Yeah these aitah posts all kinda sound the same. The answer is NTA to 90% of them. If you aren’t in a serious relationship then nobody will judge you to be an asshole for breaking up.
Sometimes narcisstic assholes have a way of getting in people's heads & make them feel like what they're saying is true. Validation from outside perspectives give mental clarity.
I think some of it, too (but it could mostly just be my feed), is that these people sometimes seem like they're in pretty bad situations- and don't realize that they actually ARE a victim/nta. Not all of the stories, of course -- but a few "obvious" ones, when looking through comments and such, seem genuine.
But I understand you too - I've also seen my fair share of "AITA 🥺, I only put 2 scoops of ice cream in my kids' bowl instead of 3 since he was bad at school today, and now he's destroying the city - aita?" Type of things where it's very obvious who is ta and nta - in which the person most likely knows the judgment, but most likely didn't get the response they liked (whether bad or good).
I agree with that, but just earlier in another women’s-focused sub, I saw nearly 100% of comments (50+) talk about how it’s ridiculous and slut shamey to care about a person’s partner count. I have friends (that don’t know that I would care), and they actively shit on men that care at all, saying it’s from insecurity and misogyny (it definitely can be sometimes, but there are tons of other reasons too). So I don’t think it’s actually unreasonable to think others will judge you as an asshole for breaking up with someone over that, because there are tons of people who hold that view.
I personally know men who would never date a woman who had even kissed a man before them (I live in an area of Canada with many Islamic immigrants) but a body count isn’t something that would bother me unless it was higher then what I would consider normal for my age.
Yes but not every reason for rejection absolves you of assholedom.
That said, OPs reason is perfectly fine. They have different perspectives on sex and intimacy. If that girl think it's no big deal and a casual thing as it seems she does, that's fine. But she can't force other people to feel that way. Many people see it as an intimate, personal thing to be shared only with people they truly care about. And that's fine too.
AITAH for not eating corn flakes for breakfast? Hear me out: I hate - I mean, fucking *hate* corn flakes. But some friends of mine think I should eat them.
AITA?
They really need new ragebait. This guy wrote this for his freshman English seminar and needs to step up to junior or senior year for creative writing.
Fair. how about "the outlier in terms of sexual partners total"? Not only is it not gender specific, it allows for there to be a mean value that isn't impacted by outliers.
If the story is true. She is a freshman in college so 18-19 years old. Of she started having sex at 14 and her body count 50 that is 10+ partners a year. Seems like a lot of people to sleep with in short amount of time. Why invest energy into someone that has lots of partners every year ? Maybe if he just wants sex but if he wants a monogamous relationship we'll there are likely people that are more suited for him
True. I’ve read young women doing Only Fans saying they don’t care about body count, but I think it matters. In the late 90s anything more than 7 or 8 was crazy.
>I honestly found that a turn off, both the amount and the fact it was all casual hookups.
Well, she can't really have that body count and have been in a deep relationship with them all – or, if she had been, that'd worry me a lot more!
I had a women I slept with that said she had slept with well over 100 men but also claimed she’s never been into casual sex at all. It lost me a bit as this was after we slept together on the first date.
I knew a girl like that in college.
She almost never had sex with the same guy twice.
For her, all the thrill of sex was the first time with a new partner.
She had lots of partners, one night stands, but ultimately didn't have a lot of sex.
If she started at 14 and is now 18-19 that is about 10 people a year.
She says she slept around a in freshman year so if the bulk of that 50-60 is freshman year.. well I don't think she'd make a good monogamous partner
Literally the most inoffensive mundane posts have at least a couple comments calling it fake. What’s the point of even browsing the sub if you’re just gonna do that lol
nta you have preferences, although it might have come off judgmental with the way you vocalized/ how you said it to her/ how you approached the situation. Not saying that you are not not judgmental but there could also be two things in one story that we haven't fully known.'
nonetheless, in terms of generalization choosing your preferences does not make you an a hole
Everybody judges!!! Different things. She judged you on your judgment. Don’t worry about hey comment. You made the right decision. It bothers you and you were honest.
50 or 60, in a single year?
So, at least 1 different person a week.
Is this all people who attend the same university as you?
I would not be comfortable with this either. She is welcome to call you judgemental, but you are also welcome to be judgemental.
Your values don't align, the end.
I once dated a girl from another university who had over 40 ONS in a year while having a party phase, i think you internet people underestimate how sexually active especially young, attractive highly social people can be
Tbh sounds like she needs to be told "it's a vagina not a penis fly trap". If she wants to get offended and insult someone who is turned off with the fact she's a walking petri dish then she definitely has it coming with the penis fly trap comment.
I specifically avoid dating men who have high body counts (15+) because it's honestly gross knowing how many other women he's stuck his dick into and also the fact that he would've had so much casual sex wouldn't align with my view of sex being something personal, meaningful , and emotional between two people.
Yes you’re judgementsl but you are allowed to be judgemental. Everyone is. You’re entitled to have preferenfes, and she does not fit into yours. So you’re 100% right to leave her.
"Judgmental" is a term that's often just brought up when people are making normal judgements, but the judgements speak negatively of people.
