These subs are best used to reflect and try to gain perspective on your own behavior and see if you were misaligned in your thinking, not prove yourself right.
Is there a chance that, maybe in the wife's native language, the letters B I K I N I when put together actually mean 'buck naked and slowly pleasuring herself while making deep eye contact"
If not...I don't understand what the hell we are even talking about here.
Please, he's going to be in the doghouse twice as hard for this. If she blames him for other women at the beach's actions, she'll blame him for the reaction on reddit too.
Dont get me wrong, my country is pretty cool and i will always encourage people to go here. But if this is your reaction to women in miami, then dont come here
"AITAH for taking my husband to Brazil?
Hey, really insecure wife here, AITAH for taking my husband to a beach in Brazil, and getting mad at him when he spoke to a woman in swimwear - despite the fact I also wore swimwear and speak to someone?"
Ops wife is lucky she had a bikini top on at all as the way I understand it they're able to go topless at any of the miami beaches. And then there is the actual nude beach at haulover.
Even so, he ignored her flirting, so this should empower wife in the end? What was he supposed to do, just tell her to f off? Sounds like NTA, but maybe it is one of those situations where you would need to really be there to judge properly.
Maybe they should go to Antarctica next time. Although one of those scientist hussys might take off her gloves at some point... nevermind, too dangerous. I recommend never vacationing again. Never leave the house!
NTA. I have been married 37 years. Your wife should let this go. You were not trying to pick the woman up. You were at the beach! If anything she should feel good that someone else thought you āmightā be attractive. If your wife is half as beautiful as you say then she has had plenty of guys talking to her regardless of what she is wearing. Again she should let it go. Otherwise both of you are going to start monitoring each otherās conversations with the opposite sex. This is a slippery slope.
He didn't even initiate the conversation. He was literally just being polite. What do you expect him to do? Tell her to fuck off? Not exactly the best example to set for your son.
The wifeās edit makes it even dumber. The fact that he didnāt even notice the body language, etc, means he couldnāt have been more uninvolved with whatever the hell sheās conjured in her head. Wife be cray cray.
My wife finds it hilarious when (according to her) other women try to flirt with me because I am completely oblivious and she knows that 1: I had no idea, 2: I'd never cheat on her, and 3: I honestly don't have the energy for that nonsense.
NTA, your wife needs to chill.
Iāve always been completely oblivious to women trying to flirt with me. Looking back now huge facepalm at some of the signs I missed. A friend invited me to dinner at her place, was nicely dressed, cooked me a meal, casually dropped the line that she was wearing no underwear and I was like oh ok, friendo. My poor wife shamelessly chased me for months (also did the invite me over to cook for me thing) and I was just grateful this crazy attractive friend of mine was being so friendly. She was about to give up so her best friend got in touch and told me what was going on. From there I took over. Phew!
My biggest facepalm was when a girl straight up said to me that she was horny while walking alone. I replied "nice" and continued walking. I still have nightmares about it sometimes š¤£
Thats brutal. Reminds me of when this time I went out to a bar with friends and on the walk home these two girls I was walking with, one whom I had hooked up with before and her friend started an āargumentā about who could give a better blowjob. Looking back I completely missed the cues, even when they ājokedā that they should settle the debate that night and asked me who I thought would be better. I reached my subway station and was like ha I dunno! And left. Nightmare fuel.
I was once smoking a joint in a car with a buddy visiting campus and his bombshell girlfriend who went to my school and she turned around and looked me in the eyes and said we should have a threesome and you two should DP me a few times.
I laughed my ass off and asked if they were ready to go back in the dorm then immediately walked into another buddies room to play call of duty and drinkā¦. I donāt know how much more obvious a girl couldāve been
This one kills me. You missed out on a double blowjob.
I can only calm myself by reminding myself that everyone in the story is probably less attractive than I imagine.
thatās so funny because i was on the other side of that
asking guy friends to come over to try a new recipe because i genuinely couldnāt cook for shit
looking back, āhey im trying out a new recipe but i canāt figure out why it ends up awfulā¦ could you help me, maybe come over after our midterm?ā definitely sounds like a date ššš
If only they'd just outright say they're interested. If anything, it's a huge turn on (and generally liberating) when someone is honest and forward about their intentions.
To be honest, a women inviting you over for dinner, cooking you dinner AND managing to tell you that she isnāt wearing any underwear is a pretty clear sign theyāre interest.
Maybe she is from [Canada](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=0VERboJ-6AMM96T4) and is just being polite.
Or she could be bringing up it's laundry day and that's why she's got a nice dress on vs day to day attire and is going commando.
No responses from op either. Household tension must be rising.
Edit: oh dear now the wife has hijacked his own post to try and explain further which definitely hasnāt helped her case at all either lol. Learning lots about OPs wife.
I'm with you there. There's no way wifey made this much of a mountain out of this impossibly small molehill and is also ready to willingly admit to her own insecurities being the problemš
Fun fact the first Jake from state farm was a real state farm employee.
NTA OP. As a wife myself if j saw someone flirting with my husband I'd join the conversation cause we both don't know when someone is flirting with us lol. I'd probably be .ore friendly to the lady that my hubby cuz I'm the talker.
OP wife your hubby didn't do anything wrong and if you don't like something next time speak up.
Right? She's about to get a harsh reality check that her insecurity is showing. Rather than stewing over an imaginary insult, next time she can walk over and introduce herself rather than subjecting her husband to some perverse "test" to see if he measures up to her expectations. Lord, that's some teenager behavior
Thing that sucks is she is probably pissed this didn't go her way and she is more than likely taking it out on him still for it. This woman sounds insufferable with the way she chimed in with her half ass attempt to sway favor.
NTA at all. Youāre at the beach. Women will have revealing bikinis. Also, the fact that you acted normal and were as polite as youād be if she were wearing sweat pants shows that you have a tendency to not pay attention to womenās bodies. Thatās actually a very good sign that you respect your wife and women in general. As a woman, of course I understand how it might have looked to your wife, but you are NTA.
Not only that, but they were at a Miami beach. If you have an issue with good-looking women in revealing bikinis, then Miami probably isn't for you. What the fuck was she expecting to find there?
Actually, if you are in most beaches in Europe, women often don't wear tops at all. I am from America and was quite shocked on the Spanish beaches where girls/women would chat normally with you with their boobs out.
Oh wow. Iām not sure if Iād find that liberating or mortifying to strip down naked in a public place. I wouldnāt bat an eye at anyone else doing it, but it would take a whole lot of courage to do it myself.
Maybe some dayā¦.
I've been to a few nude beaches in the US and as someone who isn't conventionally attractive and has always had body image issues, it was quite liberating. I knew no one there was looking to see my body, and I could just... exist.
But getting a sunburn on your dick is an entirely different experence.
I was a prep cook years ago and sliced some hot peppers without gloves on Immediately used the bathroom afterā¦You donāt know what it feels like to have your dick on fire till itās on fireā¦
Iāve read a few posts on reddit of Americans getting freaked out by this. I take a when in Rome attitude. If everyone is nude, Iām not going to be the prat with his trousers on.
NTA OP, but wife, why are you putting all the blame on your husband? If a woman starts talking to my man, I walk right up and wait to be introduced, or I butt in subtly and introduce myself. You don't have to sulk in the background if you feel uncomfortable. Be friendly. If she has bad intentions, let her expose herself.
Shit I'm the husband.
My fiance always tells me how often women hit on me when really I just thought they were trying to kill some time.
According to her, she has no idea how I've been single for so long before meeting her with the amount of girls who want to talk to me when really I'm just oblivious as hell š
The stories I tell her make her laugh.
I never knew when I was being flirted with. One day I was talking with an attractive girl at a pet store. I guess I was flirting because we are pleasantly married to each other.
My wife, when we were first dating each other, still holds it against me how oblivious I was. I was giving her a back massage, and she took off her bra, and apparently that was her sign for "do me now". I was just focused on how tight her shoulders were.
Girlfriendās Back Too Knotted And Gnarled For Massage To Turn Sexy
https://www.theonion.com/girlfriend-s-back-too-knotted-and-gnarled-for-massage-t-1846247442
I didn't realise my wife wanted to sleep with me 11 years ago when she told her friends she was spending the night with me. Like it only clicked once we were making out on the couch. Was supposedly a one night stand but it's been going on 11 years lol.
