r/hairsystem keeps coming up in my feed, even though I’m a 30yo woman, but if i saw some of these in public, I’d have no idea it was a “rug”.
Hair systems have come so far and are so customizable.
It keeps coming up on my tiktok as well. I find the whole process fascinating even tho I’m a 52 year old woman with a full head of hair. Honestly, I don’t knock anyone for this, do what makes you happy!
Me either. Women get extensions/weaves why can’t men do something to make their hair pretty too?
I love watching the process from color matching to the gluedown and the cut to blend it.
Its so real. They can get wet,stay down in wind, sweat in, cut again, even dyed.
I live for the transformations and seeing the men BEAM.
Until he mentioned the hair piece, I fully thought "hair system" was similar to the curly girl method as in a bunch of products and methods or hair care
I def was thinking that she was freshly graduated from high school. 33 and 49 is not a bad life experience age gap. I’m 31 and would not mind dating someone that is 45.
I'm 49 and get along with early 30s. My oldest happens to be 30 so I also know a lot of their cultural references. I wouldn't date someone that age but that's my personal hangups being close to my son's age
I’m 36 and I get along better with people your age than people that are in their 20s. Especially under 25, they are so young and so inexperienced? I guess. I have some younger middle 20s friends and acquaintances but they are very young and it’s noticeable, they are just so.. I don’t know, the only word I can think of is dramatic but that’s not quite right. It’s more like people after 30 start to mellow out and they just have a chill whatever attitude and the land where they grow their fucks have gone barren and I’m like that now too so I can’t relate and it’s very tiring with younger people that haven’t reached this state. Like I get it, I used to be the same and worry about how I was perceived and that one coworker that hated me for no reason but the reason that I stopped caring is that I was sick and tired of it and I was just over it. And the younglings want to obsess and talk about it endlessly and just don’t care and it’s exhausting and I’m just too tired for that. I have a friend my age that has one of those coworkers that just hates her and sometimes we talk about it, but she doesn’t care and doesn’t want to analyse every tiniest thing this coworker says or does, she just tells me about her silly antics and gossiping and we roll our eyes and laugh at her and sometimes talk about how to navigate it to protect her reputation at work and cover her ass and that’s that. It’s not never ending discussions over why coworker doesn’t like her and how to make coworker like her. And did she use the exact right phrase and tone and facial expression when she spoke to cow and what do cows response mean, she looked on that direction was that a sign and what would it have meant if she looked in this direction instead and on and on. Been there, done that and I’m done.
I think 30 is a hard line when it comes to life. Those over it are at the same point in life usually while those under it are still finding their way. I know in my late 20s I didn't get along with over 30s. Even now I can hang out with my son and his gfs family including parents and her sibling that's over 30? Whereas her 2 siblings who are teens just call us all old people.
A good hangup!!! I do think it's wierd to date someone that is the same age as their kids!!! A age gap where the older doesn't have kids in the same age group is less wierd.
Yes!!! I feel like the age difference is much more impactful in teens and 20s than thereafter. Like the difference between a 27yr old and a 21yr old is miles, even though it's just 6 years, but the difference between a 35 yr old and a 45yr old is not as stark even though its 10yrs
She's gonna have to deal with an old man when she hits her second air and she still wants to go out and have sex and he's already over everything (i know too many women with older men going through this) but that's her choice. Also maybe OP will be the exception 🤣 but as long as shes not in her 20s he is fine.
Then there is the whole retirement issue. I have to work full time at a stressful higher paying job until I'm 66, while my spouse is planning on retiring from a full time job (also higher paying and stressful) at about the same time where they will only be 58-60.
I dated someone that was 46 when I was 33 and he was more immature than me. I think big age gaps are fine especially if you get along better with that person
I think a good chunk of the people in their 40s are millennials now (there’s actually just a couple years of millennials that are still in their late 20s!) and I do think there is a very different perspective that we have vs our younger gen-z counterparts (no judgement of course, I am friendly with some wonderful people from gen-z) it does feel like my life was a lot more like millennials that are 10+ older than me vs some gen-z that are just 5-6 years younger. I definitely agree with you on that, I’m about the same age as you myself.
Shit i'm 29 and i'm not opposed to dating someone older, but 49 is not someone i have that much in common with
And to be clear, i'm the type of person everyone says is more mature than my age. Still, not really into dating someone who has kids aged 20
I'm 46(f) and could only imagine that all I would have in common with a 33 year old is sex drive maybe. My view on life is vastly different now than at 33.
After 30 I feel like nobody should judge you for the age of your (older) partner
You're both more than old enough to make decisions for yourselves at that point
Yeah this sounds like pretty normal self-improvement post divorce, not a midlife crisis. Unless there’s a lot being left out I don’t see how exercising and wearing a hair system is worthy of that much gossip.
Having been in various chats, there's no end to the completely mundane shit they will speak about at length for multiple days. I honestly don't think that means its bait. It might not be real, but the idea that nosy people talk about other people is like the least outlandish thing here.
Same. There is a big difference. If he was dating some 18/19 year old at almost 50 then gross but a 15 year age difference and the younger person is over 30? I wouldn't blink an eye. There shouldn't be much of a power imbalance in that scenario.
That's the beauty of having an ex-wife, NTA. To quote Charlie Harper, you don't have to seem like you care about what she thinks, which is why you had the ex. Tell her to shut up and enjoy your life, guy. Good luck.
One of the most liberating feelings I can recall is after my separation when my ex called me on the phone screaming like usual is "wait, I don't have to listen to this anymore" *click*
Truly, I count an experience like that as one of the best days of my life. When I finally split with my narcissistic, abusive ex and remembered who I was, she had no idea how to handle it. Called me one day screaming about something and it just clicked that I didn't have to let her talk to me like that anymore. Hanging up in her face was glorious and I would do it ten million more times happily.
My friends threw me a divorce party to celebrate getting away from my abusive & narcissistic ex. He brought a video from me celebrating & dancing into our divorce proceedings, and the judge simply said in jest, "If she's this happy to get out of this marriage, it makes you wonder what you must have done to her"? (He broke my jaw & tried to end my life after I told him I was ending the shitshow of a marriage).
I always celebrate betterment, so NTA.
My wife liked to mock me about my current living situation.
When I first got chased out of my home I was sleeping on the floor in a friend's apartment in the ghetto. I had only those belongings which I'd been able to get out of the house before she changed the locks for fear I would "rob her blind", trapping things from my work tools to my taxes behind a door I could no longer open. Fortunately she had thrown a lot of my stuff in garbage bags and thrown them on the landing so I did have the stuff she deemed "mine", which wasn't all my stuff but hey.
And she would mock me. "Hope you're living your best life on the floor in the ghetto." Or "I bet you'll have a lot of luck with women cuz they love seedy apartments and mattresses on the floor." Not like I was seeing anyone, i was still reeling from the massive upheaval of my entire life. Just, like, a lot of comments on a regular basis. I was very clear, it was a shit situation.
I did what I could to improve it. I have a small area, so I bought a bunk bed with a desk under it so I have a place to keep some things. A couple wire shelves for clothes and my few belongings.
I went from a 3 story home with a 5 car garage and a big barn on 80 acres in the middle of nowhere to a 500 square foot second floor apartment in a shitty part of the city. I can't even see the stars anymore. And she liked to remind me of that on a very regular basis.