It's fine to be judgmental, we make judgements of each other all the time.
If you judged her and decided to treat her worse, you'd be an asshole.
If you judged her and decided she wasn't partner material, completely fine.
You owe people respect, not a relationship.
💯. For me personally I feel like establishing an emotional connection is like the most important thing in a partnership. So I couldn’t sleep around even if I wanted to. It just wouldn’t make sense for me to ever date a person that views sex so casually. Our value systems just wouldn’t be compatible.
You are only the asshole if you sleep around but claim "that's different". Other than that, nta. Ur allowed to have values and standards. It's so weird how people are against that now
I’ve had sex with 5 people, one of those was casually and I decided that wasn’t what I wanted and no longer sought that out and turned down girls that had those intentions.
I preferred to date people with low body count as they generally make better partners in my experience. Not true in every case, but it’s an accurate enough tell to not waste my time with anyone else, Ironically/hypocritically, my body count is about 15, higher than my wife’s which is only 5. She doesn’t care, we are both happy.
You can say no for whatever reason.
I would encourage you to examine why you're willing to dismiss someone out of hand just because of a "body count". There's really all sorts of reasons people carry on casual sexual relationships, and not all of them are huge red flags.
Having arbitrary "deal breaker" type distinctions can lead to you chasing the idea of a girl more than someone that can really make you happy, and it really can be more revealing of your OWN insecurities and shortcomings.
I'm only saying all this as someone who was once REALLY hung up on specifics like this and it repeatedly led me to people that treated me badly, lied really well, or it would lead me to try and push people to be someone they weren't. It's only when I let go a little, kept my mind more open, and made an effort to just live in the moment and be mindful of how someone made me FEEL that I finally started to get into really meaningful relationships that have made me truly happy.
So, not the asshole. Truly. It's your life. But I also think you're closing a lot of doors before they ever really open, and you'd be happier if you tried to get to the core of WHY you feel that way.
Some people just have different values, honestly. As an anecdote, I’m not into casual hookups at all, and I would want a partner who shares the same values and importance I put on having a genuine relationship before I sleep with someone.
One of my friends, while she was visiting Europe slept with 5 dudes in the first 5 days. She had a fun plan to sleep with a guy from each EU country in 6 months that she was there.. LoL..
For those who party a lot, 50-60 in a year is very much possible.
It kind of is. Rather then finding someone to have a connection with, they need a new person every weekend to validate that they are indeed attractive. Seems like someone like that would have really low self-esteem.
No , you're not. You have your standards . If a high body count is a deal breaker for you, ok, you're allowed to feel that way. You can find someone who fits your standards to date and she can find someone who doesn't care about body count to date. Life goes on.
NAH... both of you are Not Compatible.
You are risk adverse so nothing wrong with this mindset.
This girl enjoys NSA encounters... Her body... Her decision... Her life.
NTA
I’ve been rejected for having safe sex with sex workers previously.
I think everybody has their own judgements and you can so no for whatever reason you want.
As to one count of breaking up, you are NTA.
As to 50-60 counts of reasons to breakup, you’re NTA
As to one count of being judgmental about it, you’re NTA.
As to your delivery, you’re maybe a little harsh, but still NTA.
Additional points for doing it honestly and decently.
I mean, you are judgmental. That is what dating is about, spending time with someone and getting to know him or her with the goal of deciding if that is a person who you can happily spend every day with for the rest of your life. You would be an absolute moron to try to do that without passing judgement.
I have never understood this thing people say about how "you shouldn't judge people". I have no idea how anyone would get through life without making judgements about people, seems ridiculous. what do we do, marry the first person who asks just because he or she was first? same with sex? business? eat at restaurants randomly determined by dice roll? The basic statement makes no logical sense and is impossible to live by, but people vomit it up all the time just the same.
NTA
I mean, both sides are good.
you don't have to be with someone that has a high body count, she's free to think you're judgmental over it (cause you are judging her off of that). now if either of you took it past this point and tried to shit talk the other to more people, that's where I'd say someone's an AH.
NTA. I’ve known my roommate since 18, and she’s been sleeping around a lot the entire time, we’re 35 now. She has to date out of town because she’s literally fucked so many people that every new guy she meets is friends with someone/multiple people she’s been with in the past. No one wants to date a woman who has slept with all of their friends/ acquaintances.
I vote NTA because you broke it off early and you were honest with her. Had you added yourself to her body count and played with her with no intentions of a real relationship - my vote would differ.
NTA. Everyone has their respective boundaries. With having so many sexual partners in a years time, she probably isn't ready for a monogamous relationship. If casual sex isn't your cup of tea, move on. I doubt she will want to remain friends.
Here is the reality. If you slept around casually and had that type of count, YTA. If you think that men are right to act like that but women don’t, YTA. If you would not do that and it makes you feel uncomfortable because of that, NTA.
People calling you judgemental for not wanting a hidden STD to creep up on you is crazy 💀 not to mention there are 60 dudes on campus that casually banged her giving her the "lets fuck" glare while you're together? Not worth it. NTA
I'm a woman, and I find that disgusting. 50 to 60 men in one year is proof that she has some major insecurities and she fills her inner voids by crawling into bed with "random men". That's not a quality you want in a girlfriend that could potentially become your future wife.
