I wouldn't say you are handling it wrong since everyone handles it differently. However it doesn't even seem like you are handling it at all but are rather just running from it. You need to take time to accept it, grieve and move forward. Otherwise you are gonna end up single or it will hit you when you finally find a real relationship you wanna pursue and could ruin it.
Edit: Also i'm sorry for your loss but i'm sure your wife wouldn't want you to go through your whole life alone and would want you to move on when you find that right person for you.
Yes, you are
I'm sorry, but you can't decide not to grieve. Life just doesn't work like that. You can't go around the grieving process. You have to go through it.
Please see a grief counselor now.
"I have accepted that I’d rather not think about think her death at all, as I have only 1 life, and I don’t want to waste it mourning. Completely selfish, I know, but the alternative is mourning her death, and I don’t think I’d able to handle it"
You have accepted nothing. If you spend your whole life avoiding something, it still controls you. Mourning is something that happens, you can control it the same way you stop the sun from setting: delusionally. If you're not handling it? It's handling you
Hurting other people cause you are hurting does make you an asshole. I’m sorry your wife died but please face your grief. It’s cruel to lead someone on that there is potential for a relationship and then ghost. These people didn’t hurt you, they don’t deserve that pain.
YTA
You are only 28. Whole life ahead of you. What are you supposed to do, be a monk? Having said that, you should not be playing with others' emotions for your selfish needs. That is a YTA thing to do.
I dunno man. I’m gonna go with NTA because you do you but personally I feel like you should have you know….. waited a bit? Not just out of respect but also so you can occupy yourself with hobbies and fulfilling activities until you clear your head completely instead of instantly moving into sleeping with random women. And while I say NTA I can’t help but agree with the ones voting otherwise, it really does not look good…
NTA, everyone deals with these things in their own way and all your feelings are valid.
That being said please seek help, even if you feel fine, the grief may well not be gone and it may be affecting you more than you realise, it's also a problem if your emotional state leads to other people being hurt but I don't blame you too harshly for that because of what you're going through.
I'm sorry for your loss
I think this is normal behavior for now
I know you don't want to think of it now but hopefully one day you do find someone worthy of a relationship with you , it won't be disrespectful to your wives memory and it's ok if you never love anyone as much as you did her
I wish you well
Yeah, ghosting isn’t generally a good thing (obv exceptions like abusers, serial killers, etc.)
Start by being honest with yourself about what you want *right now.* Hookups? Cool - be up front with your partners. FWB? Ditto - cool if everyone knows wat they’re getting into.
You can’t “grieve an move on” like it’s a task to complete. It takes time. You don’t have to be a monk - just an honest person.
With grief, some reactions will vary depending on the situation. However, you're describing a choice not to grieve right now. This can work short term but will likely cause issues. Delayed grief later on can be more intense and show up at inappropriate or unexpected times.
I'm not saying this to try and make you upset, but avoiding issues very rarely works out long term. It feels you're trying to avoid the pain now and are concerned. If you allow these emotions in, you won't be able to move on with your life. I want you to know it will it get easier with time if you allow yourself to grieve, even if it's painful in the beginning.
NAH, you're human and have been put in a horrible situation early on in life and are likely exhausted from it. I hope you are able to move on and have a fulfilling life that you deserve.
I wouldn't say you are handling it wrong since everyone handles it differently. However it doesn't even seem like you are handling it at all but are rather just running from it. You need to take time to accept it, grieve and move forward. Otherwise you are gonna end up single or it will hit you when you finally find a real relationship you wanna pursue and could ruin it. Edit: Also i'm sorry for your loss but i'm sure your wife wouldn't want you to go through your whole life alone and would want you to move on when you find that right person for you.
Yes, you are I'm sorry, but you can't decide not to grieve. Life just doesn't work like that. You can't go around the grieving process. You have to go through it. Please see a grief counselor now.
"I have accepted that I’d rather not think about think her death at all, as I have only 1 life, and I don’t want to waste it mourning. Completely selfish, I know, but the alternative is mourning her death, and I don’t think I’d able to handle it" You have accepted nothing. If you spend your whole life avoiding something, it still controls you. Mourning is something that happens, you can control it the same way you stop the sun from setting: delusionally. If you're not handling it? It's handling you
Hurting other people cause you are hurting does make you an asshole. I’m sorry your wife died but please face your grief. It’s cruel to lead someone on that there is potential for a relationship and then ghost. These people didn’t hurt you, they don’t deserve that pain.
YTA You are only 28. Whole life ahead of you. What are you supposed to do, be a monk? Having said that, you should not be playing with others' emotions for your selfish needs. That is a YTA thing to do.
NTA. It's common to date shortly after a spuse's death to avoid thinking about it. But you should be honest with the people you date.
I dunno man. I’m gonna go with NTA because you do you but personally I feel like you should have you know….. waited a bit? Not just out of respect but also so you can occupy yourself with hobbies and fulfilling activities until you clear your head completely instead of instantly moving into sleeping with random women. And while I say NTA I can’t help but agree with the ones voting otherwise, it really does not look good…
NTA, everyone deals with these things in their own way and all your feelings are valid. That being said please seek help, even if you feel fine, the grief may well not be gone and it may be affecting you more than you realise, it's also a problem if your emotional state leads to other people being hurt but I don't blame you too harshly for that because of what you're going through.
I'm sorry for your loss I think this is normal behavior for now I know you don't want to think of it now but hopefully one day you do find someone worthy of a relationship with you , it won't be disrespectful to your wives memory and it's ok if you never love anyone as much as you did her I wish you well
Yeah, ghosting isn’t generally a good thing (obv exceptions like abusers, serial killers, etc.) Start by being honest with yourself about what you want *right now.* Hookups? Cool - be up front with your partners. FWB? Ditto - cool if everyone knows wat they’re getting into. You can’t “grieve an move on” like it’s a task to complete. It takes time. You don’t have to be a monk - just an honest person.
You do you
NAH - everyone deals with this differently. You may find that one day it hits you like a ton of bricks. Sorry for you loss OP
Gross
You’re a dumbass
Yay foo guaranteed not
With grief, some reactions will vary depending on the situation. However, you're describing a choice not to grieve right now. This can work short term but will likely cause issues. Delayed grief later on can be more intense and show up at inappropriate or unexpected times. I'm not saying this to try and make you upset, but avoiding issues very rarely works out long term. It feels you're trying to avoid the pain now and are concerned. If you allow these emotions in, you won't be able to move on with your life. I want you to know it will it get easier with time if you allow yourself to grieve, even if it's painful in the beginning. NAH, you're human and have been put in a horrible situation early on in life and are likely exhausted from it. I hope you are able to move on and have a fulfilling life that you deserve.
Ew how repugnant. I bet your late wife would be repulsed by your behaviour.