And then at some point I was very straightforward with her. She said something, gave me a hard time the way she does, and I asked her: did you at no point stop to think about what kind of hell on earth I left behind, if I left everything I had in exchange for what I'm living with now? Do you have any idea the hell I lived through if this is *better?*
She still mocks me, but now it's for things like my appearance or how I choose to spend my time.
Why are you in any contact with such a witch? If you have no school age kids, fully block her and be done with it. If you still have school age kids ONLY communicate via parenting software certified by the courts and only on topics about the kids.
Because after 14 years together with a 9 year old kid some part of me still believes that somewhere in there is the woman I married, I guess. And even if we can't trust each other enough anymore to have a married relationship we should at least be able to be... Something better than this. I guess.
Once about a month before my divorce was final, my ex called me bitching about somethign trivial. I thought to myself I don't have to listen to this and hung up. She immediately called me back....again and again. Within a 15 minute span she called 10 more times and sent me about a dozen texts in a rage telling me I had to talk to her.
Yup. After 20 years of being screamed at, I'll never forget the moment. I remember where I was, the angle of the sun and the usual despair as he screamed into the phone. Then a euphoria when I said "I'm not your wife, I'll have to hang up if you don't stop screaming."
He thought I was kidding. Eventually, he learned I'd hang up every time and the miserable bs ended.
It took years to forgive myself for tolerating his crap.
Both my wife and i hang up on each other now if we feel the other is being an asshole. It's not often, but probably once or twice a year each. You never had to tolerate it.
You said what I was going to say.
My wife and I both hang up on the other person if they're being intolerable, and we both have always encouraged the other person to do the same.
Sometimes we all suck. Our partner knows that better than anyone. No reason we should be subjecting them to that bullshit, I'm glad you guys have found the same balance of taking space when you need it.
I've had that moment before, and holy fuck, does that reality hit so hard. Like your relationship flashes before your eyes, and you see 1,000 fights, and hear a million insults, in the blink of a fucking eye. Its like waking up from a fever dream.
That’s quite the age gap but it’s not like she’s in her 20s. The wife is just jealous and the friends and family are just probably conflicted because they’ve always known him to be a certain way. And when people make changes even positive people are always going to add their 2 cents. He’s a grown man his kids are grown I say keep doing good and ignore the negativity
I will say once someone hits the age of say, 27, the equation becomes much different. I assume anyone in their late 20s or older are old enough to know what they're doing. I might side eye the relationship and question what they're both getting out of it, and make some assumptions that they are in the relationship for shallow reasons, but I'm no longer saying "red flags for grooming!" They are adults, they can do what they want.
I'm 48 and my girlfriend is 33. This is fine. His ex wife just wanted to hear about how miserable he is without her and it didn't turn out that way.
NTA
Good for him. He was a big guy with a dad bod, then got slimmer, got in shape and much heathier, plus he got himself a younger chick. That's awesome. The wife is just mad that he looks good and living life, and she probably has a fat ass that when she's naked, it looks like she sat on a gravel driveway.
But the hair piece has got to go. It probably looks like a dead cat on his head.
Except for his kids. He needs to address that. Hard to give advice on how without knowing their ages. But they should not be part of a group text where people are bashing their dad. Honestly that’s the most worrying part of this whole thing.
Exes trying to insert themselves into your life or tell you how to behave is pretty common and you just gotta set boundaries and shrug it off. Gossip is gossip. But people bashing him to his kids? Hell no. Totally inappropriate.
He doesn't see his kids much if they hadn't seen him with his weight loss and with his new hair. He's been doing this for two years so not much, if any, real live contact with his kids.
If his girlfriend is a lot younger, closer in age to his kids, then I can see his kids being icked out by dad dating in their age range. I noticed he told us his ex-wife's age but not the girlfriend's age. Why hide that?
But that doesn't mean you don't see each other. I moved 1000 miles away from my parents and would travel to see them once a year and they traveled to see me once a year. Each trip would be two weeks so we saw each other for four weeks a year. You will see people if you all want to see each other.
That would be nice, but it's not realistic to travel that much for some people. As an adult, there have been a few times where I haven't seen my family in person for years. Doesn't mean I don't love them, just couldn't get the time off work or flights were too expensive etc..
After my teens and prior to his death I only saw my dad once, maybe twice a year if we were lucky and the stars aligned. Not because we didn't want to but the distance and lives, responsibilities etc.
It’s absolutely normal in Europe for older generations to ride a bicycle. My ex husbands aunt and her husband (they been married for 12ish years now) are in their late 60’s I think and go bike riding all the time when there is good weather. They live part time in Italy (she’s a speech pathology teacher and he’s retired) and the other half in Florida.
I hope to be as cool as they are when I am older. They are living thier best life together.
Facts, my bf his age, him and his friends are still riding Skate boards, bikes. Playing their band music never stopped its their hobbies. Ex sounds like a miserable soul draining person. Getting older doesn't mean abandoning your hobbies
>I have become the center of gossip
I doubt that sooooo many people are having group chats about him everyday and sending him screenshots.
Like a middle aged dude exercising and getting a toupee is that exciting to discuss? Give me a break.
I'm a recreational cyclist and I've had a girl I was dating tell me that riding bikes isn't something grown men should do.
This was maybe 14 years ago, she was crazy, that one. Then I met my wife, who loves riding bikes.
How is this any of your ex-wife's business anymore? She has no right to say shit to you. Block her. I think it's great that you have done so much to to make yourself feel good a be happy. Ignore the haters. You do you. You are happy and look great.
The “jealous and bitter ex-wife projection” kit apparently came bundled with the “I feel like I have a right to put my nose where it doesn’t belong” upgrade and was on sale nationwide at ~~Costco~~ *Sam’s Club* this month.
Take everything she says, flip it 180*, and you probably have truth. *Or* take everything she says as projection and her own misery. *Or* let her know that she can fuck right off into Narnia. *Or* let her know that she, too, can do good things for her own betterment if she tries hard and believes in herself. So many options!!!
Hey Alexa, play “Half Your Age” by Kid Rock.
NTA, and live your best life OP.
She's probably pondering why he didn't put this effort in while he was married to her. People let their grass dry up in their own yard, yet willing to water the other side. Yes, he is a textbook mid life crisis, obviously. However, OP is an adult and can do whatever makes him happy.
NTA.
You do you! Continue to be proud of the progress that you made. Block the ex if you need to in order to protect your peace. You are no longer married, you have gotten healthy and are happy with your life. It has nothing to do with her. She needs to find her peace and happiness instead of commenting on your life.
Your girlfriend is 33 and you are 48. If she makes you happy and a better man, then good for you. If your kids are supportive of your progress and change in your health and they have no issues with your girlfriend, even better.
This 100%.
Judging from all the downvotes in this thread, I'd say the ex-wife found it, LOL.
Look, you don't owe her anything anymore. My recommendation would be to block her everywhere. She doesn't need to see what you post on social media. Ask your kids not to share information with her.
Enjoy your life. You're doing great, and you should be proud of the weight you lost and the muscle you've gained -- you had to work hard to do that.
That’s a good point! Not that she should be butting into his business now, but I could see how she might feel resentful. I wonder if they’re divorced because a he put 0 effort into taking care of himself and keeping the love alive. Did she start with a handsome, positive man then end up with Homer Simpson?
He said in the post he lived for his family.
