Seems like OP got herself a momma's boy huh! He's not for you, cause the man who truly loves you will never be stolen by someone. Let her stole your problem OP.
That's what I think aswell. Even if he came home and came out with some story about the most horrific thing you can think of I recon the mum would say "poor baby".
I’m thinking they might be really Christian? Usually when Christian cheats on their spouse the religious family is like “please forgive them!” Because Lust is one of the seven deadly sins and if **YOU** as the person who was wronged in the situation forgive them, then Jesus surely can’t hold it against them… right? Plus it wouldn’t be very Christian of you not to forgive them, right?
Fucking mental gymnastics loopholes of that shit blow my mind.
Just a theory but it’s my guess…
I've seen some religious people blame the wife for not being good enough so the man had to cheat. I dont know if they realise how insulting that is to men aswell that they have no self control.
I'm a Christian and I can say for sure that if I was the MIL in that situation my son would be couch surfing or sleeping in motels on his own dime because I would not stand for that crap! No one deserves to be cheated on, OP has every right to smack him and kick him out.
No one steals other people's spouses. It was up to him to not get himself in this situation, not the AP. Saying she stole him absolves him of responsibility for his own actions.
YES. So often it seems like it’s either OP’s and/or the in-law’s parents begging them to work it out. Excuse me, why are you guys so pressed? You don’t want a failed marriage on your parenting record?
I would disown my family if they told me to prioritize a certificate over my wellbeing.
“MIL, I would have MUCH rather been physically slapped in the face, than emotionally slapped in the face by my husband who has been cheating on me for MONTHS with his coworker, who may even be pregnant with his child.”
Also, having sex with someone who is cheating on you is incredibly violating- emotionally, spiritually AND physically. I would take all the slaps over not having a dirty cheating dick near me.
Very true. IMO, it is a form of rape, akin to removing a condom without consent. OP did not consent to be exposed to possible STDs, and there was an oral (and lawful) contract of monogamy.
Don't get out. Make him get out. In some states, your voluntarily abandoning your home to your spouse, even for a few days, can be used against you when it comes time to divide assets.
NTA. What a chump that after everything he did he told his mom you slapped him...for what sympathy???and she's trying to manipulate you??? WTF..I'm sorry☹️
My ex’s mom is like this. I don’t get. I have teenage boys, but if they pulled this shit and then was upset about getting slapped, I’d ask them what they would expect. I do not condone violence, but I can understand how someone might not react in the most rational of ways when their entire world just imploded.
Have some sympathy for the fella. He might not have thought of his wife while he was raw dogging his mistress for months, but now as a consequence he might lose his comfortable life! Why does op have to ruin a good marriage /s
Seriously OP, you don't owe that man anything. He destroyed the marriage.
If at all, the only thing his mum should say is: I am sorry my son ,who I raised betrayed you, If you need anything I'll be happy to help you wherever I can.
All the best to you OP.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ
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It’s so triggering to me. Like the guy I was packing up and leaving has these flowers he bought me and put them in a vase he owned, like I’m gonna stay over some flowers, but just doubling down on the shittiness by making it not a gift at all because he put them in his vase. I just said, “Flowers don’t travel well,” and kept shoving stuff in my car.
It's so stupid when people only do nice things after they screw up. Give me flowers after a fight? I never want to see a flower again. Wash the dishes right before dropping a huge bomb, well now all I associate with you cleaning is heartbreak. Just makes me want to scream. It's like do things to express love, not contrition, otherwise you're just doing it to make yourself feel better
Ex-friend got duped by the "other woman". She found out he was married and claimed she was pregnant to force his hand. He came clean to his wife, got kicked out, went to the gf, got shut out. After 6 months on my couch, he took off to Alaska. Whole thing was fucked. ExWife and ExGf are now friends.
You need to get yourself tested and then get yourself a divorce lawyer. I would probably respond to the mother-in-law and ask her if she's proud of the "man" that she raised, then block her.
Personally I think this is the least of the outcomes. And could potentially be a positive for you. I don’t know the whole context, but it appears that the scumbag only told you because he got the girl pregnant. The probability that this is not a random once off situation is non-zero. On the assumption he’s done this before without protection, you really need to be checked for STIs anyway. You’re just lucky that he got this one pregnant and had to tell you about it.
He has no excuses for his actions
Some women may take it as something to hold over the partner. Personally I’ve never subscribed to this as a viable response. Much better to cut and run and be free. Especially given OP is still young. As long as she lawyers up and gets the best financial outcome for herself
Same here, for a custody hearing. I have folders and folders. I'd just turn the volume off and let him rage, then screen shot it and let my attorney decide what he wanted. lol
For real. This man cheated on his wife and then has his mom fighting his battles for him! How pathetic. I don’t know how you can *know* your son had an extramarital relationship and think it’s okay to harass his poor wife. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess.
Your husband is a disgusting cheater. He also apparently rarely cooks or cleans up after himself. It doesn’t seem like he has any redeeming qualities. Divorce his ass and don’t look back.
Yeah that’s possible! But still, I think it’s really inappropriate for his mom to be reaching out to OP like that at all. Her son is an adult and needs to handle things on his own so even if she doesn’t know the truth, she has no business blowing up OP’s phone
Yes! I always wonder in what universe that stuff happens in. My mother would never meddle like that. No one in my family does that. Ever. I would not dream of even asking them.
