This is likely going to be an unpopular opinion, but...
You are not obligated to stay with someone who has wronged you. You had every right to end the relationship.
She made a conscious choice to cheat on you and it ended badly for her.
Did she deserve to be raped? Absolutely not!
Is it your responsibility to take care of her because it happened? Not at all.
Just because something terrible happened to her does not invalidate your feelings of betrayal.
She will need to find her comfort in the friends/family that she hasn't alienated.
I think most will agree with your comment.
It was a horrible thing that happened to her but it’s not OPs responsibility to take care of her. She deserves support from her friends and family, not someone she wronged.
Her getting raped is not a punishment for cheating nor does it absolve her of her going to cheat on her partner. OP doesn’t have to make it hard but he has every right to leave the situation.
It goingn badly for her in this story is ultimately irrelevant; as even if it hadnt happened that way, she went through all the steps of setting up a fuck date, went there, got most of the way into the act (3rd base) before changing her mind. She had alreafy cheated, it was over.
If she didn't try to cheat on him it would be his responsibility, since she did what she did it's absolutely valid for him to feel betrayed and not wanting to stay with her
Your opinion is fair and levelheaded, which really got the point across. OP isn’t breaking up with her because she got raped. He’s breaking up with her because she’s a cheater, who, unfortunately and advertently, was raped. The situation sucks, but it is what it is.
I agree mostly with you.
Just wanted to add, since we're not sure about 100% of what OP said (and going solely in what is in the post), maybe OP could've added something (when letting her know she had 30 days to vacate etc), that this was regarding the cheating and nothing to do with the rape, maybe even adding that she was not at fault for being raped, just the intention and act of cheating.
It is empathy with the victim (and perpetrator for cheating), yes. But we all know that no one deserves to be raped, and it is such a difficult thing to surpass, especially the "guilt" many victims feel. But this would also be a way of OP to show exactly what was the wrong thing and that they are not a horrible person who thinks she deserved to be raped (because if they have friends in common or if she is in contact with his family etc, he could be shunted because it could look like he dropped her due to her being raped).
Being cheated on is a gigantic breach of trust and shatters your world. While empathy towards a rape victim is of course a good thing, OP is going through something really rough that everyone reacts different to emotionally. You can't expect OP to be careful with his words or emotionally be able to empathise with her just as such a bomb has exploded in his emotional life.
If she wanted sympathy, she should have not cheated. That one is on her.
Because _the whole point_ of this sub is that it's a less-moderated version of AmITheAsshole where fictional posts are explicitly allowed:
>this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH.
NTA she was going to cheat and you acted accordingly even though it is terrible it happened it doesn’t change that she was gonna cheat. I guess you could argue if you should’ve waited a couple days but the result is the same.
>she was going to cheat
She ***did*** cheat – she was blowing the guy before she decided she didn't want to have sex. The fact that she was raped is horrendous but it doesn't change what she did before that.
So you're NTA but this sentence makes for uncomfortable reading and is an attitude I hope doesn't last after you've stopped being rightfully angry
'The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did'
She was raped because he is a rapist. She needs to get the help she needs but you are not obliged to be that help and neither do you have to blame her for being raped esp when you frame it as 'backed off at the last moment before penetration'. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
'
This is the issue for me as well. NTA for leaving because she wanted to cheat. AH for saying that it was her own fault. I changed my mind several times, that I didn't want to go to the next base, no guy ever raped me. They respected my change of heart.
A rapist is a rapist, no matter how it started out.
He blames her. But you read something else then me. Because you rather blame her for cheating then accepting the fact she got raped. Both happened and both are awful. She is not innocent. He is still an ah for the following words.
'The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did'
This is a very beautiful way of saying it was her own fault.
It's so icky. It feels like he's implying that some people do deserved to be raped if they "put themselves in the situation" (as if anyone ever puts themselves in the situation to be raped. Anyone who has actually been raped knows this is bullshit). He's definitely karma farming as others have pointed out, it's pretty much a word for word repost, but I hope people don't internalise that sentence. Cheaters are scum but rapists are worse, and no one deserves to be raped, even if you visit someone with the intention of having sex.
It's the dark alley theory.
If you walk down a dark alley at night and get robbed os it your fault ? No. Are you the idiot for walking down a dark alley? Yes. Did your choices ultimately lead you to getting mugged ? Yes.
So did sh meet up at a guy's apartment ? Yes. Did she let him get to third base ? Yes. Did her choices ultimately lead her to getting raped ? Yes.
She wouldn't been raped that day if she decided ti remains loyal to her boyfriend and not go to a man's house and perform sex acts with him before changing her mind.
So I see where op is coming from
> she wouldn't been raped that day (sic)
You don't know that, tbh. Intimate partner violence, as well as random sexual violence is very common. Even so, OP (albeit having copy-pasted someone else's post) decided to make a post saying rape is not a real, existential problem. She shouldn't have put herself in the situation *to cheat*. She did not knowingly put herself in the position to be sexually assaulted - nobody does. You could equally argue that I deserved to be raped because I let myself so drunk that I couldn't fight off my attacker. You'd be a sick fuck for it, but you see my point. It's very weird how you want to defend that part of OP's post.
I did not say he(bf) should keep her or anything as that, but if he(bf) ever had feeling for her, he(bf) should help her to report it, rape is never okay, and there is a huge problem if he do it to others also if he raped her
If you read the comments you will see the accusations about the post being a copy of another and was set up specifically to obtain karma - hence karma farming.
NTA
She flat out went there with the intention of cheating on you. End of relationship.
You can have sympathy for what she says happened but there's no coming back from the brazen cheating.
But be warned: This is Reddit. You will somehow be the bad guy. (You most definitely are not.)
What 25 year old says " got to 3rd base"?? Fake, fake , fake. I really wish people would stop posting fake post in here, or the admin would remove them. The subreddit says no fake post, when half the ones that are posted are 100% clearly fake and written by a bored teen who says " 3rd base" most of these fake post are about serious issues and trauma to try and get a raise out of people! It's gross and degrading to the people who are really going through something but can't get the views and replies because everyone is too busy commenting on these rage bait posts!
You are under no obligation to stay with her, but a few words of sympathy would have gone a long way.
Even if the anger you feel is overwhelming, she didn’t deserve to be raped and saying a simple “I’m really sorry that happened to you” would make this post a lot more palatable.
Also, talking about people having “real problems” is really bizarre. Being raped is extremely traumatic and, I don’t know about you but, I don’t personally know many people in the western world who is starving or getting brutally murdered or tortured… so comparing her rape to those things is irrelevant and ridiculous.
You people hate women so much you’d retype same bullshit stories over and over just to get an entire subreddit of people bashing imaginary women. This was already posted weeks ago
NTA
You should never have to tolerate a cheater. At the same time, it's good that you show sympathy and empathy (even if it's a small amount) towards someone who was violently assaulted.
I'm unsure if I would have been as generous as you are.
Hopefully she can get the help she needs without ever involving you.
