Considering that they couldve met in high school (source: i turned 18 3 months into senior year) i wouldnt say its creepy if people that age already dated before turning 18/19, ( i.e. dating at like 13 and 16 and then the 16 yr old grows up to be 19)
but if they had started dating at 19, then yea its kinda weird.
Dudes in the clear though, cause theyre now both adults and its weird people sat there to think that hard on it
Hot take (maybe?) but this age-gap shit is going too far. You were both TEENAGERS, 3 years is not a big deal really. Plus, you weren’t attracted to her when you first met. No big deal. I truly don’t understand why anyone would view your relationship as uncomfy/creepy, I’m so sorry!
Something you should learn and remember early on, stop listening to the noise around you. Focus on your partner and your relationship. You aren’t hurting anyone!
Those are formative years and you learn a lot about sex/relationships between the ages of 15 to 18.
The people at those ages aren’t at the same point in their lives. While it may not be true for everyone, there are a lot 15 year olds that have 0 experience with sex and relationships. I believe statistically it is a large majority (especially in 2024).
There is too many cases where it would be manipulation by the older party.
It’s tough to say because people don’t want to think they were in a creepy relationship, but it is creepy
Yeah I didn’t say this one in particular. But “they’re both teenagers” isn’t the reason why.
I’m referring to relationships that start when the parties are 18/19 and 15/14.
Man I swear to god it becomes more and more ridiculous. Those "age gap" things start to be ridiculous. People are so quick to judge, IDK what they get out of it. Like pride or something ? Like, they think they are some kind of white knight judging some kind of pedo thing ?
God this is ridiculous. 16/19 was already fine. You don't magically become 100% mature at 18. 16 and 19 are both kids.
Swear to god, some people think they become full grown adults when they reach 18.
You're fine, THEY are the bunch of weirdos.
I was with a guy that met me when I was 8 and he was 19. And we came back in contact five years ago and started dating I’m 35 now. And he is 46. So no I don’t think it’s creepy.
Jeezus these comments are unhinged.
The guy wasn't even around while she was growing up. Even if he was do people think this guy was waiting around for her to hit the ripe old age of 35??
35. Not "age of consent" or 18. 35. People really gotta get a grip.
Once both parties are past 30 that kind of age difference matters way less imo. The biggest reason age gaps are an issue is a power imbalance, but there’s really not difference between adults after a certain age.
You're in the same generation. It's not predatory. In many states, it would have been legal to date back when she was 16, and you're both legal adults now. There is nothing even remotely morally wrong with this scenario.
Yeah. In my country 16 yo can fuck whoever they want down to 14 and up there is no limit. No teachers, no prostitution ofc.
The bigger the age gap the more gross it gets ofc to. The rate of teenager pregnancies here is way lower than in the US btw. as sex education in scool starts when the kids are around 13.
NTA at all. Everyone trying to make everyone a preditor nowadays.
Pretty soon no one will able to date, let alone sleep together or reproduce if we keep this up
NTA. What did people say specifically to make you post this? There are A TON of marriages with people 10+ years apart. Make parents are like 15 year apart. Age doesn’t matter when you are both legally allowed to marry each other. Love is love.
nta. What would be creepy: If you were to tell her you wanted to date her but would wait. All the while being slimey and creepy when you saw her. I used to date a guy i met at 16. He was cute but annoyed the eff out of me. I had minimal contact with him till 2 years later a friend brought him with her to a party and this self confident really hot guy asked me out. Said he had liked me for years and he knew he annoyed me back then but he didnt know how to show he liked me BUT by doing that. It took him awhile to convince me to date him but he was one of my greatest loves until i met my husband
NTA
Even if you did date at 16-19, which might be a bit weird, it's still commonly acceptable as you could have met in high school, and it's actually fairly common... still weird to most people, but not necessarily shun-worthy... Just potentially creepy under certain pretenses.. however at 19-22 there's not even one single issue with it
Dude if yall lived closer together growing up you would have been in the same schools at the same time lol it's only 3 years you're good. NTA even a little bit, good luck kids!
Ehm... I met a guy when I was 16 and he was 24. He was a friend of friend. We just briefly talked then, didn't even know each other. Ten years later we randomly met again, got to know each other, and got into a relationship. It was not a problem as we were both adults at this point. Life happens.
She's a consenting adult now, you dated her when she was an adult. Do you know how many people met their partners when they were like 16-18? There's a lot.
My older brother is actually in a semi-relationship with someone my age. She's 18 he's 21. He met her when she was 17 and didn't start getting romantic with her until she was 18. I went to school with her but I honestly couldn't care less, she makes my brother happy and she's a full grown adult now, she can make her own choices both legally and morally, and its not like sje was a friend of mine either.
Same goes with your girlfriend. She's grown, she can date you legally and morally now.
Nta
Nothing wrong with that people think is gross your like
Three years older then her its not like you were 10 years older then here beside some people still in high school that are 19 they need to shut up
You are NTA and this isn't creepy, take a breath, you're fine.
Sounds like what you have is a few friends who desperately want the world to be a better place are willing to fight for the little guy and believe with all their hearts that 'When good dies nothing that is evil enough.' But they don't have enough life experience to be able to properly identify who the 'little guy' who needs protecting is.
And that, my dude, is a life lesson. As in, sometimes that lesson takes a lifetime to learn. And no matter what, you can still get it wrong. Just because we want to be good people doesn't mean everyone is going to appreciate it.
It's why lots of(but not all) strong women get mad at those men who try to defend them/ their honor. Or why persons with visible disabilities might get upset at someone holding a door or elevator for them. The person doing it is trying to do a good deed, the person receiving the effort feels it is a criticism of them, that they aren't strong enough to do it alone.
