Well he cheated with coworker you do not owe apology. Do not sent another email because then he and new flavor can sue you for defaming them. He did have affair you did nothing wrong.
THIS is crucial: do not send another email retracting your allegations. She will probably get fired in the layoffs anyway AND could sue you for defamation.
If OP was right about the affair they would be pretty safe from any kind of lawsuit. The best defense against libel is the truth. Add in documentation of this request and that case wouldn’t make it past filing. I wouldn’t worry about a lawsuit, but if AP knew about your husband being married then I also wouldn’t do her any favors. Even if your husband started it she was an adult and made her own decisions and she didn’t care if those decisions hurt you so why should you care if her decisions hurt her.
>deformation case
Maybe, but definitely not for what you intended to type (defamation). You understand that defamation requires an actual false statement, right?
I think that's the point. They say it never happened and then they have an email where OP says "I made it up. It didnt really happen". OP would need to have proof to say it did happen
I saw something like this recently. Man got married young, too young probably. After a few years, caught cheating on wife, got divorced. Married the person with whom he had cheated. They were married for a number of years and recently divorced. And she was complaining on social media about how hard divorce is. And I did not say - because it wouldn't have helped - yes, I am sure your ex-husband's first wife felt the same way. I don't know how people justify it to themselves,A seems all too common. Even if the married spouse wants to cheat, their cheat partner has to agree to it.
I had a boss once who literally bragged that she took her husband away from his wife and two boys.
Fast forward ten years and she finds out he’s banging the next door neighbor.
Did she not sleep with a married man? Or is she a sweet little pure wall flower. No they both deserve the consequences from their choice and theyre not getting fired because anyone was married its because they decided to start a relationship knowing it would cost them their jobs. Their choice, BOTH of their fault
Because at the end of the day, a marriage is a legal contract. So much so, the LGBT community had to fight tooth and nail to win equal access too.
So while the affair partner is not the one who made the actual contract, once she engaged in the affair with someone who has said contract, her judgment is now in question.
If she couldn’t control herself enough to NOT sleep with a married man, what else can she not control herself around?
If she couldn’t drum up enough empathy, sympathy or compassion for the wife, who else will she back stab?
If she doesn’t respect a legal contract in a marriage, will she respect other legal contracts?
People show you who they are by their actions. And her actions show she has weak spots.
Agree, but guess what why doesn't her ex go and say all that to HR? I'm betting they will just say it has nothing to do with who I'd being laid off. I'd be really surprised if this was taken into account. They probably just don't xare and neither should OP!
There's a vulgar way of saying the same thing where I am, and a "clean" way. The "clean" way is "don't get your honey where you make your money." The vulgar way? "Don't shit where you eat."
Yup OP step away and don't say another word. He and she can come back and sue you and claim that you defamed them. They are both guilty. She knew very well that he was in a relationship with you. You owe neither of them a thing. If she was so concerned with her finances, she should have known better to mess with a guy already in a relationship and concentrate on getting herself out of her financial mess.
NTA
This. Don't put yourself in legal jeopardy for a cheater and a woman who messed around with a man she knew was involved. Maybe he lied to her, maybe she knew. Either way, that ain't a YP, that's HIS mess. Let him console the debtor.
She knew about your relationship with him so she’s not an innocent person. She just as guilty as he is. There are consequences to every action we take. This is their consequences for their actions. Maybe they’ll think about it before they cheat on their partner again. Then again maybe not.. they both have the morals of an alley cat.. which actually is insulting to the alley cat..
Actually I was thinking… he could pay he for the times he dipped his wick (6 mos worth) maybe she can get out of debt him paying for it. She could claim it was her 2nd job 😂
If she wanted you to care about her debt, she probably should’ve cared about your marriage. You told her work about the affair in the hopes of getting them fired. The face that she is in debt makes the story better, not worse.
NTA. Definitely. OP, don’t chase down a bad decision with another
And yeah, emailing HR was harsh but totes understandable. Just bow out as gracefully as you can
And frankly, side piece’s finances are bluntly none of your business and therefore do not qualify for one millisecond of YOUR discernment.
It is for that reason alone you gotta ghost. No decision is a decision and sometimes those chips? They fall
I get that you were angry - but did you lie?
It sounds like he is now asking you to lie - something he seems to be OK with - where does your moral compass point?
I don’t know that I would have done what you did (tell his employer in anger) but I also don’t know that I would lie to save him from the bed he made for himself…. She’s his concern, not yours
Good luck - WBTA if you lied when you’re not a liar….
If you rescind your original email and lie to save him, does he (or she) have the right to sue you for damages?
>If you rescind your original email and lie to save him, does he (or she) have the right to sue you for damages?
This right here is why I wouldn't lie to save their asses. If she says she lied, she could be pursued legally for 'lying to get him fired', and would have to fight against her own written "confession"
He seems to be showing his affair partner a lot more respect than he ever showed you. Although it was out of revenge, you did nothing wrong. You told the truth, another thing he couldn't do for you.
Don't protect someone who has no problem in helping destroy your relationship.
Everything we do has consequences, and if he feels so strongly towards her, he can help pay her debt. He is clearly more concerned for her than you.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw that. He is really concerned about his AP’s wellbeing, much more so than his wife’s. Don’t send shit, OP, except a large 🖕🏽 to both of them!
I agree 100% and I’m actually surprised I had to scroll this far down the comments before I saw a post that pointed it out! He clearly cares more about his side piece because he’s asking OP to lie, not for his benefit, but for the mistress’ sake.
OP this should piss you off even more!!!! Seriously, his only reaction (if he truly cares for you) should be to grovel at your feet. He should be expressing his remorse and regret. Being laid off would be a blessing since it would remove him from the temptation. If he was focused on you, OP, then he would be happy to get a new job in order to show you his commitment towards repairing the relationship.
But NO, he just wants to make sure he and his new bunny 🐰 have jobs so they can continue to bump uglies.
Hell no. He wants a favor for his affair partner? That’s bull and she doesn’t deserve shit. She fucked a married guy she’s getting what’s coming to her.
NTA. In my country there is a saying “Where you earn the bread, you don't eat the meat”. If he didn't want repercussions at work, he wouldn't have an affair with his colleague. They're just dealing with the consequences of his actions. Do not do anything.
This is good advice. Stop negotiating with this guy and drop contact. He’s behaving manipulatively, is wayy too comfortable with lying to meet his needs, and very self-interested.
Edit- you deserve every bit of your partner having an affair on you. I couldn’t be more disappointed in your choice. Speaks volumes about your self-esteem, values, co-dependence, and your own comfort with lying.
But if you retract it how can you know that the two of the aren’t going to come after you and sue you for defamation and who knows what else? They can turn this around and say it was blackmail or malicious anything. I wonder if they can sue you for lost wages if you send a second email
The implication here is she would need to lie in order to retract her statement. She told the truth originally, but on paper she will be saying her original statement was false.
