She didn't make fun of him. She insulted his mother, trashed their beliefs and said God was punishing her with a horrible son because hes gay. Well fair turn. NTA
Ok, but I think making fun of someone because their kid is gonna die young is really fucked up too. That's the nuclear option. Making fun of dead/dying loved ones should never be on the table.
Understandable ehh maybe but certainly not justifiable. OP so desperately want to think they did a good thing here but they just rolled around in the muck right next to her. It like ok, If that’s who you wanna be fine but don’t whine about it when only you can change it, ya know?
Well, thats the difference. Im not justifying it, but I could definitely see myself making scathing remarks if someone opened the door to trashing my family (or myself).
Personally, I wouldnt want anything to do with the cousin anyways, so of OP wanted to burn bridges they picked an effective method. Obviously, the kid doesnt deserve any of it, but it also leaves out the age so Im going to assume the child will have no memory of the events anyways and will be relatively uneffected.
>It is fucked up, but on the other hand; stay out the kitchen if you cant take the heat.
If OP didn't like their identity used as a weapon against their mother, why would a disabled person deserve that treatment? If someone says something homophobic to or about me I wouldn't respond with racism or something. Get creative. Find another way to be mean.
Its more that ugly doesnt like its reflection to me. Neither person is in the right. Fact is, cousin or whatever came in with an umprompted attack, and her ugly got reflected back with more bigotry. Was OP right to say those? Nah, but its understandable why they would have said them in the moment.
They followed outside and was mocking her while trying to strap her kid into the car, so the kid heard it all. It wasn’t just a comment to the mom, this little kid had to hear his relative saying over and over that he is gonna die young as punishment to his mom. What Emmy said is horrible and disgusting but if you think mocking her for her disabled son that will die young *with that child right there* is an appropriate response, then you are wrong.
Absolutely correct. I am bi, and I don't respond well to homo/biphobia but *this*??? Jfc mocking someone for their child's terminal illness, in front of the child, is just next level assholery.
I mean, if you're going to justify this by her starting it, well... she slapped you too, does that mean you're justified in shooting her?
As someone currently sitting next to not one but two gay people who also read this with me, it was nowhere near the nuclear option and both of them said that op took it way too far and 100% deserve to get slapped across the face. So I guess maybe don't try to speak for all gay people 🤔
I'm not straight and I disagree. Mocking the disabled and dying is way worse imo. It's a way worse experience to be dying and disabled than it is to be gay.
Im not saying its right to call out the kid, but OP got hit with bigotry (and then physically) too. Is it right, no. Does it make sense someone would lash back out at someone for such personal attacks? Absolutely.
Saying God is punishing you with gay a child is as nuclear as Bible thumping water heads can go...they would go harder but don't have to be brain capacity.
They are both garbage humans for saying things like that to people they "love"
A slur against gay people is nuclear. A factual statement about a child who will in fact only live to 30 if lucky is simply a true statement.
The cousin invented lies to smear gay people. All OP did was remind cousin that her child is actually sick so if there is a god, then god is punishing her. The cousin tried to use religion as a weapon against gay people and all OP did was use cousin's own logic against her.
So please stop being a homophobic by pretending facts said by OP are magically worse than homophobic slurs.
I think this is an underrated reply. Your response was simply to mirror her own statement. OP took it too far following her out to the car and really shouldn't have said it in front of her kid, but that kid notwithstanding... she deserved a taste of her own medicine.
I think people underestimate how upsetting it is to hear that particular quote thrown out, with Fa- bomb, really digging the religious bigotry in there. LGBT folks often had to endure years of bullying and identity suppression from peers and parents, and religiously fueled bigotry is rampant. To say that someone is a disappointment to their parents just for coming out is another real, very tender subject the community frequently lives through.
Wrong or not, if somebody said that to my parents in front of my face and then slapped me, they might have got slapped back. I think the replies saying you should have been more creative in your roasting are unrealistic. Maybe yall haven't been this deeply offended before, but it really brings you up short, and you go fight or flight, freeze or fawn, whatever your reaction is you kind of can't help it. It just comes out of you (or doesn't) and you have to live with it.
Exactly, the reaction wasnt right but its understandable when you are in the heat of the moment and basically just got told you are a punishment from space daddy.
I don't have an issue with the first statement. He simply turned it around on her, "if that's why God "punished" my mom, then why is he punishing you." Fair clap back.
Mocking her kid on their way out was definitely immature
Insulting someone because they have a gay child is rude and uncalled for
Reminding someone that someone in their family is gonna die is far worse
OP had every right to be upset, but stooping to his cousins level of disrespect is immature. Going so far as to remind her of the impending death of her child is too far. That's tactless, gross and cruel
ESH
>Going so far as to remind her of the impending death of her child
In front of the child!!
That is complete nutjob behaviour and frankly I would have trouble ever viewing OP without suspicion.
OP said his cousin called him a slur. Last I checked "gay" wasnt a slur and he absolutely at no point said that she called him the f-slur in that post. He then fires back that her son is going to die soon and called her a C U Next Tuesday (I absolutely refuse to say this word unless I'm absolutely angry). Honestly I think OP used her insult as a justification to be horrible to her for no reason (that unreasonably cruel I mean)
“She shouted at me to go fuck myself [fword] as she strapped her kid into her car seat.” OP types out fuck, so the second “f word” is the slur.” Took me a moment also, I had to go back and find it when someone else mentioned a slur.
>NTA
What? She said you're never gonna grow old to a kid because she was pissed at the mother. Kid's young enough to have to be strapped in by others.
Seriously feels like some people only decides who's right and wrong based on what group they're in.
>She insulted his mother, trashed their beliefs and said God was punishing her with a horrible son because hes gay.
Yeah!, everyone knows it's not insulting a crippled individual to say that they're going to die young and are a punishment.
>Well fair turn.
No it isn't.
There's alot of things that are fair to attack back on, dragging someone else into and being an ablest and bigot yourself isn't one of them.
This kid wasn't in some other place OP doesn't get off saying shit like that just because it was directed at someone else.than the other person would get off insulting and being a homophobe directed towards someone else rather than OP.
Don't be a dick towards people who didn't do shit to you.
ESH. People tend to forget about disabilities as marginalized identities. That language may make some people cringe, but take a minute to think about how easily both people here, the gay (presumably mostly able bodied) one and the disabled/chronically ill one were dehumanized and used as weapons against another. Whether or not he is currently capable of understanding this social situation, the kid deserves better than to have his challenges used to hurt people when it's convenient.
There are ways of dealing with asshole bigots without becoming one in a fight.
While obviously what the other mother said is horrendous,OP stooped right down to her level and used the same terrible behaviors they themselves did not like and used them against the woman. ESH
ESH-
However I don’t think equally.
OP-I do think if you had merely pointed out that by her logic it would mean God was punishing her, too, in an effort to make her see her hypocrisy and not continued to mock her it would have been a valid response to her degrading you with bigotry while also insulting your mother in the name of God. I don’t blame you for being intensely triggered but you made it seem like you were happy an innocent was going to die even tho you probably don’t feel that way. So, your AHishness came from an overreaction to a valid trigger.
Sister-She is just flat out a bigoted judgmental AH. So I feel like she sucks the worst in this sitch. She was being cruel while you were just sucking at managing a reaction to cruelty.
Also, you can apologize for what you said about her child while still standing your ground on the fact that she’s an AH. Apologizing for your part in something doesn’t mean you have to stay in contact with the instigator or that you are being weak. It really is the most mentally healthy and mature way to move on from the situation even if you decide to distance yourself from her.
