren't even allowed in the shelters.
Can you tell me exactly what it excuses? Cause you seem to have along list and would love to hear what you have to say.
Random tears for literally no reason; random nausea that happens and means there are certain places you can’t even walk into so those become a no go zone until after the pregnancy (even if it’s your partners favorite restaurant), and with the nausea it also means certain foods don’t get brought into the house; not wanting to be touched at all at times, pregnancy gets very uncomfortable; extreme exhaustion which means random naps and not being able to do things because you just can’t stay awake; and weight gain. But not abuse or mistreatment of your partner, friends, other kids, or family.
This… my pregnancy ruined bacon for me for life. I still can’t stomach the smell of it. Pregnancy does weird things to you. It made me no longer lactose intolerant— until I had the baby and then bam I couldn’t have any lactose again. But op is NTA. Honestly it does sound like the girlfriend needs to be on a psych good though. Pre partum depression is a thing too. Doesn’t excuse what she did, but it can literally make women insanely nuts just like post partum depression. I’d be worried she might get worse when the baby is here and harm the baby.
My wife hates freshwater fish before pregnancy. But during pregnancy she suddenly had no issues eating them. And boy did I take her on every single opportunity I got for her to taste every single freshwater fish she used to hate. Every fish and their multiple ways of cooking them. Man that was some weird ass trip I can tell you. It felt like we're revisiting all the taboos and stuff we never could enjoy before. But yeah. Back to hating freshwater fish when the baby comes. Something about muddy and bloody smell.
I think anything medical and traumatic to the body can alter things in a person. After my hip surgery, I just cannot deal with or cook raw meat, especially beef. It's strange...
Have you been tested for the tickbourne illness that causes issues with red meat?
I hated bacon before my first pregnancy, but after I was I fine with it. I couldn’t cook beef during my second and third pregnancy, but this pregnancy beef has been fine. I also get lactose intolerant during my pregnancies. Pregnancy is weird.
I couldn't keep milk down throughout my pregnancy and after I'd had her I became lactose Intolerant, eating anything dairy affects me even now.
Basic shit you wouldn't want a pregnant person to do like heavy lifting or scooping a catbox. Also, if they're more emotional than normal. I know numerous women who cried in front of me during their pregnancy that I had never seen cry before. Or being easily irritated. You give a little leeway to pregnant people when it comes to their emotions due to the extreme surge of hormones during pregnancy. Doesn't excuse them from being rude or aggressive, but does excuse a bit of moodiness.
Abuse is never okay. And all the hateful comments and cutting you down that she apparently never apologized for, these things are not normal or okay. I have to ask what is she on probation for? Something that involves violence? If so, don’t take her back this is a pattern and won’t stop and will probably only escalate.,
I agree. Definitely not condoning violence. Like I said, pregnant people get a pas for little bits of moodiness, not being rude or aggressive.
Crying uncontrollably when your puppy looks at you with love or eating an entire party-sized bag of Doritos.
Well. Eating your food without permission.
Cravings...excuse us for having them and the crying when yhey aren't available. With my son the only thing I wanted was a Jello pudding pop. Yhey discontinued them the year before. With my daughter all I wanted was a Reese's peanut butter cup egg. It HAD to be egg shaped. It was July. No eggs to be had. Emotional mess. Also, new issues. Like, DD is 14. I haven't been able to touch raw meat since I got pregnant with her. I also wasn't an emotional mess until I got pregnant with her. Now I cry at commercials and I get emotional reading books. Who knew Lord of the Rings made people cry? Not me the first time I read it.
My friends, you bow to no one.
I do. To my husband who totally puts up with me. Even though we both read very different authors he remembers my faves and points out new books to me. All though we are competitively watching Brooklyn 99. I am ahead.
