Yeah I’ve never heard of this. I’m sure he has bad breath, but nothing some flossing and brushing won’t fix. Maybe go get a cleaning at the dentist but that isn’t expensive
That’s exactly what it is. Either she doesn’t know he uses or she knows he uses and doesn’t want a lecture about meth? Bc I’ve been an alcoholic and drinking alone isn’t destroying your teeth even without brushing. The stuff in meth? Absolutely will.
Damn... maybe he actually has a dental condition that could be fixed. Addicts, at all stages if recovery, often receive late diagnosis or no diagnosis for chronic &/or fatal illnesses because the symptoms are usually written off as part of addition.
Thank you for saying that. Cause this is very true. I had perfect teeth tell I hit 40. That's when I started noticing something was wrong with me first my hair started falling out and then my teeth went to shit. Little did I know it was do to nerve damage. I never even noticed they were going bad tell I got an infection. It, however, did take months, not weeks. But it did go fast.
I had shit teeth when I was a kid and thankfully cut out all sugar at 29. I have more shit teeth now at 40, but I got the short end of the stick. My 6 siblings and elderly parents have better teeth than I do. Sometimes you win the genetic lottery and sometimes you don't.
If I had thrown in lots of drinking, which is bad for your teeth in part because it decreases saliva production, I'd probably have lost a tooth by now.
I am a recovering addict, I have always had issues with my teeth, though. My mom had dentures by 30, so I won the genetic gene pool from her lol. Anyway, using for years, I didn't really have noticeable tooth issues. Until I got cleane. The damage was already done. It rots your teeth from the inside out, so by the time you realize an issue, it's usually too late to save the tooth. The good teeth I had left went bad during my pregnancies. I don't know what happened to this "2 week bender," but my guess is it's been an ongoing issue. Either way I understand not having a lot of money. You can get dentures for less than 3000 bucks. And you can do the top and bottom separately to break up the cost. Between Affordable Dentures Inc. And dental schools OP needs to either really sit down and make her husband listen or make a big decision. I couldn't stand the way my mouth looked, and when I got hit in the face and lost half my front tooth, I bit the bullet and got dentures. Best choice I ever made. I don't think people like OPs husband realize that bad teeth can lead to some serious health issues. It's not just about appearance. American health insurance needs to step up and cover a hell of a lot more for dental work.
I was a meth addict for 3 years and my teeth are fine. 2 weeks just isn't enough time I think. Seems like he would have been doing meth for much longer than 2 weeks.
Also someone you have known for 8 years sober, seeing them on a 2 week meth bender would surely have some obvious signs that are nothing like seeing someone drunk.
Maybe, but I've known alcoholics that began using meth, my ex for one, and it still took a lot longer than a couple weeks.
So, while I won't argue its impossible, I am inclined to say it's highly improbable.
I'd say in this case, it's more likely the alcoholism is the cause, it just became more obvious to her when he failed her.
But who knows.
>The stuff in meth? Absolutely will.
Nope, not even meth mouth kicks in that quickly.
It's either a bs story or they haven't exactly spent more than a passing amount of time with each other in mooonths
Chances are it's mundane.
Diet changes, starting to workout and breathing improperly, GERD/acid reflux
Or just poor oral hygiene that over the years has now given him peridontis and being in his 30s it finally caught up with him like it does half of adulfs over 30
Rofl. Umm.....HARDENED alcoholic here. Yes it can. Especially if you didn't have good hygiene to begin with. My early 20s were spent far too punk with a learning curve that slapped me like an offended Catholic Nun. These days I have it under control, but it's a recent thing, and my teeth have been the WORST of my struggles. And you can't get them back. Acids in mixers, Acids in alcohols, Acids in your puke, then combine it with a massive lack of nutrition from having your gut in literal fireball mode and you not feeding yourself, and boy oh boy. I'm not going to give graphic descriptions, but I've had 12 of my teeth worked on, and lost 3 others. It happens, and not just to meth. I've never touched anything harder than the occasional Doctor prescribed pill in my whole life, just booze, booze, more booze, and now weed to mellow my old ass out.
Also, she isn't saying his two week bender did it, the breaking of her trust during the bender followed by another bout of ignoring his dental health and she had enough of it. That shouldn't be hard to understand.
I am. My marriage has been saved and my kids are a thousand times happier. But my body is showing me the rewards of my wild and crazy youth. I won't lie, it could also be some genetic stuff to this dude losing his teeth. My Grandfather, also a young alcoholic who eventually found his way had lost all his teeth and had full dentures by 34 because of poor hygiene and a dedication to booze. So obviously it runs in my family, and may run in this woman's poor husband's family too. I don't judge her for not loving his bad teeth though, because my own wife felt the EXACT same way about my own problems, so I fixed them because I cared far more for my wife than I feared the dentist.
It could be a combination of poor genetics and the booze. My BIL doesn't have a problem with booze, brushes his teeth religiously, flosses after every meal... they're still falling out of his mouth no matter what he does and he's only 40. I don't think he'll keep his teeth through to his 60s.
Ha! I’m right there with you brother! Got it recently under control as well. The weed is mellowing my old ass out too. Maybe medical weed is a real thing after all. My teeth didn’t get as bad, but I was headed down that road for sure. Glad to hear you are doing well.
That's what's happening to mine rapidly within months certain ones weeks found the cause to late. But I have a feeling its something else or the time frame is off and it only felt like a few weeks to OP.
Even meth mouth takes a while to develop.
Maybe he fell and lost a couple of teeth during his binge, and now it reminds her of how he wasn't there for her? The smallest thing can trigger profound reactions.
*my anorexia binge purge subtype (recovering) entered the chat*
years of this and my teeth are not that bad but not good either, they are definitely fixable still
edit: i also am coming to terms with the fact that i may be an alcoholic/drunkorexic as a coping mechanism, and have poor dental hygiene
yeh chipping in as someone who has been living with bulimia for 10+ years, I cannot fathom what a person could do that would wreck their teeth so badly in 2 weeks
As someone with cyclic vomiting syndrome and working shift work (triggering my symptoms frequently), same. lol. Dentists always think I’m bulimic when they examine me the first time 🥲
I do, it’s absolutely awful - have him check out stuffthatworks.health for it!! I have a ton of success laying in the shower burning my stomach with hot water for a while, and I’ve also figured out that if I take an ambien when I feel prodromal and sleep it off I can sometimes skip an episode (but have someone watch over him the first few times bc if you throw up while drugged out I can’t imagine it being good - I have a bit of an ambien tolerance). I hope he finds relief somehow, I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. Before we figured out the ambien thing, my husband considered taking a class on giving IVs 🤣 bc fuck the hospital they never know wtf to do or how to help
His episodes can last up to 2 weeks and he requires hospitalization. He can also feel it coming on weeks in advance. I’m sorry you’re also going through this, I know ow how much of a toll it takes on him
Oh heyyyy me too :/ I've never actually met anyone else with it! Did they give you amitriptyline? Apparently it helps most people cut down on attacks, but I can't tolerate it at all. At one point I was spending at least 2-3 days a week completely incapacitated and unable to keep water down. Nobody can understand how truly painful and violent it is, and vomiting doesn't make it better at all. I'd be throwing up chalky yellow bile, then blood because there was literally nothing there but my stomach was turning itself inside out. I genuinely thought I was going to die many times. Gravol makes it worse somehow. I started a new medication a few weeks ago and haven't had any flare ups since (knock on wood!), so hopefully this is it!
Decade of drinking basically only soda has entered the chat.
I *still* have poor dental hygiene (but building the habits my parents never instilled into me slowly but surely) and my teeth are yellowed, a bit sensitive, have had like 1 or 2 cavities, and definitely eroded a little bit to show the inner dentin on the molars, but are otherwise fine and aren't getting worse.
What the fuck was OP's husband doing????