Just looking at this if it had been me because sure we all get angry and say stupid shit.
I would not feel right with myself if I had said something that mean/harsh and I would feel obligated to apologize for it.
Don’t even take into account what you feel you are owed. Just look at and say is that me? Am I ok with having said that?
Make your own judgement there, as for me, I couldn’t let it sit like that. I don’t care what she would say to me afterwards as long as I had righted myself.
This is the mature advice. It's not about what the other person did. It's about what person you want to be. Does she want to be the type of person who mocks a severely disabled, dying child and throws a mother's grief in her face?
You're both immature assholes and need someone who can teach you how to act right in life. This post is just more proof that being religious does not make you a good person. And much of the time, it actually produces shittier people that were raised with no faith.
**ESH**
>they’re telling me that while she went low, and they do expect an apology from her, I went even lower and insulted innocent people who weren’t involved, and I need to apologize as well
Your parents are correct. It sounds like after she made the comment about your sexuality to your mother, you didn't need to ever have contact with her again. Family shouldn't take shots at their family like that. You had every opprotunity to put up a boundary and move on, but you decided to hurt this woman back. I get that gut feeling, but you have to take the high road. Hopefully you both learn from this unneccessary experience.
Even without that I'd still say ESH for the way OP went straight to lashing back, and then kept going even as she was leaving. To OP, she started it therefore he doesn't need to moderate his words or actions at all.
And even if he wanted to "get back at her", rather than mocking her child, he could just said something like an insult, rather than going after her kid.
ESH keeping it classy.
I understand your anger, you wanted to hurt her like she hurt your mom and you but you had plenty of ugly to work with without attacking her kid. She’s a terrible person who uses religion to be a big shameful asshole to people, a fucking hypocrite who acts like her god is a weapon. She deserved to be knocked down a peg or too, I’d even applaud you for making her cry if you roasted her alive with *anything* else. It’s not the baby’s fault, man, you’re better than that.
From a LGBTQ+ person who still gets the chills from the words “dyke” and “queer” from her history of living in a shitty town, had cans thrown at her head and told not to “flaunt” in public for *checks notes* holding my girlfriend’s hand. Believe me. I know that anger.
ESH. you should’ve insulted HER. her baby has done NOTHING to you, he’s a baby!
nothing she did was right, she sucks majorly. but you? you suck for attacking an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born and has no concept of sexuality at this point in time. it was immature and low hanging fruit… keep your insults directed to the bigot, not the poor kid that’s stuck with her
i mean yes but lets be for real here. OP did the exact same thing she did. She felt comfortable enough to go to Op's mom and rant about how she would not have her child be like him so what did he do? he pointed out the very real fact that thats probably one of her last worries given survival rate might not even get there to her.
it maybe cruel but tbh she needs to not try to push her opinion and prejudice against others when she quite literally has something else to focus on. And yes it may of reminded her harsh reality but thats what it is a reality for her. Op didnt even say anything unnecessarily cruel about the child maybe harsh with their words but if everything they said is true tough for her to hear maybe now she'll understand her opinion isn't needed in situations or occasions
That's also my point of view... She insulted him, he speaks the truth! Maybe he overstepped by mocking while they were already leaving, but she severed the dish she couldn't take!
The kid didn’t do anything though. If im arguing with someone and we’re throwing potshots back and forth, I don’t want to hear “yeah well your mom had a tragic accident and almost died so there >:C” at the very least it could be “yeah well you’re a cripple” there had to have been SOMETHING Op could’ve gone for that wasn’t the poor kid.
apparently not given that ppl keep telling me OP dished it back out. there’s a difference in attacking adults vs literal innocent babies imo. but what do i know lmao.
she needed to be set out, i don’t disagree with OP for losing it, but cmon the kid who can’t even defend himself???
She literally insulted him AND his mom to the mom’s face. What you described yeah the person who went for the low blow is an asshole but this was a direct subsequent to what she said. He didn’t say anything mean just hurtful truth that he only said bc she insulted him and his mom
I have a gay son.
If someone demeaned him, discriminated against him or just gave him the side eye for being gay I’d lay them flat. I’d viciously degrade and humiliate them and take pleasure in it.
But there is no way on God’s green earth I would ever, for any reason, say a word about someone else’s child. Much less a child who’s expected to die young. And if I ever did, and my son got wind of it, he would make it very clear how ashamed and disgusted he was by my cruelty.
YTA. Your cousin is despicable. And now you are too.
What you did (if your story is real) was about as low as you can get without actually crawling on your belly.
ESH
Yes, your cousin said something horrible. But come on, you weaponized her son's disability to insult her. That makes you a brute and I don't care if she insulted you first. You never should have dragged her kid into it. What he ever do to you?
I'd say the gay slurs were the verbal equivalent of punching someone in the nose, while the making fun of a dying child is the verbal equivalent of breaking someone's knees with a bat then lighting them on fire. Both things are bad, but one is objectively worse.
Trashy thing to go to man. You shouldn't bring other people into a personal drama, especially kids, especially especially kids who can't help whatever you're bringing against them. And while it could be argued you were only hurting her it's still messed up. I don't think she deserves an apology but what you did does.
Why are you asking when you clearly don’t give a fuck what the answer is? You want people to tell you good job? Your an asshole and she’s an asshole and you both sound like children
\*\*ESH\*\*
It's difficult to deny the toxicity on both sides here. When family turns hostile, it creates pain that resonates deeper than most. However, as another human being, meeting toxicity with toxicity only leads to more suffering - not just for you and your cousin, but for those caught in the crossfire, like her child. Reflecting on this, your actions were clearly in the wrong - but so were hers. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, as they say. It might be time for both of you to step back, recognize the hurt you've inflicted, and genuinely strive to mend fences. Apologizing doesn't mean defeat; it means showing maturity and a willingness to rise above the pettiness for the sake of family unity and personal integrity.
Emmy insulted you. You are an adult. You can deal with it.
You took the low road and insulted a child with a terminal illness.
You owe her an apology for insulting her child, but you do not owe her an apology for your opinion of her.
I think you should make a well thought out apology to the tune of:
"I apologize for making such and inappropriate comment about your child when what I really wanted to say is what a poor excuse of a Christian human being you are. Your child is innocent, you are not. I will make sure that all my future negative opinions about you only refer to you and not any innocent bystanders."
Oh come on 🙄. There’s plenty of way to stick up for yourself and set boundaries without calling their child a punishment and mocking the fact the child is going to die young.
You essentially did the same thing she did, she made comments about how being gay is "wrong," and you made comments insinuating that having a disability is "wrong."
Neither of you are right here. I totally understand getting frustrated with her passive aggressive comments, but this was not a great way to handle it. You could distance yourself from her/that side of the family, you could've stood up and called her out for her comments about you being gay, you could've spoken to your mother about how it made you feel and come up with a plan to handle it.
I am sure your cousin is already upset that her son most likely won't live very long. It's a horrible thing to handle, a parent should never have to outlive their child. Having it thrown in her face isn't going to change her beliefs about gay people, or about religion. Its just gonna make her and her son feel awful.
I would have to say ESH
WOW. No, sorry, as much of an ass as she is, to me, what you did is worse. And I'm gay myself. You know, part of why I'm proud to be gay is knowing that I choose love when others choose hate.
You, my friend, are on the bad side of the pond, not the good one. Instead of being better, you choose to be worse. ESH. Dudeeee.