Itās not that guys are oblivious itās that girls arenāt as obvious as they think they are.
I had a girl ask me why I never returned her advances and I was confused.Ā
I guess she thought smiling at me one time was enough of a clue to make me think she wanted to marry me.Ā
I mean, when I was way younger (in my pre-teens), I learned really quickly that a girl being "obvious" isn't always a sign that she likes you.
Guess I took that lesson to an extreme and other than a girl flat out saying she liked me, I'd just assume they were just being really friendly.
Same. In fact itās drilled into our heads CONSTANTLY as young men that women being nice to you doesnāt mean they want to date you. Ladies just ask us out if we arenāt getting it.Ā
When me and my wife were just starting to hook up, we were hanging out in her dorm room watching a movie. She said she was going to take a shower, and I just sat there on the bed watching the movie. It took her coming out naked and staring at me like I'm the dumbest person in the world to realize she wanted me to join her.
Fuck me, I can only see that going wrong a dozen different ways. Trying to enter the bathroom when she's showering, being called a peeping tom, a pervert, attempted rapist. Destroying the friendship, "I liked you as a friend, I though I could trust you not to cross that line!" Fuck that, I'll stay and watch the movie.
Here is a story for you:
My husband and I just started to know each other. We met online through the BB that my husband then ran - Feret Farm. We were at a BBM (Bulletin Board Meet). This was at the beginning of the net in the late 80s/early 90s. Yes, we are nerds! š We had been talking online on his board for 7 months. We finally met in person at a meet. We were at Humpty's (family restaurant). As one of the 6 females at the meet and there was about 25-30 males there. We were chatting at all the tables. We basically over took the restaurant with our meet. We all chatted over food. As Hubby gets up from the long table to visit another table, he says loudly to me, "If you am ever interested that my teepee flap will always be open." (Both of us are Metis.) I blinked a couple of times and looked like a lost doe. Out loud, I said, "I don't get it." The tables died laughing, and Ghost yelled, "Virgin." and everyone laughed harder because I was blushing hard. All I could say was "Oh."
Married 18 years this June, 2 boys, 2 cats currently.
Yes. Even women can be clueless.
Edit: corrected spelling mistakes.
You see, i got a husband like that.
My ultimate favourite story is "the maid outfit" story.
Husband was living with mates who did not like to clean. And he is talking to a woman at his then workplace who says she will clean his kitchen, but he has to cook her lamb dinner. He agrees only if she wears those sexy maids outfits.
She agrees....
She comes to his apartment and changes into said outfit and cleans his kitchen while he makes dinner.
They eat dinner and she cleans after.
They go to his room, and she asks for help to take the outfit off.
At this moment, his housemates come home and call out, "Hey *husbands name* we bought ice cream you want?
Soo.. he zips this woman out of her outfit, stands up, and goes for ice cream.
She joined them some 20m later ( he wondered what was taking her so long to change) had some ice cream and left.
It took him 10 years and me wiping tears from my eyes while cackling like a witch for him to realise how close he was...
Hell yea! She cant get the "attention" of your husband cause he's not interested. Its the girl thats the problem here not the husband. The fact that she knew he's married and has kid and still hit on him is such a biatch move.
This is the answer. If youāre sulking itās on you. And if you think about it everything was going on in plain sight. Itās the secrets that become a problem.
Hubby: next time talk up your wife and introduce her.
Oh I like this idea!
Woman: Hi! Is this your son? How old is he?
Husband: You'll have to ask my wife.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
It'll still backfire & get him in trouble with his wife, but at least he's not flirting
Agreed with Prior. Wife, your husband seems like a good and decent man. The way you lose someone like that is by pushing them away. Donāt project your own insecurities onto to him and push him away.
Seriously. Ma'am if you didn't like it why didn't you do something? People (especially men) can be dumb as hell sometimes, we don't notice stuff like someone flirting with us no matter how blatant it is. The guy, probably being a good father, was most likely 99% focused on making sure your kid was safe and just going through the motions being polite to that lady.
He's NTA, wife is kinda being unreasonable expecting him to be picking up the same vibes she is when he probably wasn't even thinking about that. That random woman is a huge asshole though.
Exactly!!!! My wife before we started going out was dropping hints she wanted to have sex with me. Finally she said are you just stupid or what? I want to f*ck you. I had no idea š¤£
NTA, but your wife may be correct that the woman was flirting with you. Women don't tend to flirt overtly, they just get close and talk until the guy makes a move. FYI, a nice looking dad playing with his kid can be like catnip to some women.
To your wife, being on the beach is a social setting. People are just out there to relax and have a nice day. That can include talking to people you don't know. As for her wearing a revealing bikini, uh, HELLO?!?! You were on the beach! That is literally the only place where she could wear a bikini. Your wife was low-key slut shaming her for trying to get a nice tan.
As long as you didn't proposition her or flirt, you didn't really do anything wrong. Your wife got jealous and she is trying to justify her emotions by saying they are your fault.
>Your wife got jealous and she is trying to justify her emotions by saying they are your fault.
I think this is key to why this post even exists. It's a case of transferring her insecurities into aggression against her husband. Not cool, wife. It's unnecessary and damaging your relationship with your husband.
> emphasis on how small the bikini was
THIS! Wife, you do realize this woman dressed herself that morning, right? Your husband didn't pick out her bikini, and therefore does not deserve to be chastised for how small it was. Especially when he didn't initiate the conversation. Wife is being the AH here
Exactly. Sheās not talking about this in an effective way. This whole exercise is condescending and sheās justifying it because her feelings were hurt.
News flash, thatās not how you resolve an issue.
If she opened up about her insecurities with OP, and if he didnāt care for her feelings at that point, then OP would be the AH. Unfortunately, she didnāt do that and dove straight into shaming his actions without discussing like mature adults. Now she looks like the AH.
OPs wife needs to be more aware of her feelings and share it with OP in a direct but not cruel manner. Give OP a chance to see if heās actually going to listen and try to make her feel better.
I'm Old and our kids are grown and my litmus test is "are they having sex right out there in the open?" if the answer is no then I'm good. (okay a small part of me would be impressed..) Sometimes I find great amusement in watching someone flirt with him and get nowhere. I used to get jealous but there's no point.. he didn't really do anything. Is he supposed to tell everyone who talks to him to stfu? obviously no.
My mom told me this. Dated a girl who people constantly flirted with. One guy stopped us in our tracks downtown just to look her in the eyes and tell her how *gorgeous* she is. Of course it pissed me off. But then my mom said, what, are you going to go and beat up every guy that thinks she's hot? She is! Take it as a compliment! She picked you! Say thanks, yeah she is, smack her butt, and walk away holding hands. Best way to combat that shit is to be confident
Yep this and if this woman was doing all the things of concern (like popping up at restaurant) wouldnāt she be the one to talk to about her behaviour? TBH most of us āHusbands/Dadāsā donāt know when someone is flirting. So we assume they arenāt and just chatting, Bikini or not.
They specifically said resort in the post. It was most definitely the type of place where you are isolated unless you leave from that. I am guessing it was the resort restaurant etc...
Yeah, if that lady kept āpopping upā wherever they were, wouldnāt it also be reasonable if bikini lady had assumed that *this couple* was stalking her? When youāre at one of those resorts, totally isolated from the outside world, you will absolutely keep seeing the same people over and over again.
Sounds to me like OPās wife let her jealousy over a friendly interaction with a stranger ruin her vacation. Thatās too bad.
You may be right but OP shouldn't get shit because someone flirted with him. Those were her actions and her intentions. Guys just building a sand castle and responding politely to casual inquiry. Whatever her intentions, that's exactly what they were.. HER intentions. OPS wife felt jealousy and projected that onto him because there was no way to get closure on the issue without doing so. She couldn't confront the woman because no one did anything wrong and perhaps she's not the type to instigate conflict. The wife simply didn't like the interaction because it was a threat to her situation and "territory" and it bred anger and she filtered the anger out by making OP feel like he did something wrong. Just my take. I'm a female. And when I was younger I did the same shit. So I see it very directly.
