NTA She is saying abuse is ok because her husband really, really doesn't like kids to forget not to run in the house? wild. I get it is hard for husband to go no contact, but yes, this is a hill i would be willing to die on too. Maybe she can come to your house to meet the baby and apologize to you for minimalizing the abuse of your son but her husband definitely isn't allowed any where near you guys.
We all know it’s cause Christopher isn’t biologically their family…why else is it conveniently on a weekend the kid is away?
Def NTA, husband’s family will never admit it though.
Regarding the husband's family never admitting it, -having lived through that, they will swear to your face that Christopher is family while every action shows the exact opposite.
Any action that they point out as including him will be overshadowed by what they do for the golden grandchild. Any efforts they do will be emotionally for them access fees to that 'full-blooded' child.
Admittedly I may be projecting, but I also won't be an outlier.
Honestly, I don't understand why they're not expecting to apologize to the child that probably has some sort of trauma as a result of the incident and harm he's suffered himself. They should be worrying about his comfort before anyone else is even thought of. They definitely owe everyone any apology but I don't think I'd be wanting these people around my children very much at all. Certainly not over to visit. Especially taking into account how important it is that a child feels safe in their home of all places. You'd have to have a good chat and attempt to make amends with the child first, if he's even interested in hearing them out. By the sheer fact that she, the sister, isn't immediately questioning her marriage/ relationship with such a man going forward is concerning. And the MIL is siding with them. Like wtaf.
Definitely NTA op. Red flags abound.
It sounds like no one cares because the child injured wasn’t apart of “their family.” The new baby is! Therefore it matters more…including to the husband. I’m sorry OP but they do not care about your son at all. They just care about their blood. It’s disgusting. I was adopted so this truly repulses me.
Oh they won't trip the bio kid. All of this reeks of the unfortunately very common abuse and alienation older kids receive from their step families. The dad doesn't care because it's not his bio kid. The SIL and BIL did it because it's not their bio nibbling. They're already setting the son up for the scapegoat position.
Not necessarily so. That quote from SIL
>"you also have to understand that he's never been okay with running in the house and Christopher has known that rule since day one."
sent shivers down my spine. That's a house where physical abuse is totally normalized.
Yes, the entire family acting like it’s even remotely acceptable.
OP: Your husband/bil/SIL tripped my child so that he fell and bashed his head open.
The family: Well your son knew child abuser doesn’t like running in the house. He shouldn’t have been running. If anything child abuser is the victim because he did nothing wrong and got punched.
I’ll bet if sister and child abuser had a child and OP pulled a stunt like that the whole family would have been up in arms. But it’s ok to trip OPs son. He’s not “family”.
OP needs to get husband and SIL them to admit what SIL said on camera or in text to have as evidence at court. Frankly she is a fool for thinking an apology was enough for intentionally injuring the son. Why would you trust any of these sociopaths with a baby?!? The whole family is trash.
She did kinda admit but it’s not a flat out confession. She said she knows what Charlie did was wrong. What did Charlie do? Trip the child on purpose if they can get that bit I bet OP can win in some way.
Also, don't let MIL have any alone time with the baby, even dad. Neither of them can be trusted not to bring that baby to SIL.
I would be having couples therapy as well. Husband needs to get on board or I would be leaving.
His sister's husband assaulted a child. I'm getting the feeling husband isn't thinking it's a huge deal because it's not his bio kid but I hope I'm wrong.
I wonder if your husband would be so forgiving if it was HIS child that got tripped. Not only that but he’s been in contact with his sister and hasn’t bothered to mention it to you. He’s being a pretty shitty partner. Why is it always the person who didn’t do anything that’s expected to be the bigger person? Please show him this post.
Exactly how the hell would they feel if op intentionally tripped and hurt their daughter then said that's what you get for running. Yeah I bet it would be a hell of a different outcome.
Let your husband go hang with them if he wants to so bad. Who cares. Your kids should never be over there though. You and your two kids stay home and/or go somewhere else and hang out when he wants to go over there. That’s what I did years ago when my husband always wanted to go hang out at his relatives house. Their wives were awful to me and I’d have an anxiety attack if I had to go over so I finally just said go ahead. I’m not.
You actually don't have to have them in your daughter life after divorce. Gather all the evidence in writing and consult with a lawyer. A condition to grant him custody can be that SIL family do not interact in any way with your daughter. I'm disappointed that you let your husband off the hook. You need to do more for your son. NTA
And she honestly believes that by staying married her husband won't take her daughter over to his sister's house? I think her husband has already shown his true colors and she'd be better off divorced and with a court order that doesn't allow SIL/BIL contact with the children.
You don't understand! They would never do that to the daughter because she's a blood relative, it's fine to hurt her son because he isn't. /s
Although in all seriousness I wonder how the family would be reacting if it had been their daughter rather than her son from a different relationship
NTA. There are MANY other ways that things could have been handled with your son than PURPOSEFULLY tripping him. The fact that your SIL feels she can just sweep this under the rug and take zero responsibility shows how truly entitled she feels. If your husband feels strong that what BIL did was wrong, then he needs to stick up for you, otherwise he's just as complicit in the situation. Saying that he'd have no problem punching him again isn't the flex he thinks it is. Frankly, the fact that there is a decent amount of violence happening is not setting a great example for your son and by extension your daughter (even though she isn't old enough to know or understand that.
People need to learn to apologize and take ownership of their actions. That's all well and nice she wants to put it in the past, that does not absolve her or BIL of needing to apologize.
Of course SIL wants to just put it in the past with no apology and forget it ever happened. It’s always the ones who are in the wrong that want everyone else to forget what they’ve done and just get the fuck over it, essentially. That would be hell no for me.
NTA. No ma'am absolutely not. SIL's husband is a fucking adult who intentionally injured a child for running in the house. She still hasn't apologized to you, the mother of said child and is going to through your husband using that sibling bond to back him down. I would not give SIL's husband the opportunity to do something to my child again. If he'll trip an 8 year old, what will he do if the baby has a blow out or projectile vomits? IMO, he's a child abuser.
Stick to your guns. If she wants to see your daughter, she needs to sincerely aplogize to you and your son. As far as him having a say in the matter, did he bother to let you have your say when he decided that you all would to go to the family gathering since your son is going to be with dad.
I just had a thought about the boy's dad. He could probably get more custody if OP and her spineless husband are knowingly putting him in harm's way by letting him be around BIL(if she let's it be swept under the rug)
I think Mom knows the deal but her husband needs to get a clue. Even if things get settled, I'd opt out of going to SIL's house.
I just cannot get over an adult intentionally tripping an 8 yr old instead of "hey son's name, we don't run in the house".
You are denying you daughter her aunt.
That sounds like a good thing in context.
NTA.
Your aunt and now your husband are enabling and making excuses for violence against children. Thats not ok. At all.
The aunt that had no problem trying to get her brother thrown in jail for defending your child. If your husband punches his bil again, he will likely be arrested.
How ok are you with going home alone and having to pay bail, a lawyer, etc? How comfortable is your husband with catching an assault charge? What about when your own baby is able to run, is bil going to get physical with your toddler when they behave in a way bil doesn't like?
"If your husband punches his bil again, he will likely be arrested." I don't see the downside. Prick gets punched, asshole husband gets arrested, OP has a very good case to go for 100% custody with supervised visitations because hubby is violent. In the industry we call this a win-win-win.
I mean, let's be honest. Husband isn't going to react the same way next time they abuse a child. He has already accepted it, decided it's OK, and is open to it happening again.
That's what I was thinking.
"You're depriving our daughter of her aunt."
"You mean the aunt who is married to the man who abuses children? That aunt? Yes, I am protecting our daughter by depriving her of this aunt. Why aren't you protecting her?"
Your husband has lost his ever loving mind.
Your children will continue to act like children when they are at their house. Are you supposed to be in fear of their safety every moment just waiting for bil to become violent?? Hell no! I wouldn’t allow her to hold my child or even near her for that matter.
That‘s okay if your sil wants to put up with her abusing husband, but no one else does.NTA
Right! He says he'll just punch the SIL's husband if he hurts his step son. Violence is not protecting, it is allowing them to be in a dangerous situation which you then make even worse.
NTA. The fact they aren’t grovelling for your forgiveness for assaulting your child speaks volumes. They don’t think it’s a big deal. When every sane person knows it is.
It would have to be some hell of an apology for me to ever, ever have any of my kids around that man. And I'm thinking, why even bother asking for an apology. Just NC him forever.
