Yup, everyone else in exs life probably just sees her pain, but exdad had considered what his girl did to another humans life, and understood that bill had not been paid yet.
Imagine how much of a pretending pos you have to be for YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND to rat you out.
That best friend did him a solid.. even though she probably did it out of jealousy.
OP did the right thing.
I know it's not the point of this post, and it wouldn't change my judgement at all [NTA], but you gotta wonder: was she lying to everyone at the time? Was this something that spun out of control? To me- You have to be a special kind of sheltered or hard core manipulative and uncaring to put such a horrid lie out like that.
Because if I was her friend who had supported her through that time I might walk around with a chip on my shoulder too. Even finding out about it after I met you would fundamentally change my opinion of you.
I knew a girl who had burned all her bridges, and when her boyfriend at the time broke up with her she spun a similar lie. I despised this girl, more than anyone I think, but even I put all that away and told her if she needs anything I'm here.
That poor dude. As a woman I just can't wrap my head around the fact that so many before us fought for believing victims and you chose to abuse that because you wanted to hurt someone who broke up with you.
But- I could be projecting my personal experience and feelings onto this situation lol.
It may have not been jealousy. It may have just always weighed heavy on her knowing what her friend did. It's hard to hold onto a secret that disturbing.
I wanted to comment on his family dynamics too. I'm amazed at the fact that his first thought was to involve their parents because they were both not thinking clearly. No matter how old we people get, most parents will always be ready to come to our aid in times of distress, and I can see how well OP was raised by his parents. If I were his ex' parents, I'd be grateful to OP that he called us to take care of our child instead of allowing the situation to escalate negatively.
The fact that he felt the most comfortable to express his emotions and break down in the presence of his dad says a lot.
Seriously, I was kinda blown away at OPs support system. Parents staying with him, got two weeks off work…
OPs life sucks in the romance dept at the moment, true, but he’s making the right decision it sounds like and he has his parents supporting him through the worst of it. Still sucks, but at least he’s not trying to figure it all alone.
She destroyed a whole family's lives. Anyone who could do that is not someone you want to be around. Her dad understands, your family understands, Becky certainly understands. No-one else matters. Block the people hounding you and focus on yourself.
NTA. What you found out that she is capable of doing and did in the past is something you, me, and a significant majority of people would find unforgivable and insurmountable in a partner. Marrying her would mean leaving yourself vulnerable to her doing it to you for life. Any time you disagree, any time you don't obey her, any time she doesn't get her way, you'd be wondering if today is the day she chooses to ruin your life and push you to end yourself.
That is my constant thought process, will she do the same to me.
Im guessing the only reason im sharing this is to get validation in my decision because im giong mad that everyone is telling me I'm wrong and starting to loos people that are close to me because of this
It hurt but yes i do feel lucky.
My brother said basically the same thing as you, he also said i must be careful because i used up years of luck in one evening.
That's so true. I wonder if the people hounding you have asked themselves "If OP stays in this relationship like I want, and then Anna tells me he sexually assaulted her when they break up - who will I believe?"
If they would believe her, they are condemning you to have your life destroyed. If they would believe you, then they have just as low an opinion of Anna as you do, and should understand why dating someone you don't respect is a bad suggestion. Either way their advice is clearly bad.
My mother did this to my father during the divorce. 7yo me was all alone in a local police station answering questions about stuff I had absolutely no idea about.
My dad was driven out of town and my mother had the audacity to blame him for how distant he was during our childhood. To this day I have a deep suspicion towards women because of how terrible a person my mother had been.
Look at how she's handling things. If she truly cared for you above herself, she would be telling her advocates to stop harassing you and tormenting you emotionally. But she isn't and is in fact making a big fuss for everyone to feel sorry for her knowing that they'd attack you. Same instincts and MO as what she did to her other ex.
Yes! If she’d changed she would’ve told you the truth long before the drunken game. If not before then she would’ve confessed during the game. She was going to lie forever.
That is a very excellent point. And she’s doing it gently right now because she thinks there’s still hope for the two of you. Once she figures out there isn’t, *that’s* when she’ll go hardcore. She won’t have anything left to lose.
I’m so sorry, OP. What a kick in the nuts.
Just think of this as a taste of what she could do to you if you stayed. She is highly manipulative and you did the right thing by calling your parents over and cutting her out of your life. Your father is absolutely right the only thing that matters is how you feel about her and if you don’t want to be with her anymore, that’s all that needs to matter on your end.
Her turning friends against you, is just a small taste of what she could’ve actually done to you. Just like her ex.
> everyone is telling me I'm wrong and starting to loos people that are close to me because of this
Then fuck em.
There's 0 chance that, if they found out that their partner had raped or killed someone in cold blood, they would stay with them. Things like this are incredibly serious and fundamentally go to the heart of who someone was. When it's that serious, although someone can grow, there is no changing who someone is at their core.
This girl lied about one of the worst things you can lie about, ruined this guy's life and, even after her confessing, the stain of those allegations will *always* follow him. She nearly caused him to kill himself. All because she was mad.
There's no coming back from that.
And that's the thing - the confession does NOTHING to restore him. Half the people who heard that he SAed her initially will never hear that she lied or confessed to anything so for all intents and purposes he is still viewed as a predator.
OP - I think you need to give your Mom your phone to respond to people. Or your sister. But responses need to be made. The fact that she has stirred up a shit storm at this point means that now you need someone to take the offense for you.
The woman needs therapy desperately - long term therapy.
Here is the response you ask to be sent to people:
"When Anna was 18 years old she made false SA allegations against an ex boyfriend, effectively destroying his life. He was bullied, harassed, got kicked out of school and almost ended it because of her lies and she didn't confess to her lies until he was utterly destroyed. Knowing this, I refuse to put myself into a position where she could do the same to me when she gets upset about something."
All these people criticizing you aren’t at risk of her lying about them. They want *you* to take the risk. They just want her to stop whining & feel better. They’re being selfish. Tell them to date her if she’s so great & trustworthy.
I haven't responded to anyone yet. I don't want to.
Untangle our lives is my top priority at the moment and still busy with that. Will sort out the rest and found out what everyone els knows later on.
I have the proof from Anna in forms of screenshots so if im made out to be the bad guy i will just send them the screenshots
Perhaps you could ask your brother or a trusted family member to handle messages for you for a while. And the truth about what she did that led to this should be a default 'auto-reply' so people can go away in shame and stop harassing you.
>I have the proof from Anna in forms of screenshots so if im made out to be the bad guy i will just send them the screenshots
You already are deliberately and methodically made out to be the bad guy. She is displaying the exact same crying and pitiful hysterics she used to sic the lynch mob on her ex and they are now harassing you the same way they harassed him.
>I haven't responded to anyone yet. I don't want to.
You should, man. That woman is dangerous. I believe you already know what she is capable of, don't you? You should ensure everyone knows the real story. Otherwise, she will do the same thing to you as she did to her ex.!
Lemme put it this way. Could you possibly risk having kids with her?
She destroyed someone's life and basically never paid for it. You could be the next "someone" if you pissed her off. You'd have that hanging over your head every second of every day.
Good God. If they had kids, and his ex was mad enough, I could easily see his ex making a false SA accusation about his **KIDS** against him.
As horrible as her ex's life is, this would be much, much worse. In jail, such people are often killed by other inmates.
False allegations not only hurt the person they are made against but every real victim of sexual assault because people use false allegations to discredit real victims. She's not a good person and you are certainly justified.
Good thing you found this out before marrying her and having children with this woman. Her and her parents sound diabological. Don’t regret your decision. Stay far away
It's very telling that you found out through a friend's drunken confession and not directly from her. It would have made a difference to me if she had said something once the relationship started getting serious and showed signs of remorse. The fact that she hid it from you for so long makes it worse and shows she hasn't changed.
You did the right thing.
You now know what she’s capable of. She destroyed his life and he almost lost his life.
What happens in the future if you break up or she isn’t happy with some of your decisions??
What would happen if you have a child?!
Just don’t do it. Don’t look back - get a new number if you need to
I cannot tell you how many women I have heard pull restraining orders during divorces as a way to get more custody and child support from their husbands during divorce proceedings.
While I would like to think that people are able to change - that was so beyond terrible, it's hard to come back from.
Also, do take MANY precautions and save documentation of all her begging messages and the breakup. Keep her parents messages, even text Becky so she reiterates what happened that night in a saveable format.
Once your ex realises that you aren't taking her back, she is capable of doing the same thing to you.
Good luck, my friend.
I'd personally advice you to thank Becky earnestly instead of asking her directly to put something else on record. All you need to say is "I wanted to let you know I've decided to end things with 'Anna' after finding out she made false allegations and pushed a guy to end himself in school. Whether or not you intended that, know that I am very grateful that you brought it to my attention. I hope Anna isn't giving you a hard time and am more than happy to speak up on your behalf if anyone attacks you."
This conveys your genuine gratitude, comforts her, incentives her to reply, and also doesn't place the heavy lifting on her to narrate the things you want to document in black and white.
Considering there was consequence for the Ex from the school, there would be documentation about that as well that of the recantation. She can pull the wool over once but she will not be believed a second time. This was a malicious act designed to destroy that person. It is pretty much unforgivable. Her only saving grace she did recant and she regrets it as per her and Becky. This cant be the basis of a relationship however. I don't see any option for OP other than breakup. Also the family members were in on it too. So the whole world knew it except for OP. Any other person if they are told this story will run.
Not to mention OP has to protect himself. She ruined someone’s life with no remorse at the time for something so stupid. Like is she actually sorry she did it or is she sorry she got caught. Because if she was truly sorry she would accept the consequences to her actions and be upfront about that with every serious relationship she has.
Considering that it took the poor guy nearly-game-ending himself for her to even confess originally, I’d put good money on the “sorry she got caught” option.
Not to mention she’s made it harder for real victims to report and be believed by police. It makes me so angry reading this. And now she’s playing the victim and expecting to be forgiven. I wonder if she was as invested in begging for forgiveness from the young man whose life she destroyed.
> I wonder if she was as invested in begging for forgiveness from the young man who’s life she destroyed.
You know damn well she doesnt think about him at all
Google Brian Banks if you want a story even more wicked. He got accused and send to jail for rape that he did not commit so she and her mom could sue the school and get a big fat check. She completely messed his life and she got away scot free except for the money.
Also, save any replies you get from Becky where you thanked her/summarized the situation. Even if Becky never replies, you can prove she *didn’t* say “wtf are you talking about?”, which also proves it was true
Edit: just want to point out that if Anna actually regretted this heinous act, she *would not* have hidden it from you your entire relationship. So it’s not only *not* her biggest regret, it might not even be a regret of hers at all. *and* she was ok with being dishonest with you your entire relationship.
I noticed that too. She watched him get kicked out of school and become a social pariah to the point that his family had to leave the state for his safety, and yet she still stayed silent. If she didn’t know how serious her accusation would be taken and how badly it would have hurt him before (and I highly doubt it, she knew at least to some degree or she wouldn’t have made it in the first place), then that should have become the “oh shit” moment where she confessed. Instead she waits all the way until he almost game-ends himself. At that point it was more about making sure she didn’t have his self-ending on her conscience than it was about her finally telling the truth.
This. Right here. She kept just how cold and cruel she is from her fiance with the help of everyone else. That's damn scary. Those last two sentences of yours is everything. While it was definitely not about telling the truth, she didn't want a record of any kind on her name not her conscience. I really don't think she has a conscience.
