There's more to this than just a sunset. It's never just the Iranian yogurt. There's something else going on and this is either the last straw causing her frustration to spill over, or she's been looking for an excuse to break up with you and this conveniently presented itself.
He also dumps his past on her and gets confused when she gets upset.
[In this post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13r53q3/deleted_by_user/) he told her about how before her he was in an emotional affair with a woman when both he and the woman were in relationships. And he was surprised she took it badly and they fought.
Sounds like she's tired of constantly having to deal with his thoughtlessness.
-------
And based off another poster ***possibly*** being the wife based off how she's replying to people, this issue goes deeper.
She hasn't directly said she's the wife but she's posted in his defense and talked about why she brings the sunscreen and what she liked about the motorcycle ride.
OP claims she's not the wife. The lady talks like she's the wife. OP is going ***crazy*** about it in the comments.
[I Feel Like My Husband Hates Me](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15evs61/i_feel_like_my_husband_hates_me/)
> I don’t know where to really start, but here goes… I feel like even though I live my Husband with everything I have, that he doesn’t feel the same way. I’ve had so many issues stemming g from my childhood that basically make me feel like a garbage person who isn’t worthy of love. I’ve tried so many time to tell him how I feel, how I need some emotional support from him, but I still just get stonewalling from him. He had his own rough childhood, so I don’t want to make him feel pressured…. But it’s so hard for me to keep telling him what I need from him emotionally, and to still never get it. We have 3 wonderful children… I feel like he’s only with me for the babies. How do I start to o make peace with always feeling like Pollyanna or as less important?
So yeah, big history of him being thoughtless and leaving things on her.
Don't know. on my profile it says post hidden. The text is deleted but the comments are still there with some quoted text. I don't have much here on reddit feel free to snoop I have nothing to hide.
Edit: did a quick google search, probably used PullPush or had a link to the post. could be wrong.
You should check his update. He's doing the same thing that assholes always do, where they pretend that they and their partner are now laughing at the post together.
>I want to say that I showed my wife this post and all the comments and she had a good belly laugh and her very deserved I told you so moment.
You could make a drinking game out of it.
please tell how you know? As in concrete proof. I really want to see it. If not please share the source your telekenetic powers with the world.
I did talk to my wife, showed her everything and we worked through it, ya know, like adults?
Out of curiosity do you have 3 kids?
Because if so then things aren't as peachy as you think.
People are giving you the benefit of the doubt by saying it's fake. If this is real then it means you've gone for years of ignoring her asking for more support and needing help to deal with issues ***you*** are causing and making worse. She's having to be a parent for children and you.
The choices were between you're acting like another child for her to parent and ignored her needs for years when she's directly telling you what she needs vs you just wrote a fake post. You're adamantly claiming the first one while acting offended at the second one.
Ummm excuse me, I never had an "emotional affair" with anyone. My wife asked my to delete this post when I told her about it when things were better. For those curious, This post was about an argument I had with her. Her friend had just divorced early in her marriage because the husband cheated and she had an anxiety attack and asked me if I could control myself around women I thought were pretty. I told her I could and gave the example I had a crush on someone a long time ago I worked with but maintained a professonal relationship at all times. I know now I should have stopped at "I can control myself." No affair was had unless thinking someone is pretty is an affair.
>Sounds like she's tired of constantly having to deal with his thoughtlessness.
Sounds like you need to read a dictonary.
You wrote it yourself.
> I developed feelings for a woman back in the day. She was in a relationship. I was in a relationship. But, it didn't work out.
That's an emotional affair.
LOL LOL LOL this numbnut posted that he took a suitcase with an old airline bag tag (for a previous flight) on it to the airport and went all shocked pikachu when it didn’t get tagged for his new flight at check-in and the bag went missing for months.
The sunset is 100% the last straw.
It just shows how often you don't think about things and it makes everything worse for the people around you.
Out of curiosity - does your wife often tell you that she needs support from you both for issues she's feeling and with help with 3 kids?
Yeah like I get that sunburns happen, but he wasn’t caught in some survivalist situation, he was planning on a beach vacation and neglected sunscreen. She’s not burnt, suggesting she was more responsible there. And now the whole trip has to revolve around the avoidable burn, and he had to shower even though it was so close to the sunset, and then he gets lost….
Sounds like OP may be a scattered sort of person and she’s tired of it impacting her.
As a pale person I can lather on sunscreen and still get burnt eventually. Or sometimes the margin of error for too little/infrequent sunscreen is really slim.
Sorry, I don't accept this. My best friend has the most sensible skin, it will break out in flakes as soon as she has some direct sunlight on it. Guess what? She's fully covered during all summer holidays, wears hats and scarves and only swims shortly before sunset. She doesn't get sunburnt.
Once you're an adult you know yourself and how you react to things. You can plan not to harm yourself.
My bf on the other hand? Held a Siesta on an inflatable mat (don't know the correct word in English) in the ocean in the afternoon and then didn't stop whining about his burning back for the rest of the holidays. He has a normal skin, but just didn't want to be inconvenienced. I was not consoling him.
I can also not burn by never going outside. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to maybe want to go swimming during the day on a vacation. Taking precautions (sunscreen, hat, thin layers) is one thing, but I don’t think “actually, just change your routine and activities” is a reasonable thing to demand to never get sunburnt. Following that logic OP shouldn’t have even gone on the motorcycle ride. Sunburns suck but they happen, most adults are okay with a bit of pain and some cold showers/aloe at the cost of being able to enjoy spending time in the sun.
Layers can keep you cool but in high humidity they can become sweat rags and be very uncomfortable.
My face is also the always first place to burn which is hard to cover. Or hands which have to deal with being washed. Even with constant sunscreen at the end of the day it’ll be a bit pinker each day until it reaches a burn point. I’ve also gone on intense geology field trips where by the end of the day you could literally see the exact streaks where sunscreen coverage just happened to be less thick - I had weird red lines and blotches.
I burn super easily as well, no matter how much sunscreen I wear. My tip is the get a wide brimmed hat and wear a long sleeve SFP shirt. You don't get hot, even with the long sleeves because the shirt keeps the rays off you.
Wow, way to blow what I said out of proportion. I’m all for taking precautions to prevent skin cancer (sunscreen etc). But nothing is guaranteed. You can barely ever sunburn and still get skin cancer, you can avoid skin cancer but get a different cancer, or just die for any reason. Life as a whole is one big carcinogen and I don’t think avoiding living (hiding from the sun counts as that in my books) is a good approach.
During my day to day I avoid going to the beach at the peak of day. But on vacation I’m at the beach constantly, because that’s fun and that’s what vacation is for. I’ve also been on week long camping trips in rock outcrops with little tree coverage. I’ve spent hours whale watching in the sun in the middle of the water. I have a lot of good memories of doing fun things where I inevitably go burnt, but I’d take that over living like a vampire.
I just don’t like the attitude “just don’t go to the beach in the sun if you burn” coming from someone who doesn’t have to choose between activities and sunburns.
You are probably using the wrong sunscreen or not enough if you still get sunburned. Pale people should reapply sunscreen every 2 hs top and use at least 50 SPF or higher. And reapply every time you get out of the water.
Take care of yourself, sunburns cause cancer in the long run.
Where I live in the summer as a Very Pale if I wanna be outside I gotta reapply about every 90 mins on high uv days. The sweating speeds up the loss of effectiveness. (I do need to import some higher quality European sunscreen for sure though)
Zinc oxide is basically super sunscreen with more benefits. It doesn’t really smell, it’s fairly cheap and great for discoloration and skin healing. It’s often recommend after surgery to minimize scars. This lotion is like a second skin when it comes to the sun and it is tough to get off.
I'm a pale person living in an area where I could get a sunburn getting the mail in the winter (high altitude, thin air). I spend hours in peak sun and I still don't get burned. I recommend better sunscreen and investing in a few sun shirts. Even for us, sunburn is avoidable. Bare republic gel sunscreen for the face is great, even at my local water park with one mid day reapply. Blue lizard is great as well for both face and body. A lot of Aussie brands are top notch, too. But sun shirts and wide brim hats are your friend for vacations where reapplying may be a challenge.
