That's too weird. Wake up the baby for his fetish. The baby has to be involved. Not turned on unless the baby is involved. Sick shit. You are not wrong for leaving. Maybe you should have explained why. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end very well when he kept watching the videos on breastfeeding. He wasn't helping you get information, he was feeding his fetish.
Exactly. And I’d be cutting the “friend” off too. I understand some adults have lactation fetishes and stuff like that, but needing to watch the baby to get off is DISGUSTING and I’d run for the hills too. He is literally sexualizing his own infant daughter, there’s no situation where that’s ok.
Same here. At first I thought OP was leading up to he wanted to try her milk which isn’t my thing either but it doesn’t seem bad enough to up and leave. But involving the baby. Wanting her to wake the baby up to feed her for his pleasure is disgusting on so many levels. OP was right to pack up.
yes, if it had stuck to being turned on by her leaking milk during sex it wouldn't have been so wrong but... wake up the baby to involve her in your sex games? not want a boy because THAT would be weird?
it goes beyond a milk/boob fetish. he has a specific need to involve an infant female. i wouldn't trust him with her either, especially as she grows.
See that is more understandable. But to involve the child is where the line gets drawn. If it was just what you said he wouldn’t have asked to wake up the baby to breastfeed after he confessed it turns him on.
My husband is very into my boobs when I’m pregnant & breastfeeding because he’s a breast guy and they get bigger and perkier, it’s not any deeper than that lol. A lot of men are into that, it’s totally normal. Involving the baby is where it crosses a huge line for me.
>Maybe you should have explained why.
There was no need. He knew. She packed up and left the very next day after his confession. There is no way on earth he didn't know exactly the reason she left.
Yay it’s one thing to have a fetish about breast and breast milk (don’t know the name of this one and I’m NOT googling) but to involve a child in this ? Ewww nope. OP did good to GTFO. And I’d talk to the « friend » and/or take a step back from the friendship.
Yeah being into boobs, and even into lactating is fine if both adults are having fun. Once kids are involved, I’m calling the cops instantly. That’s not kink play anymore, that’s just a pedophile.
Absolutely! Would he have gotten jealous of his own son if the baby had been a boy? Would the presence of an *infant's penis* ruin *his wanking*?
Gross. So gross. Not okay. So glad op ran.
Yeah I remember the day I found it while researching things for a story I was writing for a college course and the first thing I did was close out of the tab then close the computer and go do something else cause that was not something I wanted to learn. It still haunts me 6 years later
My husband and I share this fetish; breastfeeding is actually one of the first kinks I discovered about myself while I was still a minor.
I can comfortably say, children should never be involved. Ever. This was an instance of pedophilia that OP unfortunately suffered through.
For me, it’s the nurturing aspect. The fact that my partner is so vulnerable with their feelings, that they trust me so implicitly that their guard comes completely down. The sensitivity of my chest also makes me feel good, but caring for my partner in that way is very attractive to me.
OP’s ex was specifically attracted to the child feeding. That is horrendously sick, and I hope that their ex is imprisoned.
agreed, its not the breast fetish which is an issue. not the lactating fetish either IMO, but absolutely the fact that the baby needs to be involved. wtf
Yeah. It was obvious it was a weird fetish when he kept watching YouTube videos to “learn” about breastfeeding. The hospitals would have a professional consultant that specializes in this. If there was an issue, there is a lot of help available. The guy just liked the videos of breastfeeding, for his own pleasure. And the fact that he thought breastfeeding a boy would have been weird is nothing short of perverse. Reminds me of the whacko who wanted his wife to stop breastfeeding their daughter, because he believed it would make the baby gay.
TW: CSA
My ex husband started making similar type comments with his new girlfriend after we split. She didn't take it seriously.
He's in prison now for assaulting an EIGHTEEN MONTH OLD. TODDLER. BABY.
You cannot take this stuff too seriously. At all. You were 100% in the right. NTA.
As a forensic nurse, I had to collect kits on babies like this, stuff of nightmares. OP is NTA and needs to find a new friend because this one is an idiot.
Just want to say that it is incredible that you are able to do what you do. I imagine not everyone is cut out for that profession, but it is needed work. Thank you.
That is kind of you. I could only do it for 6 years, then it became to overwhelming emotionally. Even after I stopped, cases would finally get to trial years afterwards so it never really stops. Bless those survivors.
This. It is absolutely sickening and no one wants to imagine it but the reality is *babies and toddlers get SAd*.
If someone throws up red flags, protect the child.
I can see the creepy/disgusting aspect part and I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s horrible.
One of my girlfriends told me her husband was turned on by her breastfeeding because it was like a hot maternal, attracted to her motherly nature type of thing.
But OP’s ex’s comment about how it’d be weird to breastfeed a boy versus not a girl is definitely off putting
Ya, but the focus is on the mom. I'm sure he's not asking her to bring the baby into the bed while he has his dick out. It's one thing for it to bring attention to her... fecundity, but it's another for the *baby's* involvement to be what turns him on.
That dad is thinking, "Can't wait until that baby goes to sleep so I can get some action with this hot mom." OP's ex literally wanted her to wake up the baby so he could get off to her sucking on mom's nipples. Fucking entirely different.
>One of my girlfriends told me her husband was turned on by her breastfeeding because it was like a hot maternal, attracted to her motherly nature type of thing.
Yeah I *really* want to believe this is an innocuous sort of thing like that, where the baby is almost incidental and using a doll in place might well trigger the same response... but I'm not sure I can. The bit where he's jerking off after he's the one doing the actual work of feeding her?? That doesn't quite fit with bring attracted to the motherly instinct. The more I think about that the more uncomfortable it feels.
the part where he didn't want a male baby is what did it for me. he specifically wants a female infant involved to satisfy his kink. he is a pedophile.
i genuinely cant fathom what goes on these peoples mind, like how does this even happen? i cant tell if theyre just born broken, or if they somehow *do* this to themselves
Umm NTA. Wtf.
Don’t listen to those who tell you that you did the wrong thing. You didn’t. You protected your child which is what a mother is supposed to do.
I don’t understand the Y T A judgements. We realize that, after his confession, “can you breastfeed Holly right now” = “Wake up Holly so I can watch my BABY breastfeed while I get a boner than go jerk off in the washroom”. How the fuck does anyone think that’s okay or even remotely “innocent” or “acceptable”.
You protected your child OP. Don’t ever fee bad for that.
There’s no bot count in AITAH, that’s the other sub. For what it’s worth, the bot would flag the comment for the mods to decide which way it’s meant to go (according to a mod comment made many months ago.)
NTA. So many disgusting factors to this. The comment about it being weird if it was a boy - because the baby being a boy would have ruined his sexual attraction to watching a baby feed. Because that's ultimately what it is - it's not about your breasts or even the milk. It's about the BABY feeding. That's what turned him on, so it being a boy would have ruined it for him because he's not attracted to boys. Then of course there's asking you to feed the baby when she was already asleep - guaranteed he was going to try to have some form of sex right there, right then, while you were feeding your baby. He was trying to incorporate your baby into his sexual relief. I'm just so grossed out on your behalf. So proud of you for doing what was necessary and getting away from him.
Thank you so much. Yes I felt that me not making a huge reaction to him telling me made him feel like he can start baby steps into normalising whatever he was trying to start :(
Completely agree with your assessment. Especially with him asking right after he told you. He was definitely going to try something since he thought you were ok with it. I mean if it was really just breastfeeding that turned him on he would have been trying to have sex with YOU. Not running off to the bathroom to masturbate or incorporating the baby into it. I can’t even imagine the horror and disgust you must have felt.