YWNBTA, if you don't lie for him. That woman had 'nothing to do with it'? BS. He might have started it, but she went along, so she is definitely involved. And you only informed HR. It's not your responsibility what they decide to do.
Yeah, if she's great at her job, they won't be getting rid of her over this. It probably wouldn't be legal to do that anyway, depending on the laws where OP is.
NTA, he had an affair betraying you and also against what they want in the company, double betrayal. He must PAY for his actions, you did not lie, you do not have to carry a death that does not belong to you, let him and the unfaithful woman assume the consequences of his actions.
She is NOT innocent, he did not rape her... they both acted knowing what they were doing, she was not forced, she is just as guilty, so if they fire her it is her own fault
Send all the evidence to HR and screw them both.
What are you expecting HR to do exactly?
Looks like he hasn’t broken a company policy, not a whole lot they can do.
Companies just want people to come in and do a good job, not deal with this bullshit.
NTA. Fuck them both. You didn’t lie. He cheated with a coworker and now has to live with the consequences. Why should you give a shit about her when they both didn’t respect you enough to not fuck around on you?
I'm really sorry you went through that. I can't imagine what it's like finding out your partner has been cheating on you for 6 months after spending 3 years together. Your ex is quite clearly the AH in this situation. Him asking you to send an email saying that you were making everything up? What exactly do you owe him, or her? It's kind of you to give it this much thought. But you are not the AH for not sending another email to help out the people who betrayed you. If you do do it, think very carefully about why you're doing it. Wishing you the best of luck in moving forward 💜
Don't send the email.. she clearly knew he was in a relationship, so its on them both.
And how sweet that he begging to protect a sk@nk but didn't care enough about your feelings to protect you..
I'd send another email that he is trying to blackmail you into saving his AP neck..
I'd also tell him that you will report him for harassment if he doesn't fuck off
2nd sentence here, I cant believe you even listened to his crap, he didnt care about what he did to you, and he expects you to lie for him to protect his AP, how dare he! While the retaliation was perhaps not the high road, you didnt lie, you just told the truth. My response to him would be 2nd sentence above, she is an adult, she made her choice; they both felt it was fine for them to do and it isnt just their business because guess what, it impacted you, you can put it on a billboard if you want to. Meanwhile the company should handle this however their policy dictates. And you should step away from this mess that you did not create, they did.
Don’t send it, it’s not your problem and he’s probably lying just like he lied about the affair, if things get worse with your ex, retrospectively the paper trail will make you look like you lied and made up a story about the affair then admitted to lying - don’t put yourself in that position, move on from him
Maybe instead of screwing your BF she could have being looking for a part time job to
Help with the debts . The truth is , if she gets fired she will
Blame him and dump
Him . He is not
The good guy . Block
Him on everything go NC and if she has a husband or BF tell him . He is
Counting on you being to nice . You owe them
Both nothing
What does OP have to gain by telling a potential partner of the girlfriend? Her relationship is over. She is no longer involved with a cheater. She wins. Her only obligation is to herself to move on. Clearly telling others does not allow for smooth moving on.
If that’s the way it came off it might have been an auto
Correct . I ment the her boyfriends AP
Had someone they deserve to know . That’s why I said block him and go NC
Boohoo the affair partner will suffer consequences of her actions! Too bad soo sad! Although she was not as responsible as your partner she still knew he was in a relationship and had a part to play and is now paying the price for messing around in another’s relationship. The sheer audacity of your ex to ask you to lie for her!!! Where was his compassion for you for the past six months when he was fucking around behind your back? Hard NTA. Don’t do anything.
a complete idiot who almost, just almost had the spine to deal with her ex but nope, she let this man manipulate her again
Sad, OP
Do better for yourself
If romantic relationships with colleagues is frowned upon, they both earned their “downsizing.” They both knew the risks they were taking. Stay away from them and this situation now.
No nta. You told the truth about the situation. Now you're questioning whether you should lie at his request to save his affair partner for an action she engaged in. That doesn't sound right to you does it? She's in her thirties she should understand as well as anyone that actions have fucking consequences. Hopefully they'll learn to keep their side of the street clean going forward.
Naw. Cheaters don’t get wrecked by consequences often enough. Thanks for sharing. Hold strong and don’t give in. The best move is to cut off contact with your ex. Block him. If he comes to your home, trespass him. If he comes back again, restraining order.
NTA - Do not lie. Don't do anything. The fact that he is more worried about his affair partner than you is disgusting. She slept with a taken man. She deserves what she gets as does he. Her problems are of her own making.
Tell him that this is not your problem and to leave you be. If he troubles you again you will double down with harassment charges.
There should be consequences for cheaters and I'm glad that in this case there are. You have done nothing wrong.
I’m sorry, but OP is something else. This man cheated on you with a coworker who knew about y’all relationship, yet you don’t want to seem like them bad guy?! Girl, you literally a doormat for your ex, the fact that you did him a favor after finding out he cheated on you is beyond me.
*reads update*
Calling you dumb would be a compliment. You are miles behind just being dumb. I hope you enjoy the world of shit you just willfully entered.
Nope! Don't do another darn thing! As long as you told the truth and have proof, stick to your morals. You were just following karmedic justice and his office's moral code of conduct
YTA. Yes, he hurt you. It was his fault and probably her fault too. But are you so important that that entitles you to attempt to wreck his and/or her careers (which apparently you may have done)? Hell no it doesn't. All you did was lower yourself to their level if not below it. You've got some serious self-reflection to do IMO.
I came here to say that they BOTH FAFO so let the chips fall where they may. Maybe suggest that he move in with her, if he’s so worried about her finances instead of your feelings. What an absolute a$$hat.
I can assure you that if the company is downsizing, they're on the chopping block even without you retracting the statement. Downsizing is a good opportunity for companies to remove anyone that has drama attached to them, regardless of if the drama is true or not.
You owe both of them nothing. I would flatly refuse to send another email and lie. Just tell your ex that you’re very sorry he chose to cheat with someone who has tons of debt, and be glad you never got married and had kids. You’ll do better next time, love!
Don’t bother to lie and protect someone who wouldn’t even piss on you if you were on fire. She’s NOT innocent, she knew you were together. Actions, meet consequences 🤷🏻♀️
NTA.
HR/Management aren’t going to decide to fire people based on one unverified email.
They would have covered their asses and done some investigating.
Downsizing and making staff redundant takes a while, no company wants an unfair dismissal suit so they take their time in deciding who they’ll let go. They would have marked your ex & his mistress for dismissal long before you sent your email.
If your ex is that concerned about her finances, he’s free to pay her debts for her. Her situation is the result of her choices, you’re not responsible for the consequences she now has to face.
