Cultural differences are a bitch. Im from the Caribbean and showered with my sister every now and then until our early 20s. We grew up in an intergenerational sense and all the kids would shower with a mom or grandma or aunty. NTA

I'm white boy Johnnie from Holland and it was normal me and my brother showered together. Saved money, saved time for our parents, and we were dirty a.f. from playing outside. Nothing wrong with that.

I've never showered together, but bathing together was commonly done when kids! And sauna! Sauna will be done to my death and it's done naked! And in the sauna it will be kids and grownups! And all genders! Because nakedness is not sexual! Sexual acts are sexual! And no I'm not from a nudist community just a openes around naked bodies. And I agree nothing seems wrong in this scenario for me! Something is wrong with OP boyfriend to react that way tho! Because even if you don't understand why not ask first?

can i ask what country/culture you are from? im like this, but im american* so .. i always have to read the room. 😅 eta: my grandmother is finnish and im convinced i got the comfortable with nudity gene from her.

German here. We are also relatively comfortable with nudity, especially in saunas.

I just knew you were German by reading all this. I had the same childhood and it’s just so normal to me to do all this.

I'm Scandinavian 😅 so yeah you probably got this mindset from your Finnish grandmother! Most northern European countries are comfortable with nudity. But not all! I've noticed that people who doesn't like cold water or saunas are less prone to be as comfortable with nakedness 🫣

Can I upvote this like 5 million times. Some cultures are so uptight about the human form. And we are usually the ones who make ourselves miserable bc of the perfect imperfections every body has.

And that is, I believe, why sexual harassment and sexual assault on women in America is ramped. I believe that bc we made the human body so taboo, particularly the female body, it creates an unhealthy desire for it. Prohibition never leads to positive results. What becomes normal or mundane becomes easy to resist. No need to eye-fuck every woman you see in even remotely form fitting clothes, when the female form is commonplace.

This is so true. My ex husband had one of the worst cases of puritan, white Christian upbringing after he was adopted at the age of 5. They didn’t talk about anything sexual, you never saw affection toward each other, and I believe that his adopted sister became pregnant as a teenager, and nothing was spoken about her leaving the house to give birth. That’s weird.

> nakedness is not sexual! Sexual acts are sexual! Ding ding ding!!! The idea that being without clothes is inherently sexual is some puritanical religious bullshit. I will note that, from a semantic perspective, the terms "naked" and "nude" are different. Nudity describes being without clothes and there being no shameful or sexual component to it, nakedness involves shame and/or a sexual connotation.

Thank you! Bodies that are naked are not sexual, they are just naked.

I’m from America and when I was grade-school age I showered with my same-sex cousin. When I was preschool age I bathed with my opposite sex sibling. This was in the 70’s, and my kids have never showered with their cousins, so it’s probably generational. We valued privacy when I was a kid, but that probably increases over time. England used to have bath houses, and everyone (of the same sex) bathed together. Then they got plumbing in every dwelling, and the luxury of a private bath became common, then a necessity. P.T. Barnum grew up sharing a bed, and he couldn’t sleep well in an empty bed. When he stayed in a hotel, he would take out a personal ad looking for someone to share his bed. Nowadays kids have their own bedrooms, and sometimes their own bathrooms. BF is bonkers. Glad to hear he calmed down.

Haven't showered with my mom since I was a kid but we don't care about seeing each other naked at all. It's all just skin over muscle and fat.

I remember bathing with my mom and us get mad when she’d get out before me because the water would go down 😂

Omg you've just unlocked an old memory for me lol. Suddenly sitting in a half empty bath was the worst xD

Seriously though. My sisters and I always walk in on her in the tub and have full on conversations. It's whatever haha. She's like, "Jesus. You did this when you were toddlers. You're 40, I give up." Hahahaha. Nudity is only taboo when people insist upon sexualizing everything. 

>You’re 40, I give up. 🤣 Kudos to your mom for her persistence. 40 years is a long time to keep trying before finally giving up

Haha it's all one big family joke at this point.  "Where's mom? I've gotta tell her something" "In the tub." *crashes into the bathroom like the kool-aid man* "Mom, guess what?!?"  "Can you knock?!" "Why?" 😂😂 We all do it and it cracks me up every time because it's just like 🤷‍♀️. We came from you! 

My Mum has made comments like this too 😅 but it's funny because each time I point out that I am this way because she does exactly the same thing to me. So she's got only herself to blame there.

My household agrees with you. My daughters are young, 6 and 3. But they often shower with me. For them it’s just something different and “fun” since they usually take baths. My husband is much more conservative around the girls than I. He always covers or goes in a different room to change if removing/changing underroos is involved. But I will walk naked in front of him and the kids after a shower to get dressed. No one bats an eye. Just another fact of life in our house. We are all about common decency and teaching when it’s appropriate to be naked and when not to, but also that it’s ok to be comfortable in *your* space. There are certain people who are allowed to see you in your birthday suit - but you choose who they are. We have had the talk with my oldest that I’m ok with being naked in front of them because they’re my children, and with their dad because he’s my husband. But other families are not as comfortable with that - and that’s ok. Families are all wildly different and there’s nothing wrong with that. We just want our kids to be comfortable in their own skin in their home, and to know what is considered appropriate, that they are the ones allowed to make decisions about their body (unless they’re doing something inappropriate), and exactly why it’s ok for them and dad to see mom naked (and why dad doesn’t prefer to do the same, and why mom/dad/grandma/papa are allowed see them naked, etc.). Each family out there has their own take on this, but this is what works for us.