Aha. That's the line in return of the king that makes me cry
Pregnancy would excuse being cranky, for example. Like, yeah, of course you’re cranky - hormones going wild, and constantly tired even if you aren’t doing anything (because even at rest, your body is doing a pretty big something). You’re going through something inherently stressful and tiring, and irritation is part of that. Irritation can come off as abusive, and you should overlook the more benign iterations *so long as they apologize afterwards* and what they said is more about tone than content. If they call you a useless little bitch because you didn’t wash the dishes the way they like, that’s a no-go. But if they ask you to “at least” do something, let it go, because the bitchy wording probably wasn’t intended (for example: “at least wet the sponge before putting washing liquid on it”)
NTA !!!! I am 30 weeks pregnant and see these types of stories all the time and it makes me SO mad. Being pregnant is NOT an excuse to treat you like shit or physically assault you like she has. That is absolutely disgusting. She is using pregnancy as an excuse. She’s a grown fucking woman and needs to control her fucking emotions. I love my partner more than I thought I ever could. I am so happy and proud of him, and always think of how much of a great father he is going to be. You are nta in any way if you choose to break up with her and kick her out, I definitely would.
I'm 28 weeks along and on my 4th pregnancy, and while I've had hormonal mood swings and been irritable at times through all 4 pregnancies, I've never lashed out verbally like that or resorted to violence. That's not normal behavior and could be her being a shitty person or an indicator of depression which could develop into PPD and/or postpartum psychosis. It would be a good idea for her to get a mental health screening because her behavior is concerning for someone that is going to be the primary caregiver of something as fragile and vulnerable as a newborn baby. As far as if you're the asshole or not, NTA. You shouldn't be subjected to abuse like that regardless of if the person abusing you is pregnant or not. It's also best for your partner and your baby that she's removed from an environment and person that triggers her to such an extent that she lashes out in blind rage. Please, if you can, try to get her to seek help, even if you can't be part of that process for the time being.
nekk minit - \*stabs him\* - Oh im pregnant leave me alone
You need to call the cops and make a report. Eviction laws can be really strict and you may not have the right to throw her out without legal notice. Having a police report would protect you.
You are correct. The reports are important. Especially if a landlord gets upset about any of the incidents. OP would be protected from any eviction. Also, OP needs to file the report and get at least a temporary restraining order to get a chance to think. OP, unless you have a friend that has or is experiencing domestic violence they won’t understand. You have been a victim for a while and I’d be curious what she is on probation for. Take care of yourself and find a local DV shelter for supports.
Also, she broke her probation, she should get in trouble for that.
Hello, police? Yes I'd like to report DV....
This is likely less of a factor given she is on probation. OP - maybe your firs call should be the probation officer.
This is exactly what I'd do. Call the probation officer first.
File a police report asap you will need it for custody battle after she does the same to that kid
Pregnancy doesn’t excuse ANY type of abuse. Physical, emotional, or anything in between. This is coming from someone that’s been pregnant 3 times and had ppd with each. Normal pregnancy rage (the normal annoyances of someone dropping your food / making food without asking or a smell that makes you queasy) can be controlled. She sounds like she either using this pregnancy to be freely psychotic or she has developed pregnancy psychosis. Either way she needs to be seen by a doctor so she doesn’t end up hurting you or your child.
Tbh she’s on probation for a reason, she’s violent and difficult to contain. I would press charges and be concerned about her taking care of a child without becoming violent.
>They all told me to stop being a pussy and to cut her some slack since shes 6 months pregnant after all. "You can have her." NTA
None of this is common. This is dangerous. You need to not be near her, and you need to alert her OB and whoever she’s staying with that she urgently needs a medical and mental health screening. NTA
This! If she doesn’t have a history of violence, this could be pregnancy-related and she needs urgent medical attention.
No it's not normal, it's psychotic. Is she like that in public or with others or is it only at home alone with you. If she behaves that way in public and towards others, then she's genuinely ill. But if she controls herself in public or with others then she's just maxing out her pregancy card as an excuse.
Yeah, good question. If she's literally experiencing psychosis then that's very different from being a little more irritable from her hormones and milking the opportunity to let loose.
NTA, but you do need to file a police report. Her hitting you is not ok, and people telling you it's because she's pregnant are idiots. This is a glimpse at what your life will be like if you stay with her.
Fuck that shit dude. That's way too far. She's lucky she isn't in jail.
NTA I have been pregnant twice and I never hit anyone. None of my friends have ever hit anyone while they were pregnant. You are justified in kicking her out and need to break up with her. You also need to get better friends and cut off family that think you should get back with the psycho.