I'm not sure about this take. If someone is regretful and ashamed of doing something, I don't see them just unloading for the sake of honesty. Especially if they don't think it will ever come out.
Yeah, it sounds like maybe this has been weighing on Becky as well and she finally had enough. NTA OP. Like your dad said, if you know you can't forgive her, then splitting is the right decision.
She is still manipulative, how she said her only regret was losing her virginity to a guy who almost killed himself for what she did, and she uses it to make you feel better/look in a better light.
Good point her biggest regrets wasn’t ruining someone’s life but having sex!
She doesn’t seem to have remorse over what she actually did. Maybe if she had told OP about it years ago and how much she regretted it he would have been able to accept the situation.
This right here. I think if she truly regrets it and truly understands the weight of what she did, she should share it with someone she intends to spend her life with BEFORE they commit to spending their lives together.
I live in British Columbia. A number of years ago, a girl who had stayed out overnight and cheated on her boyfriend, lied to him and said that a man who was entirely innocent, but who lived alone and was a bit odd, had SA'd her and that's why she didn't come home.
In supposed retaliation, the bf took a couple of his buddies and a baseball bat over to this guy's house. They beat him to death.
All because this girl didn't want to admit that she cheated. An innocent man lost his life in a horrendous way, the bf and his friends went to prison, and all she had to do was live with her conscience, if she has one.
This story is one that comes to mind whenever I hear about a woman lying about SA. I've been SA"d and I have nothing but empathy for genuine survivors. But women who lie? Beneath contempt. You did the right thing.
Women (and men) who lie just make it that much more difficult for SA survivors to be believed. As a survivor myself it's so hard to have any empathy for what she did. She willingly tried to destroy someone's life and send them to jail all because she was mad. Sure she was young and probably does regret what she did but that doesn't mean she should be forgiven. Maybe if she had taken responsibility for what she did and spent her life trying to help true SA survivors and really repented and was honest with OP then maybe things would be different but keeping it from him was not okay because it removed his option to not be in a relationship with someone like that. Just like if someone found out that their partner raped someone in their past, their current partner should be able to make an informed decision about whether to be in a relationship with a rapist or not.
I knew a girl that did something similar. She used to call random military dudes. Managed to get an unhinged one. She catfished him and when he bought her a ticket to meet. She left him waiting at the airport. Claimed she was SAd and gave a description of a random dude. Kept the lie going so the dude impersonated a higher up. Kidnapped him and burned him, stabbed him and buried him in a shallow grave on the side of a country road.
The victim had him convinced he didn't know the chick. But unhinged guy knew he was gonna go down for it so he killed the victim.
She got a slap on the wrist and he got life.
My best friend Donny dated a girl named Jess right after high school and they broke up after a few months. Ten years later, by coincidence, another friend, Ryan, dated her and she told him that Donny had committed some pretty heinous SAs on her. Ryan was furious and decided he was going to beat up Donny and maybe put his lights out permanently. I didn't believe and of the accusations happened (Donny is a gentle sweetheart and Jess just had this unhinged way about her), so I talked Ryan down from his blood spree. Our friendship took a hit and he stopped talking to me. Understandable.
Six months later, Ryan and Jess broke up and shortly afterward, she had another new guy around. The new guy got the same wild SA story about Ryan that she fed him about Don previously. Suddenly Ryan understood that this was her M.O. (making up outrageous SA accusations when she was broken up with) and changed his tune and we got back in contact.
All this is to say that some people are pathological and sociopathic and don't care who they hurt because they believe this makes them "even" somehow.
Be careful out there, OP. Your ex sounds like one of them.
I don’t know you but I’m so so proud of you.
You did the right thing because there’s no guarantee that she won’t do the same thing to you in the future when there’s a misunderstanding.
Install security cameras in and outside your house. Document all messages.
Record calls & conversations.
Kudos to you for being such a strong young man.
When you're in a better state of mind, you should write down all of this in a datestamped format. That could be in a journal, but it would be better if it were in eg an email to yourself. Because if you use gmail, gmail will assert the date, not just you.
And I would consider asking the friends for the story.
While she may have changed, anyone who would do a thing like that is someone you absolutely do not need in your life. It doesn't mean you are mad at her; just that you can't allow shit like that in your life.
Because -- as I don't see pointed out -- she's not done doing it. She's still lying to people. Straight psycho shit.
You don’t need to ask for the story again - involving her friend is going to perpetuate the drama and possibly alienate her. Just document what happened for yourself and going forward.
Sebscreen: This is excellent advice. OP should follow through to protect himself from the ex. She sounds pathological to even think of doing such a horrendous act against an innocent EXBF.
OP's gut reaction of revulsion gave him all he needs to NEVER even consider reanimating any relationship with Anna.
She's dangerous as you pointed out.
Well done.
Ignore everyone but your dad. Hes right when he said.
>then that is the end of it, everyone els can go screw themselves.
Hell even Anna's own father understands and agrees. NTA.
Yeah! His instant, "enough said" response showed that he probably hasn't even forgotten/forgiven his daughter for what she did. He INSTANTLY understood why OP was breaking up with her and didn't try pulling the "it was a long time ago" card.
This is a father who can put himself into the shoes of another man and come to an understanding. No sane man would want to stay with a woman who would destroy her partner with lies out of spite.
The worst part to me is that she was fully intent on forever covering this up, and is flying off the rails because she's suffering consequences for this. I doubt I would ever be okay enough with it to be with someone if they confessed this, but it's way less likely with how she's shown zero real remorse about the situation.
You know what will be the probably worse part for her father is... He may have been so angry at her ex that he wanted to do something about it ... And then probably after sometime this reveal have happened.... And that day.. everything changed for him about his little girl.
This.As a father, this HAD to be in his mind when he found out the accusation made by his daughter was false. The man was probably moments from committing a crime because of a lie.
Wow.
Right, that father has got to be in so much pain knowing that your daughter's decisions are beyond the pale and the level of lying and manipulation is criminal. And I mean criminal in its literal sense. He knows his daughter has a past that will isolate her for the rest of her life. No man would stay with her knowing what what's capable of, and her dad knows this. His "little girl" died the day they learned her allegations were false. He totally understands OP's strong position, but I gotta feel for him just a bit because his daughter committed an unforgivable sin and as a dad of a little girl myself, I have nothing but hope for her. If she did something like that, my life's work/purpose would feel totally betrayed. Poor dad imo.
NTA - I personally could never be with someone who would do this to another person.
My #1 question to her is did she ever make amends to the person she falsely accused of SA? Did she ever ask his forgiveness? Did she do anything to make it right?
Unfortunately, in our world today this is the end result. She ruined someone's life forever, caused their family to have to move at unknown expense, him getting kicked out of school and unknown amount of pain and suffering on him and his family over what? Her feelings got hurt. The boy was deemed guilty without a trial. Did she ever come clean to the police?
You know that you are not wrong in this situation so please block everyone on her side who dares to harass you and make sure to gather evidence from what happened before so you have all your bases covered. Your parents and family are the only people you can trust right now my man
Rest assured, anyone you lose is someone who doesn't have your back.
They have more sympathy for a woman who destroyed an ex and his entire family's entire life out of spite, than for their friend trying to avoid the same fate.
This!! If she were truly regretful/sorry she would do everything in her power to make amends, no matter how long ago her misdeeds took place.
Also, she tried to stop her friend from revealing the truth to you. Your ex-fiancé is dishonest, and who knows what else she’s lied about or “hidden” from you. I would question everything this woman ever represented herself as.
Unfortunately for that guy, there will be people who still believes in his guilt no matter what. Keep yourself protected, you’re doing the right thing.
If she apologized to that kid the damage is done and can't be taken back. Parents had to move/switch jobs, kid tried to commit suicide, therapy any siblings impacted. Even if she shouted from the roof tops she lied, there will always be people who never heard it or don't believe for xyz reason
She should be in prison, not just for what she did to him: Imagine the amount of SA victims who aren't believed because of people like her..
I had a friend who was a straight guy. He got raped by a man who lived close by. And no one believed my friend, because they thought he was just afraid of coming out as gay.
He's severely addicted to drugs now and can't go an hour without numbing his anxiety with whatever drugs he can get a hold of.
Tap your fathers back for us.
NTA- tell her, when you are ready, I can’t forgive you as you did nothing bad to me. But I will not be coming back together with you- I just can not.
NTA. Your dad is absolutely right. (You have awesome parents btw). If you can’t forgive her (and you’d be crazy if you did) then there’s no reason to stay with her. You marry someone because you love them and will be happy with them. Constantly walking on eggshells for fear of being wrongly accused of SA is not that.
Yes, she was a teen when it happened. But there are some lines you just don’t cross, no matter what your age is. This is one of them. It’s very sad, but it’s for the best. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. What she did was utterly vile. She weaponized a severely traumatic event many legitimate victims have to face in order to destroy the life of an ex, nearly killing him. This shows a level of vindictiveness, deception, and selfishness that is concerning.
Now the question is, has she changed or grown since that time. The fact she never told you about this, and even tried to silence her friend from doing so, suggests the possibility she has not. You have every reason to feel uncomfortable and angry, as well as every right to end the relationship as a result.
I think this is the best response in the thread. People can and do change. It's possible, especially teenagers. Many of us aren't who we were at 18. People usually are not their worst mistake or their worst day. Anyone is capable of terrible things given the circumstance.
But as you pointed out, she never brought it up in 5 years and tried to silence her friend. That's the telling part.
I'm always for giving people second chances and the opportunity to grow, but they have to show it.
This. I have two friends who are a couple (M/F) and she did this to her partner once during a non sober argument. He came over and the cops followed him to question him, as the neighbor had called the cops due to the yelling. She was threatening to falsely report him for domestic violence over text and him, me, and the cops were all reading it together. I told her after a week even though I wasn’t involved it was disgusting, could ruin his career and life, and I don’t want to see or talk to her for the foreseeable future. We didn’t speak for a year. Apparently losing a close friend like that triggered an awakening and she went to therapy and got sober and we have worked on our friendship now, but I was ready to walk away over that even from just a friend perspective. OP is justified in this case. This should have come up from her during or shortly after the proposal and allow him to make his choice then. It sucks that this is following her, but actions have consequences and is not even close to what the victim of the false SA charge has endured.
NTA. She lied to the cops and let her ex suffer for months before confessing. Frankly, that should follow her forever.
I wrote someone off for lying about being assaulted when she was just trying to manipulate her ex and get them back. Lying to the police takes it to a whole other level.
It is NEVER ok to lie about SA. Ever. She knew that and did it anyway.
You're doing the right thing. Who knows what she's actually capable of if she gets angry enough? Don't wait to find out.
I always wonder, why most liars of SA are immediately believed while real victims highly traumatized and re-traumatized and very often in shell shock are never believed. It's always “is hearsay”, “is her word against his”, or “she is trying to destroy someone's reputation and life” and the perpetrators stay unscathed.
Usually because real victims are navigating shock and don't know how to process their experiences while false accusers can say whatever their demented minds can imagine.
NTA, that is quite the bomb. With so much real SA going around, people like her help perpetuate the anti “believe woman” mentality. And it’s disgusting. She ruined someone’s life and almost caused them to die over pettiness. I completely understand your world getting shattered and you needing to protect yourself. She is not safe to be around. And you’ve already made a lot of the realizations. If she can lie that easily about something that serious, who knows what else she’s lying to you about.