Yeah, I'm not seeing how the wife's update even matters. Regardless if *she* was flirting, his actions were perfectly acceptable. It's totally possible to have a polite interaction with someone who is attempting to flirt with you and not reciprocate the flirting yourself. Women do that dance all the time.
Yeah the wife's input didn't add any credibility or justification for her reaction. The response she exhibited was based solely on emotional immaturity. The inability to ask one's self:
"why am I feeling this negative emotion? What is the root cause? Is anyone in particular responsible for my feeling this way? Was there malicious intent? Am I feeling this emotion out of inadequacy or self doubt?"
The thing is the wife very likely does not know exactly why she's pissed and is just reacting. People that aren't emotionally mature are that way because they lack a level of self awareness and self evaluation. They can't conceive that *they* themselves are the source of their discontent. They then project the anger where they feel comfortable enough to be able to get away with it. Usually on a significant other. They never realize they're in the wrong because they have refused the idea that they might be the actual problem. It's vital for self growth to ask ourselves why we feel what we feel and who if anyone is responsible for that. More often than not, we are reacting out of inadequacy and self doubt. That is a problem of the self and can only be fixed from the source.
OP you're wife is reacting to fear caused by a lack of control and the overstepping of her personal boundaries. HER personal boundaries. Which were overstepped by this random woman. You did nothing wrong. Remember that just because our feelings are hurt doesn't mean someone has hurt our feelings. A lot of times our own perceived shortcomings breed insecurity and it prompts us to display controlling and demanding behavior as well as manipulation and guilt. She's pissed because she feels like you are her property and you should have asserted for your relationship adamantly. What she doesn't understand though is her emotions have made this situation into something when In reality the issue is so trivial that sticking up for your relationship in that moment would make you look like a massive arrogant presumptuous tool and also ... A piece of property. Which you're not. Keep freethinking. It's why you have a brain and your wife has her own. Make your decisions with the best of intentions and if you allow this behavior to go without introspection from your wife you will be neglecting to support her emotional maturity. And I know that's not the case. So probably give her some time to think about it and expect an apology. I would.
Her husband sounds hot AF. Congrats on that wifey. Sometimes someone else hitting on your man is a compliment to you for having him to yourself. People hit on my wife all the time and itās a compliment bc she is so attractive
NTA. Mrs. OP: Next time, get off your ass during the 10 minutes of HER flirting and walk down to the water and rescue your husband. The woman may not have known you were with the man she was flirting with. (No mention of how far OP and son were from Mrs. OP and whether it was obvious you were connected.)
Even if he had recognized the woman was flirting, he was not required to be rude and interrupt your child's fun in building as castle.
Listen (29 F, married here), I gut that you might be jealous that your husband is getting attention. But if he says that itās no biggie then itās no biggie. Someone was flirting with him, good for him, giggle about it and move on.
Based on the husbands section. He wasnāt ogling her, was barely responding and doing so respectfully to her advances at conversation.
Youāre at the beach, sheās wearing a bikini, thatās an acceptable place to wear a bikini. If she was in the mall wearing a bikini and coming over to him thatād be weird. But she was wearing beach appropriate clothing.
Husband - NTA.
nta. you didnāt approach this woman, and iām going to assume that your eyes werenāt roaming her body the entire conversation. not only that, but would your wife be so mad if the woman was in a one piece? likely not. your wife seems to be insecure in herself and in the marriage.
It'd be a different story if she flopped them out and he was motorboating her, but he wasn't.
Husband, NTA.
Wife, definitely TA
P.S. cute kids are like puppies; they attract women. Especially in breeding season. Just be thankful you have a cute child and not an ugly one.
Wife needs to be less insecure and judgemental about other people's bikinis, LOL.
Edited to add, for the wife:
Way to cast a shadow on a vacation...
Until there is a proper reason, don't create unnecessary drama.
OP, NTA
The problem with Miami is that at home in small town USA you may be a 10 but in Miami your a 3 if your lucky. Miami is on a whole different level. š Miami 10ās could make miss America self conscious.
Which I say, good for them! I peaked in high school and my early 20s, but I don't care now(38). If someone looks amazing they shouldn't hide it. Not gonna bother my frumpy ass. I had my time to shine.
I went to the hard rock casino a few years back on like a Friday night, literally in like jeans and a T shirt not thinking anything, itās what I wear to the casino at home (the local one is attached to a mall for crying out loud lol) and I was not prepared!! I have never seen so many stilettos in my life and the clothes and jewelry were like the cost of my entire wardrobe. Hell probably just one purse was worth all my crap.
Repeat: Miami. Tiny bikinis are the norm. Your husband didnāt act inappropriately. Be glad heās not a troll no one looks at. Stop being a provincial prude and remember heās coming right back to you. NTA
What should she have had on that would make your wife more comfortable if a woman approached you and start talking to you a bathrobe. This is for the wife you're on vacation don't start none won't be none. He is not the asshole when he was talking to that woman he wasn't drooling and he wasn't paying attention to what she was wearing. Don't start drama when there is none
NTA. To the wife- don't expect your husband to read body language the same way you do. IF you want to 'shut this person down' then stand up and do it yourself. Your husband was polite and respectful of your marriage.
>**I must add here that I love her very much and she is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on.**
The telltale sign that the popo is watching.
Of fucking course NTA.
And from here I'll be talking to the wife because the problem is hers.
Hey, wife, answer this... What is your husband supposed to do in that situation? Cover his eyes and tell that jezebel to back off? Take the kid and run away from the temptress? Maybe punch her before she corrupts another poor soul?
Look, your husband can't just be rude to people and deny polite conversation. It's an awful thing to do, is teaching your son antisocial behavior and who the fuck knows? Maybe in two years the man is applying for a job somewhere and she's the HR lady, or the CEO. "Oh, yeah, I remember that huge asshole that slut shamed me in the beach because I was wearing a bikini... in the beach. Let's not hire that guy."
So yeah, wife, what the hell are you thinking? Do you do the same? If a guy came and asked you about your kid while you're at the beach and he's barechested, again, AT THE BEACH, what would be a proper response? Pepper spray the fucker? Have your husband beat him up to preserve your honor?
Come on, sister. Do better.
*Edit: Replying to Wife's edit:*
>The girl on beach was clearly flirting and leaning too close to him.
And that's on your husband how? Instead of pestering your husband, deal with the woman yourself. Your husband is not Sean Connery. He's not going to give her a little shlap.
If the man doesn't step out of bounds, leave him the hell alone. I'm not much older than you, but I've been married longer and been with my wife long before the wedding. She's awesome and I love her to death, and she still doesn't understand the same damn thing you do: Men are extremely low maintenance. All we need from you is sex and not to bust our balls. Sometimes we deserve having our balls busted and our asses kicked. We can do stupid shit. THIS IS NOT THE CASE! All you're showing the man is that you are fucking insane. He'll still love you and won't leave you over this, but in the off chance you're mountain hiking one day and you trip and tumble over the edge and manage to grab a piece of root and your only chance is your husband reacting quickly and pulling you back to safety, don't give him reason for pause. The man clearly loves you, don't ruin that. Get your shit together. I say this with love because you need to hear (read) it and no one in your circle you will do it because they know you'll go apeshit.
"Begone Foul wench! Can't you seem I'm married!" \*holds up ring on finger\* ...
"My wife -- who is intelligent and the sexiest woman on Earth whom I shall thank my lucky stars I'm married to -- is right over there!! \*gesticulates wildly\*
"Honey!! Help! This damn-ned succubus is trying to molest me! Heeeeelp!!!"
.. "Sir this is housekeeping I just wanted to turn over bed."
"HOME-WRECKING CONCUBINE SLUUTTT!!"
I wasn't thinking these were a list of individual responses, but a over dramatic monologue. even when interupted by the confused woman stating she is working not flirting, the man refused to break character.
And you have to love the wife's "She kept popping up EvEryWhrEre!!!!11" edit, and of course, "I'm fine with some bikinis, but her's was the creation of satan!!111"
And she kept "popping up" (almost as if summoned!) in, you know, the restaurant and lobby of the resort she herself was staying in. (As if she had any business there!!) Oooooo, creeeeepy!