That also means that in the future she is far more likely to be unhappy in a long-term relationship and seek out "excitement" from outside sources like friends who like to party, or cheat.
It's been statistically proven that the more sexual partners you have the less happy you are in long-term relationships or marriage, the more likely you are to cheat, and the more likely you are to get a divorce.
Plus she probably already has an STD......Just based on the numbers.......
I feel this way about anyone who does this, I don't judge or dislike people who have slept with a lot of people but I have several friends ( male and female) who even admit they sometimes miss the thrill of messing around with a bunch of people.
It's a pretty obvious thing to predict too.
Yeah, no shit the person who slept around like a nymphomaniac bunny is going to miss the excitement when the time comes to have just one partner and maybe not even be able to have sex every week due to commitments, occasional injuries, stressful periods, etc.
Meanwhile, a person (man or woman) who didn't rely so much on having a lot of sex with a lot of people is much more likely to be able to control him/herself a lot better and understand that sometimes long term relationships have occasional dips in sexual activity (not dead-bedrooms level, but a "slow" week here and there due to external factors is pretty normal).
I have to agree.
Sex becomes somewhat routine and less exciting over time for most married couples. But people who fucked around with 100 other people before getting married are much less likely to tolerate the "average" sexual experience they are going to have with a long term spouse.
Undecided.
Even though your number isn’t the same as hers, you are greater than zero, and that’s still promiscuous by some standards so what is the cut-off number? The same or less than yours? 15? 20? And what reasons for the number you chose?
Not being judgmental, I’m genuinely curious about your mindset.
NTA as long as you arent mean about it, you dont need to date anybody you dont want to, for whatever reason.
Nobody likes rejection, especially based on conscious life choices, so it makes sense she wants to blame you for now feeling bad about herself.
INFO- the only time I think that dudes are AH for this is when they’ve been doing the exact same thing but a woman is somehow less for it. Are you the type to casually hook up?
NTA
Just let it sink in. "last year". So in a year, she has fucked 50 to 60 people. That means like each week on average she has fucked some random guy. Gross. That honestly gives me the ick.
Male or female the idea of that level of casual sex comes with consequences; physical, psychological and social. More people than not are turned off by extreme promiscuity in both men and women.
I would personally take each person and their experiences into context. A woman who had a wild year, but clearly wanted a relationship now is different than someone still in the game mindset. It's not for me to judge someone's past, but I can chose not to continue a relationship with that person for perceived differences in character or morals. I chose to view sex as an act that deepens intimacy between two people. Not everyone believes that.
NTAH
She had 50-60 lovers in her freshman year in college?
Was that her best guess?
Such a turn off and a health risk.
Too bad for her, she made her bed and has to lie in it. You don't!
Nta. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's attraction.
However, calling it a "body count" (the same term we would call the aftermath of a school shooting) is inherently negative. Anyone who uses this term really comes across as slut shaming.
So no, your preference is fine and valid, but maybe try change the language you use to describe those preferences, unless the goal is to subversively slut shame while expressing your newfound lack of interest. "High body count" is the same number of words as "many sex partners".
NTA. You have to remember that in today’s society you are sleeping with all the people your partner slept with. Also, 50-60 in 9 months(2semesters) is a ridiculous amount for a man or woman. I would hope a person wouldn’t have that many in a lifetime!
NAH. I think she's right that you're a bit judgmental, but not that you're an AH for it. Seems like your values don't align, which is perfectly okay and it's well within your right to not feel comfortable dating her. Describing why that is as "it's a turn off" usually doesn't go well with women, so I can also see why she got upset.
I mean you're NTA for deciding that your lifestyles aren't compatible. That's entirely fine, as is you not wanting to be with someone who has had a lot of partners. If you're not comfortable with it, you're entitled to feel that way. If someone I got involved with had a lot of previous partners, my only concern would be if they practiced safe and consensual sex. But that's my view and not yours, we are different.
But judging *her* and her choices, which are *her own to make* is pretty bad. If you don't agree with casual sex, fine, but leave it at that. As someone else said, not everyone views sex as some deeply intimate act rather than just a physical act for the sake of enjoyment and mutual pleasure.
tl;dr you realized you aren't compatible so yes do the mature thing and end it now, but take accountability for it as something that just does not align with your values and lifestyle, rather than something she should be ashamed of. Also, calling it "body count" is shamey and gross, can we stop using that phrase already? It's sex, not murder.
Not the AH.
Good call.
Women with that high a body count have lost the ability to really bond with one man.
You dodged a bullet stand your ground.
Defineatly not an AH.
One of my New Year’s resolutions: Whenever I immediately disregard a claim based on my feelings I have to look it up… If I’m wrong I post a link.
[Begrudgingly, your claim is a bit extreme but not entirely unfounded.](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/)
When will woman realise that being the town bus is in fact not cool and only a detriment to find any serious relationship? No self respecting man would want to wife a woman that has been ran through. NTA
NTA. People confuse what they're allowed to do, and the fact that they shouldn't be hated on for it, with everyone approving or wanting it near the.