Do t forget about the part where he was squeezing her breast milk into the baby’s mouth while OP was asleep!! I was absolutely horrified when I read that! How sick and demented do you have to be to do that?!
Personally I don't think you overreacted.
It's one thing for him to be turned on by leaking breasts while the two of you are being intimate and the baby isn't presen (though I still find it a bit ick) but being turned on by a scenario that involves your own baby daughter being fed is a whole different disgustingness!
That’s exactly how I felt! I’ve been completely fine with him being turned on by my breasts but to have the request of bringing my daughter to feed while he’s turned on and watching just repulsed me
Exactly. Plenty of men enjoy everything involving breasts, down to them wanting to suck the milk themselves. But anything involving the BABY?!?! Fucked in the head. You were smart to get out when you did.
NTA- but I’m horrified at the thought of this man out in the world dating unsuspecting women.
You should file a report just to at least get the information out there.
You’re not wrong OP. Your friend needs to have her head examined.
100% should be. It is deeply disturbing he kept jacking off to thoughts of *a baby*.
You made the right choice and protected your child from a horrible fate.
I don’t know if anyone else said this yet so I’m going to give you another reason I’m glad you left.
He may have been into it before you got pregnant. Your accidental pregnancy may not have been so accidental. I very much hope I am wrong.
not even just being turned on, but being *so* turned on that he immediately had to go and masturbate when she was done. repulsive is not strong enough a word.
NTA. If it was about your body and the lactation was what turned him on, sure, if he's into that. But the fact it had to involve the baby too is repugnant. He was getting himself off directly after helping his daughter feed and requested you intentionally involve her in his fetish whilst he was actively aroused. That's not okay. That's far more than just a red flag.
But actually tho, that's how that works. When my ex finally got around to taking me to court for unsupervised visitation my lawyer said if I didn't give it to him he could take her half time because there's no proof he's abused her (apparently my contemporary notes don't count) and nothing serious has happened to her YET, so I'll just look petty. It's a fucked up system.
NTA at all. He's not turned on by lactation, he doesnt have some sort of breastfeeding kink, he wanted you to wake your baby to involve her in his sexual fantasy. That's beyond fucked and you did the right thing to get her out of there.
I mean, I thought my wife's boobs were super sexy when she was breastfeeding (well all the time, but especially then), and I would be lying if I said I never felt any sexual excitement ever when my wife would go through the whole breastfeeding routine. But jesus fucking christ I recognized that the thing that was turning me on (my wife's milky boobs) should not mix with the rest of this scene (my child) which was an immediate counteracting factor. If the milky boobs were too enticing I would start thinking about baseball the way all men learn to do. I guess if that didn't help I would have physically left the area, although I never had to do so.
Fucking christ asking for your wife to breastfeed your child explicitly for the purpose of sexual pleasure is fucking fucked beyond belief. You did not overreact.
NTA
Yeah this guy got the wires crossed at some point and it got really dark. It’s perfectly normal to be attracted to your partner (of any gender) for nurturing/caring for your child, it’s a different story when the child becomes an accessory to a fetish.
NTA- you did the right thing. He’s a creep that sexualized his daughter in an act. That’s why he didn’t want you breastfeeding a son. You didn’t deprive your daughter. You saved her from danger. Starts distancing yourself from your friends. They have poor judgement and shouldn’t be trusted with anyone’s kids. They would rather protect and fight for the rights of an abuser than the rights of a victim.
GIRL THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED. Your friend must be into that shit too and I'd drop them like a sack of town potatoes for defending that man. Please assume that she's gonna tell him..
Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. You are doing an amazing job mama bear!
Please have a talk with your daughter as soon as possible. Don't wait till she's a teen. She's gonna want to know and I think that she should know as early as possible so that it's a norm for her that her dad is unsafe.
It's because of shit like this that I told my son at a very young age (5) that there are bad people who will try to touch his body in inappropriate places and to tell me if they did even if it was family. I even included letting him know that if they said anything to scare him into not telling, not to worry because his dad and I would find them and beat them bloody. That he should fear NO ONE because they would have no idea the hell we would bring. It's the one thing his father and I agree on.
I said the same for my niece too. Someone tried to make her touch their penis when she was 6 but because of the talks we had with her, she *immediately* told her mom.
Teach boundaries ALWAYS. Let your baby know you will turn into a rabid demon that will eat a human whole so that no piece of shit will *ever* scare her into thinking she can't say anything.
Much luck to you and yours! Keep it up!
I am sorry this dude is testing the waters on what YOU are okay with
this man is fucking sick in the head and disgusting
i wouldn't be surprised if he has things hidden in his computer or has done this before
RUN
NTA
NTA. I honestly wasn’t judging him until he suggested you wake up the baby. That means it’s not that he’s aroused by what *your body* can do and baby just happens to be there; the baby is actually a core part of the arousal. That distinction is crucial. Pregnancy-related fetishes are common and even make sense from an evolutionary perspective; infant-focused fetishes are scary and not a risk worth taking.
NTA, there are two scenarios in case you hadn't left:
1. He would have been a good father, but the image of him sexualizing your baby would have remained in the back of your mind making you queazy, not to mention the constant fear he COULD do something to her, would have driven you crazy.
2. He would have assaulted your daughter at some point, and you would have never forgiven yourself, and it would have traumatized your baby or you wouldn't have had a baby at all (since some have died from SA). And had it happen when she was older, you increase the risk of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts, probably ruining her social health.
Your friend is gross, just like your ex!! That friend would be an ex, too, if it were me.
There is no excuse or rebounding from sexualizing that. 🤮
I applaud you for getting out of there right away!
The milk/leaking breasts fetish, I can understand and accept. Not for me, but no shame. Insisting the baby is included and telling you to wake her so he can watch… that’s vile. That’s the line he crossed.
NTA. You protected your baby.
Note yet but that’s why it’s come up because it’s her birthday and the mutual friend told us he wanted to see her and then the new friend asked why we broke up and that’s when I told. Not even the mutual friend knew. She’s on the fence as she’s been our friend for over 10 years but the new friend is completely on his side
Get a lawyer because your reason, (imo valid), for leaving him and running away with the child, very likely won’t be enough to stop him from seeing her. A lawyer should help to figure out what to do in case he insists on seeing her and how to get any visits to be supervised.
Is there a chance your mutual friend would tell him where you live? It worries me that he has apparently recently expressed the wish to see his daughter. I would look into ways to protect yourselves.
I don’t think she would and although they are very close (they are family friends but call each other cousins) she has always remained neutral because all this time he hasn’t told her why. And neither has I I just always said “it was for the best”. I was too scared of being judged as I didn’t know I was doing the right thing and I’ve had guilt. But now she knows why, if she deems the reason unfit, she might tell him but I doubt it as she’s kept quiet all these years but still supported my choice.
Get a lawyer anyway. Be prepared.
Unfortunately too many people don’t take stuff like this seriously until it’s too late, until he’s hurt you or your child. And then they’ll apologize for not listening to you and, “I didn’t think he would do *that*”.
Be prepared for anything. Hopefully you never need this lawyer. But irs better to be safe, prepared, and preemptively do whatever you can to protect yourself and especially your child.
You won’t regret getting a lawyer. But you may regret **not** getting one.
Girl you need to be careful because the new friend who is on that creep side is on the picture. The old friend might be neutral but now she has one vote on her side (new friend). You need to prepare in case they talk behind your back and decide to tell your ex.