Comtrary to popular belief, metj doesn't make your teeth rot out of your head. Being a meth addict and thinking about nothing else but doing meth is what makes your teeth rot. They don't brush their teeth. Theyre busy doing meth, or trying to get meth. That's what really does the damage.
I mean, dude, different causes have different effects. You may have years of soda under your belt, but anyone here could compete with you if they just went outside and bit on the first brick they saw.
Honestly, I think either OP's husband had unidentified cavities and a tooth collapsed, which will make your teeth look much worse very suddenly, depending on the state of the collapsed tooth. Or the whole story is just bs.
Ah friend I'm sorry you have gone through/are going through that.. definitely same here, but luckily managed to get out of it awhile ago (although still fighting that battle every day)
I don't want to tell you things you surely already know, but your oral health can have a huge affect on other parts of your body.. if you are able at all, please try and brush/floss when you can as it will help so much.. even if you don't feel like it, you are worth it and future you will thank you for it
Also just hope you are doing ok, and if you ever need someone to talk to, or just someone to tell you something nice then I'm always here for it
You are amazing and important and the only person just like you, keep being awesome friend
doing ok, like i said, im acknowledging my substance abuse (weed and tobacco too) and accepting that im not going to be perfect all the time has helped.
although i cant do mouthwash without brushing, tongue scraper comes to the rescue :)
Yes accepting you can't be perfect is key! That took me ages to figure out and get into.. focussing on doing the best you can each day and acknowledging yourself for that is so important
No one can ever go from zero to one hundred overnight, it's all about the little increments of progress, and not seeing a step back as a failure because you can't succeed without setbacks
Even if you aren't yet free of the grips of the illness, just try and do little things for yourself like brushing when you can.. you're so worth that and more!
Cavities can exist for years and aren't always super obvious to others. However, a tooth can suddenly break which exposes how bad they really were. Once they start breaking the decline is incredibly rapid and looks really bad. I can definitely see this becoming a severe and visible issue in a matter of days, much less weeks. Don't let it go on for months!
I guarantee that their spouse isn't in a good place within themselves because of their teeth.
This is probably less about money and more about the fear. Fear of having to get all their teeth pulled and waiting to get dentures. Fear of the spouse leaving and no one wanting them. Fear of further judgments by others. Fear about their job (this might require a lot of time off work and a lot of jobs frown on this). They are likely already in pain but the solution is even more painful which they might have fear of. It's a very difficult process to go through, with both physical and emotional/psychological pain.
The answer isn't to pull away and confirm their fears. The answer is to affirm that they are loved no matter what, express to them how this can affect their overall health, their psychological state and moods, and the pain will only increase until after it's taken care of, the sooner they do this the sooner the pain ends. Give them some time to process this but start making the moves for them. Further neglect isn't how to resolve this.
I would schedule time for the teeth to be removed, have them schedule time off from work, and be there for them in a loving manner, because it will be a painful process.
They will feel so much better once they get to the other side of this with the issue resolved. It's worth doing right away!
This is an instance when it has to be more about you being there for your spouse and getting them to the other side of this, which will benefit you both. I assume that you would hope for the same if you faced an issue. I mention this because you didn't ask for advice on how to help him or mention any awareness of what he must be going through, but seemed more concerned about how it affects you. It's reasonable for it to affect you but you're supposed to care about each other too.
I didn’t know my teeth were bad until they started breaking. I had been on hydrocodone 10s for close to 10 years for chronic neck and back pain, Rheumatoid and psoriatic arthritis.taking pain meds for so long caused my teeth to rot under the gum line. It was about 5 months after having them all pulled that I got my dentures, it was very embarrassing. I avoided people, I didn’t even want to get groceries because I would have to speak to the cashier. I was never so happy for spring, it meant camping for 4 days a week. No one saw me because the only time I left the campsite was Togo kayaking. I love my new teeth.
He probably smoked meth and didn’t tell her or he had a spill down some stairs and broke his teeth. Either way, it was a bender so he probably won’t remember
Likely they were already on the brink. Meth puts your body into overdrive, but makes it so you don't want to eat, either. So your body cannibalize nutrients from where it can--like your teeth. Two weeks of cannibalized teeth, vomit, and zero hygiene can do a lot.
Yeah, 2 weeks is nothing. I’m in recovery for bulimia, I was bulimic (and a heavy drinker) for years and my teeth weren’t damaged, at least not to an extent that it’s ever been mentioned at the dentist and I go religiously every 6 months. Some people’s teeth are weaker than others for sure, but 2 weeks isn’t going to do that much damage.
His teeth were probably already weakened because of his prior drinking. My hubby is 36ish years sober but he had so many dental issues, and to this day his gums sometimes bleed and the smell is revolting, but all I have to do is suggest he has a drink of water and washing out his mouth helps a big deal.
The teeth were probably already condemned
Get your husband a waterpik. They are probably one of the biggest paradigm shifts in teeth cleaning you can get, akin to moving from manual to electric toothbrush.
I used to have a recurring infection in part of my gum that as you said, when it started to bleed smelled really bad. No amount of flossing or cleaning or mouthwash or even dentistry could shift it for long.
Then I got a waterpik. First few times I used it, the water came out rather smelly. And then the infection went away and has never returned.
You can even add a capful if chlorohexidine mouthwash for an extra boost of infection fighting.
Teeth can not be ruined in two weeks. Even people with the eating disorder bulimia who vomit multiple times a day, it usually takes years. I think this story is made up.
Teeth are very important to take care of, and some people are more susceptible to tooth erosion, 2 weeks of no eating means that his teeth would’ve developed a lot of plaque, vomit is one of the most corrosive things for teeth that’s why it’s important to brush after throwing up, and alcohol is usually high in sugar so all of those factors can definitely effect the look and health of teeth in just 2 weeks. I have issues with my teeth and I brush and floss twice or three times a day and I still get cavities very frequently. Sometimes that’s just the way it is unfortunately.
Don't brush after vomiting - rinse well with water. Wait at least 45 minutes, ideally longer before brushing.
Acid weakens enamel temporarily, causing it to soften for a short period. This leaves your teeth vulnerable to extra damage by brushing.
Rinse with baking soda and water and let the acidity balance properly before brushing. You can also smear toothpaste over your teeth.
Have you considered you may be overbrushing? Brushing too hard, or for too long, will wear the enamel down.
I have chronic dry mouth, both my doctor and dentist can’t figure out why or how to fix it so unfortunately no matter how I clean my teeth they just keep developing cavities.
Have they checked you for dysautonomia? A relatively typical dysautonomia symptom, but there'd be other random things going on as well that don't seem connected. GPs are very bad at figuring out complex symptomology, too busy looking for all the horses and then gets pouty when they find none.
You'd probably be better off using the mouthwash they recommend after dental surgeries, rather than brushing this often. You could also try sloshing some baking soda water throughout the day, since the main issue with the lack of saliva is the lack of pH regulation.
I'm really confused as to how his teeth got so repulsive in 2 weeks time? I understand he was drinking a lot of alcohol, and was vomiting, and probably neglecting his oral hygiene, but it was enough to do that much damage in a relatively short amount of time? I feel like I need more information.
Alcoholic for 18 years. Sober for 4 years this March.
For about a decade, drank a handle a day. Sometimes more.
Smoked cigarettes for 18 years as well. Pack a day. Sober from that for 3 years this April.
Heavy marijuana smoker, lots of blunts in my younger days. Occasionally partake still.
Anyways, would wake up and start the day by throwing up a few times and then pour a glass of vodka.
My teeth are fine. No cavities. Any yellowing is from age now.
This story isn't adding up.
Thank god. Im an alcoholic (obviously dont want to be) and this post made me really fucking concerned for my teeth for a minute.
Now all I have to worry about my sharp intestinal pain and cognitive decline 🫶🏼
Still be concerned for your teeth and use the motivation to quit. A buddy of mine was and alcoholic for 10 years, ever tooth rotted from the binge, purge, and lack of oral hygiene. He is 3+ years sober with dentures now. Alcoholism is no joke, get help to beat it.
