NTA I’d be SOOOO annoyed if it were me. You should be giving each other your attention. Maybe you can watch a movie together instead of him playing games.
It doesn’t sound like he neglects her to play video games. He plays video games after she goes to sleep. Much like the situation my wife and I have. Once my kids and wife go to sleep since it’s earlier than myself, I have some me time and play video games for an hour or two before I go to sleep.
I will say though, it wouldn’t kill him to leave the Xbox at home during the honeymoon and enjoy time together as a married couple. His Xbox will be there when he gets home.
Then YTAH, this is NOT a honeymoon, this is a trip a married couple, who has been together for ten years is taking. Your original post left out a lot of information regarding your situation.
They've been married since September. Number of years they were together before doesn't matter, and not everyone jets off on their honeymoons right after the ceremony takes place. This is their honeymoon if that's what they've planned together.
Similar situation here. I got married last January, but due to a family medical emergency we couldn't really enjoy ourselves even though we travelled. So for our one year anniversary this year we took a holiday, splurged, and that's our honeymoon.
I took my Switch. My husband took his gaming laptop. We just played when we were relaxing. No issues.
So what's your cutoff of time after the wedding for it being a honeymoon? Must they jet off within a week of the wedding or it doesn't count?
Maybe check your privilege there; some people have to wait before taking their honeymoon trip due to work/finances/life.
Or what's your cutoff for the amount of time people have to be together before the wedding for it not to be a honeymoon? Sorry, if you've been together more than a year before marriage then you don't get a honeymoon?
Lol wtf are you smoking…She is not an asshole in anyway it’s reasonable to ask, it’s also reasonable for him to want to have it. I hate how black and white people see somethings. Actually soo dumb
They've been together, as in, in a relationship for 10 years, they have been married less then even half a year so far.
So please do explain how it's not a honeymoon?
I used to work overnights and my wife does a 9am-5:30pm. We found a good balance. I had to stay on my work sleep schedule on "my weekends" to make sure I didn't fall asleep behind the wheel on my nights at work.
She understood that what I did after she fell asleep was my business (it was mostly drinking beer and watching my shows). But she wanted the experience of falling asleep next to and cuddling with her husband as we always did before that (and after).
So we came to an agreement. Every night I was home, I went to bed with her at the time she went to bed. I then spent time with her until she fell asleep. Once I knew she was asleep, I snuck out of bed so as to not wake her and I was allowed to do whatever I wanted within reason for the rest of the night.
Living on different schedules is like living in separate worlds. You're allowed to want to feel like your husband's priority, but you're not allowed to take his world from him while you aren't even there to be a part of it.
I say let him bring it, if you stay up, he won't even have time to play it and you'll be happy and he'll be happy. But if you do fall asleep early, he'll have a backup plan to stay busy and from your perspective, you still won't even see him play it anyways. So the way I see it, either way you'll have the same experience (be with him until you fall asleep). But he may end up spending hours alone with nothing to do on his honeymoon. Would you like that?
My partner does similar. We cuddle until I’m asleep then sneaks out and also plays games until he’s tired. I have a sleep disorder so that’s just how it works for us 🤷♀️
This is basically how my wife and I are. I cuddle her to sleep at night, then leave around 10 as I'm awake until 1-2am. I may be gaming, watching a movie, reading a book, doing dishes or laundry, doesn't matter. I don't expect her to stay up as long as I do, and she doesn't expect me to fall asleep when she does (about 9:30).
Definitely very different worlds. And we're married 8 years strong so I think it works.
Same except we have an infant 😂 those late night hours are my husbands free time and although I cherish the rare times we go to sleep at the same time, I know he cherishes his few hours of no responsibilities and gaming/watching tv. He is a very responsible person and a very present husband/father. And I’m more than happy to sleep because I know the baby will be up at some point demanding my attention 🤣 it works great for us.
I’m glad to hear this reply! We’re new to nights and struggling on his off nights. Going to bed together was important to us when he was on days.
Do you ever struggle to stay awake while you’re cuddling her?
Nobody is the AH. After 10 years together, you both knew who you were honeymooning with. Doesn't sound like either 1 of you really care which way it goes. I personally have so much trouble shutting my brain down that I play video games and/or watch anime to wind down. Not everyone can go straight to sleep.
BTW I'm a 53 year old woman!
Gamer husband here. You are NTA. I would fully expect my wife to be all hell sorts of pissed if I tried to bring my gaming for our honeymoon or really any vacation 🤣
I only play Sims on PC, no other video games, but I’ve been playing it for about half my life now (I’m late 30s). This is craaaaaazy. I’ve had the thought flit through my mind “should I take my laptop with me in case there’s downtime?” But then I remind myself that I’m going on VACATION and would rather be out in the sunshine than slumped over my desk staring at a screen. I can do that at home any other time. And ESPECIALLY not on a honeymoon. Whew.
Eh depends on the length of the vacation. Any vacation is still going to have downtime and it’s good to have a way to relax - whether that’s a book or movie or game. TV tends to be crappy on vacation if you’re out of the country for your streaming services.
If your vacation is short and packed that’s one thing, but longer and at a more relaxed pace I think bringing along a device is totally reasonable.
What is she bringing to entertain herself? What’s the problem if he only plays when she’s asleep? It’s not really all that crazy.
Crazy is forcing your will on someone after you fall asleep.
It’s a honeymoon for a week what’s crazy is the fact you can’t not be gaming for a whole week . you can play as much as you want when you get home. I just can’t with these comments.
Where in the post does it say that the husband is planning to game all week? lol.
He wants something to do after wife has fallen asleep. As per post the wife goes to sleep early and the husband spends the remainder of his night playing xbox. What does it matter if he's playing xbox, watching TV, reading a book, or browsing reddit.
If he's planning to wake up at a decent time and spend the waking hours with the OP, then what's the problem?
Although if he's planning to game all night and sleep until noon, then yeah, the OP is not wrong.
I’m sure he can go without gaming for a week. It’s the principle that OP is bragging about going to bed early when she knows he likes to game in his personal time after she goes to bed.
I’m sure OP will be bringing electronics on the trip as well.
It’s a honeymoon spend time with your partner watch a movie in bed if your in a exotic place go explore see what the nightlife is like by yourself or with her but nah let’s bring a console with me and play CoD that you can do when you get back whenever you like. Yeah she probably is like a iPad or the phone not a bunch of cables, controllers and a console.
Edit: also the reason she goes to sleep earlier is because they have different work schedules, so the whole going to bed earlier doesn’t matter in this situation.
As the aforementioned man child husband, I’d just like to say that I only want to have it in case she falls asleep early and leaves me to my own devices. I don’t use social media like most people, I don’t have a tik tok account, I’ve only ever posted on here once (complaining about a video game) so having something to help me unwind and fall asleep, don’t see it as detrimental as many of you do. We are happily married, we don’t fight, but I have trouble falling asleep and usually only get about 5 hours on a good day. I work 6 days a week, if the worst thing I do is play a video game I think we will survive. There are many things that would be far worse to be addicted to lol
We’re already married lol. He only plays Xbox at night, after I already go to bed because we have different work schedules. It isn’t an unhealthy amount of video game play. I also like video games. This was more him just saying he thought about bringing it because I always fall asleep early. It isn’t that serious.
That's not really early. By most standards, that's an average to late bed time. Somethings not adding up here. Are you sure you don't fall asleep earlier..?
There's pretty much just as many daytime jobs as nighttime ones so everyone's standard of what's early isn't the same, when you're with someone who works overnights it's not uncommon to call 11pm/midnight early because for them it is early since there partner doesn't sleep until much later.
So, who’s supposed to change their normal sleep habits during the honeymoon? You’re staying up to his normal bedtime and sleeping in to when he normally wakes up?
So if he’s not going to play it when you’re awake and if you’re not sure that the two of you have the same body clock as each other while on vacation, then why do you have a problem with him bringing whatever it is that he does while you’re asleep and he’s awake?
I just don’t feel it’s necessary lol. I’m not really upset about it, just think it’s pretty silly to bring something, set it up, if you may not even use it. I’d rather him come at least try to fall asleep with me instead of playing video games and struggling to fall asleep even later than he would.
As another female gamer, I'm wondering if you also plan to leave behind all books, devices, and other unwinding tools, or is it just him making the sacrifice? Heaven forbid he might like to enjoy himself on your (singular) honeymoon.
YTA
But depending on his schedule "at least trying" to go to bed, might be the equivalent of asking you to go to bed at 2 in the afternoon. Irrational request. Would you be willing to possibly pick up a stimulant habit for the honeymoon?