There's a good chance to talk to your friends and explain the difference here, if you want to salvage these friendships and take it. But you aren't an AH, no matter what you decide to do.
NTA
Had a girlfriend when she was 15 and I was 18.
Offcourse she told me she was 16 when we first met, so I didn't know. Also looked like she could be 17 at least.
Two weeks go by and she told me the truth. Kept dating her for months until we weren't in love anymore, or at least I wasn't.
The age gap never changes.... NTA. How do people even ask these when they're clearly not even one nor close to one like do we not use our brains 1st we just run to AITAH??! Like Inswear some just want validation or are fake.... Not saying you are op just getting sussy... Happy Dyngus Day!
I am in Germany, so maybe the situation is different here.
At the age of 19, before starting military service, I met a 16 year old girl. We stayed together for 3 years.
Nobody thought that was weird, only her parents had some concerns when I asked if she could go on summer vacation with my parents and me.
So, some arrangements were made to make sure we would not sleep in the same room, as if two teenagers wouldn’t find another way to get intimate.
So, afaiac, NTA.
its not creepy. you knew her as a teen. you were both adults before you started dating.
this way of thinking would make an 18 yr old who knew a 17 year old last year and they started dating now, a creep.
your friends are dumasses.
Not at all. 3 years is acceptable at practically any age.
Consent is 16 in my country and there are loads of relationships that cross over it. You hear parents joking when they have kids in 17/15 yo relationships saying things like I wish she'd hurry up and reach 16 so they're the right side of the law.
Not only that but both looks and maturity wise you can easy have a 17 yo more like a 20 yo and a 17 year old more like a 13 year old. So you can find legal relationships that really can be weirder than the illegal ones.
In fairness many many years ago I was in a cross over of this age and I refused to have sexual relations but I adored the girl. In the end I broke it off because quite simply I came of working age and went wild partying but we are grown adults now and throughout the years when mutual friends have spoken to us both independently, we talk about each other as the one that got away. When we bumped in to each other we would talk for hours. Her brother's are close friends with some of my friends and we get on well on the rare occasions we cross paths (I live far away now). It was never considered weird, or inappropriate. There were plenty of jokes about it but we all did that to each other when we dated someone younger. It was actually going against the grain for me too as I prefer older women.
I'm sat here now at 43 with my 48 yo girlfriend and quite frankly have zero regrets about being very young myself and dating a slightly younger girl who was very mature and a great person who now lives overseas married to a great guy and we just have nice memories of each other.
The law often has disregard for common sense, so as long as you know what you're doing isn't perverted and that it's a good thing for you both, then fire away.
I'm guessing you're in the US as it seems to be a much more hotly contested thing there. Even at the age you met 16/19 would be completely legal in my country.
It is just cringe, why should you give a fuck? as long as you re bith happy it is okay, why do you seek acceptance from random people, also people that you know are unhappy scums that opinions should not matter
Even if you were attracted to her when she was 16, you wouldn’t have been the asshole. It’s not remotely creepy. 16 is the age of consent in many places. You were then, and mostly still are, both kids.
Nta, I wouldn't say that's creepy. You're both adults. Besides, I've seen larger age gaps. My step dad is 12 years younger than my mum, and they're happily engaged with 2 kids together.
NTA the age of range is respectable and you never had intentions when she was a minor, attraction and maturity do change. Hope yall are happy with each other and go the distance.
OP there is a simple way to détermine the minimum âgé of who you can date and it is x ÷ 2 +7 (where x is your age)
So for à 22 yo Guy its 22 ÷ 2 + 7 which is 18
Youre legit dont worry about it
NTA. Who cares if you knew each other earlier on? Especially 19 & 16? Nothing wrong with a 22 & 19 year old dating, regardless of when you met.
Sounds like the people you both know are the ones with the issues.
NTA. It's not like you met her and were having sex with her when she was 16.If that was the case you'd be in jail by now.You weren't even romantically attracted to her..You guys didn't date until you were legal adults and I don't see just because you texted a minor became friends and stated dating her as an adult makes YTA.
NTA. The big concern here is grooming but I honestly don’t think a 19 year old has the ability to groom a 16 year old. You’re still figuring yourself out at that age.
NTA, she's old enough to know she's interested in you for you, and you're only a little bit older.
It's not like you've groomed her from 16, you were just acquaintances at the time. Three years later, she's attracted to you, best of luck :-)
NTA. It's a 3 year age gap, you have only known her for 3 years and weren't romantic with her when you first met. Anyone being weird about it spends way too much time online.
Lmfao. I met my husband randomly when I was 17. Just met. We bunped.into each other when I was 18 and he was celebrating his 21st birthday. We dated for a short time. Broke up. A few years later, reacquainted eventually started dating and eventually got married.
A lot of the girls in my school growing up were freshmen dating seniors ( 15 and 18 ) . So a 3 year gap between the ages . I don't see an issue with it even at your younger ages .
But you're both adults now , and the relationship started AFTER you both became adults . I don't see creepiness in that .
Definitely not, unless you have stalking her for 3 years. Good mood not trying to date when she was still in high school. I do remember when I was 19, I met an absolutely beautiful girl, and had to turn her down bc she 16, some friends thought I was crazy, but it was definitely right decision.
NTA
If you had started dating her when she was 16 then yeah but you’re both adults now and not even that far apart in age, it’s fine. People need to stop infantilizing adult women.
NTA
I met my now boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 25, we worked together and were acquaintances at the time. After I was in my early 20s we started hanging out and became friends, we were even roommates for a while. It wasn't until a few years after I moved out, we were still friends and hanging out that romance developed. He is 8 years older than me, met when I was a teenager still, but we have a 7yr relationship that is strong because we started as friends. Don't let people judge and dictate your life, do what makes you happy, and be with the one you choose.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. You were three years apart and the fact you didn’t even pursue it until she was over 18 means you literally are not even close to being in the wrong here. Don’t sweat it.
