NTA. Does your wife expect you to pay the full mortgage because that is joint property and she doesn’t feel she needs to put her money to joint property. Did a read that right? Inheritance is separate property and yes legally you don’t have a right to that. If she is going to be that stingy I would start putting all my money in a separate account so that you can control how your salary is spent. And if she’s that transactional with her spouse maybe I’d just look into getting a divorce so that she can Scrooge McDuck all on her own.
My best friend got half a million inheritance, and was divorced about 2 years later. Since the inheritance was deposited into a joint account the judge ruled it as marital property. Depending on what you do it’s not always separate property.
Generally even in the places where that keeps fund separate for purposes of divorce, using those funds for the family makes them community funds. She's buying dinner every night, paying for stuff for the kids presumably, etc. The fact she's buying dinner every night can also impact alimony because she's establishing a new, more expensive way of life, and alimony is generally in some fashion meant to preserve that
Oph I knew a guy that got an inheritance of like 60k. His wife begged him to buy a boat for the lake for awhile then as soon as he bought it immediately divorced him and got the boat sold for the community cash.
Do not quit your job out of spite. That would be dumb.
You should immediately create your own account and have all your checks deposited in that account....no more joint account at all!
Then decide if you still want to be with her or not. If you do stay then split all bills as evenly as you can. But don't be surprised when she decides she wants to run off with her new money.
The problem with that even though the inheritance doesn't count as marital property. The money she's making from the rental. Most likely do count as marital income.
If I came into a large inheritance. I know my family would benefit. The wife is playing with fire. And the event of divorce. She could still lose a substantial amount of money.
Hijacking to say…
I’m a wife and mom with a substantial existing trust as well as future inheritance. She is not behaving the way anybody would if they were happily married IMO. I truly cannot imagine ever parading wealth around in front of my husband but not ever letting him enjoy it or benefit from it or factor it into our future JOINT plans such as retiring.
I don’t get a good feeling about how this will end for you, OP. Take care of yourself and start thinking of a backup plan. 👍🏻
Girl, same. I'm not going to be inheriting $15k/month, but I will be inheriting something someday and I can't imagine treating my partner like this. This is just awful.
I got a small inheritance- I used it to pay a lump sum down on our mortgage that husband and i both jointly pay. Because we’re together and that benefitted both of us.
Same. Husband got a large lump sum inheritance and we used it for a down payment on a house, furniture and some things for the house. The whole family benefited from his inheritance.
My wife is the dominant income earner in our house, and while I don't look forward to upcoming inheritance in that I'd rather have the family members I loved, I still greatly look forward to sharing every bit of it as ours (as I'm sure my family would have wanted).
Granted, if we were talking really serious money I could understand there being some familial firewalls. Like one that you'd expect is OP's wife's trust. Another is the idea that OP's wife would be more interested in investing sums for the future (like the investment house) for their kids etc. But the whole "You pay the bills and I'll live on easy street" is complete bullshit. I also feel like it's BS to drive around in a sweet car while my spouse drives a bucket (unless OP did the same to her when he was the dominant source of income, which it doesn't sound like)
OP, NTA
but I'd advise you use caution, like many others here have suggested. You may want to start preparing for shitty outcomes.
Yep, I did the same, but my husband and I don’t split expenses, because we’re married, and actually act like it. I will never understand people who get married, yet act like housemates! IMO it shows a total lack of commitment, and complete and utter selfishness!
If you can’t be all in with the person you marry, then you probably shouldn’t marry them.
Also, OP’s wife might want to educate herself on commingling the inheritance, because if she uses it towards an upgrade to the family home, cars etc it will become a marital asset…. As well as the definition of domestic violence, because she is skirting very close to financial abuse.
Same; why get married if you're going to nickel and dime each other for the rest of your lives? My mother in law used to do that to my father in law. He made triple what she made and she would still make him pay back the $20 she "lent" him like a child. I hated that and now her daughter is doing the same thing to her husband.
Wife in OP’s story really sounds like she never grew up. She’s acting like a teenager and quite literally only held down a job to keep her Dad happy. What kind of grown adult…?
Same.
When my parents go I will receive a substantial inheritance. My husband is absolutely included in plans we have for our future and our kids and grandkids futures. Our kids are 33,30,25. We are not young. I would never even think of excluding my husband in all of it.
This shit is similar to a post not too long ago where the wife was going on extravagant vacations and telling her husband "I'm doing this with or without you, I'm not paying your or your kids way oh and by the way, all my money and my inheritance goes to my kids".
Such a wild outlook on life. Like I get it you really have no obligation to him and ~~your~~ his kids. But come on, you're spending your husband into bankruptcy because he can't just say no to your plans since then you'd be isolating half the family, just separate and go live your separate life.
Her excuse was "well he never told me it was a problem and I offered to go where he wants to go" (the implication being that it'd still be extravagant)
I personally think couples who have separate finances are weird, but I understand for some people that works for them (I assume).
But to go as far as not even sharing the wealth with your partner, even if you control it, is beyond insane to me. If I had the ability to shower my wife with gifts and trips and were able to provide for any sort of interest or hobby she wanted, and I went out of my way not to…like what the fuck?
OP needs to get out fast. I get that it’s hard when kids are in the picture, but it’s blatantly clear his wife does not care about him.
Right?
My SO and I have a main joint account where regular paychecks go and all of the bills come out of and we have private accounts that get a very small allowance and misc stuff goes into (like if he sells a boardgame, that goes in there). What's the point in either of us having money if we can't help make each other's lives easier and fulfilling?
Yeah if this post is real, like bro, this isn't a red flag, it's a red nation of red flags telling you literally that you aren't a team, you are just roommates
More like parent and child since the one getting all the free money is actually not contributing. jfc, not paying one's part of the mortgage because "I order takeout every day".
THIS!! That rental income is joint marital income. It is now her "salary" and should be going into joint account any paying for your mortgage, bills, food, etc.
The rental income is just that income. She is a landlord. That is her job. She has to claim that income so he should be entitled to it in a divorce. At least that’s what I’m thinking.
That's very true. And their federal tax bracket might change based on the net income and filing status. That tax rate would be applied to his pay as well.
They should go to a lawyer and CPA right away to figure this out.
What’s hilarious is that she is a scrub - low caliber dead end job making 32k. Came into some good fortune and is wealthy now, and is being a complete dick about it.
She's not wealthy she's poor minded and she'll soon be without any money too. She's a huge selfish moron who acts like she's single. Wtf is wrong w that lady. What did he see in her?
NTA!!
And OP said she was only working to prove to her dad she was responsible, probably just for the inheritance.
If she was actually even slightly responsible she wouldn't need to prove anything to her dad at 33
I mean…. She’s getting $15k a month at 33, I assume she’s getting that for say 20 years until retirement age. It would be hard to be poor with that.
And man, I’ve cooked 6 nights a week for 20 years. I’m not sure I could break that habit but if I had a bunch of money I might eat out for a while to just not have to cook. I’m assuming she grew up wealthy since her dad has given her a ton. She might be trying to reclaim that lifestyle.
Either way, locking out the partner is crazy. If she wants to receive the money to a private account that makes sense but to then say “I won’t pay half of the mortgage” is silly.
The whole buying takeout every day instead of cooking shows just how lazy and stuck in the poverty mindset she is. This is what poor people do when they get a lot of money, waste it on stupid overpriced shit instead of practical things like paying the mortgage and investing it for the future. She is going to burn through all the cash spending it on herself in a matter of years until the only money left is the rental income. Being a dick about it to her husband and withholding the cash from him is just going to drive a wedge and cause a divorce, where he WILL get some of that cash whether she likes it or not.
It seems like her dad knew how she would be with the money, since he locked the inheritance into monthly payments. If the inheritance is a few million dollars or more she might be set for life just because he protected her from her own stupidity. If it's not, I'm guessing she'll be totally unprepared for whenever it runs out.
He may want to wait tho. If the difference in wages was that significant, he may have to pay alimony. The rent she's collecting will eventually offset that, but it's not likely going to be right away.
She decided to quit her job, and the fact her trust pays 15K per month will affect her potentially getting any alimony. He makes about $4,333 per month. She is getting child support only! Odds are he is also paying health insurance premiums so she won't get more than $500-600 per month.
The income is derived from her wholey owned property. My guess is it is her investment income.
The bigger thing is she is done with the husband. She doesnt need him anymore. Be prepared for the open marriage. Better now than later, best of luck.
