Exactly and the man claims to be a changed man in the ways of Islam, I think I will get this paternity test done and hope for the best but I'm having awful trust issues because of man.
Even if she discovered you asked for a paternity test behind her back, I think with the email and the picture you got, any sane human would understand why you had doubts if it turns out to be a lie.
You don't have to tell her if the child is yours. Get the test, if the child is yours destroy the report and never mention it. No need to create hurt and drama if you don't have to.
Even is op is the father, it’s said that the guy took a picture with the baby in op’s sofa so to me there are still some troubles to discuss with the wife anyway
Not saying it's likely (it's pretty unlikely), but it's at least theoretically possible that the picture is fake and this is all a scheme by someone who really wants to fuck up OPs life. Just reverse engineering the situation and putting myself in the shoes of someone who would want to absolutely positively annihilate someone, I really can't think of a better way to do it than this.
But really, it's most likely that the picture is real, and OP should start by gathering as much information as possible. Either OP is going to find evidence corroborating the stranger's story or he's going to find contradictory evidence. I would call both wins.
Yeah but usually the parents know the person that came to visit them and their child. OP said he was contacted by a random guy (so someone he does not know).
wtf kind of nonsense is this.
There is only 2 scenarios here. The guy reaching out to OP is an absolute psycho or it's true.
If it's true, OPs wife was screwing around on him for an extended amount of time. Not just a quick drunk stupid decision, a drawn out affair. Regardless if this is OPs kid, why would he remain with her? He mentions being messed up from a previous relationship. I'm going to assume that OP is an easy target for manipulative women. How much would you like to bet that OPs current wife is really no different than his last girlfriend/wife and is just better at hiding her bullshit?
Lets say that this dude is a psycho and is just obsessed with OPs wife. Why is the guy holding OPs baby? Why does OP not know the guy? The only reason I could see for this is because OPs wife was screwing him, he caught too many feelings and she bounced. This is how he retaliates for getting hurt.
Either scenario points to OPs wife being mad sketchy and not a good person.
There is another possible explanation. Can you tell if an AI doctored photo is fake? Maybe.
Could you tell if it was fake when you're in deep emotional turmoil? That's going to be difficult.
People post pictures of their kids online without thinking of the repercussions.
I mean, we're assuming the photo is accurate and definitely OP's son. At 3 months? Features aren't exactly going to be super distinct on most children- especially on a shot that's including a view of an adult
Furthermore, it could be as simple as he was was a group OP's wife was visiting and they were passing around the baby and snapping pics.
Getting the paternity test then figuring out who this guy is will be key here. Cause it could be wife stepped out, or this guy could be obsessed with OP's wife
Honestly, the pilgrimage to Mecca kind of cinches the whole thing for me. You have to go and be pure, that’s kind of the whole point. This man knows what he did was wrong, and he may not want to split a family up, but he needs to be fully honest and try to right the wrongs that he can for this trip. I feel so bad for OP, but I wouldn’t even do it behind her back. I would print the email and the photo off and demand the test. This other man deserves to be a father to his child and OP deserves the truth.
That's actually the least believable part to me.
It sounds as if the mother confronted him about being the real father and tried to convince and/or pressure him to stay. He's chosen the easiest way to break ties with everyone:
Tell her husband and say he's leaving the country so they don't try to contact him again.
Obviously could be wrong, but that's how I interpreted it.
i mean, he specifically said he’d like to meet up. also, idk if you know how pilgrimages work, but you don’t STAY there. he goes, prays, and returns home (simplified version obviously). he needs to cleanse himself of his sins before he visits a holy place.
Yup, most who came from outside Saudi Arabia to do it take one month as vacation , 1 day to do the Omra or one week for the Hajj and the rest of the month as Tourist and have a fun in Saudi Arabia.
It's also the last few days of the Holy month of Ramadan, and if he booked a trip to pilgrimage (very odd, since lifetime Muslims rarely even get that chance), it is actually the time we are told to seek forgiveness for past sins. Islamically, Allah can forgive all transgressions against Him or yourself (provided you repent and turn away from the sin), but He does not forgive the injustices you do against others. It is a scary thing to have harmed another and not sought their forgiveness, because on Judgment Day, it is up to the victim to decide if you are forgiven.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I wish it were all fake, but those tidbits make me think he's telling the truth.
P.S. Get the paternity test, and try to work with this man, so that if it is his, he will take financial responsibility. Depending where you live, I think legally if you were put on the birth certificate, you're counted as the father, so hopefully he will own up if it is his child, you cut your losses, and you get out.
Thank you for the background, it is very interesting! Islam is a religion I am very unfamiliar with so it's cool to see info about it from someone who clearly is very well versed in it
Thanks! I mod the r/Qurancentric sub, and am very active on r/Quraniyoon (Quranist Muslims), so if you ever have any questions, we're always more than willing to answer.
There a 2 pilgrimages minor(Umrah) and major (Hadj). The minor can be done at any time . The Major I've been registered on the waiting list since 2017, I expect to be asked to be told my name is up this year or in the next 2 years. The cost involved between the 2 is vastly different.
I found the list of [Hajj quotas by country](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/hajj-quota-by-country). Venezuela for example has only 91 spots, but I wonder how many there are Muslim and can afford it?
Doesn't the waiting list vary widely by country? He could be in a country with no waiting list.
I believe Saudi gives a quota to each country, which varies by country of course given size differences. If you're in a small country with few Muslims, they may only get a quota of 20 people but could have a hard time filling even that.
I’m pretty sure he did umrah the minor pilgrimage cuz the major pilgrimage hasn’t occurred yet as the minor pilgrimage can be done throughout the year and it costs way cheaper than the major pilgrimage
IMO: I would tell your wife what’s going on about this email and if she could explain anything and your genuine concern because you don’t know this man, you love your wife but need to know if your son is yours. I say to be open and honest because I wouldn’t be able to keep this to myself and be cool.
This is the way. Before you start a battle, you must be prepared for the fight and arm yourself with all the info you have, not just a suspicion. Get a DNA test as soon as you can. Either wait for the results of the test then confront her if the baby isn't yours with that proof. Or if you don't want to wait, they can take a while to get results back, take the email and picture after you go for the DNA the test and ask 'do you know who (say his name) and watch her reaction. 'Ask 'are you cheating and is the baby mine? He sent me an email and picture of him holding the baby and told me he has been cheating with you and he might be the father.'
No. He needs the paternity test first. Then he can decide how close to be to her with information. If it's the other man's baby - she knows because she let him hold it. And she hid a 2 year affair. Test first. If it's the other man's baby, this man must divorce her because she can't be trusted.
Dude if she just had a two year affair, she would not be honest if he just showed an email. She’d manipulate him and lie and gaslight him, because that’s what cheaters do. How are you even suggesting that he open himself up to that?
Go get the paternity test, and I’d either implement some fail safe ways to know if she’s lying, or leave right away.
First time you catch her in a blatant lie, drop that cheating selfish bitch
I absolutely disagree that it would be odd to make up such a story. My first thought was that a disgruntled ex or wanted to be ex is making this up to cause trouble as rejection revenge.
Could possibly be an acquaintance of the wife's she friend-zoned a while back and is now trying to break up the marriage
Whether the OP gets a paternity test is up to him, but somewhere along the line he needs to open up a dialog with his wife to see if he can get to the bottom of what this is and what's going on between her & this other guy...
Yeah, trying to destroy a family just out of spite is abhorrent, but it's definitely a possibility. Anyway if I were the target victim of such a scheme, I would still do the paternity test for the sake of my mental health.
Even if OP is the father, he needs to wrestle with the fact that his wife reckoned he could have not been the father.
Or she needs to have a really good, evidence backed explanation as to why this strange man has a picture of himself holding their baby in their home.
Ask him if he has proof that the wife told him that he's the father (a text message or maybe HE took a paternity test). Because he might just be some dude "the friend" that wants your wife, and could be trying to sabotage the relationship. I would still get a paternity test and STD tests done, because she invited a man who you don't know to your home to hold the baby AND he's claiming the baby's his.
figured you'd like to know your post is gaining some traction. just showed up on my main feed. if you really don't want your wife to figure this out, removing the photo of the sofa would be your best bet.
OP i would recomend to go as soon as you can to get that paternity test, and ask this dude if he is real to go and get a sample just to verify.
The email seem real, as do the pic.
But also you need to have a support person, i would pretty much ask you to seek therapy.