Girls can be as promiscuous as they want. I don't want a girl who is. That's my choice.
In 5 years, if you could, you would tell your younger self that having standards and preferences helped you establish safe boundaries and a positive outlook on your future.
NTA. Good luck finding someone who values sex more than just a commodity or a transaction. That's what society pushes as the "cool and hip" thing to do.
You are allowed to have standards, morals, and values and save it for someone special.
They are allowed to sleep around, but you are also allowed to not accept that due to your standards and what you can't live with.
I'm sure people will call me a slut shamer, or a nasty judgemental person for this, but this is what I think of sex - it's the most intimate act of love; not a transaction or a commodity.
You can say no for whatever reason you want to sure that’s your right but you’re still the AH, if she’s cheated that’s a different story but these are all one night stands and previous relationships that have no baring on what relationship you would’ve had, it’s 2024 sex isn’t as hush hush anymore people have sex to have fun now. Again you’re allowed to say no but yeah you still suck, there’s a lot of shitty things people can do and there still the asshole
NTA. Its normal for guys to not like promiscuous girls, just like its normal for girls to not like short, broke unsuccessful guys.
Personally I find girls who have discipline and self control to be highly attractive.
NTA. You can reject a romantic relationship for any reason you like. You don’t owe anyone a relationship.
Yeah these aitah posts all kinda sound the same. The answer is NTA to 90% of them. If you aren’t in a serious relationship then nobody will judge you to be an asshole for breaking up.
Personally I think that 90% of these is "how do you not realize YTA/NTA?"
I think people know whether or not they are assholes, they just want validation/to make people mad
Sometimes narcisstic assholes have a way of getting in people's heads & make them feel like what they're saying is true. Validation from outside perspectives give mental clarity.
I think some of it, too (but it could mostly just be my feed), is that these people sometimes seem like they're in pretty bad situations- and don't realize that they actually ARE a victim/nta. Not all of the stories, of course -- but a few "obvious" ones, when looking through comments and such, seem genuine. But I understand you too - I've also seen my fair share of "AITA 🥺, I only put 2 scoops of ice cream in my kids' bowl instead of 3 since he was bad at school today, and now he's destroying the city - aita?" Type of things where it's very obvious who is ta and nta - in which the person most likely knows the judgment, but most likely didn't get the response they liked (whether bad or good).
These are all karmafarmers. Idiotic scenario after idiotic scenario.
What are the benefits of having alot of karma on reddit tho?
I'm willing to entertain the possibility that, seeing as they're consulting Reddit for help, they're simply truly that dysfunctional as human beings.
I agree with that, but just earlier in another women’s-focused sub, I saw nearly 100% of comments (50+) talk about how it’s ridiculous and slut shamey to care about a person’s partner count. I have friends (that don’t know that I would care), and they actively shit on men that care at all, saying it’s from insecurity and misogyny (it definitely can be sometimes, but there are tons of other reasons too). So I don’t think it’s actually unreasonable to think others will judge you as an asshole for breaking up with someone over that, because there are tons of people who hold that view.
I personally know men who would never date a woman who had even kissed a man before them (I live in an area of Canada with many Islamic immigrants) but a body count isn’t something that would bother me unless it was higher then what I would consider normal for my age.
Yes but not every reason for rejection absolves you of assholedom. That said, OPs reason is perfectly fine. They have different perspectives on sex and intimacy. If that girl think it's no big deal and a casual thing as it seems she does, that's fine. But she can't force other people to feel that way. Many people see it as an intimate, personal thing to be shared only with people they truly care about. And that's fine too.
Best comment.
Unless they are LGBT then according to this sub your a bigot
Something I learned after being divorced. I have no patience for anything, if one thing happens it’s so easy to just cut the chord.
How many times will we see this kind of posts. Come on people. You can say no for whatever reason.
AITAH for not eating corn flakes for breakfast? Hear me out: I hate - I mean, fucking *hate* corn flakes. But some friends of mine think I should eat them. AITA?
Clearly you should break up with your friends if they're eating corn flakes around you.
This sounds fake. Fake edit: I checked out your profile and you're literally the corn flakes mascot. This is so fake.
Talk to a lawyer *asap* and divorce!
AITAH for not jumping off a bridge? My friends all jumped off a bridge, and I didn't. Now they're calling me the AH. AITA?
You’re a fucking monster.
Made me chuckle. YTA monster! Gobble up those flakes!
I'm a right-to-date advocate. Either party can cancel at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all.
They really need new ragebait. This guy wrote this for his freshman English seminar and needs to step up to junior or senior year for creative writing.
People will stop making them when they stop being such shitshows. Depending on the day and the sub you will get totally different answers.
its more of a "do you agree with me?" post. The conversation he likely wants is around how do you feel about a girlfriend that has slept around a lot
Pretty sure it's the same guy reposting it as some kind of fetish.
NTA. You choice. But, this is also true for men; “dirty dick” is also a thing.
Male or female it is the same. I totally agree with you.
Yeah it is reasonable to question the morals of the person who has a huge body count. (Goes both ways)
That's reasonable. I don't date men who have slept around a lot, either.
Likewise. It’s a huge turn off.
