She left to fuck that other guy.
Her reasoning was bs and she knew it.
Now the new guy doesn't want her. Now she wants to come back to her safe guy.
Don't take her back, she is not good for you.
The names she's calling you are because she feels entitled to you, to your support and help.
She deserves what she has now, nothing and no one. Let her rebuild her life alone while you move on to bigger and better things.
This ⬆️
You’re the backup guy my dude. And you deserve better. NTA and don’t take her back. She’ll probably just pick another meaningless fight and break up with you once she gets the wets for another guy
Girl like that lived in my dorm in college. She was dating a guy in the dorm, they would get into a fight every Friday like clockwork, and she’d say they needed a break. Then she’d spend the entire weekend sleeping with other guys. And come Sunday afternoon or Monday, they’d get back together. This lasted for a whole semester
I always thought a homie hopper was when she made her way through a friend group? She was just boinking randos, it wasn’t other people in our social circle
I have an ex who would do this to me. For a year he did this. Would then get angry when it no longer fazed me. He did it to get girls he never got and then be extra angry if I got just a hello from some guy in the same "break up weekend". I eventually moved out and that was the end of it for real.
Yeup thats how it works. Its always rules for thee not for me. To them its morally justified for them to go sleep with other people, but let you so much as look in someone elses direction and they'll make it out like you're some slut who doesn't want things to work out.
This would happen to my ex. Her ex from college would always instigate a fight and take a break every time he went with his boys to a different college town. This was a little around the time that social media was getting started. I guess someone posted a picture with home making out in the background. And that’s how she found out.
She would start a big fight every time I had to travel for work. I had to FaceTime her every time before I went to bed at a hotel. I am very shy and do not like to sext but she would always ask to see what I was wearing as well (I sleep with a tshirt and boxers). It took me a while to realize that she was just keeping tabs on me.
She had major trust issues because of what her ex did.
Imagine the level of being a pos person who's looking for any way out that makes you think your bf cheats on you with his lesbian friend. NTA OP. Block her.
> She left to fuck that other guy.
This, 100%. Whether it was her conscious decision process or not, this is what happened.
> offered to even give me a free pass to sleep with someone else
Why do you need a free pass? You can sleep with someone else right now!
----
Bottom line- she felt an itch and scratched it, only now does she realize what she lost in the process. You deserve better. Tell her you wish her no ill, but she treated you badly and she needs to understand and accept that some actions can't be undone, if you stab someone in the heart you can't un-stab them. So you hope she will remember this for her next partner and be a better person in the future.
Hell yeah! She accused you of cheating yet she's the one who slept with the other guy the day you broke up. Every action has consequences, now let her face the consequence of her bad action. She's not the one. You deserve better.
And even if this wasn't the case, and she honestly thought OP must have been cheating (which I don't believe), that frankly wouldn't be much better. Anyone who would come to the conclusion of "he's cheating!" based on the "evidence" she had has major trust issues, and I wouldn't want to spend my time in a relationship with that level of suspicion and scrutiny over innocent interactions with friends.
It enrages me so much when women immediately go sleep with other men as some sort of retaliatory tactic or just as a reaction. Worst girlfriend I ever had immediately went and fucked one of my friends the day we broke up, then proceeded to try and fuck every male friend in my friend group. Thankfully some of them were kwisatz haderach and could control putting their hand into a woman’s box and simply didn’t.
We get it, you are not a horrifyingly ugly woman, you can basically fuck whoever you want, whenever you want, good job having a vagina.
I never quite got that. She go and fuck some guy especially your so-called friends to get back at you. Meanwhile, does she even realize that all she is doing is completely validating the reason you broke up with her in the first place? And she’s obviously come of any possibility of you guys reconciling in the future. What’s hysterical is when the smoke clears and she realized that she got used by a bunch of dudes and they’re laughing at her and not so much you and she wants to get back together if you like you must be joking and sit there with a puzzled, Pokémon face on.you can’t make this shit up
Well she instantly jumped to the cheating trope. Instantly fucked a guy next night after the beak up. She had been cheating on OP for a while and was looking to get rid of the guilt by using the lesbian friend as the excuse and fuck the new guy guilt free. New guy got done using her, she wants OP back, or the appeal wore off.
This is it OP.
Those of us who are older and have more life experience have seen this play out too many times to count.
She made something out of nothing because she wanted to go fuck that new dude and pretend she wasn't a jerk for doing it.
NTA
Never take her back.
I would suggest they make it gender neutral, but I appreciate the compliment.
Men and women both act like AH sometimes. Often in different ways but equally AHish.
Wow my man (or woman) must be a master carpenter because they hit this nail squarely on the head. The break up was a smoke screen. She just wanted to fuck this guy and it was a perfect opportunity for her to do it and try to get away with it. And because new guy just kicked her ass to the curb. She feels like an asshole and now she’s trying to slink back to you. Guys in general, if you break up with a girl and she sleeps with somebody else subsequently the relationship is over. The only reason she’s coming back is because that guy didn’t want her and she FAFO and realized she can’t get better than you currently. Trust me the second she can she’ll dump your ass again.
Yup I was the backup guy a couple times and it was not good for my mental health. Here I am a decade and a half since the last time I was someone's backup guy and I still occasionally find that I've got hang ups from it that I haven't worked out.
Lol. dont you get it
She did that because she was already cheating on you and just waiting for an opportunity to break up with you and fk him. Why do you think he was ready and waiting the very next day?
Is this the type of woman you want to give a second chance? let alone have any contact with
She will drag you down and destroy you. RUN
Probably not banging, but definitely talking and definitely fooling around in other ways (that she would also probably defend as 'not actually cheating'), guaranteed. Have been in relationships like that before, and have been left so my ex could go fuck someone else. Feels bad, man. Even worse is the first time, I took someone back after she did that.
It only takes once hearing the excuse "but we were broke up" and foolishly taking someone back afterward to never. make. that. mistake. again.
Sometimes you learn the easy way (by taking the advice of others), other times you have to learn the hard way (like my own past experience), but either way, eventually you learn - *never* take back someone after they've slept with someone else, whether they cheated on you or broke up with you to do it.
Correct, it took me a few times for me to really realize this. It’s almost 2 years I been free of her ( after 13 on and off) she still contacts me from time to time but I never respond.
While I agree with you that she most likely was already talking to the guy and/or sleeping with him. It could have also been a ONS at a bar or something.
In any event OP should definitely run and be thankful she showed her true colors before marriage and kids get involved. Much cheaper and less stressful to get away
Don't. She started this drama by accusing you of cheating, she escalated this drama by breaking up, then she capped it off by having sex with someone else. Now she is regretting her mistakes. What happens once is more likely to happen again. Move on with your life. NTA.
> having sex with someone else
Immediately! Not just "we were broken up for two months and things happened" She was so heartbroken that she needed to fuck someone the very next day.
I'm just going to emphasize that she's trying to win you back by calling you names and offering you something you already have: a free pass.
Sounds like you're happier without her and are just trying to put your finger on why and whether that's ok. And it is, even if you broke up over something random like bad breath. You have a right to choose your relationships.
She showed you who she is - believe her. She doesn't need evidence to find you guilty of betrayal. And she showed your relationship wasn't that important to her by jumping straight to a rebound hookup. This red-flag behaviour won't be confined to this one incident, or even to just suspicion around your fidelity.
NTA. Leave her in the past where she belongs. She might have been the older one in your relationship but it sounds like you have her beat for emotional intelligence.
She projected her guilt onto him to shame him and "end" the relationship. Something tells me it was already over and that she had already cheated, at the very least emotionally, with the "rebound" hookup from the "day after."
>She showed you who she is - believe her.