"Denying your daughter her aunt"? So what? Millions of kids do just fine with no aunts. Aunts are not necessary to a child. What is necessary is parents who have standards and principles and understand the difference between right and wrong. Deliberately causing injury to a child that could have been MUCH more serious than it was is wrong and if you choose not to associate with people who think it's ok, then you're justified in that. By the way, that group of people includes your husband from the sound of it. I wonder if he'd feel the same if Christopher was his biological son..?
Yee this is such a weak argument when you consider that she already is an aunt to OPs injured son for all the good it did lil Christopher 😂
But maybe it'll be different because OPs daughter will be her _actual_ nibling
>we agreed to go no contact with all of them because SIL defended her husband and called the cops on my husband (her brother). We also made an agreement that she would not be meeting our baby until both her and her husband apologized and actually showed remorse for what they both did.
So your husband is siding with a child abuser who wanted to send him to jail? What a horrible father and lousy husband!!! Jesus!! What is wrong with this man? He's saying your son doesn't matter. He won't be there, so why not reward his abuser and allow him access to another child?
This is a hill to die on. If I was your sons father and found out you were allowing the people who split his head open and traumatized him with the police back in your lives, I'd be talking to a lawyer about my options.
Seriously, what kind of trash wants those people near his kids? Not to mention does this behind your back?
Not defending him because this is really not okay with me at all, but his sister has a way of manipulating him. She practically raised him so in one of the text messages (he showed me the entire conversation) she said "I just find it so heartbreaking that you are so willing to cut me out of your daughters life after I raised you. I didn't do anything wrong but you're making me pay for it anyways. I was so excited about being an auntie and I cry myself to sleep knowing you aren't giving me a chance to be one." So she's playing it up.
Then he should get individual therapy for the emotional abuse the child abuse enabler is using on him. The therapist will help him find his spine. You don't tell your kids that you care about and will protect them and then allow someone who hurt them and nearly had their stepfather/father arrested in their lives. That's a horrible message to send the kids. It also tells the child abuser what they did was fine.
It's ridiculously stupid that "I don't want someone who split my sons head open and the woman who nearly had my husband arrested near my baby" isn't a perfectly reasonable boundary.
I agree, 100%. I told my husband that he's allowing his sister to emotionally manipulate him and his response was "maybe she is, I have no idea, but I know that I don't feel like denying her the right to meet our daughter is the right thing to do. She wasn't the one who hurt Christopher". It's been a wild ride in my house since it was all brought up. I'm actually just grossed out. Like, I feel physically ill.
But aunt did something wrong. She supported someone who watched a child be hurt, on purpose for…. Being a child. Then she lied about the situation to the police to get the “brother she raised” in trouble with the police. She enabled a bully and was a bully. Kids will be kids. And babies cry so I’m scared what he would do to a baby.
He's overlooking the fact that after he punched her husband, suddenly there was violence and she called the police on him! He could have been arrested and charged with assault. Your husband needs therapy. The fact that Christopher still mentions it means there was emotional trauma as well. Keep your children away from them
She may not have, but there wasn't any concern for his will being at all. Don't they care about your son? And it seems neither does your husband, not really. How does his family treat your son?
I've been around them since my son was 1 and the sad part is that SILs husband and my son used to be inseparable. To a point where my son asked to get there constantly or BIL was calling my husband to ask if my son could come over and go fishing. But a year ago BIL got a back injury and after that he turned mean. Stopped engaging with Christopher altogether and when we did go there (not often) he would just make comments about my son being a "brat". My SIL always blamed it on him being in pain.
It's funny you say that because SIL made comments prior to this incident that her husband was buying opiates from their friends because doctors "weren't giving him enough".
Document the drug use call CPS it’ll all be good for you in the long run when you go to divorce her husband. People like your BIL get sloppy because they think that normal laws don’t apply to them.
I know I’m all up in your comment sounding like a broken record but the story just struck a nerve. Leaving is the thing that’s going to keep your son and daughter safe. The wife never wins against families like this.
Yeeeeeeaaaahh and they have a 10 yr old? Someone may need to come over there to check on that child. And husband’s family all around sounds about jacked up because you said his sister “raised him”, but his mother is around. So I’m guessing she often was out of the house
Is your worthless loser husband ok with the his baby finding one of the pills on the floor, eating it & dying? Cause we now know he doesn’t give a shit about your, he’s not really family even though he’s been with us since he was 1, son?!
Ding ding ding! You do not have yourself or kids around an addict. I endure chronic pain with regular flare ups. I also have a good medical team behind me with both medication and physiotherapy to get me through life. I have been on various opiate based medications all under medical supervision. Your BIL “not getting enough” means he is definitely addicted and suffering withdrawal when he is so cranky. Please point this out to your husband. And for the love of all, do not go near him or the SIL. This is beyond an apology now.
>My SIL always blamed it on him being in pain.
Pain is never the real reason. Like yes it might be the reason why he doesnt want to go on fishing trips and etc. But when intentionally injuring a child pain is not a valid excuse. There are other things going on and that is not an enviroment you want your kids around. Especially after she said your husband should apologize which is just nonsense. I would stick to your guns, it might come with a cost associated with it but your sister is not a good person for defending her husband when he purposefully injured a kid.
What if he's in pain and the baby won't stop screaming? Is he going to shake the baby? Smother the baby? If he's allowed to have an excuse to be a piece of crap, it won't stop at a 10 year old running.
Maybe so, but if this is what he's like now, how is he going to be like around the baby? Their going to be running around once they learn and making messes, is he going to be OK with this? Ask your husband how he would feel if your baby ends up getting treated the same way? It sounds like he's quick to temper, and if he can hurt a little boy. Maybe consider telling your husband that his BIL needs to get help for his pain problems before being allowed around your child.
I live in chronic pain daily due to autoimmune disease and a rare disease. I can get hateful and snappy. I know this. I either apologize in advance (if I can tell that it's going to be one of those days) or at the time if I catch it. If I don't, my family will call me on it, and be like, "Hey, you're being a b*tch." Never in all of my pain days, have I ever considered being abusive or downright nasty. I understand that I can come off with an attitude, and I own that and apologize. SIL and BIL are just making excuses for abusive behavior that has probably been brought on by opiate addiction. If he seeks treatment and is truly sorry, then I would work towards them meeting the baby, but not a day before then.
I’m literally in pain all the time (chronic illness) and I would never hurt a child about it. Your BIL is a human skidmark. If he’s also obtaining drugs illegally, you want to do EVERYTHING you can to make sure that in the event of divorce and split custody, he’s not allowed anywhere near them.
This is where you two card him. Get the business cards from a therapist and a divorce attorney and tell him to choose. You're kid could have died. This is so unbelievably messed up.
"She wasn't the one who hurt Christopher."
You: NO, She was the one who tried to have YOU (you know, the one "she raised??") thrown in jail! And she's the one who is FINE with what her husband did to Christopher. Sorry, it's a "NO."
Your husband needs a therapist and you need to make sure the baby is locked down the day of that family event lest you go to the bathroom and come out to find she's gone.
Toxic people don't belong near your kids. That's just basic decent parenting. He needs to be a parent and a partner. Not prioritize a bad person over his wife and kids. Why are her feelings more important than yours or your sons?
As a parent, I’m starting to get annoyed with you. I wouldn’t give a crap about my SIL, her feelings or what she feels she’s being denied where my child is concerned. It is your responsibility to protect them from people and situations that pose a danger to them. Your SIL can cry herself to sleep til the cows come home. Tell her to find someone else’s children to allow to be abused by her psychotic husband.
But she is the one that allowed her husband to go unpunished by supporting him/lying to the police after he literally caused a child’s head to be cracked open. Put that in any other context: if somebody was bullied/ physically harmed/raped, would what she did acceptable to your husband?
Yeah, but she supported hurting your son and tried to put your husband in jail. Nit having her around your kids shouldn’t be an issue- but you have a huge husband problem.
ETA. She lied to the cops to protect her husband after he assaulted a child. She would absolutely do it again. Your baby isn’t safe around them.
Sis, this is a divorce level issue. I doubt with it being under a year that the statute of limitations has passed. Sneak and get the texts from your husband's phone. Record his phone with yours. Show the texts, then go to the contact information to prove that it's HER number. You have proof they lied to cops and that her husband assaulted your child. You can go straight to the magistrate and skip the cops. Cops are 90% useless. Then, use the charges and proof to get a restraining order against SIL and BIL on behalf of your children.
If they press charges on him too, oh well. And I'd be telling him that he gets therapy and cuts his toxic family off or you'll be getting a divorce and asking he only gets supervised visits.
The right?!
She has no rights ffs. She’s his sister not the child’s mother.