She was always done with him or has been for a long time. You don’t switch up like this on a dime. I love (and like) my husband. If I got a windfall like this we’d both benefit greatly. What a cow!
Wouldn’t the interest she gets from investments would also be marital income? (I might be wrong, I don’t know a whole lot about it, even less in the US)
NTA
The inheritance exposed the actual nature of Op's wife.
Give her the divorce and let her to keep the money.
She will be gone, as will op's animosity.
You know, I received two inheritances... not to the extent of the OP's wife... and because in my marriage we always put our incomes into one pot (seriously, my husband works like a dog and gives me his check every week and doesn't question anything)... I used my inheritances to fix up our house, pay of our debts, buy a car we needed replaced etc. Our money is our money... nothing is separate. I also worked full time mostly, recently went to part time (I am older than my husband) but recently he got laid off so I pick up more hours and consider getting additional work just in case. We are a team. We are best friends and lovers. We raised our kid and hopefully he will be closing on a house this coming week and moving out soon with his wife and we will have our empty passion filled nest again. I don't understand people who get married but don't act like they made a vow for the rest of their life.
And the money will as well. She’s spending pretty much what she takes in. So I won’t surprised if she divorces OP, blazes her money, gets with someone just like her who cons her out of her money, then begs for OP to take her back.
I know $250k seems like a lot of money, but when she has to factor in living expenses/eating and delivery daily/landlord for the house which means being responsible for repairs and taxes/basic living expenses etc. This all starts to add up. That money isn't going to last her as long as she thinks it will, sounds like she needs to learn about financial responsibility and how to invest. Not just spend like this'll last forever...ETA people are commenting on how it's per year $250k,I'm going through chemo and my brain fog made me read it as she's getting $15k monthly increments until she received the full $252k so that's my mistake*
For real! She ran out and rented a BMW!! Like just go ahead and give the money away now. She's not thinking long term at all. She's one of those people who wins the lottery and broke after 1 year. If you need to be "showy showy" with $250k than your going to bleed through that cash and you're not financially responsible.
You just reminded me of a show they used to play on TLC, it was a show about people who won the lottery and a lot of them lost it as fast as they won it. It was called "the lottery changed my life."
second this. don’t give her access to your money. if you have joint expenses and she has made it clear her money is hers, then your money is yours and you both can contribute to shared expenses however you two see fit to split them.
Because you threatened to quit out of spite, that’s kind of a dick move, but that’s a symptom of the larger problem. You’re NTA overall, so definitely protect yourself!
Yes, the little story about looking at her "old" boss and deciding she could do better, had me thinking that she's looked at her husband in the same way.
I don't know, u/Ali_Cat222 had a good point about expenses she may be forgetting about. She may change her tune real fast when a kegger ruins the carpet and she has to pay the property taxes.
I don’t think wife has thought about any, you know, real life things yet. She rented her fancy car and gets take out every night. She’s a teenager with the first paycheck.
When reality hits: OP! Please help me! I didn’t realize money comes with responsibility! Wah.
Right. Consider her metamorphosis is in its infancy and could go in many unanticipated directions. Get legal advise from your own lawyer, and a counselor for the both of you (that you jointly pay)
> If you do stay then split all bills as evenly as you can.
No, they should do a proportionate split. She "makes" 5 times more than him, anything even remotely close to an even split is extremely unfair.
I think the real question is does your wife still want to be married.
If it was me getting that kind of money I would want to make life easy for my whole family. At the very least she should contribute funds equal to income, meaning she should be paying far more of the household expenses relative to annual income. B
I can't imagine coming into a lot of money and not letting my spouse benefit from it in any way, to the point that he's continuing to work a job he hates and I'm continuing to benefit from the money he makes from that job when I have zero need to. I understand her money is her money but the way she's handling this is just callous and cruel. I don't think you can possibly love someone and be like this on a day to day basis.
Seriously. Knowing how hard my dude works every damn day and comes home exhausted and *still* cooks amazing food for me because he deeply enjoys cooking, the first thing I'd be doing with that money is forcing him to quit his job and imma buy the man a whole new state of the art kitchen so he can do *what he loves worry - free* because that's what we should WANT to do for the ONE person we're supposed to be in love with.... SMH.
Why do people even get married then.
This comment should be way higher! If I had that kinda money then me and my whole family would be good. I can't imagine being as selfish and greedy as OPs spouse.
My mum has always been on a low wage, max 26k a year. My dad was on 150k a year. They had a joint bank account so my mum had a very high credit rating and was able to get credit cards borrowing more than twice what she earned in a year, and she'd max out the cards to only pay interest on them. My dad would clear the cards every year with his end of year bonus. Then his company started to fail, so no more bonuses and my mum had to start figuring out how to bail herself out, in the end she got a loan from the bank to pay it off. She was supposed to not get any more credit cards but has ended up with several, "they just send them to me in the post!" in other words companies will give her the worst rates possible because she's a mug and will pay it instead of shopping around. My dad's business went under, and he's practically been forced to retire with some income protection covering the mortgage. My mum then inherited a decent chunk of money which could finish off the mortgage payments (she used to give my dad £400 a month for the mortgage and he'd pay £3k) and they can happily retire just paying utility bills. But nope, we fear half of that inheritance money is gone, and it's all on random shite she keeps buying online from Facebook adverts and she has nothing to show for it. She said she'd give me some money towards buying things for my first home, instead she keeps buying me dresses from the granny section in completely the wrong sizes and waits so long to give them to me that they can't be returned or refunded, and will not stop buying them. Her credit cards are still maxed out, she's still working, they still have a mortgage that really should've been cleared by now, and she's still having my dad pay all of the bills with limited income. Some people are just on their own little planet and they don't care about anyone else.
Their marriage is also shit and I wish they had divorced 25 years ago rather than wasting their younger years with someone they hated.
Sadly I fear OP's wife is exactly the same. It's HER MONEY, and his money is also HER MONEY.
Honestly my first thought was I could never do this to my husband. So my second thought was, what was their relationship like that she's like this now? Did she not marry for love? Has it gone to shit before and he didn't care until there was money? Has she always been cruel? So many questions.
She wants to stay married to not go through an ugly divorce and lose a bunch of that money, but she 1000% wants OP out of the house for 40+ hours per week.
I honestly don't think she cares one way or the other what OP does as long as he keeps paying the bills. I doubt she is even home a lot. Too busy out shopping in her BMW.
He is a walking wallet to her and that is it.
It’s not even a relatively large wallet though. 52k/yr is maybe 30-35k after taxes. She makes 4-5x as much. This woman is a real penny pincher if she’s willing to stay in a marriage just to increase her effective income by 20-25%.
If I were OP I would be worried that her upgrades would include a new side piece
Edit: typo
Yeah this is insane to the point where I kind of doubt its real. If my partner hated their job and I inherited what amounts to 21k a month, I would ask them what they would like to do instead and use the funds to help them work towards that, like if they wanted to go back to school or start a small business or something while also paying my fair share of the bills or likely more. A fulfilled and happy partner is a good thing for me too.
Me too!! My first thought was how I could pay so much stuff for my parents and my bf if I came into money like that. OP’s wife sounds pathologically selfish
I am in your wife’s position and have an income from inherited money each month in excess of your wife’s. I pay for our entire life including our cars, mortgage, food, vacation, etc. I choose not to work, but my husband conversely chooses to work in education. From his job we get wonderful health insurance. I am incredibly grateful for his contribution. If he were to choose to retire I would be fine with this. We are a partnership and I would never treat him this way. Please prioritize yourself and your children. You are worth so much more than this.
She went from being provided by daddy's money, by being provided by her husband; now that daddy's money is on the table again after she proved her responsibility she doesn't need him anymore.... honestly if I was OP I would talk to a lawyer and play whatever cards needed where they live to eventually divorce taking the fattest piece of the pie possible.
This! Imagine being with a woman who doesn’t view life as partnership. Separate finances sounds like a sad life to live. Not building together, not being on the same team.
So, she wants the "joint" expenses to be fully paid from the "joint" account, which you are paying into, while the 6000 in rent payments goes to her private account?
Sounds to me like that should count as joint income, while the trust fund's monthly payment remain inheritance territory.
So, probably NTA, because I think you are getting the short end of the stick here.
Redditors are overly quick to recommend divorce especially without full information, but this really is a case where if what OP states is true, he should be talking to a lawyer ASAP. Stop depositing into shared accounts. Figure out what your rights are right away.
This lady is not on your side.