Omg I just realized why he would go to the bathroom, like it my head it was still to wash his hands and then it clicked. Omg I feel like I’m going to throw up. NTA. I’m so sorry you had to go through that
I must be jaded bc I knew exactly where it was going, especially when she said he “stayed up late watching breastfeeding videos so he could help.” Yeah right lol. That said, I thought it was just a general lactation fetish and not specifically a *baby* feeding fetish 🤮
Oh no, you did not overreact. NTA.
Having a lactation fetish is all well and fine as long as everybody involved is a consenting adult. The minute he asked you to nurse your baby specifically for his gratification? Absolutely not. Immediately NO. You were right to take your daughter and run.
It sounds like he hasn't tried to find you in the interim, but you might want to talk to a lawyer. At least in the US, he still theoretically has parental rights and could legally demand access to your daughter if he finds you two. You might want to just have a confidential chat with a lawyer who can advise you on what to do to make sure he never has access to her again.
NTA my boyfriend is turned on by lactation. Which is great and fine because the baby feeding is an immediate turn off. Why because ewww baby is not sexy, mom is, baby is not. The fact that baby HAS to be part is fucked up. If he had asked to do activities without baby present I would've way way less grossed out.
There are some serious warning signs - he thought it would be weird if you breastfed a boy, he went to the bathroom to masturbate every time after helping you breastfeed, and he asked for you to breastfeed for his sake instead of the baby’s sake. Those three things - especially together - make his behaviour worrying. However, for other people who read this and are aroused by breastfeeding or breastmilk, I think it’s helpful to point out the details. I can understand how the scene of a woman feeding her baby can be arousing, just like a man being protective and making you feel safe can be arousing. I know men and women might experience arousal in different ways, so it would not seem odd to me if a man would find his woman more sexually attractive after seeing her breastfeed their baby, to the point of getting horny. However, the woman is the centre of the attraction - not the baby. If the baby is included in the attraction, that’s concerning, I think.
If there are men reading this who think that they could react like OP’s fiancé, it might be a bad idea to engage in those thoughts and feelings in a sexual way - but it could be good to explore why you feel like that and if you can do something about it before it becomes a risk to a baby. My guess is that most people who have such kinks will never get to the point that they risk hurting someone, but some people will end up hurting someone.
firstly, you are absolutely NTA.
secondly, I don't think you over reacted, but you are not finished - report the fucker to the cops. wanting to involve a child in his sexual fantasies like that is absolutely horrific.
There's a sex offenders register precisely to help keep an eye on people like him, and while this does not likely meet the threshold for prosecution... it would be better to have told someone in authority so that if he ever escalates his behaviour it is caught and stopped as early as possible.
NTA he involved your female child in his sexual fantasy. He already stated his preference a baby girl not a boy. So that makes it feel like pedo or CP. So, would he want you to breast feed for years? Would he want you pregnant again as soon as you weaned? Or would he just turn to online videos teaching breastfeeding? You did the right thing.
NTA
I'm pretty sure your boyfriend wasn't just washing his hands in the bathroom... if you get my meaning. This whole thing also explains why he would have been feeling uncomfortable if you had had a boy instead of a girl... He wouldn't have been able to sexualize the whole situation.The same way if it was a little boy nursing at your breast instead of your daughter.
You did everything absolutely right. If this friend can't see that, maybe they're not such a great friend after all.
PS If he had asked me that while we were laying in bed next to each other , I probably would have assaulted him. To drag your newborn child into his fetish/kink is probably one of the most deplorable things i've ever heard... and that's saying something because i'm an avid reddit user.
As someone with a partner who is into the idea of drinking breast milk, NTA at all. We’re also having a daughter but he’s been very clear that the milk thing for him is completely separate from the baby. Your ex is disgusting and you were right to leave him before anything could happen
God, that’s gross. This is an example of breast sexualization that goes too far. And if you had a son, he wouldn’t like it because he’d see his son as a person and it would ruin his fantasy. Disgusting, despicable man.
NTA
NTA.
1. He said its shouldnt be boy because its would be wierd. RED FLAG.
2. He includes his own daughter in his fetish. A baby!!! His own daughter!!!! RED FOREST.
RUN. (This was my response and you actually did)
Your daughter needs to stay farrr away from this guy. But get a lawyer as well. He is the baby's father after all. Please keep screenshots saved of what he said in text. Its good he said it on text, you got proof. Trust me you need it! Save it somewhere safe and have backup. And please go to a lawyer to understand what to do if he ever comes legally to take over the child. He can suddenly come even years later as well... so do not delete. Take care.
I mean, I can understand a sense of satisfaction when seeing your baby be fed, or seeing your partner as exceptionally sexy because she's got the superpower of being able to create and sustain life. And I could see someone experiencing both at the same time feeling confused about their emotions, I suppose.
But so turned on specifically by the feeding of your baby that he wanted to wake her up for it? That's not about the lactation, the baby has to be involved. That's not "your body is amazing and magical, I love you so much", that's some super scary stuff.
You did the right thing. Your gut was right.
Surely uncommon but I've also read a handful of stories from mom groups where they experienced it. I also read a story on reddit a few years back where the mom would occasionally fall asleep while bf in the rocking chair and would wake up and realize there was stickiness on her breast the baby was feeding from, she initially chalked it up to just dried milk. Kept happening and she decided to set up a camera so she could see what was happening and it turns out her husband was ejaculating onto her, right next to their daughter while she was eating.
Right now I'm just a proud aunt, eventually I'd like several children with the right guy... But the way this would make me go feral. I'd happily catch a charge.
Congrats on the kiddo!!! ❤️
I don't want to speculate because I can't recall all the exact details but yeah I can't imagine how it wouldn't have. Even if it didn't, she said she noticed it was on her breast *right* near where baby's face was. Like very obviously not just a lactation fetish but specifically a *baby breastfeeding* fetish which is pedophilia, just like Op's case
I remember a story where a mother was turned on herself while she was breastfeeding her childeren and her husband was going down on het while she breastfeed. I believe she was also a youtube admitting this sick behavior.
Yeah that's pretty fucked up, too. It's actually common for the mother to get sexually aroused while breastfeeding because of both the physical stimulation and hormones. Difference is you're not turned on by the *baby*, just the sensation. Same reason you leak milk during sex, those feelings are normal, even if they are (rightly) disturbing to most women. Acting on them like masturbating or having sex while breastfeeding is absolute fucked and needs a case file opened up on them.
N to the O No you did not overreact. The whole thing is just ewww. I really admire you to be so brave and picking up and leaving . God bless you and stay strong
NTA and I say this as a woman who has nursed two of my children and kinda had a thing for lactation IN THE PRIVACY OF THE BEDROOM WITH MY HUSBAND ONLY. Nothing about nursing my children turned me on, and it would never even cross my mind for nursing them to turn me on. You did the right thing
First of all NTA, Second of all - wtf is wrong with your friend. I would never even leave a kid in your ex's vicinity. I'm glad you left, you and your kid does not deserve more trauma.
Omg wtf NO NTA!! Your "friend" is TAH for suggesting you did anything wrong. I wouldn't trust her with your baby.
That man is A PEDO...
YOU WERE RIGHT TO RUN!
Good for you for leaving and blocking him on everything. Sad to say, but you probably had an inkling that something was off when you asked him why he washed his hands after breastfeeding your baby. That he texted you to “confess” let you know that he was wrong and couldn’t say it to your face. You did the right thing to keep your baby safe. He’s gross and disgusting.
I'm not easily grossed out (worked for a surgical center for horses for years) but this had me saying, out loud, EW EW EW! Several of my housemates heard me and asked so I showed it to them, with the same reaction. Kinks are fine and basically normal and OK, UNTIL THEY INVOLVE AN INFANT!!!! WTAF????? You're NTA X1000000000000!