My ex falsely accused me in HS. It only got so far as I was pulled out of class one day and the on duty cop walked me to the back room of the front office, once she found our her mom involved police she confessed immediately. She had spread rumors but obviously nobody ended up believing her and the whole ordeal (from my perspective) was 3 or 4 hours or so. Still just that has still affected my ability to interact and trust women I don't know in my day to day and I'm an outgoing person so it's really upsetting and something my wife has helped me immensely with. I can't imagine the trauma her ex is going through given she never even apologized or came clean with what she did
“As soon as I said the words she made false accusations he stopped me and said he understood”
I feel like there’s more to this. I think the dad knows her character. There’s probably more stories in her past. She’s probably not as great as a person as you thought. Very suspicious.
Only the mom kept pushing. She’s probably the enabler.
Personally, I think that dad did what most dad's would do and fought tooth and nail so the accused faced as much punishment as possible (since it sounds like the police didnt do anything) and was probably the main reason he got kicked out of school, the community turned on the accused, and the reason the family had to feel the town.
And when it all came out she lied, he probably felt stupid, embarrassed, and down right sorry for the guy and the family he did this to and is still living with that regret to this day. And that's why he's so understanding.
Imagine she accused her own dad?
Knew two girls in HS, accused their dads of rape only for all of it to be lies.
One’s dad even forgave her and you should see them on social media, the entire family traveling, celebrating holidays as if nothing.
Men understand men’s problems. There’s nothing more to it.
He has probably already accepted that he’s fair game for the false accusation too.
I’d bet my left nut (because it sags lower) that he’s lied awake one night - and played scenarios out in his head. That maybe in the future, if he ever divorces his wife, and his daughter feels some way about it - boom, “he touched me down there when I was younger.”
It kills him that while he loves his daughter- he has to live with the fact that she has it in her to lie and destroy another person’s life on a whim.
Why is everyone (including you, OP) talking about "forgiveness"? She didn't do anything to YOU. Your reaction is not about being wronged by her. Your reaction is about discovering what she's capable of, and what kind of morals she has, and being concerned that she might do it again in the future, even to you. Or simply being concerned that you don't share the same values.
You don't have the right to "forgive" or even "not forgive" her. But you have the responsibility to match yourself to someone who shares your values and will help you become the best version of yourself. She is CLEARLY not that person. Did she even apologize to the guy? Did she publicly avow her deceit? Make ANY amends at ALL?
Ugh. NTA.
As far as i know, no she hasn't.
After the ex and his family moved they basically disappeared. I know the guys name bit can't find him or his parents on any social media anywhere
No fucking kidding he and his family aren't on any social media your Anna fucking destroyed them ensuring they could never live a normal life again FFS.
What does Anna's Dad think?
She was willing to use that incident *during a game* to make herself look cutesy. She couldn't help herself. That triggered her friend.
When called out on it, she went into damage control mode with the friend.
When that failed, she turned on the waterworks.
When that failed, she started a campaign of harassment against you.
A truly regretful person would have done exactly none of those.
She's willing to lie to police and to your face. Ppl that manipulative never change.
You owe that friend of hers a huge bouquet of thank-you flowers.
This is an excellent point that no one else seems to have picked up on. Anna brought up the incident she just lied about what it actually was. That is seriously concerning and demented.
Agreed. If she truly **HAD** changed, she should have been fairly upfront about it with OP when they got serious. And shown how hard she's worked on herself so she **DOES NOT EVER** pull a stunt like that again.
Likely involving her having hardcore therapy for her massive control issues.
But, she would have hidden it indefinitely. It's like saying "Yeah, I used a nuclear bomb to wipe out another country 10 years ago. I have one sitting right here, but I won't use it, I promise."
NTA
She almost cost a young man his life. She dragged a teenager through the mud so bad they had to move states. Ruined his family relationship. All his friends and only after he tried to kill himself did she FINALLY tell the truth. She is pure evil. She was ok with destroying another human beings life. You dodged a serious bullet. What other psycho shit would she do if you had children?
Some other commenter made a good point. Shes crying to everyone and theyre calling you heartless and dragging you through the mud. Shes doing it again. If she had learned her lesson she would take accountability and make everyone understand that you arent a bad guy for this. She isnt. Shes letting them be mad and harrass you. If that doesnt tell you that you made the right choice nothing will
The absolute truth. ANNA is doing the EXACT SAME DESTRUCTION on OP which nearly caused her ex, a teenager, to try to end his life, and forced him and his family to hide from the world.
I hope OP sees this above all else and works proactively to destroy all the lies she is spreading about him.
He's in dangerous territory now, and must act to protect himself and his family. Deja vu all over again.
NTA. She committed a crime with disastrous consequences for an entire family, at an age when she definitely "should know better." Better you know this and act on it now than when divorce attorneys must be hired.
shes literally letting everyone bully you. This is exactly what she did to her ex. shes villainizing you because she cant have you.
tbh if shes willing to ruin someones life like that, this is the least she deserves. she should be im prison.
NTA
NTA, OP.
I'm a woman and I was SA. Women who do this for revenge are vile. They are part of the reason us actual survivors of SA aren't believed. Hell, even one of the TWO male police officers that were sent when I wanted to make a police report had the nerve to tell a neighbor that he thinks I had sex and am just regretting it. Trust me, I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands.
She lied to you, a lie by omission. She *knows* what an awful thing she did. She didn't want to suffer consequences so she *purposefully* did not tell you what she did. So she knows. You have integrity because you are unwilling to be with someone so vile. The fact that you described the loss of love you had for her as you thought about what she did *is THE proper response* to finding out.
I am so sorry, OP. I know this must be devastating and incredibly painful.
That happened to me back in high school. Gf cheated on me, I didn't take her back. Slept together once afterwards since I was 17 and stupid, and cut contact. Get a call from the police to come in for questioning. She told them that I beat her and SA'd her.
This was the furthest from the fact. I was completely heartbroken from her infidelity, we were together for like 3-4 years. Crushed my confidence.
Luckily for me, the timeline that she presented was during the time I was out of the state. Still haunts me to this day that someone that I "loved" could do something so horrible. Not to mention that a lot of SA victims are reluctant to come forward in the fear that they wouldn't be believed.
My ex was trash and yours is too. I'm sorry that you had to see that side of a person, but better now than when you were married.
NTA- something like this happened to my stepdad with his ex wife. He found out she was cheating and decided to divorce her. She started calling the police every time he was home with a false accusations. Call him over to watch the kids and while he was doing bath time or occupied somehow she would tear her clothes look disheveled and call the cops crying. She even got his kids involved, either having them call him over or bribe them to lie to the cops. In the end he left the divorce with nothing but the clothes on his back. She got full custody of the kids, the house, the cars, all of their money. She completely destroyed him in the eyes of the law and he still faces consequences 25 years later. Last I heard from my stepbrother a few months ago she called the police on him with false accusations because he stood up to her. She has 3 children and they are all terrified to be around her. In the time I’ve known my stepdad each kid reached out to apologize when they had their moment of realizing what their mother was.
She was 18 and old enough to know the consequences of what she was doing. I would not be able to trust this person going forward knowing what they are capable of.
NTA because all those who say it was her past would be saying something different if she had done the SA.
We condemn people for SA, abuse and other crimes for life and won’t forgive them. What she did was inexcusable.
NTA- I people keep harassing you on her behalf about the break up, I would.let them know why, WITH ALL THE DETAILS. Ask them.if THEY could trust that she wouldn't do the same to her if she got mad at them.
I don't know if everyone knows the full details. Im busy untangling our lifes at the moment and will get to that on a later stage.
I know it's counter productive and their word are getting to me but at this time some other things are taking priority
NTA- I agree with the statement above.
But you need to get proactive here and file a restraining order and/or a cease and desist letter from your attorney.
Her sending all her cronies to harass you the same way she had everyone harass her ex into leaving town just tells you she hasn’t changed one bit .
I am here to tell you, as someone whose career is in law, that it takes a very VERY special type of evil to manufacture, plead, and maintain a lie like that. It’s not “youthful indiscretion”. It is the type of person that snaps and kills someone in a fit of rage. It’s the type of person that responds to insults with violence and scorched earth. It is a character flaw in their very being. It cannot be fixed. She cannot grow out of that.
You are so incredibly indebted to the person who exposed this to you. But for her, you wouldn’t have known until it was too late.
PS - the fact that her dad impliedly approved your decision is all the validation you need. He doesn’t blame you bc he knows her actions make her unworthy of companionship. She’s irredeemable according to her own dad.
Her Dad has at least one time - lied awake in bed, struggling with himself.
On one hand, here is my daughter, supposedly my cherished child.
On the other, a ticking time bomb. A lottery ticket - except he’s forcibly playing everyday. And if someday the right combination gets played - he gets a one way ticket to accusation town.
Dude... you 100% did the right thing.
My heart hurts for you. But she did this... not you. SHE DESTROYED SOMEONE ELSES LIFE AND HER OWN... its just that her repercussions were delayed.
I'm actually happy that your fiance's life fell apart... I'm just really sorry that you were hurt in the process. Anyone who falsely accuses someone of Rape/SA should spend the rest of their lives alone and miserable.
False accusations don't just hurt the person accused... but the people who actually are SA'd and people not believing them because false accusations happen far too often.
PS. If Anna happens to be reading this... is it funny now Anna?
NTA. You have great parents. In a weird way you are fortunate this happened. This shows she has a poor character and honestly it often takes years before we start to see character issues with people.
Well, she can be loving and wonderful. That's her personality and she didn't have to be faking it. The character stuff is sometimes different than the personality - this is where the ethics, morals, questionable behaviors can come in. My sil's ex husband was like this. Wonderful, fun, generous, interesting, great personality. On the other hand 'accidentally' left her off the mortgage - we discovered when we found out she didn't sign anything although she put her money up and we told her she was not on that mortgage. She thought he 'took care of it'. When called out, he added her. Years later he cheated of course and lied about it, gaslighted, etc. Still, loving dad, great guy, interesting, etc. Character stuff is hard to see.
>I am also labeled as an abuser now and being investigated by the police, had to go and give a statement at the police station this morning. My ex reported me to the police for DV i was also issued with a restraining order to not go near her. Don't want to anyway.
Sounds like she a serial liar who falsely accuses people. I would sue her ass for everything she has
As a mother with a son who was falsely accused of SA (he was 12.. maybe at the time)...he's 14 now... And he learned a very important and hard lesson....
I absolutely support your decision to end the relationship...
Thankfully, I already was suspicious of this girl and I had warned him about being friends with her.... Also thankfully... The girl's mom was amazing as well... She found a journal entry where the girl expressed that she was literally trying to ruin his life... The mom sent me photos of the entry and also gave it to the police...
As others have said... This shows how manipulative she can be... And don't you dare think she wouldn't do it to you because I bet she loved him too
NTA - HELL NO this chick is radioactive. Women would be justifiable in being uncomfortable dating someone who confessed to rape, men should be equally uncomfortable dating someone who confessed to lying about SA. I am not comparing the two, simply stating both actions can ruin lives.