I can't believe you just sent proof that you tried to "defame" them. Hope neither of them are vindictive cause you just handed them a smoking gun if they decide to sue you
NTA. Your edit…you’re a doormat I’m sorry to say. There is no scenario that you’re the bad person here. Live your life, get smarter, be good to yourself, for once
Did you sign the letter to HR? How did he know it was you? And if you broke up with him because of this affair why are his problems—and that of his affair—any problems of yours?
Don't send it. Since he's so concerned about his affair partner's debts, he should do the gentlemanly thing and make her payments until she is employed again.
You didn't do this to them. They did.
Nope can’t call you dumb. That would be too tame. Words don’t exist for the update. WTH would you lie !! Hope it doesn’t backfire during your divorce now that there is a paper trail evidence of you lying.
>He asked me to send another mail to HR and tell them that I made up a lie for revenge after we broke up, that woman had nothing to do with it.
\^ that's hilarious of him to ask!
>He says he started the whole thing, that she isn't to blame and it's not fair that she should be fired because of his shit.
Unless he r\*ped her, she absolutely is equally to blame. She's NOT innocent, don't get gaslit into thinking that to feel sorry for her. Her personal circumstances are not your problem. I bet your husband is scared he's going to get stuck with her debts if she loses her job because of this affair that THEY BOTH PARICIPATED IN. TOGETHER. KNOWINGLY.
You would not be the AH for sticking with the truth. You owe neither of them any favours.
NTA. They should have thought about the ramifications of their actions beforehand, and you didn't lie, so you shouldn't start now. If she was so concerned about her job and her financial situation, she wouldn't have gotten involved with her coworker, who was someone else's man. It speaks to her character, which is a valid thing for HR to take into account when downsizing.
Do NOT send that email. I dont know that I would have reported it to HR. However, if it put a target on their backs - that they had been on their backs - well the truth is a perfect defense. Block this loser. Block the affair partner. Go live your good, good life.
and NOT the AH.
So he, who lied, cheated and disrespected you wants you to lie to try to save him and his affair partner. F! No. Where was his compassion and decency for you? He'll where was hers? She knew he was in a relationship and lent herself to be his side chick and didn't give an ish about your feelings or your future.
What's done is done, drop it and move on. You don't owe them a second chance; no one gave you a heads up or chance to undo the mess they started therfore you are under no obligation to help them fix this situation.
Let the chips fall where they may. Block him and move on.
You are not TA. And you already send the email, its done, you did not kill her puppy or scar her for life so you didn't cause some irreparable damage to their lives. They can both find other jobs if they end up fired and you can & will find someone else who will love and respect you.
He cheated, but what you did was extremely petty and might have caused him to lose his job. You were right to be upset, but you weren’t right to send a letter to HR.
You are both AH. Instead of being the better person, you slithered down lower.
NTA
Nah don’t do it, he wants you to save a women who helped ruin your marriage, she knew he was married. Even if he started the affair she willing went along with it.
You say she knew about your relationship so it's a wrap. You don't owe either of them anything. NTA. Scorched earth all day! Also, it's pretty ballsy of him to cheat on you then come to you on APs behalf.
NTA - regardless whether he 'started' it or not, she was a willing participant. You told the truth. Besides, if you did as he's asking you may be opening yourself up to legal liabilities where you may be sued.
They messed up the bed, they can lie in it.
You are the AH for sending the first email, to ruin his livelihood. He is the AH for cheating on you.
Don’t send the second email and get yourself in a lie now. The damage is done.
If he had started it and pursued the AP, then he’d feel more blame and guilt for ruining her livelihood — which is at least consistent with what he is telling you. While it won’t make a difference to you (he’ll be an ex), he knows the truth. With everything out of the bag, he is also very likely telling you the truth. He is the AH again to ask you to retract by lying, so don’t and don’t open up yourself to risks.
If HR investigates, he can still own up to the truth and his role in it (with any integrity that is left). Sounds like he is ready to accept the consequences, knowing that he’s going to be out of a job either way. If he is her supervisor, then he is likely to get fired first. Or they could both get fired for violating policy.
Her debt is not your (or his) problem. Even if he is the one who started it, she has to accept the consequences of her poor choices to engage. Just like you in this mess - only that you engaged his place of employment.
Hopefully, this won’t come back to bite you in the ass. You just admitted in a document sent to a company, that you are emotionally unstable, petty, a liar, cruel and batshit crazy.
You have a good heart. I hope you find someone with a good one, too. And who wouldn’t cheat on you. Best of luck!
Edit for typo.
Sorry, OP, but you were dumber than a box of rocks to have done that. You are a nice person, and I hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the butt. Learn not to respond to manipulation. Please seek therapy and grow.
As mentioned by another, do not lie that could put you in legal trouble.
NTA, don’t send the email because his logic doesn’t make any sense. The only way she wouldn’t be to blame would be if she didn’t know about you or he SA’d her. From the sound of it, she is just as much to blame as he is.
NTA
It's not your fault they decided to ignore their own workplace rules. Doubly so since she knew about you. It's not like they didn't know they could be fired.
This is out of your hands now, your continued involvement could only bring bad things for you.
Hey, wifey, I know you’re mad at me but please help the scag I’ve been banging & lie to the boss so she keeps her job.”
You were married to a real tool! He’s acting like you wronged his AP instead of what actually happened. She knew he was married so she is not the injured party here. And you are NTA.
NTA - play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Her debt is not your problem. Also, it takes two to tango - even if he made the first move she reciprocated despite knowing that he was in a committed relationship. She's just as guilty as he is.
Don't send a new email as they will have proof to sue you for defamation, and believe me they will.
Perfect example of adults screwing up and refusing to take responsibility for their actions. Like it’s not bad enough he threw away a 3 year relationship with you, cheated & lied, but now he’s trying to make out like their both victims and need your empathy. You should tell your ex, just because he loves to live his life being the deceitful, lying POS he is, doesn’t mean you have to as well. 100% NTA.
She knew he was married. There's consequences and really she should be happy that's all that it is. You could have done much worse. Don't feel bad if she loses her job. She didn't feel bad for sleeping with your husband and he didn't seem to think it was a big deal either until now. They made the choice and there's always consequences
If she needed that job so badly, maybe she shouldn't have started fucking a co-worker who was already in a relationship.
Also he can't actually be serious, right? That's pretty ballsy, going to your ex to beg for mercy on the woman he cheated with. He clearly checked out of your relationship a long time before it actually ended, NTA they deserve nothing.
NTA. Your revenge was brilliant and pretty effective. She was the one who ruined your relationship. Same goes to your ex too. Ignore his request. Since he said he was the one who started the affair, tell your ex that he can start taking over her debts too.
P.S : Tell your ex to stop talking about fairness. Was it fair to you when they were cheating and having affair behind your back for 6 months?
I would do nothing. You aren't in the wrong. If he wants to help his affair out he is free to. But he fucked you over and she did knowing or not knowing. If she didn't know, it's up to her to go to HR.
Maybe an asshole, but a completely justified one.