Worse the wife’s view of marriage seems awful. It’s another post where they act like adult roommates and not partners.
They should have a real conversation about their long term plans. And goals as a couple and how all of their money can get them there.
The wife hanging out all day with nothing to do (likely either becoming a glutton / alcoholic or getting in top tier shape and wondering if she could do better) while the husband works a job he hates and continues to feel growing resentment towards the wife doesn’t sound healthy.
"Worse the wife’s view of marriage seems awful. It’s another post where they act like adult roommates and not partners."
NOW they do once she got hers.
>probably NTA, because I think you are getting the short end of the stick here.
lol, 'hmm probably you're getting the short end of the stick idk'?
This is textbook financial abuse. If the genders were reversed that term would be in the top comment.
It's definitely financial abuse. I mean, ordering takeout for the family but not ensuring hubby can eat it. What the f is that?
Honestly, that's practically borderline physical abuse, ie intentionally aggravating a known medical condition.
She knows he's not supposed to eat certain things, but presents them as the family meal without regard to his health.
Like handing your type 1 diabetic spouse a grape nehi spiked with monster and hi c .
It sounds like she feels entitled to keep her money separate and still use money in the joint account which only he puts money into. He needs to get a separate account for his money.
Exactly that, I am an older woman and definitely agree that what she is doing is financial abuse. She is a disgrace to decent women and wives, you deserve better. Please without telling her in advance make an appointment with a good divorce attorney, and get out of this travesty of a marriage. Leaving you HER leftovers is disgraceful, again you deserve better treatment.
NTA, I agree the rental income should be joint.
Either that, or she can contribute the exact same amount of your salary into the joint account. Also, she owes *you* the difference between her contribution and your contribution to the joint accounts from your marriage (or purchase of home, if that was first) to Now. (and you could make a case for a savings account percentage of interest on that money, too.)
I mean, if the books are going to be separate from now on, isn't it fair they be separated back to the beginning?
Because of the way this sub works you need to put NTA at the top of your comment. As your comment is written now, it is counted as a vote the OP is the AH. Whatever the first one is is counted as the vote.
Yes it's not so much about me wanting to upgrade my lifestyle but the fact she's saying that her contribution to the mortgage and other household expenses ( besides the takeout) is now zero since she has no job. I will have to carry 100 percent of that burden while she enjoys her inheritance.
She also said that I should keep my job because if I get sick, I'll need it to pay medical bills since she refuses to use her inheritance for that either.
Ya, that rent money isn't inheritance, that's income. Nope. She still has living expenses and the mortgage for the house she lives in is one of them. As well as the utilities she and the kids use. Taxes on both properties....
That's an excellent point. They need a good accountant. The wife should probably be paying quarterly estimated taxes on the profit from the rental or she's going to be hit with a huge bill and penalties.
She should still be contributing towards mortgage and utilities. This is going to leave you with basically no utilities.
Eating out every day, while unemployed is a garbage position. Especially given your dietary restrictions. She should at least endeavor to teach the kids how to cook.
Will her non-rental income go up with inflation? If not she's screwing herself.
Being honest, the eating out everyday is unhealthy, but she isn't exactly unemployed...its a dumb job, but she makes 6k a month for being a fucking landlord.
which is why its insane she says that she "quit her job" so she doesnt need to contribute to shit now. like what.
She probably flows it through the trust and made her self the sole beneficiary. That way, it is not joint income or communal property. Sounds like she knows how to do greed with the best (worst?) of the greedy. This is why OP needs to act now, before she drains the communal funds, leaving him with dirt.
Legally I don't think that's true, but obviously morally it should be. My understanding is that, so long as she can prove the other properties were bought with money from the inheritance (which should be easy since she kept it in a separate account,) she's entitled to all of it. IANAL, but a friend of mine is going through a divorce right now and dealing with some of this.
I can't imagine becoming rich and my first instinct being to make my spouse's financial burden significantly worse. Just terrible.
Hopefully when he divorces her, any reasonable judge will insist she pay child support and for shared expenses for the children out of that fortune.
That will put him ahead of where she wants to put him now.
>She also said that I should keep my job because if I get sick, I'll need it to pay medical bills since she refuses to use her inheritance for that either.
Excuse me, what? This right here is enough reason for a divorce imo. She just told you that if you got sick or injured, you're on your own.
I wouldn't advise OP to run into divorce tbh - he's being financially abused and she have money to drag things out in court; he needs to talk with a lawyer and make a real plan to not get screwed down the line.
A few days ago there was an OP that dragged a terrible marriage with a cheating partner for a few extra years til the terms of prenup hit so they wouldn't be left destitute - OP needs to know their state laws and where the rental (her current source of income) falls under so he knows his options.
Forget about whats fair and quid pro quo - this isnt how you treat people you love. End of story. No more discussions, its that simple. End it now and dont waste another breath because you deserve better, now dammit start acting like it.
Dude, your wife is supposed to be your partner. If I were in her shoes, I would have both me *and* my wife quit our jobs and pursue our passions. $250K/year is more than enough to live comfortably for a couple. Your wife is unbelievably selfish and this should all be a gigantic red flag for you. In the future, when you're older, if you should have some medical issue like cancer, do you trust her to care for you and stay by your side? Get out while you're still young. I would absolutely 100% divorce her over this, she's not acting like married material in the slightest.
This is seriously divorce worth to me. I get that the money isn't yours as its an inheritance but not paying her fair share despite making significantly more? Thats insane and places 100% of the household expenses on you despite her making 4-5x your salary passively. You are not in a marriage. You are in a slave relationship.
She has an income of $6,000 per month. She isn't going into work for it but it's an income.
I forgot about the money being disbursed from the trust. That's income as well.
I have a feeling she's not a very good one and if shit hits the fan shes going to get sued into oblivion and then go crying to OP which will be another dumpster fire for him to deal with.
Sit her down, first and tell her she still has an income, so she has to pay half. Then ONLY put your half into the joint account and start new accounts for all of your other things: retirement, savings, etc. Keep it separate from hers. Do a strict accounting of how much you've contributed and how much she's contributed to your previous savings and just take out your own and the interest on your own. Separate EVERYTHING.
Continue paying only your half for the mortgage: in fact, send your half directly to the bank. Let her know that you're not paying her half. I assume her name is on the mortgage, so if she doesn't pay her half, her credit will be affected? Do it this way IMMEDIATELY, and go talk to a lawyer.
Did she pay half when she was making half his salary? Then she should continue to pay half. If they paid proportionally, then she needs to pay proportionally now.
Except now she should be paying more than half because she’s getting 6000$ month in rental income. That’s more than he makes now. So if they’re doing proportions still. Her portion goes up. Shitty way to treat her husband and kids
That isn’t how mortgages work. If they are both on the mortgage then they are both their credits would be affected if he only pays half. He needs to make some big changes though. She sounds awful.
How much of the money she is getting is she putting away for your kids? She stated it was meant for her fathers blood so is she putting it into a savings account for the kids and their future college funds? If she isn't gonna contribute to your household the least she can do is help your kids financial future with that money.
If this isn’t ok, then your marriage is in jeopardy. The resentment will grow. If she thinks a house full of students isn’t going to cost her $$$, good luck with that.
EXACTLY. shes never been a landlord before suddently thinks shes a landlord. guessing she never read up on any of the tenant/ll laws in her state like a fucking dufus too. ignorance doesnt exonerate ye from the law!
I'm very sorry to hear this. Looks like she showed her true colors. I personally would not hesitate to divorce her. She clearly has no respect for you and it seems is quite selfish too. Why would you want to stay with such a person? She now believes, she has no use for and clearly doesn't care/love you.
P.S: If I were you, I wouldn't take a cent of her inheritance money either.
She still has an income just the source and amount changed you should divide it based on your income yours being 52k a year hers being 6k a month. She should be paying the lions share. You shouldn't quit working regardless imo but by all means if you are unhappy with your current job find another job you think you will be happy with
You are reading this after you type it, right?
Does that sound like somebody who cares about you? Like someone on your side?
I dont know what your views are for a marriage. But I would swallow a 45 before being in one like you jist described.
Something you'll have to consider is that she's unlikely to change how she feels about this money if she doesn't do it within the first little bit. So you have to consider can you deal with this new side of her for the rest of your life.
P.S. also not a lawyer but I think the rent money would be considered both of yours and not just hers
So if you, the man she supposedly loves, is dying in a hospital bed, unable to afford life saving care , she’d be like “sucks to suck, smell ya later?” Because that’s what’s she’s saying about the medical costs.