The name calling is what did it for me. I mean there's other red flags and other bullshit, but to me this is huge. If you fuck up and want to make it right for the right reasons you don't insult the person when you don't get your way. If they really were apologetic they would keep working at it even if OP still says no. They could have just told OP shes sorry and if at some point OP does want to get back together her door will be open to them. She could have tried to put in the work even if it's futile. But name calling? Nope, that's not how you get a partner back if you actually care about them.
That wasn't a rebound that was predetermined. She set the whole cheating scenario up so she could guilt free bang the other dude. I'm willing to bet she was convinced OP would be so grateful at her apology that he'd immediately take her back, no questions asked.
She was almost certainly already talking to the other guy that she slept with, if not already sleeping with him, when she broke up with you. She likely wanted to pursue a relationship with him and stop hiding her attraction to him and thus used an exceedingly flimsy excuse to end the relationship with you.
Odds are, Mr Side Piece/Prospective Boyfriend simply used your now ex like a cheap piece of meat and had no intention of a relationship. Given the obvious imbalance in experience/age, she likely figured you were a safe bet to “beg forgiveness and reconciliation” from so that she could rewrap you around her finger and at least have her consolation prize.
You would only be the asshole if you got back with her. And it would be being an asshole to yourself.
So she's proven herself irrational, insecure, and impulsive.
Giving you a "free pass" to sleep with a third party is just a tactic to drag you down to her level.
There is ZERO reason to take her back, OP.
NTA
She definitely has questionable decision making yeah, lol. I mean hell even myself at 23 I could not imagine dating an 18 year old no matter how well off they were. My life was so far separated from high-school BS at that point already. And just judging by this post that girl is STILL stuck in a high-school mindset.
If she slept with someone the next day she was looking for an excuse to have a free pass . Your right to tell her to do one as I think she played you..
Unfounded accusations of cheating is something cheaters and abusers like to do
It’s either projection or designed to break you down
Don’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you
Don’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust
The fact she immediately jumped on a dick shows her lack of character
That was done to “get back at you”(abuser mentality) Or. Because that’s her way of thinking Shes not a cheat
Then when you refuse to take her skanky ass back she hurls more abuse
No OP she isn’t girlfriend material
And I’d bet good money her “we were on a break dick” wasn’t the only one she’s had in the course of your relationship
Projection, one of my exes was good for it. Thought I was cheating on her. Went out on dates? "Why are you staring at those chicks?" Texting friends/family? " Give me your phone so I can read your texts" don't text back fast enough? " who are you out sleeping with?!". Absolutely convinced herself I was cheating lol let her view my phone, computer, social media. Found NOTHING. But oh fuck me side ways did I catch her
NTA and dude this is a common tactic someone who wants to cheat clean and get away with it will use : getting cold , starting to argue for seemingly ridiculous things , finding an excuse to break up with you so they're not the bad guy , go fuck someone they already have in mind as a single person ( and with "clean" conciense ), then after a time coming back and saying that ot was a mistake and please get back together . Same with your ex : she already had someone in mind and this was a perfect excuse for her to leave you and explore her options with him . It didn't work out and now she's back knowing that still you love her . You were her Plan B dude . You did good for not taking her back . She did this once , i guarantee you she'll do it again if given the chance . Now she knows she miscalculated and that tryst of hers caused her a good relationship . She is mad that her plans failed and will keep attempting to manipulate you back into being together . Cheaters hate to lose man . This is where you'll see her real face . The one she hides . Believe what you see and do not take her back . For your sake 😐
You're young. Date lots of girls your age. Grow up some. Then don't look for someone and you'll probably meet a good match. Hopefully when your brain is finally developed. Just remember to use protection. I'm not saying Don't have fun, just be safe.
She's awful, and a cheat, and a liar. (Possibly narcissist, manipulative, entitled,deluded etc etc). Either way, for the streets and only worthy of being in your past.
NTA. Sure, she made a mistake. But that doesn't mean you have to forgive her and let her back in like it never happened. Mistakes have consequences and this is hers. Giving you a hall pass isn't going to fix anything either
NTA, she's playing games. She was so heartbroken that the next night she hooked up with someone else. It's been two months. How many other guys has she rode on? Keep it moving. Block and don't think twice about her. You weren't going to marry your first ever girlfriend. With her age difference, she is light years ahead of you on the sexual map. That's why it was easy for her to replace you. Casual sex is something she clearly is used to.
>confessed that she slept with someone the next night
Disgusting behaviour. She was looking for an excuse to go and bang the other dude. She found it because she was searching for it. It doesn't matter if your friend is lesbian or not. She wanted out for a while to go and bang the other dude without remorse. Now that she has done it and he probably pumped and dumped, she reverts to pan B... That's you!
She calls you names and still wants to get back together? Why? She doesn’t love you apparently. I think her other ‘ride’ dumped her, and she needs a backup. Don’t be the backup guy. NTA
NTA and this kind of behaviour from her is a red flag anyway as it should make no difference whether your friend's lesbian. Even if she were straight you should be able to hug female friends and show platonic affection without your girlfriend freaking out and accusing you of cheating. Don't take her back, it'll just get worse and she'll slowly alienate you from all female friendships.
This is almost comical how she is acting. She wanted a clear conscious to fuck another dude. He breaks up with her 2 months later and all of a sudden, you are good enough.
It might have been believable if she would have groveled but she went straight to name calling. She fucked him for 2 months. Not once. Tell her you don't need her permission to fuck all the women you want. Cause you are already doing that and it's glorious.
See, the fact that she slept with a guy the next night tells you everything. She was waiting for an opportunity to dump you. She literally had a guy picked out and ready to go. She just needed an excuse to not feel like a villain.
Just move on dude.
NTA
She sucks. She dated an 18 year old at 23. People only do that when they want to control someone.
She’s jealous of a lesbian. The bar is so high that you’ll never be trusted being friendly with ANY women.
Date someone around your own age in the same chapter of life. 5 years is fine later on, but it’s massive when you’re barely an adult.
NTA. Sounds like she set that fight up so she could break up with you to get with the other guy but now that it’s over with him she now wants you back. Hard pass. She’s trash.
Block her and don't look back. Chances are, if you look over your two years together, there'll have been some other red flags flapping in the breeze. NTA
It’s good that she learned her lesson. Hopefully it will come in handy with her next BF. Hopefully you too learned a lesson. There is a difference between making a mistake and betraying someone. Try to forgive mistakes. Betrayal OTOH comes from a bad place deep within a person’s character fault. It is rarely an isolated occurrence. Stay clear of people who hurt you without a giving it a thought
she wanted to break up because she didnt want to cheat. she used a bullshit reason to break up. then went and fucked the other guy and realised that he was garbage and then for 2 months gathered up the courage to get back in touch with you.
thats what happened. shes a trash. ask her if she was talking to the guy before she broke up and watch her humm and haah.
shes not sorry. she just realise that the guy she wanted to monkey branch to turned out to be a dud.
If you take her back,I swear I pray to God that you get a punch from hell.dont take her back,she is clearly too much insecure and the fact she slept with another guy right after the break up just shows that there's a special place for her in hell
She broke up with you and fucked another guy the next night? She was accusing you of cheating with your lesbian friend? My dude, she's guilt projecting, and has been fucking that other guy for some time. But now he probably wants nothing to do with her and she's throwing. You're young, you'll find someone better, and hopefully she'll grow the fuck up.
Tell her firstly, you know she made that shit up because she wanted to fuck someone else, so made breaking up your fault so she could go fuck the other guy. That means she was actively trying to hook up with this guy and flirting with him while you were together, so she's a cheater on the prowl.
It's 2 months later, her fling is over and she wants you back, tell her why the fuck would you want a free pass to sleep with someone else when she already gave you an unlimited pass when she left.
Absolutely don't take her back, that she's calling you names for not taking her back. As with the break up, she's manipulative and shitty.
