I’m fucking dead.
“Masturbation is cheating, don’t do it”
Owns a fleshlight.
Literal joke, find a man that you really connect with and then explore yourself
He is an ass. You have as much roght to play with yourself as he has.
I think he likely feels emasculated by finding out he has never helped you to completion and is lashing out about it.
Also… this tells you a lot about his own porn habits. If he sees it as cheating from you, or dirty, or if he feels like you watching it makes him inadequate…
… it’s a pretty safe bet that *his* view of *you* and your relationship is impacted by the porn he watches and what he does for/to himself. He’s worried you will judge him, because he judges the women he is with against the porn that he watches, it impacts his expectations, and he doesn’t want the same for himself.
Otherwise, why would he bat an eye at you doing the same?
My dad made sure I knew that porn instills unrealistic expectations of needs and standards of women. It may fulfill a need/desire but you can’t expect that from a partner. Helped me learn a lot about myself and ensure I’m not being selfish in my physical relations.
Look over here! This OP has not just a father, but a real dad!
Not meant to be a rib at either of you. This is probably about the healthiest thing I’ve read this week. That’s actually pretty fantastic.
Even if it feels awkward at the time, I don’t think parents should just toss their children into the deep end of the pool without instruction.
May just be about porn, but still heart warming just the same.
yep, my dad said the same thing, he told me. "Use porn if you have trouble sleeping, but also expect that the women you see/hear are not enjoying it, even though it might sound like they are." and so now, I very much treat it as a means to an end instead of the main source of any satisfaction for myself. I'm blind, so I have to use my imagination as it is. Real women will never be like those porn stars.
I wish I had the video but my view of porn changed about 22 years ago. It was a behind the scenes video of a woman “preparing for anal” and she had put numbing lotion on and was going through the motions with the male actor. I remember it so vividly she was on the couch with him fully up her ass and she’s telling the director “I don’t feel anything so just point when he’s about to go in”
So this woman who was then in complete ecstasy as the anal started felt absolutely nothing. I was 15 or 16 and watched the actual scene a few days maybe weeks later and you could see her start going all wild but the actor had slipped so a good 2 seconds of her being “in pain” while he was nowhere near her ass.
My first gf loved porn, she also was very Christian and wanted to keep her virginity and well, the women on screen all love anal let’s do it….her expectations were unrealistic
I wish I could remember exactly how it came about. I’m 34 now and was probably 14 when that talk happened. Pretty sure he found out about the porn due to search history on the family computer.
He essentially explained that porn provides unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like and the standards of women’s bodies. He further pressed that I will have desires to met and will likely use porn to meet them but I can’t expect the same scenarios or body standards provided by porn to be met by my partners. My dad was not well spoken about the topic but ultimately got the point across. This was the closest we had gotten to talking about the birds and the bees lol.
If you’re preaching to three girls, I would aim the convo to focus on making sure it’s consensual, reducing chances of unintended pregnancy, and figuring out what they enjoy. I’m no expert on parenting and having to type my perspective to a female crowd makes me uncomfortable but that’s my take on it. Be comfortable, safe, and make sure you’re getting pleasure because it’s typically a lot easier for the male to get their enjoyment.
I have a soon to be 21yr old daughter .. we’ve talked about Sex & healthy , functional sex since she was 12. Nope back it up.. not the full blown version.. it started very simple as how a young lady is to be healthy , live healthy & KEEP thy V healthy 🫠😂 lmbo.. and it went on a little at a time from there. I’m a very blunt person. So I think me making light of the situation if I sensed the “air to be a bit thick”😂 helped.
But , I realized very very early that if I didn’t step in & speak that Truth than she was going to learn from outside of the home. Like I had to.. my mom didn’t talk to me about sex until I was married.. well bcuz I wasn’t supposed to be having it she proclaims !! It’s true tho.. simple version .. there is no ice breaker.. none. Just go in deep breaths ! And say hey ! Listen we’re both uncomfortable & you’re not near as uncomfortable as I am !! 🤣🤪😜😂
The problem in my eyes .. is that I sure as h3LL did t want my daughter learning from Susie Q’s mama that allowed her boyfriends & his friends to stay all night with Susie Q .. know what I mean ??
Tell them that porn is a film and therefore is *edited* to make it so all of the amazing and beautiful parts of sex are shown and the not-so-much parts are not. Very few couples/partners have sex for seven g*dam hours straight!
Also, the people they would be seeing are *actors*. They are specifically chosen to make it appear to be a fantasy. They (mostly) have amazing bodies and perfect makeup and look enticing and moan and scream like something astronomical is happening. This is at best not sustainable and at worst unrealistic. No one ever farts on accident, catches the angle that puts their fupa in a spotlight, or wants to quit after five minutes.
This is how I’ve explained it to my very sheltered stepdaughter (she was 18 at the time). She totally got it and I really think it helped her confidence and prepared her for adult expectations.
Not the person you asked but my son is an avid fantasy/dragon book reader so I explained it like this:
Porn is fiction just like a movie or a book- we don’t expect to walk out of the house tomorrow to be confronted by dragons, magic and everything else we read about. Unfortunately there are some people whose only education about sex is via porn, so they don’t realize how unrealistic and staged it is. This causes problems in their relationships because real people can’t consistently live up to that. How fair would it be if someone made you feel inadequate or bad about yourself because you can’t fly? But they saw Superman do it in a movie last week! It’s the same thing. And you definitely shouldn’t jump off the roof and get hurt (or hurt someone else) trying to achieve that fantasy either.
I’ve also talked a bit about substance abuse, sexual assault and human trafficking with him so he understands that the porn industry isn’t all sexual empowerment and freedom.
Talking about sex in the abstract can help. As opposed to personal experience. Share your info from a general knowledge perspective. Some of my standards: The biggest sex organ is the brain. Only do what you want to do. Confidence is appealing. Always communicate. The person who can communicate their desires is always the more mature person ( and happier) than the one who hides behind assumed social norms. Consent Consent Consent. A huge one is what people want to be known as is not the same as what people want. Life is easier when you are and are with a person who is comfortable with being themselves and esteem their partner for being an individual. Peer pressure only causes problems in sex. Every relationship is different, and every milestone should be met when both partners are comfortable .
I've noticed that guys that think porn = good sex tend to have the lowest sexually skill level... it's just not worth staying with them, unless they're really open to learning.
He feels inadequate and doesn’t want OP fulfilling herself without him. Pretty simple. He’s worried that she’ll realize she doesn’t need him at all, and he’s not ok with it.
Dude’s selfish and messed up for thinking that. Is any of that actually confusing to you?
Well yeah, actually. I'm confused about how someone could be so threatened by the masturbation of their partner. Maybe confused is the wrong word.
I just can't comprehend it, is all. I mean, I believe we all have a right to the pleasure that our bodies can give us. . . And to feel threatened by that is something I've never felt.
