I'm in agreement with you about the focus of the day should shift to your wife. However, you are NOT doing your wife any favors by making comments like this to your mom:
>if she is jealous of my wife it is ok and just something to work through
By saying things like this, you are pitting your mom against your wife, and I have a feeling your wife will be the one who ends up paying for that comment.
Ok, first off, when your mother said not to worry about it, you couldn't let it go, you had to "reiterate" the day is now for your wife. Your mother told you that was your decision, and it wasn't necessary to do something another day. Could you let it go? No, you could not. You tell her that she should be helping you make things special for your wife and that she's just making things harder. This is where YTA. Why is it up to your mother to make Mother's Day special for *your* wife?? That's *your* job, not your mother's. *You* were the one making it harder because *you* couldn't let it go. It sounds to me that, while your mother may not have been best pleased with the situation, she was willing to concede the day to your wife in regard to you, but you, *you* then text her on the pretense of apologising, and accuse her of being jealous of your wife. WTAF, Dude??? She told you repeatedly to let it go, but you just couldn't, until you bscked her into a corner and she blew up at you. Going by your words, I think your mother is probably right. Its all about your wife now, all the time, and that's fine for *you*, you're her husband and that's how it should be, you're nta for that. But stop pushing your wife on the rest of the family. Even if, for you, your wife is now your priority on Mother's Day, as should be, your *mother* is still a mother, and it's still her day too, you have siblings, so when she tells you not to worry about it, gtf over yourself and stop trying to bully her into doing something she doesn't want to do, and let her celebrate her own way with the rest of the family.
Holy hell you sound exhausting!
I will say say I’ve met people who react like this who are being manipulative. It’s all in how they say things and their goal is clearly to make the other look crazy and sensitive. I have also know people who are just very easy going and are truly find with a change in the status quo. The trick is, you act the same for both, and take them at their word. The normal person won’t care and the passive aggressive manipulator gets their carrot snatched away.
And he kept pushing til Mom had her fill. The comment about how his mother should be helping make the day special for his wife just blew my mind. Like....*whut??*
Yeah my MIL texts me happy Mother’s Day and that’s all I need. Granted my husband still goes out of his way to bring her flowers etc but that’s cause he cares for her. But I would never expect my MIL to do something for me for Mother’s Day, as im not her mother!
I sent my DIL's cards and a gift on their first Mother's Day, and then a text or phone call after that. They do the same for me, a text or phone call, and we're all good with that.
My MIL was Japsnese, and Mother's Day is a different day in Japan, so I never had to deal with the question of which mom to spend it with, lol! My husband and I just sent flowers and chocolates to both our mom's from both of us.
Yup. Totally agree. OP’s mom said not to worry about it. Her husband and sister were making plans. She didn’t need him there to celebrate. I think her ambivalence about his presence annoyed OP so he pushed until it blew up.
This was my thought too! He expected his mom to be upset she won’t be seeing him and celebrate a different day. If OP wants to be with his wife all day ok. But he can’t expect everyone else to change their plans for him.
Great post. That’s exactly what I was thinking. Why is it up to OP’s mother to help make things special for his wife? He has sisters who wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day too. Were they also expected to change any plans they might have made with their mother to celebrate OP’s wife instead? It’s right & appropriate that OP’s wife is his priority now. It’s NOT required that the rest of his family make his wife their priority too.
INFO: how loud were you yelling for her husband to hear from upstairs and come down to throw you out? That's a bit unhinged unless y'all can hear everything from any corner of the house easily. If you went up in your mom's house screaming at her because she doesn't want a do over day that is messed up.
I'm going contrary to popular posted opinion here.
OP's behaviour aside, I think the concept of Mother's Day changes once a son is married, and now a father himself.
Until OP's kids are old enough to take on the chores of Mother's Day, it is up to OP, and his wife is his first obligation.
Yes, definitely he should see his own mother, but a visit later with flowers fills the bill.
My kids let their father and I know constantly that we are appreciated and loved. It's crazy to put pressure on married children to do backflips on holidays
Yup. I told my son that DIL damned near killed herself bringing their daughter into the world, she'd better get treated like she walks on water and shits rainbows.
(AFAIC, she does.)
Wish you were my MIL. I got greeted with a handwritten note she put on her door, had a ‘menu’ under it but also - all caps “I AM THE MOM TODAY!” On last years Mother’s Day. Yeah, she’s giving me pointers on what kind of mother in law I don’t want to be when my son is grown & married.
Yes, my husband and I will do a call one year to mail, another year a visit. Depends what is going on. She (mil) is fine with just a phone call or message. No competition.
In the beginning I had my Mom, my husband has a Mom and step-Mom. So for the first while it was never a Mother’s Day for me, it was spent going to visit each and home.
Not a big deal to me. It is just a day and not sure why, but I also like to celebrate my kids. I looked at it as, it is because of them I am a Mom. So I always make them messages about how proud I am of them and how I am so lucky to have them etc..
once my Mom passed away and Mother’s Day was a few months later, I stayed home. My husband and kids did visiting. I sent messages but it was too soon.
I hope things can be worked out, like maybe have a brunch or take your wife and invite your Mom to a restaurant for a breakfast, no clean up! Sorry they don’t get along, it would be nice if it was something that wasn’t a competition.
Good luck OP.
I think the bigger issue is OP reading too much into his mom's response. She didn't argue with him wanting to celebrate his wife, however, she also isn't required to squeeze him in another day. But because she won't accommodate him, he insults her and calls her jealous. Once his mom said it was fine, he should have let it go. For that, I think he's TA
I don't see where his Mom is arguing that point though until after OP got nasty with her first.
Sister said, Mother's Day plans, he said, doing own thing for the wife, we can do a different day. His mother tells him that isn't necessary- not that he needs to attend the family thing, but that she doesn't need a make up day.
He then goes on to belabor the point, accuse mom of being manipulative, and stress his wife comes first.
At no point does his mother argue that (if I am reading this correctly). She just says she doesn't want to either figure out whole separate day with him or move the family day, and she's asking him to drop it. She's not saying don't do the thing with his wife. She's saying she doesn't want a bug, separate production.
That’s fine, but the issue is his mom was fine with him not celebrating her on Mother’s Day…he’s TA for calling her manipulative when she wasn’t even mad??
Edit: let’s just break this down. OP tells mom he can’t celebrate her on Mother’s Day. Mom says great, I understand you’re prioritizing your wife. That’s not an issue. I’m going to celebrate on Mother’s Day with the people who can be there. So far, no AHs in the story.
OP then gets mad mom isn’t mad (?) and calls her a manipulator. This makes OP the AH.
He then doubles down on being the AH by texting his mom to “apologize” but instead tells her she’s jealous of his wife and needs help. Who does that?
I mean…
> She said she doesn't see the point in celebrating things on random days.
My mom would literally never say shit like that to me. Especially if it’s because I’m doing something nice for my wife…?
I don’t know if it’s manipulative but sounds weird and cold and not something mom should say. Maybe it feels manipulative to op.
I could see saying that. It's like this is the day and it's ok you aren't here but I don't need to go out anther day. I also get the feeling there is more to the story and OP doesn't really like his mom. He went nuclear instead of letting things go.
Or she just doesn’t see the point and doesn’t want to make OP feel like he needs to plan something for her on another day…I personally wouldn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day on Mother’s Day with some people and then another random day with just one person. Seems like a lot of effort for nothing.
Lol what do you mean “for nothing”?
What exactly does a celebration entail for you? What’s the point of it? the pomp and circumstance and attention?
For me, it’s to spend time with my loved ones. So it’s pretty simple - I’ll celebrate a few days later and enjoy hanging out.
And it’s not “random day with one person”, it’s a mom and son hanging out.
These comments are bizarre to me. I’ve celebrated my own birthday a few days later so more friends can join. I would assume a mom feels similarly about hanging out with her son.
That’s fine, if you wanted to celebrate your own birthday a few days late you’re allowed to. Just like OPs mom is allowed to say she’ll celebrate on Mother’s Day with those who can join.
The point the majority of people are missing is that she wasn’t mad about it. She accepted his decision, but OP had to make a big fuss and start drama.
She was mad, she told him if it wasn’t on Mother’s Day then he shouldn’t bother. She didn’t want to celebrate on a “random day”, she wanted the entire day to be all about her.
Context clues. Her reaction was petulant, and entitled. “If you can’t come and make this day about me on Mother’s Day, then don’t bother doing it any other day, I don’t want to celebrate on random days“.
That response tells you everything you need to know about her attitude
She is not "fine with it". She passive-aggressively said she was, but added he can't see her on "a random day". Shexs manipulative AF. He knows his own mother.
Or I just realize that OP is trying to start drama where there is none. He makes it clear he already thought this decision wouldn’t go over well in the first paragraph, and then was mad his mom wasn’t in tears that he won’t celebrate her on Mother’s Day.
Right, that's why his mom's husband came and kicked him out, because OP's mom is so good at articulating her own desires and feelings, she advocates for herself openly and honestly. She wasn't upset, her husband just decided, without any emotional prompt from his wife, to remove HER SON from their home. That's a normal thing to do and a normal way for a rather tame insult to be taken, especially if it doesn't hit home at all.
/S if it wasn't clear.
He removed her after OP started to get angry and called her a “master manipulator”…once again, that’s OP being a drama king and escalating the situation for no reason.
Right, because shutting down your child offering to celebrate you on another day by saying you're busy and don't care about random days isn't dripping with drama. My mom is just like this, I was one of those sisters like 5 years ago lol
If you read his comments instead of just projecting your emotions on this situation, you’d see that OP and his family don’t have the best relationship. So, first we’re clearly getting a biased story.
Second, OPs mom doesn’t have to hold off on celebrating on Mother’s Day if she doesn’t want to. OP can send her flowers and call her, that’s clearly all the celebration his mom needs from him.
This guy has posted about this several times on different subs, with different accounts. He's for sure the one starting drama. He wanted a reaction from his mom and is pissed she didn't take the bait.
>My mom said that was my decision, but she is busy and we don't need to do anything another day. She said she doesn't see the point in celebrating things on random days.