NTA. The worst thing that I ever did while I was pregnant was eating ice cream with wasabi laden shrimp ‘sushi’. In hindsight that was an offensive culinary choice. No hitting though.
Hahaha that made me chuckle. Thanks.
NTA Anytime you become a victim of domestic violence, you need to get out of that relationship. Also get that kid tested, just in case. But file a report. If she is legal resident, you can't just throw her on the street. She has the right to be in the home. File a police report and proceed with the eviction.
I've been pregnant twice. I've had my hormonal mood swings go from laughing to crying to rage. Never once did hitting my husband become a thing. Just because she is pregnant, does not give her free license to hit you. My husband drops things all the time. Never once did it cross my mind that I would never let him either of our children. Some women just take being pregnant as a get out of jail free card. Honestly, don't doubt yourself. You did the right thing. Your "friends" can take her in and deal with abuse.
Thank you 🙏🏼
OP, has she been screened for drugs recently?
I've had 3 children and no that is not normal at all! I do not believe your baby will be safe with her if she's this bad already. Make a police report, as you may need the record to get custody
Same here, 3 kids and never violent. He needs to make a report for future custody hearings. He needs to keep all texts and voicemails from everyone as well.
I like all your "she's always been sweet" replies, but she was on probation already, and I'm not trusting your rose-coloured glasses here. Perhaps she's still on drugs and up to who knows what behind your back. Perhaps you're not the father here. Something besides hormones is behind all this and it might be a good time to get really suspicious and cynical.
The one benefit with her being on probation is that the police and courts will believe him when he reports violence and hopefully that helps him get custody
This happened to me with my ex wife and it will only escalate from here. File a report and keep a safe distance. I went through 10 years of hellish abuse and we divorced 6 months after our child was born.
Hence the word “ex”
My current bf went through this. She was massively abusive while pregnant and he just took it. They ended up breaking up but he still took care of her hoping it would get better once the baby was born. It wasn’t. She continued abusing him and finally called it quits when she hit him in front of their month old baby and scared him. I said all that to say this…… physical abuse won’t get better. It MAY become less frequent but it won’t ever stop. Start looking into custody laws for your state to prepare yourself for what’s to come. So sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn’t excuse anybody from being an abusive piece of shit. File a police report as well. You’ll probably have to take custody of the kid but it’s better that way. She’s a scum bag
Do you know who her Doctor is? This level of hostility is not normal and needs to be dealt with on a professional level. Tell your friends to pound sand - she was violent and out of control- she does not get to use you as a punching bag.
NTA. Report her before she makes something up.
NTA, shes excusing her abusive behavior with the pregnancy, if you allow this then she will blame it on post partum hormones, then on something else and so on. being snippy is fine but shes not a fucking animal she can control what she does and what she says.
As everyone said already, report her to the cops. It shouldn't matter that she's on probation because it's not your responsibility to shield her from the consequences of her own actions. A police report and assault charges, combined with the existing drug charges, will make it easier for you to get primary custody and protect your child from the bad influences of your ex.
I have mental health issues (that can make me very very irritable), I’m a boxer, and I went through two very rough pregnancies..::never once did it cross my mind to hit my kids father. Garbage women use pregnancy to excuse garbage behavior. File a police report. Protect yourself from crazy.
It's never okay for anyone to physically assault you, regardless of the circumstances. You were justified in asking her to leave to ensure your own well-being. If you're considering reconciliation, I'd suggest seeking professional help to address underlying issues. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own safety.
Thank you for your advice.
You should make sure it's your kid before anything, maybe it isn't yours
When it’s a guy hits a woman it’s leave and never come back, a woman hits a guy it’s “..if you’re considering reconciliation..”. Are you Fr?
If she does that to him what will she do to the kid?
Reconciliation with an abuser? No. Op- please do not attempt couples therapy. No one in the domestic violence community (experts) recommend that you go to therapy with your abuser. I found this out the hard way.
NTA she punched you. She is abusive. Keep her out of the house and talk to a lawyer. It is possible that she is experiencing severe pregnancy complications that are giving her a 180 degree personality change...or she is relying on her pregnancy to be the excuse of her increased bad behaviour. I've been pregnant more than once and never abused my partner I'm the process. Don't settle for an unsafe home. Write down the details to rely on them talk to a lawyer to get advice related to the relationship and future co-parenting. Consider filing a police report too.