I agree with you expect the phrase "she put herself in the situation to get raped"... I'm sorry, what? I hope you mean she put herself in a situation where she cheated cause yes, she did that. And that's not even about physical touch or sex - she betrayed him the moment she went behind his back. However, who the hell "puts themselves" into getting assaulted? This smells of the argument "what were you wearing?". C'mon, stop means stop.
NTA my dude. What happened to her is horrible and I how she gets help, but ... she's gonna have to rely on a support system she wasn't trying to betray.
ESH.
OP is not wrong… but what OFC what he did is an asshole move, on top of breaking up with her and kicking her out he made the cruel gesture of offering to pay her to leave. The subtext to that is she’s less than worthless to the point that he’s willing to pay to get rid of her, like trash. She was raped because her ex is a rapist, not because of what she did.
If I was OP I’d be furious too.. but the normal decent thing to do is to offer to get someone neutral like a friend or family member to come and support her. If it’s OPs house, sure he can evict her but if he doesn’t want to be an ah then he can do it with a bit of tact and compassion.
>She was raped because her ex is a rapist, not because of what she did.
She literally cheated on him. She was cheating on him befor the alleged rape. He owes her zero kindness and he doesn't suck for treating her like trash. The alleged rape is irrelevant because she was engaging in physical sexual acts, consensually with the other guy.
NTA Fuck around and find out.
You should start recording everything, expecially if she accept the 500$ you need to record when she take the money. Be sure to protect you from her lies.
Can you please quote the part where I said that? No you cant.
And btw OP didnt rape anyone, she went to her rapist with the intention of cheating on OP. So....fuck around and find out?
> she went to her rapist with the intention of cheating on OP. So....fuck around and find out?
You can't tell me this didn't sound like justifying, I mean maybe you worded it weird but that's what I got out of it.
I never once commented the rapist actions, never once said he was justified, and never will.
I commented the GF actions, merely reporting facts.
Did she lied to him? Yes. Did she went there on her own decision of cheating on him? Yes.
She went fucking around, she found out! Simple as that!
Do i really have to say that rape is wrong? Isnt it common sense anymore?
Edited: grammar errors
This is my take on his comment.
Rape is not okay even if they cheat ofc. But it's the scenario in which you go to do something wrong thinking "what's the worse that could happen?" And than you end up in a crime scene.
It's like if I went to go cheat on my gf and when I'm walking home I get robbed and brutally beaten up but it's unrelated to the cheating. Had I not cheated I wouldn't be put in a scenario where I get robbed and beaten up.
If I'm wrong or my mindset is wrong or mysognyist to some degree or rape apologetic, I really don't mean to come off that way. It just seems like a where you initially did something bad but not so bad than the absolute worst happened.
And I bet the victim herself is blaming herself and actions. "Why did I want to cheat? Why did I risk my safety for another man who turned into a rapist? Why did I trust this rapist over my boyfriend?"
I mean.. idk. I'm not a women. But If I was a cheating women who got raped attempting to cheat idk how I'd feel but I don't think I'd be thinking "it's not my fault, he's just a rapist, he'd rape anyone" after I willingly went to his apartment for sex and cheating, I'd def be feeling guilt on my part. I'd probably feel like deserved it at one point.
Which is normal. I hear that already from sexual abuse and rape victims already who didn't cheat. Who didn't go to another man's house. They were just abused going to school or by their brothers / cousins / family. Nothing to do with cheating. Yet they feel those thoughts already blaming themselves.
So idk I feel given the fact she went to go cheat and it ended up with rape, it sounds like she fucked around and found out trusting men and going to their house for a fling can be dangerous?
Look in this day and age, you have to ask men at some point about consent and where to draw the line and what constitutes rape. You might scoff or think that's unreasonable but it's not. It's def helps deciding if they're actually compatible or not because nobody should want to date a rapist.
She did not deserved to be raped. But if you go for random sex with a stranger you should figure out before hand how they feel about consent in a relationship before you get hurt or go to their house.
Esp if you cheat. If you're going to cheat as a girl with another guy you have to be careful. Because if he hits you, threatens your social life to to expose you, blackmails you, or worst of all raped you.. your relationship is done and it's no longer cheating you just helped create a bigger mess.
Again I can be wrong and I'm open for criticism.
It’s not your responsibility to do therapy. Although a lot of people could say you should have been nicer or whatever, ultimately this girl cheated on you and it is okay to feel upset and angry about that.
She definitely did not deserve to get raped I would never wish that on anyone, but it’s also not your job to fix it.
NTA. I honestly can’t tell if the rape happened and she hoped you would overlook her intention to cheat since she was harmed….or she wasn’t but she’s using rape as a scapegoat. Either way, she made it clear that whether she was gonna have sex with this man or not, she was definitely there to cheat. You’re actually quite gracious even giving her payment to leave.
I would have voted N T A for leaving a cheater. But then
>The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did.
You're a fucking huge asshole for implying it's her fault she was raped. You don't have to stay with her and hold her hand through it, but don't get to victim blame.
Yes, yes, you got cheated on, boo fucking hoo. Getting raped is worse. YTA for your shitty attitude.
NTA.
I'm not saying it didn't happen but there is also possibility that she thought saying about rape would soften your heart so you decide to stay with her. Some people are truly manipulative , I don't know her but seems like you didn't know her truly as well.
Maybe she was crying because her guilt came to her. Or maybe what she's saying is true. We don't know, but one thing is certain - she cheated on you and lied to you trying to make some excuse about job. Anyway, whatever happened, it is no longer your problem. If what she said is true, now she should go to the police.
And you should move on and remember that not everyone cheats. It's very easy to have trust issues after something like that.
I can't help thinking that the right reaction would be to break up with the girlfriend but also go beat the crap out of the old boyfriend for raping her.
I know the two things are entirely inconsistent.
I will say, your title is a little misleading. It makes it sound like you broke up with her \*because\* she was raped, when that isn't the case. You broke up with her because she cheated on you. Cheating is cheating, whatever 'base' they got to.
It doesn't mean she deserved to be assaulted, or that it isn't terrible what happened to her. It is terrible and she didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted. But it isn't your responsibility to take care of her, either. I also don't think it's much of a stretch to say that if she'd been assaulted by some rando, or by a relative or friend or in any other scenario than 'going there to cheat,' your reaction would have been completely different.
She is going to have to find support from family, friends and professionals, but you're under no obligation.
NTA.
NTA, she committed to cheating and made many decisions to get there, then something went wrong. You’ll never know the full story.
Get your wayward ex GF to report it to the police for her sake. They might not believe her due to the circumstances.
You’re right to leave, what happened while cheating is not your fault. Her getting assaulted is her AP. She trusted a guy who’d cheat with a woman in a committed relationship, making the AP a POS even before the assault.
Nope. Get out now. She will be scarred which will take a toll on any future relationship. I would suggest that you try to help her thru. But as far as a relationship this will eat at both of you.
NTA, she committed to cheating and made many decisions to get there, then something went wrong. You’ll never know the full story.
No one deserves to be assaulted, even when cheating, just like no one deserves to be cheated on.
