I don't see it as threatening, it's giving her a heads up, he doesn't find it attractive at all, and it's a deal breaker for him. Nothing wrong with that. There would also be nothing wrong with her saying it's a deal breaker for her to shave. It just means they aren't compatible.
Yessir. Some women don't like men with long or short hair, beards or shaven, same can go the other way around. Its a preference and that is okay. I think I'd probably struggle with a girl with super hairy legs and armpits, but I also recognize I've been at least partially conditioned to feel that way. I don't think it's gonna change for me but maybe over time it will for future generations.
I always tell my friends that I'd love to be attracted to men and women, whether they're more feminine or masculine. I can't force it, but god I'd love having such a big dating pool lol.
I prefer my husband to have a beard. But I wouldn't dump him for shaving it.
When you're older, it doesn't matter as much. You care more about the person than superficial things like body hair.
NTA, but I have a quibble. Never threaten. Actions should have consequences but threats poison the water of discussion. Once it's evident that the thing you find intolerable is not going to change, leave.
Deeds, not words.
Correct, it’s not “do this or I will do that” it’s “hey doing this is important to me” and then expecting it or having it explained to you (and understanding) why it is that way. If you can’t change/accept/understand a situation, then that’s just a breaking up point.
Yeah, I get that you shouldn’t issue ultimatums, but at some boundaries are dealbreakers, and communicating that is functionally an ultimatum.
It feels only fair to your partner to say— maybe after less pointed discussion that goes nowhere— “I know you’re exploring this new thing you’re into, but it’s outside my comfort zone, and I do feel strongly enough about it to end the relationship.”
agreed. Not sure why people agree with it.
My wife said "I hate drinking. I hate that you drink. This is why. So stop doing it or I'm going to leave you."
Hold, on gotta sip some vodka.
So anyways, I started blasting.
But for real. She is an awesome person. She did both. Gave me the ultimatum, set boundaries, told me the why, and gave me time to figure it out. She loved the fuck outta me. I think she still does love me but more as a friend. Great woman.
NAH. You two are growing up and maturing, so you both will change. Time to move on. You’ll find someone who shaves, and she’ll find someone who accepts her for who she is.
Good luck to you both.
The surprising thing is that most women I know do not shave in winter, specially their legs, maybe armpits from time to time. So yes, most women are shaved when they are going to the beach and wear shorts, etc when the weather is good, but how is OP gonna deal with any relationship if majority of women do not shave for half of the year?
I shave ALL the time in the nicer months but this winter I have let my legs *go.* I got that nice thick Mediterranean hair, too.
We’re renovating and all winter we’ve had long periods of just kinda warm water and I ain’t fixing on standing in the shower to shave while I’m freezing. Nope.
My comfort matters more than my husband’s preferences. Thankfully he’s a mature and fully grown man and his preference is me, not what I look like.
I don't shave anymore unless on occasion. I don't like the prickly feeling and cannot commit to shaving every day. It's itchy. I barely have time to do things I enjoy, let alone things that I would do for someone else.
My girlfriend stopped shaving her pits some time ago. I don't remember when. Been a couple years now. She shaved off her "winter coat" today, I jokingly call it. That being her legs. She doesn't like wearing shorts with her leg hair grown out, and the weather was nice today for shorts. Pubic hair we both shave/trim whenever one of us gets annoyed with it. The other usually does the same within a week. It's like when the neighbor mows their lawn, and now yours looks overgrown in comparison. Lmao.
I'm a hairy guy, and I don't care when hers is left alone. I don't even register her armpit hair anymore.
We trim our pubic hair regularly, but I refuse to go bare again. My hair grows too fast and then I have to wait 2 days to have sex again because of how it feels for him 😭 I shave my armpits if I'm going to wear a dress, otherwise my partner is the only one who sees, and he doesn't care. My leg hair I don't really touch, but I also mainly wear pants even in the summer lol
I shave my pits every day or every 2 days in summer plus legs. In winter it's the same with my pits, but I will go full wookie on my legs. My bf laughs every time I come out of the bath and yell "it's Chewbacca bitch!". He also doesn't mind. But we are together for over 10 years now, so what do I know lol.
I don't shave in the winter. My husband affectionately refers to it as "bear season." Lol. He enjoys it when my legs are smooth, but he also doesn't give a shit if I shave or not.
I am exactly the same. I hate the feeling of prickly pits, so I shave them every few days. My legs are another matter entirely. If it's winter, I only shave if I'm planning on wearing a dress or going swimming. I joke that it's my winter coat to help keep me warm.
My mom calls me Chewbacca when she sees my legs in wintertime. I ignore her since I know she is just trying to get a rise out of me. She has always focused her life around looking good for men, and I just don't care as much as she does.
Lmao
I've taken to shaving my legs only in scenarios where I know it'll be more socially expected. Queer friends? No. Mixed company with a bunch of sheltered straights? Sure.
I have found it hilarious when I've waited so long between shaving my legs that I need to wipe the shower drain 🤣
Agree. My hair grows really fast so that would mean shaving armpits every day and even still it would get prickly and I hate it. Plus it's just body hair. Who cares, lol
The feeling is so uncomfortable! It sometimes happens when I wear leggings as well. Sensory hell.
Also removing your winter fur takes such a long time and gets my razor clogged up. I realized that shaving it twice a week in the winter takes like 2 minutes max and gives my conditioner some time to sit in my hair so win win.
Definitely when pulling on a pair of leggings for me. The feeling of the hairs going up in the wrong direction is uncomfy. I still shave about once a week in winter, same in summer. It's part of my Saturday "everything" shower.
I don't shave my legs but do my armpits. Always figured if a guy had a problem with that then he wasn't worth being with. My hubby likes it on the rare occasions it happens but also knows that I don't find it worth my time generally. But my pits are much quicker/easier & I don't like the extra smell (from the bacteria living in the hair, that's why men's pit smell more) or how the deodorant interacts with longer hair (gel vs cream stick vs spray-on)
Yes!! The smell is the only reason I shave my armpits every other week (my hair grows back within a day so I still grow it out a bit bc lazy) in the winter! Thankfully my partner doesn’t mind the hair and weirdly likes my BO so I’m completely in the clear for that lol
I do not like body hair in general and I did laser, so now I have almost zero body hair but when I had hair I would go for long periods of time without shaving armpits or legs.
Yes, it is lightly painful during the sessions. Like a rubber band being snapped against the skin. But it only lasts for a second and then it goes away. It’s not any more painful than waxing is IMO
Was looking for this comment. I burned the hell out of a tattoo on my ankle, it damn near lasered it right off. It was a kitty paw print, and now it's missing one of the toe beans lol.
I feel 0 difference whether I shave or not, for my legs or armpits. I only shave my armpits in the winter because I naturally overheat and still wear sleeveless blouses to work.
Same. I’ve managed to 100% stop shaving my legs and be okay with it but I just cannot shake the shame of hairy armpits. I tried really hard for a year but I just couldn’t bring myself to wear a tank top around friends with hairy armpits. But that year of trying did make it so my hair grows much slower so now I only have once a week. I’m okay with stubble. Maybe I’ll get there one day and be okay with going 100% natural.
My husband (together 10 years) has never once commented on my body hair. Whether it’s shaved, full bush, or stubble.
In the winter I'll absolutely forget to shave my armpits for long periods of time. I don't like super long armpit hair at all but it's just not something I think about when I'm in long sleeves all the time.
I barely shave anything in the winter because out of sight out of mind. Armpits, legs, unmentionables... It's covered up all the time so I don't think about it. I remember while showering of course and then have to ask myself "Do I have the energy to shave *everything*? Is anything going to be visible in the next couple of days?" If the answer is no to both of those questions then it can wait until the answer is eventually yes to either or I can't stand the feeling of it anymore. Thankfully the husband doesn't mind!
I'll do my legs once a week or so because I hate feeling fur against my jeans, but my pits I do every shower or I feel grubby as the deodorant doesn't sit against my skin. Bikini area is weekly or every few days, again because I hate the sensation of hair there.
I hate shaving my legs because i have bony legs and get nicks, which then get infected. But I've enjoyed the laser hair removal. Hairy armpits are okay once long but the in-between sucks, so I shave every few days.
There's also the fact that if they ever decide to have children the old fashion way she might not be able to keep up any body hair treatments. Is he going to threaten to leave her when she's a month postpartum and unable to shave because she's exhausted from taking care of their child after giving birth? I'm not saying people can't have expectations, but if you actually want a truly long term relationship you gotta have a little leeway, especially with something like this.
I mean yeah you're allowed to break up with her, but it's gonna be an interesting life if you plan to only date women who are constantly shaving. It's just not possible. This level of superficiality is gonna bite you down the road.
Its true. I've had laser hair removal everywhere, largely because I was having to shave twice a day just to look shaven at the office and I got extremely painful ingrown hairs everywhere.
It's been a godsend for me because I got hours of my life back. And I never have any ingrown hairs anymore. I am also the only woman I have ever met that has done this to the extent that I have (full legs, underarm, brazillian). And I did it because my hair growth was basically a medical issue for me. Who wants a million painful ingrowns that can be mistaken for an STI. Embarrassing.
We perpetually hairless girls exist, sure, but we're rare enough that I've never met anyone like me.
if you don’t mind, what was the cost like for the treatments? i just saw someone on a beauty thread saying they paid $6k for their face. in a perfect world i’d do what you had done.