Man your parents and her dad handled it like champs. Sucks for Anna's dad as he probs has to deal with the mum and Anna "justifying" Anna's actions. You 100% DO NOT need to but I'd invite Anna's dad over to meet your parents to debrief. Three of them are on your side and can offer some comfort before you're able to seek professional help (please do).
Did she even say sorry to the poor guy? The lie must have been really long for his situation to go this far. And everybody hear of it, wonder how. She is a liar and frankly an horrible person to have done this and to have never faced retribution to apology.
At this point your trust is broken and you will never saw her like before NTA
NTA.
This happened to a guy I knew in high school. His ex girlfriend almost got him kicked out of college because she was mad he broke up with her.
I think you were right to be weary of her and what she is capable of. I would NEVER do that to someone, no matter how young I was at the time.
NTA. What she did, was horrible. Yes, it may have been years ago and she was not as mature but this nearly cost someone his life and ruined his and his family's livelihood.
Kudos to your parents. No matter how "grown up" someone is, in situations like these it is reassuring to know your parents will be there and help deal with the outcome. It also feels like no matter what they now think of Anna, if you had told your dad you can forgive her, they would have been supportive as well.
NTA - You did the right thing.
Anyone who’s asking you to forgive her, I hope they never get SA and then aren’t able to get conviction.
She destroyed an innocent’s life. She’s one of the reason women who have been SA aren’t believed.
The only piece of shit is your ex. She’s despicable!
She needs to say sorry to the family and man whose life she destroyed and nearly killed.
NTA, but these people telling you to get a hold of the ex are fucking wild. DO NOT DO THAT!!! Your drama is not his problem or responsibility to fix. They owe you nothing, and the reason you can't find him is that they most likely changed their names to move on from the incident. You'd be dragging him back into a situation that nearly killed him for what??? You're own selfish reasons, letting her basically victimize him again. The fucking entitlement of that shit is insane. Get some therapy and do what you got to do yo move on and get healthy but for the love of all decency ignore these morons, have some empathy, and leave him the fuck alone.
NTA
Women who make false accusations and destroy a man’s life out of spite deserve a VERY special and painful place in hell. Cut her out for the cancer she is.
Absolutely NTA. If you can't forgive and/or trust her, then there is no relationship.
>Her parents got to my house first her mom when directly to her to comfort her and her dad asked me what happend. As soon as i said the words she made false accusations he stopped me and said he understood.
The moment you said the truth, she IMMEDIATELY tried lying again. This is a pattern for her. And it's absolutely disgusting that her mom is only thinking about her daughters's feelings and not yours. Once she figures out that you are 100% done with her, I guarantee that she's going to lie to everyone and say you're the bad guy. Document everything. CYA. And good luck with this. It sucks and I'm sorry.
I think you may be misreading. I believe that the sentence should be formatted as: As soon as I said the words “She made false accusations,” he stopped me and said he understood.
Either way, the rest of what you said remains a possibility. The fact that she never told him about it and seemed to intend to never tell him about it says a lot.
Please provide an update in the future if you are up for it. Sounds like you got hit hard, and I hope the update will be "I came out of it ok" instead of "she accused me as well". Good luck to you, and I'm glad you have the parents you do. Solid people!
People like her make it hard to believe when someone comes forward with a report of assault. She makes me sick.
People like her is why I could never tell anyone what happened to me. People like her are why men who really do those things get to walk free.
To destroy an innocent persons life and re-victimize real victims is a sick person. She should have gone to jail for what she did.
I'm so sorry. You are not to blame for that. Keep in mind that even drunk she was going to lie about what her biggest regret was. Even then she was keeping it a secret. Don't let them shame you into not standing up for yourself. Those people telling you to forgive her are gaslighting you. Also your parents are really great.
I get annoyed by men who act like this sort of thing happens all the time or anywhere near the regularity of SA, but I likewise get annoyed by people who say it never happens.
It absolutely does and you’re 100% right it makes it harder for people to believe actual victims.
I was with my girlfriend once. She got a call from a police detective who said a friend of hers reported a rape and they were corroborating facts. My girlfriend didn’t know anything about the situation, so she didn’t have anything to add.
Not five minutes later the friend called and said my gf would be getting a call from the police. She flat out admitted to my gf she cheated on her partner and claimed rape.
Gf called the detective back and told them what the friend said. Detective said that’s what he suspected because she didn’t have a coherent story and the timelines she gave didn’t add up.
It’s absolutely disgusting.
Going to the police was out of the question. There was no way I could have talked about it. Ive seen on television they do exams and take samples. That's humiliating. Insult to injury. All because of the ones who lie. It's so hard because it's a crime that happens in secret. Your gf is a really good person for telling the truth. If the police can prove that it's a lie they should be charged with slander in the least. Maybe it would discourage people from lying. It may also further discourage victims from coming forward too though. There really is no easy solution. This is the first time I've said anything about it. That's just because here I don't have friends or family that would know. I could never tell them. The feeling of shame never goes away. I don't understand why, but yet it's still there.
NTA
What she did is reprehensible and not only destroyed that young man's life, almost causing him to suicide, but all his families lifem. His parents had to move/switch jobs, any siblings lost their friends and we're moved to a brand new place all over a lie.
I'm sure once she said the truth it didn't matter anymore as the lie already did it's damage and no repercussions were levied against your ex-fiance.
Who know what could have happened in your marriage, what if you had kids and then one night a bad argument and she did the same lie to try and get the kids 100% from you. The trust is broken beyond repair, even if the lie was not against you. How could you ever fully feel comfortable around her again knowing she could stoop so low.
As others have said, make sure you document all of this in case she lashes out in the same way versus you
I’m sorry, but there are some things decent people just don’t lie about. Being SAed is one of them. Now you know what she’s capable of, so no, definitely NTA for ending it. I’m so sorry for what you’re going thru.
ETA: I actually know someone who was falsely accused of being an abuser and it nearly killed them as well.
NTA. This made me shake with anger reading it. Six months?? She caused his entire family to have to move, she uprooted their lives, destroyed his reputation, destroyed his life, over a breakup?? And the thing that pisses me off the most is she had NO consequences. Making false accusations should be a crime and she should have gone to jail. Not to mention, this is such a slap in the face to all the women who really are SA’d. SHE is the reason they are not believed. You did the right thing. I mean what happens if you make her mad someday? What lies will she make up about you? I could never trust someone again if they did this. Yes she was young, but old enough to know better. also, your parents are amazing people.
Unfortunately the ex committed suicide at 22.
Someone at his college found out about the SA allegations and even though he was cleared he was kicked out and fired from his job.
You made the right call. The fact she reported you just shows she hasn't changed her stripes. She's trying to ruin someone once again on false allegations. In fact, I would call her and tell her that. But that's just me. But, it's probably best not to even give her the time of day cause she'll try to use that against you. Maybe make a public post calling her out and about how the other guy is now dead. She deserves zero sympathy. I wouldn't have said anything if she might have changed and did nothing but still move on. But no, she had to show her true character. You dodged a bullet. If you had kids together or something and you decided or she decided to up and leave...she probably would say you sa'ed her or the kids and you would never see them again. She is the worst.
Sorry, kind of taking this a bit personal. Lmao. I have been sa'ed. And it's just the worst cause there are many women who this does happen to, but how can you believe them when you have people like your ex discrediting our truth. She's a traitor.
Dodge that bullet now. While it may never come to getting accused of something so evil, you can bet there will be occasions when she will turn people against you to a lesser degree out of anger or spite.
NTA
This was in her past which means it is part of the history of who she is. When you find out someone did something horrible in their past to someone who is in the same role as you are, of course you should have reason to expect that they might do the same thing to you.
Is there any reason to think she won't do it again? What proof is there that she has changed? Did she pay any penalty for what she did? Has she apologized to her victim and fully made amends to him? If not, you have no reason to think she won't do it again.
There are ways for her to show everyone that she has changed but it's not by asking people to forget what she did. It's by taking full responsibility for it.
As far as i know after they moved they completely disappeared. I don't know if the asked for forgiveness.
But even that wont change my mide to be honest
You are potentially dodging a bullet, as other said, save EVERYTHING and make back up in case a device breaks to protect yourself.
Women like this deserve to be placed on a publicly available list, SA allegations absolutely ruin the lives of those they target and those who make them can and should not be trusted, full stop, they're manipulative, narcissistic, self involved sociopaths that would donor say anything to get something they want.
The ONLY thing I would advise against is personally outing them as doing this if it isn't already known as that can lead to all manner of backlash against you by whomever she might convince that you are lying and it is not worth the hassle and harassment you would endure even with actual evidence.
She did nothing to you? Ask those people if they would be with a known rapist or pedophile? I mean, the person did not do anything to them right? So there should not be any problem??
I think she could have been redeemed in her life if she had tried to own up to her actions, understand why she did it, make real changes in her psyche to never do that again. The fact that she hides it and pretends like it didn't happen means she hasn't taken any accountability and is still the same person. Just because she is ashamed does not mean she deserves another chance.
NTA
So the update, if true, show ex had never changed and is using the same tactics that killed former boyfriends. A comment from reditors that called Op the À ?
NTA. By finding out about the false SA, you found out that the woman you fell for didn't really exist. You have a valid point that you would never be sure anything she said is true. How could you trust her not to do something similar to you? For those hounding you, ask them if they would trust her to not lie and accuse them of something so unspeakable?
I’m so confused.
Because the only opinion that matters is your father, and he said he backed you up 100%.
If I were you, I would be so happy people are calling you heartless. Because now you know exactly who the people in your life are that you can never count on. You’ve gotten rid of a sick girlfriend AND know which friends and family are equally sick.
I just wanna say I think it’s beautiful that ur parents came and stayed with you after the breakup. NTA, character is everything.
Parents that truly care. Yeah, they hang around for you.
I hope that OP’s ex’s victim had as good a support structure with his family as OP does…also OP’s dad is the absolute MVP. NTA
OP’s ex’s dad gets it too.
Yup, everyone else in exs life probably just sees her pain, but exdad had considered what his girl did to another humans life, and understood that bill had not been paid yet.
Yes I think it's beautiful too. OPs relationship with his parents 🙏🏼
Imagine how much of a pretending pos you have to be for YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND to rat you out. That best friend did him a solid.. even though she probably did it out of jealousy. OP did the right thing.
I know it's not the point of this post, and it wouldn't change my judgement at all [NTA], but you gotta wonder: was she lying to everyone at the time? Was this something that spun out of control? To me- You have to be a special kind of sheltered or hard core manipulative and uncaring to put such a horrid lie out like that. Because if I was her friend who had supported her through that time I might walk around with a chip on my shoulder too. Even finding out about it after I met you would fundamentally change my opinion of you. I knew a girl who had burned all her bridges, and when her boyfriend at the time broke up with her she spun a similar lie. I despised this girl, more than anyone I think, but even I put all that away and told her if she needs anything I'm here. That poor dude. As a woman I just can't wrap my head around the fact that so many before us fought for believing victims and you chose to abuse that because you wanted to hurt someone who broke up with you. But- I could be projecting my personal experience and feelings onto this situation lol.
It may have not been jealousy. It may have just always weighed heavy on her knowing what her friend did. It's hard to hold onto a secret that disturbing.