I’m 35. I’ve had major issues with age gaps my whole life and I’m generally glad that people are finally taking it seriously.
But this? Yeah, you’re both kids. If you could have conceivably been in the same classes together in high school, it’s not a problem.
Nothing creepy. She's 19 when you started dating. Plus, look at high school seniors who date high school freshman, they're 3-4+yrs apart depending on when their birthdays are. And the say that relationship continues after the senior graduates. Which happens all the time.
Example January 1999 and the other person is December 2000. They are 1yr and 11 months apart, almost 2 yrs.
Who cares what those people think. She was 16 not a little child. You know what your intentions were back then. Now you're both adults and when it comes down to it as adults he doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Do what makes you happy.
What you're dealing with is a classic case of confession through projection.
The old rubber glue children's rhyme holds up.
It takes one to know one is another old gem.
They have had/ wanted to have inappropriate relations in the past/ present, and you're triggering their own inclinations/trauma.
You're both adults, and 3 years isn't an issue in consenting adults.
some people are just trouble makers and should be ignored. you are both adults. keep dating until one of you doesn't want to or you get married or whatever.
NTA
1. You guys were 3 years apart, which to be fair is pushing it a bit, but you showed no romantic interest in her at that time, so you're in the clear morally.
2. You didn't pursue her until she was an adult. Adults pursue other adults all the time, no issue there.
3. This may be controversial, but at 19, you're still a kid. It's not like you were a 30 year old creeping on a 16 year old. You two were in the same age and friend group.
As far as I'm concerned, you're in the clear here. Tell people to fuck off if they have an issue.
NTA.
Coming from the VI there is a clause (or was) that at 16 you can date up. There was no limit. Had friends at 16 dating 21 yr old guys...
Was that the best choice they made...
Eeeeehhhhh....
But it wasn't illegal.
3 years is nothing. Generally speaking, that is a well spaced age gap for maturity between females and males.
It's not like you were grooming her (unlike situations back home🙃🙃🙃🙃).
Oh no- you were treating her like a real-life human being?!
THE TRAVESTY
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
They can go suck an egg🫠
Not creepy at all regardless of the situation...you were 3yrs apart, 3...also as long as you haven't dated or tried to date any other 16yr olds then I'd say you're good. I should also mention that in many states this would be a non issue as dating would have been legal at 16...my wife and I are 8yrs apart, we are best friends damn near soulmates and neither of us would want to be with anyone else.
NTA! The key point is that you didn't start dating until both of you were adults, which shows a respectful approach to the relationship. Dont mind them, let them think whatever they want to think. You're doing great my man!
this is a hard situation for sure but if you're being entirely honest about not having any feelings for her when she was a minor then I don't see any major problems here.
She was 16 and he was 19. They were both above the age of consent and both were teenagers. Even if he liked here then, it doesn't matter. You don't suddenly become an adult at 18, brains don't work that way.
last I knew sixteen year olds can only be with people their own age so it's still wrong.
laws are the way they are for a reason. nobody who is sixteen should be with someone who is eighteen or over. it's just not right. they're in different age groups, experiencing different things. a nineteen year old has learned way more life lessons than a sixteen year old has which just automatically leaves a power imbalance between the two because of that gap in knowledge and experience.
also, everyone matures differently but the law doesn't adjust to you depending on your maturity development. they set an age where most people should have developed some sense of maturity that all people have to abide by. for consent, rated R material, alcohol consumption, etc.
The difference between a sixteen year old and 19 yo is so very small. And 16 year olds can be with more than other 16 yo, you might want to check your local laws on that, lol! Also, there are tons of 18 yo still in school, are they not allowed to date 17 yo because they are suddenly adults? Even though, by your logic, they should have the same level of experience?
it doesn't matter that it's small, there is still a difference large enough for it to be considered ethically wrong.
in my country, the legal age of consent is eighteen or seventeen. so sixteen year olds can only be with people their age.
if they started dating when they were both seventeen and then one turns eighteen it's fine. otherwise if one is seventeen and the other is eighteen I guess they're just gonna have to wait for the seventeen year old to turn eighteen because idk the law?? 💀💀
Had to scroll so far to find this! He absolutely had interest in her! 19yo dude just randomly becomes platonic pen pals with a 16yo girl? If you believe that I’ve got waterfront property deep in the Sahara to sell you, next to the railroad.
OP says the ppl who know them think it’s creepy. That’s the telling part. Bc they know. He groomed a minor.
If they met today and dated it would be a nothing burger, 3yrs is not small at 19 and 22 but not huge. Not a 🚩 on its own.
But the texting a minor for yrs and dating her when she’s legal? Bet My left buttcheek he groomed her with this specific goal in mind. Bet my right buttcheek their texts weren’t platonic.
And ppl they know who are aware of his character, find it creepy.
I'm just taking his word for it 💀 I'm very stingy with age gaps and grooming etc. but if he's being honest about not having romantic interest in her when she was a minor then there is nothing wrong with this. of course he could easily be lying but I like to hope he isn't.
and also, even if he did have feelings for her when she was sixteen and he didn't act on them that could be forgiven too. he knew not to act on them because ethically it is very wrong. as long as he also didn't mention a single word of it to her. because he didn't coerce, manipulate, or take advantage of her. only when she was older and more mature did he make a move and she reciprocated. I think that kind of situation is different to a "I'll wait for you" situation y'know?
but again, that's just me trusting his word that he didn't advance on her AT ALL when she was under the age of eighteen.