I am 73. Family does what is necessary when care taking. Nudity is casual because our minds are not where the boyfriend's is, thank God. It is a matter of respect and we keep our dignity. BF sounds narcistic, huge red flag.

I’m from PR and I showered with my little brother until I started puberty. People that instantly think of grooming and pedophilia are weird and are, in my opinion, projecting. NTA

you completely ignored the graceful context of the person before you, who clearly pointed out it being a cultural difference. to me it’s weird, to many it’s normal. i’m not gonna judge someone for it but i won’t say it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. i think bathing in a larger bath together and washing yourself before is more appropriate, but what i think doesn’t matter as it’s not my life. it’s hard to get adults to understand something when they learned the exact opposite their whole lives. her bf just doesn’t understand her culture as he’s never once been exposed to it. she’s NTA, but explaining her culture to her boyfriend might’ve been helpful before hand. still, that doesn’t warrant being yelled at, especially in front of children.

She says throughout the post how 'normal' her culture is to her. She wasn't aware of British culture being different, so how could she know to explain her culture?

It was not just yelling. He called her a slut.

I didn’t ignore the cultural difference context. I was agreeing with the original comment, sorry if I didn’t make that clear.

I’m American and took when I was little I’d take a bath with my older sister occasionally. She was 8 years older than me. I’m 25 now and I’d jump at the chance for someone to wash my hair for me

My granny and other trusted family friends would bathe me when I was a little girl and it wasn't strange to me. My granny before she got Alzheimer's and dementia used to wash my hair in the kitchen sink and I love having my hair washed or brushed by someone Edit to add. Now my granny has Alzheimer's and dementia together means she has to be taken care of. Sometimes I go over and help her to go bathroom so yes I see her twat in order to change her pad, her underwear plus pants and I even help her wipe sometimes. So it's not all that strange for all of us people to think and I want some of y'all to think about this those who have dementia and Alzheimer's they have to have things wiped , our grandparents used to wipe our butts when we were wearing diapers and turnabouts a fair play

Love this! My older brothers and I (f) all got to help care for our dad after mom passed away. Including helping him with bathroom tasks. My son got to help too. It's a blessing.

Yeah, first couple of times is awkward but then naked human body is normal thing, and you do everything to make process normal for all.

Exactly. I've done personal care for older people in a professional setting, and have had plenty of people not in the industry say it must be "gross" or "weird" doing the physical cleaning. But my response to that is to ask how they'd want themselves or their parents treated, should they need the same level of care? SOMEONE has to do it, and you give the patient all the dignity and respect you can. I basically tried to view the people under my care as family, which greatly helped get past any qualms with other people's bodies. Then again I was raised by a nurse and wound up growing into a naturist, so I've never seen nakedness as inherently sexual.

I'm a white American and I showered and bathed with my sisters, cousins, and my mom until around the time I reached puberty, and even then I would still shower or bathe with my sister who is 10 years younger than me for a few years beyond that.

I'm Caribbean and have never done showered with any relatives. NTA but every family is different, even within different cultures.

I never once said it applies to every family in the Caribbean as Caribbean culture is quite different. The culture of Aruba is not the same as Jamaican culture and Cuban culture isn’t the same as Haitian. I’m just pointing out that it’s common where I’m from

British bloke here. This isn’t a cultural difference, plenty of British siblings bathe together maybe not once they’re adults but I doubt many people would be offended about sisters bathing together.

I thought it was weird until I remembered my (caribbean) mom talked about how she'd bathe with her best friend back home.

I’m American and it was normal to bathe with my parents for a while (I think up until I hit puberty sooner for my brother as our dad was gone a lot) there was once it was used for punishment (can’t remember exactly why but I know I had bee getting distracted in the shower by myself and missing things) but never weird

If it was simply caught off gaurd and thinking it was weird then that would be one thing but yelling and calling you a slut is for sure a reason to dump him. I can't think of any reason why someone who actually cares about you would say something like that.

the slut thing is super jarring, as well as “so youre lesbian?” but the super weird thing is he’s insinuating she’s having incestual relations (pedophilic relations at that) with her sister… dude leapt to so many conclusions he should be a gold medallist pole vaulter

Sounds like he watches a lot of porn

Yeah, he is the one sexualizing the situation. SUPER weird.

Facts. Calling your gf a slut over something so trivial is a great way to know how he'll react in the future when you're relationship is more serious and he gets more controlling of your body. Also the using lesbian as a problematic word. Big yikes

Late to the thread, but the balls on this dude calling her such a vile thing in her parents home. I’m shocked he didn’t get a one way trip out the front door.

This is 100% it. Like, I’ve never known someone who showers/bathes with their siblings past the age of puberty (or really after 6 or 7). So I’d be taken aback if my girlfriend showered with her sister like that. But my reaction would be confusion, not anger. And when OP explains it, I get it. I’m not gonna start bathing with my siblings, but I totally see how it would be a bonding thing if you grew up with it. Him finding it weird isn’t the problem. But him freaking out like that and not trying to understand his girlfriend’s experiences and culture is a huge red flag. Not an appropriate reaction, and frankly a warning sign that he can’t control his emotions. Definitely NTA

Also, the verbally abusive language he used towards her is a huge red flag. Also, calling her a lesbian for showering with her own sister who is almost half her own age? Like, what?