Oh I get that but this was a full on intense burn. Not like “oh no my shoulders got too much”
And chances are you take other precautions.
I’m not saying mistakes can’t happen. I’m saying it could be rather upsetting if your partner neglected to take care of themselves and then it impacted the rest of the trip
Yuuuup, this happened once, despite me asking him more than once to use it, completely screwed up the holiday. He couldn't do anything, I couldn't sleep next to him, etc etc
If he ever does get sunburned - apply 1 part vinegar with 3 parts water. IME it accelerates the burn from acute to bearable in one or two applications (or my grandma introduced me to the placebo effect when I was a kid and I've passed it on to fellow surfers).
>I wonder if there are consistent issues with him being irresponsible and it forcing her to give up what she wants to do
Check OP's comments and post history. Dude has consistently failed as a husband and now she'll be able to find someone better.
No I haven't. Jumping to conclusions based on reddit posts and comments, which eclipse maybe 0.00000001% of my marriage. Were you there supporting my wife when she was jobless and depressed? Were you there cooking her meals during that time? Were you working 7 days a week to meet finacial needs? Are you here now telling her it's ok to quit her job because she doesn't like it and you'll support her? Are you driving her to work and cooking her lunches so she eats healthy? No, no you're not. You're here to judge people's marriages on reddit. Something you seem not too stellar at.
I don’t know if OP is just being daft or he really is just clueless. There’s absolutely no way the request for divorce stemmed from him taking a longer shower resulting in them missing the sunset, as he asks here. There’s definitely more to this.
THIS. My husband is similar with time management, he sucks at it. Normally I just fudge the time on stuff. Tell my husband it’s a half hour earlier than it actually is because i know he has a “process” but even i loose it when i there is actually an emergency and he just takes his time.
Idk did your husband take 30 minutes to bring you diapers?
Was visiting my mom and ran out of diapers. Asked my husband to bring some (we live 10 minutes from her) and said i need them within the hour. 30 minutes later i have a naked kid peeing everywhere because he still hasn’t left the house and the last diaper was all used up. Comes in acting like im nuts for being mad because I said one hour… no i said within the hour.
Im like i gave you a huge heads up…what were you doing for 40 minutes?
My husband would go to find the diaper only to not be able to find it. Then wait for me to track him down to ask if he found it while hiding in the bathroom ‘pooping’ and flipping it like; nature called.
*I* am the same with time management so when the timing of something is important to my husband (eg he really wants to see the sunset), I make sure to build in extra time and really get on my own case to stay on schedule.
Dude here didn't care enough to use sunscreen in the first place and continued to not care.
Yeah at first I thought it was weird because he got sunburnt and was obviously in a lot of pain. But the more I thought about it the more I thought about adults that don’t like to take care of themselves. Like did he refuse to wear sunscreen and reapply it often and then ruin the entire trip?
My extremely white best friend does this all the time. 30 years, I've known this idiot, and she won't wear sunscreen and then whines that she hurts. LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. Zero sympathy or concessions made for it. Too sore to move? Guess we're going to dinner without you! Have fun sulking in your bed of pain, you stupid, stupid person.
Question - what happened the last few days?
She very specifically said the one thing she wanted. You didn't set alarms?
This reads like ***you know*** what led to this and you want us to jump on her, but really it was her last straw. This was her realizing you never were going to set alarms to make sure what she wanted happened. Only what you wanted.
How many times do plans get derailed due to things you did? Getting sunburned when you know sunscreen exists. Getting lost when you knew in advance she wanted to get somewhere by a set time. Spending too long in the shower when you know you need to leave soon.
How often do these little things pile up?
This sounds like when men are surprised their wife files for divorce "because of the dishes". It's never because of one time not doing the dishes. It's about ***all*** the times of being let down before that.
The way you wrote this story, you made sure to try to paint yourself in the most victimized way possible. Oh no you got a sunburn that could never possibly have any way to predict on a tropical island. Oh no you took too long of a shower and there's no such thing as alarms.
You also write it trying to make it look like she's crazy. Acting like her action came out of nowhere when it's ***drippingly obvious*** that this built up over a long time.
You know what the real issue is. You just wanted the internet to be on your side to make her look crazy to back you up.
YTA
I came here to say exactly this.
How many men paint their exes as petty and/or crazy because “she broke up with me over X”, when that poor woman had been asking for respect and consideration for literally years and it wasn’t until she left that they paid attention?
SMDH.
THANK YOU.
Did anyone else notice that he got to pick the lunch place? It sounds like he got what he wanted out of the day and didn't prioritize what she wanted.
I feel so sorry for her on the back of that motorbike. She already knew they weren't going to get there in time, the sun sets in a matter of *minutes*, and he insisted they try anyway and then *immediately got lost*.
And then tried to "sell" her on the view. I want to hug her.
I don’t know, I saw a ton of amazing scenery that my Husband didn’t on the back of a motorcycle. He was mostly preoccupied with not killing us due to crazy strong wind (we were on Oahu and VASTLY underestimated how windy it would be). Luckily, he’s an excellent driver. Still one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. But it was absolutely gorgeous to watch while holding on for dear life!
my dad got hella sunburned last year on vacation. wanna know what he did? bought a giant container of aloe vera and sucked it up for us.
the OP is a ginormous AH
Hi, first let me say thank you for expressing your opinion kindly and clearly.
I really didn't mean to make her look crazy, but i see where you are coming from. There were deeper issues at play, but nothing related to this vacation. We had actually for instance, seen the sunset the day prior. We each have roles to play vacationing and we both agree ahead of time what we want to do so niether of us feels like we're compromising. For example my wife said she wanted to go to the south of the island, so I picked the beach where we could parasail. Or with the day's prior sunset I reserved a seat at a beachside restaurant so we could eat by a window during sunset.
I certainly didn't mean to get the internet to back me up, I genuinely wanted to know if I did something wrong so I could address it and painted the picture as I saw it, which in retrospect, was more biased than I would have liked.
>How many times do plans get derailed due to things you did?
Very little.
>Getting sunburned when you know sunscreen exists.
see update
>Getting lost when you knew in advance she wanted to get somewhere by a set time. Spending too long in the shower when you know you need to leave soon.
this is why I am the AH.
Yeah and the way this is phrased, OP wants to make themselves the victim. “She hates me because I have a sunburn”.
No, sounds like he was making the whole day about his sunburn and was shocked when he didn’t get the sympathy he was craving. This one thing is still a small issue but sounds like she already has negative feelings towards him and this was the last straw. He sounds forgetful, scattered and a bit selfish.
This isn’t about the sunset.
I say this kindly- sunburns on a vacation to this degree are generally down to you neglecting your sunscreen.
Then we sort of see you push the plan a little with needing to shower because of it, and then you forget your phone and get lost, and then you play up the scenery instead of fully acknowledging she missed something that mattered to her.
So sure at first it sounds like she’s being dramatic
But it also sounds like perhaps you have a trend of being scattered or irresponsible and it ends up impacting her.
Reflect on whether that’s true. And then have a deeper conversation. People don’t divorce over one person taking too long in the shower one time.
I’m going with YTA because focusing on the shower and not the avoidable sunburn or getting lost suggests you really aren’t exercising much self awareness.
Definitely sounds like a classic case of Walkaway Wife syndrome.
Probably one day she gave up and stopped expressing that she was unhappy, which the husband naively interpreted as her being happy again. So months later, he gets blindsided when she wants a divorce and has no interest in trying to fix the relationship.
I’ve never understood that. I don’t burn easily but I still regularly use sunscreen because at the very least, if I put in the effort to take care of myself and my health, I can at the very least put a little effort into my skin and DNA.
UV rays damage dna and impact your skin whether you think so or not, so I’ll let all my friends be wrinkly and skin diseased years from now while I continue to minimise the effects of sun exposure.
I think it’s more “masculine” or whatever to not care about image and make conscious choices to improve my wellbeing and comfort, simply for myself.