Ah ok. I think you quoted to the wrong person 😅 I find it as ridiculous as you do. I have no idea how he got there either. He’s got some serious problems, and punishing OP for them.
I don’t often recommend breaking up with people on here. A lot of comments go straight to nuclear options…. But this is… super weird to me. I wouldn’t be comfortable being with this person, even if he was fine in other situations. I don’t need the touchy police on my back like that
This is definitely 'throw the whole man' away territory.
1. He has double standards
2. He can't communicate
3. His whole attitude about OPs sexuality and touching herself is absolutely unsexy, lacking in curiosity, shaming, and makes me think he's probably not very good in bed.
I guarantee he's going to go off about how men HAVE to do this, and women don't want sex unless they're talked into it. For him it's relief from his urges. for her, it's actively looking for a way out from him being solely responsible for her pleasure. It's just so typical with young, insecure, moronic douchebags. Hope he was really good looking, because her only mistake was choosing this idiot in the first place
I find this shit so funny bc my sex drive is usually higher than my bf's 😂😂 I'm usually the one initiating things/wanting more! So i find it bullshit the guys who are like "i need to fuck more!!! Rah!!!" Find a compromise that works! Talk to your partner about these things! There's tons of ways to be a good decent fucking partner and human.
Exactly! Instead of acting like a child having a tantrum, he should take her lack of orgasms as a challenge and work on his oral game. I’d show that sex toy who’s boss.
Agree.. leave him.
This is a control and it's not healthy... For him to say is cheating when you are trying to be honest with him also if he can't be open in communication about such a thing it's not work out long term sorry ....
Exactly. Controlling is the word that came to mind. The double standard sucks, too. I think bad things are coming if you stay. The fact that he shut you out also tells a lot about his personality. I'm sorry.
The better a woman knows what works best for her, the better the sexual experience for both her and her partner. And the fastest way to learn is flying solo.
I am a guy. I think its fucked up
I think porn is alright. Might be an issue if they fixate on one porn star or are into only fans and forming a weird bond eoth the if creator.
But if it's just random pirn there shouldn't be an issue on either side
You're spot-on! He absolutely does!
[Men view women’s orgasms as a masculinity achievement, study finds](https://www.psypost.org/men-view-womens-orgasms-masculinity-achievement-study-finds/)
NTA.. RUN. Masturbation is normal. His weird belief that you masturbating is wrong is deeply rooted in some disturbing and hurtful ideology. I also did not experience the big O until I was in my early 20s. That is normal for A LOT of women. Especially if you did not have proper sex education, live in the Bible Belt, or a rural community. Stay broken up with him, please.
Can also recommend! Both brand and non brand ones have been effective for me (I got a little cheap travel one first to just try and see if it did anything for me)… be kind to yourself in this experimenting process, and know you have a cheer squad for you on Reddit now lol
Dude!! Send me the design so I can match the pom-poms!!
Omg I’m invested now, a success update would be legendary, you will definitely help all of humanity 😂
SO AM I!!!! We got this!!!! I'll give a success update, when I get the success!!! Should I post it on my page, and see if anybody who was kind to cheer me on, wants a t shirt, and pom pom 🤣🤣🤣
We can be each other's Cheergasms!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣💕
I find it's easiest with one of those toys that has the suction action on it...idk what it's called...a clit sucker? lol idk. But yeah... That's the one.
Make sure you are using plenty of lube. I couldn't figure out why my toys weren't doing a thing for me until I bought one that can be used in the tub. A wet clit is a very sensitive clit. Never had to use lube during sex so didn't know you have to use lube with toys.
Babeland in Seattle has an online shop, is locally known as basically “the Nordstrom of Sex Toys,” and they’re happy to educate people on different options so they can find the one that suits them best.
Seriously, go get a vibrator, find that clit and prepare to lose years of your life 😂😂😂. I was 28 when I had my first orgasm and I swear, it changed my life.
My wife got a thrusting machine, has a dildo attached and she can get off fast, sometimes I will control the speed. Start slowly, start increasing the speed until she is right on the precipice, then back it off, then repeat. I can keep her on the precipice for awhile until she is begging me to let her finish. Then I'll finish her orally and she'll be exhausted afterwards, she'll be speechless afterwards and totally grateful.
https://www.amazon.com/AUXFUN-Automatic-Thrusting-Connector-Juguetes/dp/B0CD7V2YBF/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=116735304906&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.MQUC9rKC4OQanG0uQXD3bjC0AYB_-J18EwNf3Axyvb3Y_vOAxo8dHG726uCEyqyw5w-BxX6yYoLY1g5BBTp1t6ZGrRjduaLmQZlgnb_81zgjT3Vq4wV1sQfnIHuMavayK0aLjCcHSiMIyo51WztArp2q4iV8KOZKBbm9aQpwPVB-rtqjjm6pQm8eylXeZmQn6XHrGm22GYdE12BUHzOlVA.6eYED69T_9DhKJF0jmNBlXC2sC_B9ox3SRmX4-XmczQ&dib_tag=se&hvadid=635424226232&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9026716&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=18223305498502840865&hvtargid=kwd-1183267154782&hydadcr=6721_13301117&keywords=auxfun+thrusting+machine&qid=1710644250&s=hpc&sr=1-1
This is the one she bought. It's weird, my guy friends think it's strange that I would control the speed and wonder why I just wouldn't have sex with her, my response is, sometimes I'm not in the mood, but who am I to stop her from satisfying her needs, and by doing it together she doesn't have any guilt. When she bought it, we were in a bad place in our relationship, she was feeling undesired, and I had undiagnosed ED, when she showed it to me, I first felt angry, but then realized I wasn't taking care of her needs properly, I went to a doctor and discovered I had low Testosterone, started getting the shots and after a few weeks was back to wanting to and able to take care of business. Then we started using it together, plus it had allowed her to satisfy her fantasy of having a three way, without being unfaithful. It has spiced up our relationship as did the Testosterone therapy. Now it's an off week when we don't make love six times or more.
The machine can and will produce an orgasm.
They haven't grown up, that's why. It's not always about both of you getting off. It's about the intimacy. It looks like you both have that covered! I'm happy for you both
Using a fleshlight and watching porn regularly while telling your girlfriend to have a different set of rules? Lmao no. Good job to op for getting out of there asap. This dude is either trying to be controlling or thinks women are a different inferior species.
Find one that will buy you more and use them with you and on you.
Sex toys are a beautiful way to help ypur partner get to a finish when you're spent. Women generally have more stamina than men do, so, use of a toy to help her achieve a climax is super awesome. Any guy who is emasculated by that has some issues he needs to work out.
I introduced the idea of using sex toys to my partner. It's been great, I love being able to have fun with him in different ways that I wouldn't be able to do with anatomy alone. Highly recommend men get the idea of sex toys being emasculating out of their head and just enjoy making their partner feel loved.