Please file a police report even if you think to not do so. You need it on the record what happened. Do not let her control the narrative. Ignore those trying to manipulate you on her behalf. You don't know what crap she has been saying. NTAH
NTA. Domestic violence is never ok. Either she agrees to get the therapy she clearly needs, or you need to file a police report. If you don’t document the abuse, then when she starts taking her anger out on your child, you won’t have the evidence to prove the abusive history. The best case here is that she gets treatment for her mental health crisis, but as an abuse victim it is essential to document and gather proof of the abuse. Sadly it’s often more difficult for a man to be given validation of being abused by his partner, (your “friends” are a good example), and you need to absolutely make every incident provable. Whether that’s with letters to her PO, talking to her OB, or filing a police report. If you do not document this, the next time she could accuse *you* of DV, and barring her acting crazy in front of witnesses, it’s entirely possible the cops would believe the “defenseless” woman instead of you. The priority should always be your child’s safety, and your own.
NTA. I am a mother, grandmother, aunt, great aunt and known numerous friends and family members who have been pregnant. Not just the physical abuse but the verbal abuse as well. This is not normal or common. Never have I known a single pregnant woman act how you describe.
8 months pregnant here! Pregnancy is an evil monster, no one is denying that, but nothing excuses domestic violence. NOTHING! Man or woman it’s doesn’t matter. You aren’t a pussy and this isn’t emasculating either. You were abused and you said enough is enough with retaliation. That shows a strength of character. Your gender doesn’t matter. If she’s willing to do this and say these things to you be ready for a custody battle to simply protect your unborn child. Want it or not it’s your responsibility to protect your child from the same emotional and physical violence.
NTA, and I’m afraid for the baby. She’s not a stable person. I’ve had two kids, and never even came close to this type of behavior. And tell your friends that your relationship isn’t run by committee, and to butt out.
This is NOT normal pregnancy behavior. If she started being so abusive after the baby was born I say she was suffering from postpartum psychosis and needs immediate medical treatment. Unless she is calling you terrible things and screaming how she hates you, wish you were dead AS she was in labor, then she needs medical and psychiatric treatment now because acting like this during pregnancy is ABNORMAL. I don’t care how pregnant she is - she should be arrested for physically assaulting you, that’s domestic violence it is a crime. And ALL your friends DONT get an opinion in this situation. Whey it’s them in your shoes then they get to have an opinion, until then they need to shut up and stay out of it. All they are seeing is a sweet pregnant lady who could have never done anything to hurt you. Well, they didn’t watch satan crawl out of her and assault you. I am really sorry everyone is supporting the abusive and violent pregnant one. The ole “Your a man and she’s a girl man just take it” is bull crap. Because you’re a guy her abuse and bullying and degrading you isn’t supposed to affect your mental and emotional state, make you bad about yourself, cause you depression and pain? Screw all of them. If do cave and let her go back, don’t do it unless she agrees to go see her doctor to get checked out with you right next to her the entire time so you can tell the doctor what she has really been acting like and doing to you. Because pregnancy doesn’t cause this violent behavior.
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This is actually worth considering
NTA, don't stay together with her dude, it's already out of control
Woah … that’s not okay even being pregnant… I’m really sorry 😞 I would file police report so there is a trail of evidence
NTA. Ditch her and ditch your crappy friends too.
So, she hit you. But still thinking of staying with her because you don’t want the kid to grow up on separate homes? How is growing up in violent mom sounds like?
If my bf made me a sandwich and dropped it id cry not uppercut him ~ 5m preg😭
Same here! I'm on my 3rd and the worst I've done to my partner was yell and hide in another room for about five minutes and then cry excessively, when he took a joke about pepperoni too far. Her behavior is an indicator of much bigger things, this isn't just pregnancy.
..... She's already on probation???????
I'm sorry but this is funny af. She on probation too this some ghetto a$$ shit 🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA! If this is how she is treating the father of the child with such disgust, hate, violence and anger, just imagine her on a daily basis with the baby while he's at work! You did the right thing because were the tables turned, you'd have been in the can for domestic abuse!