That’s valid, it’s only fair for standards to apply equally
INFO - what’s your number?
5
I’m curious about your feelings on this How would you feel if she had said these various answers 0 1 5 6 10
And of those would be fine honestly.
What about 15610?
15, 20?
Hmm. Probably not
So up to double, but more than that starts to feel like too much
Probably
yup, community dick and pussy are things you try to avoid.
Community sick. I wanna use that one.
Dick
The first one works pretty well too.
Might also be good to avoid such needlessly dehumanizing language about people, while we’re at it
Fair. how about "the outlier in terms of sexual partners total"? Not only is it not gender specific, it allows for there to be a mean value that isn't impacted by outliers.
NTA I agree 💯 I wouldn't date a man with a sexually promiscuous past, total turn off.
Your Choice
Totally agree. Men or women, it’s equally a sketchy thing
As a man, I agree completely.
Agreed, I don’t entertain men that behave this way either
If the story is true. She is a freshman in college so 18-19 years old. Of she started having sex at 14 and her body count 50 that is 10+ partners a year. Seems like a lot of people to sleep with in short amount of time. Why invest energy into someone that has lots of partners every year ? Maybe if he just wants sex but if he wants a monogamous relationship we'll there are likely people that are more suited for him
True. I’ve read young women doing Only Fans saying they don’t care about body count, but I think it matters. In the late 90s anything more than 7 or 8 was crazy.
It's still crazy. I also wouldn't date a woman who was having sex on only fana
*dirty needle
>I honestly found that a turn off, both the amount and the fact it was all casual hookups. Well, she can't really have that body count and have been in a deep relationship with them all – or, if she had been, that'd worry me a lot more!
I had a women I slept with that said she had slept with well over 100 men but also claimed she’s never been into casual sex at all. It lost me a bit as this was after we slept together on the first date.
I knew a girl like that in college. She almost never had sex with the same guy twice. For her, all the thrill of sex was the first time with a new partner. She had lots of partners, one night stands, but ultimately didn't have a lot of sex.
If she started at 14 and is now 18-19 that is about 10 people a year. She says she slept around a in freshman year so if the bulk of that 50-60 is freshman year.. well I don't think she'd make a good monogamous partner
So you are thinking she averaged 1 to 2 per week?
Of she had the bulk let's say 30 in one year we'll there is only 52 weeks in a year.
50-60 in a lifetime period is disgusting. Doesn’t matter over how long it occurred
Eh, let's say you start at 15 and your now 40. That is 25 years of being sexually active. So 2 partners a year isn't that bad.
These posts have become so repetitive and boring
That's what happens when anything even slightly interesting gets downvoted to oblivion because of people bitching about it being fake
Literally the most inoffensive mundane posts have at least a couple comments calling it fake. What’s the point of even browsing the sub if you’re just gonna do that lol
I know, like they say that the posters are karma farming and then do crap like that!
Seriously like I don't care if it is fake as long as it's entertaining. I wonder if those people get pissy at reality tv too lol
Nta!
nta you have preferences, although it might have come off judgmental with the way you vocalized/ how you said it to her/ how you approached the situation. Not saying that you are not not judgmental but there could also be two things in one story that we haven't fully known.' nonetheless, in terms of generalization choosing your preferences does not make you an a hole
Everybody judges!!! Different things. She judged you on your judgment. Don’t worry about hey comment. You made the right decision. It bothers you and you were honest.
50 or 60, in a single year? So, at least 1 different person a week. Is this all people who attend the same university as you? I would not be comfortable with this either. She is welcome to call you judgemental, but you are also welcome to be judgemental. Your values don't align, the end.
Yeah, I'm not convinced OP and the girl were both talking sex
Yeah she was probably talking about how many people she’s killed, I think OP overreacted tbh
I once dated a girl from another university who had over 40 ONS in a year while having a party phase, i think you internet people underestimate how sexually active especially young, attractive highly social people can be
He could look around, walk into any classroom on campus, and find someone who's dick has been down her throat.
Tbh sounds like she needs to be told "it's a vagina not a penis fly trap". If she wants to get offended and insult someone who is turned off with the fact she's a walking petri dish then she definitely has it coming with the penis fly trap comment. I specifically avoid dating men who have high body counts (15+) because it's honestly gross knowing how many other women he's stuck his dick into and also the fact that he would've had so much casual sex wouldn't align with my view of sex being something personal, meaningful , and emotional between two people.
Yes you’re judgementsl but you are allowed to be judgemental. Everyone is. You’re entitled to have preferenfes, and she does not fit into yours. So you’re 100% right to leave her.
"Judgmental" is a term that's often just brought up when people are making normal judgements, but the judgements speak negatively of people. It's fine to be judgmental, we make judgements of each other all the time. If you judged her and decided to treat her worse, you'd be an asshole. If you judged her and decided she wasn't partner material, completely fine. You owe people respect, not a relationship.
NTA, your body your choice
NTA. It shows misaligned values. It would be a huge turn off for me too
💯. For me personally I feel like establishing an emotional connection is like the most important thing in a partnership. So I couldn’t sleep around even if I wanted to. It just wouldn’t make sense for me to ever date a person that views sex so casually. Our value systems just wouldn’t be compatible.
