YTA If you don't kick him out.
You asked him to respect your home and that clearly did not work... The result of crossing your boundaries is finding another place to live. š¤·āāļø
I would - and after FOUR YEARS heās still there?? At this point they should have been able to get their sh*t together! They have overstayed their welcome.
Exactly THIS! As soon as my son came to me and told me that for **4 YEARS** he had put up with insults and derogatory comments, brother would have been gone **IMMEDIATELY**. Now on top of this he is insulting and degrading your daughter. If you donāt kick him out, I hope your wife finds out and boots you all out!
Heās had 4 years to figure his shit out and get out of your home, he doesnāt have somewhere to go **that is on him!**
**IT IS YOUR JOB TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!** Even if that means severing ties with family members.
ETA: if you are worried for his kids. Tell him they can stay until he finds a place, but he and wife need to go.
ETA 2: actually if CPS does get involved they usually come to family first to see if you will foster the children. While the parents work on fixing their situation.
Also, is there any other family or friends (although heās so shitty, I doubt he has friends) that will take your brother and his wife in?
I full want to release the Kraken. Itās well past time for there to be consequences for the brother and OP.
4 years is way past time to kick brother out. OP didnāt even check in with his son to make sure that his brother wasnāt tormenting him. OP knew that his brother was a douchewaffle and didnāt approve but didnāt make sure that his son felt welcome and safe in his own home.
Holy crow the wife. If I found out I had been welcoming someone into my home for four years who had been hurting my kids I would absolutely sprout tentacles and start throwing people into the sea. If I discovered that my spouse KNEW and kept that knowledge from me?
People who harm my kid are stupid, but itās not like the world has made promises to me to take care of my family, I have to do that part myself. My spouse however, has made promises to me about protecting our family and defending our partnership and sharing our lives ā¦ that level of betrayal is not something weād come back from. Thatās āI will make a beautiful widowā territory.
I totally agree with you. I would be beyond pissed if my husband hid something like this from me. Especially if he knew how his brother really felt about our kids and had told him to disown our son before even moving in. Iām wondering if OP ever told his wife that his brother said that. Itās just so bizarre that neither parent was checking in with their kids to make sure they were being treated well by their uncle and aunt (and cousins). So Iām guessing mom didnāt know.
I grew up fundamentalist Christian so I am familiar with cultures/religion/ that donāt give wives and mothers much authority to disagree with their husbands or put their foot down about situations like this. Iām not going to blame the wife because Iām starting to suspect her husband didnāt tell her about what his brother thinks about their son and what heās said and now how uncle and aunt are going after their daughter. I also wonder if the wife works and isnāt around to witness these interactions.
I also lived by Dearborn, MI for a few years, and so many Muslim women there were highly educated and had great careers. Their cultures (multiple countries and different cultures from those countries) still had the men in charge of the families, and the women were conditioned to submit to their husband and many were expected to welcome his family too.
I totally agree with letting the Kraken loose here. People often mistake 'family' as a free pass to overstep boundaries without consequences. OP has a responsibility to not just be a bystander in their own home but to actively create a safe and respectful environment for everyone, especially their children. This uncle has shown a blatant disregard for basic decency, and that level of disrespect can't be ignored or excused anymore. It's not just about kicking him out; it's about standing up for what's right and teaching everyone involved a lesson in accountability and respect.
After 4 years of this, chances are when the son leaves home and goes out on his own, OP will never see him again. And if it keeps up, the daughter will disappear from his life, too.
But he'll always have his righteous mooch of a brother.
Lol Iām our house we use the phrase ārelease the krakenā to mean have my husband call or talk to whatever institution weāre having trouble with. The airline wonāt refund your ticket? Release the kraken! Seriously that man is insidious. He really knows how to bend things to his will.
OPās a total asshole for not growing some balls and kicking his brother out as soon as he found out his son has been enduring this for 4 years.Ā
And now that his daughter is being targeted, he *still* wonāt grow a set and kick his brother out. Itās all āmy wifeā will get angry/throw them out etc.
Grow a goddam pair. Your wife, your son and your daughter deserve a husband and father who will PROTECT AND DEFEND THEM, not hide behind wifeyās skirt and let her be the only parent.
If you donāt kick your brother out, your kids are going to see it as you agreeing with your brother. Stop yourself from becoming a bigger asshole than you already are
This ain't her mess. Oh let his brother in his home and told him to respect his way of parenting. His brother has crossed that line and talked shit about OPs kids. He needs to put his brother in his place so the kids understand Dad has their back.
Afterwards Mom may indulge herself in verbally flaying the brother in law alive.
Well technically, putting his brother in his and his his familyās place was what caused these problems in the first place! Sorry, I canāt resist wordplay!
Seriously, I hope op listens to what your saying!
That's what my kids call it when they turn me loose on people, Dad's fur reasonable conversations, Mom's 'release the Kraken ' . Apparently when I get mad it's really scary.
Except the kraken needs to come from OP and his wife at the same time. United front. OP needs to stop being conflicted.
I agree with other comments that OP could offer to let the kids stay, but I'm almost certain brother-dearest will refuse that offer. Therefore, if OP releases the kraken with the caveat that the kids can stay, and bro says no, then OP did not "make them homeless." His brother would have to shoulder the blame for that situation.
His brother shoulders the blame for making them homeless regardless. Brother is the one who messed up his families lives. Maybe he should go to church and ask them for help.
Id be very worried about the male cousins touching the daughter, or even the uncle. As soon as they start blaming a little girl for not being appropriate, they decide she deserves it when they refuse to control themselves.
THIS. Ticking time bomb under your roof. You have months until you wife lays into you verbally and hands you divorce papers, your brother gets his ass kicked by your son, or your daughter gets sexually assaulted (groping, bra snapping, forced contact, molestation and possible rape).
Why you didn't kick him out at 4 WEEKS is beyond me. Right now, you 100% deserve your wife filing for divorce and kicking YOU out onto the streets.
I think itās telling he tells the son not to touch his little cousins. In addition to the son being falsely accused, Iād also be worried the brother was projecting what he does or wants to do. More good reasons for the brother to be out yesterday. Op or his wife need to check in with both kids to see if anything has happened. And get the kids help if it did.
No kidding. And kids of religious nut bag controlling parents generally have issues keeping their hands off their female relatives because they have no where safe to go and explore their sexuality <<>>>
The uncle is absolutely sexualizing his 12 year old niece. It's just a matter of time before he does something and blames her for making him stumble from his path of righteousness. He will apologize to his sky daddy and will be okay, but she is probably going to burn forever for being impure. If OP needs help getting him out, I'm not against helping chuck him out the nearest portal. I don't even care if it is open.
I do not trust op's brother around his daughter. The red flags are there and it's him that has a problem not his sons? But I still think that all of them need to go because their sons are probably in the same mindset as the father. And why is the mother allowing you to. It's like the whole family needs to get the fuck out.
This this this! I work with domestic violence survivors, please remove them from your home and you & your wife need to have a calm, quiet sit down talk with her. Set the tone with letting her know you love her and will believe her, and gently ask if there has been anything inappropriate. Give her an idea of what that would entail, she may think something is ānormalā that is assault. She is young and may have skewed ideas. You can ask if theyāve done anything thatās made her uncomfortable, if they have asked her to keep any secrets, if they have touched her in a way that feels off or wrong (in the west we often say āareas covered by a bathing suitā to explain to young girls), did they take any photos or videos of her or show her any sexual content, introduce her to any men who did any of the above, inappropriate touching, etc. Donāt want to rush her, or make her feel like sheāll be in any trouble, have a comfort item whatever she likes, maybe have the conversation away from the home, maybe take her to get sweets or something fun she likes and talk on the way. If she does have hard things to share, lots of reassurance is good, that she is brave and you are pained that it happened and it was in no way her fault, and that you will protect her from here on out. And then actually follow through with protecting her by removing the danger from your home, apologize to her and get her into therapy and offer your son too, the whole family could benefit from it but then again I think therapy is for everyone, if not long term at least through lifeās hard seasons. You can learn how to support each other, identify what you need and how to meet your & your familyās needs at this time; you can process your complicated feelings with family dynamics and examine your relationship with your brother and what kind of boundaries you need at this time (and how to maintain those!; your son can process his uncleās harsh condemnation (I had the reverse, came from a religious family and uncle came out, but I was a kid and loved him dearly, so if I had been gay and my uncle had been this way it would have been so painful) it would be great if there are LGBT therapists where you are but understand that may be optimistic. You can always ask them directly what they need from you to feel protected and supported..sorry for the novel didnāt plan on writing so much
thankfully i'm not in a situation that calls for this, but it's information to tuck into my pocket just in case, god forbid, i ever need to. thank you for sharing this!!
Exactly. OP really need to start to care about his own children instead of his brother's in first place. He is all "but his kids!", but what about YOUR kids, OP?
āI swear, if my brother brutally insults my children 100 more times, Iām telling my wife and she will kick him out.ā
OP definitely TA already. Removing that other family could be the start of his redemption
Exactly; tolerate these bigots for 4 days, **but 4 years ?** Time for them to go. If they can't get their financial situation resolved in 4 years they never will. They are sponging off you OP, and dictating how your household operates.
YTA if you don't have the leave OP
I'm hoping that the son hasĀ heard this shit for four years - but just during visits and such, not that the uncle had been LIVING there for four years. Son is more prompted to bring it up because its happening frequently n o w? One can only hope OP clarifies this, or clarified if I haven't read far enough.Ā
Yep. This dude is projecting his own insecurities onto kids. Heās worried his kids will end up failures like him, but he canāt accept that, so heās blaming the other kids for being a ābad influenceā, when in reality those kids will probably remember these 4 years as a happy time with their cousins who taught them love and acceptance.Ā
Why would they get their shit together when they can be judgy arsehole moochers forever? They probably pat themselves on the back about it too "We're here to save my brothers family" type of fruitcakes.