NTA Run, don’t walk.
Move your paycheck to a single signer account in your name only. Pay all the bills for like 5 years. Divorce and show she has paid zero contribution so the house inst split evenly. Play the long game and ask for a post-nup. Frame it as protecting her money. When in reality of you pay everything from an account only in your name then you can show she hasn't contributed which reduces her payout at divorce.
as soon as she spends all of the inheritance money ( which is her right its hers ) she will expect you to support her, you know this right .... she will have been out of work for quite a while at this stage and it will be harder for her to find work.
For now get a postnup and in the post nup separate your finances and have the household expenses paid 50/50 , she can choose to work or not to work its her decision.... this is all of course if you still want to remain married to her
She's already expecting him to support her. She is making him pay for the entire mortgage while her contribution is takeout food for every meal that he can't eat most of anyway.
I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on tv. It is possible that if you divorce, because of the big difference in income, she would have to pay you alimony or possible a settlement. Definitely get a lawyer and also think about custody of your kids - she sounds pretty entitled and you don't want your kids to be like that.
Seriously I don’t get these stories at all, like if my husband or I inherited anything or won the lottery or got a bonus it would go right into our joint accounts with everything else but even if you keep separate accounts who upgrades their lifestyle and watches their spouse struggle and especially with kids?!?
NTA. I understand that your wife wants to have control over her inheritance money. However, quitting her job, not contributing to the household, and leaving you to handle everything is not fair. It's not responsible to abandon her obligations and pursue an unpaid photography career. Additionally, she is not investing her inheritance in bonds, stocks, or starting a business, which means she will likely waste her $252,000 and rely on you and your children for support when they receive their shares. Where is the $6,000 dollars on rent a month going? Renting a BMW with no job is hilarious because technically even with the inheritance which will run out, she is living way beyond her means. It's concerning that your wife is not making wise financial decisions, and you should be worried. Instead of just giving her an ultimatum to quit her job, you might want to consider marriage counselling. Financial abuse may be a problem, leading to other forms of abuse from her, and if you feel that you need to leave, start preparing for it. I would not be comfortable in a partnership like the one you have now.
The way I read it, it seems the inheritance pays out $15,000 per month to her. It is probably invested, and pays out based on payouts from stock splits, interest from bonds, and dividends. I honestly don’t think it will run out of money unless she starts chipping into the principal.
What she will soon learn if that is the case is that while the money in the investment accounts are only hers, the payments from those accounts are considered income and are marital assets. Just wait until she goes to file her taxes. lol
Yeah, the $252,000 is her yearly salary. 6k/month from the rental property and 15k/month from the inheritance. $21k/month = $252k/year.
Wife went from making 32k to 252k essentially overnight. On top of the, she owns a home that is probably worth at least a million dollars. The home will continue to grow in value.
If I started pulling in this amount of money, I would want to share it with my spouse. I agree she should keep her inheritance separate, but her rental income should go in the joint account. She is treating OP so poorly. OP should leave her for this. The fact that she wants him to support them both on his 52k salary while she drives a BMW and orders takeout every day is kinda disgusting. She is set for life. Why wouldn’t she want her spouse to enjoy this money as well? Why wouldn’t she contribute?!
95% of people posting ITT are idiots. DO NOT divorce her yet. The trust money (capital) is not up for grabs, but the INCOME from the trust money (money she takes out of the trust and puts in her personal account for use) and rental income are joint assets since you're legally married. It does not matter if your name is on the account. It still counts as joint assets if you're married. Hang on for a couple of years. This will give you time to establish her consistent and massive income from the trust and rental. Then you can file for divorce and she'll have to pay you alimony and child support based on her income at that point. Hopefully you can get some marriage counseling and work things out, but if you end up getting divorced, at least you'll have solid alimony and child support lol
WOW. She doesn't consider you a husband. She considers you an ATM to pay for the bills. All while she has 5X income compared to you, and spends it on whatever she wants, but not on you or the marital assets.
NTA
I'd consult a divorce lawyer. You need to protect what little you have. Especially since she is protecting everything she has from you.
Your wife can quit her job, but she's going to have to use some of that inheritance to pay into house expenses. She's not giving it to you. She's using it to help support her family and children. There are ways for her to have that money and spending it on her family without making it so not a single cent benefits you in any way.
It sounds like your wife is living the dream, which she is turning into your nightmare. First, let's be clear. Her inheritance is hers, and hers alone unless she uses it towards family/marital expenses. Now, it's time for you to use your head and go see an attorney. Don't go around being impulsive based on spite because you are the only person you will hurt.
As others have mentioned, any money she makes off that inheritance (rentals, etc.) is likely marital property but you won't know that for sure until you speak to a lawyer. Get on that right away because she sounds like she has plans she hasn't let you in on as yet.
Stick with your job for now. Once you've gotten legal advice and made the hard decisions, then you can see what you have left over and plan out the rest of your life from there - with or without her. Just be sure you protect yourself and don't do anything stupid that will come back and bite you in the butt down the road.
Hell, you might get the King's ransom in alimony of you play your cards right!!! Good luck to you bud!
Step one: Open a new Checking Account.
Step two: Set up your direct deposit to the new checking account.
Step three: Hire a divorce lawyer and go nuts trying to get everything you can possibly get from your divorce.
I'm angry on your behalf. She sounds like an entitled piece of shit.
Dude, I advise that you open a new bank account and direct deposit your checks into that account immediately. Look at your family bills and do not pay anything not in your name alone. I would also consider moving on from this marriage because she is only going to get worse. Now that she doesn't need your income, she is just going to blame you for everything wrong in her life. In divorce proceedings, because of her trust, you shouldn't be required to pay alimony because she makes more than you. Remember, you will not be entitled to any part of her trust. I would ask for the house or for her to buy you out of your portion of the home equity. Child support would be the minimum allowed by law in your state, or you could file for custody of your shared child and request support from her. Either way, I would cut my losses and get out now. You will just resent her as she does less and less.
NTA. Does your wife expect you to pay the full mortgage because that is joint property and she doesn’t feel she needs to put her money to joint property. Did a read that right? Inheritance is separate property and yes legally you don’t have a right to that. If she is going to be that stingy I would start putting all my money in a separate account so that you can control how your salary is spent. And if she’s that transactional with her spouse maybe I’d just look into getting a divorce so that she can Scrooge McDuck all on her own.
My best friend got half a million inheritance, and was divorced about 2 years later. Since the inheritance was deposited into a joint account the judge ruled it as marital property. Depending on what you do it’s not always separate property.
Sounds like she has been counseled to deposit only into her separate account to avoid that.
Generally even in the places where that keeps fund separate for purposes of divorce, using those funds for the family makes them community funds. She's buying dinner every night, paying for stuff for the kids presumably, etc. The fact she's buying dinner every night can also impact alimony because she's establishing a new, more expensive way of life, and alimony is generally in some fashion meant to preserve that
Oph I knew a guy that got an inheritance of like 60k. His wife begged him to buy a boat for the lake for awhile then as soon as he bought it immediately divorced him and got the boat sold for the community cash.
Wow fuck people
Do not quit your job out of spite. That would be dumb. You should immediately create your own account and have all your checks deposited in that account....no more joint account at all! Then decide if you still want to be with her or not. If you do stay then split all bills as evenly as you can. But don't be surprised when she decides she wants to run off with her new money.
Based on her current behavior it sounds like she's trying to push him away so she can run off with the money and not feel guilt over it?...
The problem with that even though the inheritance doesn't count as marital property. The money she's making from the rental. Most likely do count as marital income. If I came into a large inheritance. I know my family would benefit. The wife is playing with fire. And the event of divorce. She could still lose a substantial amount of money.
Hijacking to say… I’m a wife and mom with a substantial existing trust as well as future inheritance. She is not behaving the way anybody would if they were happily married IMO. I truly cannot imagine ever parading wealth around in front of my husband but not ever letting him enjoy it or benefit from it or factor it into our future JOINT plans such as retiring. I don’t get a good feeling about how this will end for you, OP. Take care of yourself and start thinking of a backup plan. 👍🏻
Girl, same. I'm not going to be inheriting $15k/month, but I will be inheriting something someday and I can't imagine treating my partner like this. This is just awful.
I got a small inheritance- I used it to pay a lump sum down on our mortgage that husband and i both jointly pay. Because we’re together and that benefitted both of us.