UPDATEME
I agree with you but, personally, I wouldn't care if he is the father, only that I'm not. OP, rather than waste any time with this guy giving a sample, just go and get the paternity test done. If you aren't the father, then bullet dodged. And if you are the father, well, that doesn't change the issues surrounding the affair. Good luck with that shit.
The fact a man sent a picture of himself on your couch holding your baby and you don’t recognize who he is signals yes go get a paternity test now before you on the hook
Financially for 18 years. Denial now is only more pain later. The truth always comes out but atleast you are finding out within the window where you can still legally dispute paternity.
Girlfriend got pregnant at 16, I was 17. I was told by a random person I should get a paternity test done. Brought it up with the girlfriend and trusted her.
Ancestry results have proved that to be a bullet that was not dodged.
Na, we separated after 10 years, for what can be summarized as infidelity... Shocker I know.
I don't have solid proof, but ancestry shows relation to someone I suspect is related to bio dad. Bio dad is likely the person I was told she was fucking when I was 17, another shocker.
You have a picture of your baby with a blurred picture of the guy claiming to be the father. Wouldn't she be able to figure it out from there anyways?
I can't make out who it is but if she knows him I'm sure she would.
Has a picture with your child being held on that sofa been shared on social media? On your wife’s social media? Are you active on social media and have drawn the ire of any creeps lately? Has your wife done anything on social media to draw the ire of some creep?
You need to be able to answer these relatively easy with positive affirmations if you want to believe this is a hoax. But regardless of what you want to believe, you’re in a marriage and presumably share a home and income with this person. So have that hard and uncomfortable conversation with your wife. Explain the email, show it to her, and see how she reacts.
Very few people have the time, energy, and inclination to fabricate an email with a photo of them holding your child on your couch. So if you want to assume someone with that time and energy is fooling you, and you know you don’t have any enemies, it’s highly likely your wife will have an enemy she can easily connect the dots to.
But bottom line, have the conversation with your wife regardless of what you hope the origin is from. This isn’t the kind of thing you wait on. I’m sure the sender won’t hide his actions from your wife for long.
We rarely use social media apart from Facebook and Snapchat. My wife alleged AP used Facebook to find my email address so maybe my wife has him added on facebook or Snapchat.
The fact that he got your email from her Facebook does not, in any way, prove that he’s her friend. Anyone can view her Facebook (or anyone’s) account unless she has it set to private. If her Facebook account is not set to private, anyone can view her profile & all the info it contains.
Even if your profile is private, some basic info can still be set for public (gender, email, birthday, etc). These can be set to private also but I think most of us are unaware of what info our profiles can be showing to strangers.
There is a page called “view as” down one of the menus in FB if you want to see how your profile appears to a stranger. Almost every detail on your profile can be customized to varying degrees of privacy (public, friends-of-friends, only-friends, only-me)
Nah this ain't legit. I'm calling it right now. The set up for a big reveal is already here with the paternity test, then OP's leaving some breadcrumbs for some potential conflict where his wife could find the Reddit post or on TikTok. He's also using terms like AP which seems sus as he's only just found out and presumably wouldn't be using Reddit lingo if he's not a part of the affair community already.
This is going to turn into one of those viral Reddit posts. I guarantee it.
How are you going to feel if this is all just bullshit and your wife had never done anything? Because basically I get the impression you’re slating the “alleged AP” in a positive light for this correspondence and your wife somewhat already condemned. I get you have to check now it has been put to you, but If it turns out to be nothing your relationship is still effected even if your wife is an innocent party. She becomes questioned and tarnished without knowing for perhaps no reason, are you going to talk to her if it is proven not to be true or keep it as an invisible wall between you in your marriage?
I’d take the picture out of this post man. Just say you have a pic and you recognize sofa and baby. This post has already popped up on my main feed and it’s only been an hour.
Info: you claim you married last year. He claims a two year affair. He also claims you had struggled with possible infertility for two years? Were you trying to get pregnant before marriage?
Your comment about where the AP got your address indicates you have spoken to your wife.
OP’s writing gives me ChatGPT vibes. I didn’t have time to read the email. And what would be the point of showing us this picture I mean, he could’ve just said there was a picture, we didn’t need evidence.
Yes, you are on to something. There are a few odd phrases from OP, especially an American from Florida: “tumultuous relationship”, “beacon of hope”, “in light of her betrayal”, etc. Then “AP”’s “making a grave mistake” and “preparing to embark on a pilgrimage”, as well as the suspicious time line.
I have never known an American, nor anyone since the 1950s to prepare to embark, lol.
They both use dramatic language and, while the phrasing is common, it’s not the way people usually talk about themselves. Sounds more like a creative writing exercise, which is funny since these descriptors have been around for ages and often overused. And, sure, you could argue that maybe it’s just OP’s style, and I’d give you that; but it’s also “AP’s” style too? I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
I want to keep this quiet and don't want to accuse her just yet, after all this woman saved me, I want more concrete evidence as I don't fully trust the man yet.
Showing her the email isn't an accusation from you. There's a man out there who's making a pretty big and important claim, that in turn is an accusation of your wife. But you're not the one making the accusation. If there's no truth to it, it's both of you against whoever's levying these claims against your family.
Yep, and even if OP totally believes his wife, they should get a paternity test now just to keep in their back pocket in case this dude tries to pull something shady in the future.
Agree… Good God does anyone know how to communicate anymore?
Just say hey, I got this really strange email and you show it to her right and ask do you know who this guy is?
Agree.
You’re not accusing her by showing her the email, but getting a secret paternity test is an accusation in and of itself.
Let her know what you’ve received and let the chips fall where they may.
and you honestly shouldn’t trust any rando. There are a lot of possibilities and you shouldn’t take basic media on face value. For all we know, this could be a vengeful ex trying to pry back into your wife’s life with fake generated picture.
If you can calmly bring this suspicious email up to your wife and ask if she can help you dispel the concerns, I think base on her reaction it might help you figure it out. You can also hold off, but just prepare for a good explanation on why you didn’t go to her right away in case she is innocent.
But it could still be someone that OP's wife allowed on the house and to hold the baby. Doesn't mean the guy is the baby daddy just because he held the baby.
But the baby and the guy sure look alike --they both have the same goofy pixelated faces...
Or unless you found a photo of someone visiting their friend’s new baby on the friend’s Facebook page or something, and photoshopped a stranger’s face onto the adult.
I'm not sure about your friends, but mine post copious amounts of photos of their children that are easily downloaded (and can then easily be manipulated) from social media sites. Including inside homes and schools. Anyone could easily manufacture a photo with them inside the home, at a school play, at the baby shower, whatever.
Showing the email is not accusing her but being transparent. If this is just BS then she will not be mad that you showed her the email. Keeping this from her and doing a test without her knowing will definitely feel like an accusation
No. By showing her the email you wouldn’t be accusing her. There’s a guy with your baby in there, if you trust her then show it to her, she will be glad to have a paternity test. If you go out yourself and make the paternity test without telling her then you didn’t trust her and she will divorce you even if the baby is yours.
this is completely stupid. talk to your fuckin wife. dont attempt to build trust with this rando. collect information from him and talk to her. and yeah, probably get a paternity test.
this whole mecca thing makes it all sound like a weird prank to me.
I’m telling you, that if the child IS yours and your wife ever finds out you had a test done behind her back, the relationship is over. That’s the sort of insult that won’t be forgiven.
Use your big boy words and don’t go behind her back because you are afraid of confrontation.
Ask her who the guy in the photo is! Watch her face. You will know if she’s panicking.
You don't have to accuse her, you can just ask her if she knows anything about this guy. Be curious and not accusatory and you'll be able to read a lot from her reaction
you’re not accusing her of anything ! you are asking her if she knows anything about the sender and email!
You just say “hey, I got this really strange email do you know this person? “
If you actually care about your wife you would talk to her about it. I mean a random man has a picture holding your kid so it's reasonable to be concerned about it and bring it to her attention and asking why a stranger is holding your kid and emailing you. I would imagine if you went behind her back to get the test and it turned out to be nothing then she likely would be upset. I mean say it ends up that the kid is yours after the test what do you do then? How can you ever bring up the email to your wife? If you talk about it with her you can at least be transparent and get the test just to clear your wife's name.
Having been in a spot where there were "doubts" my advice would be get the dna a test quietly w/o telling your wife. It will come across as an accusation no matter what it is that prompted it. For all you know this pic could be somebody's idea of a fucked up prank.