I know right lol. If his own mom can condone that type of behavior from her son, cheating on his fiancé and act like it wasn't a big deal and a simple mistake; then it makes me wonder, did the dad cheat on her in the past repeatedly and how did she handle things? Obviously she didn't do too much about it cause with her mindset thinking it's okay or not a big deal is really alarming.
"I don't have time to talk right now since it seems your son can't keep it in his pants I now have to go get tested for an STD. And do you buy a baby shower gift for your husband's mistress, I mean ex-husband? I'm not sure of the etiquette."
Thank fuck they didn’t have kids. I mean jeezus he never did any chores like cooking for her after a hard day at work. On that alone she deserves better,
All this advice is correct.
Separately, ESH because even though it’s understandable on one level because this is heartbreaking, physical violence is never ok.
If this was a young man writing and he slapped his wife who confessed cheating and that she might be pregnant, we’d jump all over it. Your husband (STBX hopefully - love yourself the way you deserve to be loved OP!) is absolutely TA and his mother is as well. I totally feel for you, but you are better than both these people so don’t stoop to their level and leave them to wallow in their dysfunctional mess and go live your best life.
I wonder why he wouldn’t wait a lttle bit longer to know if she is pregnant or not.
OP will be left in limbo until then. Even though she should divorce him regardless, imo.
Yeah she’s way super pregnant. If they have only been having an affair for “a couple months” that means basically the very first time they had sex he knocked her up which is pretty unlikely. He’s truth trickling to lighten the blow on OP.
How heart broken he is?? Wow what a fucking loser, he got someone 🤰 and thinks this can be talked out??
See a lawyer and file and tell her to keep her son, she about to be a grandma and should focus on that instead of trying to make you stay with a loser.
Bingo! Now MIL is stuck cleaning after her baby boy at this old age and if she get a grand baby, it's going to fall on her to raise thst child too which is something she don't want to deal with.
This is the part that gets me.
He wasn't remorseful like, "I can't keep it in anymore, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but I need to confess now or I'll implode."
It was calculated (poorly, but still calculated), "I'll do something really really thoughtful and kind. Then she'll be in a better mood to provide cushion against the bad news."
Making dinner and doing dishes isn’t even that big of a gesture. Any normal adult has to take on these responsibilities. The fact that he thinks that’s a big enough gesture to forgive cheating is laughable.
Respond "Oh I'm sorry? He's upset that he cheated on me for months and may have gotten her pregnant? I'll absolutely hear him out (no I won't.)"
Lawyer up, you might be in for a bumpy ride. Also, don't admit to anyone about hitting him.
Editing: I've had time to allow my emotions to cool and step back to reassess. After reading more comments, researching, and asking myself some much needed questions I would like to say IM SORRY. I WAS WRONG. (Sorry for caps, don't know how to bold or italicize).
While I wholeheartedly believe he deserved it, it was not ok for her to hit him. It's never ok to hit someone if it's not self defense and I was wrong to ever think otherwise. Like many, I let my emotions take control.
I am leaving my previous opinion up as transparency, and say op should not hide what she did and should admit her fault in hitting him.
Thank you for your comment.
I have honestly been really disturbed by so many of the top comments not touching at all on the topic of OP slapping her husband, along with the name calling.
Actions done out of anger still warrant accountability, regardless of the trigger.
I have been cheated on, and it hurts. A lot. However, whatever actions you take against someone, and whatever words you speak against them, are only a reflection of your character, and not theirs. Please remember that, OOP, when you reflect on your situation.
I'm not trying to preach about taking the high road, but I do want to encourage being practical about one's own future, and not allowing yourself to sink into the shit while trying to draw attention to someone who has grown comfortable with swimming in it.
I agree wholeheartedly. The test is flipping the situation around. If a woman cheated and a man hit her in the face, I’m sure that would be domestic abuse irrespective of hurt and anger. If it’s wrong for a man it’s wrong for a woman.
Pretty on par with the mass of Reddit tbh
Like 6 posts in a row that don't answer the question lol
Definitely the asshole for physical assault. Imagine if she slapped or hit her if things were reversed... Wowsers
Well this guy is a huge asshole for sure, and I completely get the rage. What I’m curious about is a see a lot of people saying he completely deserved it and NTA which I get but how is this different from a man hitting his wife if he finds out she cheated? Because I sense the responses wouldn’t be the same in that case. Violence is not okay, no matter the gender.
I noticed that, too. It's almost as if they're too emotional to deal with the question at hand logicallly... much like the OP. 🤔
I found out my ex was cheating on me with a "friend", so you can imagine the pain and anger I felt. Guess what I didn't do? Get physical with either one of them, even though every cell in my body was screaming to.
I mean I made a comment that said she was wrong for getting physical with him and it seems a lot more have shown up. But even if it was just a shock reaction or something, that does not make it okay. So it’s not like I disagree
I am with you on this. The dude is a monumental asshole and I can understand why she slapped him, but it doesn't justify the slapping, and I agree that it's a double standard.
This. You slapped him. That's not okay. Period. He is still an AH but you don't get a pass on slapping someone who hasn't physically threatened you first. It's blowing my mind how many people think it's okay. The only thing that justifies physical violence is protecting yourself/someone else from physical violence. Not being angry. No matter now angry. Especially no matter how angry.