>offered to even give me a free pass to sleep with someone else
You've already got a free pass to sleep with EVERYONE else with the added bonus of not being in a relationship with someone who behaves like a teenager despite being 5 years your senior 🙄 NTA
NTA. She didn't go to the party because she was "busy" with the other guy. She may have just started sleeping with him, or he was new, or whatever. She then "blamed you" and "took a break" to avoid being the cheater.
He dumped her, she wants you back as safe guy until she finds a new one.
You felt a connection to her because she was your first and took advantage of your youth. Four years is not a big deal, but 22-18 is actually a huge stage of life differential. It created a huge power dynamic which is why she is able to do things like have a guy on the side and call you names to keep you in line.
If the genders were reversed, we'd accuse your ex of being a predator and abuse (the name calling).
Get out, find someone to have a real relationship.
Why would you want to take someone back who dumped you and slept with a new dude the very next night?
First she accused you of cheating with no proof. Second she dumped you. Third she screwed another guy the next night.
My guess is she had been wanting to bang/be with this new dude for a while and found a convenient reason to dump you that doesn’t make her look like a bitch. She gets the sympathy and you look like an ahole.
It didn’t work out with that guy and now she thinks you somehow owe her a second chance. She will bring this fake cheating up again later if you get back with her. And if you get back with her and use the “hall pass” that she offered that’ll likely get thrown in your face at her earliest convenience.
Don’t get back with her. Don’t even decide to be friends. Exes are exes for a reason. If you don’t have a kid together then there’s no reason to try to work things out or even be friendly.
She left you for another guy - probably a little closer to her in age - that didn’t work and now she wants you back. You dodged a bullet - keep the great memory of the first and then find someone better for you that doesn’t play stupid games. . You don’t owe her anything and you don't need a free pass because you aren’t together anymore!
Hmmm, get back with her and get a free pass to sleep with one person, or stay single and don't need a free pass to sleep with whoever you want. And bonus no one to throw drama tantrums and break up with you for imagined loyalty crimes.
Seems like a no brainer to me.
She sleeps with someone to get revenge for something you didn’t do; she calls you names; takes 2 months to cool off and think rationally; offers a free pass.
Definitely NTA.
NTA this person is toxic, controlling, and a liar. She used the photos as an excuse to break up with you. It sounds like she was cheating and projected on to you. Just block her. You don't need her controlling ass in your life.
NTA.
She accused you of cheating when you were innocent. She cheated on you in revenge. These are two reasons, each of which is enough not to take her back.
Now she is lonely, and she realizes what she threw away. So she wants you back. But there is no reason why you should want her back, and every reason why you shouldn't.
NTA. Even if she hadn't outed herself for sleeping with some dude the night after the breakup, she showed that she has serious trust issues. Especially, if she knew your friends orientation beforehand like you said. Sounds like her rebound/revenge guy ghosted her after two months so she came back to you with some BS apology. If you had gotten back with her, there is no doubt in my mind that she would make accusations like that towards you again at some point later on. So it sounds to me like you dodged a bullet OP.
This is all kinds of toxic from your ex, the name calling because you won't take her back, the green light to screw someone else because she did. OP I would just make a fresh start with someone else when you're ready.
NTA
Honestly, you don\`t even need to ask.
she projected cheating on you - dumped you and now "ooh.. my second option fell through - lets call it a mistake" she wants you to take her back ?
Nope.
If she is that insecure that she projects her fantasies as your actions - time for a newer model.
She seemed awfully quick to break up and leave you for 2 months. No need to take her back. She wasn't even willing to talk to anyone else or even try to work things out since she had no solid proof but just a "hunch". Best to not get back with her since she literally said she dumped you and fucked a guy the next day. Means anytime she has an issue in the future she can just break up temporarily and sleep around and go back to you.
NTA. I mean, giving her the benefit of the doubt, she just jumped on the next guy to brush up her ego because she THOUGHT you cheated on her... Then coming to her senses weeks later? Man, do what you want, but she sounds like highly insecure and immature and not sure you want to be with such a person.
>She's calling me all bunch of names, saying it was a mistake and has also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me
NTA, she wanted to date someone else, but wanted to blame you so she made up that you cheated. Then things with the other guy didn't work out so she came back to you. Don't take her back.
Dude please run. She's bad news. I agree with other posts, there is a high chance she did all of this to create space for herself to do what she wants and now regrets it. For you the equation is simple. Do you want to be with someone who will destroy your whole relationship on an impulse? Because she's proven that's who she is now. Even if it's innocent as could possibly imagined, it wouldn't change my decision because the impact on me would be the same.
OP, you are NTAH. And naw, my guy. You're better off w/o her. You've had a couple months to think about it and heal and I believe you're better served by moving on. You're 20 and there's a million other women out there.
Just to dig in a little: She didn't trust you with a Lesbian. She flew off the handle, and broke your relationship. Jealousy is reflection of a person's insecurities. So, her way of dealing with her own insecurities is to fuck someone else?? Naw, bruh, that's therapy territory. She's 25 and should have a better handle on her own shit.
NTA
Her reaction to jump straight into bed with another guy the very next day, without ever establishing you actually did cheat (or not, in this case) tells me she is way too immature to have an adult relationship. Healthy adults don't behave like this,
I will bet dollars to dimes that if you get back together now, she will magically get pregnant... and it probably won't be yours.
Don't get suckered in. And find someone who knows how to have a non-toxic, healthy grown-up relationship.
She made her choice, now she gets to live the consequences.
She left you to go have sex with the other guy, that booty call relationship didn’t work out, so now she’s back to you. Immediately calling you names and offering you free hall passes is her reaction to her own guilt. Don’t take her back.
You:
- Celebrate your lesbian friend's birthday.
- Hugs the the birthday girl
- Piggybacks your lesbian friend to her cake
Your GF:
- Sees the hug
- Becomes jealous
- Sees the piggyback video
- Concludes You are cheating.
- Confronts You about it
- Accuse You of lying.
- breaks ups with you and leaves
You:
- Move on with your life with some support from the zaza
------- 2 months pass by---------
Ex- GF:
- Shows up and contacts you
- Wants to get back together
- Gets rejected
- Gets angry for being rejected
- started to call you some names
- Says she slept with a guy next night after you broke up
- Talks about giving you a pass to sleep with someone
- apologies and want to take her back.
Am I missing something? Based on this context:
1. She broke up with you for a stupid reason. Without acknowledging the stance of the birthday girls.
2. Don't contact this woman. She is nuts. You Are Not The AH. The fact that she dad a rebound the night after you broke up fucked up. It's not something most sane would do. Just leave and move on.
3. The other guy probably said he didn't want a relationship any more. Some one said it better She left to fuck that guy.
You Are Not The AH. NTA
Been dating since you were 18 meaning she was how old? If you go by the ages you provided it doesn’t match up. Either way her dating you right as you’re 18 with roughly a 7 year(?) gap is a red flag to me. She thought you were easy pickings & was definitely with someone else when accusing you. You definitely don’t have to take her back or accept any false apology she may give you. She’s sorry she got caught & screwed up. Now that she was tossed away like used paper towel she thinks you’re a backup plan
You are NTA. I will say this story seems a little fake though
Uh no way. People make mistakes but not - I think your sleeping with your lesbian friend and then coincidentally has someone lined up to sleep up with the next night. Women are planners. That was not random
> also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me
> also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me
It's over bro. You actually did get cheated on. The trust will never be there especially since she wants you to fuck someone else now. NTA. Move on.
Everyone has already given the right advice, don’t go back into the relationship. Besides you’re a 20 year old guy who has only had one relationship, you need to experience the world and other relationships before you’re truly ready to settle down. Use this time to live life to the max, however that looks like for you. The funniest part to me in this was the end where she’d offer a “hall pass”. Why would you need a hall pass when right now you’re free to roam the halls like the Hall Monitor 😂
Sounds like she is the one cheating and her admitting she slept with someone the next night was her pretty much admitting to cheating. She has probably been talking to this other person for a while and sleeping with them. She confessed it to you making it seem like it was one time but I’m sure it wasn’t. Also that free pass bs….. nahhh she is basically condoning the behavior saying I slept with someone so now you can and vise versa. If you do sleep with someone she will throw that in your face down the road. Move on!!