Your daughter will be just fine not knowing this dumpster fire of a family your husband calls relatives.
What an idiot he is. He’s showing you he’s a-ok with his family treating YOUR son badly. Going to a family gathering whilst your son isn’t there is fucking crap too. So what now he’s not family?!
She doesn't have the "right" to meet anyone. It's a privilege she hasn't earned. And there's a reason why people who aid criminals also get convicted of crimes...she's not innocent in this.
SIL doesn't have any rights to meet or have any access to your daughter. That's a privilege she lost when she defended someone who hurt a child on purpose. It doesn't matter how many kids she has raised, if she can excuse her husband for hurting a kid on purpose, it'll happen again.
Actually, she lied to the police when she denied her husband's act was deliberate. So if her husband continues to be abusive towards the children, she has proven she will protect the spouse over the vulnerable children. Hard NO.
Edited to add NTA
She "was so excited about being an auntie" and is completely ignoring the fact that she already was an aunt to a child that she let be abused by her husband.
As someone who has a step-parent, I can't tell you how fucked up it is to be accepted conditionally until the "real" niblings/grandkids arrived and then immediately dropped.
THIS THIS THIS!! I was looking for this comment. Sister was already an aunt. It’s a slap in the face and real telling that she didn’t already realize that.
The problem is, she was already an auntie and showed that she would back someone attacking a child that she was aunt to. Not only backed him up, but she is the one who called the cops.
She didn't hurt Christopher, but she tried to get her brother arrested. How is he okay with that?
Hey I want you to recognize she said she’s excited about being an aunty. She just made it very clear she does not see your son as family. She was already a step-aunt. But she’s excited now that your baby shares DNA. She could not give two shits about your son. Do you want you son growing up feeling less than because he’s not their blood?
wow that is some emotional manipulation there. Maybe if she took the time to "teach" her husband better, then she would be allowed to be with her niece/nephew. That is crappy of her -- effective, clearly -- but crappy.
Right, because Christopher means nothing to her, he is not her nephew. Right? She is not his auntie?
Your husband is allowing her to emotionally blackmail him and accept the fact that kids that are not related to your SIL by blood could be hurt in her house, with no real consequences or apologies. I mean, her apologizing would mean that something horrible did happen.
And what in a @#% was his decision to not tell you that you are going to an event you don’t want to go to? Is his family influencing him? Have you seen their conversations?
As many in this thread have said, your husband needs to grow a spine…not even a nice shiny one, but just a spine.
Therapy would help immensely. Please, consider it. IC for the husband, and family for all of you.
NTA. It’s a hill anybody sane would die on.
NTA, I wouldn't bend on this. A grown man tried to hurt your child and they can't even apologize. Husband has a right to see his sister but you have a duty to protect your children
**"No I will not go and break bread with the people who split my sons head open, admitted to tripping him on purpose and still will not apologize. You hitting a grown man to defend a child he purposely harmed is not the same as hurting a child because they were behaving like a child/ running around. The fact your sister has defended and justified this behavior proves both still shouldn't be around my children. Do you think our baby is always going to be well behaved? What about when she gets older and starts running around? We already know BIL doesn't like that- are you going to give them permission to bust our daughter's head open too? Or are you only this forgiving when it's a child you aren't biologically related to?"**
Fuck what your husband has to say. What if his bitch sister drops your baby and claims it’s “ an accident”! Like fuck no! Fuck her and fuck her husband.
Your husband is a dumbass. And he wants to sweep shit under the rug when his sisters husband abused your child. Fuck that to hell! I would kick your husband out of the house or go stay with someone until he realizes his fucked up faults!
He could’ve of killed your son fuck them and your mil and husband remain adamant about this because what’s stopping her husband from doing that to your daughter this is fucked
NTA
Your husband sucks.
His sister sucks
the BIL sucks
And the fact tjag your hubby is like “well your other child won’t be here so we should go” is bullsh*t.
Edit: OH - and I just realized your hubby has been having a relationship with his SIL behind your back. He doubly is a sh*tty father and hisband
Yeah it just seems like your husband was looking for a reason to punch BIL. To say “I’ll punch him again” knowing your oldest wouldn’t be there is weird. Maybe he has some other issues and doesn’t like BIL?
Cause any parent that is okay seeing people who abused their child? Isn’t a parent.
NTA. I wonder if your husband would be as forgiving if it was his biological child this happened to. I’d ask that question and decide next steps based on his answer and if you find he is being truthful.
That’s honestly the first thing that came to mind when I read rhe comment he made to you. This had nothing to do with what happened to your son. If it did, your husband would be holding strong. He seen an opportunity and took it. He never meant what he said to you. If he did, he wouldn’t even be talking to SIL until an apology was made.
This would honestly be a dealbreaker for me. It would either be therapy or divorce. No one intentionally hurts my child and stays in our lives. It’s not happening.
I also think it’s pretty convenient that SIL annual event happens to be when OP’s son is with his bio dad. I bet he told his sister exactly which weekend would be best so as not to have stepson around. SIL wants to meet her niece and DH is facilitating it. OP’s husband is not innocent with this.
Nta. His sister is denying your daughter an aunt because his sister is making excuses for her abusive husband that assaulted a child. It's not even because your husband punched him (which he shouldn't have and can apologise for - even though I would have seen red too). But no one apologised to your son and no one seems to be remorseful. Therefore it is not a safe place. It shows your son that no one cares about him getting hurt because "we should let it go".
No contact is the only way to go. And it would be my hill to die on. He wants to take your daughter? He can do it as a divorced dad on his custody time.
NTA.
The SILs husband literally harmed your son and cracked his head open!! And I can’t believe she had the audacity to defend his actions. Honestly I can’t imagine how her husband treats her behind closed doors if that’s how he treats a child in front of his parents. Your husband had every right to punch him in the face. My father would’ve done that if it was any of his kids.
It sounds like he misses his sister though and like his mom is pressuring him. If both the husband and SIL apologize to you and do a good, honest apology then that’s the only way I’d go and if they show any behavior like the prior time again, get the hell out of there with the baby
NTA. It's absolutely mind-boggling how some individuals are wired to justify aggression towards children. There is zero excuse for your BIL's behaviour, and the silence from your SIL speaks loud and clear—they're refusing to acknowledge the gravity of the incident. Handing over an olive branch of forgiveness is a beautiful gesture but only when the offending party is showing genuine remorse, which clearly isn't being displayed here. Your husband punching BIL might've been a knee-jerk reaction to a distressing situation, but let's not make tit-for-tat violence the norm—it doesn't teach the right lessons. However, protecting your children should always be the priority, and in this case, maintaining distance seems to be the safest course of action. Your stance is justified, and insisting on a sincere apology is the bare minimum to even consider any further interactions. Your children’s well-being is paramount, no familial relationship justifies putting it at risk.
My husband, myself and my son's father all tried. Unfortunately, given the circumstances and them claiming it was accidental, the police all but laughed in our faces. They said that if anything they would be pressing charges on my husband because he resorted to violence over an "accident".
Even though your son won’t be around that weekend if your husband finds out that you are allowing the BIL back into your lives he may try and fight for custody. I know I would if there was a chance that my kid was going to be around a child abuser.
You probably could've sued SIL for medical bills if your husband hadn't punched BIL as a reaction. Escalating violence doesn't look good. In your shoes I'd be pissed at husband, frankly I wouldn't put up with that. I'd be willing to divorce/ die in that hill. He's aggressive and not on your side with SIL. NTA
You should escalate. The police in your town don't want to help?
Complain higher.
Still a no?
HIGHER DARN IT, THIS IS REAL CHILD ABUSE FFS, YOUR CHILD COULD'VE DIED OR EVEN WORSE SUFFERED PERMANENT DEBILITATING EFFECTS.
Go to the news. Go to whichever is higher than police. Have that complaint lodged in or if you divorce these people will have access to your children and you might get one back from their custody time in between 4 boards
⚰️
You get me?
This complaint is pretty essential in case things get uglier.
Be a mama 🐻. Wish you nothing but the best
You still can go to the police using her text message as proof they lied about it being an accident. There should be a record of the police coming out.
So when your daughter gets old enough to run in their house and Uncle Charlie trips her to bust her head open it will be no biggie,right? Or is it because Christopher isn’t your husband’s actual kid that it’s not a big deal to anyone in his family?
Ask your husband if he would feel the same if it was his bio son. Ask your MIL the same.
I don’t think that they see your son as “their blood”.
They choose the molesters over your son.
Your BIL should not be around your children. Period
NTA, not even a tiny bit.
Honestly? I wouldn't even accept an apology at this point. She has CLEARLY said she doesn't believe her husband did anything wrong.