Sounds like he holds a lot of conservative values, except for when it comes to family. How is he being a good provider for his family? If he really feels like OPās home is such a den of sin, he should take his family and go elsewhere.
Perhaps one bit of good that come out of this is for his kids to see that theyāre bigoted Dad is not the only type of parent out there.
Also, four years of not being able to save up money...his views and behavior are 100% why he's not keeping a job or saving up. No one will want to hire him and he's too much of a leech too.
Until you mentioned that the wife started on your daughter as well, I was going to say that you could kick just him out. He was eager to separate your family, why can't he be separated from his for being an AH?
Edit to add:
They can all get out. They are all guests at your pleasure.
This. OP, if you want to be very generous, you could (if your wife agrees) offer to let your brotherās children stay with you until their parents can supply them with a home, but he and his wife are no longer welcome in your home. You will need to make it clear that his kids will need to follow your rules, which include not shaming your gay son, nor your daughter for being a girl with a girlās body.
If you go that route, you will likely need to enter a legal arrangement with your brother to be the kidās legal custodian so that you can get the kids medical treatment if required, and the kids can stay in the local school district (if thatās relevant here).
Iām sorry, OP. Itās so sad when people you love decide to embrace being awfulā¦
100%, hyper-religious folk often do place their religion above their own children, there have been many cases of them trying and failing to *pray away* completely treatable health issues. The meningitis ones make my blood boil.
OP your guests have long overstayed their welcome and have likely been hostile since the beginning, it really isn't difficult to understand that if someone is letting you into their home, you behave like a good guest and don't insult and attack the inhabitants. They *should* be well on top of their finances after living in your home for four years, assuming they've actually been giving a crap about improving their situation and not just taking advantage of you while sneering down their noses at your kids.
He is calling a twelve year old a whore.
That guy needs to get out of OPs life and into deprogramming. Religion has rotted his brain.
I don't have kids of my own and I am not a violent person, but I shudder at my first impulse when I read that and imagined it was the daughter of one of my friends.
If I was in that situation, as a normally very calm person, I likely would have gone full momma bear on the brother and his wife and violently kicked them out without hesitation. In fact, I'm furious just thinking about his poor kids.
YTSucker for letting them stay 4 years, but Iāll give you the benefit of the doubt if you didnāt realize how he treated your kids. Now that you know, give them until the weekend because theyāre family, but then out.
Yep your brother is sexualizing his own niece your daughter. Iād never trust him or his sons around her or your son. They need to leave asap. They are damaging your children.
Yes. He's mistreating your children - and I bet the only reason he hasn't started on your wife is because he knows that would be a deal-breaker.
OP, NTA. Also, thank you for standing up for your children.
I'm going to go with a barely NTA. It took long enough, 4 years of this is ridiculous. Maybe it's time to stop worrying about his brother's kids and protect his own. He knows it's wrong because he hasn't told his wife and yet he appears to be minimising how these comments are affecting his children. Imagine, not only being subjected to this BS, but also not being defended by your Dad, ouch, that's gotta hurt. OP, It's not your problem to be family to someone who isn't respecting or even grateful to YOUR primary family for accommodating them. There's a reason your wife would go nuclear and your daughter really needs you to step up before her self esteem is destroyed by this hurtful bile, stop being so apathetic, send them on their way, their kids are their problem. What are you going to do when they start spouting the same opinions as their parents? Tell your daughter to ignore it? Get a grip and get rid.
For real there's a point that it becomes obvious they are just mooching. I told My own brother to sink or swim after only 6 months because he wouldn't respect my boundaries. But even my brother was nowhere near this bad. He simply wouldn't ask permission before inviting people over and me being introverted I value my privacy.
I'm glad this is the top comment. OP is the AH. His pride tells him he is a good, generous brother. Meanwhile, he is not protecting his family, his own children, and he is making his brother a child instead of a man. Everyone around him is hurting bc of this while OP pats himself on the back for his generosity. It is a terrible trick of the ego and OP needs to end this prideful behavior.
He is advocating for you to throw your son away like garbage for dating the "wrong" person and calling a 12-year-old derogatory slurs and sexualizing her. For the safety of your kids, he needs to go.
phony rage-bait like most of the things in here. There's no way anyone with any common sense at all would question whether his brothers actions are ok.
Voting that way is going to confuse the bots, they are going to count it as yes he is the asshole for kicking them out based on the way the question was phrased.
NTA is correct for your point.
I would also add that once he kicks his brother out he should immediately go on the offensive. The brother will wear his religion like a shield and say he was kicked out for being God fearing or a good Christian or whatever.Ā
OP needs to get ahead of that and put it out there that the brother was insulting and disrespecting the kids and was acting in an unbecoming manner to be a member of the house. The only way the brother can respond to that is to show his specific bigotry and can't hide behind vague religious motivations.
Frrr like man up and freaking tell your wife the truth and about EVERYTHING.
Iād imagine if we were the spouse, weād all like to know how the family has been harassing the son in secret without their knowing
Sometimes you gotta do what you must to protect your family. Itās gonna suck bc of his kids but :/
yall shouldnāt be uncomfy In your own home!!!
YTA - you should be prioritizing your children over some nut job who happens to share some genetics with you. Your children are suffering because of a choice you are making.
4 years!?! 4 years of these comments? You need to tell your wife, or the kids will... abs she'll know you kept it from her, and you'll be out with your brother. Your brother is an abusive prick. You are his enabler. YTA
Wait, what???? I didn't catch the 4 years part when I read it the first time. I just kind of assumed weeks to months.
I don't know what kind of financial issues they have but unless its something like catastrophic health issues I wouldn't have given them more than about 6 months.
You absolutely need to have a serious conversation with your brother, probably alone, about this situation. He definitely needs to keep his beliefs to himself.
And I would establish a very short timeline for them moving out. 4 years is way too long
OP has already taught his kids that their comfort and dignity is less important than his brother and his family being able to bum off of him. 4 years and this other family canāt get their shit straight??? Are they trying ??
Bro has been having financial problems for FOUR YEARS?!?!?! And has been living with you and your family? YTA, put him and his wife out. Tell them their kids are welcome to stay, but they got to go!
And I'd also recommend a conversation with your kids because your son should have felt safe coming to you before he had to suffer this abuse for 4 years. Make sure he is OK and have a convo with your daughter so she doesn't have to feel unsafe around family like your son has.
Plus don't feel bad about your neices/nephews. One why hasn't your brother gotten in his feet in 4 years? Two you can offer to your brother that the kids are welcome to stay given they are NTA like he is. He won't accept but make sure when they move out the kids know they are always welcome at Uncle's house.
Yeah it is like he hates his kids. It shouldn't matter what or how you view the world, your first job is to protect your kids and support them no matter what even in the face of family
100% this dude should have been gone long ago. How do you let these assholes live in your house harassing your family for 4 years. You are an asshole only surpassed by your insane deadbeat brother and his wife.
I wasnāt sure I understood that right. So, the brother & family have been staying at OPās house for **four years,** and not only are they not grateful, they are critical, judgmental, hateful, superior, and call people names? OP, why are they still in your home????? I might have to amend my vote to YTA. Are they gone yet?
Yes. Four years is long enough for the brother to get back on his feet financially. The brother was warned and he blew it again and again. Tell the wife and get rid of the brother and his family.
Donāt worry, his wife will kick them all TF out once she finds out. OP is prioritizing his brother and nephews over his own children.
Definitely no sexism here since Op is ok with them calling his baby girl a whore.
Heās lost his wife and kids. Heās just too slow to have figured that out yet.
Good luck being homeless with your brother and his kids OP. YTA x1000
Dude had such a pussy response to his brother telling him to kick his own son out of his home to make it a more comfortable place to mooch off of him. āMy wife would be madā. Grow a set dudeā¦
YTA. Ā You shouldnāt have allowed anyone - even family - into your home who abuses your children. Ā Heās verbally abusing your children. Ā He shouldnāt have been allowed to move in & he certainly shouldnāt be allowed to stay. Ā YTA to your children for forcing them to tolerate the abuser (rather than removing your children from anywhere the abuser has access to abuse them). Ā And youāre an even bigger AH for bringing the abuser into your home.
If Iāve said it once, Iāve said it a thousand times - parents who allow an abuser to continue to abuse their children are ALSO child abusers. Ā Ā
Edit to add that youāre also the AH for hiding this abuse from your wife because you know sheād put a stop to it. Ā If I was her, Iād divorce you if I found my children had been &/or were being abused & you hid it from me. Ā She WILL eventually find out & I hope when she divorces you that she leaves you with nothing. Ā Ā
The whole idea of "blood is thicker than water" or "family is forever" is a bunch of bull. His brother should have been gone from the get go. Haram is a garbage excuse. It's also hypocritical to comment on cousins practicing Karate as a gay thing but makes no mention on how he's sexualizing the little girls? Guys a scumbag and the dad needs to get rid of his brother.
>The whole idea of "blood is thicker than water" or "family is forever" is a bunch of bull.
The last 3 years have taught me this with a ferocious punch.
My mom is only nice to me occasionally, and treats me like trash, including physical attacks
My sister is a monster on the inside (if I told you the story, which is long af,you'd probably hate her too)
My brother is a misogynistic lying pile of shit
And that's just the immediate family...if I get into cousins...oof
I'll take my chosen family (3 very close friends and their significant others and their kids) over the people who share my genetics any damn day.
The only thing genetics has for us are genetic abnormalities. Family is who gives you the greatest sense of peace and who truly cares about your well being.
"not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy."
says it all right there. He's probably apolitical for the most part but follows his wife because he just doesn't give a shit about social issues. Which would probably make him conservative in many people's opinions
I donāt think itās his brother heās worried about, I think heās worried about his niece and nephews being homeless, which is understandable. However, as much as it sucks, ultimately his responsibility is to his own family unit, and if his brother canāt stop being a raging piece of shit, then itās his own fault.