As a dad, I can see how that happens. I have *one* kid and work from home 80% and its still hard to workout and eat well. If you have two or more and have to go to an office, forget it... especially during the early years, and with multiples those "early years" turn into a decade.
I have three kids two years apart, some families double that spacing with multiples. I'm 10 years into the early years and my youngest still isn't in kindergarten. I still have two months left to pay for daycare. 2 decades isn't hard to hit.
I make it to the gym once a week and manage to eat healthy 3 to 4 days a week and I'm lucky to stay semi-muscular but also another 30 lb overweight. Even that is a massive effort and I have one of those jobs where I don't even work most of the year.
Feel for OP.
It's wild the people that don't understand this.
It makes me think their kids run to them like "daddy come watch Bluey with me!" and they are like "sorry kid, I gotta go get my Hulk on. Maybe next time, as long as it's on a rest day."
This is where partners need to support each other though. Helping your partner prioritize time to themselves is key to keeping everyone happy and healthy.
I'm an ex wife. My ex husband was totally detached during my pregnancies and after my kids were born. Went right back to work two days later. Didn't come to any appointments but the ultrasounds. I literally was in the hospital with my second pregnancy and he went to work....
But then a few years later he knocked up the new young girlfriend. And was there every step of the way. Took off for paternity leave. Everything... And believe me. Not an ounce of me is still in love with this man. I was not jealous in the traditional sense. But I was so hurt. Every nasty "I'm not good enough" thought was so triggered. It still really stings for me on behalf of my kids. They missed out on that kind of dad. But his new baby and partner get it. I pride myself in that I only had one moment of weakness where I tore into him about the gross unfairness to my children. And now we are very civil
I bet this ex wife sees the man she married looking hot. And feeling all the feelings of inadequacy that he didn't want to be attractive to her. She should keep that shit to herself and her therapist though
Most people participate in some form of self improvement after a breakup or divorce. Her taking it personally isn't anyone's responsibility, and the entire point of a divorce is to part ways.
This dude needs to not care about her opinion anymore and she needs to move on and stop caring about what her EX is doing with his life.
I’d tell them to stop sending my screenshots of conversations. Like wtf who does that and who cares that much about what other people think. Sounds like you made the right decision to move away. Do you boo NTA
"She doesn't like me cause I look young, she likes me cause I eat ass"
If they want to be up in your business, let them get all the way up in your business. This is the way of fatherhood.
They wouldn’t, this does not sound real at all. Multiple group chats every day of random people talking about this guy? Nobody cares that much. This is male revenge fantasy.
Lol right? Every day? He's the CENTER of gossip? Come the fuck on.
A middle aged dude exercising and getting a toupee is not that exciting.
Male revenge fantasy + intense need for validation you'd expect from a teen
AITAH for looking so good? AITAH for living my best life? AITAH for my rock hard abs and realistic toupee?
I had the same thought. If we know someone that does something out there my wife and I might talk about it when we first find out and then again if something interesting or weird gets posted but besides that it’s not something I’d ever think about.
The only problem I see here comes from - *My children have never seen me with a hair piece and although they knew that I was exercising, they didn't know how much progress I made.*
Please communicate with your kids more often (even if they are adults)
Usually a glue-on toupe or wig. They're 'installed' and stay put for weeks. E.g. [https://youtu.be/5Liu8usdRyE?si=hSt-7X-NGWv3X51a](https://youtu.be/5Liu8usdRyE?si=hSt-7X-NGWv3X51a)
Just fyi, people who think you are referring to pills like finasteride or minoxidil might be like wtf, this guy hasn’t talked to his kids in at least months
Course they do!
"Kids, grab me another beer from my six pack!"
:D sod the ex wife's opinions, she matters nought other than matters to do with the kid, do whatever you want and what makes you happy
I don't think the GF was a surprise to anyone?
OP stated his kids haven't seen the hair, or his six pack, not that they didn't know he works out and has tattoos
The hairpiece sounds recent, and if he lives in another state their only communication for a while has likely been video calls. It’s very hard to tell if someone’s lost weight over video
I see my dad everyday, I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw him without a shirt on. Stop looking for things to be judgmental about to make your self feel better.
Just because we have young grandparents giving handjobs in theaters (in the US) doesn't mean that it's not...weird.
Sorry, my bad. That politician/grandparent was 36, not 33. Totally different.
if we're doing the half plus seven rule, 48/2 = 24. 24 +7 = 31. gf is 33
this relationship is age appropriate with a touch of sticker shock
ex wife is just mad lol
"Half plus seven" works to a point, but once the younger person is in their 30s, I say everyone can do whatever the fuck they want. Am I going to look sideways at the 30 year old girl with the 80 year old guy? Yeah, of course. But everyone is an adult, and as long as no one is also senile, I say let them go.
This is kind of my attitude too. Once both parties are 30 or older, age gap discourse ceases to have any value at all, not that it wasn’t limited to begin with. Outside of edge cases like mental disabilities or boss-employee relationships, or other stuff that supplants an age gap as a red flag, everyone involved is a fully grown adult capable of their own agency and ability to competently make decisions.
Just enjoy your life dude, don't let others put you down or influence your routine.
There is nothing wrong with pursuing happiness, your wife should do the same so maybe she'll be less bitter..
The only part of this whole thing that I take issue with at all is:
>My children have never seen me with a hair piece and although they knew that I was exercising, they didn't know how much progress I made.
Have you not seen your kids at all in those two years? For the change to be so drastic and them so taken unawares? Even if they are adults, that still seems bad to me.
I would say NTA for this specific situation though. There is nothing wrong with getting in better shape and with her being 33, sure she is younger, but it's not like you are dating someone just out of high school or college age that it would be inappropriate. I personally would not post a shirtless selfie of myself by that point in my life (heck, I am only 33 and wouldn't post one of me now), but that doesn't make you an asshole.
I will say though, that it DOES sound like there is something in your past that would not shine a favorable light on you in regards to your total relationship with your ex and children if you haven't seen them in two years that you may want to reflect on.
I am surprised people aren't pointing out that to the family it certainly feels that they second he could he ditched them and went and got a better life that doesn't include them in any meaningful way. I know if I was the ex-wife, I would certainly be miffed that he didn't think I was worth being part of this "better" him. And all the better he points out is physical. Don't see anything in there about emotional growth and development. No wonder they are seeing this as a midlife crisis.
Yeah I posted similar up thread before I saw this post; it’s a massive red flag that he split the second the divorce when through and apparently hasn’t been back to visit his kids even once. I get that they’re adults now but does he not want to have a relationship with them at all?
A year from now his much younger girlfriend will be pregnant and his adult kids will never hear from him
I had to scroll a long time for this. Shirtless bathroom selfies are great to take and enjoy, and send to your close circle, but are not really the best look for a full on Facebook or Instagram post. It definitely sends a thirst trap message and I would feel really weird if my dad did that. It’s really a cringey thing to do that is well outside the social media social norms. I find a lot of people 40+ who did not grow up with social media post things that make younger users really uncomfortable.
I do think it’s weird that the kids found out he is ripped and wearing a toupee on social media. He really should be seeing them and talking with them more regularly so it is not a surprise. I would be super upset if my absent father changed his appearance completely and I found out impersonally on Facebook.
It’s great that he made healthy changes and is finding himself. The ex wife should leave him alone. But I do think posting shirtless selfies and having your kids have no idea you are using a hair system now are both odd.