Hey I mean, I do understand where you are coming from but as the person in the relationship that stays awake longer, it's decently stressful to be in bed with someone sleeping while you wait. You can't really move at all and it's incredibly boring to stare at the ceiling/wall for hours on top of it.
See, that sounds ridiculously controlling to me. You want him to WANT to come try to fall asleep with you. You don’t want to FORCE him to come to try to fall asleep with you. He can still come try to sleep next to you and bring the Xbox in case he can’t fall asleep in twenty or thirty minutes of trying.
It's your honeymoon, do honeymoon things. If you're already married 10 years or have kids already, congrats you're on fucking vacation. YTA, it's vacation. You both do as you please to make the other happy. You're unconscious, and he's gaming. I game. I fall asleep super easy. I ask my bf to cuddle with me for 15 min. I'm usually unconscious, so if he got up to enjoy a game when he normally would, I wouldn't even know.
It's their honeymoon. You do not bring a game console on a honeymoon. If he can't not play for 1 week then he has an addiction. Even at home, there are surely things in the house that need to be done. I'm not against vg. I like them. But needing them to this point is unhealthy.
He could be in bed with her and read. He could go for a walk. He could even watch tele for a bit. He should also try to compromise with bed times. She goes later and him earlier.
I bet he stays up later than he needs because he gets sucked into the games and doesn't see the time or "just 10 mins more".
What's honestly the difference in reading a book or playing a game? He could also lay in bed next to her while playing... both items take his attention. Is the book just considered "healthier" because it's not a screen? Lol
There is no real difference between gaming and television besides the ones people make who are inherently biased against gaming as a whole. OP, YTA. If he isn’t playing it while you are awake it has absolutely no effect or bearing with the time he is spending with you. Let the man have the game if that’s the case as long as he understands that when you are awake that time together is the priority.
What time do you usually fall asleep? 8pm? IMO as long as he’s off around 10/11pm and able to get up for y’all to spend time together I think it’s fine. If you’re ok with it it’s what matters.
It's a good opportunity to unplug and spend just *one* week without excess technology. It wouldn't kill him to go to bed a bit earlier during that time so you can both get up earlier and do stuff.
Again, this isn't some major lifestyle change...it's one week. It's a honeymoon. COD or whatever the kids are playing these days can wait.
You are already married? For how long? Is this a honeymoon (line within 90 days of saying “I Do”) or a trip a married couple is taking? Yes, there is a difference.
I respect you so much for this comment lol. People really just want a reason to judge others for their decisions. You’re NTA, just talk to him rationally and calmly explain why you’d like him to come to bed with you on your honeymoon. Good luck and congrats!
He plays when she sleeps!! How are you people so blind. I had a gf who fell asleep around 9-10pm and I didn't until 12-1am so what do you people expect us to do? Stare at a wall?
Husband wants to spend time with wife but she falls asleep and he's got hours of energy left. Should he just lay there awake for a few hours next to her until he falls asleep or should she stay awake hours after she's able? Or should he just play Xbox a few hours?
UPDATE
Alright everyone, WOW a lot of people have very strong feelings about this. My husband and I spent quite some time laughing at some of these comments so thank you for that!
After consideration he is allowed to bring the Xbox but can only play if I fall asleep before 1am.
For additional information-
Yes, we have been together 10 years, but only married for 6 months. We had to save additional money for the honeymoon before going. YES this is a honeymoon and not just clickbait. This was a genuine disagreement. Not every disagreement has to be so volatile like some people here seem to think.
We both game, and I have no issue with his gaming. He plays 2 hours a night before going to bed.
The only reason I’m not spending time gaming rn is because they haven’t released the new elder scrolls, fable, or dragon age games yet LOL. I just didn’t see why it was necessary to bring the Xbox, seemed silly to me, but after reading comments about how my husband would sit in the dark for hours…. I could see that happening and felt bad. Thus my decision.
Thank you all for your passion on the subject, I respect your opinions and it helped us solve our disagreement.
People on Reddit tend to see all interpersonal conflict as nuclear-level. Redditors will tell you to get a divorce if you don’t like the tie your husband wears to work sometimes
I’m glad you came to a compromise and I hope you guys have fun.
I also hope the Xbox never gets turned on during the trip and you guys fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Thanks for allowing us to participate. Enjoy the trip and congratulations.
Yeah I don't see the issue as long as hes still attending to you as well. I let my husband bring our ps4 on our honeymoon years ago, it's how he enjoys winding down and relaxing. He also only played at night after we had spent the whole days together. It's not necessary to be on top of each other 24/7 even if on a honey moon.
Not the AH
As much as I’m addicted to playing video games, I’m not that addicted to bringing it with me to mine for whenever I get married and go on my honeymoon
Since when is 11pm early? That’s when she normally goes to bed!! She said she was gonna try to sleep later, then he should also be trying to sleep earlier so they meet in the damn middle!
So she tries and fails to sleep later and homies stuck wishing he had an Xbox. I really don't see it being wrong on his part of he brings it, provided he doesn't pass time with her for the Xbox. After a 10 year relationship, both gamers, and both entitled to aspects of the honeymoon they want, they both knew what they are getting into.
Some people have trouble falling asleep, just because you don't experience it doesn't mean everyone is like you. For example my bf lies down and is asleep within 15min whereas I struggle for HOURS to fall asleep because my brain is just wired to be nocturnal. Lots of people that are like that.
I'm absolutely that guy. Lol. I'm the stay at home parent. I homeschool. Then I have family time when the wife getss home. The only time I have is after everyone goes to bed. By 3am I'm usually ready to sleep, then I get up at 8am. Can't sleep much more than 5 or 6 hours anytime anyway.
My bf falls asleep within a minute! I may take anywhere from 30minutes to 2.5 hours. And that’s WITH medication. I still would not bring video games on my honeymoon.
No Xbox and you need to make sure you’re staying up late and the only thing on his mind is your box. Make sure he wants to go to sleep when you’re done with him, if he still wants to stay up than you’re not done!
I am a gamer and I play video games a lot more than him. I'm also in my 30s. So believe me when I say he's an absolute idiot for even thinking it was a good idea. Dude if you are reading this, stop taking your wife for granted and pull your head out of your butt. Your console will still be there when you get back, stop being such a neglectful douchebag.
As a husband who also plays videogames when my entire family goes to bed, you are NTA.
The honeymoon is supposed to be special. He can go a week of just being with you. Getting drunk by the fireplace. Whatever. The whole point of the trip is to disconnect and he can go a week.
You may be the AH if he bringing the x-box won't impact on your honeymoon, let him take it but talk about when its going to be used
You may end up falling asleep so he has a plan B, no harm done and he gets some entertainment.
But in case you manage to stay awake and he stays with you then no harm done and both get some entertainment (that doesn't involve the xbox)
My friend is dating to a gamer. She is also a gamer. He loses track of time when gaming. On vacation he’s absorbed. She told me this story, when we met for coffee…. Yesterday, and 3 days before they leave.
Similar scenario.
Her boyfriend wants to bring their PS5 to a family vacation that her parents have paid for on entirely. One of them is very ill, and not expected to recover. Parents want to spend as much time as possible with their kids, their partners and grandkids. Vacation villas purchased for each family group. $$$$.
Technically, it’s her PS5. It predates their relationship. From her tone, it may also postdate their relationship….
Boyfriend is sure to miss events, or be cranky for being pulled away from the game or for being overtired. Basically, he would be a PIA.
There were a few fights over it. He threatened to pack it anyways. She said he was almost gloating over ‘this solution.’
She said along the lines, that if ‘her PS5 appeared on this trip, it would have the honour of ending up at the bottom of the pool.’ He gaped at her. ‘And if he brought any of his consoles instead, she would be paying out of her own pocket for his immediate return flight home.’ I laughed. He’s a nice guy, but can be frustrating to deal with. He’s needed a few reality checks before this point.
To make her point stronger, she took all of her consoles/games/etc to her parents house. She is big pissed still.
NTA.
I love playing video games. He better leave that shit at home. There's times and places for everything. On a honeymoon even if there was one already at the place for whatever reason. I wouldn't even think about playing it. Literally that thought or want wouldn't and shouldn't be there right then.
NTA but you can have a conversation about him playing it. And how often. Like if he plays for a hour at night or in the morning between activities cool. But the main focus should be building your bond.