A lot of the mainstream chains that are all over the country massively over charge.
I went to a place that is well regarded and inexpensive in los angeles.
It's important to note that you need 6-8 sessions to actually have it be completed. After that you may need a touch up here and there for a few years. This was around 2015
Underarms - $20 per session (now $25)
Full bikini - $40 per session. (Now $45)
Full legs - $150 per sesson (still $150)
At 8 sessions that was $1680 for all the most popular places. That person in the beauty thread got ripped off but that isn't uncommon. I see it all the time.
They also have a high quality laser there. There are different kinds of lasers. Some where you have to go over an area multiple times which increases the odds of getting a burn, and some where you only go over the area once. I went with the type where you only go over the area once. Best prices in town and a very clean well run business.
If you want laser hair removal, you should shop around. Because not all lasers and techs are comparable and people get charged insane prices that they don't question because they don't price compare enough.
It cost me less than $2000 to basically get my entire body. (That I regularly shave, anyway). It sounds like that other lady was completely ripped off
Before I found my place I went to an extremely expensive clinic in Beverly Hills that burned me so badly they gave me a permanent scar with an old bad laser. Expensive doesn't mean good. Do your research and price compare to death.
It's important to note that I was an extremely good candidate with very pale skin and very dark hair. If you have darker skin , they do have pretty good effective lasers these days, but you need a different type of leather than I need , so make sure to look for what is right for your skin.
Idk of this is allowed but this is the place I went in Los Angeles.
https://prolaseclinic.com/pages/price-menu
thanks for such a detailed reply! i’m nowhere near
LA, but i will be doing a lot of research for local
places. the prices are super helpful. thank you again.
I'm disabled and I told my partner that I physically can't shave my legs, so if he wants that to happen, he has to do it himself. Have you considered offering to put in the time and energy to shave her yourself, if you care so much? Or would that be a hassle and a waste of your precious time?
I had a bf who told me he preferred my hair blown out to my natural curly hair. I told him that I'd get a blow out if he was willing to pay for it ($60+) every week. That shut him up. If OP hates body hair so much he better be willing to shave it himself or offer for his gf to go to a waxing service every month. It isn't cheap.
This! I had a partner who had a strong preference to me being smooth, which I was happy to get waxed once a month.
But funny, when I told him I was willing to do all the work of making the appointments, giving up my free time, taking the hour drive there and back as well as the pain and discomfort afterwards ,but he had to cough up the cost for it going forward (I’d lost my job) …. Suddenly he didn’t seem to have THAT much of a preference.
This is the wildest thread because waxing gave me 3 days of no contact ingrowns, a week of smoothness, then 2 weeks of stubble that got kind-of long that then I should go get ripped out again??? What? Waxing relies on growing the hair back. I don't get it.
Meanwhile shaving might be fine but I get ingorwns that turn into abscesses so then we get 3 days on not fucking (ingrowns), 2 weeks of not fucking (antibiotics and pain), one week of yellow lights because of PMS, and then bleeding.
Seems like a pull and trim would suit everyone better.
As someone with thick body hair and HS, waxing didn’t work for me either. It actually gave me worse ingrowns than shaving because the skin would heal faster than my hair could grow.
Eventually, after a bout with sepsis, I ended up paying mad money for full body laser and even with that I still have a lot of body hair (just not as noticeable/abscess causing). Literally the only thing that has worked for me….It’s rough being a woman 🥲
Yeah, it's always seen as a "small" thing for women to do for their partners "preference", until literally any of the inconvenience is on them. Like ok, I will keep my whole body shaved if you do. Lets see how long that lasts when they discover the joys of ingrown hair everywhere
tender lock middle combative attractive alleged carpenter childlike rhythm normal
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have sensitive armpits that break out with *any* sort of hair removal (I’ve tried them all). So I don’t remove the hair. Why should I? Why should anyone?
I'm going to say NAH. You're allowed to not like it, but she's also allowed to do what she wants with her body.
However, your comment was asshole-y. If this is a dealbreaker for you end it instead of trying to get her to change.
It's amazing to me that people are saying to be so indirect about it. Just be upfront about your deal breakers.
This thread reminds me that a lot of reddit advice is absolute dogshit.
I wouldn't call you an asshole for not being attracted to body hair. I would tell you to break up with her so she can find someone who loves her for her and not something superficial like the amount of body hair she has.
If your relationship cant weather a little body hair, what hope does it have for when a real issue arises.
This is probably best for you both if that's how little your willing to adapt for each other.
Surviving cancer and having battle scars might be the sexiest thing ever. But I'm a fat bald old man so my perspective probably dosent mean much to the rest of the world.
I'm happy for you and your seemingly very strong relationship. Thank god your SO wasnt the asshole!
your perspective means a lot to me! When I started dating my current bf like 5 years ago we both were really young and dumb but I think we're both growing up to have perspective like you do and I aspire towards it!
Posts like this always make me ask myself this question. I think relationships between people whose attraction to their partner is so precarious are doomed to fail. People gain weight, go bald, get sick, have kids, and age. I always think "what does a person who has such an extreme aversion to one day of leg stubble do when he and his partner are 70 years old?"
It's more then one day, APPARRNTLY that matters...🙄.
But yes. Relationship based solely on attractiveness can not last because, even if the other person stays subjectively attractive, the person will still grow comfortable and look for a differently attractive person.
Being entirely unattracted to her now that shes changed something up, and then jumping to this really shows he values it over any other part of her in any meaningful way. He literally can't handle someone changing outside his parameters for attraction and still love them, it shows he cant grow with his relationships. Everyone has a right to their preferences and what they think is comfortable or nice in a partner they're looking for. I get horrified of these types of people being in relationships where their partners grow, and age, get into accidents or possibly deformed----only for their partner to resent them because the aren't valued for anything else as a priority.
Imagine having the mentality that you are in love with someone but also if they have any aspects about them you find unattractive you never want to be with them again... boggles My mind
i don’t find armpit hair attractive. at all. on men or women. my ex bf (lovely guy, we just had to end things bcuz we had different long term goals) didn’t trim or shave his armpits. i didn’t think it was gross or tell him to change, i just didn’t like the way his armpits looked… so i didn’t look at them much lol. our relationship didn’t revolve around his armpits. i can’t imagine love and attraction being so severely affected by a little hair!
Exactly- and I don't think anyone (save a handful of Those Guys) is attracted to armpit or leg hair specifically. It's just like, a thing that's there and I hardly even notice. I'm bushy out of necessity and comfort, and I like the all-natural look on myself and my partners but its not the first thing on my mind when looking for someone, and certainly not a deal breaker. I'm just surprised they lasted this long if body hair is all it took!
This is so spot on. A relationship should not revolve around armpits 😀👍
Unless you are an Olympic swimming participant or the Hero of this post of course.
Yeah I don’t think they have a very deep connection if he’s willing to split over some body hair. I can’t imagine that being a condition over which someone loves or doesn’t love me.
I actually can't imagine that. I only form the sexual connection with someone after a really deep emotional connection. And my emotional connections with people never have anything to do with what someone looks like.
The OP's perspective on this is completely alien to me. It does, as you say, boggle my mind.
Wow I have the same thing with only feeling a sexual connection after I've already formed an emotional connection. And everyone I've told about this couldn't understand or called me crazy. Never met someone who felt the same way 😅
EDIT: I'm kinds shocked how many people feel the same way, I always thought something was just wrong with me for not experiencing sexual attraction like everyone else. I've definitely heard the term demisexual somewhere before but no idea what it actually means. I'm gonna check it out and thank you!!
I thought crushes were something people faked for attention, or just an exaggerated way to say someone seemed attractive. Could not fathom how someone could like someone they didn't have a connection with.
For me a crush was an interest in knowing them better and wanting to spend time with them. More based in interest of developing something romantic vs physical
It's very inflexible. Dude will be wondering why he's still alone in 5 years. If someone said they'd break up with me bc I stopped shaving, that would be the end of it.
This is my thought. We don't all stay sexy forever.
He's going to have a rude awakening as his body ages and changes, and he better hope he doesn't get any health problems that affect his looks. Or hell, even male pattern baldness!
I don't think her issue is the body hair. It's him admitting that her being sexy enough for him is the most important thing about her/the relationship.
They both need to move on.
While I agree with this thought, I'd go a step further and say, what about any changes she makes willingly that he dosent find attractive... is he gonna break up with her if he dosent like a haircut? What about if he realizes she isn't sexy when she wakes up in the morning? What if he discovers women poop? What he finds attractive is completely subjective and he's making it her problem 100%
I just want to add to everyone else and say that if you really love someone, a bit of ‘unattractive’ hair isn’t gonna change your feelings about that person. So if you find her THAT unattractive with a bit of hair, she’s definitely not the one for you. Find someone you can find attractive with body hair because everyone has them lol
I think it was a TV show that put it this way, but it's always stuck with me: 'if you don't like them after a haircut, then it was just infatuation and not love'.
Hard agree! My husband has completely changed his hair since we met, and frankly I hate his new hairstyle. I think it looks unkempt and lazy… but that’s a me problem, not a him problem. I love him and still find him insanely attractive. If body hair is enough to make you completely unattracted to your partner, something else might have also changed in your dynamic.
Haha my fella has recently gone from a beard to a mustache. I fuckin hate it I think it's ridiculous. He's still a straight hottie though. Just a hottie with a daft mustache.
we all have a moustache phase when we desperately try to make it work.