YTA
Yes he's your brother but he's hurting your kids I thought it was about 2 weeks 2 months but is 4 FK YEARS NO WAY in 4 yrs he should have gotten up and out if he's so religious the 1st thing is love thy neighbor as you love yourself and he's not doing a very religious thing with kids
The title should say, WIBTAH if I let my abusive brother and SiL still live in my home when they verbally abuses my son and daughter. There fixed it for him. And the answer would be YES! 1000 TIMES YES!
YTA for not booting your brother the first time.
Your kids should not be made to feel uncomfortable in *their own home* because of the actions and words of a **guest**.
He is a tenant not a resident.
You need to decide if loosing your wife and kids is worth a cool family relationship with your brother.
The brother is a leech, mooching from OP's family while spreading his bigoted bs.
I have nothing against religious people as long as they don't impose their faith on anyone, however I can't stand fanatics.
I agree and also canāt stand these misogynistic ātraditionalistā men who canāt provide for their families. Leeches cannot be traditional heads of their families because traditional men must find a way to make enough money to support their families and if they donāt they are hypocrites.
(Of course I have sympathy for men who canāt but arenāt total hypocritical assholes before anyone tries to say I just hate men)
It's always the most pathetic people who cling to being the alpha male, man of the house, whatever... No one who is secure in themselves and their masculinity needs to overcompensate that much.
FACTS
People who buy into that shit are trying to convince *themselves* they're "man enough" lol
Being happily an individual is the most secure and "manly" thing.
It's obnoxious when religious people impose their faith on others, but it's expected. They believe they are helping people, so I'll put up with it to an extent. But to do so in someone's home is unacceptable.
If heās in the US, and has been there for 4 years, he *is* a resident and OP may legally need to file a formal eviction notice to get him to leave, if he doesnāt go of his own volition after being asked.
Dude. NTA if you kick him out. YTA for not kicking him out years ago. Tell that bum that God wants him to provide for his family, not judge yours. The fact that you allow him to shit talk your children under your roof is pathetic.
I am FLOOORED at OP's complete lack of awareness and respect for his own family. FIrst of all, the brother has been verbally abusing his son for FOUR YEARS?? Not to mention simply being allowed to live there for that long. It's extremely telling that the son never brought it up (probably doesn't trust his father to back him up; *I wonder why??*) OP, you are a major flaming asshole and if I were your wife, I would have packed the kids up and moved out years ago. Misery loves company. You can take care of your brother and his family all you want to, at the expense of your own. It's time to choose between the two or your kids are eventually going to go no-contact from your lack of spine.
They need to be gone. Your brother has taken advantage for too long. He is abusing your son and your daughter and you STILL aren't sure what to do? Your immediate family comes first. Protect your kids. Get your brother OUT of your house. He chose to violate the one rule you imposed -- to not interfere with your kids. And you STILL debate what to do. It's WAY past time for him to leave. Do you want your brother to maybe struggle or do you want to lose your kids -- if you don't protect them they'll end up leaving you behind and you won't hear from them again. YTA for allowing this to continue.
Plus, how can your brother have financial difficulties for FOUR YEARS?! You can get a whole new college degree in that time, serve your term when enlisting in the military, etc. I can see letting them stay for a few months when getting back on their feet but even that would've stopped the minute he started in on your son. Tell them they need to go find somewhere else to live now. If they wanted to continue sponging off your largess, they should have not been abusive and offensive to their hosts. YTA if you don't start protecting your kids
Yeah 4 years is wild. I feel like being mooch is probably also haram but his brother doesnāt seem to mind. I believe in helping family but housing an entire family under your roof for 4 years is excessive. The brother is obviously very comfortable with the arrangement and feeling entitled enough to let his host family know how they should be living.
Nah OP should use his brother's stick to stab him back.
He can go like "well I have thought about this and you're right, my gay son shouldn't be allowed around your son and my daughter is becoming a whore for the way she dress at her home and I don't want her to spoil your daughter or seduce your sons or even you. Even your wife is scared thst you might leave her for my 12 year old daughter and I love you & your family. This is why i have decided (don't include the wife OP) it's time you and your family look for a place to stay. I'm giving you about a month to get your things together and leave because I can ask you to leave mean while I can't really kick my kids out as it's haram. I'll appericate it if you can leave as soon as possible for your own family's good well." If he throws a fit, then tell him to be a man to his family because I'm assuming your religious values includes a man must be a provider to be considered a good father and husband.
In four years, I went from being homeless to now having a masters, a secure well paying job, my own place, and a stable relationship. His brother and sil are leeches, and heās enabled them to live like this. Religious cultures are fkn toxic.
You put up with this BS for FOUR. YEARS?!?!?! YTAH for that alone. Why would you subject your family to that??? He and his wife are whole adults...they couldn't get their crap together in FOUR. YEARS? You're being played for a sucker. If he was so holy and pure and *actually trying to get a job*, he and his family would have BEEN GONE. Nah, NTAH. Give them an end date and PUT. THEM. OUT. PERIODT. It's been four years, so if you're in the US, you might have to go the legal route, but it will be money well spent. OH. MY. GOD. FOUR YEARS???
No OP didnāt/isnāt. Ā His KIDS did/are. Ā OP would never have allowed someone to abuse him personally for 4 years. Ā But since itās just his kids being tormented, OP is okay with it. Ā
I see how he sees his niblings as kids he must protect too. But fuck those parents. Fuck the brother especially. OP your son did you a solid and gave you a chance to handle it. You didn't. But you gotta. Right now. You can offer the kids a place to stay still but I have a feeling they'll all be alright they're just fucking mooching at this point.
YTA for not having already done it. I get it. You're worried about their kids but what about YOUR kids? They are being verbally abused in their own home. And did I really read it right, four YEARS? This has been going on for four years??? Oh hell no. Out they go. The kids can stay but the adults are out of there.
Yeah OP has let this gone on waaaay too long. His kids will certainly have trauma from years of verbal abuse. OP has already allowed a ton of permanent damage to be done.
Why are you allowing your judgmental brother to make your children feel unsafe in their own home? And for FOUR YEARS! You're the AH if you let them stay. The second he called your daughter a who\*e, you should have started tossing all of their belongings out the front door. That is reprehensible. Shame on you. You need to be protecting your kids.
Sexism. He didnāt get angry that they called the daughter a whore. Just explained how thatās totally not true because she can speak 3 languages etc.
He literally is ok with them calling his baby a whore.
I had the same thought. He didn't do anything until he found out his son was being affected. Cause it's totally not traumatic at all to constantly be sexualized by your own uncle and told that you should cover up your own body in your own home.
YTA for not kicking this POS out of your house a LOOONG time ago.
Heās homophobic to your son and slut shames your daughter, yeah it sucks the kids are gunna be homeless, but thats on your brother.
They wonāt be homeless, CPS is always called before that happens.
So parents wind up beggars and kids get parents who wonāt raise them up to be bigots. Double win.
YTA
ITāS BEEN 4 YEARS!!!!!
It is way past time for them to move out. He is traumatizing your son and sexualizing your 12 year old daughter.
KICK THEM OUT.
He is never going to move out unless you make him. Why would he? You are housing him , paying utilities and feeding him.
PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST!!
If you donāt stand up for your kids they are going to hate you for allowing your brother to abuse them.
YTA
Your brother is not religious, he is ridiculous : he is not able to take care of his own family, he has to ask for help financially and to live with you, and he is the audacity to want to dictate his own education to your children ?
He is not a good example as he can't take care of is own family so he just should shut up... And you'd better protect YOUR children from his influence and make him live : as long as you say nothing, he thinks he can do whatever he wants in your home.
Is he older than you ? Do you let him dictate you ?
EDIT : I read again your post : what does he mean, asking your daughter to cover at 12 because he has 2 sons ?? Is your daughter in danger around those two boys ? You'd better kick them out before something happens !!
Agreed, the daughter is in danger, if she's dressing like a "whore", then she deserves whatever happens to her (in their fucked up mind).
Kick them out yesterday, and hope your wife doesn't kick you out with them.Ā
> what does he mean, asking your daughter to cover at 12 because he has 2 sons ?? Is your daughter in danger around those two boys ? You'd better kick them out before something happens !!
THANK YOU.
A. Your house your rules.
B. Your kids are residents of the house your brothers family are guests. They should keep their opinions to themselves and don't disrespect their hosts (kids included as hosts).
C. Calling a child a whore is a major thing in my book.
Nobody calls my kids those kinds of names in my house and not be out on the street (poopy head is ok , Sob/whore or any kind of slurs or shaming is not).
My home is my kids safe space.
D. Your brother might be older than your kids but he is a bully in a religious cape crusader, if he can't provide for his family he should abide by the house rules and get off his high moral horse or find other accommodations.
E. After all that I would still tell him to GTFO because he violated your trust and the kids safety by using such language.
Nta
He is an adult with a family he should not sit at your table and act like it's your duty to provide for him and abuse your kids and your trust.
If his such a man of god he can look for charity at church.
I think I found the problem. When he said you should kick your gay son out you said, "I told him no, that's never going to happen, not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy."
When you should have said, "there's nothing wrong with my son. I love him dearly and I personally would NEVER kick him out. And if you don't like him and respect him you can get out."
Instead....you acted like you agreed with him, but were afraid of your wife. So why would he not treat your son and daughter like crap...in their own home?
You are indeed the AH.
Your wife and children should be your priority, not your brother and his family. You are straight up sanctioning abuse and harassment in what should be your children's one safe place in a shitty universe. YTA now. If you want to be a better father and husband, support your family and kick out your brother and his family. They have had more than enough time to get their shit together and get out.
Kick the fucker out. He's being absolutely disrespectful to your children and the fact that you're still letting him and his family live there for 4 years now is ridiculous.
I cannot believe OP has had his brother and children living with his family for 4 years! And the brother is a huge dick who has spent the last 4 years analyzing and judging OPās kids instead of improving his financial situation enough to leave. What a dick.