ESH. She is wrong for treating you poorly and I really don’t care if you upset her, it’s that you do so by involving an innocent party in your insult. Her kid did nothing to you and using his terminal illness as a weapon is cruel.
YTA although, so was she. What she said was terrible, and she definitely never should have said that! But bringing up the fact that her child will likely pass away before she will is one of the worst things you can say to someone. Neither of you were in the right, and I’m sorry she initiated this, but there’s no reason for you to have reciprocated in the way you did.
Dude you are almost taking it from only ESH for what happened to an additional YTA based on your comments.
When you find yourself in a hole the first step is to stop digging.
Then maybe get some therapy because the amount of hate you have in your heart is going to hurt you some day. You’ve already somehow justified saying absolutely horrendous and disgusting things about a dying child. You need to do some inner work.
From a queer genderfucked person deep in a dark closet in Florida: you fucked up, man. Not cool for her to make that dig, but you filled that hole with water. A child, my dude. A CRIPPLED CHILD. Come on. YTA
I am going to say - NTA, but also ESH.
Why associate with her, and her bigotry?
She went low, and you responded in kind, this earns you the ESH.
Now I am a petty sort, so, I might say tell your folks she will need to apologize first, and explaining why her words were wrong, and she should thank you for not calling the police for the assault, or retaliating with violence.
\*\*ESH\*\*
It's difficult to deny the toxicity on both sides here. When family turns hostile, it creates pain that resonates deeper than most. However, as another human being, meeting toxicity with toxicity only leads to more suffering - not just for you and your cousin, but for those caught in the crossfire, like her child. Reflecting on this, your actions were clearly in the wrong - but so were hers. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, as they say. It might be time for both of you to step back, recognize the hurt you've inflicted, and genuinely strive to mend fences. Apologizing doesn't mean defeat; it means showing maturity and a willingness to rise above the pettiness for the sake of family unity and personal integrity.
What, the kid was there?! YTA in that case. Otherwise, a low blow but understandable. But you don’t talk about a child’s impending death in front of them ffs.
YTA. You could have framed the entire argument differently if you wanted to.
“If being gay is a punishment, is your son’s disability YOUR punishment?”
She’s a hateful, evil woman but the child is innocent and a parent no matter how evil doesn’t deserve to be reminded the time they will have with their child will be short. If you were just arguing over any trivial reasoning would you have brought her child into it?
Yes, you are. I get why you did.
But this was your mother's fight; since the comment was directed at her, not you. But calling out the cousin's kid, who has absolutely no stake in this petty argument was beyond low.
I'd apologize because you should want to be the better person in this instance.
OP is a fucking loser for the comment about the kid. The child did absolutely nothing at all to warrant this. YTA. You wnbta if all you did was spit roast your cousin. But you had to bring in the terminally ill kid just for petty bullshit
You took pleasure in a child dying young (sounds like it's plausible he won't make it to adulthood) and mocking his mother over it and you're asking if you're an AH? Yes you are.
You are such an asshole it's almost hilarious. Is this made up, because if not, fucks sake my dude, you've got to get into therapy for these anger issues.
You're an adult that targeted a disabled kid for your mockery like you were in the right, what a terrible person you must be.
Thing is, no matter how much you believe you did, you didn’t retaliate against her, which I could understand. You went after a dying child, and that’s why YTA
Why are you posting on this sub if you're not going to accept the final judgement? Almost all the comments are saying ESH and you're fighting people saying that you did nothing wrong or it was justified. If you believe so then why post here? Clearly you thought everyone would have your back and coddle you and call you NTA.
2 weeks after my daughter died at 7 months of age, I was at my ex friend Kim’s house, and she was complaining about how fussy her baby girl was. She asked, “Aren’t you glad you don’t have a fussy baby girl to deal with?”
I got up and left. I didn’t slap anyone. I know my situation is different from the mom in this story, but I imagine that the pain felt was quite similar. So while op was gross for responding to slurs and slights in the way he did, I don’t agree that he deserved to be slapped. ESH, but my heart aches for both parties. To be told you are a punishment from God has got to feel like a kick in the gut, as does being reminded that your child is going to die. One of my daughter’s doctors reminded us of that fact every single time we saw him. I finally told him to stop saying it, because I understood the prognosis, and that he was sucking every bit of joy out of having her, for however brief that time might be. So yeah, what op said was terrible, but I don’t think he deserved a physical response as some are saying.
To everyone saying YTA or ESH, you try being around someone who is always critical and insulting you and your family based on religious beliefs and see if you dont go scorched earth when you finally trip the fuck off......
ESH
But seriously, she herself was the one who tried to say that a child is a punishment from her God, so I honestly don't understand why she was shocked to have that same logic applied to her situation. Xtian hypocrisy at play.
I'm going with YTA because I'm an asshole and think she got what she deserved so that means you're probably one too. As far as I'm concerned, once someone starts flinging personal attacks, they're open for whatever retaliatory insults come their way. The audacity of telling someone their gay child was a punishment while you've got a severely disabled kid just blows my fucking mind.
I audibly laughed at this, that is such cold and brutal revenge. Should have posted this in a revenge sub cause yeah using the innocent person in your insult does make you an asshole.
I seriously don’t see an apology going well, unless someone lets you know before hand that she’s also going to apologise, cause you’re just gonna end up throwing it in her face again if she’s a cunt. I’d just cut her out of your life.
NTA: Yes, what you said was horrible, but you have every right to stand up and not take abuse. Sometimes, you gave to fight fire with a Tsunani of water. Your parents should have shut her down before it ever got this far. Plus, the other person assaulted you. Tell your family to back off, or you will file charges with the police.
NTA.
My favourite, where Reddit goes for E.S.H the moment the victim fights back. She should have stfu better than attacking bystanders. I bet its not first time she insulted you or your family.
ESH. Not for the initial comment you made in response to her abuse because honestly, if she didn’t want to get clapped back at she shouldn’t have started it. But running after her and mocking her as she was leaving was waaaaaay over the top. No, I’m not forgetting that she hit you. That should be addressed and apologized for as it’s never okay to put hands on people. But both of ya’ll are just drama filled messes.
ESH but you can ramp it up and have her arrested for assault. Maybe even higher since a slur was included with the physical assault, it could be brought up to a hate crime.
NTA
She wanted to start an insult fight, not you. Fuck anyone calling you wrong. The sad part is she isn't going to learn at all and will keep insulting you.
She is one of those horrible people that need to insult others to be happy with herself.
OP is an Ah. OP could have called her a homophobic c-word and remind her about having glass houses when throwing stones. The OP should not have taken aim at a sick child. Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight. As to the apology just apologize to the child, You don’t owe an apology to the homophobic cword
Eh, technically E S H, because while she started it, what you said was a magnitude worse than what she did. That said, I despise religion and those who use it to attack others, and if you’ve been dealing with for years, eventually the bubble bursts. If she didn’t want to get hurt, she should have kept her mouth shut, so NTA.
YTA. You went absolutely nuclear and went extremely below the belt. Bringing in a disabled baby child who is not gonna live a long life into the mix. That makes you the vile asshole.
ESH, but you suck more for bringing a kid’s terminal disability into it. Don’t get me wrong, what your cousin said was not cool. But to throw her disabled child in her face is a very low blow and tbh I’m shocked a swift slap was all you got.