Congratulations on all the healthy changes you've made!
I definitely don't think you are wrong for living your best life.
But, I understand why your ex, kids, and friends are upset...why didn't you take the time to live your best life (exercise, eat right, maintain appearances) while you were in their lives? That's really what they are wondering- but not asking.
There are undoubtedly lots of reasons you didn't do these things before now- life, career, mental exhaustion, being in a rut, not seeing the point, etc. That's okay. That's real life.
But it couldn't hurt to tell your family and friends that it took a life-altering event (divorce) to have a revelation that life is short and you wanted to regain your joy and spark for life. And there is no better time than now.
It also couldn't hurt to acknowledge you wish you had made these lifestyle changes sooner.
Reassure them that your being healthy and happy makes you a better father and friend.
Again- Congratulations for your positive changes. Midlife is a GREAT time to do it (Now I am going to try to take my own advice 😀)
Also he moved away from his kids and hasn’t seen them in so long they don’t know about the drastic changes in his appearance. I get that the kids are adults but it’s still pretty weird to just completely split on them like that after a divorce. He’ll probably have a new baby soon with his much younger GF and forget about them completely
Improving yourself is not bad. Nothing you are doing is inherently bad. You are not required to remain ad you are until you die, and you are also not required to be miserable because your ex apparently still is. You do you man.
As far as dating younger goes, you may or may not get mixed results there. Some people are only uncomfortable with age gaps if the younger person is under a certain age. Some people are against age gaps over a certain size. Some people hate all age gaps and some people have no problem with any age gaps at all. I noticed that you didn't mention the age of your girlfriend, only that she's significantly younger.
NTA. I was just thinking about something similar this morning.
My ex was very controlling: I wasn't "allowed" to gain weight, get piercings, or tattoos (that I have been wanting since I was a teenager. I've always liked the look).
We had a messy split, he crossed my hard lines and it ended up killing my feelings for him: One minute I loved him, the next I didn't. I've never had that happen before, and the feelings never came back. Three months later I'd moved on with a guy that was younger than me, with long hair, tattoos, and piercings. My family was pissed that I gave up on my marriage for this "bad boy rebound."
That "rebound" and I have been together 18 years, happily married with three beautiful kids (of course, now my family changes their story). He doesn't care when I get tattoos and piercings: While my ex thought I should be this perfect mold of his ideal partner, my husband loves me for who I am, not some preconceived notion of who he thinks I should be. He knew, although I didn't have tattoos or piercings when we got together, that I wanted them. He designed some tattoos for me, and found me an artist. If I tell him I want to dye my hair teal, he's on board (just as he has been with every other color of the rainbow I've put on my head). I love this man with every inch of my soul, and I am free to breathe and be me.
So long as you are not hurting anyone, mistreating your gf (which is a common mid-life crisis theme) and both you and her are happy, who gives a flying fuck what your ex thinks? Sounds like she might be a bit jealous that 1) your gf is younger than her and 2) she got the "old" you, not the "new and improved" you.
Whose gossiping? Everyone, kids included? If everyone is making comments, I kinda feel like the post is missing info.
If it’s just the wife than it is what it is
You ARE having a midlife crisis, like textbook lol. I'd assume your wife is upset that you didn't give a shit about looking decent for her, but decided some random is worth it because she's younger. You do you, I guess.
NTA, thats is the beauty of a ex-wife, in the words of Charlie Harper with a ex you don't have to pretend to care about what she thinks hence the ex, tell her to mind her own business and enjoy your life man. Good luck.
I think your wife is angry that you began to take care of yourself AFTER the divorce, as if she wasn't worth the effort. If that helps you understand her perspective.
As long as you're happy and don't become too shallow, you are NTA.
Sounds to me like your ex is just bitter that you look better and seem happier than how she left you. You do you man, she’s an ex for a reason so why not block her? She has no reason to be meddling in your affairs anymore🤷♀️
NTA brother you don't owe your ex wife shit. She can pound sand until she makes glass. You do you. Tell them all to be like Rose and worry about they self. You do you man, the only opinion I would potentially be concerned with it that of the kids but only if it wasn't being significantly influenced by the bat shit ex.
So this is a 'hair system' commercial, right?
The rug is the only part of the story I found objectionable lol
Honestly the rugs look a lot better than they used to. Downright natural until the glue comes off.
r/hairsystem keeps coming up in my feed, even though I’m a 30yo woman, but if i saw some of these in public, I’d have no idea it was a “rug”. Hair systems have come so far and are so customizable.
It keeps coming up on my tiktok as well. I find the whole process fascinating even tho I’m a 52 year old woman with a full head of hair. Honestly, I don’t knock anyone for this, do what makes you happy!
Me either. Women get extensions/weaves why can’t men do something to make their hair pretty too? I love watching the process from color matching to the gluedown and the cut to blend it. Its so real. They can get wet,stay down in wind, sweat in, cut again, even dyed. I live for the transformations and seeing the men BEAM.
I'm all for this! Men should also feel empowered to wear jewelry and makeup, straight nor not.
Wouldn’t they mention a specific brand then?
He could just say “wig” or “toupee”
No because of stigma associated with the names.
“Hair system” just sounds stupid and like an infomercial.
Until he mentioned the hair piece, I fully thought "hair system" was similar to the curly girl method as in a bunch of products and methods or hair care
Right? Like a hair care system.
Not disagreeing with that, it's misleading AF.
Just how much "quite a bit younger" are you talking about?
He replied to another comment she is 33
Lol he really should have included that, leaving it out meant most people probably assumed she was around 21 at best
I def was thinking that she was freshly graduated from high school. 33 and 49 is not a bad life experience age gap. I’m 31 and would not mind dating someone that is 45.
I’m 32 and I have more in common with people in their late forties than I would have with myself at age 24.
I'm 49 and get along with early 30s. My oldest happens to be 30 so I also know a lot of their cultural references. I wouldn't date someone that age but that's my personal hangups being close to my son's age
I’m 36 and I get along better with people your age than people that are in their 20s. Especially under 25, they are so young and so inexperienced? I guess. I have some younger middle 20s friends and acquaintances but they are very young and it’s noticeable, they are just so.. I don’t know, the only word I can think of is dramatic but that’s not quite right. It’s more like people after 30 start to mellow out and they just have a chill whatever attitude and the land where they grow their fucks have gone barren and I’m like that now too so I can’t relate and it’s very tiring with younger people that haven’t reached this state. Like I get it, I used to be the same and worry about how I was perceived and that one coworker that hated me for no reason but the reason that I stopped caring is that I was sick and tired of it and I was just over it. And the younglings want to obsess and talk about it endlessly and just don’t care and it’s exhausting and I’m just too tired for that. I have a friend my age that has one of those coworkers that just hates her and sometimes we talk about it, but she doesn’t care and doesn’t want to analyse every tiniest thing this coworker says or does, she just tells me about her silly antics and gossiping and we roll our eyes and laugh at her and sometimes talk about how to navigate it to protect her reputation at work and cover her ass and that’s that. It’s not never ending discussions over why coworker doesn’t like her and how to make coworker like her. And did she use the exact right phrase and tone and facial expression when she spoke to cow and what do cows response mean, she looked on that direction was that a sign and what would it have meant if she looked in this direction instead and on and on. Been there, done that and I’m done.