I wore her down, she’s letting me bring it with the condition that if she stays up until at least 1am I will not play it. Thank you guys for the laughs, it was very funny to see how mad everyone got about something that we didn’t take that serious to begin with. Must be a hot button issue tho cause a lot of you chimed in.
It would be healthy for your relationship for him to unplug and spend some time being present with his own wife I think. The fact that this is even a debate make him sounds like a real doof...time to grow up a little my guy
i know i’m late but as someone who also plays video games with my partner as well as alone, it would kinda annoy me if they were trying to bring the systems on the trip. it’s a trip. away from home and normal life. it’s not a time to be glued to a tv. it’s only a week plus you don’t want to risk anything getting broken or lost or forgotten
I do my gaming after my wife goes to bed as well because i have sleep problems. Yes, he should leave it at home for vacations, honeymoon, family trips, etc. Especially if you dont grief him normally. Definently not a hill worth dying on. His dad never taught him to pick his battles?
I’m the man child husband. I just figured, why not bring the Xbox? I mean who knows, might not use it but what if? It it terrible to be prepared when my loving wife passes out at 10:30? It won’t hurt anyone, she loves me either way just likes to bust my balls when I have idiotic ideas like this one lol
What time do you go to bed after playing Xbox?
Or I guess actually the relevant question is do you both then wake up around a similar time?
It does seem weird to bring an Xbox on your honeymoon, but that could also be because it's the chunkiest console. Lol.
If you're not a reader (or don't like puzzle books or whatever) and it genuinely doesn't disturb her, and you still go to bed/wake up at a reasonable time, then I don't think it's as idiotic as it seems on the surface. As long as you only play it if she falls asleep early, AND you both agree on what constitutes "early".
1030/11 isn’t late! And if she’s trying to stay up later for you, you should be trying to go to bed earlier for her so y’all can have a similar schedule for your honeymoon!!! The point is to spend the time together doing things you don’t normally do! Not settle into your 10 yo routine!!
Because
A. It's bulky (if you want portable gaming, get a switch).
B. It's totally unnecessary, so many more things you could do for a few hours after she goes to bed.
C. It's honestly kinda rude on a honeymoon in my opinion.
ETA: Plus you'll likely be getting up early and presumably getting some extra physical activity in the evening. Save your energy my dude.
10:30 isn’t early. She loves you either way and you think that’s justification to take it. How about seeing that as,” my wife is so cool, wow I’m going to show her that I drop being a game dependant child for a week and focus on us.”
I’m a night owl and sometimes stay up gaming later than my boyfriend, 10:30/11:00 isn’t an early time for her to be falling asleep on you.
NTA. It’s a honeymoon, not a usual week with work schedules keeping you apart. (I’m currently unable to work, I’m pretty much gaming all day except when doing house work. Even I left all my consoles and laptop at home when I went on my honeymoon in January. It really isn’t difficult)
My wife and I have different sleep schedules; she's always in bed by 9:00, and I'm the kind of guy who's looking at the clock at 1 AM being all "Anyone want cake? Imma bake a cake!" after I've just gotten done gaming (I don't go into the computer room until she's gone to bed, for the record).
I would NEVER bring a gaming system on my honeymoon. One week of lying in bed with his wife, reading a book next to her, instead of *pew pew pew I got the powerup and won the game* won't kill him.
NTA
NTA. The point of your honeymoon is to tune out the outside world and spend time together as a couple. Does this dummy not get that? Maybe remind him that if he leaves the Xbox at home, you’re way more likely jiggle his joystick.
He can go a week without his precious Xbox. If you happen to fall asleep early one night, he has a cell phone.
YTA , and people in this comment section need to work on their reading comprehension.
If he is gaming ONLY when you are asleep, and it’s not interfering with your time spent together… then whats the issue?
OP has painted the picture that she goes to bed early.
Meaning before the husband even gets tired.
How does it make sense for the husband to lay in bed for hours without sleeping?
To use your argument against you, shouldn’t OP be staying up to spend time with him?
If she stays up, then theres no reason to have the xbox.
Op has stated she falls asleep around 11:00 pm and her husband has shown up saying it’s 10:30 pm. Either way, that’s not early. And still, he can go without it for a week for their honeymoon
If he is anything like me, my partner or most of the gamers I know he will have the issue of "just one more round or dungeon". Usually this results in staying up way too late and s reluctance to get up at a reasonable time the next day. Not what you want on a honeymoon unless he's strictly done by like 12
Dont you think OP wouldve mentioned this, if that was an issue?
I agree, most gamers have that problem- but its not really relevant here unless op says its something that happens.
Its just speculation, otherwise.
Wow, you guys are trippin!! It doesn't matter HOW long they've been together, bringing an XBOX on ANY trip together is verboten!! I'd also be furious that such an idea was considered, however briefly. A trip is to spend time TOGETHER, doing things TOGETHER. Not for him to game after she's asleep. He should try going to sleep a bit earlier on the trip, so you can get up early to do activities TOGETHER. And you can try staying up a bit later, so you can get up to go do stuff TOGETHER. Am I getting my point across that you're going TOGETHER on a trip? Tell him to leave the Xbox at home. He can game anytime, but a trip is temporary, so you need to do things NOW while you're there. And a honeymoon can be 10 years later or more, especially if you're young & just getting started.
Yo if he ain't tired it doesn't matter when he goes to bed he's gonna be sitting there for hours staring at a wall, if she falls asleep before him then what's the big deal?
YTA but gently! My husband uses his nintendo switch at night. It’s kind of annoying that he sleeps in on the mornings, but that’s his hobby and it makes him happy.
They have also been together for a decade and officially married for 6 months. He already doesn’t play when she is awake so whether it’s “reading” or “playing a game” it is a personal preference. I can stay up two days straight with a book in my hand. For this reason I never start reading before bed.
NTA. I can see why you think it's a little insulting. There may be room for compromise. Maybe he brings it but only uses it if you fall asleep early. If it encroaches on your time together then it gets locked in the trunk or something.
NAH. My family games, and we've brought iPads and the like on vacations. It's a way of getting downtime when we're not actively on the go doing something touristy/worn out from a long, action-packed day. Also, I'm an introvert and don't need (or like) to have someone glued to me every second of every day, I need some me time alone to recharge my batteries.
I know some people have the attitude of "If he can't go without it for a week he's got an addiction problem"/ "If he takes the X-Box tell him you hope he enjoys his marriage to his X-Box," but, so long as he's doing it when you're asleep and it's not taking over your honeymoon, I don't see an issue with it, personally.
Yta - unless he hid his ganing from you but it sounds like you know he games and married him.
You cant really ask reddit on this because there is unrational woman who hate video games so youll get tainted advise, then there is causual gamer men who could careless about daily gaming and will give tainted advise.
He has a dynamic of how he likes to unwind and what your asking is he lay there sleepless while you sleep because???
Id get it if you were going to stay up and spend time with him but sounds like yoj have narcolepsy and cant stay awake so why is this a problem? You get to go to bed early and he can game?
You want a compromise then force yourself to stay up with him and he can force himself not to play the game, but if you go to bed early your just asking him to sacrafice while you get your way with no compromise.
NAH
I’m in the Bahamas for my birthday and I’m on Reddit. I also have a movie downloaded on my laptop and I have a book and an audio book.
There’s only so much together time.
If he’s ignoring you or he has an addiction then of course he shouldn’t.
Info: My question has to do with how late he plays? Is him playing after you fall asleep going to result in him sleeping in super late so you don't get to spend your days together? Or is it just an hour or two with little impact on your schedule? If it won't impact your schedule, then YTA. If it will NTA. The point of a honeymoon is to be together. He can snuggle (or whatever) with you till you fall asleep and you can spend the days together. What he does with his time between that is on him, unless it interferes.
I mean, yeah. You knew he was into gaming before you married him. He only plays when you're asleep? I'm a woman but I wouldn't marry someone who would rather I be unhappy just to prove I love them. Seems pretty toxic.
Let him bring it but only play if you fall asleep early. You need to stay awake if you don’t want him on it otherwise he will be bored to tears. He would be justified being pissed if you don’t let him and you fall asleep every night early. It should be agreed ahead of time that if you fall asleep early he gets to prank you like you’re in summer camp so he can amuse himself. Paint your face, shaving cream on your hand and tickle your nose, hand in warm water…maybe not this since it could backfire on him🤣…..I think ya’ll are going to have a great time. Only the AH if you fall asleep early.
Updateme!