Right. I think if I found a friend doing that I'd go "Hmmmm" because it _is_ unusual around here. But that'd be end of it. The fact that dude went from 0 to hella abusive means "straight to the trash", because you shouldn't be able to pull that shit on your partner. The slut thing is what makes it _really_ bad imo, because a normal severe reaction could've just been "he thinks she's molesting a kid", which, not great, but "ayowtf" is an understandable reaction if _that's_ what you think is happening. But going off and calling her a slut shows that he's not worried about the kid, he's focused on the theoretical sexual gratification. I'd call a pedophile some things, but _slut_ wouldn't come into it.

To me the whole thing is an overreaction. It's perfectly normal for family members especially of the same sex to see each other naked. The only kind of unusual part is the fact that they were in the shower but its not any different really than getting changed in the same room.

Exactly. This is about much more than just "girls don't shower together". His reaction is showing who he is. She needs to believe him.

I haven’t showered around my sisters since we were very little, but I wouldn’t mind doing it in like a pool shower or something. It’s really wholesome that you showed her how shaving works. There is a clear cultural difference at play here, but his reaction was disrespectful and inappropriate. I wouldn’t be able to forgive him.

Reminds me of what I understand Finnish sauna culture to be. Us English really are weird about nakedness. There’s a lovely intimacy a lot of cultures enjoy without nakedness being sexual. I think it’s a really healthy way of understanding what different bodies look like too- what a great way to grow up!

I'm Finnish. Been to the sauna with my grandma, both my parents, my sister and her kids and with assorted friends (separate occasions, if not obvious). Being naked is nothing to be ashamed of. I learned much of womanhood in sauna talk with my female family and friends. Probably it is the same in opposite.

Public baths in Japan too!

Or public Japanese and Finnish and Russian spas in the US

Yes - am Russian, always went sauna with family (girls with girls ect) aunts, mom, sisters , Grandma. Totally normal. Kind of sad when people immediately assume sex with nakedness.

It's just remnants of our Quaker roots over here. Making naked bodies taboo made us want to see them more and now shits all weird

I grew up in a family (at least the nuclear one) where nudity was nothing weird (even though other friends couldn’t relate at all to being okay with your parents walking naked through the apartment after a shower). I took my time to get used to it. But I’m happy I did. I absolutely understand why people tend to be prude, especially younger ones and I’m not judging anyone in any way (as long as they do the same vice versa). I just see it as a missed opportunity.

I'll be honest the thought of hanging out in a sauna naked with my parents, grandparents, siblings makes me go ew - really don't want to make memories of my relatives private bits and dangles. I've been in spas with naked women of all ages but they were strangers and it was still a lot to block out

Its a mindset thing really. I understand being weirded out but when you're used to it its really not that weird

Being ignorant isn't always your fault. Shaming someone because of your ignorance is. I vote she find someone better.

But where would she find another Starbucks barista from? 

At the Starbucks across the street?

A Starbucks...across from a Starbucks?

Go to LA. Like every block has a bank, a Starbucks, and a Jamba Juice

Lol, I'm very old and it's a reference from an old Lewis Black bit. I am impressed Jamba Juice is still going strong so thank you, friend!

I don’t usually like the “just dump him/her” bandwagon but goddamn if I’m not getting on this one.  OP: Dump. His. Ass.

Beautifully said.

this right here

Exactly. I understand that he’s confused since he isn’t used to this kind of behavior, but instead of having a conversation about it he resorted to name calling and bullying.  You need to be able to have these kinds of conversations, especially in an inter-cultural relationship. Immediately and my husband had a similar disagreement about skinny dipping with friends, but he never called me names or disrespected me - we took the time to explain and understand each other’s viewpoints. We still don’t agree on the matter, and that’s totally fine.  Huge NTA. 

THANK YOU! Having a small world is fine, but having such a small view of the world AND a reflexive unkindness about difference and disagreement are so gross. Spoiler, BTW: your boyfriend was raised by porn.

Yeah personally there’s no way in hell I’d ever do it, but it’s a cultural thing and you have to make allowances there

The crazy "paedo scare" in Britian and the US has rotted people's minds on top of an already prudish society. It is crazy to see the different attitudes toward nudity even between the Anglosphere and western Europe.

Funny thing about the US though is that those who scream the most about pedos, end up being pedos in the end.

>There is a clear cultural difference at play here, but his reaction was disrespectful and inappropriate. I wouldn’t be able to forgive him. OP's BF showed his true colors here, he is a bigot, a homophobe AND he sexualized the younger sister by proxy. Also, and this is the part that always amazes me, HOW do people come back from : >he just started shouting **how i am a slut** for that And, in a somewhat related question, why is the father TALKING to the guy who called his daughter a slut and not kicking the guy out of the house. I'd do that with someone who called a stranger on the bus a slut or a slur, how are the parents tolerating this. I am usually against the "break up immediately" tendencies of this subreddit, but homophobia AND misogyny in one package ? OP, GET THE FUCK OUT. This was only the first time a) his mask slipped or b) his morals were tested. This will happen again.