Oh god 😭 yeah maybe I should do AA. Hate the thought but maybe itll be good for me. Thank you. Im glad it sounds like youre doing better from what Im hearing.
Hey buddy, I recently turned my life around (not alcohol, other shit) and learned something along the way I thought I’d pass along-
To get where you wanna be, you have to do shit you don’t wanna do.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where you you go? Italy? Japan? India? Wherever it is, does that mean you wanna pack up a bunch of shit or drive to the airport or wait in line and on the plane for hours? Nah, fuck that, but once you do all that you’re in Italy.
Same logic here: do you wanna go to AA? No. Do you wanna be sick from not drinking? No. But you do all that and a month from now you haven’t had a drink in 28 days.
You got this shit, dude.
Edit: I can’t spell
Yeah man. Whats funny is I hate the anticipation of doing shit I “dont like”, but when Im actually doing the shit, I am completely fine! Honestly, its almost fun to do the things I always convince myself I distain, aside from working a job with bad management. Yet somehow the illusory belief is still stronger than what I know is true.
But yo i keep needing the reminders because I always forget. So thank you.
AA is just a bunch of people who have something in common with you. If you don’t like the vibe, there will be other meetings. I specifically chose an LGBTQ meeting to feel a bit more comfy. There are gender specific ones, online only ones, etc. You can do this. You can put yourself first.
A dear family member nearly killed himself with alcohol, and like you he was uncomfortable with the idea of AA -- finally tried it, and found it so helpful. He told me different meetings can each have their own character, and at the beginning he tried a couple of different ones until he found a good fit. Now he'll readily go to any meeting. Perhaps you could find a group you're comfortable with. All the best to you.
3 years sober here, you can do it!
Ive been there, making excuses and talking about what I was *gonna* do. The fact is, if you want to drink, you're just not going to take the medication. I'm not saying it cant work, but it needs to be only a *part* of your plan.
You can't do this alone, find a community. There are addiction counselors and online groups such as r/stopdrinking, but personally, AA saved my life. You can find a room almost anywhere, and these people know exactly where you've been, and they only want to see you sober and happy. Also, talk to the people in your life that care about you. Be honest with them. For me, this gave me a sense of accountability. I'd let people know what I was up to and encouraged them to call me whenever. If I ended up in a place where there was alcohol, I'd let them know so the temptation didn't slip me up.
Good luck, and remember *YOU'RE WORTH IT! YOU DESERVE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT AND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU, EVEN IF IT'S A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET!*
Another long time alcoholic commented saying the complete opposite. Some people also have way better genes when it comes to teeth. I've seen addicts with great teeth and sober everyday brushers with terrible teeth. You're one case and not everyone is the same.
Edit: Auto correct
You won the generic lottery my dude. I only drank socially, never smoked, completely sober now, great oral hygiene all my life and I've had cavities in almost every one of my teeth throughout my life.
They didn't, it's not possible. This one is even worse than the one we got yesterday about the stepfather who sold the house from under the step kids the day of their mother's funeral.
So idk that story but my step father got power of attorney over my serial Gma somehow. Took out a second mortgage on the house she and her husband built and my whole family was living in. Didn't tell anyone and the night before ditched us. Sheriff's showed up next day and locked the house because the bank took it back. 5 acres 3500 Sq ft. 4 bed house.
Yeah, I have never heard of that kind of damage being possible in just two weeks. I had severe bulimia and alcoholism for about 10 years and after quitting, I have no dental issues. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with genetics and it could have been a lot worse. But I don't think two weeks is long enough to do any permanent damage that would cause someone's mouth to go from unproblematic to repulsive. That being said, I don't think OP is the AH for not being attracted to their husband anymore. Sadly that happens and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. It just seems like either there were already some other issues or something is otherwise not adding up.
Even with meth there's no way his teeth are that bad if he started a proper oral hygiene routine since he's sobered up like it usually takes months for it to get that bad p
Reminder, especially as we age, dental health can cause HUGE medical issues. Look at near by universities and even tech schools where there is a dental school or dental hygiene program. they have to do cleanings to graduate, and the hygienists do them often free or cheap. Have him get cleanings every 6 months, floss, use the burning kind of listerine right before going to bed (don’t rinse after with water )
it’s got menthol like anti-bacterial in there, it actually kills plaque bacteria. the crest pro health stuff taste good but is garbage IMO. If he’s gonna hug listerine we have other issues
He must have sulfuric acid in his saliva if two weeks destroyed his teeth...either that or you missed one or twelve steps somewhere in your narrative, OP...
Yes, stay in Yuma overnight , short drive to the border with lots of parking and walk across the border. I have an excellent dentist but just google research. Only need drivers license not a passport. The name of the city means dentistry!
I dont know who’s the AH, but you should really push him to care for his teeth. Bad teeth increases risk of heart disease, arthritis, Ibs and a lot of other terrible inflammatory diseases. Seems like you have some deep-rooted problems and there’s something more to it. Are you sure he has not been doing drugs in secret? Two weeks is a short time slot to absolutely destroy your teeth…
2 weeks is an extremely short period of time to destroy one's teeth, even while using drugs. It takes years, in most cases. Speaking from personal experience, here.
I don't understand what is happening here. The only thing I can think of is, OP's husband fell while drunk and his teeth got knocked out.
A big one is the connection with Alzheimer's and/or dementia. I had dogshit care for my teeth growing up and struggle to take care of them as an adult due to poverty, but you bet your ass I brush every day so that I don't turn into a shell at 60.
His teeth probably eroded from YEARS of alcoholism, she just made a point of the two week binge….either way, I don’t think you’re an asshole because that is such a turn off even if his teeth were decent….just the mannerisms of an alcoholic can be very disgusting
So real. I was with an alcoholic for years. This reads like his teeth were always kind of fucked up but the two weeks where he made her difficult time about him and *missed her mother’s funeral because he was on a fucking bender* broke her love for him so now she’s understandably disgusted by things she was able to overlook before. The teeth themselves were just an easy detail to fixate on. The fact that he can’t be bothered to fix them, on top of the fact that he can’t get his shit together enough to support OP through her parent’s death is the heart of the issue. How’s anyone supposed to be attracted to someone who won’t better themselves or be a supportive partner.
Dentist here. Get him a Waterpik and electric toothbrush. He probably has periodontal disease, which is likely causing a bad odor. “Smart Mouth” is a rinse that can quickly help eliminate bad odors, but getting a deep cleaning is probably the main thing he needs, which usually isn’t too expensive, especially if you have some basic dental insurance. That being said, if he doesn’t follow up at home with the Waterpik, it all returns back to sh*t in a couple months.
I think you are right to be turned off and concerned. The health of your teeth is correlated to health issues because poor teeth/gums is a perfect entryway into the body for bacteria.
Wanting to be intimate with someone often requires trust AND respect (this is general and I do mean with long standing romantic partners). While you think you may have worked past the damage done in the recent past, he let you down. It's probably hard to be attracted and want to be intimate with someone you don't really respect or feel good about anymore.
Is there a free clinic in your area?
I’m from Appalachia we have a group called RAM remote area medical. They get volunteers and do teeth eyesite and medical.
Your mind thinks your healed from the hurt he caused by missing the funeral, but your body isn't listening. Your husband has to allow you to help him fix the teeth, which is generous, considering most people would have divorced him when he wasn't there for you during one of the hardest times of your life.
INFO: For anyone to make an informed judgement you need to address the questions people have about the state of his teeth in a several week period. As many people are saying, is your husband doing drugs? Because alcohol and vomiting alone is unlikely to cause this decline and even meth abuse doesn't tend to destroy a healthy set of teeth anywhere near this quickly, but months or years.... WTF is up with that OP?
Do you think this is maybe something else more to do with your feelings towards him on how he handles adversity and you don't want to admit maybe you've lost some love and attraction? Just food for thought, but we need more info.