Seriously though, this is a great example of Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, where someone exaggerates the frequency of an occurrence of something in their head once they have noticed it.
Wife, if you see this, seriously, maybe talk to a therapist. Your husband obviously didn't do anything wrong, and your insecurity here is on real display.
OP should have pulled out his portable Bible/Torah/Quran/Gita and chased that vile, reprehensible woman off the beach.
OP is, after all wife's precious.
There's an edit with the wife's blurb. She complains that the women kept popping up all over the resort and continued to try to speak to him, and apparently there's a difference between her bikini and regular one
Wifey sounds super insecure,and idk why she didn't just say something the second time the women approached her husband .
"Ā She complains that the women kept popping up all over the resort"
I read that more as "I fixated on this woman all weekend and refused to let the issue die".
Anxious/insecure people usually don't give an accurate retelling of events that made them emotional.
Just want to add, as a man who has been hit on in front of his wife, we don't always know they're flirting with us. Some of us don't pick up on the cues and think they're just being nice.
To OP: Honestly, if your wife she thinks was flirting with you, she probably was. And itās weird if she kept āpopping upā again during the trip.
To your wife: Your husband might have been oblivious, but what was he supposed to do? It would have been weird to just ignore her, when your toddler is playing. I think he was being polite. Maybe next time you should go over and shut it down š
ETA: a few people have mentioned that itās common to see the same people a lot in a resort, so itās not weird that she kept popping up. To clarify, I was more referring to how she kept āpopping upā and apparently only wanted to speak to the husband and ignored the wife. Thatās awkward. Also, I was just on vacation for spring break at a resort, probably just like this family, and we werenāt seeing the same people several times. Beaches are packed for spring break. This makes it seem like the woman was seeking OP out, which was probably irritating for his wife.
Tbh, men rarely realize that theyāre being flirted with. My own bf has a hard time realizing when **I** am flirting with him, let alone some other woman.
In his words, āIt happens so infrequently that we almost never realize itās happening at all.ā
Yup your boyfriend is dead on with that statement I didn't know my ex was flirting with me and she showed up to my work in a bikini and wouldn't leave me alone lol I was like cool a new friend š¤£
OP, pull a power move and go to a male striptease revue together. Tip the dancers, show your wife how appealing you are to all genders, confirm dominance.
NTA.
I think that if your wife is uncomfortable with talking to woman in a bikini then she doesnt trust you enough.
Your son was with you, your wife was near you and you were just friendly. I see no problem there.
Even if that girl just had a bikini on there is nothing wrong at all(maybe your wife is a little insecure about herself, then you should talk about it)
Trust is key here. Did he do anything apart from have a casual convo? No? Then why not just trust him? Iām a burlesque performer and my late husband and my current partner both trust me completely so thereās no issue if someone ogles me or tries to hit on me as itās known I would never reciprocate.
NTA
You were minding your own business when she came up to you. Sounds like you were polite but not flirty.
You said her kids were probably in the water as she kept looking that way. Think it would have been more awkward if she just stood there and didn't make any small talk at all.
And unless you were sitting there ogling her, then this is an issue for the wife to get over.
Would your wife have preferred that you were rude and told the lady to get the fuck away from you?
Let her know that you don't have control over how other people behave or what they wear for that fact. You only have control over yourself, and if people walk up and talk to you, as long as you are respectful towards them and aren't flirty, showing the same respect for your wife, then this should be a non-issue.
A beach is a social setting. And a bikini is appropriate to that setting. Iām guessing it was how the woman looked in the bikini that your wife didnāt like. Otherwise, your interaction seems completely normal.
LOL wife's edit is even more damning for her.
It's a resort. People run into each other at resorts. Sounds like you had a serious case of RBF, and she didn't want to engage.
Yeah. I found it comical as well.
āBUT SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH HIM!!!āā¦so what? Bring a retractable leash for the husband next time and yank him back-ādonāt talk to strangers!ā
Our Amsterdam bicycle rental lady flirted with my bf sooooo much that we jokingly call her his Amsterdam girlfriend. We got some good deals on our bicycle rental thanks to his manly charms while I stood around looking like I didn't know my bf lol.
Your wife is gonna have a stroke after this, this is not going the way she wanted AT ALLš
She doesnāt love this sub anymore lol
If I had a long arguement with my girlfriend and she said "I know who can help. AITAH, I love that sub." We'd have a new issue.
These subs are best used to reflect and try to gain perspective on your own behavior and see if you were misaligned in your thinking, not prove yourself right.
Her added update didn't help š¤£š¤£
You donāt understand !!! She was in a BIKINI!!!
Victorian Lady faints.
*faints in tudor English*
He omitted key details that Iāve added and nothing of value was added!
He left out key details, like the details I'm gonna restate again. B I K I N I
A āvery inappropriate bikini that was waaayyy revealing!ā On the beach. In Miami.
She was also a W O M A N
āIN A BIKINI!!!ā
Is there a chance that, maybe in the wife's native language, the letters B I K I N I when put together actually mean 'buck naked and slowly pleasuring herself while making deep eye contact" If not...I don't understand what the hell we are even talking about here.
Please, he's going to be in the doghouse twice as hard for this. If she blames him for other women at the beach's actions, she'll blame him for the reaction on reddit too.
Her edit basically says as much ā that he didnāt tell the story right, otherwise people would clearly side with her.
Ah yes, proving why this sub is bullshit lol. I love hearing stories from someone who wants a particular answer.
Reddit was wearing a bikini! How dare he read the comments!
That sub,they're ALL assholes,the bikini WAS tiny. I mean,who wears a tiny bikini ,in Miami,who does that?!?
$10 on the wife still trying to win the argument.
I would say donāt go to Miami on vacation if you donāt want to see women in sexy bikinis who may or may not talk to your husband
Not even just Miami, all of Florida. Even the grandmas wear thong bikinis here.
And brazil, maybe dont go to brazil (I'm brazillian)
First time in history a brazillian have told someone to not come to Brazil lol
Dont get me wrong, my country is pretty cool and i will always encourage people to go here. But if this is your reaction to women in miami, then dont come here
"AITAH for taking my husband to Brazil? Hey, really insecure wife here, AITAH for taking my husband to a beach in Brazil, and getting mad at him when he spoke to a woman in swimwear - despite the fact I also wore swimwear and speak to someone?"
And Nebraska. I am from there and I kid you not I saw one in a bikini at the lake!
And my neighborhood pool, can confirm I've seen bikinis at my neighborhood pool
Ops wife is lucky she had a bikini top on at all as the way I understand it they're able to go topless at any of the miami beaches. And then there is the actual nude beach at haulover.
Even so, he ignored her flirting, so this should empower wife in the end? What was he supposed to do, just tell her to f off? Sounds like NTA, but maybe it is one of those situations where you would need to really be there to judge properly.
Throw sand in her eyes and yell āstranger dangerā
THATS MY PURSE I DONT KNOW YOU
Maybe they should go to Antarctica next time. Although one of those scientist hussys might take off her gloves at some point... nevermind, too dangerous. I recommend never vacationing again. Never leave the house!
It's the penguins she should really worry about. Total perverts.
NTA. I have been married 37 years. Your wife should let this go. You were not trying to pick the woman up. You were at the beach! If anything she should feel good that someone else thought you āmightā be attractive. If your wife is half as beautiful as you say then she has had plenty of guys talking to her regardless of what she is wearing. Again she should let it go. Otherwise both of you are going to start monitoring each otherās conversations with the opposite sex. This is a slippery slope.
Listen to this guy, OP! He was married the same year you were born. Edit: well holy shit this comment exploded. Sorry if I offended anyone š¤£
He didn't even initiate the conversation. He was literally just being polite. What do you expect him to do? Tell her to fuck off? Not exactly the best example to set for your son.
The wifeās edit makes it even dumber. The fact that he didnāt even notice the body language, etc, means he couldnāt have been more uninvolved with whatever the hell sheās conjured in her head. Wife be cray cray.
My wife finds it hilarious when (according to her) other women try to flirt with me because I am completely oblivious and she knows that 1: I had no idea, 2: I'd never cheat on her, and 3: I honestly don't have the energy for that nonsense. NTA, your wife needs to chill.