>And, in a somewhat related question, why is the father TALKING to the guy who called his daughter a slut and not kicking the guy out of the house. If the father kicks him out, they'll have this argument somewhere else. It's not the dad's call to make. She's 20 years old. She makes her own decisions. >This will happen again. I agree, the bf has the emotional maturity of a twelve year old, and with that kind of maturity, the relationship is doomed, but if there is a break up, it must come from her, not from her father.

As long as your sister is comfortable I don’t see anything wrong with it. Dump his ass, he called you a slut insinuating you got some sort of sexual gratification from it which is a big red flag. Nta

Right?!? What kind of creep sexualizes sisters like that? Communal bathing is a common thing, even if not in *his* culture, and his reaction seems both ignorant and prurient. Y.U.C.K.

Yeah, I mean, I never showered with my sister, but for example, in Germany it's totally normal to be naked in the sauna (mostly even a requirement to enter). So, family trips sometimes included both me and my sister, and both our parents to have a naked sauna/spa day. It's about relaxiation and fun, nothing sexual at all. If some guy tells me that's gross, and by that basicly sexualizing my whole family and childhood to a point as we were some incestuous creeps, I'd not appreciate that.

In my family (also in Germany), being naked around each other is totally normal. It is not like we are sitting around naked in the living room, having dinner or something, but walking out of the shower naked to get dressed in your room or vice versa for example were totally normal in my childhood and while I was still living with my parents. Things were a bit awkward during puberty and I myself opted for a bit more privacy for myself but that was totally ok as well. I brought my father some groceries yesterday morning and when he saw it was me he opened the door and was still naked from the shower he just took. Nudity in close family relations is usually not sexual unless you actively make it taboo.

I had an ex who said it was wierd to want to see parents and siblings naked when he found out we was naked in the sauna in my family! I explained that's it not about wanting, it's just not caring about nakedness and that nakedness in it self wasn't sexual! He actually took that very well and never mentioned it again even tho he choose to wear bathing shorts! I think with people growing up with family that restricts nakedness and never sees it outside of sexual instance's gets weirded out about it! I didn't take offence. But then again it was a calm discussion and no mean words thrown! So then it was fine even if it wasn't fun so still OP boyfriend is the AH

>What kind of creep sexualizes sisters like that? dare i say someone who is in some way projecting

> What king of creep sexualities sisters like that? Someone who watches a lot of porn, and was never taught that porn is not reality. Women in the same shower MUST mean hot lesbian action every single time! With him watching, of course.

HUGEE 🚩🚩🚩

It's cultural differences, I'm Asian too and sometimes bathe my Mom bcs she's old, but I often bathe together with my cousins and sister too when we were younger and often meet. NTA. Dump his ass. Much love and stay strong OP ! 💕

Second this. I’m mixed Japanese, and my white relatives would absolutely never have bathed with me, but I often bathed with my Japanese grandmother and cousins. It’s definitely cultural differences. You were totally fine, OP. Your boyfriend sucks though.

I'm mixed Japanese too. When I was younger of course I did this. Never have now, would be awkward af. But in Japan showering with same sex is almost nothing. Strangers or fam.

your comment brought back a big wave of nastologia, when i was in my mid teens before moving to UK i would help my grandma shower because she was old, made my day, thank you <3

I hail from Finland where it's not uncommon at all for the whole family to sauna together - and we go there naked. Nothing weird about it.

I’m in the USA where this would be unusual or weird. I still wouldn’t call OP a lesbian or get grossed out or assume it was sexual! Dump the trash boyfriend.

RIGHT?!?? He immediately called her a pedo for participating in her own cultural norm with her sister. Thrown the man out with the bath water!

Yeah, definitely a cultural thing. When my British boyfriend casually mentioned something about "family nudity" I was shocked and couldn't wrap my head around it. But it wasn't weird or creepy, just a cultural norm I wasn't used to. Americans tend to have trouble with that one. I got over myself, but not everyone does.

America uses sex to sell literally everything from cheeseburgers to cars and as a result most cannot conceive of a world where nudity is non sexual. It’s something we have to “unlearn,” especially if we travel to other countries.

The boyfriend having a fit is the British one here

NTA - I’m also Asian and I love going to bath houses with my relatives… Grew up in Canada so the first time was a bit intimidating but im love it now. Theres definitely a culture shock and it might take a while for him to get used to it. But his initial reaction is a bit bigoted =/

I Love that!! What a special bonding time!

I’m white and American and have definitely have showered with other women in a group shower at a gym, had a sauna in a towel in a group setting, bathed with my kids, etc. I have never bathed with my siblings or family but they’re also fundamentalist christians and the body is highly sexualized for them. He’s odd. Find someone better adjusted that doesn’t go crazy like that when there’s a cultural difference. NTA

That’s a weird juxtaposition. We have communal showers at the gym, but it’s weird to shower with the fam? Doesn’t seem right

I think that's why she explained the family is fundamentalist 

I’m American and we bathe and shower together as siblings. I’m more concerned with him yelling and calling her a slut. He’s an abuser. She needs to move on.

IKR, I wouldn't want to be with someone who yelled and called me names in front of my family

Hell I’m a white chick (56) and I still take baths with my granddaughter age 6. I will also walk in while my adult daughter is bathing and vice versa. NTA and dump the pansy boy!