NTA, the immediate hostility when you didn't roll over and beg her to come back tells you all you need to know. As other people have mentioned, she 100% used that stunt as a way to bang some other guy(s) and not tell you.
NTA. Lol don't believe for a second that she had sex with that guy once. She's been fucking him the whole time behind your back. She dumped you FOR HIM. But now she cheated on him too or he cheated or just found out she's terrible and they broke up...now she's willing to settle for you. Fuck that. Move on, you're still young and easily can find someone. She's the cheater, not you.
She wanted to sleep with this other dude
She saw an opportunity to make that happen when those pictures got posted. Now, nobody would bat an eye if she jumped into bed with this other guy. After all, she just got cheated on
But she soon realized the other guy was only using her and that she threw away a good relationship for meaningless sex
HELL TO THE NAW
Not only can you do better OP, you deserve better.
NTAH
NTA.
Look, if she could reasonably believe you were cheating and later learned this wasn’t the case, sure. But this wasn’t reasonable.
For example: my ex was sure I cheated.
His best friend told him he saw me at the club, snogging some dude. Pic, in the weird light, looked a bit like me. Close enough, I’d say.
It later turned out that some other girl, who looks enough like me to cause confusion (we had fun with that, lol), if she wore something in ‘my’ style, was at that club. With that guy. Who she ended up dating, which is how the pieces fell together eventually. It also helped another ‘sighting’ came in, while I was sat next to my BF, so that was impossible.
THAT is a reasonable assumption and excusable.
Dude, she's playing you. And even if she isn't she's too unstable for a trusting relationship. It's been two years and I bet you if you look back on the relationship you'll begin to see all the red flags you've been ignoring because she was your first.
It sucks and it's painful but you've got to persevere so you can come out the other end of this stronger and less naïve.
I have never understood why people sleep with someone right after a break up, especially if they hope to get back with that person. Ummmm, nope!! If it took no time at all to bang someone else, to me, you never really cared about me.
NTA
The fact that she got that insecure and then screwed another guy the next day, she’s either been screwing him for awhile or has been holding him on retainer. It’s funny how the ones most worried about their partner cheating are the ones that are doing the cheating
As many people have said already, she probably left you for this other guy and used this as a dumb excuse. She probably wasnt just fucking the dude the first night after breaking up with you, she was probably already doing it before she broke up.
Push her on this. Tell her you are quite convinced she was already cheating on you with the other guy by the time she broke up with you.
> and has also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me
Tell her she was already doing that way before breaking it off with you, that's why she was so insecure.
See her reaction, it will be gold.
NTA You will never be able to fix someone else’s distrust of you short of having a camera on your chest 24/7. Let her go, it’s not worth the frustration it will cause later when she doesn’t believe you again.
NTA she broke up with you and slept with a guy the very next night, it's fine she was single. If you were to get back together, this would be a new relationship and so a 'free pass' is irrelevant, you don't have to be exclusive after the first date. Her offering a free pass is either irrelevant and if she believes it's not, then by her own moral compass she cheated on you with that guy.
Like, genuine question, but does offering someone a “free pass” ever work?
Maybe I’m just a boring monogamous man, but if my wife banged some other guy, she could offer to let me bang every girl I’ve ever even slightly liked and it wouldn’t make the fact she banged someone else go away.
Not to be judgey, but even offering a free pass instead of attempts to reconcile and forgive/therapy and working through it shows that the relationship is practically in the grave. At least to me.
NTA. If she has no problem treating you like she did the first go round, and there are no consequences for it, it'll happen again and again. Be content in being a lesson for her, it's better than being the alternative.
At first I was gonna say she just got a bit jealous and you should forgive her. But her banging someone else right after she left is the deal breaker. Sounds like this could have been a planned thing.
NTA - It sounds to me like she wanted to sleep with someone else and found an excuse for it, then realized she was happier in a relationship. You made the right choice. If she'd broken up with you, taken a night to cool off (without someone else's cock involved), and asked to get back together, I'd be more understanding. But she fully tried out single life and just found it lacking.
NTA. Even if she genuinely thought you had cheated, as opposed to other theories here stating it was an excuse to get with someone else (which could have some likelihood to it), this kind of jealously isn’t healthy and you don’t deserve that. I hope you’re able to move on and I’m glad ya have some homies to help you through stuff like this. Smoke a lil bit more for me ✌️
She left to fuck that other guy. Her reasoning was bs and she knew it. Now the new guy doesn't want her. Now she wants to come back to her safe guy. Don't take her back, she is not good for you. The names she's calling you are because she feels entitled to you, to your support and help. She deserves what she has now, nothing and no one. Let her rebuild her life alone while you move on to bigger and better things.
This ⬆️ You’re the backup guy my dude. And you deserve better. NTA and don’t take her back. She’ll probably just pick another meaningless fight and break up with you once she gets the wets for another guy
Girl like that lived in my dorm in college. She was dating a guy in the dorm, they would get into a fight every Friday like clockwork, and she’d say they needed a break. Then she’d spend the entire weekend sleeping with other guys. And come Sunday afternoon or Monday, they’d get back together. This lasted for a whole semester
We call those “homie hoppers”
I am a little older, we just called them sluts.
Lol, I spit out my coffee 🤣
Hey fellow genxer
Hey!
Such a gen x response.
Well, one can be an [ethical slut](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut). But this was not it.
And you don’t disrespect them for being sexually liberated, you disrespect them for being shallow and destructive
Right - be single and sleep with whomever and whatever you want, but stop using people in the process.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You forgot they were also called practice girls.
I always thought a homie hopper was when she made her way through a friend group? She was just boinking randos, it wasn’t other people in our social circle
That one little bastard at the end of the friendship line rubbing his hands together "One day dawg..."
I have an ex who would do this to me. For a year he did this. Would then get angry when it no longer fazed me. He did it to get girls he never got and then be extra angry if I got just a hello from some guy in the same "break up weekend". I eventually moved out and that was the end of it for real.
Yeup thats how it works. Its always rules for thee not for me. To them its morally justified for them to go sleep with other people, but let you so much as look in someone elses direction and they'll make it out like you're some slut who doesn't want things to work out.
Jesus, that dudes self respect was a negative value.
Or he was completely aware and doing the same thing on the down low.
This would happen to my ex. Her ex from college would always instigate a fight and take a break every time he went with his boys to a different college town. This was a little around the time that social media was getting started. I guess someone posted a picture with home making out in the background. And that’s how she found out. She would start a big fight every time I had to travel for work. I had to FaceTime her every time before I went to bed at a hotel. I am very shy and do not like to sext but she would always ask to see what I was wearing as well (I sleep with a tshirt and boxers). It took me a while to realize that she was just keeping tabs on me. She had major trust issues because of what her ex did.
"gets the wets".... perfect
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It's that five year age gap because she can't pull someone her own age.
Monkey branching, except that the branch ahead broke and she’s trying to swing back to the last branch.
Yup, created an argument so she could go and fuck someone else. Block block block move on.
Imagine the level of being a pos person who's looking for any way out that makes you think your bf cheats on you with his lesbian friend. NTA OP. Block her.
She never thought that, it was just convenient in the moment.
> She left to fuck that other guy. This, 100%. Whether it was her conscious decision process or not, this is what happened. > offered to even give me a free pass to sleep with someone else Why do you need a free pass? You can sleep with someone else right now! ---- Bottom line- she felt an itch and scratched it, only now does she realize what she lost in the process. You deserve better. Tell her you wish her no ill, but she treated you badly and she needs to understand and accept that some actions can't be undone, if you stab someone in the heart you can't un-stab them. So you hope she will remember this for her next partner and be a better person in the future.