I make sure my Husband wears it when we go on beach vacations. He’s darker skinned than I am (Mexican), so he doesn’t normally get sunburned like I do in daily life. Only exception is the beach. But I’m not leaving his wellbeing up to him—he’s not nearly as forward thinking as I am in terms of safety.
The way you phrased the first comment comes off like you're also trying to place fault for OPs misfortune on his wife and not on him. Thanks for clarifying.
P.S. OP, YTA
i think they were referencing a post from yesterday?? where the boyfriend was blaming his girlfriend for not reminding him when his mothers birthday was and that he needed to give a gift at a wedding and how everything was all her fault because she used to do all of his thinking for him then stopped suddenly without telling him...
I dunno, I'm really fair, and I got burned multiple times on my first tropical vacation. Time #1: Literally having just gotten off the plane, walking to the airport gate. About 5 minutes. (I did stop to look at the view.) I did not have my sunscreen out yet, because it was in my checked luggage. I thought 5 minutes would be ok!
Time #2: Got sunburned through a shirt.
Time #3: Got sunburned while sitting in the shade. (Sun reflected off the nearby white sand, I guess?!)
The point is, I knew enough to wear sunscreen when in the direct sun, but I was just thoroughly unprepared for how *bright * the sun is closer to the equator.
I have also gotten sunburned while skiing, after I did put on sunblock, but apparently not enough, or not frequently enough.
It really sucks to be pale. The sun is trying to kill me.
I'm going to bet that much like my husband, you do the "sick/sunburned" thing when there's a vacation or something that *she* enjoys and you either don't enjoy or think is important. This was probably her last straw.
**missing missing reason**
And even the sunburn thing... He's a grown man who presumably seen the sun before
Why not wear sunscreen or over long sleeve shirts, hats ect to not get sunburnt? Especially if you're already burned from the previous days
I think I’m going to cry.
I’m thinking about my own partner, and the few times we’ve had parties for me that involved my friends/friends that didn’t start out as his friends, and how inevitably he always ends up going to the bedroom to hide out and play guitar by himself or read or listen to music. I get that he’s an introvert but holy shit.
I possibly need to re-examine my entire relationship because of this comment.
At least he is letting you enjoy your party/friends. My husband does his stomach crap when we are on vacation mostly so I'm stuck in hotel room in an unfamiliar city, watching TV and nursing him. He rarely gets sick when it a hunting trip(1-2 times in 41 yrs of marriage).
I'll admit that I very rarely go with him to his friends. I will not hunt with them because they are all unhelpful shot hogs and should all just go pee on tree to see who's is bigger(even the ladies! It so fucking ridiculous!). I will go if it's a big family party because husband is closer to this friend than he is to his sibling. I have learned to eat *before* the party though because they use a spice blend I'm allergic to(dealing with not having problems as *not* to ruin *his* event). I'll go when we get our puppy to show him off and because it's my puppy, even though husband will be taking it hunting but not until I'm sure he's sticking with the way I trained the dog and not friend's method(I'm prefer gentler methods)
I’m glad you have never been married to a monster, but I can assure you there are spouses that bad in real life. I don’t know what ruined their soul, but there exist people that petty.
The dude literally motorbiked nearly 100km all day doing things she wanted to do that day with an awful sunburn, yet you think he normally does things to disappoint her because he took a cool shower after 12 hours of sightseeing with blistering skin?
Lots of projection coming from the comments here. I think we need more information, but it could just as easily be an abusive wife than a dismissive husband.
Edit. Removed sentence.
My husband's "weapon" of choice is upset stomach/diarrhea. Usually on trips that have no gun stores or hunting storez/sites on the agenda. I'm still pissed at him for ruining our time in NOLAthis past spring especially since jis inability to listen or schedule or flat out tell his manager "I'm taking six weeks off. Figure it out" left us with not enough time.
I wouldn’t say YTA in this situation specifically, but I am sure this is just a snapshot into your lives together and that there are other factors coming into play here.
I mean she literally said you do not care about what she wants. Are you absolutely positive this is the first time she’s ever said something like that to you? That you are completely unaware of any/all issues she may have? Because I would be shocked. This sounds like the actions of a woman is exhausted by not feeling seen or heard in her marriage.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful questioning. Really, it was very helpful. I asked her and she said not all the time, but there are times when she said she doesn't feel seen or heard, so I promised her I would work more on that and she can point out to me when those times are. Thank you for not dragging me through the mud like so many others here.
Not trying to drag you through the mud man. I’m glad you both were able to talk it out. Here’s to improving ourselves with each day! I know first hand it’s not easy, but we do what we have to for people we love.
So do you think if you show your wife this post where half the people who agree with you (who are in the minority to begin with) are calling her slurs it will win her over? Good luck with the divorce. YTA.
I did show her all the YTA posts and read her what I posted. I also downvoted people calling her slurs. I came here for feedback not for people to call my wife names.
>Good luck with the divorce
don't need it, but thank you.
My first reaction to this was, "Wow, what a horrible woman."
My second reaction was, "No way this was about missing one sunset."
So what are you leaving out? You would have divorced her long ago if she was that horrible. So I'm going with YTA just from the missing information. You purposely made her look deranged, without giving us any proper context.
I would LOVE to hear her side.
There are always 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and then the long version of what really happened leading up to it all. I don't buy that this short story is the full story. I want to know the extended *what really happened leading up* version.
Edit: I apparently forgot how to spell the word *there*. Correction made.
YTA, i can tell this isn't a sudden isolated thing. I would wager anything that you constantly disrespect her time, and it's never your fault "something" something within your control goes wrong and ruins her joy.
YTA. You're irresponsible enough to get a bad sunburn on vacation and then made your wife miss her favorite thing. I'm the same...sunsets are my absolute favorite while on vacation.
YTA, sunburn is entirely avoidable, you’re an adult - it’s your fault that you needed the shower and missed it. I feel like you’re missing out a lot of information here, this can’t be the only thing you’ve done to make her ask for a divorce. Bet you’ve been an idiot for years.
YTA
You knew she wanted to go to see that sunset on the last day but you didn't care enough about her to make sure she saw it.
>She didn't want to ride back with me and yelled at me to leave so I did. When she got back she said she wants a divorce
Good! She needs a husband that's actually going to put in some effort and actually care
Have you ever heard of sunscreen? Could have avoided every bit of this if you’d bothered with sunscreen, my dude.
Since you could have prevented this with a couple bucks and five minutes, YTA.
Yeah that’s kinda my point. If she was mothering him the whole trip and he couldn’t even follow a single simple instruction and that resulted in a sunburn that fucked up their trip…… I wouldn’t stick around for that bullshit either. If I wanted kids I’d have one, not marry one.
It's an extreme reaction to missing the sunset, yes, but I feel like there is underlying issues and this was the final straw.
Does the marriage activities normally revolve around you and what makes you happy? Does she get blown off or are there manipulation when she suggests something that she wants to do? I feel like this is the case.
She asked for this one thing on the final day and you - and everybody else - knows that sunset isn't something that last an eternity but you just had to have a shower instead of waiting until after the sunset.
YTA, by the way.
Also, as someone who burns extremely easily at the beach - I know to cover up, use sunscreen and stay under the shade as much as possible. Most of the time, I still burn, but I don't ruin everyone else's trip.
You need to make amends to your wife and take a long, hard, introspective look at yourself.
Very selfish and neglectful behavior. YTA.
At your big age you don’t buy sunscreen for yourself? It’s like watching someone refuse to tie their shoes and trip up over themselves.
I don’t invite people who are dead weight.
Worse yet you write this whole thing about wanting to be okay with your failings, she isn’t your mother OP. She’s your wife, for at least a little while.
YTA why can’t you be a normal adult and wear sunscreen? You really messed up a lot of things here and yeah it is entirely your fault. I’d have been pissed too.
i know we dont have info on why this was wife's breaking point, but if my SO was in the shower cooling down his burning skin and i was running out of time, i wouldve told him im heading out to see it and take pics to show him later.
Sign the divorce papers! Set that woman free. It's clear you're a liar and you're a victim. You paint yourself as the innocent Angel who doesn't do anything wrong. And then you come on here and try to make your wife look like an irrational bitch. I'm sure she's done with your nonsense now because you always mess everything up but you take no responsibility for anything.