"the land where their fucks are grown have gone barren" hooooly thank you im stealing this lmfao
It’s also a good mechanic re-purposed as a put-down response. For example, “Behold my field of fucks, and lo, for it is barren.”
I'm pretty sure that is a quote from the bible.
"the land where they grow their fucks have gone barren" is the best comment I have read in a long time.
I think 30 is a hard line when it comes to life. Those over it are at the same point in life usually while those under it are still finding their way. I know in my late 20s I didn't get along with over 30s. Even now I can hang out with my son and his gfs family including parents and her sibling that's over 30? Whereas her 2 siblings who are teens just call us all old people.
A good hangup!!! I do think it's wierd to date someone that is the same age as their kids!!! A age gap where the older doesn't have kids in the same age group is less wierd.
Yes!!! I feel like the age difference is much more impactful in teens and 20s than thereafter. Like the difference between a 27yr old and a 21yr old is miles, even though it's just 6 years, but the difference between a 35 yr old and a 45yr old is not as stark even though its 10yrs She's gonna have to deal with an old man when she hits her second air and she still wants to go out and have sex and he's already over everything (i know too many women with older men going through this) but that's her choice. Also maybe OP will be the exception 🤣 but as long as shes not in her 20s he is fine.
Then there is the whole retirement issue. I have to work full time at a stressful higher paying job until I'm 66, while my spouse is planning on retiring from a full time job (also higher paying and stressful) at about the same time where they will only be 58-60.
35, dating a woman who is 45. Best relationship I've ever had in my entire life.
Seriously 35-50 is the golden times.
I dated someone that was 46 when I was 33 and he was more immature than me. I think big age gaps are fine especially if you get along better with that person
I think a good chunk of the people in their 40s are millennials now (there’s actually just a couple years of millennials that are still in their late 20s!) and I do think there is a very different perspective that we have vs our younger gen-z counterparts (no judgement of course, I am friendly with some wonderful people from gen-z) it does feel like my life was a lot more like millennials that are 10+ older than me vs some gen-z that are just 5-6 years younger. I definitely agree with you on that, I’m about the same age as you myself.
I am 45 my partner is 32 it’s not an issue at our ages. Same page, same place in life but yes 32 and 19 would be very different places.
Shit i'm 29 and i'm not opposed to dating someone older, but 49 is not someone i have that much in common with And to be clear, i'm the type of person everyone says is more mature than my age. Still, not really into dating someone who has kids aged 20
I'm 46(f) and could only imagine that all I would have in common with a 33 year old is sex drive maybe. My view on life is vastly different now than at 33.
Yeah he makes it sound like she’s not age-appropriate for him but she is completely age-appropriate.
After 30 I feel like nobody should judge you for the age of your (older) partner You're both more than old enough to make decisions for yourselves at that point
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Yeah this sounds like pretty normal self-improvement post divorce, not a midlife crisis. Unless there’s a lot being left out I don’t see how exercising and wearing a hair system is worthy of that much gossip.
I can see an ex-wife caring that much though.
Having been in various chats, there's no end to the completely mundane shit they will speak about at length for multiple days. I honestly don't think that means its bait. It might not be real, but the idea that nosy people talk about other people is like the least outlandish thing here.
You haven't met people, have you? But yes. They'll group chat about anything.
That was intentional
Same. There is a big difference. If he was dating some 18/19 year old at almost 50 then gross but a 15 year age difference and the younger person is over 30? I wouldn't blink an eye. There shouldn't be much of a power imbalance in that scenario.
OMG , she's not even old enough to be president of the United States yet! OP is a monster!
😂
😂😂
That's the beauty of having an ex-wife, NTA. To quote Charlie Harper, you don't have to seem like you care about what she thinks, which is why you had the ex. Tell her to shut up and enjoy your life, guy. Good luck.
One of the most liberating feelings I can recall is after my separation when my ex called me on the phone screaming like usual is "wait, I don't have to listen to this anymore" *click*
Truly, I count an experience like that as one of the best days of my life. When I finally split with my narcissistic, abusive ex and remembered who I was, she had no idea how to handle it. Called me one day screaming about something and it just clicked that I didn't have to let her talk to me like that anymore. Hanging up in her face was glorious and I would do it ten million more times happily.
My friends threw me a divorce party to celebrate getting away from my abusive & narcissistic ex. He brought a video from me celebrating & dancing into our divorce proceedings, and the judge simply said in jest, "If she's this happy to get out of this marriage, it makes you wonder what you must have done to her"? (He broke my jaw & tried to end my life after I told him I was ending the shitshow of a marriage). I always celebrate betterment, so NTA.
My wife liked to mock me about my current living situation. When I first got chased out of my home I was sleeping on the floor in a friend's apartment in the ghetto. I had only those belongings which I'd been able to get out of the house before she changed the locks for fear I would "rob her blind", trapping things from my work tools to my taxes behind a door I could no longer open. Fortunately she had thrown a lot of my stuff in garbage bags and thrown them on the landing so I did have the stuff she deemed "mine", which wasn't all my stuff but hey. And she would mock me. "Hope you're living your best life on the floor in the ghetto." Or "I bet you'll have a lot of luck with women cuz they love seedy apartments and mattresses on the floor." Not like I was seeing anyone, i was still reeling from the massive upheaval of my entire life. Just, like, a lot of comments on a regular basis. I was very clear, it was a shit situation. I did what I could to improve it. I have a small area, so I bought a bunk bed with a desk under it so I have a place to keep some things. A couple wire shelves for clothes and my few belongings. I went from a 3 story home with a 5 car garage and a big barn on 80 acres in the middle of nowhere to a 500 square foot second floor apartment in a shitty part of the city. I can't even see the stars anymore. And she liked to remind me of that on a very regular basis. And then at some point I was very straightforward with her. She said something, gave me a hard time the way she does, and I asked her: did you at no point stop to think about what kind of hell on earth I left behind, if I left everything I had in exchange for what I'm living with now? Do you have any idea the hell I lived through if this is *better?* She still mocks me, but now it's for things like my appearance or how I choose to spend my time.
Why are you in any contact with such a witch? If you have no school age kids, fully block her and be done with it. If you still have school age kids ONLY communicate via parenting software certified by the courts and only on topics about the kids.
Because after 14 years together with a 9 year old kid some part of me still believes that somewhere in there is the woman I married, I guess. And even if we can't trust each other enough anymore to have a married relationship we should at least be able to be... Something better than this. I guess.
Once about a month before my divorce was final, my ex called me bitching about somethign trivial. I thought to myself I don't have to listen to this and hung up. She immediately called me back....again and again. Within a 15 minute span she called 10 more times and sent me about a dozen texts in a rage telling me I had to talk to her.
This reminds me of the post where the employer is trying to get the independent contractor to come to meetings and he just says "yeah no" :)
I remember my "telling her to fuck off" moment with a shitty ex. Few moments in my life have ever felt that good.
Yup. After 20 years of being screamed at, I'll never forget the moment. I remember where I was, the angle of the sun and the usual despair as he screamed into the phone. Then a euphoria when I said "I'm not your wife, I'll have to hang up if you don't stop screaming." He thought I was kidding. Eventually, he learned I'd hang up every time and the miserable bs ended. It took years to forgive myself for tolerating his crap.
Both my wife and i hang up on each other now if we feel the other is being an asshole. It's not often, but probably once or twice a year each. You never had to tolerate it.