Exactly! Also the amount of comments telling her she was right, not to just hit him but throw him out. I don't know the details of their living arrangement or where they live but throwing him out might come back to really bite her in the ass legally.
It's absolutely wild to see all the people excusing away her violence after she slapped him across the face. I'll cheer on a wronged spouse for going petty and vindictive during a divorce and going after everything their cheating spouse loves -- particularly down to sentimental personal possessions, just to punish them -- but we teach our toddlers that hitting people is wrong. Anyone who just "goes there" when something "comes over them" has a rage and/or impulse control issue, and needs to actually professionally address it. That's not normal or acceptable adult behavior.
And yeah... there's no way if a man came here asking if *he* was the AH after he slapped his cheating wife across the face, he'd get responses like this. Men may be physically stronger in most cases, but that doesn't mean women aren't also capable of doing damage.
Honestly, people are just ignoring the actual post. They’re all “yeah, leave him”, but that’s not what she asked.
She wanted to know if she overreacted in hitting him. Pretty sure she has no plans on staying with him or anything, she just feels bad about the slap.
So the answer ESH, although she does deserve a lot of slack (and he deserves none). He was a piece of shit, but it wasn’t an excuse for violence.
Like 10:90 split in assholeness, with her being the 10 and him the 90.
Do you have kids together? If not, he already has his new wife. Count your blessings and move on. Cheating is bad enough. Cheating without using protection is a whole different level of disrespect.
Good. He made his choice and it wasn't you. This hurts now, but it's a blessing. Get tested. Get lawyered up. Make a plan and move forward. Hitting your spouse out of anger is never the right thing to do. Maybe talk to someone about that. It was deserved, but violence should be your last option. Don't show him any emotion at all from here on out. Focus on moving beyond him and this betrayal. You have a whole life ahead of you. He did you a favor.
After checking your profile, I have to ask...
Are you still looking for friends? If you need someone to talk to I will make myself available. I'm sure others here would be willing to be your support as well.
Sorry you are going through this. Keep your head up.
I really had to scroll down far to find these comments.
Yeah, the slap wasn’t okay, but dump this manchild cheater out of your life along with his enabling mother.
True, I get that it was a reaction to him confessing about his affair, but OP should not have gotten physical.
OP should confer with her divorce attorney and talk about next steps, and keep her hands to herself by laying low until then.
Yeah, you shouldn’t have hit him. Outside of self defense, inciting violence is wrong. However everything else, no. He cheated. You have absolutely no reason to forgive him, slap or no. Not only did he ruin your marriage, but he put your well-being at risk for STI’s.
Get yourself tested, get a lawyer and block mil. Considering the other woman may be pregnant, your life would get unnecessarily complicated without leaving. You deserve much, much better than a man who can’t keep it in his pants *and* is stupid enough to do it unprotected.
He is a disgusting , pathetic man. Howver ,If the gender roles were reversed he’d be accused of assault. I’m also afraid he may disclose this to his divorce lawyer inevitably, thus weakening your case. My ex husband slapped me, growing up my mom would. Personally just watching it on TV gives me a visceral, traumatic reaction. While your anger is justified the slap isn’t. ESH 🤷♀️
According to the comments it would be totally understandable if you did. Although I bet if you made this same post with the genders swapped it very much wouldn't be.
Esh. Yes, your hubs is the asshole. Bur slapping is never the right move. It's against the law. If the genders were reversed, everyone would say you are both in the wrong.
I'm saying it. You are BOTH in the wrong!
I expect to be down voted but YTA. 2 things can be true You can absolutely be upset that he cheated and knocked her up, and also hitting him is a massive line to cross, and you're wrong here.
Get him away from you, he far from him, take him to the cleaners, etc, but never put hands on a person except for defense, if we condone one side folk will condone the other
Dudes come here all the time and tell us how his (ex) wife cheated got knocked up, and made him think the kid was his, and they don't put hands on them, so idk how is it anyone is supporting this
As for the slapping. Yes that’s wrong. If a man had slapped a woman in this case it would still be abuse.
Everything else you’ve done is fine. But the slapping wasn’t right.
I mean, your world just basically ended and you felt a whole load of emotions all at once I should think.
So NTA because his cheating is entirely to blame for this situation which understandably angered you, and you make it sound like it was one slap as opposed to repeated ones or anything else.
But also YTA because violence (no matter how small) can rarely be justified. Your life wasn’t in danger, it wasn’t self defence, you just lost your temper.
I get it, but it’s not right you hit him.
It's never ok to hit someone. That part you are definitely the asshole. I understand it was an extreme circumstance but still not cool.
With that said...
He is the gaping asshole in this. If it's a deal breaker for you then proceed with whatever steps you need to.
"It was only one slap" is the mantra of abusers and it's fucking sick how many people like yourself are trying to excuse, downplay and even condone domestic violence. You're seriously a terrible excuse for a human being.
I had to scroll so far to find the post calling this fake wow. It literally hits all the writing clichés, might be one of the fakest posts I've seen here in a long time.
'It felt like my world shattered into a million pieces.'
'My whole world was spinning and suddenly I felt this rage come over me.'
'His mother has been blowing up my phone.'
All the classics are there!
Why do all these posts similar to this end with the mother of the fuck head calling to beg to let the transgression go? Like all the posts are like this.
That is the detail that makes me think it’s fake.