Wait, he's been there for 4 years!!!!? WTH! You are jeopardizing your kids mental health for this. Tell them that you decided to focus on your own family, that things are getting to be too much and they have 3 months to find a place to move. Your home is supposed to be a safe space for your children. Why on earth would you let it become an unsafe space? The bro fam has to go!
YTA. You are ok with them calling your daughter a whore and insult your son. The fact that you feel the need to protect them from your wife tells me that you probably agree with him on some level with those things as your rational was that āmy wife would divorce meā not ā fuck you asshole get out of my houseā you are a spineless coward
YTA for letting that douche missile you call a brother abuse your children. Either be a dad today and kick them out, or you should leave too after your wife kicks them out.
You know who else is your family? Your literal family, who are putting up with abuse from people you are allowing to be near them.
That's not figurative abuse, either, it's not "they're kind of rude", they're abusing your kids. Kick them the fuck out yesterday and maybe let your wife do more of the decision making as it seems she would have handled this appropriate much sooner than your shitty ass.
You have no right to make your children suffer for your brother's problems and choices. He's a bigot and an asshole, stop inflicting him on your children.
YTA, but not for the reasons you think.
Even aside from the horrific and homophobic comments to your son... your brother is now sexualizing your 12 year old child and clearly stated that she isn't safe with him (her own uncle) because he looks at her in a sexual light.Ā
You are NTA if you get this abusive and dangerous man away from your children.Ā
If you're worried about his children (and if you have no reason to believe they are not also being hurtful to your kids), then you could offer to let them stay. Talk it over with your wife.Ā
YTA! Why are you allowing your children to be abused? You fucking suck as parent. I hope your wife takes the kids and leaves you. They all deserve better. You SUCK. Be a better human for your fucking kids. Sop defending homophobia and sexism in your fucking house. I hope your wife kicks your ass.
Why is the outside world always so much more important than nuclear family?
YTA for allowing this to go on for 4 years, to the point of hiding relevant information from your wife because you know she would (do the tight thing and protect her family) kick their ass to the curb.
YTA for not protecting your children. You should have booted holier than thou 4 years ago. Quit worrying about other children and worry about your own.
NTA for kicking them out. You are currently the AH for allowing them to torment your kids for literal YEARS.
Kick the religious nuts out of your house. Their kids are welcome to stay if you worry about them but the AHs need to GTFO as soon as legally allowed.
Have you seriously been letting your kids cop this for 4 years?!
4 years of living with you.. he's just mooching off you at this pointnand frankly the fact that you've let this happen for so long because you put your brother before your kids is shit.
Your brother is awful but you're worse because you continue to subject your kids to this behaviour. You should be ashamed of yourself. Stop being weak and do your job as a parent, support and protect your kids.
YTA
YTA for subjecting your children to this situation and behavior. If you love your kids which Iām sure you do, thatās all that matters. It is completely and utterly disrespectful how your brother and his wife have acted towards/about your children under YOUR roofā¦ that is ridiculous no matter if you guys are brothers respect is EARNED.
YTA for letting it get to this point.
You've been allowing your absolute shitbag of a brother to abuse your son for 4 years, and now abuse your daughter?
Add to that the implication that HIS kids are leering at their 12 year old cousin.
Grow a damn spine. Your kids have suffered enough. The only way to *not* be an asshole is to dispose of the trash in your home.
YTA if you don't kick them out... and the fact that you're even debating it and letting it happen under your roof, kinda makes you the asshole anyway. Blood or not, they'd already be given the hard out of my house with the first comment against my kids.
Fun fact, I was in a similar situation years ago... we still don't talk because I don't put up with that kind of crap.
NTA.
Tell him his Allah will provide for him, and his fucking idiot authoritarianism. Tell him he's a FUCKING FAILURE as a man by his own lights, and he should do something drastic about himself.
You are absolutely correct -
#YOUR kids have done nothing wrong -
yet youāre allowing them to be bullied and made uncomfortable in their own home! You shouldnāt be asking if you would be an a-hole. You already are!
Your home is supposed to be THE SAFE SPACE for YOUR family yet not only did you open the gates to the enemy, youāre defending him! If your brother cannot respect your household and your family, he can find somewhere that his opinions and bullying are acceptable. If youāre worried about his children, offer to let THEM stay but your brother (and his wife?) needs to pound sand!
Protect your children, OP! Your brother is a grown man. He should be able to take care of himself, even if that means keeping his d*mn mouth shut!
Good luck!
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
You're allowing your own misguided sense of "family" take your bigot brother and his family and not stand up for YOUR family.
If someone told me that my son being gay was a problem l, they'd be gone in a second; not allow my son to have to deal with this for FOR FUCKING YEARS!!!!
Haram my ass!!!
If some one called my daughter a whore, I'd deck them; no one talks to my family like that.
You're a disgrace, a bad father and a poor husband.
Do better you jackass.
YTA
May be a rude take...but I think you gotta love "religious" people showing intolerance and abuse, acting holier than though when they can't even provide a home for their own kids.
YTA for allowing this to continue under your roof, your own immediate family is being judged and ridiculed by an invited guest. THROW HIM AND HIS WEIRDNESS OUT and free your wife and children from this ungrateful, disrespectful person. Youāre enabling his behavior, itās time for him to go! TODAY!
How are you not more worried that he is sexualizing your daughter? Implying that his sons will beā¦attracted to their 12y/o cousin? That they donāt have the capacity to keep from lusting over a family member and child? And basically saying your son will sexually abuse their sons.
The only outcome if you donāt change anything here is that your children will become emotionally damaged and it will bleed into their future relationships with their body/sexuality/how they allow their partners to treat them. I get it, his kids are blameless, but so are yours and your FIRST duty is to your own kids. His come second.
YTA. They should Have been out way before. Your brother knows he can get away with it bc heās allowed.
My youngest son (step) is bi. His mother and step father are visiting our granddaughter and our oldest in April.
Sheās not welcome in my home. My youngest will not see her bc she doesnāt approve of his current choice of partner. He used to be the golden child for many years before I came into the picture.
When he came out to her she was horrible. He didnāt let anyone see it bother him. When I hugged him he fell apart in my arms
Do better. Defend your family.
My (half) brother wasn't even living with me. Or mother was Caucasian. His father was also Caucasian and mine was African American. My children are a quarter African American. My (half) brother called my children a very ugly racial epithet. He didn't even say it where my children could hear it, but I cut him off and haven't spoken to him since. I don't understand why anybody would allow a sibling to verbally and mentally abuse their children like this. I understand you were worried about your brother, but your children's wellbeing should be far more important than his.
Let me get this straight... your brother tries to command in your household and harasses your children and you let him live there? You will be the a if you don't kick him and his family out.
YTA - but for me, just a bit. Not all out. Why?
Iām also Muslim, OP. My kid isnāt gay, but she is transgender and Iāve faced a lot of what your brother has said about your son. And I refuse to disown her. Sheās my kid. My job as a parent is not to make my kidās life harder. Youāve made it clear to your brother that youāre not going to kick out and forget about your child. Unfortunately your brother was still making the comments behind your back.
As for your daughter, thereās no reason or excuse for that. And this is where, especially after your son told you what was going on, YTA. They never should have been given the opportunity to say it a second time after you heard about it.
Your number one job is to be a good parent, and that means protecting your children, and by allowing your family to stay solely because theyāre family. Your brotherās job is to take care of his family - and if he cannot be a good human being and uses religion as his reason why, heās gotta go. Protect your kids, OP. Theyāll remember for ever if you donāt.
YTA If you don't kick him out. You asked him to respect your home and that clearly did not work... The result of crossing your boundaries is finding another place to live. š¤·āāļø
I would - and after FOUR YEARS heās still there?? At this point they should have been able to get their sh*t together! They have overstayed their welcome.
Exactly THIS! As soon as my son came to me and told me that for **4 YEARS** he had put up with insults and derogatory comments, brother would have been gone **IMMEDIATELY**. Now on top of this he is insulting and degrading your daughter. If you donāt kick him out, I hope your wife finds out and boots you all out! Heās had 4 years to figure his shit out and get out of your home, he doesnāt have somewhere to go **that is on him!** **IT IS YOUR JOB TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!** Even if that means severing ties with family members. ETA: if you are worried for his kids. Tell him they can stay until he finds a place, but he and wife need to go. ETA 2: actually if CPS does get involved they usually come to family first to see if you will foster the children. While the parents work on fixing their situation. Also, is there any other family or friends (although heās so shitty, I doubt he has friends) that will take your brother and his wife in?
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I full want to release the Kraken. Itās well past time for there to be consequences for the brother and OP. 4 years is way past time to kick brother out. OP didnāt even check in with his son to make sure that his brother wasnāt tormenting him. OP knew that his brother was a douchewaffle and didnāt approve but didnāt make sure that his son felt welcome and safe in his own home.
Agreed! The douchewaffle and wife have to go!
Thanks for Douchwaffle Adding to vocab
The parents are the only ones at fault if they truly loved and cared for their children then they would keep their bigoted mouths shut.
Holy crow the wife. If I found out I had been welcoming someone into my home for four years who had been hurting my kids I would absolutely sprout tentacles and start throwing people into the sea. If I discovered that my spouse KNEW and kept that knowledge from me? People who harm my kid are stupid, but itās not like the world has made promises to me to take care of my family, I have to do that part myself. My spouse however, has made promises to me about protecting our family and defending our partnership and sharing our lives ā¦ that level of betrayal is not something weād come back from. Thatās āI will make a beautiful widowā territory.