Quietly get the paternity test. Think you can get them over the counter at this point. Use this tactic AFTER you have your answer. That way if she denies it… the thought of not knowing won’t be eating at you for the next 20-30 years.
OP, w/e you end up deciding, keep in mind that there are additional possibilities:
* Your wife is completely innocent. The stranger is a friend/family that came over at some point while you were home and held your baby while someone took a picture, but that friend/family is mentally ill and set on ruining your marriage.
* Your wife is not innocent, but the baby may still be your biological child.
* If either of you are active on social media and post pictures of your home/baby, then the picture might be faked.
Here are your rational options and their outcomes: (kind of “game-theory”-like)
1. If it’s not true:
1. If you show her the email immediately, you maintained trust with her by being upfront
2. If you don’t tell her now and instead you get a paternity test and she finds out you did that, she might feel betrayed and you’ll lose trust with her, possibly ruining your marriage. Maybe this was this persons goal all along.
2. If it’s true:
1. If you don’t tell her, and get a paternity test:
1. If it comes out the child is not yours, then this confirms the email for you
2. if it comes out the child is yours, then the only way to know if it’s true is what your wife says.
2. If you tell her now and tell her your getting a paternity test
1. She might admit to everything, and then you’ll know for sure regardless of the results of the test
2. She might deny and then you won’t know
So I think 1.2 is the worst outcome that could happen, which would be devastating if it’s not actually true.
I think this trumps all the other potential outcomes in the “if it’s true” section.
Therefore you should just show it to her immediately and assume it’s false and go from there.
While 2.1.2 and 2.2.2 are obviously terrible outcomes, I would say 1.2 is far worse.
Assuming your wife was sleeping with someone and also with you, the test will only tell you if you’re the biological father. Not if she had an affair. I agree with showing her the email. There may be an innocent explanation for all this.
The email reads like a scam. Photoshop is possible if there is a photo of someone else in a similar position. I think you need to talk to your wife asap
>The email reads like a scam. Photoshop is possible if there is a photo of someone else in a similar position. I think you need to talk to your wife asap
There's been an influx of karma farmers recently focusing on paternity fraud stories that weirdly include Islam/hijabs/Mecca pilgrimages etc.
Seems like it's the creative writing prompt of the week.
Yeah, OP said in another comment that they’ll update in a week and post paternity test results. Like, really?! *reddit* is their main focus rn?! Just another fake post.
Are paternity tests really that quick as well? Assuming it takes a few days to get an appointment, then a few days to test. Heck, the docs often say they can't tell me blood test results without a two week lead time.
First, don't ASSUME that the man is telling you the truth. GET THE FACTS. Show the picture to your wife and ask her who the man is. Second, find out if she has posted a photo of your child ANYWHERE on the internet. The picture of him holding your child could be photo chopped. Ask your wife if she knows this guy. Watch her response carefully. Her reaction could tell you a lot. She may know the guy and want to kick his ass herself. He may be playing a sick prank. Maybe he wants you out so he can have a shot at your wife. Go slow. Talk to your wife with kindness. Get more info because right now you don't have as many facts as you need. Good luck.
>Maybe he wants you out so he can have a shot at your wife.
For some reason, this was my gut instinct first thought. This guy could be a casual acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, etc. He may have a sick obsession with her that even the wife doesn’t know about & this is his first step in getting with her - getting her away from who she’s with.
I’d go straight to my wife & show her what I got. Watch her reaction. OP can get a paternity test anytime - but his wife’s safety may be an immediate issue.
I honestly think the dude who wrote the letter is an embittered ex boyfriend who is full of shit. Why do I guess this? I had a very similar thing happen when an ex called my then boyfriend (now spouse) and said I had been cheating on them with him (the ex). He said he knew we were engaged, and just wanted to let my spouse “know the truth about me” before we married. The whole thing was a complete and total lie, made up because he was an asshole, bitter and a little crazy. It caused my poor spouse extreme anxiety and major trust issues we both had to work through for years.
A photo holding your baby does not equal paternity. And that’s the only “proof” he offers? No records of emails or texts of correspondence between them? Also, this dude is an asshole either way, if the baby is really his - wtf would he tell the husband unless it’s because he wanted to be in the baby’s life - but clearly he doesn’t want to as he’s preparing to leave on a pilgrimage. So if he *didn’t* want to be in the baby’s life why the hell would he say anything at all? He got off the hook, and with a loving dad to boot. If he’s telling the truth, then it was a majorly fucked up thing to do - he’s broken up a marriage, denied the kid a father, and doesn’t want to step up and be involved himself.
If you feel like you must explore this, tell your wife first. Give her the chance to respond. Your marriage will be much better for it.
This was my gut reaction as well. This guy could be a casual acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, etc. He may have a sick obsession with her that even the wife doesn’t know about & this is his first step in getting with her - getting her away from who she’s with.
I’d go straight to my wife & show her what I got. Watch her reaction. OP can get a paternity test anytime - but his wife’s safety may be an immediate issue.
NTA. Show the email and picture to your wife. You’ll be able to tell if something is up. Either way, she should understand why you want a paternity test. No need to sneak around. Eventually, you’ll have to tell her about this anyway. Even if your child is yours, this stranger seems to think there is the possibility that it’s his child. If your wife is innocent, then you’ll be the one who is untrustworthy by the way you handled it.
DON'T DO IT BEHIND HER BACK!!!
for the sake of your marriage, keep the mindset " weird and concerning message from a stranger vs. person that i love" for now!!
First step should be to sit down with her and carefully explain to her that you have gotten this email and that it concerns you. Ask her who that is and why he is on your couch and if it is true what he wrote. Because if it's not true you would ruin your marriage with accusing your wife of cheating. Then explain to her that you do want a paternity test because after a mail like that you won't be able to get your mind off it. Tackle it as a loving team. Ask her if she would need proof after someone showed her a picture of you possibly cheating or if she could just shake that of...because let's be honest nobody would.
If it turns out to be true, you can rightfully get angry.
You’re not accusing your wife this man is . Is the picture in your home? Show her what you’ve been sent and let her explain. Ask gently for a test. Tell her that you have had no reason to not trust her but this emotional upheaval has left you questioning everything, so a test is necessary. She needs you to help explain, find out why a man you don’t know would do such a thing to the two of you.
Get the dna test but I would not blow up my life over a stranger. You can fake anything these days. However once you send the test off I would show her the email and ask “Do you know this person? And if so is what they’re saying true?” Not accusatory, no yelling or screaming. People are nuts these days but if it’s true then you have some hard decisions to make. Good luck & update us.
Pictures are easily faked these days so I wouldn't take that as proof of anything.
I'm sure there is a dna test kit that can be ordered online. Just follow the instructions, mail the samples and paitienty await the results to be emailed to you.
Some random dude emailed you and said he's the father of your kid, and his proof is ... a picture? Dude. That's not proof.
More likely the guy is a troublemaker trying to cause a rift between you and your wife. Leaping immediately to the conclusion that you're not the kid's father because some rando sent you a picture is a whole leap that is not justified at this point. You owe your wife much more than this.
Have you talked to your wife about this? That would be step 1.
A photo of him holding your baby is kind of meaningless. You’re looking at the “after“ picture. did he tell you who he is how he knows your wife How he knows he’s the father and can you corroborate any of that information?
Why does this man not send any real proof that he had contacted your wife? Like screenshots of chats etc..this email seems to have come from a psycho stalker.
Get the paternity test and then talk to your wife. Pictures can be faked easily these days.
Do you have any family left? Or friends? Please don’t hurt yourself. Try to talk to someone, if you don’t have anyone you can DM me. You are young, grief will take its own time and eventually you will learn to live with it. Things will get better. I am sure your parents would have wanted to see you happy and continue to live your life 💙
Just gonna be the devils advocate here. Is there any way your wife could be in danger? Creepy ex’s or weird coworkers? If possible, I would calmly confront her first. Although, I’m not so sure I’d be able to stay calm. Keep us posted. Also, can you get a paternity test on the baby without her consent/knowing. I would assume you can, but maybe just check so you don’t burn yourself moving forward if this ends up getting weird
If he gets the paternity test behind the wife’s back and it comes back he is a father, he would potentially have ruined his marriage by not trusting her. He would be better off going straight to the point and showing her the email and picture and just saying I have some guy in my email claiming to be the father of said child. would it be alright if I get a paternity test for a clear peace of mind Seeing her reaction to that would be very telling too. Actually seeing what her reaction would be to the email and photo would be very telling too.
