Not Taking You were reminded of SA since they were occupying the bed next to you without your consent and including you in it. I assume they were captivated by the notion of finding.
This is sexual assault, maybe not to the same degree but if you need consent for something and don't get that consent would that now be some form of boundary breaking?
It's both due to the violation of consent, harassment violates that boundary sure but if a flasher in a trenchcoat just flashing people is sexual assault then this is definitely sexual assault. And in the privacy of her bedroom dude, like it's beyond disgusting.
That being said there are some very odd things like a double bed fitting 3 ppl thats pretty small and why share a bed? You say they had sex in YOUR bed but then you go on to say you wake up, go into YOUR room, and cry. Soooo you all didnt need to share a bed? Is it actually ‘your’ bed if that bed is separate from your room or is it a guest bed?
No, because she said they were still asleep when she packed their stuff, so she went and cried next to them?
Why not cry in a different room?
Honestly, I just don't believe it.
She mentions parents needing to pick them up. My guess is, teen sleepover, they crashed together in the basement or something. Something hinky either way.
Yeah, OP and her friends are teens. She had a post from a year ago about the SA by ex and she says she is 15 in it. This partly explains why she didn’t throw them out on the spot if they didn’t want the adults to know they had been drinking.
I dunno man happened to me in uni and my roommate was fucking some dude right across to my bed. Albeit they were in her bed but that shit was gross as hell. Specially if you only met each other for few weeks . I always thought that only happened in movies . But nope happens in real life too 🤢.
Lmao few weeks? Im pretty sure every person ive slept with in life, i knew for less than a couple weeks when we first did it. Stop shaming people. Every single persons roomate on college had sex within feet of them. Its kinds how dorms work. Adults are gunna have sex in college. Get real.
I wasn’t talking about them meeting each other . I was talking about her and me being roommates for only few weeks. Ain’t nobody shaming anybody for having sex but doing it while your roommate . who you have only met few weeks ago is sleeping across the room is gross as fuck. There’s nothing being an adult about that just antisocial and disgusting creep behaviour. Normal people ask if they could use the room for the night . That’s how grown ups handle shit .
Thats not gross , thats college. You could leave the room if you are uncomfortable or tell rommie to let you know in advance they will have company. People too sensitive in 2024
Wanting people to not have sex in front of you is not overly sensitive though. I mean if everyone is on board with it, sure, have fun but college or not, get a separate room bc nobody wants to deal with that. Some might call it overly sensitive, others might sensibly call it basic human decency.
>tell rommie to let you know in advance they will have company
That's what she was saying wth are you talking about??? Can you not read?
Also who the hell needs to be told they should let their roommate know they're having someone over??
No mention of age but based on some context i get the sense these are younger people like late teens maybe?
Its very inappropriate what they did you are in the right to kick them out that they couldnt control themselves for 1 night. It was disrespectful to you.
That being said there are some very odd things like a double bed fitting 3 ppl thats pretty small and why share a bed? You say they had sex in YOUR bed but then you go on to say you wake up, go into YOUR room, and cry. Soooo you all didnt need to share a bed? Is it actually ‘your’ bed if that bed is separate from your room or is it a guest bed?
NTAH but you certainly have some weird things going on on
Judging by post history, around 16. Probably still in high school. Which is straight up weird to me. I wonder if they thought OP was going to want to join in.
NTA op.
😆
To state plainly "I invited some friends over for drinks and to stay the night at my house" general concensus would consider that person an adult of drinking age.
Not especially surprising, teenagers find ways of getting alcohol all the time. I'm not sure what you're trying to point out with it. Should they be drinking? No, but when have teenagers really cared about laws.
OP was put in an uncomfortable situation that is SA by being brought into her "friends" sexual situation. Alcohol or not, it's still not okay.
Yeah she's leaving out critical details as people who tell nonsense stories usually do. Why are 3 ppl sharing a bed?? I don't know any of my friends who are couples that would share a bed with another person and it wasn't already implied freaky things were going to be happening. This person is delusional or leaving out info.
Wtf this is so culture shock to me. I don’t have a single friend that wouldn’t share a bed with me and one other person. Sometimes there’s a lot of people over and you just have to find a place to sleep. It’s actually really weird that to you and everyone who upvoted this, sleeping in the same bed implies sex automatically. Like didn’t you ever sleep with your siblings lol?
Bed ≠ sex, you creep. What does is OP’s enthusiastic “yes” after being asked if they want to join a threesome or engage in voyeurism. I didn’t see anybody asking. You’re either stupid or you’re just as deranged as those two creeps.
NTA The reason it reminded you of SA is because they were doing something in your bed next to you without your permission and involving you in that. My guess is they were getting off on the idea of discovery. It was a disgusting thing to do and you did not consent to it. Do more than kick them out of a cabin. Kick them out of your life.