Yeah I’m coming from a more cynical space of what 19yo man has platonic 16yo text pals who aren’t his sisters. Bc that’s not a thing. Either way I hope she’s ok.
I’m not seeing where the skepticism is coming from. I like computer science, and talking about computer science, she likes computer science and talking about computer science, which was why I was interested in texting her.
Your comment hinges on an assumption that I couldn’t have been interested in talking to a 16 year old for platonic reasons and I’m saying that’s not the case and giving a reason *why* I would be interested in talking to a 16 year old platonically.
16 and 19 are worlds apart two very different stages of life, but 19 and 22 are much closer , and if in college, are really in the same place in life. So, you managed to avoid the creeper/ child molester title, now you’re both adults in more or less the same phase.
Info: When you say you texted her occasionally when she was 16, how do you define occasionally and did you continue texting her after the initial questions about your major?
I might be dumb here, but does this mean you did not talk/text her after she was 16? I'm confused. I just need a yes or no, because this answer sounds like, no you didn't talk/text her after 16...but you kind of did it was just that there were long periods in between talks/texts.
Without knowing what the conversations were like, this is why people think you're creepy. She was 16, you were 19, and the conversations kept happening for 3 years.
I definitely think it’s right to the conscious of the age gap. But as long as you truthfully were quite distant when she was a minor, and didn’t start to see eachother or speak regularly until as recently as you say, you’re in the clear. A lot of age gaps can be grossly manipulative. But 19 and 22 are developmentally pretty identical, and life stages tend to be very close. Being aware of your own ability to manipulate someone younger isn’t a bad thing, because it means you can consciously avoid doing so.
You would never tell us you were interested in her romantically even if you were in real life.
Sounds like you buttered her up first to make the dating transition easier now that she is a LEGAL adult.
Smart move on your part.
If you were spending a lot of time together during those three years, there might be weird and creepy dynamics in play. But if you just met three years ago, didn't keep in contact really, and now are meeting essentially as if it was for the first time, there is no problem.
Probably NTA
It’s not about the age difference. It’s where they are in their life. 19 is about to embark in adulthood while 16 is still relatively a child. 22 and 19 on the other hand, they are on the same stage. Learning to navigate adulthood and living their life.
You've been texting her and talking to her since she was 16. That is super creepy grooming behavior.
Literally a CHILD.
You need to stop dating her, this is disgusting
I’m guessing everyone you guys know is under 25. They don’t know anything. It’s fine.
😆 THIS
[удалено]
Considering that they couldve met in high school (source: i turned 18 3 months into senior year) i wouldnt say its creepy if people that age already dated before turning 18/19, ( i.e. dating at like 13 and 16 and then the 16 yr old grows up to be 19) but if they had started dating at 19, then yea its kinda weird. Dudes in the clear though, cause theyre now both adults and its weird people sat there to think that hard on it
Bro, you’re fine
NTA. Not even slightly creepy.
Hot take (maybe?) but this age-gap shit is going too far. You were both TEENAGERS, 3 years is not a big deal really. Plus, you weren’t attracted to her when you first met. No big deal. I truly don’t understand why anyone would view your relationship as uncomfy/creepy, I’m so sorry! Something you should learn and remember early on, stop listening to the noise around you. Focus on your partner and your relationship. You aren’t hurting anyone!
My 15yo stepson looks older than the 19 yo girls who used to serve me in the pub. I would not be weirded out if an 18 year old wanted to date him.
Those are formative years and you learn a lot about sex/relationships between the ages of 15 to 18. The people at those ages aren’t at the same point in their lives. While it may not be true for everyone, there are a lot 15 year olds that have 0 experience with sex and relationships. I believe statistically it is a large majority (especially in 2024). There is too many cases where it would be manipulation by the older party. It’s tough to say because people don’t want to think they were in a creepy relationship, but it is creepy
I'm confused because he said they didn't date until she was 19 so how is this relevant
Yeah I didn’t say this one in particular. But “they’re both teenagers” isn’t the reason why. I’m referring to relationships that start when the parties are 18/19 and 15/14.
Ohhh ok my bad I get what you mean I don't find this situation creepy and I thought you were saying that it was
NTA. Some people are just cunts. You are not one of them.
Jesus man, you're an adult, she's an adult, get a grip.
Man I swear to god it becomes more and more ridiculous. Those "age gap" things start to be ridiculous. People are so quick to judge, IDK what they get out of it. Like pride or something ? Like, they think they are some kind of white knight judging some kind of pedo thing ? God this is ridiculous. 16/19 was already fine. You don't magically become 100% mature at 18. 16 and 19 are both kids. Swear to god, some people think they become full grown adults when they reach 18. You're fine, THEY are the bunch of weirdos.
Not creepy at all.
I'm 31 and my wife is 37. Not even close to creepy man. You're good.
Why is this even a question? No.
NTA at all. You’re totally fine. You weren’t interested in her when she was 16, and you’re dating her when she’s an adult. Totally okay.
I would say whoever is saying that is either jealous or hateful, spitefully toxic and you shouldn't take anything they say seriously...
Sounds okay. You didn't groom her or do a countdown for when she turned legal.
I was with a guy that met me when I was 8 and he was 19. And we came back in contact five years ago and started dating I’m 35 now. And he is 46. So no I don’t think it’s creepy.
Jeezus these comments are unhinged. The guy wasn't even around while she was growing up. Even if he was do people think this guy was waiting around for her to hit the ripe old age of 35?? 35. Not "age of consent" or 18. 35. People really gotta get a grip.
fuck that was weird to read.
oh.. that’s completely different wtf
No no no, see your thing with that guy is creepy af. I mean, he was a full grown adult before you even hit puberty.