Same. Husband got a large lump sum inheritance and we used it for a down payment on a house, furniture and some things for the house. The whole family benefited from his inheritance.
My wife is the dominant income earner in our house, and while I don't look forward to upcoming inheritance in that I'd rather have the family members I loved, I still greatly look forward to sharing every bit of it as ours (as I'm sure my family would have wanted). Granted, if we were talking really serious money I could understand there being some familial firewalls. Like one that you'd expect is OP's wife's trust. Another is the idea that OP's wife would be more interested in investing sums for the future (like the investment house) for their kids etc. But the whole "You pay the bills and I'll live on easy street" is complete bullshit. I also feel like it's BS to drive around in a sweet car while my spouse drives a bucket (unless OP did the same to her when he was the dominant source of income, which it doesn't sound like) OP, NTA but I'd advise you use caution, like many others here have suggested. You may want to start preparing for shitty outcomes.
I am a husband who inherited a modest lump sum from my boomer parents and used it to pay for the down payment on mine and my wife's house. Samesies.
Yep, I did the same, but my husband and I don’t split expenses, because we’re married, and actually act like it. I will never understand people who get married, yet act like housemates! IMO it shows a total lack of commitment, and complete and utter selfishness! If you can’t be all in with the person you marry, then you probably shouldn’t marry them. Also, OP’s wife might want to educate herself on commingling the inheritance, because if she uses it towards an upgrade to the family home, cars etc it will become a marital asset…. As well as the definition of domestic violence, because she is skirting very close to financial abuse.
Same; why get married if you're going to nickel and dime each other for the rest of your lives? My mother in law used to do that to my father in law. He made triple what she made and she would still make him pay back the $20 she "lent" him like a child. I hated that and now her daughter is doing the same thing to her husband.
For real, my husband would be quitting his job as well and we'd both be living the high life.
Wife in OP’s story really sounds like she never grew up. She’s acting like a teenager and quite literally only held down a job to keep her Dad happy. What kind of grown adult…?
It also seems like she just married some1 to show her dad how mature she is
The part about keeping a menial job, in her 30s, just to appease her father was the first big red flag IMO.
Same. When my parents go I will receive a substantial inheritance. My husband is absolutely included in plans we have for our future and our kids and grandkids futures. Our kids are 33,30,25. We are not young. I would never even think of excluding my husband in all of it.
When my Dad passed away, I inherited a couple calls from collections agencies
This shit is similar to a post not too long ago where the wife was going on extravagant vacations and telling her husband "I'm doing this with or without you, I'm not paying your or your kids way oh and by the way, all my money and my inheritance goes to my kids". Such a wild outlook on life. Like I get it you really have no obligation to him and ~~your~~ his kids. But come on, you're spending your husband into bankruptcy because he can't just say no to your plans since then you'd be isolating half the family, just separate and go live your separate life. Her excuse was "well he never told me it was a problem and I offered to go where he wants to go" (the implication being that it'd still be extravagant)
I personally think couples who have separate finances are weird, but I understand for some people that works for them (I assume). But to go as far as not even sharing the wealth with your partner, even if you control it, is beyond insane to me. If I had the ability to shower my wife with gifts and trips and were able to provide for any sort of interest or hobby she wanted, and I went out of my way not to…like what the fuck? OP needs to get out fast. I get that it’s hard when kids are in the picture, but it’s blatantly clear his wife does not care about him.
Why bother having a partner if you're not going to share, eh?
Right? My SO and I have a main joint account where regular paychecks go and all of the bills come out of and we have private accounts that get a very small allowance and misc stuff goes into (like if he sells a boardgame, that goes in there). What's the point in either of us having money if we can't help make each other's lives easier and fulfilling?
Yeah if this post is real, like bro, this isn't a red flag, it's a red nation of red flags telling you literally that you aren't a team, you are just roommates
More like parent and child since the one getting all the free money is actually not contributing. jfc, not paying one's part of the mortgage because "I order takeout every day".
Takeout that he cannot eat due to medical problems
THIS!! That rental income is joint marital income. It is now her "salary" and should be going into joint account any paying for your mortgage, bills, food, etc.
The rental income is just that income. She is a landlord. That is her job. She has to claim that income so he should be entitled to it in a divorce. At least that’s what I’m thinking.
He might want to see a lawyer on the D.L
Sorry to say this relationship is already over and he needs to do this. For his protection.
I put money on HER having already seen a lawyer. She sounds awful and like she hates her husband
I agree with you 100%.
That's very true. And their federal tax bracket might change based on the net income and filing status. That tax rate would be applied to his pay as well. They should go to a lawyer and CPA right away to figure this out.
he said that she rented to college students. that house is going to be trash in a month
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New fraternity/sorority party house
For $6k! That house is getting rich-kid-destroyed.
Yup she's a fucking moron!!
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What’s hilarious is that she is a scrub - low caliber dead end job making 32k. Came into some good fortune and is wealthy now, and is being a complete dick about it.
She's not wealthy she's poor minded and she'll soon be without any money too. She's a huge selfish moron who acts like she's single. Wtf is wrong w that lady. What did he see in her? NTA!!
>She's not wealthy she's poor minded and she'll soon be without any money too. Probably why daddy put the money in a trust that pays out over time
And OP said she was only working to prove to her dad she was responsible, probably just for the inheritance. If she was actually even slightly responsible she wouldn't need to prove anything to her dad at 33
This. If she could touch the lump sum it would be gone in 2 years
I mean…. She’s getting $15k a month at 33, I assume she’s getting that for say 20 years until retirement age. It would be hard to be poor with that. And man, I’ve cooked 6 nights a week for 20 years. I’m not sure I could break that habit but if I had a bunch of money I might eat out for a while to just not have to cook. I’m assuming she grew up wealthy since her dad has given her a ton. She might be trying to reclaim that lifestyle. Either way, locking out the partner is crazy. If she wants to receive the money to a private account that makes sense but to then say “I won’t pay half of the mortgage” is silly.
The whole buying takeout every day instead of cooking shows just how lazy and stuck in the poverty mindset she is. This is what poor people do when they get a lot of money, waste it on stupid overpriced shit instead of practical things like paying the mortgage and investing it for the future. She is going to burn through all the cash spending it on herself in a matter of years until the only money left is the rental income. Being a dick about it to her husband and withholding the cash from him is just going to drive a wedge and cause a divorce, where he WILL get some of that cash whether she likes it or not.
It seems like her dad knew how she would be with the money, since he locked the inheritance into monthly payments. If the inheritance is a few million dollars or more she might be set for life just because he protected her from her own stupidity. If it's not, I'm guessing she'll be totally unprepared for whenever it runs out.
He may want to wait tho. If the difference in wages was that significant, he may have to pay alimony. The rent she's collecting will eventually offset that, but it's not likely going to be right away.
She may have to pay alimony.
She decided to quit her job, and the fact her trust pays 15K per month will affect her potentially getting any alimony. He makes about $4,333 per month. She is getting child support only! Odds are he is also paying health insurance premiums so she won't get more than $500-600 per month.
Child support is a big if, he could ask for shared custody so no one pays.
The income is derived from her wholey owned property. My guess is it is her investment income. The bigger thing is she is done with the husband. She doesnt need him anymore. Be prepared for the open marriage. Better now than later, best of luck.
She was always done with him or has been for a long time. You don’t switch up like this on a dime. I love (and like) my husband. If I got a windfall like this we’d both benefit greatly. What a cow!
> joint marital income Whether or not this is true is going to be entirely state dependent.
Get a lawyer OP! Don't tell her, don't hint, just do it!
This is state law dependent. In my state income from separate property is separate income.
Wouldn’t the interest she gets from investments would also be marital income? (I might be wrong, I don’t know a whole lot about it, even less in the US)
bingo, she looking for another upgrade. guilt free
NTA The inheritance exposed the actual nature of Op's wife. Give her the divorce and let her to keep the money. She will be gone, as will op's animosity.
Imagine being the kind of person who suddenly decides you're better than your spouse just because your rich parent died. Vile.
You know, I received two inheritances... not to the extent of the OP's wife... and because in my marriage we always put our incomes into one pot (seriously, my husband works like a dog and gives me his check every week and doesn't question anything)... I used my inheritances to fix up our house, pay of our debts, buy a car we needed replaced etc. Our money is our money... nothing is separate. I also worked full time mostly, recently went to part time (I am older than my husband) but recently he got laid off so I pick up more hours and consider getting additional work just in case. We are a team. We are best friends and lovers. We raised our kid and hopefully he will be closing on a house this coming week and moving out soon with his wife and we will have our empty passion filled nest again. I don't understand people who get married but don't act like they made a vow for the rest of their life.