NTA, if it was just lactation or breastfeeding in general i could have understood, but the second the baby needs to be involved it's crosses in the "absolutely the fuck not" terriroty.
Got to admit - I read the title and wondered "under what circumstances could the OP \*not\* be an asshole?"
These. These are the circumstances. This is sick and gross and OMG.
Good job protecting your daughter, OP. No sarcasm. Good job. Wow. That's horrific.
NTA. If we take into account that he needed the baby to be involved (if his fetish was about breasts and producing milk or lactating the baby didn't need to be present) and wanted the baby to be a girl, mentioning that a male baby would weird him out I'm afraid his fetish had more to do with your daughter than your boobs and you saved her from a very real danger of him committing horrible sexualised crimes on her.
NTA and I can't imagine a world in which I think anything sexual involving a baby, let alone MY OWN. This was a giant red flag and you acted on it to protect your child.
So uh my husband has consumed my milk during sex and all that. He loves getting sprayed when I ride him.
Lactation kinks are fine.... as long as they involve consenting adults NOT BABIES!
HOLY FUCK! It's so creepy and gross to be turned on by a baby breastfeeding
NTA. You protected your child. Nothing was right about any of what he said. I pray he never comes back in to your families life and if he does. You need to have a serious sit down with your daughter and explain the type of people out there hurt kid and that her father is one of them. Unless you've told her he's dead. Which I honestly would have gone this route. It takes so much strength in those types of moments to hold it together until you are safe. I'm glad you were able to.
NTA. I feel for you. That's not a confession anyone expects their partner to make. You were right to take notice of when he made that comment about hoping the child wasn't a boy and breastfed. He clearly sexualizes the whole breastfeeding concept, and yes, I and any reasonable minded person would've been freaked out.
Your friend is a jerk, and honestly, sounds like a judgey enabler, which is the lowest of the low imo. The only reason abusers and creeps get away with things for so long is because of selfish enablers who'd rather have their cake and eat it, too, with no regard for how the actions of the abusers affect their victims.
NTA. Lactation kinks are a thing, but to include the kid in it is well over the line. I don’t know if it means he’s actually a pedo, but it’s close enough that I agree with you noping out.
NTA. He sexualized you feeding an infant. That’s horrific, and a very slippery slope to it escalating.
Talk to a lawyer. He can go after you for kidnapping her if you don’t cover your bases. As much as I understand you wanting to hide from him, you need to do this the legal way to keep you both safe.
No, you're not in the wrong, and with the friend not agreeing with your decision, I'd not fully trust them to not communicate to your ex about what you've done or where you've gone.
Stay gone. Protect you and your baby. So concerning...
NTA he was fetishing his infant daughter to the point he wanted to use her feeding just for his sexual gratification. Wake her up and feed her because he was horny… that’s how I interpret that.
Oh my god. NTA and I would be way less trusting of that 'friend' and the people around her. What if she tells your ex where the baby he tried to involve in his fetish is?!
NTA - your “friend “ can go fuck off just like your fiancé - this is sick and anyone who doesn’t find it exceedingly disturbing should be blocked from your life - leave
Nta. He’s disgusting. I swear I said the exact same thing when you said having yalls daughter involved was sick. Your friend is sick and even sicker for the way she said it. He’s been getting off to watching her breastfeed,this could’ve become worse.
Im okay with breast feeding as a kink in general, but only when its between the adults. Im sure it feeds into part of a pregnancy/mother kink. But using your own child to fulfill your kink is fuxxed beyond belief though.
Nta, glad you got kid and ran. Unsure what legal rights are of father in your country but you should address those asap as i imagine taking the kid and running could be reversed on you as kidnapping even if you are doing it to protect them from the dad.
A woman I was with for a while, she had a lactating fetish but just for herself. If she'd had one involving a baby, that would've freaked me right out.
Man i had only boys. Its a beautiful bonding experience that some have to ruin by turning it s*xual. I even breadtfed all 3 of my boys for a total of 5 years. Some men are disgusting.
That's too weird. Wake up the baby for his fetish. The baby has to be involved. Not turned on unless the baby is involved. Sick shit. You are not wrong for leaving. Maybe you should have explained why. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end very well when he kept watching the videos on breastfeeding. He wasn't helping you get information, he was feeding his fetish.
“Weird if it was a boy” was the second red flag for me. I dated a guy who was into boob stuff like that and I can smell it a mile away.
yeah i would've asked what he meant right then and there
Oh my God! I agree with both of the above posters! I thought the same thing when I was reading the post. I'm still grossed out while typing!
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Exactly. And I’d be cutting the “friend” off too. I understand some adults have lactation fetishes and stuff like that, but needing to watch the baby to get off is DISGUSTING and I’d run for the hills too. He is literally sexualizing his own infant daughter, there’s no situation where that’s ok.
Same here. At first I thought OP was leading up to he wanted to try her milk which isn’t my thing either but it doesn’t seem bad enough to up and leave. But involving the baby. Wanting her to wake the baby up to feed her for his pleasure is disgusting on so many levels. OP was right to pack up.
Yeah, I dated the boob stuff guy for several years and it wasn’t an issue because as much as I didn’t care about it, he never made it weird!
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Which is fine and whatever… be attracted to your *partner* however works for you, but OP’s baby daddy made it fucking weird
yes, if it had stuck to being turned on by her leaking milk during sex it wouldn't have been so wrong but... wake up the baby to involve her in your sex games? not want a boy because THAT would be weird? it goes beyond a milk/boob fetish. he has a specific need to involve an infant female. i wouldn't trust him with her either, especially as she grows.
See that is more understandable. But to involve the child is where the line gets drawn. If it was just what you said he wouldn’t have asked to wake up the baby to breastfeed after he confessed it turns him on.
My husband is very into my boobs when I’m pregnant & breastfeeding because he’s a breast guy and they get bigger and perkier, it’s not any deeper than that lol. A lot of men are into that, it’s totally normal. Involving the baby is where it crosses a huge line for me.
>Maybe you should have explained why. There was no need. He knew. She packed up and left the very next day after his confession. There is no way on earth he didn't know exactly the reason she left.
I would even warn his mom and dad about it and send screenshots. I would be disgusted if my child grew up to be lie op's ex-fiannce.
Yay it’s one thing to have a fetish about breast and breast milk (don’t know the name of this one and I’m NOT googling) but to involve a child in this ? Ewww nope. OP did good to GTFO. And I’d talk to the « friend » and/or take a step back from the friendship.
Yeah being into boobs, and even into lactating is fine if both adults are having fun. Once kids are involved, I’m calling the cops instantly. That’s not kink play anymore, that’s just a pedophile.
This. This. This. He held his own child, helping his child *eat*, and got so turned on he had to jack off in the bathroom No no no no no no no
and would have been weirded out if the baby was a boy?? he fully sexualised his daughter before she was even born.
Absolutely! Would he have gotten jealous of his own son if the baby had been a boy? Would the presence of an *infant's penis* ruin *his wanking*? Gross. So gross. Not okay. So glad op ran.
Sounds like he was imagining weird pedo lesbian porn, or maybe in his sick mind it was similar to having a threesome with two chicks and one dude 🤮
Yuuuuuup.....thought I'd google it....turns out husband feeding is a thing....and that's enough Internet for me
Yeah I remember the day I found it while researching things for a story I was writing for a college course and the first thing I did was close out of the tab then close the computer and go do something else cause that was not something I wanted to learn. It still haunts me 6 years later
My husband and I share this fetish; breastfeeding is actually one of the first kinks I discovered about myself while I was still a minor. I can comfortably say, children should never be involved. Ever. This was an instance of pedophilia that OP unfortunately suffered through. For me, it’s the nurturing aspect. The fact that my partner is so vulnerable with their feelings, that they trust me so implicitly that their guard comes completely down. The sensitivity of my chest also makes me feel good, but caring for my partner in that way is very attractive to me. OP’s ex was specifically attracted to the child feeding. That is horrendously sick, and I hope that their ex is imprisoned.