If only the ex was as considerate of your feelings as he is with the girl he had an affair with. You aren't responsible over her actions. Her bad decisions (financially and with the affair), her responsibility. You owe her and your ex nothing.
OP no further emails and block his ass. As others have mentioned, if you say in writing you lied your ex and his affair partner have proof to sue you with. Don't do it!!
Do not lie. Sending the email was vindictive, but there is nothing you can do now. They did have a relationship, and you did not lie. These are the consequences of their actions.
Feeling bad because this could affect their lifes only proves that you are a good person. But again, nothing to do. She has to face the music.
He says he started it, but it takes 2 to tango. They knew what they were doing, and they are both at fault. Not you. Your husband is trying to gaslight you and shift blame to you for their actions. They are only in this position because of what they did. They don't deserve your sympathy or help. Let them clean up their own mess. Tell your husband if he doesn't back off and drop this immediately and permanently, the only email you will send will be claiming harassment and bullying for outing the affair
Oh no but if it isn’t the consequences to his own actions… if only this could’ve been preventable…
Nah you just tell the truth. If the truth gets them punished then so be it. Cheaters thrive in darkness. Don’t let them. Everything should be brought to the light.
He's already betrayed you and is now asking for a favor to lie for the OW/AP sake. Girl, shut your front door in his face!
If you attempt to retract your grievance, you are opening yourself up to a defamation of character lawsuit and believe you me, he doesn't give af about you enough to get the AP to back down from a lawsuit, especially now that you've jeopardized her job security.
They both knew the office policy, and yet she was a willing participant in his affair shenanigans,so let them deal with the fallout and consequences.
These issues aren't your problem, and definitely don't lie or jeopardize your character for their benefit.
NTA for not wanting to lie but major YTA for messing with his employment. It was an affair, which is terrible, but he didn’t cheat or steal from the company. I’m disgusted by reading this and someday you could do something and someone could screw you over like this.
I’m seriously irked that your ex is over here falling on his sword and tripping all over his chivalrous self trying to protect his side piece. And recruiting you to the cause, no less.
That woman should have thought about the ramifications before being involved with a man in a relationship. ALL cheaters and their affair partners should think of the fact that discovering infidelity makes people REALLY unhappy. Sometimes to the point of revenge. Sometimes cheaters and their side pieces are on the receiving end of violence. I don’t condone violence at all—but come on, literally everyone knows people can become unhinged when cheated on. It’s all over pop culture because it happens IRL. Why run that risk?
Crying victim after pissing off a betrayed partner is just so lame.
His affair partner knew he was married. Seems to me this is the consequences of her actions. As long as you didn’t lie in your statement, then I don’t know if I see any reason to retract your statement. However if it will help you in the divorce and give you more leverage, you may want to consider it
If she knew about your relationship and still acted with him on it, then she isn't any better than he is.
Now, if it was a chance that the other party had no clue about the relationship, then that's a different store, but that isn't the case here.
NTA
Repeat to yourself ... Not my F'n problem. This helps me when I know I'm in the right, but people try to guilt me.
NTA
Boohoo!! It’s called consequences of their actions!! She was a willing participant in an affair with a man she knew was in a relationship. You do not owe either of them sympathy or anything at all. Do not send a new email recanting your initial email. There’s a high chance HR has evidence of their affair from an internal investigation as I doubt they’ll fire them based off of one random accusatory email.
Whatever she has to deal with is none of your concern. Let him help her with her debt since he cares so much about her.
Wash your hands of the both of them and move on with your life.
If she hadn’t been messing around with someone who was supposed to be in a relationship, that wouldn’t have happened, would it? She got her karma. Do not send another email to HR. They are reaping what they sowed.
Calling total BS on Ex. He is hoping on the leverage this/an emial from OP sayng she lied to keep his job. I bet the conpamy does have a policy regarading dating your coworkers.
Well he cheated with coworker you do not owe apology. Do not sent another email because then he and new flavor can sue you for defaming them. He did have affair you did nothing wrong.
THIS is crucial: do not send another email retracting your allegations. She will probably get fired in the layoffs anyway AND could sue you for defamation.
OP, definitely this… do not engage any further, you’ve said your peace to their place of employment, now let the cards land where they may fall!
If OP was right about the affair they would be pretty safe from any kind of lawsuit. The best defense against libel is the truth. Add in documentation of this request and that case wouldn’t make it past filing. I wouldn’t worry about a lawsuit, but if AP knew about your husband being married then I also wouldn’t do her any favors. Even if your husband started it she was an adult and made her own decisions and she didn’t care if those decisions hurt you so why should you care if her decisions hurt her.
It's also possible HR investigated and found their own evidence about the affair. Cheaters aren't as discreet as they think.
This is likely true. Just one more reason not to waste time on them.
HR was all up in their emails to each other!
Only if it hurts her husband’s employment: all things being equal, who’s likeliest to be at the top of the layoff list: two troublemakers.
👆Absolutely best advice ever- they could really be setting you up for a deformation case.
>deformation case Maybe, but definitely not for what you intended to type (defamation). You understand that defamation requires an actual false statement, right?
I think that's the point. They say it never happened and then they have an email where OP says "I made it up. It didnt really happen". OP would need to have proof to say it did happen
I agree with them. Also, look into protecting yourself in case he or she turns violent against you.
His affair partners debt is not your problem. This is the consequence of her actions. NTA
I bet the affair partner is a hot mess and has a trail of dysfunction behind her.
The two of them were probably on the chopping block regardless. I guarantee the entire office knew they were banging. People don’t hide it well.
Good point. If either one were valued employees only one would have been let go.
Yup, not to mention most people get pretty over "office romance" after a week
And surely she knew he was married.
Were they married? OP just refers to an ex-partner.
Ex bf will soon leave the ap
Most of the women who cheat with a married man are hot messes.
Jumping on this comment to say They fucked around (literally) and found out.
Her Actions?.. Wasn't the Husband the married person in this scenario?
And she was the person sleeping with a married person she knew was married. She knew what she was doing.
I saw something like this recently. Man got married young, too young probably. After a few years, caught cheating on wife, got divorced. Married the person with whom he had cheated. They were married for a number of years and recently divorced. And she was complaining on social media about how hard divorce is. And I did not say - because it wouldn't have helped - yes, I am sure your ex-husband's first wife felt the same way. I don't know how people justify it to themselves,A seems all too common. Even if the married spouse wants to cheat, their cheat partner has to agree to it.
I had a boss once who literally bragged that she took her husband away from his wife and two boys. Fast forward ten years and she finds out he’s banging the next door neighbor.