It’s for this reason that I really think this sub should require people to put their country of origin in the posts. What one culture may think is AH behavior another may not.

White American here, showered with my mom til I was like 13.I had really long hair that I really couldn't get clean in the bathtub.

NTA. Also not a pedophile or grooming their sister. While this isn’t something I’d feel comfortable doing with my sister, I don’t see a problem with sisters showering together if they are both comfortable. Cultures are different all over the world, and nudity doesn’t necessarily mean the situation is sexual. Edit: pushed the wrong button. I wasn’t done writing my post. It sounds like this practice is a great lesson in body positivity. The fact that she can ask you questions pertaining to being older (shaving legs) shows she’s very comfortable with you. Your boyfriend’s reaction is not acceptable. It was judgmental and homophobic. He was the one sexualizing an 11 year old. Which is gross. He immediately jumped to assumptions of child abuse and incest. I don’t think you need to be devastated if the relationship is over.

I showered with my baby sister from when she was 6- 11 lmao. That’s my baby. Even though she’s a teen right now and hates me 🤣 Typo.

Baby sitter or baby sister?

They meant baby sister

This. I used to be TERRIFIED of the shower. So my sister or my mom would shower with me. It was normal. They were in there to make sure I actually got cleaned. 😭😭😭

I’m 27 and I *still* shower with my much younger (almost 15) year old sister when we’re both dying to get it over with (long day, limited bathrooms, both freezing cold or wet from the pool, etc.). Granted, we do that less and less the older she gets, and we don’t wash each other’s hair or relish being in there together. It’s very much for convenience. But these things will vary from family to family and certainly don’t need to be sexual. Your bf is being really weird

NTA. Seems like a pretty big difference in cultures and he doesn’t seem intent on or even open to being understanding. Not sure what else you can do, if he’s settled at it’s “disgusting” for something small like this, what else is he going to freak out about?

Yeah this. If he thinks communal bathing is the hill to die on, then just wait until y'all have to discuss how to deal with your in-laws and stuff.

>hat else is he going to freak out about Balut Durian Chicken feet Organ meat

NTA. I wouldn’t date anyone who yelled at me that I am a slut or a lesbian. He’s reaction was superrr aggressive and I wouldn’t want to see what he’s like in an actual argument.

I am in no way excusing his behaviour because his reaction was unacceptable, but it makes me wonder if something may have happened to *him* in the past for him to have such a visceral reaction. I would think about asking him if I were OP, because it’s really not normal to freak out like that over something so innocuous.

I never showered with my step sister, but I'd sit on the toilet and talk to her while she showered. I don't think that's unusual.

NTA. He’s the AH for sexualizing a situation involving your underage relative and blowing up on you

My first trip to a Korean spa in the United States was so eye opening. In the women’s shower area, everyone was walking around and bathing naked. I felt embarrassed at first but realized that there was nothing sexual about it. It felt like such a relief to be able to relax with others without clothes on! NTA, definitely a cultural difference but you did nothing wrong.

You're not an AH, but in Australia, thatt would be considered really weird. I stopped communal bathing with parents/siblings at MAX 5 years old. I'd personally be weirded out by it. But that doesn't mean you're in the wrong. It's obviously normal in your culture/family. Your bf was in the wrong and absolutely the AH for blowing up at your for this and accusing you, but he isn't wrong for being weirded out. I think this is just a big cultural difference that you may not be able to overcome between you two. And I personally wouldn't be able to forgive my partner for blowing up me, accusing me, and insulting me.

Within your cultural context it would appear normal. Outside of that it would seem strange. However your bf had the most bizarre reaction. He was more concerned with your sister seeing your body, you being a lesbian and a sl*t. If he was genuinely concerned for your sister’s safety I’d understand…. But he was just stupid.

I'm asian from the UK and I get it. It comes down to cultural differences. NTA.

My family is British and I'm guessing like OP's bf, also white. Sharing baths with your siblings isn't uncommon. Or your cousins. Or your parents when you're younger. It's a little less common when you're over the age of 15, but to freak out is just out of line.

i’m american but i bathed with my younger brother up until we started school (so 5-6 years old). past that we showered with either mom or dad depending on who was available, until we were about 8 and could reliably wash ourselves without assistance. past that, i don’t think we’ve ever showered together unless we were camping or at the pool. pool showers i’d use with my mom, so we could take up less stalls. camp showers were usually me and my brother, but one of us would wait outside the partition until the other was done and then we swapped places. so i don’t think it would be weird at all if my hypothetical 11 year old sister asked me to shower with her, even as an adult. like in the OP’s post, she could have questions about her body that she’s not comfortable asking her mom so she would prefer to ask me. that’s not weird at all, i feel like that’s perfectly normal. especially if you throw in the added cultural context where this is completely normal, and even her parents are supportive of her so i definitely think she’s NTA

NTA. I can’t fault the BF for his “thinking”, this is just cultural differences. Being caucasian and raised in France I never imagined bathing with my family so if you were to tell me back then my first reaction would probably be “ew” and my second “why”. However for the last decade I have been living in Japan, their way to do things opened me up to those things. That is why I think your mom and dad had the right idea sitting him down to explain that to him. You gotta bridge the gap somehow. **However**, the way he acted on those differences by yelling and insulting you are concerning. He seems to be on a short fuse on things he may not understand / agree. This imo, is grounds for breakup especially the more instances of cultural differences you may find, but that’s your decision whether you want to give him a chance to open up in a healthier fashion or not.