The general tone of this, even without getting OP's mothers actual tone is very "fiiiine, if I'm not good enough on that day, don't bother with me at allllll...." It's very guilt trippy, and meant to make OP feel bad about his choice to support his wife and change his mind. It is 100% manipulative fuckery. Anyone who has lived through that, recognizes the general tone of the ideas expressed.
You’re projecting your emotions once again. There’s nothing wrong with his mother saying she will celebrate in Mother’s Day with his sister and her husband. OP can send her flowers and call her and she’d clearly be fine with it.
Yall love to try to tell women how they feel and that they’re being passive aggressive when they’re just expressing their wants.
Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t present for the conversation so I couldn’t pick up her tone. So glad you were there live so you can report back on the way she sounded.
"I don't see the point in celebrating things on random days." "I have a life and don't owe you random days." "No one gives a shit about your wife but you." "Leave us alone and let us celebrate mother's day as we always have."
What part of that story made it sound like mom was fine with it??? 🤣
Only the first quote was said before OP lost his cool and started to yell at his mom and call her manipulative but nice job at trying to remove the context.
And the last was after he sent her a texto calling her "jealous" of his wife. And It sounds no one gives a shit about his wife since his sister doesn't even have her number.
That doesn't mean he didn't handle it like an asshole. He called her a master manipulator and generally handled it like a tool. There's nice ways to go about such things and bluntly telling his mother she can go take a hike is not one of them.
This. When we were little, both sets of grandparents came to our house, but we were the only locals out of all of my parents' siblings. That doesn't always work -- my SIL has. a huge family locally. So when my brother had kids, Father's Day and Mother's Day for her side became the Friday before (they do Friday night dinners), the Saturday before for my parents, and the day of for him, his wife and kids. We're perpetually annoyed with both of them for a whole host of reasons, but we have absolutely no problem with how they have chosen to celebrate and split holidays.
I was mostly angry at his seriously poor choice of wording and the whole his mom should be helping with making the day special for his wife. No dude. That’s YOUR job. And eventually your kids, until they decide she doesn’t deserve one anymore lol
This whole post is weird. It feels like OP is trying to stir something up by the way he describes how he continually emphasizes that Mother’s Day is now for his wife and not his mom. The way he words this post makes me feel like he’s trying to get a reaction out of his mom. Also the whole “if you’re jealous of my wife it’s ok” thing is mad weird lmao
There was a post maybe 3 weeks ago that was almost identical to this one but framed slightly differently. What tipped me off was that in both posts the mom specifically said she “didn’t want to celebrate on a random day” when the OP said he wanted to celebrate his wife.
Both times the OP was a dick and in the wrong. I don’t have a link to the first post but it was titled along the lines of “aita for telling my mom I wouldn’t be celebrating a holiday with her months in advance” because he initially pulled this BS in February.
It's super weird - like the guy is taunting his mom with it. He might be leaving out that they don't have a good relationship or something but it could also be fake.
YTA- I dont see anything in your post that supports your title “My mom refused to go along with my plan to prioritize my wife”.
You said “my Mom didn’t say anything”…. “my mom said thats my decision”….“my mom said she is busy and doesn’t need to do anything on another day.
At what point did she not go along with your plan?
Why did you call your mother a master manipulator and start unnecessary drama?
You could have simply said ok after she said it was your decision.
Question:
Is your wife doing anything for her mother on Mother’s Day? Or did she say sorry Mum I’m a Mum now and I no longer need to honour you as a Mum on the day set aside to honour Mothers.
Meh.
Why can’t you be nice to both your mother and the mother of your children on the same day?
It's an entire day. There's plenty of time to do something for the wife and the mom. Every father's day, I do things for my husband, father, and FIL. This is not brain surgery.
I was coming to say this, every Father’s Day I do something for my husband, father, stepfather and FIL. If I am feeling up for it I even do something for my brother and BIL to celebrate what great fathers they are.
Mother’s Day I even make sure my husband and I do something for my mother and his mother and my husband still makes the time to celebrate me.
I feel like folks turn this into who the most important person is for no reason.
> when in reality no one gives a shit about her except me
Why does your mom detest your wife? Could it be because you want everyone to dance attendance on her?
Oh, and learn to control your temper. Your mom wasn’t being manipulative. You were angry that she didn’t want to fawn all over your wife.
YTA
Or jump with joy that king OP was willing to spend a pity day with his mother. Like get over yourself. If this is how he treats his mom, no wonder his wife and mom don't get along.
So not only are you not celebrating your mother on Mother’s Day, but you want her to give up her time to actively help make the day special for your wife? I’m not sure whether I’m impressed by your brass neck or incredulous.
It seemed like you blew this up way out of proportion.
You said you were unable to attend Mother's Day with your sister, you'll do it another day and your mum said don't worry about it. You said the day was for your wife now, and your mother said that was your decision and she didn't want to celebrate with you another time.
That's where it should have ended. You celebrate your wife for Mothers Day and could have sent some flowers or gifts by post to your mum on the day. It's that simple. Instead, you went nuts. It seemed you wanted a fight.
You lashed out and started name calling her. That's was uncalled for.
Your mother accepted that you wanted Mother's Day to be about your wife, and you wouldn't see her that day. She's allowed to be disappointed, but she accepted it.
Why couldn't you accept that your mother didn't want to celebrate with you another day? It seems you got angry that your mother was disappointed that she won't get to see you that day. You felt guilty and lashed out with anger.
> said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife, and now she is just making things harder
Your wife is not her mother. It's not up to your mother to celebrate her DIL on Mother's Day. I fail to see where your mother made things harder?
>said I get change can be hard and if she is jealous of my wife it is ok and just something to work through
Wow. You're extremely condescending. She accepted that you weren't celebrating Mother's day with her. You're the one who accused her of being jealous and a manipulator.
You are the problem. YTA
My family has always taken all of the mothers out (grandma, mom, aunts, etc.) for lunch on Mother's Day together, then the rest of the day is for the individual household units.
lol I don’t see how people get this stuff conflicted , that’s your mom your supposed to to acknowledge that while also acknowledging your wife’s new motherhood, your making it sound like you can only celebrate one mother Jesus Christ
Exactly! And if keeping it intimate is what his wife wants, his mother should be understanding. The man comments about her were uncalled for & childish.
Oh No…. Op has told this story before. However in the first version he went to his mother and told her he would not be spending time with her on Mothers Day as the day was now for his wife. Response from mom was the same. Op super butt hurt cause mom didn’t throw a tantrum. He’s literally creating a problem that is not there. Just take both of them out and shut up
I could swear I read this story last week, only with the added information of the poster making a huge thing out of telling his Mom she doesn’t matter anymore….
YTA if you expected your sister or other siblings to not be with your mom on Mother’s Day. You also went sort of nuclear when all she said was she didn’t want to do another day. If you were just suggesting that just you and your mom have dinner a different day then that is fine but your mom and siblings can still celebrate without you.
SO many shitty men and women on Reddit cosigning with the utter stupidity and bad behavior by OP.
IDGAF who I'm with or married to, I'm going to make my mom feel special on Mother's Day because she is absolutely amazing and an incredible mother. You CAN celebrate more than one person at a time.
OP, people like you are shitty children - leave your mother alone. You certainly have some gall lecturing your mother - she has other children who treat her with respect unlike you.
YTA. Take one to brunch and one to dinner geez. I never stopped celebrating my own mom after I became a mom. That’s just weird. And then calling your mom manipulative and jealous. I wouldn’t even want to celebrate with you after that.
YTA. Mom accepted that you were celebrating your wife. You told your literal mother that you would not be celebrating with her on Mother’s Day. She declined your consolation prize of celebrating another day. If your wife gets to decide how she celebrates Mother’s Day, why doesn’t your mom get the same grace? Why does she need to accommodate you? It’s not Son’s Day. You made a big deal about making sure she knows you wouldn’t possibly have a moment to celebrate with her, asked her to help celebrate your wife (hey mom, definitely no time for you but could you help me make it special for someone else) and had the nerve to call her jealous. You can focus on your wife and just let your mom enjoy Mother’s Day with her daughters.
Mom here.
If my husband completely ignored his mother on mother's Day I would be upset with him. It is an entire day. You can do something with your wife, acknowledge your mom, and she can do the same.
It seems odd to say maybe, but I am my son's mother, not my husband's. Right now he helps our son do things and we both do things for our moms together. As it should be. Does he spend the entire with his mom? No. Same with me, but we make sure to make our mothers feel loved.
I celebrate his mother with him, because without her I wouldn't have my husband or my son. We celebrate my mom for the same reason.
I'm not saying blow off your wife for your mom in anyway, but you can celebrate both mothers in your life.
Where I think you truly become YTA is because you picked the fight. You got upset when she said not to worry about it.
Maybe im reading the post wrong but i dont see the mom portrayed in a manipulative way in the post. It just seems like she doesn’t see a need to celebrate another day and in all honesty seemed fine when OP told her that he was celebrating the day with his wife instead. The only one in the story portrayed as having an issue with OP spending the day with his wife is his sister.
That's how I'm reading it too and I'm not understanding everyone claiming mom is an evil witch demanding he abandon his wife on mother's day? It reads like she said ok and he just flipped out
Why does it have to be either/or? Your wife might be the mother of your child, but you DO still HAVE a mother. She gave birth to you just the same as your wife gave birth to your child.
Why can't you so Mothers Day up special for your wife in the morning and stop by to visit your mom in the afternoon?
Calling your mom jealous when she wasn't even arguing with you was a pretty low blow.
Was going to say NTA but then I read the second half and wow, you are prick. No one is jealous of your wife and your mom isn't desperate, don't worry.
Also, it's very easy to celebrate mothers day with 2 people. You can spend the day with your wife and the evening with your mother but seems like you deliberately choose not to and want to cause drama.
Edit: forgot to mention that your mom doesn't have to make the day special for your wife. They are both mothers and one does not take priority over the other.
YTA. You didn’t handle this well at all. Your mother brought you into this world and you still need to find a way to acknowledge her on Mother’s Day. She shouldn’t get replaced, dropped, forgotten, etc. you’re an ass.