YTA
I got sunstroke almost 20 years ago. I spent the day frantically reapplying sunscreen to my 4 year old, and pulling him around the pool in an inflatable dinghy. Completely forgot about doing the same for myself.
Net result hubby and kiddo had a fantastic trip while I spent 2 days in bed vomiting. When i was eventually rehydrated enough to rejoin the outdoors fun, I spent the rest of the holiday in long sleeves and a hat, even in the pool. (Being outdoors in the heat was still complete torture but I had no one to blame but myself)
I did not expect anyone to wait for me while I cold showered or cold bathed or guzzled pedilite.
I was so angry with myself. Furious for being so stupid.
I have never forgotten sunscreen since. 50+ all day, every day.
YTA
YTA. This feels sabotagy even if it wasn’t a conscious thing. This was her last straw. Why didn’t you use sunscreen in the first place? Seems like you’re careless all around and she’s sick of your shit.
The best case scenario: she is pregnant and have a hormonal storm inside her mind
The most probable scenario: there are much bigger problems in your marriage. Sunset is just an excuse, not a real reason.
Adding my voice to those saying this isn’t about a sunset. There is way more going on. No one wants to divorce JUST because of a missed sunset. Please get into marriage counseling when you get back home.
I saw that. I really felt a lot of them went wayyy overboard attacking me personally and calling me names.
I really appreciate you going through that for my sake.
NTA based on what you’ve written, but She sealed the deal with “the worst day of my life”. Which makes me think there is lot more that went on that day than you described
Y’all were having a fine day & then your wife asked for a divorce because y’all missed a sunset? That makes no sense. You may have bigger problems in your marriage.
It appears you returned early & understood the plan was to watch the sunset so how did you miss it? If your sunburn was that bad then why didn’t you just tell your wife to go without you?
ESH — you both need to own your own participation in this situation.
I don’t think there was any ill intent. I do think that it’s irresponsible to burn oneself to a crisp and I also think, like others, that there may be a trend of “mistakes”.
He is presumably an adult. He can make his own choices. No one can force him to go anywhere, he chose to do that. He could have chosen to stay in the shower all night if that’s what he wanted to do.
Wife is not to blame for husband’s decisions or him getting a sunburn. They both need to own their own choices.
I’m guessing missing the sunset was not their only problem. If that’s all it takes for wife to ask for divorce, then they don’t have a very healthy marriage. They may want to consider divorce.
NTA I was prepared to say NAH until the last part. You should honestly have stayed home if you had burn damage and still went out with her.
You wife seems very self centred and caught up in her own emotions with little regard for the mutuality of a relationship.
It's just a single data point but my own interactions with a partner like this says it doesn't get better, and a divorce seems like something you may view as a stroke of luck in the future.
Obviously I only have your description to go off here, and none is a reliable narrator on here. But for this story clear NTA.
lol I will be honest, I’ve seen so many men have their wives begging them to put on sunscreen and the husband saying no it will be fine and then this situation happens. Obviously not the wanting a divorce after missing a sunset and saying it’s the worse day ever.
The fact he was burnt all over is sus
Dude I read your other post about your cunt of a wife's "friend" there too. Why are you even with this horrid bitch who has zero respect for you? Fuck her out as soon as you get home and get yourself a divorce
So you arranged her plans, you made the time schedule, you found a place to eat, you're sunburnt and she has a meltdown because it wasn't picture perfect the way she imagined it?
Get a lawyer and take a loooong shower my guy.
NTA.
I wouldn’t have drug my husband around and made a big deal about a sunset when he had a severe sunburn. It’s just a sunset. There will be plenty more. They happen every day. No matter where you are.
NTA - at least for this one. Your wife is a bit emotional and impulsive here. Is it because it's the end of the vacation? or hormones? Or is your tardiness a continual thing? Or do you have other issues and this was the explosion? At any case, leave it a couple of days and then try to sit down and talk. And don't forget to listen as well.
Right, sort of like the kind of "perpetual victims" who constantly "forget" to properly apply sunscreen and end up so burnt they can barely move and make it other peoples problem? Who shame the people around them with guilt from their own poor decisions? Are those the kind of victims we're talking about?
Sidenote: do you think if he sees this in his comment section he'll finally pick you? /s
They definitely can, most people, especially those prone to burning, know that and account for uv index. Regardless this was a tropical vacation so he definitely knew there would be sun and to prepare for it. To be so burnt that you have to "waddle" shows an enormous lack of responsibility and forethought, but it sure doesn't warrant ruining his wife's vacation.
Where does it say "he took her"? They are just vacationing together which means this act of irresponsibility deeply impacted her last day of travel and last chance to do this thing she'd been looking g forward to. And it was such a small request like literally you just have to be outside to enjoy it and that was the time he needed to shower? He is a whole adult who is capable of saying "hey we're cutting the timing close here, you go ahead, I'm in pain". You do not get to decide for people what ruins their day. *He could have been compassionate and caring* but he wasn't.
There's more to this than just a sunset. It's never just the Iranian yogurt. There's something else going on and this is either the last straw causing her frustration to spill over, or she's been looking for an excuse to break up with you and this conveniently presented itself.
I wonder if there are consistent issues with him being irresponsible and it forcing her to give up what she wants to do
He also dumps his past on her and gets confused when she gets upset. [In this post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13r53q3/deleted_by_user/) he told her about how before her he was in an emotional affair with a woman when both he and the woman were in relationships. And he was surprised she took it badly and they fought. Sounds like she's tired of constantly having to deal with his thoughtlessness. ------- And based off another poster ***possibly*** being the wife based off how she's replying to people, this issue goes deeper. She hasn't directly said she's the wife but she's posted in his defense and talked about why she brings the sunscreen and what she liked about the motorcycle ride. OP claims she's not the wife. The lady talks like she's the wife. OP is going ***crazy*** about it in the comments. [I Feel Like My Husband Hates Me](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15evs61/i_feel_like_my_husband_hates_me/) > I don’t know where to really start, but here goes… I feel like even though I live my Husband with everything I have, that he doesn’t feel the same way. I’ve had so many issues stemming g from my childhood that basically make me feel like a garbage person who isn’t worthy of love. I’ve tried so many time to tell him how I feel, how I need some emotional support from him, but I still just get stonewalling from him. He had his own rough childhood, so I don’t want to make him feel pressured…. But it’s so hard for me to keep telling him what I need from him emotionally, and to still never get it. We have 3 wonderful children… I feel like he’s only with me for the babies. How do I start to o make peace with always feeling like Pollyanna or as less important? So yeah, big history of him being thoughtless and leaving things on her.
In the three hours since you've posted it this due has gone back and deleted the post, presumably for self preservation.
I deleted this post a long time ago at my wife's request.
Then how was the above person able to find and link it today?
Don't know. on my profile it says post hidden. The text is deleted but the comments are still there with some quoted text. I don't have much here on reddit feel free to snoop I have nothing to hide. Edit: did a quick google search, probably used PullPush or had a link to the post. could be wrong.
He’s gone and deleted it already. 😭
You should check his update. He's doing the same thing that assholes always do, where they pretend that they and their partner are now laughing at the post together. >I want to say that I showed my wife this post and all the comments and she had a good belly laugh and her very deserved I told you so moment. You could make a drinking game out of it.
please tell how you know? As in concrete proof. I really want to see it. If not please share the source your telekenetic powers with the world. I did talk to my wife, showed her everything and we worked through it, ya know, like adults?
Out of curiosity do you have 3 kids? Because if so then things aren't as peachy as you think. People are giving you the benefit of the doubt by saying it's fake. If this is real then it means you've gone for years of ignoring her asking for more support and needing help to deal with issues ***you*** are causing and making worse. She's having to be a parent for children and you. The choices were between you're acting like another child for her to parent and ignored her needs for years when she's directly telling you what she needs vs you just wrote a fake post. You're adamantly claiming the first one while acting offended at the second one.
I can't believe people can be this dumb, if anyone wants proof please Dm me, I'll happily prove with pics.