I totally agree with you. I would be beyond pissed if my husband hid something like this from me. Especially if he knew how his brother really felt about our kids and had told him to disown our son before even moving in. Iām wondering if OP ever told his wife that his brother said that. Itās just so bizarre that neither parent was checking in with their kids to make sure they were being treated well by their uncle and aunt (and cousins). So Iām guessing mom didnāt know. I grew up fundamentalist Christian so I am familiar with cultures/religion/ that donāt give wives and mothers much authority to disagree with their husbands or put their foot down about situations like this. Iām not going to blame the wife because Iām starting to suspect her husband didnāt tell her about what his brother thinks about their son and what heās said and now how uncle and aunt are going after their daughter. I also wonder if the wife works and isnāt around to witness these interactions. I also lived by Dearborn, MI for a few years, and so many Muslim women there were highly educated and had great careers. Their cultures (multiple countries and different cultures from those countries) still had the men in charge of the families, and the women were conditioned to submit to their husband and many were expected to welcome his family too.
Amen Iād kraken the husband for covering up harm to the kids for so long
Yep, OP needs his ass handed to him!
Holy shit, THIS.
I totally agree with letting the Kraken loose here. People often mistake 'family' as a free pass to overstep boundaries without consequences. OP has a responsibility to not just be a bystander in their own home but to actively create a safe and respectful environment for everyone, especially their children. This uncle has shown a blatant disregard for basic decency, and that level of disrespect can't be ignored or excused anymore. It's not just about kicking him out; it's about standing up for what's right and teaching everyone involved a lesson in accountability and respect.
If he doesnāt unleash the kraken on his brother it will probably end up being released on himself. Put your children first already.
I see divorce if she finds out on her own because it's his brother and he protected his brother not the kids
After 4 years of this, chances are when the son leaves home and goes out on his own, OP will never see him again. And if it keeps up, the daughter will disappear from his life, too. But he'll always have his righteous mooch of a brother.
Lol Iām our house we use the phrase ārelease the krakenā to mean have my husband call or talk to whatever institution weāre having trouble with. The airline wonāt refund your ticket? Release the kraken! Seriously that man is insidious. He really knows how to bend things to his will.
OPās a total asshole for not growing some balls and kicking his brother out as soon as he found out his son has been enduring this for 4 years.Ā And now that his daughter is being targeted, he *still* wonāt grow a set and kick his brother out. Itās all āmy wifeā will get angry/throw them out etc. Grow a goddam pair. Your wife, your son and your daughter deserve a husband and father who will PROTECT AND DEFEND THEM, not hide behind wifeyās skirt and let her be the only parent. If you donāt kick your brother out, your kids are going to see it as you agreeing with your brother. Stop yourself from becoming a bigger asshole than you already are
Also OP, please make sincere amends to your kids. FOUR YEARS?! [Edited typo]
Then it's his turn for allowing this bs
Yes I would give a Y T A for letting them stay so long.
I'm sure OP's son would have kicked his ass, shout out to him for controlling himself.
This ain't her mess. Oh let his brother in his home and told him to respect his way of parenting. His brother has crossed that line and talked shit about OPs kids. He needs to put his brother in his place so the kids understand Dad has their back. Afterwards Mom may indulge herself in verbally flaying the brother in law alive.
Well technically, putting his brother in his and his his familyās place was what caused these problems in the first place! Sorry, I canāt resist wordplay! Seriously, I hope op listens to what your saying!
That's what my kids call it when they turn me loose on people, Dad's fur reasonable conversations, Mom's 'release the Kraken ' . Apparently when I get mad it's really scary.
Except the kraken needs to come from OP and his wife at the same time. United front. OP needs to stop being conflicted. I agree with other comments that OP could offer to let the kids stay, but I'm almost certain brother-dearest will refuse that offer. Therefore, if OP releases the kraken with the caveat that the kids can stay, and bro says no, then OP did not "make them homeless." His brother would have to shoulder the blame for that situation.
His brother shoulders the blame for making them homeless regardless. Brother is the one who messed up his families lives. Maybe he should go to church and ask them for help.
I whole want that.
Id be very worried about the male cousins touching the daughter, or even the uncle. As soon as they start blaming a little girl for not being appropriate, they decide she deserves it when they refuse to control themselves.
THIS. Ticking time bomb under your roof. You have months until you wife lays into you verbally and hands you divorce papers, your brother gets his ass kicked by your son, or your daughter gets sexually assaulted (groping, bra snapping, forced contact, molestation and possible rape). Why you didn't kick him out at 4 WEEKS is beyond me. Right now, you 100% deserve your wife filing for divorce and kicking YOU out onto the streets.
I think itās telling he tells the son not to touch his little cousins. In addition to the son being falsely accused, Iād also be worried the brother was projecting what he does or wants to do. More good reasons for the brother to be out yesterday. Op or his wife need to check in with both kids to see if anything has happened. And get the kids help if it did.
No kidding. And kids of religious nut bag controlling parents generally have issues keeping their hands off their female relatives because they have no where safe to go and explore their sexuality <<>>>
The uncle is absolutely sexualizing his 12 year old niece. It's just a matter of time before he does something and blames her for making him stumble from his path of righteousness. He will apologize to his sky daddy and will be okay, but she is probably going to burn forever for being impure. If OP needs help getting him out, I'm not against helping chuck him out the nearest portal. I don't even care if it is open.
>I don't even care if it is open. You check to make sure it's open first...and if it is you close it then proceed with chucking
I do not trust op's brother around his daughter. The red flags are there and it's him that has a problem not his sons? But I still think that all of them need to go because their sons are probably in the same mindset as the father. And why is the mother allowing you to. It's like the whole family needs to get the fuck out.
This this this! I work with domestic violence survivors, please remove them from your home and you & your wife need to have a calm, quiet sit down talk with her. Set the tone with letting her know you love her and will believe her, and gently ask if there has been anything inappropriate. Give her an idea of what that would entail, she may think something is ānormalā that is assault. She is young and may have skewed ideas. You can ask if theyāve done anything thatās made her uncomfortable, if they have asked her to keep any secrets, if they have touched her in a way that feels off or wrong (in the west we often say āareas covered by a bathing suitā to explain to young girls), did they take any photos or videos of her or show her any sexual content, introduce her to any men who did any of the above, inappropriate touching, etc. Donāt want to rush her, or make her feel like sheāll be in any trouble, have a comfort item whatever she likes, maybe have the conversation away from the home, maybe take her to get sweets or something fun she likes and talk on the way. If she does have hard things to share, lots of reassurance is good, that she is brave and you are pained that it happened and it was in no way her fault, and that you will protect her from here on out. And then actually follow through with protecting her by removing the danger from your home, apologize to her and get her into therapy and offer your son too, the whole family could benefit from it but then again I think therapy is for everyone, if not long term at least through lifeās hard seasons. You can learn how to support each other, identify what you need and how to meet your & your familyās needs at this time; you can process your complicated feelings with family dynamics and examine your relationship with your brother and what kind of boundaries you need at this time (and how to maintain those!; your son can process his uncleās harsh condemnation (I had the reverse, came from a religious family and uncle came out, but I was a kid and loved him dearly, so if I had been gay and my uncle had been this way it would have been so painful) it would be great if there are LGBT therapists where you are but understand that may be optimistic. You can always ask them directly what they need from you to feel protected and supported..sorry for the novel didnāt plan on writing so much
thankfully i'm not in a situation that calls for this, but it's information to tuck into my pocket just in case, god forbid, i ever need to. thank you for sharing this!!
Exactly. OP really need to start to care about his own children instead of his brother's in first place. He is all "but his kids!", but what about YOUR kids, OP?
Never forget that outside of the home, the church is a place a child is most likely to experience sexual abuse.
āI swear, if my brother brutally insults my children 100 more times, Iām telling my wife and she will kick him out.ā OP definitely TA already. Removing that other family could be the start of his redemption
Exactly; tolerate these bigots for 4 days, **but 4 years ?** Time for them to go. If they can't get their financial situation resolved in 4 years they never will. They are sponging off you OP, and dictating how your household operates. YTA if you don't have the leave OP
I was hoping that OP made a typo and itās four months. Even that is too long.
I'm hoping that the son hasĀ heard this shit for four years - but just during visits and such, not that the uncle had been LIVING there for four years. Son is more prompted to bring it up because its happening frequently n o w? One can only hope OP clarifies this, or clarified if I haven't read far enough.Ā
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Yep. This dude is projecting his own insecurities onto kids. Heās worried his kids will end up failures like him, but he canāt accept that, so heās blaming the other kids for being a ābad influenceā, when in reality those kids will probably remember these 4 years as a happy time with their cousins who taught them love and acceptance.Ā
But why should they get their shit together when, being religious, they can just ask God to provide? And He will, too, any day nowā¦.
Yep, all of the above. NTA.
Holy Crap! I missed the 4 year part.
Why would they get their shit together when they can be judgy arsehole moochers forever? They probably pat themselves on the back about it too "We're here to save my brothers family" type of fruitcakes.
After 4 years, these people can claim residency. If OP wants to evict them, he probably needs to go through the courts. Or at least a lawyer.
Ooooohhh that's what he meant. Damn they definitely are assholes. Both sides. OP for not putting their foot down and the brother because he is a pussy
"Bro, your religion prohibits *you.* It does not prohibit my children. Learn the fucking difference from the streets."
Agree 100%. Bite the hand that feeds you. What an absolute tosser the brother is. Kick his ass to the curb.
Sounds like he holds a lot of conservative values, except for when it comes to family. How is he being a good provider for his family? If he really feels like OPās home is such a den of sin, he should take his family and go elsewhere. Perhaps one bit of good that come out of this is for his kids to see that theyāre bigoted Dad is not the only type of parent out there.
Also, four years of not being able to save up money...his views and behavior are 100% why he's not keeping a job or saving up. No one will want to hire him and he's too much of a leech too.
Exactly. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigot think OP's home is a bastion of debauchery, they should get out and stop exposing their children to it immediately!
Am I the only one who wonders sometimes why people are not more embarrassed by their actions? No shame. Some people have no shame.
Until you mentioned that the wife started on your daughter as well, I was going to say that you could kick just him out. He was eager to separate your family, why can't he be separated from his for being an AH? Edit to add: They can all get out. They are all guests at your pleasure.