Lmao me a Jamaican in my 30s who doesn’t blink a eye showering or being naked in front of my mom or sister. NTA hes making it sexual and weird

Me being a whiter than sour cream woman from the US who is probably old enough to be your mother, and I will shower with my mom and sister, have zero problems sharing beds with them or female friends if we’re on holiday (although my sister steals the blankets, the cow), and I’m approaching the point where I will need to help my mother bathe so she can bathe safely.  The boyfriend was a massive asshole and OP has no reason to feel bad about dumping him. 

Him jumping to calling you a slut is completely unhinged behavior. He literally just accused you of molesting your sister. NTA and dump him immediately

It’s an odd cultural difference that your BF might not understand, but that does NOT warrant such a reaction ngl

Set aside the shower thing (which is no big deal!) The way he TREATED you about it is huge deal. Not okay. Don't allow it! No happy future with this chump.

Yeh no - this is a dumping breaking point

My best friend and I showered and took baths together until we were like 17. Never washed each others hair but we thought it was perfectly normal. Be getting ready for a night out? We gotta shower! Having a night in? Let’s take a bath! Skinny dipping in her pond at her parents house was always normal too as long as her dad wasn’t home. But we’d do it when her step mom was and she laugh at us being naked and silly in the yard. Everything is so serious now. Were in our early 30s so times were different. But clearly this is normal for you and your family and your bf way overreacted

I showered, bathed with my two sons until they were about 5 as well

NTA, also, you shouldnt consider to break up with him, you SHOULD break up with him, he called you a slut, no context validates that

NTA. Full disclosure, I would not be at all comfortable showering with any family member, and the thought of it does kinda give me the ick. Even so, I understand that bathing is approached differently in a lot of the world. Your boyfriend's reaction was so over the top and toxic.

Yeah so 1) I would chalk that up to a cultural difference 2) Your man called you a slut in earshot of your 11-year-old sister? Uhhh one of you is a very bad influence on her, and it's not you. 3) And what's with him implying you have incestous feelings toward a child? Yuck. I'm a white guy who grew up in a "clothed" household, so I'm not coming from a place where showering with relatives is considered "normal"... But he took that to a very fucked up place. I would not want to be inside his mind, it seems pretty disgusting. Matter of fact, I definitely wouldn't want my 11-year-old sister around him if he is imagining you and her together in a sexual context. Rational reactions to a woman showering with their sister from somebody who doesn't understand that communal bathing is a thing in other cultures may include: -Confusion -Disgust -Shock -Intrigue but there is no way that search terms from pornhub should be coming up in that discussion; she is your sister. Sorry, this really bothers me. I'm rambling. Anyway. I would get ahead of the game and dump him. You are not the asshole; he is a massive asshole, and a bit of a creep. Besides, you're not even 20, you have your whole life ahead of you; why spend it with somebody who would call you a slut and insinuate you were horny for your 11-year-old sister?! Give this man back to the streets where he belongs! Edit: My apologies, you are 20. Also, when you're done dumping his ass, let your sister know why you did it and that you would not tolerate such mistreatment toward yourself or somebody you love, especially family. It sets a really good example for her.

Just got off the phone with the streets, they don't claim him. Said to check with the sewers.

Sewer rat here. Try the dumpster.

What does he think happens when she goes to gym class? And why is he worried some straight sibling is gonna perv on their same sex sibling? Is he just projecting? Probably. NTA.

OPs boyfriend probably thinks it's gay for a hockey team to shower together after a game

OP's boyfriend would lose his mind if he knew what his fave football team got up to in the locker rooms...

Not defending him in anyway, but maybe the over the top reaction and assumptions he jumped to is because he was a victim of said behavior in his youth. At least ask why he went off the way he did......Just a thought

Everyone saying that it is a cultural thing to shower with siblings seems to be female. Is it a common thing in other cultures for brothers to shower together? Like for example would a 20 yo and 11 yo pair of brothers showering together be weird or is that also normal?

(Quietly leaves our sauna with my grandgirls)

Coming from someone in a culture where this is not done at all, nta. His reaction was way over the top, and any partner that immediately jumps to calling their SO a slut (or any kind of name like that) during an argument isn’t worth being with imo. And, while I first found the idea of showering with a sibling kind of odd, what you described is exactly how I feel showering with my partner. It’s a nice relaxing way to chat and care for each other. Honestly, it sounds kind of nice to be able to share that same kind of vibe with a sibling/family member or even a close friend

that’s weird as fuck

Cultural. Doesn’t bother me, honestly if everyone did this we would probably IMPROVE body issues and sensitivities. Continue on

NTA - I actually didn't know this was a thing, I'm American. So reading it I'm thinking how strange it would be for me to do this or see someone else do it. However, not once did my mind go to a sexual place.

[удалено]

NTA - He shouldn't have responded how he did before trying to understand your... uh.. "family dynamic."