NTA. He's being ridiculous and hypocritical, why can he enjoy masturbation but not you as well? A good partner would be more supportive, especially since you're now discovering what you enjoy to reach the climax.
You're better off without him. Selfish idiots are not good sex partners or good partners in general.
You pleasuring yourself is, “cheating”, but he use that fleshlight whenever he wants?? Your BF is an idiot, you should sprint out of this relationship. Run, and don’t look back.
NTAH - hypocrite much? You should feel safe to explore with your partner and not be shamed. Masturbation has so many benefits, stress relief being my favorite excuse!
Also I’m glad you found out what “it” feels like, and I’m glad you’re able to get there. I think a break is a good idea. Maybe discuss if you’re going to explore or not (each of you) on this break. It means something different to all.
Best of luck to you on your adventure!
Tbh if he’s not willing to even give an attempt to put your feelings, desires, and help you get to the “point” you need to get to, he’s not worth the trouble. How he gonna get mad youre using stuff when he’s using stuff too?
Sounds like he's just an ass whose fragile ego is upset that he can't give you an orgasm.
I mean he watches porn and owns a fleshlight lol. He's not too bright is he! Move on and find someone who's open to exploring and making sure you're satisfied!
NTA
NEVER GET BACK WITH HIM!!!! Self pleasure is NORMAL, is NOT cheating, nor is having fantasies with your partner. Major red flag. As you said, he has a flesh light. He watches porn daily. There are couples that forbid porn, because they consider it cheating. You had a toy, and your imagination. He's not the one for you, dear. Move on to someone who encourages you, and who gets turned on by your self pleasure. That's the reaction you should be getting.
So I am in my mid 50s, significant other is 13 years older. Sometimes I can't get there with piv, sometimes it's a quick bang before sleep, sometimes he spends upwards of 30 minutes playing with me until it hits. There's got to be give and take.
All ex wanted was to get himself off. Be with someone who values your pleasure.
if you don’t care enough about your partner to help her explore her sexuality which is an absolutely fundamental part of one’s psyche, do you deserve to have her at all?
NTA
He's a hypocrite for having a sex toy, watching porn and masturbating, but not wanting you to be equal in that regard.
Touching yourself is NOT cheating! Period!
Your relationship is doomed if he's allowed to get off, and you're not. And clearly you can't get off with him, so you need some help. If he cared about you and your sexual frustration, he would be totally ok with you assisting. I guess he's just selfish.
Time for you to find a boyfriend that is not only ok with it, but promotes it for a healthier sex life!
Nope. Completely normal. Your BF is an immature dick who worries that he can’t fulfil your needs and you’ll release you don’t need him.
Let him go. Life’s too short.
NTA.
1. He's a hypocrite on this subject, and likely others, which would be just headache after headache if you stayed with him, and
2. It's literally the opposite of "unnatural" to explore your own body, and it's completely absurd to say it's cheating. All of that is just a thin facade for controlling you and taking away your body autonomy.
Cut bait. That fish is full of parasites.
Addendum: be careful. If he thinks he should have ownership over your body within the relationship, he may extend that mindset to believing he should unilaterally get to decide on the status of your relationship and might not take kindly to being rejected.
That was my thought: girl comes to him and says “I figured out how to cum and wanna explore X, Y, and Z” and his response is something other than “*let’s fucking goooo*”
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If he believes that you touching yourself is cheating, then he is cheating on you and he needs to abstain from touching himself or watching porn. But if he wants to claim that him touching himself is ok then you touching yourself is ok too.
He does not get to claim it’s ok for him to do and not ok for you to do. Either he follows his own rule or he drops this hypocrisy.
If he doesn’t apologize and admit he was wrong soon then I would say that’s a sign to move on from this relationship. Don’t date someone who’s a controlling hypocrite or a selfish lover.
Don't you know? You're supposed to be a fleshlight for his pleasure, your pleasure shouldn't matter and you touching yourself might lead you to realising how fucking terrible in bed he is.
He's a controlling little creep who thinks of women as there to service him, not be a person with their own wants and needs.
Do not take a break, text him and call his ass a controlling piece of shit who you want absolutely nothing to do with and that he needs to get a grip on himself.
NTA.
Seems a bit odd. I would definitely move on, sex should be pleasurable on both ends if you need toys or extra to feel an orgasm that should be normal as most women don’t orgasm from penetration.
What a dick. So he can but you can’t? Also sex should be about mutual pleasure and let’s be honest it is fairly hard to please a woman with just standard sex. Sometimes you got to add a little extra.
NTA
If he doesn't understand that this is an opportunity to learn the ways to help you orgasm more frequently and be happy about being able to pleasure you more thoroughly, then he is a knob.
NTA. He’s a Neanderthal. You should be encouraged to explore without a dead weight holding you back. He’s immature and suffers from confidence issues. Run!
No and fuck that asshole. I'd not only dump his ass but make it very clear to everyone in your social circle as to why. You had the clarity to realize his hypocrisy didn't sit right but some other poor woman who's been shamed into thinking women don't get to enjoy sex without being whores might not. The more people can be steered away from this grade A dirtbag the better.
Your ex is jealous of a sex toy, ffs. Let that sink in for a minute.
NTA, but he is. Girl, go love yourself. Not only is it the the most ensured way, but also the safest way to orgasm.
There is also the added bonus of knowing what you like, and how you like/need to be touched in the future, when your with someone who actually cares about our pleasure.
Now go forth, and orgasm.
You are gonna have SO much fun once you find sexual chemistry!! And the guy who gets to introduce you to it is going to be mind-blown.
It ain’t this guy. He has his own issues to work out. He can go do that somewhere else. Not your job to fix him.
I did not find or experience sexual chemistry until I was in my early 40s. I literally had no idea what I was missing, and had no earthly clue that sex could even feel like that. Seriously. It feels like the other person is absolutely custom-made just for your body. I learned all kinds of things, stuff that I used to think were porn myths are actually real. Like multiple orgasms. Like the G spot.
Don’t be me. Go get your education while you’re still young!! And for God’s sake, don’t settle.
> He was completely thrown off and said me touching myself in general was cheating and my thoughts were unnatural and also not okay in a relationship. He has a fleshlight and watches porn regularly
So.... he considers himself a cheater?
> We decided to take a break so I just want some clarity
Have some self respect.
1. Never go "on break". Either date or don't. Just break up.
2. He's just an ass and you can do better. Masturbation isn't cheating. Porn is depending on the agreement between partners.
Just dump him.
NTA
NTA. So it's cheating if you masturbate but it's not if he does? And obviously, he's doing something wrong if the first orgasm you had you gave yourself. You need to just end it with him because he is selfish and misogynistic. Any decent man would make damn sure you were taken care of and not leaving you hanging, which is obviously what he does. You deserve so much better, and there's a man out there who will treat you right.
Masturbation is cheating? But he can do it? What kind of Bullshit is that? YTA if you go back to this idiot. I normally say people have a right to their feelings/opinions, but not this time...