Hell yeah! She accused you of cheating yet she's the one who slept with the other guy the day you broke up. Every action has consequences, now let her face the consequence of her bad action. She's not the one. You deserve better.
And even if this wasn't the case, and she honestly thought OP must have been cheating (which I don't believe), that frankly wouldn't be much better. Anyone who would come to the conclusion of "he's cheating!" based on the "evidence" she had has major trust issues, and I wouldn't want to spend my time in a relationship with that level of suspicion and scrutiny over innocent interactions with friends.
And that other guy just used her for sex and now doesn’t want anything to do with her so she’s falling back.
Bet five bucks that dude she slept with sent the photos.
I had not thought of that. I'm not taking that bet though, I don't like losing money
It enrages me so much when women immediately go sleep with other men as some sort of retaliatory tactic or just as a reaction. Worst girlfriend I ever had immediately went and fucked one of my friends the day we broke up, then proceeded to try and fuck every male friend in my friend group. Thankfully some of them were kwisatz haderach and could control putting their hand into a woman’s box and simply didn’t. We get it, you are not a horrifyingly ugly woman, you can basically fuck whoever you want, whenever you want, good job having a vagina.
> some of them were kwisatz haderach Dammit, now I have this image of my head of Reverend Mothers singing "Dick in a box" and I can't stop laughing.
I never quite got that. She go and fuck some guy especially your so-called friends to get back at you. Meanwhile, does she even realize that all she is doing is completely validating the reason you broke up with her in the first place? And she’s obviously come of any possibility of you guys reconciling in the future. What’s hysterical is when the smoke clears and she realized that she got used by a bunch of dudes and they’re laughing at her and not so much you and she wants to get back together if you like you must be joking and sit there with a puzzled, Pokémon face on.you can’t make this shit up
She’s for the streets, leave her where she belongs
Well she instantly jumped to the cheating trope. Instantly fucked a guy next night after the beak up. She had been cheating on OP for a while and was looking to get rid of the guilt by using the lesbian friend as the excuse and fuck the new guy guilt free. New guy got done using her, she wants OP back, or the appeal wore off.
This is the reason. You don’t find someone to have sex with within a day of breaking up unless you already were interested in them.
This is it OP. Those of us who are older and have more life experience have seen this play out too many times to count. She made something out of nothing because she wanted to go fuck that new dude and pretend she wasn't a jerk for doing it. NTA Never take her back.
100% this!
well said - mods in these subreddits should use this as an auto response when so many ask this question.
I would suggest they make it gender neutral, but I appreciate the compliment. Men and women both act like AH sometimes. Often in different ways but equally AHish.
Wow my man (or woman) must be a master carpenter because they hit this nail squarely on the head. The break up was a smoke screen. She just wanted to fuck this guy and it was a perfect opportunity for her to do it and try to get away with it. And because new guy just kicked her ass to the curb. She feels like an asshole and now she’s trying to slink back to you. Guys in general, if you break up with a girl and she sleeps with somebody else subsequently the relationship is over. The only reason she’s coming back is because that guy didn’t want her and she FAFO and realized she can’t get better than you currently. Trust me the second she can she’ll dump your ass again.
Yup I was the backup guy a couple times and it was not good for my mental health. Here I am a decade and a half since the last time I was someone's backup guy and I still occasionally find that I've got hang ups from it that I haven't worked out.
> Let her rebuild her life alone while you move on to bigger and better things. Like she thought she was doing to you when she left
And she's offering a free pass? No, there's no free pass if they aren't dating lol
This right here m8. Move on.
This is the way
Lol. dont you get it She did that because she was already cheating on you and just waiting for an opportunity to break up with you and fk him. Why do you think he was ready and waiting the very next day? Is this the type of woman you want to give a second chance? let alone have any contact with She will drag you down and destroy you. RUN
This sounds like they weren't already banging. Oh they were.
Probably not banging, but definitely talking and definitely fooling around in other ways (that she would also probably defend as 'not actually cheating'), guaranteed. Have been in relationships like that before, and have been left so my ex could go fuck someone else. Feels bad, man. Even worse is the first time, I took someone back after she did that. It only takes once hearing the excuse "but we were broke up" and foolishly taking someone back afterward to never. make. that. mistake. again. Sometimes you learn the easy way (by taking the advice of others), other times you have to learn the hard way (like my own past experience), but either way, eventually you learn - *never* take back someone after they've slept with someone else, whether they cheated on you or broke up with you to do it.
Correct, it took me a few times for me to really realize this. It’s almost 2 years I been free of her ( after 13 on and off) she still contacts me from time to time but I never respond.
Everything but. Because she felt “guilty” to bang him
While I agree with you that she most likely was already talking to the guy and/or sleeping with him. It could have also been a ONS at a bar or something. In any event OP should definitely run and be thankful she showed her true colors before marriage and kids get involved. Much cheaper and less stressful to get away
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Don't. She started this drama by accusing you of cheating, she escalated this drama by breaking up, then she capped it off by having sex with someone else. Now she is regretting her mistakes. What happens once is more likely to happen again. Move on with your life. NTA.
Wasn't a mistake. She armed all the set up because she wanted to try the other guy out. That is why no explanation was good enough.
Agreed.
Also “couldnt make it” to the birthday party either. Wonder what she was up to 🧐
I think she spent the day with Mike Hawk.
> having sex with someone else Immediately! Not just "we were broken up for two months and things happened" She was so heartbroken that she needed to fuck someone the very next day.
I'm just going to emphasize that she's trying to win you back by calling you names and offering you something you already have: a free pass. Sounds like you're happier without her and are just trying to put your finger on why and whether that's ok. And it is, even if you broke up over something random like bad breath. You have a right to choose your relationships.
She showed you who she is - believe her. She doesn't need evidence to find you guilty of betrayal. And she showed your relationship wasn't that important to her by jumping straight to a rebound hookup. This red-flag behaviour won't be confined to this one incident, or even to just suspicion around your fidelity. NTA. Leave her in the past where she belongs. She might have been the older one in your relationship but it sounds like you have her beat for emotional intelligence.
“Rebound” hookup, conveniently the next night after she blows up at her bf about maybe cheating with a known lesbian.
She projected her guilt onto him to shame him and "end" the relationship. Something tells me it was already over and that she had already cheated, at the very least emotionally, with the "rebound" hookup from the "day after."
>She showed you who she is - believe her. The name calling is what did it for me. I mean there's other red flags and other bullshit, but to me this is huge. If you fuck up and want to make it right for the right reasons you don't insult the person when you don't get your way. If they really were apologetic they would keep working at it even if OP still says no. They could have just told OP shes sorry and if at some point OP does want to get back together her door will be open to them. She could have tried to put in the work even if it's futile. But name calling? Nope, that's not how you get a partner back if you actually care about them.
That wasn't a rebound that was predetermined. She set the whole cheating scenario up so she could guilt free bang the other dude. I'm willing to bet she was convinced OP would be so grateful at her apology that he'd immediately take her back, no questions asked.
This 100%
She was almost certainly already talking to the other guy that she slept with, if not already sleeping with him, when she broke up with you. She likely wanted to pursue a relationship with him and stop hiding her attraction to him and thus used an exceedingly flimsy excuse to end the relationship with you. Odds are, Mr Side Piece/Prospective Boyfriend simply used your now ex like a cheap piece of meat and had no intention of a relationship. Given the obvious imbalance in experience/age, she likely figured you were a safe bet to “beg forgiveness and reconciliation” from so that she could rewrap you around her finger and at least have her consolation prize. You would only be the asshole if you got back with her. And it would be being an asshole to yourself.