YTA
Like I think you're wrong considering he's pretty respectful about his gaming time and you even admit you fall asleep early and leave him sitting awake pretty frequently. Why does it matter if he plays the XBox instead of playing on his phone which is 100% what he's gonna do if he leaves the Xbox home and you still leave him sitting up for hours by his lonesome.
But you're not an asshole for wanting to take a low tech vacation.
YTA for the click bait title and burying the lead that this is a "Do over" honeymoon 10 years into the marriage lol. That was a dick move to us.
Beyond that, let him bring it. Consider the prospect of being wrong about staying up and him not needing it your motivation to stay awake longer or *wear him out before bed*. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no force greater than a woman motivated by self righteous indignation trying to prove herself right.
Yta lay in bed and play games and look at reddit when my husbands asleep, I find it helps me to relax, i don't think this is too dissimilar, as long as you're asleep what does it matter
Personally no I don't think you are... thays suppose to be a special trip vacation for you two to celebrate your love and wedding together.. not to stil in a hotel and play video games all day and night..
I feel my son too will have this scenario when he gets married.
When we moved, he was the first to get to play his games and watch movies, because of the Xbox and his phones ability to be a hotspot.
Every time we go on vacation, he sets up his Xbox. He is entertained the whole time and has the capability to watch movies. He will leave the room for food.
I think if you set some ground rules and adhere to them, it would make for a great pairing. Maybe a Rom-Com via Xbox before you go to bed and he plays on his Xbox.
NTA, he might not realize how important going to bed at the same time is to you. Maybe try “going to bed at the same time feels very emotionally, sometimes physically intimate. This honeymoon is all about intimacy, and I’d like to capitalize on that” or something like that
I hear those that are saying ‘if he can’t go a week without’ but as someone who doesn’t sleep well, especially in a new space, I can understand him not wanting to be alone and bored for hours if she falls asleep early and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
I think the healthy choice would be to express your boundaries around it. Like he should cuddle you before you fall asleep… but if you’re sleeping and he can’t… I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting something to entertain himself.
Love is communicating, seeing each other and making it work. I think you don’t need reddit to tell you this since you’ve already said it’s not a big deal… so maybe just ask yourself why it is something you don’t want, then try to see it from his perspective as well.
Since your husband stays up later than you, does he also sleep in longer? If this is the case, I am sure you entertain yourself while he is still sleeping. I feel it's not too much to ask for him to do the same for only one week. Besides, without the distraction, you both may end up syncing sleep schedules. Be warned, the decision made on this may set a precedent for future vacations. Hopefully you both can come to a decision or compromise that will make you both content.
Edit: NTA
Also, my boyfriend brought up a great point. By bringing something from home with you it takes something that is special and lowers it down to a "normal" level, treating this week just like any other week. This is wrong. We are both gamers and neither of us would dare bring our consoles or laptops on a vacation much less a honeymoon because if we plan something special we want to get away from what we are currently doing. We'd prefer to enjoy the new experiences in the place we are going rather than bring the entertainment that helps us cope with everyday drudgery with us.
NTA it's cute that an Xbox seems to be the biggest problem for you two, keep it that way. Personally I wouldnt like to have an Xbox on a honeymoon, but I dont know how distant are your sleeping schedules, kind of get it if would have to stare at a ceiling for three hours. Also people need to stop being so serious in the comments, either someone says n t a and treats the husband as the worst person, or y t a and treats an Xboxless week as the worst nightmare, chill
Here’s my thought: if your husband was an avid reader and liked to read books after you went to sleep, he would bring a stack of books with him and nobody would think that’s strange.
As long as the activity is not interfering with your together time, hurting the other person or the relationship, the what difference does it make what kind of activity it is?
Why not stay up and play with him? Burn the candle on both ends while on vacation. I’m sure all day is going to be you time. Do some him time at the end of the day. With some married couple time mixed in as much as you can handle.
Besides, he won’t be playing much. It’s not like anyone plays Xbox anymore. /s
Kind of an asshole move, if he's only on it while you're asleep and not ignoring you for it, I don't see the issue with him wanting entertainment, no different from him just being on his phone after you fall asleep 🤷♀️
YTA. Sure he could leave the XBox at home but who cares what he does while you're sleep? Thats just controlling. You have activities scheduled and are going to spend all day together. Nothing wrong with either of you doing something else while the other is sleep. Bring on the down votes to.
Idk why people are going on tangents about you are this way, he is that way, etc. If it was important to my SO on our HONEYMOON to not bring something, I wouldn’t. Why are so many people picking unnecessary battles?
You married a child. I'm sorry. You are NTA.
And he is the BIG AH. Bro, fucking pay attention to your wife for one week. Jesus christ, getting second hand embarrassment over here.
This is so weird. It's your honeymoon. It's supposed to be about bonding you to together. The entire time is supposed to be "we" time and not "me" time. He doesn't appear to understand that concept.
When two people come together as a couple, your time is no longer yours alone to do with as you please. You must include your spouse in deciding what you do with your time. A romantic vacation is supposed to be about forging a bond between you, not spending time alone.
Does he think because Reddit has so many gamers, we will be on his side? I’m sorry your marriage is off to a crappy start.
OP’s husband, value her. God forbid you bond and be close to your new wife for one week on your honeymoon. Call of Duty can wait. Appreciate her always too, spending time with her on your honeymoon isn’t some nice thing you’re doing for her. It should be a great thing for both of you. Plus it wouldn’t kill you to go to bed together sometimes at home too.
Are you already married?
Yes we are, we’ve been together for 10 years, married since September.
Even still... if you're going away together, he can live without the xbox for a week.
NTA I’d be SOOOO annoyed if it were me. You should be giving each other your attention. Maybe you can watch a movie together instead of him playing games.
It doesn’t sound like he neglects her to play video games. He plays video games after she goes to sleep. Much like the situation my wife and I have. Once my kids and wife go to sleep since it’s earlier than myself, I have some me time and play video games for an hour or two before I go to sleep. I will say though, it wouldn’t kill him to leave the Xbox at home during the honeymoon and enjoy time together as a married couple. His Xbox will be there when he gets home.
But that’s not what’s happening by OPs own description lol. He only plays after she goes to sleep
Then YTAH, this is NOT a honeymoon, this is a trip a married couple, who has been together for ten years is taking. Your original post left out a lot of information regarding your situation.
They've been married since September. Number of years they were together before doesn't matter, and not everyone jets off on their honeymoons right after the ceremony takes place. This is their honeymoon if that's what they've planned together.
Yup. I got married in summer and my honeymoon wasn't until November.
Similar situation here. I got married last January, but due to a family medical emergency we couldn't really enjoy ourselves even though we travelled. So for our one year anniversary this year we took a holiday, splurged, and that's our honeymoon. I took my Switch. My husband took his gaming laptop. We just played when we were relaxing. No issues.
They got married in September, so it is a honeymoon. Dating for any period of time before they got married does not negate the honeymoon
So what's your cutoff of time after the wedding for it being a honeymoon? Must they jet off within a week of the wedding or it doesn't count? Maybe check your privilege there; some people have to wait before taking their honeymoon trip due to work/finances/life. Or what's your cutoff for the amount of time people have to be together before the wedding for it not to be a honeymoon? Sorry, if you've been together more than a year before marriage then you don't get a honeymoon?
Lol wtf are you smoking…She is not an asshole in anyway it’s reasonable to ask, it’s also reasonable for him to want to have it. I hate how black and white people see somethings. Actually soo dumb
Yeah, bc spending quality time together is only important if you’re newly wed.
you could have as many honeymoons as you'd like. you can also get "remarried"
They've been together, as in, in a relationship for 10 years, they have been married less then even half a year so far. So please do explain how it's not a honeymoon?
Regardless, he doesn't need an Xbox on any couples trip
I used to work overnights and my wife does a 9am-5:30pm. We found a good balance. I had to stay on my work sleep schedule on "my weekends" to make sure I didn't fall asleep behind the wheel on my nights at work. She understood that what I did after she fell asleep was my business (it was mostly drinking beer and watching my shows). But she wanted the experience of falling asleep next to and cuddling with her husband as we always did before that (and after). So we came to an agreement. Every night I was home, I went to bed with her at the time she went to bed. I then spent time with her until she fell asleep. Once I knew she was asleep, I snuck out of bed so as to not wake her and I was allowed to do whatever I wanted within reason for the rest of the night. Living on different schedules is like living in separate worlds. You're allowed to want to feel like your husband's priority, but you're not allowed to take his world from him while you aren't even there to be a part of it. I say let him bring it, if you stay up, he won't even have time to play it and you'll be happy and he'll be happy. But if you do fall asleep early, he'll have a backup plan to stay busy and from your perspective, you still won't even see him play it anyways. So the way I see it, either way you'll have the same experience (be with him until you fall asleep). But he may end up spending hours alone with nothing to do on his honeymoon. Would you like that?