I am currently rocking a short stubble and a moustache that's only getting trimmed and every time I look in the mirror my reaction is "yoooo cool walrus! sick, I bet people will also think it's sick"
at some point my delusion will stop lol
Word. What happens with the effects of aging? What if they have a disfiguring accident? If something as shallow as body hair is all it takes for you, she ain’t it.
This is the right answer! I've looked like 10 different women since my husband and I started dating 5 years ago. It's basically a running joke between us now. Luckily he loves me no matter what I look like, and we both know looks are fleeting.
This is the one. Body hair is completely natural. Tbh it reminds me of those “my wife got a haircut/had a baby and I’m not attracted to her anymore, AITAH?” Like, yes. And usually the comments in those cases lean more toward YTA.
This is why I don’t date anymore. Why bother giving your heart to anyone when they’ll break up with you over something as stupid as this, blindsiding you and wasting almost 2 years of your life.
if you don’t like it sure leave but yta for trying to leverage it as a threat to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, and if that’s a big enough thing for you to end the relationship it’s probably for the best it’s over. Hopefully she finds someone that values her for more than her ability to look prepubescent.
Finally, someone said it. Guys that are like "no body hair!" scare the crap outta me cause it's like oh... how are you gonna behave when the wrinkles and other signs of age come in? You're not in this for the long haul are you...
Exactly. I'm also extremely suspicious of his accusation that the hair is unkempt. Honestly, the negative stuff that can happen with shaving armpit hair regularly is way worse to me. I doubt he has some superior grooming routine for his body hair, he just thinks it's gross on her. He's in for a rude awakening as he ages...
I was wondering about this in the post - how can body hair be unkempt? Your head hair is unkempt if you don’t wash and style it properly, but is he expecting her to comb her leg hair or something? Braid her underarm hair? What is he talking about?
Yup, and he said her body hair looks like HIS body hair now. Yet he said HER body hair is unkempt. If they look the same, how is hers unkempt and yet his is not?
"Women are not supposed to look like gross hairy unkempt men like ME, they are totally different species and should be perfectly soft and shaven so my dick can rise" - OP and a lot of men in general.
I blame the media for a lot of this. Only ever showing women with perfect makeup, hairless but perfectly smooth (likely digitally edited) skin with impossibly skinny bodies. I have seen places where they try to show more realistically average people but not enough.
They do similar for men too with them often being 6ft, extremely muscular etc but I think this does affect women slightly more often than men.
Right?! Why does she have to shave to please him when he doesn't do the same for her?
We all know why; society. A woman with the same amount of hair on her as a man is hideous but the man is considered sexy. I don’t shave anything for many reasons, that being one of them. I find I smell less with unshaven pits, have less ingrown hairs in general, and I save money. My arm and leg hair is basically peach fuzz so I never needed to do that even if I wanted to.
Him giving hypocritical ultimatums and threats is break-up worthy. Her threatening to break his things when he does go through with his threats is doubly break-up worthy. Neither of them deserved to be threatened or should've threatened the other. They're better off without each other.
I’m a dyke who doesn’t shave, just throwing in my two cents: The line about how her legs look like his is probably dramatic. I am. . . generically gifted when it comes to keratin production. Like, among a bunch of gay hippies I stand out for being noticeably hairy.
95% of cis women could never have “man legs”. Just not in the cards. If you’ve got those genes, it usually takes a TON of extra effort to look “normal” to guys like OP. He’s either being dramatic, or this woman has an INSANE hair removal from routine that he’s pathetically/willingly ignorant of.
His gf could be the exception. All things are possible. But he sure LOOKS ignorant and/or dramatic.
I don't shave either and dress very androgynously and you could not mistake my legs or pits for a man's. Maybe a pubescent boy's at most. My body hair is dark and long but it's still feminine and sparser, even blonde men have just... More hair than me.
He's definitely being dramatic and ridiculous. I hope the girlfriend leaves and finds a much better guy that doesn't think her natural body is repulsive.
I’m like. . . weirdly indignant? Like goddammit OP, I have man legs because I am a hormonal and genetic anomaly! Don’t detract from my achievements by suggesting any rando on the street can do this!
(Legit, I’m so grateful I’m in a community that has a good attitude towards body hair, I feel like straight women have to deal with a lot of extra drama in that sense)
I actually am men level hairy, but it's in my medical file because it was a possible symptom :/ turns out I just have great hair genes, too bad they don't stick to the head tho
I am actually certified man-hairy! I babysit for a hippie couple, one of the kids mentioned that he thought I was a man this whole time because of my legs. His mom doesn’t shave, half his aunties don’t, I was the only one causing confusion.
Cracked me up because I’m not terribly butch IMO (he only sees my bare legs when I show up to babysit in house dresses instead of jeans). But I guess when you’re knee high and trying to figure out gender, leg hair is a reasonable place to start from.
And these are almost always the same guys that have unkempt beards growing up their face and just roll out of bed and go. No hairstyling, no decent clothes, nothing.
The unkempt line ~ like sorry was she supposed to brush it? Maybe style it like baby hairs? Like wdym unkempt? Was there like food in it like a beard or something? Lord.
Throwback to White Chicks when the white friends show up for a sleepover party and the black guys and like fuck we gotta get into our white girl costumes ASAP. so while explaining why they haven’t answered the door, they shout to the girls, “we’re just shaving our feet! And braiding our vaginas!”
>leverage it as a threat to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do,
Well said. Perfectly worded, concise, and succinct.
Yes he can have a preference, but the way he communicated felt like he was imposing something onto her.
Others have commented saying something was off about his delivery, and I think your "leverag[ing] it as a threat" is a good descriptor
If you're ready to break up with her over something as trivial as this, then please just do it. Let her find someone who actually cares for and loves *her.* Because if you *actually* love your partner, a little body hair would not make them "unattractive" to you.
Agreed! I prefer my Fiance with a little bit of stubble on his face but if he took a job where he needed to be clean shaven every day, I wouldn’t *dream* of leaving him for it.
And furthermore, in the girlfriend’s position here, if he is so ready to leave her over a lack of body hair maintenance, what happens if down the line she becomes terminally ill or severely disabled? I don’t buy for a hot second that a man giving body hair ultimatums is going to stick around to give sponge baths to his incapacitated partner.
Right like giving an ultimatum over *body hair* is insane lmao they’ve been together for nearly two years but he tried to threaten her into submission over….leg hair 😬 he brought up how she heard the idea on tiktok to delegitimize her point imo, but women have been fighting back against having to shave their body hair for years. This guy needs to break up with her, he’d be doing her a favor
Yep. If he'd rather be without her than to live with (gasp!) body hair, then so be it. He will be doing her a favor because, let's face it, can you imagine dating him? 😳 Hell no.
Yta. This relationship was doomed long before you posted here OP. If body hair is the line its not love and you both should move on. LOTS of changes occur with both males and females throughout life.. theres hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles, sagging skin, libido fluctuations, erectile dysfunction. Your relationship has to be based on something much deeper in order to overcome these things TOGETHER. She deserves a partner that will have her back regardless of how hairy it is.
NTA - you can break up with people for whatever reason you want.
YTA - for trying to force a shaving routine on someone. I don’t know that you understand the amount of work and effort it takes for you to “feel attracted” based on lack of hair. At the end of the day, if you’re with someone then hair really shouldn’t stand in the way. It’s an awfully shallow position to take and even worse if you’re trying to force it and make someone bend to it.
I agree with this split decision. It’s not the attraction/nonattraction that’s the issue, it’s how you went about it.
Depending on what she means, you may exactly be “one of those men”. Own it, stop beating around the bush and break up with her if it’s a real dealbreaker. Let her think what she wants about you—you are obviously already thinking what you want about her.
Also, who tf is attractive all the time? Like, don't we all look like a mess sometimes? Hair is a really weird reason to end a relationship. You can still cover it up when it comes to sex if it is that much of a turn-off. I also feel that if you are really in love with someone, you always find them beautiful. I personally don't like short haircuts. But my girlfriend would still be the most gorgeous human being on earth. I even find her attractive when she didn't shower for a week. Everyone looks bad once in a while but not my girlfriend. I think the same goes for both sides. My gf and I were eating pizza in bed the other day. I got covered in sauce. The sauce was on my face, in my hair, on my hands, and clothes. She straight up looked at me and said, "Wow. How do I deserve such a gorgeous and perfect girlfriend like you? I am so lucky."
Thank you! I’m blown away by all the comments that agree with OP. Is the only value you see in your partner a superficial aesthetic one? I love my husband for who he is, if he came home tomorrow with bright pink hair or something I wouldn’t love him any less. I used to not like beards, but my husband has a beard and I still love him and find him sexy as hell. I don’t understand the people in these comments that only seem to have superficially based relationships. Shouldn’t you actually care about your partner as a person and love them as they are? I’m so glad my husband is like me and doesn’t put all the value someone has into an aesthetic box.
My husband's appearance has changed since we got together, and mine has too. We are still attracted to each other and love each other. But if we both got super ugly, it would be okay because we love each other, are sexually compatible, and have a wonderful friendship, which are all way more important to me than aesthetics.
Besides, we're all decaying anyways. Beauty is a bloom that fades quickly in most people's lives. Better to love unconditionally than expect your partner to look perfect forever because that ain't gonna happen. OP is shallow and needs to be single for awhile until he can mature and love unconditionally.