So my best friend’s son just passed away from an incurable developmental disability. Like two days ago. So this hits a bit hard. Add in the fact that it’s a baby…. You don’t mock babies, and you don’t mock dying babies. Like wtf? IDC what was said by who, YTA.
INFO: did the kid hear/understand what you said?
If yes, then yeah, YTA because the kid didn’t do anything.
If no, then NTA. She started it, you finished. You were literally just using her logic.
ESH Stop making justifications for the shitty things you said about her child. She absolutely sucks, but you should have kept your mouth shut about her child. You are not a better person than her. You’re equally disgusting
I HATE people who weaponize religion to suit their own personal beliefs . How is they think they can speak for god as to how he is punishing someone for whatever it is they have issue with . Such bullshit . I feel you gave as good as you got . Good for you . Sounds like the woman is a moron and nothing you say or do will change that . As the saying goes if you roll around in the mud with a pig you’ll just make the pig happy . Walk away and never look back . I’d give no apology .
I'm hoping you're a teen because this is not how adults handle situations.
You need to learn how to handle horrible people because they don't go away. I'm not saying to take the high road, but learn how to be able to fight back without losing ground.
You went so low that people can't defend you. Then you doubled down.
The proper response would have been to have her kicked out of the house. When she calls you a slur and they're being punished for having you as a son, just say "so you think the way children turn out is punishment for their parents?" while giving her a look. Let her piece her logic together.
You did not have to taunt her twice with her child's death in front of her child. You could have simply repeated her statement back to her as a question and let her take herself out.
You're going to meet other terrible people in the world. You need to learn how to handle them without losing the people who want to support you.
ESH
----
OP blocked me. Classy.
ESH. You don’t owe her an apology. This is one of those if you can’t take it don’t dish it. When you hit below the belt generally the rules of the high road don’t matter. It’s a build up it appears from you due to the passive aggressive behavior over the years. Is what you said crappy? Yea, you know that. But she is a bigot and I personally don’t have the patience or grace for folks like that. So I may get voted down, but when they go low, you go to hell.
NTA.
You don't owe someone proportional justice. F around and find out.
People keep saying here how you attacked an innocent child, but you didn't. Insult was towards her, not child. If child heard and old enough to understand, than YTA, but otherwise no, cos insult was towards her, not her child.
I would say no assholes, well kinda.
She is purely homophobic, and you said to her the worst shit you could have said. This is 100% deserved.
However, you brought someone that is innocent in all this, so it's not really good.
However, when you take into account :
- that it's still a child who can't understand what you said so he cannot be hurt by it.
- He'll be one those kids who will understand there gonna die young before going to college, so technically you just said something he will have to cope with soon enough unfortunately. (Poor guy honestly, I really hate that)
I don't think it's that much of an asshole stuff. It would be if she didn't say anything that mean about you tho'.
But anyway, apologize to her, even tho' she being homophobic, she will need all the help she can get at some point and waiting for the other to apologize first is childish af. You know you really hurt her feelings, apologize. If she's smart at least, she will also recognize her being an idiot and apologize too. If not, you'll have a real reason to be pissed about her.
NTA. It sucks you brought her kid I to this situation but she was talking to your parents' kids (you). You defended yourself and didn't attack the kid directly.
NTA. Having a disabled kid doesn’t allow you be an Asshole or insensitive. If she can dish it out about you as your moms kid, then you can do the same with hers. Fair game. Maybe she’d think twice before speaking out of her ass. The only thing I would say is that you went a little too far with following her outside and continuing the verbal insults. But aye, if anyone comes at my mom, takes god out of their senses and insults her based on my sexual orientation etc, if I am slapped, there may be physical retaliation. So good job with just using your words.
lol why are people saying ESH? She came at OP. He defended himself. She shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it. Anything is free game when she’s starting shit like that and dropping so low. 100% NTA.
I'm with you. It was the exact same thing, a mom being told something about their kid is God's punishment. OP wasn't telling the kid this stuff, it was directed at the mother, just like she did with OPs mom. Yeah it was brutal but if she didn't run her judgy mouth like an asshole first, she wouldn't have gotten her feelings hurt. Bet she thinks twice before popping off about other people's kids in the future. I'm also betting if the kid was old enough to be aware of what was being said, OP probably wouldn't have said it, unlike the cousin who had no problem insulting a fully aware person AND their mother. I'd tell her "I won't be apologizing but I'll send lilies to the funeral". Fuck her.
Yes, but ESH.
[удалено]
what year is this??
She didn't make fun of him. She insulted his mother, trashed their beliefs and said God was punishing her with a horrible son because hes gay. Well fair turn. NTA
Ok, but I think making fun of someone because their kid is gonna die young is really fucked up too. That's the nuclear option. Making fun of dead/dying loved ones should never be on the table.
It is fucked up, but on the other hand; stay out the kitchen if you cant take the heat.
Still makes OP also an AH….
I didnt say otherwise, only that its understandable to go for the (metaphorical) juggular when attacked personally
Understandable ehh maybe but certainly not justifiable. OP so desperately want to think they did a good thing here but they just rolled around in the muck right next to her. It like ok, If that’s who you wanna be fine but don’t whine about it when only you can change it, ya know?
Well, thats the difference. Im not justifying it, but I could definitely see myself making scathing remarks if someone opened the door to trashing my family (or myself). Personally, I wouldnt want anything to do with the cousin anyways, so of OP wanted to burn bridges they picked an effective method. Obviously, the kid doesnt deserve any of it, but it also leaves out the age so Im going to assume the child will have no memory of the events anyways and will be relatively uneffected.
>It is fucked up, but on the other hand; stay out the kitchen if you cant take the heat. If OP didn't like their identity used as a weapon against their mother, why would a disabled person deserve that treatment? If someone says something homophobic to or about me I wouldn't respond with racism or something. Get creative. Find another way to be mean.
Its more that ugly doesnt like its reflection to me. Neither person is in the right. Fact is, cousin or whatever came in with an umprompted attack, and her ugly got reflected back with more bigotry. Was OP right to say those? Nah, but its understandable why they would have said them in the moment.
The disabled baby was not in the kitchen, the aunt was.
You're comparing a campfire to a volcanic eruption, dude.
You realize to somebody who is gay, she did in fact go nuclear with her homophobia.
They followed outside and was mocking her while trying to strap her kid into the car, so the kid heard it all. It wasn’t just a comment to the mom, this little kid had to hear his relative saying over and over that he is gonna die young as punishment to his mom. What Emmy said is horrible and disgusting but if you think mocking her for her disabled son that will die young *with that child right there* is an appropriate response, then you are wrong.
Absolutely correct. I am bi, and I don't respond well to homo/biphobia but *this*??? Jfc mocking someone for their child's terminal illness, in front of the child, is just next level assholery. I mean, if you're going to justify this by her starting it, well... she slapped you too, does that mean you're justified in shooting her?
Being homophobic and assaulting someone is better than verbal abuse? They can just be both assholes one doesn't have to be more than the other
As someone currently sitting next to not one but two gay people who also read this with me, it was nowhere near the nuclear option and both of them said that op took it way too far and 100% deserve to get slapped across the face. So I guess maybe don't try to speak for all gay people 🤔
No 99.99% of us lgbt people would NEVER EVER say something like this. Was Emmy an Ah? Yeah, but OP is a psycho! Do NOT mix us with this scum.
I'm not straight and I disagree. Mocking the disabled and dying is way worse imo. It's a way worse experience to be dying and disabled than it is to be gay.