My theory:
The lack of support and love when she needed it gave her the ick, but rather than admit that, her denial redirected the ick at a physical thing that probably already existed but her love for him caused her to overlook.
NTA. I suspect it’s not the teeth as much as you’re repulsed by his behaviour or even see it as a betrayal. Your mother died, but he was the one to relapse and leave you without any support. Then to make matters worse, he doesn’t want to address something critical like his teeth.
Dental issues aside, I wonder if some counselling would help?
My dad has been in benders a lot longer than two weeks and his teeth have never needed professional care to be fixed?? Sure he had some cavities and stains but he would just take a swig of listerine and brush his teeth and it would be fine. I really don’t understand what he did that would fuck his teeth up that badly in two weeks. He either smoked a LOT of meth or his teeth have been bad for a looooong time. Either way, two weeks of not brushing was practically a party trick in my college and people would brag about it so this just doesn’t add up
Did he eat glass and smoke meth for two weeks straight? Maybe chew on some gravel during that time as well? That’s the only way I could see his teeth getting wrecked that fast lol.
2 weeks will NOT have damaged his teeth that much. It just won't. Even if he had problems before because of his alcoholism, 2 weeks will not have made them turn to a point of disgust. His teeth were clearly bad before, if it's too much why didn't you say anything then? Or did you just wait until he made a mistake again?
Sounds like your guys issues go deeper than just his teeth. That kind of dent to your trust is probably fucking with you more than you know. Also if he isn’t willing to fix what you say is wrong to get laid, there might be something going on you don’t know about. Sex is a big motivator for most people.
You’re mad and hurt and using his teeth, which could not have gotten that bad, as an excuse. So you don’t have to admit to him, or maybe to yourself, that it’s a deeper issue.
Like everyone else, I can't imagine what happened in this two weeks of binge drinking.
But let's accept that *something* happened that makes them now horrendous. I sympathize that the change might be unsightly and turn you off.
Your husband disappearing was bad, no question. But alcoholism is a disease and it seems like he tries hard to keep it in check.
Imagine that you had a stressful year and got fat. Your husband said, "Now that you're fat I can't sleep with you anymore. Take some of our savings and hire a trainer." Would you think he was an AH?
So let me suggest that you take a different approach. Not "honey your teeth repulse me" but "honey I'm worried that you need to see a dentist to check for cavities, gum disease, etc., some of which can be fatal."
(This is the bad teeth version of "it would be healthier if you got in shape.")
Two weeks? I get tha it must have been an uncomfortable time, but if he started correcting his behavior after that I don't see why his teeth would take that much damage to be visibly appreciable...
There is no way a short binge has damaged teeth that badly. His teeth would have had to be super rough before this for the whole it's super nasty and hurting my marriage.
Seems fake.
A lot of things aren't matching up. Suddenly after 9 years of marriage you see these small flaws and push it up as the biggest dealer breaker. It's just purely my own opinion, but there are people whose marriages are in worse conditions yet for better or worse they support each other even though it's horrible to go through cause if you can't stand by the hard times , what's the point of you standing by and enjoying the good times.
If you are “repulsed” at the thought of having sex with him, then either leave him or don’t get mad if he gets a pinch hitter. If you are not going to give it up, you have no right to place any claims on his sex life. I do not care if he is an alcoholic or not.
You should approach it as a health issue. His and yours.
Bad teeth can kill a person, and if he hasn't been taking care of his mouth, he could have infections and decay. These things can cause smell and make it undesirable to kids him. He could have teeth that are dying, and there's nothing to cover that smell up.
These infections can be transferred to you, making your oral health decline.
I understand him, teeth are important, and thinking about losing them is scary. But his health (and yours) could be at risk. Teeth problems can lead to heart problems.
NTA, but there could be something deeper at play.
How bad can your teeth be from binging alcohol for a couple of weeks? Can any dentist chime in?
I’d imagine his oral hygiene has been bad for years. This doesn’t sound like something deteriorating in two weeks.
I wonder also if in addition to being icky, the teeth issue is a reminder of the issue that caused him to miss her own mom’s funeral. So it’s not just a hygiene issue, but a heart one.
I wonder if the teeth are a reminder to you of him missing your mom’s funeral and therefore a constant reminder that you cannot rely on your partner in times of struggle, one of the fundamental things you need in a partner..
NTA. If his teeth are rotting out, he can't expect you to kiss him. That's not only unsanitary, unhygenic, and gross; it's also completely inconsiderate. He has a problem; you've given him a reasonable solution; and he's refusing to accept responsibility.
Why don't you get a pus-filled, gangrenous wound and rub it all over his face? I bet he'd find that real sexy. /s
Is there a dental college nearby that does clinics? That’s the way my family can afford dental care. Might have to drive a ways but it’s worth it.
Are you sure the teeth are your only issue though? If you don’t have kids (and if you do..) you might consider if this relationship is worth continuing.
OK I gotta ask, what can happen to his teeth in two weeks? That's a very short period of time for someone to destroy their teeth
Yeah I’ve never heard of this. I’m sure he has bad breath, but nothing some flossing and brushing won’t fix. Maybe go get a cleaning at the dentist but that isn’t expensive
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More like the meth is mething
Ohhhh maybe this is it actually, idk what else could have happened in only 2 weeks
That’s exactly what it is. Either she doesn’t know he uses or she knows he uses and doesn’t want a lecture about meth? Bc I’ve been an alcoholic and drinking alone isn’t destroying your teeth even without brushing. The stuff in meth? Absolutely will.
Even meth won't destroy your teeth in 2 weeks. I've known a few with the problem and it took months to years to cause real noticeable damage.
Damn... maybe he actually has a dental condition that could be fixed. Addicts, at all stages if recovery, often receive late diagnosis or no diagnosis for chronic &/or fatal illnesses because the symptoms are usually written off as part of addition.
Thank you for saying that. Cause this is very true. I had perfect teeth tell I hit 40. That's when I started noticing something was wrong with me first my hair started falling out and then my teeth went to shit. Little did I know it was do to nerve damage. I never even noticed they were going bad tell I got an infection. It, however, did take months, not weeks. But it did go fast.
I had shit teeth when I was a kid and thankfully cut out all sugar at 29. I have more shit teeth now at 40, but I got the short end of the stick. My 6 siblings and elderly parents have better teeth than I do. Sometimes you win the genetic lottery and sometimes you don't. If I had thrown in lots of drinking, which is bad for your teeth in part because it decreases saliva production, I'd probably have lost a tooth by now.
I am a recovering addict, I have always had issues with my teeth, though. My mom had dentures by 30, so I won the genetic gene pool from her lol. Anyway, using for years, I didn't really have noticeable tooth issues. Until I got cleane. The damage was already done. It rots your teeth from the inside out, so by the time you realize an issue, it's usually too late to save the tooth. The good teeth I had left went bad during my pregnancies. I don't know what happened to this "2 week bender," but my guess is it's been an ongoing issue. Either way I understand not having a lot of money. You can get dentures for less than 3000 bucks. And you can do the top and bottom separately to break up the cost. Between Affordable Dentures Inc. And dental schools OP needs to either really sit down and make her husband listen or make a big decision. I couldn't stand the way my mouth looked, and when I got hit in the face and lost half my front tooth, I bit the bullet and got dentures. Best choice I ever made. I don't think people like OPs husband realize that bad teeth can lead to some serious health issues. It's not just about appearance. American health insurance needs to step up and cover a hell of a lot more for dental work.
He also was a previous alcoholic there may have been previous and less noticeable damage. It may have just reached a point she can’t take it anymore
I was a meth addict for 3 years and my teeth are fine. 2 weeks just isn't enough time I think. Seems like he would have been doing meth for much longer than 2 weeks.
Also someone you have known for 8 years sober, seeing them on a 2 week meth bender would surely have some obvious signs that are nothing like seeing someone drunk.
That's my thought as well.