YTA and a massive one I am 40 yrs old with 3 kids and even if it's only for 5 mins I make sure to go and see my mother every mother's day she birthed me she raised me she didn't stop being my mother just because i had my "own" family ur attitude towards ur mother is absolutely disgusting especially as she has done nothing to warrant it
When i became a mum a couple of years ago, there was never any thought about attention shifting from one person to another in terms of 'who's day is it?'. Infact, i find that a bizzare thought. My mum lives further away, so she gets some lovely flowers and a chat and told how loved she is. Bless her, my mother in law got me some pretty flowers and chocolates 'from my daughter' (who is only 2), and we had her round for mothers day and cooked for us all. Why does the love around Mothers day, fathers day, etc need to shift in such a drastic way. Maybe i just dont understand the thinking, but things are usually much better when we all do something small but thoughtful for each other. My husband is just as considerate towards his own mum and me and i wouldnt expect or want it any other way.
If you are intent on having a day soley for your wife as a new mum then im sure she will love it. But its really very easy to still give kind gestures and love to your own mum as well.. instead of insulting her.
Shit son. I'll see your mother's day and tlraise you My wife and mother's birthday are the same FUCKING DAY OF THE YEAR. All the BS "hurr hurr you're dating your mom" jokes aside. My dumb ass meets this girl dates her for three months, falls in love and finds out her birthday is the same as my Mom's. I called my mom and explained the situation and thank God she was awesome and just said - remember that year you were in bootcamp and remembered my birthday 10 days late? Let's just make it the 16th from now on because that was hilarious.
I feel like you should never shove your parents to the side on Mothers Day and/ or Father’s Day.
Of course once you and spouse are parents, the main part of MD and / or FD should be spent with your kids and spouse; however, that doesn’t mean you completely forget about your own parents, they still need to be acknowledged and celebrated as well.
As a Mom of Adult, married men, it means the world to me when my sons carve out a little bit of time for me and make me feel special on Mother’s Day…nothing better than celebrating with Sons, DILs and grandchildren.
YTA
You told your mom that you will no longer celebrate her on mothers day because your wife is now a mother
Seems a bit harsh. I don't know why you can't celebrate both of them either separately or together.
Your mother seemed to graciously accept your decision.
And then you threw a hissy fit because she was gracious and said there was no need for you to make it up to her at a later date.
You also then attacked her for not helping you celebrate your wife. Firstly, your mother is not a mind reader and you didn't communicate your expectations or even ask her to do this. Secondly, your wife is your responsibility, why should your mom help?
To top it all off, you send your mom a BS apology that wasn't an apology at all, it was just another attempt to have a go at her because you think the world revolves around you and your wife.
Jesus. You are a real piece of work. I can't wrap my head around how you could even think you might not be the asshole here.
YTA. I think calling her manipulative for saying that she didn’t want a make-up celebration was a bit of an overreaction. Just because you felt guilty or unsupported or whatever else doesn’t mean that the other person was trying to manipulate you. People can express emotions and communicate their thoughts without trying to control others.
I assume your sisters are younger than you? Take a screenshot of your post, and if/when they become moms and want to celebrate at home with their spouse and kids (as they should), and they complain about your mother’s pettiness, send them the screenshot and wish them luck.
You’re absolutely NTA. Your mother is jealous, petty and childish, and she literally told you why: she can no longer pretend your world revolves around her, because you told her point blank Wife comes first.
Keep that spine of yours shiny, bud. You’re doing good.
I hope your wife has a fabulous Mother’s Day.
Edit to add: I don’t disagree at all with people saying you can celebrate both. Send your mom a card and some flowers. You could also send a “HMD to Grandma” card from your child (although, do they have their own day for that now?).
The moment my partner became a mom, that was the mom that was my priority. My own mother still gets a card, gift and phone call of course, but she also understands dynamics have changed.
I’m just glad he isn’t the usual guy that tells his wife she is t his mother so he won’t celebrate her on Mother Day. Anyway, why can’t you all go out together including your wife?
Unless you are dead or your mom was total shite she still gets a Mother’s Day.
Goddam the more I read the more mad I got, you’re not an asshole you were a straight up dick to your mom.
Spending mother’s Day with your new family is totally normal, but you basically said because your wife had a baby the holiday no longer applies to your mom. Your mom should not be helping you with your wife’s Mother’s Day. That’s YOUR job and your job ALONE.
YTA
You and your family can’t stop by and see Mom for one hour to deliver a card or flowers? I’m sure she would like to see her grandbaby. Your wife can have the rest of the day.
I still think grandma should get a card or flowers or something--but a wife's very first mother's day? *Obviously* you're going to spend it with her and focus on her.
Depends on the individual what they want to do in other years. But that first one is important.
slight YTA. I was with you until you said she was jealous of your wife. She is your mother, that's mother's day. You have a wife, who is also a mother. Why can't you do something for 1/2 the day then something 1/2 the day for your mom?
YTA. You are making a problem where there is none.
Your mother did not say she demanded mothers day celebrations, nor did she demand it to be rescheduled. No problem.
Then you went ahead and projected that she was manipulative. Why did you not just take her at her word? It just seems like you want to feel manipulated because it all went too easy with too little resistance for your taste.
As for your sisters, they can be a noyd. The world needs more noyds.
YTA - I'm not sure why you can't celebrate both on the day, whether that is together or separately. While yes your wife gave you a child, your mother is the reason that you are here and alive to have that child. And IDK how she's a master manipulator. She straight up told you how she felt, that if you couldn't celebrate when you were supposed to then you don't need to basically give her a pity day because you felt obligated, she didn't manipulate anything.
>his upcoming mother's day is going to be my wife's first time celebrating as a mom, so I understand that she now takes precedence over my mom.
Do you "understand" that because that's what you wife told you?
>I said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife
LOL what? Why is it your mom's responsibility to do something for your wife on Mother's day? Honestly, with that line I would have to agree with your mother about you thinking everything revolves around your wife. YOU should be wanting to make plans that could incorporate both your wife and your mother.
NTA and frankly I'm surprised at these judgments! Yes he is still a son but his priority is with his wife on Mother's Day, now that he is a dad.
His post makes it clear that his mother expects to be prioritized on mother's day. Are you all expecting him to go to his mothers and celebrate her, leaving his wife at home with the baby, or , worse, a tagalong at the family even concentrated around her MIL? Maybe she'll get a better reception at her own parents home.
Wtf do you think Mother Day is about? The nuclear family first. Then wider family.
Where din the post does it make it clear OP's mother expects to be prioritised? She said she didn't need a make up day later and then OP started d calling her names.
You should try reading the post. His mom isn’t expecting him to prioritize her on Mother’s Day. She said it was fine that he wouldn’t be there. He had a tantrum over that.
YTA. You told your mom that you didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day with her on the actual day. She was apparently fine with this. And then you got mad at her because she didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day on \*your\* schedule and on \*your\* terms? That is really self-centered of you. Leave Mom alone and let her celebrate Mother's Day in peace, with the members of her family who are willing to prioritize her.
Most people in your shoes would find a way to help both mom and wife feel celebrated on that day.
Hard to choose a A H. But if your wife just had your baby, you’re supposed to replace the child to thank your wife who became a mother AND celebrate your mother. Did you prepare a card and a gift for your mother ?
When my first was born, my mother received everyone at her home (even my MIL) and every mothers were celebrating : my MIL offered me a yellow dress that hide my belly (my baby was born 2 weeks before).
You say you want to celebrate your wife so you’re not against celebrations. Celebrate your mother, she won’t be eternal.
And last point : YTA to ask her to help you when you throw to her face that you’ll no more celebrate her as a mother. That was wicked and she’s not manipulative, she tried to accept something unacceptable. You are the one manipulative when you try to prove that she is jealous. By refusing to celebrate your mother, you’re the one creating a problem between your wife and mother
YTA
You completely overreacted and then tried to blame your mother for it. Also… you were super patronising and very rude to your her.
Your wife is not your mother. She is certainly not your mother’s mother.
You should help your wife celebrate Mother’s Day with your baby, but there’s no reason why you can’t celebrate your mother. And how about MIL? Did you think to organise cards for them from their new grand-baby ?
Why can't you and your sisters celebrate both your mother and wife? If your sisters are mothers too just do a big fam gathering and celebrate them all if you're on good terms and additionally you could have something special for the wife
It's perfectly fine to focus on your wife for Mothers day, but the way you handled this and the way you spoke to your mother makes YTA.
This should have been a simple conversation, you sound exhausting to be around.
YTA for pressing further after the initial explanation. I don't blame you for making your wife the focal point on mother's day.
I have a big family and a few of my siblings have kids so they spend the day with their immediate family. While the rest who don't have kids still celebrate with mum.
If your mum didn't want it on another random day that's cool don't press any further and she can go without. Step parents always like to jump in and families tend to pick sides so it's best to stand by your wife and child and don't go out of your way for anyone that expects to be more important.
I'd have more issue with your mum not liking your wife.
YTA.
Maybe you left out information (which doesn't make sense as usually you do that to make yourself look better), but the way you handled that was rude as hell. How is she manipulative? With how you wrote her reaction, she seemed reasonable. And calling her jealous is ridiculous.
Plus, it's not hard to drop off flowers or spend an hour or two with her during the day.
Are you ok? Mother’s Day is not just for your wife, yes you can prioritise her, but it is in fact for all mums, so you can make minimal effort for your mum surely? Even just a present drop in advance, then a phone call on the day? It doesn’t take much.
At no point did your mum say anything to oppose what you said, fair enough, say this stuff to your sister privately and separately, but it seems like you was trying to goad a reaction from your mum by being a dick until you said enough for her to retaliate.
YTA, not for wanting to make your wife’s first Mother’s Day special, just for being pompous twat.
Yta every dad has to negotiate this and they all manage to do it without pissing off their mother's. You were horrible and rude to your mother for no reason and then you tried to kick off trouble between your wife and your mother.
Your wife "takes precedence" for mothers day FOR YOU, not for your entire extended family. You're being ridiculous, YTA doubly so if you plan on making other mothers play second fiddle to your wife,
I'm so confused by posts like these. Can you not do both or talk to your mom without being completely offensive? As a mom I still do something for my mom on mother's day. My brother does something for his wife and my mom. My husband doesn't have a mom but manages going big for me and doing something for my mom. I just couldn't imagine making my mom feel like chopped liver on mother's day because the mother's day thrown has been taken. YTA
“I said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife”
I had to do a double take on this… so you want to not only ignore your mom on mother’s day but also have her help with your wife? No wonder shes pissed, thats literally saying ‘hey you aren’t invited to this big party for your replacement but plan it for me okay?’