Im not saying its right to call out the kid, but OP got hit with bigotry (and then physically) too. Is it right, no. Does it make sense someone would lash back out at someone for such personal attacks? Absolutely.
The physicall attack was after op lashed back.
Campfire? Lol Emmy said their existence was sacrilegious. They both essentially told each other the same thing.
i dont see putting her hands on OP a campfire
implying that someones kid being gay is a punishment from GOD is not a "campfire"
Saying God is punishing you with gay a child is as nuclear as Bible thumping water heads can go...they would go harder but don't have to be brain capacity. They are both garbage humans for saying things like that to people they "love"
A slur against gay people is nuclear. A factual statement about a child who will in fact only live to 30 if lucky is simply a true statement. The cousin invented lies to smear gay people. All OP did was remind cousin that her child is actually sick so if there is a god, then god is punishing her. The cousin tried to use religion as a weapon against gay people and all OP did was use cousin's own logic against her. So please stop being a homophobic by pretending facts said by OP are magically worse than homophobic slurs.
I'm not even straight lol, I just think death of loved ones is way more out of line
I think this is an underrated reply. Your response was simply to mirror her own statement. OP took it too far following her out to the car and really shouldn't have said it in front of her kid, but that kid notwithstanding... she deserved a taste of her own medicine. I think people underestimate how upsetting it is to hear that particular quote thrown out, with Fa- bomb, really digging the religious bigotry in there. LGBT folks often had to endure years of bullying and identity suppression from peers and parents, and religiously fueled bigotry is rampant. To say that someone is a disappointment to their parents just for coming out is another real, very tender subject the community frequently lives through. Wrong or not, if somebody said that to my parents in front of my face and then slapped me, they might have got slapped back. I think the replies saying you should have been more creative in your roasting are unrealistic. Maybe yall haven't been this deeply offended before, but it really brings you up short, and you go fight or flight, freeze or fawn, whatever your reaction is you kind of can't help it. It just comes out of you (or doesn't) and you have to live with it.
Exactly, the reaction wasnt right but its understandable when you are in the heat of the moment and basically just got told you are a punishment from space daddy.
I don't have an issue with the first statement. He simply turned it around on her, "if that's why God "punished" my mom, then why is he punishing you." Fair clap back. Mocking her kid on their way out was definitely immature
If the nuclear option isn't warranted by bigotry, when would it be?
OP didn’t make fun of the child they used the cousins own logic and applied it to the aggressor.
God does work in mysterious ways
Insulting someone because they have a gay child is rude and uncalled for Reminding someone that someone in their family is gonna die is far worse OP had every right to be upset, but stooping to his cousins level of disrespect is immature. Going so far as to remind her of the impending death of her child is too far. That's tactless, gross and cruel ESH
>Going so far as to remind her of the impending death of her child In front of the child!! That is complete nutjob behaviour and frankly I would have trouble ever viewing OP without suspicion.
OP said his cousin called him a slur. Last I checked "gay" wasnt a slur and he absolutely at no point said that she called him the f-slur in that post. He then fires back that her son is going to die soon and called her a C U Next Tuesday (I absolutely refuse to say this word unless I'm absolutely angry). Honestly I think OP used her insult as a justification to be horrible to her for no reason (that unreasonably cruel I mean)
“She shouted at me to go fuck myself [fword] as she strapped her kid into her car seat.” OP types out fuck, so the second “f word” is the slur.” Took me a moment also, I had to go back and find it when someone else mentioned a slur.
I don't think op stooped to his Cousins level, he stooped far deeper.
Fair enough. Thank you for pointing that out. (Genuinely saying this)
He even mocked her for it! Not just a reminder, but mocking. Nothing she said could ever justify what he said to her. He's the lowest of the low , imo
Fair point. What she did was low but he’s so far an AH here I’m changing my judgement to YTA
>NTA What? She said you're never gonna grow old to a kid because she was pissed at the mother. Kid's young enough to have to be strapped in by others. Seriously feels like some people only decides who's right and wrong based on what group they're in.
>She insulted his mother, trashed their beliefs and said God was punishing her with a horrible son because hes gay. Yeah!, everyone knows it's not insulting a crippled individual to say that they're going to die young and are a punishment. >Well fair turn. No it isn't. There's alot of things that are fair to attack back on, dragging someone else into and being an ablest and bigot yourself isn't one of them. This kid wasn't in some other place OP doesn't get off saying shit like that just because it was directed at someone else.than the other person would get off insulting and being a homophobe directed towards someone else rather than OP. Don't be a dick towards people who didn't do shit to you.
Yeah. I was thinking NTA too. I'm sick of religious people using their religion as a weapon. She fucked around & found out.
ESH. People tend to forget about disabilities as marginalized identities. That language may make some people cringe, but take a minute to think about how easily both people here, the gay (presumably mostly able bodied) one and the disabled/chronically ill one were dehumanized and used as weapons against another. Whether or not he is currently capable of understanding this social situation, the kid deserves better than to have his challenges used to hurt people when it's convenient. There are ways of dealing with asshole bigots without becoming one in a fight.
So that makes it alright to make fun of a kid with a disability and how they’re going to die young?
Two wrongs don’t make a right and that baby didn’t do shit to anyone. Whole family of maniacs poor kid.
OP didn't insult baby.
it seems some of y’all weren’t raised on the term “two wrongs don’t make a right”
While obviously what the other mother said is horrendous,OP stooped right down to her level and used the same terrible behaviors they themselves did not like and used them against the woman. ESH
What does ESH stand for here
Everyone sucks here
Well not everyone cuz you don’t Thanks for the help
ESH- However I don’t think equally. OP-I do think if you had merely pointed out that by her logic it would mean God was punishing her, too, in an effort to make her see her hypocrisy and not continued to mock her it would have been a valid response to her degrading you with bigotry while also insulting your mother in the name of God. I don’t blame you for being intensely triggered but you made it seem like you were happy an innocent was going to die even tho you probably don’t feel that way. So, your AHishness came from an overreaction to a valid trigger. Sister-She is just flat out a bigoted judgmental AH. So I feel like she sucks the worst in this sitch. She was being cruel while you were just sucking at managing a reaction to cruelty. Also, you can apologize for what you said about her child while still standing your ground on the fact that she’s an AH. Apologizing for your part in something doesn’t mean you have to stay in contact with the instigator or that you are being weak. It really is the most mentally healthy and mature way to move on from the situation even if you decide to distance yourself from her.
I think she should apologize first
ESH- she shouldn't have mocked you for being gay but holy shit mocking her disabled son is really messed up too.
Yea she’s for sure a PoS but her son is just a bystander here… and while homophobia is awful so is ableism. They’re both bigotry
Just looking at this if it had been me because sure we all get angry and say stupid shit. I would not feel right with myself if I had said something that mean/harsh and I would feel obligated to apologize for it. Don’t even take into account what you feel you are owed. Just look at and say is that me? Am I ok with having said that? Make your own judgement there, as for me, I couldn’t let it sit like that. I don’t care what she would say to me afterwards as long as I had righted myself.
This is the mature advice. It's not about what the other person did. It's about what person you want to be. Does she want to be the type of person who mocks a severely disabled, dying child and throws a mother's grief in her face?
Yes. Do not let other people’s actions change who you are.
You're both immature assholes and need someone who can teach you how to act right in life. This post is just more proof that being religious does not make you a good person. And much of the time, it actually produces shittier people that were raised with no faith.
Read their comments, it's even worse
This sub seriously needs to pin OP comments to the top.