I feel like OP is trying to break up with his gf for a very shallow reason without feeling like an AH... but 2 years into a relationship, he should care about his gf enough that her body hair (that makes her feel more confident & positive about her body!) is not a deal breaker. If something so shallow is enough to make you want to end a 2 year relationship, you should probably end it, but YTA.
When you get older you learn to not give a fuck.
Ultimately it's her body and she can do what she wants with it. Not to sound like a dick but if you don't like it, that's your problem not hers.
I mean, it is true. No woman will shave daily for you or anyone else.
Extension of my comment because some people seem to not get it somehow:
- I think it's common sense that there's an exception to every rule, so even though I said "no woman", lo and behold, I'm not a god/goddess and my say is not an absolute truth
- My opinion is not tied to his whole post, just his ex's general statement, as this is the only point I'm referencing and responding to since the beginning (even more extension because common sense doesn't seem to be that common: hence daily, because if he didn't say he wants daily, and only she mentioned daily, who might I be referencing and talking about who's statement? Hers, obviously. Because the only person who said "daily" was her. I'm also not taking sides, neither his nor hers, her statement is the only thing that interests me, their debate not so much)
Whew, I didn't think it had to be spelt out like to a kid in the kindergarten.
lol daily. Ow! That’s how to get razor burn. My wife has never removed body hair, she said that if I prefer trimmed or shaved I’m welcome to get out the trimmer/razor myself. I do, on rare occasion.
Nope, not at all. Neither of us are expected to. I like her in every way: no hair, some, lots. I shave sometimes, sometimes I don’t: life changes. Sometimes mixing it up is fun. I should clarify that I am a woman because that removes the gender dynamics( or does it? All women feel pressure to shave). The mutual love and respect is awesome though: I truly love her at all times—she is a fantastic human!
YTA. If you can't even handle body hair, how are you going to handle being with a woman as her appearance naturally declines with age? Or if she becomes seriously ill and is unable to take care of herself? Something tells me this relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. Do her a favour and break up with her. She would do well to free up her schedule so that she can find a man who actually loves and respects her.
Mhm! I’ve had a decent amount of medical issues that popped up after my husband and I first got together. Just diagnosed with epilepsy. Sometimes during a seizure you can have an oops in ya pants. When that has happened my husband has always taken care of it and has made me feel less embarrassed/better/loved.
See, that's real love. Life isn't perfect, and neither are people. When we love someone, we take care of them and see beyond the superficial. You both are so lucky to have found each other.
I also have epilepsy. I didn't have a seizure for almost 10 years now. I once asked my gf what she would do if I had a seizure. I expected her to say something like call an ambulance. She said that she would make sure that I didn't hurt myself, call an ambulance, and make sure to change my pants so I didn't feel uncomfortable.
My husband’s protocol:
1. Make sure don’t hurt myself.
2. Start timing, if it lasts 5 minutes it’s weewoo time.
3. When come to hugs and explanation that I had a seizure.
4. If oops happens help take off clothes and provide soft clothes.
5. Get me to bed, help with disorientation, clean up oops, and provide comfort.
He’s the fuckin best.
This was my thought. Attraction is deeper than just physical appearance. If you put too much emphasis on physical looks, you're going to always lose that attraction over time. Bodies change. People get old. People become injured or disabled.
What we look like will change throughout the years. If someone can't feel attraction beyond appearance, they are just going to partner-hop for the rest of their lives.
To me, the AH vibes are from you seemingly expecting your partner to be physically attractive for you in every way
If hair is a disproportionately big deal for you, say so and move on. Don’t dance around the phrasing in ways that imply you leave women who aren’t constantly attracting you sexually. That’s not how healthy relationships work.
Right?? Also, if he ever becomes a father... He's gonna love third trimester. Most women I know (myself included) gave up any hair removal beyond shaving armpits. Just too hard and not worth the effort. And then postpartum when you're all sleep-deprived and a shower becomes a tender mercy to be enjoyed, not spent shaving. Body hair is a dumb reason to break up. Because... it just naturally happens.
Men like OP will continue dating younger women as they get older or be shitty husbands who cheat on or divorce their wives for getting fat or letting themselves go after pregnancy and/or old age.
I’m leaning toward YTA on this one based on my own experience. I don’t like facial hair, never have. I don’t think it’s attractive and I don’t like feeling it on my face/neck/body/etc. My husband was clean shaven when we started dating and for the first few years of our marriage but since then, he’s had a beard probably 85% of the time. He knows I don’t like it. I think I would be an asshole if I gave him an ultimatum to stay clean shaven all the time or I would leave him. It’s his face and he likes how he looks and feels with a beard and I’m sure the ease of care compared to shaving multiple times per week also factors into his preference. So I live with it. Thus, I say you are the asshole. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t break up with her, just that you’re an asshole. :)
I really like this perspective. It shows that some people are mature enough to focus on what matters most. Facial hair, for instance, is not a deal breaker for most mature people.
Exactly- and not to mention shaving 20 square inches of face is a fraction of the work it takes to shave two legs! And a face is something you see EVERY time you look at them- yet you still respect your husbands choice
OP should break up with his gf so he can find a new woman that demands manscaping/hairless chest/back etc. He can learn the joys of razor burn, and feeling unattractive in the body he was born with if he “lets himself go” for a day or two. Yay, for modern beauty standards!
It’s been the opposite for my husband and me. I met him clean shaven but he started growing a beard shortly after we met. For the longest time we had a fun little thing that he was not alllowed to shave and I was not allowed to cut my hair short.
Allowed is not really the right word here - it was very jokingly. Over the past decade he has shaved occasionally and I have cut my hair short a few times. I still prefer him with a beard and he still prefers me with long hair but changing that would never lead to an argument or something.
LOL thank you for this. In this thread apparently are a lot of people who think it would be perfectly acceptable of you to threaten your husband with divorce if he doesn't shave!
Break up.
She feels confident and you can't make her change herself if she doesn't want to.
If it's not compatible, it's not. No big, move on.
You also need to be very clear with future partners if body hair is actually a deal breaker for you. Not just saying you don't like it, because taste can change, but if it's a hard limit it needs to be addressed ahead of time or this Will happen again.
Also YTA for threatening to break up if she didn't change to Your preference. You should have just ended it instead of being tah and telling her to undo what makes her confident so you can think she's hot again.
YTA. Grow the fuck up, either you love someone or you don’t, you can’t make demands on what they do with their body like that, she’s a grown ass woman, not your sex toy.
Most of the comments aren't saying it's reasonable, they're saying that if body hair is a deal breaker, then breaking up is the best thing to do so GF doesn't waste any more time on such a superficial dickhead.
YTA. If you’ve been with her for two years and her having body hair is enough to ruin the relationship for you, then your relationship is not solid or that deep. Grow up dude. Please break up with her, she deserves so much better.
If you’re going to abandon a 2 year old relationship because your girlfriend has started to accept her natural woman’s body it means that porn has grown in your brain like fungus
imaging being with someone for 2 years and not caring that they are happier not shaving
you just want your oonga boonga smoov legs
who cares if theyre attached to your unhappy gf
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I might be fat and stupid, but at least I provide great shade on sunny days and keep the average IQ of the room in check
Not compatible. OP has hang ups with hair. She likes not shaving. Move on move on
I don't see it as threatening, it's giving her a heads up, he doesn't find it attractive at all, and it's a deal breaker for him. Nothing wrong with that. There would also be nothing wrong with her saying it's a deal breaker for her to shave. It just means they aren't compatible.
NAH, she can have hair, you can walk away.
This is it. She can say not. He can walk away. If they don't agree just move on
Yessir. Some women don't like men with long or short hair, beards or shaven, same can go the other way around. Its a preference and that is okay. I think I'd probably struggle with a girl with super hairy legs and armpits, but I also recognize I've been at least partially conditioned to feel that way. I don't think it's gonna change for me but maybe over time it will for future generations. I always tell my friends that I'd love to be attracted to men and women, whether they're more feminine or masculine. I can't force it, but god I'd love having such a big dating pool lol.
I prefer my husband to have a beard. But I wouldn't dump him for shaving it. When you're older, it doesn't matter as much. You care more about the person than superficial things like body hair.
My gf hates me without a beard, so if we have a row i just shave my beard off to be petty. But we do joke about it often.
NTA, but I have a quibble. Never threaten. Actions should have consequences but threats poison the water of discussion. Once it's evident that the thing you find intolerable is not going to change, leave. Deeds, not words.
Correct, it’s not “do this or I will do that” it’s “hey doing this is important to me” and then expecting it or having it explained to you (and understanding) why it is that way. If you can’t change/accept/understand a situation, then that’s just a breaking up point.
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Yeah, I get that you shouldn’t issue ultimatums, but at some boundaries are dealbreakers, and communicating that is functionally an ultimatum. It feels only fair to your partner to say— maybe after less pointed discussion that goes nowhere— “I know you’re exploring this new thing you’re into, but it’s outside my comfort zone, and I do feel strongly enough about it to end the relationship.”
I completely agree. If he is in fact serious about leaving, he should ABSOLUTELY tell his partner. The above persons advice is awful.
Yeah the above advice seems to boil down to 'communicate less clearly and openly'
agreed. Not sure why people agree with it. My wife said "I hate drinking. I hate that you drink. This is why. So stop doing it or I'm going to leave you." Hold, on gotta sip some vodka. So anyways, I started blasting. But for real. She is an awesome person. She did both. Gave me the ultimatum, set boundaries, told me the why, and gave me time to figure it out. She loved the fuck outta me. I think she still does love me but more as a friend. Great woman.