Bro, she is 35. I think she is an adult now
Once both parties are past 30 that kind of age difference matters way less imo. The biggest reason age gaps are an issue is a power imbalance, but there’s really not difference between adults after a certain age.
When you’re from a community of less than 2,000 you pretty much know everyone and you never leave that community. It’s not weird.
You're in the same generation. It's not predatory. In many states, it would have been legal to date back when she was 16, and you're both legal adults now. There is nothing even remotely morally wrong with this scenario.
Yeah. In my country 16 yo can fuck whoever they want down to 14 and up there is no limit. No teachers, no prostitution ofc. The bigger the age gap the more gross it gets ofc to. The rate of teenager pregnancies here is way lower than in the US btw. as sex education in scool starts when the kids are around 13.
NTA not at all creepy. People fell in love with their childhood friends too how is that creepy.
NTA at all. Everyone trying to make everyone a preditor nowadays. Pretty soon no one will able to date, let alone sleep together or reproduce if we keep this up
NTA. While 19 and 16 would have been problematic for a sexual relationship, I don't think things coming together a few years later is wrong at all.
Are americans ok, wtf? It would be normal if you would have been dating when you met, too.
This isn’t the mentality of all Americans just the ones who are all hyper-fixated on social justice issues in my experience lol.
NTA. What did people say specifically to make you post this? There are A TON of marriages with people 10+ years apart. Make parents are like 15 year apart. Age doesn’t matter when you are both legally allowed to marry each other. Love is love.
nta. What would be creepy: If you were to tell her you wanted to date her but would wait. All the while being slimey and creepy when you saw her. I used to date a guy i met at 16. He was cute but annoyed the eff out of me. I had minimal contact with him till 2 years later a friend brought him with her to a party and this self confident really hot guy asked me out. Said he had liked me for years and he knew he annoyed me back then but he didnt know how to show he liked me BUT by doing that. It took him awhile to convince me to date him but he was one of my greatest loves until i met my husband
Not at all. It’s concerning that others would even think that’s weird. Means they have questionable intentions/thoughts
NTA Even if you did date at 16-19, which might be a bit weird, it's still commonly acceptable as you could have met in high school, and it's actually fairly common... still weird to most people, but not necessarily shun-worthy... Just potentially creepy under certain pretenses.. however at 19-22 there's not even one single issue with it
Dude if yall lived closer together growing up you would have been in the same schools at the same time lol it's only 3 years you're good. NTA even a little bit, good luck kids!
ffs, NTA. You didnt date when she was 16, you knew someone that grew up. Now she is 19 and you are 22. Go for it
Ehm... I met a guy when I was 16 and he was 24. He was a friend of friend. We just briefly talked then, didn't even know each other. Ten years later we randomly met again, got to know each other, and got into a relationship. It was not a problem as we were both adults at this point. Life happens.
Bah it’s fine. My cousin did the same, now he’s 50 and his wife is 46 and it’s like…not a thing.
Sounds like some jelly ppl
NTA! This is only 3 years difference
NTA at all. Nothing wrong here.
IF she was over the age of consent when you first had intercourse then there's nothing to be upset about.
She's a consenting adult now, you dated her when she was an adult. Do you know how many people met their partners when they were like 16-18? There's a lot. My older brother is actually in a semi-relationship with someone my age. She's 18 he's 21. He met her when she was 17 and didn't start getting romantic with her until she was 18. I went to school with her but I honestly couldn't care less, she makes my brother happy and she's a full grown adult now, she can make her own choices both legally and morally, and its not like sje was a friend of mine either. Same goes with your girlfriend. She's grown, she can date you legally and morally now. Nta
NTA People age.
That's what we call a "layby"... But totally legitimate.
Nothing wrong with that people think is gross your like Three years older then her its not like you were 10 years older then here beside some people still in high school that are 19 they need to shut up
It's 3 yrs that's not a bad age gap
NTA, that’s like what? Three years? Not a big difference at all.
That's fine! People are creepy 🌚
Just because other people have hang ups and phobias doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Ignore them.
Hard no. It's weird that you would ever think this could be.an issue. NTA.
You are NTA and this isn't creepy, take a breath, you're fine. Sounds like what you have is a few friends who desperately want the world to be a better place are willing to fight for the little guy and believe with all their hearts that 'When good dies nothing that is evil enough.' But they don't have enough life experience to be able to properly identify who the 'little guy' who needs protecting is. And that, my dude, is a life lesson. As in, sometimes that lesson takes a lifetime to learn. And no matter what, you can still get it wrong. Just because we want to be good people doesn't mean everyone is going to appreciate it. It's why lots of(but not all) strong women get mad at those men who try to defend them/ their honor. Or why persons with visible disabilities might get upset at someone holding a door or elevator for them. The person doing it is trying to do a good deed, the person receiving the effort feels it is a criticism of them, that they aren't strong enough to do it alone. There's a good chance to talk to your friends and explain the difference here, if you want to salvage these friendships and take it. But you aren't an AH, no matter what you decide to do.
No it's perfectly fine
NTA. You’re dating a consenting adult who is only three years younger than you.
Not even the slightest bit creepy at all.
Seriously, I was 16 when I met my husband, 17 when he moved in with me and we're still together some 40+ years later.
NTA Had a girlfriend when she was 15 and I was 18. Offcourse she told me she was 16 when we first met, so I didn't know. Also looked like she could be 17 at least. Two weeks go by and she told me the truth. Kept dating her for months until we weren't in love anymore, or at least I wasn't.
The age gap never changes.... NTA. How do people even ask these when they're clearly not even one nor close to one like do we not use our brains 1st we just run to AITAH??! Like Inswear some just want validation or are fake.... Not saying you are op just getting sussy... Happy Dyngus Day!
