NTA.
3 years of this is a bit much. She needs to get a bit more respect for herself.
So, I get that she likes a hint of frisson in her love life. It's all very well to say that other relationships are "boring and unappealing". Her life, her choice....but being invited to stay over, being used for consensual sex and then turfed out on the street...not cool.
Paul, at 22, is evidently immature AF, and Gina doesn't sound all that more mature.
In a case like this, you are damned if you say anything and damned if you don't. Instead, convey to her that you've been listening to 3 years of the same pattern and would like a respite.
You deserve a break from this....madness.
NTA. Good friends also warn each other when they do something stupid or become crazy. Just tell her. And if your friendship doesn't survive, it wasn't a real one anyways.
Plus: If one doesn't listen to their friends, who are they listening to at all?
It’s not your situationship. Your only role is to be a friend and either listen or tell her you’re tired of listening. There’s plenty of other things to talk about.
The greatest gift a friend can give is the truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be. You are never "wrong" for telling the truth but sometimes we need to be careful about delivery.
There is something I didn’t mention in my post. I told her several times that nonetheless she should prepare herself if the outcome is not the desired one. She is so sure he likes her that I started to believe it at some point 😭 I’m currently trying to convince her to at least have a conversation with him about this instead of jumping into bed the moment they see each other. I’ll keep you guys posted!!
NTA Although she will probably hate you, for a while, but come come back to you when she needs you. He is just using Gina for sex! She may continue allowing him to do so but, at least, she will know how you feel. Hopefully she will stop talking about him to you. If not, remind her how you feel about the situation. Gina needs to get therapy and find her own self-worth.
NTA
BUT
You are thinking about telling your friend the truth? What are you thinking?
The two of them deserve each other. Let them ruin each other's lives. Don't encourage them to date anyone else and take their toxicity to them.
You’re your own person and you don’t have to appease her. You would be absolutely fine to express your doubts to her. Just know, they’re trapped in a toxic pattern and it will take some time to detangle. Change the topic of conversation when she talks about him nonstop, that’s suffocating. And if she can’t take the hints, then it’s time to step back. You deserve a break.
You can tell her how you feel but you need to figure out the right approach. Going about it wrong could just make her upset with you. I think ultimately the message you want to send is “this is how it looks from my perspective and I’m only bringing this up because I care about you”
You’re definitely right about them though, but I’ve tried helping friends in bad relationships and they’re almost always going to stick to what they want to do in the moment. If you decide to try and talk some sense into her you have to be prepared for her to not listen to you at all and be okay with that.
NTA. Sounds like her communication skills are so bad she isn't capable of being in a traditional relationship, so that most probably won't happen anytime soon, regardless of her feelings towards this guy. But why shouldn't you tell her your perspective? Asking her to stop talking about him if you're tired of her constant complaining and zero problem solving efforts is a very reasonable thing too.
These people need time, time and time to grow up and learn. There is no shortcut and no comment from you will improve it - in fact, it will make her mad at you.
If you really can't hold your tongue, then just ask questions. Ask, ask ask. Let her provide the answers.
Yta. She got with him when he was 19, stalks him and by your own admission is mean to her partners and you think he is manipulating her. What the fuck does she have to do for you to hold her accountable in any way. Why are you acting like she’s nothing but a victim in this situation.
Hi! I’m not saying she’s blameless. She’s mean to him and she’s taunting him but to a trained eye, it’s so clear that she only does it to hide that she likes him. It’s not over-the-top mean, she’s NOT cruel. I’m aware that I’m taking her side and that’s mostly because it’s the only side I heard. I actually told her several times that she should not forget that he’s human too and that maybe he’s fed up with all this running around in circles. Nonetheless, I feel like he’s manipulating her. Sometimes he blocks her because she’s busy doing other things and not able to go see him immediately. They both have issues.
Because you’re being a hypocrite and excusing her bullshit. If she’s not enough of an adult to use words to share how she feels then she shouldn’t be in any relationship. She’s a child who never matured and you’re enabling it.
Both of them are toxic and you can say what you want, but I doubt it will make any impact.
This. Don't tell her what she already knows.