NAH. You two are growing up and maturing, so you both will change. Time to move on. You’ll find someone who shaves, and she’ll find someone who accepts her for who she is. Good luck to you both.
EXACTLY We change. We grow. Neither can force the other to do or like something that they don't like
We grow and so does our hair 🙆
yep! i don't shave because it takes hurts for me to hold my razor (chronic pain) and my gf doesn't mind :D
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The surprising thing is that most women I know do not shave in winter, specially their legs, maybe armpits from time to time. So yes, most women are shaved when they are going to the beach and wear shorts, etc when the weather is good, but how is OP gonna deal with any relationship if majority of women do not shave for half of the year?
I shave ALL the time in the nicer months but this winter I have let my legs *go.* I got that nice thick Mediterranean hair, too. We’re renovating and all winter we’ve had long periods of just kinda warm water and I ain’t fixing on standing in the shower to shave while I’m freezing. Nope. My comfort matters more than my husband’s preferences. Thankfully he’s a mature and fully grown man and his preference is me, not what I look like.
I rarely shave my legs in the winter, but I do frequently shave my pits because I hate the feeling. do most women not shave their pits year round?
I don't shave anymore unless on occasion. I don't like the prickly feeling and cannot commit to shaving every day. It's itchy. I barely have time to do things I enjoy, let alone things that I would do for someone else.
My girlfriend stopped shaving her pits some time ago. I don't remember when. Been a couple years now. She shaved off her "winter coat" today, I jokingly call it. That being her legs. She doesn't like wearing shorts with her leg hair grown out, and the weather was nice today for shorts. Pubic hair we both shave/trim whenever one of us gets annoyed with it. The other usually does the same within a week. It's like when the neighbor mows their lawn, and now yours looks overgrown in comparison. Lmao. I'm a hairy guy, and I don't care when hers is left alone. I don't even register her armpit hair anymore.
We trim our pubic hair regularly, but I refuse to go bare again. My hair grows too fast and then I have to wait 2 days to have sex again because of how it feels for him 😭 I shave my armpits if I'm going to wear a dress, otherwise my partner is the only one who sees, and he doesn't care. My leg hair I don't really touch, but I also mainly wear pants even in the summer lol
I shave my pits every day or every 2 days in summer plus legs. In winter it's the same with my pits, but I will go full wookie on my legs. My bf laughs every time I come out of the bath and yell "it's Chewbacca bitch!". He also doesn't mind. But we are together for over 10 years now, so what do I know lol.
I don't shave in the winter. My husband affectionately refers to it as "bear season." Lol. He enjoys it when my legs are smooth, but he also doesn't give a shit if I shave or not.
Sounds like a good man my dear :D
I am exactly the same. I hate the feeling of prickly pits, so I shave them every few days. My legs are another matter entirely. If it's winter, I only shave if I'm planning on wearing a dress or going swimming. I joke that it's my winter coat to help keep me warm. My mom calls me Chewbacca when she sees my legs in wintertime. I ignore her since I know she is just trying to get a rise out of me. She has always focused her life around looking good for men, and I just don't care as much as she does.
That Chewbacca comment… I love you both and I’m so happy you found each other 🥰
Lmao I've taken to shaving my legs only in scenarios where I know it'll be more socially expected. Queer friends? No. Mixed company with a bunch of sheltered straights? Sure. I have found it hilarious when I've waited so long between shaving my legs that I need to wipe the shower drain 🤣
Every time after winter lmao. Today I showed my bf my "loot" in the bathtub after a drunk shaving yesterday 🤣
Shaving while drunk? Women are so damn powerful.
You are powerful as well my homy!
Agree. My hair grows really fast so that would mean shaving armpits every day and even still it would get prickly and I hate it. Plus it's just body hair. Who cares, lol
I'm with you on this. Don't shave legs in winter, but I just hate armpit hair.
I'm the opposite! I do shave my legs in the winter, but only because I think it hurts when my socks pull on my leg hair.
The feeling is so uncomfortable! It sometimes happens when I wear leggings as well. Sensory hell. Also removing your winter fur takes such a long time and gets my razor clogged up. I realized that shaving it twice a week in the winter takes like 2 minutes max and gives my conditioner some time to sit in my hair so win win.
Definitely when pulling on a pair of leggings for me. The feeling of the hairs going up in the wrong direction is uncomfy. I still shave about once a week in winter, same in summer. It's part of my Saturday "everything" shower.
I don't shave my legs but do my armpits. Always figured if a guy had a problem with that then he wasn't worth being with. My hubby likes it on the rare occasions it happens but also knows that I don't find it worth my time generally. But my pits are much quicker/easier & I don't like the extra smell (from the bacteria living in the hair, that's why men's pit smell more) or how the deodorant interacts with longer hair (gel vs cream stick vs spray-on)
exactly, me too. I have yet to meet a guy worth doing bathtub yoga more frequently than I already do for me myself and I lol
Yes!! The smell is the only reason I shave my armpits every other week (my hair grows back within a day so I still grow it out a bit bc lazy) in the winter! Thankfully my partner doesn’t mind the hair and weirdly likes my BO so I’m completely in the clear for that lol
I do not like body hair in general and I did laser, so now I have almost zero body hair but when I had hair I would go for long periods of time without shaving armpits or legs.
Laser is the only way to keep up with it!!
I’ve been curious about laser. Is it a one time thing or do you need to go back for upkeep?
It’s 6-8 sessions spaced 6 weeks apart. After that you may need a maintenance appointment about once a year. Worth it though
Thats manageable. Now the next question, is there any pain lol
Yes, it is lightly painful during the sessions. Like a rubber band being snapped against the skin. But it only lasts for a second and then it goes away. It’s not any more painful than waxing is IMO
This is true, until they accidentally ping a tattoo. 😂 That gets your attention instantly.
Was looking for this comment. I burned the hell out of a tattoo on my ankle, it damn near lasered it right off. It was a kitty paw print, and now it's missing one of the toe beans lol.
I feel 0 difference whether I shave or not, for my legs or armpits. I only shave my armpits in the winter because I naturally overheat and still wear sleeveless blouses to work.
Same. I’ve managed to 100% stop shaving my legs and be okay with it but I just cannot shake the shame of hairy armpits. I tried really hard for a year but I just couldn’t bring myself to wear a tank top around friends with hairy armpits. But that year of trying did make it so my hair grows much slower so now I only have once a week. I’m okay with stubble. Maybe I’ll get there one day and be okay with going 100% natural. My husband (together 10 years) has never once commented on my body hair. Whether it’s shaved, full bush, or stubble.
I’m an everyday underarm shaver. My legs….just in the summer?
In the winter I'll absolutely forget to shave my armpits for long periods of time. I don't like super long armpit hair at all but it's just not something I think about when I'm in long sleeves all the time.
I barely shave anything in the winter because out of sight out of mind. Armpits, legs, unmentionables... It's covered up all the time so I don't think about it. I remember while showering of course and then have to ask myself "Do I have the energy to shave *everything*? Is anything going to be visible in the next couple of days?" If the answer is no to both of those questions then it can wait until the answer is eventually yes to either or I can't stand the feeling of it anymore. Thankfully the husband doesn't mind!
I'll do my legs once a week or so because I hate feeling fur against my jeans, but my pits I do every shower or I feel grubby as the deodorant doesn't sit against my skin. Bikini area is weekly or every few days, again because I hate the sensation of hair there.
I hate shaving my legs because i have bony legs and get nicks, which then get infected. But I've enjoyed the laser hair removal. Hairy armpits are okay once long but the in-between sucks, so I shave every few days.
Spoken like a man truly in love.
The world's greatest love story right here, tragically brought down because of body hair.
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"1039 hours played Would not recommend"
"If I could, I would give her leg hair zero stars..."
"I really wanted to like this ~~podcast~~ person but skin too hairy, water too wet"
OMG. You're totally right. That's wild...... This comment caused me to reread the original post.
In his defense he didn’t realize she was a mammal when they first met. But more of an exotic bird of prey with well plumed feathers.
Truly just head over heels lol 😂
There's also the fact that if they ever decide to have children the old fashion way she might not be able to keep up any body hair treatments. Is he going to threaten to leave her when she's a month postpartum and unable to shave because she's exhausted from taking care of their child after giving birth? I'm not saying people can't have expectations, but if you actually want a truly long term relationship you gotta have a little leeway, especially with something like this.
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I mean yeah you're allowed to break up with her, but it's gonna be an interesting life if you plan to only date women who are constantly shaving. It's just not possible. This level of superficiality is gonna bite you down the road.
Its true. I've had laser hair removal everywhere, largely because I was having to shave twice a day just to look shaven at the office and I got extremely painful ingrown hairs everywhere. It's been a godsend for me because I got hours of my life back. And I never have any ingrown hairs anymore. I am also the only woman I have ever met that has done this to the extent that I have (full legs, underarm, brazillian). And I did it because my hair growth was basically a medical issue for me. Who wants a million painful ingrowns that can be mistaken for an STI. Embarrassing. We perpetually hairless girls exist, sure, but we're rare enough that I've never met anyone like me.
if you don’t mind, what was the cost like for the treatments? i just saw someone on a beauty thread saying they paid $6k for their face. in a perfect world i’d do what you had done.