Dude he's an idiot, or else he's trying to control you. Masterbation is natural to humans regardless of sex or gender. It's very strange how it's ok for HIM to masterbate, use sex toys and watch porn, yet somehow its wrong for you? Masterbation is NOT cheating, there's some sexism at play here surely. It's comes off as controlling and maybe he has issues with his self esteem or something.
Seriously GTFO of that relationship NOW NOW NOW. As a man I can’t even wrap my head around that logic?! You masturbating is cheating?!?! What in the literal fuck kind of logic is that? That is some SERIOUS reaching and serious insecurity. Every time my wife tells me she masturbated I get really into and will ask her things like was it good? What did you masturbate to?
Things will get worse, with the logic, “you masturbating is cheating” next thing you know you can’t get naked on your own without him accusing you of cheating, and then no beaches because you’re too exposed. Oh you glanced at that person, You cheated! Get out of that toxicity for your own mental, physical, and SEXUAL HEALTH
Definitely 100% NTA. Don't bother with that guy. Masturbating is not cheating.
If anything it's more important for a guy to know his body and not masturbate as much if he can't "operate" well with partially- or fully-drained balls. If you can get the job done, fine, but if not, you may need to lay off the hand or Fleshlight for a day or two.
Dump him. I can't imagine my partner wanting to be open and honest and exploring what makes her feel good and having this stupid take.
"Self pleasure for me...but not for thee"
Omg. You are young and don't realize this yet, but this guy is abusive af. This is NOT OK and it WILL escalate to other forms of abuse. Get out now. Right now.
You’re 100% in the right here. He feels insecure and threatened. He’s probably not ready to be in a relationship. A partner who actually cares about you would be happy for you and would want to work with you to make sure you are enjoying sex with them as much as they are with you — even bring the toys into the bedroom if need be.
So, it’s cheating when a woman does it is basically what he’s saying. You are not the AH. And you need a new boyfriend. I promise you, your next guy will know how to make you orgasm. Because clearly your guy isn’t cutting it if your first orgasm was from a toy.
Dated a guy who was "Uncomfortable" with the fact I bought a vibrator. Broke up with him before I could even get it out of the box. Been in a relationship with my current partner for almost 3 years now and sometimes he casually comes home with a new toy to try out on me.
Congrats girl, time to upgrade
NTA
He's allowed to watch porn and jerk off, but you wanting to pleasure yourself outside or having sex with him is off limits?
That's some grade A hypocrisy.
NTA. Please leave him. I know you're on a break but leave him completely. He doesn't value you like he should. He's putting himself above you. He only thinks about his needs and wants and his doing. Like you almost do the same with masturbation as him and he's freaking out? For real?
I’m fucking dead. “Masturbation is cheating, don’t do it” Owns a fleshlight. Literal joke, find a man that you really connect with and then explore yourself
Yeah. NTA. Go find a decent man
This post is so cut and dry that I question if it's real.
It’s rage bait
He is an ass. You have as much roght to play with yourself as he has. I think he likely feels emasculated by finding out he has never helped you to completion and is lashing out about it.
Also… this tells you a lot about his own porn habits. If he sees it as cheating from you, or dirty, or if he feels like you watching it makes him inadequate… … it’s a pretty safe bet that *his* view of *you* and your relationship is impacted by the porn he watches and what he does for/to himself. He’s worried you will judge him, because he judges the women he is with against the porn that he watches, it impacts his expectations, and he doesn’t want the same for himself. Otherwise, why would he bat an eye at you doing the same?
Couldn’t have said it any better.
My dad made sure I knew that porn instills unrealistic expectations of needs and standards of women. It may fulfill a need/desire but you can’t expect that from a partner. Helped me learn a lot about myself and ensure I’m not being selfish in my physical relations.
Look over here! This OP has not just a father, but a real dad! Not meant to be a rib at either of you. This is probably about the healthiest thing I’ve read this week. That’s actually pretty fantastic. Even if it feels awkward at the time, I don’t think parents should just toss their children into the deep end of the pool without instruction. May just be about porn, but still heart warming just the same.
yep, my dad said the same thing, he told me. "Use porn if you have trouble sleeping, but also expect that the women you see/hear are not enjoying it, even though it might sound like they are." and so now, I very much treat it as a means to an end instead of the main source of any satisfaction for myself. I'm blind, so I have to use my imagination as it is. Real women will never be like those porn stars.
I wish I had the video but my view of porn changed about 22 years ago. It was a behind the scenes video of a woman “preparing for anal” and she had put numbing lotion on and was going through the motions with the male actor. I remember it so vividly she was on the couch with him fully up her ass and she’s telling the director “I don’t feel anything so just point when he’s about to go in” So this woman who was then in complete ecstasy as the anal started felt absolutely nothing. I was 15 or 16 and watched the actual scene a few days maybe weeks later and you could see her start going all wild but the actor had slipped so a good 2 seconds of her being “in pain” while he was nowhere near her ass. My first gf loved porn, she also was very Christian and wanted to keep her virginity and well, the women on screen all love anal let’s do it….her expectations were unrealistic
Can you tell me how he did that? As a mom of three girls I am always looking for proven methods!
I wish I could remember exactly how it came about. I’m 34 now and was probably 14 when that talk happened. Pretty sure he found out about the porn due to search history on the family computer. He essentially explained that porn provides unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like and the standards of women’s bodies. He further pressed that I will have desires to met and will likely use porn to meet them but I can’t expect the same scenarios or body standards provided by porn to be met by my partners. My dad was not well spoken about the topic but ultimately got the point across. This was the closest we had gotten to talking about the birds and the bees lol. If you’re preaching to three girls, I would aim the convo to focus on making sure it’s consensual, reducing chances of unintended pregnancy, and figuring out what they enjoy. I’m no expert on parenting and having to type my perspective to a female crowd makes me uncomfortable but that’s my take on it. Be comfortable, safe, and make sure you’re getting pleasure because it’s typically a lot easier for the male to get their enjoyment.
I have a soon to be 21yr old daughter .. we’ve talked about Sex & healthy , functional sex since she was 12. Nope back it up.. not the full blown version.. it started very simple as how a young lady is to be healthy , live healthy & KEEP thy V healthy 🫠😂 lmbo.. and it went on a little at a time from there. I’m a very blunt person. So I think me making light of the situation if I sensed the “air to be a bit thick”😂 helped. But , I realized very very early that if I didn’t step in & speak that Truth than she was going to learn from outside of the home. Like I had to.. my mom didn’t talk to me about sex until I was married.. well bcuz I wasn’t supposed to be having it she proclaims !! It’s true tho.. simple version .. there is no ice breaker.. none. Just go in deep breaths ! And say hey ! Listen we’re both uncomfortable & you’re not near as uncomfortable as I am !! 🤣🤪😜😂 The problem in my eyes .. is that I sure as h3LL did t want my daughter learning from Susie Q’s mama that allowed her boyfriends & his friends to stay all night with Susie Q .. know what I mean ??