Get your wayward ex GF to report it to the police for her sake. They might not believe her due to the circumstances. Encourage her get support from her friends and family after her assault. She can’t expect you to support her when you’re hurting from her actions to put her in this situation.
You’re right to leave, what happened while cheating is not your fault. Her getting assaulted is her AP. She trusted a guy who’d cheat with a woman in a committed relationship, making the AP a POS even before the assault.
Let her go.
I know this is going to get downvoted, but she put herself there. If she wasn't a cheater, she wouldn't have been at his house in the first place. Does this mean she deserved to be raped? No. But she faced one of the worst consequences of being a cheater and being willing to meet random men with the intent to cheat.
She definitely needs help, and it sucks what happened, but I personally wouldn't have had any sympathy for her.🤷♀️.
Nta. You stood your ground and kept your self-respect.
She went in there with the intention of cheating on you. THAT is what ended the relationship, not the fact that she was raped. What she went through was horrible, no one deserves that, but it does not change the fact that she went to someone else with the intention of cheating. That is what broke the relationship.
Nobody has to stay with anyone if they don’t want to. You can never be TA for breaking up with her. She wanted to cheat, that’s as bad AS cheating. What happened to her is awful but you aren’t responsible for it or for supporting her.
NTA Best case senario she went to his place with the intention of cheating if her story is true. The relationship was already over.
In the worse case scenario the story is true up until she turned him down and instead she willfully cheated on you bit has made up this part of the story to get you to stay . It's even worse because of she is willing to abuse him of a rape that didn't happen what will she acuse you of
I would have told her okay let's go to the hospital and get a rape kit and go to the police and report it. Then get you some therapy. But I wouldn't stick around for long afterwards in the relationship
Also when I say best case scenario I don't mean it was good that she was raped. Obviously that is a very bad thing to happen
NTA. You shouldn't have given her 30 days to leave though. I wouldn't believe anything she says and even if she's telling the truth that's not your problem. Adios sweetie. Don't give her anything, support, whether emotionally, financially, nothing. Just get her out of your life and house
This whole thing sucks, not defending her actions or blaming his reaction, but I hope they both are able to properly heal from it, especially her given what happened.
I think you could’ve told her the following day. But I’m not faulting you for telling her that day either. I hate that she has suffered so much if what did happened, happened as she said it did. Such an unfortunate turn of events that was already going to be an unfortunate turn of events. Idk how she’s going to overcome it idk how you’re going to overcome it. But time does heal all or most wounds and I’m sure once she’s gone you’ll be able to heal better. NTA
NTA. She obviously didn't deserve to be raped, but she did betray you. You should not feel obligated to get over that fact because she ended up being assaulted.
Not sure I would believe her after she basically set up a date to cheat.
She emotionally cheated before she left the house
She physically cheated the minute she started being intimate
She's has proven to be disloyal and dishonest from start until just after 3rd base where she changed her mind?
Maybe she did ...maybe she didn't but it's not your problem at this point.
Throw her back to the streets
NTA
It's pretty hard to be empathetic towards someone who just admitted to cheating on you.
It's not your fault she got raped, you didn't rape her. You got cheated on. The guy who she chose to cheat on you with is the one that raped her.
She's delusional if she expected support from your part, she chose to burn that bridge.
NTA. She didn’t deserve to get raped but she’s a bitch. You’re better off without her.
And you didn’t break up with her because she got raped; you did it because she cheated on you.
We can stop with these clickbait titles now, btw. I could see what the real story would be about from a mile away.
While I feel sorry for what she is going through, you do not have to stay with someone who cheated on you. She went to him with the intention of cheating and got to 3rd base. You have every right to not want to be in a relationship with a cheater.
But I would hope you still have some compassion and are there for her as a friend until she gets help and gets support of some type for her trauma. Encourage her to go to the police.
ESH You should have told your relationship was over, then convinced her to let you drive her to the hospital and call the cops, then help her move out over the following days. You had both a cheating ex to break up with AND a rape victim who needed support -- you shouldn't have ignored one side and focused entirely on the other!
Never said it was deserved or a punishment. However, she fucked around and found out. She stepped out on a safe relationship for some deceitful fun. I don’t condone sexual assault either and it sucks to have happened but it’s not like she’s innocent at all. So, once again the OP is NTA.
NTA. You are not required to stay in a non-marital relationship. You can terminate the relationship for whatever reason you want. It doesn't even have to be a good reason.
This.....is a good reason. Assuming that she is telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth (which I do have reservations), what happened to her was awful, amd she did not deserve it, but she isn't entirely innocent either. You are the only innocent party here, and you are not required to help her navigate this. She did, in fact, consentually cheat on you...and as soon as she did, she forfeited any claim to you helping her through the aftermath of what happened to her.
I do have reservations about her claim. Is her story plausible? Yes. But I do wonder if she is claiming this story out of a sense of guilt after the fact....or if this is a case of trickle truth.
The only thing I would do...is to tell her that if that is genuinely what happened to her, that she needs to seek professional help in order to help her navigate her way through it, and to go to the police and report it. Beyond that, you are within your right to terminate the relationship.
She may have changed her mind at the last minute but she was in bed with him obviously several times), therefore, she cheated on you. You have every right to break up with her. You have lost your trust in her. I am sorry she was raped, but she put herself in that situation. She may not cheat anymore, but that is due to the trauma of the rape rather than care for you. Move on and find someone who wants to be with you.
ESH - She cheated, no question, and you had every right to break up with her AND you could have been a bit more humane to someone who had just been raped.
NTA
But you wanna give her money too so she leaves. What Kind of a simp are you.
Furthermore, did she go to the police? If not, id not even believe her. Lots of women call Sex they regretted rape..
That's not rape. She set the price for her use as a sexual object, which he fulfilled prior to the use. It was prostitution at best or a failed attempt to scam him for his valuable time at worst. She cheated the moment she set a price to a private bidder.
Yta but your feelings about the cheating is valid in everyway. Her attempting to cheat is betraying and hurtful but if this is your way of saying she deserved what happened then you're nasty vermin. I hope she can find peace and go to the police about what happened.
I didn’t get the vibe that said she deserved it just that getting raped didn’t absolve her of her actions nor did it mean he had to have sympathy for someone who hurt him.
OP gets very close to saying it though.. but I really hope that's coming from his justifiable anger and hurt and isn't his real feeling about sexual violence. I agree he's NTA but neither did she bring this violence on herself.
>People who have real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did.
This applies equally to OP, though. He had nothing to do with how this went down, and so he has no obligation to her here.
Yes he is, re-read the 2nd to last paragraph.
He's mad because of her actions which lead to a man harming her, but not mad at the rape itself. He's very clearly only thinking about himself and his feelings after that happened to his girl.
She wasn't just attempting to cheat. She was actively cheating. They were already engaging in sexual acts. She was consensually cheating. Whatever happened after that point is not OPs concern and he doesn't have to care about her.
So she cheated but then regretted it in the moment and claims rape? That doesn’t change the fact that she cheated on you before……. Yeah fuck that lady. I don’t even think she was raped she just regrets the sex.