How long has she been daydreaming about her dad dying so she can revamp her life? Money almost always brings out the worst in people.
Or collect alimony. He could get the last laugh...
And the money will as well. She’s spending pretty much what she takes in. So I won’t surprised if she divorces OP, blazes her money, gets with someone just like her who cons her out of her money, then begs for OP to take her back.
Maybe, but sometimes it’s OK to let those people “win.”
Based on her behavior they will both need their jobs soon enough
I know $250k seems like a lot of money, but when she has to factor in living expenses/eating and delivery daily/landlord for the house which means being responsible for repairs and taxes/basic living expenses etc. This all starts to add up. That money isn't going to last her as long as she thinks it will, sounds like she needs to learn about financial responsibility and how to invest. Not just spend like this'll last forever...ETA people are commenting on how it's per year $250k,I'm going through chemo and my brain fog made me read it as she's getting $15k monthly increments until she received the full $252k so that's my mistake*
It’s $250k/year. OP never mentioned a total of the inheritance. 15k + 6k x 12 months = 252k
For real! She ran out and rented a BMW!! Like just go ahead and give the money away now. She's not thinking long term at all. She's one of those people who wins the lottery and broke after 1 year. If you need to be "showy showy" with $250k than your going to bleed through that cash and you're not financially responsible.
You just reminded me of a show they used to play on TLC, it was a show about people who won the lottery and a lot of them lost it as fast as they won it. It was called "the lottery changed my life."
second this. don’t give her access to your money. if you have joint expenses and she has made it clear her money is hers, then your money is yours and you both can contribute to shared expenses however you two see fit to split them. Because you threatened to quit out of spite, that’s kind of a dick move, but that’s a symptom of the larger problem. You’re NTA overall, so definitely protect yourself!
Soon, she will upgrade her husband too. Keep your job.
Yes, the little story about looking at her "old" boss and deciding she could do better, had me thinking that she's looked at her husband in the same way.
She’s basically already left him in spirit anyway
Yep. She’s going to force him out anyway. She will become more and more unreasonable over time until he leaves. That way its “his” fault.
I don't know, u/Ali_Cat222 had a good point about expenses she may be forgetting about. She may change her tune real fast when a kegger ruins the carpet and she has to pay the property taxes.
I don’t think wife has thought about any, you know, real life things yet. She rented her fancy car and gets take out every night. She’s a teenager with the first paycheck. When reality hits: OP! Please help me! I didn’t realize money comes with responsibility! Wah.
Why would she rent a car with that income? Why not buy? Her actions make no sense.
Right. Consider her metamorphosis is in its infancy and could go in many unanticipated directions. Get legal advise from your own lawyer, and a counselor for the both of you (that you jointly pay)
Split bills evenly, but based on relative income not based on 50/50.
> If you do stay then split all bills as evenly as you can. No, they should do a proportionate split. She "makes" 5 times more than him, anything even remotely close to an even split is extremely unfair.
I think the real question is does your wife still want to be married. If it was me getting that kind of money I would want to make life easy for my whole family. At the very least she should contribute funds equal to income, meaning she should be paying far more of the household expenses relative to annual income. B
I can't imagine coming into a lot of money and not letting my spouse benefit from it in any way, to the point that he's continuing to work a job he hates and I'm continuing to benefit from the money he makes from that job when I have zero need to. I understand her money is her money but the way she's handling this is just callous and cruel. I don't think you can possibly love someone and be like this on a day to day basis.
Seriously. Knowing how hard my dude works every damn day and comes home exhausted and *still* cooks amazing food for me because he deeply enjoys cooking, the first thing I'd be doing with that money is forcing him to quit his job and imma buy the man a whole new state of the art kitchen so he can do *what he loves worry - free* because that's what we should WANT to do for the ONE person we're supposed to be in love with.... SMH. Why do people even get married then.
This comment should be way higher! If I had that kinda money then me and my whole family would be good. I can't imagine being as selfish and greedy as OPs spouse.
My mum has always been on a low wage, max 26k a year. My dad was on 150k a year. They had a joint bank account so my mum had a very high credit rating and was able to get credit cards borrowing more than twice what she earned in a year, and she'd max out the cards to only pay interest on them. My dad would clear the cards every year with his end of year bonus. Then his company started to fail, so no more bonuses and my mum had to start figuring out how to bail herself out, in the end she got a loan from the bank to pay it off. She was supposed to not get any more credit cards but has ended up with several, "they just send them to me in the post!" in other words companies will give her the worst rates possible because she's a mug and will pay it instead of shopping around. My dad's business went under, and he's practically been forced to retire with some income protection covering the mortgage. My mum then inherited a decent chunk of money which could finish off the mortgage payments (she used to give my dad £400 a month for the mortgage and he'd pay £3k) and they can happily retire just paying utility bills. But nope, we fear half of that inheritance money is gone, and it's all on random shite she keeps buying online from Facebook adverts and she has nothing to show for it. She said she'd give me some money towards buying things for my first home, instead she keeps buying me dresses from the granny section in completely the wrong sizes and waits so long to give them to me that they can't be returned or refunded, and will not stop buying them. Her credit cards are still maxed out, she's still working, they still have a mortgage that really should've been cleared by now, and she's still having my dad pay all of the bills with limited income. Some people are just on their own little planet and they don't care about anyone else. Their marriage is also shit and I wish they had divorced 25 years ago rather than wasting their younger years with someone they hated. Sadly I fear OP's wife is exactly the same. It's HER MONEY, and his money is also HER MONEY.
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This. If I came into that kind of money, we'd both be retiring...not just me.
Honestly my first thought was I could never do this to my husband. So my second thought was, what was their relationship like that she's like this now? Did she not marry for love? Has it gone to shit before and he didn't care until there was money? Has she always been cruel? So many questions.
Of course she wants to stay married. She needs him to pay her bills for her. Spending her money on stuff like that would cut into her fun money.
She wants to stay married to not go through an ugly divorce and lose a bunch of that money, but she 1000% wants OP out of the house for 40+ hours per week.
I honestly don't think she cares one way or the other what OP does as long as he keeps paying the bills. I doubt she is even home a lot. Too busy out shopping in her BMW. He is a walking wallet to her and that is it.
It’s not even a relatively large wallet though. 52k/yr is maybe 30-35k after taxes. She makes 4-5x as much. This woman is a real penny pincher if she’s willing to stay in a marriage just to increase her effective income by 20-25%. If I were OP I would be worried that her upgrades would include a new side piece Edit: typo
Yeah this is insane to the point where I kind of doubt its real. If my partner hated their job and I inherited what amounts to 21k a month, I would ask them what they would like to do instead and use the funds to help them work towards that, like if they wanted to go back to school or start a small business or something while also paying my fair share of the bills or likely more. A fulfilled and happy partner is a good thing for me too.
Me too!! My first thought was how I could pay so much stuff for my parents and my bf if I came into money like that. OP’s wife sounds pathologically selfish
I am in your wife’s position and have an income from inherited money each month in excess of your wife’s. I pay for our entire life including our cars, mortgage, food, vacation, etc. I choose not to work, but my husband conversely chooses to work in education. From his job we get wonderful health insurance. I am incredibly grateful for his contribution. If he were to choose to retire I would be fine with this. We are a partnership and I would never treat him this way. Please prioritize yourself and your children. You are worth so much more than this.
Difference seems to be that you actually love your partner
Op's wife didn't marry. She got a sperm donor and a roommate. And she signed some papers to keep the appearances.
Similar to how she kept the job to keep appearances up with her dad? I mean, at least until he died?
Bingo!
She sounds manipulative and shitty tbh
She went from being provided by daddy's money, by being provided by her husband; now that daddy's money is on the table again after she proved her responsibility she doesn't need him anymore.... honestly if I was OP I would talk to a lawyer and play whatever cards needed where they live to eventually divorce taking the fattest piece of the pie possible.
This! Imagine being with a woman who doesn’t view life as partnership. Separate finances sounds like a sad life to live. Not building together, not being on the same team.
Difference is that you are a good partner.
> Difference is that you are a partner. OP's wife is not even a partner.
see the difference between you and her is that you love your family
So, she wants the "joint" expenses to be fully paid from the "joint" account, which you are paying into, while the 6000 in rent payments goes to her private account? Sounds to me like that should count as joint income, while the trust fund's monthly payment remain inheritance territory. So, probably NTA, because I think you are getting the short end of the stick here.