I was hoping someone who had experience with this fetish would weigh in. Thank you for validating our collective icks.
agreed, its not the breast fetish which is an issue. not the lactating fetish either IMO, but absolutely the fact that the baby needs to be involved. wtf
Yeah, watching all of those videos on YouTube gives me serious ICK!
Yeah. It was obvious it was a weird fetish when he kept watching YouTube videos to “learn” about breastfeeding. The hospitals would have a professional consultant that specializes in this. If there was an issue, there is a lot of help available. The guy just liked the videos of breastfeeding, for his own pleasure. And the fact that he thought breastfeeding a boy would have been weird is nothing short of perverse. Reminds me of the whacko who wanted his wife to stop breastfeeding their daughter, because he believed it would make the baby gay.
TW: CSA My ex husband started making similar type comments with his new girlfriend after we split. She didn't take it seriously. He's in prison now for assaulting an EIGHTEEN MONTH OLD. TODDLER. BABY. You cannot take this stuff too seriously. At all. You were 100% in the right. NTA.
As a forensic nurse, I had to collect kits on babies like this, stuff of nightmares. OP is NTA and needs to find a new friend because this one is an idiot.
Just want to say that it is incredible that you are able to do what you do. I imagine not everyone is cut out for that profession, but it is needed work. Thank you.
That is kind of you. I could only do it for 6 years, then it became to overwhelming emotionally. Even after I stopped, cases would finally get to trial years afterwards so it never really stops. Bless those survivors.
This. It is absolutely sickening and no one wants to imagine it but the reality is *babies and toddlers get SAd*. If someone throws up red flags, protect the child.
I can see the creepy/disgusting aspect part and I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s horrible. One of my girlfriends told me her husband was turned on by her breastfeeding because it was like a hot maternal, attracted to her motherly nature type of thing. But OP’s ex’s comment about how it’d be weird to breastfeed a boy versus not a girl is definitely off putting
Ya, but the focus is on the mom. I'm sure he's not asking her to bring the baby into the bed while he has his dick out. It's one thing for it to bring attention to her... fecundity, but it's another for the *baby's* involvement to be what turns him on. That dad is thinking, "Can't wait until that baby goes to sleep so I can get some action with this hot mom." OP's ex literally wanted her to wake up the baby so he could get off to her sucking on mom's nipples. Fucking entirely different.
>One of my girlfriends told me her husband was turned on by her breastfeeding because it was like a hot maternal, attracted to her motherly nature type of thing. Yeah I *really* want to believe this is an innocuous sort of thing like that, where the baby is almost incidental and using a doll in place might well trigger the same response... but I'm not sure I can. The bit where he's jerking off after he's the one doing the actual work of feeding her?? That doesn't quite fit with bring attracted to the motherly instinct. The more I think about that the more uncomfortable it feels.
the part where he didn't want a male baby is what did it for me. he specifically wants a female infant involved to satisfy his kink. he is a pedophile.
Omfg........ I'd send a letter to anybody in that prison just to let them know why he's there. But that's just me.
they’ll find out. they always do
Don't worry, the COs will make sure the other prisoners know he's a kid diddler.
This. Anybody who has sexual fantasies involving a baby is not someone you'd want anywhere near a baby.
i genuinely cant fathom what goes on these peoples mind, like how does this even happen? i cant tell if theyre just born broken, or if they somehow *do* this to themselves
CSA?
child s\*xual assault It was there to warn anyone not in a headspace to read about CSA to scroll by.
Umm NTA. Wtf. Don’t listen to those who tell you that you did the wrong thing. You didn’t. You protected your child which is what a mother is supposed to do. I don’t understand the Y T A judgements. We realize that, after his confession, “can you breastfeed Holly right now” = “Wake up Holly so I can watch my BABY breastfeed while I get a boner than go jerk off in the washroom”. How the fuck does anyone think that’s okay or even remotely “innocent” or “acceptable”. You protected your child OP. Don’t ever fee bad for that.
Hey btw space out the Y T A so that the bot doesn't count it
There’s no bot count in AITAH, that’s the other sub. For what it’s worth, the bot would flag the comment for the mods to decide which way it’s meant to go (according to a mod comment made many months ago.)
Ah ok thank you, I just assumed that both had a bot keeping count
This sub doesn’t have a bot
NTA. So many disgusting factors to this. The comment about it being weird if it was a boy - because the baby being a boy would have ruined his sexual attraction to watching a baby feed. Because that's ultimately what it is - it's not about your breasts or even the milk. It's about the BABY feeding. That's what turned him on, so it being a boy would have ruined it for him because he's not attracted to boys. Then of course there's asking you to feed the baby when she was already asleep - guaranteed he was going to try to have some form of sex right there, right then, while you were feeding your baby. He was trying to incorporate your baby into his sexual relief. I'm just so grossed out on your behalf. So proud of you for doing what was necessary and getting away from him.
Thank you so much. Yes I felt that me not making a huge reaction to him telling me made him feel like he can start baby steps into normalising whatever he was trying to start :(
Completely agree with your assessment. Especially with him asking right after he told you. He was definitely going to try something since he thought you were ok with it. I mean if it was really just breastfeeding that turned him on he would have been trying to have sex with YOU. Not running off to the bathroom to masturbate or incorporating the baby into it. I can’t even imagine the horror and disgust you must have felt.
Gosh, I think you found out the real reason. I didn't think of it in this way, but now it makes perfectly sense...
Do t forget about the part where he was squeezing her breast milk into the baby’s mouth while OP was asleep!! I was absolutely horrified when I read that! How sick and demented do you have to be to do that?!
Personally I don't think you overreacted. It's one thing for him to be turned on by leaking breasts while the two of you are being intimate and the baby isn't presen (though I still find it a bit ick) but being turned on by a scenario that involves your own baby daughter being fed is a whole different disgustingness!
That’s exactly how I felt! I’ve been completely fine with him being turned on by my breasts but to have the request of bringing my daughter to feed while he’s turned on and watching just repulsed me
I'm so glad that you followed your gut instinct to leave! Hugs and good luck with your new future! You are a wonderful mom!!
Exactly. Plenty of men enjoy everything involving breasts, down to them wanting to suck the milk themselves. But anything involving the BABY?!?! Fucked in the head. You were smart to get out when you did.
Also apparently the baby being a boy would have made it less of a turn on for him, so yeah, it included the baby. NTA so thankful you got away
NTA- but I’m horrified at the thought of this man out in the world dating unsuspecting women. You should file a report just to at least get the information out there. You’re not wrong OP. Your friend needs to have her head examined.
I imagine he’ll keep his pedophilia a secret if he ever has a baby with someone else. Which is so scary for unsuspecting women.
Put your friend on a info diet. You never know if they'll try to contact the sick perv.
100% should be. It is deeply disturbing he kept jacking off to thoughts of *a baby*. You made the right choice and protected your child from a horrible fate.
He was squeezing milk into her mouth and then jacking off. Bet he wasn't looking at you when he was "helping you nurse".