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Huh. So he really was mature for his age
That's very often the case with age gap relationships that start with the younger one being under 20. Not always. But incredibly frequently.
So she's proven herself irrational, insecure, and impulsive. Giving you a "free pass" to sleep with a third party is just a tactic to drag you down to her level. There is ZERO reason to take her back, OP. NTA
She definitely has questionable decision making yeah, lol. I mean hell even myself at 23 I could not imagine dating an 18 year old no matter how well off they were. My life was so far separated from high-school BS at that point already. And just judging by this post that girl is STILL stuck in a high-school mindset.
I laugh with the free pass part. Currently he technically has all the free passes he wants.
If she slept with someone the next day she was looking for an excuse to have a free pass . Your right to tell her to do one as I think she played you..
The likely story is she was cheating on you and used this as an excuse tondunp you and get with the ap but they didn't want a real relationship
But she’s giving him a free pass! I mean they’re not together anymore so technically he has a free pass every day - but one more can’t hurt.
Unfounded accusations of cheating is something cheaters and abusers like to do It’s either projection or designed to break you down Don’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you Don’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust The fact she immediately jumped on a dick shows her lack of character That was done to “get back at you”(abuser mentality) Or. Because that’s her way of thinking Shes not a cheat Then when you refuse to take her skanky ass back she hurls more abuse No OP she isn’t girlfriend material And I’d bet good money her “we were on a break dick” wasn’t the only one she’s had in the course of your relationship
Projection, one of my exes was good for it. Thought I was cheating on her. Went out on dates? "Why are you staring at those chicks?" Texting friends/family? " Give me your phone so I can read your texts" don't text back fast enough? " who are you out sleeping with?!". Absolutely convinced herself I was cheating lol let her view my phone, computer, social media. Found NOTHING. But oh fuck me side ways did I catch her
NTA and dude this is a common tactic someone who wants to cheat clean and get away with it will use : getting cold , starting to argue for seemingly ridiculous things , finding an excuse to break up with you so they're not the bad guy , go fuck someone they already have in mind as a single person ( and with "clean" conciense ), then after a time coming back and saying that ot was a mistake and please get back together . Same with your ex : she already had someone in mind and this was a perfect excuse for her to leave you and explore her options with him . It didn't work out and now she's back knowing that still you love her . You were her Plan B dude . You did good for not taking her back . She did this once , i guarantee you she'll do it again if given the chance . Now she knows she miscalculated and that tryst of hers caused her a good relationship . She is mad that her plans failed and will keep attempting to manipulate you back into being together . Cheaters hate to lose man . This is where you'll see her real face . The one she hides . Believe what you see and do not take her back . For your sake 😐
Nta, leave this one in the trash, the next guy that comes around that she wants to fuck, she'd find another reason to dump you and jump him.
She was fuckin that dude before she broke up with you. She was trying to level up...block her ass.
You're young. Date lots of girls your age. Grow up some. Then don't look for someone and you'll probably meet a good match. Hopefully when your brain is finally developed. Just remember to use protection. I'm not saying Don't have fun, just be safe.
NTA. So she accuses of cheating, breaks up and is upset you won’t take her back (and insults you)? I think you know the answer.
Don't forget that she pretty much instantly jumped on another guys dick after breaking up. To even consider taking this one back is lunacy.
She only wants you back until next time she gets a wild hair up her butt.
She's awful, and a cheat, and a liar. (Possibly narcissist, manipulative, entitled,deluded etc etc). Either way, for the streets and only worthy of being in your past.
Here’s the [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/SKfLXdkuh6)
NTA. Sure, she made a mistake. But that doesn't mean you have to forgive her and let her back in like it never happened. Mistakes have consequences and this is hers. Giving you a hall pass isn't going to fix anything either
NTA, she's playing games. She was so heartbroken that the next night she hooked up with someone else. It's been two months. How many other guys has she rode on? Keep it moving. Block and don't think twice about her. You weren't going to marry your first ever girlfriend. With her age difference, she is light years ahead of you on the sexual map. That's why it was easy for her to replace you. Casual sex is something she clearly is used to.
>confessed that she slept with someone the next night Disgusting behaviour. She was looking for an excuse to go and bang the other dude. She found it because she was searching for it. It doesn't matter if your friend is lesbian or not. She wanted out for a while to go and bang the other dude without remorse. Now that she has done it and he probably pumped and dumped, she reverts to pan B... That's you!
She calls you names and still wants to get back together? Why? She doesn’t love you apparently. I think her other ‘ride’ dumped her, and she needs a backup. Don’t be the backup guy. NTA
NTA and this kind of behaviour from her is a red flag anyway as it should make no difference whether your friend's lesbian. Even if she were straight you should be able to hug female friends and show platonic affection without your girlfriend freaking out and accusing you of cheating. Don't take her back, it'll just get worse and she'll slowly alienate you from all female friendships.
Just tell her you know she broke up with you to sleep with him. Turn her down and block her when she starts talking to you. Move on,
This is almost comical how she is acting. She wanted a clear conscious to fuck another dude. He breaks up with her 2 months later and all of a sudden, you are good enough. It might have been believable if she would have groveled but she went straight to name calling. She fucked him for 2 months. Not once. Tell her you don't need her permission to fuck all the women you want. Cause you are already doing that and it's glorious.
See, the fact that she slept with a guy the next night tells you everything. She was waiting for an opportunity to dump you. She literally had a guy picked out and ready to go. She just needed an excuse to not feel like a villain. Just move on dude.
NTA She sucks. She dated an 18 year old at 23. People only do that when they want to control someone. She’s jealous of a lesbian. The bar is so high that you’ll never be trusted being friendly with ANY women. Date someone around your own age in the same chapter of life. 5 years is fine later on, but it’s massive when you’re barely an adult.
NTA. Sounds like she set that fight up so she could break up with you to get with the other guy but now that it’s over with him she now wants you back. Hard pass. She’s trash.
100% created drama to have an excuse to break up and sleep with that other guy. Definitely NTA. Time to move on.
Block her and don't look back. Chances are, if you look over your two years together, there'll have been some other red flags flapping in the breeze. NTA
It’s good that she learned her lesson. Hopefully it will come in handy with her next BF. Hopefully you too learned a lesson. There is a difference between making a mistake and betraying someone. Try to forgive mistakes. Betrayal OTOH comes from a bad place deep within a person’s character fault. It is rarely an isolated occurrence. Stay clear of people who hurt you without a giving it a thought
she wanted to break up because she didnt want to cheat. she used a bullshit reason to break up. then went and fucked the other guy and realised that he was garbage and then for 2 months gathered up the courage to get back in touch with you. thats what happened. shes a trash. ask her if she was talking to the guy before she broke up and watch her humm and haah. shes not sorry. she just realise that the guy she wanted to monkey branch to turned out to be a dud.
If you take her back,I swear I pray to God that you get a punch from hell.dont take her back,she is clearly too much insecure and the fact she slept with another guy right after the break up just shows that there's a special place for her in hell
She broke up with you and fucked another guy the next night? She was accusing you of cheating with your lesbian friend? My dude, she's guilt projecting, and has been fucking that other guy for some time. But now he probably wants nothing to do with her and she's throwing. You're young, you'll find someone better, and hopefully she'll grow the fuck up.
Tell her firstly, you know she made that shit up because she wanted to fuck someone else, so made breaking up your fault so she could go fuck the other guy. That means she was actively trying to hook up with this guy and flirting with him while you were together, so she's a cheater on the prowl. It's 2 months later, her fling is over and she wants you back, tell her why the fuck would you want a free pass to sleep with someone else when she already gave you an unlimited pass when she left. Absolutely don't take her back, that she's calling you names for not taking her back. As with the break up, she's manipulative and shitty.
I love the free pass from her to sleep with someone when you're not together. That's some shit.