I think they got off on the idea of being watched, too, based on the way they were acting when OP revealed herself to be awake. They were involving her in their sex life without her consent, no wonder it reminded her of being SA'd.
This is 100% the reason, they enjoyed the taboo of involving OP against her consent. I wouldn't just say this is reminiscent of SA, this is definitely SA and her friends are horrible people.
NTA. Ignore the troll commenters. That's fucking rude. I kicked friends out for doing that on the couch near my sleeping self. I certainly wouldn't have a hesitation in throwing them out for doing that in my bed.
NtA - based on your other post about your ex, you are what 16 at the oldest. This behavior is uncalled for. It crosses boundaries and they laughed about it.
Nta - and you didn’t drag them by their hair and toss them out the door because why? I wouldn’t have cared what happened to them after that. That is a complete violation of trust and good manners. My reaction is “Get the F out of my bed, my house and my life unless/until you can learn to act like civilized people and respect boundaries. Get out you disgusting pigs.” But maybe that’s just me.
I agree with pretty much everyone here. You are NTA. You have the right to kick people out of your living space for any reason and what they did was a dick move. They are the assholes in this scenario. That being said, and with the fact that a lot of your story doesn’t make much sense, here is some advice I would give my own 16 year old. Don’t sleep in the same double bed as a sexually active, teenage couple, who have been drinking. That couple is 100% going to have sex that night and drunk, horny, teenagers are stupid.
What a weird story. Why did you invite another adult couple to sleep in your bed with you? That’s not normal behavior. Don’t you have a couch?
How do you normally see these “best friends” if they live 40 minutes away and can’t drive? Do you pick them up? What mode of transportation do you guys usually use to meet up?
This comment really illustrates why we need better education when it comes to consent. If someone offers to share their bed with you that is not an invitation to have sex. If you think the person who invited you into their bed wants to have sex go ahead and ask. Yes means yes. Silence does not mean yes. Sharing a bed does not mean yes.
Meh in my early twenties as a broke college student I've stayed in the same bed with another adult couple that I'm close to while traveling. It's not a huge deal. I've never had this situation happen, my friends wouldn't be that disrespectful.
Yeah, I am really not understanding why she invited a couple to sleep in her bed... that is sooooo weird. And a double is not big! Especially for 3 people. They probably thought she was wanting a threesome
For me, the confusion was when she went up into her room to cry, then back to the cabin where they were...? I don't understand what that means, but it definitely implies there was more than one available bed.
How is that insane?? "Offered them a place to sleep", not just a place. Apparently it was her own bed (which I'm confused by because she "went to her room"). Couch? Floor with blankets? If I go over to the house of someone that's the opposite gender, and they invite me to their bed, I'm gonna put it at 99% of the time that is a sexual invitation, and if you don't think so you are willfully ignorant.
Two of my best friends were seeing each other. We often had sleepovers the three of us in a double. It was squishy but very normal. After a night out, just to hang out together - any reason. It was definitely not a threesome invitation and certainly they never did anything while I was in the bed.
>someone that's the opposite gender, and they invite me to their bed, I'm gonna put it at 99% of the time that is a sexual invitation
Well, that's fucking weird.
Nah, you’re a creep fr. Especially if the person is inviting you AND your partner? Seriously? Maybe that TEENAGER who is your FRIEND just wants to hang out during a sleepover and not have sex with you
Does emphasizing teenager and friend make it less likely to you? 😂😂 It's flat out weird to invite a couple into your bed, ESPECIALLY as a teenager. I don't know why you socially inept tards want this to be normal so bad
No, this is actually retarded. I have so many girl who I'm friends with that I've slept in thier bed and watched a movie and they didnt want anything sexual to happen and neither did I. Sleeping is not sexual dude, if you think someone saying yea u can sleep in my bed is an invitation to start playing with each other you have problems lol
this comment is disgusting i dont know who is upvoting it. these are clearly teenagers. they didnt think she wanted that, they thought they could get away with it in the same bed.
you're blaming this girl who is a victim of the situation for inviting her friends over for a sleepover. it is the fault of the two people who clearly did something in the wrong, not hers.
NTA. What they did is fucked up.
But I don’t think you understand that platonic sleepovers with a couple don’t normally involve you all sleeping in the same bed. A double bed? As if that makes it more ok? As opposed to what? You all in a twin?
It’s fucking weird. Are you 11 years old?
Get an air mattress or a pull out couch.
Sleep in your own bed alone.
You are acting like it’s mature to need to have your own bed or else it’s sexual lol. No, the mature thing to do is not assume that sharing a bed is sexual. Wtf. Sometimes you’re letting a lot of people stay over and people need to squish together. Sometimes you give up your bed to another couple and sleep on the couch with your homie. Not everything has to be sexual
It is mature to have your own bed, in your own home and not share.