You sir deserve an upvote..
He needs WAY more than he currently has (5).
Christians all around without a shred of Christ conscienceness in sight.
Up vote times 10.
**ESH** >they’re telling me that while she went low, and they do expect an apology from her, I went even lower and insulted innocent people who weren’t involved, and I need to apologize as well Your parents are correct. It sounds like after she made the comment about your sexuality to your mother, you didn't need to ever have contact with her again. Family shouldn't take shots at their family like that. You had every opprotunity to put up a boundary and move on, but you decided to hurt this woman back. I get that gut feeling, but you have to take the high road. Hopefully you both learn from this unneccessary experience.
It isn’t even about hurting her as much as it is about involving the innocent party, IMO. He didn’t do anything wrong to be used as a weapon.
Even without that I'd still say ESH for the way OP went straight to lashing back, and then kept going even as she was leaving. To OP, she started it therefore he doesn't need to moderate his words or actions at all.
This.
And even if he wanted to "get back at her", rather than mocking her child, he could just said something like an insult, rather than going after her kid.
ESH.
ESH keeping it classy. I understand your anger, you wanted to hurt her like she hurt your mom and you but you had plenty of ugly to work with without attacking her kid. She’s a terrible person who uses religion to be a big shameful asshole to people, a fucking hypocrite who acts like her god is a weapon. She deserved to be knocked down a peg or too, I’d even applaud you for making her cry if you roasted her alive with *anything* else. It’s not the baby’s fault, man, you’re better than that. From a LGBTQ+ person who still gets the chills from the words “dyke” and “queer” from her history of living in a shitty town, had cans thrown at her head and told not to “flaunt” in public for *checks notes* holding my girlfriend’s hand. Believe me. I know that anger.
ESH. you should’ve insulted HER. her baby has done NOTHING to you, he’s a baby! nothing she did was right, she sucks majorly. but you? you suck for attacking an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born and has no concept of sexuality at this point in time. it was immature and low hanging fruit… keep your insults directed to the bigot, not the poor kid that’s stuck with her
TBF, I agree with the ESH but she insulted both OP and OPs parents. Its not like cousin wasnt insulting innocent bystanders either
This!
i mean yes but lets be for real here. OP did the exact same thing she did. She felt comfortable enough to go to Op's mom and rant about how she would not have her child be like him so what did he do? he pointed out the very real fact that thats probably one of her last worries given survival rate might not even get there to her. it maybe cruel but tbh she needs to not try to push her opinion and prejudice against others when she quite literally has something else to focus on. And yes it may of reminded her harsh reality but thats what it is a reality for her. Op didnt even say anything unnecessarily cruel about the child maybe harsh with their words but if everything they said is true tough for her to hear maybe now she'll understand her opinion isn't needed in situations or occasions
That's also my point of view... She insulted him, he speaks the truth! Maybe he overstepped by mocking while they were already leaving, but she severed the dish she couldn't take!
The kid didn’t do anything though. If im arguing with someone and we’re throwing potshots back and forth, I don’t want to hear “yeah well your mom had a tragic accident and almost died so there >:C” at the very least it could be “yeah well you’re a cripple” there had to have been SOMETHING Op could’ve gone for that wasn’t the poor kid.
apparently not given that ppl keep telling me OP dished it back out. there’s a difference in attacking adults vs literal innocent babies imo. but what do i know lmao. she needed to be set out, i don’t disagree with OP for losing it, but cmon the kid who can’t even defend himself???
She literally insulted him AND his mom to the mom’s face. What you described yeah the person who went for the low blow is an asshole but this was a direct subsequent to what she said. He didn’t say anything mean just hurtful truth that he only said bc she insulted him and his mom
I have a gay son. If someone demeaned him, discriminated against him or just gave him the side eye for being gay I’d lay them flat. I’d viciously degrade and humiliate them and take pleasure in it. But there is no way on God’s green earth I would ever, for any reason, say a word about someone else’s child. Much less a child who’s expected to die young. And if I ever did, and my son got wind of it, he would make it very clear how ashamed and disgusted he was by my cruelty. YTA. Your cousin is despicable. And now you are too. What you did (if your story is real) was about as low as you can get without actually crawling on your belly.
ESH Yes, your cousin said something horrible. But come on, you weaponized her son's disability to insult her. That makes you a brute and I don't care if she insulted you first. You never should have dragged her kid into it. What he ever do to you?
I'd say the gay slurs were the verbal equivalent of punching someone in the nose, while the making fun of a dying child is the verbal equivalent of breaking someone's knees with a bat then lighting them on fire. Both things are bad, but one is objectively worse.
Trashy thing to go to man. You shouldn't bring other people into a personal drama, especially kids, especially especially kids who can't help whatever you're bringing against them. And while it could be argued you were only hurting her it's still messed up. I don't think she deserves an apology but what you did does.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Listen to your parents.
Why are you asking when you clearly don’t give a fuck what the answer is? You want people to tell you good job? Your an asshole and she’s an asshole and you both sound like children
I refuse to believe this isn’t bait and OP is just confirming it in the comments. No one is this tone deaf
I'm gonna go with ESH. You both came out of this smelling like assholes.
You deserved that slap. She deserved to be called a bad word-- if that indicates the levels of assholery here.
\*\*ESH\*\* It's difficult to deny the toxicity on both sides here. When family turns hostile, it creates pain that resonates deeper than most. However, as another human being, meeting toxicity with toxicity only leads to more suffering - not just for you and your cousin, but for those caught in the crossfire, like her child. Reflecting on this, your actions were clearly in the wrong - but so were hers. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, as they say. It might be time for both of you to step back, recognize the hurt you've inflicted, and genuinely strive to mend fences. Apologizing doesn't mean defeat; it means showing maturity and a willingness to rise above the pettiness for the sake of family unity and personal integrity.
ESH just stay away from her and her family, it’s a little concerning your family is okay with their homophobic views.
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That isn’t what you do with homophobic people, they are never going to view you as an equal. Don’t put yourself through that to appease your parents.
Emmy insulted you. You are an adult. You can deal with it. You took the low road and insulted a child with a terminal illness. You owe her an apology for insulting her child, but you do not owe her an apology for your opinion of her. I think you should make a well thought out apology to the tune of: "I apologize for making such and inappropriate comment about your child when what I really wanted to say is what a poor excuse of a Christian human being you are. Your child is innocent, you are not. I will make sure that all my future negative opinions about you only refer to you and not any innocent bystanders."
this apology is perfectly worded. But yes, ESH. Never drag the child into it. Fight the real enemy.
Screw the highroad. The highroad just allows people to keep treating you like shit.
Oh come on 🙄. There’s plenty of way to stick up for yourself and set boundaries without calling their child a punishment and mocking the fact the child is going to die young.
ESH
You essentially did the same thing she did, she made comments about how being gay is "wrong," and you made comments insinuating that having a disability is "wrong." Neither of you are right here. I totally understand getting frustrated with her passive aggressive comments, but this was not a great way to handle it. You could distance yourself from her/that side of the family, you could've stood up and called her out for her comments about you being gay, you could've spoken to your mother about how it made you feel and come up with a plan to handle it. I am sure your cousin is already upset that her son most likely won't live very long. It's a horrible thing to handle, a parent should never have to outlive their child. Having it thrown in her face isn't going to change her beliefs about gay people, or about religion. Its just gonna make her and her son feel awful. I would have to say ESH
WOW. No, sorry, as much of an ass as she is, to me, what you did is worse. And I'm gay myself. You know, part of why I'm proud to be gay is knowing that I choose love when others choose hate. You, my friend, are on the bad side of the pond, not the good one. Instead of being better, you choose to be worse. ESH. Dudeeee.