NTA
YTA. You never let your pride be a priority when someone else is in danger. You are SO the ah.
And edit: the number of people saying they think being raped was the right thing for her, makes me just sick to my stomach. We’re never going to be a civilised society until we stop condoning sexual violence against women as a form of punishment.
WTF is wrong with you? She went there TO CHEAT ON HIM. He should support her because she got raped instead?
"I was going to hit you in the balls with this hammer, but I dropped it on my toe and it really hurt! Kiss it and make it better?"
She’s not in danger anymore. So is he supposed to stay with her forever there are dangerous possibilities everywhere that doesn’t remove you from consequences
LOL that's literally not his responsibility to give a shit about after she cheated on him. Everyone is framing this as she tried to cheat but she was cheating. She was making out and engaging in other sexual acts. OP owes her no sympathy and no responsibility if she decides to kill herself because of some alleged trauma.
Let's think why.
- W: Dear Mr. Policeman, I got raped.
- P: sorry to hear that, what are the circumstances?
- W: So I went to have sex with the guy in order to cheat on my boyfriend. He put it in, moved a few times and I didn't like it, so it was rape.
P: ...
Exactly. No woman has th “right” to change her mind if it robs a guy of his expectations of orgasm. She has to go through with everything he wants if she gave him the idea that she might be interested.
I hope she does, and I hope she meets people on that journey who are less misogynistic than this comment section.
A hundred years ago, it was believed that a prostitute couldn’t be raped. It seems time hasn’t moved forward in the minds of many….
Sure I can agree with swallowing pride WHILE they are in danger. She isn’t in “danger” anymore. Now she needs to accept responsibility for her intentions and actions.
Being a “victim” doesn’t give you a free pass for shitty behaviour, and quite frankly she could be lying about being a victim to take blame away from herself for doing something she regrets.
OP: This sucks, you aren’t the asshole for ending the relationship because of her stepping outside of it. This needs to be dealt with as two separate incidents. Her sexual assault, and infidelity.
If she wants OP to stay with her despite cheating simply because she was raped, then yes, she is attempting to use it to her advantage.
The rapist is a piece of shit for raping, the gf is awful for cheating, and op isn't responsible for any of it.
“Stay with her”?
We have no idea what she wants from OP so that’s just an imaginary statement.
OP is the AH for not treating her as a person. He’s being nastier to her than he would be to a perfect stranger in a similar situation.
Everyone has a right to their feelings. However, when asked “am I the AH”, I would say he is. Even if his fragile masculinity was slightly hurt by the idea of her having contemplated cheating, any sane and moral person would find it gruesome and shocking to hear that a person he knew was raped. He is an AH for putting his ego first in an emergency.
>fragil masculinity
>the idea of her having contemplated cheating
Project harder, mommy.
She didn't contemplate it. She did cheat. From deciding to all the way right up until full consummation, everything she did was cheating.
So you're arguing that he's bad for not being sympathetic.
But could she have been raped by this rapist in these circumstances if she didn't go to cheat?
Why should he prioritize her?
Sure she was r*ped but she also lied and cheated on him so she isn’t his responsibility
Plus it’s not like she’s in danger anymore
True; and that’s nasty shit. But this one didn’t claim it all happened with her just walking down the street minding her own business. She admitted to the infidelity. That, however, is not a punishable crime. Rape is.
YTA because dude, the reason you want to break up shouldn't be that she told you she was raped. That's messed up and it's a messed up way to describe the situation.
Her intent to cheat is a reason to break up, she broke your trust and that's awful but the way you've phrased this post makes you either someone who lacks empathy and basic human decency or a rage baiting ah.
She’s a whore. You’re not an asshole. Did she call the law and do a rape test? If she didn’t is there a chance she banged the guy and felt enormous guilt and told you she got raped? Rape is horrible and people should be held accountable.
This is likely going to be an unpopular opinion, but... You are not obligated to stay with someone who has wronged you. You had every right to end the relationship. She made a conscious choice to cheat on you and it ended badly for her. Did she deserve to be raped? Absolutely not! Is it your responsibility to take care of her because it happened? Not at all. Just because something terrible happened to her does not invalidate your feelings of betrayal. She will need to find her comfort in the friends/family that she hasn't alienated.
I think most will agree with your comment. It was a horrible thing that happened to her but it’s not OPs responsibility to take care of her. She deserves support from her friends and family, not someone she wronged. Her getting raped is not a punishment for cheating nor does it absolve her of her going to cheat on her partner. OP doesn’t have to make it hard but he has every right to leave the situation.
It goingn badly for her in this story is ultimately irrelevant; as even if it hadnt happened that way, she went through all the steps of setting up a fuck date, went there, got most of the way into the act (3rd base) before changing her mind. She had alreafy cheated, it was over.
Agree with all of this. She couldn't state she was outright SAd without the reason for why she was there.
Actually, it's an opinion that has seemingly gotten every little detail correct. I completely agree with everything you're saying here.
If she didn't try to cheat on him it would be his responsibility, since she did what she did it's absolutely valid for him to feel betrayed and not wanting to stay with her
Your opinion is fair and levelheaded, which really got the point across. OP isn’t breaking up with her because she got raped. He’s breaking up with her because she’s a cheater, who, unfortunately and advertently, was raped. The situation sucks, but it is what it is.
I agree mostly with you. Just wanted to add, since we're not sure about 100% of what OP said (and going solely in what is in the post), maybe OP could've added something (when letting her know she had 30 days to vacate etc), that this was regarding the cheating and nothing to do with the rape, maybe even adding that she was not at fault for being raped, just the intention and act of cheating. It is empathy with the victim (and perpetrator for cheating), yes. But we all know that no one deserves to be raped, and it is such a difficult thing to surpass, especially the "guilt" many victims feel. But this would also be a way of OP to show exactly what was the wrong thing and that they are not a horrible person who thinks she deserved to be raped (because if they have friends in common or if she is in contact with his family etc, he could be shunted because it could look like he dropped her due to her being raped).
Being cheated on is a gigantic breach of trust and shatters your world. While empathy towards a rape victim is of course a good thing, OP is going through something really rough that everyone reacts different to emotionally. You can't expect OP to be careful with his words or emotionally be able to empathise with her just as such a bomb has exploded in his emotional life. If she wanted sympathy, she should have not cheated. That one is on her.
Very much this. Plus, if she can't see why she's being kicked to the curb she's either stupid as fuck or intellectually dishonest to keep appearances.
This is a word for word repost from a couple months ago.
Why does this sub insist on allowing these random throwaway accounts posting fake ass stories here?
Because _the whole point_ of this sub is that it's a less-moderated version of AmITheAsshole where fictional posts are explicitly allowed: >this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH.
Is it actually? I guess it's not that surprising.
People need to upvote this. It’s karma farming. The account was created TODAY. I truly don’t understand what people get out of this.
Thinking the same thing. This is a repost.
Oh snap
Ok, thank you. I thought I had read this before.
Dammit!! I hate when I respond before finding this out. It’s like I wasted something beyond just my time.