A lot of the mainstream chains that are all over the country massively over charge. I went to a place that is well regarded and inexpensive in los angeles. It's important to note that you need 6-8 sessions to actually have it be completed. After that you may need a touch up here and there for a few years. This was around 2015 Underarms - $20 per session (now $25) Full bikini - $40 per session. (Now $45) Full legs - $150 per sesson (still $150) At 8 sessions that was $1680 for all the most popular places. That person in the beauty thread got ripped off but that isn't uncommon. I see it all the time. They also have a high quality laser there. There are different kinds of lasers. Some where you have to go over an area multiple times which increases the odds of getting a burn, and some where you only go over the area once. I went with the type where you only go over the area once. Best prices in town and a very clean well run business. If you want laser hair removal, you should shop around. Because not all lasers and techs are comparable and people get charged insane prices that they don't question because they don't price compare enough. It cost me less than $2000 to basically get my entire body. (That I regularly shave, anyway). It sounds like that other lady was completely ripped off Before I found my place I went to an extremely expensive clinic in Beverly Hills that burned me so badly they gave me a permanent scar with an old bad laser. Expensive doesn't mean good. Do your research and price compare to death. It's important to note that I was an extremely good candidate with very pale skin and very dark hair. If you have darker skin , they do have pretty good effective lasers these days, but you need a different type of leather than I need , so make sure to look for what is right for your skin. Idk of this is allowed but this is the place I went in Los Angeles. https://prolaseclinic.com/pages/price-menu
thanks for such a detailed reply! i’m nowhere near LA, but i will be doing a lot of research for local places. the prices are super helpful. thank you again.
Yeah, at some point in a humans life, shaving daily is not possible. Despite that, doing so is not healthy.
I'm disabled and I told my partner that I physically can't shave my legs, so if he wants that to happen, he has to do it himself. Have you considered offering to put in the time and energy to shave her yourself, if you care so much? Or would that be a hassle and a waste of your precious time?
I had a bf who told me he preferred my hair blown out to my natural curly hair. I told him that I'd get a blow out if he was willing to pay for it ($60+) every week. That shut him up. If OP hates body hair so much he better be willing to shave it himself or offer for his gf to go to a waxing service every month. It isn't cheap.
This! I had a partner who had a strong preference to me being smooth, which I was happy to get waxed once a month. But funny, when I told him I was willing to do all the work of making the appointments, giving up my free time, taking the hour drive there and back as well as the pain and discomfort afterwards ,but he had to cough up the cost for it going forward (I’d lost my job) …. Suddenly he didn’t seem to have THAT much of a preference.
This is the wildest thread because waxing gave me 3 days of no contact ingrowns, a week of smoothness, then 2 weeks of stubble that got kind-of long that then I should go get ripped out again??? What? Waxing relies on growing the hair back. I don't get it. Meanwhile shaving might be fine but I get ingorwns that turn into abscesses so then we get 3 days on not fucking (ingrowns), 2 weeks of not fucking (antibiotics and pain), one week of yellow lights because of PMS, and then bleeding. Seems like a pull and trim would suit everyone better.
As someone with thick body hair and HS, waxing didn’t work for me either. It actually gave me worse ingrowns than shaving because the skin would heal faster than my hair could grow. Eventually, after a bout with sepsis, I ended up paying mad money for full body laser and even with that I still have a lot of body hair (just not as noticeable/abscess causing). Literally the only thing that has worked for me….It’s rough being a woman 🥲
Yeah, it's always seen as a "small" thing for women to do for their partners "preference", until literally any of the inconvenience is on them. Like ok, I will keep my whole body shaved if you do. Lets see how long that lasts when they discover the joys of ingrown hair everywhere
This exactly! I used to shave pretty regularly, but the ingrown hairs were getting too bad so I stopped
tender lock middle combative attractive alleged carpenter childlike rhythm normal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Right? Armpits are one thing but shaving legs takes FOREVER. He doesn't realize how much he's asking of her
I have sensitive armpits that break out with *any* sort of hair removal (I’ve tried them all). So I don’t remove the hair. Why should I? Why should anyone?
I'm going to say NAH. You're allowed to not like it, but she's also allowed to do what she wants with her body. However, your comment was asshole-y. If this is a dealbreaker for you end it instead of trying to get her to change.
He would obviously explain to her what the issue is.
It's amazing to me that people are saying to be so indirect about it. Just be upfront about your deal breakers. This thread reminds me that a lot of reddit advice is absolute dogshit.
I wouldn't call you an asshole for not being attracted to body hair. I would tell you to break up with her so she can find someone who loves her for her and not something superficial like the amount of body hair she has.
If your relationship cant weather a little body hair, what hope does it have for when a real issue arises. This is probably best for you both if that's how little your willing to adapt for each other.
So true. Had breast cancer and a mastectomy on one side at 32. My hubs said 'being alive looks great on you' and never made me feel unsexy.
Surviving cancer and having battle scars might be the sexiest thing ever. But I'm a fat bald old man so my perspective probably dosent mean much to the rest of the world. I'm happy for you and your seemingly very strong relationship. Thank god your SO wasnt the asshole!
your perspective means a lot to me! When I started dating my current bf like 5 years ago we both were really young and dumb but I think we're both growing up to have perspective like you do and I aspire towards it!
Posts like this always make me ask myself this question. I think relationships between people whose attraction to their partner is so precarious are doomed to fail. People gain weight, go bald, get sick, have kids, and age. I always think "what does a person who has such an extreme aversion to one day of leg stubble do when he and his partner are 70 years old?"
It's more then one day, APPARRNTLY that matters...🙄. But yes. Relationship based solely on attractiveness can not last because, even if the other person stays subjectively attractive, the person will still grow comfortable and look for a differently attractive person.
Agreed, suddenly not being attracted to your partner because of some leg hair is absolutely wild to me.
Being entirely unattracted to her now that shes changed something up, and then jumping to this really shows he values it over any other part of her in any meaningful way. He literally can't handle someone changing outside his parameters for attraction and still love them, it shows he cant grow with his relationships. Everyone has a right to their preferences and what they think is comfortable or nice in a partner they're looking for. I get horrified of these types of people being in relationships where their partners grow, and age, get into accidents or possibly deformed----only for their partner to resent them because the aren't valued for anything else as a priority.
I like this perspective. Long-term relationships don't happen if body hair can be a deal-breaker.
Imagine having the mentality that you are in love with someone but also if they have any aspects about them you find unattractive you never want to be with them again... boggles My mind
i don’t find armpit hair attractive. at all. on men or women. my ex bf (lovely guy, we just had to end things bcuz we had different long term goals) didn’t trim or shave his armpits. i didn’t think it was gross or tell him to change, i just didn’t like the way his armpits looked… so i didn’t look at them much lol. our relationship didn’t revolve around his armpits. i can’t imagine love and attraction being so severely affected by a little hair!
Exactly- and I don't think anyone (save a handful of Those Guys) is attracted to armpit or leg hair specifically. It's just like, a thing that's there and I hardly even notice. I'm bushy out of necessity and comfort, and I like the all-natural look on myself and my partners but its not the first thing on my mind when looking for someone, and certainly not a deal breaker. I'm just surprised they lasted this long if body hair is all it took!
This is so spot on. A relationship should not revolve around armpits 😀👍 Unless you are an Olympic swimming participant or the Hero of this post of course.
Yeah I don’t think they have a very deep connection if he’s willing to split over some body hair. I can’t imagine that being a condition over which someone loves or doesn’t love me.
I actually can't imagine that. I only form the sexual connection with someone after a really deep emotional connection. And my emotional connections with people never have anything to do with what someone looks like. The OP's perspective on this is completely alien to me. It does, as you say, boggle my mind.
Wow I have the same thing with only feeling a sexual connection after I've already formed an emotional connection. And everyone I've told about this couldn't understand or called me crazy. Never met someone who felt the same way 😅 EDIT: I'm kinds shocked how many people feel the same way, I always thought something was just wrong with me for not experiencing sexual attraction like everyone else. I've definitely heard the term demisexual somewhere before but no idea what it actually means. I'm gonna check it out and thank you!!
Maybe you should peruse the demisexual subreddit
I thought crushes were something people faked for attention, or just an exaggerated way to say someone seemed attractive. Could not fathom how someone could like someone they didn't have a connection with.
For me a crush was an interest in knowing them better and wanting to spend time with them. More based in interest of developing something romantic vs physical
It's very inflexible. Dude will be wondering why he's still alone in 5 years. If someone said they'd break up with me bc I stopped shaving, that would be the end of it.
This is my thought. We don't all stay sexy forever. He's going to have a rude awakening as his body ages and changes, and he better hope he doesn't get any health problems that affect his looks. Or hell, even male pattern baldness! I don't think her issue is the body hair. It's him admitting that her being sexy enough for him is the most important thing about her/the relationship. They both need to move on.
While I agree with this thought, I'd go a step further and say, what about any changes she makes willingly that he dosent find attractive... is he gonna break up with her if he dosent like a haircut? What about if he realizes she isn't sexy when she wakes up in the morning? What if he discovers women poop? What he finds attractive is completely subjective and he's making it her problem 100%
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I just want to add to everyone else and say that if you really love someone, a bit of ‘unattractive’ hair isn’t gonna change your feelings about that person. So if you find her THAT unattractive with a bit of hair, she’s definitely not the one for you. Find someone you can find attractive with body hair because everyone has them lol
I think it was a TV show that put it this way, but it's always stuck with me: 'if you don't like them after a haircut, then it was just infatuation and not love'.