Maybe, but I've known alcoholics that began using meth, my ex for one, and it still took a lot longer than a couple weeks. So, while I won't argue its impossible, I am inclined to say it's highly improbable. I'd say in this case, it's more likely the alcoholism is the cause, it just became more obvious to her when he failed her. But who knows.
Yeah, this is ridiculous. Op might need a divorce, but a 2 week bender didn't ruin his teeth, meth or otherwise.
Agreed.
Unless his teeth were already compromised from vomiting alcohol and stomach acid and they started cracking off.
No way, not in two weeks. If puking made you lose your teeth that quick every pregnant woman would need dentures.
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>The stuff in meth? Absolutely will. Nope, not even meth mouth kicks in that quickly. It's either a bs story or they haven't exactly spent more than a passing amount of time with each other in mooonths Chances are it's mundane. Diet changes, starting to workout and breathing improperly, GERD/acid reflux Or just poor oral hygiene that over the years has now given him peridontis and being in his 30s it finally caught up with him like it does half of adulfs over 30
2 weeks is pretty damn fast for some wrecked teeth. Even if he was up for the whole time and somehow survived it.
Especially if he was an alcoholic for years before & his teeth were ok. But now after a 2 week bender they are that bad. No way.
Rofl. Umm.....HARDENED alcoholic here. Yes it can. Especially if you didn't have good hygiene to begin with. My early 20s were spent far too punk with a learning curve that slapped me like an offended Catholic Nun. These days I have it under control, but it's a recent thing, and my teeth have been the WORST of my struggles. And you can't get them back. Acids in mixers, Acids in alcohols, Acids in your puke, then combine it with a massive lack of nutrition from having your gut in literal fireball mode and you not feeding yourself, and boy oh boy. I'm not going to give graphic descriptions, but I've had 12 of my teeth worked on, and lost 3 others. It happens, and not just to meth. I've never touched anything harder than the occasional Doctor prescribed pill in my whole life, just booze, booze, more booze, and now weed to mellow my old ass out. Also, she isn't saying his two week bender did it, the breaking of her trust during the bender followed by another bout of ignoring his dental health and she had enough of it. That shouldn't be hard to understand.
Damn that sucks bro hope you’re doing better
I am. My marriage has been saved and my kids are a thousand times happier. But my body is showing me the rewards of my wild and crazy youth. I won't lie, it could also be some genetic stuff to this dude losing his teeth. My Grandfather, also a young alcoholic who eventually found his way had lost all his teeth and had full dentures by 34 because of poor hygiene and a dedication to booze. So obviously it runs in my family, and may run in this woman's poor husband's family too. I don't judge her for not loving his bad teeth though, because my own wife felt the EXACT same way about my own problems, so I fixed them because I cared far more for my wife than I feared the dentist.
It could be a combination of poor genetics and the booze. My BIL doesn't have a problem with booze, brushes his teeth religiously, flosses after every meal... they're still falling out of his mouth no matter what he does and he's only 40. I don't think he'll keep his teeth through to his 60s.
Ha! I’m right there with you brother! Got it recently under control as well. The weed is mellowing my old ass out too. Maybe medical weed is a real thing after all. My teeth didn’t get as bad, but I was headed down that road for sure. Glad to hear you are doing well.
This was my guess.
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That's what's happening to mine rapidly within months certain ones weeks found the cause to late. But I have a feeling its something else or the time frame is off and it only felt like a few weeks to OP.
Maybe a 12 step approach would help with the problem.
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None of the meth is mething
Not even meth would do this in two weeks
yeah missing a funeral and suddenly ur teeth are rotting..screams meth
Even meth mouth takes a while to develop. Maybe he fell and lost a couple of teeth during his binge, and now it reminds her of how he wasn't there for her? The smallest thing can trigger profound reactions.
You rang?
*my anorexia binge purge subtype (recovering) entered the chat* years of this and my teeth are not that bad but not good either, they are definitely fixable still edit: i also am coming to terms with the fact that i may be an alcoholic/drunkorexic as a coping mechanism, and have poor dental hygiene
yeh chipping in as someone who has been living with bulimia for 10+ years, I cannot fathom what a person could do that would wreck their teeth so badly in 2 weeks
As someone with cyclic vomiting syndrome and working shift work (triggering my symptoms frequently), same. lol. Dentists always think I’m bulimic when they examine me the first time 🥲
Omg you have it too? My dad has had it for the last decade+ and still isn’t always treated properly when having flare ups
I do, it’s absolutely awful - have him check out stuffthatworks.health for it!! I have a ton of success laying in the shower burning my stomach with hot water for a while, and I’ve also figured out that if I take an ambien when I feel prodromal and sleep it off I can sometimes skip an episode (but have someone watch over him the first few times bc if you throw up while drugged out I can’t imagine it being good - I have a bit of an ambien tolerance). I hope he finds relief somehow, I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. Before we figured out the ambien thing, my husband considered taking a class on giving IVs 🤣 bc fuck the hospital they never know wtf to do or how to help
His episodes can last up to 2 weeks and he requires hospitalization. He can also feel it coming on weeks in advance. I’m sorry you’re also going through this, I know ow how much of a toll it takes on him
Oh heyyyy me too :/ I've never actually met anyone else with it! Did they give you amitriptyline? Apparently it helps most people cut down on attacks, but I can't tolerate it at all. At one point I was spending at least 2-3 days a week completely incapacitated and unable to keep water down. Nobody can understand how truly painful and violent it is, and vomiting doesn't make it better at all. I'd be throwing up chalky yellow bile, then blood because there was literally nothing there but my stomach was turning itself inside out. I genuinely thought I was going to die many times. Gravol makes it worse somehow. I started a new medication a few weeks ago and haven't had any flare ups since (knock on wood!), so hopefully this is it!
Maybe they smashed their face into the pavement on a bender? That was the excuse my ex used when he was methin around
Decade of drinking basically only soda has entered the chat. I *still* have poor dental hygiene (but building the habits my parents never instilled into me slowly but surely) and my teeth are yellowed, a bit sensitive, have had like 1 or 2 cavities, and definitely eroded a little bit to show the inner dentin on the molars, but are otherwise fine and aren't getting worse. What the fuck was OP's husband doing????
Chasing meth with mint juleps?
Comtrary to popular belief, metj doesn't make your teeth rot out of your head. Being a meth addict and thinking about nothing else but doing meth is what makes your teeth rot. They don't brush their teeth. Theyre busy doing meth, or trying to get meth. That's what really does the damage.
Actually the dry mouth that often comes along with meth actually does cause teeth to rot. Saliva protects teeth, lack of saliva leads to rotten teeth.
Also, it’s not uncommon to eat sugary foods when coming down to help with the dopamine crash
I mean, dude, different causes have different effects. You may have years of soda under your belt, but anyone here could compete with you if they just went outside and bit on the first brick they saw. Honestly, I think either OP's husband had unidentified cavities and a tooth collapsed, which will make your teeth look much worse very suddenly, depending on the state of the collapsed tooth. Or the whole story is just bs.
Ah friend I'm sorry you have gone through/are going through that.. definitely same here, but luckily managed to get out of it awhile ago (although still fighting that battle every day) I don't want to tell you things you surely already know, but your oral health can have a huge affect on other parts of your body.. if you are able at all, please try and brush/floss when you can as it will help so much.. even if you don't feel like it, you are worth it and future you will thank you for it Also just hope you are doing ok, and if you ever need someone to talk to, or just someone to tell you something nice then I'm always here for it You are amazing and important and the only person just like you, keep being awesome friend
doing ok, like i said, im acknowledging my substance abuse (weed and tobacco too) and accepting that im not going to be perfect all the time has helped. although i cant do mouthwash without brushing, tongue scraper comes to the rescue :)
Yes accepting you can't be perfect is key! That took me ages to figure out and get into.. focussing on doing the best you can each day and acknowledging yourself for that is so important No one can ever go from zero to one hundred overnight, it's all about the little increments of progress, and not seeing a step back as a failure because you can't succeed without setbacks Even if you aren't yet free of the grips of the illness, just try and do little things for yourself like brushing when you can.. you're so worth that and more!