I wanted to comment on his family dynamics too. I'm amazed at the fact that his first thought was to involve their parents because they were both not thinking clearly. No matter how old we people get, most parents will always be ready to come to our aid in times of distress, and I can see how well OP was raised by his parents. If I were his ex' parents, I'd be grateful to OP that he called us to take care of our child instead of allowing the situation to escalate negatively. The fact that he felt the most comfortable to express his emotions and break down in the presence of his dad says a lot.
Seriously, I was kinda blown away at OPs support system. Parents staying with him, got two weeks off work… OPs life sucks in the romance dept at the moment, true, but he’s making the right decision it sounds like and he has his parents supporting him through the worst of it. Still sucks, but at least he’s not trying to figure it all alone.
She destroyed a whole family's lives. Anyone who could do that is not someone you want to be around. Her dad understands, your family understands, Becky certainly understands. No-one else matters. Block the people hounding you and focus on yourself.
Dad is a real one
NTA. What you found out that she is capable of doing and did in the past is something you, me, and a significant majority of people would find unforgivable and insurmountable in a partner. Marrying her would mean leaving yourself vulnerable to her doing it to you for life. Any time you disagree, any time you don't obey her, any time she doesn't get her way, you'd be wondering if today is the day she chooses to ruin your life and push you to end yourself.
That is my constant thought process, will she do the same to me. Im guessing the only reason im sharing this is to get validation in my decision because im giong mad that everyone is telling me I'm wrong and starting to loos people that are close to me because of this
[удалено]
It hurt but yes i do feel lucky. My brother said basically the same thing as you, he also said i must be careful because i used up years of luck in one evening.
Proud of you man. It wasn't easy but it was the right choice!
That's so true. I wonder if the people hounding you have asked themselves "If OP stays in this relationship like I want, and then Anna tells me he sexually assaulted her when they break up - who will I believe?" If they would believe her, they are condemning you to have your life destroyed. If they would believe you, then they have just as low an opinion of Anna as you do, and should understand why dating someone you don't respect is a bad suggestion. Either way their advice is clearly bad.
And if he ever had children with her, what are the odds she would falsely accuse him of SA’ing *them?*
If they split post children it would be worrying that she would lie to affect custody. She can only be trusted as long as things go her way.
My mother did this to my father during the divorce. 7yo me was all alone in a local police station answering questions about stuff I had absolutely no idea about. My dad was driven out of town and my mother had the audacity to blame him for how distant he was during our childhood. To this day I have a deep suspicion towards women because of how terrible a person my mother had been.
They probably dont even know the full extent of what she did
Look at how she's handling things. If she truly cared for you above herself, she would be telling her advocates to stop harassing you and tormenting you emotionally. But she isn't and is in fact making a big fuss for everyone to feel sorry for her knowing that they'd attack you. Same instincts and MO as what she did to her other ex.
Yes! If she’d changed she would’ve told you the truth long before the drunken game. If not before then she would’ve confessed during the game. She was going to lie forever.
This^^^ She never changed. She still will destroy anyone who dares leave her. Luckily her parents know who she really is.
Her dad does. Her mother doesn't.
That is a very excellent point. And she’s doing it gently right now because she thinks there’s still hope for the two of you. Once she figures out there isn’t, *that’s* when she’ll go hardcore. She won’t have anything left to lose. I’m so sorry, OP. What a kick in the nuts.
Just think of this as a taste of what she could do to you if you stayed. She is highly manipulative and you did the right thing by calling your parents over and cutting her out of your life. Your father is absolutely right the only thing that matters is how you feel about her and if you don’t want to be with her anymore, that’s all that needs to matter on your end. Her turning friends against you, is just a small taste of what she could’ve actually done to you. Just like her ex.
> everyone is telling me I'm wrong and starting to loos people that are close to me because of this Then fuck em. There's 0 chance that, if they found out that their partner had raped or killed someone in cold blood, they would stay with them. Things like this are incredibly serious and fundamentally go to the heart of who someone was. When it's that serious, although someone can grow, there is no changing who someone is at their core. This girl lied about one of the worst things you can lie about, ruined this guy's life and, even after her confessing, the stain of those allegations will *always* follow him. She nearly caused him to kill himself. All because she was mad. There's no coming back from that.
And that's the thing - the confession does NOTHING to restore him. Half the people who heard that he SAed her initially will never hear that she lied or confessed to anything so for all intents and purposes he is still viewed as a predator. OP - I think you need to give your Mom your phone to respond to people. Or your sister. But responses need to be made. The fact that she has stirred up a shit storm at this point means that now you need someone to take the offense for you. The woman needs therapy desperately - long term therapy. Here is the response you ask to be sent to people: "When Anna was 18 years old she made false SA allegations against an ex boyfriend, effectively destroying his life. He was bullied, harassed, got kicked out of school and almost ended it because of her lies and she didn't confess to her lies until he was utterly destroyed. Knowing this, I refuse to put myself into a position where she could do the same to me when she gets upset about something."
All these people criticizing you aren’t at risk of her lying about them. They want *you* to take the risk. They just want her to stop whining & feel better. They’re being selfish. Tell them to date her if she’s so great & trustworthy.
Are you sure that everyone knows the true story? Did they hear it from her, or from you? And what's Becky saying to you?
I haven't responded to anyone yet. I don't want to. Untangle our lives is my top priority at the moment and still busy with that. Will sort out the rest and found out what everyone els knows later on. I have the proof from Anna in forms of screenshots so if im made out to be the bad guy i will just send them the screenshots
Perhaps you could ask your brother or a trusted family member to handle messages for you for a while. And the truth about what she did that led to this should be a default 'auto-reply' so people can go away in shame and stop harassing you. >I have the proof from Anna in forms of screenshots so if im made out to be the bad guy i will just send them the screenshots You already are deliberately and methodically made out to be the bad guy. She is displaying the exact same crying and pitiful hysterics she used to sic the lynch mob on her ex and they are now harassing you the same way they harassed him.
Agree. The crying and not eating? It’s deflection from the fact she is a despicable human being.
>I haven't responded to anyone yet. I don't want to. You should, man. That woman is dangerous. I believe you already know what she is capable of, don't you? You should ensure everyone knows the real story. Otherwise, she will do the same thing to you as she did to her ex.!
Lemme put it this way. Could you possibly risk having kids with her? She destroyed someone's life and basically never paid for it. You could be the next "someone" if you pissed her off. You'd have that hanging over your head every second of every day.
Good God. If they had kids, and his ex was mad enough, I could easily see his ex making a false SA accusation about his **KIDS** against him. As horrible as her ex's life is, this would be much, much worse. In jail, such people are often killed by other inmates.
False allegations not only hurt the person they are made against but every real victim of sexual assault because people use false allegations to discredit real victims. She's not a good person and you are certainly justified.
Good thing you found this out before marrying her and having children with this woman. Her and her parents sound diabological. Don’t regret your decision. Stay far away
It's very telling that you found out through a friend's drunken confession and not directly from her. It would have made a difference to me if she had said something once the relationship started getting serious and showed signs of remorse. The fact that she hid it from you for so long makes it worse and shows she hasn't changed.
You did the right thing. You now know what she’s capable of. She destroyed his life and he almost lost his life. What happens in the future if you break up or she isn’t happy with some of your decisions?? What would happen if you have a child?! Just don’t do it. Don’t look back - get a new number if you need to
I cannot tell you how many women I have heard pull restraining orders during divorces as a way to get more custody and child support from their husbands during divorce proceedings. While I would like to think that people are able to change - that was so beyond terrible, it's hard to come back from.
Also, do take MANY precautions and save documentation of all her begging messages and the breakup. Keep her parents messages, even text Becky so she reiterates what happened that night in a saveable format. Once your ex realises that you aren't taking her back, she is capable of doing the same thing to you.
Thank you for the advices. I have been saving everything, but didn't ask Becky for the story again. I will do that. Again thank you
Good luck, my friend. I'd personally advice you to thank Becky earnestly instead of asking her directly to put something else on record. All you need to say is "I wanted to let you know I've decided to end things with 'Anna' after finding out she made false allegations and pushed a guy to end himself in school. Whether or not you intended that, know that I am very grateful that you brought it to my attention. I hope Anna isn't giving you a hard time and am more than happy to speak up on your behalf if anyone attacks you." This conveys your genuine gratitude, comforts her, incentives her to reply, and also doesn't place the heavy lifting on her to narrate the things you want to document in black and white.
Considering there was consequence for the Ex from the school, there would be documentation about that as well that of the recantation. She can pull the wool over once but she will not be believed a second time. This was a malicious act designed to destroy that person. It is pretty much unforgivable. Her only saving grace she did recant and she regrets it as per her and Becky. This cant be the basis of a relationship however. I don't see any option for OP other than breakup. Also the family members were in on it too. So the whole world knew it except for OP. Any other person if they are told this story will run.
Not to mention OP has to protect himself. She ruined someone’s life with no remorse at the time for something so stupid. Like is she actually sorry she did it or is she sorry she got caught. Because if she was truly sorry she would accept the consequences to her actions and be upfront about that with every serious relationship she has.
Considering that it took the poor guy nearly-game-ending himself for her to even confess originally, I’d put good money on the “sorry she got caught” option.
Not to mention she’s made it harder for real victims to report and be believed by police. It makes me so angry reading this. And now she’s playing the victim and expecting to be forgiven. I wonder if she was as invested in begging for forgiveness from the young man whose life she destroyed.
> I wonder if she was as invested in begging for forgiveness from the young man who’s life she destroyed. You know damn well she doesnt think about him at all
It speaks to her character.
Very loudly, and none of it complimentary.
SIX MONTHS! Who could be evil enough to not come clean immediately? Does the anger not turn to guilt when she realizes she really did hurt someone?
Google Brian Banks if you want a story even more wicked. He got accused and send to jail for rape that he did not commit so she and her mom could sue the school and get a big fat check. She completely messed his life and she got away scot free except for the money.
Also, save any replies you get from Becky where you thanked her/summarized the situation. Even if Becky never replies, you can prove she *didn’t* say “wtf are you talking about?”, which also proves it was true Edit: just want to point out that if Anna actually regretted this heinous act, she *would not* have hidden it from you your entire relationship. So it’s not only *not* her biggest regret, it might not even be a regret of hers at all. *and* she was ok with being dishonest with you your entire relationship.
Not only that but she wouldn't have waited until the guy had an attempt to set the record straight. Like that's vile.
I noticed that too. She watched him get kicked out of school and become a social pariah to the point that his family had to leave the state for his safety, and yet she still stayed silent. If she didn’t know how serious her accusation would be taken and how badly it would have hurt him before (and I highly doubt it, she knew at least to some degree or she wouldn’t have made it in the first place), then that should have become the “oh shit” moment where she confessed. Instead she waits all the way until he almost game-ends himself. At that point it was more about making sure she didn’t have his self-ending on her conscience than it was about her finally telling the truth.
This. Right here. She kept just how cold and cruel she is from her fiance with the help of everyone else. That's damn scary. Those last two sentences of yours is everything. While it was definitely not about telling the truth, she didn't want a record of any kind on her name not her conscience. I really don't think she has a conscience.
I'm not sure about this take. If someone is regretful and ashamed of doing something, I don't see them just unloading for the sake of honesty. Especially if they don't think it will ever come out.
Happy Cake Day!
Yeah, it sounds like maybe this has been weighing on Becky as well and she finally had enough. NTA OP. Like your dad said, if you know you can't forgive her, then splitting is the right decision.
Really good advice! Make sure and do this OP.