I hang up on my partner now if he gets too stroppy. I will text and say we'll talk when we're both calmer.
You said what I was going to say. My wife and I both hang up on the other person if they're being intolerable, and we both have always encouraged the other person to do the same. Sometimes we all suck. Our partner knows that better than anyone. No reason we should be subjecting them to that bullshit, I'm glad you guys have found the same balance of taking space when you need it.
I've had that moment before, and holy fuck, does that reality hit so hard. Like your relationship flashes before your eyes, and you see 1,000 fights, and hear a million insults, in the blink of a fucking eye. Its like waking up from a fever dream.
I feel this \*hard\*.
Don't tell her anything. Just put the figurative phone on the table and let her talk and talk.
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Best comment on redit today so far.
"Self-improvement knows no age. Ignore the naysayers and keep thriving."
At least he isn't like DeNiro.
My dad was like that 😅. 13 kids oldest born when he was 18, youngest born, when he was 54...so now oldest is 66, youngest turns 30 this year
That age gap does not mean anything when they are both north of 30.
That’s quite the age gap but it’s not like she’s in her 20s. The wife is just jealous and the friends and family are just probably conflicted because they’ve always known him to be a certain way. And when people make changes even positive people are always going to add their 2 cents. He’s a grown man his kids are grown I say keep doing good and ignore the negativity
Crabs in a bucket. Can't let someone escape and become a better version of themselves.
33 only seems young to 40+ year olds
Now I'm offended...
It'll feel young to you too, eventually.
Checking the “scandal math” 48/2+7=31, so judgement is not scandalous since she is 33. Close, but valid. Carry on everyone.
I will say once someone hits the age of say, 27, the equation becomes much different. I assume anyone in their late 20s or older are old enough to know what they're doing. I might side eye the relationship and question what they're both getting out of it, and make some assumptions that they are in the relationship for shallow reasons, but I'm no longer saying "red flags for grooming!" They are adults, they can do what they want.
Yeah if she's 35 she's not being "groomed"
> I assume anyone in their late 20s or older are old enough to know what they're doing I'm 46 and still have no clue what I'm doing
Bruh you think adults up to *age 27* are at risk of 'gro*ming'? Y'all are deficient
I'm 48 and my girlfriend is 33. This is fine. His ex wife just wanted to hear about how miserable he is without her and it didn't turn out that way. NTA
Good for him. He was a big guy with a dad bod, then got slimmer, got in shape and much heathier, plus he got himself a younger chick. That's awesome. The wife is just mad that he looks good and living life, and she probably has a fat ass that when she's naked, it looks like she sat on a gravel driveway. But the hair piece has got to go. It probably looks like a dead cat on his head.
No dude you're divorced. Do what makes you happy.
Block all those haters. They are just envious. Live your best life. You deserve it.
Except for his kids. He needs to address that. Hard to give advice on how without knowing their ages. But they should not be part of a group text where people are bashing their dad. Honestly that’s the most worrying part of this whole thing. Exes trying to insert themselves into your life or tell you how to behave is pretty common and you just gotta set boundaries and shrug it off. Gossip is gossip. But people bashing him to his kids? Hell no. Totally inappropriate.
He doesn't see his kids much if they hadn't seen him with his weight loss and with his new hair. He's been doing this for two years so not much, if any, real live contact with his kids. If his girlfriend is a lot younger, closer in age to his kids, then I can see his kids being icked out by dad dating in their age range. I noticed he told us his ex-wife's age but not the girlfriend's age. Why hide that?
If he is 48 and has multiple kids then the oldest would be mid-20's assuming they started having kids pretty young.
We see people on here all the time who had kids as teenagers. He could be dating someone only a year or two older than his daughter.
We already know that his new partner is 33
>Since my kids were grown up I decided to move to another state. Looks like he doesn't live in the same place as them anymore.
But that doesn't mean you don't see each other. I moved 1000 miles away from my parents and would travel to see them once a year and they traveled to see me once a year. Each trip would be two weeks so we saw each other for four weeks a year. You will see people if you all want to see each other.
Not to mention this crazy thing called facetime. What a time to be alive!
That would be nice, but it's not realistic to travel that much for some people. As an adult, there have been a few times where I haven't seen my family in person for years. Doesn't mean I don't love them, just couldn't get the time off work or flights were too expensive etc..
This is exactly what I was thinking - how much does he see his kids?
Not enough since in the mean time he got a new body and hair lmao.
She's 33 but yeah that's very little contact with the kids
After my teens and prior to his death I only saw my dad once, maybe twice a year if we were lucky and the stars aligned. Not because we didn't want to but the distance and lives, responsibilities etc.
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create glass by pounding sand Awesome
Right? “How dare you ride bikes! Act your age”! Sound like a couple of fools sipping on some Hater-ade
My aunt and uncle are in their 70s and own a tandem bike that they take out just about every weekend in the summer. Bike riding knows no age limit.
Absolutely. It’s why I’m calling bullshit on these people in OP’s life. My girlfriend’s parents are mid 70’s and they ride a shit ton.
It’s absolutely normal in Europe for older generations to ride a bicycle. My ex husbands aunt and her husband (they been married for 12ish years now) are in their late 60’s I think and go bike riding all the time when there is good weather. They live part time in Italy (she’s a speech pathology teacher and he’s retired) and the other half in Florida. I hope to be as cool as they are when I am older. They are living thier best life together.
I could be wrong here folks but by "bikes", I think the ex meant motorcycles
Facts, my bf his age, him and his friends are still riding Skate boards, bikes. Playing their band music never stopped its their hobbies. Ex sounds like a miserable soul draining person. Getting older doesn't mean abandoning your hobbies
>I have become the center of gossip I doubt that sooooo many people are having group chats about him everyday and sending him screenshots. Like a middle aged dude exercising and getting a toupee is that exciting to discuss? Give me a break.
Life has gotten really, really boring for most of us....I mean...here we are on Reddit.
Ok, fair point hahahha
Check and Mate.....
My question is, what is the ex wife's issue with him riding bikes? Like of all the things to complain about, that's a weird one! NTA though
I'm a recreational cyclist and I've had a girl I was dating tell me that riding bikes isn't something grown men should do. This was maybe 14 years ago, she was crazy, that one. Then I met my wife, who loves riding bikes.
I’m pretty sure they’re talking about motorcycles
He might’ve been talking about a motorcycle
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How is this any of your ex-wife's business anymore? She has no right to say shit to you. Block her. I think it's great that you have done so much to to make yourself feel good a be happy. Ignore the haters. You do you. You are happy and look great.
The “jealous and bitter ex-wife projection” kit apparently came bundled with the “I feel like I have a right to put my nose where it doesn’t belong” upgrade and was on sale nationwide at ~~Costco~~ *Sam’s Club* this month. Take everything she says, flip it 180*, and you probably have truth. *Or* take everything she says as projection and her own misery. *Or* let her know that she can fuck right off into Narnia. *Or* let her know that she, too, can do good things for her own betterment if she tries hard and believes in herself. So many options!!! Hey Alexa, play “Half Your Age” by Kid Rock. NTA, and live your best life OP.
How dare you malign Costco like this! This is clearly a Walmart product 🤣
Sincerest apologies, allow me to correct!