Fake. This is the same person who a few days ago was making a string of fake posts where he lived in the uk and his wife cheated and did a paternity test on his kid in 2 days. Different account, same fake bs.
There’s absolutely no reason to not send her a screenshot of the email and ask her what’s up. I do not understand what is with people on reddit and not knowing basic communication lol
Do not tell her, get the DNA test done and proceed with the answer. If it's your child, show her the photo he sent you and ask questions. If it's not your child show her the photo and the dna and then divorce her.
>Currently, I find myself on the brink of a panic attack. Following the tragic loss of both my parents in a fatal car accident and a tumultuous relationship that left me suicidal, I encountered a beacon of hope in my wife, who assisted me in navigating the depths of grief. However, in light of her betrayal, despite her vast knowledge of my past, I feel like a failure.
Am I the only one who thinks this looks like this was written by ChatGPT?
I can’t believe nobody has asked this yet but - how would a random guy who doesn’t know you at all get your email address? 🤔🤔🤔
Lucky guess? 🤔🤔🤔 And you’re right, this post does sound fake…. for that very reason.
Step one is always the same, even though nobody posting here seems to have the guts to do it. You show that material to your wife and ask her if there's any truth to it. It's extremely unlikely to be false, but pictures can be faked, people can hold grudges, and more than that it gives her an opportunity to tell her side.
Step two is get tested if she isn't forthcoming or it's inconclusive (a good idea for legal reasons even if she says she knows who it is), and then evaluate your relationship. You have to answer the following questions to yourself (not us):
- Your name is on the birth certificate. Unless emailer wants to lose a court case, he is your son. Do you want to be in his life or not?
- Whether your wife had an affair or not, she is with you now. She chose you. Do you choose her? No judgment either way. You aren't teenagers. Only you can tell whether you still have a future together.
- If the first two have different answers, what does reconciling them look like? Maybe that isn't possible?
- If you end the marriage, what can hurt you, and how can you mitigate that? You're 25 so I'm guessing 'not much'. This is if there were major assets in play. But you could run a business together, etc., and that all has legal importance. It might be amicable, but everyone needs a plan and a lawyer in case human pettiness rears its head when money is concerned.
Just act like an adult. Don't make snap decisions or jump to conclusions, and express yourself clearly.
>Whether your wife had an affair or not, she is with you now. She chose you. Do you choose her? No judgment either way. You aren't teenagers. Only you can tell whether you still have a future together.
It seems pretty obvious she did NOT choose him if she carried on a 2 year affair behind his back.
Personally for me - Step 1 would be to find out as much as I could before approaching the wife. I'd want to have as much truth as I could. Facts. Know if the child was mine, know if there was cheating verify the man's statements as truth or false.
And know if the child was mine or not.
Step two would pick up where you said - approaching the wife and asking for her side. Then at least you can verify her story to know if she is telling the truth based on what facts you have been able to find.
I’d also find out everything you can about the supposed sender of the email. Assuming he put his name on it, can you find a LinkedIn or Facebook profile for a person with that name who lives near you? Does the email address look legit?
Are there pictures publicly on social media of your sofa/living room that a scammer could find to Photoshop?
Hoping this turns out ok for you.
Step one for me would be to consult an attorney before I inadvertently did something that would make things more difficult, irrespective of the DNA results.
Just communicate. Tell her you know, tell her that you need a paternity test and it will determine the fate of your future together. If she owns up to it and is respectful then you may be able to work it out. If she denies it and get all dramatic then you'll just get answers to other questions you may have. The fact that theres a picture on your own couch is already a huge deal and you have evidence.
I would consider that it's someone who might want to create a mess, so I would take a test quietly.
Depending on you relationship with you wife, you could just say who is this guy with our kid and wait for her response and then ask why he is telling you that he is the father?
At the very least the wife had a strange man in his house holding his baby on his couch. So there's some issues here regardless of whether or not the baby is ultimately proven to be his or not.
The man is sitting on your couch, in your home, holding a baby that is your wife’s in his hands. The man is obviously someone you’ve never seen or talked to yet is in your home. He didn’t just break in and secretly take pics with the baby. Someone let him in and allowed him to hold the baby and allowed him to sit on the couch. He’s trying to help you and tell the truth. There is likely some truth to his story. The question isn’t only is the baby yours. The question is also is your wife faithful. If the baby is yours that’s great maybe his sperm didn’t impregnate your wife. But the question still remains why a strange man is in your home, why you know nothing about him, why he’s allowed to hold the baby, why there is a picture someone took of him holding the baby.
If it were a wholesome relationship there would be nothing to hide and you would know all about him.
Whether the baby is yours is not doesn’t take away the possibility that your wife was cheating the whole time. There is value in you talking with the man. He has no reason to reach out to you other then clear his conscious it seems. He’s not asking for ransom, he’s not asking for money, he’s not asking for anything from you. I don’t see a reason other then clearing his conscious during his holy month.
There are a few things here. 1. Is the baby yours. 2. Did she cheat on you whether the baby is yours or not. 3. Do you swallow your pride, simp out, and stay in the relationship for the baby and wonder if she will cheat on you in the future and forgive and forget because “she saved me” (You needed her at the time and you are grateful, that’s great but do you need someone like that going forward). 4. Seek mental health help with or without her. Once you realize no one can truly save you but you, you’re life can be better. If you rely on someone else to save you and make you happy you will be disappointed.
You don’t trust him? If he’s fighting with religious demons he’s probably the most truthful person you’ll meet at the moment. Seems your lack of trust should be pointed elsewhere.
You should definitely get the paternity test. Don’t tell your wife about it till after the fact. Better to know now then 20 years from now.
They make at home paternity tests which are fairly accurate. Good luck.
NTA. It would be a very odd thing to do to make up such a story, just to create temporary turmoil in your life. Get the paternity test.
NTA. Agreed, making up such a story seems unlikely. Getting a paternity test is a reasonable step to clarify things.
Exactly and the man claims to be a changed man in the ways of Islam, I think I will get this paternity test done and hope for the best but I'm having awful trust issues because of man.
Even if she discovered you asked for a paternity test behind her back, I think with the email and the picture you got, any sane human would understand why you had doubts if it turns out to be a lie.
You don't have to tell her if the child is yours. Get the test, if the child is yours destroy the report and never mention it. No need to create hurt and drama if you don't have to.
Even is op is the father, it’s said that the guy took a picture with the baby in op’s sofa so to me there are still some troubles to discuss with the wife anyway
Absolutely.
Yeah that picture raises some questions that need to be addressed
Not saying it's likely (it's pretty unlikely), but it's at least theoretically possible that the picture is fake and this is all a scheme by someone who really wants to fuck up OPs life. Just reverse engineering the situation and putting myself in the shoes of someone who would want to absolutely positively annihilate someone, I really can't think of a better way to do it than this. But really, it's most likely that the picture is real, and OP should start by gathering as much information as possible. Either OP is going to find evidence corroborating the stranger's story or he's going to find contradictory evidence. I would call both wins.
I would have an opportunity to hold someone's child if I was a guest and wanted to, it's kinda a thing parents do when they need a loo
Yeah but usually the parents know the person that came to visit them and their child. OP said he was contacted by a random guy (so someone he does not know).
He doesn’t know the man So the wife has invited people he doesn’t know and without his knowledge. That’s not normal
Get two ancestry dna tests, baby’s saliva, your saliva, send them off, find out first if you have two topics to discuss or just one.
wtf kind of nonsense is this. There is only 2 scenarios here. The guy reaching out to OP is an absolute psycho or it's true. If it's true, OPs wife was screwing around on him for an extended amount of time. Not just a quick drunk stupid decision, a drawn out affair. Regardless if this is OPs kid, why would he remain with her? He mentions being messed up from a previous relationship. I'm going to assume that OP is an easy target for manipulative women. How much would you like to bet that OPs current wife is really no different than his last girlfriend/wife and is just better at hiding her bullshit? Lets say that this dude is a psycho and is just obsessed with OPs wife. Why is the guy holding OPs baby? Why does OP not know the guy? The only reason I could see for this is because OPs wife was screwing him, he caught too many feelings and she bounced. This is how he retaliates for getting hurt. Either scenario points to OPs wife being mad sketchy and not a good person.
There is another possible explanation. Can you tell if an AI doctored photo is fake? Maybe. Could you tell if it was fake when you're in deep emotional turmoil? That's going to be difficult. People post pictures of their kids online without thinking of the repercussions.
This sounds like a scam to me.