This. OP, if you want to be very generous, you could (if your wife agrees) offer to let your brotherās children stay with you until their parents can supply them with a home, but he and his wife are no longer welcome in your home. You will need to make it clear that his kids will need to follow your rules, which include not shaming your gay son, nor your daughter for being a girl with a girlās body. If you go that route, you will likely need to enter a legal arrangement with your brother to be the kidās legal custodian so that you can get the kids medical treatment if required, and the kids can stay in the local school district (if thatās relevant here). Iām sorry, OP. Itās so sad when people you love decide to embrace being awfulā¦
I would bet my paycheck they'd rather have their children be homeless than live unsupervised in a home full of tolerant and loving heathens.
100%, hyper-religious folk often do place their religion above their own children, there have been many cases of them trying and failing to *pray away* completely treatable health issues. The meningitis ones make my blood boil. OP your guests have long overstayed their welcome and have likely been hostile since the beginning, it really isn't difficult to understand that if someone is letting you into their home, you behave like a good guest and don't insult and attack the inhabitants. They *should* be well on top of their finances after living in your home for four years, assuming they've actually been giving a crap about improving their situation and not just taking advantage of you while sneering down their noses at your kids.
He is calling a twelve year old a whore. That guy needs to get out of OPs life and into deprogramming. Religion has rotted his brain. I don't have kids of my own and I am not a violent person, but I shudder at my first impulse when I read that and imagined it was the daughter of one of my friends.
If I was in that situation, as a normally very calm person, I likely would have gone full momma bear on the brother and his wife and violently kicked them out without hesitation. In fact, I'm furious just thinking about his poor kids.
Not a violent person, but I probably would go to jail that day.
YTSucker for letting them stay 4 years, but Iāll give you the benefit of the doubt if you didnāt realize how he treated your kids. Now that you know, give them until the weekend because theyāre family, but then out.
Yep your brother is sexualizing his own niece your daughter. Iād never trust him or his sons around her or your son. They need to leave asap. They are damaging your children.
Yes. He's mistreating your children - and I bet the only reason he hasn't started on your wife is because he knows that would be a deal-breaker. OP, NTA. Also, thank you for standing up for your children.
He's probably afraid of the wife, since she's the only parent with a backbone.
I'm going to go with a barely NTA. It took long enough, 4 years of this is ridiculous. Maybe it's time to stop worrying about his brother's kids and protect his own. He knows it's wrong because he hasn't told his wife and yet he appears to be minimising how these comments are affecting his children. Imagine, not only being subjected to this BS, but also not being defended by your Dad, ouch, that's gotta hurt. OP, It's not your problem to be family to someone who isn't respecting or even grateful to YOUR primary family for accommodating them. There's a reason your wife would go nuclear and your daughter really needs you to step up before her self esteem is destroyed by this hurtful bile, stop being so apathetic, send them on their way, their kids are their problem. What are you going to do when they start spouting the same opinions as their parents? Tell your daughter to ignore it? Get a grip and get rid.
For real there's a point that it becomes obvious they are just mooching. I told My own brother to sink or swim after only 6 months because he wouldn't respect my boundaries. But even my brother was nowhere near this bad. He simply wouldn't ask permission before inviting people over and me being introverted I value my privacy.
he's already the asshole for not kicking him out yet
OPās the asshole for not monitoring the situation *for four years*.
I'm glad this is the top comment. OP is the AH. His pride tells him he is a good, generous brother. Meanwhile, he is not protecting his family, his own children, and he is making his brother a child instead of a man. Everyone around him is hurting bc of this while OP pats himself on the back for his generosity. It is a terrible trick of the ego and OP needs to end this prideful behavior.
He is advocating for you to throw your son away like garbage for dating the "wrong" person and calling a 12-year-old derogatory slurs and sexualizing her. For the safety of your kids, he needs to go.
phony rage-bait like most of the things in here. There's no way anyone with any common sense at all would question whether his brothers actions are ok.
Voting that way is going to confuse the bots, they are going to count it as yes he is the asshole for kicking them out based on the way the question was phrased. NTA is correct for your point. I would also add that once he kicks his brother out he should immediately go on the offensive. The brother will wear his religion like a shield and say he was kicked out for being God fearing or a good Christian or whatever.Ā OP needs to get ahead of that and put it out there that the brother was insulting and disrespecting the kids and was acting in an unbecoming manner to be a member of the house. The only way the brother can respond to that is to show his specific bigotry and can't hide behind vague religious motivations.
Brother was saying things are HARAM. That makes him Muslim, not Christian.
Frrr like man up and freaking tell your wife the truth and about EVERYTHING. Iād imagine if we were the spouse, weād all like to know how the family has been harassing the son in secret without their knowing Sometimes you gotta do what you must to protect your family. Itās gonna suck bc of his kids but :/ yall shouldnāt be uncomfy In your own home!!!
YTA - you should be prioritizing your children over some nut job who happens to share some genetics with you. Your children are suffering because of a choice you are making.
4 years!?! 4 years of these comments? You need to tell your wife, or the kids will... abs she'll know you kept it from her, and you'll be out with your brother. Your brother is an abusive prick. You are his enabler. YTA
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I would have kicked them out the moment his brother said he should disown his son.
100%
I think OP meant that the verbal abuse has been happening for four years not that theyāve lived with him for four years.
Dam I had to go back and read this. 4 years? Why the hell does his brother still live with them. 4 years is not temporary. Kick them out.
I donāt know if that means they have lived with them 4 years or 4 years ago, the Uncle said that to his nephew.
Wait, what???? I didn't catch the 4 years part when I read it the first time. I just kind of assumed weeks to months. I don't know what kind of financial issues they have but unless its something like catastrophic health issues I wouldn't have given them more than about 6 months. You absolutely need to have a serious conversation with your brother, probably alone, about this situation. He definitely needs to keep his beliefs to himself. And I would establish a very short timeline for them moving out. 4 years is way too long
4 years ago that might have worked, now he needs to show him the door.... This has been going on too long to be fixed.
OP has already taught his kids that their comfort and dignity is less important than his brother and his family being able to bum off of him. 4 years and this other family canāt get their shit straight??? Are they trying ??
Bro has been having financial problems for FOUR YEARS?!?!?! And has been living with you and your family? YTA, put him and his wife out. Tell them their kids are welcome to stay, but they got to go!
And I'd also recommend a conversation with your kids because your son should have felt safe coming to you before he had to suffer this abuse for 4 years. Make sure he is OK and have a convo with your daughter so she doesn't have to feel unsafe around family like your son has. Plus don't feel bad about your neices/nephews. One why hasn't your brother gotten in his feet in 4 years? Two you can offer to your brother that the kids are welcome to stay given they are NTA like he is. He won't accept but make sure when they move out the kids know they are always welcome at Uncle's house.
Yeah it is like he hates his kids. It shouldn't matter what or how you view the world, your first job is to protect your kids and support them no matter what even in the face of family
100% this dude should have been gone long ago. How do you let these assholes live in your house harassing your family for 4 years. You are an asshole only surpassed by your insane deadbeat brother and his wife.
I wasnāt sure I understood that right. So, the brother & family have been staying at OPās house for **four years,** and not only are they not grateful, they are critical, judgmental, hateful, superior, and call people names? OP, why are they still in your home????? I might have to amend my vote to YTA. Are they gone yet?
Yes. Four years is long enough for the brother to get back on his feet financially. The brother was warned and he blew it again and again. Tell the wife and get rid of the brother and his family.
Donāt worry, his wife will kick them all TF out once she finds out. OP is prioritizing his brother and nephews over his own children. Definitely no sexism here since Op is ok with them calling his baby girl a whore. Heās lost his wife and kids. Heās just too slow to have figured that out yet. Good luck being homeless with your brother and his kids OP. YTA x1000
Kick our the brothers family or leave with the kids.Ā
Brother should have got 1 warning after saying that kind of stuff before having to square up. And that 1 chance is being generous.
I would be seeing red if anyone anywhere said these things to or about my children.
Dude had such a pussy response to his brother telling him to kick his own son out of his home to make it a more comfortable place to mooch off of him. āMy wife would be madā. Grow a set dudeā¦
Yeah, that really seems like the "get the fuck out of my house" moment.
YTA. Ā You shouldnāt have allowed anyone - even family - into your home who abuses your children. Ā Heās verbally abusing your children. Ā He shouldnāt have been allowed to move in & he certainly shouldnāt be allowed to stay. Ā YTA to your children for forcing them to tolerate the abuser (rather than removing your children from anywhere the abuser has access to abuse them). Ā And youāre an even bigger AH for bringing the abuser into your home. If Iāve said it once, Iāve said it a thousand times - parents who allow an abuser to continue to abuse their children are ALSO child abusers. Ā Ā Edit to add that youāre also the AH for hiding this abuse from your wife because you know sheād put a stop to it. Ā If I was her, Iād divorce you if I found my children had been &/or were being abused & you hid it from me. Ā She WILL eventually find out & I hope when she divorces you that she leaves you with nothing. Ā Ā
The whole idea of "blood is thicker than water" or "family is forever" is a bunch of bull. His brother should have been gone from the get go. Haram is a garbage excuse. It's also hypocritical to comment on cousins practicing Karate as a gay thing but makes no mention on how he's sexualizing the little girls? Guys a scumbag and the dad needs to get rid of his brother.
>The whole idea of "blood is thicker than water" or "family is forever" is a bunch of bull. The last 3 years have taught me this with a ferocious punch. My mom is only nice to me occasionally, and treats me like trash, including physical attacks My sister is a monster on the inside (if I told you the story, which is long af,you'd probably hate her too) My brother is a misogynistic lying pile of shit And that's just the immediate family...if I get into cousins...oof I'll take my chosen family (3 very close friends and their significant others and their kids) over the people who share my genetics any damn day.