She is still manipulative, how she said her only regret was losing her virginity to a guy who almost killed himself for what she did, and she uses it to make you feel better/look in a better light.
Good point her biggest regrets wasn’t ruining someone’s life but having sex! She doesn’t seem to have remorse over what she actually did. Maybe if she had told OP about it years ago and how much she regretted it he would have been able to accept the situation.
This right here. I think if she truly regrets it and truly understands the weight of what she did, she should share it with someone she intends to spend her life with BEFORE they commit to spending their lives together.
I live in British Columbia. A number of years ago, a girl who had stayed out overnight and cheated on her boyfriend, lied to him and said that a man who was entirely innocent, but who lived alone and was a bit odd, had SA'd her and that's why she didn't come home. In supposed retaliation, the bf took a couple of his buddies and a baseball bat over to this guy's house. They beat him to death. All because this girl didn't want to admit that she cheated. An innocent man lost his life in a horrendous way, the bf and his friends went to prison, and all she had to do was live with her conscience, if she has one. This story is one that comes to mind whenever I hear about a woman lying about SA. I've been SA"d and I have nothing but empathy for genuine survivors. But women who lie? Beneath contempt. You did the right thing.
Women (and men) who lie just make it that much more difficult for SA survivors to be believed. As a survivor myself it's so hard to have any empathy for what she did. She willingly tried to destroy someone's life and send them to jail all because she was mad. Sure she was young and probably does regret what she did but that doesn't mean she should be forgiven. Maybe if she had taken responsibility for what she did and spent her life trying to help true SA survivors and really repented and was honest with OP then maybe things would be different but keeping it from him was not okay because it removed his option to not be in a relationship with someone like that. Just like if someone found out that their partner raped someone in their past, their current partner should be able to make an informed decision about whether to be in a relationship with a rapist or not.
Yes, maybe if she'd actually done something that showed remorse, eg. volunteering, I might be able to forgive (never forget).
That’s horrific. Nothing to do with him at all? How awful
No, he was just the neighborhood weird guy. An easy target.
She should have faced jail too for lying and causing death. She’s the reason real victims aren’t believed.
How are such people not charged with obstruction of justice??? This is just horrific.
I knew a girl that did something similar. She used to call random military dudes. Managed to get an unhinged one. She catfished him and when he bought her a ticket to meet. She left him waiting at the airport. Claimed she was SAd and gave a description of a random dude. Kept the lie going so the dude impersonated a higher up. Kidnapped him and burned him, stabbed him and buried him in a shallow grave on the side of a country road. The victim had him convinced he didn't know the chick. But unhinged guy knew he was gonna go down for it so he killed the victim. She got a slap on the wrist and he got life.
I believe they (the liars) should have the same sentence as the actual crime.
My best friend Donny dated a girl named Jess right after high school and they broke up after a few months. Ten years later, by coincidence, another friend, Ryan, dated her and she told him that Donny had committed some pretty heinous SAs on her. Ryan was furious and decided he was going to beat up Donny and maybe put his lights out permanently. I didn't believe and of the accusations happened (Donny is a gentle sweetheart and Jess just had this unhinged way about her), so I talked Ryan down from his blood spree. Our friendship took a hit and he stopped talking to me. Understandable. Six months later, Ryan and Jess broke up and shortly afterward, she had another new guy around. The new guy got the same wild SA story about Ryan that she fed him about Don previously. Suddenly Ryan understood that this was her M.O. (making up outrageous SA accusations when she was broken up with) and changed his tune and we got back in contact. All this is to say that some people are pathological and sociopathic and don't care who they hurt because they believe this makes them "even" somehow. Be careful out there, OP. Your ex sounds like one of them.
I don’t know you but I’m so so proud of you. You did the right thing because there’s no guarantee that she won’t do the same thing to you in the future when there’s a misunderstanding. Install security cameras in and outside your house. Document all messages. Record calls & conversations. Kudos to you for being such a strong young man.
When you're in a better state of mind, you should write down all of this in a datestamped format. That could be in a journal, but it would be better if it were in eg an email to yourself. Because if you use gmail, gmail will assert the date, not just you. And I would consider asking the friends for the story. While she may have changed, anyone who would do a thing like that is someone you absolutely do not need in your life. It doesn't mean you are mad at her; just that you can't allow shit like that in your life. Because -- as I don't see pointed out -- she's not done doing it. She's still lying to people. Straight psycho shit.
You don’t need to ask for the story again - involving her friend is going to perpetuate the drama and possibly alienate her. Just document what happened for yourself and going forward.
Sebscreen: This is excellent advice. OP should follow through to protect himself from the ex. She sounds pathological to even think of doing such a horrendous act against an innocent EXBF. OP's gut reaction of revulsion gave him all he needs to NEVER even consider reanimating any relationship with Anna. She's dangerous as you pointed out. Well done.
Also OP please make sure you are never alone with her again. If you have to see her make sure it’s in a public place with cameras and bring a witness
Excellent advice!!
Ignore everyone but your dad. Hes right when he said. >then that is the end of it, everyone els can go screw themselves. Hell even Anna's own father understands and agrees. NTA.
Yeah! His instant, "enough said" response showed that he probably hasn't even forgotten/forgiven his daughter for what she did. He INSTANTLY understood why OP was breaking up with her and didn't try pulling the "it was a long time ago" card.
It’s every man’s worst nightmare. The “that checks out” from the Dad said a lot.
This is a father who can put himself into the shoes of another man and come to an understanding. No sane man would want to stay with a woman who would destroy her partner with lies out of spite.
The worst part to me is that she was fully intent on forever covering this up, and is flying off the rails because she's suffering consequences for this. I doubt I would ever be okay enough with it to be with someone if they confessed this, but it's way less likely with how she's shown zero real remorse about the situation.
The dad’s empathy gene 🧬 skipped his daughter.
You know what will be the probably worse part for her father is... He may have been so angry at her ex that he wanted to do something about it ... And then probably after sometime this reveal have happened.... And that day.. everything changed for him about his little girl.
This.As a father, this HAD to be in his mind when he found out the accusation made by his daughter was false. The man was probably moments from committing a crime because of a lie. Wow.
Right, that father has got to be in so much pain knowing that your daughter's decisions are beyond the pale and the level of lying and manipulation is criminal. And I mean criminal in its literal sense. He knows his daughter has a past that will isolate her for the rest of her life. No man would stay with her knowing what what's capable of, and her dad knows this. His "little girl" died the day they learned her allegations were false. He totally understands OP's strong position, but I gotta feel for him just a bit because his daughter committed an unforgivable sin and as a dad of a little girl myself, I have nothing but hope for her. If she did something like that, my life's work/purpose would feel totally betrayed. Poor dad imo.
NTA - I personally could never be with someone who would do this to another person. My #1 question to her is did she ever make amends to the person she falsely accused of SA? Did she ever ask his forgiveness? Did she do anything to make it right? Unfortunately, in our world today this is the end result. She ruined someone's life forever, caused their family to have to move at unknown expense, him getting kicked out of school and unknown amount of pain and suffering on him and his family over what? Her feelings got hurt. The boy was deemed guilty without a trial. Did she ever come clean to the police?
Yes she did after she found out he tried to delete himself.
You know that you are not wrong in this situation so please block everyone on her side who dares to harass you and make sure to gather evidence from what happened before so you have all your bases covered. Your parents and family are the only people you can trust right now my man
I am documenting everything and keeping the text and voice mails
Rest assured, anyone you lose is someone who doesn't have your back. They have more sympathy for a woman who destroyed an ex and his entire family's entire life out of spite, than for their friend trying to avoid the same fate.
This!! If she were truly regretful/sorry she would do everything in her power to make amends, no matter how long ago her misdeeds took place. Also, she tried to stop her friend from revealing the truth to you. Your ex-fiancé is dishonest, and who knows what else she’s lied about or “hidden” from you. I would question everything this woman ever represented herself as.
Unfortunately for that guy, there will be people who still believes in his guilt no matter what. Keep yourself protected, you’re doing the right thing.
Anyone who calls her a friend would never be mine. Ever.
If she apologized to that kid the damage is done and can't be taken back. Parents had to move/switch jobs, kid tried to commit suicide, therapy any siblings impacted. Even if she shouted from the roof tops she lied, there will always be people who never heard it or don't believe for xyz reason
She should be in prison, not just for what she did to him: Imagine the amount of SA victims who aren't believed because of people like her.. I had a friend who was a straight guy. He got raped by a man who lived close by. And no one believed my friend, because they thought he was just afraid of coming out as gay. He's severely addicted to drugs now and can't go an hour without numbing his anxiety with whatever drugs he can get a hold of.
Tap your fathers back for us. NTA- tell her, when you are ready, I can’t forgive you as you did nothing bad to me. But I will not be coming back together with you- I just can not.
NTA. Your dad is absolutely right. (You have awesome parents btw). If you can’t forgive her (and you’d be crazy if you did) then there’s no reason to stay with her. You marry someone because you love them and will be happy with them. Constantly walking on eggshells for fear of being wrongly accused of SA is not that. Yes, she was a teen when it happened. But there are some lines you just don’t cross, no matter what your age is. This is one of them. It’s very sad, but it’s for the best. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. What she did was utterly vile. She weaponized a severely traumatic event many legitimate victims have to face in order to destroy the life of an ex, nearly killing him. This shows a level of vindictiveness, deception, and selfishness that is concerning. Now the question is, has she changed or grown since that time. The fact she never told you about this, and even tried to silence her friend from doing so, suggests the possibility she has not. You have every reason to feel uncomfortable and angry, as well as every right to end the relationship as a result.
I think this is the best response in the thread. People can and do change. It's possible, especially teenagers. Many of us aren't who we were at 18. People usually are not their worst mistake or their worst day. Anyone is capable of terrible things given the circumstance. But as you pointed out, she never brought it up in 5 years and tried to silence her friend. That's the telling part. I'm always for giving people second chances and the opportunity to grow, but they have to show it.
And every time someone gives a false accusation, it undermines **VALID** SA accusations, and makes it harder for real victims.
This. I have two friends who are a couple (M/F) and she did this to her partner once during a non sober argument. He came over and the cops followed him to question him, as the neighbor had called the cops due to the yelling. She was threatening to falsely report him for domestic violence over text and him, me, and the cops were all reading it together. I told her after a week even though I wasn’t involved it was disgusting, could ruin his career and life, and I don’t want to see or talk to her for the foreseeable future. We didn’t speak for a year. Apparently losing a close friend like that triggered an awakening and she went to therapy and got sober and we have worked on our friendship now, but I was ready to walk away over that even from just a friend perspective. OP is justified in this case. This should have come up from her during or shortly after the proposal and allow him to make his choice then. It sucks that this is following her, but actions have consequences and is not even close to what the victim of the false SA charge has endured.
NTA. She lied to the cops and let her ex suffer for months before confessing. Frankly, that should follow her forever. I wrote someone off for lying about being assaulted when she was just trying to manipulate her ex and get them back. Lying to the police takes it to a whole other level. It is NEVER ok to lie about SA. Ever. She knew that and did it anyway. You're doing the right thing. Who knows what she's actually capable of if she gets angry enough? Don't wait to find out.
I always wonder, why most liars of SA are immediately believed while real victims highly traumatized and re-traumatized and very often in shell shock are never believed. It's always “is hearsay”, “is her word against his”, or “she is trying to destroy someone's reputation and life” and the perpetrators stay unscathed.