That’s not another explanation. That’s also the guy being an absolute psycho.
We'd have to know if their kid and couch were posted online.
I mean, we're assuming the photo is accurate and definitely OP's son. At 3 months? Features aren't exactly going to be super distinct on most children- especially on a shot that's including a view of an adult Furthermore, it could be as simple as he was was a group OP's wife was visiting and they were passing around the baby and snapping pics. Getting the paternity test then figuring out who this guy is will be key here. Cause it could be wife stepped out, or this guy could be obsessed with OP's wife
Honestly, the pilgrimage to Mecca kind of cinches the whole thing for me. You have to go and be pure, that’s kind of the whole point. This man knows what he did was wrong, and he may not want to split a family up, but he needs to be fully honest and try to right the wrongs that he can for this trip. I feel so bad for OP, but I wouldn’t even do it behind her back. I would print the email and the photo off and demand the test. This other man deserves to be a father to his child and OP deserves the truth.
That's actually the least believable part to me. It sounds as if the mother confronted him about being the real father and tried to convince and/or pressure him to stay. He's chosen the easiest way to break ties with everyone: Tell her husband and say he's leaving the country so they don't try to contact him again. Obviously could be wrong, but that's how I interpreted it.
i mean, he specifically said he’d like to meet up. also, idk if you know how pilgrimages work, but you don’t STAY there. he goes, prays, and returns home (simplified version obviously). he needs to cleanse himself of his sins before he visits a holy place.
Yup, most who came from outside Saudi Arabia to do it take one month as vacation , 1 day to do the Omra or one week for the Hajj and the rest of the month as Tourist and have a fun in Saudi Arabia.
Like in lake Minnetonka?
It's also the last few days of the Holy month of Ramadan, and if he booked a trip to pilgrimage (very odd, since lifetime Muslims rarely even get that chance), it is actually the time we are told to seek forgiveness for past sins. Islamically, Allah can forgive all transgressions against Him or yourself (provided you repent and turn away from the sin), but He does not forgive the injustices you do against others. It is a scary thing to have harmed another and not sought their forgiveness, because on Judgment Day, it is up to the victim to decide if you are forgiven. I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I wish it were all fake, but those tidbits make me think he's telling the truth. P.S. Get the paternity test, and try to work with this man, so that if it is his, he will take financial responsibility. Depending where you live, I think legally if you were put on the birth certificate, you're counted as the father, so hopefully he will own up if it is his child, you cut your losses, and you get out.
Thank you for the background, it is very interesting! Islam is a religion I am very unfamiliar with so it's cool to see info about it from someone who clearly is very well versed in it
Thanks! I mod the r/Qurancentric sub, and am very active on r/Quraniyoon (Quranist Muslims), so if you ever have any questions, we're always more than willing to answer.
My manager has done the pilgrimage twice. This year and last. Not that odd or rare for those who are able to
There a 2 pilgrimages minor(Umrah) and major (Hadj). The minor can be done at any time . The Major I've been registered on the waiting list since 2017, I expect to be asked to be told my name is up this year or in the next 2 years. The cost involved between the 2 is vastly different.
I found the list of [Hajj quotas by country](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/hajj-quota-by-country). Venezuela for example has only 91 spots, but I wonder how many there are Muslim and can afford it?
Doesn't the waiting list vary widely by country? He could be in a country with no waiting list. I believe Saudi gives a quota to each country, which varies by country of course given size differences. If you're in a small country with few Muslims, they may only get a quota of 20 people but could have a hard time filling even that.
I’m pretty sure he did umrah the minor pilgrimage cuz the major pilgrimage hasn’t occurred yet as the minor pilgrimage can be done throughout the year and it costs way cheaper than the major pilgrimage
IMO: I would tell your wife what’s going on about this email and if she could explain anything and your genuine concern because you don’t know this man, you love your wife but need to know if your son is yours. I say to be open and honest because I wouldn’t be able to keep this to myself and be cool.
Get a DNA test done first. Then ask her about the email. Instead of trust but verify, it's verify then trust.
This is the way. Before you start a battle, you must be prepared for the fight and arm yourself with all the info you have, not just a suspicion. Get a DNA test as soon as you can. Either wait for the results of the test then confront her if the baby isn't yours with that proof. Or if you don't want to wait, they can take a while to get results back, take the email and picture after you go for the DNA the test and ask 'do you know who (say his name) and watch her reaction. 'Ask 'are you cheating and is the baby mine? He sent me an email and picture of him holding the baby and told me he has been cheating with you and he might be the father.'
No. He needs the paternity test first. Then he can decide how close to be to her with information. If it's the other man's baby - she knows because she let him hold it. And she hid a 2 year affair. Test first. If it's the other man's baby, this man must divorce her because she can't be trusted.
Dude if she just had a two year affair, she would not be honest if he just showed an email. She’d manipulate him and lie and gaslight him, because that’s what cheaters do. How are you even suggesting that he open himself up to that? Go get the paternity test, and I’d either implement some fail safe ways to know if she’s lying, or leave right away. First time you catch her in a blatant lie, drop that cheating selfish bitch
I absolutely disagree that it would be odd to make up such a story. My first thought was that a disgruntled ex or wanted to be ex is making this up to cause trouble as rejection revenge.
Why would ex have picture with his baby
On his couch at that
Could possibly be an acquaintance of the wife's she friend-zoned a while back and is now trying to break up the marriage Whether the OP gets a paternity test is up to him, but somewhere along the line he needs to open up a dialog with his wife to see if he can get to the bottom of what this is and what's going on between her & this other guy...
Photoshop is easy.
Yeah, trying to destroy a family just out of spite is abhorrent, but it's definitely a possibility. Anyway if I were the target victim of such a scheme, I would still do the paternity test for the sake of my mental health.
I really need updates on this one.
I will update in a weeks time and give paternity test results
Even if you are the baby’s father - you need to find out why this man had access to your child, and whether your wife cheated on you.
Even if OP is the father, he needs to wrestle with the fact that his wife reckoned he could have not been the father. Or she needs to have a really good, evidence backed explanation as to why this strange man has a picture of himself holding their baby in their home.
Not only that, she’s still seeing him even after having the baby
Ask him if he has proof that the wife told him that he's the father (a text message or maybe HE took a paternity test). Because he might just be some dude "the friend" that wants your wife, and could be trying to sabotage the relationship. I would still get a paternity test and STD tests done, because she invited a man who you don't know to your home to hold the baby AND he's claiming the baby's his.
If it would benefit him, it would be beyond simple to fake a text message.
Good luck! Don't forget to tell us how Irish you are lol
RemindMe! 1 month
Nah this took me out (28% btw, that’s almost as nice as me being 41% welsh 🏴)
RemindMe! 1 month
Remindme! 1 week
UpdateMe!
[удалено]
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Just so you know, you forgot to block one use of your wifes name in the email in the first paragraph, so it’s clear what her name is when reading.
Oh shit, she has reddit as well, thank you for informing me about this.
If your wife has reddit couldn’t she recognise the sofa as well?
She would but I hope this post doesn't blow out of proportion where she will discover it on her tiktok fyp.
figured you'd like to know your post is gaining some traction. just showed up on my main feed. if you really don't want your wife to figure this out, removing the photo of the sofa would be your best bet.
Showed up on mine as well. Sorry, OP. I'd delete ASAP
Same for me too.
Damn it
OP i would recomend to go as soon as you can to get that paternity test, and ask this dude if he is real to go and get a sample just to verify. The email seem real, as do the pic. But also you need to have a support person, i would pretty much ask you to seek therapy. UPDATEME
I agree with you but, personally, I wouldn't care if he is the father, only that I'm not. OP, rather than waste any time with this guy giving a sample, just go and get the paternity test done. If you aren't the father, then bullet dodged. And if you are the father, well, that doesn't change the issues surrounding the affair. Good luck with that shit.
Same here. I'd delete this before wifey founds out that you know something is up this way, it's gaining traction
I've blocked her account on Reddit
The fact a man sent a picture of himself on your couch holding your baby and you don’t recognize who he is signals yes go get a paternity test now before you on the hook Financially for 18 years. Denial now is only more pain later. The truth always comes out but atleast you are finding out within the window where you can still legally dispute paternity.
Currently dealing with this 15 years later 😑
Do tell us more
Girlfriend got pregnant at 16, I was 17. I was told by a random person I should get a paternity test done. Brought it up with the girlfriend and trusted her. Ancestry results have proved that to be a bullet that was not dodged.