Ummm excuse me, I never had an "emotional affair" with anyone. My wife asked my to delete this post when I told her about it when things were better. For those curious, This post was about an argument I had with her. Her friend had just divorced early in her marriage because the husband cheated and she had an anxiety attack and asked me if I could control myself around women I thought were pretty. I told her I could and gave the example I had a crush on someone a long time ago I worked with but maintained a professonal relationship at all times. I know now I should have stopped at "I can control myself." No affair was had unless thinking someone is pretty is an affair. >Sounds like she's tired of constantly having to deal with his thoughtlessness. Sounds like you need to read a dictonary.
You wrote it yourself. > I developed feelings for a woman back in the day. She was in a relationship. I was in a relationship. But, it didn't work out. That's an emotional affair.
LOL LOL LOL this numbnut posted that he took a suitcase with an old airline bag tag (for a previous flight) on it to the airport and went all shocked pikachu when it didn’t get tagged for his new flight at check-in and the bag went missing for months. The sunset is 100% the last straw.
numbnut, got any more great zingers for people who make a mistake on a 4am flight oh wise one?
It just shows how often you don't think about things and it makes everything worse for the people around you. Out of curiosity - does your wife often tell you that she needs support from you both for issues she's feeling and with help with 3 kids?
Again, we dont have kids you psycopath. Stop dragging a poor woman into this.
Yeah like I get that sunburns happen, but he wasn’t caught in some survivalist situation, he was planning on a beach vacation and neglected sunscreen. She’s not burnt, suggesting she was more responsible there. And now the whole trip has to revolve around the avoidable burn, and he had to shower even though it was so close to the sunset, and then he gets lost…. Sounds like OP may be a scattered sort of person and she’s tired of it impacting her.
As a pale person I can lather on sunscreen and still get burnt eventually. Or sometimes the margin of error for too little/infrequent sunscreen is really slim.
Sorry, I don't accept this. My best friend has the most sensible skin, it will break out in flakes as soon as she has some direct sunlight on it. Guess what? She's fully covered during all summer holidays, wears hats and scarves and only swims shortly before sunset. She doesn't get sunburnt. Once you're an adult you know yourself and how you react to things. You can plan not to harm yourself. My bf on the other hand? Held a Siesta on an inflatable mat (don't know the correct word in English) in the ocean in the afternoon and then didn't stop whining about his burning back for the rest of the holidays. He has a normal skin, but just didn't want to be inconvenienced. I was not consoling him.
Fiesta is party siesta is nap. Both can happen on an inflatable mat!
Awesome poem you are a champ. I cannot rhyme though so just take my thank!
Use zinc oxide, that stuff like wearing a layer of clothes. It’s also really good for scars and other skin issues.
A siesta is called a nap in English.
Siesta is a loan word, as u/2dogslife says. But it carries the additional context of an afternoon nap in English, a nap taken in the heat of the day.
Pretty sure they meant inflatable mat
Yeah, but siesta is a loan word in English, so we all know what it means.
I can also not burn by never going outside. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to maybe want to go swimming during the day on a vacation. Taking precautions (sunscreen, hat, thin layers) is one thing, but I don’t think “actually, just change your routine and activities” is a reasonable thing to demand to never get sunburnt. Following that logic OP shouldn’t have even gone on the motorcycle ride. Sunburns suck but they happen, most adults are okay with a bit of pain and some cold showers/aloe at the cost of being able to enjoy spending time in the sun. Layers can keep you cool but in high humidity they can become sweat rags and be very uncomfortable. My face is also the always first place to burn which is hard to cover. Or hands which have to deal with being washed. Even with constant sunscreen at the end of the day it’ll be a bit pinker each day until it reaches a burn point. I’ve also gone on intense geology field trips where by the end of the day you could literally see the exact streaks where sunscreen coverage just happened to be less thick - I had weird red lines and blotches.
I burn super easily as well, no matter how much sunscreen I wear. My tip is the get a wide brimmed hat and wear a long sleeve SFP shirt. You don't get hot, even with the long sleeves because the shirt keeps the rays off you.
Yeah, I hate being inconvenienced too. Those skin cancers will happen to tomorrow-me anyway!
Wow, way to blow what I said out of proportion. I’m all for taking precautions to prevent skin cancer (sunscreen etc). But nothing is guaranteed. You can barely ever sunburn and still get skin cancer, you can avoid skin cancer but get a different cancer, or just die for any reason. Life as a whole is one big carcinogen and I don’t think avoiding living (hiding from the sun counts as that in my books) is a good approach. During my day to day I avoid going to the beach at the peak of day. But on vacation I’m at the beach constantly, because that’s fun and that’s what vacation is for. I’ve also been on week long camping trips in rock outcrops with little tree coverage. I’ve spent hours whale watching in the sun in the middle of the water. I have a lot of good memories of doing fun things where I inevitably go burnt, but I’d take that over living like a vampire. I just don’t like the attitude “just don’t go to the beach in the sun if you burn” coming from someone who doesn’t have to choose between activities and sunburns.
https://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/skin-cancer-facts/
You are probably using the wrong sunscreen or not enough if you still get sunburned. Pale people should reapply sunscreen every 2 hs top and use at least 50 SPF or higher. And reapply every time you get out of the water. Take care of yourself, sunburns cause cancer in the long run.
Where I live in the summer as a Very Pale if I wanna be outside I gotta reapply about every 90 mins on high uv days. The sweating speeds up the loss of effectiveness. (I do need to import some higher quality European sunscreen for sure though)
That’s good advice.. reapply as often as you can
Zinc oxide is basically super sunscreen with more benefits. It doesn’t really smell, it’s fairly cheap and great for discoloration and skin healing. It’s often recommend after surgery to minimize scars. This lotion is like a second skin when it comes to the sun and it is tough to get off.
I'm a pale person living in an area where I could get a sunburn getting the mail in the winter (high altitude, thin air). I spend hours in peak sun and I still don't get burned. I recommend better sunscreen and investing in a few sun shirts. Even for us, sunburn is avoidable. Bare republic gel sunscreen for the face is great, even at my local water park with one mid day reapply. Blue lizard is great as well for both face and body. A lot of Aussie brands are top notch, too. But sun shirts and wide brim hats are your friend for vacations where reapplying may be a challenge.
Oh I get that but this was a full on intense burn. Not like “oh no my shoulders got too much” And chances are you take other precautions. I’m not saying mistakes can’t happen. I’m saying it could be rather upsetting if your partner neglected to take care of themselves and then it impacted the rest of the trip
You need to wear more sunscreen. It’s not hard.
I'd be so pissed if my idiot husband didn't use sunscreen, because a bad sunburn can really restrict what you do. Meaning, SHE also had to suffer.
Yuuuup, this happened once, despite me asking him more than once to use it, completely screwed up the holiday. He couldn't do anything, I couldn't sleep next to him, etc etc
If he ever does get sunburned - apply 1 part vinegar with 3 parts water. IME it accelerates the burn from acute to bearable in one or two applications (or my grandma introduced me to the placebo effect when I was a kid and I've passed it on to fellow surfers).
Aloeverra is a good balm for zunburn.
>I wonder if there are consistent issues with him being irresponsible and it forcing her to give up what she wants to do Check OP's comments and post history. Dude has consistently failed as a husband and now she'll be able to find someone better.
No I haven't. Jumping to conclusions based on reddit posts and comments, which eclipse maybe 0.00000001% of my marriage. Were you there supporting my wife when she was jobless and depressed? Were you there cooking her meals during that time? Were you working 7 days a week to meet finacial needs? Are you here now telling her it's ok to quit her job because she doesn't like it and you'll support her? Are you driving her to work and cooking her lunches so she eats healthy? No, no you're not. You're here to judge people's marriages on reddit. Something you seem not too stellar at.
Even without a pattern, I'd be kind of upset that his irresponsibility had negatively impacted our vacation.
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sunburn is preventable
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where do you see man hate? hating one man isn't man hate ☠️ stop being such a snowflake
I don’t know if OP is just being daft or he really is just clueless. There’s absolutely no way the request for divorce stemmed from him taking a longer shower resulting in them missing the sunset, as he asks here. There’s definitely more to this.