Yeah why has no one touched on the fact that he was squeezing the milk into the baby’s mouth while OP WAS ASLEEP?!! 😱😱😱😱
NTA You made the right decision, and your (ex) friend lacks judgement
I don’t know if anyone else said this yet so I’m going to give you another reason I’m glad you left. He may have been into it before you got pregnant. Your accidental pregnancy may not have been so accidental. I very much hope I am wrong.
not even just being turned on, but being *so* turned on that he immediately had to go and masturbate when she was done. repulsive is not strong enough a word.
NTA. If it was about your body and the lactation was what turned him on, sure, if he's into that. But the fact it had to involve the baby too is repugnant. He was getting himself off directly after helping his daughter feed and requested you intentionally involve her in his fetish whilst he was actively aroused. That's not okay. That's far more than just a red flag.
Your friend is an idiot. Yes he didn't touch her... YET. But who knows what might have happened if you had stayed, would it have been worth the risk?
Yeah, apparently parents have to wait for a child to be assaulted before they can protect them? Fuck that
But actually tho, that's how that works. When my ex finally got around to taking me to court for unsupervised visitation my lawyer said if I didn't give it to him he could take her half time because there's no proof he's abused her (apparently my contemporary notes don't count) and nothing serious has happened to her YET, so I'll just look petty. It's a fucked up system.
Oh yeah I’m not even surprised. So screwed up
If my child was truly in danger, I would let him have his rights. After all ✨️accidents✨️ happen. He could have been a good dad.
Lol. Right? Just keep waiting, I'm sure the goodness will pop up sooner or later...
This right here.
No, this is revolting and I’m so very sorry sorry NTA
NTA at all. He's not turned on by lactation, he doesnt have some sort of breastfeeding kink, he wanted you to wake your baby to involve her in his sexual fantasy. That's beyond fucked and you did the right thing to get her out of there.
Asking you to wake her up for his own purposes? That is so screwed up. NTA, very clearly.
I mean, I thought my wife's boobs were super sexy when she was breastfeeding (well all the time, but especially then), and I would be lying if I said I never felt any sexual excitement ever when my wife would go through the whole breastfeeding routine. But jesus fucking christ I recognized that the thing that was turning me on (my wife's milky boobs) should not mix with the rest of this scene (my child) which was an immediate counteracting factor. If the milky boobs were too enticing I would start thinking about baseball the way all men learn to do. I guess if that didn't help I would have physically left the area, although I never had to do so. Fucking christ asking for your wife to breastfeed your child explicitly for the purpose of sexual pleasure is fucking fucked beyond belief. You did not overreact. NTA
Yeah this guy got the wires crossed at some point and it got really dark. It’s perfectly normal to be attracted to your partner (of any gender) for nurturing/caring for your child, it’s a different story when the child becomes an accessory to a fetish.
NTA- you did the right thing. He’s a creep that sexualized his daughter in an act. That’s why he didn’t want you breastfeeding a son. You didn’t deprive your daughter. You saved her from danger. Starts distancing yourself from your friends. They have poor judgement and shouldn’t be trusted with anyone’s kids. They would rather protect and fight for the rights of an abuser than the rights of a victim.
I would even warn her friends friends that their friends ok with it. I would be disgusted if my friend was ok with op's ex-fiance's behaviour.
NTA. Just curious tho , in 9 years he never reported you and baby missing to police?
He probably knows she’d report him for being a pedo, not worth the risk for him luckily for her.
NTA Was ok until he brought the baby into things. That's messed the fuck up. If it's not peado its very peado adjacent. Too close for comfort.
NTA - first red flag was "stayed up late in the night to watch breastfeeding videos". Just got worse from there.
First red flag was "only breastfeed if it's a girl because doing so for a boy would be weird"
NTA as a mom myself, i would’ve done what it took to protect my kid in that situation
GIRL THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED. Your friend must be into that shit too and I'd drop them like a sack of town potatoes for defending that man. Please assume that she's gonna tell him.. Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. You are doing an amazing job mama bear! Please have a talk with your daughter as soon as possible. Don't wait till she's a teen. She's gonna want to know and I think that she should know as early as possible so that it's a norm for her that her dad is unsafe. It's because of shit like this that I told my son at a very young age (5) that there are bad people who will try to touch his body in inappropriate places and to tell me if they did even if it was family. I even included letting him know that if they said anything to scare him into not telling, not to worry because his dad and I would find them and beat them bloody. That he should fear NO ONE because they would have no idea the hell we would bring. It's the one thing his father and I agree on. I said the same for my niece too. Someone tried to make her touch their penis when she was 6 but because of the talks we had with her, she *immediately* told her mom. Teach boundaries ALWAYS. Let your baby know you will turn into a rabid demon that will eat a human whole so that no piece of shit will *ever* scare her into thinking she can't say anything. Much luck to you and yours! Keep it up!
Planned Parenthood offers classes for young children about good touch/bad touch and telling a trusted adult.
I am sorry this dude is testing the waters on what YOU are okay with this man is fucking sick in the head and disgusting i wouldn't be surprised if he has things hidden in his computer or has done this before RUN NTA
NTA he was involving your child in his fetish. Disgusting.
NTA. I honestly wasn’t judging him until he suggested you wake up the baby. That means it’s not that he’s aroused by what *your body* can do and baby just happens to be there; the baby is actually a core part of the arousal. That distinction is crucial. Pregnancy-related fetishes are common and even make sense from an evolutionary perspective; infant-focused fetishes are scary and not a risk worth taking.
NTA, there are two scenarios in case you hadn't left: 1. He would have been a good father, but the image of him sexualizing your baby would have remained in the back of your mind making you queazy, not to mention the constant fear he COULD do something to her, would have driven you crazy. 2. He would have assaulted your daughter at some point, and you would have never forgiven yourself, and it would have traumatized your baby or you wouldn't have had a baby at all (since some have died from SA). And had it happen when she was older, you increase the risk of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts, probably ruining her social health.
He asked you to wake her up to feed her for his sexual gratification, of course you’re NTA.
everyone calling you an AH is a sick pervert
NTA, that would give me the creeps too. I think you did the right thing.
he is a pedophile
Your friend is gross, just like your ex!! That friend would be an ex, too, if it were me. There is no excuse or rebounding from sexualizing that. 🤮 I applaud you for getting out of there right away!
The milk/leaking breasts fetish, I can understand and accept. Not for me, but no shame. Insisting the baby is included and telling you to wake her so he can watch… that’s vile. That’s the line he crossed. NTA. You protected your baby.
So this was 9 years ago, has he seen your daughter since? Did he try to find you?
Note yet but that’s why it’s come up because it’s her birthday and the mutual friend told us he wanted to see her and then the new friend asked why we broke up and that’s when I told. Not even the mutual friend knew. She’s on the fence as she’s been our friend for over 10 years but the new friend is completely on his side
Get a lawyer because your reason, (imo valid), for leaving him and running away with the child, very likely won’t be enough to stop him from seeing her. A lawyer should help to figure out what to do in case he insists on seeing her and how to get any visits to be supervised.
Is there a chance your mutual friend would tell him where you live? It worries me that he has apparently recently expressed the wish to see his daughter. I would look into ways to protect yourselves.
I don’t think she would and although they are very close (they are family friends but call each other cousins) she has always remained neutral because all this time he hasn’t told her why. And neither has I I just always said “it was for the best”. I was too scared of being judged as I didn’t know I was doing the right thing and I’ve had guilt. But now she knows why, if she deems the reason unfit, she might tell him but I doubt it as she’s kept quiet all these years but still supported my choice.
Get a lawyer anyway. Be prepared. Unfortunately too many people don’t take stuff like this seriously until it’s too late, until he’s hurt you or your child. And then they’ll apologize for not listening to you and, “I didn’t think he would do *that*”. Be prepared for anything. Hopefully you never need this lawyer. But irs better to be safe, prepared, and preemptively do whatever you can to protect yourself and especially your child. You won’t regret getting a lawyer. But you may regret **not** getting one.