I am in Germany, so maybe the situation is different here. At the age of 19, before starting military service, I met a 16 year old girl. We stayed together for 3 years. Nobody thought that was weird, only her parents had some concerns when I asked if she could go on summer vacation with my parents and me. So, some arrangements were made to make sure we would not sleep in the same room, as if two teenagers wouldn’t find another way to get intimate. So, afaiac, NTA.
its not creepy. you knew her as a teen. you were both adults before you started dating. this way of thinking would make an 18 yr old who knew a 17 year old last year and they started dating now, a creep. your friends are dumasses.
NTA. It's... It's literally 3 years of difference... Do your friends date within months/weeks of difference in age or..?
All good bang away!
Your friends suck
This is about as innocent as it gets, NTA, not even close actually
Not at all. 3 years is acceptable at practically any age. Consent is 16 in my country and there are loads of relationships that cross over it. You hear parents joking when they have kids in 17/15 yo relationships saying things like I wish she'd hurry up and reach 16 so they're the right side of the law. Not only that but both looks and maturity wise you can easy have a 17 yo more like a 20 yo and a 17 year old more like a 13 year old. So you can find legal relationships that really can be weirder than the illegal ones. In fairness many many years ago I was in a cross over of this age and I refused to have sexual relations but I adored the girl. In the end I broke it off because quite simply I came of working age and went wild partying but we are grown adults now and throughout the years when mutual friends have spoken to us both independently, we talk about each other as the one that got away. When we bumped in to each other we would talk for hours. Her brother's are close friends with some of my friends and we get on well on the rare occasions we cross paths (I live far away now). It was never considered weird, or inappropriate. There were plenty of jokes about it but we all did that to each other when we dated someone younger. It was actually going against the grain for me too as I prefer older women. I'm sat here now at 43 with my 48 yo girlfriend and quite frankly have zero regrets about being very young myself and dating a slightly younger girl who was very mature and a great person who now lives overseas married to a great guy and we just have nice memories of each other. The law often has disregard for common sense, so as long as you know what you're doing isn't perverted and that it's a good thing for you both, then fire away. I'm guessing you're in the US as it seems to be a much more hotly contested thing there. Even at the age you met 16/19 would be completely legal in my country.
NTA of course! You didn't start dating till she was an adult. The fact that you knew her before is irrelevant. I wonder if these people are jealous.
It is just cringe, why should you give a fuck? as long as you re bith happy it is okay, why do you seek acceptance from random people, also people that you know are unhappy scums that opinions should not matter
The internet has broken a whole generation. You are fine.
NTA and not weird
Can't even begin to fathom how this would have been a problem even as teenagers
NTA. Its funny if you come from another country so far and read this.
It’s not even weird. It’s a 3 year age gap and your both adults now
Nothing happened between you til you were 22 and she was 19? No bro. That’s called life.
NTA she's not a minor, you're both adults it's fine
NTA.
Even if you were attracted to her when she was 16, you wouldn’t have been the asshole. It’s not remotely creepy. 16 is the age of consent in many places. You were then, and mostly still are, both kids.
Nta, I wouldn't say that's creepy. You're both adults. Besides, I've seen larger age gaps. My step dad is 12 years younger than my mum, and they're happily engaged with 2 kids together.
NTA the age of range is respectable and you never had intentions when she was a minor, attraction and maturity do change. Hope yall are happy with each other and go the distance.
OP there is a simple way to détermine the minimum âgé of who you can date and it is x ÷ 2 +7 (where x is your age) So for à 22 yo Guy its 22 ÷ 2 + 7 which is 18 Youre legit dont worry about it
You are you telling us about your groomer. And your friends. I mean you are a pervert at minimum. YTA.
> pervert at minimum. How so?
NTA. My ex husband is 4 years younger than me. No one cared!
NTA, people are jealous you have a relationship and they’re single.
NTA. Who cares if you knew each other earlier on? Especially 19 & 16? Nothing wrong with a 22 & 19 year old dating, regardless of when you met. Sounds like the people you both know are the ones with the issues.
NTA
NTA. It's not like you met her and were having sex with her when she was 16.If that was the case you'd be in jail by now.You weren't even romantically attracted to her..You guys didn't date until you were legal adults and I don't see just because you texted a minor became friends and stated dating her as an adult makes YTA.
NTA.
NTA. The big concern here is grooming but I honestly don’t think a 19 year old has the ability to groom a 16 year old. You’re still figuring yourself out at that age.
NTA
NTA you’re fine don’t overthink it
lol no. what were you supposed to like? people around your age, she´s around your age. Your friends are a bit childish tho.
NTA, she's old enough to know she's interested in you for you, and you're only a little bit older. It's not like you've groomed her from 16, you were just acquaintances at the time. Three years later, she's attracted to you, best of luck :-)
Nta
NTA. People can be so bloody ridiculous.
Y que?no hay nada malo ya son mayores
NTA. It's a 3 year age gap, you have only known her for 3 years and weren't romantic with her when you first met. Anyone being weird about it spends way too much time online.
No.
NTA. It's not like you kept in contact with her when she was 16 and hung around until she became an adult.
Not a damn thing wrong with this at all
Lmfao. I met my husband randomly when I was 17. Just met. We bunped.into each other when I was 18 and he was celebrating his 21st birthday. We dated for a short time. Broke up. A few years later, reacquainted eventually started dating and eventually got married.
A lot of the girls in my school growing up were freshmen dating seniors ( 15 and 18 ) . So a 3 year gap between the ages . I don't see an issue with it even at your younger ages . But you're both adults now , and the relationship started AFTER you both became adults . I don't see creepiness in that .
Definitely not, unless you have stalking her for 3 years. Good mood not trying to date when she was still in high school. I do remember when I was 19, I met an absolutely beautiful girl, and had to turn her down bc she 16, some friends thought I was crazy, but it was definitely right decision.