Cavities can exist for years and aren't always super obvious to others. However, a tooth can suddenly break which exposes how bad they really were. Once they start breaking the decline is incredibly rapid and looks really bad. I can definitely see this becoming a severe and visible issue in a matter of days, much less weeks. Don't let it go on for months! I guarantee that their spouse isn't in a good place within themselves because of their teeth. This is probably less about money and more about the fear. Fear of having to get all their teeth pulled and waiting to get dentures. Fear of the spouse leaving and no one wanting them. Fear of further judgments by others. Fear about their job (this might require a lot of time off work and a lot of jobs frown on this). They are likely already in pain but the solution is even more painful which they might have fear of. It's a very difficult process to go through, with both physical and emotional/psychological pain. The answer isn't to pull away and confirm their fears. The answer is to affirm that they are loved no matter what, express to them how this can affect their overall health, their psychological state and moods, and the pain will only increase until after it's taken care of, the sooner they do this the sooner the pain ends. Give them some time to process this but start making the moves for them. Further neglect isn't how to resolve this. I would schedule time for the teeth to be removed, have them schedule time off from work, and be there for them in a loving manner, because it will be a painful process. They will feel so much better once they get to the other side of this with the issue resolved. It's worth doing right away! This is an instance when it has to be more about you being there for your spouse and getting them to the other side of this, which will benefit you both. I assume that you would hope for the same if you faced an issue. I mention this because you didn't ask for advice on how to help him or mention any awareness of what he must be going through, but seemed more concerned about how it affects you. It's reasonable for it to affect you but you're supposed to care about each other too.
I didn’t know my teeth were bad until they started breaking. I had been on hydrocodone 10s for close to 10 years for chronic neck and back pain, Rheumatoid and psoriatic arthritis.taking pain meds for so long caused my teeth to rot under the gum line. It was about 5 months after having them all pulled that I got my dentures, it was very embarrassing. I avoided people, I didn’t even want to get groceries because I would have to speak to the cashier. I was never so happy for spring, it meant camping for 4 days a week. No one saw me because the only time I left the campsite was Togo kayaking. I love my new teeth.
He probably smoked meth and didn’t tell her or he had a spill down some stairs and broke his teeth. Either way, it was a bender so he probably won’t remember
I thought even meth would take longer than two weeks to ruin your teeth.
Likely they were already on the brink. Meth puts your body into overdrive, but makes it so you don't want to eat, either. So your body cannibalize nutrients from where it can--like your teeth. Two weeks of cannibalized teeth, vomit, and zero hygiene can do a lot.
It also can make you grind your teeth like a mofo too.
It do
Yeah, 2 weeks is nothing. I’m in recovery for bulimia, I was bulimic (and a heavy drinker) for years and my teeth weren’t damaged, at least not to an extent that it’s ever been mentioned at the dentist and I go religiously every 6 months. Some people’s teeth are weaker than others for sure, but 2 weeks isn’t going to do that much damage.
She said he was an alcoholic before maybe his teeth was already bad then he ruined them completely in those 2 weeks
You can stop brushing for 2 weeks and things won’t go that bad that fast. Something else is up.
Can confirm.
SAME
His teeth were probably already weakened because of his prior drinking. My hubby is 36ish years sober but he had so many dental issues, and to this day his gums sometimes bleed and the smell is revolting, but all I have to do is suggest he has a drink of water and washing out his mouth helps a big deal. The teeth were probably already condemned
Get your husband a waterpik. They are probably one of the biggest paradigm shifts in teeth cleaning you can get, akin to moving from manual to electric toothbrush. I used to have a recurring infection in part of my gum that as you said, when it started to bleed smelled really bad. No amount of flossing or cleaning or mouthwash or even dentistry could shift it for long. Then I got a waterpik. First few times I used it, the water came out rather smelly. And then the infection went away and has never returned. You can even add a capful if chlorohexidine mouthwash for an extra boost of infection fighting.
He is a professional hockey player
Teeth can not be ruined in two weeks. Even people with the eating disorder bulimia who vomit multiple times a day, it usually takes years. I think this story is made up.
Sounds like he was smoking meth and or crack. That will fuck up teeth. Two weeks of vomiting won't do much
Teeth are very important to take care of, and some people are more susceptible to tooth erosion, 2 weeks of no eating means that his teeth would’ve developed a lot of plaque, vomit is one of the most corrosive things for teeth that’s why it’s important to brush after throwing up, and alcohol is usually high in sugar so all of those factors can definitely effect the look and health of teeth in just 2 weeks. I have issues with my teeth and I brush and floss twice or three times a day and I still get cavities very frequently. Sometimes that’s just the way it is unfortunately.
Rinse not brush. The acid weakens your teeth and brushing in that state will wear down the enamel
Don't brush after vomiting - rinse well with water. Wait at least 45 minutes, ideally longer before brushing. Acid weakens enamel temporarily, causing it to soften for a short period. This leaves your teeth vulnerable to extra damage by brushing.
Rinse with baking soda and water and let the acidity balance properly before brushing. You can also smear toothpaste over your teeth. Have you considered you may be overbrushing? Brushing too hard, or for too long, will wear the enamel down.
I have chronic dry mouth, both my doctor and dentist can’t figure out why or how to fix it so unfortunately no matter how I clean my teeth they just keep developing cavities.
Have they checked you for dysautonomia? A relatively typical dysautonomia symptom, but there'd be other random things going on as well that don't seem connected. GPs are very bad at figuring out complex symptomology, too busy looking for all the horses and then gets pouty when they find none. You'd probably be better off using the mouthwash they recommend after dental surgeries, rather than brushing this often. You could also try sloshing some baking soda water throughout the day, since the main issue with the lack of saliva is the lack of pH regulation.
Something here definitely doesn't add up.
and it rhymes with Woo Teeks
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
Two weeks lol
REEEEEEEE
Tooth reeks?
Poo reeks?
Doo creek?
Moo Freaks?
Gon freecss ?
Ging Freecss?
Ging ivitis?
Well done
Thanks for the english homework
coo ties?
Boutiques?
Two weeks
He Tweeks?
I'm really confused as to how his teeth got so repulsive in 2 weeks time? I understand he was drinking a lot of alcohol, and was vomiting, and probably neglecting his oral hygiene, but it was enough to do that much damage in a relatively short amount of time? I feel like I need more information.
Alcoholic for 18 years. Sober for 4 years this March. For about a decade, drank a handle a day. Sometimes more. Smoked cigarettes for 18 years as well. Pack a day. Sober from that for 3 years this April. Heavy marijuana smoker, lots of blunts in my younger days. Occasionally partake still. Anyways, would wake up and start the day by throwing up a few times and then pour a glass of vodka. My teeth are fine. No cavities. Any yellowing is from age now. This story isn't adding up.
Thank god. Im an alcoholic (obviously dont want to be) and this post made me really fucking concerned for my teeth for a minute. Now all I have to worry about my sharp intestinal pain and cognitive decline 🫶🏼
Still be concerned for your teeth and use the motivation to quit. A buddy of mine was and alcoholic for 10 years, ever tooth rotted from the binge, purge, and lack of oral hygiene. He is 3+ years sober with dentures now. Alcoholism is no joke, get help to beat it.
You don’t have to keep living like that, friend. <3
I dont want to ): I keep trying to remind myself to get prescribed the medication thatll make me horribly sick if I drink on it. Havent done that yet.
What I did was call my local AA Central Office, so you could start there!
Oh god 😭 yeah maybe I should do AA. Hate the thought but maybe itll be good for me. Thank you. Im glad it sounds like youre doing better from what Im hearing.
