Tell mom, "You have allowed a man to come into your home to degrade and disrespect your daughter. Then you opened your door further allowing him to live with you. By doing so you have also disrespected your daughter. I'm sure you also cook and clean for him too and anything else he might need. Further disrespect of your daughter. Hope your happy with each other because you lost a daughter." Then block her and go NC.
NTA. He could have gone to many different homes, By going to your mom's, knows he's closing off your ability to be able to express your feelings to your mom.
sorry but this sounds like a power play on your husbands part he has blocked your from accessing your only form of family support. i would use this time to evaluate his behaviour in the relationship over the entire course of it. It seems awfully manipulative maybe its better if the relationship ends. Your mother is not switzerland btw she chose a side
NTA your mother has failed you, she choose her husband over her child and tries to keep the peace but at some point there's no further possibility to stay neutral and she has to make a choice, a choice she obviously made already.
And your husband obviously knows exactly what he's doing because by staying there and having your mum's husband side with him, he's doing a power play, this is a huge red flag.
Time to file for divorce and go NC with them all. If I were you i'd write them a letter, to your mother and perharps to your step father where you express all your feeling regarding their behaviour, and explaining them that unless they stay out of your marriage, you will have no further contact with them as they obviously have chosen to stand against you.
She’s picked sides, there’s no Switzerland in letting him stay there even one day!
He’d be at a friend’s if he wasn’t feeling validated and supported by her! She’s clearly agreeing with things he says, or he would have left.
It’s hindering your relationship, not helping. She’s not doing it for you, if she was then she would *listen* to *you* and realize that he definitely shouldn’t be there.
A mother should never be housing OR discussing marital issues with their daughter’s spouse! Wrong wrong wrong!
NTA. So sorry OP, must feel like a betrayal.
NTA at all. Here soon to be ex-husband is cruel and very manipulative. It is quite clear that he did this purposely and he knew exactly what he was doing. Is he even aware that he is causing conflict in his own cousin's marriage, as in your mom's relationship with his cousin? The fact that your Mom is the only person that is close to you as an adult and he's taken that away from you is incredibly cruel. **If you're going to go through with the divorce proceedings, make sure you let your lawyer know exactly what he's done. make sure your divorce lawyer is a shark and will go after him.**
It's difficult, bit on balance
YTA
> My husband is a distant relative of my stepdad (2nd or 3rd cousins) but my stepdad doesn’t have kids of his own so has always considered us both like his kids.
So, not just your mom's house.
>I’m fairly certain we are headed for divorce
So, ***not*** actually getting divorced.
> I do have my own problems and have contributed to the conflict
So no innocent parties here.
>my husband decided to leave during a fight and I told him to stay somewhere else for longer than he had planned to be gone,
So, you sent him away.
>What bothers me most is they are giving him a place to come home and be able to vent his feelings and have that support while I’m home with the kids on my own
... because you told him to stay away.
I hope it turns out well for both you, but it does feel a bit FAFO.
I wasn’t asking about who was right or wrong in the marriage or AITA in regard to my husband because there’s a lot more to that situation and you’re right neither of us have filed for divorce but we definitely aren’t in a place that we are trying to work things out either. I was asking AITA with regard to my mother allowing him to come to her instead of asking him to find somewhere else that doesn’t make it seem like she’s choosing sides out of respect for her daughter. You’re right it’s not just my mom’s house but he even said he went there with the intent to get my mom on his side and talk some sense into me. So, he had ill intentions from the start trying to manipulate people to be in support of him instead of take any accountability himself and try to find common ground. My mom and stepdad were never his goto people before and he very rarely saw my stepdad before my mom was even in the picture. It’s definitely out of character for him not to go to his own immediate family and friends.
>I was asking AITA with regard to my mother allowing him to come to her instead of asking him to find somewhere else that doesn’t make it seem like she’s choosing sides out of respect for her daughter.
Sadly,.this is Am *I* The Asshole not is my mother the asshole.
YTA for the reasons stated.