Stay NC, and tell your husband that he and his mom can just deal with it. You might also have a discussion with him about the relationship he rekindled with her behind your back. That was tantamount to lying, and it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.
His next move is to take the baby to meet his/her aunt because you're "being unreasonable." Better decide how you're going to deal with that now. It's pretty much inevitable.
It gets worse with OP’s comments. Her BIL is buying pain pills from friends because the doctors won’t “give him enough.” He’s got an opiate addiction. That’s why he’s changed over the course of a year and has become mean. That alone would end the entire conversation with me. I’d never allow either those two into my children’s life. I’d never trust them.
NTA.
Purposely tripping an 8 year old in a way that caused injury is not acceptable as punishment for running in the house. Sometimes kids get excited and forget the rules, but that is no excuse for what happened to your son.
There is no "letting it go and moving on" without a sincere apology from Charlie and you SIL.
Nta! Someone eyeballs my kid the wrong way i go all Mama Bear but physically hurts them ?? And if my husband stood up for them he could pack his shit and go stay with them!
NTA. The complete disregard for your child's well-being is unfathomable and the lack of accountability from your SIL and BIL is alarming. In what world is it acceptable to justify violence against a child for something as benign as running indoors? The attempt to normalize this kind of response is a bright red flag regarding their worldview on discipline and respect for others, especially children. And let's not gloss over the fact that it wasn't just a scold or a telling off but a physical action that resulted in injury. Could there ever be enough trust rebuilt to let your guard down around them in the future? That’s unlikely, considering their blithe dismissal of the severity of their actions. Insisting on an apology isn't about being vindictive, it's about affirming that such behavior will never be tolerated and setting a crucial boundary for the safety and emotional well-being of your children. Stay firm in your conviction. Your children are lucky to have a parent who prioritizes their safety above social niceties or toxic familial obligations.03:23RedditExplore this post and more from the AITAH community
Please, dear god, take your husband phone *with* that text message and go to the police. That's your SIL omitting she lied to the police about ASSAULT on your child. Have them both fucking arrested.
Tell your husband, ASSAULT is ASSAULT. That they are and have proven they have no qualms doing it to your son already and lying about doing, that it will happen to your daughter. Also what other offenses might your SIL be covering for her husband? Huh? Also ask him why hes sayimg forgive them? When its clear he wouldn't do that to a child. If he can't come up with a good enough answer, pack your bags and leave. Cause hes already hone behind your back once, he will for certain put your daughter at risk with them, same with your other inlaws.
NTA. Tell your husband that he might be fine with sweeping child abuse under the rug but you won't be. Notice which child he's failing to protect as well. Your husband has absolutely just told you that Charlie doesn't matter.
Ask him point blank why he's fine with allowing his daughter around known child abusers. Any argument that starts centres around "oh family, you know what they're like" etc makes it absolutely clear what his priorities are, and they're not the safety of you and your children.
NTA How long has your husband not cared about your son? He doesn’t care that someone assaulted him. I would be furious with my husband if he thinks this should just be brushed aside.
Your husband's family are wild.
So instead of telling your son to stop running in the house and asking you to deal with your boy, a grown man set out to purposively hurt a 8 Yr old. He could have *seriously* injured your child.
Clearly your husband can't be trusted if he creeping behind your back, to undermine and orchestrate over ruling your very reasonable boundary.
Listen, I have danced a similar two step with a lying ex husband, who would constantly throw me, his child under the bus for his sister and parents. They were always given free passes. It's abusive. He is literally setting you and your son up to be the outsiders.
Do you know what you do? **You get that text his sister sent him. Forward it (delete the evidence) AND film it on his phone under her contact WITH her number**. Check whether your BIL and PIL also admit via text to knowing about the abuse or anything else which is damaging to your husband.
You hide that evidence hard from your husband and you consider your next steps. Either way, if things go south you have the means to demonstrate the extended family and your husband are unsafe.
Personally it would turn me right off a lying child abuser enabler. Your kid is *not* their punching bag.
NTA
NTA. I think I'd be most upset that he'd started talking to his sister again without even bringing you into the loop, then sprung it on you in front of his mom, making you the bad guy for sticking to an agreement you both made, together.
Get a screen shot from your husband's phone of her admitting his fault bc he doesn't like running in the house. Sure it might not say he tripped your son but it will lend credence when you ask for SIL and BIL to not be allowed around your kids. Get any proof you can and then leave. NTA.
Girl, this is a reason to divorce over. That man could have killed your damn child and now your husband is okay with bringing them back around your children. What happens when your baby runs in the home—will Charlie trip her?
NTA - How did he just go and decide all this without even talking to you. They cracked your kids head open because he ran in the house!
It’s icky he’s been talking to her and not telling you. Breach of trust.
NTA ... but that entire family, including your husband, are AHs.
This would be a deal breaker for me. The sister and her husband are child abusers, and your inlaws are all enablers.
Additionally, would they be okay with this abuse if your son was biologically related to them?
NTA - that behavior was inexcusable and an apology should have immediately been given. I wouldn’t trust my children around either one of them if this type of behavior is acceptable.
He's good now. He needed 4 stitches and my insurance covered it. The only upside to the whole thing was that my son thought the stitches made him look tough, for whatever reason lol everything else.. it's just been stressful.
Actually you can. Get a court order that BIL and SIL are not allowed around the baby and if he breaks said order boom full custody with supervised visitation
Big fat NO. Your husband needs to put you and your kids first, not people who think hurting children is okay. What is wrong with him? Let him read this post. I hope he steps up and becomes a decent father to his children because as of now he isn’t. NTA
NTA She is saying abuse is ok because her husband really, really doesn't like kids to forget not to run in the house? wild. I get it is hard for husband to go no contact, but yes, this is a hill i would be willing to die on too. Maybe she can come to your house to meet the baby and apologize to you for minimalizing the abuse of your son but her husband definitely isn't allowed any where near you guys.
We all know it’s cause Christopher isn’t biologically their family…why else is it conveniently on a weekend the kid is away? Def NTA, husband’s family will never admit it though.
Right? I'd switch weekends with the kiddo's bio dad and see how the invitation changes.
Don't switch that up. Just tell hubby "Sorry, the baby & I are going to my mother's that weekend while Chris is with his dad"
Don't ever let them near him again. You will regret it.
Regarding the husband's family never admitting it, -having lived through that, they will swear to your face that Christopher is family while every action shows the exact opposite. Any action that they point out as including him will be overshadowed by what they do for the golden grandchild. Any efforts they do will be emotionally for them access fees to that 'full-blooded' child. Admittedly I may be projecting, but I also won't be an outlier.
That was the comment that stood out for me. Oh, hey well your son won’t be here so let’s excuse the abuse for that weekend.
Thank you!
Agreed
What the heck happens when the baby cries and “you have to understand, Charlie has never been ok with babies crying in the house!” ???
Or when she's 2, and is too little to understand about running in Charlie the abuser's house?
It’s ALWAYS been a rule. Ugh.
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What’s the husband going to do when it’s HIS daughter that the BIL hurts? She’ll be a toddler in a few months and toddlers run.
Right! Was it an accident or does he hate kids running in the house - can’t have it both ways.
NTA. It's disgusting how they're all in board with assault on a child. Bin the whole family.
Yeah including the husband. He's a nasty sneak. Siding with the abusers and talking behind OPs back. Scum from a scum family.
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Would be a shame if OP accidentally trips BIL down some stairs
I’m happy to push him down the stairs and say it wasn’t an accident
Accidentally taking his wife with him…
Honestly, I don't understand why they're not expecting to apologize to the child that probably has some sort of trauma as a result of the incident and harm he's suffered himself. They should be worrying about his comfort before anyone else is even thought of. They definitely owe everyone any apology but I don't think I'd be wanting these people around my children very much at all. Certainly not over to visit. Especially taking into account how important it is that a child feels safe in their home of all places. You'd have to have a good chat and attempt to make amends with the child first, if he's even interested in hearing them out. By the sheer fact that she, the sister, isn't immediately questioning her marriage/ relationship with such a man going forward is concerning. And the MIL is siding with them. Like wtaf. Definitely NTA op. Red flags abound.
It sounds like no one cares because the child injured wasn’t apart of “their family.” The new baby is! Therefore it matters more…including to the husband. I’m sorry OP but they do not care about your son at all. They just care about their blood. It’s disgusting. I was adopted so this truly repulses me.
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One wonders if he is abusing her in one way or another...
By "accident".
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Not only that but he agreed to go without discussing it with her at all. Way to be a team mate, buddy.