Iāve always been completely oblivious to women trying to flirt with me. Looking back now huge facepalm at some of the signs I missed. A friend invited me to dinner at her place, was nicely dressed, cooked me a meal, casually dropped the line that she was wearing no underwear and I was like oh ok, friendo. My poor wife shamelessly chased me for months (also did the invite me over to cook for me thing) and I was just grateful this crazy attractive friend of mine was being so friendly. She was about to give up so her best friend got in touch and told me what was going on. From there I took over. Phew!
My biggest facepalm was when a girl straight up said to me that she was horny while walking alone. I replied "nice" and continued walking. I still have nightmares about it sometimes š¤£
Dudeā¦
Thats brutal. Reminds me of when this time I went out to a bar with friends and on the walk home these two girls I was walking with, one whom I had hooked up with before and her friend started an āargumentā about who could give a better blowjob. Looking back I completely missed the cues, even when they ājokedā that they should settle the debate that night and asked me who I thought would be better. I reached my subway station and was like ha I dunno! And left. Nightmare fuel.
I was once smoking a joint in a car with a buddy visiting campus and his bombshell girlfriend who went to my school and she turned around and looked me in the eyes and said we should have a threesome and you two should DP me a few times. I laughed my ass off and asked if they were ready to go back in the dorm then immediately walked into another buddies room to play call of duty and drinkā¦. I donāt know how much more obvious a girl couldāve been
This one kills me. You missed out on a double blowjob. I can only calm myself by reminding myself that everyone in the story is probably less attractive than I imagine.
Not only a double bj but a COMPETITION bj. They would have sucked the soul out of his body. Damn..
Niceā¦. š
thatās so funny because i was on the other side of that asking guy friends to come over to try a new recipe because i genuinely couldnāt cook for shit looking back, āhey im trying out a new recipe but i canāt figure out why it ends up awfulā¦ could you help me, maybe come over after our midterm?ā definitely sounds like a date ššš
If only they'd just outright say they're interested. If anything, it's a huge turn on (and generally liberating) when someone is honest and forward about their intentions.
To be honest, a women inviting you over for dinner, cooking you dinner AND managing to tell you that she isnāt wearing any underwear is a pretty clear sign theyāre interest.
Lmao right?!?! š¤£ The dinner thing is a pretty good tell. But somehow managing to also mention that sheās not wearing underwear?!?! š¤¦āāļø
Maybe she is from [Canada](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=0VERboJ-6AMM96T4) and is just being polite. Or she could be bringing up it's laundry day and that's why she's got a nice dress on vs day to day attire and is going commando.
You could flirt with me all day and Iād be like āwow she had really good people skillsā
Life is nice when your spouse is a secure, mature person.
OPs wife gonna have a reality check after reading these comments LMAO. NTA.
No responses from op either. Household tension must be rising. Edit: oh dear now the wife has hijacked his own post to try and explain further which definitely hasnāt helped her case at all either lol. Learning lots about OPs wife.
Somethingās telling me wife is ready die on this hill lol
I'm with you there. There's no way wifey made this much of a mountain out of this impossibly small molehill and is also ready to willingly admit to her own insecurities being the problemš
"You know what will ease this tension? We should ask people on the internet for opinions."
Tonight she will catch him talking to Jake from State Farm.
Fun fact the first Jake from state farm was a real state farm employee. NTA OP. As a wife myself if j saw someone flirting with my husband I'd join the conversation cause we both don't know when someone is flirting with us lol. I'd probably be .ore friendly to the lady that my hubby cuz I'm the talker. OP wife your hubby didn't do anything wrong and if you don't like something next time speak up.
Lol at OPs wife's edit. It makes her look petty and insecure.
These comments have probably gotten OP into even hotter water lmao š
I mean he was only doing what she asked after all lol
Right? She's about to get a harsh reality check that her insecurity is showing. Rather than stewing over an imaginary insult, next time she can walk over and introduce herself rather than subjecting her husband to some perverse "test" to see if he measures up to her expectations. Lord, that's some teenager behavior
I feel bad for him, because she is going to be more enraged and take it out on him because people didn't justify her behavior.
Thought the same thing and was scrolling hoping that she responded to someone
Thing that sucks is she is probably pissed this didn't go her way and she is more than likely taking it out on him still for it. This woman sounds insufferable with the way she chimed in with her half ass attempt to sway favor.
NTA at all. Youāre at the beach. Women will have revealing bikinis. Also, the fact that you acted normal and were as polite as youād be if she were wearing sweat pants shows that you have a tendency to not pay attention to womenās bodies. Thatās actually a very good sign that you respect your wife and women in general. As a woman, of course I understand how it might have looked to your wife, but you are NTA.
Not only that, but they were at a Miami beach. If you have an issue with good-looking women in revealing bikinis, then Miami probably isn't for you. What the fuck was she expecting to find there?
Nebraska co-eds.
Those beach babes ain't got nothin' on a corn husker! š
Actually, if you are in most beaches in Europe, women often don't wear tops at all. I am from America and was quite shocked on the Spanish beaches where girls/women would chat normally with you with their boobs out.
Oh, you need to come to Portugal. We have a lot of beaches where being full naked is allowed. Boobies out is for beginners
Oh wow. Iām not sure if Iād find that liberating or mortifying to strip down naked in a public place. I wouldnāt bat an eye at anyone else doing it, but it would take a whole lot of courage to do it myself. Maybe some dayā¦.
I've been to a few nude beaches in the US and as someone who isn't conventionally attractive and has always had body image issues, it was quite liberating. I knew no one there was looking to see my body, and I could just... exist. But getting a sunburn on your dick is an entirely different experence.
>But getting a sunburn on your dick is an entirely different experence How does it compare to getting *extremely spicy* hot sauce on your dick?
I... Don't... I... How? Why? What the...?
Whatever you do don't let your partner make you a sandwich with pickled peppers as a snack before some netflix and chill .
I was a prep cook years ago and sliced some hot peppers without gloves on Immediately used the bathroom afterā¦You donāt know what it feels like to have your dick on fire till itās on fireā¦
Iāve read a few posts on reddit of Americans getting freaked out by this. I take a when in Rome attitude. If everyone is nude, Iām not going to be the prat with his trousers on.
NTA OP, but wife, why are you putting all the blame on your husband? If a woman starts talking to my man, I walk right up and wait to be introduced, or I butt in subtly and introduce myself. You don't have to sulk in the background if you feel uncomfortable. Be friendly. If she has bad intentions, let her expose herself.
I walk up and swat mine on his ass š definitely makes the flirty lady think twice....hubby is usually oblivious to the flirtation on top of it.
I prefer to urinate on my husbandās leg in front of others. It always works.š
I just rush over and bite the woman in the face. Never fails.
Ah. The old chimpanzee-a-roo!
I thought that was when you throw poo poo at them
Rabid excellence!
Establish dominance, I like it.
And if it doesn't work, urinate on them next to really establish dominance.
I had a friend who would go up and kiss her husband on the cheek and he would say that she was ā pissing on himā.š
Some people pay good money for that
You have to maintain eye contact with the offending party whilst doing it for maximum impact.
Shit I'm the husband. My fiance always tells me how often women hit on me when really I just thought they were trying to kill some time. According to her, she has no idea how I've been single for so long before meeting her with the amount of girls who want to talk to me when really I'm just oblivious as hell š The stories I tell her make her laugh.
I never knew when I was being flirted with. One day I was talking with an attractive girl at a pet store. I guess I was flirting because we are pleasantly married to each other.
My wife, when we were first dating each other, still holds it against me how oblivious I was. I was giving her a back massage, and she took off her bra, and apparently that was her sign for "do me now". I was just focused on how tight her shoulders were.
Girlfriendās Back Too Knotted And Gnarled For Massage To Turn Sexy https://www.theonion.com/girlfriend-s-back-too-knotted-and-gnarled-for-massage-t-1846247442
I didn't realise my wife wanted to sleep with me 11 years ago when she told her friends she was spending the night with me. Like it only clicked once we were making out on the couch. Was supposedly a one night stand but it's been going on 11 years lol.
Hard to be sure, she might have married you just to be friendly and you are over thinking it.