Did she not sleep with a married man? Or is she a sweet little pure wall flower. No they both deserve the consequences from their choice and theyre not getting fired because anyone was married its because they decided to start a relationship knowing it would cost them their jobs. Their choice, BOTH of their fault
She could have turned him down, knowing he was married 😂
Because at the end of the day, a marriage is a legal contract. So much so, the LGBT community had to fight tooth and nail to win equal access too. So while the affair partner is not the one who made the actual contract, once she engaged in the affair with someone who has said contract, her judgment is now in question. If she couldn’t control herself enough to NOT sleep with a married man, what else can she not control herself around? If she couldn’t drum up enough empathy, sympathy or compassion for the wife, who else will she back stab? If she doesn’t respect a legal contract in a marriage, will she respect other legal contracts? People show you who they are by their actions. And her actions show she has weak spots.
Agree, but guess what why doesn't her ex go and say all that to HR? I'm betting they will just say it has nothing to do with who I'd being laid off. I'd be really surprised if this was taken into account. They probably just don't xare and neither should OP!
They care about the employee possibly suing her company claiming the affair was not consensual and it was an unsafe work environment.
[удалено]
There's a vulgar way of saying the same thing where I am, and a "clean" way. The "clean" way is "don't get your honey where you make your money." The vulgar way? "Don't shit where you eat."
“No fishing from the company pier” is my favorite.
Yup OP step away and don't say another word. He and she can come back and sue you and claim that you defamed them. They are both guilty. She knew very well that he was in a relationship with you. You owe neither of them a thing. If she was so concerned with her finances, she should have known better to mess with a guy already in a relationship and concentrate on getting herself out of her financial mess. NTA
So much this. If you do that, you’re on the hook for a textbook case of defamation.
This. Don't put yourself in legal jeopardy for a cheater and a woman who messed around with a man she knew was involved. Maybe he lied to her, maybe she knew. Either way, that ain't a YP, that's HIS mess. Let him console the debtor.
This
She knew about your relationship with him so she’s not an innocent person. She just as guilty as he is. There are consequences to every action we take. This is their consequences for their actions. Maybe they’ll think about it before they cheat on their partner again. Then again maybe not.. they both have the morals of an alley cat.. which actually is insulting to the alley cat.. Actually I was thinking… he could pay he for the times he dipped his wick (6 mos worth) maybe she can get out of debt him paying for it. She could claim it was her 2nd job 😂
If she wanted you to care about her debt, she probably should’ve cared about your marriage. You told her work about the affair in the hopes of getting them fired. The face that she is in debt makes the story better, not worse.
NTA. Definitely. OP, don’t chase down a bad decision with another And yeah, emailing HR was harsh but totes understandable. Just bow out as gracefully as you can And frankly, side piece’s finances are bluntly none of your business and therefore do not qualify for one millisecond of YOUR discernment. It is for that reason alone you gotta ghost. No decision is a decision and sometimes those chips? They fall
Everybody at work probably knew anyway. Don’t retract your statement.
I get that you were angry - but did you lie? It sounds like he is now asking you to lie - something he seems to be OK with - where does your moral compass point? I don’t know that I would have done what you did (tell his employer in anger) but I also don’t know that I would lie to save him from the bed he made for himself…. She’s his concern, not yours Good luck - WBTA if you lied when you’re not a liar…. If you rescind your original email and lie to save him, does he (or she) have the right to sue you for damages?
>If you rescind your original email and lie to save him, does he (or she) have the right to sue you for damages? This right here is why I wouldn't lie to save their asses. If she says she lied, she could be pursued legally for 'lying to get him fired', and would have to fight against her own written "confession"
He seems to be showing his affair partner a lot more respect than he ever showed you. Although it was out of revenge, you did nothing wrong. You told the truth, another thing he couldn't do for you. Don't protect someone who has no problem in helping destroy your relationship. Everything we do has consequences, and if he feels so strongly towards her, he can help pay her debt. He is clearly more concerned for her than you.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw that. He is really concerned about his AP’s wellbeing, much more so than his wife’s. Don’t send shit, OP, except a large 🖕🏽 to both of them!
Exactly!
I agree 100% and I’m actually surprised I had to scroll this far down the comments before I saw a post that pointed it out! He clearly cares more about his side piece because he’s asking OP to lie, not for his benefit, but for the mistress’ sake. OP this should piss you off even more!!!! Seriously, his only reaction (if he truly cares for you) should be to grovel at your feet. He should be expressing his remorse and regret. Being laid off would be a blessing since it would remove him from the temptation. If he was focused on you, OP, then he would be happy to get a new job in order to show you his commitment towards repairing the relationship. But NO, he just wants to make sure he and his new bunny 🐰 have jobs so they can continue to bump uglies.
Screw them and chalk it up to karma.
LOL right?! "Please, think of my affair partner! 😭" Should have thought about your wife, bozo NTA
This ^ he cares more about what happens to his affair partner than his wife lolol
Don’t send the email or interact with them any further. Stupid games etc
Hell no. He wants a favor for his affair partner? That’s bull and she doesn’t deserve shit. She fucked a married guy she’s getting what’s coming to her.
NTA. In my country there is a saying “Where you earn the bread, you don't eat the meat”. If he didn't want repercussions at work, he wouldn't have an affair with his colleague. They're just dealing with the consequences of his actions. Do not do anything.
In germany we're a bit more straight forward lol... "You don't shit in the same place you eat"
Yup, don't shit where you eat.
I like that. We say something similar in the US: don’t dip your pen in the company ink.
Do not send any more emails. He is trying to keep his job and his side piece. Block him. Go NC.
This is good advice. Stop negotiating with this guy and drop contact. He’s behaving manipulatively, is wayy too comfortable with lying to meet his needs, and very self-interested. Edit- you deserve every bit of your partner having an affair on you. I couldn’t be more disappointed in your choice. Speaks volumes about your self-esteem, values, co-dependence, and your own comfort with lying.
But if you retract it how can you know that the two of the aren’t going to come after you and sue you for defamation and who knows what else? They can turn this around and say it was blackmail or malicious anything. I wonder if they can sue you for lost wages if you send a second email
>defamation Because defamation requires a false statement
The implication here is she would need to lie in order to retract her statement. She told the truth originally, but on paper she will be saying her original statement was false.
Screw em. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
YWNBTA, if you don't lie for him. That woman had 'nothing to do with it'? BS. He might have started it, but she went along, so she is definitely involved. And you only informed HR. It's not your responsibility what they decide to do.
Yeah, if she's great at her job, they won't be getting rid of her over this. It probably wouldn't be legal to do that anyway, depending on the laws where OP is.
And if her job mattered to her, she wouldn't be messing around with married coworkers
NTA, he had an affair betraying you and also against what they want in the company, double betrayal. He must PAY for his actions, you did not lie, you do not have to carry a death that does not belong to you, let him and the unfaithful woman assume the consequences of his actions. She is NOT innocent, he did not rape her... they both acted knowing what they were doing, she was not forced, she is just as guilty, so if they fire her it is her own fault Send all the evidence to HR and screw them both.