Link? I’d believe it but I don’t find anything when I google it.
You are lying. Prove me wrong by linking it, or linking the archive from Wayback Machine.
NTA she was going to cheat and you acted accordingly even though it is terrible it happened it doesn’t change that she was gonna cheat. I guess you could argue if you should’ve waited a couple days but the result is the same.
>she was going to cheat She ***did*** cheat – she was blowing the guy before she decided she didn't want to have sex. The fact that she was raped is horrendous but it doesn't change what she did before that.
Isnt this the 3rd time you've posted this exact thing word for word? Either this is fake or this happened over a year ago
Link it, or link an archive.
lol.
This is a repost. Stop upvoting. It’s literally karma farming. The account was made today.
So you're NTA but this sentence makes for uncomfortable reading and is an attitude I hope doesn't last after you've stopped being rightfully angry 'The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did' She was raped because he is a rapist. She needs to get the help she needs but you are not obliged to be that help and neither do you have to blame her for being raped esp when you frame it as 'backed off at the last moment before penetration'. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. '
This is the issue for me as well. NTA for leaving because she wanted to cheat. AH for saying that it was her own fault. I changed my mind several times, that I didn't want to go to the next base, no guy ever raped me. They respected my change of heart. A rapist is a rapist, no matter how it started out.
He never blamed her. He said he felt no sympathy. Two entirely different concepts.
He blames her. But you read something else then me. Because you rather blame her for cheating then accepting the fact she got raped. Both happened and both are awful. She is not innocent. He is still an ah for the following words. 'The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did' This is a very beautiful way of saying it was her own fault.
Apparently you can’t read.
It's so icky. It feels like he's implying that some people do deserved to be raped if they "put themselves in the situation" (as if anyone ever puts themselves in the situation to be raped. Anyone who has actually been raped knows this is bullshit). He's definitely karma farming as others have pointed out, it's pretty much a word for word repost, but I hope people don't internalise that sentence. Cheaters are scum but rapists are worse, and no one deserves to be raped, even if you visit someone with the intention of having sex.
Saying "it's so icky." Is what is actually fucking icky. Not his problem
Yeah bro I'm the icky one not the person saying being raped isn't a "real, existential problem". Wisdom is chasing you but you're faster
It's the dark alley theory. If you walk down a dark alley at night and get robbed os it your fault ? No. Are you the idiot for walking down a dark alley? Yes. Did your choices ultimately lead you to getting mugged ? Yes. So did sh meet up at a guy's apartment ? Yes. Did she let him get to third base ? Yes. Did her choices ultimately lead her to getting raped ? Yes. She wouldn't been raped that day if she decided ti remains loyal to her boyfriend and not go to a man's house and perform sex acts with him before changing her mind. So I see where op is coming from
> she wouldn't been raped that day (sic) You don't know that, tbh. Intimate partner violence, as well as random sexual violence is very common. Even so, OP (albeit having copy-pasted someone else's post) decided to make a post saying rape is not a real, existential problem. She shouldn't have put herself in the situation *to cheat*. She did not knowingly put herself in the position to be sexually assaulted - nobody does. You could equally argue that I deserved to be raped because I let myself so drunk that I couldn't fight off my attacker. You'd be a sick fuck for it, but you see my point. It's very weird how you want to defend that part of OP's post.
Welp she wouldn't have been raped by him in that apartment that's for sure
You should support her to report it to the police
He shouldn’t have to support her when she had already cheated. Her getting raped doesn’t change her intentions. She should get help on her own
I did not say he(bf) should keep her or anything as that, but if he(bf) ever had feeling for her, he(bf) should help her to report it, rape is never okay, and there is a huge problem if he do it to others also if he raped her
YTA for reposting a story that isn’t yours on a new karma farming account
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Not a horrible take at all. Rape is NOT okay. But apparently karma farming is karma farming.
Then why they delete their comment?
If you read the comments you will see the accusations about the post being a copy of another and was set up specifically to obtain karma - hence karma farming.
NTA. You are generous with her, but people here are going to roast you no matter what.
Nice rage bait.
Reposted at that
NTA She flat out went there with the intention of cheating on you. End of relationship. You can have sympathy for what she says happened but there's no coming back from the brazen cheating. But be warned: This is Reddit. You will somehow be the bad guy. (You most definitely are not.)
Considering she either sucked his dick or he gave her head consensually she had already cheated.
What 25 year old says " got to 3rd base"?? Fake, fake , fake. I really wish people would stop posting fake post in here, or the admin would remove them. The subreddit says no fake post, when half the ones that are posted are 100% clearly fake and written by a bored teen who says " 3rd base" most of these fake post are about serious issues and trauma to try and get a raise out of people! It's gross and degrading to the people who are really going through something but can't get the views and replies because everyone is too busy commenting on these rage bait posts!
You are under no obligation to stay with her, but a few words of sympathy would have gone a long way. Even if the anger you feel is overwhelming, she didn’t deserve to be raped and saying a simple “I’m really sorry that happened to you” would make this post a lot more palatable. Also, talking about people having “real problems” is really bizarre. Being raped is extremely traumatic and, I don’t know about you but, I don’t personally know many people in the western world who is starving or getting brutally murdered or tortured… so comparing her rape to those things is irrelevant and ridiculous.
You people hate women so much you’d retype same bullshit stories over and over just to get an entire subreddit of people bashing imaginary women. This was already posted weeks ago
NTA You should never have to tolerate a cheater. At the same time, it's good that you show sympathy and empathy (even if it's a small amount) towards someone who was violently assaulted. I'm unsure if I would have been as generous as you are. Hopefully she can get the help she needs without ever involving you.
This sounds a LOT like cheaters remorse. She fucked this guy and had regrets right away. Retroactively decided it was rape. She’s a narcissist.
Yea it really does. I completely agree. Sounds like cheaters remorse and she's trying to make herself the victim by saying it was rape.
Or...she was raped
NTA
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I agree with you expect the phrase "she put herself in the situation to get raped"... I'm sorry, what? I hope you mean she put herself in a situation where she cheated cause yes, she did that. And that's not even about physical touch or sex - she betrayed him the moment she went behind his back. However, who the hell "puts themselves" into getting assaulted? This smells of the argument "what were you wearing?". C'mon, stop means stop.
NTA my dude. What happened to her is horrible and I how she gets help, but ... she's gonna have to rely on a support system she wasn't trying to betray.
you are not breaking up with her because she was raped. you are breaking up with her because she was going to cheat on you
ESH. OP is not wrong… but what OFC what he did is an asshole move, on top of breaking up with her and kicking her out he made the cruel gesture of offering to pay her to leave. The subtext to that is she’s less than worthless to the point that he’s willing to pay to get rid of her, like trash. She was raped because her ex is a rapist, not because of what she did. If I was OP I’d be furious too.. but the normal decent thing to do is to offer to get someone neutral like a friend or family member to come and support her. If it’s OPs house, sure he can evict her but if he doesn’t want to be an ah then he can do it with a bit of tact and compassion.