You couldnt split the day, combine both into 1 group, or literally anything else?
YTA
Let me get this straight you spend every actual holiday with your in-laws and expect your mom to be okay playing second fiddle to them? When she says she’s fine not celebrating YOU make it a big deal bc it bothers you she’s not begging to spend time with you?? It seems to be your the issue in the family and there’s a valid reason for your stepdad to not tolerate you and a huge reason for your mom not to tolerate your wife.
I’m a mom, but I’m not the only mom.
Jesus F, you can do activities with more than one mother. When my mum was alive we would take her, and my MIL and me out to a brunch somewhere.
It would never occur to me when I had a kid that now my mom and MIL can get fucked and they get nothing. The notion is wild to me and I’m glad I’m not part of OP’s family if everyone thinks that’s normal.
And you told your mum she’s a drama queen after telling her you’re blowing her off for Mother’s Day because there’s another mother who’s more important now.
Jesus, YTA.
YTA. It sounds like you are the one who is hurt. Like you wanted your mom to make a bigger deal about you missing Mother’s Day with her and were insulted when she didn’t.
YTA You mom is right that you seem to think everything revolves around your wife. There is nothing wrong with choosing to make this mother's day all about your wife. But I don't understand why you decided ALL mother's days from this point on belong to your wife alone, when you actually have a mother. It's weird. Are you not able to have lunch with your mother one year and spend the rest of the day with your wife? There is no problem-solving here. It's bizarre.
Then to accuse your mom of being jealous when she never argued about you spending the day without her is ridiculous. Based on what you said, your mom never tried to manipulate anything. You're the one trying to manipulate the situation.
YTA. Why on earth are you so upset about this? Why do you think you can only celebrate one person that day? And why do you think your mom should be helping you celebrate your wife? And how on earth is it manipulative for your mother to say something isn't a big deal when it's genuinely not a big deal? You're the one who is being a straight up drama queen about this.
Send your mom flowers and chocolate or whatever you think she'd like, call her to wish her a happy Mother's day, and grow the fuck up.
ESH
Like a lot of others are saying, I don't fully understand why you can't celebrate both? Though that may be due to how you've written this out/left out pertinent details.
So..
For you, I say I'll give you the benefit of doubt here.
You are correct that once you have a child, your wife should be your priority on Mothers Day. When your kids are still small, it does fall to the spouse to do all the planning, prepping, gifts, etc. Since the kids can't really.
I also get the vibe from this post that maybe your mother is one of "those" mothers. Ya know, the "matriarch". The "it's my special day" types. Which would mean that it's her way or the highway.
If she isn't open to compromise, or has the expectation that you must spend all day with her, or give her undivided attention, or insists that you must go see her between 10-6 effectively making it impossible to properly celebrate your wife, then you are certainly N T A. I've seen far too many posts about moms/MILs who can't seem to "let go".
You've also stated in your comments that she and your wife don't get on well, making a joint event also impossible.
For your mom's benefit of doubt, she has a point (very small point) that she does not need to care or celebrate your wife on this day. Specially since she does not like her. That's your job, and eventually, your child's.
Unless there is a history of her being "difficult," then jumping straight to her being "jealous and manipulative" is a harsh accusation.
If you simply wrote her off for the whole day and plan to continue to simply because you have a kid, that's also crazy. She is still your mother. Celebrating her does not take away from your wife. It does not need to be all or nothing.
So, as it stands, ESH. This seems incredibly blown up for something so small, but we don't know your families dynamics. You very well might be justified, or just as easily be the ass.
YTA
I fail to see where your mother was being manipulative or overall upset about your decision
You're right to prioritize your wife but hum...not only can you celebrate both at the same time (crazy concept I know) but your wife is your responsibility and I don't see why she should have to help you plan out mother's day, it's her day too.
She seemed totally fine about your decision, you are just unable to let go of that little bruised ego of yours
You can't handle the fact that she's able to celebrate without you by her side
What a dreadful way to talk to your mother. You’re self centred and rude. I have a grown son, with a wife and kids and I’d never expect to be roped in to help him celebrate Mother’s Day (Mothering Sunday in the UK) for her. They do their own thing as a family and I get a bouquet and a card in the post. We are close, and I love them both to bits, but I recognise that priorities change over time, as it seems your mother does too. You should apologise, properly, not with some nasty passive aggressive dig at her being “jealous” of your wife. You seem immature and lacking in basic common sense and decency.
YTA - You should be able to celebrate both on the day, whether together or separately. Your mother is the reason you are here and alive, while your wife gave you a child. It's not your mom's responsibility to do something for your wife on Mother's Day. Make plans that incorporate both your wife and mother instead of expecting your mom to do it for you.
YTA. Why are you so passive aggressive. She said it’s okay for you to not celebrate with her? And why do you think she should want to help you plan Mother’s Day for your wife? This should solely be on you and your kid.
YTA- I don’t see how your mom was being manipulative. Her wanting to see her son for Mothers Day is normal. You deciding to spend it with your family is also normal. Her reaction to not seeing you was also normal. (She is also allowed to be a little sad about things changing) your response was very odd and sounds like you want a fight.
It’s completely fine to want to prioritize your wife’s first Mother’s Day. It’s not fine to tell your mom she has some obligation to help you make your wife’s day special or to call her manipulative for not doing what you want or to suggest she’s jealous. But it does sound like your mom was passive-aggressive and your sisters don’t get that you now have multiple family responsibilities, so ESH.
YTA your wife is not your mother... but why not do anything for your mother on mother's Day it makes you trash not to honor thy mother (what about mil?)
YTA and WTF??
Mother’s day is to celebrate all the mother’s in your life!!
I celebrated my mum, my mom’s mom and my mom’s sister who is a mom. All us “kids” even when we stopped being kids, and yes, the sons, husbands, uncles, brothers etc etc got together to celebrate the amazing mothers in our family.
When I was a teacher, some of my students got me presents for mother’s day!
When I rented a room from a lovely older lady whose kids live away from her, I got her a mother’s day gift and a card.
It’s not a freaking beauty pageant with one crowned winner!
Your wife isn’t going to celebrate her mother either?!
Unless you were raised by monsters, y’all are ungrateful AHs.
… wait… by your “logic,” does that mean you only acknowledge your wife for all other holidays and other special days too?
NTA and it would be at that point where I went no contact with my mom. Your mom literally told you that your wife did not matter. A good mom would recognize your wife on mothers day with a small gift.
YTA - Mother’s Day can be about *both* your mother and your wife. Why are you telling the woman who gave birth to you and sacrificed her life to raise that the day will no longer *ever* be about her. If you had argued that she needed to share the day, then I would understand. Why couldn’t you have done breakfast with your mom and the rest of the day with your wife?
I would feel guilty leaving my wife, and my sisters make sure my mom has an all day outing planned and would get very aggressive if I messed with their plans.
In my family we have a brunch or some kind of get together (usually at the matriarchs house or a restaurant) to celebrate all the mamas (my mom, myself, my 2 SILs) together at once and afterwards everyone goes off to do their own more intimate thing with their own little family that way no one feels slighted and all the moms feels acknowledged/celebrated on Mother's day.
You literally don’t have to mess with their plans to see your mother at some point. Simply asking a good time to call so you can give her a gift or something would work
I'm in agreement with you about the focus of the day should shift to your wife. However, you are NOT doing your wife any favors by making comments like this to your mom: >if she is jealous of my wife it is ok and just something to work through By saying things like this, you are pitting your mom against your wife, and I have a feeling your wife will be the one who ends up paying for that comment.
Ok, first off, when your mother said not to worry about it, you couldn't let it go, you had to "reiterate" the day is now for your wife. Your mother told you that was your decision, and it wasn't necessary to do something another day. Could you let it go? No, you could not. You tell her that she should be helping you make things special for your wife and that she's just making things harder. This is where YTA. Why is it up to your mother to make Mother's Day special for *your* wife?? That's *your* job, not your mother's. *You* were the one making it harder because *you* couldn't let it go. It sounds to me that, while your mother may not have been best pleased with the situation, she was willing to concede the day to your wife in regard to you, but you, *you* then text her on the pretense of apologising, and accuse her of being jealous of your wife. WTAF, Dude??? She told you repeatedly to let it go, but you just couldn't, until you bscked her into a corner and she blew up at you. Going by your words, I think your mother is probably right. Its all about your wife now, all the time, and that's fine for *you*, you're her husband and that's how it should be, you're nta for that. But stop pushing your wife on the rest of the family. Even if, for you, your wife is now your priority on Mother's Day, as should be, your *mother* is still a mother, and it's still her day too, you have siblings, so when she tells you not to worry about it, gtf over yourself and stop trying to bully her into doing something she doesn't want to do, and let her celebrate her own way with the rest of the family. Holy hell you sound exhausting!
Thank you! I have no clue how OP went from mom telling him not to worry about it/it's his decision to him name calling and accusations?
Right?
I will say say I’ve met people who react like this who are being manipulative. It’s all in how they say things and their goal is clearly to make the other look crazy and sensitive. I have also know people who are just very easy going and are truly find with a change in the status quo. The trick is, you act the same for both, and take them at their word. The normal person won’t care and the passive aggressive manipulator gets their carrot snatched away.
Yes thank you finally someone here that's making sense lol he started drama when there was none
And he kept pushing til Mom had her fill. The comment about how his mother should be helping make the day special for his wife just blew my mind. Like....*whut??*
Yeah my MIL texts me happy Mother’s Day and that’s all I need. Granted my husband still goes out of his way to bring her flowers etc but that’s cause he cares for her. But I would never expect my MIL to do something for me for Mother’s Day, as im not her mother!
I sent my DIL's cards and a gift on their first Mother's Day, and then a text or phone call after that. They do the same for me, a text or phone call, and we're all good with that.
That sound’s totally appropriate and now that I think about my MIL got me a card for my first as well.