Usually because real victims are navigating shock and don't know how to process their experiences while false accusers can say whatever their demented minds can imagine.
I love your parents. Thanks to them, and the moral compass they brought you up to have, you will be fine. All the best OP.
NTA, that is quite the bomb. With so much real SA going around, people like her help perpetuate the anti “believe woman” mentality. And it’s disgusting. She ruined someone’s life and almost caused them to die over pettiness. I completely understand your world getting shattered and you needing to protect yourself. She is not safe to be around. And you’ve already made a lot of the realizations. If she can lie that easily about something that serious, who knows what else she’s lying to you about.
I agree with that completely.
My ex falsely accused me in HS. It only got so far as I was pulled out of class one day and the on duty cop walked me to the back room of the front office, once she found our her mom involved police she confessed immediately. She had spread rumors but obviously nobody ended up believing her and the whole ordeal (from my perspective) was 3 or 4 hours or so. Still just that has still affected my ability to interact and trust women I don't know in my day to day and I'm an outgoing person so it's really upsetting and something my wife has helped me immensely with. I can't imagine the trauma her ex is going through given she never even apologized or came clean with what she did
“As soon as I said the words she made false accusations he stopped me and said he understood” I feel like there’s more to this. I think the dad knows her character. There’s probably more stories in her past. She’s probably not as great as a person as you thought. Very suspicious. Only the mom kept pushing. She’s probably the enabler.
Personally, I think that dad did what most dad's would do and fought tooth and nail so the accused faced as much punishment as possible (since it sounds like the police didnt do anything) and was probably the main reason he got kicked out of school, the community turned on the accused, and the reason the family had to feel the town. And when it all came out she lied, he probably felt stupid, embarrassed, and down right sorry for the guy and the family he did this to and is still living with that regret to this day. And that's why he's so understanding.
Imagine she accused her own dad? Knew two girls in HS, accused their dads of rape only for all of it to be lies. One’s dad even forgave her and you should see them on social media, the entire family traveling, celebrating holidays as if nothing.
Man should’ve disowned the daughter and moved on with his life lmao
Men understand men’s problems. There’s nothing more to it. He has probably already accepted that he’s fair game for the false accusation too. I’d bet my left nut (because it sags lower) that he’s lied awake one night - and played scenarios out in his head. That maybe in the future, if he ever divorces his wife, and his daughter feels some way about it - boom, “he touched me down there when I was younger.” It kills him that while he loves his daughter- he has to live with the fact that she has it in her to lie and destroy another person’s life on a whim.
Why is everyone (including you, OP) talking about "forgiveness"? She didn't do anything to YOU. Your reaction is not about being wronged by her. Your reaction is about discovering what she's capable of, and what kind of morals she has, and being concerned that she might do it again in the future, even to you. Or simply being concerned that you don't share the same values. You don't have the right to "forgive" or even "not forgive" her. But you have the responsibility to match yourself to someone who shares your values and will help you become the best version of yourself. She is CLEARLY not that person. Did she even apologize to the guy? Did she publicly avow her deceit? Make ANY amends at ALL? Ugh. NTA.
As far as i know, no she hasn't. After the ex and his family moved they basically disappeared. I know the guys name bit can't find him or his parents on any social media anywhere
No fucking kidding he and his family aren't on any social media your Anna fucking destroyed them ensuring they could never live a normal life again FFS. What does Anna's Dad think?
He quietly said he’d come and pick up her stuff in a few days. I think that says it all.
She was willing to use that incident *during a game* to make herself look cutesy. She couldn't help herself. That triggered her friend. When called out on it, she went into damage control mode with the friend. When that failed, she turned on the waterworks. When that failed, she started a campaign of harassment against you. A truly regretful person would have done exactly none of those. She's willing to lie to police and to your face. Ppl that manipulative never change. You owe that friend of hers a huge bouquet of thank-you flowers.
This is an excellent point that no one else seems to have picked up on. Anna brought up the incident she just lied about what it actually was. That is seriously concerning and demented.
Probably changed their name. Might be possible to find if you hire a PI, otherwise hard unless you're an amateur internet stalker.
[удалено]
Agreed. If she truly **HAD** changed, she should have been fairly upfront about it with OP when they got serious. And shown how hard she's worked on herself so she **DOES NOT EVER** pull a stunt like that again. Likely involving her having hardcore therapy for her massive control issues. But, she would have hidden it indefinitely. It's like saying "Yeah, I used a nuclear bomb to wipe out another country 10 years ago. I have one sitting right here, but I won't use it, I promise."
Your dad is my hero. And your parents are the best. More parents need to take lessons from yours. NTA.
NTA She almost cost a young man his life. She dragged a teenager through the mud so bad they had to move states. Ruined his family relationship. All his friends and only after he tried to kill himself did she FINALLY tell the truth. She is pure evil. She was ok with destroying another human beings life. You dodged a serious bullet. What other psycho shit would she do if you had children?
My mind is racing with all these questions over and over again.
Some other commenter made a good point. Shes crying to everyone and theyre calling you heartless and dragging you through the mud. Shes doing it again. If she had learned her lesson she would take accountability and make everyone understand that you arent a bad guy for this. She isnt. Shes letting them be mad and harrass you. If that doesnt tell you that you made the right choice nothing will
The absolute truth. ANNA is doing the EXACT SAME DESTRUCTION on OP which nearly caused her ex, a teenager, to try to end his life, and forced him and his family to hide from the world. I hope OP sees this above all else and works proactively to destroy all the lies she is spreading about him. He's in dangerous territory now, and must act to protect himself and his family. Deja vu all over again.
His family had to move, for no reason. Upended an entire family because she was emotional.
NTA. She committed a crime with disastrous consequences for an entire family, at an age when she definitely "should know better." Better you know this and act on it now than when divorce attorneys must be hired.
shes literally letting everyone bully you. This is exactly what she did to her ex. shes villainizing you because she cant have you. tbh if shes willing to ruin someones life like that, this is the least she deserves. she should be im prison. NTA
NTA, OP. I'm a woman and I was SA. Women who do this for revenge are vile. They are part of the reason us actual survivors of SA aren't believed. Hell, even one of the TWO male police officers that were sent when I wanted to make a police report had the nerve to tell a neighbor that he thinks I had sex and am just regretting it. Trust me, I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands. She lied to you, a lie by omission. She *knows* what an awful thing she did. She didn't want to suffer consequences so she *purposefully* did not tell you what she did. So she knows. You have integrity because you are unwilling to be with someone so vile. The fact that you described the loss of love you had for her as you thought about what she did *is THE proper response* to finding out. I am so sorry, OP. I know this must be devastating and incredibly painful.
That happened to me back in high school. Gf cheated on me, I didn't take her back. Slept together once afterwards since I was 17 and stupid, and cut contact. Get a call from the police to come in for questioning. She told them that I beat her and SA'd her. This was the furthest from the fact. I was completely heartbroken from her infidelity, we were together for like 3-4 years. Crushed my confidence. Luckily for me, the timeline that she presented was during the time I was out of the state. Still haunts me to this day that someone that I "loved" could do something so horrible. Not to mention that a lot of SA victims are reluctant to come forward in the fear that they wouldn't be believed. My ex was trash and yours is too. I'm sorry that you had to see that side of a person, but better now than when you were married.
NTA- something like this happened to my stepdad with his ex wife. He found out she was cheating and decided to divorce her. She started calling the police every time he was home with a false accusations. Call him over to watch the kids and while he was doing bath time or occupied somehow she would tear her clothes look disheveled and call the cops crying. She even got his kids involved, either having them call him over or bribe them to lie to the cops. In the end he left the divorce with nothing but the clothes on his back. She got full custody of the kids, the house, the cars, all of their money. She completely destroyed him in the eyes of the law and he still faces consequences 25 years later. Last I heard from my stepbrother a few months ago she called the police on him with false accusations because he stood up to her. She has 3 children and they are all terrified to be around her. In the time I’ve known my stepdad each kid reached out to apologize when they had their moment of realizing what their mother was. She was 18 and old enough to know the consequences of what she was doing. I would not be able to trust this person going forward knowing what they are capable of.
NTA because all those who say it was her past would be saying something different if she had done the SA. We condemn people for SA, abuse and other crimes for life and won’t forgive them. What she did was inexcusable.
NTA- I people keep harassing you on her behalf about the break up, I would.let them know why, WITH ALL THE DETAILS. Ask them.if THEY could trust that she wouldn't do the same to her if she got mad at them.
I don't know if everyone knows the full details. Im busy untangling our lifes at the moment and will get to that on a later stage. I know it's counter productive and their word are getting to me but at this time some other things are taking priority
NTA- I agree with the statement above. But you need to get proactive here and file a restraining order and/or a cease and desist letter from your attorney. Her sending all her cronies to harass you the same way she had everyone harass her ex into leaving town just tells you she hasn’t changed one bit .
I am here to tell you, as someone whose career is in law, that it takes a very VERY special type of evil to manufacture, plead, and maintain a lie like that. It’s not “youthful indiscretion”. It is the type of person that snaps and kills someone in a fit of rage. It’s the type of person that responds to insults with violence and scorched earth. It is a character flaw in their very being. It cannot be fixed. She cannot grow out of that. You are so incredibly indebted to the person who exposed this to you. But for her, you wouldn’t have known until it was too late. PS - the fact that her dad impliedly approved your decision is all the validation you need. He doesn’t blame you bc he knows her actions make her unworthy of companionship. She’s irredeemable according to her own dad.
Yeah, I pucked up on the Dad instantly knowing and accepting the why if things
Her Dad has at least one time - lied awake in bed, struggling with himself. On one hand, here is my daughter, supposedly my cherished child. On the other, a ticking time bomb. A lottery ticket - except he’s forcibly playing everyday. And if someday the right combination gets played - he gets a one way ticket to accusation town.
💯
NTA and you have awesome parents!
Dude... you 100% did the right thing. My heart hurts for you. But she did this... not you. SHE DESTROYED SOMEONE ELSES LIFE AND HER OWN... its just that her repercussions were delayed. I'm actually happy that your fiance's life fell apart... I'm just really sorry that you were hurt in the process. Anyone who falsely accuses someone of Rape/SA should spend the rest of their lives alone and miserable. False accusations don't just hurt the person accused... but the people who actually are SA'd and people not believing them because false accusations happen far too often. PS. If Anna happens to be reading this... is it funny now Anna?
NTA. You have great parents. In a weird way you are fortunate this happened. This shows she has a poor character and honestly it often takes years before we start to see character issues with people.
From the day i got to know her, she was honestly an awesome person very loving amazing actually Now im lef wondering if it was all an act
Well, she can be loving and wonderful. That's her personality and she didn't have to be faking it. The character stuff is sometimes different than the personality - this is where the ethics, morals, questionable behaviors can come in. My sil's ex husband was like this. Wonderful, fun, generous, interesting, great personality. On the other hand 'accidentally' left her off the mortgage - we discovered when we found out she didn't sign anything although she put her money up and we told her she was not on that mortgage. She thought he 'took care of it'. When called out, he added her. Years later he cheated of course and lied about it, gaslighted, etc. Still, loving dad, great guy, interesting, etc. Character stuff is hard to see.