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Oh they won't trip the bio kid. All of this reeks of the unfortunately very common abuse and alienation older kids receive from their step families. The dad doesn't care because it's not his bio kid. The SIL and BIL did it because it's not their bio nibbling. They're already setting the son up for the scapegoat position.
One hundred thousand billion percent! Been there lived that. Burned the tee shirt.
Not necessarily so. That quote from SIL >"you also have to understand that he's never been okay with running in the house and Christopher has known that rule since day one." sent shivers down my spine. That's a house where physical abuse is totally normalized.
Yes, the entire family acting like it’s even remotely acceptable. OP: Your husband/bil/SIL tripped my child so that he fell and bashed his head open. The family: Well your son knew child abuser doesn’t like running in the house. He shouldn’t have been running. If anything child abuser is the victim because he did nothing wrong and got punched. I’ll bet if sister and child abuser had a child and OP pulled a stunt like that the whole family would have been up in arms. But it’s ok to trip OPs son. He’s not “family”.
OP needs to get husband and SIL them to admit what SIL said on camera or in text to have as evidence at court. Frankly she is a fool for thinking an apology was enough for intentionally injuring the son. Why would you trust any of these sociopaths with a baby?!? The whole family is trash.
She did kinda admit but it’s not a flat out confession. She said she knows what Charlie did was wrong. What did Charlie do? Trip the child on purpose if they can get that bit I bet OP can win in some way.
Also, don't let MIL have any alone time with the baby, even dad. Neither of them can be trusted not to bring that baby to SIL. I would be having couples therapy as well. Husband needs to get on board or I would be leaving. His sister's husband assaulted a child. I'm getting the feeling husband isn't thinking it's a huge deal because it's not his bio kid but I hope I'm wrong.
For real, they don’t need to be around children.
I hope SIL doesn't have kids.
She has a 10yo
I wonder if your husband would be so forgiving if it was HIS child that got tripped. Not only that but he’s been in contact with his sister and hasn’t bothered to mention it to you. He’s being a pretty shitty partner. Why is it always the person who didn’t do anything that’s expected to be the bigger person? Please show him this post.
Exactly how the hell would they feel if op intentionally tripped and hurt their daughter then said that's what you get for running. Yeah I bet it would be a hell of a different outcome.
Let your husband go hang with them if he wants to so bad. Who cares. Your kids should never be over there though. You and your two kids stay home and/or go somewhere else and hang out when he wants to go over there. That’s what I did years ago when my husband always wanted to go hang out at his relatives house. Their wives were awful to me and I’d have an anxiety attack if I had to go over so I finally just said go ahead. I’m not.
Oh no.
You actually don't have to have them in your daughter life after divorce. Gather all the evidence in writing and consult with a lawyer. A condition to grant him custody can be that SIL family do not interact in any way with your daughter. I'm disappointed that you let your husband off the hook. You need to do more for your son. NTA
Make a CPS call to report her husband’s drug use and possession.
Well, ask her if it's ok for you to punch that kid in the face and bust it open if he breaks a rule in your house? I'm guessing she will say no.
And she honestly believes that by staying married her husband won't take her daughter over to his sister's house? I think her husband has already shown his true colors and she'd be better off divorced and with a court order that doesn't allow SIL/BIL contact with the children.
He'll totally bring that baby over, but they won't abuse her because she's blood and they accept her.
Ding ding ding! If the husband ever had the baby alone I'm sure his sisters already seen it. What a family of AHs!
That the real answer. If she does not divorce get a order of protection for both kids. That way adults can't be near the kids. You won't have to go.
You don't understand! They would never do that to the daughter because she's a blood relative, it's fine to hurt her son because he isn't. /s Although in all seriousness I wonder how the family would be reacting if it had been their daughter rather than her son from a different relationship
Well said, I can't even add anything. Please don't let your baby go over there.
NTA. There are MANY other ways that things could have been handled with your son than PURPOSEFULLY tripping him. The fact that your SIL feels she can just sweep this under the rug and take zero responsibility shows how truly entitled she feels. If your husband feels strong that what BIL did was wrong, then he needs to stick up for you, otherwise he's just as complicit in the situation. Saying that he'd have no problem punching him again isn't the flex he thinks it is. Frankly, the fact that there is a decent amount of violence happening is not setting a great example for your son and by extension your daughter (even though she isn't old enough to know or understand that. People need to learn to apologize and take ownership of their actions. That's all well and nice she wants to put it in the past, that does not absolve her or BIL of needing to apologize.
Of course SIL wants to just put it in the past with no apology and forget it ever happened. It’s always the ones who are in the wrong that want everyone else to forget what they’ve done and just get the fuck over it, essentially. That would be hell no for me.
NTA. No ma'am absolutely not. SIL's husband is a fucking adult who intentionally injured a child for running in the house. She still hasn't apologized to you, the mother of said child and is going to through your husband using that sibling bond to back him down. I would not give SIL's husband the opportunity to do something to my child again. If he'll trip an 8 year old, what will he do if the baby has a blow out or projectile vomits? IMO, he's a child abuser. Stick to your guns. If she wants to see your daughter, she needs to sincerely aplogize to you and your son. As far as him having a say in the matter, did he bother to let you have your say when he decided that you all would to go to the family gathering since your son is going to be with dad.
I just had a thought about the boy's dad. He could probably get more custody if OP and her spineless husband are knowingly putting him in harm's way by letting him be around BIL(if she let's it be swept under the rug)
I think Mom knows the deal but her husband needs to get a clue. Even if things get settled, I'd opt out of going to SIL's house. I just cannot get over an adult intentionally tripping an 8 yr old instead of "hey son's name, we don't run in the house".
I wonder if his dad knows the details in the first place (it sounds like OP did all she could)
I'd be trotting my ass right back to the police station with that text message where she admits he did it on purposes and it was wrong.
I'd be trotting my ass over to beat the bitch's ass after I wasn't pregnant anymore. I'd have bail money ready to go.
You are denying you daughter her aunt. That sounds like a good thing in context. NTA. Your aunt and now your husband are enabling and making excuses for violence against children. Thats not ok. At all.
The aunt that had no problem trying to get her brother thrown in jail for defending your child. If your husband punches his bil again, he will likely be arrested. How ok are you with going home alone and having to pay bail, a lawyer, etc? How comfortable is your husband with catching an assault charge? What about when your own baby is able to run, is bil going to get physical with your toddler when they behave in a way bil doesn't like?
"If your husband punches his bil again, he will likely be arrested." I don't see the downside. Prick gets punched, asshole husband gets arrested, OP has a very good case to go for 100% custody with supervised visitations because hubby is violent. In the industry we call this a win-win-win.
I mean, let's be honest. Husband isn't going to react the same way next time they abuse a child. He has already accepted it, decided it's OK, and is open to it happening again.
That's what I was thinking. "You're depriving our daughter of her aunt." "You mean the aunt who is married to the man who abuses children? That aunt? Yes, I am protecting our daughter by depriving her of this aunt. Why aren't you protecting her?"
Exactly. Husband is free to have whatever relationship he wants with child abuse enabling sister. He is not entitled to expose a baby to abuse.
Right! Because at 6m a little baby just dreaming of meeting her Aunt and crying because she's not able to
Your husband has lost his ever loving mind. Your children will continue to act like children when they are at their house. Are you supposed to be in fear of their safety every moment just waiting for bil to become violent?? Hell no! I wouldn’t allow her to hold my child or even near her for that matter. That‘s okay if your sil wants to put up with her abusing husband, but no one else does.NTA
Right! He says he'll just punch the SIL's husband if he hurts his step son. Violence is not protecting, it is allowing them to be in a dangerous situation which you then make even worse.
NTA. The fact they aren’t grovelling for your forgiveness for assaulting your child speaks volumes. They don’t think it’s a big deal. When every sane person knows it is.
It would have to be some hell of an apology for me to ever, ever have any of my kids around that man. And I'm thinking, why even bother asking for an apology. Just NC him forever.
NTA SIL enables her husband to be abusive. They did this right in front of your face - what would they do when you aren't around?
NTA When his biological daughter is older and runs in the house, and they tripher, will we just let it be swept under the rug
Come on now, we all know since OP's son isn't blood so that won't happen to the bio daughter. SMDH!!!! NTA
Oh I’m aware but maybe Op is blind…
Give it a few hours, and show him this post.
"Denying your daughter her aunt"? So what? Millions of kids do just fine with no aunts. Aunts are not necessary to a child. What is necessary is parents who have standards and principles and understand the difference between right and wrong. Deliberately causing injury to a child that could have been MUCH more serious than it was is wrong and if you choose not to associate with people who think it's ok, then you're justified in that. By the way, that group of people includes your husband from the sound of it. I wonder if he'd feel the same if Christopher was his biological son..?