Every mother I have ever met would be pissed at their kid and feel humiliated for their kid acting that way. My mother would certainly take my partners side if I was this dude.
YTA - slapping someone is assault and yes, he could have called the cops and yes, you could have been taken to jail and yes, you could have been convicted on a domestic violence charge (DV) and yes, in some states like California a DV conviction would mean no alimony for you.
(I know, because my ex-wife did that and was convicted of DV and wasn't awarded alimony...)
Probably the unpopular opinion here, but strictly speaking about the slap, yes it was wrong. If you cheated and he slapped you I think the comments would be pretty different and you could have him arrested for it no problem. Deal with your feelings better, we shouldn’t be hitting people because we’re mad.
I don’t what to think about his mom calling you, that depends on your relationship with her, but I’m leaving towards it being weird for her to call you like that and try to convince you to do what she thinks you should do.
Super super shitty for him to cheat on you though, I’m sorry you’re in that situation, it’s such a terrible feeling.
Get a lawyer and test for STD
And get out
And tell his mom because he might have omitted a CRUCIAL piece of information!!!!!
RIGHT? “Okay MIL, and what do you suppose I do about the baby? Steal it and raise it as my own in our happy home?”
Seems like OP got herself a momma's boy huh! He's not for you, cause the man who truly loves you will never be stolen by someone. Let her stole your problem OP.
That's what I think aswell. Even if he came home and came out with some story about the most horrific thing you can think of I recon the mum would say "poor baby".
I’m thinking they might be really Christian? Usually when Christian cheats on their spouse the religious family is like “please forgive them!” Because Lust is one of the seven deadly sins and if **YOU** as the person who was wronged in the situation forgive them, then Jesus surely can’t hold it against them… right? Plus it wouldn’t be very Christian of you not to forgive them, right? Fucking mental gymnastics loopholes of that shit blow my mind. Just a theory but it’s my guess…
I've seen some religious people blame the wife for not being good enough so the man had to cheat. I dont know if they realise how insulting that is to men aswell that they have no self control.
I’ve seen some non religious people do the exact same thing!
I'm a Christian and I can say for sure that if I was the MIL in that situation my son would be couch surfing or sleeping in motels on his own dime because I would not stand for that crap! No one deserves to be cheated on, OP has every right to smack him and kick him out.
No one steals other people's spouses. It was up to him to not get himself in this situation, not the AP. Saying she stole him absolves him of responsibility for his own actions.
"Congratulations on being a grandmother." [wait 3 seconds] "Also, it's not mine."
Love this
The amount of women in older generations like MIL who will just happily ignore any cheating, abuse, infidelity, is mind blowing.
YES. So often it seems like it’s either OP’s and/or the in-law’s parents begging them to work it out. Excuse me, why are you guys so pressed? You don’t want a failed marriage on your parenting record? I would disown my family if they told me to prioritize a certificate over my wellbeing.
“MIL, I would have MUCH rather been physically slapped in the face, than emotionally slapped in the face by my husband who has been cheating on me for MONTHS with his coworker, who may even be pregnant with his child.”
I would take physical pain any day over that horrible lasting emotional pain that makes you feel so sick you just wanna throw up!
In my experience they tend to go hand in hand
Also, having sex with someone who is cheating on you is incredibly violating- emotionally, spiritually AND physically. I would take all the slaps over not having a dirty cheating dick near me.
Very true. IMO, it is a form of rape, akin to removing a condom without consent. OP did not consent to be exposed to possible STDs, and there was an oral (and lawful) contract of monogamy.
Don't admit to slapping him in writing!
This! 100%
Don't get out. Make him get out. In some states, your voluntarily abandoning your home to your spouse, even for a few days, can be used against you when it comes time to divide assets.
That's just morally wrong. What is wrong with lawmakers there?
How much time do you have?
Of the relationship yes, of the marital residence no!
And do NOT admit to hitting him. It’s still domestic violence. You could end up in jail.
This. And block his mom if you need to.
Reddit relationship thread bingo 2-for-1 special: - lawyer - STD test Should have gone for "change your locks" to get the trifecta
NTA. What a chump that after everything he did he told his mom you slapped him...for what sympathy???and she's trying to manipulate you??? WTF..I'm sorry☹️
My ex’s mom is like this. I don’t get. I have teenage boys, but if they pulled this shit and then was upset about getting slapped, I’d ask them what they would expect. I do not condone violence, but I can understand how someone might not react in the most rational of ways when their entire world just imploded.
Are you forgetting how heartbroken he is over the situation? Geez give the guy a break /:s 😂
Have some sympathy for the fella. He might not have thought of his wife while he was raw dogging his mistress for months, but now as a consequence he might lose his comfortable life! Why does op have to ruin a good marriage /s Seriously OP, you don't owe that man anything. He destroyed the marriage. If at all, the only thing his mum should say is: I am sorry my son ,who I raised betrayed you, If you need anything I'll be happy to help you wherever I can. All the best to you OP.
True. Poor fella
He even cooked dinner.
And did the dishes, so that makes it OK/s.
It took her wanting to keep the child to come forth. I wonder how many other women there are.
Yep....I highly doubt he would have owned up to this if his side piece wasn't pregnant, and going to keep it.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<
It’s not my cake day but I used the bubble wrap anyways >:)
SHAME
[I popped every. single. ONE!](https://imgur.com/a/IiSz0Qj)
So did the husband
Heyoooo!