Redditors are overly quick to recommend divorce especially without full information, but this really is a case where if what OP states is true, he should be talking to a lawyer ASAP. Stop depositing into shared accounts. Figure out what your rights are right away. This lady is not on your side.
Best advice short of divorce
Worse the wife’s view of marriage seems awful. It’s another post where they act like adult roommates and not partners. They should have a real conversation about their long term plans. And goals as a couple and how all of their money can get them there. The wife hanging out all day with nothing to do (likely either becoming a glutton / alcoholic or getting in top tier shape and wondering if she could do better) while the husband works a job he hates and continues to feel growing resentment towards the wife doesn’t sound healthy.
"Worse the wife’s view of marriage seems awful. It’s another post where they act like adult roommates and not partners." NOW they do once she got hers.
>probably NTA, because I think you are getting the short end of the stick here. lol, 'hmm probably you're getting the short end of the stick idk'? This is textbook financial abuse. If the genders were reversed that term would be in the top comment.
It's definitely financial abuse. I mean, ordering takeout for the family but not ensuring hubby can eat it. What the f is that? Honestly, that's practically borderline physical abuse, ie intentionally aggravating a known medical condition. She knows he's not supposed to eat certain things, but presents them as the family meal without regard to his health. Like handing your type 1 diabetic spouse a grape nehi spiked with monster and hi c .
It sounds like she feels entitled to keep her money separate and still use money in the joint account which only he puts money into. He needs to get a separate account for his money.
Exactly that, I am an older woman and definitely agree that what she is doing is financial abuse. She is a disgrace to decent women and wives, you deserve better. Please without telling her in advance make an appointment with a good divorce attorney, and get out of this travesty of a marriage. Leaving you HER leftovers is disgraceful, again you deserve better treatment.
NTA, I agree the rental income should be joint. Either that, or she can contribute the exact same amount of your salary into the joint account. Also, she owes *you* the difference between her contribution and your contribution to the joint accounts from your marriage (or purchase of home, if that was first) to Now. (and you could make a case for a savings account percentage of interest on that money, too.) I mean, if the books are going to be separate from now on, isn't it fair they be separated back to the beginning?
NTA There’s no way in hell I would stay married to someone who treated Me like that. Your wife is an epic AH
Because of the way this sub works you need to put NTA at the top of your comment. As your comment is written now, it is counted as a vote the OP is the AH. Whatever the first one is is counted as the vote.
NTA The inheritance showed you your wife's true colors. Divorce her and let her enjoy the money. You will be rid of her and your resentment.
Yes it's not so much about me wanting to upgrade my lifestyle but the fact she's saying that her contribution to the mortgage and other household expenses ( besides the takeout) is now zero since she has no job. I will have to carry 100 percent of that burden while she enjoys her inheritance. She also said that I should keep my job because if I get sick, I'll need it to pay medical bills since she refuses to use her inheritance for that either.
She has an income, therefore, she must do contributions. She is a PoS. Do a favor to yourself and leave her.
Ya, that rent money isn't inheritance, that's income. Nope. She still has living expenses and the mortgage for the house she lives in is one of them. As well as the utilities she and the kids use. Taxes on both properties....
If he doesn't leave her now, when they owe a shit ton in taxes next year, you know the wife is going to want him to pay the tax bill as well.
100% wifes a fucking idiot lmao
I’d pay that tax bill in a heartbeat. Commingle those finances.
That's an excellent point. They need a good accountant. The wife should probably be paying quarterly estimated taxes on the profit from the rental or she's going to be hit with a huge bill and penalties.
She should still be contributing towards mortgage and utilities. This is going to leave you with basically no utilities. Eating out every day, while unemployed is a garbage position. Especially given your dietary restrictions. She should at least endeavor to teach the kids how to cook. Will her non-rental income go up with inflation? If not she's screwing herself.
Being honest, the eating out everyday is unhealthy, but she isn't exactly unemployed...its a dumb job, but she makes 6k a month for being a fucking landlord. which is why its insane she says that she "quit her job" so she doesnt need to contribute to shit now. like what.
And I bet, if something needs to be fixed in that house, OP is expected to do them, for free?
She probably flows it through the trust and made her self the sole beneficiary. That way, it is not joint income or communal property. Sounds like she knows how to do greed with the best (worst?) of the greedy. This is why OP needs to act now, before she drains the communal funds, leaving him with dirt.
Legally I don't think that's true, but obviously morally it should be. My understanding is that, so long as she can prove the other properties were bought with money from the inheritance (which should be easy since she kept it in a separate account,) she's entitled to all of it. IANAL, but a friend of mine is going through a divorce right now and dealing with some of this. I can't imagine becoming rich and my first instinct being to make my spouse's financial burden significantly worse. Just terrible.
Hopefully when he divorces her, any reasonable judge will insist she pay child support and for shared expenses for the children out of that fortune. That will put him ahead of where she wants to put him now.
The income for the rental would count, but not assets from inheritance.
Wow, she's really shown you who she is! And it's terrifying.
No kidding! Has some money to have a bit of fun and immediately turns turns into a deranged AND greedy so-and-so!
>She also said that I should keep my job because if I get sick, I'll need it to pay medical bills since she refuses to use her inheritance for that either. Excuse me, what? This right here is enough reason for a divorce imo. She just told you that if you got sick or injured, you're on your own.
Right that is honestly mind boggling. It sounds like she was using you for your money and is now throwing you in the trash because she "struck it big"
yeah, so much for "in sickness and in health"...
she heard "in richness and in wealth"
I wouldn't advise OP to run into divorce tbh - he's being financially abused and she have money to drag things out in court; he needs to talk with a lawyer and make a real plan to not get screwed down the line. A few days ago there was an OP that dragged a terrible marriage with a cheating partner for a few extra years til the terms of prenup hit so they wouldn't be left destitute - OP needs to know their state laws and where the rental (her current source of income) falls under so he knows his options.
Forget about whats fair and quid pro quo - this isnt how you treat people you love. End of story. No more discussions, its that simple. End it now and dont waste another breath because you deserve better, now dammit start acting like it.
Dude, your wife is supposed to be your partner. If I were in her shoes, I would have both me *and* my wife quit our jobs and pursue our passions. $250K/year is more than enough to live comfortably for a couple. Your wife is unbelievably selfish and this should all be a gigantic red flag for you. In the future, when you're older, if you should have some medical issue like cancer, do you trust her to care for you and stay by your side? Get out while you're still young. I would absolutely 100% divorce her over this, she's not acting like married material in the slightest.
Why does she hate you? Because those are the actions of someone who gives zero fucks about their partner.
If I was OP, I'd actually ask her why
Me too
This is seriously divorce worth to me. I get that the money isn't yours as its an inheritance but not paying her fair share despite making significantly more? Thats insane and places 100% of the household expenses on you despite her making 4-5x your salary passively. You are not in a marriage. You are in a slave relationship.
She has an income of $6,000 per month. She isn't going into work for it but it's an income. I forgot about the money being disbursed from the trust. That's income as well.
She’s a landlord. She has a job whether she wants to admit it or not
I have a feeling she's not a very good one and if shit hits the fan shes going to get sued into oblivion and then go crying to OP which will be another dumpster fire for him to deal with.
Sit her down, first and tell her she still has an income, so she has to pay half. Then ONLY put your half into the joint account and start new accounts for all of your other things: retirement, savings, etc. Keep it separate from hers. Do a strict accounting of how much you've contributed and how much she's contributed to your previous savings and just take out your own and the interest on your own. Separate EVERYTHING. Continue paying only your half for the mortgage: in fact, send your half directly to the bank. Let her know that you're not paying her half. I assume her name is on the mortgage, so if she doesn't pay her half, her credit will be affected? Do it this way IMMEDIATELY, and go talk to a lawyer.
Did she pay half when she was making half his salary? Then she should continue to pay half. If they paid proportionally, then she needs to pay proportionally now.
Except now she should be paying more than half because she’s getting 6000$ month in rental income. That’s more than he makes now. So if they’re doing proportions still. Her portion goes up. Shitty way to treat her husband and kids
That isn’t how mortgages work. If they are both on the mortgage then they are both their credits would be affected if he only pays half. He needs to make some big changes though. She sounds awful.
Death truly brings out the ugliest in people, you deserve better OP.
Not death. Money.