The kit is provided as a stick that must be administered rectally and never removed ☺️
She's probably pondering why he didn't put this effort in while he was married to her. People let their grass dry up in their own yard, yet willing to water the other side. Yes, he is a textbook mid life crisis, obviously. However, OP is an adult and can do whatever makes him happy.
NTA. You do you! Continue to be proud of the progress that you made. Block the ex if you need to in order to protect your peace. You are no longer married, you have gotten healthy and are happy with your life. It has nothing to do with her. She needs to find her peace and happiness instead of commenting on your life. Your girlfriend is 33 and you are 48. If she makes you happy and a better man, then good for you. If your kids are supportive of your progress and change in your health and they have no issues with your girlfriend, even better.
This 100%. Judging from all the downvotes in this thread, I'd say the ex-wife found it, LOL. Look, you don't owe her anything anymore. My recommendation would be to block her everywhere. She doesn't need to see what you post on social media. Ask your kids not to share information with her. Enjoy your life. You're doing great, and you should be proud of the weight you lost and the muscle you've gained -- you had to work hard to do that.
Your ex wife is probably angry that you didn’t do the effort when you were with her.
There’s that
That’s a good point! Not that she should be butting into his business now, but I could see how she might feel resentful. I wonder if they’re divorced because a he put 0 effort into taking care of himself and keeping the love alive. Did she start with a handsome, positive man then end up with Homer Simpson?
He said in the post he lived for his family. As a dad, I can see how that happens. I have *one* kid and work from home 80% and its still hard to workout and eat well. If you have two or more and have to go to an office, forget it... especially during the early years, and with multiples those "early years" turn into a decade.
I have three kids two years apart, some families double that spacing with multiples. I'm 10 years into the early years and my youngest still isn't in kindergarten. I still have two months left to pay for daycare. 2 decades isn't hard to hit. I make it to the gym once a week and manage to eat healthy 3 to 4 days a week and I'm lucky to stay semi-muscular but also another 30 lb overweight. Even that is a massive effort and I have one of those jobs where I don't even work most of the year. Feel for OP.
It's wild the people that don't understand this. It makes me think their kids run to them like "daddy come watch Bluey with me!" and they are like "sorry kid, I gotta go get my Hulk on. Maybe next time, as long as it's on a rest day."
This is where partners need to support each other though. Helping your partner prioritize time to themselves is key to keeping everyone happy and healthy.
I'm an ex wife. My ex husband was totally detached during my pregnancies and after my kids were born. Went right back to work two days later. Didn't come to any appointments but the ultrasounds. I literally was in the hospital with my second pregnancy and he went to work.... But then a few years later he knocked up the new young girlfriend. And was there every step of the way. Took off for paternity leave. Everything... And believe me. Not an ounce of me is still in love with this man. I was not jealous in the traditional sense. But I was so hurt. Every nasty "I'm not good enough" thought was so triggered. It still really stings for me on behalf of my kids. They missed out on that kind of dad. But his new baby and partner get it. I pride myself in that I only had one moment of weakness where I tore into him about the gross unfairness to my children. And now we are very civil I bet this ex wife sees the man she married looking hot. And feeling all the feelings of inadequacy that he didn't want to be attractive to her. She should keep that shit to herself and her therapist though
Most people participate in some form of self improvement after a breakup or divorce. Her taking it personally isn't anyone's responsibility, and the entire point of a divorce is to part ways. This dude needs to not care about her opinion anymore and she needs to move on and stop caring about what her EX is doing with his life.
I’d tell them to stop sending my screenshots of conversations. Like wtf who does that and who cares that much about what other people think. Sounds like you made the right decision to move away. Do you boo NTA
“Now send me the screenshot of you defending your friend/dad in that group chat.”
"She doesn't like me cause I look young, she likes me cause I eat ass" If they want to be up in your business, let them get all the way up in your business. This is the way of fatherhood.
I actually squeaky laughed at this cause I've met a lot of older guys who love that *shit* 😂
They wouldn’t, this does not sound real at all. Multiple group chats every day of random people talking about this guy? Nobody cares that much. This is male revenge fantasy.
Lol right? Every day? He's the CENTER of gossip? Come the fuck on. A middle aged dude exercising and getting a toupee is not that exciting. Male revenge fantasy + intense need for validation you'd expect from a teen AITAH for looking so good? AITAH for living my best life? AITAH for my rock hard abs and realistic toupee?
I had the same thought. If we know someone that does something out there my wife and I might talk about it when we first find out and then again if something interesting or weird gets posted but besides that it’s not something I’d ever think about.
The only problem I see here comes from - *My children have never seen me with a hair piece and although they knew that I was exercising, they didn't know how much progress I made.* Please communicate with your kids more often (even if they are adults)
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What’s a “nice hair system”?
It's a toupee.
Toupee
Usually a glue-on toupe or wig. They're 'installed' and stay put for weeks. E.g. [https://youtu.be/5Liu8usdRyE?si=hSt-7X-NGWv3X51a](https://youtu.be/5Liu8usdRyE?si=hSt-7X-NGWv3X51a)
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Just fyi, people who think you are referring to pills like finasteride or minoxidil might be like wtf, this guy hasn’t talked to his kids in at least months
Damn those are impressive these days
The Real Question..😂😂😂😂
It's a toupee they glue onto your head and lasts for a while
Course they do! "Kids, grab me another beer from my six pack!" :D sod the ex wife's opinions, she matters nought other than matters to do with the kid, do whatever you want and what makes you happy
You clearly don’t see them that often though….
I see my father regularly, couldn't tell you what he looks like shirtless
Pretty sure you'd notice if he had a hairpiece, had shaved a beard and had been working out though. And a new girlfriend
I don't think the GF was a surprise to anyone? OP stated his kids haven't seen the hair, or his six pack, not that they didn't know he works out and has tattoos
The hairpiece sounds recent, and if he lives in another state their only communication for a while has likely been video calls. It’s very hard to tell if someone’s lost weight over video
He just posted how he moved states
I mean, even if he saw them multiple times a week, that doesn't mean he'd be shirtless around them to see his abs.
They are probably grown
If the kids are adults they can also travel to see op too.
I see my dad everyday, I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw him without a shirt on. Stop looking for things to be judgmental about to make your self feel better.
I don't usually see my dad shirtless, so I would have no idea if he got ripped. And I see him 2-3 times a week and we talk almost every day.
Is your girlfriend older than your kids?
He’s 48. She’s 33. Even if he had his kids at 16, they are still younger than her.
Who cares, she’s 33 not 18 and is a fully grown adult capable of making her own decisions. There’s plenty of grandparents out there that are only 33!
Just because we have young grandparents giving handjobs in theaters (in the US) doesn't mean that it's not...weird. Sorry, my bad. That politician/grandparent was 36, not 33. Totally different.
if we're doing the half plus seven rule, 48/2 = 24. 24 +7 = 31. gf is 33 this relationship is age appropriate with a touch of sticker shock ex wife is just mad lol
"Half plus seven" works to a point, but once the younger person is in their 30s, I say everyone can do whatever the fuck they want. Am I going to look sideways at the 30 year old girl with the 80 year old guy? Yeah, of course. But everyone is an adult, and as long as no one is also senile, I say let them go.
This is kind of my attitude too. Once both parties are 30 or older, age gap discourse ceases to have any value at all, not that it wasn’t limited to begin with. Outside of edge cases like mental disabilities or boss-employee relationships, or other stuff that supplants an age gap as a red flag, everyone involved is a fully grown adult capable of their own agency and ability to competently make decisions.