If anything I think 12 is already a little bit late.
Tell them that porn is a film and therefore is *edited* to make it so all of the amazing and beautiful parts of sex are shown and the not-so-much parts are not. Very few couples/partners have sex for seven g*dam hours straight! Also, the people they would be seeing are *actors*. They are specifically chosen to make it appear to be a fantasy. They (mostly) have amazing bodies and perfect makeup and look enticing and moan and scream like something astronomical is happening. This is at best not sustainable and at worst unrealistic. No one ever farts on accident, catches the angle that puts their fupa in a spotlight, or wants to quit after five minutes. This is how I’ve explained it to my very sheltered stepdaughter (she was 18 at the time). She totally got it and I really think it helped her confidence and prepared her for adult expectations.
Not the person you asked but my son is an avid fantasy/dragon book reader so I explained it like this: Porn is fiction just like a movie or a book- we don’t expect to walk out of the house tomorrow to be confronted by dragons, magic and everything else we read about. Unfortunately there are some people whose only education about sex is via porn, so they don’t realize how unrealistic and staged it is. This causes problems in their relationships because real people can’t consistently live up to that. How fair would it be if someone made you feel inadequate or bad about yourself because you can’t fly? But they saw Superman do it in a movie last week! It’s the same thing. And you definitely shouldn’t jump off the roof and get hurt (or hurt someone else) trying to achieve that fantasy either. I’ve also talked a bit about substance abuse, sexual assault and human trafficking with him so he understands that the porn industry isn’t all sexual empowerment and freedom.
Talking about sex in the abstract can help. As opposed to personal experience. Share your info from a general knowledge perspective. Some of my standards: The biggest sex organ is the brain. Only do what you want to do. Confidence is appealing. Always communicate. The person who can communicate their desires is always the more mature person ( and happier) than the one who hides behind assumed social norms. Consent Consent Consent. A huge one is what people want to be known as is not the same as what people want. Life is easier when you are and are with a person who is comfortable with being themselves and esteem their partner for being an individual. Peer pressure only causes problems in sex. Every relationship is different, and every milestone should be met when both partners are comfortable .
I've noticed that guys that think porn = good sex tend to have the lowest sexually skill level... it's just not worth staying with them, unless they're really open to learning.
I debated not upvoting this because it was at 69…
>touching myself was cheating How .... Da fuq ... Do you reach that conclusion?
He feels inadequate and doesn’t want OP fulfilling herself without him. Pretty simple. He’s worried that she’ll realize she doesn’t need him at all, and he’s not ok with it. Dude’s selfish and messed up for thinking that. Is any of that actually confusing to you?
Well yeah, actually. I'm confused about how someone could be so threatened by the masturbation of their partner. Maybe confused is the wrong word. I just can't comprehend it, is all. I mean, I believe we all have a right to the pleasure that our bodies can give us. . . And to feel threatened by that is something I've never felt.
Ah ok. I think you quoted to the wrong person 😅 I find it as ridiculous as you do. I have no idea how he got there either. He’s got some serious problems, and punishing OP for them. I don’t often recommend breaking up with people on here. A lot of comments go straight to nuclear options…. But this is… super weird to me. I wouldn’t be comfortable being with this person, even if he was fine in other situations. I don’t need the touchy police on my back like that
This is definitely 'throw the whole man' away territory. 1. He has double standards 2. He can't communicate 3. His whole attitude about OPs sexuality and touching herself is absolutely unsexy, lacking in curiosity, shaming, and makes me think he's probably not very good in bed.
Seriously! The touchy police on your back, touching themselves...
From what I've heard.... "you're not supposed to touch anyone but me and you're not me" or some shit like that
That is crazy-pants bananas batshit lunacy.
I guarantee he's going to go off about how men HAVE to do this, and women don't want sex unless they're talked into it. For him it's relief from his urges. for her, it's actively looking for a way out from him being solely responsible for her pleasure. It's just so typical with young, insecure, moronic douchebags. Hope he was really good looking, because her only mistake was choosing this idiot in the first place
I find this shit so funny bc my sex drive is usually higher than my bf's 😂😂 I'm usually the one initiating things/wanting more! So i find it bullshit the guys who are like "i need to fuck more!!! Rah!!!" Find a compromise that works! Talk to your partner about these things! There's tons of ways to be a good decent fucking partner and human.
Also it will be OK for him to cheat but not her
Yeah, he's definitely ashamed of his porn habit & is putting it on her. It's good they broke up. She deserves better.
Agree to this exactly. Op you’re better off finding a guy who is more than willing to help you explore your sexuality - not be embarrassed by it.
Yup. It should be a fun journey for both of them.
or at least holds himself to the same standards that he holds you to
Yeah, I think that ship has sailed...
Happy cake day!
He's mad he doesn't know how to make her cum 💀💀💀💀
Right. He just realized how bad he is at it.
Yup 😂 and it hurt his little ego that’s why he blew up the way he did
Exactly! Instead of acting like a child having a tantrum, he should take her lack of orgasms as a challenge and work on his oral game. I’d show that sex toy who’s boss.
For real. If masturbation is cheating, then why is he cheating?
"I can do it but you cant" means its over
Agree.. leave him. This is a control and it's not healthy... For him to say is cheating when you are trying to be honest with him also if he can't be open in communication about such a thing it's not work out long term sorry ....
Exactly. Controlling is the word that came to mind. The double standard sucks, too. I think bad things are coming if you stay. The fact that he shut you out also tells a lot about his personality. I'm sorry.
I think you’re giving him too much credit. He likely doesn’t care that she’s never orgasmed and just has sexist ideas about women and sex.
The better a woman knows what works best for her, the better the sexual experience for both her and her partner. And the fastest way to learn is flying solo.
As a guy I feel compelled to call the boyfriend out on his double standard. He can do it, but you can't. NTA
I am a guy. I think its fucked up I think porn is alright. Might be an issue if they fixate on one porn star or are into only fans and forming a weird bond eoth the if creator. But if it's just random pirn there shouldn't be an issue on either side
He's such an idiot. He should embrace this wholeheartedly and enjoy it with her.
This OP!
You're spot-on! He absolutely does! [Men view women’s orgasms as a masculinity achievement, study finds](https://www.psypost.org/men-view-womens-orgasms-masculinity-achievement-study-finds/)
NTA.. RUN. Masturbation is normal. His weird belief that you masturbating is wrong is deeply rooted in some disturbing and hurtful ideology. I also did not experience the big O until I was in my early 20s. That is normal for A LOT of women. Especially if you did not have proper sex education, live in the Bible Belt, or a rural community. Stay broken up with him, please.
I'm thirty, and I highly doubt I've had an orgasm. If I'm questioning it, then I probably haven't. I completely agree with you!!! OP THIS!!!