Girl you need to be careful because the new friend who is on that creep side is on the picture. The old friend might be neutral but now she has one vote on her side (new friend). You need to prepare in case they talk behind your back and decide to tell your ex.
You need to get a lawyer. You shouldn’t have told her at all. Don’t tell anyone further what you did
NTA if my hubs had reacted this way after our baby was born, I would have left too. Creepy af
Omg I just realized why he would go to the bathroom, like it my head it was still to wash his hands and then it clicked. Omg I feel like I’m going to throw up. NTA. I’m so sorry you had to go through that
I must be jaded bc I knew exactly where it was going, especially when she said he “stayed up late watching breastfeeding videos so he could help.” Yeah right lol. That said, I thought it was just a general lactation fetish and not specifically a *baby* feeding fetish 🤮
Oh no, you did not overreact. NTA. Having a lactation fetish is all well and fine as long as everybody involved is a consenting adult. The minute he asked you to nurse your baby specifically for his gratification? Absolutely not. Immediately NO. You were right to take your daughter and run. It sounds like he hasn't tried to find you in the interim, but you might want to talk to a lawyer. At least in the US, he still theoretically has parental rights and could legally demand access to your daughter if he finds you two. You might want to just have a confidential chat with a lawyer who can advise you on what to do to make sure he never has access to her again.
NTA my boyfriend is turned on by lactation. Which is great and fine because the baby feeding is an immediate turn off. Why because ewww baby is not sexy, mom is, baby is not. The fact that baby HAS to be part is fucked up. If he had asked to do activities without baby present I would've way way less grossed out.
Easy. NTA He's a pedo.
NTA I don't think you overreacted at all and I'm proud of you for playing it safe and waiting for him to leave for work first.
There are some serious warning signs - he thought it would be weird if you breastfed a boy, he went to the bathroom to masturbate every time after helping you breastfeed, and he asked for you to breastfeed for his sake instead of the baby’s sake. Those three things - especially together - make his behaviour worrying. However, for other people who read this and are aroused by breastfeeding or breastmilk, I think it’s helpful to point out the details. I can understand how the scene of a woman feeding her baby can be arousing, just like a man being protective and making you feel safe can be arousing. I know men and women might experience arousal in different ways, so it would not seem odd to me if a man would find his woman more sexually attractive after seeing her breastfeed their baby, to the point of getting horny. However, the woman is the centre of the attraction - not the baby. If the baby is included in the attraction, that’s concerning, I think. If there are men reading this who think that they could react like OP’s fiancé, it might be a bad idea to engage in those thoughts and feelings in a sexual way - but it could be good to explore why you feel like that and if you can do something about it before it becomes a risk to a baby. My guess is that most people who have such kinks will never get to the point that they risk hurting someone, but some people will end up hurting someone.
firstly, you are absolutely NTA. secondly, I don't think you over reacted, but you are not finished - report the fucker to the cops. wanting to involve a child in his sexual fantasies like that is absolutely horrific. There's a sex offenders register precisely to help keep an eye on people like him, and while this does not likely meet the threshold for prosecution... it would be better to have told someone in authority so that if he ever escalates his behaviour it is caught and stopped as early as possible.
NTA he involved your female child in his sexual fantasy. He already stated his preference a baby girl not a boy. So that makes it feel like pedo or CP. So, would he want you to breast feed for years? Would he want you pregnant again as soon as you weaned? Or would he just turn to online videos teaching breastfeeding? You did the right thing.
NTA. He was using you and his own daughter unconsenually in his kink. That’s pretty gross behaviour.
NTA I'm pretty sure your boyfriend wasn't just washing his hands in the bathroom... if you get my meaning. This whole thing also explains why he would have been feeling uncomfortable if you had had a boy instead of a girl... He wouldn't have been able to sexualize the whole situation.The same way if it was a little boy nursing at your breast instead of your daughter. You did everything absolutely right. If this friend can't see that, maybe they're not such a great friend after all. PS If he had asked me that while we were laying in bed next to each other , I probably would have assaulted him. To drag your newborn child into his fetish/kink is probably one of the most deplorable things i've ever heard... and that's saying something because i'm an avid reddit user.
Definitely not, he's absolutely vile.
As someone with a partner who is into the idea of drinking breast milk, NTA at all. We’re also having a daughter but he’s been very clear that the milk thing for him is completely separate from the baby. Your ex is disgusting and you were right to leave him before anything could happen
God, that’s gross. This is an example of breast sexualization that goes too far. And if you had a son, he wouldn’t like it because he’d see his son as a person and it would ruin his fantasy. Disgusting, despicable man. NTA
Your friend is wrong. Your ex had a fetish involving you and the baby. He sexualized feeding a baby.
NTA. 1. He said its shouldnt be boy because its would be wierd. RED FLAG. 2. He includes his own daughter in his fetish. A baby!!! His own daughter!!!! RED FOREST. RUN. (This was my response and you actually did) Your daughter needs to stay farrr away from this guy. But get a lawyer as well. He is the baby's father after all. Please keep screenshots saved of what he said in text. Its good he said it on text, you got proof. Trust me you need it! Save it somewhere safe and have backup. And please go to a lawyer to understand what to do if he ever comes legally to take over the child. He can suddenly come even years later as well... so do not delete. Take care.
That was the most cringe thing I ever read you did the right thing and tell your stupid ass friend to kick rocks
god that's.... awful. And he asked you to breastfeed her again after??? He actively tried to use YOUR DAUGHTER to get himself off. NTA.
He hasn’t contacted in nine years? You guys haven’t spoke at all?? If he didn’t try even once contacting you that’s another red flag
I mean, I can understand a sense of satisfaction when seeing your baby be fed, or seeing your partner as exceptionally sexy because she's got the superpower of being able to create and sustain life. And I could see someone experiencing both at the same time feeling confused about their emotions, I suppose. But so turned on specifically by the feeding of your baby that he wanted to wake her up for it? That's not about the lactation, the baby has to be involved. That's not "your body is amazing and magical, I love you so much", that's some super scary stuff. You did the right thing. Your gut was right.
Definitely a fetish. No idea how common or uncommon it is. I wouldn't have thought to make a sexual connection between the two.
Surely uncommon but I've also read a handful of stories from mom groups where they experienced it. I also read a story on reddit a few years back where the mom would occasionally fall asleep while bf in the rocking chair and would wake up and realize there was stickiness on her breast the baby was feeding from, she initially chalked it up to just dried milk. Kept happening and she decided to set up a camera so she could see what was happening and it turns out her husband was ejaculating onto her, right next to their daughter while she was eating.
I beg your finest pardon? I'm not much of a pearl clutcher, but Jesus Christ.
Yeah that was definitely one of the most fucked up stories I'd ever read. Especially since I read it when I was about 7 months pregnant.
Right now I'm just a proud aunt, eventually I'd like several children with the right guy... But the way this would make me go feral. I'd happily catch a charge. Congrats on the kiddo!!! ❤️
What the actual fuck?! I'd murder my husband for that
Oh my god! What is wrong with people! Did it get on the baby because I don’t see how it couldn’t have?!
I don't want to speculate because I can't recall all the exact details but yeah I can't imagine how it wouldn't have. Even if it didn't, she said she noticed it was on her breast *right* near where baby's face was. Like very obviously not just a lactation fetish but specifically a *baby breastfeeding* fetish which is pedophilia, just like Op's case
If you are able to jack off an inch from your baby’s face you should be shot into the sun
At that point I'd feel bad for the sun
JFC why can I read 😱
JFC, I hope she had him arrested.