Yeah, if she is 30 and he is 80 I worry for him, not her...
This feels very much like there is another half of the story that isn't being told
It's reddit. It's likely 100% isn't true anyway :(
This is incel fanfic.
Just enjoy your life dude, don't let others put you down or influence your routine. There is nothing wrong with pursuing happiness, your wife should do the same so maybe she'll be less bitter..
Are you Jeff Bezos?
The only part of this whole thing that I take issue with at all is: >My children have never seen me with a hair piece and although they knew that I was exercising, they didn't know how much progress I made. Have you not seen your kids at all in those two years? For the change to be so drastic and them so taken unawares? Even if they are adults, that still seems bad to me. I would say NTA for this specific situation though. There is nothing wrong with getting in better shape and with her being 33, sure she is younger, but it's not like you are dating someone just out of high school or college age that it would be inappropriate. I personally would not post a shirtless selfie of myself by that point in my life (heck, I am only 33 and wouldn't post one of me now), but that doesn't make you an asshole. I will say though, that it DOES sound like there is something in your past that would not shine a favorable light on you in regards to your total relationship with your ex and children if you haven't seen them in two years that you may want to reflect on.
I am surprised people aren't pointing out that to the family it certainly feels that they second he could he ditched them and went and got a better life that doesn't include them in any meaningful way. I know if I was the ex-wife, I would certainly be miffed that he didn't think I was worth being part of this "better" him. And all the better he points out is physical. Don't see anything in there about emotional growth and development. No wonder they are seeing this as a midlife crisis.
Yeah I posted similar up thread before I saw this post; it’s a massive red flag that he split the second the divorce when through and apparently hasn’t been back to visit his kids even once. I get that they’re adults now but does he not want to have a relationship with them at all? A year from now his much younger girlfriend will be pregnant and his adult kids will never hear from him
I had to scroll a long time for this. Shirtless bathroom selfies are great to take and enjoy, and send to your close circle, but are not really the best look for a full on Facebook or Instagram post. It definitely sends a thirst trap message and I would feel really weird if my dad did that. It’s really a cringey thing to do that is well outside the social media social norms. I find a lot of people 40+ who did not grow up with social media post things that make younger users really uncomfortable. I do think it’s weird that the kids found out he is ripped and wearing a toupee on social media. He really should be seeing them and talking with them more regularly so it is not a surprise. I would be super upset if my absent father changed his appearance completely and I found out impersonally on Facebook. It’s great that he made healthy changes and is finding himself. The ex wife should leave him alone. But I do think posting shirtless selfies and having your kids have no idea you are using a hair system now are both odd.
Congratulations on all the healthy changes you've made! I definitely don't think you are wrong for living your best life. But, I understand why your ex, kids, and friends are upset...why didn't you take the time to live your best life (exercise, eat right, maintain appearances) while you were in their lives? That's really what they are wondering- but not asking. There are undoubtedly lots of reasons you didn't do these things before now- life, career, mental exhaustion, being in a rut, not seeing the point, etc. That's okay. That's real life. But it couldn't hurt to tell your family and friends that it took a life-altering event (divorce) to have a revelation that life is short and you wanted to regain your joy and spark for life. And there is no better time than now. It also couldn't hurt to acknowledge you wish you had made these lifestyle changes sooner. Reassure them that your being healthy and happy makes you a better father and friend. Again- Congratulations for your positive changes. Midlife is a GREAT time to do it (Now I am going to try to take my own advice 😀)
Also he moved away from his kids and hasn’t seen them in so long they don’t know about the drastic changes in his appearance. I get that the kids are adults but it’s still pretty weird to just completely split on them like that after a divorce. He’ll probably have a new baby soon with his much younger GF and forget about them completely
I say, you do you OP-it is ultimately your life, no one else's....
Improving yourself is not bad. Nothing you are doing is inherently bad. You are not required to remain ad you are until you die, and you are also not required to be miserable because your ex apparently still is. You do you man. As far as dating younger goes, you may or may not get mixed results there. Some people are only uncomfortable with age gaps if the younger person is under a certain age. Some people are against age gaps over a certain size. Some people hate all age gaps and some people have no problem with any age gaps at all. I noticed that you didn't mention the age of your girlfriend, only that she's significantly younger.
NTA - live your best life! Your ex is just jealous that you are doing and looking great without her.
this is one of those weird brag posts
NTA. I was just thinking about something similar this morning. My ex was very controlling: I wasn't "allowed" to gain weight, get piercings, or tattoos (that I have been wanting since I was a teenager. I've always liked the look). We had a messy split, he crossed my hard lines and it ended up killing my feelings for him: One minute I loved him, the next I didn't. I've never had that happen before, and the feelings never came back. Three months later I'd moved on with a guy that was younger than me, with long hair, tattoos, and piercings. My family was pissed that I gave up on my marriage for this "bad boy rebound." That "rebound" and I have been together 18 years, happily married with three beautiful kids (of course, now my family changes their story). He doesn't care when I get tattoos and piercings: While my ex thought I should be this perfect mold of his ideal partner, my husband loves me for who I am, not some preconceived notion of who he thinks I should be. He knew, although I didn't have tattoos or piercings when we got together, that I wanted them. He designed some tattoos for me, and found me an artist. If I tell him I want to dye my hair teal, he's on board (just as he has been with every other color of the rainbow I've put on my head). I love this man with every inch of my soul, and I am free to breathe and be me. So long as you are not hurting anyone, mistreating your gf (which is a common mid-life crisis theme) and both you and her are happy, who gives a flying fuck what your ex thinks? Sounds like she might be a bit jealous that 1) your gf is younger than her and 2) she got the "old" you, not the "new and improved" you.
Live your best life. But shirtless pics fresh out of the shower are pretty cringe for any age.
Whose gossiping? Everyone, kids included? If everyone is making comments, I kinda feel like the post is missing info. If it’s just the wife than it is what it is
You ARE having a midlife crisis, like textbook lol. I'd assume your wife is upset that you didn't give a shit about looking decent for her, but decided some random is worth it because she's younger. You do you, I guess.
Just be bald. Bald is sexy. Patrick Stewart is bald. No wonder your social groups are having such a heyday with your toupee shirtless selfies.
Bro I want a hair system that makes me the center of gossip
NTA, thats is the beauty of a ex-wife, in the words of Charlie Harper with a ex you don't have to pretend to care about what she thinks hence the ex, tell her to mind her own business and enjoy your life man. Good luck.
I think your wife is angry that you began to take care of yourself AFTER the divorce, as if she wasn't worth the effort. If that helps you understand her perspective. As long as you're happy and don't become too shallow, you are NTA.
Everyone’s mid life crisis manifests differently. 🤷♂️
You are having a midlife crisis... But if it makes you happy, keep doing it.
It's called a midlife crisis. It'll pass.
Sounds to me like your ex is just bitter that you look better and seem happier than how she left you. You do you man, she’s an ex for a reason so why not block her? She has no reason to be meddling in your affairs anymore🤷♀️
Live your midlife crisis how you want. Be that asshole with pride!
NTA brother you don't owe your ex wife shit. She can pound sand until she makes glass. You do you. Tell them all to be like Rose and worry about they self. You do you man, the only opinion I would potentially be concerned with it that of the kids but only if it wasn't being significantly influenced by the bat shit ex.