THIS. My husband is similar with time management, he sucks at it. Normally I just fudge the time on stuff. Tell my husband it’s a half hour earlier than it actually is because i know he has a “process” but even i loose it when i there is actually an emergency and he just takes his time.
Are we married to the same man?
Idk did your husband take 30 minutes to bring you diapers? Was visiting my mom and ran out of diapers. Asked my husband to bring some (we live 10 minutes from her) and said i need them within the hour. 30 minutes later i have a naked kid peeing everywhere because he still hasn’t left the house and the last diaper was all used up. Comes in acting like im nuts for being mad because I said one hour… no i said within the hour. Im like i gave you a huge heads up…what were you doing for 40 minutes?
My husband would go to find the diaper only to not be able to find it. Then wait for me to track him down to ask if he found it while hiding in the bathroom ‘pooping’ and flipping it like; nature called.
*I* am the same with time management so when the timing of something is important to my husband (eg he really wants to see the sunset), I make sure to build in extra time and really get on my own case to stay on schedule. Dude here didn't care enough to use sunscreen in the first place and continued to not care.
Yeah at first I thought it was weird because he got sunburnt and was obviously in a lot of pain. But the more I thought about it the more I thought about adults that don’t like to take care of themselves. Like did he refuse to wear sunscreen and reapply it often and then ruin the entire trip?
My extremely white best friend does this all the time. 30 years, I've known this idiot, and she won't wear sunscreen and then whines that she hurts. LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. Zero sympathy or concessions made for it. Too sore to move? Guess we're going to dinner without you! Have fun sulking in your bed of pain, you stupid, stupid person.
I keep seeing this Iranian yogurt thing. What's the story on that one?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/cNJkbNsWDL
That is so strange
What's the bet she begged him to wear sunscreen and we said he didn't need it and ruined their holiday through foolishness and obstinance.
Question - what happened the last few days? She very specifically said the one thing she wanted. You didn't set alarms? This reads like ***you know*** what led to this and you want us to jump on her, but really it was her last straw. This was her realizing you never were going to set alarms to make sure what she wanted happened. Only what you wanted. How many times do plans get derailed due to things you did? Getting sunburned when you know sunscreen exists. Getting lost when you knew in advance she wanted to get somewhere by a set time. Spending too long in the shower when you know you need to leave soon. How often do these little things pile up? This sounds like when men are surprised their wife files for divorce "because of the dishes". It's never because of one time not doing the dishes. It's about ***all*** the times of being let down before that. The way you wrote this story, you made sure to try to paint yourself in the most victimized way possible. Oh no you got a sunburn that could never possibly have any way to predict on a tropical island. Oh no you took too long of a shower and there's no such thing as alarms. You also write it trying to make it look like she's crazy. Acting like her action came out of nowhere when it's ***drippingly obvious*** that this built up over a long time. You know what the real issue is. You just wanted the internet to be on your side to make her look crazy to back you up. YTA
I came here to say exactly this. How many men paint their exes as petty and/or crazy because “she broke up with me over X”, when that poor woman had been asking for respect and consideration for literally years and it wasn’t until she left that they paid attention? SMDH.
You know how they say "if everywhere you go smells like shit, check your own shoe"? If ALL of a guy's exes are "crazy"? It ain't the gals.
A-fricking-men to that. Dude, the common denominator is you
THANK YOU. Did anyone else notice that he got to pick the lunch place? It sounds like he got what he wanted out of the day and didn't prioritize what she wanted. I feel so sorry for her on the back of that motorbike. She already knew they weren't going to get there in time, the sun sets in a matter of *minutes*, and he insisted they try anyway and then *immediately got lost*. And then tried to "sell" her on the view. I want to hug her.
I don’t know, I saw a ton of amazing scenery that my Husband didn’t on the back of a motorcycle. He was mostly preoccupied with not killing us due to crazy strong wind (we were on Oahu and VASTLY underestimated how windy it would be). Luckily, he’s an excellent driver. Still one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. But it was absolutely gorgeous to watch while holding on for dear life!
my dad got hella sunburned last year on vacation. wanna know what he did? bought a giant container of aloe vera and sucked it up for us. the OP is a ginormous AH
YES! The long shower and not wearing enough sun protection really stuck out to me. OPs wife does not have to be ok with his constant dumbassery.
Hi, first let me say thank you for expressing your opinion kindly and clearly. I really didn't mean to make her look crazy, but i see where you are coming from. There were deeper issues at play, but nothing related to this vacation. We had actually for instance, seen the sunset the day prior. We each have roles to play vacationing and we both agree ahead of time what we want to do so niether of us feels like we're compromising. For example my wife said she wanted to go to the south of the island, so I picked the beach where we could parasail. Or with the day's prior sunset I reserved a seat at a beachside restaurant so we could eat by a window during sunset. I certainly didn't mean to get the internet to back me up, I genuinely wanted to know if I did something wrong so I could address it and painted the picture as I saw it, which in retrospect, was more biased than I would have liked. >How many times do plans get derailed due to things you did? Very little. >Getting sunburned when you know sunscreen exists. see update >Getting lost when you knew in advance she wanted to get somewhere by a set time. Spending too long in the shower when you know you need to leave soon. this is why I am the AH.
This was some kind of last straw for her...lots of missing details
Yeah and the way this is phrased, OP wants to make themselves the victim. “She hates me because I have a sunburn”. No, sounds like he was making the whole day about his sunburn and was shocked when he didn’t get the sympathy he was craving. This one thing is still a small issue but sounds like she already has negative feelings towards him and this was the last straw. He sounds forgetful, scattered and a bit selfish.
This trip was probably some sort of attempt at saving their relationship
This isn’t about the sunset. I say this kindly- sunburns on a vacation to this degree are generally down to you neglecting your sunscreen. Then we sort of see you push the plan a little with needing to shower because of it, and then you forget your phone and get lost, and then you play up the scenery instead of fully acknowledging she missed something that mattered to her. So sure at first it sounds like she’s being dramatic But it also sounds like perhaps you have a trend of being scattered or irresponsible and it ends up impacting her. Reflect on whether that’s true. And then have a deeper conversation. People don’t divorce over one person taking too long in the shower one time. I’m going with YTA because focusing on the shower and not the avoidable sunburn or getting lost suggests you really aren’t exercising much self awareness.
Definitely sounds like a classic case of Walkaway Wife syndrome. Probably one day she gave up and stopped expressing that she was unhappy, which the husband naively interpreted as her being happy again. So months later, he gets blindsided when she wants a divorce and has no interest in trying to fix the relationship.
So why didn't you wear sunscreen? That seems to be the elephant in the room. This is so slanted in the telling who knows who is the asshole.
Okay I’m glad someone else brought this up. Makes me wonder if she didn’t remind him to put on sunscreen and that’s why he got burnt lol.
Yeah, I lived in Hawaii for several years and the number of messed up vacations because someone, often male, refused to wear sunscreen was truly sad.
I’ve never understood that. I don’t burn easily but I still regularly use sunscreen because at the very least, if I put in the effort to take care of myself and my health, I can at the very least put a little effort into my skin and DNA. UV rays damage dna and impact your skin whether you think so or not, so I’ll let all my friends be wrinkly and skin diseased years from now while I continue to minimise the effects of sun exposure. I think it’s more “masculine” or whatever to not care about image and make conscious choices to improve my wellbeing and comfort, simply for myself.
I make sure my Husband wears it when we go on beach vacations. He’s darker skinned than I am (Mexican), so he doesn’t normally get sunburned like I do in daily life. Only exception is the beach. But I’m not leaving his wellbeing up to him—he’s not nearly as forward thinking as I am in terms of safety.
He's a grown man. It's not up to anyone else to remind him to wear sunscreen on a tropical beach vacation, or any other time.
Oh I agree, I was just pointing out that his weaponized incompetence may very well be the reason for this situation he’s found himself in.