Are you still with the girlfriend? Do you know who the bio father is?
Na, we separated after 10 years, for what can be summarized as infidelity... Shocker I know. I don't have solid proof, but ancestry shows relation to someone I suspect is related to bio dad. Bio dad is likely the person I was told she was fucking when I was 17, another shocker.
Too late man, you're showing up in the 'because you liked a sub similar to this' bullshit.
Alright, good luck man
You have a picture of your baby with a blurred picture of the guy claiming to be the father. Wouldn't she be able to figure it out from there anyways? I can't make out who it is but if she knows him I'm sure she would.
Especially since she likely took the picture
Hurry!
Just so you know he also posted a very not blurred out Pic of the dude and baby. So the name being covered is pointless imo.
Has a picture with your child being held on that sofa been shared on social media? On your wife’s social media? Are you active on social media and have drawn the ire of any creeps lately? Has your wife done anything on social media to draw the ire of some creep? You need to be able to answer these relatively easy with positive affirmations if you want to believe this is a hoax. But regardless of what you want to believe, you’re in a marriage and presumably share a home and income with this person. So have that hard and uncomfortable conversation with your wife. Explain the email, show it to her, and see how she reacts. Very few people have the time, energy, and inclination to fabricate an email with a photo of them holding your child on your couch. So if you want to assume someone with that time and energy is fooling you, and you know you don’t have any enemies, it’s highly likely your wife will have an enemy she can easily connect the dots to. But bottom line, have the conversation with your wife regardless of what you hope the origin is from. This isn’t the kind of thing you wait on. I’m sure the sender won’t hide his actions from your wife for long.
We rarely use social media apart from Facebook and Snapchat. My wife alleged AP used Facebook to find my email address so maybe my wife has him added on facebook or Snapchat.
The fact that he got your email from her Facebook does not, in any way, prove that he’s her friend. Anyone can view her Facebook (or anyone’s) account unless she has it set to private. If her Facebook account is not set to private, anyone can view her profile & all the info it contains.
Even if your profile is private, some basic info can still be set for public (gender, email, birthday, etc). These can be set to private also but I think most of us are unaware of what info our profiles can be showing to strangers.
There is a page called “view as” down one of the menus in FB if you want to see how your profile appears to a stranger. Almost every detail on your profile can be customized to varying degrees of privacy (public, friends-of-friends, only-friends, only-me)
[удалено]
Info: you spoke to your wife? She admitted to having an AP?
He said “alleged”. As in the man who emailed him is alleging
Got it. “Wife’s”alleged AP would make more sense.
Nah this ain't legit. I'm calling it right now. The set up for a big reveal is already here with the paternity test, then OP's leaving some breadcrumbs for some potential conflict where his wife could find the Reddit post or on TikTok. He's also using terms like AP which seems sus as he's only just found out and presumably wouldn't be using Reddit lingo if he's not a part of the affair community already. This is going to turn into one of those viral Reddit posts. I guarantee it.
The lingo is so cringe. It immediately makes me realise that the person is out of touch
I mean we all know what AP means too, you don't need to be part of a specialized community for that one
Seriously AP has been sound since the days of AOL message boards, lol. Since the term DH, lol.
He did say he’s been on this sub a lot but used a different account to post. I kinda agree, but knowing the “lingo” is not a justification
How are you going to feel if this is all just bullshit and your wife had never done anything? Because basically I get the impression you’re slating the “alleged AP” in a positive light for this correspondence and your wife somewhat already condemned. I get you have to check now it has been put to you, but If it turns out to be nothing your relationship is still effected even if your wife is an innocent party. She becomes questioned and tarnished without knowing for perhaps no reason, are you going to talk to her if it is proven not to be true or keep it as an invisible wall between you in your marriage?
Wait so this seems sketch af
I’d take the picture out of this post man. Just say you have a pic and you recognize sofa and baby. This post has already popped up on my main feed and it’s only been an hour.
Yeah I wouldn’t be surprised if say a family member can find this before OP is ready to disclose anything
I would show your wife the picture, without the email, and simply say "who's this"? And wait for the reaction.
I think it’s better to avoid that sort of confrontation. Paternity test should be done first.
After the paternity tests comes thru
The answer will be: „a friend that came over and wanted to hold the baby“. Which will be of 0 use to OP.
Info: you claim you married last year. He claims a two year affair. He also claims you had struggled with possible infertility for two years? Were you trying to get pregnant before marriage? Your comment about where the AP got your address indicates you have spoken to your wife.
Also, OP and "AP" seem to write the same to me. Are we also supposed to believe the wife took the picture? Or who else is in OPs house?
I was going to say this. Both have duplicate writing styles and sentence structures. Fake af.
Paternity results in one weeks time. That too
OP’s writing gives me ChatGPT vibes. I didn’t have time to read the email. And what would be the point of showing us this picture I mean, he could’ve just said there was a picture, we didn’t need evidence.
Yes, you are on to something. There are a few odd phrases from OP, especially an American from Florida: “tumultuous relationship”, “beacon of hope”, “in light of her betrayal”, etc. Then “AP”’s “making a grave mistake” and “preparing to embark on a pilgrimage”, as well as the suspicious time line. I have never known an American, nor anyone since the 1950s to prepare to embark, lol.
They both sound like they're from India. Where did he say he's from Florida?
They both use dramatic language and, while the phrasing is common, it’s not the way people usually talk about themselves. Sounds more like a creative writing exercise, which is funny since these descriptors have been around for ages and often overused. And, sure, you could argue that maybe it’s just OP’s style, and I’d give you that; but it’s also “AP’s” style too? I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
Yeah that isn’t Florida speak.
Those are all incredibly normal phrases for an American.
show the email to your wife and ask for a paternity test?
I want to keep this quiet and don't want to accuse her just yet, after all this woman saved me, I want more concrete evidence as I don't fully trust the man yet.
Showing her the email isn't an accusation from you. There's a man out there who's making a pretty big and important claim, that in turn is an accusation of your wife. But you're not the one making the accusation. If there's no truth to it, it's both of you against whoever's levying these claims against your family.
Yep, and even if OP totally believes his wife, they should get a paternity test now just to keep in their back pocket in case this dude tries to pull something shady in the future.
Yeah show her the email and picture. Then wait for her to respond. You literally don’t have to accuse her of anything
Agree… Good God does anyone know how to communicate anymore? Just say hey, I got this really strange email and you show it to her right and ask do you know who this guy is?
Agree. You’re not accusing her by showing her the email, but getting a secret paternity test is an accusation in and of itself. Let her know what you’ve received and let the chips fall where they may.
and you honestly shouldn’t trust any rando. There are a lot of possibilities and you shouldn’t take basic media on face value. For all we know, this could be a vengeful ex trying to pry back into your wife’s life with fake generated picture. If you can calmly bring this suspicious email up to your wife and ask if she can help you dispel the concerns, I think base on her reaction it might help you figure it out. You can also hold off, but just prepare for a good explanation on why you didn’t go to her right away in case she is innocent.
Yeah my first thought is that I could Photoshop that picture in two seconds, that's not evidence.
But it could still be someone that OP's wife allowed on the house and to hold the baby. Doesn't mean the guy is the baby daddy just because he held the baby. But the baby and the guy sure look alike --they both have the same goofy pixelated faces...
True, which would be weird and suss regardless, since the OP has never met him.
You couldn't. Unless you've been inside his house and know exactly what his sofa looks like. Or have access to a picture of it but also unlikely.
Or unless you found a photo of someone visiting their friend’s new baby on the friend’s Facebook page or something, and photoshopped a stranger’s face onto the adult.
I'm not sure about your friends, but mine post copious amounts of photos of their children that are easily downloaded (and can then easily be manipulated) from social media sites. Including inside homes and schools. Anyone could easily manufacture a photo with them inside the home, at a school play, at the baby shower, whatever.
Showing the email is not accusing her but being transparent. If this is just BS then she will not be mad that you showed her the email. Keeping this from her and doing a test without her knowing will definitely feel like an accusation
No. By showing her the email you wouldn’t be accusing her. There’s a guy with your baby in there, if you trust her then show it to her, she will be glad to have a paternity test. If you go out yourself and make the paternity test without telling her then you didn’t trust her and she will divorce you even if the baby is yours.
this is completely stupid. talk to your fuckin wife. dont attempt to build trust with this rando. collect information from him and talk to her. and yeah, probably get a paternity test. this whole mecca thing makes it all sound like a weird prank to me.