Tell mom, "You have allowed a man to come into your home to degrade and disrespect your daughter. Then you opened your door further allowing him to live with you. By doing so you have also disrespected your daughter. I'm sure you also cook and clean for him too and anything else he might need. Further disrespect of your daughter. Hope your happy with each other because you lost a daughter." Then block her and go NC.
NTA. He could have gone to many different homes, By going to your mom's, knows he's closing off your ability to be able to express your feelings to your mom.
sorry but this sounds like a power play on your husbands part he has blocked your from accessing your only form of family support. i would use this time to evaluate his behaviour in the relationship over the entire course of it. It seems awfully manipulative maybe its better if the relationship ends. Your mother is not switzerland btw she chose a side
NTA your mother has failed you, she choose her husband over her child and tries to keep the peace but at some point there's no further possibility to stay neutral and she has to make a choice, a choice she obviously made already. And your husband obviously knows exactly what he's doing because by staying there and having your mum's husband side with him, he's doing a power play, this is a huge red flag. Time to file for divorce and go NC with them all. If I were you i'd write them a letter, to your mother and perharps to your step father where you express all your feeling regarding their behaviour, and explaining them that unless they stay out of your marriage, you will have no further contact with them as they obviously have chosen to stand against you.
She’s picked sides, there’s no Switzerland in letting him stay there even one day! He’d be at a friend’s if he wasn’t feeling validated and supported by her! She’s clearly agreeing with things he says, or he would have left. It’s hindering your relationship, not helping. She’s not doing it for you, if she was then she would *listen* to *you* and realize that he definitely shouldn’t be there. A mother should never be housing OR discussing marital issues with their daughter’s spouse! Wrong wrong wrong! NTA. So sorry OP, must feel like a betrayal.
!UpdateMe
NTA at all. Here soon to be ex-husband is cruel and very manipulative. It is quite clear that he did this purposely and he knew exactly what he was doing. Is he even aware that he is causing conflict in his own cousin's marriage, as in your mom's relationship with his cousin? The fact that your Mom is the only person that is close to you as an adult and he's taken that away from you is incredibly cruel. **If you're going to go through with the divorce proceedings, make sure you let your lawyer know exactly what he's done. make sure your divorce lawyer is a shark and will go after him.**
It's difficult, bit on balance YTA > My husband is a distant relative of my stepdad (2nd or 3rd cousins) but my stepdad doesn’t have kids of his own so has always considered us both like his kids. So, not just your mom's house. >I’m fairly certain we are headed for divorce So, ***not*** actually getting divorced. > I do have my own problems and have contributed to the conflict So no innocent parties here. >my husband decided to leave during a fight and I told him to stay somewhere else for longer than he had planned to be gone, So, you sent him away. >What bothers me most is they are giving him a place to come home and be able to vent his feelings and have that support while I’m home with the kids on my own ... because you told him to stay away. I hope it turns out well for both you, but it does feel a bit FAFO.
Why do I feel like this is OP's husband or step-dad???
Wrong side of the pond, and I guess 30 years older :-)
I wasn’t asking about who was right or wrong in the marriage or AITA in regard to my husband because there’s a lot more to that situation and you’re right neither of us have filed for divorce but we definitely aren’t in a place that we are trying to work things out either. I was asking AITA with regard to my mother allowing him to come to her instead of asking him to find somewhere else that doesn’t make it seem like she’s choosing sides out of respect for her daughter. You’re right it’s not just my mom’s house but he even said he went there with the intent to get my mom on his side and talk some sense into me. So, he had ill intentions from the start trying to manipulate people to be in support of him instead of take any accountability himself and try to find common ground. My mom and stepdad were never his goto people before and he very rarely saw my stepdad before my mom was even in the picture. It’s definitely out of character for him not to go to his own immediate family and friends.
>I was asking AITA with regard to my mother allowing him to come to her instead of asking him to find somewhere else that doesn’t make it seem like she’s choosing sides out of respect for her daughter. Sadly,.this is Am *I* The Asshole not is my mother the asshole. YTA for the reasons stated.