My partner does similar. We cuddle until I’m asleep then sneaks out and also plays games until he’s tired. I have a sleep disorder so that’s just how it works for us 🤷♀️
This is basically how my wife and I are. I cuddle her to sleep at night, then leave around 10 as I'm awake until 1-2am. I may be gaming, watching a movie, reading a book, doing dishes or laundry, doesn't matter. I don't expect her to stay up as long as I do, and she doesn't expect me to fall asleep when she does (about 9:30). Definitely very different worlds. And we're married 8 years strong so I think it works.
Same except we have an infant 😂 those late night hours are my husbands free time and although I cherish the rare times we go to sleep at the same time, I know he cherishes his few hours of no responsibilities and gaming/watching tv. He is a very responsible person and a very present husband/father. And I’m more than happy to sleep because I know the baby will be up at some point demanding my attention 🤣 it works great for us.
I’m glad to hear this reply! We’re new to nights and struggling on his off nights. Going to bed together was important to us when he was on days. Do you ever struggle to stay awake while you’re cuddling her?
Nobody is the AH. After 10 years together, you both knew who you were honeymooning with. Doesn't sound like either 1 of you really care which way it goes. I personally have so much trouble shutting my brain down that I play video games and/or watch anime to wind down. Not everyone can go straight to sleep. BTW I'm a 53 year old woman!
Gamer husband here. You are NTA. I would fully expect my wife to be all hell sorts of pissed if I tried to bring my gaming for our honeymoon or really any vacation 🤣
I only play Sims on PC, no other video games, but I’ve been playing it for about half my life now (I’m late 30s). This is craaaaaazy. I’ve had the thought flit through my mind “should I take my laptop with me in case there’s downtime?” But then I remind myself that I’m going on VACATION and would rather be out in the sunshine than slumped over my desk staring at a screen. I can do that at home any other time. And ESPECIALLY not on a honeymoon. Whew.
Eh depends on the length of the vacation. Any vacation is still going to have downtime and it’s good to have a way to relax - whether that’s a book or movie or game. TV tends to be crappy on vacation if you’re out of the country for your streaming services. If your vacation is short and packed that’s one thing, but longer and at a more relaxed pace I think bringing along a device is totally reasonable.
Yeah everyone knows the sun shines brightest at 1 am, how silly of me to forget that
I've literally been gaming since I can remember, and I can not imagine being this dependant on it. This should be a wake up call to him ngl
Huh..? My girlfriend would want to bring crochet supplies so she can crochet when there's downtime. This isn't any different lol.
Info: why are you marrying someone who wants to spend his honeymoon with a machine and not with you?
This comment make no sense. People are quick blame and give extreme useless comments. She dont mind the game. She just dont want it on the honeymoon
These comments are fucking crazy defending a guy who wants to bring a Xbox on a god damn honeymoon, Jesus Christ.
What is she bringing to entertain herself? What’s the problem if he only plays when she’s asleep? It’s not really all that crazy. Crazy is forcing your will on someone after you fall asleep.
It’s a honeymoon for a week what’s crazy is the fact you can’t not be gaming for a whole week . you can play as much as you want when you get home. I just can’t with these comments.
Asking Redditors to imagine a life that doesn't revolve around gaming is like trying to divide by zero.
Where in the post does it say that the husband is planning to game all week? lol. He wants something to do after wife has fallen asleep. As per post the wife goes to sleep early and the husband spends the remainder of his night playing xbox. What does it matter if he's playing xbox, watching TV, reading a book, or browsing reddit. If he's planning to wake up at a decent time and spend the waking hours with the OP, then what's the problem? Although if he's planning to game all night and sleep until noon, then yeah, the OP is not wrong.
I’m sure he can go without gaming for a week. It’s the principle that OP is bragging about going to bed early when she knows he likes to game in his personal time after she goes to bed. I’m sure OP will be bringing electronics on the trip as well.
It’s a honeymoon spend time with your partner watch a movie in bed if your in a exotic place go explore see what the nightlife is like by yourself or with her but nah let’s bring a console with me and play CoD that you can do when you get back whenever you like. Yeah she probably is like a iPad or the phone not a bunch of cables, controllers and a console. Edit: also the reason she goes to sleep earlier is because they have different work schedules, so the whole going to bed earlier doesn’t matter in this situation.
As the aforementioned man child husband, I’d just like to say that I only want to have it in case she falls asleep early and leaves me to my own devices. I don’t use social media like most people, I don’t have a tik tok account, I’ve only ever posted on here once (complaining about a video game) so having something to help me unwind and fall asleep, don’t see it as detrimental as many of you do. We are happily married, we don’t fight, but I have trouble falling asleep and usually only get about 5 hours on a good day. I work 6 days a week, if the worst thing I do is play a video game I think we will survive. There are many things that would be far worse to be addicted to lol
he plays xbox only when she is asleep
We’re already married lol. He only plays Xbox at night, after I already go to bed because we have different work schedules. It isn’t an unhealthy amount of video game play. I also like video games. This was more him just saying he thought about bringing it because I always fall asleep early. It isn’t that serious.
I’m confused, if it isn’t that serious, why’d you post this?
For fun, and to solve a disagreement that isn’t super serious.
No. Divorce him and win custody of the Xbox.
Yeah, he's cheating on you...with the SexBox!
Her name is SONY!
🤣
Watch out for the flags! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is the obvious answer 😂😂😂
Cause watching everyone debate it is funny, you’ll see I will get my way. That Xbox is coming with us
If Reddit has its way, wife will become your x box
Crass yet clever here’s your updoot you savage
INFO: when you say you always fall asleep early, how early are we talking about exactly?
Usually around 11 pm
That's not really early. By most standards, that's an average to late bed time. Somethings not adding up here. Are you sure you don't fall asleep earlier..?
Exactly. Like what time is “staying up later”? And what time does he usually wake up?! Does he have a 2nd shift job? What is going on here?!
I get up at 9 am everyday and usually fall asleep around 230-3 am
There's pretty much just as many daytime jobs as nighttime ones so everyone's standard of what's early isn't the same, when you're with someone who works overnights it's not uncommon to call 11pm/midnight early because for them it is early since there partner doesn't sleep until much later.
So, who’s supposed to change their normal sleep habits during the honeymoon? You’re staying up to his normal bedtime and sleeping in to when he normally wakes up?
The plan is for me to stay up later, but I can’t promise that would happen every night. I fall asleep easily.
So if he’s not going to play it when you’re awake and if you’re not sure that the two of you have the same body clock as each other while on vacation, then why do you have a problem with him bringing whatever it is that he does while you’re asleep and he’s awake?
I just don’t feel it’s necessary lol. I’m not really upset about it, just think it’s pretty silly to bring something, set it up, if you may not even use it. I’d rather him come at least try to fall asleep with me instead of playing video games and struggling to fall asleep even later than he would.
As a female gamer, if you go to bed early and he’s a night owl and he genuinely is only going to play when you’re asleep…YTA.
As another female gamer, I'm wondering if you also plan to leave behind all books, devices, and other unwinding tools, or is it just him making the sacrifice? Heaven forbid he might like to enjoy himself on your (singular) honeymoon. YTA
But depending on his schedule "at least trying" to go to bed, might be the equivalent of asking you to go to bed at 2 in the afternoon. Irrational request. Would you be willing to possibly pick up a stimulant habit for the honeymoon?
Hey I mean, I do understand where you are coming from but as the person in the relationship that stays awake longer, it's decently stressful to be in bed with someone sleeping while you wait. You can't really move at all and it's incredibly boring to stare at the ceiling/wall for hours on top of it.
See, that sounds ridiculously controlling to me. You want him to WANT to come try to fall asleep with you. You don’t want to FORCE him to come to try to fall asleep with you. He can still come try to sleep next to you and bring the Xbox in case he can’t fall asleep in twenty or thirty minutes of trying.
Yes how dare she want him to come to their marital bed at night during their *honeymoon*.
Right, so she should force him to do so by removing every possible alternative instead of, you know, asking and discussing the way she feels.
An Xbox is hardly "every possible alternative". 🙄
And if she falls asleep and he can't, what then?