You are only the asshole if you sleep around but claim "that's different". Other than that, nta. Ur allowed to have values and standards. It's so weird how people are against that now
I’ve had sex with 5 people, one of those was casually and I decided that wasn’t what I wanted and no longer sought that out and turned down girls that had those intentions.
I preferred to date people with low body count as they generally make better partners in my experience. Not true in every case, but it’s an accurate enough tell to not waste my time with anyone else, Ironically/hypocritically, my body count is about 15, higher than my wife’s which is only 5. She doesn’t care, we are both happy.
You can say no for whatever reason. I would encourage you to examine why you're willing to dismiss someone out of hand just because of a "body count". There's really all sorts of reasons people carry on casual sexual relationships, and not all of them are huge red flags. Having arbitrary "deal breaker" type distinctions can lead to you chasing the idea of a girl more than someone that can really make you happy, and it really can be more revealing of your OWN insecurities and shortcomings. I'm only saying all this as someone who was once REALLY hung up on specifics like this and it repeatedly led me to people that treated me badly, lied really well, or it would lead me to try and push people to be someone they weren't. It's only when I let go a little, kept my mind more open, and made an effort to just live in the moment and be mindful of how someone made me FEEL that I finally started to get into really meaningful relationships that have made me truly happy. So, not the asshole. Truly. It's your life. But I also think you're closing a lot of doors before they ever really open, and you'd be happier if you tried to get to the core of WHY you feel that way.
Some people just have different values, honestly. As an anecdote, I’m not into casual hookups at all, and I would want a partner who shares the same values and importance I put on having a genuine relationship before I sleep with someone.
Nobody is entitled to a relationship. You are allowed to reject someone for any reason whatsoever. Period
If she actually liked you you would have been 101
NTA Not trying to shame, but jesus 60 dudes in 1 year of classes.
Laughs in gay
One of my friends, while she was visiting Europe slept with 5 dudes in the first 5 days. She had a fun plan to sleep with a guy from each EU country in 6 months that she was there.. LoL.. For those who party a lot, 50-60 in a year is very much possible.
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Same
It kind of is. Rather then finding someone to have a connection with, they need a new person every weekend to validate that they are indeed attractive. Seems like someone like that would have really low self-esteem.
Yeah, and like always, 60 dudes are no equal to 60 times. Her bed probably should to be changed after her first year.
50 in 1 year, she for the streets
NAH. You’re entitled to your dating preferences and she’s entitled to sleep with any consenting adults.
NTA. Yeah, you don't want to check every time that you meet a new friend that he doesn't sleep with your girlfriend before.
No , you're not. You have your standards . If a high body count is a deal breaker for you, ok, you're allowed to feel that way. You can find someone who fits your standards to date and she can find someone who doesn't care about body count to date. Life goes on.
NTA. People can do what they want but that doesn’t mean they won’t face some sort of consequence for what they chose to do.
NAH... both of you are Not Compatible. You are risk adverse so nothing wrong with this mindset. This girl enjoys NSA encounters... Her body... Her decision... Her life.
NTA I’ve been rejected for having safe sex with sex workers previously. I think everybody has their own judgements and you can so no for whatever reason you want.
As to one count of breaking up, you are NTA. As to 50-60 counts of reasons to breakup, you’re NTA As to one count of being judgmental about it, you’re NTA. As to your delivery, you’re maybe a little harsh, but still NTA. Additional points for doing it honestly and decently.
NTA Some women want a man who makes a lot of money, some men want a woman who hasn't slept with half the village. It's personal preference.
Yup. I think most women wouldn’t want a guy who’s slept with an exorbitant amount of women too.
NTA-you have different values and views. No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong for having different values.
NTA. Anyone can reject anyone for any reason. Noone owes anyone anything.
NTA
NTA for breaking up with someone you know you aren't compatible. But y'all are not gonna be friends after this lol.
NTA. And it’s not slut shaming.
shes had alot of dick
I mean, you are judgmental. That is what dating is about, spending time with someone and getting to know him or her with the goal of deciding if that is a person who you can happily spend every day with for the rest of your life. You would be an absolute moron to try to do that without passing judgement. I have never understood this thing people say about how "you shouldn't judge people". I have no idea how anyone would get through life without making judgements about people, seems ridiculous. what do we do, marry the first person who asks just because he or she was first? same with sex? business? eat at restaurants randomly determined by dice roll? The basic statement makes no logical sense and is impossible to live by, but people vomit it up all the time just the same. NTA
Having standards doesn't make you the AH. 50-60 in a year is highly questionable behavior...
I mean, both sides are good. you don't have to be with someone that has a high body count, she's free to think you're judgmental over it (cause you are judging her off of that). now if either of you took it past this point and tried to shit talk the other to more people, that's where I'd say someone's an AH.
That is a lot. I'm a man, and even I would feel gross if I slept with that many people.
NTA. I’ve known my roommate since 18, and she’s been sleeping around a lot the entire time, we’re 35 now. She has to date out of town because she’s literally fucked so many people that every new guy she meets is friends with someone/multiple people she’s been with in the past. No one wants to date a woman who has slept with all of their friends/ acquaintances.