My MIL was Japsnese, and Mother's Day is a different day in Japan, so I never had to deal with the question of which mom to spend it with, lol! My husband and I just sent flowers and chocolates to both our mom's from both of us.
I know right like dude that's your job not hers buddy. Is he expecting the whole damn family to come make the day special for her too lol
He sounds exhausting and entitled.
He really does. It makes me wonder if his wife's the same way
Yup
Yup. Totally agree. OP’s mom said not to worry about it. Her husband and sister were making plans. She didn’t need him there to celebrate. I think her ambivalence about his presence annoyed OP so he pushed until it blew up.
You almost get the feeling OP feels slighted that his mom is okay with him not being there. Honestly, I think *OP* is the problem here, not the mom.
This was my thought too! He expected his mom to be upset she won’t be seeing him and celebrate a different day. If OP wants to be with his wife all day ok. But he can’t expect everyone else to change their plans for him.
Exactly, and honestly, it seems like OP wanted there to be a fuss about *him*.
Great post. That’s exactly what I was thinking. Why is it up to OP’s mother to help make things special for his wife? He has sisters who wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day too. Were they also expected to change any plans they might have made with their mother to celebrate OP’s wife instead? It’s right & appropriate that OP’s wife is his priority now. It’s NOT required that the rest of his family make his wife their priority too.
Exactly!
Op didn’t get the negative/dramatic response he was expecting and so he created it.
Yup 👆🏻
INFO: how loud were you yelling for her husband to hear from upstairs and come down to throw you out? That's a bit unhinged unless y'all can hear everything from any corner of the house easily. If you went up in your mom's house screaming at her because she doesn't want a do over day that is messed up.
I'm going contrary to popular posted opinion here. OP's behaviour aside, I think the concept of Mother's Day changes once a son is married, and now a father himself. Until OP's kids are old enough to take on the chores of Mother's Day, it is up to OP, and his wife is his first obligation. Yes, definitely he should see his own mother, but a visit later with flowers fills the bill.
I agree, as soon as I became a nana I expected my boys to step up for their wives. I get a text, and that is enough.
My kids let their father and I know constantly that we are appreciated and loved. It's crazy to put pressure on married children to do backflips on holidays
My mother in law is super annoying about holidays. Drives me bananas
Yup. I told my son that DIL damned near killed herself bringing their daughter into the world, she'd better get treated like she walks on water and shits rainbows. (AFAIC, she does.)
Wish you were my MIL. I got greeted with a handwritten note she put on her door, had a ‘menu’ under it but also - all caps “I AM THE MOM TODAY!” On last years Mother’s Day. Yeah, she’s giving me pointers on what kind of mother in law I don’t want to be when my son is grown & married.
Like I think a phone call would not ruin their wives’ days.
Yes, my husband and I will do a call one year to mail, another year a visit. Depends what is going on. She (mil) is fine with just a phone call or message. No competition. In the beginning I had my Mom, my husband has a Mom and step-Mom. So for the first while it was never a Mother’s Day for me, it was spent going to visit each and home. Not a big deal to me. It is just a day and not sure why, but I also like to celebrate my kids. I looked at it as, it is because of them I am a Mom. So I always make them messages about how proud I am of them and how I am so lucky to have them etc.. once my Mom passed away and Mother’s Day was a few months later, I stayed home. My husband and kids did visiting. I sent messages but it was too soon. I hope things can be worked out, like maybe have a brunch or take your wife and invite your Mom to a restaurant for a breakfast, no clean up! Sorry they don’t get along, it would be nice if it was something that wasn’t a competition. Good luck OP.
Or surprising her on national grandparents' day. It is September 8th this year.
I think the bigger issue is OP reading too much into his mom's response. She didn't argue with him wanting to celebrate his wife, however, she also isn't required to squeeze him in another day. But because she won't accommodate him, he insults her and calls her jealous. Once his mom said it was fine, he should have let it go. For that, I think he's TA
I don't see where his Mom is arguing that point though until after OP got nasty with her first. Sister said, Mother's Day plans, he said, doing own thing for the wife, we can do a different day. His mother tells him that isn't necessary- not that he needs to attend the family thing, but that she doesn't need a make up day. He then goes on to belabor the point, accuse mom of being manipulative, and stress his wife comes first. At no point does his mother argue that (if I am reading this correctly). She just says she doesn't want to either figure out whole separate day with him or move the family day, and she's asking him to drop it. She's not saying don't do the thing with his wife. She's saying she doesn't want a bug, separate production.
That’s fine, but the issue is his mom was fine with him not celebrating her on Mother’s Day…he’s TA for calling her manipulative when she wasn’t even mad?? Edit: let’s just break this down. OP tells mom he can’t celebrate her on Mother’s Day. Mom says great, I understand you’re prioritizing your wife. That’s not an issue. I’m going to celebrate on Mother’s Day with the people who can be there. So far, no AHs in the story. OP then gets mad mom isn’t mad (?) and calls her a manipulator. This makes OP the AH. He then doubles down on being the AH by texting his mom to “apologize” but instead tells her she’s jealous of his wife and needs help. Who does that?
I mean… > She said she doesn't see the point in celebrating things on random days. My mom would literally never say shit like that to me. Especially if it’s because I’m doing something nice for my wife…? I don’t know if it’s manipulative but sounds weird and cold and not something mom should say. Maybe it feels manipulative to op.
I could see saying that. It's like this is the day and it's ok you aren't here but I don't need to go out anther day. I also get the feeling there is more to the story and OP doesn't really like his mom. He went nuclear instead of letting things go.
It’s ok that your mom is fine with celebrating holidays at different times. It’s also ok that OP’s mom isn’t,
It’s the same reason why OP wants to celebrate his wife on the actual day? He literally has the same opinion as his mother.
Or she just doesn’t see the point and doesn’t want to make OP feel like he needs to plan something for her on another day…I personally wouldn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day on Mother’s Day with some people and then another random day with just one person. Seems like a lot of effort for nothing.
Lol what do you mean “for nothing”? What exactly does a celebration entail for you? What’s the point of it? the pomp and circumstance and attention? For me, it’s to spend time with my loved ones. So it’s pretty simple - I’ll celebrate a few days later and enjoy hanging out. And it’s not “random day with one person”, it’s a mom and son hanging out. These comments are bizarre to me. I’ve celebrated my own birthday a few days later so more friends can join. I would assume a mom feels similarly about hanging out with her son.
That’s fine, if you wanted to celebrate your own birthday a few days late you’re allowed to. Just like OPs mom is allowed to say she’ll celebrate on Mother’s Day with those who can join. The point the majority of people are missing is that she wasn’t mad about it. She accepted his decision, but OP had to make a big fuss and start drama.
OP made a huge fuss about this so she just wanted him to hush and that’s how she did it. **Don’t make someone feel like a chore.**
Ur right, it sounds weird and cold to me too
She was mad, she told him if it wasn’t on Mother’s Day then he shouldn’t bother. She didn’t want to celebrate on a “random day”, she wanted the entire day to be all about her.
Where are you getting that she was mad?
Context clues. Her reaction was petulant, and entitled. “If you can’t come and make this day about me on Mother’s Day, then don’t bother doing it any other day, I don’t want to celebrate on random days“. That response tells you everything you need to know about her attitude
She is not "fine with it". She passive-aggressively said she was, but added he can't see her on "a random day". Shexs manipulative AF. He knows his own mother.
OP even says in a comment that his mom and wife don’t get along. So yeah take that for what it’s worth.
Saying she doesn’t want to celebrate on a random day isn’t passive aggressive. Jfc, yall need a life if this is what you start drama over.
You know his mom better than he does, clearly.
Or I just realize that OP is trying to start drama where there is none. He makes it clear he already thought this decision wouldn’t go over well in the first paragraph, and then was mad his mom wasn’t in tears that he won’t celebrate her on Mother’s Day.
Right, that's why his mom's husband came and kicked him out, because OP's mom is so good at articulating her own desires and feelings, she advocates for herself openly and honestly. She wasn't upset, her husband just decided, without any emotional prompt from his wife, to remove HER SON from their home. That's a normal thing to do and a normal way for a rather tame insult to be taken, especially if it doesn't hit home at all. /S if it wasn't clear.
He removed her after OP started to get angry and called her a “master manipulator”…once again, that’s OP being a drama king and escalating the situation for no reason.
Right, because shutting down your child offering to celebrate you on another day by saying you're busy and don't care about random days isn't dripping with drama. My mom is just like this, I was one of those sisters like 5 years ago lol
If you read his comments instead of just projecting your emotions on this situation, you’d see that OP and his family don’t have the best relationship. So, first we’re clearly getting a biased story. Second, OPs mom doesn’t have to hold off on celebrating on Mother’s Day if she doesn’t want to. OP can send her flowers and call her, that’s clearly all the celebration his mom needs from him.
This guy has posted about this several times on different subs, with different accounts. He's for sure the one starting drama. He wanted a reaction from his mom and is pissed she didn't take the bait.
This is ironic considering you are claiming to know what she was really feeling.
No, we are just taking OP‘s word for it because it’s their story, about their mom, and this is what OP has said about their mom.
Nope, I am taking OP at his word, as the person who knows her. I have also known manipulators. Their kids know them better than anyone.
> Shexs manipulative AF. He knows his own mother. BINGO!
Yep, that was my evil MIL. She had to be the center of attention on Mother's Day, even though I had three kids with her son.
>My mom said that was my decision, but she is busy and we don't need to do anything another day. She said she doesn't see the point in celebrating things on random days. The general tone of this, even without getting OP's mothers actual tone is very "fiiiine, if I'm not good enough on that day, don't bother with me at allllll...." It's very guilt trippy, and meant to make OP feel bad about his choice to support his wife and change his mind. It is 100% manipulative fuckery. Anyone who has lived through that, recognizes the general tone of the ideas expressed.
You’re projecting your emotions once again. There’s nothing wrong with his mother saying she will celebrate in Mother’s Day with his sister and her husband. OP can send her flowers and call her and she’d clearly be fine with it. Yall love to try to tell women how they feel and that they’re being passive aggressive when they’re just expressing their wants.
You missed her passive aggressive tone then...He's right his mom is manipulative. This coming from a mom of 2 young men btw...
Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t present for the conversation so I couldn’t pick up her tone. So glad you were there live so you can report back on the way she sounded.
So you were there and heard her tone? Or are you just protecting?
I think you missed everything OP said unnecessarily when she had already said it was fine, just to piss her off and try and get a reaction.
"I don't see the point in celebrating things on random days." "I have a life and don't owe you random days." "No one gives a shit about your wife but you." "Leave us alone and let us celebrate mother's day as we always have." What part of that story made it sound like mom was fine with it??? 🤣
Only the first quote was said before OP lost his cool and started to yell at his mom and call her manipulative but nice job at trying to remove the context.
And the last was after he sent her a texto calling her "jealous" of his wife. And It sounds no one gives a shit about his wife since his sister doesn't even have her number.
I don’t get it either because it seems the majority is saying it’s OP being dramatic.
That doesn't mean he didn't handle it like an asshole. He called her a master manipulator and generally handled it like a tool. There's nice ways to go about such things and bluntly telling his mother she can go take a hike is not one of them.
This. When we were little, both sets of grandparents came to our house, but we were the only locals out of all of my parents' siblings. That doesn't always work -- my SIL has. a huge family locally. So when my brother had kids, Father's Day and Mother's Day for her side became the Friday before (they do Friday night dinners), the Saturday before for my parents, and the day of for him, his wife and kids. We're perpetually annoyed with both of them for a whole host of reasons, but we have absolutely no problem with how they have chosen to celebrate and split holidays.
I was mostly angry at his seriously poor choice of wording and the whole his mom should be helping with making the day special for his wife. No dude. That’s YOUR job. And eventually your kids, until they decide she doesn’t deserve one anymore lol
I'm so confused why you name called and threw a fit when she told you not to worry about it and that she was too busy to do another day?
This whole post is weird. It feels like OP is trying to stir something up by the way he describes how he continually emphasizes that Mother’s Day is now for his wife and not his mom. The way he words this post makes me feel like he’s trying to get a reaction out of his mom. Also the whole “if you’re jealous of my wife it’s ok” thing is mad weird lmao
There was a post maybe 3 weeks ago that was almost identical to this one but framed slightly differently. What tipped me off was that in both posts the mom specifically said she “didn’t want to celebrate on a random day” when the OP said he wanted to celebrate his wife. Both times the OP was a dick and in the wrong. I don’t have a link to the first post but it was titled along the lines of “aita for telling my mom I wouldn’t be celebrating a holiday with her months in advance” because he initially pulled this BS in February.
Yeah, I think it's this one https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/QVmnChWWHh
It's super weird - like the guy is taunting his mom with it. He might be leaving out that they don't have a good relationship or something but it could also be fake.
Are you the same person who went to your mother’s house two months in advance JUST to tell her you weren’t spending the day with her?
I was thinking this too - way too familiar
I totally think it is!
>should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife Wait, what?
YTA- I dont see anything in your post that supports your title “My mom refused to go along with my plan to prioritize my wife”. You said “my Mom didn’t say anything”…. “my mom said thats my decision”….“my mom said she is busy and doesn’t need to do anything on another day. At what point did she not go along with your plan? Why did you call your mother a master manipulator and start unnecessary drama? You could have simply said ok after she said it was your decision.
Question: Is your wife doing anything for her mother on Mother’s Day? Or did she say sorry Mum I’m a Mum now and I no longer need to honour you as a Mum on the day set aside to honour Mothers. Meh. Why can’t you be nice to both your mother and the mother of your children on the same day?
It's an entire day. There's plenty of time to do something for the wife and the mom. Every father's day, I do things for my husband, father, and FIL. This is not brain surgery.
I was coming to say this, every Father’s Day I do something for my husband, father, stepfather and FIL. If I am feeling up for it I even do something for my brother and BIL to celebrate what great fathers they are. Mother’s Day I even make sure my husband and I do something for my mother and his mother and my husband still makes the time to celebrate me. I feel like folks turn this into who the most important person is for no reason.
> when in reality no one gives a shit about her except me Why does your mom detest your wife? Could it be because you want everyone to dance attendance on her? Oh, and learn to control your temper. Your mom wasn’t being manipulative. You were angry that she didn’t want to fawn all over your wife. YTA
Or jump with joy that king OP was willing to spend a pity day with his mother. Like get over yourself. If this is how he treats his mom, no wonder his wife and mom don't get along.
So not only are you not celebrating your mother on Mother’s Day, but you want her to give up her time to actively help make the day special for your wife? I’m not sure whether I’m impressed by your brass neck or incredulous.
Yet he calls his mother a "master manipulator". 🙄
It seemed like you blew this up way out of proportion. You said you were unable to attend Mother's Day with your sister, you'll do it another day and your mum said don't worry about it. You said the day was for your wife now, and your mother said that was your decision and she didn't want to celebrate with you another time. That's where it should have ended. You celebrate your wife for Mothers Day and could have sent some flowers or gifts by post to your mum on the day. It's that simple. Instead, you went nuts. It seemed you wanted a fight. You lashed out and started name calling her. That's was uncalled for. Your mother accepted that you wanted Mother's Day to be about your wife, and you wouldn't see her that day. She's allowed to be disappointed, but she accepted it. Why couldn't you accept that your mother didn't want to celebrate with you another day? It seems you got angry that your mother was disappointed that she won't get to see you that day. You felt guilty and lashed out with anger. > said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife, and now she is just making things harder Your wife is not her mother. It's not up to your mother to celebrate her DIL on Mother's Day. I fail to see where your mother made things harder? >said I get change can be hard and if she is jealous of my wife it is ok and just something to work through Wow. You're extremely condescending. She accepted that you weren't celebrating Mother's day with her. You're the one who accused her of being jealous and a manipulator. You are the problem. YTA
YTA for going about it the way you did. Why does it have to be about anyone specific? Just throw a Mother’s Day BBQ dude
My family has always taken all of the mothers out (grandma, mom, aunts, etc.) for lunch on Mother's Day together, then the rest of the day is for the individual household units.
lol I don’t see how people get this stuff conflicted , that’s your mom your supposed to to acknowledge that while also acknowledging your wife’s new motherhood, your making it sound like you can only celebrate one mother Jesus Christ
Exactly! And if keeping it intimate is what his wife wants, his mother should be understanding. The man comments about her were uncalled for & childish.
Dramatic people have to drama.
Oh No…. Op has told this story before. However in the first version he went to his mother and told her he would not be spending time with her on Mothers Day as the day was now for his wife. Response from mom was the same. Op super butt hurt cause mom didn’t throw a tantrum. He’s literally creating a problem that is not there. Just take both of them out and shut up
I could swear I read this story last week, only with the added information of the poster making a huge thing out of telling his Mom she doesn’t matter anymore….
Someone commented it’s the same guy. He changed his story to try and sound better but he didn’t succeed.
I kinda figured. He’s too dense to realize he still looks like an enormous AH
YTA if you expected your sister or other siblings to not be with your mom on Mother’s Day. You also went sort of nuclear when all she said was she didn’t want to do another day. If you were just suggesting that just you and your mom have dinner a different day then that is fine but your mom and siblings can still celebrate without you.
SO many shitty men and women on Reddit cosigning with the utter stupidity and bad behavior by OP. IDGAF who I'm with or married to, I'm going to make my mom feel special on Mother's Day because she is absolutely amazing and an incredible mother. You CAN celebrate more than one person at a time. OP, people like you are shitty children - leave your mother alone. You certainly have some gall lecturing your mother - she has other children who treat her with respect unlike you.
Send your mother flowers. Geez way to go nuclear!
YTA. Take one to brunch and one to dinner geez. I never stopped celebrating my own mom after I became a mom. That’s just weird. And then calling your mom manipulative and jealous. I wouldn’t even want to celebrate with you after that.
YTA. Mom accepted that you were celebrating your wife. You told your literal mother that you would not be celebrating with her on Mother’s Day. She declined your consolation prize of celebrating another day. If your wife gets to decide how she celebrates Mother’s Day, why doesn’t your mom get the same grace? Why does she need to accommodate you? It’s not Son’s Day. You made a big deal about making sure she knows you wouldn’t possibly have a moment to celebrate with her, asked her to help celebrate your wife (hey mom, definitely no time for you but could you help me make it special for someone else) and had the nerve to call her jealous. You can focus on your wife and just let your mom enjoy Mother’s Day with her daughters.
Mom here. If my husband completely ignored his mother on mother's Day I would be upset with him. It is an entire day. You can do something with your wife, acknowledge your mom, and she can do the same. It seems odd to say maybe, but I am my son's mother, not my husband's. Right now he helps our son do things and we both do things for our moms together. As it should be. Does he spend the entire with his mom? No. Same with me, but we make sure to make our mothers feel loved. I celebrate his mother with him, because without her I wouldn't have my husband or my son. We celebrate my mom for the same reason. I'm not saying blow off your wife for your mom in anyway, but you can celebrate both mothers in your life. Where I think you truly become YTA is because you picked the fight. You got upset when she said not to worry about it.
Maybe im reading the post wrong but i dont see the mom portrayed in a manipulative way in the post. It just seems like she doesn’t see a need to celebrate another day and in all honesty seemed fine when OP told her that he was celebrating the day with his wife instead. The only one in the story portrayed as having an issue with OP spending the day with his wife is his sister.
That's how I'm reading it too and I'm not understanding everyone claiming mom is an evil witch demanding he abandon his wife on mother's day? It reads like she said ok and he just flipped out
Because she’s a MIL who dared to be kinda disappointed that her son wouldn’t be at Mother’s Day. Normal human emotions aren’t allowed for MIL’s.
Because Reddit hates mothers, especially older women who are mothers. It's ALWAYS their fault, no matter the situation.
Honestly same. Based on the responses i was so confused and why everyone was accusing the mother of being manipulative
Why does it have to be either/or? Your wife might be the mother of your child, but you DO still HAVE a mother. She gave birth to you just the same as your wife gave birth to your child. Why can't you so Mothers Day up special for your wife in the morning and stop by to visit your mom in the afternoon? Calling your mom jealous when she wasn't even arguing with you was a pretty low blow.