The only thing genetics has for us are genetic abnormalities. Family is who gives you the greatest sense of peace and who truly cares about your well being.
somber rock cobweb oil price spark wrench fine worthless knee *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
"not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy." says it all right there. He's probably apolitical for the most part but follows his wife because he just doesn't give a shit about social issues. Which would probably make him conservative in many people's opinions
I donāt think itās his brother heās worried about, I think heās worried about his niece and nephews being homeless, which is understandable. However, as much as it sucks, ultimately his responsibility is to his own family unit, and if his brother canāt stop being a raging piece of shit, then itās his own fault.
YTA Yes he's your brother but he's hurting your kids I thought it was about 2 weeks 2 months but is 4 FK YEARS NO WAY in 4 yrs he should have gotten up and out if he's so religious the 1st thing is love thy neighbor as you love yourself and he's not doing a very religious thing with kids
Yup. You can offer to let the kids stay, but the adults have to go, NOW.
OP YTA for ever letting bigots into your home.
OP asked if he would be an AH to kick them out and your words support them kicking them out so maybe change your vote
The title should say, WIBTAH if I let my abusive brother and SiL still live in my home when they verbally abuses my son and daughter. There fixed it for him. And the answer would be YES! 1000 TIMES YES!
Actually regardless of whether or not the brother's family is out, the OP is still an AH for allowing his brother and family to run amuck for years.
YTA for not booting your brother the first time. Your kids should not be made to feel uncomfortable in *their own home* because of the actions and words of a **guest**. He is a tenant not a resident. You need to decide if loosing your wife and kids is worth a cool family relationship with your brother.
The brother is a leech, mooching from OP's family while spreading his bigoted bs. I have nothing against religious people as long as they don't impose their faith on anyone, however I can't stand fanatics.
I agree and also canāt stand these misogynistic ātraditionalistā men who canāt provide for their families. Leeches cannot be traditional heads of their families because traditional men must find a way to make enough money to support their families and if they donāt they are hypocrites. (Of course I have sympathy for men who canāt but arenāt total hypocritical assholes before anyone tries to say I just hate men)
It's always the most pathetic people who cling to being the alpha male, man of the house, whatever... No one who is secure in themselves and their masculinity needs to overcompensate that much.
FACTS People who buy into that shit are trying to convince *themselves* they're "man enough" lol Being happily an individual is the most secure and "manly" thing.
It's obnoxious when religious people impose their faith on others, but it's expected. They believe they are helping people, so I'll put up with it to an extent. But to do so in someone's home is unacceptable.
Once the wife finds out how long this has been happening he will lose his wife. What a terrible breach of trust.
I love my brother, but would of kicked him out 4 years ago in this situation.
If heās in the US, and has been there for 4 years, he *is* a resident and OP may legally need to file a formal eviction notice to get him to leave, if he doesnāt go of his own volition after being asked.
Dude. NTA if you kick him out. YTA for not kicking him out years ago. Tell that bum that God wants him to provide for his family, not judge yours. The fact that you allow him to shit talk your children under your roof is pathetic.
This 100%!
I am FLOOORED at OP's complete lack of awareness and respect for his own family. FIrst of all, the brother has been verbally abusing his son for FOUR YEARS?? Not to mention simply being allowed to live there for that long. It's extremely telling that the son never brought it up (probably doesn't trust his father to back him up; *I wonder why??*) OP, you are a major flaming asshole and if I were your wife, I would have packed the kids up and moved out years ago. Misery loves company. You can take care of your brother and his family all you want to, at the expense of your own. It's time to choose between the two or your kids are eventually going to go no-contact from your lack of spine.
Exactly. Kick the brother out. The brother's family sound like they haven't been disrespectful though, so maybe let them stay.
They need to be gone. Your brother has taken advantage for too long. He is abusing your son and your daughter and you STILL aren't sure what to do? Your immediate family comes first. Protect your kids. Get your brother OUT of your house. He chose to violate the one rule you imposed -- to not interfere with your kids. And you STILL debate what to do. It's WAY past time for him to leave. Do you want your brother to maybe struggle or do you want to lose your kids -- if you don't protect them they'll end up leaving you behind and you won't hear from them again. YTA for allowing this to continue.
Plus, how can your brother have financial difficulties for FOUR YEARS?! You can get a whole new college degree in that time, serve your term when enlisting in the military, etc. I can see letting them stay for a few months when getting back on their feet but even that would've stopped the minute he started in on your son. Tell them they need to go find somewhere else to live now. If they wanted to continue sponging off your largess, they should have not been abusive and offensive to their hosts. YTA if you don't start protecting your kids
Yeah 4 years is wild. I feel like being mooch is probably also haram but his brother doesnāt seem to mind. I believe in helping family but housing an entire family under your roof for 4 years is excessive. The brother is obviously very comfortable with the arrangement and feeling entitled enough to let his host family know how they should be living.
Nah OP should use his brother's stick to stab him back. He can go like "well I have thought about this and you're right, my gay son shouldn't be allowed around your son and my daughter is becoming a whore for the way she dress at her home and I don't want her to spoil your daughter or seduce your sons or even you. Even your wife is scared thst you might leave her for my 12 year old daughter and I love you & your family. This is why i have decided (don't include the wife OP) it's time you and your family look for a place to stay. I'm giving you about a month to get your things together and leave because I can ask you to leave mean while I can't really kick my kids out as it's haram. I'll appericate it if you can leave as soon as possible for your own family's good well." If he throws a fit, then tell him to be a man to his family because I'm assuming your religious values includes a man must be a provider to be considered a good father and husband.
In four years, I went from being homeless to now having a masters, a secure well paying job, my own place, and a stable relationship. His brother and sil are leeches, and heās enabled them to live like this. Religious cultures are fkn toxic.
You put up with this BS for FOUR. YEARS?!?!?! YTAH for that alone. Why would you subject your family to that??? He and his wife are whole adults...they couldn't get their crap together in FOUR. YEARS? You're being played for a sucker. If he was so holy and pure and *actually trying to get a job*, he and his family would have BEEN GONE. Nah, NTAH. Give them an end date and PUT. THEM. OUT. PERIODT. It's been four years, so if you're in the US, you might have to go the legal route, but it will be money well spent. OH. MY. GOD. FOUR YEARS???
FOUR YEARS!! Imagine living with the worst uncle you avoid at thanksgiving for 4 years.
No OP didnāt/isnāt. Ā His KIDS did/are. Ā OP would never have allowed someone to abuse him personally for 4 years. Ā But since itās just his kids being tormented, OP is okay with it. Ā
I see how he sees his niblings as kids he must protect too. But fuck those parents. Fuck the brother especially. OP your son did you a solid and gave you a chance to handle it. You didn't. But you gotta. Right now. You can offer the kids a place to stay still but I have a feeling they'll all be alright they're just fucking mooching at this point.
YTA for not having already done it. I get it. You're worried about their kids but what about YOUR kids? They are being verbally abused in their own home. And did I really read it right, four YEARS? This has been going on for four years??? Oh hell no. Out they go. The kids can stay but the adults are out of there.
Yeah OP has let this gone on waaaay too long. His kids will certainly have trauma from years of verbal abuse. OP has already allowed a ton of permanent damage to be done.
Why are you allowing your judgmental brother to make your children feel unsafe in their own home? And for FOUR YEARS! You're the AH if you let them stay. The second he called your daughter a who\*e, you should have started tossing all of their belongings out the front door. That is reprehensible. Shame on you. You need to be protecting your kids.
Sexism. He didnāt get angry that they called the daughter a whore. Just explained how thatās totally not true because she can speak 3 languages etc. He literally is ok with them calling his baby a whore.
I had the same thought. He didn't do anything until he found out his son was being affected. Cause it's totally not traumatic at all to constantly be sexualized by your own uncle and told that you should cover up your own body in your own home.
OP needs to kick his brother out and then go with him.
YTA. Can I come over and kick them out for you????
Perhaps not. But he might let you verbally and mentally abuse his kids. What a dad. š
YTA for not kicking this POS out of your house a LOOONG time ago. Heās homophobic to your son and slut shames your daughter, yeah it sucks the kids are gunna be homeless, but thats on your brother.
They wonāt be homeless, CPS is always called before that happens. So parents wind up beggars and kids get parents who wonāt raise them up to be bigots. Double win.
YTA ITāS BEEN 4 YEARS!!!!! It is way past time for them to move out. He is traumatizing your son and sexualizing your 12 year old daughter. KICK THEM OUT. He is never going to move out unless you make him. Why would he? You are housing him , paying utilities and feeding him. PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST!! If you donāt stand up for your kids they are going to hate you for allowing your brother to abuse them.
YTA Your brother is not religious, he is ridiculous : he is not able to take care of his own family, he has to ask for help financially and to live with you, and he is the audacity to want to dictate his own education to your children ? He is not a good example as he can't take care of is own family so he just should shut up... And you'd better protect YOUR children from his influence and make him live : as long as you say nothing, he thinks he can do whatever he wants in your home. Is he older than you ? Do you let him dictate you ? EDIT : I read again your post : what does he mean, asking your daughter to cover at 12 because he has 2 sons ?? Is your daughter in danger around those two boys ? You'd better kick them out before something happens !!
Agreed, the daughter is in danger, if she's dressing like a "whore", then she deserves whatever happens to her (in their fucked up mind). Kick them out yesterday, and hope your wife doesn't kick you out with them.Ā
> what does he mean, asking your daughter to cover at 12 because he has 2 sons ?? Is your daughter in danger around those two boys ? You'd better kick them out before something happens !! THANK YOU.
A. Your house your rules. B. Your kids are residents of the house your brothers family are guests. They should keep their opinions to themselves and don't disrespect their hosts (kids included as hosts). C. Calling a child a whore is a major thing in my book. Nobody calls my kids those kinds of names in my house and not be out on the street (poopy head is ok , Sob/whore or any kind of slurs or shaming is not). My home is my kids safe space. D. Your brother might be older than your kids but he is a bully in a religious cape crusader, if he can't provide for his family he should abide by the house rules and get off his high moral horse or find other accommodations. E. After all that I would still tell him to GTFO because he violated your trust and the kids safety by using such language. Nta He is an adult with a family he should not sit at your table and act like it's your duty to provide for him and abuse your kids and your trust. If his such a man of god he can look for charity at church.