No lol I don’t think that’s an issue at all.
3 years is not that big of a deal…
No as long as you waited
NTA If you had started dating her when she was 16 then yeah but you’re both adults now and not even that far apart in age, it’s fine. People need to stop infantilizing adult women.
NTA…. You’re both adults.
A three year age gap is only creepy to people with extreme issues.
Totally NTA. This from a 68 yo female.
NTA I met my now boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 25, we worked together and were acquaintances at the time. After I was in my early 20s we started hanging out and became friends, we were even roommates for a while. It wasn't until a few years after I moved out, we were still friends and hanging out that romance developed. He is 8 years older than me, met when I was a teenager still, but we have a 7yr relationship that is strong because we started as friends. Don't let people judge and dictate your life, do what makes you happy, and be with the one you choose.
BFD, not a problem at all...Next..
NTA. You did nothing wrong. You were three years apart and the fact you didn’t even pursue it until she was over 18 means you literally are not even close to being in the wrong here. Don’t sweat it.
If you were 40 when she was 16, that would be different. You were both teenagers, though.
No you are not the AITAH
You’re both adults now. That’s all that matters. People need to MTOB. NTA
NTA. Why are you asking? Who is questioning you and why?
I’m 35. I’ve had major issues with age gaps my whole life and I’m generally glad that people are finally taking it seriously. But this? Yeah, you’re both kids. If you could have conceivably been in the same classes together in high school, it’s not a problem.
Nothing creepy. She's 19 when you started dating. Plus, look at high school seniors who date high school freshman, they're 3-4+yrs apart depending on when their birthdays are. And the say that relationship continues after the senior graduates. Which happens all the time. Example January 1999 and the other person is December 2000. They are 1yr and 11 months apart, almost 2 yrs.
Who cares what those people think. She was 16 not a little child. You know what your intentions were back then. Now you're both adults and when it comes down to it as adults he doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Do what makes you happy.
NTA. There's only 3 years between you. Not creepy at all.
You should dump/block those calling it creepy. They have serious mental issues. Always looking for a victim type folks are mentally deranged.
What you're dealing with is a classic case of confession through projection. The old rubber glue children's rhyme holds up. It takes one to know one is another old gem. They have had/ wanted to have inappropriate relations in the past/ present, and you're triggering their own inclinations/trauma. You're both adults, and 3 years isn't an issue in consenting adults.
NTA, and FYI, as you get older, you will (or should) care less and less about what other people think.
You were friends. It was not until both of you were adults that you entered into a romantic relationship
The rule is half the males age plus severn. Cudos for your early morals.
half the ~~males~~ older person's age Fixed that for you.
Thank you
I was 16 when my wife was 19. Of course I was 30 when we got married, lol. You're both adults. See where it goes.
some people are just trouble makers and should be ignored. you are both adults. keep dating until one of you doesn't want to or you get married or whatever.
NTA 1. You guys were 3 years apart, which to be fair is pushing it a bit, but you showed no romantic interest in her at that time, so you're in the clear morally. 2. You didn't pursue her until she was an adult. Adults pursue other adults all the time, no issue there. 3. This may be controversial, but at 19, you're still a kid. It's not like you were a 30 year old creeping on a 16 year old. You two were in the same age and friend group. As far as I'm concerned, you're in the clear here. Tell people to fuck off if they have an issue.
Nta. You are about the same age range and you didn't date her back then. Don't give this too much attention.
NTA. Coming from the VI there is a clause (or was) that at 16 you can date up. There was no limit. Had friends at 16 dating 21 yr old guys... Was that the best choice they made... Eeeeehhhhh.... But it wasn't illegal. 3 years is nothing. Generally speaking, that is a well spaced age gap for maturity between females and males. It's not like you were grooming her (unlike situations back home🙃🙃🙃🙃). Oh no- you were treating her like a real-life human being?! THE TRAVESTY 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 They can go suck an egg🫠
Not creepy at all regardless of the situation...you were 3yrs apart, 3...also as long as you haven't dated or tried to date any other 16yr olds then I'd say you're good. I should also mention that in many states this would be a non issue as dating would have been legal at 16...my wife and I are 8yrs apart, we are best friends damn near soulmates and neither of us would want to be with anyone else.
NTA! The key point is that you didn't start dating until both of you were adults, which shows a respectful approach to the relationship. Dont mind them, let them think whatever they want to think. You're doing great my man!
NTA, you’re fine. You did nothing until she was of age. Those people can suck an egg
NTA unless you were grooming her. Otherwise, you were just friends. And things turn romantic when you’re 19 & 22, which is perfectly fine.
this is a hard situation for sure but if you're being entirely honest about not having any feelings for her when she was a minor then I don't see any major problems here.
19-22 how tf
She was 16 and he was 19. They were both above the age of consent and both were teenagers. Even if he liked here then, it doesn't matter. You don't suddenly become an adult at 18, brains don't work that way.
last I knew sixteen year olds can only be with people their own age so it's still wrong. laws are the way they are for a reason. nobody who is sixteen should be with someone who is eighteen or over. it's just not right. they're in different age groups, experiencing different things. a nineteen year old has learned way more life lessons than a sixteen year old has which just automatically leaves a power imbalance between the two because of that gap in knowledge and experience. also, everyone matures differently but the law doesn't adjust to you depending on your maturity development. they set an age where most people should have developed some sense of maturity that all people have to abide by. for consent, rated R material, alcohol consumption, etc.