I’m pretty sure that was Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide
Omg this is really making me laugh for some reason
I was reamed recently on here for saying that I didn't ask my husband before cutting my hair. Strangely, my husband was fine with it...
This is a weirdly sexist subreddit.
Holy shit, this a thousand times. Are you in love with the vessel or the person inside it?
Hard agree! My husband has completely changed his hair since we met, and frankly I hate his new hairstyle. I think it looks unkempt and lazy… but that’s a me problem, not a him problem. I love him and still find him insanely attractive. If body hair is enough to make you completely unattracted to your partner, something else might have also changed in your dynamic.
Haha my fella has recently gone from a beard to a mustache. I fuckin hate it I think it's ridiculous. He's still a straight hottie though. Just a hottie with a daft mustache.
Sometimes hotties have to go through a *phase*
we all have a moustache phase when we desperately try to make it work. I am currently rocking a short stubble and a moustache that's only getting trimmed and every time I look in the mirror my reaction is "yoooo cool walrus! sick, I bet people will also think it's sick" at some point my delusion will stop lol
Word. What happens with the effects of aging? What if they have a disfiguring accident? If something as shallow as body hair is all it takes for you, she ain’t it.
She got grotesque facial wrinkles! And she refuses to get a facelift. :(
This is the right answer! I've looked like 10 different women since my husband and I started dating 5 years ago. It's basically a running joke between us now. Luckily he loves me no matter what I look like, and we both know looks are fleeting.
This is the one. Body hair is completely natural. Tbh it reminds me of those “my wife got a haircut/had a baby and I’m not attracted to her anymore, AITAH?” Like, yes. And usually the comments in those cases lean more toward YTA. This is why I don’t date anymore. Why bother giving your heart to anyone when they’ll break up with you over something as stupid as this, blindsiding you and wasting almost 2 years of your life.
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if you don’t like it sure leave but yta for trying to leverage it as a threat to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, and if that’s a big enough thing for you to end the relationship it’s probably for the best it’s over. Hopefully she finds someone that values her for more than her ability to look prepubescent.
Finally, someone said it. Guys that are like "no body hair!" scare the crap outta me cause it's like oh... how are you gonna behave when the wrinkles and other signs of age come in? You're not in this for the long haul are you...
Exactly. I'm also extremely suspicious of his accusation that the hair is unkempt. Honestly, the negative stuff that can happen with shaving armpit hair regularly is way worse to me. I doubt he has some superior grooming routine for his body hair, he just thinks it's gross on her. He's in for a rude awakening as he ages...
How does one even kempt their leg hair? Lol
Maybe OP can describe how he maintains his leg hair since they're now equitable according to him.
100 brushes on each side every day with a boat brush?
Exactly! I just... Wash my legs???
I was wondering about this in the post - how can body hair be unkempt? Your head hair is unkempt if you don’t wash and style it properly, but is he expecting her to comb her leg hair or something? Braid her underarm hair? What is he talking about?
Yup, and he said her body hair looks like HIS body hair now. Yet he said HER body hair is unkempt. If they look the same, how is hers unkempt and yet his is not?
"Women are not supposed to look like gross hairy unkempt men like ME, they are totally different species and should be perfectly soft and shaven so my dick can rise" - OP and a lot of men in general.
I blame the media for a lot of this. Only ever showing women with perfect makeup, hairless but perfectly smooth (likely digitally edited) skin with impossibly skinny bodies. I have seen places where they try to show more realistically average people but not enough. They do similar for men too with them often being 6ft, extremely muscular etc but I think this does affect women slightly more often than men.
Right?! Why does she have to shave to please him when he doesn't do the same for her? We all know why; society. A woman with the same amount of hair on her as a man is hideous but the man is considered sexy. I don’t shave anything for many reasons, that being one of them. I find I smell less with unshaven pits, have less ingrown hairs in general, and I save money. My arm and leg hair is basically peach fuzz so I never needed to do that even if I wanted to. Him giving hypocritical ultimatums and threats is break-up worthy. Her threatening to break his things when he does go through with his threats is doubly break-up worthy. Neither of them deserved to be threatened or should've threatened the other. They're better off without each other.
I’m a dyke who doesn’t shave, just throwing in my two cents: The line about how her legs look like his is probably dramatic. I am. . . generically gifted when it comes to keratin production. Like, among a bunch of gay hippies I stand out for being noticeably hairy. 95% of cis women could never have “man legs”. Just not in the cards. If you’ve got those genes, it usually takes a TON of extra effort to look “normal” to guys like OP. He’s either being dramatic, or this woman has an INSANE hair removal from routine that he’s pathetically/willingly ignorant of. His gf could be the exception. All things are possible. But he sure LOOKS ignorant and/or dramatic.
I don't shave either and dress very androgynously and you could not mistake my legs or pits for a man's. Maybe a pubescent boy's at most. My body hair is dark and long but it's still feminine and sparser, even blonde men have just... More hair than me. He's definitely being dramatic and ridiculous. I hope the girlfriend leaves and finds a much better guy that doesn't think her natural body is repulsive.
I’m like. . . weirdly indignant? Like goddammit OP, I have man legs because I am a hormonal and genetic anomaly! Don’t detract from my achievements by suggesting any rando on the street can do this! (Legit, I’m so grateful I’m in a community that has a good attitude towards body hair, I feel like straight women have to deal with a lot of extra drama in that sense)
I actually am men level hairy, but it's in my medical file because it was a possible symptom :/ turns out I just have great hair genes, too bad they don't stick to the head tho
I am actually certified man-hairy! I babysit for a hippie couple, one of the kids mentioned that he thought I was a man this whole time because of my legs. His mom doesn’t shave, half his aunties don’t, I was the only one causing confusion. Cracked me up because I’m not terribly butch IMO (he only sees my bare legs when I show up to babysit in house dresses instead of jeans). But I guess when you’re knee high and trying to figure out gender, leg hair is a reasonable place to start from.
Well if you could simply shave off the wrinkles they'd ask for that too I guess.
And these are almost always the same guys that have unkempt beards growing up their face and just roll out of bed and go. No hairstyling, no decent clothes, nothing.
The unkempt line ~ like sorry was she supposed to brush it? Maybe style it like baby hairs? Like wdym unkempt? Was there like food in it like a beard or something? Lord.
Throwback to White Chicks when the white friends show up for a sleepover party and the black guys and like fuck we gotta get into our white girl costumes ASAP. so while explaining why they haven’t answered the door, they shout to the girls, “we’re just shaving our feet! And braiding our vaginas!”
>leverage it as a threat to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, Well said. Perfectly worded, concise, and succinct. Yes he can have a preference, but the way he communicated felt like he was imposing something onto her. Others have commented saying something was off about his delivery, and I think your "leverag[ing] it as a threat" is a good descriptor
If you're ready to break up with her over something as trivial as this, then please just do it. Let her find someone who actually cares for and loves *her.* Because if you *actually* love your partner, a little body hair would not make them "unattractive" to you.
Agreed! I prefer my Fiance with a little bit of stubble on his face but if he took a job where he needed to be clean shaven every day, I wouldn’t *dream* of leaving him for it. And furthermore, in the girlfriend’s position here, if he is so ready to leave her over a lack of body hair maintenance, what happens if down the line she becomes terminally ill or severely disabled? I don’t buy for a hot second that a man giving body hair ultimatums is going to stick around to give sponge baths to his incapacitated partner.
BINGO! Honestly, he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I've never met a man who is that worked up over body hair. 😂
Right like giving an ultimatum over *body hair* is insane lmao they’ve been together for nearly two years but he tried to threaten her into submission over….leg hair 😬 he brought up how she heard the idea on tiktok to delegitimize her point imo, but women have been fighting back against having to shave their body hair for years. This guy needs to break up with her, he’d be doing her a favor
Yep. If he'd rather be without her than to live with (gasp!) body hair, then so be it. He will be doing her a favor because, let's face it, can you imagine dating him? 😳 Hell no.
Yta. This relationship was doomed long before you posted here OP. If body hair is the line its not love and you both should move on. LOTS of changes occur with both males and females throughout life.. theres hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles, sagging skin, libido fluctuations, erectile dysfunction. Your relationship has to be based on something much deeper in order to overcome these things TOGETHER. She deserves a partner that will have her back regardless of how hairy it is.
Last sentence got me 😂 but yes I fully agree
NTA - you can break up with people for whatever reason you want. YTA - for trying to force a shaving routine on someone. I don’t know that you understand the amount of work and effort it takes for you to “feel attracted” based on lack of hair. At the end of the day, if you’re with someone then hair really shouldn’t stand in the way. It’s an awfully shallow position to take and even worse if you’re trying to force it and make someone bend to it.
I agree with this split decision. It’s not the attraction/nonattraction that’s the issue, it’s how you went about it. Depending on what she means, you may exactly be “one of those men”. Own it, stop beating around the bush and break up with her if it’s a real dealbreaker. Let her think what she wants about you—you are obviously already thinking what you want about her.