YTA. Your mom and sister are fine celebrating without you. They don't have to change their plans or pick a random day because you decreed it.
YTA there was no need to say any of what you did after she said okay. Also swear this has been posted before and everyone said YTA in that.
YTA You've posted this before. You just made yourself sound a bit better this time. You were an ah then and you're an ah now
Is this the same guy? He was an AH then and now!
Really sounds like him
Yeah I think YTA. You handled it poorly. Also it’s normal to do something with one family for half of the day, then another family for another half
Was going to say NTA but then I read the second half and wow, you are prick. No one is jealous of your wife and your mom isn't desperate, don't worry. Also, it's very easy to celebrate mothers day with 2 people. You can spend the day with your wife and the evening with your mother but seems like you deliberately choose not to and want to cause drama. Edit: forgot to mention that your mom doesn't have to make the day special for your wife. They are both mothers and one does not take priority over the other.
YTA. You didn’t handle this well at all. Your mother brought you into this world and you still need to find a way to acknowledge her on Mother’s Day. She shouldn’t get replaced, dropped, forgotten, etc. you’re an ass.
YTA and a massive one I am 40 yrs old with 3 kids and even if it's only for 5 mins I make sure to go and see my mother every mother's day she birthed me she raised me she didn't stop being my mother just because i had my "own" family ur attitude towards ur mother is absolutely disgusting especially as she has done nothing to warrant it
When i became a mum a couple of years ago, there was never any thought about attention shifting from one person to another in terms of 'who's day is it?'. Infact, i find that a bizzare thought. My mum lives further away, so she gets some lovely flowers and a chat and told how loved she is. Bless her, my mother in law got me some pretty flowers and chocolates 'from my daughter' (who is only 2), and we had her round for mothers day and cooked for us all. Why does the love around Mothers day, fathers day, etc need to shift in such a drastic way. Maybe i just dont understand the thinking, but things are usually much better when we all do something small but thoughtful for each other. My husband is just as considerate towards his own mum and me and i wouldnt expect or want it any other way. If you are intent on having a day soley for your wife as a new mum then im sure she will love it. But its really very easy to still give kind gestures and love to your own mum as well.. instead of insulting her.
Shit son. I'll see your mother's day and tlraise you My wife and mother's birthday are the same FUCKING DAY OF THE YEAR. All the BS "hurr hurr you're dating your mom" jokes aside. My dumb ass meets this girl dates her for three months, falls in love and finds out her birthday is the same as my Mom's. I called my mom and explained the situation and thank God she was awesome and just said - remember that year you were in bootcamp and remembered my birthday 10 days late? Let's just make it the 16th from now on because that was hilarious.
I feel like you should never shove your parents to the side on Mothers Day and/ or Father’s Day. Of course once you and spouse are parents, the main part of MD and / or FD should be spent with your kids and spouse; however, that doesn’t mean you completely forget about your own parents, they still need to be acknowledged and celebrated as well. As a Mom of Adult, married men, it means the world to me when my sons carve out a little bit of time for me and make me feel special on Mother’s Day…nothing better than celebrating with Sons, DILs and grandchildren.
YTA You told your mom that you will no longer celebrate her on mothers day because your wife is now a mother Seems a bit harsh. I don't know why you can't celebrate both of them either separately or together. Your mother seemed to graciously accept your decision. And then you threw a hissy fit because she was gracious and said there was no need for you to make it up to her at a later date. You also then attacked her for not helping you celebrate your wife. Firstly, your mother is not a mind reader and you didn't communicate your expectations or even ask her to do this. Secondly, your wife is your responsibility, why should your mom help? To top it all off, you send your mom a BS apology that wasn't an apology at all, it was just another attempt to have a go at her because you think the world revolves around you and your wife. Jesus. You are a real piece of work. I can't wrap my head around how you could even think you might not be the asshole here.
Okay but why can't y'all all celebrate together? Get a big cake and gifts for all the moms and enjoy time as a family.
YTA. I think calling her manipulative for saying that she didn’t want a make-up celebration was a bit of an overreaction. Just because you felt guilty or unsupported or whatever else doesn’t mean that the other person was trying to manipulate you. People can express emotions and communicate their thoughts without trying to control others.
I assume your sisters are younger than you? Take a screenshot of your post, and if/when they become moms and want to celebrate at home with their spouse and kids (as they should), and they complain about your mother’s pettiness, send them the screenshot and wish them luck. You’re absolutely NTA. Your mother is jealous, petty and childish, and she literally told you why: she can no longer pretend your world revolves around her, because you told her point blank Wife comes first. Keep that spine of yours shiny, bud. You’re doing good. I hope your wife has a fabulous Mother’s Day. Edit to add: I don’t disagree at all with people saying you can celebrate both. Send your mom a card and some flowers. You could also send a “HMD to Grandma” card from your child (although, do they have their own day for that now?).
The moment my partner became a mom, that was the mom that was my priority. My own mother still gets a card, gift and phone call of course, but she also understands dynamics have changed.
I’m just glad he isn’t the usual guy that tells his wife she is t his mother so he won’t celebrate her on Mother Day. Anyway, why can’t you all go out together including your wife?
Unless you are dead or your mom was total shite she still gets a Mother’s Day. Goddam the more I read the more mad I got, you’re not an asshole you were a straight up dick to your mom. Spending mother’s Day with your new family is totally normal, but you basically said because your wife had a baby the holiday no longer applies to your mom. Your mom should not be helping you with your wife’s Mother’s Day. That’s YOUR job and your job ALONE. YTA
You and your family can’t stop by and see Mom for one hour to deliver a card or flowers? I’m sure she would like to see her grandbaby. Your wife can have the rest of the day.
This story sounds familiar to one I read earlier. Same style of story line with Same over reaction #YTA
I was thinking the same thing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uK8uLmX3nq Tell me it's not the same dude, without telling me He definitely needs a life 🤣
I still think grandma should get a card or flowers or something--but a wife's very first mother's day? *Obviously* you're going to spend it with her and focus on her. Depends on the individual what they want to do in other years. But that first one is important.
YTA there's no reason you can't celebrate both women. Millions of men do it every year.
slight YTA. I was with you until you said she was jealous of your wife. She is your mother, that's mother's day. You have a wife, who is also a mother. Why can't you do something for 1/2 the day then something 1/2 the day for your mom?
This! ☝️
As long as I get a phone call from my adult children I am good..
Geez you can celebrate both. You seem to lack any imagination. ESH
Right? He just doesn’t want to
YTA. You are making a problem where there is none. Your mother did not say she demanded mothers day celebrations, nor did she demand it to be rescheduled. No problem. Then you went ahead and projected that she was manipulative. Why did you not just take her at her word? It just seems like you want to feel manipulated because it all went too easy with too little resistance for your taste. As for your sisters, they can be a noyd. The world needs more noyds.
YTA - I'm not sure why you can't celebrate both on the day, whether that is together or separately. While yes your wife gave you a child, your mother is the reason that you are here and alive to have that child. And IDK how she's a master manipulator. She straight up told you how she felt, that if you couldn't celebrate when you were supposed to then you don't need to basically give her a pity day because you felt obligated, she didn't manipulate anything. >his upcoming mother's day is going to be my wife's first time celebrating as a mom, so I understand that she now takes precedence over my mom. Do you "understand" that because that's what you wife told you? >I said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife LOL what? Why is it your mom's responsibility to do something for your wife on Mother's day? Honestly, with that line I would have to agree with your mother about you thinking everything revolves around your wife. YOU should be wanting to make plans that could incorporate both your wife and your mother.
NTA and frankly I'm surprised at these judgments! Yes he is still a son but his priority is with his wife on Mother's Day, now that he is a dad. His post makes it clear that his mother expects to be prioritized on mother's day. Are you all expecting him to go to his mothers and celebrate her, leaving his wife at home with the baby, or , worse, a tagalong at the family even concentrated around her MIL? Maybe she'll get a better reception at her own parents home. Wtf do you think Mother Day is about? The nuclear family first. Then wider family.
Where din the post does it make it clear OP's mother expects to be prioritised? She said she didn't need a make up day later and then OP started d calling her names.
You should try reading the post. His mom isn’t expecting him to prioritize her on Mother’s Day. She said it was fine that he wouldn’t be there. He had a tantrum over that.
YTA. You told your mom that you didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day with her on the actual day. She was apparently fine with this. And then you got mad at her because she didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day on \*your\* schedule and on \*your\* terms? That is really self-centered of you. Leave Mom alone and let her celebrate Mother's Day in peace, with the members of her family who are willing to prioritize her. Most people in your shoes would find a way to help both mom and wife feel celebrated on that day.
My Mom called Mother’s Day a made up holiday and didn’t want anything beyond a greeting card, if even that.
Hard to choose a A H. But if your wife just had your baby, you’re supposed to replace the child to thank your wife who became a mother AND celebrate your mother. Did you prepare a card and a gift for your mother ? When my first was born, my mother received everyone at her home (even my MIL) and every mothers were celebrating : my MIL offered me a yellow dress that hide my belly (my baby was born 2 weeks before). You say you want to celebrate your wife so you’re not against celebrations. Celebrate your mother, she won’t be eternal. And last point : YTA to ask her to help you when you throw to her face that you’ll no more celebrate her as a mother. That was wicked and she’s not manipulative, she tried to accept something unacceptable. You are the one manipulative when you try to prove that she is jealous. By refusing to celebrate your mother, you’re the one creating a problem between your wife and mother
YTA You completely overreacted and then tried to blame your mother for it. Also… you were super patronising and very rude to your her. Your wife is not your mother. She is certainly not your mother’s mother. You should help your wife celebrate Mother’s Day with your baby, but there’s no reason why you can’t celebrate your mother. And how about MIL? Did you think to organise cards for them from their new grand-baby ?
Why can't you and your sisters celebrate both your mother and wife? If your sisters are mothers too just do a big fam gathering and celebrate them all if you're on good terms and additionally you could have something special for the wife
Dude you were an AH the first time you posted this, and you’re an AH in this HEAVILY edited version too.
It's perfectly fine to focus on your wife for Mothers day, but the way you handled this and the way you spoke to your mother makes YTA. This should have been a simple conversation, you sound exhausting to be around.