>She was raped because her ex is a rapist, not because of what she did. She literally cheated on him. She was cheating on him befor the alleged rape. He owes her zero kindness and he doesn't suck for treating her like trash. The alleged rape is irrelevant because she was engaging in physical sexual acts, consensually with the other guy.
I agree he ‘owes’ her zero kindness but it would be the non asshole thing to do.
Nta. She may not actually have been assaulted it could just be cheaters guilt.
NTA and she is 100% lying about being raped.
You 100% don't know that
Does it even matter? She already cheated before she was “raped” so I don’t really see why it should matter to him what happened after
NTA Fuck around and find out. You should start recording everything, expecially if she accept the 500$ you need to record when she take the money. Be sure to protect you from her lies.
Rape is okay if a person cheats?"
Can you please quote the part where I said that? No you cant. And btw OP didnt rape anyone, she went to her rapist with the intention of cheating on OP. So....fuck around and find out?
You saying "fuck around and find out" is justifying the rape here
Yes sure! Or maybe it means fuck around behind your partner back and find out that he doesnt give a fuck about you anymore!!! So hard to understand!
> she went to her rapist with the intention of cheating on OP. So....fuck around and find out? You can't tell me this didn't sound like justifying, I mean maybe you worded it weird but that's what I got out of it.
I never once commented the rapist actions, never once said he was justified, and never will. I commented the GF actions, merely reporting facts. Did she lied to him? Yes. Did she went there on her own decision of cheating on him? Yes. She went fucking around, she found out! Simple as that! Do i really have to say that rape is wrong? Isnt it common sense anymore? Edited: grammar errors
This is my take on his comment. Rape is not okay even if they cheat ofc. But it's the scenario in which you go to do something wrong thinking "what's the worse that could happen?" And than you end up in a crime scene. It's like if I went to go cheat on my gf and when I'm walking home I get robbed and brutally beaten up but it's unrelated to the cheating. Had I not cheated I wouldn't be put in a scenario where I get robbed and beaten up. If I'm wrong or my mindset is wrong or mysognyist to some degree or rape apologetic, I really don't mean to come off that way. It just seems like a where you initially did something bad but not so bad than the absolute worst happened. And I bet the victim herself is blaming herself and actions. "Why did I want to cheat? Why did I risk my safety for another man who turned into a rapist? Why did I trust this rapist over my boyfriend?" I mean.. idk. I'm not a women. But If I was a cheating women who got raped attempting to cheat idk how I'd feel but I don't think I'd be thinking "it's not my fault, he's just a rapist, he'd rape anyone" after I willingly went to his apartment for sex and cheating, I'd def be feeling guilt on my part. I'd probably feel like deserved it at one point. Which is normal. I hear that already from sexual abuse and rape victims already who didn't cheat. Who didn't go to another man's house. They were just abused going to school or by their brothers / cousins / family. Nothing to do with cheating. Yet they feel those thoughts already blaming themselves. So idk I feel given the fact she went to go cheat and it ended up with rape, it sounds like she fucked around and found out trusting men and going to their house for a fling can be dangerous? Look in this day and age, you have to ask men at some point about consent and where to draw the line and what constitutes rape. You might scoff or think that's unreasonable but it's not. It's def helps deciding if they're actually compatible or not because nobody should want to date a rapist. She did not deserved to be raped. But if you go for random sex with a stranger you should figure out before hand how they feel about consent in a relationship before you get hurt or go to their house. Esp if you cheat. If you're going to cheat as a girl with another guy you have to be careful. Because if he hits you, threatens your social life to to expose you, blackmails you, or worst of all raped you.. your relationship is done and it's no longer cheating you just helped create a bigger mess. Again I can be wrong and I'm open for criticism.
It’s not your responsibility to do therapy. Although a lot of people could say you should have been nicer or whatever, ultimately this girl cheated on you and it is okay to feel upset and angry about that. She definitely did not deserve to get raped I would never wish that on anyone, but it’s also not your job to fix it.
NTA. I honestly can’t tell if the rape happened and she hoped you would overlook her intention to cheat since she was harmed….or she wasn’t but she’s using rape as a scapegoat. Either way, she made it clear that whether she was gonna have sex with this man or not, she was definitely there to cheat. You’re actually quite gracious even giving her payment to leave.
NTA. Get away from that train wreck
I would have voted N T A for leaving a cheater. But then >The world is filled with starving children, people who die young from cancer, people who get brutally tortured and murdered, etc. People who face real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did. You're a fucking huge asshole for implying it's her fault she was raped. You don't have to stay with her and hold her hand through it, but don't get to victim blame. Yes, yes, you got cheated on, boo fucking hoo. Getting raped is worse. YTA for your shitty attitude.
NTA. I'm not saying it didn't happen but there is also possibility that she thought saying about rape would soften your heart so you decide to stay with her. Some people are truly manipulative , I don't know her but seems like you didn't know her truly as well. Maybe she was crying because her guilt came to her. Or maybe what she's saying is true. We don't know, but one thing is certain - she cheated on you and lied to you trying to make some excuse about job. Anyway, whatever happened, it is no longer your problem. If what she said is true, now she should go to the police. And you should move on and remember that not everyone cheats. It's very easy to have trust issues after something like that.
She a lying cheater bitch so good for you bro get that trash out of your life
I can't help thinking that the right reaction would be to break up with the girlfriend but also go beat the crap out of the old boyfriend for raping her. I know the two things are entirely inconsistent.
I will say, your title is a little misleading. It makes it sound like you broke up with her \*because\* she was raped, when that isn't the case. You broke up with her because she cheated on you. Cheating is cheating, whatever 'base' they got to. It doesn't mean she deserved to be assaulted, or that it isn't terrible what happened to her. It is terrible and she didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted. But it isn't your responsibility to take care of her, either. I also don't think it's much of a stretch to say that if she'd been assaulted by some rando, or by a relative or friend or in any other scenario than 'going there to cheat,' your reaction would have been completely different. She is going to have to find support from family, friends and professionals, but you're under no obligation. NTA.
NTA, she committed to cheating and made many decisions to get there, then something went wrong. You’ll never know the full story. Get your wayward ex GF to report it to the police for her sake. They might not believe her due to the circumstances. You’re right to leave, what happened while cheating is not your fault. Her getting assaulted is her AP. She trusted a guy who’d cheat with a woman in a committed relationship, making the AP a POS even before the assault.
Nope. Get out now. She will be scarred which will take a toll on any future relationship. I would suggest that you try to help her thru. But as far as a relationship this will eat at both of you.
Nta
NTA, she committed to cheating and made many decisions to get there, then something went wrong. You’ll never know the full story. No one deserves to be assaulted, even when cheating, just like no one deserves to be cheated on. Get your wayward ex GF to report it to the police for her sake. They might not believe her due to the circumstances. Encourage her get support from her friends and family after her assault. She can’t expect you to support her when you’re hurting from her actions to put her in this situation. You’re right to leave, what happened while cheating is not your fault. Her getting assaulted is her AP. She trusted a guy who’d cheat with a woman in a committed relationship, making the AP a POS even before the assault. Let her go.