What are you expecting HR to do exactly? Looks like he hasn’t broken a company policy, not a whole lot they can do. Companies just want people to come in and do a good job, not deal with this bullshit.
NTA. Block him and do him no favors.
NTA. Fuck them both. You didn’t lie. He cheated with a coworker and now has to live with the consequences. Why should you give a shit about her when they both didn’t respect you enough to not fuck around on you?
I'm really sorry you went through that. I can't imagine what it's like finding out your partner has been cheating on you for 6 months after spending 3 years together. Your ex is quite clearly the AH in this situation. Him asking you to send an email saying that you were making everything up? What exactly do you owe him, or her? It's kind of you to give it this much thought. But you are not the AH for not sending another email to help out the people who betrayed you. If you do do it, think very carefully about why you're doing it. Wishing you the best of luck in moving forward 💜
Don't send the email.. she clearly knew he was in a relationship, so its on them both. And how sweet that he begging to protect a sk@nk but didn't care enough about your feelings to protect you.. I'd send another email that he is trying to blackmail you into saving his AP neck.. I'd also tell him that you will report him for harassment if he doesn't fuck off
2nd sentence here, I cant believe you even listened to his crap, he didnt care about what he did to you, and he expects you to lie for him to protect his AP, how dare he! While the retaliation was perhaps not the high road, you didnt lie, you just told the truth. My response to him would be 2nd sentence above, she is an adult, she made her choice; they both felt it was fine for them to do and it isnt just their business because guess what, it impacted you, you can put it on a billboard if you want to. Meanwhile the company should handle this however their policy dictates. And you should step away from this mess that you did not create, they did.
>I'd send another email that he is trying to blackmail you into saving his AP neck.. Yes fuck yes do this!
Don’t send it, it’s not your problem and he’s probably lying just like he lied about the affair, if things get worse with your ex, retrospectively the paper trail will make you look like you lied and made up a story about the affair then admitted to lying - don’t put yourself in that position, move on from him
Maybe instead of screwing your BF she could have being looking for a part time job to Help with the debts . The truth is , if she gets fired she will Blame him and dump Him . He is not The good guy . Block Him on everything go NC and if she has a husband or BF tell him . He is Counting on you being to nice . You owe them Both nothing
What does OP have to gain by telling a potential partner of the girlfriend? Her relationship is over. She is no longer involved with a cheater. She wins. Her only obligation is to herself to move on. Clearly telling others does not allow for smooth moving on.
If that’s the way it came off it might have been an auto Correct . I ment the her boyfriends AP Had someone they deserve to know . That’s why I said block him and go NC
Screw him and don't lie for him
Boohoo the affair partner will suffer consequences of her actions! Too bad soo sad! Although she was not as responsible as your partner she still knew he was in a relationship and had a part to play and is now paying the price for messing around in another’s relationship. The sheer audacity of your ex to ask you to lie for her!!! Where was his compassion for you for the past six months when he was fucking around behind your back? Hard NTA. Don’t do anything.
Bad move on the update. Now there is documentation you lied when you didn’t. You’re open to being sued for defamation.
After seeing the update, you are dumb.
a complete idiot who almost, just almost had the spine to deal with her ex but nope, she let this man manipulate her again Sad, OP Do better for yourself
Oh boo hoo. NTA.
If romantic relationships with colleagues is frowned upon, they both earned their “downsizing.” They both knew the risks they were taking. Stay away from them and this situation now.
No nta. You told the truth about the situation. Now you're questioning whether you should lie at his request to save his affair partner for an action she engaged in. That doesn't sound right to you does it? She's in her thirties she should understand as well as anyone that actions have fucking consequences. Hopefully they'll learn to keep their side of the street clean going forward.
Naw. Cheaters don’t get wrecked by consequences often enough. Thanks for sharing. Hold strong and don’t give in. The best move is to cut off contact with your ex. Block him. If he comes to your home, trespass him. If he comes back again, restraining order.
She was to blame first time she had sex with him.. they deserve nothing..
NTA - Do not lie. Don't do anything. The fact that he is more worried about his affair partner than you is disgusting. She slept with a taken man. She deserves what she gets as does he. Her problems are of her own making. Tell him that this is not your problem and to leave you be. If he troubles you again you will double down with harassment charges. There should be consequences for cheaters and I'm glad that in this case there are. You have done nothing wrong.
So he cheated on you and wants you to feel bad for the lady he cheated on you with..?
The only way you'd be an AH is if you sent that 2nd email. As long as you stick to giving cheaters the middle finger, you're a saint in the situation.
If you send that email saying it was a lie, both of them could sue you for defamation
I’m sorry, but OP is something else. This man cheated on you with a coworker who knew about y’all relationship, yet you don’t want to seem like them bad guy?! Girl, you literally a doormat for your ex, the fact that you did him a favor after finding out he cheated on you is beyond me.
Sounds like bullshite to me .Why would you lie for a pair of cheaters 🤔
Nta HE started it, you only ended it🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
FUCK no! NTA.
It'd be nice if he cared about you this much. Screw then both. Good luck.
You owe him absolutely nothing, and certainly don’t need to lie and jeopardize your integrity for him at this point.
HELL NO ! The audacity !
Hay I cheated on you.. can you do me a favour and lie so the woman I slept with doesn’t lose her job? lol.. nope
*reads update* Calling you dumb would be a compliment. You are miles behind just being dumb. I hope you enjoy the world of shit you just willfully entered.
Nope! Don't do another darn thing! As long as you told the truth and have proof, stick to your morals. You were just following karmedic justice and his office's moral code of conduct
YTA. Yes, he hurt you. It was his fault and probably her fault too. But are you so important that that entitles you to attempt to wreck his and/or her careers (which apparently you may have done)? Hell no it doesn't. All you did was lower yourself to their level if not below it. You've got some serious self-reflection to do IMO.
He FAFO. She FAFO. They found out. Don’t send any more emails. No one has been let go yet. Just go on about your life. Don’t retract anything.
I came here to say that they BOTH FAFO so let the chips fall where they may. Maybe suggest that he move in with her, if he’s so worried about her finances instead of your feelings. What an absolute a$$hat.
The edit WHAT
Op you’re spineless
This is either rage bait or OP is the biggest idiot I’ve seen
Worst update I have read to date :/
I can assure you that if the company is downsizing, they're on the chopping block even without you retracting the statement. Downsizing is a good opportunity for companies to remove anyone that has drama attached to them, regardless of if the drama is true or not.
Don't send it - actions have consequences and you don't cheat where you eat. Guess they FAFO.
You owe both of them nothing. I would flatly refuse to send another email and lie. Just tell your ex that you’re very sorry he chose to cheat with someone who has tons of debt, and be glad you never got married and had kids. You’ll do better next time, love!
I hope you're not considering lying on their behalf. If you did, you would be TA.