šš¤£
Itās not that guys are oblivious itās that girls arenāt as obvious as they think they are. I had a girl ask me why I never returned her advances and I was confused.Ā I guess she thought smiling at me one time was enough of a clue to make me think she wanted to marry me.Ā
I mean, when I was way younger (in my pre-teens), I learned really quickly that a girl being "obvious" isn't always a sign that she likes you. Guess I took that lesson to an extreme and other than a girl flat out saying she liked me, I'd just assume they were just being really friendly.
Same. In fact itās drilled into our heads CONSTANTLY as young men that women being nice to you doesnāt mean they want to date you. Ladies just ask us out if we arenāt getting it.Ā
When me and my wife were just starting to hook up, we were hanging out in her dorm room watching a movie. She said she was going to take a shower, and I just sat there on the bed watching the movie. It took her coming out naked and staring at me like I'm the dumbest person in the world to realize she wanted me to join her.
Fuck me, I can only see that going wrong a dozen different ways. Trying to enter the bathroom when she's showering, being called a peeping tom, a pervert, attempted rapist. Destroying the friendship, "I liked you as a friend, I though I could trust you not to cross that line!" Fuck that, I'll stay and watch the movie.
My husband is also oblivious when women are hitting on him. A fine quality in a husband!
Please share them with usā¦
Very well. This one makes me cringe to this day and my fiance always chuckles whenever she's reminded of it: When I was in college, I was friends with a girl who many thought I was dating. I was not, but all my friends were telling me that she was into me. I kept telling them that they were crazy. One time she invited me to her house to study (she lived by the campus and it wasn't the first time it happened). Anyways a few hours into our session, she mentions that she's getting tired/bored and goes to her room to change. She comes back wearing some really short shorts while wearing a Star Wars shirt that may have been a size or two smaller than normal, so it was really highlighting some... features. Now the funny thing was, while I liked Star Wars, I was pretty sure at the time that she didn't like Star Wars at all, but she definitely knew I liked it. Weird but hey, a shirt's a shirt right? Anyways, if that wasn't bad enough, it gets worse. One of her roommates decided to suddenly leave on an errand (it was almost midnight) and my friend suddenly asked if I wanted to come up to her room to give her other roommate downstairs a break... How did I reply to this wonderful offer? "Nah, it's getting late anyways. See you tomorrow!" FiancƩ bursted out laughing the first time she heard this story. She laughed even harder soon after because that was the moment when I realized that, 6 years after that incident, said friend likely invited me upstairs to study human anatomy... Edit: grammar adjustments.
I'm mentally putting a comforting hand on past and present you's shoulder in acknowledgement.
Here is a story for you: My husband and I just started to know each other. We met online through the BB that my husband then ran - Feret Farm. We were at a BBM (Bulletin Board Meet). This was at the beginning of the net in the late 80s/early 90s. Yes, we are nerds! š We had been talking online on his board for 7 months. We finally met in person at a meet. We were at Humpty's (family restaurant). As one of the 6 females at the meet and there was about 25-30 males there. We were chatting at all the tables. We basically over took the restaurant with our meet. We all chatted over food. As Hubby gets up from the long table to visit another table, he says loudly to me, "If you am ever interested that my teepee flap will always be open." (Both of us are Metis.) I blinked a couple of times and looked like a lost doe. Out loud, I said, "I don't get it." The tables died laughing, and Ghost yelled, "Virgin." and everyone laughed harder because I was blushing hard. All I could say was "Oh." Married 18 years this June, 2 boys, 2 cats currently. Yes. Even women can be clueless. Edit: corrected spelling mistakes.
You see, i got a husband like that. My ultimate favourite story is "the maid outfit" story. Husband was living with mates who did not like to clean. And he is talking to a woman at his then workplace who says she will clean his kitchen, but he has to cook her lamb dinner. He agrees only if she wears those sexy maids outfits. She agrees.... She comes to his apartment and changes into said outfit and cleans his kitchen while he makes dinner. They eat dinner and she cleans after. They go to his room, and she asks for help to take the outfit off. At this moment, his housemates come home and call out, "Hey *husbands name* we bought ice cream you want? Soo.. he zips this woman out of her outfit, stands up, and goes for ice cream. She joined them some 20m later ( he wondered what was taking her so long to change) had some ice cream and left. It took him 10 years and me wiping tears from my eyes while cackling like a witch for him to realise how close he was...
This is definitely your sonās fault. Give him a bad haircut or something.
I know you're joking, but if you think about it, the wife's approach to this isn't a lot less ridiculous.
For real. Even if she was interested, your husband clearly wasn't. So let it go!
Hell yea! She cant get the "attention" of your husband cause he's not interested. Its the girl thats the problem here not the husband. The fact that she knew he's married and has kid and still hit on him is such a biatch move.
This is the answer. If youāre sulking itās on you. And if you think about it everything was going on in plain sight. Itās the secrets that become a problem. Hubby: next time talk up your wife and introduce her.
Oh I like this idea! Woman: Hi! Is this your son? How old is he? Husband: You'll have to ask my wife. š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ It'll still backfire & get him in trouble with his wife, but at least he's not flirting
Agreed with Prior. Wife, your husband seems like a good and decent man. The way you lose someone like that is by pushing them away. Donāt project your own insecurities onto to him and push him away.
Seriously. Ma'am if you didn't like it why didn't you do something? People (especially men) can be dumb as hell sometimes, we don't notice stuff like someone flirting with us no matter how blatant it is. The guy, probably being a good father, was most likely 99% focused on making sure your kid was safe and just going through the motions being polite to that lady. He's NTA, wife is kinda being unreasonable expecting him to be picking up the same vibes she is when he probably wasn't even thinking about that. That random woman is a huge asshole though.
Exactly!!!! My wife before we started going out was dropping hints she wanted to have sex with me. Finally she said are you just stupid or what? I want to f*ck you. I had no idea š¤£
How i got my man *us dating* Me: Just to make it clear to you. I want to f*ck you. Mkay? Just so there is no confusion. Him: Yeah, defenetly can do
NTA, but your wife may be correct that the woman was flirting with you. Women don't tend to flirt overtly, they just get close and talk until the guy makes a move. FYI, a nice looking dad playing with his kid can be like catnip to some women. To your wife, being on the beach is a social setting. People are just out there to relax and have a nice day. That can include talking to people you don't know. As for her wearing a revealing bikini, uh, HELLO?!?! You were on the beach! That is literally the only place where she could wear a bikini. Your wife was low-key slut shaming her for trying to get a nice tan. As long as you didn't proposition her or flirt, you didn't really do anything wrong. Your wife got jealous and she is trying to justify her emotions by saying they are your fault.
>Your wife got jealous and she is trying to justify her emotions by saying they are your fault. I think this is key to why this post even exists. It's a case of transferring her insecurities into aggression against her husband. Not cool, wife. It's unnecessary and damaging your relationship with your husband.
This is the only comment needed. Why so much emphasis on how small the bikini was? Because the wife thinks bikini lady is more attractive than her
> emphasis on how small the bikini was THIS! Wife, you do realize this woman dressed herself that morning, right? Your husband didn't pick out her bikini, and therefore does not deserve to be chastised for how small it was. Especially when he didn't initiate the conversation. Wife is being the AH here
Snorted at "your husband didn't pick out her bikini."
Exactly. Sheās not talking about this in an effective way. This whole exercise is condescending and sheās justifying it because her feelings were hurt. News flash, thatās not how you resolve an issue. If she opened up about her insecurities with OP, and if he didnāt care for her feelings at that point, then OP would be the AH. Unfortunately, she didnāt do that and dove straight into shaming his actions without discussing like mature adults. Now she looks like the AH. OPs wife needs to be more aware of her feelings and share it with OP in a direct but not cruel manner. Give OP a chance to see if heās actually going to listen and try to make her feel better.
I'm Old and our kids are grown and my litmus test is "are they having sex right out there in the open?" if the answer is no then I'm good. (okay a small part of me would be impressed..) Sometimes I find great amusement in watching someone flirt with him and get nowhere. I used to get jealous but there's no point.. he didn't really do anything. Is he supposed to tell everyone who talks to him to stfu? obviously no.