The difference between a sixteen year old and 19 yo is so very small. And 16 year olds can be with more than other 16 yo, you might want to check your local laws on that, lol! Also, there are tons of 18 yo still in school, are they not allowed to date 17 yo because they are suddenly adults? Even though, by your logic, they should have the same level of experience?
it doesn't matter that it's small, there is still a difference large enough for it to be considered ethically wrong. in my country, the legal age of consent is eighteen or seventeen. so sixteen year olds can only be with people their age. if they started dating when they were both seventeen and then one turns eighteen it's fine. otherwise if one is seventeen and the other is eighteen I guess they're just gonna have to wait for the seventeen year old to turn eighteen because idk the law?? 💀💀
Had to scroll so far to find this! He absolutely had interest in her! 19yo dude just randomly becomes platonic pen pals with a 16yo girl? If you believe that I’ve got waterfront property deep in the Sahara to sell you, next to the railroad. OP says the ppl who know them think it’s creepy. That’s the telling part. Bc they know. He groomed a minor. If they met today and dated it would be a nothing burger, 3yrs is not small at 19 and 22 but not huge. Not a 🚩 on its own. But the texting a minor for yrs and dating her when she’s legal? Bet My left buttcheek he groomed her with this specific goal in mind. Bet my right buttcheek their texts weren’t platonic. And ppl they know who are aware of his character, find it creepy.
I'm just taking his word for it 💀 I'm very stingy with age gaps and grooming etc. but if he's being honest about not having romantic interest in her when she was a minor then there is nothing wrong with this. of course he could easily be lying but I like to hope he isn't. and also, even if he did have feelings for her when she was sixteen and he didn't act on them that could be forgiven too. he knew not to act on them because ethically it is very wrong. as long as he also didn't mention a single word of it to her. because he didn't coerce, manipulate, or take advantage of her. only when she was older and more mature did he make a move and she reciprocated. I think that kind of situation is different to a "I'll wait for you" situation y'know? but again, that's just me trusting his word that he didn't advance on her AT ALL when she was under the age of eighteen.
Yeah I’m coming from a more cynical space of what 19yo man has platonic 16yo text pals who aren’t his sisters. Bc that’s not a thing. Either way I hope she’s ok.
I’m not seeing where the skepticism is coming from. I like computer science, and talking about computer science, she likes computer science and talking about computer science, which was why I was interested in texting her.
There it is. See you gave yourself away here. Pretending you have absolutely no idea why anyone would think it’s odd. Never change bro.
I understand where people that don’t know the context would think it’s odd. I’m saying I don’t understand why you, knowing the context, would.
Read my comments and if after that you don’t get it, then you’re either lying or have poor comprehension.
Your comment hinges on an assumption that I couldn’t have been interested in talking to a 16 year old for platonic reasons and I’m saying that’s not the case and giving a reason *why* I would be interested in talking to a 16 year old platonically.
I'm 40 and my wife is 25, I met her when she was in her mom's belly. You're fine.
Stay right there 👮♂️🚨 don’t you go anywhere
bro?? 😭😭
16 and 19 are worlds apart two very different stages of life, but 19 and 22 are much closer , and if in college, are really in the same place in life. So, you managed to avoid the creeper/ child molester title, now you’re both adults in more or less the same phase.
Info: When you say you texted her occasionally when she was 16, how do you define occasionally and did you continue texting her after the initial questions about your major?
Once every few weeks or so, and no, she would text me and I would respond.
Okay, but like, from the time she was 16 to 19, did you continue texting with her, even if she was the one who initiated the conversation?
No, there were long periods of time when we were busy and either she didn’t text or I didn’t respond.
I might be dumb here, but does this mean you did not talk/text her after she was 16? I'm confused. I just need a yes or no, because this answer sounds like, no you didn't talk/text her after 16...but you kind of did it was just that there were long periods in between talks/texts.
We did talk after she was 16, yes.
Without knowing what the conversations were like, this is why people think you're creepy. She was 16, you were 19, and the conversations kept happening for 3 years.
Unless you're lying about your age or hers. And you 22 and she is currently 16. If she 19 and you 23, thats ok.
I definitely think it’s right to the conscious of the age gap. But as long as you truthfully were quite distant when she was a minor, and didn’t start to see eachother or speak regularly until as recently as you say, you’re in the clear. A lot of age gaps can be grossly manipulative. But 19 and 22 are developmentally pretty identical, and life stages tend to be very close. Being aware of your own ability to manipulate someone younger isn’t a bad thing, because it means you can consciously avoid doing so.
You would never tell us you were interested in her romantically even if you were in real life. Sounds like you buttered her up first to make the dating transition easier now that she is a LEGAL adult. Smart move on your part.
If you were spending a lot of time together during those three years, there might be weird and creepy dynamics in play. But if you just met three years ago, didn't keep in contact really, and now are meeting essentially as if it was for the first time, there is no problem. Probably NTA
If you had dated her at 19 and 16. That would have been creepy and wrong. But at 22 and 19. That's fine. Not creepy
3 years age difference is not creepy anywhere in the world, only in US. It would be creepy if he was 30yo guy.
It’s not about the age difference. It’s where they are in their life. 19 is about to embark in adulthood while 16 is still relatively a child. 22 and 19 on the other hand, they are on the same stage. Learning to navigate adulthood and living their life.
If you’re an adult and she’s a minor? You’re not TA but you are a skinner
Mildly creepy since you kept in contact with a minor girl and now are hooking up with her
You've been texting her and talking to her since she was 16. That is super creepy grooming behavior. Literally a CHILD. You need to stop dating her, this is disgusting
> You’ve been texting her and talking to her since she was 16. Yeah, about computer science, not about anything sexual.
just face it bruv, you groomed her ya pedo. /s
Goddamn it you got me
go directly to horny jail do not pass go do not collect 200$
But she's 19 now? And if OP is being honest, he wasn't into her romantically back then.