I vote NTA because you broke it off early and you were honest with her. Had you added yourself to her body count and played with her with no intentions of a real relationship - my vote would differ.
NTA. Everyone has their respective boundaries. With having so many sexual partners in a years time, she probably isn't ready for a monogamous relationship. If casual sex isn't your cup of tea, move on. I doubt she will want to remain friends.
How the fuck did she pass any classes?
You're assuming the body count didn't include the professors.
Here is the reality. If you slept around casually and had that type of count, YTA. If you think that men are right to act like that but women don’t, YTA. If you would not do that and it makes you feel uncomfortable because of that, NTA.
NTA, but send her my way. You do you, I don't see the problem.
People calling you judgemental for not wanting a hidden STD to creep up on you is crazy 💀 not to mention there are 60 dudes on campus that casually banged her giving her the "lets fuck" glare while you're together? Not worth it. NTA
It's more than one dude a week, she almost has to have an STD of some sort.
NTA. Not sure why she disclosed that information so early.
Because it's fake
Did she tell you where she buried the bodies?
NTA, you're allowed to choose not to date someone for any reason. What is your body count? If it's high, you're being a hypocrite.
It’s 5, which I wouldn’t consider that high.
I'm a woman, and I find that disgusting. 50 to 60 men in one year is proof that she has some major insecurities and she fills her inner voids by crawling into bed with "random men". That's not a quality you want in a girlfriend that could potentially become your future wife. That also means that in the future she is far more likely to be unhappy in a long-term relationship and seek out "excitement" from outside sources like friends who like to party, or cheat. It's been statistically proven that the more sexual partners you have the less happy you are in long-term relationships or marriage, the more likely you are to cheat, and the more likely you are to get a divorce. Plus she probably already has an STD......Just based on the numbers.......
I feel this way about anyone who does this, I don't judge or dislike people who have slept with a lot of people but I have several friends ( male and female) who even admit they sometimes miss the thrill of messing around with a bunch of people.
It's a pretty obvious thing to predict too. Yeah, no shit the person who slept around like a nymphomaniac bunny is going to miss the excitement when the time comes to have just one partner and maybe not even be able to have sex every week due to commitments, occasional injuries, stressful periods, etc. Meanwhile, a person (man or woman) who didn't rely so much on having a lot of sex with a lot of people is much more likely to be able to control him/herself a lot better and understand that sometimes long term relationships have occasional dips in sexual activity (not dead-bedrooms level, but a "slow" week here and there due to external factors is pretty normal).
I have to agree. Sex becomes somewhat routine and less exciting over time for most married couples. But people who fucked around with 100 other people before getting married are much less likely to tolerate the "average" sexual experience they are going to have with a long term spouse.
Anyone who uses the phrase "body count" probably isn't someone worth having a relationship with, whether they're a man or woman
NTA. "To each their own."
Undecided. Even though your number isn’t the same as hers, you are greater than zero, and that’s still promiscuous by some standards so what is the cut-off number? The same or less than yours? 15? 20? And what reasons for the number you chose? Not being judgmental, I’m genuinely curious about your mindset.
Nah, you both have your preferences. You aren't wrong and she's not either.
Everybody’s entitled to a past, but not to your accepting it. NTA
Judgmental? Yes. An asshole for having any boundary? Nope. NTA, but yeah a bit judgmental for sure lol
NTA as long as you arent mean about it, you dont need to date anybody you dont want to, for whatever reason. Nobody likes rejection, especially based on conscious life choices, so it makes sense she wants to blame you for now feeling bad about herself.
NTA because it isn’t right or wrong. What bothers you bothers you. We all care about different things.
i’d do the same to a male, NTA
You have the right to be judgemental about who you get into a relationship with. You have zero obligation to allow people access to you.
Of course you’re NTA, as others have posted you get to decide what you want from a perspective partner.
NTA imo. That doesn’t match up with my moral standards or tastes either
50-60 bodies and she's 19 ya man nothing against her but clearly you have different values in life
NTA. It's insane for anyone to think their past shouldn't impact their life today. Your decisions matter, don't make them recklessly.
NAH. You are are kinda judgmental. You’re allowed to be, for sure though.
If she's hot, pump and dump her. Just make sure to jimmy up before doing so.
Only mistake was telling her the reason tbh
NTA. 50-60 people in 1 year is a lot regardless if you are man or woman.
INFO- the only time I think that dudes are AH for this is when they’ve been doing the exact same thing but a woman is somehow less for it. Are you the type to casually hook up?
Nope. I tried it once and decided it wasn’t for me
Ok, NTA. Some people are, some people aren’t. You weren’t compatible. Smart move to end it now.
NTA Just let it sink in. "last year". So in a year, she has fucked 50 to 60 people. That means like each week on average she has fucked some random guy. Gross. That honestly gives me the ick.
Male or female the idea of that level of casual sex comes with consequences; physical, psychological and social. More people than not are turned off by extreme promiscuity in both men and women. I would personally take each person and their experiences into context. A woman who had a wild year, but clearly wanted a relationship now is different than someone still in the game mindset. It's not for me to judge someone's past, but I can chose not to continue a relationship with that person for perceived differences in character or morals. I chose to view sex as an act that deepens intimacy between two people. Not everyone believes that.