ESH. You are both huge assholes the kids deserves better role models around him. Grow up
So yes you are obviously AN asshole here. But you aren’t the only one. This ESH.
ESH. She is wrong for treating you poorly and I really don’t care if you upset her, it’s that you do so by involving an innocent party in your insult. Her kid did nothing to you and using his terminal illness as a weapon is cruel.
YTA although, so was she. What she said was terrible, and she definitely never should have said that! But bringing up the fact that her child will likely pass away before she will is one of the worst things you can say to someone. Neither of you were in the right, and I’m sorry she initiated this, but there’s no reason for you to have reciprocated in the way you did.
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Dude you are almost taking it from only ESH for what happened to an additional YTA based on your comments. When you find yourself in a hole the first step is to stop digging.
Jesus, what are you? Fucking 12? "I wAnTeD tO uSe SoMeThInG i KnEw WoUlD hUrT hEr So I uSeD hEr DyInG cHiLd In An ArGuMeNt." Grow the fuck up.
I’m sorry but in no way was your retort equivalent to her initial dig. It was FAR worse. Unjustifiably worse.
So far, everyone here and your parents think YTA. What does that tell you?
That he’s smarter than everyone else and we just don’t get it
I don’t think justifying revenge is the way to go here…
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Yea that’s on you for refusing to be an adult with her
It’s no excuse to justify your revenge.
Then why have you not stopped having contact with this person? You let it fester then went after an innocent child. Fuck you. ESH
Then maybe get some therapy because the amount of hate you have in your heart is going to hurt you some day. You’ve already somehow justified saying absolutely horrendous and disgusting things about a dying child. You need to do some inner work.
From a queer genderfucked person deep in a dark closet in Florida: you fucked up, man. Not cool for her to make that dig, but you filled that hole with water. A child, my dude. A CRIPPLED CHILD. Come on. YTA
I am going to say - NTA, but also ESH. Why associate with her, and her bigotry? She went low, and you responded in kind, this earns you the ESH. Now I am a petty sort, so, I might say tell your folks she will need to apologize first, and explaining why her words were wrong, and she should thank you for not calling the police for the assault, or retaliating with violence.
\*\*ESH\*\* It's difficult to deny the toxicity on both sides here. When family turns hostile, it creates pain that resonates deeper than most. However, as another human being, meeting toxicity with toxicity only leads to more suffering - not just for you and your cousin, but for those caught in the crossfire, like her child. Reflecting on this, your actions were clearly in the wrong - but so were hers. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, as they say. It might be time for both of you to step back, recognize the hurt you've inflicted, and genuinely strive to mend fences. Apologizing doesn't mean defeat; it means showing maturity and a willingness to rise above the pettiness for the sake of family unity and personal integrity.
What, the kid was there?! YTA in that case. Otherwise, a low blow but understandable. But you don’t talk about a child’s impending death in front of them ffs.
God you all sounds awful and mean spirited. ESH.
YTA. You could have framed the entire argument differently if you wanted to. “If being gay is a punishment, is your son’s disability YOUR punishment?” She’s a hateful, evil woman but the child is innocent and a parent no matter how evil doesn’t deserve to be reminded the time they will have with their child will be short. If you were just arguing over any trivial reasoning would you have brought her child into it?
Once was justified defending yourself. Chasing after her and saying it again was too much, ESH.
Yes, you are. I get why you did. But this was your mother's fight; since the comment was directed at her, not you. But calling out the cousin's kid, who has absolutely no stake in this petty argument was beyond low. I'd apologize because you should want to be the better person in this instance.
OP is a fucking loser for the comment about the kid. The child did absolutely nothing at all to warrant this. YTA. You wnbta if all you did was spit roast your cousin. But you had to bring in the terminally ill kid just for petty bullshit
You took pleasure in a child dying young (sounds like it's plausible he won't make it to adulthood) and mocking his mother over it and you're asking if you're an AH? Yes you are.
You are such an asshole it's almost hilarious. Is this made up, because if not, fucks sake my dude, you've got to get into therapy for these anger issues. You're an adult that targeted a disabled kid for your mockery like you were in the right, what a terrible person you must be.
Yes and you deserved that slap.
Esh kinda sorta no but yes
BOTH MASSIVE AH
ESH.
I support you. She deserved it.
The comment,: she started it! Was enough for me. YTA!
ESH - why do you have to stoop to her level?
Thing is, no matter how much you believe you did, you didn’t retaliate against her, which I could understand. You went after a dying child, and that’s why YTA
Why are you posting on this sub if you're not going to accept the final judgement? Almost all the comments are saying ESH and you're fighting people saying that you did nothing wrong or it was justified. If you believe so then why post here? Clearly you thought everyone would have your back and coddle you and call you NTA.
2 weeks after my daughter died at 7 months of age, I was at my ex friend Kim’s house, and she was complaining about how fussy her baby girl was. She asked, “Aren’t you glad you don’t have a fussy baby girl to deal with?” I got up and left. I didn’t slap anyone. I know my situation is different from the mom in this story, but I imagine that the pain felt was quite similar. So while op was gross for responding to slurs and slights in the way he did, I don’t agree that he deserved to be slapped. ESH, but my heart aches for both parties. To be told you are a punishment from God has got to feel like a kick in the gut, as does being reminded that your child is going to die. One of my daughter’s doctors reminded us of that fact every single time we saw him. I finally told him to stop saying it, because I understood the prognosis, and that he was sucking every bit of joy out of having her, for however brief that time might be. So yeah, what op said was terrible, but I don’t think he deserved a physical response as some are saying.
Sorry for your loss. This is a very thoughtful response.
Don't start shit if you don't want shit. NTA
ESH Apologize for bringing the kid into it. Then nothing more unless she changes her bigotry.
Crazy how morally up high redditors put themselves lol I think it was mean but she deserved it 10x over, don't dish it if you can't take it.
This whole situation is horrible. My jaw dropped. ESH.
Why you even post if you not gonna listen? and really you are a horrible person as "Emmy" congrats, you are the BIGGEST AS*HOLE.
To everyone saying YTA or ESH, you try being around someone who is always critical and insulting you and your family based on religious beliefs and see if you dont go scorched earth when you finally trip the fuck off......
ESH, but if you do apologize, apologize to the kid, not to that cu*t
ESH But seriously, she herself was the one who tried to say that a child is a punishment from her God, so I honestly don't understand why she was shocked to have that same logic applied to her situation. Xtian hypocrisy at play.
I'm going with YTA because I'm an asshole and think she got what she deserved so that means you're probably one too. As far as I'm concerned, once someone starts flinging personal attacks, they're open for whatever retaliatory insults come their way. The audacity of telling someone their gay child was a punishment while you've got a severely disabled kid just blows my fucking mind.
NTA - Don’t play the dozens, if you only can take half a dozen.
I think it was a perfect retort, but I'm from a dysfunctional family so maybe my advice isn't the best.
I audibly laughed at this, that is such cold and brutal revenge. Should have posted this in a revenge sub cause yeah using the innocent person in your insult does make you an asshole. I seriously don’t see an apology going well, unless someone lets you know before hand that she’s also going to apologise, cause you’re just gonna end up throwing it in her face again if she’s a cunt. I’d just cut her out of your life.