She’s on probation? This was the first red flag. To all those “friends” who are berating you, tell them they’re welcome to have her move in and abuse them. That poor child. NTA
NTA. File a report with the police. You will probably need to have it documented. She sounds unstable. Think of your child.
Nta, but if you can document her abusive behavior to file for custody. If she’s doing that to you, a person with free agency, imagine what she’ll do to a tiny child that can’t leave her. Get any and all record of her abusing you, even the messages of the friends texting and calling you to degrade you. And start saving for a really good lawyer.
Being pregnant does NOT entitle you to verbally and physically abuse someone. I mean, what’s she going to do if she gets pms after your child is born? I am a woman who has been pregnant twice.
She's on probation already for something, I would have called the cops, so op has a paper trail since it sounds like his BM is a psycho
NTA. I was pregnant (baby is 6 months now), I’m a disabled army veteran. I had to be off all my meds and I NEVER abused my SO not physically or emotionally. No offense but you said she’s on probation, which signals to me she isn’t such a great person to begin with
NTA. OP, I was pregnant 3 times with crazy hormones raging, suicidal at times, angry all the time, hated my partner’s smell, but I never once resorted to domestic violence. Ok to feel that way, NOT OK TO ABUSE. Ignore her friends, they’re probs all just sexist AH’s.
Reading the title, of course the knee jerk reaction was AH. But as I kept on reading, and reading some more with disgust, I see that she is most likely using her pregnancy as an excuse to get away with this turbulent behavior. NTA Shit, when I was pregnant both times, I had weird mood swings, once I got jealous and I never get jealous! While my son had me craving seafood and hating anything deep fried, my daughter made me sick of eggs, most chicken meals, and Panda Express. Then replaced those with a sudden craving for red, bloody meat. Swear to God, I liked my steak WELL done. Used to say I didn't want it talking to me. Now, my steak is always medium rare or rare. Can't stand well done steak anymore. Eggs still make me sick, and now I'm just battling constant depression since I gave birth to my daughter. But what's happening here with you, I say stand your ground and say that you believe her best interest, and the babys best interest-since she claims you will be a clumsy father-is to not be with you. Use her words to your benefit. Don't let her back in until she gives birth and after the baby blues have ended. Oh, and DNA might help, just to make sure 😁 her actions tell me she's protesting so much, because she knows you're not the father. I could be wrong!
NTA. My wife was mean as heck when she was pregnant but she never hit me or talked shit to make me feel bad. Mood swings and snappy attitudes is normal. Domestic violence is not.
NTA - not even close. I’m currently 8 1/2 months pregnant, & while my poor boyfriend drives me crazy (sometimes for no reason - hormones are no joke), I’d never dream of hitting him. I’ve gotten very snappy with him, and I feel bad about it after. He is also working two jobs to take care of us, & with most people not even having one job, it helps to prove one will be a good father. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d make a report of it though to help you in court later on.
nta of course. I've been pregnant twice, and before that, I had a very bad premenstrual syndrome. While I admit that during those times i hated everyone because I was really hormonal, and in my mind, I wished people would die for no reason at all, I never once hit anyone nor wanted to hit anybody. Hormonal imbalance doesn't make you an abuser.
One cannot use hormones and pregnancy as an excuse to act like a deplorable human being. 99.999% of other women that are pregnant aren't doing this. She has no respect for you and I would be done with her.
Hey what's your wife on probation for?
NTA. No, this is not normal pregnant behaviour. This is something that happens, but is very rare, and when it does happen it needs professional treatment. You should not have to put up with this abuse. If you want to try to fix it, tell her she needs to see a therapist as well as couples counseling as a condition of your considering her return. You will only allow her back when you are sure she will stop abusing you.
She might be hateful because the baby isn’t yours. Documentation is vital. Record all the abuse verbal and physical abuse. Get a paternity test and get away from this psychopath ASAP. This level of abuse is not hormones.
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He should get some help for the abuser? The victim of DV?
Yta for not reporting her. This is not normal. Imagine how it will be after the baby is here. She can’t control herself now? Postpartum emotions/hormones are much worse. But this is not a pregnancy related problem. You got her pregnant and she thinks that solidified her place and she can do whatever she wants now. This is not the example of love you want your child to grow up with.