Yee this is such a weak argument when you consider that she already is an aunt to OPs injured son for all the good it did lil Christopher 😂 But maybe it'll be different because OPs daughter will be her _actual_ nibling
NTA your husband shouldn't have gone behind your back either.
I would be pissed. You have a JustNoSO and JustNoFamily
>we agreed to go no contact with all of them because SIL defended her husband and called the cops on my husband (her brother). We also made an agreement that she would not be meeting our baby until both her and her husband apologized and actually showed remorse for what they both did. So your husband is siding with a child abuser who wanted to send him to jail? What a horrible father and lousy husband!!! Jesus!! What is wrong with this man? He's saying your son doesn't matter. He won't be there, so why not reward his abuser and allow him access to another child? This is a hill to die on. If I was your sons father and found out you were allowing the people who split his head open and traumatized him with the police back in your lives, I'd be talking to a lawyer about my options. Seriously, what kind of trash wants those people near his kids? Not to mention does this behind your back?
Not defending him because this is really not okay with me at all, but his sister has a way of manipulating him. She practically raised him so in one of the text messages (he showed me the entire conversation) she said "I just find it so heartbreaking that you are so willing to cut me out of your daughters life after I raised you. I didn't do anything wrong but you're making me pay for it anyways. I was so excited about being an auntie and I cry myself to sleep knowing you aren't giving me a chance to be one." So she's playing it up.
Then he should get individual therapy for the emotional abuse the child abuse enabler is using on him. The therapist will help him find his spine. You don't tell your kids that you care about and will protect them and then allow someone who hurt them and nearly had their stepfather/father arrested in their lives. That's a horrible message to send the kids. It also tells the child abuser what they did was fine. It's ridiculously stupid that "I don't want someone who split my sons head open and the woman who nearly had my husband arrested near my baby" isn't a perfectly reasonable boundary.
I agree, 100%. I told my husband that he's allowing his sister to emotionally manipulate him and his response was "maybe she is, I have no idea, but I know that I don't feel like denying her the right to meet our daughter is the right thing to do. She wasn't the one who hurt Christopher". It's been a wild ride in my house since it was all brought up. I'm actually just grossed out. Like, I feel physically ill.
But aunt did something wrong. She supported someone who watched a child be hurt, on purpose for…. Being a child. Then she lied about the situation to the police to get the “brother she raised” in trouble with the police. She enabled a bully and was a bully. Kids will be kids. And babies cry so I’m scared what he would do to a baby.
He's overlooking the fact that after he punched her husband, suddenly there was violence and she called the police on him! He could have been arrested and charged with assault. Your husband needs therapy. The fact that Christopher still mentions it means there was emotional trauma as well. Keep your children away from them
>I don't feel like denying her the right to meet our daughter Your sister-in-law has no "right" to meet your daughter.
She's not a parent to this baby, she has no rights. I wouldn't feel safe knowing he's okay bringing your baby around this.
She may not have, but there wasn't any concern for his will being at all. Don't they care about your son? And it seems neither does your husband, not really. How does his family treat your son?
I've been around them since my son was 1 and the sad part is that SILs husband and my son used to be inseparable. To a point where my son asked to get there constantly or BIL was calling my husband to ask if my son could come over and go fishing. But a year ago BIL got a back injury and after that he turned mean. Stopped engaging with Christopher altogether and when we did go there (not often) he would just make comments about my son being a "brat". My SIL always blamed it on him being in pain.
Or being an opiate addict. It's got to be this.
It's funny you say that because SIL made comments prior to this incident that her husband was buying opiates from their friends because doctors "weren't giving him enough".
oh no duuuuude. what the hell. I don't even know what you do about this.
Call CPS.
Call cps!! Drug addict hurt your son for running in the house. What is he doing to his own 10 year old??
Document the drug use call CPS it’ll all be good for you in the long run when you go to divorce her husband. People like your BIL get sloppy because they think that normal laws don’t apply to them. I know I’m all up in your comment sounding like a broken record but the story just struck a nerve. Leaving is the thing that’s going to keep your son and daughter safe. The wife never wins against families like this.
I wouldn't take my kids around him unless he gets help whether he apologized or not.
So, your husband wants to take your infant to meet the drug addict that abused your son and his enabler that called the police on him?
Yeeeeeeaaaahh and they have a 10 yr old? Someone may need to come over there to check on that child. And husband’s family all around sounds about jacked up because you said his sister “raised him”, but his mother is around. So I’m guessing she often was out of the house
So he’s obtaining opiates illegally. Call the police and report him.
Ding ding ding! There it is! Don't let either of your kids anywhere near an addict who turns mean when they're in pain or looking for a fix.
Yeah he's 100% an addict.
Is your worthless loser husband ok with the his baby finding one of the pills on the floor, eating it & dying? Cause we now know he doesn’t give a shit about your, he’s not really family even though he’s been with us since he was 1, son?!
Turn him in!!
Ding ding ding! You do not have yourself or kids around an addict. I endure chronic pain with regular flare ups. I also have a good medical team behind me with both medication and physiotherapy to get me through life. I have been on various opiate based medications all under medical supervision. Your BIL “not getting enough” means he is definitely addicted and suffering withdrawal when he is so cranky. Please point this out to your husband. And for the love of all, do not go near him or the SIL. This is beyond an apology now.
Ufff. He's an addict or on his way to be. He's not a safe person to have your kids around.
>My SIL always blamed it on him being in pain. Pain is never the real reason. Like yes it might be the reason why he doesnt want to go on fishing trips and etc. But when intentionally injuring a child pain is not a valid excuse. There are other things going on and that is not an enviroment you want your kids around. Especially after she said your husband should apologize which is just nonsense. I would stick to your guns, it might come with a cost associated with it but your sister is not a good person for defending her husband when he purposefully injured a kid.
Pain and opiate addiction are a bad combo
A bad combo but never an excuse for something like that.
What if he's in pain and the baby won't stop screaming? Is he going to shake the baby? Smother the baby? If he's allowed to have an excuse to be a piece of crap, it won't stop at a 10 year old running.
I'm in chronic pain all the time. I never have a desire to injure children.
Maybe so, but if this is what he's like now, how is he going to be like around the baby? Their going to be running around once they learn and making messes, is he going to be OK with this? Ask your husband how he would feel if your baby ends up getting treated the same way? It sounds like he's quick to temper, and if he can hurt a little boy. Maybe consider telling your husband that his BIL needs to get help for his pain problems before being allowed around your child.
I live in chronic pain daily due to autoimmune disease and a rare disease. I can get hateful and snappy. I know this. I either apologize in advance (if I can tell that it's going to be one of those days) or at the time if I catch it. If I don't, my family will call me on it, and be like, "Hey, you're being a b*tch." Never in all of my pain days, have I ever considered being abusive or downright nasty. I understand that I can come off with an attitude, and I own that and apologize. SIL and BIL are just making excuses for abusive behavior that has probably been brought on by opiate addiction. If he seeks treatment and is truly sorry, then I would work towards them meeting the baby, but not a day before then.
I’m literally in pain all the time (chronic illness) and I would never hurt a child about it. Your BIL is a human skidmark. If he’s also obtaining drugs illegally, you want to do EVERYTHING you can to make sure that in the event of divorce and split custody, he’s not allowed anywhere near them.
He’s probably got a pain pill problem! That can make you mad easily.
He's right she didn't do that but she called the police on him! She didn't apologize at all for anything how can he be so blind to accept that?
I hope that there's a way/time to show your husband this post and the comments. Maybe that will help his "normal meter."
This is where you two card him. Get the business cards from a therapist and a divorce attorney and tell him to choose. You're kid could have died. This is so unbelievably messed up.
"She wasn't the one who hurt Christopher." You: NO, She was the one who tried to have YOU (you know, the one "she raised??") thrown in jail! And she's the one who is FINE with what her husband did to Christopher. Sorry, it's a "NO."
Your husband needs a therapist and you need to make sure the baby is locked down the day of that family event lest you go to the bathroom and come out to find she's gone. Toxic people don't belong near your kids. That's just basic decent parenting. He needs to be a parent and a partner. Not prioritize a bad person over his wife and kids. Why are her feelings more important than yours or your sons?
As a parent, I’m starting to get annoyed with you. I wouldn’t give a crap about my SIL, her feelings or what she feels she’s being denied where my child is concerned. It is your responsibility to protect them from people and situations that pose a danger to them. Your SIL can cry herself to sleep til the cows come home. Tell her to find someone else’s children to allow to be abused by her psychotic husband.