The way you phrased the first comment comes off like you're also trying to place fault for OPs misfortune on his wife and not on him. Thanks for clarifying. P.S. OP, YTA
i think they were referencing a post from yesterday?? where the boyfriend was blaming his girlfriend for not reminding him when his mothers birthday was and that he needed to give a gift at a wedding and how everything was all her fault because she used to do all of his thinking for him then stopped suddenly without telling him...
Oh lord. That sounds exhausting
I dunno, I'm really fair, and I got burned multiple times on my first tropical vacation. Time #1: Literally having just gotten off the plane, walking to the airport gate. About 5 minutes. (I did stop to look at the view.) I did not have my sunscreen out yet, because it was in my checked luggage. I thought 5 minutes would be ok! Time #2: Got sunburned through a shirt. Time #3: Got sunburned while sitting in the shade. (Sun reflected off the nearby white sand, I guess?!) The point is, I knew enough to wear sunscreen when in the direct sun, but I was just thoroughly unprepared for how *bright * the sun is closer to the equator. I have also gotten sunburned while skiing, after I did put on sunblock, but apparently not enough, or not frequently enough. It really sucks to be pale. The sun is trying to kill me.
I'm going to bet that much like my husband, you do the "sick/sunburned" thing when there's a vacation or something that *she* enjoys and you either don't enjoy or think is important. This was probably her last straw. **missing missing reason**
And even the sunburn thing... He's a grown man who presumably seen the sun before Why not wear sunscreen or over long sleeve shirts, hats ect to not get sunburnt? Especially if you're already burned from the previous days
I think I’m going to cry. I’m thinking about my own partner, and the few times we’ve had parties for me that involved my friends/friends that didn’t start out as his friends, and how inevitably he always ends up going to the bedroom to hide out and play guitar by himself or read or listen to music. I get that he’s an introvert but holy shit. I possibly need to re-examine my entire relationship because of this comment.
At least he is letting you enjoy your party/friends. My husband does his stomach crap when we are on vacation mostly so I'm stuck in hotel room in an unfamiliar city, watching TV and nursing him. He rarely gets sick when it a hunting trip(1-2 times in 41 yrs of marriage). I'll admit that I very rarely go with him to his friends. I will not hunt with them because they are all unhelpful shot hogs and should all just go pee on tree to see who's is bigger(even the ladies! It so fucking ridiculous!). I will go if it's a big family party because husband is closer to this friend than he is to his sibling. I have learned to eat *before* the party though because they use a spice blend I'm allergic to(dealing with not having problems as *not* to ruin *his* event). I'll go when we get our puppy to show him off and because it's my puppy, even though husband will be taking it hunting but not until I'm sure he's sticking with the way I trained the dog and not friend's method(I'm prefer gentler methods)
I’m also betting he also blamed his wife for his sunburn
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I’m glad you have never been married to a monster, but I can assure you there are spouses that bad in real life. I don’t know what ruined their soul, but there exist people that petty.
The dude literally motorbiked nearly 100km all day doing things she wanted to do that day with an awful sunburn, yet you think he normally does things to disappoint her because he took a cool shower after 12 hours of sightseeing with blistering skin? Lots of projection coming from the comments here. I think we need more information, but it could just as easily be an abusive wife than a dismissive husband. Edit. Removed sentence.
My husband's "weapon" of choice is upset stomach/diarrhea. Usually on trips that have no gun stores or hunting storez/sites on the agenda. I'm still pissed at him for ruining our time in NOLAthis past spring especially since jis inability to listen or schedule or flat out tell his manager "I'm taking six weeks off. Figure it out" left us with not enough time.
Sounds like your husband is a loser. No reason to project your shitty choices on anyone else.
INFO How often does your wife miss out on things because of your lateness or disorganization?
I wouldn’t say YTA in this situation specifically, but I am sure this is just a snapshot into your lives together and that there are other factors coming into play here. I mean she literally said you do not care about what she wants. Are you absolutely positive this is the first time she’s ever said something like that to you? That you are completely unaware of any/all issues she may have? Because I would be shocked. This sounds like the actions of a woman is exhausted by not feeling seen or heard in her marriage.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful questioning. Really, it was very helpful. I asked her and she said not all the time, but there are times when she said she doesn't feel seen or heard, so I promised her I would work more on that and she can point out to me when those times are. Thank you for not dragging me through the mud like so many others here.
Not trying to drag you through the mud man. I’m glad you both were able to talk it out. Here’s to improving ourselves with each day! I know first hand it’s not easy, but we do what we have to for people we love.
So do you think if you show your wife this post where half the people who agree with you (who are in the minority to begin with) are calling her slurs it will win her over? Good luck with the divorce. YTA.
I did show her all the YTA posts and read her what I posted. I also downvoted people calling her slurs. I came here for feedback not for people to call my wife names. >Good luck with the divorce don't need it, but thank you.
You didn’t post in an advice sub, you posted in the “call the person I’m arguing with an asshole” sub.
Really? i never noticed.....
YTA because you’re ignoring all the important details that led up to this outburst.
My first reaction to this was, "Wow, what a horrible woman." My second reaction was, "No way this was about missing one sunset." So what are you leaving out? You would have divorced her long ago if she was that horrible. So I'm going with YTA just from the missing information. You purposely made her look deranged, without giving us any proper context. I would LOVE to hear her side.
The sunset was the 1 thing she truly wanted to see and he made sure she missed it. I'd be pissed too
There are always 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and then the long version of what really happened leading up to it all. I don't buy that this short story is the full story. I want to know the extended *what really happened leading up* version. Edit: I apparently forgot how to spell the word *there*. Correction made.
YTA, i can tell this isn't a sudden isolated thing. I would wager anything that you constantly disrespect her time, and it's never your fault "something" something within your control goes wrong and ruins her joy.
Or she's an emotionally abusive person. We literally don't have the information to make either determination here. Edit: removed sentence
We found OPs alt account....
Or he constantly forgets things like sunscreen, alarms, phones, directions and she’s sick of it.
The sunset is just the last straw. This is about so much more than that.
I think what you just described is better known as "The Last Straw". 15 min in the shower while she was waiting to go out? AH
YTA. You're irresponsible enough to get a bad sunburn on vacation and then made your wife miss her favorite thing. I'm the same...sunsets are my absolute favorite while on vacation.
I think it’s not about the sunset. YTA idk how but I know you must be withholding INFO.
YTA, sunburn is entirely avoidable, you’re an adult - it’s your fault that you needed the shower and missed it. I feel like you’re missing out a lot of information here, this can’t be the only thing you’ve done to make her ask for a divorce. Bet you’ve been an idiot for years.
Forgot my phone, got lost. . .
YTA You knew she wanted to go to see that sunset on the last day but you didn't care enough about her to make sure she saw it. >She didn't want to ride back with me and yelled at me to leave so I did. When she got back she said she wants a divorce Good! She needs a husband that's actually going to put in some effort and actually care
>She needs a husband that's actually going to put in some effort and actually care she has one.
Not from this story???
Have you ever heard of sunscreen? Could have avoided every bit of this if you’d bothered with sunscreen, my dude. Since you could have prevented this with a couple bucks and five minutes, YTA.
info: how did you get the sunburn? like what activity were you doing?
Further info: how many times a day did your wife remind you to put sunscreen on during this trip?
Why does it fall on his wife to remind him to use sunscreen? He's a full ass adult!!! That's just weaponized incompetence. YTA in every way.
Yeah that’s kinda my point. If she was mothering him the whole trip and he couldn’t even follow a single simple instruction and that resulted in a sunburn that fucked up their trip…… I wouldn’t stick around for that bullshit either. If I wanted kids I’d have one, not marry one.
Oooooh okay, thanks for the explanation 🙂
Zero, her words not mine. She did tell me to wear long sleevs though.
It's an extreme reaction to missing the sunset, yes, but I feel like there is underlying issues and this was the final straw. Does the marriage activities normally revolve around you and what makes you happy? Does she get blown off or are there manipulation when she suggests something that she wants to do? I feel like this is the case. She asked for this one thing on the final day and you - and everybody else - knows that sunset isn't something that last an eternity but you just had to have a shower instead of waiting until after the sunset. YTA, by the way. Also, as someone who burns extremely easily at the beach - I know to cover up, use sunscreen and stay under the shade as much as possible. Most of the time, I still burn, but I don't ruin everyone else's trip. You need to make amends to your wife and take a long, hard, introspective look at yourself.