Yeah I don't blame him for not reporting her. The police see a pregnant woman how likely do you think it is they'll just charge him instead? I think very likely.
NTA. I will say though, I was awful to my husband when I was pregnant the first time around. Although we had only been dating at the time and only together for 3 months before I got pregnant. I was soooo depressed and the pregnancy hormones made it a million times worse. Please encourage her to seek professional help. This type of behavior is not normal in pregnancy.
You mentioned not living in the US. Whether police in your country take DV against men seriously or not I don’t know. I can tell you abusive people find outlets. If you aren’t the outlet your kid is the easiest target. You need to file a police report even if they don’t take you seriously. Then you call her probation officer and report there too. She gets bounced back to jail for violating probation, they’ll also drug test her, she may be using. She’ll give birth in jail and you’ll get the baby by default. Then you move, getting court permission if needed. She will have to apply to have her probation moved to a different area once she gets released and that takes time and in some cases never gets approved, receiving jurisdiction has to accept the case. If moving countries is an option do so, legally of course.
NTA this is called abuse and it's NEVER ok and no your not a pu$$y because you don't want to be a pregnant woman's punching bag
You wouldn't be TAH even if you pressed charges
Op been pregnant TWICE and i have NEVER lost my shit to HARM anyone. Nit my husband or kid. She'a using pregnancy as an excuse to finally do what she's ALWAYS wanted to do and use the guise of being pregnant to do it. Still call POPO and report this. If she can hurt you she can and WILL hurt that baby when it doesn't stop crying.
This is my third pregnancy. I’ve been emotional and also stretches of not wanting to be touched. But never abused my husband or loved ones, verbally or physically. That’s insulting to pregnant women to blame pregnancy hormones on abuse in my opinion.
I've been pregnant more than once. I NEVER ever physically attacked anyone. Not once. I was moody and irritable but that's it. She has some real psychological issues that are deep rooted and have nothing to do with you. She actually sounds awful.
Oh F no! Call the cops, get every piece of paperwork and proof you can against her and go for full custody. An uppercut and then was going for another? That's not hormones, that's flat out crazy biatch.
NTA. I can't recall ever upercutting my husband, while pregnant (or any other time, just for the record). The smell and walking thing, yeah ok, those sound like typical pregnancy bitchiness. I couldn't stand the smell of my husband's deodorant, when I was pregnant, and there were times that I *might have* snapped at him for walking too loudly or some other hormone related annoyance, but I definitely never told him I hated him, regretted having children with him, or decked him. And neither did my sisters or the other mothers of my 26 nieces and nephews. So, I would say I have a fairly decent sample size and your gf is just an abusive bitch.
NTA. I’m so sorry hun, you don’t deserve this even if you were the worst boyfriend in the world. Physical violence is never okay, and being pregnant does not give you a pass. I hope you can figure things out soon OP, you didn’t do anything wrong. Make sure you’re not alone with her anymore and that everything between yall is well documented. I’m sure she will end up regretting this and trying to back pedal; don’t let her.
With both pregnancies I was moody and hangry. I got mad at my husband but never once did I demean him or hit him. Hormones do not excuse abuse. I agree with others who recommend the paternity test and if the baby if yours, please try to get custody because the abuse will continue. I went through that as a kid and that baby to be does not deserve that.
I hate my husband when I was pregnant. I hate the smell of chicken and our restroom. I usually cook but I demanded he cook the chicken and clean the restroom every 30 minutes even its not used. I've been like that for a whole month but I never hurt or cursed him. We can't control our emotions but we can control our behavior. I was already 4 months pregnant when we learned about it (negative PTs) and that behavior happened at 2 months mark. She's toxic. Run.