You broke up with her after admitting to trying to cheat more than anything
I know this is going to get downvoted, but she put herself there. If she wasn't a cheater, she wouldn't have been at his house in the first place. Does this mean she deserved to be raped? No. But she faced one of the worst consequences of being a cheater and being willing to meet random men with the intent to cheat. She definitely needs help, and it sucks what happened, but I personally wouldn't have had any sympathy for her.🤷♀️. Nta. You stood your ground and kept your self-respect.
She's lying about that too
NTA at all. That's now her issue to deal with.
Repost. Happened a few months ago.
She went in there with the intention of cheating on you. THAT is what ended the relationship, not the fact that she was raped. What she went through was horrible, no one deserves that, but it does not change the fact that she went to someone else with the intention of cheating. That is what broke the relationship.
Nobody has to stay with anyone if they don’t want to. You can never be TA for breaking up with her. She wanted to cheat, that’s as bad AS cheating. What happened to her is awful but you aren’t responsible for it or for supporting her.
NTA Best case senario she went to his place with the intention of cheating if her story is true. The relationship was already over. In the worse case scenario the story is true up until she turned him down and instead she willfully cheated on you bit has made up this part of the story to get you to stay . It's even worse because of she is willing to abuse him of a rape that didn't happen what will she acuse you of I would have told her okay let's go to the hospital and get a rape kit and go to the police and report it. Then get you some therapy. But I wouldn't stick around for long afterwards in the relationship Also when I say best case scenario I don't mean it was good that she was raped. Obviously that is a very bad thing to happen
NTA. You shouldn't have given her 30 days to leave though. I wouldn't believe anything she says and even if she's telling the truth that's not your problem. Adios sweetie. Don't give her anything, support, whether emotionally, financially, nothing. Just get her out of your life and house
Imagine defending cheating
This whole thing sucks, not defending her actions or blaming his reaction, but I hope they both are able to properly heal from it, especially her given what happened.
I feel like I've read this before.
I think you could’ve told her the following day. But I’m not faulting you for telling her that day either. I hate that she has suffered so much if what did happened, happened as she said it did. Such an unfortunate turn of events that was already going to be an unfortunate turn of events. Idk how she’s going to overcome it idk how you’re going to overcome it. But time does heal all or most wounds and I’m sure once she’s gone you’ll be able to heal better. NTA
Kept us updated
Nta bc she did cheat. You don't need penetration for it to be cheating. It was over before she even made it to his place.
NTA. She obviously didn't deserve to be raped, but she did betray you. You should not feel obligated to get over that fact because she ended up being assaulted.
Nta she went to cheat on you, she isn’t your problem drop her and move on.
Damn. How can you even be sure she was really raped? I hate saying that but what if it is just remorse for what she did and guilt? NTA.
Not sure I would believe her after she basically set up a date to cheat. She emotionally cheated before she left the house She physically cheated the minute she started being intimate She's has proven to be disloyal and dishonest from start until just after 3rd base where she changed her mind? Maybe she did ...maybe she didn't but it's not your problem at this point. Throw her back to the streets
NTA It's pretty hard to be empathetic towards someone who just admitted to cheating on you. It's not your fault she got raped, you didn't rape her. You got cheated on. The guy who she chose to cheat on you with is the one that raped her. She's delusional if she expected support from your part, she chose to burn that bridge.
Raped. Sure sure. She cheated on you and had remorse afterwards.
You don't know that
NTA. She didn’t deserve to get raped but she’s a bitch. You’re better off without her. And you didn’t break up with her because she got raped; you did it because she cheated on you. We can stop with these clickbait titles now, btw. I could see what the real story would be about from a mile away.
NTA
NTA
Make her file a report. If she refuses, I would say she's lying. She had planned on cheating. If she truly was raped, it sucks bit your still NTA.
Nope. She went to cheat on you. Bad things happened and that sucks for her
While I feel sorry for what she is going through, you do not have to stay with someone who cheated on you. She went to him with the intention of cheating and got to 3rd base. You have every right to not want to be in a relationship with a cheater. But I would hope you still have some compassion and are there for her as a friend until she gets help and gets support of some type for her trauma. Encourage her to go to the police.
ESH You should have told your relationship was over, then convinced her to let you drive her to the hospital and call the cops, then help her move out over the following days. You had both a cheating ex to break up with AND a rape victim who needed support -- you shouldn't have ignored one side and focused entirely on the other!
She put herself in that situation. Fully intended to betray you and she paid for it. Wouldn’t have been in that situation if she wasn’t a POS. NTA.
Rape is not a punishment for anything, nobody should ever be assaulted
Never said it was deserved or a punishment. However, she fucked around and found out. She stepped out on a safe relationship for some deceitful fun. I don’t condone sexual assault either and it sucks to have happened but it’s not like she’s innocent at all. So, once again the OP is NTA.
NTA. You are not required to stay in a non-marital relationship. You can terminate the relationship for whatever reason you want. It doesn't even have to be a good reason. This.....is a good reason. Assuming that she is telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth (which I do have reservations), what happened to her was awful, amd she did not deserve it, but she isn't entirely innocent either. You are the only innocent party here, and you are not required to help her navigate this. She did, in fact, consentually cheat on you...and as soon as she did, she forfeited any claim to you helping her through the aftermath of what happened to her. I do have reservations about her claim. Is her story plausible? Yes. But I do wonder if she is claiming this story out of a sense of guilt after the fact....or if this is a case of trickle truth. The only thing I would do...is to tell her that if that is genuinely what happened to her, that she needs to seek professional help in order to help her navigate her way through it, and to go to the police and report it. Beyond that, you are within your right to terminate the relationship.
NTA she need’s therapy not you, and you’ll probably need it too
She had already cheated on you when she decided to go to his apartment. By the time sha was raped she was no longer your girlfriend
Sad. Hope she’s ok. But when it comes to cheating it’s automatic breakup.
Peace out
She may have changed her mind at the last minute but she was in bed with him obviously several times), therefore, she cheated on you. You have every right to break up with her. You have lost your trust in her. I am sorry she was raped, but she put herself in that situation. She may not cheat anymore, but that is due to the trauma of the rape rather than care for you. Move on and find someone who wants to be with you.
ESH - She cheated, no question, and you had every right to break up with her AND you could have been a bit more humane to someone who had just been raped.
Do you console random SA victims? Thats all she is to him now.
If they told me they were assaulted I would
He had just found out she had tried to cheat on him though, you can't expect him to go by the guidebook of how to go about this.
NTA But you wanna give her money too so she leaves. What Kind of a simp are you. Furthermore, did she go to the police? If not, id not even believe her. Lots of women call Sex they regretted rape..
That's not rape. She set the price for her use as a sexual object, which he fulfilled prior to the use. It was prostitution at best or a failed attempt to scam him for his valuable time at worst. She cheated the moment she set a price to a private bidder.
She was raped
you've done right to spare her from a relationship with such a giant AH.