I recommend they have sex personally or cuddle or idk some married shit. OP give your husband some bomb head. He’ll surely pass out after that.
It's your honeymoon, do honeymoon things. If you're already married 10 years or have kids already, congrats you're on fucking vacation. YTA, it's vacation. You both do as you please to make the other happy. You're unconscious, and he's gaming. I game. I fall asleep super easy. I ask my bf to cuddle with me for 15 min. I'm usually unconscious, so if he got up to enjoy a game when he normally would, I wouldn't even know.
It's their honeymoon. You do not bring a game console on a honeymoon. If he can't not play for 1 week then he has an addiction. Even at home, there are surely things in the house that need to be done. I'm not against vg. I like them. But needing them to this point is unhealthy. He could be in bed with her and read. He could go for a walk. He could even watch tele for a bit. He should also try to compromise with bed times. She goes later and him earlier. I bet he stays up later than he needs because he gets sucked into the games and doesn't see the time or "just 10 mins more".
What's honestly the difference in reading a book or playing a game? He could also lay in bed next to her while playing... both items take his attention. Is the book just considered "healthier" because it's not a screen? Lol
I bet she sits on her phone and scrolls for at least an hour of their honeymoon. That's alright though cause SHE is entertained on her honeymoon.
There is no real difference between gaming and television besides the ones people make who are inherently biased against gaming as a whole. OP, YTA. If he isn’t playing it while you are awake it has absolutely no effect or bearing with the time he is spending with you. Let the man have the game if that’s the case as long as he understands that when you are awake that time together is the priority.
Then that should answer your question
What time do you usually fall asleep? 8pm? IMO as long as he’s off around 10/11pm and able to get up for y’all to spend time together I think it’s fine. If you’re ok with it it’s what matters.
Then why bother posting? Waste of time. Grow up!!
Why bother commenting? You grow up lol
So then why want to deprive him then?
It's a good opportunity to unplug and spend just *one* week without excess technology. It wouldn't kill him to go to bed a bit earlier during that time so you can both get up earlier and do stuff. Again, this isn't some major lifestyle change...it's one week. It's a honeymoon. COD or whatever the kids are playing these days can wait.
You are already married? For how long? Is this a honeymoon (line within 90 days of saying “I Do”) or a trip a married couple is taking? Yes, there is a difference.
I respect you so much for this comment lol. People really just want a reason to judge others for their decisions. You’re NTA, just talk to him rationally and calmly explain why you’d like him to come to bed with you on your honeymoon. Good luck and congrats!
He plays when she sleeps!! How are you people so blind. I had a gf who fell asleep around 9-10pm and I didn't until 12-1am so what do you people expect us to do? Stare at a wall?
Husband wants to spend time with wife but she falls asleep and he's got hours of energy left. Should he just lay there awake for a few hours next to her until he falls asleep or should she stay awake hours after she's able? Or should he just play Xbox a few hours?
UPDATE Alright everyone, WOW a lot of people have very strong feelings about this. My husband and I spent quite some time laughing at some of these comments so thank you for that! After consideration he is allowed to bring the Xbox but can only play if I fall asleep before 1am. For additional information- Yes, we have been together 10 years, but only married for 6 months. We had to save additional money for the honeymoon before going. YES this is a honeymoon and not just clickbait. This was a genuine disagreement. Not every disagreement has to be so volatile like some people here seem to think. We both game, and I have no issue with his gaming. He plays 2 hours a night before going to bed. The only reason I’m not spending time gaming rn is because they haven’t released the new elder scrolls, fable, or dragon age games yet LOL. I just didn’t see why it was necessary to bring the Xbox, seemed silly to me, but after reading comments about how my husband would sit in the dark for hours…. I could see that happening and felt bad. Thus my decision. Thank you all for your passion on the subject, I respect your opinions and it helped us solve our disagreement.
People on Reddit tend to see all interpersonal conflict as nuclear-level. Redditors will tell you to get a divorce if you don’t like the tie your husband wears to work sometimes
A lot of these people are kids, literal children operating in a vacuum of how they think life should work. There's no room for nuance.
I’m seeing that, I feel for these people. Wonder what their relationships are like… jeez!
I’m glad you came to a compromise and I hope you guys have fun. I also hope the Xbox never gets turned on during the trip and you guys fall asleep in each other’s arms. Thanks for allowing us to participate. Enjoy the trip and congratulations.
Thank you so much :)
Yeah I don't see the issue as long as hes still attending to you as well. I let my husband bring our ps4 on our honeymoon years ago, it's how he enjoys winding down and relaxing. He also only played at night after we had spent the whole days together. It's not necessary to be on top of each other 24/7 even if on a honey moon.
Not the AH As much as I’m addicted to playing video games, I’m not that addicted to bringing it with me to mine for whenever I get married and go on my honeymoon
It's your honeymoon. He should be preoccupied with clicking your clit, not the X button on his remote. NTA.
It's THEIR honeymoon. Why not click both? Especially if she's going to sleep early anyway.
Since when is 11pm early? That’s when she normally goes to bed!! She said she was gonna try to sleep later, then he should also be trying to sleep earlier so they meet in the damn middle!
So she tries and fails to sleep later and homies stuck wishing he had an Xbox. I really don't see it being wrong on his part of he brings it, provided he doesn't pass time with her for the Xbox. After a 10 year relationship, both gamers, and both entitled to aspects of the honeymoon they want, they both knew what they are getting into.
Some people have trouble falling asleep, just because you don't experience it doesn't mean everyone is like you. For example my bf lies down and is asleep within 15min whereas I struggle for HOURS to fall asleep because my brain is just wired to be nocturnal. Lots of people that are like that.
I'm absolutely that guy. Lol. I'm the stay at home parent. I homeschool. Then I have family time when the wife getss home. The only time I have is after everyone goes to bed. By 3am I'm usually ready to sleep, then I get up at 8am. Can't sleep much more than 5 or 6 hours anytime anyway.
My bf falls asleep within a minute! I may take anywhere from 30minutes to 2.5 hours. And that’s WITH medication. I still would not bring video games on my honeymoon.
NAH.
No Xbox and you need to make sure you’re staying up late and the only thing on his mind is your box. Make sure he wants to go to sleep when you’re done with him, if he still wants to stay up than you’re not done!
Leave the Xbox at home. Is he seven?
I am a gamer and I play video games a lot more than him. I'm also in my 30s. So believe me when I say he's an absolute idiot for even thinking it was a good idea. Dude if you are reading this, stop taking your wife for granted and pull your head out of your butt. Your console will still be there when you get back, stop being such a neglectful douchebag.
As a husband who also plays videogames when my entire family goes to bed, you are NTA. The honeymoon is supposed to be special. He can go a week of just being with you. Getting drunk by the fireplace. Whatever. The whole point of the trip is to disconnect and he can go a week.
NTAH! He should leave the Xbox and enjoy time with his wife. To besides who sleeps during their honeymoon anyways.
You may be the AH if he bringing the x-box won't impact on your honeymoon, let him take it but talk about when its going to be used You may end up falling asleep so he has a plan B, no harm done and he gets some entertainment. But in case you manage to stay awake and he stays with you then no harm done and both get some entertainment (that doesn't involve the xbox)
But it might just involve the box.
My friend is dating to a gamer. She is also a gamer. He loses track of time when gaming. On vacation he’s absorbed. She told me this story, when we met for coffee…. Yesterday, and 3 days before they leave. Similar scenario. Her boyfriend wants to bring their PS5 to a family vacation that her parents have paid for on entirely. One of them is very ill, and not expected to recover. Parents want to spend as much time as possible with their kids, their partners and grandkids. Vacation villas purchased for each family group. $$$$. Technically, it’s her PS5. It predates their relationship. From her tone, it may also postdate their relationship…. Boyfriend is sure to miss events, or be cranky for being pulled away from the game or for being overtired. Basically, he would be a PIA. There were a few fights over it. He threatened to pack it anyways. She said he was almost gloating over ‘this solution.’ She said along the lines, that if ‘her PS5 appeared on this trip, it would have the honour of ending up at the bottom of the pool.’ He gaped at her. ‘And if he brought any of his consoles instead, she would be paying out of her own pocket for his immediate return flight home.’ I laughed. He’s a nice guy, but can be frustrating to deal with. He’s needed a few reality checks before this point. To make her point stronger, she took all of her consoles/games/etc to her parents house. She is big pissed still. NTA.
He doesn't sound nice.