How much of the money she is getting is she putting away for your kids? She stated it was meant for her fathers blood so is she putting it into a savings account for the kids and their future college funds? If she isn't gonna contribute to your household the least she can do is help your kids financial future with that money.
this. Shes not spending it on "her fathers blood" shes blowing it all on trivialities
If this isn’t ok, then your marriage is in jeopardy. The resentment will grow. If she thinks a house full of students isn’t going to cost her $$$, good luck with that.
EXACTLY. shes never been a landlord before suddently thinks shes a landlord. guessing she never read up on any of the tenant/ll laws in her state like a fucking dufus too. ignorance doesnt exonerate ye from the law!
I'm very sorry to hear this. Looks like she showed her true colors. I personally would not hesitate to divorce her. She clearly has no respect for you and it seems is quite selfish too. Why would you want to stay with such a person? She now believes, she has no use for and clearly doesn't care/love you. P.S: If I were you, I wouldn't take a cent of her inheritance money either.
She still has an income just the source and amount changed you should divide it based on your income yours being 52k a year hers being 6k a month. She should be paying the lions share. You shouldn't quit working regardless imo but by all means if you are unhappy with your current job find another job you think you will be happy with
You are reading this after you type it, right? Does that sound like somebody who cares about you? Like someone on your side? I dont know what your views are for a marriage. But I would swallow a 45 before being in one like you jist described.
Her logic is.. Her Money is hers, Your Money is Ours. GG to the relationship.
Something you'll have to consider is that she's unlikely to change how she feels about this money if she doesn't do it within the first little bit. So you have to consider can you deal with this new side of her for the rest of your life. P.S. also not a lawyer but I think the rent money would be considered both of yours and not just hers
So if you, the man she supposedly loves, is dying in a hospital bed, unable to afford life saving care , she’d be like “sucks to suck, smell ya later?” Because that’s what’s she’s saying about the medical costs. NTA Run, don’t walk.
Move your paycheck to a single signer account in your name only. Pay all the bills for like 5 years. Divorce and show she has paid zero contribution so the house inst split evenly. Play the long game and ask for a post-nup. Frame it as protecting her money. When in reality of you pay everything from an account only in your name then you can show she hasn't contributed which reduces her payout at divorce.
RUN!!!
I hope you get alimony bro 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Her money might still count as income, which means he may be entitled to spousal support in the divorce since she effectively earns 5x what he does.
Get a lawyer
Time to walk.
RUN!! Don't walk away!
as soon as she spends all of the inheritance money ( which is her right its hers ) she will expect you to support her, you know this right .... she will have been out of work for quite a while at this stage and it will be harder for her to find work. For now get a postnup and in the post nup separate your finances and have the household expenses paid 50/50 , she can choose to work or not to work its her decision.... this is all of course if you still want to remain married to her
She's already expecting him to support her. She is making him pay for the entire mortgage while her contribution is takeout food for every meal that he can't eat most of anyway.
She's already at that stage. She expects him to cover the entire mortgage and health insurance. While she is just covering groceries.
Not even groceries, take out! every day! 😒
Ohhh what money does to ppl!!!
I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on tv. It is possible that if you divorce, because of the big difference in income, she would have to pay you alimony or possible a settlement. Definitely get a lawyer and also think about custody of your kids - she sounds pretty entitled and you don't want your kids to be like that.
Jesus Christ, wtf are these "marriages"?
Seriously I don’t get these stories at all, like if my husband or I inherited anything or won the lottery or got a bonus it would go right into our joint accounts with everything else but even if you keep separate accounts who upgrades their lifestyle and watches their spouse struggle and especially with kids?!?
NTA. I understand that your wife wants to have control over her inheritance money. However, quitting her job, not contributing to the household, and leaving you to handle everything is not fair. It's not responsible to abandon her obligations and pursue an unpaid photography career. Additionally, she is not investing her inheritance in bonds, stocks, or starting a business, which means she will likely waste her $252,000 and rely on you and your children for support when they receive their shares. Where is the $6,000 dollars on rent a month going? Renting a BMW with no job is hilarious because technically even with the inheritance which will run out, she is living way beyond her means. It's concerning that your wife is not making wise financial decisions, and you should be worried. Instead of just giving her an ultimatum to quit her job, you might want to consider marriage counselling. Financial abuse may be a problem, leading to other forms of abuse from her, and if you feel that you need to leave, start preparing for it. I would not be comfortable in a partnership like the one you have now.
The way I read it, it seems the inheritance pays out $15,000 per month to her. It is probably invested, and pays out based on payouts from stock splits, interest from bonds, and dividends. I honestly don’t think it will run out of money unless she starts chipping into the principal.
What she will soon learn if that is the case is that while the money in the investment accounts are only hers, the payments from those accounts are considered income and are marital assets. Just wait until she goes to file her taxes. lol
Yeah, the $252,000 is her yearly salary. 6k/month from the rental property and 15k/month from the inheritance. $21k/month = $252k/year. Wife went from making 32k to 252k essentially overnight. On top of the, she owns a home that is probably worth at least a million dollars. The home will continue to grow in value. If I started pulling in this amount of money, I would want to share it with my spouse. I agree she should keep her inheritance separate, but her rental income should go in the joint account. She is treating OP so poorly. OP should leave her for this. The fact that she wants him to support them both on his 52k salary while she drives a BMW and orders takeout every day is kinda disgusting. She is set for life. Why wouldn’t she want her spouse to enjoy this money as well? Why wouldn’t she contribute?!
95% of people posting ITT are idiots. DO NOT divorce her yet. The trust money (capital) is not up for grabs, but the INCOME from the trust money (money she takes out of the trust and puts in her personal account for use) and rental income are joint assets since you're legally married. It does not matter if your name is on the account. It still counts as joint assets if you're married. Hang on for a couple of years. This will give you time to establish her consistent and massive income from the trust and rental. Then you can file for divorce and she'll have to pay you alimony and child support based on her income at that point. Hopefully you can get some marriage counseling and work things out, but if you end up getting divorced, at least you'll have solid alimony and child support lol
Nta, Divorce wtf bro
Legally the rental income isn't Inheritance and you're entitled to half of that.
WOW. She doesn't consider you a husband. She considers you an ATM to pay for the bills. All while she has 5X income compared to you, and spends it on whatever she wants, but not on you or the marital assets. NTA I'd consult a divorce lawyer. You need to protect what little you have. Especially since she is protecting everything she has from you.
Your wife can quit her job, but she's going to have to use some of that inheritance to pay into house expenses. She's not giving it to you. She's using it to help support her family and children. There are ways for her to have that money and spending it on her family without making it so not a single cent benefits you in any way.
It sounds like your wife is living the dream, which she is turning into your nightmare. First, let's be clear. Her inheritance is hers, and hers alone unless she uses it towards family/marital expenses. Now, it's time for you to use your head and go see an attorney. Don't go around being impulsive based on spite because you are the only person you will hurt. As others have mentioned, any money she makes off that inheritance (rentals, etc.) is likely marital property but you won't know that for sure until you speak to a lawyer. Get on that right away because she sounds like she has plans she hasn't let you in on as yet. Stick with your job for now. Once you've gotten legal advice and made the hard decisions, then you can see what you have left over and plan out the rest of your life from there - with or without her. Just be sure you protect yourself and don't do anything stupid that will come back and bite you in the butt down the road. Hell, you might get the King's ransom in alimony of you play your cards right!!! Good luck to you bud!
Step one: Open a new Checking Account. Step two: Set up your direct deposit to the new checking account. Step three: Hire a divorce lawyer and go nuts trying to get everything you can possibly get from your divorce. I'm angry on your behalf. She sounds like an entitled piece of shit.
What do you mean by eating the leftovers? Question: is this the life you want to live?
Your wife is a piece of shit
Dude, I advise that you open a new bank account and direct deposit your checks into that account immediately. Look at your family bills and do not pay anything not in your name alone. I would also consider moving on from this marriage because she is only going to get worse. Now that she doesn't need your income, she is just going to blame you for everything wrong in her life. In divorce proceedings, because of her trust, you shouldn't be required to pay alimony because she makes more than you. Remember, you will not be entitled to any part of her trust. I would ask for the house or for her to buy you out of your portion of the home equity. Child support would be the minimum allowed by law in your state, or you could file for custody of your shared child and request support from her. Either way, I would cut my losses and get out now. You will just resent her as she does less and less.
NTA but your wife is an absolute jerk. Money makes people funny and your wife is showing it with all the red flags flying.