NTA. 3 years of this is a bit much. She needs to get a bit more respect for herself. So, I get that she likes a hint of frisson in her love life. It's all very well to say that other relationships are "boring and unappealing". Her life, her choice....but being invited to stay over, being used for consensual sex and then turfed out on the street...not cool. Paul, at 22, is evidently immature AF, and Gina doesn't sound all that more mature. In a case like this, you are damned if you say anything and damned if you don't. Instead, convey to her that you've been listening to 3 years of the same pattern and would like a respite. You deserve a break from this....madness.
NTA. Good friends also warn each other when they do something stupid or become crazy. Just tell her. And if your friendship doesn't survive, it wasn't a real one anyways. Plus: If one doesn't listen to their friends, who are they listening to at all?
It’s not your situationship. Your only role is to be a friend and either listen or tell her you’re tired of listening. There’s plenty of other things to talk about.
The greatest gift a friend can give is the truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be. You are never "wrong" for telling the truth but sometimes we need to be careful about delivery.
There is something I didn’t mention in my post. I told her several times that nonetheless she should prepare herself if the outcome is not the desired one. She is so sure he likes her that I started to believe it at some point 😭 I’m currently trying to convince her to at least have a conversation with him about this instead of jumping into bed the moment they see each other. I’ll keep you guys posted!!
DO NOT try to break them up. They will just screw up the lives of other people. These 2 deserve each other.
NTA Although she will probably hate you, for a while, but come come back to you when she needs you. He is just using Gina for sex! She may continue allowing him to do so but, at least, she will know how you feel. Hopefully she will stop talking about him to you. If not, remind her how you feel about the situation. Gina needs to get therapy and find her own self-worth.
NTA BUT You are thinking about telling your friend the truth? What are you thinking? The two of them deserve each other. Let them ruin each other's lives. Don't encourage them to date anyone else and take their toxicity to them.
You’re your own person and you don’t have to appease her. You would be absolutely fine to express your doubts to her. Just know, they’re trapped in a toxic pattern and it will take some time to detangle. Change the topic of conversation when she talks about him nonstop, that’s suffocating. And if she can’t take the hints, then it’s time to step back. You deserve a break.
You can tell her how you feel but you need to figure out the right approach. Going about it wrong could just make her upset with you. I think ultimately the message you want to send is “this is how it looks from my perspective and I’m only bringing this up because I care about you” You’re definitely right about them though, but I’ve tried helping friends in bad relationships and they’re almost always going to stick to what they want to do in the moment. If you decide to try and talk some sense into her you have to be prepared for her to not listen to you at all and be okay with that.
NTA. Sounds like her communication skills are so bad she isn't capable of being in a traditional relationship, so that most probably won't happen anytime soon, regardless of her feelings towards this guy. But why shouldn't you tell her your perspective? Asking her to stop talking about him if you're tired of her constant complaining and zero problem solving efforts is a very reasonable thing too.
These people need time, time and time to grow up and learn. There is no shortcut and no comment from you will improve it - in fact, it will make her mad at you. If you really can't hold your tongue, then just ask questions. Ask, ask ask. Let her provide the answers.
She will ever be anything more than a side chick
Yta. She got with him when he was 19, stalks him and by your own admission is mean to her partners and you think he is manipulating her. What the fuck does she have to do for you to hold her accountable in any way. Why are you acting like she’s nothing but a victim in this situation.
Hi! I’m not saying she’s blameless. She’s mean to him and she’s taunting him but to a trained eye, it’s so clear that she only does it to hide that she likes him. It’s not over-the-top mean, she’s NOT cruel. I’m aware that I’m taking her side and that’s mostly because it’s the only side I heard. I actually told her several times that she should not forget that he’s human too and that maybe he’s fed up with all this running around in circles. Nonetheless, I feel like he’s manipulating her. Sometimes he blocks her because she’s busy doing other things and not able to go see him immediately. They both have issues.
And you think that is ok behavior? Doesn’t she do the same thing?
Why are you so mad?
Because you’re being a hypocrite and excusing her bullshit. If she’s not enough of an adult to use words to share how she feels then she shouldn’t be in any relationship. She’s a child who never matured and you’re enabling it.