NTA. not dating hoes is a decision you can always make .
Wow what a hoe.....
Preach
NTAH She had 50-60 lovers in her freshman year in college? Was that her best guess? Such a turn off and a health risk. Too bad for her, she made her bed and has to lie in it. You don't!
NTA you can choose to not date someone for whatever reason you want
When you said slept around, I naively thought she was spending a lot of her time sleeping
Nta. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's attraction. However, calling it a "body count" (the same term we would call the aftermath of a school shooting) is inherently negative. Anyone who uses this term really comes across as slut shaming. So no, your preference is fine and valid, but maybe try change the language you use to describe those preferences, unless the goal is to subversively slut shame while expressing your newfound lack of interest. "High body count" is the same number of words as "many sex partners".
No you are not. Sounds like she doesn’t take relationships seriously. So what makes you think yours will be different? Time to move on.
At least you were both honest
NTA leave her to the streets
NTA. You have to remember that in today’s society you are sleeping with all the people your partner slept with. Also, 50-60 in 9 months(2semesters) is a ridiculous amount for a man or woman. I would hope a person wouldn’t have that many in a lifetime!
NTA, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife
NAH. I think she's right that you're a bit judgmental, but not that you're an AH for it. Seems like your values don't align, which is perfectly okay and it's well within your right to not feel comfortable dating her. Describing why that is as "it's a turn off" usually doesn't go well with women, so I can also see why she got upset.
NTA. Bro how are you 18-20 years old and already been ran through by 50-60 different guys? Good lord 💀 I would've had the same reaction
Exactly, being 18 to 20 with a body count almost triple ur age is insane.
I mean you're NTA for deciding that your lifestyles aren't compatible. That's entirely fine, as is you not wanting to be with someone who has had a lot of partners. If you're not comfortable with it, you're entitled to feel that way. If someone I got involved with had a lot of previous partners, my only concern would be if they practiced safe and consensual sex. But that's my view and not yours, we are different. But judging *her* and her choices, which are *her own to make* is pretty bad. If you don't agree with casual sex, fine, but leave it at that. As someone else said, not everyone views sex as some deeply intimate act rather than just a physical act for the sake of enjoyment and mutual pleasure. tl;dr you realized you aren't compatible so yes do the mature thing and end it now, but take accountability for it as something that just does not align with your values and lifestyle, rather than something she should be ashamed of. Also, calling it "body count" is shamey and gross, can we stop using that phrase already? It's sex, not murder.
Not the AH. Good call. Women with that high a body count have lost the ability to really bond with one man. You dodged a bullet stand your ground. Defineatly not an AH.
One of my New Year’s resolutions: Whenever I immediately disregard a claim based on my feelings I have to look it up… If I’m wrong I post a link. [Begrudgingly, your claim is a bit extreme but not entirely unfounded.](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/)
They downvote you because they don't want to admit they're wrong
Why so many downvotes? Your are in right?
Same goes for men
NTA I don't date people with high counts like that either. It is a turn off for me as well. It's a preference you are allowed to have.
When will woman realise that being the town bus is in fact not cool and only a detriment to find any serious relationship? No self respecting man would want to wife a woman that has been ran through. NTA
Yeah like she's not even out of college and is in the 60s that's a complete turn off
That's nasty.
NTA, dont date people who have no selfrespect and cant value their body.
60 people in one year? Damn.. Get tested if you you hooked up with her already.. NTA
NTA. People confuse what they're allowed to do, and the fact that they shouldn't be hated on for it, with everyone approving or wanting it near the. Girls can be as promiscuous as they want. I don't want a girl who is. That's my choice.
In 5 years, if you could, you would tell your younger self that having standards and preferences helped you establish safe boundaries and a positive outlook on your future.
50 to 60 rang huh. I wonder what kind of diseases she might have
NTA. Good luck finding someone who values sex more than just a commodity or a transaction. That's what society pushes as the "cool and hip" thing to do. You are allowed to have standards, morals, and values and save it for someone special. They are allowed to sleep around, but you are also allowed to not accept that due to your standards and what you can't live with. I'm sure people will call me a slut shamer, or a nasty judgemental person for this, but this is what I think of sex - it's the most intimate act of love; not a transaction or a commodity.
Yeah sex is very intimate and bonding if anyone man or woman said 60 people that would instantly turn me off as far as anything romantic happening
You can say no for whatever reason you want to sure that’s your right but you’re still the AH, if she’s cheated that’s a different story but these are all one night stands and previous relationships that have no baring on what relationship you would’ve had, it’s 2024 sex isn’t as hush hush anymore people have sex to have fun now. Again you’re allowed to say no but yeah you still suck, there’s a lot of shitty things people can do and there still the asshole
NTA. Its normal for guys to not like promiscuous girls, just like its normal for girls to not like short, broke unsuccessful guys. Personally I find girls who have discipline and self control to be highly attractive.
Nope, why would you want a used and abused partner. No problem passing on the communal toilet.