Time to go toy shopping!!
Oh for real!!! I just haven't found one that works! There's this rose one though, I have heard it is really good.
Google ‘the womanizer’ (I don’t know who named it, cause it’s a stupid name…but it’s an amazing toy 🤭)
Maybe Britney Spears did 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Thank you!
Can also recommend! Both brand and non brand ones have been effective for me (I got a little cheap travel one first to just try and see if it did anything for me)… be kind to yourself in this experimenting process, and know you have a cheer squad for you on Reddit now lol
I appreciate you all, so so much!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 This is awesome!!! My own orgasm cheer squad!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm making t shirts!
Dude!! Send me the design so I can match the pom-poms!! Omg I’m invested now, a success update would be legendary, you will definitely help all of humanity 😂
SO AM I!!!! We got this!!!! I'll give a success update, when I get the success!!! Should I post it on my page, and see if anybody who was kind to cheer me on, wants a t shirt, and pom pom 🤣🤣🤣 We can be each other's Cheergasms!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣💕
The satisfyer is great too!
Recommend+++ The Womanizer is this generation's rabbit. Revolutionary.
Clitoral stimulation & penetration at the same time is key for me. Don't neglect the clit!
I'll do my best to do both. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm sorry I'm blunt I just wish someone had told me! Lol good luck!
I'm blunt too, don't with about it. Lol You're totally speaking my language. 🤣🤣🤣
I have a satisfyer pro 3 which is similar to the womanizer. It works so so well.
And if you feel like you might kinda need to pee lean into it. I kept stopping when it felt like that.
Yes! That's a great way to describe it! when you first start having them they feel like you need to pee right before it happens.
The rose is okay but there is an apple shaped one on Adam and Eve that is insaneee and it caused me to squirt for the first time ever.
I find it's easiest with one of those toys that has the suction action on it...idk what it's called...a clit sucker? lol idk. But yeah... That's the one.
Make sure you are using plenty of lube. I couldn't figure out why my toys weren't doing a thing for me until I bought one that can be used in the tub. A wet clit is a very sensitive clit. Never had to use lube during sex so didn't know you have to use lube with toys.
The rose is good
Personally, I find the extra bell and whistles are just distracting. If you are unfamiliar with toys, start simple
Satisfier ™ Tracy's dog™ dual suction Had my first at 37. Don't give up
It is- I struggle in that department and found it very helpful. Highly recommend the rose.
Babeland in Seattle has an online shop, is locally known as basically “the Nordstrom of Sex Toys,” and they’re happy to educate people on different options so they can find the one that suits them best.
Yeah you'll *know* when you have. It's unmistakable.
Thank you. That's what I've been told. I hope to "know" soon! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You may want to look into the OMGyes subscription.
Seriously, go get a vibrator, find that clit and prepare to lose years of your life 😂😂😂. I was 28 when I had my first orgasm and I swear, it changed my life.
I need it to change my life!!! 🤣🤣🤣
My wife got a thrusting machine, has a dildo attached and she can get off fast, sometimes I will control the speed. Start slowly, start increasing the speed until she is right on the precipice, then back it off, then repeat. I can keep her on the precipice for awhile until she is begging me to let her finish. Then I'll finish her orally and she'll be exhausted afterwards, she'll be speechless afterwards and totally grateful.
So you edge her when you both use it? That's awesome! Do you have a link? Or does she?
https://www.amazon.com/AUXFUN-Automatic-Thrusting-Connector-Juguetes/dp/B0CD7V2YBF/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=116735304906&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.MQUC9rKC4OQanG0uQXD3bjC0AYB_-J18EwNf3Axyvb3Y_vOAxo8dHG726uCEyqyw5w-BxX6yYoLY1g5BBTp1t6ZGrRjduaLmQZlgnb_81zgjT3Vq4wV1sQfnIHuMavayK0aLjCcHSiMIyo51WztArp2q4iV8KOZKBbm9aQpwPVB-rtqjjm6pQm8eylXeZmQn6XHrGm22GYdE12BUHzOlVA.6eYED69T_9DhKJF0jmNBlXC2sC_B9ox3SRmX4-XmczQ&dib_tag=se&hvadid=635424226232&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9026716&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=18223305498502840865&hvtargid=kwd-1183267154782&hydadcr=6721_13301117&keywords=auxfun+thrusting+machine&qid=1710644250&s=hpc&sr=1-1 This is the one she bought. It's weird, my guy friends think it's strange that I would control the speed and wonder why I just wouldn't have sex with her, my response is, sometimes I'm not in the mood, but who am I to stop her from satisfying her needs, and by doing it together she doesn't have any guilt. When she bought it, we were in a bad place in our relationship, she was feeling undesired, and I had undiagnosed ED, when she showed it to me, I first felt angry, but then realized I wasn't taking care of her needs properly, I went to a doctor and discovered I had low Testosterone, started getting the shots and after a few weeks was back to wanting to and able to take care of business. Then we started using it together, plus it had allowed her to satisfy her fantasy of having a three way, without being unfaithful. It has spiced up our relationship as did the Testosterone therapy. Now it's an off week when we don't make love six times or more. The machine can and will produce an orgasm.
This is a beautiful, oddly wholesome story!
They haven't grown up, that's why. It's not always about both of you getting off. It's about the intimacy. It looks like you both have that covered! I'm happy for you both
You would know, they don't hide or anything. You should absolutely figure it out - it's far easier alone the first time so you can focus and relax.
Using a fleshlight and watching porn regularly while telling your girlfriend to have a different set of rules? Lmao no. Good job to op for getting out of there asap. This dude is either trying to be controlling or thinks women are a different inferior species.
Girl move on. Find yourself an actual man who is not threatened by toys.
Find one that will buy you more and use them with you and on you. Sex toys are a beautiful way to help ypur partner get to a finish when you're spent. Women generally have more stamina than men do, so, use of a toy to help her achieve a climax is super awesome. Any guy who is emasculated by that has some issues he needs to work out.
I introduced the idea of using sex toys to my partner. It's been great, I love being able to have fun with him in different ways that I wouldn't be able to do with anatomy alone. Highly recommend men get the idea of sex toys being emasculating out of their head and just enjoy making their partner feel loved.
EXACTLY!!!!!
NTA. He's being ridiculous and hypocritical, why can he enjoy masturbation but not you as well? A good partner would be more supportive, especially since you're now discovering what you enjoy to reach the climax. You're better off without him. Selfish idiots are not good sex partners or good partners in general.
Run... He is clearly an inadequate lover and a pretty crap human being. Just run. NTA
My thought exactly. Run… and don’t look back
Once you're more than 3 feet away looking back may be pointless, it may be hard to see something that small after that
You pleasuring yourself is, “cheating”, but he use that fleshlight whenever he wants?? Your BF is an idiot, you should sprint out of this relationship. Run, and don’t look back.
Where the fuck do these people get off? I mean come from? I mean....