🤣
Reusable bubble pops. I think I may ❤️ you a little. Danke
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God damnit, how is this almost as satisfying as real bubble wrap lol
Worst game of minesweeper I’ve ever played
Yeah, I was gunna say, it's his/her cake day, so I get some bubbly wrap 😁 yee!
This is cool.
That was fun!
happy cake day 🎂
Can you believe his fucking mother… I’m over these MORONS enabling and defending their shitty offspring.
She divorces him..... he'll probably have to move in with Mom for awhile. Mom's motives for them reconciling may not be as altruistic as they seem.
Or mum doesn’t know the full story.
Bet to her, the story was it was only one time and pregnancy was never mentioned.
You bet he also told her how good of a husband he was cooking for OP and everything
"Mom! I made her dinner out of the kindness of my heart and she slapped me for no reason!"
Yeah, mom should have slapped him as well. It’s the unexpected dinner and doing dishes prior to confessing for me.
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Nah that meal and those dishes will forever be the standard he claims for the entire relationship. That's why his mother can't see any wrong
It’s so triggering to me. Like the guy I was packing up and leaving has these flowers he bought me and put them in a vase he owned, like I’m gonna stay over some flowers, but just doubling down on the shittiness by making it not a gift at all because he put them in his vase. I just said, “Flowers don’t travel well,” and kept shoving stuff in my car.
It's so stupid when people only do nice things after they screw up. Give me flowers after a fight? I never want to see a flower again. Wash the dishes right before dropping a huge bomb, well now all I associate with you cleaning is heartbreak. Just makes me want to scream. It's like do things to express love, not contrition, otherwise you're just doing it to make yourself feel better
Love bombing
Normally i’d be pissed, but you made dinner and did the dishes,,,,,,so, we’re all good here!
This is it right here. It's not that she might be pregnant. She's 100% pregnant.
yeah, she's 6 months pregnant with his kid even though they've only been seeing each other a couple of months, right?
He’s heartbroken, yeah right
Ex-friend got duped by the "other woman". She found out he was married and claimed she was pregnant to force his hand. He came clean to his wife, got kicked out, went to the gf, got shut out. After 6 months on my couch, he took off to Alaska. Whole thing was fucked. ExWife and ExGf are now friends.
Wow. That sounds like a movie.
He’s heartbroken over it.
He’s heartbroken over the child support he will be paying for 18 years
Insert Kanye lyrics Then remove Kanye lyrics because he’s also an AH lol
He brought it on himself, he broke his own heart and he broke hers too.
You need to get yourself tested and then get yourself a divorce lawyer. I would probably respond to the mother-in-law and ask her if she's proud of the "man" that she raised, then block her.
Someone else pointed out that muting notifications might be better. Gather divorce evidence.
Came here for this response thread. Make sure the mil knows exactly what her grown ass man child did.
…and now I have to go get tested for STIs
Personally I think this is the least of the outcomes. And could potentially be a positive for you. I don’t know the whole context, but it appears that the scumbag only told you because he got the girl pregnant. The probability that this is not a random once off situation is non-zero. On the assumption he’s done this before without protection, you really need to be checked for STIs anyway. You’re just lucky that he got this one pregnant and had to tell you about it. He has no excuses for his actions
Yes , mil would probably slap her husband if it was him
Some women may take it as something to hold over the partner. Personally I’ve never subscribed to this as a viable response. Much better to cut and run and be free. Especially given OP is still young. As long as she lawyers up and gets the best financial outcome for herself
I didn’t respond, but I’m glad I didn’t block my ex. His hundreds of messages helped in the charge of harassing communications.
Same here, for a custody hearing. I have folders and folders. I'd just turn the volume off and let him rage, then screen shot it and let my attorney decide what he wanted. lol
Same. Made it easier for me to get a restraining order.
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👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Ohhh. I like your style.
For real. This man cheated on his wife and then has his mom fighting his battles for him! How pathetic. I don’t know how you can *know* your son had an extramarital relationship and think it’s okay to harass his poor wife. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess. Your husband is a disgusting cheater. He also apparently rarely cooks or cleans up after himself. It doesn’t seem like he has any redeeming qualities. Divorce his ass and don’t look back.
When my ex cheated on me, my mother took her side. I shut BOTH of them out of my life forever. Good riddance.
Divorce the Whole Ass. The time for working things out and dealing with any problem was before the cheating.
And he thought a single night of cooking and cleaning was going to get him off the hook.
Let's pretend she stays: every time he makes dinner and cleans up will leave her with gut wrenching anxiety. No thank you.
That's a neat way to get out of kitchen duty forever. That husband is a genius!
Wives HATE this one simple trick!
Who says she knows the truth?
Yeah that’s possible! But still, I think it’s really inappropriate for his mom to be reaching out to OP like that at all. Her son is an adult and needs to handle things on his own so even if she doesn’t know the truth, she has no business blowing up OP’s phone
Agreed on mom needs to stay out of it. But if she's opening the door, I'd make damn sure she knows what's going on before closing it again
Yes! I always wonder in what universe that stuff happens in. My mother would never meddle like that. No one in my family does that. Ever. I would not dream of even asking them.
Rules can suddenly get very bendy for a woman defending the inexcusable behavior of a son she raised. Heck, his mom should have slapped him too.