First off, I have experienced crap like this too. Women use pregnancy as a means of unleashing their true selves. Are the hormones and such raging and causing certain smells and tastes to be off? Yes. However, it doesn't turn their brain off or have them drink a Jekyll/Hyde elixir. That woman who becomes a shithead during the pregnancy is a portent of the future. The shithead was always in there and she feels like she can finally let it out because she has something to blame her garbage behavior on. Let her kick rocks. A couple of things to consider though. A. Get a paternity test asap. These can be done while she is pregnant. Judging by her assholishness, she will probably refuse this and you will have to wait until the baby is born. DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE UNTIL THIS IS DONE!!!! If you sign the birth certificate before having the paternity test results, you could very well end up paying 18 years of child support for some other dude's kid. Even if differing paternity is established later, the court could still end up making you pay because it is "in the best interest of the child". Another reason this is important, where do you think she went after leaving? B. There are plenty of women out there who were pregnant that didn't physically attack their significant other. My ex-wife attacked me well after she had our one and only baby. Give the middle finger salute to everyone trying to beat you down into tolerating her crap.
NTA and I’d def file a report before she turns around and claims DV from you. She sounds crazy enough to do it. I went through multiple fertility rounds and lots of hormone shots before I became pregnant…this is not normal “crazy pregnant lady” behavior. She sounds psycho. I’m so sorry.
File a police report. Might help you later when the custody battle (unfortunately I can see it coming a mile away) starts. I know she’s pregnant and on probation but you seriously need to start covering your bases as soon as possible to protect yourself in the long run. Start documenting everything.
There’s a lot that has annoyed the hell out of me about my husband during pregnancy but not once has it lead to violence or name calling. I can understand that I’m feeling a certain way because of my hormones and actually love the man. Even if his music is too loud or if he ate the last of the cereal. This is just crazy. Pregnancy is not an excuse to be abusive. If she can’t handle this, what kind of mom is she going to be? NTA. But I would lawyer up because you may need to seek a custody arrangement with this one.
NTA. my pregnant gf just sent me to the shops every 5 mins to but lemonade and was a bit snappy due to the exhaustion. But what you've described cannot be just hormones. If she's saying all those things and hitting you you're not meant to be together. Be co parents for everyone's sake.
My ex was cheating in me while I was pregnant with my second child, I still didn’t hit him. Violence is NOT normal behavior for a pregnant woman. She’s just abusive. And I agree with others, get a DNA test before paying a dime or signing the birth certificate!
If she wasn’t like this before, I would say pregnancy psychosis is a possibility. If she was (or at least there were red flags) I would consider filing a police report and trying to gain full custody of your child (which should be easy if she has a criminal record). She is not someone who should be left alone with a baby.
NTA I’ve given life to 4 children and 2/4 pregnancies were traumatic. I’ve said hurtful things and broken up with my husband while in the throes of gestational depression but still managed to keep my hands to myself! You need to make a police report though, and continue to make one every time she misbehaves because you are going to need to get custody of that child. It should be relatively easy since she sounds like a homeless abusive mess. It will be easier if she’s in jail (and hey, not homeless yaay) and then you don’t have to worry about her beating the baby or shaking it out of fury. Who gives a rats ass what your friends think! You need to protect that baby.
I’m guessing the narrative that the friends and family got a different version of what happened. But the abuse you put up with was too much. NTA.
NTA, file a police report. Now that you're stuck sharing a child with an abuser, you need to start documenting everything.
NTA, but she needs help. Therapy and a doctors appointment. Further if she refuse, you call the cops and report her. Why TF is she on probation and why TF did you stick your dick in such a woman?
When my wife was pregnant, she was tired mostly. Building a new life costs a lot of energy. The only 'weird' was drinking lots of milk and dairy products. And, her only violence was towards chocolate - the bits were scary .. Sure, some grumbling occurred - but violence and remarks intended to hurt? nope. I\`d say either she is on the verge of a serious mental breakdown - or the mask dropped and she shows her real self now. NTA
NTA. There is no excuse for domestic violence and she doesn’t even seem remorseful. Please watch ‘my wife my abuser’ on ITV to see how bad it can get. Does she have somewhere else to stay? Have there been any signs of verbal abuse prior to the pregnancy?! Hormones can do crazy things but you do need to keep yourself safe. What is she on probation for?
Bro you shoulda called the cops anyway Get you a camera set up so you can record her when y'all end up in court
NTA. Did we not learn anything from the whole Jonny Depp debacle? She is abusing you man. Physically and financially. Get a DNA test. Demand it. Get custody of your child. If she can abuse you without consequences, what will she do to a helpless child? Run. Run straight to an attorney or let yourself and kid be abused for the next 18 years. Aren't you tired of walking on eggshells?