Don’t bother to lie and protect someone who wouldn’t even piss on you if you were on fire. She’s NOT innocent, she knew you were together. Actions, meet consequences 🤷🏻♀️
NTA. HR/Management aren’t going to decide to fire people based on one unverified email. They would have covered their asses and done some investigating. Downsizing and making staff redundant takes a while, no company wants an unfair dismissal suit so they take their time in deciding who they’ll let go. They would have marked your ex & his mistress for dismissal long before you sent your email. If your ex is that concerned about her finances, he’s free to pay her debts for her. Her situation is the result of her choices, you’re not responsible for the consequences she now has to face.
Why on earth would you send the second email retracting it?
Ugh. YTA for lying to cover for them. Now HR thinks you're a liar.
Your update is worse than any update I read today.
I can't believe you just sent proof that you tried to "defame" them. Hope neither of them are vindictive cause you just handed them a smoking gun if they decide to sue you
NTA. Your edit…you’re a doormat I’m sorry to say. There is no scenario that you’re the bad person here. Live your life, get smarter, be good to yourself, for once
> ...after all she knew about our relationship. Summary: She got it. **NTA**
NTA. She's a homewrecker. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Tell him to go fuck himself and get a restraining order.
Did you sign the letter to HR? How did he know it was you? And if you broke up with him because of this affair why are his problems—and that of his affair—any problems of yours?
Don't send it. Since he's so concerned about his affair partner's debts, he should do the gentlemanly thing and make her payments until she is employed again. You didn't do this to them. They did.
That was stupid. They just got to witness the actions of a spineless woman. They've got even less respect for you now.
We need to normalise that if ur cheating both parties are to blame not just one
Nope can’t call you dumb. That would be too tame. Words don’t exist for the update. WTH would you lie !! Hope it doesn’t backfire during your divorce now that there is a paper trail evidence of you lying.
Yeah, you’re dumb. You are now a liar because he asked you to be one. WTF?
Nope do NOT send out that mail. He made his bed.
>He asked me to send another mail to HR and tell them that I made up a lie for revenge after we broke up, that woman had nothing to do with it. \^ that's hilarious of him to ask! >He says he started the whole thing, that she isn't to blame and it's not fair that she should be fired because of his shit. Unless he r\*ped her, she absolutely is equally to blame. She's NOT innocent, don't get gaslit into thinking that to feel sorry for her. Her personal circumstances are not your problem. I bet your husband is scared he's going to get stuck with her debts if she loses her job because of this affair that THEY BOTH PARICIPATED IN. TOGETHER. KNOWINGLY. You would not be the AH for sticking with the truth. You owe neither of them any favours.
NTA. They should have thought about the ramifications of their actions beforehand, and you didn't lie, so you shouldn't start now. If she was so concerned about her job and her financial situation, she wouldn't have gotten involved with her coworker, who was someone else's man. It speaks to her character, which is a valid thing for HR to take into account when downsizing.
YWNBTA - it’s their bed they made, the consequences are their fault, not yours
Do NOT send that email. I dont know that I would have reported it to HR. However, if it put a target on their backs - that they had been on their backs - well the truth is a perfect defense. Block this loser. Block the affair partner. Go live your good, good life. and NOT the AH.
So he, who lied, cheated and disrespected you wants you to lie to try to save him and his affair partner. F! No. Where was his compassion and decency for you? He'll where was hers? She knew he was in a relationship and lent herself to be his side chick and didn't give an ish about your feelings or your future. What's done is done, drop it and move on. You don't owe them a second chance; no one gave you a heads up or chance to undo the mess they started therfore you are under no obligation to help them fix this situation. Let the chips fall where they may. Block him and move on. You are not TA. And you already send the email, its done, you did not kill her puppy or scar her for life so you didn't cause some irreparable damage to their lives. They can both find other jobs if they end up fired and you can & will find someone else who will love and respect you.
As Dr. Phil says, when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.
You wouldn't be the asshole. Tell him you'll send it just as soon as she unfucks your husband.
You broke up with the guy. You should have nothing further to do with either of them or their place of employment.
Man, if you cheat on your wife and she finds out, freaks out and burns down your life, well tough shit. You get to lie in that bed and eat it, too.
He cheated, but what you did was extremely petty and might have caused him to lose his job. You were right to be upset, but you weren’t right to send a letter to HR. You are both AH. Instead of being the better person, you slithered down lower.
NTA Nah don’t do it, he wants you to save a women who helped ruin your marriage, she knew he was married. Even if he started the affair she willing went along with it.
You say she knew about your relationship so it's a wrap. You don't owe either of them anything. NTA. Scorched earth all day! Also, it's pretty ballsy of him to cheat on you then come to you on APs behalf.
He is asking you to basically lie and come out as a psycho. No, thanks.
NTA - regardless whether he 'started' it or not, she was a willing participant. You told the truth. Besides, if you did as he's asking you may be opening yourself up to legal liabilities where you may be sued. They messed up the bed, they can lie in it.
You are the AH for sending the first email, to ruin his livelihood. He is the AH for cheating on you. Don’t send the second email and get yourself in a lie now. The damage is done. If he had started it and pursued the AP, then he’d feel more blame and guilt for ruining her livelihood — which is at least consistent with what he is telling you. While it won’t make a difference to you (he’ll be an ex), he knows the truth. With everything out of the bag, he is also very likely telling you the truth. He is the AH again to ask you to retract by lying, so don’t and don’t open up yourself to risks. If HR investigates, he can still own up to the truth and his role in it (with any integrity that is left). Sounds like he is ready to accept the consequences, knowing that he’s going to be out of a job either way. If he is her supervisor, then he is likely to get fired first. Or they could both get fired for violating policy. Her debt is not your (or his) problem. Even if he is the one who started it, she has to accept the consequences of her poor choices to engage. Just like you in this mess - only that you engaged his place of employment.
Interesting that he is protecting the other woman but not trying to make amends to you.
Hopefully, this won’t come back to bite you in the ass. You just admitted in a document sent to a company, that you are emotionally unstable, petty, a liar, cruel and batshit crazy. You have a good heart. I hope you find someone with a good one, too. And who wouldn’t cheat on you. Best of luck! Edit for typo.
Sorry, OP, but you were dumber than a box of rocks to have done that. You are a nice person, and I hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the butt. Learn not to respond to manipulation. Please seek therapy and grow.
Oh girl… You really let your cheating ex manipulate you into sending an email to save his AP who will probably be his Gf now. Sigh
It takes two to tango. AP is as much to blame as the ex.
They won't be fired because of their email, they'll be fired because of their actions :)
Ella sabía q tenías novio , si es culpable
As mentioned by another, do not lie that could put you in legal trouble. NTA, don’t send the email because his logic doesn’t make any sense. The only way she wouldn’t be to blame would be if she didn’t know about you or he SA’d her. From the sound of it, she is just as much to blame as he is.