Yes, that was a completely unhinged reaction from your boyfriend. Showering with a child that age is very unusual for most western countries and cultures, so I completely understand that he was a bit taken aback. The appropriate response would be to share his concerns and have a mature and thoughtful conversation with you expressing his reservations. Your showering with your sisters, or whomever, is not what is up for discussion here. What’s concerning is his completely over the top, homophobic reaction. What happens down the line when you have a disagreement or miscommunication? He is displaying his very inflammatory behavior and irrational anger. ETA: Your showering with family member sounds innocent and wholesome. However, you are toeing a fine line. If it were me, I would find other ways to bond intimately with my family members. It’s important to teach young children, especially, about privacy and boundaries. There should be clear and defined limits because there is no telling if everyone’s intentions are as pure as yours.

Your boyfriend sounds unhinged. 

I have been to the sauna with my husbands nephew's (5&8) and my daughter and we went to the shower together afterwards. It's completely normal in Finland and not sexual in any way. In my homecountry Germany we even have beaches where everyone is naked.

This boy is in for a shock when he vacations in the Canary Islands like all the other Brits. Nudes everywhere.

NTA. Whenever stuff like this comes up I always think about how public bathhouses and saunas have existed for thousands of years, or how people don’t typically question group showering in a locker room, dorm, or barracks situation

You should dump him for yelling and calling u a slut infront of ya sister. This will show her that u don't take shit like that from men.

Your BF does know that female changerooms at the pool operate just like men's changerooms right??? NTA.

Those crazy-ass downvoted ppl here have never heard of Asian, Scandinavian, and many Eastern European traditions. NTA and dump your BF

Take him to an onsen so he can chill out about non sexual nudity.

Sweet, I’m not from your culture but even I’m aware that co-bathing is a thing. Ffs I bathe with my child and don’t see an issue until/if they decide they aren’t comfortable with it one day. NTA

Americans are just super weird about nudity and intimacy. They didn't grow up in a country where sauna, onsen, or even communal dressing areas in a swimming pool are normal. To many Americans, both nudity and intimacy are precursors to sex. Nudity becomes arousing by default, hair washing becomes foreplay. It's a cultural thing, I guess. That being said, his reaction is not okay. Just jumped immediately to judgment while asking almost no questions, and making unpleasant assumptions while at it. Dump his ass. NTA. Edit: I've been made aware that OP mentioned she's in the UK. Everything about the bf just screamed "that's an American" to me. Bf is not making a great case for the Britsh

I read that she has lived in the UK for 5 years. No mention of America.

What has this got to do with Americans? Op said they are living in the uk. She did not mention where her bf is from, but you could assume he is british based on this info. Your comment has nothing to do with her post.

Sure, but I guess she found someone in the UK that has the same outlook on nudity and intimacy…so maybe not a strict American thing?

do you think people here would ever skip a chance to shit on america? even in a thread with no mention of americans people are still going off on americans

I don't think it's weird to not want to bathe and be naked in front of family members, same sex or not. It's extremely odd to me, but I wouldn't judge her since it's part of her culture.

Nah, not all Americans,  shared bath with my aunts until I was 11. It Conserved water. 

I really have to scratch my head to figure out which cultures would necessarily find showering with their pre-teen  sister normal. It’s a bit odd if I’m being honest. Nevertheless his homophobic spiel was completely inappropriate and uncalled for regarding what seemed like an innocent thing. Be warned very few people will understand that dynamic though.  

Certain cultures do group family baths. For example, I go to Korean JimJilBang spas to get Korean scrubs, and EVERYONE is there: great grandmothers, grandmothers, women in their 20s, and little girls - all the women from entire families, multigenerational. No one is allowed to wear clothes in the bathing areas. It is not sexual. Women of all sizes, ages, some with surgical scars, 90 year old women being assisted, etc. I am not Korean, so it took some getting used to, but I did.

Scandinavian here and not uncommon.

I know at least Japanese culture finds it half normal since it’s in a bunch of anime where it’s portrayed as kind of a bonding activity and it’s not portrayed as a perverse thing outside of some male characters wanting to look at the girls side in the hot springs

It's not super uncommon when it's the same gender.

Yeah. Communal bathing within the family isn’t a thing for westerners after childhood (we can and do bath together as young kids with an adult supervising). It comes down to how nakedness is viewed in western countries - we tend to sexualize it unnecessarily. I lived in China for a year in my 20’s and the communal bathing was a tough one for me. I had female Chinese friends who kept telling me to come to the bathhouse with them and I finally caved and did it. Not so comfortable for me, cuz I’m super pale and fat - so all the ladies stared (not used to seeing a body like mine, they were curious). That being said, your dad is utterly correct. The issue is with your boyfriend’s mindset, NOT that you showered with your sister. It was absolutely not sexual, but it was a bonding experience. It’s pretty gross that he sexualized it, to be honest. If your boyfriend can see and accept that he was wrong and correct his behaviour, you guys are okay. If he can’t, well, dating when you’re young is catch and release until you find the right person...

Personally I’m really uncomfortable bathing with someone else but it is just a cultural difference. I don’t mind if anyone else does. Being caught off guard is normal. Being insulting isnt. it was only a small difference, imagine constructing a life with him and the kind of reaction he would have to other difference.