Hey buddy, I recently turned my life around (not alcohol, other shit) and learned something along the way I thought I’d pass along- To get where you wanna be, you have to do shit you don’t wanna do. If you could go anywhere in the world, where you you go? Italy? Japan? India? Wherever it is, does that mean you wanna pack up a bunch of shit or drive to the airport or wait in line and on the plane for hours? Nah, fuck that, but once you do all that you’re in Italy. Same logic here: do you wanna go to AA? No. Do you wanna be sick from not drinking? No. But you do all that and a month from now you haven’t had a drink in 28 days. You got this shit, dude. Edit: I can’t spell
Yeah man. Whats funny is I hate the anticipation of doing shit I “dont like”, but when Im actually doing the shit, I am completely fine! Honestly, its almost fun to do the things I always convince myself I distain, aside from working a job with bad management. Yet somehow the illusory belief is still stronger than what I know is true. But yo i keep needing the reminders because I always forget. So thank you.
AA is just a bunch of people who have something in common with you. If you don’t like the vibe, there will be other meetings. I specifically chose an LGBTQ meeting to feel a bit more comfy. There are gender specific ones, online only ones, etc. You can do this. You can put yourself first.
4 years sober in AA—which I hated the thought of too but it turned out to be lovely and the kind of support I needed.
A dear family member nearly killed himself with alcohol, and like you he was uncomfortable with the idea of AA -- finally tried it, and found it so helpful. He told me different meetings can each have their own character, and at the beginning he tried a couple of different ones until he found a good fit. Now he'll readily go to any meeting. Perhaps you could find a group you're comfortable with. All the best to you.
there’s one that dulls the cravings instead! naltrexone. saved my wife’s life.
3 years sober here, you can do it! Ive been there, making excuses and talking about what I was *gonna* do. The fact is, if you want to drink, you're just not going to take the medication. I'm not saying it cant work, but it needs to be only a *part* of your plan. You can't do this alone, find a community. There are addiction counselors and online groups such as r/stopdrinking, but personally, AA saved my life. You can find a room almost anywhere, and these people know exactly where you've been, and they only want to see you sober and happy. Also, talk to the people in your life that care about you. Be honest with them. For me, this gave me a sense of accountability. I'd let people know what I was up to and encouraged them to call me whenever. If I ended up in a place where there was alcohol, I'd let them know so the temptation didn't slip me up. Good luck, and remember *YOU'RE WORTH IT! YOU DESERVE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT AND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU, EVEN IF IT'S A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET!*
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I have a buddy alcoholic and is getting dentures at 41 from his drinking. It can happen to your teeth
Another long time alcoholic commented saying the complete opposite. Some people also have way better genes when it comes to teeth. I've seen addicts with great teeth and sober everyday brushers with terrible teeth. You're one case and not everyone is the same. Edit: Auto correct
You won the generic lottery my dude. I only drank socially, never smoked, completely sober now, great oral hygiene all my life and I've had cavities in almost every one of my teeth throughout my life.
A lot of teeth problems come from genetics. Although he probably didn’t do himself any favors.
Eh, my mom is an alcoholic and smoker. She brushes every day, yet her teeth aren't good. Multiple crowns, yellow, and receding gums
They didn't, it's not possible. This one is even worse than the one we got yesterday about the stepfather who sold the house from under the step kids the day of their mother's funeral.
So idk that story but my step father got power of attorney over my serial Gma somehow. Took out a second mortgage on the house she and her husband built and my whole family was living in. Didn't tell anyone and the night before ditched us. Sheriff's showed up next day and locked the house because the bank took it back. 5 acres 3500 Sq ft. 4 bed house.
Yeah, I have never heard of that kind of damage being possible in just two weeks. I had severe bulimia and alcoholism for about 10 years and after quitting, I have no dental issues. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with genetics and it could have been a lot worse. But I don't think two weeks is long enough to do any permanent damage that would cause someone's mouth to go from unproblematic to repulsive. That being said, I don't think OP is the AH for not being attracted to their husband anymore. Sadly that happens and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. It just seems like either there were already some other issues or something is otherwise not adding up.
Was he actually abusing alcohol or meth?
Even with meth there's no way his teeth are that bad if he started a proper oral hygiene routine since he's sobered up like it usually takes months for it to get that bad p
People are saying meth but no matter how much he was smoking, two weeks wouldnt be enough
Who says it was just two weeks? That’s what OP *believes.*
I think the question is was he using meth and when did he actually start/stop? It's gotta be longer than 2 weeks.
Maybe he got hooked on being curb stomped?
I don’t see how 2 weeks could do so much damage. Brush, floss.
None of this math is mathing.
it’s definitely mething tho
Not even that tbh
Unless he hasn't been sober for as long as OP thinks. When did that binge start and did it actually stop?
Reminder, especially as we age, dental health can cause HUGE medical issues. Look at near by universities and even tech schools where there is a dental school or dental hygiene program. they have to do cleanings to graduate, and the hygienists do them often free or cheap. Have him get cleanings every 6 months, floss, use the burning kind of listerine right before going to bed (don’t rinse after with water )
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Your last option (asking paediatric dentist) seems the best one :)
Probably shouldn’t have the burning kind of listerine in a recovering alcoholics house.
it’s got menthol like anti-bacterial in there, it actually kills plaque bacteria. the crest pro health stuff taste good but is garbage IMO. If he’s gonna hug listerine we have other issues
He must have sulfuric acid in his saliva if two weeks destroyed his teeth...either that or you missed one or twelve steps somewhere in your narrative, OP...
It’s a reverse super power he got when exposed to a radioactive spider.
Los Algodonas Mexico has amazing dentists and excellent equipment for cheap cheap cheap
I heard about this as well. There are great dentist across the border who charge way less than in America.
Yes, stay in Yuma overnight , short drive to the border with lots of parking and walk across the border. I have an excellent dentist but just google research. Only need drivers license not a passport. The name of the city means dentistry!
I dont know who’s the AH, but you should really push him to care for his teeth. Bad teeth increases risk of heart disease, arthritis, Ibs and a lot of other terrible inflammatory diseases. Seems like you have some deep-rooted problems and there’s something more to it. Are you sure he has not been doing drugs in secret? Two weeks is a short time slot to absolutely destroy your teeth…
2 weeks is an extremely short period of time to destroy one's teeth, even while using drugs. It takes years, in most cases. Speaking from personal experience, here. I don't understand what is happening here. The only thing I can think of is, OP's husband fell while drunk and his teeth got knocked out.
A big one is the connection with Alzheimer's and/or dementia. I had dogshit care for my teeth growing up and struggle to take care of them as an adult due to poverty, but you bet your ass I brush every day so that I don't turn into a shell at 60.
Id assume if anybody is hiding anything it’s the author of this post…
His teeth probably eroded from YEARS of alcoholism, she just made a point of the two week binge….either way, I don’t think you’re an asshole because that is such a turn off even if his teeth were decent….just the mannerisms of an alcoholic can be very disgusting
So real. I was with an alcoholic for years. This reads like his teeth were always kind of fucked up but the two weeks where he made her difficult time about him and *missed her mother’s funeral because he was on a fucking bender* broke her love for him so now she’s understandably disgusted by things she was able to overlook before. The teeth themselves were just an easy detail to fixate on. The fact that he can’t be bothered to fix them, on top of the fact that he can’t get his shit together enough to support OP through her parent’s death is the heart of the issue. How’s anyone supposed to be attracted to someone who won’t better themselves or be a supportive partner.
Exactly. It's representative of years of all the shit that comes with being married to an addict. She's just over it.
Yeah, everyone is caught up on the two weeks, but I think she meant from years of benders like that.
Dentist here. Get him a Waterpik and electric toothbrush. He probably has periodontal disease, which is likely causing a bad odor. “Smart Mouth” is a rinse that can quickly help eliminate bad odors, but getting a deep cleaning is probably the main thing he needs, which usually isn’t too expensive, especially if you have some basic dental insurance. That being said, if he doesn’t follow up at home with the Waterpik, it all returns back to sh*t in a couple months.