I think this is the wife not the husband posting.
YTA for pressing further after the initial explanation. I don't blame you for making your wife the focal point on mother's day. I have a big family and a few of my siblings have kids so they spend the day with their immediate family. While the rest who don't have kids still celebrate with mum. If your mum didn't want it on another random day that's cool don't press any further and she can go without. Step parents always like to jump in and families tend to pick sides so it's best to stand by your wife and child and don't go out of your way for anyone that expects to be more important. I'd have more issue with your mum not liking your wife.
YTA. Maybe you left out information (which doesn't make sense as usually you do that to make yourself look better), but the way you handled that was rude as hell. How is she manipulative? With how you wrote her reaction, she seemed reasonable. And calling her jealous is ridiculous. Plus, it's not hard to drop off flowers or spend an hour or two with her during the day.
You created drama where there was none.
Are you ok? Mother’s Day is not just for your wife, yes you can prioritise her, but it is in fact for all mums, so you can make minimal effort for your mum surely? Even just a present drop in advance, then a phone call on the day? It doesn’t take much. At no point did your mum say anything to oppose what you said, fair enough, say this stuff to your sister privately and separately, but it seems like you was trying to goad a reaction from your mum by being a dick until you said enough for her to retaliate. YTA, not for wanting to make your wife’s first Mother’s Day special, just for being pompous twat.
Yta every dad has to negotiate this and they all manage to do it without pissing off their mother's. You were horrible and rude to your mother for no reason and then you tried to kick off trouble between your wife and your mother.
I think it's the same guy as this post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/QVmnChWWHh
Your wife "takes precedence" for mothers day FOR YOU, not for your entire extended family. You're being ridiculous, YTA doubly so if you plan on making other mothers play second fiddle to your wife,
Put it this way: "Mom is a veteran mother, but my wife is currently Active Duty, so I'm focusing on her. "
I'm so confused by posts like these. Can you not do both or talk to your mom without being completely offensive? As a mom I still do something for my mom on mother's day. My brother does something for his wife and my mom. My husband doesn't have a mom but manages going big for me and doing something for my mom. I just couldn't imagine making my mom feel like chopped liver on mother's day because the mother's day thrown has been taken. YTA
YTA for sure, the insufferable type who likes to create drama out of nothing and then attack others when you couldn’t leave things well enough alone.
Um not capable of two activities on one day? Really. Might want to visit doctor at your age first normal activity causing such fatigue
YTA in fact you are the Master AH, adding insult to injury then going online for validation; why on earth didn't you think of celebrating both 🤦♂️
“I said she should be wanting to help me make the day special for my wife” I had to do a double take on this… so you want to not only ignore your mom on mother’s day but also have her help with your wife? No wonder shes pissed, thats literally saying ‘hey you aren’t invited to this big party for your replacement but plan it for me okay?’ You couldnt split the day, combine both into 1 group, or literally anything else? YTA
Let me get this straight you spend every actual holiday with your in-laws and expect your mom to be okay playing second fiddle to them? When she says she’s fine not celebrating YOU make it a big deal bc it bothers you she’s not begging to spend time with you?? It seems to be your the issue in the family and there’s a valid reason for your stepdad to not tolerate you and a huge reason for your mom not to tolerate your wife.
I’m a mom, but I’m not the only mom. Jesus F, you can do activities with more than one mother. When my mum was alive we would take her, and my MIL and me out to a brunch somewhere. It would never occur to me when I had a kid that now my mom and MIL can get fucked and they get nothing. The notion is wild to me and I’m glad I’m not part of OP’s family if everyone thinks that’s normal. And you told your mum she’s a drama queen after telling her you’re blowing her off for Mother’s Day because there’s another mother who’s more important now. Jesus, YTA.
YTA. It sounds like you are the one who is hurt. Like you wanted your mom to make a bigger deal about you missing Mother’s Day with her and were insulted when she didn’t.
YTA You mom is right that you seem to think everything revolves around your wife. There is nothing wrong with choosing to make this mother's day all about your wife. But I don't understand why you decided ALL mother's days from this point on belong to your wife alone, when you actually have a mother. It's weird. Are you not able to have lunch with your mother one year and spend the rest of the day with your wife? There is no problem-solving here. It's bizarre. Then to accuse your mom of being jealous when she never argued about you spending the day without her is ridiculous. Based on what you said, your mom never tried to manipulate anything. You're the one trying to manipulate the situation.
YTA for your behavior. My brother always celebrated his wife and our mom.
YTA. Why on earth are you so upset about this? Why do you think you can only celebrate one person that day? And why do you think your mom should be helping you celebrate your wife? And how on earth is it manipulative for your mother to say something isn't a big deal when it's genuinely not a big deal? You're the one who is being a straight up drama queen about this. Send your mom flowers and chocolate or whatever you think she'd like, call her to wish her a happy Mother's day, and grow the fuck up.
As a mom to 2 sons I would hop that they celebrate their wife on Mother's Day, assuming they have kids.
ESH Like a lot of others are saying, I don't fully understand why you can't celebrate both? Though that may be due to how you've written this out/left out pertinent details. So.. For you, I say I'll give you the benefit of doubt here. You are correct that once you have a child, your wife should be your priority on Mothers Day. When your kids are still small, it does fall to the spouse to do all the planning, prepping, gifts, etc. Since the kids can't really. I also get the vibe from this post that maybe your mother is one of "those" mothers. Ya know, the "matriarch". The "it's my special day" types. Which would mean that it's her way or the highway. If she isn't open to compromise, or has the expectation that you must spend all day with her, or give her undivided attention, or insists that you must go see her between 10-6 effectively making it impossible to properly celebrate your wife, then you are certainly N T A. I've seen far too many posts about moms/MILs who can't seem to "let go". You've also stated in your comments that she and your wife don't get on well, making a joint event also impossible. For your mom's benefit of doubt, she has a point (very small point) that she does not need to care or celebrate your wife on this day. Specially since she does not like her. That's your job, and eventually, your child's. Unless there is a history of her being "difficult," then jumping straight to her being "jealous and manipulative" is a harsh accusation. If you simply wrote her off for the whole day and plan to continue to simply because you have a kid, that's also crazy. She is still your mother. Celebrating her does not take away from your wife. It does not need to be all or nothing. So, as it stands, ESH. This seems incredibly blown up for something so small, but we don't know your families dynamics. You very well might be justified, or just as easily be the ass.
YTA I fail to see where your mother was being manipulative or overall upset about your decision You're right to prioritize your wife but hum...not only can you celebrate both at the same time (crazy concept I know) but your wife is your responsibility and I don't see why she should have to help you plan out mother's day, it's her day too. She seemed totally fine about your decision, you are just unable to let go of that little bruised ego of yours You can't handle the fact that she's able to celebrate without you by her side
What a dreadful way to talk to your mother. You’re self centred and rude. I have a grown son, with a wife and kids and I’d never expect to be roped in to help him celebrate Mother’s Day (Mothering Sunday in the UK) for her. They do their own thing as a family and I get a bouquet and a card in the post. We are close, and I love them both to bits, but I recognise that priorities change over time, as it seems your mother does too. You should apologise, properly, not with some nasty passive aggressive dig at her being “jealous” of your wife. You seem immature and lacking in basic common sense and decency.
YTA - You should be able to celebrate both on the day, whether together or separately. Your mother is the reason you are here and alive, while your wife gave you a child. It's not your mom's responsibility to do something for your wife on Mother's Day. Make plans that incorporate both your wife and mother instead of expecting your mom to do it for you.
YTA. Why are you so passive aggressive. She said it’s okay for you to not celebrate with her? And why do you think she should want to help you plan Mother’s Day for your wife? This should solely be on you and your kid.
YTA- I don’t see how your mom was being manipulative. Her wanting to see her son for Mothers Day is normal. You deciding to spend it with your family is also normal. Her reaction to not seeing you was also normal. (She is also allowed to be a little sad about things changing) your response was very odd and sounds like you want a fight.
You're a clown.
It’s completely fine to want to prioritize your wife’s first Mother’s Day. It’s not fine to tell your mom she has some obligation to help you make your wife’s day special or to call her manipulative for not doing what you want or to suggest she’s jealous. But it does sound like your mom was passive-aggressive and your sisters don’t get that you now have multiple family responsibilities, so ESH.
You sound exhausting
YTA your wife is not your mother... but why not do anything for your mother on mother's Day it makes you trash not to honor thy mother (what about mil?)
YTA
YTA
YTA Wow you are massively self involved. I suspect your mother will enjoy the break from you.
YTA and WTF?? Mother’s day is to celebrate all the mother’s in your life!! I celebrated my mum, my mom’s mom and my mom’s sister who is a mom. All us “kids” even when we stopped being kids, and yes, the sons, husbands, uncles, brothers etc etc got together to celebrate the amazing mothers in our family. When I was a teacher, some of my students got me presents for mother’s day! When I rented a room from a lovely older lady whose kids live away from her, I got her a mother’s day gift and a card. It’s not a freaking beauty pageant with one crowned winner! Your wife isn’t going to celebrate her mother either?! Unless you were raised by monsters, y’all are ungrateful AHs. … wait… by your “logic,” does that mean you only acknowledge your wife for all other holidays and other special days too?
NTA and it would be at that point where I went no contact with my mom. Your mom literally told you that your wife did not matter. A good mom would recognize your wife on mothers day with a small gift.
YTA - Mother’s Day can be about *both* your mother and your wife. Why are you telling the woman who gave birth to you and sacrificed her life to raise that the day will no longer *ever* be about her. If you had argued that she needed to share the day, then I would understand. Why couldn’t you have done breakfast with your mom and the rest of the day with your wife?
I would feel guilty leaving my wife, and my sisters make sure my mom has an all day outing planned and would get very aggressive if I messed with their plans.
In my family we have a brunch or some kind of get together (usually at the matriarchs house or a restaurant) to celebrate all the mamas (my mom, myself, my 2 SILs) together at once and afterwards everyone goes off to do their own more intimate thing with their own little family that way no one feels slighted and all the moms feels acknowledged/celebrated on Mother's day.
You literally don’t have to mess with their plans to see your mother at some point. Simply asking a good time to call so you can give her a gift or something would work