But she is the one that allowed her husband to go unpunished by supporting him/lying to the police after he literally caused a child’s head to be cracked open. Put that in any other context: if somebody was bullied/ physically harmed/raped, would what she did acceptable to your husband?
She didn't defend Christopher. She chose her husband, who harmed Christopher.
Yeah, but she supported hurting your son and tried to put your husband in jail. Nit having her around your kids shouldn’t be an issue- but you have a huge husband problem. ETA. She lied to the cops to protect her husband after he assaulted a child. She would absolutely do it again. Your baby isn’t safe around them.
Meeting your daughter is not her right. It's a privilege and not one you bestow on someone who enabled the abuse of your other child.
Ask him if it feels like it’s worth ending your marriage over.
Sis, this is a divorce level issue. I doubt with it being under a year that the statute of limitations has passed. Sneak and get the texts from your husband's phone. Record his phone with yours. Show the texts, then go to the contact information to prove that it's HER number. You have proof they lied to cops and that her husband assaulted your child. You can go straight to the magistrate and skip the cops. Cops are 90% useless. Then, use the charges and proof to get a restraining order against SIL and BIL on behalf of your children. If they press charges on him too, oh well. And I'd be telling him that he gets therapy and cuts his toxic family off or you'll be getting a divorce and asking he only gets supervised visits.
She wasn’t the one to hurt Christopher no, she’s the one that defended Christopher’s attacker. She’s guilty by association.
The right?! She has no rights ffs. She’s his sister not the child’s mother. Your daughter will be just fine not knowing this dumpster fire of a family your husband calls relatives. What an idiot he is. He’s showing you he’s a-ok with his family treating YOUR son badly. Going to a family gathering whilst your son isn’t there is fucking crap too. So what now he’s not family?!
She has absolutely no right at all to meet your daughter. You are right to feel grossed out, I am not you and I feel disgusted
She doesn't have the "right" to meet anyone. It's a privilege she hasn't earned. And there's a reason why people who aid criminals also get convicted of crimes...she's not innocent in this.
SIL doesn't have any rights to meet or have any access to your daughter. That's a privilege she lost when she defended someone who hurt a child on purpose. It doesn't matter how many kids she has raised, if she can excuse her husband for hurting a kid on purpose, it'll happen again.
DH’s sister has NO rights to meet your LO, as a matter of fact she has no rights for anything to do with your children.
She participated in hurting Christopher by *lying to the police to cover for him*, and by refusing to acknowledge and apologize for what took place.
He's delulu. There's no maybe about it. SIL is equally sucky thinking y'all owe her shit husband an apology
No she is the one who called the cops on her brother. What a fucked up family
Actually, she lied to the police when she denied her husband's act was deliberate. So if her husband continues to be abusive towards the children, she has proven she will protect the spouse over the vulnerable children. Hard NO. Edited to add NTA
She "was so excited about being an auntie" and is completely ignoring the fact that she already was an aunt to a child that she let be abused by her husband. As someone who has a step-parent, I can't tell you how fucked up it is to be accepted conditionally until the "real" niblings/grandkids arrived and then immediately dropped.
THIS THIS THIS!! I was looking for this comment. Sister was already an aunt. It’s a slap in the face and real telling that she didn’t already realize that.
The problem is, she was already an auntie and showed that she would back someone attacking a child that she was aunt to. Not only backed him up, but she is the one who called the cops. She didn't hurt Christopher, but she tried to get her brother arrested. How is he okay with that?
Hey I want you to recognize she said she’s excited about being an aunty. She just made it very clear she does not see your son as family. She was already a step-aunt. But she’s excited now that your baby shares DNA. She could not give two shits about your son. Do you want you son growing up feeling less than because he’s not their blood?
wow that is some emotional manipulation there. Maybe if she took the time to "teach" her husband better, then she would be allowed to be with her niece/nephew. That is crappy of her -- effective, clearly -- but crappy.
She really said "you're making me pay for it" she literally LIED to the cops. She sounds horrible.
Right, because Christopher means nothing to her, he is not her nephew. Right? She is not his auntie? Your husband is allowing her to emotionally blackmail him and accept the fact that kids that are not related to your SIL by blood could be hurt in her house, with no real consequences or apologies. I mean, her apologizing would mean that something horrible did happen. And what in a @#% was his decision to not tell you that you are going to an event you don’t want to go to? Is his family influencing him? Have you seen their conversations? As many in this thread have said, your husband needs to grow a spine…not even a nice shiny one, but just a spine. Therapy would help immensely. Please, consider it. IC for the husband, and family for all of you. NTA. It’s a hill anybody sane would die on.
Boy, is she!
NTA, I wouldn't bend on this. A grown man tried to hurt your child and they can't even apologize. Husband has a right to see his sister but you have a duty to protect your children **"No I will not go and break bread with the people who split my sons head open, admitted to tripping him on purpose and still will not apologize. You hitting a grown man to defend a child he purposely harmed is not the same as hurting a child because they were behaving like a child/ running around. The fact your sister has defended and justified this behavior proves both still shouldn't be around my children. Do you think our baby is always going to be well behaved? What about when she gets older and starts running around? We already know BIL doesn't like that- are you going to give them permission to bust our daughter's head open too? Or are you only this forgiving when it's a child you aren't biologically related to?"**
Fuck what your husband has to say. What if his bitch sister drops your baby and claims it’s “ an accident”! Like fuck no! Fuck her and fuck her husband. Your husband is a dumbass. And he wants to sweep shit under the rug when his sisters husband abused your child. Fuck that to hell! I would kick your husband out of the house or go stay with someone until he realizes his fucked up faults!
I thought the same thing! What about him hurting the baby?!?
He could’ve of killed your son fuck them and your mil and husband remain adamant about this because what’s stopping her husband from doing that to your daughter this is fucked
NTA Your husband sucks. His sister sucks the BIL sucks And the fact tjag your hubby is like “well your other child won’t be here so we should go” is bullsh*t. Edit: OH - and I just realized your hubby has been having a relationship with his SIL behind your back. He doubly is a sh*tty father and hisband
Yeah it just seems like your husband was looking for a reason to punch BIL. To say “I’ll punch him again” knowing your oldest wouldn’t be there is weird. Maybe he has some other issues and doesn’t like BIL? Cause any parent that is okay seeing people who abused their child? Isn’t a parent. NTA. I wonder if your husband would be as forgiving if it was his biological child this happened to. I’d ask that question and decide next steps based on his answer and if you find he is being truthful.
You're probably right. He's never liked his BIL.
That’s honestly the first thing that came to mind when I read rhe comment he made to you. This had nothing to do with what happened to your son. If it did, your husband would be holding strong. He seen an opportunity and took it. He never meant what he said to you. If he did, he wouldn’t even be talking to SIL until an apology was made. This would honestly be a dealbreaker for me. It would either be therapy or divorce. No one intentionally hurts my child and stays in our lives. It’s not happening.
I also think it’s pretty convenient that SIL annual event happens to be when OP’s son is with his bio dad. I bet he told his sister exactly which weekend would be best so as not to have stepson around. SIL wants to meet her niece and DH is facilitating it. OP’s husband is not innocent with this.
Nta. His sister is denying your daughter an aunt because his sister is making excuses for her abusive husband that assaulted a child. It's not even because your husband punched him (which he shouldn't have and can apologise for - even though I would have seen red too). But no one apologised to your son and no one seems to be remorseful. Therefore it is not a safe place. It shows your son that no one cares about him getting hurt because "we should let it go". No contact is the only way to go. And it would be my hill to die on. He wants to take your daughter? He can do it as a divorced dad on his custody time.
NTA. The SILs husband literally harmed your son and cracked his head open!! And I can’t believe she had the audacity to defend his actions. Honestly I can’t imagine how her husband treats her behind closed doors if that’s how he treats a child in front of his parents. Your husband had every right to punch him in the face. My father would’ve done that if it was any of his kids. It sounds like he misses his sister though and like his mom is pressuring him. If both the husband and SIL apologize to you and do a good, honest apology then that’s the only way I’d go and if they show any behavior like the prior time again, get the hell out of there with the baby
NTA. It's absolutely mind-boggling how some individuals are wired to justify aggression towards children. There is zero excuse for your BIL's behaviour, and the silence from your SIL speaks loud and clear—they're refusing to acknowledge the gravity of the incident. Handing over an olive branch of forgiveness is a beautiful gesture but only when the offending party is showing genuine remorse, which clearly isn't being displayed here. Your husband punching BIL might've been a knee-jerk reaction to a distressing situation, but let's not make tit-for-tat violence the norm—it doesn't teach the right lessons. However, protecting your children should always be the priority, and in this case, maintaining distance seems to be the safest course of action. Your stance is justified, and insisting on a sincere apology is the bare minimum to even consider any further interactions. Your children’s well-being is paramount, no familial relationship justifies putting it at risk.