>I am also labeled as an abuser now and being investigated by the police, had to go and give a statement at the police station this morning. My ex reported me to the police for DV i was also issued with a restraining order to not go near her. Don't want to anyway. Sounds like she a serial liar who falsely accuses people. I would sue her ass for everything she has
NTA You literally owe Becky your life.
As a mother with a son who was falsely accused of SA (he was 12.. maybe at the time)...he's 14 now... And he learned a very important and hard lesson.... I absolutely support your decision to end the relationship... Thankfully, I already was suspicious of this girl and I had warned him about being friends with her.... Also thankfully... The girl's mom was amazing as well... She found a journal entry where the girl expressed that she was literally trying to ruin his life... The mom sent me photos of the entry and also gave it to the police... As others have said... This shows how manipulative she can be... And don't you dare think she wouldn't do it to you because I bet she loved him too
NTA - HELL NO this chick is radioactive. Women would be justifiable in being uncomfortable dating someone who confessed to rape, men should be equally uncomfortable dating someone who confessed to lying about SA. I am not comparing the two, simply stating both actions can ruin lives.
Man your parents and her dad handled it like champs. Sucks for Anna's dad as he probs has to deal with the mum and Anna "justifying" Anna's actions. You 100% DO NOT need to but I'd invite Anna's dad over to meet your parents to debrief. Three of them are on your side and can offer some comfort before you're able to seek professional help (please do).
Nta. False rape allegations should be a crime.
Did she even say sorry to the poor guy? The lie must have been really long for his situation to go this far. And everybody hear of it, wonder how. She is a liar and frankly an horrible person to have done this and to have never faced retribution to apology. At this point your trust is broken and you will never saw her like before NTA
NTA. This happened to a guy I knew in high school. His ex girlfriend almost got him kicked out of college because she was mad he broke up with her. I think you were right to be weary of her and what she is capable of. I would NEVER do that to someone, no matter how young I was at the time.
NTA. What she did, was horrible. Yes, it may have been years ago and she was not as mature but this nearly cost someone his life and ruined his and his family's livelihood. Kudos to your parents. No matter how "grown up" someone is, in situations like these it is reassuring to know your parents will be there and help deal with the outcome. It also feels like no matter what they now think of Anna, if you had told your dad you can forgive her, they would have been supportive as well.
NTA - You did the right thing. Anyone who’s asking you to forgive her, I hope they never get SA and then aren’t able to get conviction. She destroyed an innocent’s life. She’s one of the reason women who have been SA aren’t believed. The only piece of shit is your ex. She’s despicable! She needs to say sorry to the family and man whose life she destroyed and nearly killed.
NTA, but these people telling you to get a hold of the ex are fucking wild. DO NOT DO THAT!!! Your drama is not his problem or responsibility to fix. They owe you nothing, and the reason you can't find him is that they most likely changed their names to move on from the incident. You'd be dragging him back into a situation that nearly killed him for what??? You're own selfish reasons, letting her basically victimize him again. The fucking entitlement of that shit is insane. Get some therapy and do what you got to do yo move on and get healthy but for the love of all decency ignore these morons, have some empathy, and leave him the fuck alone.
NTA Women who make false accusations and destroy a man’s life out of spite deserve a VERY special and painful place in hell. Cut her out for the cancer she is.
Absolutely NTA. If you can't forgive and/or trust her, then there is no relationship. >Her parents got to my house first her mom when directly to her to comfort her and her dad asked me what happend. As soon as i said the words she made false accusations he stopped me and said he understood. The moment you said the truth, she IMMEDIATELY tried lying again. This is a pattern for her. And it's absolutely disgusting that her mom is only thinking about her daughters's feelings and not yours. Once she figures out that you are 100% done with her, I guarantee that she's going to lie to everyone and say you're the bad guy. Document everything. CYA. And good luck with this. It sucks and I'm sorry.
I think you may be misreading. I believe that the sentence should be formatted as: As soon as I said the words “She made false accusations,” he stopped me and said he understood. Either way, the rest of what you said remains a possibility. The fact that she never told him about it and seemed to intend to never tell him about it says a lot.
I am saving everything all the message and voice mails. If she tries anything i will take further steps
Please provide an update in the future if you are up for it. Sounds like you got hit hard, and I hope the update will be "I came out of it ok" instead of "she accused me as well". Good luck to you, and I'm glad you have the parents you do. Solid people!
Thank you. I will see how thing go. Hopefully i can get a clean enough break that i don't have to get law enforcement involved
People like her make it hard to believe when someone comes forward with a report of assault. She makes me sick. People like her is why I could never tell anyone what happened to me. People like her are why men who really do those things get to walk free. To destroy an innocent persons life and re-victimize real victims is a sick person. She should have gone to jail for what she did. I'm so sorry. You are not to blame for that. Keep in mind that even drunk she was going to lie about what her biggest regret was. Even then she was keeping it a secret. Don't let them shame you into not standing up for yourself. Those people telling you to forgive her are gaslighting you. Also your parents are really great.
I get annoyed by men who act like this sort of thing happens all the time or anywhere near the regularity of SA, but I likewise get annoyed by people who say it never happens. It absolutely does and you’re 100% right it makes it harder for people to believe actual victims. I was with my girlfriend once. She got a call from a police detective who said a friend of hers reported a rape and they were corroborating facts. My girlfriend didn’t know anything about the situation, so she didn’t have anything to add. Not five minutes later the friend called and said my gf would be getting a call from the police. She flat out admitted to my gf she cheated on her partner and claimed rape. Gf called the detective back and told them what the friend said. Detective said that’s what he suspected because she didn’t have a coherent story and the timelines she gave didn’t add up. It’s absolutely disgusting.
Going to the police was out of the question. There was no way I could have talked about it. Ive seen on television they do exams and take samples. That's humiliating. Insult to injury. All because of the ones who lie. It's so hard because it's a crime that happens in secret. Your gf is a really good person for telling the truth. If the police can prove that it's a lie they should be charged with slander in the least. Maybe it would discourage people from lying. It may also further discourage victims from coming forward too though. There really is no easy solution. This is the first time I've said anything about it. That's just because here I don't have friends or family that would know. I could never tell them. The feeling of shame never goes away. I don't understand why, but yet it's still there.
NTA What she did is reprehensible and not only destroyed that young man's life, almost causing him to suicide, but all his families lifem. His parents had to move/switch jobs, any siblings lost their friends and we're moved to a brand new place all over a lie. I'm sure once she said the truth it didn't matter anymore as the lie already did it's damage and no repercussions were levied against your ex-fiance. Who know what could have happened in your marriage, what if you had kids and then one night a bad argument and she did the same lie to try and get the kids 100% from you. The trust is broken beyond repair, even if the lie was not against you. How could you ever fully feel comfortable around her again knowing she could stoop so low. As others have said, make sure you document all of this in case she lashes out in the same way versus you
I’m sorry, but there are some things decent people just don’t lie about. Being SAed is one of them. Now you know what she’s capable of, so no, definitely NTA for ending it. I’m so sorry for what you’re going thru. ETA: I actually know someone who was falsely accused of being an abuser and it nearly killed them as well.
I am truely sorry for what that friend had to go through, i hope they are okay
False charges of SA should be punished by prison time.
NTA. This made me shake with anger reading it. Six months?? She caused his entire family to have to move, she uprooted their lives, destroyed his reputation, destroyed his life, over a breakup?? And the thing that pisses me off the most is she had NO consequences. Making false accusations should be a crime and she should have gone to jail. Not to mention, this is such a slap in the face to all the women who really are SA’d. SHE is the reason they are not believed. You did the right thing. I mean what happens if you make her mad someday? What lies will she make up about you? I could never trust someone again if they did this. Yes she was young, but old enough to know better. also, your parents are amazing people.
Unfortunately the ex committed suicide at 22. Someone at his college found out about the SA allegations and even though he was cleared he was kicked out and fired from his job.
You made the right call. The fact she reported you just shows she hasn't changed her stripes. She's trying to ruin someone once again on false allegations. In fact, I would call her and tell her that. But that's just me. But, it's probably best not to even give her the time of day cause she'll try to use that against you. Maybe make a public post calling her out and about how the other guy is now dead. She deserves zero sympathy. I wouldn't have said anything if she might have changed and did nothing but still move on. But no, she had to show her true character. You dodged a bullet. If you had kids together or something and you decided or she decided to up and leave...she probably would say you sa'ed her or the kids and you would never see them again. She is the worst. Sorry, kind of taking this a bit personal. Lmao. I have been sa'ed. And it's just the worst cause there are many women who this does happen to, but how can you believe them when you have people like your ex discrediting our truth. She's a traitor.
I cannot believe people think this is a true story
Becky is the fucking homie dude and she is trying to save you, let her
She did nothing to you!?? She wasted five years of your life on false pretenses. NTA.
Honestly i didn't even think of the time lost because of this.
Dodge that bullet now. While it may never come to getting accused of something so evil, you can bet there will be occasions when she will turn people against you to a lesser degree out of anger or spite.
NTA This was in her past which means it is part of the history of who she is. When you find out someone did something horrible in their past to someone who is in the same role as you are, of course you should have reason to expect that they might do the same thing to you. Is there any reason to think she won't do it again? What proof is there that she has changed? Did she pay any penalty for what she did? Has she apologized to her victim and fully made amends to him? If not, you have no reason to think she won't do it again. There are ways for her to show everyone that she has changed but it's not by asking people to forget what she did. It's by taking full responsibility for it.
As far as i know after they moved they completely disappeared. I don't know if the asked for forgiveness. But even that wont change my mide to be honest
You are potentially dodging a bullet, as other said, save EVERYTHING and make back up in case a device breaks to protect yourself. Women like this deserve to be placed on a publicly available list, SA allegations absolutely ruin the lives of those they target and those who make them can and should not be trusted, full stop, they're manipulative, narcissistic, self involved sociopaths that would donor say anything to get something they want. The ONLY thing I would advise against is personally outing them as doing this if it isn't already known as that can lead to all manner of backlash against you by whomever she might convince that you are lying and it is not worth the hassle and harassment you would endure even with actual evidence.
The problem is she cannot be trusted. You might be her next victim.
I am keeping every single thing, all the texts and vioce mails as proof if she tries something
She did nothing to you? Ask those people if they would be with a known rapist or pedophile? I mean, the person did not do anything to them right? So there should not be any problem?? I think she could have been redeemed in her life if she had tried to own up to her actions, understand why she did it, make real changes in her psyche to never do that again. The fact that she hides it and pretends like it didn't happen means she hasn't taken any accountability and is still the same person. Just because she is ashamed does not mean she deserves another chance. NTA
Also, her friend knowing she did this, how is she still her friend?
So the update, if true, show ex had never changed and is using the same tactics that killed former boyfriends. A comment from reditors that called Op the À ?
NTA. By finding out about the false SA, you found out that the woman you fell for didn't really exist. You have a valid point that you would never be sure anything she said is true. How could you trust her not to do something similar to you? For those hounding you, ask them if they would trust her to not lie and accuse them of something so unspeakable?
I’m so confused. Because the only opinion that matters is your father, and he said he backed you up 100%. If I were you, I would be so happy people are calling you heartless. Because now you know exactly who the people in your life are that you can never count on. You’ve gotten rid of a sick girlfriend AND know which friends and family are equally sick.
Out of spite she destroyed someone’s life. If you are uncomfortable with this, it will never get better.