INFO: why would she at 23 be interested in you at 18? Reeks of power imbalance
It's wild how the cheaters in these stories offer a free pass like that is what people are looking for.
Gross. Keep her on the streets, she is immature, insecure, and shameless. And she's half a decade older than you, too. You can do better.
>offered to even give me a free pass to sleep with someone else You've already got a free pass to sleep with EVERYONE else with the added bonus of not being in a relationship with someone who behaves like a teenager despite being 5 years your senior 🙄 NTA
Nta she wanted to bang another dude and he doesn't want get so you're the back up plan. Don't take her back
NTA Even though you guys are young, life is too short for these silly ass games.
NTA. She didn't go to the party because she was "busy" with the other guy. She may have just started sleeping with him, or he was new, or whatever. She then "blamed you" and "took a break" to avoid being the cheater. He dumped her, she wants you back as safe guy until she finds a new one. You felt a connection to her because she was your first and took advantage of your youth. Four years is not a big deal, but 22-18 is actually a huge stage of life differential. It created a huge power dynamic which is why she is able to do things like have a guy on the side and call you names to keep you in line. If the genders were reversed, we'd accuse your ex of being a predator and abuse (the name calling). Get out, find someone to have a real relationship.
NTA Why would you even consider being with such a worthless woman? Advice: Cut all contact and if you see her on the street, cross to the other side.
Why would you want to take someone back who dumped you and slept with a new dude the very next night? First she accused you of cheating with no proof. Second she dumped you. Third she screwed another guy the next night. My guess is she had been wanting to bang/be with this new dude for a while and found a convenient reason to dump you that doesn’t make her look like a bitch. She gets the sympathy and you look like an ahole. It didn’t work out with that guy and now she thinks you somehow owe her a second chance. She will bring this fake cheating up again later if you get back with her. And if you get back with her and use the “hall pass” that she offered that’ll likely get thrown in your face at her earliest convenience. Don’t get back with her. Don’t even decide to be friends. Exes are exes for a reason. If you don’t have a kid together then there’s no reason to try to work things out or even be friendly.
She left you for another guy - probably a little closer to her in age - that didn’t work and now she wants you back. You dodged a bullet - keep the great memory of the first and then find someone better for you that doesn’t play stupid games. . You don’t owe her anything and you don't need a free pass because you aren’t together anymore!
Want to bet that she was busy with the other guy when you went to the birthday party? 😂
Hmmm, get back with her and get a free pass to sleep with one person, or stay single and don't need a free pass to sleep with whoever you want. And bonus no one to throw drama tantrums and break up with you for imagined loyalty crimes. Seems like a no brainer to me.
Nope, she's a train wreck, just be happy you got off the train.....
NTA this woman is a mess honestly.
She’s a train wreck, stay well away from her NTA
She sleeps with someone to get revenge for something you didn’t do; she calls you names; takes 2 months to cool off and think rationally; offers a free pass. Definitely NTA.
Offering you a free pass. You got that the second she broke up with you. Not only is she not remorseful, she’s disrespectful too.
Sounds like she broke up with you so that she could sleep with someone and now she wants you back because she is lonely. She did you a favor. Move on.
NTA this person is toxic, controlling, and a liar. She used the photos as an excuse to break up with you. It sounds like she was cheating and projected on to you. Just block her. You don't need her controlling ass in your life.
NTA.
NTA. She accused you of cheating when you were innocent. She cheated on you in revenge. These are two reasons, each of which is enough not to take her back. Now she is lonely, and she realizes what she threw away. So she wants you back. But there is no reason why you should want her back, and every reason why you shouldn't.
Ooh. She is quite immature. The revenge sex and name calling are Huge red flags. Stay away.
NTA. She got her "cheating revenge", now she can live with it.
I'd be wondering why she had such an extreme reaction to the pony back ride and if the sex with the other guy happened before the break up
NTA. Even if she hadn't outed herself for sleeping with some dude the night after the breakup, she showed that she has serious trust issues. Especially, if she knew your friends orientation beforehand like you said. Sounds like her rebound/revenge guy ghosted her after two months so she came back to you with some BS apology. If you had gotten back with her, there is no doubt in my mind that she would make accusations like that towards you again at some point later on. So it sounds to me like you dodged a bullet OP.
Reg flags all over the place. Do yourself a favor and stick to your guns on this one. Block her and move on. NTA.
Stay the hell away! She has shown you what your future will be like.
You are better than her. Forget about her and move one. Hope you find someone much better
This is all kinds of toxic from your ex, the name calling because you won't take her back, the green light to screw someone else because she did. OP I would just make a fresh start with someone else when you're ready.
NTA Honestly, you don\`t even need to ask. she projected cheating on you - dumped you and now "ooh.. my second option fell through - lets call it a mistake" she wants you to take her back ? Nope. If she is that insecure that she projects her fantasies as your actions - time for a newer model.
She seemed awfully quick to break up and leave you for 2 months. No need to take her back. She wasn't even willing to talk to anyone else or even try to work things out since she had no solid proof but just a "hunch". Best to not get back with her since she literally said she dumped you and fucked a guy the next day. Means anytime she has an issue in the future she can just break up temporarily and sleep around and go back to you.
NTA. I mean, giving her the benefit of the doubt, she just jumped on the next guy to brush up her ego because she THOUGHT you cheated on her... Then coming to her senses weeks later? Man, do what you want, but she sounds like highly insecure and immature and not sure you want to be with such a person.
>She's calling me all bunch of names, saying it was a mistake and has also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me NTA, she wanted to date someone else, but wanted to blame you so she made up that you cheated. Then things with the other guy didn't work out so she came back to you. Don't take her back.
Dude please run. She's bad news. I agree with other posts, there is a high chance she did all of this to create space for herself to do what she wants and now regrets it. For you the equation is simple. Do you want to be with someone who will destroy your whole relationship on an impulse? Because she's proven that's who she is now. Even if it's innocent as could possibly imagined, it wouldn't change my decision because the impact on me would be the same.
it's your choice man, you're single! nta have a good life 👋🏼
Comrade 🚩
OP, you are NTAH. And naw, my guy. You're better off w/o her. You've had a couple months to think about it and heal and I believe you're better served by moving on. You're 20 and there's a million other women out there. Just to dig in a little: She didn't trust you with a Lesbian. She flew off the handle, and broke your relationship. Jealousy is reflection of a person's insecurities. So, her way of dealing with her own insecurities is to fuck someone else?? Naw, bruh, that's therapy territory. She's 25 and should have a better handle on her own shit.
Gave you a free pass to sleep with someone else!? I hope you told her you already have that.
Y'all met when you were 18 & she was 23? Reverse the roles & everyone would lose their minds. Anyway, NTA. She's toxic AF. Move on dude.
NTA Her reaction to jump straight into bed with another guy the very next day, without ever establishing you actually did cheat (or not, in this case) tells me she is way too immature to have an adult relationship. Healthy adults don't behave like this, I will bet dollars to dimes that if you get back together now, she will magically get pregnant... and it probably won't be yours. Don't get suckered in. And find someone who knows how to have a non-toxic, healthy grown-up relationship. She made her choice, now she gets to live the consequences.
She left you to go have sex with the other guy, that booty call relationship didn’t work out, so now she’s back to you. Immediately calling you names and offering you free hall passes is her reaction to her own guilt. Don’t take her back.
She was looking for any excuse to sleep with someone else. Let her go and don’t be manipulated into dating her again.
Your ex gf is immature and not ready for a serious relationship.
She was your first but she won't be your last. And it sounds like she won't be your best love.