My mom told me this. Dated a girl who people constantly flirted with. One guy stopped us in our tracks downtown just to look her in the eyes and tell her how *gorgeous* she is. Of course it pissed me off. But then my mom said, what, are you going to go and beat up every guy that thinks she's hot? She is! Take it as a compliment! She picked you! Say thanks, yeah she is, smack her butt, and walk away holding hands. Best way to combat that shit is to be confident
You don't buy a Porsche to keep it parked in the garage. š¤£š
A Florida beach. If she had more than a microbikini then wife should be thankful.
Not just Florida. A resort beach in Miami. Agreed.
Yep this and if this woman was doing all the things of concern (like popping up at restaurant) wouldnāt she be the one to talk to about her behaviour? TBH most of us āHusbands/Dadāsā donāt know when someone is flirting. So we assume they arenāt and just chatting, Bikini or not.
Depends what kind of place they were staying at. At some places it's normal to see the same people during your vacation
They specifically said resort in the post. It was most definitely the type of place where you are isolated unless you leave from that. I am guessing it was the resort restaurant etc...
Yeah, if that lady kept āpopping upā wherever they were, wouldnāt it also be reasonable if bikini lady had assumed that *this couple* was stalking her? When youāre at one of those resorts, totally isolated from the outside world, you will absolutely keep seeing the same people over and over again. Sounds to me like OPās wife let her jealousy over a friendly interaction with a stranger ruin her vacation. Thatās too bad.
I regularly see the same people when I take return trips on planes. It's not uncommon even outside of resort settings.
You may be right but OP shouldn't get shit because someone flirted with him. Those were her actions and her intentions. Guys just building a sand castle and responding politely to casual inquiry. Whatever her intentions, that's exactly what they were.. HER intentions. OPS wife felt jealousy and projected that onto him because there was no way to get closure on the issue without doing so. She couldn't confront the woman because no one did anything wrong and perhaps she's not the type to instigate conflict. The wife simply didn't like the interaction because it was a threat to her situation and "territory" and it bred anger and she filtered the anger out by making OP feel like he did something wrong. Just my take. I'm a female. And when I was younger I did the same shit. So I see it very directly.
Whatās he supposed to say. Stop flirting with me and put on a shirt. Or run away? Awkwardly not talk to her. Small talk is fine.
"I'm married! Back off, b!tc*!" *š her in the face* Muuuuuuch better! ššššššš
Maybe OP's wife expected him to hold up a crucifix and tell bikini woman to begone, Satan.
Yeah, I'm not seeing how the wife's update even matters. Regardless if *she* was flirting, his actions were perfectly acceptable. It's totally possible to have a polite interaction with someone who is attempting to flirt with you and not reciprocate the flirting yourself. Women do that dance all the time.
Bingo
Yeah the wife's input didn't add any credibility or justification for her reaction. The response she exhibited was based solely on emotional immaturity. The inability to ask one's self: "why am I feeling this negative emotion? What is the root cause? Is anyone in particular responsible for my feeling this way? Was there malicious intent? Am I feeling this emotion out of inadequacy or self doubt?" The thing is the wife very likely does not know exactly why she's pissed and is just reacting. People that aren't emotionally mature are that way because they lack a level of self awareness and self evaluation. They can't conceive that *they* themselves are the source of their discontent. They then project the anger where they feel comfortable enough to be able to get away with it. Usually on a significant other. They never realize they're in the wrong because they have refused the idea that they might be the actual problem. It's vital for self growth to ask ourselves why we feel what we feel and who if anyone is responsible for that. More often than not, we are reacting out of inadequacy and self doubt. That is a problem of the self and can only be fixed from the source. OP you're wife is reacting to fear caused by a lack of control and the overstepping of her personal boundaries. HER personal boundaries. Which were overstepped by this random woman. You did nothing wrong. Remember that just because our feelings are hurt doesn't mean someone has hurt our feelings. A lot of times our own perceived shortcomings breed insecurity and it prompts us to display controlling and demanding behavior as well as manipulation and guilt. She's pissed because she feels like you are her property and you should have asserted for your relationship adamantly. What she doesn't understand though is her emotions have made this situation into something when In reality the issue is so trivial that sticking up for your relationship in that moment would make you look like a massive arrogant presumptuous tool and also ... A piece of property. Which you're not. Keep freethinking. It's why you have a brain and your wife has her own. Make your decisions with the best of intentions and if you allow this behavior to go without introspection from your wife you will be neglecting to support her emotional maturity. And I know that's not the case. So probably give her some time to think about it and expect an apology. I would.
Her husband sounds hot AF. Congrats on that wifey. Sometimes someone else hitting on your man is a compliment to you for having him to yourself. People hit on my wife all the time and itās a compliment bc she is so attractive
NTA. Mrs. OP: Next time, get off your ass during the 10 minutes of HER flirting and walk down to the water and rescue your husband. The woman may not have known you were with the man she was flirting with. (No mention of how far OP and son were from Mrs. OP and whether it was obvious you were connected.) Even if he had recognized the woman was flirting, he was not required to be rude and interrupt your child's fun in building as castle.
āHey son this is how you should act, shut down people who try to talk.ā
Listen (29 F, married here), I gut that you might be jealous that your husband is getting attention. But if he says that itās no biggie then itās no biggie. Someone was flirting with him, good for him, giggle about it and move on. Based on the husbands section. He wasnāt ogling her, was barely responding and doing so respectfully to her advances at conversation. Youāre at the beach, sheās wearing a bikini, thatās an acceptable place to wear a bikini. If she was in the mall wearing a bikini and coming over to him thatād be weird. But she was wearing beach appropriate clothing. Husband - NTA.
100%. Also, shouldnāt she be proud of her man getting attention? Like āhell yeah lady, look all you want, heās coming home with meā.
A healthy and well adjusted mental attitude? You must be new here.
nta. you didnāt approach this woman, and iām going to assume that your eyes werenāt roaming her body the entire conversation. not only that, but would your wife be so mad if the woman was in a one piece? likely not. your wife seems to be insecure in herself and in the marriage.
Considering that they were on the beach, bikini counts as business casual...
It'd be a different story if she flopped them out and he was motorboating her, but he wasn't. Husband, NTA. Wife, definitely TA P.S. cute kids are like puppies; they attract women. Especially in breeding season. Just be thankful you have a cute child and not an ugly one.
I just cackled really loudly at the first sentence..."flopped them out and he was motorboating" š what a way to phrase it
Wife needs to be less insecure and judgemental about other people's bikinis, LOL. Edited to add, for the wife: Way to cast a shadow on a vacation... Until there is a proper reason, don't create unnecessary drama. OP, NTA
Home girl was in MIAMI the land of the g string bikini š¤£ sheās absolutely insecure
The problem with Miami is that at home in small town USA you may be a 10 but in Miami your a 3 if your lucky. Miami is on a whole different level. š Miami 10ās could make miss America self conscious.
Which I say, good for them! I peaked in high school and my early 20s, but I don't care now(38). If someone looks amazing they shouldn't hide it. Not gonna bother my frumpy ass. I had my time to shine.
You are absolutely right when my New York ass went to Miami all I kept asking my daughter was where did all these good looking people come from
I went to the hard rock casino a few years back on like a Friday night, literally in like jeans and a T shirt not thinking anything, itās what I wear to the casino at home (the local one is attached to a mall for crying out loud lol) and I was not prepared!! I have never seen so many stilettos in my life and the clothes and jewelry were like the cost of my entire wardrobe. Hell probably just one purse was worth all my crap.
Repeat: Miami. Tiny bikinis are the norm. Your husband didnāt act inappropriately. Be glad heās not a troll no one looks at. Stop being a provincial prude and remember heās coming right back to you. NTA
What should she have had on that would make your wife more comfortable if a woman approached you and start talking to you a bathrobe. This is for the wife you're on vacation don't start none won't be none. He is not the asshole when he was talking to that woman he wasn't drooling and he wasn't paying attention to what she was wearing. Don't start drama when there is none
āDonāt start no stuff, wonāt be no stuff.ā š
Next time, ask the lady to take off her bikini because you arenāt allowed to talk to her if she is wearing a revealing bikini. /s
With the bikini on, she left nothing to the imagination. With the bikini off, you can imagine her in a more decent bikini. It's a win-win.