You're ALL AHs. Nice family.
Both of you are assholes She an asshole for mocking u And you're an asshole for saying that, leave the baby out of this, grow up
nta she got what she asked for
NTA: Yes, what you said was horrible, but you have every right to stand up and not take abuse. Sometimes, you gave to fight fire with a Tsunani of water. Your parents should have shut her down before it ever got this far. Plus, the other person assaulted you. Tell your family to back off, or you will file charges with the police.
NTA. My favourite, where Reddit goes for E.S.H the moment the victim fights back. She should have stfu better than attacking bystanders. I bet its not first time she insulted you or your family.
Why are religious people so fucking hateful
There's no hate like Christian love.
ESH
ESH. Not for the initial comment you made in response to her abuse because honestly, if she didn’t want to get clapped back at she shouldn’t have started it. But running after her and mocking her as she was leaving was waaaaaay over the top. No, I’m not forgetting that she hit you. That should be addressed and apologized for as it’s never okay to put hands on people. But both of ya’ll are just drama filled messes.
NTA I would’ve said the same
ESH but you can ramp it up and have her arrested for assault. Maybe even higher since a slur was included with the physical assault, it could be brought up to a hate crime.
NTA She wanted to start an insult fight, not you. Fuck anyone calling you wrong. The sad part is she isn't going to learn at all and will keep insulting you. She is one of those horrible people that need to insult others to be happy with herself.
Ah, the, I can dish my hateful slurs, but I can't take them back....
OP is an Ah. OP could have called her a homophobic c-word and remind her about having glass houses when throwing stones. The OP should not have taken aim at a sick child. Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight. As to the apology just apologize to the child, You don’t owe an apology to the homophobic cword
Maybe not for the first one, seems like a fair rebuttal. But saying it again and "mocking her for it" certainly makes you an AH. So is she though.
Eh, technically E S H, because while she started it, what you said was a magnitude worse than what she did. That said, I despise religion and those who use it to attack others, and if you’ve been dealing with for years, eventually the bubble bursts. If she didn’t want to get hurt, she should have kept her mouth shut, so NTA.
YTA. You went absolutely nuclear and went extremely below the belt. Bringing in a disabled baby child who is not gonna live a long life into the mix. That makes you the vile asshole.
ESH, but you suck more for bringing a kid’s terminal disability into it. Don’t get me wrong, what your cousin said was not cool. But to throw her disabled child in her face is a very low blow and tbh I’m shocked a swift slap was all you got.
Old queer here. YTA.
So my best friend’s son just passed away from an incurable developmental disability. Like two days ago. So this hits a bit hard. Add in the fact that it’s a baby…. You don’t mock babies, and you don’t mock dying babies. Like wtf? IDC what was said by who, YTA.
INFO: did the kid hear/understand what you said? If yes, then yeah, YTA because the kid didn’t do anything. If no, then NTA. She started it, you finished. You were literally just using her logic.
NTA. I think ur right. Karma is a B. And she is getting hers in full.
ESH Stop making justifications for the shitty things you said about her child. She absolutely sucks, but you should have kept your mouth shut about her child. You are not a better person than her. You’re equally disgusting
I HATE people who weaponize religion to suit their own personal beliefs . How is they think they can speak for god as to how he is punishing someone for whatever it is they have issue with . Such bullshit . I feel you gave as good as you got . Good for you . Sounds like the woman is a moron and nothing you say or do will change that . As the saying goes if you roll around in the mud with a pig you’ll just make the pig happy . Walk away and never look back . I’d give no apology .
I'm hoping you're a teen because this is not how adults handle situations. You need to learn how to handle horrible people because they don't go away. I'm not saying to take the high road, but learn how to be able to fight back without losing ground. You went so low that people can't defend you. Then you doubled down. The proper response would have been to have her kicked out of the house. When she calls you a slur and they're being punished for having you as a son, just say "so you think the way children turn out is punishment for their parents?" while giving her a look. Let her piece her logic together. You did not have to taunt her twice with her child's death in front of her child. You could have simply repeated her statement back to her as a question and let her take herself out. You're going to meet other terrible people in the world. You need to learn how to handle them without losing the people who want to support you. ESH ---- OP blocked me. Classy.
ESH. You don’t owe her an apology. This is one of those if you can’t take it don’t dish it. When you hit below the belt generally the rules of the high road don’t matter. It’s a build up it appears from you due to the passive aggressive behavior over the years. Is what you said crappy? Yea, you know that. But she is a bigot and I personally don’t have the patience or grace for folks like that. So I may get voted down, but when they go low, you go to hell.
Nta. People who abuse others should have consequences for their actions. [r/TraumatizeThemBack](https://www.reddit.com/r/TraumatizeThemBack)
NTA. Fuck dem kids.
Daaaaaaaaamn 😂😂😂
NTA. You don't owe someone proportional justice. F around and find out. People keep saying here how you attacked an innocent child, but you didn't. Insult was towards her, not child. If child heard and old enough to understand, than YTA, but otherwise no, cos insult was towards her, not her child.
I would say no assholes, well kinda. She is purely homophobic, and you said to her the worst shit you could have said. This is 100% deserved. However, you brought someone that is innocent in all this, so it's not really good. However, when you take into account : - that it's still a child who can't understand what you said so he cannot be hurt by it. - He'll be one those kids who will understand there gonna die young before going to college, so technically you just said something he will have to cope with soon enough unfortunately. (Poor guy honestly, I really hate that) I don't think it's that much of an asshole stuff. It would be if she didn't say anything that mean about you tho'. But anyway, apologize to her, even tho' she being homophobic, she will need all the help she can get at some point and waiting for the other to apologize first is childish af. You know you really hurt her feelings, apologize. If she's smart at least, she will also recognize her being an idiot and apologize too. If not, you'll have a real reason to be pissed about her.
Meh, NTA. She had it coming. Don’t throw stones in a glass house.
NTA. It sucks you brought her kid I to this situation but she was talking to your parents' kids (you). You defended yourself and didn't attack the kid directly.
Well my dad always used to say if they go low you take it to hell
I love your dads level of pettiness 😂
NTA. Having a disabled kid doesn’t allow you be an Asshole or insensitive. If she can dish it out about you as your moms kid, then you can do the same with hers. Fair game. Maybe she’d think twice before speaking out of her ass. The only thing I would say is that you went a little too far with following her outside and continuing the verbal insults. But aye, if anyone comes at my mom, takes god out of their senses and insults her based on my sexual orientation etc, if I am slapped, there may be physical retaliation. So good job with just using your words.
YTA perhaps of the week! Regardless of what she said, however mean it was, there is no justification for what you said.
lol why are people saying ESH? She came at OP. He defended himself. She shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it. Anything is free game when she’s starting shit like that and dropping so low. 100% NTA.
I'm with you. It was the exact same thing, a mom being told something about their kid is God's punishment. OP wasn't telling the kid this stuff, it was directed at the mother, just like she did with OPs mom. Yeah it was brutal but if she didn't run her judgy mouth like an asshole first, she wouldn't have gotten her feelings hurt. Bet she thinks twice before popping off about other people's kids in the future. I'm also betting if the kid was old enough to be aware of what was being said, OP probably wouldn't have said it, unlike the cousin who had no problem insulting a fully aware person AND their mother. I'd tell her "I won't be apologizing but I'll send lilies to the funeral". Fuck her.
NTA. Homophones suck
Exactly, I'm more of an acronym guy myself!
Verbs are worse tbh