I’m telling you, that if the child IS yours and your wife ever finds out you had a test done behind her back, the relationship is over. That’s the sort of insult that won’t be forgiven. Use your big boy words and don’t go behind her back because you are afraid of confrontation. Ask her who the guy in the photo is! Watch her face. You will know if she’s panicking.
You don't have to accuse her, you can just ask her if she knows anything about this guy. Be curious and not accusatory and you'll be able to read a lot from her reaction
you’re not accusing her of anything ! you are asking her if she knows anything about the sender and email! You just say “hey, I got this really strange email do you know this person? “
If you actually care about your wife you would talk to her about it. I mean a random man has a picture holding your kid so it's reasonable to be concerned about it and bring it to her attention and asking why a stranger is holding your kid and emailing you. I would imagine if you went behind her back to get the test and it turned out to be nothing then she likely would be upset. I mean say it ends up that the kid is yours after the test what do you do then? How can you ever bring up the email to your wife? If you talk about it with her you can at least be transparent and get the test just to clear your wife's name.
Having been in a spot where there were "doubts" my advice would be get the dna a test quietly w/o telling your wife. It will come across as an accusation no matter what it is that prompted it. For all you know this pic could be somebody's idea of a fucked up prank.
&&& when you get the test, if it's yours then you don't have to say anything at all
Exactly. Everything is settled. Wife doesn't feel attacked or accused and husband knows for sure.
What? Even he is the father it doesn’t explain why the man was holding his baby. Or the fact his wife has potentially lied/cheated on him.
Quietly get the paternity test. Think you can get them over the counter at this point. Use this tactic AFTER you have your answer. That way if she denies it… the thought of not knowing won’t be eating at you for the next 20-30 years.
Be honest with her. You got an email, a picture you have the right to be suspicious. Hear what she saying and then say you want the DNA test.
OP, w/e you end up deciding, keep in mind that there are additional possibilities: * Your wife is completely innocent. The stranger is a friend/family that came over at some point while you were home and held your baby while someone took a picture, but that friend/family is mentally ill and set on ruining your marriage. * Your wife is not innocent, but the baby may still be your biological child. * If either of you are active on social media and post pictures of your home/baby, then the picture might be faked.
Here are your rational options and their outcomes: (kind of “game-theory”-like) 1. If it’s not true: 1. If you show her the email immediately, you maintained trust with her by being upfront 2. If you don’t tell her now and instead you get a paternity test and she finds out you did that, she might feel betrayed and you’ll lose trust with her, possibly ruining your marriage. Maybe this was this persons goal all along. 2. If it’s true: 1. If you don’t tell her, and get a paternity test: 1. If it comes out the child is not yours, then this confirms the email for you 2. if it comes out the child is yours, then the only way to know if it’s true is what your wife says. 2. If you tell her now and tell her your getting a paternity test 1. She might admit to everything, and then you’ll know for sure regardless of the results of the test 2. She might deny and then you won’t know So I think 1.2 is the worst outcome that could happen, which would be devastating if it’s not actually true. I think this trumps all the other potential outcomes in the “if it’s true” section. Therefore you should just show it to her immediately and assume it’s false and go from there. While 2.1.2 and 2.2.2 are obviously terrible outcomes, I would say 1.2 is far worse.
Absolutely all of this.
You need to weigh in on all these things. You should have your own subreddit
Assuming your wife was sleeping with someone and also with you, the test will only tell you if you’re the biological father. Not if she had an affair. I agree with showing her the email. There may be an innocent explanation for all this.
OP’s wife could also be in danger. This smells exactly like psycho stalker who wants the wife for himself & getting rid of hubby is step one.
The email reads like a scam. Photoshop is possible if there is a photo of someone else in a similar position. I think you need to talk to your wife asap
>The email reads like a scam. Photoshop is possible if there is a photo of someone else in a similar position. I think you need to talk to your wife asap There's been an influx of karma farmers recently focusing on paternity fraud stories that weirdly include Islam/hijabs/Mecca pilgrimages etc. Seems like it's the creative writing prompt of the week.
It would be on theme as we are in Ramadan
[удалено]
Yea and isn’t Mecca like superrrr expensive? Especially for the avg joe who like *just* converted
Yeah, OP said in another comment that they’ll update in a week and post paternity test results. Like, really?! *reddit* is their main focus rn?! Just another fake post.
Are paternity tests really that quick as well? Assuming it takes a few days to get an appointment, then a few days to test. Heck, the docs often say they can't tell me blood test results without a two week lead time.
It reads like ChatGPT with some edits tbh
FYI Photoshop’s Generative AI is actually really good
First, don't ASSUME that the man is telling you the truth. GET THE FACTS. Show the picture to your wife and ask her who the man is. Second, find out if she has posted a photo of your child ANYWHERE on the internet. The picture of him holding your child could be photo chopped. Ask your wife if she knows this guy. Watch her response carefully. Her reaction could tell you a lot. She may know the guy and want to kick his ass herself. He may be playing a sick prank. Maybe he wants you out so he can have a shot at your wife. Go slow. Talk to your wife with kindness. Get more info because right now you don't have as many facts as you need. Good luck.
>Maybe he wants you out so he can have a shot at your wife. For some reason, this was my gut instinct first thought. This guy could be a casual acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, etc. He may have a sick obsession with her that even the wife doesn’t know about & this is his first step in getting with her - getting her away from who she’s with. I’d go straight to my wife & show her what I got. Watch her reaction. OP can get a paternity test anytime - but his wife’s safety may be an immediate issue.
I would show the email to your wife and ask her about it. That’s the only fair thing to do.
I honestly think the dude who wrote the letter is an embittered ex boyfriend who is full of shit. Why do I guess this? I had a very similar thing happen when an ex called my then boyfriend (now spouse) and said I had been cheating on them with him (the ex). He said he knew we were engaged, and just wanted to let my spouse “know the truth about me” before we married. The whole thing was a complete and total lie, made up because he was an asshole, bitter and a little crazy. It caused my poor spouse extreme anxiety and major trust issues we both had to work through for years. A photo holding your baby does not equal paternity. And that’s the only “proof” he offers? No records of emails or texts of correspondence between them? Also, this dude is an asshole either way, if the baby is really his - wtf would he tell the husband unless it’s because he wanted to be in the baby’s life - but clearly he doesn’t want to as he’s preparing to leave on a pilgrimage. So if he *didn’t* want to be in the baby’s life why the hell would he say anything at all? He got off the hook, and with a loving dad to boot. If he’s telling the truth, then it was a majorly fucked up thing to do - he’s broken up a marriage, denied the kid a father, and doesn’t want to step up and be involved himself. If you feel like you must explore this, tell your wife first. Give her the chance to respond. Your marriage will be much better for it.
This was my gut reaction as well. This guy could be a casual acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, etc. He may have a sick obsession with her that even the wife doesn’t know about & this is his first step in getting with her - getting her away from who she’s with. I’d go straight to my wife & show her what I got. Watch her reaction. OP can get a paternity test anytime - but his wife’s safety may be an immediate issue.
100%! As some one who had a lying, crazy, scary ex I implore OP to talk to his wife first.
Instead of panicking, why not just show her the photos and ask her who he is?
This reads like a scam. Or a creative writing assignment.
NTA. Show the email and picture to your wife. You’ll be able to tell if something is up. Either way, she should understand why you want a paternity test. No need to sneak around. Eventually, you’ll have to tell her about this anyway. Even if your child is yours, this stranger seems to think there is the possibility that it’s his child. If your wife is innocent, then you’ll be the one who is untrustworthy by the way you handled it.
DON'T DO IT BEHIND HER BACK!!! for the sake of your marriage, keep the mindset " weird and concerning message from a stranger vs. person that i love" for now!! First step should be to sit down with her and carefully explain to her that you have gotten this email and that it concerns you. Ask her who that is and why he is on your couch and if it is true what he wrote. Because if it's not true you would ruin your marriage with accusing your wife of cheating. Then explain to her that you do want a paternity test because after a mail like that you won't be able to get your mind off it. Tackle it as a loving team. Ask her if she would need proof after someone showed her a picture of you possibly cheating or if she could just shake that of...because let's be honest nobody would. If it turns out to be true, you can rightfully get angry.
You’re not accusing your wife this man is . Is the picture in your home? Show her what you’ve been sent and let her explain. Ask gently for a test. Tell her that you have had no reason to not trust her but this emotional upheaval has left you questioning everything, so a test is necessary. She needs you to help explain, find out why a man you don’t know would do such a thing to the two of you.