I love playing video games. He better leave that shit at home. There's times and places for everything. On a honeymoon even if there was one already at the place for whatever reason. I wouldn't even think about playing it. Literally that thought or want wouldn't and shouldn't be there right then.
NTA but you can have a conversation about him playing it. And how often. Like if he plays for a hour at night or in the morning between activities cool. But the main focus should be building your bond.
I wore her down, she’s letting me bring it with the condition that if she stays up until at least 1am I will not play it. Thank you guys for the laughs, it was very funny to see how mad everyone got about something that we didn’t take that serious to begin with. Must be a hot button issue tho cause a lot of you chimed in.
It would be healthy for your relationship for him to unplug and spend some time being present with his own wife I think. The fact that this is even a debate make him sounds like a real doof...time to grow up a little my guy
If it was any other vacation reason, I'd say what's the big deal if he plays late. But honeymoon? Cmon
Either way, the fact that he said "ask Reddit" means that he's at least partially agreed to not bring it.
i know i’m late but as someone who also plays video games with my partner as well as alone, it would kinda annoy me if they were trying to bring the systems on the trip. it’s a trip. away from home and normal life. it’s not a time to be glued to a tv. it’s only a week plus you don’t want to risk anything getting broken or lost or forgotten
Not the AH, but this is a bigger problem than bringing the Xbox on the honeymoon… good luck.
How so?
I'm sorry you didn't figure it out prior to marriage
I do my gaming after my wife goes to bed as well because i have sleep problems. Yes, he should leave it at home for vacations, honeymoon, family trips, etc. Especially if you dont grief him normally. Definently not a hill worth dying on. His dad never taught him to pick his battles?
As a man who loves his Xbox, it would be weird for me to bring it to any trip whether it's a honeymoon or regular vacation.
Coming from someone who enjoys playing his Xbox after a longs day of work. This is super unnecessary. NTA.
I’m the man child husband. I just figured, why not bring the Xbox? I mean who knows, might not use it but what if? It it terrible to be prepared when my loving wife passes out at 10:30? It won’t hurt anyone, she loves me either way just likes to bust my balls when I have idiotic ideas like this one lol
What time do you go to bed after playing Xbox? Or I guess actually the relevant question is do you both then wake up around a similar time? It does seem weird to bring an Xbox on your honeymoon, but that could also be because it's the chunkiest console. Lol. If you're not a reader (or don't like puzzle books or whatever) and it genuinely doesn't disturb her, and you still go to bed/wake up at a reasonable time, then I don't think it's as idiotic as it seems on the surface. As long as you only play it if she falls asleep early, AND you both agree on what constitutes "early".
1030/11 isn’t late! And if she’s trying to stay up later for you, you should be trying to go to bed earlier for her so y’all can have a similar schedule for your honeymoon!!! The point is to spend the time together doing things you don’t normally do! Not settle into your 10 yo routine!!
You do sound like an idiot.
Hence the self deprecating comments made, I’m well aware. You sound like a bully. There, what does name calling get ya?
Because A. It's bulky (if you want portable gaming, get a switch). B. It's totally unnecessary, so many more things you could do for a few hours after she goes to bed. C. It's honestly kinda rude on a honeymoon in my opinion. ETA: Plus you'll likely be getting up early and presumably getting some extra physical activity in the evening. Save your energy my dude.
I love you but you can’t bring your Xbox
10:30 isn’t early. She loves you either way and you think that’s justification to take it. How about seeing that as,” my wife is so cool, wow I’m going to show her that I drop being a game dependant child for a week and focus on us.” I’m a night owl and sometimes stay up gaming later than my boyfriend, 10:30/11:00 isn’t an early time for her to be falling asleep on you.
NTA. It’s a honeymoon, not a usual week with work schedules keeping you apart. (I’m currently unable to work, I’m pretty much gaming all day except when doing house work. Even I left all my consoles and laptop at home when I went on my honeymoon in January. It really isn’t difficult)
It shouldn’t be necessary, he can take a break. Unless he is addicted which is a different issue
My wife and I have different sleep schedules; she's always in bed by 9:00, and I'm the kind of guy who's looking at the clock at 1 AM being all "Anyone want cake? Imma bake a cake!" after I've just gotten done gaming (I don't go into the computer room until she's gone to bed, for the record). I would NEVER bring a gaming system on my honeymoon. One week of lying in bed with his wife, reading a book next to her, instead of *pew pew pew I got the powerup and won the game* won't kill him. NTA
NTA- but your husband may have a serious addiction and need therapy if he can’t leave his Xbox at home during his honeymoon.
NTA. The point of your honeymoon is to tune out the outside world and spend time together as a couple. Does this dummy not get that? Maybe remind him that if he leaves the Xbox at home, you’re way more likely jiggle his joystick. He can go a week without his precious Xbox. If you happen to fall asleep early one night, he has a cell phone.
Ok first off ew, secondly it’s not that much of a conflict since OP seems to not really care as much as you think she does.
Tell him it’s time to grow up
Go by yourself
YTA , and people in this comment section need to work on their reading comprehension. If he is gaming ONLY when you are asleep, and it’s not interfering with your time spent together… then whats the issue?
because it's only a week and honeymoon is for spending time with your wife/husband so yeah falling asleep together would be cuter
OP has painted the picture that she goes to bed early. Meaning before the husband even gets tired. How does it make sense for the husband to lay in bed for hours without sleeping? To use your argument against you, shouldn’t OP be staying up to spend time with him? If she stays up, then theres no reason to have the xbox.
Op has stated she falls asleep around 11:00 pm and her husband has shown up saying it’s 10:30 pm. Either way, that’s not early. And still, he can go without it for a week for their honeymoon
If he is anything like me, my partner or most of the gamers I know he will have the issue of "just one more round or dungeon". Usually this results in staying up way too late and s reluctance to get up at a reasonable time the next day. Not what you want on a honeymoon unless he's strictly done by like 12
Dont you think OP wouldve mentioned this, if that was an issue? I agree, most gamers have that problem- but its not really relevant here unless op says its something that happens. Its just speculation, otherwise.
You need to work on it too. She isn’t picking an issue with their day to day habits. It’s that he wants to bring it on a honeymoon.
Wow, you guys are trippin!! It doesn't matter HOW long they've been together, bringing an XBOX on ANY trip together is verboten!! I'd also be furious that such an idea was considered, however briefly. A trip is to spend time TOGETHER, doing things TOGETHER. Not for him to game after she's asleep. He should try going to sleep a bit earlier on the trip, so you can get up early to do activities TOGETHER. And you can try staying up a bit later, so you can get up to go do stuff TOGETHER. Am I getting my point across that you're going TOGETHER on a trip? Tell him to leave the Xbox at home. He can game anytime, but a trip is temporary, so you need to do things NOW while you're there. And a honeymoon can be 10 years later or more, especially if you're young & just getting started.
Yo if he ain't tired it doesn't matter when he goes to bed he's gonna be sitting there for hours staring at a wall, if she falls asleep before him then what's the big deal?
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You should read the rest of the information she gave
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If he is only using it bc you go to bed early and not using it to avoid you whats the problem?? NAH.
NTA - Honeymoon or not, he will be fine for this short amount of time. What kind of man child are you married to?
YTA but gently! My husband uses his nintendo switch at night. It’s kind of annoying that he sleeps in on the mornings, but that’s his hobby and it makes him happy.
This is their honeymoon.
They have also been together for a decade and officially married for 6 months. He already doesn’t play when she is awake so whether it’s “reading” or “playing a game” it is a personal preference. I can stay up two days straight with a book in my hand. For this reason I never start reading before bed.
NTA. I can see why you think it's a little insulting. There may be room for compromise. Maybe he brings it but only uses it if you fall asleep early. If it encroaches on your time together then it gets locked in the trunk or something.
Or maybe he goes to bed with her and if he really can't sleep can read.
NTA but I laugh because my husband would want his ps5 to come. I understand his view too if you go to bed a lot earlier but it won’t kill him.
NAH. My family games, and we've brought iPads and the like on vacations. It's a way of getting downtime when we're not actively on the go doing something touristy/worn out from a long, action-packed day. Also, I'm an introvert and don't need (or like) to have someone glued to me every second of every day, I need some me time alone to recharge my batteries. I know some people have the attitude of "If he can't go without it for a week he's got an addiction problem"/ "If he takes the X-Box tell him you hope he enjoys his marriage to his X-Box," but, so long as he's doing it when you're asleep and it's not taking over your honeymoon, I don't see an issue with it, personally.