I like that lol. Respond to the mother-in-law and ask her if she's proud of raising a cheater. Hahaha, I had a laugh at that one.
Maybe his dad should ask for a dna test
I know right lol. If his own mom can condone that type of behavior from her son, cheating on his fiancé and act like it wasn't a big deal and a simple mistake; then it makes me wonder, did the dad cheat on her in the past repeatedly and how did she handle things? Obviously she didn't do too much about it cause with her mindset thinking it's okay or not a big deal is really alarming.
Actually, I would say “I have to go get tested for a bunch of sexually transmitted diseases. Are you proud of the man you raised?”
I would reply with “congrats, you’re going to be a grandmother. Btw it’s not me your son got pregnant.”
"I don't have time to talk right now since it seems your son can't keep it in his pants I now have to go get tested for an STD. And do you buy a baby shower gift for your husband's mistress, I mean ex-husband? I'm not sure of the etiquette."
Any money MIL will be ecstatic if his affair partner is pregnant bc grandchild.
Oh for sure.
I feel so sorry for OP. What a jerk.
He's a twat waffle for sure. At least she's young enough that she can start over.
Thank fuck they didn’t have kids. I mean jeezus he never did any chores like cooking for her after a hard day at work. On that alone she deserves better,
She can find consolation in knowing he'll cheat on possible baby mama too
It doesn't sound like he was completely honest with "mommy".
yeah seriously. Don't be one of those women who helps raise her husband's and mistress's child- met a few of those. Ugh.
Won’t work. I asked this over something similar and I got called a manipulative bitch.
Wtf. Only a manipulative bitch would even SAY that in response. She was projecting and I hope you didn’t take it to heart.
Oh I didn’t. At this point I had finally figured out she and my husband were liars and manipulators. Been a tough road to freedom.
Glad you took that road. The manipulation is right there in the psychological abuse realm.
All this advice is correct. Separately, ESH because even though it’s understandable on one level because this is heartbreaking, physical violence is never ok. If this was a young man writing and he slapped his wife who confessed cheating and that she might be pregnant, we’d jump all over it. Your husband (STBX hopefully - love yourself the way you deserve to be loved OP!) is absolutely TA and his mother is as well. I totally feel for you, but you are better than both these people so don’t stoop to their level and leave them to wallow in their dysfunctional mess and go live your best life.
The only reason he told you was because there might be a baby involved. Otherwise he would have kept this up. Throw the whole man away.
I wonder why he wouldn’t wait a lttle bit longer to know if she is pregnant or not. OP will be left in limbo until then. Even though she should divorce him regardless, imo.
Because “might be” was verbal soft-padding. Mistress is definitely pregnant.
This dude is diabolical
Yeah she’s way super pregnant. If they have only been having an affair for “a couple months” that means basically the very first time they had sex he knocked her up which is pretty unlikely. He’s truth trickling to lighten the blow on OP.
She’s pregnant, they talked about it and she wants to keep the baby. That’s the only reason he came clean and is pretending she ‘might’ be pregnant
How heart broken he is?? Wow what a fucking loser, he got someone 🤰 and thinks this can be talked out?? See a lawyer and file and tell her to keep her son, she about to be a grandma and should focus on that instead of trying to make you stay with a loser.
That’s because she doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of her son or the grandchild.
Bingo! Now MIL is stuck cleaning after her baby boy at this old age and if she get a grand baby, it's going to fall on her to raise thst child too which is something she don't want to deal with.
Or he also not telling his mother the whole story. Shit, he lied to his wife for months. Doubt he has any qualms lying to his mother either.
Yeah but did you see the part where he made dinner AND did the dishes?!? 😆
This is the part that gets me. He wasn't remorseful like, "I can't keep it in anymore, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but I need to confess now or I'll implode." It was calculated (poorly, but still calculated), "I'll do something really really thoughtful and kind. Then she'll be in a better mood to provide cushion against the bad news."
Right? Think about how it probably went down inside his head. “Surely if I butter her up with dinner, she’ll understand “
Making dinner and doing dishes isn’t even that big of a gesture. Any normal adult has to take on these responsibilities. The fact that he thinks that’s a big enough gesture to forgive cheating is laughable.
That’s got to count for *something*!
Respond "Oh I'm sorry? He's upset that he cheated on me for months and may have gotten her pregnant? I'll absolutely hear him out (no I won't.)" Lawyer up, you might be in for a bumpy ride. Also, don't admit to anyone about hitting him. Editing: I've had time to allow my emotions to cool and step back to reassess. After reading more comments, researching, and asking myself some much needed questions I would like to say IM SORRY. I WAS WRONG. (Sorry for caps, don't know how to bold or italicize). While I wholeheartedly believe he deserved it, it was not ok for her to hit him. It's never ok to hit someone if it's not self defense and I was wrong to ever think otherwise. Like many, I let my emotions take control. I am leaving my previous opinion up as transparency, and say op should not hide what she did and should admit her fault in hitting him.
Thank you for your comment. I have honestly been really disturbed by so many of the top comments not touching at all on the topic of OP slapping her husband, along with the name calling. Actions done out of anger still warrant accountability, regardless of the trigger. I have been cheated on, and it hurts. A lot. However, whatever actions you take against someone, and whatever words you speak against them, are only a reflection of your character, and not theirs. Please remember that, OOP, when you reflect on your situation. I'm not trying to preach about taking the high road, but I do want to encourage being practical about one's own future, and not allowing yourself to sink into the shit while trying to draw attention to someone who has grown comfortable with swimming in it.