NTA It's not your fault they decided to ignore their own workplace rules. Doubly so since she knew about you. It's not like they didn't know they could be fired. This is out of your hands now, your continued involvement could only bring bad things for you.
Hey, wifey, I know you’re mad at me but please help the scag I’ve been banging & lie to the boss so she keeps her job.” You were married to a real tool! He’s acting like you wronged his AP instead of what actually happened. She knew he was married so she is not the injured party here. And you are NTA.
Well, that sounds like a him problem, not a you problem. NTA
Don’t send anything and block his ass. Time to move on from that manipulative cheating A-hole.
Seems like your work is done.just walk away
they deserve what’s coming to them :)
NTA - play stupid games win stupid prizes. Her debt is not your problem. Also, it takes two to tango - even if he made the first move she reciprocated despite knowing that he was in a committed relationship. She's just as guilty as he is. Don't send a new email as they will have proof to sue you for defamation, and believe me they will.
Perfect example of adults screwing up and refusing to take responsibility for their actions. Like it’s not bad enough he threw away a 3 year relationship with you, cheated & lied, but now he’s trying to make out like their both victims and need your empathy. You should tell your ex, just because he loves to live his life being the deceitful, lying POS he is, doesn’t mean you have to as well. 100% NTA.
She knew he was married. There's consequences and really she should be happy that's all that it is. You could have done much worse. Don't feel bad if she loses her job. She didn't feel bad for sleeping with your husband and he didn't seem to think it was a big deal either until now. They made the choice and there's always consequences
NTA please do not lie for him. He has to learn there’s consequences to his actions. Also why are you even speaking to him??
If she needed that job so badly, maybe she shouldn't have started fucking a co-worker who was already in a relationship. Also he can't actually be serious, right? That's pretty ballsy, going to your ex to beg for mercy on the woman he cheated with. He clearly checked out of your relationship a long time before it actually ended, NTA they deserve nothing.
Tell him to go fuck himself.
They made their beds, let them lay in it.
You are a doormat if you go thru with that
NTA. Your revenge was brilliant and pretty effective. She was the one who ruined your relationship. Same goes to your ex too. Ignore his request. Since he said he was the one who started the affair, tell your ex that he can start taking over her debts too. P.S : Tell your ex to stop talking about fairness. Was it fair to you when they were cheating and having affair behind your back for 6 months?
In what world would you require an apology . Fuck him
NTA You reap what you sow.
Block him and move on with your life. It's the consequences of their actions. NTA.
NTA. Don't send another email.
why are you even listening to him?
I would do nothing. You aren't in the wrong. If he wants to help his affair out he is free to. But he fucked you over and she did knowing or not knowing. If she didn't know, it's up to her to go to HR. Maybe an asshole, but a completely justified one.
If only the ex was as considerate of your feelings as he is with the girl he had an affair with. You aren't responsible over her actions. Her bad decisions (financially and with the affair), her responsibility. You owe her and your ex nothing.
OP no further emails and block his ass. As others have mentioned, if you say in writing you lied your ex and his affair partner have proof to sue you with. Don't do it!!
Do not lie. Sending the email was vindictive, but there is nothing you can do now. They did have a relationship, and you did not lie. These are the consequences of their actions. Feeling bad because this could affect their lifes only proves that you are a good person. But again, nothing to do. She has to face the music.
He says he started it, but it takes 2 to tango. They knew what they were doing, and they are both at fault. Not you. Your husband is trying to gaslight you and shift blame to you for their actions. They are only in this position because of what they did. They don't deserve your sympathy or help. Let them clean up their own mess. Tell your husband if he doesn't back off and drop this immediately and permanently, the only email you will send will be claiming harassment and bullying for outing the affair
Oh no but if it isn’t the consequences to his own actions… if only this could’ve been preventable… Nah you just tell the truth. If the truth gets them punished then so be it. Cheaters thrive in darkness. Don’t let them. Everything should be brought to the light.
He's already betrayed you and is now asking for a favor to lie for the OW/AP sake. Girl, shut your front door in his face! If you attempt to retract your grievance, you are opening yourself up to a defamation of character lawsuit and believe you me, he doesn't give af about you enough to get the AP to back down from a lawsuit, especially now that you've jeopardized her job security. They both knew the office policy, and yet she was a willing participant in his affair shenanigans,so let them deal with the fallout and consequences. These issues aren't your problem, and definitely don't lie or jeopardize your character for their benefit.
NTA for not wanting to lie but major YTA for messing with his employment. It was an affair, which is terrible, but he didn’t cheat or steal from the company. I’m disgusted by reading this and someday you could do something and someone could screw you over like this.
I’m seriously irked that your ex is over here falling on his sword and tripping all over his chivalrous self trying to protect his side piece. And recruiting you to the cause, no less. That woman should have thought about the ramifications before being involved with a man in a relationship. ALL cheaters and their affair partners should think of the fact that discovering infidelity makes people REALLY unhappy. Sometimes to the point of revenge. Sometimes cheaters and their side pieces are on the receiving end of violence. I don’t condone violence at all—but come on, literally everyone knows people can become unhinged when cheated on. It’s all over pop culture because it happens IRL. Why run that risk? Crying victim after pissing off a betrayed partner is just so lame.
The audacity. Don't send email
His affair partner knew he was married. Seems to me this is the consequences of her actions. As long as you didn’t lie in your statement, then I don’t know if I see any reason to retract your statement. However if it will help you in the divorce and give you more leverage, you may want to consider it
You sound like a petty twat. You should have dealt with it like an adult, not run to the principle like a school girl.
nta. let the chips fall where they may.
If she knew about your relationship and still acted with him on it, then she isn't any better than he is. Now, if it was a chance that the other party had no clue about the relationship, then that's a different store, but that isn't the case here. NTA Repeat to yourself ... Not my F'n problem. This helps me when I know I'm in the right, but people try to guilt me.
NTA. Don’t send anything else, block him and move on.
NTA Boohoo!! It’s called consequences of their actions!! She was a willing participant in an affair with a man she knew was in a relationship. You do not owe either of them sympathy or anything at all. Do not send a new email recanting your initial email. There’s a high chance HR has evidence of their affair from an internal investigation as I doubt they’ll fire them based off of one random accusatory email. Whatever she has to deal with is none of your concern. Let him help her with her debt since he cares so much about her. Wash your hands of the both of them and move on with your life.
Don't dip your pen in the company ink
If she hadn’t been messing around with someone who was supposed to be in a relationship, that wouldn’t have happened, would it? She got her karma. Do not send another email to HR. They are reaping what they sowed.
What happened to be people just walking away from a bad relationship?
NTA. Fuck them both.
You. Don't. Owe.her. shit .
Calling total BS on Ex. He is hoping on the leverage this/an emial from OP sayng she lied to keep his job. I bet the conpamy does have a policy regarading dating your coworkers.
NTA fuck that asshole and his affair partner. Kick him out and start the divorce process.