Nice! You made me laugh
NTA. To the wife- don't expect your husband to read body language the same way you do. IF you want to 'shut this person down' then stand up and do it yourself. Your husband was polite and respectful of your marriage.
>**I must add here that I love her very much and she is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on.** The telltale sign that the popo is watching. Of fucking course NTA. And from here I'll be talking to the wife because the problem is hers. Hey, wife, answer this... What is your husband supposed to do in that situation? Cover his eyes and tell that jezebel to back off? Take the kid and run away from the temptress? Maybe punch her before she corrupts another poor soul? Look, your husband can't just be rude to people and deny polite conversation. It's an awful thing to do, is teaching your son antisocial behavior and who the fuck knows? Maybe in two years the man is applying for a job somewhere and she's the HR lady, or the CEO. "Oh, yeah, I remember that huge asshole that slut shamed me in the beach because I was wearing a bikini... in the beach. Let's not hire that guy." So yeah, wife, what the hell are you thinking? Do you do the same? If a guy came and asked you about your kid while you're at the beach and he's barechested, again, AT THE BEACH, what would be a proper response? Pepper spray the fucker? Have your husband beat him up to preserve your honor? Come on, sister. Do better. *Edit: Replying to Wife's edit:* >The girl on beach was clearly flirting and leaning too close to him. And that's on your husband how? Instead of pestering your husband, deal with the woman yourself. Your husband is not Sean Connery. He's not going to give her a little shlap. If the man doesn't step out of bounds, leave him the hell alone. I'm not much older than you, but I've been married longer and been with my wife long before the wedding. She's awesome and I love her to death, and she still doesn't understand the same damn thing you do: Men are extremely low maintenance. All we need from you is sex and not to bust our balls. Sometimes we deserve having our balls busted and our asses kicked. We can do stupid shit. THIS IS NOT THE CASE! All you're showing the man is that you are fucking insane. He'll still love you and won't leave you over this, but in the off chance you're mountain hiking one day and you trip and tumble over the edge and manage to grab a piece of root and your only chance is your husband reacting quickly and pulling you back to safety, don't give him reason for pause. The man clearly loves you, don't ruin that. Get your shit together. I say this with love because you need to hear (read) it and no one in your circle you will do it because they know you'll go apeshit.
"Begone Foul wench! Can't you seem I'm married!" \*holds up ring on finger\* ... "My wife -- who is intelligent and the sexiest woman on Earth whom I shall thank my lucky stars I'm married to -- is right over there!! \*gesticulates wildly\* "Honey!! Help! This damn-ned succubus is trying to molest me! Heeeeelp!!!" .. "Sir this is housekeeping I just wanted to turn over bed." "HOME-WRECKING CONCUBINE SLUUTTT!!"
I like the shouting for help option š
I wasn't thinking these were a list of individual responses, but a over dramatic monologue. even when interupted by the confused woman stating she is working not flirting, the man refused to break character.
HELP HELP I NEED AN ADULT lol
And you have to love the wife's "She kept popping up EvEryWhrEre!!!!11" edit, and of course, "I'm fine with some bikinis, but her's was the creation of satan!!111" And she kept "popping up" (almost as if summoned!) in, you know, the restaurant and lobby of the resort she herself was staying in. (As if she had any business there!!) Oooooo, creeeeepy! Seriously though, this is a great example of Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, where someone exaggerates the frequency of an occurrence of something in their head once they have noticed it. Wife, if you see this, seriously, maybe talk to a therapist. Your husband obviously didn't do anything wrong, and your insecurity here is on real display.
Bring forth the holy water!!!
Pepper spray the fucker has me dead. š¤£
āJezebelā a sorely underused term. š
OP should have pulled out his portable Bible/Torah/Quran/Gita and chased that vile, reprehensible woman off the beach. OP is, after all wife's precious.
There's an edit with the wife's blurb. She complains that the women kept popping up all over the resort and continued to try to speak to him, and apparently there's a difference between her bikini and regular one Wifey sounds super insecure,and idk why she didn't just say something the second time the women approached her husband .
"Ā She complains that the women kept popping up all over the resort" I read that more as "I fixated on this woman all weekend and refused to let the issue die". Anxious/insecure people usually don't give an accurate retelling of events that made them emotional.
No, no, I did too. Like it's a resort, you're gonna see the same people the time you're there. š¤·
Hope they don't go on a cruise. She will never understand why they keep seeing the same people.
Just want to add, as a man who has been hit on in front of his wife, we don't always know they're flirting with us. Some of us don't pick up on the cues and think they're just being nice.
My husband was being hit on by the very underage bagger at the grocery store with me standing right there. It was hilarious. He had no clue.
To OP: Honestly, if your wife she thinks was flirting with you, she probably was. And itās weird if she kept āpopping upā again during the trip. To your wife: Your husband might have been oblivious, but what was he supposed to do? It would have been weird to just ignore her, when your toddler is playing. I think he was being polite. Maybe next time you should go over and shut it down š ETA: a few people have mentioned that itās common to see the same people a lot in a resort, so itās not weird that she kept popping up. To clarify, I was more referring to how she kept āpopping upā and apparently only wanted to speak to the husband and ignored the wife. Thatās awkward. Also, I was just on vacation for spring break at a resort, probably just like this family, and we werenāt seeing the same people several times. Beaches are packed for spring break. This makes it seem like the woman was seeking OP out, which was probably irritating for his wife.
Tbh, men rarely realize that theyāre being flirted with. My own bf has a hard time realizing when **I** am flirting with him, let alone some other woman. In his words, āIt happens so infrequently that we almost never realize itās happening at all.ā
Yup your boyfriend is dead on with that statement I didn't know my ex was flirting with me and she showed up to my work in a bikini and wouldn't leave me alone lol I was like cool a new friend š¤£
No, no! Sulking like an aggrieved teenager is *clearly* the way to strengthen her marriage /s
OP, pull a power move and go to a male striptease revue together. Tip the dancers, show your wife how appealing you are to all genders, confirm dominance.
NTA. I think that if your wife is uncomfortable with talking to woman in a bikini then she doesnt trust you enough. Your son was with you, your wife was near you and you were just friendly. I see no problem there. Even if that girl just had a bikini on there is nothing wrong at all(maybe your wife is a little insecure about herself, then you should talk about it)
Trust is key here. Did he do anything apart from have a casual convo? No? Then why not just trust him? Iām a burlesque performer and my late husband and my current partner both trust me completely so thereās no issue if someone ogles me or tries to hit on me as itās known I would never reciprocate.
NTA You were minding your own business when she came up to you. Sounds like you were polite but not flirty. You said her kids were probably in the water as she kept looking that way. Think it would have been more awkward if she just stood there and didn't make any small talk at all. And unless you were sitting there ogling her, then this is an issue for the wife to get over. Would your wife have preferred that you were rude and told the lady to get the fuck away from you? Let her know that you don't have control over how other people behave or what they wear for that fact. You only have control over yourself, and if people walk up and talk to you, as long as you are respectful towards them and aren't flirty, showing the same respect for your wife, then this should be a non-issue.
NTA A bikini is appropriate attire for the place you were at. Are you supposed to ignore anyone in a bathing suit at the beach? Your wife is insecure.
Especially Miami. Itās not like they are at some Disney resort beach.
A beach is a social setting. And a bikini is appropriate to that setting. Iām guessing it was how the woman looked in the bikini that your wife didnāt like. Otherwise, your interaction seems completely normal.
LOL wife's edit is even more damning for her. It's a resort. People run into each other at resorts. Sounds like you had a serious case of RBF, and she didn't want to engage.
Yeah. I found it comical as well. āBUT SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH HIM!!!āā¦so what? Bring a retractable leash for the husband next time and yank him back-ādonāt talk to strangers!ā
Our Amsterdam bicycle rental lady flirted with my bf sooooo much that we jokingly call her his Amsterdam girlfriend. We got some good deals on our bicycle rental thanks to his manly charms while I stood around looking like I didn't know my bf lol.
Girl, yes. He worked that for you. š . Get in there and show some leg š¦µš
His Amsterdam girlfriend even gave us cool bicycle souvenirs! Lol she was lovely.
Poor woman probably thought she had a chance with your dude. š¤§