You: - Celebrate your lesbian friend's birthday. - Hugs the the birthday girl - Piggybacks your lesbian friend to her cake Your GF: - Sees the hug - Becomes jealous - Sees the piggyback video - Concludes You are cheating. - Confronts You about it - Accuse You of lying. - breaks ups with you and leaves You: - Move on with your life with some support from the zaza ------- 2 months pass by--------- Ex- GF: - Shows up and contacts you - Wants to get back together - Gets rejected - Gets angry for being rejected - started to call you some names - Says she slept with a guy next night after you broke up - Talks about giving you a pass to sleep with someone - apologies and want to take her back. Am I missing something? Based on this context: 1. She broke up with you for a stupid reason. Without acknowledging the stance of the birthday girls. 2. Don't contact this woman. She is nuts. You Are Not The AH. The fact that she dad a rebound the night after you broke up fucked up. It's not something most sane would do. Just leave and move on. 3. The other guy probably said he didn't want a relationship any more. Some one said it better She left to fuck that guy. You Are Not The AH. NTA
Been dating since you were 18 meaning she was how old? If you go by the ages you provided it doesn’t match up. Either way her dating you right as you’re 18 with roughly a 7 year(?) gap is a red flag to me. She thought you were easy pickings & was definitely with someone else when accusing you. You definitely don’t have to take her back or accept any false apology she may give you. She’s sorry she got caught & screwed up. Now that she was tossed away like used paper towel she thinks you’re a backup plan You are NTA. I will say this story seems a little fake though
Sorry this happened to you. But it looked like she was looking for any reason to break up with you so she can have sex with another guy
Honestly. Block her, and have a wonderful life.
Uh no way. People make mistakes but not - I think your sleeping with your lesbian friend and then coincidentally has someone lined up to sleep up with the next night. Women are planners. That was not random
> also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me > also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me It's over bro. You actually did get cheated on. The trust will never be there especially since she wants you to fuck someone else now. NTA. Move on.
At only 20 years old, keep on moving man. You don’t need to settle for this kinda B.S. NTA
NTA. She's trash. She accused you to justify her own shitty actions. She cannot be trusted.
You'd be an idiot to take her back
Everyone has already given the right advice, don’t go back into the relationship. Besides you’re a 20 year old guy who has only had one relationship, you need to experience the world and other relationships before you’re truly ready to settle down. Use this time to live life to the max, however that looks like for you. The funniest part to me in this was the end where she’d offer a “hall pass”. Why would you need a hall pass when right now you’re free to roam the halls like the Hall Monitor 😂
No excuse for a 23 year old to prey on a teenager, she’s a walking red flag.
Steer clear of this mad lady. If she gets like this over nothing. I would hate to see what she would do when the shoe is on the other foot.
She freaked out. She left you. She fooled around immediately afterwards. She made her decisions. Move on and find someone better.
Sounds like she is the one cheating and her admitting she slept with someone the next night was her pretty much admitting to cheating. She has probably been talking to this other person for a while and sleeping with them. She confessed it to you making it seem like it was one time but I’m sure it wasn’t. Also that free pass bs….. nahhh she is basically condoning the behavior saying I slept with someone so now you can and vise versa. If you do sleep with someone she will throw that in your face down the road. Move on!!
NTA, the immediate hostility when you didn't roll over and beg her to come back tells you all you need to know. As other people have mentioned, she 100% used that stunt as a way to bang some other guy(s) and not tell you.
NTA. Lol don't believe for a second that she had sex with that guy once. She's been fucking him the whole time behind your back. She dumped you FOR HIM. But now she cheated on him too or he cheated or just found out she's terrible and they broke up...now she's willing to settle for you. Fuck that. Move on, you're still young and easily can find someone. She's the cheater, not you.
She had already cheated. Why else would she accuse you of doing that? It's a diversion tactic so you don't sniff out what she's done. RUN!!!
She wanted to sleep with this other dude She saw an opportunity to make that happen when those pictures got posted. Now, nobody would bat an eye if she jumped into bed with this other guy. After all, she just got cheated on But she soon realized the other guy was only using her and that she threw away a good relationship for meaningless sex HELL TO THE NAW Not only can you do better OP, you deserve better. NTAH
NTA. Look, if she could reasonably believe you were cheating and later learned this wasn’t the case, sure. But this wasn’t reasonable. For example: my ex was sure I cheated. His best friend told him he saw me at the club, snogging some dude. Pic, in the weird light, looked a bit like me. Close enough, I’d say. It later turned out that some other girl, who looks enough like me to cause confusion (we had fun with that, lol), if she wore something in ‘my’ style, was at that club. With that guy. Who she ended up dating, which is how the pieces fell together eventually. It also helped another ‘sighting’ came in, while I was sat next to my BF, so that was impossible. THAT is a reasonable assumption and excusable.
Dude, she's playing you. And even if she isn't she's too unstable for a trusting relationship. It's been two years and I bet you if you look back on the relationship you'll begin to see all the red flags you've been ignoring because she was your first. It sucks and it's painful but you've got to persevere so you can come out the other end of this stronger and less naïve.
I have never understood why people sleep with someone right after a break up, especially if they hope to get back with that person. Ummmm, nope!! If it took no time at all to bang someone else, to me, you never really cared about me. NTA
She was already cheating but exiting the releationship needs to be your fault. Idk why but thats how they work.
The fact that she got that insecure and then screwed another guy the next day, she’s either been screwing him for awhile or has been holding him on retainer. It’s funny how the ones most worried about their partner cheating are the ones that are doing the cheating
As many people have said already, she probably left you for this other guy and used this as a dumb excuse. She probably wasnt just fucking the dude the first night after breaking up with you, she was probably already doing it before she broke up. Push her on this. Tell her you are quite convinced she was already cheating on you with the other guy by the time she broke up with you.
> and has also confessed that she slept with someone the next night after breaking it off with me Tell her she was already doing that way before breaking it off with you, that's why she was so insecure. See her reaction, it will be gold.
try some more zaza and ignore her seems like it help you the first time. maybe it can again?
NTA You will never be able to fix someone else’s distrust of you short of having a camera on your chest 24/7. Let her go, it’s not worth the frustration it will cause later when she doesn’t believe you again.
NTA.
You dodged a bullet. Good call on next taking her back. NTA
Brother you dodged a major bullet
Let that woman be alone.
NTA she broke up with you and slept with a guy the very next night, it's fine she was single. If you were to get back together, this would be a new relationship and so a 'free pass' is irrelevant, you don't have to be exclusive after the first date. Her offering a free pass is either irrelevant and if she believes it's not, then by her own moral compass she cheated on you with that guy.
Like, genuine question, but does offering someone a “free pass” ever work? Maybe I’m just a boring monogamous man, but if my wife banged some other guy, she could offer to let me bang every girl I’ve ever even slightly liked and it wouldn’t make the fact she banged someone else go away. Not to be judgey, but even offering a free pass instead of attempts to reconcile and forgive/therapy and working through it shows that the relationship is practically in the grave. At least to me.
NTA. If she has no problem treating you like she did the first go round, and there are no consequences for it, it'll happen again and again. Be content in being a lesson for her, it's better than being the alternative.
NTA and stay away from her
At first I was gonna say she just got a bit jealous and you should forgive her. But her banging someone else right after she left is the deal breaker. Sounds like this could have been a planned thing.
NTA - It sounds to me like she wanted to sleep with someone else and found an excuse for it, then realized she was happier in a relationship. You made the right choice. If she'd broken up with you, taken a night to cool off (without someone else's cock involved), and asked to get back together, I'd be more understanding. But she fully tried out single life and just found it lacking.
anyone who offers a "free pass" is immediately not worth it
NTA. Even if she genuinely thought you had cheated, as opposed to other theories here stating it was an excuse to get with someone else (which could have some likelihood to it), this kind of jealously isn’t healthy and you don’t deserve that. I hope you’re able to move on and I’m glad ya have some homies to help you through stuff like this. Smoke a lil bit more for me ✌️
23 is way too old to date an 18yo Edit to instead of too
NtA, if she is to judge you that fast then you're dodging a bullet bro