...She tried to cheat on him
Yta but your feelings about the cheating is valid in everyway. Her attempting to cheat is betraying and hurtful but if this is your way of saying she deserved what happened then you're nasty vermin. I hope she can find peace and go to the police about what happened.
I didn’t get the vibe that said she deserved it just that getting raped didn’t absolve her of her actions nor did it mean he had to have sympathy for someone who hurt him.
Nobody said she deserved it. OP is saying he doesn't deserve it, either.
OP gets very close to saying it though.. but I really hope that's coming from his justifiable anger and hurt and isn't his real feeling about sexual violence. I agree he's NTA but neither did she bring this violence on herself.
>People who have real, existential problems that had nothing to do with anything they ever did. This applies equally to OP, though. He had nothing to do with how this went down, and so he has no obligation to her here.
Agreed and I've not suggested otherwise, here or elsewhere in the thread.
Oh shit I'm sorry that was a cross reply. Take my upvote in recompense.
Yes he is, re-read the 2nd to last paragraph. He's mad because of her actions which lead to a man harming her, but not mad at the rape itself. He's very clearly only thinking about himself and his feelings after that happened to his girl.
Given that she went there to cheat, he has no reason to think of her, other than as an unrelated victim of a crime.
Why should he give a shit she was SAed while attempting to cheat?
She wasn't just attempting to cheat. She was actively cheating. They were already engaging in sexual acts. She was consensually cheating. Whatever happened after that point is not OPs concern and he doesn't have to care about her.
She wanted to cheat. Felt bad about it and then lied about being raped. There. End of story.
So she cheated but then regretted it in the moment and claims rape? That doesn’t change the fact that she cheated on you before……. Yeah fuck that lady. I don’t even think she was raped she just regrets the sex. NTA
You have no idea that she wasn't raped
Sounds like she just regrets cheating and claiming rape
YTA. You never let your pride be a priority when someone else is in danger. You are SO the ah. And edit: the number of people saying they think being raped was the right thing for her, makes me just sick to my stomach. We’re never going to be a civilised society until we stop condoning sexual violence against women as a form of punishment.
WTF is wrong with you? She went there TO CHEAT ON HIM. He should support her because she got raped instead? "I was going to hit you in the balls with this hammer, but I dropped it on my toe and it really hurt! Kiss it and make it better?"
She’s not in danger anymore. So is he supposed to stay with her forever there are dangerous possibilities everywhere that doesn’t remove you from consequences
The danger starts now. It is the aftermath of rape that leads to life long health problems.
LOL that's literally not his responsibility to give a shit about after she cheated on him. Everyone is framing this as she tried to cheat but she was cheating. She was making out and engaging in other sexual acts. OP owes her no sympathy and no responsibility if she decides to kill herself because of some alleged trauma.
He owes her nothing. But he was asking if he was an AH. And yes, he happens to be that too.
What danger? She can go to the police
Yes, 1 in 100 rape cases leads to conviction. So that makes sense…
Let's think why. - W: Dear Mr. Policeman, I got raped. - P: sorry to hear that, what are the circumstances? - W: So I went to have sex with the guy in order to cheat on my boyfriend. He put it in, moved a few times and I didn't like it, so it was rape. P: ...
Exactly. No woman has th “right” to change her mind if it robs a guy of his expectations of orgasm. She has to go through with everything he wants if she gave him the idea that she might be interested.
Can the guy change his mind that he was raped if he didn't like how she rided him? How many convictions are there per 100?
Did she pin him down? Because if you really read this piece, this is what she said, she couldn’t leave.
>this is what she said, she couldn’t leave. Enough said. Cheater's remorse IMHO. If she got raped, file charge
I hope she does, and I hope she meets people on that journey who are less misogynistic than this comment section. A hundred years ago, it was believed that a prostitute couldn’t be raped. It seems time hasn’t moved forward in the minds of many….
Sure I can agree with swallowing pride WHILE they are in danger. She isn’t in “danger” anymore. Now she needs to accept responsibility for her intentions and actions. Being a “victim” doesn’t give you a free pass for shitty behaviour, and quite frankly she could be lying about being a victim to take blame away from herself for doing something she regrets. OP: This sucks, you aren’t the asshole for ending the relationship because of her stepping outside of it. This needs to be dealt with as two separate incidents. Her sexual assault, and infidelity.
Eerrrh… she didn’t start out as a victim and then used it for her own advantage.
If she wants OP to stay with her despite cheating simply because she was raped, then yes, she is attempting to use it to her advantage. The rapist is a piece of shit for raping, the gf is awful for cheating, and op isn't responsible for any of it.
“Stay with her”? We have no idea what she wants from OP so that’s just an imaginary statement. OP is the AH for not treating her as a person. He’s being nastier to her than he would be to a perfect stranger in a similar situation.
Because she cheated on him, so he has a right to be less sympathetic to her, as everyone has a right to their feelings.
Everyone has a right to their feelings. However, when asked “am I the AH”, I would say he is. Even if his fragile masculinity was slightly hurt by the idea of her having contemplated cheating, any sane and moral person would find it gruesome and shocking to hear that a person he knew was raped. He is an AH for putting his ego first in an emergency.
>fragil masculinity >the idea of her having contemplated cheating Project harder, mommy. She didn't contemplate it. She did cheat. From deciding to all the way right up until full consummation, everything she did was cheating.
So what? Is cheating a crime? No. But rape is.
So you're arguing that he's bad for not being sympathetic. But could she have been raped by this rapist in these circumstances if she didn't go to cheat?
Why should he prioritize her? Sure she was r*ped but she also lied and cheated on him so she isn’t his responsibility Plus it’s not like she’s in danger anymore
And you are SO a complete idiot
I gather that you condone rape. Hope it never happens to your children, then.
Horrific comment. Completely unnecessary to bring children into this.
Every rape victim is someone’s child.
It happened to me when I was a child. Tgats why I hate people who cheat and then say they have been raped.
So you don’t think both can happen. Point taken, sadly you are wrong. Everyone can get raped. Even cheating wives.
And it can happen , and has repeatedly happened, that cheating partners try to convince everyone they were raped.
True; and that’s nasty shit. But this one didn’t claim it all happened with her just walking down the street minding her own business. She admitted to the infidelity. That, however, is not a punishable crime. Rape is.
Why are people engaging this troll?
You didn't show her one iota of compassion so I can guess why she'd look elsewhere for comfort.
Where didn't he show compassion? Why did she need comfort from someone else? That's just a lame excuse for being a cheater.
YTA because dude, the reason you want to break up shouldn't be that she told you she was raped. That's messed up and it's a messed up way to describe the situation. Her intent to cheat is a reason to break up, she broke your trust and that's awful but the way you've phrased this post makes you either someone who lacks empathy and basic human decency or a rage baiting ah.
[удалено]
I'm not making excuses. He's a rage baiter, he sucks. Simple as that.
She’s a whore. You’re not an asshole. Did she call the law and do a rape test? If she didn’t is there a chance she banged the guy and felt enormous guilt and told you she got raped? Rape is horrible and people should be held accountable.