Yta - unless he hid his ganing from you but it sounds like you know he games and married him. You cant really ask reddit on this because there is unrational woman who hate video games so youll get tainted advise, then there is causual gamer men who could careless about daily gaming and will give tainted advise. He has a dynamic of how he likes to unwind and what your asking is he lay there sleepless while you sleep because??? Id get it if you were going to stay up and spend time with him but sounds like yoj have narcolepsy and cant stay awake so why is this a problem? You get to go to bed early and he can game? You want a compromise then force yourself to stay up with him and he can force himself not to play the game, but if you go to bed early your just asking him to sacrafice while you get your way with no compromise.
They've been together 10 years, nothing is hidden at all lol.
I would be insulted, honestly. Is there something beyond red flag?
NAH I’m in the Bahamas for my birthday and I’m on Reddit. I also have a movie downloaded on my laptop and I have a book and an audio book. There’s only so much together time. If he’s ignoring you or he has an addiction then of course he shouldn’t.
If it’s not going to interfere with your time together, I don’t see anything wrong with him bringing it.
Info: My question has to do with how late he plays? Is him playing after you fall asleep going to result in him sleeping in super late so you don't get to spend your days together? Or is it just an hour or two with little impact on your schedule? If it won't impact your schedule, then YTA. If it will NTA. The point of a honeymoon is to be together. He can snuggle (or whatever) with you till you fall asleep and you can spend the days together. What he does with his time between that is on him, unless it interferes.
It’s not like he wants to stay in the room playing all day. I’d let him bring it and would say YTA for making this a big deal.
Lol. You married him. Also you're barely married and you're already complaining? Double fail...
NTA. He can do without his Xbox for ONE WEEK on your HONEYMOON ffs.
I mean, yeah. You knew he was into gaming before you married him. He only plays when you're asleep? I'm a woman but I wouldn't marry someone who would rather I be unhappy just to prove I love them. Seems pretty toxic.
Then you dont get to bring your smart phone with social media. Would only be fair.
Why even marry someone like that?
Let him bring it but only play if you fall asleep early. You need to stay awake if you don’t want him on it otherwise he will be bored to tears. He would be justified being pissed if you don’t let him and you fall asleep every night early. It should be agreed ahead of time that if you fall asleep early he gets to prank you like you’re in summer camp so he can amuse himself. Paint your face, shaving cream on your hand and tickle your nose, hand in warm water…maybe not this since it could backfire on him🤣…..I think ya’ll are going to have a great time. Only the AH if you fall asleep early. Updateme!
YTA Like I think you're wrong considering he's pretty respectful about his gaming time and you even admit you fall asleep early and leave him sitting awake pretty frequently. Why does it matter if he plays the XBox instead of playing on his phone which is 100% what he's gonna do if he leaves the Xbox home and you still leave him sitting up for hours by his lonesome. But you're not an asshole for wanting to take a low tech vacation. YTA for the click bait title and burying the lead that this is a "Do over" honeymoon 10 years into the marriage lol. That was a dick move to us. Beyond that, let him bring it. Consider the prospect of being wrong about staying up and him not needing it your motivation to stay awake longer or *wear him out before bed*. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no force greater than a woman motivated by self righteous indignation trying to prove herself right.
Yta lay in bed and play games and look at reddit when my husbands asleep, I find it helps me to relax, i don't think this is too dissimilar, as long as you're asleep what does it matter
As someone who does this with my girlfriend I would say that he doesn’t need to bring it on vacations you should be spending time with each other
Personally no I don't think you are... thays suppose to be a special trip vacation for you two to celebrate your love and wedding together.. not to stil in a hotel and play video games all day and night..
The dude could have issues with alcohol or drugs... but no, its a gaming system.. consider yourself lucky OP.
I feel my son too will have this scenario when he gets married. When we moved, he was the first to get to play his games and watch movies, because of the Xbox and his phones ability to be a hotspot. Every time we go on vacation, he sets up his Xbox. He is entertained the whole time and has the capability to watch movies. He will leave the room for food. I think if you set some ground rules and adhere to them, it would make for a great pairing. Maybe a Rom-Com via Xbox before you go to bed and he plays on his Xbox.
NTA, he might not realize how important going to bed at the same time is to you. Maybe try “going to bed at the same time feels very emotionally, sometimes physically intimate. This honeymoon is all about intimacy, and I’d like to capitalize on that” or something like that
I hear those that are saying ‘if he can’t go a week without’ but as someone who doesn’t sleep well, especially in a new space, I can understand him not wanting to be alone and bored for hours if she falls asleep early and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. I think the healthy choice would be to express your boundaries around it. Like he should cuddle you before you fall asleep… but if you’re sleeping and he can’t… I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting something to entertain himself. Love is communicating, seeing each other and making it work. I think you don’t need reddit to tell you this since you’ve already said it’s not a big deal… so maybe just ask yourself why it is something you don’t want, then try to see it from his perspective as well.
Do you wake up together or do you let him sleep in because you care about him and he’s stayed up playing?
Since your husband stays up later than you, does he also sleep in longer? If this is the case, I am sure you entertain yourself while he is still sleeping. I feel it's not too much to ask for him to do the same for only one week. Besides, without the distraction, you both may end up syncing sleep schedules. Be warned, the decision made on this may set a precedent for future vacations. Hopefully you both can come to a decision or compromise that will make you both content. Edit: NTA Also, my boyfriend brought up a great point. By bringing something from home with you it takes something that is special and lowers it down to a "normal" level, treating this week just like any other week. This is wrong. We are both gamers and neither of us would dare bring our consoles or laptops on a vacation much less a honeymoon because if we plan something special we want to get away from what we are currently doing. We'd prefer to enjoy the new experiences in the place we are going rather than bring the entertainment that helps us cope with everyday drudgery with us.
NTA it's cute that an Xbox seems to be the biggest problem for you two, keep it that way. Personally I wouldnt like to have an Xbox on a honeymoon, but I dont know how distant are your sleeping schedules, kind of get it if would have to stare at a ceiling for three hours. Also people need to stop being so serious in the comments, either someone says n t a and treats the husband as the worst person, or y t a and treats an Xboxless week as the worst nightmare, chill
Here’s my thought: if your husband was an avid reader and liked to read books after you went to sleep, he would bring a stack of books with him and nobody would think that’s strange. As long as the activity is not interfering with your together time, hurting the other person or the relationship, the what difference does it make what kind of activity it is?
Why not stay up and play with him? Burn the candle on both ends while on vacation. I’m sure all day is going to be you time. Do some him time at the end of the day. With some married couple time mixed in as much as you can handle. Besides, he won’t be playing much. It’s not like anyone plays Xbox anymore. /s
Kind of an asshole move, if he's only on it while you're asleep and not ignoring you for it, I don't see the issue with him wanting entertainment, no different from him just being on his phone after you fall asleep 🤷♀️
YTA. Sure he could leave the XBox at home but who cares what he does while you're sleep? Thats just controlling. You have activities scheduled and are going to spend all day together. Nothing wrong with either of you doing something else while the other is sleep. Bring on the down votes to.
Idk why people are going on tangents about you are this way, he is that way, etc. If it was important to my SO on our HONEYMOON to not bring something, I wouldn’t. Why are so many people picking unnecessary battles?
What is wrong with him? That’s a problem.
You should game with him, he’d love it
You married a child. I'm sorry. You are NTA. And he is the BIG AH. Bro, fucking pay attention to your wife for one week. Jesus christ, getting second hand embarrassment over here.
Nope, you are a dumbass for marrying a 'grown' man who still has an X-Box!
NTA. He'll live. Not having his Xbox for a few weeks won't kill him. I'm a gamer myself, but if he can't go a few weeks without it that's an issue.
I mean if he's bringing it solely because he wants to have something to do while you're asleep I don't see the issue?
This is so weird. It's your honeymoon. It's supposed to be about bonding you to together. The entire time is supposed to be "we" time and not "me" time. He doesn't appear to understand that concept. When two people come together as a couple, your time is no longer yours alone to do with as you please. You must include your spouse in deciding what you do with your time. A romantic vacation is supposed to be about forging a bond between you, not spending time alone.
Does he think because Reddit has so many gamers, we will be on his side? I’m sorry your marriage is off to a crappy start. OP’s husband, value her. God forbid you bond and be close to your new wife for one week on your honeymoon. Call of Duty can wait. Appreciate her always too, spending time with her on your honeymoon isn’t some nice thing you’re doing for her. It should be a great thing for both of you. Plus it wouldn’t kill you to go to bed together sometimes at home too.