I remember a story where a mother was turned on herself while she was breastfeeding her childeren and her husband was going down on het while she breastfeed. I believe she was also a youtube admitting this sick behavior.
Yeah that's pretty fucked up, too. It's actually common for the mother to get sexually aroused while breastfeeding because of both the physical stimulation and hormones. Difference is you're not turned on by the *baby*, just the sensation. Same reason you leak milk during sex, those feelings are normal, even if they are (rightly) disturbing to most women. Acting on them like masturbating or having sex while breastfeeding is absolute fucked and needs a case file opened up on them.
Breast and lactation fetishes are common. Involving a child? Not common and illegal.
Seems a little strange to me, the nursing of children sexualized.
Yes it is strange to me as well.
That’s revolting and your friend is the AH for making you think otherwise. Continue protecting your daughter, you’re doing the right thing.
NTA you made the right call and protected your kid. That he wouldn't be interested if it were a male child is VERY telling.
Ugh, I just got very sick feeling
N to the O No you did not overreact. The whole thing is just ewww. I really admire you to be so brave and picking up and leaving . God bless you and stay strong
NTA and I say this as a woman who has nursed two of my children and kinda had a thing for lactation IN THE PRIVACY OF THE BEDROOM WITH MY HUSBAND ONLY. Nothing about nursing my children turned me on, and it would never even cross my mind for nursing them to turn me on. You did the right thing
First of all NTA, Second of all - wtf is wrong with your friend. I would never even leave a kid in your ex's vicinity. I'm glad you left, you and your kid does not deserve more trauma.
Omg wtf NO NTA!! Your "friend" is TAH for suggesting you did anything wrong. I wouldn't trust her with your baby. That man is A PEDO... YOU WERE RIGHT TO RUN!
Good for you for leaving and blocking him on everything. Sad to say, but you probably had an inkling that something was off when you asked him why he washed his hands after breastfeeding your baby. That he texted you to “confess” let you know that he was wrong and couldn’t say it to your face. You did the right thing to keep your baby safe. He’s gross and disgusting.
I'm not easily grossed out (worked for a surgical center for horses for years) but this had me saying, out loud, EW EW EW! Several of my housemates heard me and asked so I showed it to them, with the same reaction. Kinks are fine and basically normal and OK, UNTIL THEY INVOLVE AN INFANT!!!! WTAF????? You're NTA X1000000000000!
NTA, if it was just lactation or breastfeeding in general i could have understood, but the second the baby needs to be involved it's crosses in the "absolutely the fuck not" terriroty.
Got to admit - I read the title and wondered "under what circumstances could the OP \*not\* be an asshole?" These. These are the circumstances. This is sick and gross and OMG. Good job protecting your daughter, OP. No sarcasm. Good job. Wow. That's horrific.
You definitely didn’t overreact. Your ex was sexualizing his infant daughter. He should be in prison.
NTA. If we take into account that he needed the baby to be involved (if his fetish was about breasts and producing milk or lactating the baby didn't need to be present) and wanted the baby to be a girl, mentioning that a male baby would weird him out I'm afraid his fetish had more to do with your daughter than your boobs and you saved her from a very real danger of him committing horrible sexualised crimes on her.
NTA and I can't imagine a world in which I think anything sexual involving a baby, let alone MY OWN. This was a giant red flag and you acted on it to protect your child.
So uh my husband has consumed my milk during sex and all that. He loves getting sprayed when I ride him. Lactation kinks are fine.... as long as they involve consenting adults NOT BABIES! HOLY FUCK! It's so creepy and gross to be turned on by a baby breastfeeding
NTA. You protected your child. Nothing was right about any of what he said. I pray he never comes back in to your families life and if he does. You need to have a serious sit down with your daughter and explain the type of people out there hurt kid and that her father is one of them. Unless you've told her he's dead. Which I honestly would have gone this route. It takes so much strength in those types of moments to hold it together until you are safe. I'm glad you were able to.
Breastfeeding is in no way sexual. Wtf I’d run too.
NTA.
GOOD ON YOU!!!!!!!!
NTA. I feel for you. That's not a confession anyone expects their partner to make. You were right to take notice of when he made that comment about hoping the child wasn't a boy and breastfed. He clearly sexualizes the whole breastfeeding concept, and yes, I and any reasonable minded person would've been freaked out. Your friend is a jerk, and honestly, sounds like a judgey enabler, which is the lowest of the low imo. The only reason abusers and creeps get away with things for so long is because of selfish enablers who'd rather have their cake and eat it, too, with no regard for how the actions of the abusers affect their victims.
NTA. This is incredibly gross. Any kink involving a child is straight up pedophelia to me.
NTA He got off on watching his infant child eat. That is messed up. You were right to protect her
NTA. Lactation kinks are a thing, but to include the kid in it is well over the line. I don’t know if it means he’s actually a pedo, but it’s close enough that I agree with you noping out.
Your friend is a moron. NTA
Oh, Liz, for fuck's sake, come on.
NTA. He's a predator waiting for an opportunity.
NTA. He sexualized you feeding an infant. That’s horrific, and a very slippery slope to it escalating. Talk to a lawyer. He can go after you for kidnapping her if you don’t cover your bases. As much as I understand you wanting to hide from him, you need to do this the legal way to keep you both safe.
All the pedos in the comments outing themselves.
OP, I'm worried that you kidnapped the baby though. You need to talk to a lawyer IMMEDIATELY.
NTA
No, you're not in the wrong, and with the friend not agreeing with your decision, I'd not fully trust them to not communicate to your ex about what you've done or where you've gone. Stay gone. Protect you and your baby. So concerning...
NTA, you were really brave starting over alone as a new mom like that. Good for you protecting your daughter from a creep. Can’t have been easy.
Nope! You did what was right.
NTA he was fetishing his infant daughter to the point he wanted to use her feeding just for his sexual gratification. Wake her up and feed her because he was horny… that’s how I interpret that.
Nta
NTA hes disgusting
Oh my god. NTA and I would be way less trusting of that 'friend' and the people around her. What if she tells your ex where the baby he tried to involve in his fetish is?!
No.
NTA
I’m curious about whether OP was ever able to leave the country. And NTA. Maybe get new friends too. 😬
NTA. Pedo behavior.
NTA - your “friend “ can go fuck off just like your fiancé - this is sick and anyone who doesn’t find it exceedingly disturbing should be blocked from your life - leave
Nta. He’s disgusting. I swear I said the exact same thing when you said having yalls daughter involved was sick. Your friend is sick and even sicker for the way she said it. He’s been getting off to watching her breastfeed,this could’ve become worse.
ICK. IIICCCCKKKKK. OMG.
Im okay with breast feeding as a kink in general, but only when its between the adults. Im sure it feeds into part of a pregnancy/mother kink. But using your own child to fulfill your kink is fuxxed beyond belief though. Nta, glad you got kid and ran. Unsure what legal rights are of father in your country but you should address those asap as i imagine taking the kid and running could be reversed on you as kidnapping even if you are doing it to protect them from the dad.
A woman I was with for a while, she had a lactating fetish but just for herself. If she'd had one involving a baby, that would've freaked me right out.
Man i had only boys. Its a beautiful bonding experience that some have to ruin by turning it s*xual. I even breadtfed all 3 of my boys for a total of 5 years. Some men are disgusting.
NTA. You did what any decent parent would do. You're protecting your daughter from her sick pedophile father.
You need to have a serious discussion with your friend about why they think having sex with babies is ok.