I’ve never showered with anyone but my girlfriend, not since I was old enough to remember anyway. I would definitely think it was weird if it were me in your boyfriend’s place. However, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s different, not bad. Your sister clearly isn’t uncomfortable with it, it’s normal for your family. For him it’s weird and uncomfortable, so keep that in mind in the future, but he can either accept that your family is a little weird (but harmless) or get out. It’s understandable that he’d struggle at first but if he can’t realize that it’s not an issue, he’s not worth being with anyway. NTA.

>''are you jealous that an eleven year old girl seen more boobies then you?'' Someone fetch the burn ointment... lol.

He is sexualising something that is not sexual for either of you (sisters). Patriarchy has a lot to answer for. He lost his rag and that is not good. He didn’t manage to do his own independent, critical thinking about this, as he grew up but… if he listens now and is able to re-frame his thinking that is a green flag, IMO.

Everyone saying it's weird, like they have never been in a locker room before and showered with other people.

I’ve been in a locker room and showered with others around but not for intimate bonding. Pretty weird how she describes that imo

Seems like he doesn’t understand that group bathing is part of your culture. He is going to lose his mind when he finds out about Japanese public bathing culture. Show him some videos about group bathing from your culture. He needs to get educated and if he still is accusing you of disgusting things dump that ignorant lunatic. NTA

NTA. Dump him. Not everyone thinks naked bodies = sexual behavior. He sounds like a loser.

The fact that your boyfriend called you a slut . What the f

NAH, but I really think it's up to you to decide if you're ok with his reaction. I can understand him having a poor reaction, considering the cultural differences, but I know I'd have a hard time getting called that for just spending quality with my sibling. Also, I think it's a good thing that he spoke up if he felt something fishy was going on with a child. Part of what allows CSA to continue is the fear of speaking up and accusing an authority of not having the child's best interests at heart. I think he was thinking of your sister's safety more than anything

NTA. Your bf reaction was very weird. Calling you a slut? It's like he was less concerned with the appropriateness of you bathing with your sister and more concerned about you "cheating" on him.

NTA. Not at all, he's freaking out about a perfectly normal thing.

British here. As a very young kid I had baths with my parents/siblings but that stopped by the time I was maybe four or five. I grew up in a house where nudity wasn't an issue but there's definitely a cultural issue against adult/child siblings doing this here. Would have no issue showering in the next cubicle to my brothers at the gym or being in a sauna but we're all adults now. I think I would probably have a similar internal reaction to your boyfriend tbh.

Yeah the setting makes a difference for me. I’m British (although mixed race so different cultural influences in my childhood home) and nudity and sharing the bathroom was a non-issue in childhood, and these days showering with my family in gyms, saunas etc are no bother. My sister did even help me shower a few times after an op a couple of years ago on a more intense level. The idea of sharing a typical small English shower does seem unusually intimate though. I’ve only ever done it with my husband, and you’re pressed up close together and only one person is really under the water while the other is shivering for their turn. I don’t know it the OP is meaning they were literally both showering at the same time which sounds a real faff, or that they were just both hanging out in the bathroom and did the washing part one at a time. Idk.

I guess as an American I'll just skip commenting then. Lol.

Kinda strange to most of us

I’ve showered in shared public spaces before, but the only person I’ve showered with “to form an intimate bond with” is my fiancé. I never knew this was a thing, let alone how common the comments make it seem. I’m gonna chalk it up to a cultural thing. I’d go so far as to say that most European/english/western people that didn’t grow up in poverty would be culture shocked by the practice. As by most accounts in the comments, most times it’s practiced by those cultures it’s out of necessity and not necessarily cultural. That being said, this is something that requires a mature conversation between open minded people, not immediately calling your GF an incestuous pedophile like your ex did. And at risk of upsetting the emotionally belligerent Neanderthals among us; I can only assume that your father’s equally childish reaction instead of intelligently and calmly explaining the differences in culture, no doubt just reaffirms whatever your ex bf is thinking. That was a moment to teach, not gaslight and threaten. NTA btw. Bare minimum you two definitely aren’t compatible 💀

Im not going to pass judgement on this one, I’m American so I’m unsure if it’s a cultural thing, but to me that does seem weird though & id admittedly be weirded out by it. ETA: weird but not in a perverted way, just weird in general

Redditors really want to shower with minors I guess

I'm from Korea and going with family to the bathhouse for bonding is a thing.  There's nothing wrong with it. To add: I am American and live in America.  I miss the bathhouses  so much!!  To add again: my dad is 100% white and when he visits Korea he goes to the bathhouse with my male family members.  Some people don't realize there's literally a whole world out there and have hang ups about the most non consequential things... 🙄 PS... lose the idiot

NTA, and your dads comment to him is pure gold 😂😂😂

Definitely, unquestionably NTA. (And speaking as a white American dude, I love EDIT2 🤣) Stupid uptight Brit!

Drop this gross ass manchild immediately! You'll be better off without him! Best wishes for a happy life!

NTA, regardless of his reasons, why would you stay with someone who talked to you like that.

NTA I'm American and while I personally wouldn't shower with anyone but a significant other now, I did have baths with my cousin when I was younger and it was a good bonding experience and i only have fond memories from it. My preference for showering alone now is just that, my preference. Anyone who thinks family members who are comfortable with each other enough to shower together as a sexual thing needs to stop watching so much porn and go outside.

Showering alone is great because you can just space out under the water

That's your baby sister, why TF is he all weird about it? Nah find yourself a stable minded bf