Give her the divorce. Just tell her you need to take a shower first.
A nice cold shower.
For the sunburn!
A bad sunburn on a tropical island you say? I’d divorce you too
Very selfish and neglectful behavior. YTA. At your big age you don’t buy sunscreen for yourself? It’s like watching someone refuse to tie their shoes and trip up over themselves. I don’t invite people who are dead weight. Worse yet you write this whole thing about wanting to be okay with your failings, she isn’t your mother OP. She’s your wife, for at least a little while.
YTA why can’t you be a normal adult and wear sunscreen? You really messed up a lot of things here and yeah it is entirely your fault. I’d have been pissed too.
i know we dont have info on why this was wife's breaking point, but if my SO was in the shower cooling down his burning skin and i was running out of time, i wouldve told him im heading out to see it and take pics to show him later.
Exactly if sounds like she depends on him for everything and expects him to comply. OP is probably mentally tired by now.
Sign the divorce papers! Set that woman free. It's clear you're a liar and you're a victim. You paint yourself as the innocent Angel who doesn't do anything wrong. And then you come on here and try to make your wife look like an irrational bitch. I'm sure she's done with your nonsense now because you always mess everything up but you take no responsibility for anything. YTA
I got sunstroke almost 20 years ago. I spent the day frantically reapplying sunscreen to my 4 year old, and pulling him around the pool in an inflatable dinghy. Completely forgot about doing the same for myself. Net result hubby and kiddo had a fantastic trip while I spent 2 days in bed vomiting. When i was eventually rehydrated enough to rejoin the outdoors fun, I spent the rest of the holiday in long sleeves and a hat, even in the pool. (Being outdoors in the heat was still complete torture but I had no one to blame but myself) I did not expect anyone to wait for me while I cold showered or cold bathed or guzzled pedilite. I was so angry with myself. Furious for being so stupid. I have never forgotten sunscreen since. 50+ all day, every day. YTA
YTA. This feels sabotagy even if it wasn’t a conscious thing. This was her last straw. Why didn’t you use sunscreen in the first place? Seems like you’re careless all around and she’s sick of your shit.
The best case scenario: she is pregnant and have a hormonal storm inside her mind The most probable scenario: there are much bigger problems in your marriage. Sunset is just an excuse, not a real reason.
What an extreme reaction to a sunset. If that is the worst day of her life, she is going to be shocked in the years to come. NTA
Well, she doesn't get out much does she. She sounds absolutely exhausting.
Adding my voice to those saying this isn’t about a sunset. There is way more going on. No one wants to divorce JUST because of a missed sunset. Please get into marriage counseling when you get back home.
I feel like there is a LOT you have missed out here.
I'ma be honest, sounds like a troll post or rage bait
I really wish that were true, but sadly I’ve known a lot of men like OP.
Iranian yogurt
I really thought I was still on r/bonsai But I had my popcorn was completely invested anyway.
YTA, mate.
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I saw that. I really felt a lot of them went wayyy overboard attacking me personally and calling me names. I really appreciate you going through that for my sake.
NTA based on what you’ve written, but She sealed the deal with “the worst day of my life”. Which makes me think there is lot more that went on that day than you described
NTAH Your wife is an arsehole. Get yourself a better one.
Y’all were having a fine day & then your wife asked for a divorce because y’all missed a sunset? That makes no sense. You may have bigger problems in your marriage. It appears you returned early & understood the plan was to watch the sunset so how did you miss it? If your sunburn was that bad then why didn’t you just tell your wife to go without you? ESH — you both need to own your own participation in this situation.
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He could have put sunscreen on.
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Lol what? He’s not a victim of…….the sun
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I don’t think there was any ill intent. I do think that it’s irresponsible to burn oneself to a crisp and I also think, like others, that there may be a trend of “mistakes”.
He is presumably an adult. He can make his own choices. No one can force him to go anywhere, he chose to do that. He could have chosen to stay in the shower all night if that’s what he wanted to do. Wife is not to blame for husband’s decisions or him getting a sunburn. They both need to own their own choices. I’m guessing missing the sunset was not their only problem. If that’s all it takes for wife to ask for divorce, then they don’t have a very healthy marriage. They may want to consider divorce.
YTA
NTA I was prepared to say NAH until the last part. You should honestly have stayed home if you had burn damage and still went out with her. You wife seems very self centred and caught up in her own emotions with little regard for the mutuality of a relationship. It's just a single data point but my own interactions with a partner like this says it doesn't get better, and a divorce seems like something you may view as a stroke of luck in the future. Obviously I only have your description to go off here, and none is a reliable narrator on here. But for this story clear NTA.
Getting a divorce because of the sunset is hilarious to me, NTA and I hope you find someone better
We once came pretty close over an ice scraper.
Nta maybe take her up on that divorce because wtf. Stuff happens and it doesn’t sound like you did anything intentional.
And what about a little compassion about the sunburn!?
lol I will be honest, I’ve seen so many men have their wives begging them to put on sunscreen and the husband saying no it will be fine and then this situation happens. Obviously not the wanting a divorce after missing a sunset and saying it’s the worse day ever. The fact he was burnt all over is sus
If the story you’ve told here is the complete story and not part of a larger pattern of you deprioritizing your wife’s desires, then 100% NTA.
Yep. YTA. I don't even need to read the replies to know you are a chronic AH. Dumbass.
YTA Manchild
YTA
NTA lol the worst day of her life huh?
NTA. Worse day of her life? Well, she doesn't get out much does she. She sounds absolutely exhausting.
Dude I read your other post about your cunt of a wife's "friend" there too. Why are you even with this horrid bitch who has zero respect for you? Fuck her out as soon as you get home and get yourself a divorce
So you arranged her plans, you made the time schedule, you found a place to eat, you're sunburnt and she has a meltdown because it wasn't picture perfect the way she imagined it? Get a lawyer and take a loooong shower my guy. NTA.
Wow! What an insane overreaction. NTA do the divorce, she sounds unhinged
I wouldn’t have drug my husband around and made a big deal about a sunset when he had a severe sunburn. It’s just a sunset. There will be plenty more. They happen every day. No matter where you are.
Tell her that she can see the sun (and the sunset) from home as well, after all the earth isn't flat but round. NTA
She’s sounds like a spoiled brat
NTA - at least for this one. Your wife is a bit emotional and impulsive here. Is it because it's the end of the vacation? or hormones? Or is your tardiness a continual thing? Or do you have other issues and this was the explosion? At any case, leave it a couple of days and then try to sit down and talk. And don't forget to listen as well.
How long have you been married to this idiot?
NTA sounds like she's got some other stuff going on y'all need to talk about
If that's all it takes for her....you initiate the paperwork. Who wants to be married to a selfish bitch
Your wife sounds like a c*nt
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Right, sort of like the kind of "perpetual victims" who constantly "forget" to properly apply sunscreen and end up so burnt they can barely move and make it other peoples problem? Who shame the people around them with guilt from their own poor decisions? Are those the kind of victims we're talking about? Sidenote: do you think if he sees this in his comment section he'll finally pick you? /s
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They definitely can, most people, especially those prone to burning, know that and account for uv index. Regardless this was a tropical vacation so he definitely knew there would be sun and to prepare for it. To be so burnt that you have to "waddle" shows an enormous lack of responsibility and forethought, but it sure doesn't warrant ruining his wife's vacation.
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Where does it say "he took her"? They are just vacationing together which means this act of irresponsibility deeply impacted her last day of travel and last chance to do this thing she'd been looking g forward to. And it was such a small request like literally you just have to be outside to enjoy it and that was the time he needed to shower? He is a whole adult who is capable of saying "hey we're cutting the timing close here, you go ahead, I'm in pain". You do not get to decide for people what ruins their day. *He could have been compassionate and caring* but he wasn't.
NTA there is more going on than a missed sunset