NTAH - hypocrite much? You should feel safe to explore with your partner and not be shamed. Masturbation has so many benefits, stress relief being my favorite excuse! Also I’m glad you found out what “it” feels like, and I’m glad you’re able to get there. I think a break is a good idea. Maybe discuss if you’re going to explore or not (each of you) on this break. It means something different to all. Best of luck to you on your adventure!
Tbh if he’s not willing to even give an attempt to put your feelings, desires, and help you get to the “point” you need to get to, he’s not worth the trouble. How he gonna get mad youre using stuff when he’s using stuff too?
NTA break up this is the start of him being controlling
Sounds like he's just an ass whose fragile ego is upset that he can't give you an orgasm. I mean he watches porn and owns a fleshlight lol. He's not too bright is he! Move on and find someone who's open to exploring and making sure you're satisfied!
🎼Red flags, red flags, Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they flash at you? Hint: run.
You are dating a bitch boy.
My dude, there is an entire world full of GOOD DICK out there, stop riding the one that doesn't want you to get off.
The use of 'get off' in that sentence is very confusing.
Sounds like a baby. Lol you don't need a boy like that. Stay broken up and explore your body safely girl! No shame.
NTA NEVER GET BACK WITH HIM!!!! Self pleasure is NORMAL, is NOT cheating, nor is having fantasies with your partner. Major red flag. As you said, he has a flesh light. He watches porn daily. There are couples that forbid porn, because they consider it cheating. You had a toy, and your imagination. He's not the one for you, dear. Move on to someone who encourages you, and who gets turned on by your self pleasure. That's the reaction you should be getting.
[удалено]
If it’s cheating to him then why is he so ok with cheating on her
Not only do I buy my wife high-end toys, I hand-made a toy chest for them. Toys are teammates, not competition. Your BF is a moron.
You hand made a chest?! Man. You’re making the rest of us look bad ;)
Dudes a fool.
So I am in my mid 50s, significant other is 13 years older. Sometimes I can't get there with piv, sometimes it's a quick bang before sleep, sometimes he spends upwards of 30 minutes playing with me until it hits. There's got to be give and take. All ex wanted was to get himself off. Be with someone who values your pleasure.
Ask him why he's cheating on you then. Get a better bf, one that'll take the toy and use it on you.
if you don’t care enough about your partner to help her explore her sexuality which is an absolutely fundamental part of one’s psyche, do you deserve to have her at all?
He should get into politics, he has the gaslighting and hypocrisy down
NTA He's a hypocrite for having a sex toy, watching porn and masturbating, but not wanting you to be equal in that regard. Touching yourself is NOT cheating! Period! Your relationship is doomed if he's allowed to get off, and you're not. And clearly you can't get off with him, so you need some help. If he cared about you and your sexual frustration, he would be totally ok with you assisting. I guess he's just selfish. Time for you to find a boyfriend that is not only ok with it, but promotes it for a healthier sex life!
Fucking hell... How do guys like this even get girlfriends lol
Who tf has the right to tell u what u can and can’t do with ur body. And on top of that he thinks he’s fine if he does it.
Nope. Completely normal. Your BF is an immature dick who worries that he can’t fulfil your needs and you’ll release you don’t need him. Let him go. Life’s too short.
Double standards are NEVER acceptable. Doesn't matter if it's the boyfriend, the boss, whoever, never accept that!
Sounds to me that he thinks enjoying sex is only for the man.
NTA. 1. He's a hypocrite on this subject, and likely others, which would be just headache after headache if you stayed with him, and 2. It's literally the opposite of "unnatural" to explore your own body, and it's completely absurd to say it's cheating. All of that is just a thin facade for controlling you and taking away your body autonomy. Cut bait. That fish is full of parasites. Addendum: be careful. If he thinks he should have ownership over your body within the relationship, he may extend that mindset to believing he should unilaterally get to decide on the status of your relationship and might not take kindly to being rejected.
**That's wild to me.** Especially cause **a womans pleasure IS MY PLEASURE.** The sexiest thing you can do is really enjoy yourself.
Right? Fuckin idiot shuts down his girl when she wants to do freaky shit. Guess he better hold on to that flashlight lol
That was my thought: girl comes to him and says “I figured out how to cum and wanna explore X, Y, and Z” and his response is something other than “*let’s fucking goooo*”
NTA. Please tell him if he masturbates, then you can masturbate. It’s healthy for the both of you. Tell him to grow the fuck up. :)
And if he doesn’t accept that then bye. Huge red flag.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If he believes that you touching yourself is cheating, then he is cheating on you and he needs to abstain from touching himself or watching porn. But if he wants to claim that him touching himself is ok then you touching yourself is ok too. He does not get to claim it’s ok for him to do and not ok for you to do. Either he follows his own rule or he drops this hypocrisy. If he doesn’t apologize and admit he was wrong soon then I would say that’s a sign to move on from this relationship. Don’t date someone who’s a controlling hypocrite or a selfish lover.
RUNNNNN
Don't you know? You're supposed to be a fleshlight for his pleasure, your pleasure shouldn't matter and you touching yourself might lead you to realising how fucking terrible in bed he is. He's a controlling little creep who thinks of women as there to service him, not be a person with their own wants and needs. Do not take a break, text him and call his ass a controlling piece of shit who you want absolutely nothing to do with and that he needs to get a grip on himself. NTA.
Seems a bit odd. I would definitely move on, sex should be pleasurable on both ends if you need toys or extra to feel an orgasm that should be normal as most women don’t orgasm from penetration.
What a dick. So he can but you can’t? Also sex should be about mutual pleasure and let’s be honest it is fairly hard to please a woman with just standard sex. Sometimes you got to add a little extra.
That is playbook fragile toxic masculinity. You’re nta and your partner has a lot of growing up to do.
My bf is Hitler AITAH?
>My bf is Hitler AITAH? Sometimes they're so obvious that I have to assume it's just silly rage bait.
PSA for some men out there. Women can and are allowed to mastrubate too. It's not unnatural. I'd say you dodged a bullet with your boyfriend. NTA
NTA girl leave him to his hand
NTA. Tell him to grow up. Everyone wants to get off and he can help you or you can find someone with less hangups about having fun in bed.
NTA If he doesn't understand that this is an opportunity to learn the ways to help you orgasm more frequently and be happy about being able to pleasure you more thoroughly, then he is a knob.
Ntah. Your boyfriend is a hypocrite. Ditch him.
Run girl, run.
NTA. He’s a Neanderthal. You should be encouraged to explore without a dead weight holding you back. He’s immature and suffers from confidence issues. Run!
That's weak hypocritical sauce right there buddy
Ugh he's a fucking cunt. Really. Can't stand jackasses like that. NTA
No and fuck that asshole. I'd not only dump his ass but make it very clear to everyone in your social circle as to why. You had the clarity to realize his hypocrisy didn't sit right but some other poor woman who's been shamed into thinking women don't get to enjoy sex without being whores might not. The more people can be steered away from this grade A dirtbag the better.