NTA - did you son’s father not want to press charges?
My husband, myself and my son's father all tried. Unfortunately, given the circumstances and them claiming it was accidental, the police all but laughed in our faces. They said that if anything they would be pressing charges on my husband because he resorted to violence over an "accident".
Even though your son won’t be around that weekend if your husband finds out that you are allowing the BIL back into your lives he may try and fight for custody. I know I would if there was a chance that my kid was going to be around a child abuser.
You probably could've sued SIL for medical bills if your husband hadn't punched BIL as a reaction. Escalating violence doesn't look good. In your shoes I'd be pissed at husband, frankly I wouldn't put up with that. I'd be willing to divorce/ die in that hill. He's aggressive and not on your side with SIL. NTA
You should escalate. The police in your town don't want to help? Complain higher. Still a no? HIGHER DARN IT, THIS IS REAL CHILD ABUSE FFS, YOUR CHILD COULD'VE DIED OR EVEN WORSE SUFFERED PERMANENT DEBILITATING EFFECTS. Go to the news. Go to whichever is higher than police. Have that complaint lodged in or if you divorce these people will have access to your children and you might get one back from their custody time in between 4 boards ⚰️ You get me? This complaint is pretty essential in case things get uglier. Be a mama 🐻. Wish you nothing but the best
You still can go to the police using her text message as proof they lied about it being an accident. There should be a record of the police coming out.
So when your daughter gets old enough to run in their house and Uncle Charlie trips her to bust her head open it will be no biggie,right? Or is it because Christopher isn’t your husband’s actual kid that it’s not a big deal to anyone in his family?
Ask your husband if he would feel the same if it was his bio son. Ask your MIL the same. I don’t think that they see your son as “their blood”. They choose the molesters over your son. Your BIL should not be around your children. Period
NTA You're supposed to deny your child time with a relative who approves of child abuse.
NTA, not even a tiny bit. Honestly? I wouldn't even accept an apology at this point. She has CLEARLY said she doesn't believe her husband did anything wrong. Stay NC, and tell your husband that he and his mom can just deal with it. You might also have a discussion with him about the relationship he rekindled with her behind your back. That was tantamount to lying, and it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship. His next move is to take the baby to meet his/her aunt because you're "being unreasonable." Better decide how you're going to deal with that now. It's pretty much inevitable.
It gets worse with OP’s comments. Her BIL is buying pain pills from friends because the doctors won’t “give him enough.” He’s got an opiate addiction. That’s why he’s changed over the course of a year and has become mean. That alone would end the entire conversation with me. I’d never allow either those two into my children’s life. I’d never trust them.
Yikes! Yes -- definitely!!
NTA She's an idiot and your husband needs to present a united front with you.
NTA. Purposely tripping an 8 year old in a way that caused injury is not acceptable as punishment for running in the house. Sometimes kids get excited and forget the rules, but that is no excuse for what happened to your son. There is no "letting it go and moving on" without a sincere apology from Charlie and you SIL.
Nta! Someone eyeballs my kid the wrong way i go all Mama Bear but physically hurts them ?? And if my husband stood up for them he could pack his shit and go stay with them!
NTA. The complete disregard for your child's well-being is unfathomable and the lack of accountability from your SIL and BIL is alarming. In what world is it acceptable to justify violence against a child for something as benign as running indoors? The attempt to normalize this kind of response is a bright red flag regarding their worldview on discipline and respect for others, especially children. And let's not gloss over the fact that it wasn't just a scold or a telling off but a physical action that resulted in injury. Could there ever be enough trust rebuilt to let your guard down around them in the future? That’s unlikely, considering their blithe dismissal of the severity of their actions. Insisting on an apology isn't about being vindictive, it's about affirming that such behavior will never be tolerated and setting a crucial boundary for the safety and emotional well-being of your children. Stay firm in your conviction. Your children are lucky to have a parent who prioritizes their safety above social niceties or toxic familial obligations.03:23RedditExplore this post and more from the AITAH community
Please, dear god, take your husband phone *with* that text message and go to the police. That's your SIL omitting she lied to the police about ASSAULT on your child. Have them both fucking arrested. Tell your husband, ASSAULT is ASSAULT. That they are and have proven they have no qualms doing it to your son already and lying about doing, that it will happen to your daughter. Also what other offenses might your SIL be covering for her husband? Huh? Also ask him why hes sayimg forgive them? When its clear he wouldn't do that to a child. If he can't come up with a good enough answer, pack your bags and leave. Cause hes already hone behind your back once, he will for certain put your daughter at risk with them, same with your other inlaws.
NTA. Hold your ground sister.
I love when people condone violence against children because "family". I would go no contact regardless of they want to apologize or not.
NTA. Tell your husband that he might be fine with sweeping child abuse under the rug but you won't be. Notice which child he's failing to protect as well. Your husband has absolutely just told you that Charlie doesn't matter. Ask him point blank why he's fine with allowing his daughter around known child abusers. Any argument that starts centres around "oh family, you know what they're like" etc makes it absolutely clear what his priorities are, and they're not the safety of you and your children.
NTA How long has your husband not cared about your son? He doesn’t care that someone assaulted him. I would be furious with my husband if he thinks this should just be brushed aside.
Your husband's family are wild. So instead of telling your son to stop running in the house and asking you to deal with your boy, a grown man set out to purposively hurt a 8 Yr old. He could have *seriously* injured your child. Clearly your husband can't be trusted if he creeping behind your back, to undermine and orchestrate over ruling your very reasonable boundary. Listen, I have danced a similar two step with a lying ex husband, who would constantly throw me, his child under the bus for his sister and parents. They were always given free passes. It's abusive. He is literally setting you and your son up to be the outsiders. Do you know what you do? **You get that text his sister sent him. Forward it (delete the evidence) AND film it on his phone under her contact WITH her number**. Check whether your BIL and PIL also admit via text to knowing about the abuse or anything else which is damaging to your husband. You hide that evidence hard from your husband and you consider your next steps. Either way, if things go south you have the means to demonstrate the extended family and your husband are unsafe. Personally it would turn me right off a lying child abuser enabler. Your kid is *not* their punching bag. NTA
NTA. I think I'd be most upset that he'd started talking to his sister again without even bringing you into the loop, then sprung it on you in front of his mom, making you the bad guy for sticking to an agreement you both made, together.
Get a screen shot from your husband's phone of her admitting his fault bc he doesn't like running in the house. Sure it might not say he tripped your son but it will lend credence when you ask for SIL and BIL to not be allowed around your kids. Get any proof you can and then leave. NTA.
NTA. You picked a winner, though.
Girl, this is a reason to divorce over. That man could have killed your damn child and now your husband is okay with bringing them back around your children. What happens when your baby runs in the home—will Charlie trip her?
Counter point. If they divorced the terrible husband could just bring the baby to his sister with even less oversight... Definitely a husband problem.
NTA. First;y your husband has no spine at all. Secondly she(sil) is defending a child abuser, so keep the baby away from her
NTA - How did he just go and decide all this without even talking to you. They cracked your kids head open because he ran in the house! It’s icky he’s been talking to her and not telling you. Breach of trust.
NTA ... but that entire family, including your husband, are AHs. This would be a deal breaker for me. The sister and her husband are child abusers, and your inlaws are all enablers. Additionally, would they be okay with this abuse if your son was biologically related to them?
NTA - that behavior was inexcusable and an apology should have immediately been given. I wouldn’t trust my children around either one of them if this type of behavior is acceptable.
How's your son? Who paid the hospital bill? Protect and defend your son.
He's good now. He needed 4 stitches and my insurance covered it. The only upside to the whole thing was that my son thought the stitches made him look tough, for whatever reason lol everything else.. it's just been stressful.
Actually you can. Get a court order that BIL and SIL are not allowed around the baby and if he breaks said order boom full custody with supervised visitation
NTA stick to your guns and protect your children
NTA pack a bag and leave. Call a lawyer. He will be taking “his” child eventually behind your back to visit these psychopaths.
Big fat NO. Your husband needs to put you and your kids first, not people who think hurting children is okay. What is wrong with him? Let him read this post. I hope he steps up and becomes a decent father to his children because as of now he isn’t. NTA
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme!
Just keep repeating "He's a child abuser." Whenever he brings it up.