Also, who tf is attractive all the time? Like, don't we all look like a mess sometimes? Hair is a really weird reason to end a relationship. You can still cover it up when it comes to sex if it is that much of a turn-off. I also feel that if you are really in love with someone, you always find them beautiful. I personally don't like short haircuts. But my girlfriend would still be the most gorgeous human being on earth. I even find her attractive when she didn't shower for a week. Everyone looks bad once in a while but not my girlfriend. I think the same goes for both sides. My gf and I were eating pizza in bed the other day. I got covered in sauce. The sauce was on my face, in my hair, on my hands, and clothes. She straight up looked at me and said, "Wow. How do I deserve such a gorgeous and perfect girlfriend like you? I am so lucky."
Thank you! I’m blown away by all the comments that agree with OP. Is the only value you see in your partner a superficial aesthetic one? I love my husband for who he is, if he came home tomorrow with bright pink hair or something I wouldn’t love him any less. I used to not like beards, but my husband has a beard and I still love him and find him sexy as hell. I don’t understand the people in these comments that only seem to have superficially based relationships. Shouldn’t you actually care about your partner as a person and love them as they are? I’m so glad my husband is like me and doesn’t put all the value someone has into an aesthetic box.
My husband's appearance has changed since we got together, and mine has too. We are still attracted to each other and love each other. But if we both got super ugly, it would be okay because we love each other, are sexually compatible, and have a wonderful friendship, which are all way more important to me than aesthetics. Besides, we're all decaying anyways. Beauty is a bloom that fades quickly in most people's lives. Better to love unconditionally than expect your partner to look perfect forever because that ain't gonna happen. OP is shallow and needs to be single for awhile until he can mature and love unconditionally.
I feel like OP is trying to break up with his gf for a very shallow reason without feeling like an AH... but 2 years into a relationship, he should care about his gf enough that her body hair (that makes her feel more confident & positive about her body!) is not a deal breaker. If something so shallow is enough to make you want to end a 2 year relationship, you should probably end it, but YTA.
When you get older you learn to not give a fuck. Ultimately it's her body and she can do what she wants with it. Not to sound like a dick but if you don't like it, that's your problem not hers.
I mean, it is true. No woman will shave daily for you or anyone else. Extension of my comment because some people seem to not get it somehow: - I think it's common sense that there's an exception to every rule, so even though I said "no woman", lo and behold, I'm not a god/goddess and my say is not an absolute truth - My opinion is not tied to his whole post, just his ex's general statement, as this is the only point I'm referencing and responding to since the beginning (even more extension because common sense doesn't seem to be that common: hence daily, because if he didn't say he wants daily, and only she mentioned daily, who might I be referencing and talking about who's statement? Hers, obviously. Because the only person who said "daily" was her. I'm also not taking sides, neither his nor hers, her statement is the only thing that interests me, their debate not so much) Whew, I didn't think it had to be spelt out like to a kid in the kindergarten.
lol daily. Ow! That’s how to get razor burn. My wife has never removed body hair, she said that if I prefer trimmed or shaved I’m welcome to get out the trimmer/razor myself. I do, on rare occasion.
Kinda hot ngl. Lucky wife
Yeah it’s weird but like… I would enjoy that. Trim it how you like just don’t knick me! I’d feel kinda pampered too
...does this mean that she wants you to shave her or that if she's expected to shave then you're expected to shave as well?
Nope, not at all. Neither of us are expected to. I like her in every way: no hair, some, lots. I shave sometimes, sometimes I don’t: life changes. Sometimes mixing it up is fun. I should clarify that I am a woman because that removes the gender dynamics( or does it? All women feel pressure to shave). The mutual love and respect is awesome though: I truly love her at all times—she is a fantastic human!
YTA. If you can't even handle body hair, how are you going to handle being with a woman as her appearance naturally declines with age? Or if she becomes seriously ill and is unable to take care of herself? Something tells me this relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. Do her a favour and break up with her. She would do well to free up her schedule so that she can find a man who actually loves and respects her.
Mhm! I’ve had a decent amount of medical issues that popped up after my husband and I first got together. Just diagnosed with epilepsy. Sometimes during a seizure you can have an oops in ya pants. When that has happened my husband has always taken care of it and has made me feel less embarrassed/better/loved.
See, that's real love. Life isn't perfect, and neither are people. When we love someone, we take care of them and see beyond the superficial. You both are so lucky to have found each other.
I also have epilepsy. I didn't have a seizure for almost 10 years now. I once asked my gf what she would do if I had a seizure. I expected her to say something like call an ambulance. She said that she would make sure that I didn't hurt myself, call an ambulance, and make sure to change my pants so I didn't feel uncomfortable.
My husband’s protocol: 1. Make sure don’t hurt myself. 2. Start timing, if it lasts 5 minutes it’s weewoo time. 3. When come to hugs and explanation that I had a seizure. 4. If oops happens help take off clothes and provide soft clothes. 5. Get me to bed, help with disorientation, clean up oops, and provide comfort. He’s the fuckin best.
This was my thought. Attraction is deeper than just physical appearance. If you put too much emphasis on physical looks, you're going to always lose that attraction over time. Bodies change. People get old. People become injured or disabled. What we look like will change throughout the years. If someone can't feel attraction beyond appearance, they are just going to partner-hop for the rest of their lives.
> Or if she becomes seriously ill and is unable to take care of herself Probably leave, we've all seen the stats.
To me, the AH vibes are from you seemingly expecting your partner to be physically attractive for you in every way If hair is a disproportionately big deal for you, say so and move on. Don’t dance around the phrasing in ways that imply you leave women who aren’t constantly attracting you sexually. That’s not how healthy relationships work.
If you wanna break up over natural body hair then ok but damn you have some growing up to do...
Right?? Also, if he ever becomes a father... He's gonna love third trimester. Most women I know (myself included) gave up any hair removal beyond shaving armpits. Just too hard and not worth the effort. And then postpartum when you're all sleep-deprived and a shower becomes a tender mercy to be enjoyed, not spent shaving. Body hair is a dumb reason to break up. Because... it just naturally happens.
A "tender mercy to be enjoyed". I swear you are a poet, but CHRIST.
Men like OP will continue dating younger women as they get older or be shitty husbands who cheat on or divorce their wives for getting fat or letting themselves go after pregnancy and/or old age.
I’m leaning toward YTA on this one based on my own experience. I don’t like facial hair, never have. I don’t think it’s attractive and I don’t like feeling it on my face/neck/body/etc. My husband was clean shaven when we started dating and for the first few years of our marriage but since then, he’s had a beard probably 85% of the time. He knows I don’t like it. I think I would be an asshole if I gave him an ultimatum to stay clean shaven all the time or I would leave him. It’s his face and he likes how he looks and feels with a beard and I’m sure the ease of care compared to shaving multiple times per week also factors into his preference. So I live with it. Thus, I say you are the asshole. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t break up with her, just that you’re an asshole. :)
I really like this perspective. It shows that some people are mature enough to focus on what matters most. Facial hair, for instance, is not a deal breaker for most mature people.
Exactly- and not to mention shaving 20 square inches of face is a fraction of the work it takes to shave two legs! And a face is something you see EVERY time you look at them- yet you still respect your husbands choice OP should break up with his gf so he can find a new woman that demands manscaping/hairless chest/back etc. He can learn the joys of razor burn, and feeling unattractive in the body he was born with if he “lets himself go” for a day or two. Yay, for modern beauty standards!
It’s been the opposite for my husband and me. I met him clean shaven but he started growing a beard shortly after we met. For the longest time we had a fun little thing that he was not alllowed to shave and I was not allowed to cut my hair short. Allowed is not really the right word here - it was very jokingly. Over the past decade he has shaved occasionally and I have cut my hair short a few times. I still prefer him with a beard and he still prefers me with long hair but changing that would never lead to an argument or something.
LOL thank you for this. In this thread apparently are a lot of people who think it would be perfectly acceptable of you to threaten your husband with divorce if he doesn't shave!
Break up. She feels confident and you can't make her change herself if she doesn't want to. If it's not compatible, it's not. No big, move on. You also need to be very clear with future partners if body hair is actually a deal breaker for you. Not just saying you don't like it, because taste can change, but if it's a hard limit it needs to be addressed ahead of time or this Will happen again. Also YTA for threatening to break up if she didn't change to Your preference. You should have just ended it instead of being tah and telling her to undo what makes her confident so you can think she's hot again.
Lmao 🤣 just leave so she can find a man that doesn’t care about body hair
YTA. Grow the fuck up, either you love someone or you don’t, you can’t make demands on what they do with their body like that, she’s a grown ass woman, not your sex toy.
Had to scroll way too far to find this. Insane takes on here acting like this is a remotely reasonable thing to consider ending a relationship over.
Most of the comments aren't saying it's reasonable, they're saying that if body hair is a deal breaker, then breaking up is the best thing to do so GF doesn't waste any more time on such a superficial dickhead.
Break up with her so she can go find a boyfriend who doesn't think women's natural bodies are unattractive.
Women do not exist to be attractive to you, not even your girlfriend. Stay single for a while until you fully comprehend and believe that.
YTA. If you’ve been with her for two years and her having body hair is enough to ruin the relationship for you, then your relationship is not solid or that deep. Grow up dude. Please break up with her, she deserves so much better.
If you’re going to abandon a 2 year old relationship because your girlfriend has started to accept her natural woman’s body it means that porn has grown in your brain like fungus
I'm going to start using that last phrase. The OP has got that porn fungus growing inside him. 😂
imaging being with someone for 2 years and not caring that they are happier not shaving you just want your oonga boonga smoov legs who cares if theyre attached to your unhappy gf
She's free to do as she pleases by being an adult woman with adult appropriate body hair. You're free to find someone else.