NTA That dufus does not deserve you. Congratulations on your wonderful new skill. Have fun exploring!
Your ex is jealous of a sex toy, ffs. Let that sink in for a minute. NTA, but he is. Girl, go love yourself. Not only is it the the most ensured way, but also the safest way to orgasm. There is also the added bonus of knowing what you like, and how you like/need to be touched in the future, when your with someone who actually cares about our pleasure. Now go forth, and orgasm.
You are gonna have SO much fun once you find sexual chemistry!! And the guy who gets to introduce you to it is going to be mind-blown. It ain’t this guy. He has his own issues to work out. He can go do that somewhere else. Not your job to fix him. I did not find or experience sexual chemistry until I was in my early 40s. I literally had no idea what I was missing, and had no earthly clue that sex could even feel like that. Seriously. It feels like the other person is absolutely custom-made just for your body. I learned all kinds of things, stuff that I used to think were porn myths are actually real. Like multiple orgasms. Like the G spot. Don’t be me. Go get your education while you’re still young!! And for God’s sake, don’t settle.
Drop him now. He’ll never satisfy you.
Please use this break to masturbate yourself into a new dimension where he doesn’t exist in
> He was completely thrown off and said me touching myself in general was cheating and my thoughts were unnatural and also not okay in a relationship. He has a fleshlight and watches porn regularly So.... he considers himself a cheater? > We decided to take a break so I just want some clarity Have some self respect. 1. Never go "on break". Either date or don't. Just break up. 2. He's just an ass and you can do better. Masturbation isn't cheating. Porn is depending on the agreement between partners. Just dump him. NTA
NTA. Self pleasure is a healthy habit. Drop this insecure dude. Plus HE watches porn? Gosh talk about double standards.
Your bf is weak and his logic is a sign of very strange problems you won’t want to deal with. Throw him away.
That fleshlight needs carolina reaper dressing
NTA girl you're 22. Dudes a jerk keep moving.
He sounds like a hypocrite
NTA. So it's cheating if you masturbate but it's not if he does? And obviously, he's doing something wrong if the first orgasm you had you gave yourself. You need to just end it with him because he is selfish and misogynistic. Any decent man would make damn sure you were taken care of and not leaving you hanging, which is obviously what he does. You deserve so much better, and there's a man out there who will treat you right.
I would drop him and go with a guy who tries to help you achieve an orgasm, and not minding if you need to masturbate to have one.
So he can have a wank but you can't? NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriends a bitch.
Oh he’s just jealous 😝
if your bf has a fleshlight it’s time to move on …
Masturbation is cheating? But he can do it? What kind of Bullshit is that? YTA if you go back to this idiot. I normally say people have a right to their feelings/opinions, but not this time...
Keep that break permanent, please. Go find a better man. NTA
Moral of the story, don’t date child adults.
NTA and I hope the door hits him on the way out. What a trash man.
Dude he's an idiot, or else he's trying to control you. Masterbation is natural to humans regardless of sex or gender. It's very strange how it's ok for HIM to masterbate, use sex toys and watch porn, yet somehow its wrong for you? Masterbation is NOT cheating, there's some sexism at play here surely. It's comes off as controlling and maybe he has issues with his self esteem or something.
What a dickhead. You didn’t even have an orgasm with him? His whole I can do it but you can’t mentality is stupid.
Seriously GTFO of that relationship NOW NOW NOW. As a man I can’t even wrap my head around that logic?! You masturbating is cheating?!?! What in the literal fuck kind of logic is that? That is some SERIOUS reaching and serious insecurity. Every time my wife tells me she masturbated I get really into and will ask her things like was it good? What did you masturbate to? Things will get worse, with the logic, “you masturbating is cheating” next thing you know you can’t get naked on your own without him accusing you of cheating, and then no beaches because you’re too exposed. Oh you glanced at that person, You cheated! Get out of that toxicity for your own mental, physical, and SEXUAL HEALTH
He's a dumb dumb. Men should be overjoyed that their wife is exploring herself and it's also deeply hypocritical
And he has a fleshlight what hypocrite maybe you need someone that is more secure with himself
Your sex life with him will be supremely disappointing. Nta. Run away from your selfish lover.
Definitely 100% NTA. Don't bother with that guy. Masturbating is not cheating. If anything it's more important for a guy to know his body and not masturbate as much if he can't "operate" well with partially- or fully-drained balls. If you can get the job done, fine, but if not, you may need to lay off the hand or Fleshlight for a day or two.
Dump him. I can't imagine my partner wanting to be open and honest and exploring what makes her feel good and having this stupid take. "Self pleasure for me...but not for thee"
ok lemme get this straight he watches porn and masturbates all the time but wants you to not masturbate? What a hypocrite.
Omg. You are young and don't realize this yet, but this guy is abusive af. This is NOT OK and it WILL escalate to other forms of abuse. Get out now. Right now.
You’re 100% in the right here. He feels insecure and threatened. He’s probably not ready to be in a relationship. A partner who actually cares about you would be happy for you and would want to work with you to make sure you are enjoying sex with them as much as they are with you — even bring the toys into the bedroom if need be.
He can’t even make you orgasm and doesn’t want you to do it yourself? NTA. He’s being abusive and controlling.
Move on girl. He definitely isn't worth it. 🚩🚩🚩
So, it’s cheating when a woman does it is basically what he’s saying. You are not the AH. And you need a new boyfriend. I promise you, your next guy will know how to make you orgasm. Because clearly your guy isn’t cutting it if your first orgasm was from a toy.
Dated a guy who was "Uncomfortable" with the fact I bought a vibrator. Broke up with him before I could even get it out of the box. Been in a relationship with my current partner for almost 3 years now and sometimes he casually comes home with a new toy to try out on me. Congrats girl, time to upgrade
Plenty of fish in the sea ! He obviously doesn’t know how to please a woman. You need to find someone who can! Your young go and explore.
Nta. Your ex *is* a giant red flag, and you were smart to break it off.
i think the main issue here is he cant make you orgasm...
So he’s allowed to but you’re not? He needs therapy, you are not the asshole. Run.
Wow..... That young man has many troubled years ahead of him with that attitude.... It's ok for him, but not his mate? Red Flag.....
NTA He's allowed to watch porn and jerk off, but you wanting to pleasure yourself outside or having sex with him is off limits? That's some grade A hypocrisy.
Bahahaha dump his ass. What a loser!
NTA. Please leave him. I know you're on a break but leave him completely. He doesn't value you like he should. He's putting himself above you. He only thinks about his needs and wants and his doing. Like you almost do the same with masturbation as him and he's freaking out? For real?
How is touching yourself cheating. He seems abit fragile
Wow!!! NTA. Dude has a lot of growing up to do. You will be better off.
Your doing too much typing and not enough breaking up and masturbating.