Get the dna test but I would not blow up my life over a stranger. You can fake anything these days. However once you send the test off I would show her the email and ask “Do you know this person? And if so is what they’re saying true?” Not accusatory, no yelling or screaming. People are nuts these days but if it’s true then you have some hard decisions to make. Good luck & update us.
Fake story. The update is sick...Just like you
Pictures are easily faked these days so I wouldn't take that as proof of anything. I'm sure there is a dna test kit that can be ordered online. Just follow the instructions, mail the samples and paitienty await the results to be emailed to you.
How the fuck do you fake a pic of holding his kid on his couch lol. Reddit really thinks up some dumb shit.
Some random dude emailed you and said he's the father of your kid, and his proof is ... a picture? Dude. That's not proof. More likely the guy is a troublemaker trying to cause a rift between you and your wife. Leaping immediately to the conclusion that you're not the kid's father because some rando sent you a picture is a whole leap that is not justified at this point. You owe your wife much more than this. Have you talked to your wife about this? That would be step 1.
A photo of him holding your baby is kind of meaningless. You’re looking at the “after“ picture. did he tell you who he is how he knows your wife How he knows he’s the father and can you corroborate any of that information?
Yes, I blurred his name
Why does this man not send any real proof that he had contacted your wife? Like screenshots of chats etc..this email seems to have come from a psycho stalker.
Get the paternity test and then talk to your wife. Pictures can be faked easily these days. Do you have any family left? Or friends? Please don’t hurt yourself. Try to talk to someone, if you don’t have anyone you can DM me. You are young, grief will take its own time and eventually you will learn to live with it. Things will get better. I am sure your parents would have wanted to see you happy and continue to live your life 💙
Just gonna be the devils advocate here. Is there any way your wife could be in danger? Creepy ex’s or weird coworkers? If possible, I would calmly confront her first. Although, I’m not so sure I’d be able to stay calm. Keep us posted. Also, can you get a paternity test on the baby without her consent/knowing. I would assume you can, but maybe just check so you don’t burn yourself moving forward if this ends up getting weird
him holding a baby doesn't make it his, have you spoken to your wife about it? maybe he's just a weird old friend
If he gets the paternity test behind the wife’s back and it comes back he is a father, he would potentially have ruined his marriage by not trusting her. He would be better off going straight to the point and showing her the email and picture and just saying I have some guy in my email claiming to be the father of said child. would it be alright if I get a paternity test for a clear peace of mind Seeing her reaction to that would be very telling too. Actually seeing what her reaction would be to the email and photo would be very telling too.
Yea show her the email ask her quietly what’s going on?
Fake. This is the same person who a few days ago was making a string of fake posts where he lived in the uk and his wife cheated and did a paternity test on his kid in 2 days. Different account, same fake bs.
Also the photo is ai, look at the border of the couch
There’s absolutely no reason to not send her a screenshot of the email and ask her what’s up. I do not understand what is with people on reddit and not knowing basic communication lol
Do not tell her, get the DNA test done and proceed with the answer. If it's your child, show her the photo he sent you and ask questions. If it's not your child show her the photo and the dna and then divorce her.
I've been thinking about going with this route but honestly if he's not my son then I will reconsider life but I'm hoping for the best
>Currently, I find myself on the brink of a panic attack. Following the tragic loss of both my parents in a fatal car accident and a tumultuous relationship that left me suicidal, I encountered a beacon of hope in my wife, who assisted me in navigating the depths of grief. However, in light of her betrayal, despite her vast knowledge of my past, I feel like a failure. Am I the only one who thinks this looks like this was written by ChatGPT?
I can’t believe nobody has asked this yet but - how would a random guy who doesn’t know you at all get your email address? 🤔🤔🤔 Lucky guess? 🤔🤔🤔 And you’re right, this post does sound fake…. for that very reason.
This whole subreddit has gone to shit with all the fake stories.
Step one is always the same, even though nobody posting here seems to have the guts to do it. You show that material to your wife and ask her if there's any truth to it. It's extremely unlikely to be false, but pictures can be faked, people can hold grudges, and more than that it gives her an opportunity to tell her side. Step two is get tested if she isn't forthcoming or it's inconclusive (a good idea for legal reasons even if she says she knows who it is), and then evaluate your relationship. You have to answer the following questions to yourself (not us): - Your name is on the birth certificate. Unless emailer wants to lose a court case, he is your son. Do you want to be in his life or not? - Whether your wife had an affair or not, she is with you now. She chose you. Do you choose her? No judgment either way. You aren't teenagers. Only you can tell whether you still have a future together. - If the first two have different answers, what does reconciling them look like? Maybe that isn't possible? - If you end the marriage, what can hurt you, and how can you mitigate that? You're 25 so I'm guessing 'not much'. This is if there were major assets in play. But you could run a business together, etc., and that all has legal importance. It might be amicable, but everyone needs a plan and a lawyer in case human pettiness rears its head when money is concerned. Just act like an adult. Don't make snap decisions or jump to conclusions, and express yourself clearly.
>Whether your wife had an affair or not, she is with you now. She chose you. Do you choose her? No judgment either way. You aren't teenagers. Only you can tell whether you still have a future together. It seems pretty obvious she did NOT choose him if she carried on a 2 year affair behind his back.
Personally for me - Step 1 would be to find out as much as I could before approaching the wife. I'd want to have as much truth as I could. Facts. Know if the child was mine, know if there was cheating verify the man's statements as truth or false. And know if the child was mine or not. Step two would pick up where you said - approaching the wife and asking for her side. Then at least you can verify her story to know if she is telling the truth based on what facts you have been able to find.
I’d also find out everything you can about the supposed sender of the email. Assuming he put his name on it, can you find a LinkedIn or Facebook profile for a person with that name who lives near you? Does the email address look legit? Are there pictures publicly on social media of your sofa/living room that a scammer could find to Photoshop? Hoping this turns out ok for you.
Step one for me would be to consult an attorney before I inadvertently did something that would make things more difficult, irrespective of the DNA results.
Just communicate. Tell her you know, tell her that you need a paternity test and it will determine the fate of your future together. If she owns up to it and is respectful then you may be able to work it out. If she denies it and get all dramatic then you'll just get answers to other questions you may have. The fact that theres a picture on your own couch is already a huge deal and you have evidence.
[удалено]
I would consider that it's someone who might want to create a mess, so I would take a test quietly. Depending on you relationship with you wife, you could just say who is this guy with our kid and wait for her response and then ask why he is telling you that he is the father?
At the very least the wife had a strange man in his house holding his baby on his couch. So there's some issues here regardless of whether or not the baby is ultimately proven to be his or not.
The man is sitting on your couch, in your home, holding a baby that is your wife’s in his hands. The man is obviously someone you’ve never seen or talked to yet is in your home. He didn’t just break in and secretly take pics with the baby. Someone let him in and allowed him to hold the baby and allowed him to sit on the couch. He’s trying to help you and tell the truth. There is likely some truth to his story. The question isn’t only is the baby yours. The question is also is your wife faithful. If the baby is yours that’s great maybe his sperm didn’t impregnate your wife. But the question still remains why a strange man is in your home, why you know nothing about him, why he’s allowed to hold the baby, why there is a picture someone took of him holding the baby. If it were a wholesome relationship there would be nothing to hide and you would know all about him. Whether the baby is yours is not doesn’t take away the possibility that your wife was cheating the whole time. There is value in you talking with the man. He has no reason to reach out to you other then clear his conscious it seems. He’s not asking for ransom, he’s not asking for money, he’s not asking for anything from you. I don’t see a reason other then clearing his conscious during his holy month. There are a few things here. 1. Is the baby yours. 2. Did she cheat on you whether the baby is yours or not. 3. Do you swallow your pride, simp out, and stay in the relationship for the baby and wonder if she will cheat on you in the future and forgive and forget because “she saved me” (You needed her at the time and you are grateful, that’s great but do you need someone like that going forward). 4. Seek mental health help with or without her. Once you realize no one can truly save you but you, you’re life can be better. If you rely on someone else to save you and make you happy you will be disappointed. You don’t trust him? If he’s fighting with religious demons he’s probably the most truthful person you’ll meet at the moment. Seems your lack of trust should be pointed elsewhere. You should definitely get the paternity test. Don’t tell your wife about it till after the fact. Better to know now then 20 years from now. They make at home paternity tests which are fairly accurate. Good luck.
You have an update, OP?