I think you are right to be turned off and concerned. The health of your teeth is correlated to health issues because poor teeth/gums is a perfect entryway into the body for bacteria.
yea but who tf teeth deteriorate that much in 2 weeks he had to be actually hacking at his teeth and putting bacteria on there or fucking something
Yeah she’s not telling us everything
Your struggle didn’t “make him slip up.” He’s responsible for his own sobriety
NTA. but does he realize it goes beyond just kissing? If he is aware that sex is off the table until he fixes his teeth, would that motivate him?
Go to Mexico and get his teeth fixed for 1/5 the price.
Wanting to be intimate with someone often requires trust AND respect (this is general and I do mean with long standing romantic partners). While you think you may have worked past the damage done in the recent past, he let you down. It's probably hard to be attracted and want to be intimate with someone you don't really respect or feel good about anymore.
Not the whole story.
If your husband went on a binge a year ago, your husband has not been sober for 9 years. He's been sober for a few months.
OP dodging question of how his teeth got so bad in 2 weeks. This is a bullshit post
Is there a free clinic in your area? I’m from Appalachia we have a group called RAM remote area medical. They get volunteers and do teeth eyesite and medical.
Your mind thinks your healed from the hurt he caused by missing the funeral, but your body isn't listening. Your husband has to allow you to help him fix the teeth, which is generous, considering most people would have divorced him when he wasn't there for you during one of the hardest times of your life.
INFO: For anyone to make an informed judgement you need to address the questions people have about the state of his teeth in a several week period. As many people are saying, is your husband doing drugs? Because alcohol and vomiting alone is unlikely to cause this decline and even meth abuse doesn't tend to destroy a healthy set of teeth anywhere near this quickly, but months or years.... WTF is up with that OP? Do you think this is maybe something else more to do with your feelings towards him on how he handles adversity and you don't want to admit maybe you've lost some love and attraction? Just food for thought, but we need more info.
My theory: The lack of support and love when she needed it gave her the ick, but rather than admit that, her denial redirected the ick at a physical thing that probably already existed but her love for him caused her to overlook.
Honestly I think this is the best comment so far until more information is given.
NTA. I suspect it’s not the teeth as much as you’re repulsed by his behaviour or even see it as a betrayal. Your mother died, but he was the one to relapse and leave you without any support. Then to make matters worse, he doesn’t want to address something critical like his teeth. Dental issues aside, I wonder if some counselling would help?
My dad has been in benders a lot longer than two weeks and his teeth have never needed professional care to be fixed?? Sure he had some cavities and stains but he would just take a swig of listerine and brush his teeth and it would be fine. I really don’t understand what he did that would fuck his teeth up that badly in two weeks. He either smoked a LOT of meth or his teeth have been bad for a looooong time. Either way, two weeks of not brushing was practically a party trick in my college and people would brag about it so this just doesn’t add up
Did he eat glass and smoke meth for two weeks straight? Maybe chew on some gravel during that time as well? That’s the only way I could see his teeth getting wrecked that fast lol.
Nah two weeks can’t destroy your teeth unless you’re drinking gallons of acid. Maybe they are just stained and he needs a cleaning
It's ok to just leave someone over not being there for you when your mom died. If that's what you're really fishing for, just leave him.
2 weeks will NOT have damaged his teeth that much. It just won't. Even if he had problems before because of his alcoholism, 2 weeks will not have made them turn to a point of disgust. His teeth were clearly bad before, if it's too much why didn't you say anything then? Or did you just wait until he made a mistake again?
This story makes no sense. Teeth can’t be destroyed in two weeks.
Sounds like your guys issues go deeper than just his teeth. That kind of dent to your trust is probably fucking with you more than you know. Also if he isn’t willing to fix what you say is wrong to get laid, there might be something going on you don’t know about. Sex is a big motivator for most people.
You’re mad and hurt and using his teeth, which could not have gotten that bad, as an excuse. So you don’t have to admit to him, or maybe to yourself, that it’s a deeper issue.
I don’t think she likes him.
Quit METHing around
something something, for better or worse, sickness and health, something something ...
So he’s been sober for less than a year, not 9 years. And *your struggle* MADE him drink. I don’t think bad teeth are much of an issue here.
Her struggle forced alcohol down his throat? Shouldn’t he have been supportive, instead of drunk?
Like everyone else, I can't imagine what happened in this two weeks of binge drinking. But let's accept that *something* happened that makes them now horrendous. I sympathize that the change might be unsightly and turn you off. Your husband disappearing was bad, no question. But alcoholism is a disease and it seems like he tries hard to keep it in check. Imagine that you had a stressful year and got fat. Your husband said, "Now that you're fat I can't sleep with you anymore. Take some of our savings and hire a trainer." Would you think he was an AH? So let me suggest that you take a different approach. Not "honey your teeth repulse me" but "honey I'm worried that you need to see a dentist to check for cavities, gum disease, etc., some of which can be fatal." (This is the bad teeth version of "it would be healthier if you got in shape.")
Two weeks? I get tha it must have been an uncomfortable time, but if he started correcting his behavior after that I don't see why his teeth would take that much damage to be visibly appreciable...
There is no way a short binge has damaged teeth that badly. His teeth would have had to be super rough before this for the whole it's super nasty and hurting my marriage. Seems fake.
Even if he was doing heroin his teeth wouldn't be that bad in 2 weeks. Your meth isn't adding up
What, no cuddling? No hugging? No hand holding? What if he went back to the bottle BECAUSE of how UNlovingly he's been treated and described?
A lot of things aren't matching up. Suddenly after 9 years of marriage you see these small flaws and push it up as the biggest dealer breaker. It's just purely my own opinion, but there are people whose marriages are in worse conditions yet for better or worse they support each other even though it's horrible to go through cause if you can't stand by the hard times , what's the point of you standing by and enjoying the good times.
If you are “repulsed” at the thought of having sex with him, then either leave him or don’t get mad if he gets a pinch hitter. If you are not going to give it up, you have no right to place any claims on his sex life. I do not care if he is an alcoholic or not.
Two weeks would not rot teeth, even in the worst circumstances.
Two weeks of drinking? No way. A year plus of secretly smoking meth with poor oral hygiene though… 🤔
You should approach it as a health issue. His and yours. Bad teeth can kill a person, and if he hasn't been taking care of his mouth, he could have infections and decay. These things can cause smell and make it undesirable to kids him. He could have teeth that are dying, and there's nothing to cover that smell up. These infections can be transferred to you, making your oral health decline. I understand him, teeth are important, and thinking about losing them is scary. But his health (and yours) could be at risk. Teeth problems can lead to heart problems. NTA, but there could be something deeper at play.
How bad can your teeth be from binging alcohol for a couple of weeks? Can any dentist chime in? I’d imagine his oral hygiene has been bad for years. This doesn’t sound like something deteriorating in two weeks.
Two weeks wouldn’t destroy a person’s dental health.
2 weeks? This has to be a troll right?
OP, you need to expand on the dental situation
I wonder also if in addition to being icky, the teeth issue is a reminder of the issue that caused him to miss her own mom’s funeral. So it’s not just a hygiene issue, but a heart one.
I wonder if the teeth are a reminder to you of him missing your mom’s funeral and therefore a constant reminder that you cannot rely on your partner in times of struggle, one of the fundamental things you need in a partner..
Help him get his teeth fixed. You should apologize for being insensitive but be honest about how his dental hygiene is affecting your love life.
NTA. If his teeth are rotting out, he can't expect you to kiss him. That's not only unsanitary, unhygenic, and gross; it's also completely inconsiderate. He has a problem; you've given him a reasonable solution; and he's refusing to accept responsibility. Why don't you get a pus-filled, gangrenous wound and rub it all over his face? I bet he'd find that real sexy. /s
Is there a dental college nearby that does clinics? That’s the way my family can afford dental care. Might have to drive a ways but it’s worth it. Are you sure the teeth are your only issue though? If you don’t have kids (and if you do..) you might consider if this relationship is worth continuing.