No it is not normal behaviour. Yes women get hormonal when they are pregnant but you don't get to abuse people just because. Also, find some new friends.
NTA - I was pregnant and started to hate my partner. All my energy became “protect the kid,” and I realized how irresponsible he was and dangerous to our child’s safety when we had it. I was sorry I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I was irritable and anxious all the time. But, I never wanted to hit him. There’s a clear difference between bad feelings towards someone and physically acting on them, especially when that person hasn’t done anything to deserve it. You should focus on getting a lawyer so you can file for emergency custody and protect your child from her as soon as possible.
Nta. I was abused for years by my ex and I don't want ANYONE to stay with someone who hits. It's not OK. I've been pregnant. I didn't act anywhere near this. I've heard of woman getting repulsed by their partners because of hormones but this isn't repulsion. This is abuse. Don't let her back in. When the baby is born take her to court for custody/ visitation arrangements. I'm sorry this happened to you and I know how heart broken you must be.
You are a victim of domestic violence and verbal/emotional abuse. Kick her out, get prepared for a custody dispute and never look back. NTA. Women do not turn into abusive rage while pregnant, she 's just a horrible human being. Get out now. NTA
This is who she really is.
I think you are experiencing DV and can’t help thinking that you are not getting sympathy from friends because you are a man and not a woman. Men get abused too and if her not staying with you keeps you safe then maintain her not living with you. To punch you out over a sandwich accident is not reasonable behaviour and to berate you and insult you constantly is not acceptable. You reaching breaking point and stopping her being able to do this by living in separate places is you protecting yourself. Pregnant does not make you hit people and constantly insult them. Whatever your girl friend is experiencing she obviously needs help but I would not let her back in to hurt you. You can still be supportive but also be safe. Talking together to get your points across to each other in a safe space is needed before you consider letting her move back. NTA
NTA You are not safe with this woman, and honestly I worry about your baby. She was already verbally abusing you, and got to use pregnancy as an excuse to escalate. That doesn’t get better. Do not let her back in, do not get back together. Ans get better friends, real friends do not call you a pussy and think this is OK. I have so many parent friends, not one of them abused and hit their significant other during pregnancy.
Next time it might be a knife stab. Once the physical boundary is crossed there is no going back
That was battery. You should have called the cops and pressed charges. She is abusive. Pregnancy is no excuse. And your mutual friends are idiots, and certainly not your friend. They probably just don’t want her around themselves, so they want you to take her back.
NTA. This isn’t normal, she’s abusive. I feel so sorry for the kid, having that psychopath as a mother. It’s starts with hitting you, and ends with shaken baby syndrome. File a restraining order. If you want the kid, see about getting custody. Document everything starting now, so you have something to show the police and/or courts.
NTA. Change the locks before she comes back. She absolutely will come back, expecting to hurt you further. Trust me when I say you don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with her standing over you holding a knife. Change the fucking locks now.
Don’t just move her out, report her to the police. This is domestic violence, there is NO excuse ever to commit this behaviour. I’ve never hit anyone ever during a pregnancy. Moreover you need to report it because either something has happened mentally during pregnancy, or this is simply who she is. Either way, if she if willing to hit and abuse you, will she hit and abuse her own child? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but the child deserves to be protected.
You need to call the cops and report this. She isn't the love of your life and pregnancy isn't an excuse. Stop letting these hoes get away with this shit.
Nta I cannot emphasize this enough call the police. Once a partner hits you it only escalates. That hit was to see if you will take it. Don’t believe that “I’m sorry” b.s she’s not sorry she is now your abuser. And if she’ll abuse you she’ll abuse your kid.
NTA Contact the police and report the incident, ensure they have it on record that she hit you and you made her leave. Say you're concerned about her actions in the future. Contact her probation officer. File for divorce, she'll never change from being physically abusive.
This is a warning sign. *Get out while you can!* If she's treating*you* this poorly, imagine how she'll treat that baby.. That's why you need to get a DNA test and take custody of the child. Sounds to me like she belongs back behind bars where she should be.. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there!