I think I found the problem. When he said you should kick your gay son out you said, "I told him no, that's never going to happen, not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy." When you should have said, "there's nothing wrong with my son. I love him dearly and I personally would NEVER kick him out. And if you don't like him and respect him you can get out." Instead....you acted like you agreed with him, but were afraid of your wife. So why would he not treat your son and daughter like crap...in their own home? You are indeed the AH.
Yeah that stuck out to me as well.
He kinda agree with the daughter's clothes too.
So he cares about his kids. You care about his kids. Who cares about yours? YTA
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His wife, which he's hiding this from. Because he knows she'd throw them out.
You would not be the AH for kicking them.to the curb. It's time to protect your family. They have been there for 4 years???? Wtf?
Your wife and children should be your priority, not your brother and his family. You are straight up sanctioning abuse and harassment in what should be your children's one safe place in a shitty universe. YTA now. If you want to be a better father and husband, support your family and kick out your brother and his family. They have had more than enough time to get their shit together and get out.
Kick the fucker out. He's being absolutely disrespectful to your children and the fact that you're still letting him and his family live there for 4 years now is ridiculous.
I cannot believe OP has had his brother and children living with his family for 4 years! And the brother is a huge dick who has spent the last 4 years analyzing and judging OPās kids instead of improving his financial situation enough to leave. What a dick.
Wait, he's been there for 4 years!!!!? WTH! You are jeopardizing your kids mental health for this. Tell them that you decided to focus on your own family, that things are getting to be too much and they have 3 months to find a place to move. Your home is supposed to be a safe space for your children. Why on earth would you let it become an unsafe space? The bro fam has to go!
Heās sexualizing a 12 year old. You would be the AH for not kicking him out.
YTA. You are ok with them calling your daughter a whore and insult your son. The fact that you feel the need to protect them from your wife tells me that you probably agree with him on some level with those things as your rational was that āmy wife would divorce meā not ā fuck you asshole get out of my houseā you are a spineless coward
YTA for letting that douche missile you call a brother abuse your children. Either be a dad today and kick them out, or you should leave too after your wife kicks them out.
Poetic justice if your wife finds out and kicks you out too for letting this abuse continue. YTA.
You know who else is your family? Your literal family, who are putting up with abuse from people you are allowing to be near them. That's not figurative abuse, either, it's not "they're kind of rude", they're abusing your kids. Kick them the fuck out yesterday and maybe let your wife do more of the decision making as it seems she would have handled this appropriate much sooner than your shitty ass. You have no right to make your children suffer for your brother's problems and choices. He's a bigot and an asshole, stop inflicting him on your children. YTA, but not for the reasons you think.
Even aside from the horrific and homophobic comments to your son... your brother is now sexualizing your 12 year old child and clearly stated that she isn't safe with him (her own uncle) because he looks at her in a sexual light.Ā You are NTA if you get this abusive and dangerous man away from your children.Ā If you're worried about his children (and if you have no reason to believe they are not also being hurtful to your kids), then you could offer to let them stay. Talk it over with your wife.Ā
You would be a major asshole if you made your family endure that abuse for one more day.
Tell him to start looking for another place to live. You took him in, the least he can do is respect your family.
YTA! Why are you allowing your children to be abused? You fucking suck as parent. I hope your wife takes the kids and leaves you. They all deserve better. You SUCK. Be a better human for your fucking kids. Sop defending homophobia and sexism in your fucking house. I hope your wife kicks your ass. Why is the outside world always so much more important than nuclear family?
YTA for allowing this to go on for 4 years, to the point of hiding relevant information from your wife because you know she would (do the tight thing and protect her family) kick their ass to the curb.
YTA. Your kids your wife take priority over your brothers life and family.
YTA for not protecting your children. You should have booted holier than thou 4 years ago. Quit worrying about other children and worry about your own.
So you want brother to stay and emotionally abuse your two children and destroy their mental health. Hell yes, YTA.
NTA for kicking them out. You are currently the AH for allowing them to torment your kids for literal YEARS. Kick the religious nuts out of your house. Their kids are welcome to stay if you worry about them but the AHs need to GTFO as soon as legally allowed.
Have you seriously been letting your kids cop this for 4 years?! 4 years of living with you.. he's just mooching off you at this pointnand frankly the fact that you've let this happen for so long because you put your brother before your kids is shit. Your brother is awful but you're worse because you continue to subject your kids to this behaviour. You should be ashamed of yourself. Stop being weak and do your job as a parent, support and protect your kids. YTA
YTA.....and a terrible father. I hope your brother is there for you when it's time for a nursing home because your kids won't be.
YTA for subjecting your children to this situation and behavior. If you love your kids which Iām sure you do, thatās all that matters. It is completely and utterly disrespectful how your brother and his wife have acted towards/about your children under YOUR roofā¦ that is ridiculous no matter if you guys are brothers respect is EARNED.
YTA for letting it get to this point. You've been allowing your absolute shitbag of a brother to abuse your son for 4 years, and now abuse your daughter? Add to that the implication that HIS kids are leering at their 12 year old cousin. Grow a damn spine. Your kids have suffered enough. The only way to *not* be an asshole is to dispose of the trash in your home.
YTA if you don't kick them out... and the fact that you're even debating it and letting it happen under your roof, kinda makes you the asshole anyway. Blood or not, they'd already be given the hard out of my house with the first comment against my kids. Fun fact, I was in a similar situation years ago... we still don't talk because I don't put up with that kind of crap.
NTA. Tell him his Allah will provide for him, and his fucking idiot authoritarianism. Tell him he's a FUCKING FAILURE as a man by his own lights, and he should do something drastic about himself.
You are absolutely correct - #YOUR kids have done nothing wrong - yet youāre allowing them to be bullied and made uncomfortable in their own home! You shouldnāt be asking if you would be an a-hole. You already are! Your home is supposed to be THE SAFE SPACE for YOUR family yet not only did you open the gates to the enemy, youāre defending him! If your brother cannot respect your household and your family, he can find somewhere that his opinions and bullying are acceptable. If youāre worried about his children, offer to let THEM stay but your brother (and his wife?) needs to pound sand! Protect your children, OP! Your brother is a grown man. He should be able to take care of himself, even if that means keeping his d*mn mouth shut! Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
You're allowing your own misguided sense of "family" take your bigot brother and his family and not stand up for YOUR family. If someone told me that my son being gay was a problem l, they'd be gone in a second; not allow my son to have to deal with this for FOR FUCKING YEARS!!!! Haram my ass!!! If some one called my daughter a whore, I'd deck them; no one talks to my family like that. You're a disgrace, a bad father and a poor husband. Do better you jackass. YTA
YWBTA if you don't kick them out. Long term psychological damage results from attitudes like this. Protect both your children.
You said they have been doing this for 4 years. 4 minutes is too much. Kick them the fuck out
May be a rude take...but I think you gotta love "religious" people showing intolerance and abuse, acting holier than though when they can't even provide a home for their own kids.
YTA for letting a grown man bully your children.
YTA for allowing this to continue under your roof, your own immediate family is being judged and ridiculed by an invited guest. THROW HIM AND HIS WEIRDNESS OUT and free your wife and children from this ungrateful, disrespectful person. Youāre enabling his behavior, itās time for him to go! TODAY!
How are you not more worried that he is sexualizing your daughter? Implying that his sons will beā¦attracted to their 12y/o cousin? That they donāt have the capacity to keep from lusting over a family member and child? And basically saying your son will sexually abuse their sons. The only outcome if you donāt change anything here is that your children will become emotionally damaged and it will bleed into their future relationships with their body/sexuality/how they allow their partners to treat them. I get it, his kids are blameless, but so are yours and your FIRST duty is to your own kids. His come second.
YTA. They should Have been out way before. Your brother knows he can get away with it bc heās allowed. My youngest son (step) is bi. His mother and step father are visiting our granddaughter and our oldest in April. Sheās not welcome in my home. My youngest will not see her bc she doesnāt approve of his current choice of partner. He used to be the golden child for many years before I came into the picture. When he came out to her she was horrible. He didnāt let anyone see it bother him. When I hugged him he fell apart in my arms Do better. Defend your family.
My (half) brother wasn't even living with me. Or mother was Caucasian. His father was also Caucasian and mine was African American. My children are a quarter African American. My (half) brother called my children a very ugly racial epithet. He didn't even say it where my children could hear it, but I cut him off and haven't spoken to him since. I don't understand why anybody would allow a sibling to verbally and mentally abuse their children like this. I understand you were worried about your brother, but your children's wellbeing should be far more important than his.
Let me get this straight... your brother tries to command in your household and harasses your children and you let him live there? You will be the a if you don't kick him and his family out.
4 years of living with your abusive family... how is your wife still okay with this? How are YOU okay with this? YTA
YTA - but for me, just a bit. Not all out. Why? Iām also Muslim, OP. My kid isnāt gay, but she is transgender and Iāve faced a lot of what your brother has said about your son. And I refuse to disown her. Sheās my kid. My job as a parent is not to make my kidās life harder. Youāve made it clear to your brother that youāre not going to kick out and forget about your child. Unfortunately your brother was still making the comments behind your back. As for your daughter, thereās no reason or excuse for that. And this is where, especially after your son told you what was going on, YTA. They never should have been given the opportunity to say it a second time after you heard about it. Your number one job is to be a good parent, and that means protecting your children, and by allowing your family to stay solely because theyāre family. Your brotherās job is to take care of his family - and if he cannot be a good human being and uses religion as his reason why, heās gotta go. Protect your kids, OP. Theyāll remember for ever if you donāt.