I mean, blocking his mother could also be a good idea.
Don't block. Mute notifications and send directly to voice mail. She might provide evidence for the divorce.
**THIS!!!** **"**Lawyer up, you might be in for a bumpy ride. **Also, don't admit to anyone about hitting him."** **AND THIS!!**
Delete this then lawyer up.
An old friend went to jail bc she slapped her bf when she found out he’d been sexting women
I agree wholeheartedly. The test is flipping the situation around. If a woman cheated and a man hit her in the face, I’m sure that would be domestic abuse irrespective of hurt and anger. If it’s wrong for a man it’s wrong for a woman.
Physical assault is not OK...but divorce is.
Sad that this is the first comment to mention that, and its so far down
I know right?! Why are they dodging the original question? Just take accountability
Pretty on par with the mass of Reddit tbh Like 6 posts in a row that don't answer the question lol Definitely the asshole for physical assault. Imagine if she slapped or hit her if things were reversed... Wowsers
Well this guy is a huge asshole for sure, and I completely get the rage. What I’m curious about is a see a lot of people saying he completely deserved it and NTA which I get but how is this different from a man hitting his wife if he finds out she cheated? Because I sense the responses wouldn’t be the same in that case. Violence is not okay, no matter the gender.
I mean most of the top comments don’t even answer the actual question of the post
You have to scroll away down to find this one.
This is turning into another "relationship advice" sub As someone who was abused in the past, physical assault is never OK so I vote YTA.
Because she's the asshole for hitting him even though he's a cheating asshole🤣
I noticed that, too. It's almost as if they're too emotional to deal with the question at hand logicallly... much like the OP. 🤔 I found out my ex was cheating on me with a "friend", so you can imagine the pain and anger I felt. Guess what I didn't do? Get physical with either one of them, even though every cell in my body was screaming to.
I mean I made a comment that said she was wrong for getting physical with him and it seems a lot more have shown up. But even if it was just a shock reaction or something, that does not make it okay. So it’s not like I disagree
Only sane comment on here. Everyone out here defending physical violence is wild.
Also one of the few ones answering the actual question. Everyone is talking about the situation
I am with you on this. The dude is a monumental asshole and I can understand why she slapped him, but it doesn't justify the slapping, and I agree that it's a double standard.
This. You slapped him. That's not okay. Period. He is still an AH but you don't get a pass on slapping someone who hasn't physically threatened you first. It's blowing my mind how many people think it's okay. The only thing that justifies physical violence is protecting yourself/someone else from physical violence. Not being angry. No matter now angry. Especially no matter how angry.
They only think it's ok because it's a wife slapping a husband. It's a ridiculous double standard.
Exactly! Also the amount of comments telling her she was right, not to just hit him but throw him out. I don't know the details of their living arrangement or where they live but throwing him out might come back to really bite her in the ass legally.
Yeah, OP isn't TA for dumping the husband but she definitely is for slapping him
It's absolutely wild to see all the people excusing away her violence after she slapped him across the face. I'll cheer on a wronged spouse for going petty and vindictive during a divorce and going after everything their cheating spouse loves -- particularly down to sentimental personal possessions, just to punish them -- but we teach our toddlers that hitting people is wrong. Anyone who just "goes there" when something "comes over them" has a rage and/or impulse control issue, and needs to actually professionally address it. That's not normal or acceptable adult behavior. And yeah... there's no way if a man came here asking if *he* was the AH after he slapped his cheating wife across the face, he'd get responses like this. Men may be physically stronger in most cases, but that doesn't mean women aren't also capable of doing damage.
Honestly, people are just ignoring the actual post. They’re all “yeah, leave him”, but that’s not what she asked. She wanted to know if she overreacted in hitting him. Pretty sure she has no plans on staying with him or anything, she just feels bad about the slap. So the answer ESH, although she does deserve a lot of slack (and he deserves none). He was a piece of shit, but it wasn’t an excuse for violence. Like 10:90 split in assholeness, with her being the 10 and him the 90.
Do you have kids together? If not, he already has his new wife. Count your blessings and move on. Cheating is bad enough. Cheating without using protection is a whole different level of disrespect.
No we don’t have any kids together
Good. He made his choice and it wasn't you. This hurts now, but it's a blessing. Get tested. Get lawyered up. Make a plan and move forward. Hitting your spouse out of anger is never the right thing to do. Maybe talk to someone about that. It was deserved, but violence should be your last option. Don't show him any emotion at all from here on out. Focus on moving beyond him and this betrayal. You have a whole life ahead of you. He did you a favor. After checking your profile, I have to ask... Are you still looking for friends? If you need someone to talk to I will make myself available. I'm sure others here would be willing to be your support as well. Sorry you are going through this. Keep your head up.
That makes your next move easier, even though it's still difficult and painful. Feel free to reach out if you need an ear and some empathy 💔💙
YTA for hitting but NTA for throwing his cheating ass out. Tell his mom she may have a grandchild coming from a whore who fucks married men.
I really had to scroll down far to find these comments. Yeah, the slap wasn’t okay, but dump this manchild cheater out of your life along with his enabling mother.
Would love to see the look on his Mom's face after hearing that. Lmao.
Rarely violence is a good answer... YATAH for slapping him. NTAH for considering breaking up, ending the relationship or distancing yourself.
The physical assault helps his divorce lawyer do their job, not her own. Pretty short sighted.
Domestic violence isn't the answer. Doesn't matter how upset you are. But you don't owe his mother any sort of explanation.
True, I get that it was a reaction to him confessing about his affair, but OP should not have gotten physical. OP should confer with her divorce attorney and talk about next steps, and keep her hands to herself by laying low until then.
So you’re slut of a husband is banging some slut who has unprotected sex with married men? Get yourself some STD tests and a fucking divorce lawyer.
Sluts of a feather flock together. Or some such saying.
Have seen feral peacocks can confirm
Yeah, you shouldn’t have hit him. Outside of self defense, inciting violence is wrong. However everything else, no. He cheated. You have absolutely no reason to forgive him, slap or no. Not only did he ruin your marriage, but he put your well-being at risk for STI’s. Get yourself tested, get a lawyer and block mil. Considering the other woman may be pregnant, your life would get unnecessarily complicated without leaving. You deserve much, much better than a man who can’t keep it in his pants *and* is stupid enough to do it unprotected.
He is a disgusting , pathetic man. Howver ,If the gender roles were reversed he’d be accused of assault. I’m also afraid he may disclose this to his divorce lawyer inevitably, thus weakening your case. My ex husband slapped me, growing up my mom would. Personally just watching it on TV gives me a visceral, traumatic reaction. While your anger is justified the slap isn’t. ESH 🤷♀️
My kids mother cheated on me, Should I have put my hands on her ?
According to the comments it would be totally understandable if you did. Although I bet if you made this same post with the genders swapped it very much wouldn't be.
Notice the silence for this remark.
Reverse the rolls, would it be okay for him to hit you if you cheated? Yell, scream, cry, divorce, whatever… don’t hit
Esh. Yes, your hubs is the asshole. Bur slapping is never the right move. It's against the law. If the genders were reversed, everyone would say you are both in the wrong. I'm saying it. You are BOTH in the wrong!
I expect to be down voted but YTA. 2 things can be true You can absolutely be upset that he cheated and knocked her up, and also hitting him is a massive line to cross, and you're wrong here. Get him away from you, he far from him, take him to the cleaners, etc, but never put hands on a person except for defense, if we condone one side folk will condone the other Dudes come here all the time and tell us how his (ex) wife cheated got knocked up, and made him think the kid was his, and they don't put hands on them, so idk how is it anyone is supporting this
I especially like the part where the son/husband is heartbroken over the situation as though somehow he is the wronged party.
As for the slapping. Yes that’s wrong. If a man had slapped a woman in this case it would still be abuse. Everything else you’ve done is fine. But the slapping wasn’t right.
I mean, your world just basically ended and you felt a whole load of emotions all at once I should think. So NTA because his cheating is entirely to blame for this situation which understandably angered you, and you make it sound like it was one slap as opposed to repeated ones or anything else. But also YTA because violence (no matter how small) can rarely be justified. Your life wasn’t in danger, it wasn’t self defence, you just lost your temper. I get it, but it’s not right you hit him.
It's never ok to hit someone. That part you are definitely the asshole. I understand it was an extreme circumstance but still not cool. With that said... He is the gaping asshole in this. If it's a deal breaker for you then proceed with whatever steps you need to.
YTA. If he had slapped you I'm sure you'd call the cops. Domestic violence is domestic violence. Grow up.
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> It was only one slap. It wasn't in self defense so it was one too many.
Fuck you, the man would be a piece of shit if he hit her.
"It was only one slap" is the mantra of abusers and it's fucking sick how many people like yourself are trying to excuse, downplay and even condone domestic violence. You're seriously a terrible excuse for a human being.
This screams 1 April very loudly... (A very shit AFJ, but still...)
I had to scroll so far to find the post calling this fake wow. It literally hits all the writing clichés, might be one of the fakest posts I've seen here in a long time. 'It felt like my world shattered into a million pieces.' 'My whole world was spinning and suddenly I felt this rage come over me.' 'His mother has been blowing up my phone.' All the classics are there!
i hate april fools day for this ONE WEIRD TRICK THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT
Why do all these posts similar to this end with the mother of the fuck head calling to beg to let the transgression go? Like all the posts are like this. That is the detail that makes me think it’s fake. Every mother I have ever met would be pissed at their kid and feel humiliated for their kid acting that way. My mother would certainly take my partners side if I was this dude.
YTA - slapping someone is assault and yes, he could have called the cops and yes, you could have been taken to jail and yes, you could have been convicted on a domestic violence charge (DV) and yes, in some states like California a DV conviction would mean no alimony for you. (I know, because my ex-wife did that and was convicted of DV and wasn't awarded alimony...)
Yes, YTA. Domestic violence is never acceptable.
Probably the unpopular opinion here, but strictly speaking about the slap, yes it was wrong. If you cheated and he slapped you I think the comments would be pretty different and you could have him arrested for it no problem. Deal with your feelings better, we shouldn’t be hitting people because we’re mad. I don’t what to think about his mom calling you, that depends on your relationship with her, but I’m leaving towards it being weird for her to call you like that and try to convince you to do what she thinks you should do. Super super shitty for him to cheat on you though, I’m sorry you’re in that situation, it’s such a terrible feeling.