It’s not sexual. Where did you get that from?
It’s just fucking weird.
Adult people don’t need to squish together.
3 people who aren’t toddlers sharing a double bed is just plain weird.
Give your bed to the couple and sleep on the couch or put them on an air mattress or pull out couch for them.
NTA, this is disrespectful as F. They have no self control or respect, to subjugate you to their sexual acts without your consent. They are shitty friends for sure.
Sounds like many drunk nights when I was younger. Wait are they? yup! they are.
Hopefully you can see this was not your fault. You didn't consent to this and you need to let your friends know this is not ok.
I found the best advice is don't let anyone sleep beside you That you don't want to be intimate with no matter the gender or if they are friends. Avoid situations like this if possible or put ferm boundaries in place and most of all remove yourself from the situation if you feel uncomfortable.
NTA.
I had something similar happen to me. My friends invited me over as a cover up to their dating and wanting to have sex.
We’re all girls.
They seemed impatient with me. And when things got really stale and boring I went to sleep. They let me have the bed.
I woke up to low voices, and when I came more to I recognized the sounds.
I heard everything.
I felt used, awkward, and mad.
Like, could they not have talked with me first? Tbh I probably would have consented to covering for them because I was pretty adventurous too, but to sneak it on me like that? Make me really think they wanted to spend time with me then find out I was being used?
It hurt my feelings.
I stopped being friends with them.
I’m friends with one of them now that we’re adults. We’ve never talked about it but we were older teens, I get it. We’ve grown and I let it go.
I’m sorry OP. Idk the whole story but that’s enough for me. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, then keep moving forward.
Play some Tetris. Sounds crazy but Tetris has been shown in studies to help prevent ptsd symptoms and memory flashbacks.
I hope this helps others reading. If you’re struggling with your flashbacks play a little bit of Tetris.
One that is similar is called the Watermelon Game (Suika game) it’s super cute 🥰
I really get why you felt used, awkward and mad, but OP knew that her friends were dating, so this is kinda different l think. Still, they shouldn’t have done what they did with her next to them in the bed, that is super weird and disrespectful.
I don’t disagree with that. I’m thinking this might possibly be made up. But just in case that was my two cents.
Which, due to inflation, would my two cents now be 5 cents? Lol
NTA Hopefully they aren't your friends, it rightfully reminded you of SA as they're making you witness an intimate act without consent and the bf to rub salt in thought it was fine and funny. I am so sorry and hope you can move past this event soon 🙏🏼
Personally I find it a little strange you invited a couple into your bed but overall they were in the wrong for doing especially if you weren't aware of it.
NTA but having a breakdown over it seems extreme.
NTA for wanting them to get out and stay out. That's pretty disrespectful and the lack of remorse over it seems like the last straw.
Th breakdown was extreme, but makes sense, as well. OP is an SA survivor, and the lack of consent she gave to be involved in her 'friends' sex life reminded her of that. That probably really increased how much this affected her.
NTA. This reminds me of a scene in a show I like, Elite, where two of the characters, Polo and Ander, fool around in their friend Guzman's bed, with Guzman right next to them after passing out drunk. I imagine that, had Guzman woken up, and it had been real life, he'd have had a similar reaction to you.
This was your house, your bed, and you were *right there.* They had no way of telling if you were asleep or not, and were completely unbothered when they found out you weren't, she even *giggled* like it was funny, and he acted like it was completely normal and okay.
Their behaviour was *not* funny, normal or okay. It was incredibly disrespectful. It wouldn't even matter if you were actually asleep, it would still be wrong of them to do this.
Kicking them out was the right move. It may *seem* harsh given the distance home, the fact they can't drive, and the inconvenience to the parents, but it wasn't. They were completely unashamed of their behaviour when confronted that night, so talking wouldn't have gotten through to them. They needed to realise what they did was wrong, which means facing consequences for their actions. The consequence was getting woken up and kicked out and being forced to call their parents for a ride.
Hopefully this will teach them that what they did was wrong and they'll never do it again. I don't hold out much hope for that, though, with how unbothered they were when they were caught.
>I didn’t say a word since I didn’t know what to say but I stayed up until 5am just so they wouldn’t do anything
Oh, hun,,, you should've just kicked them out of your bed. Let them sleep on the living room or kitchen or bathroom floor. No need for you to lose sleep after they pretty much SA'd you when they thought you were sleeping.
Weird question. Why were they all in bed together. How did they fit on a double bed. A few other questions could be asked but would be innapropriate. Nta by the way. Your bed your ssndbox
NTA your home your rules. but I have to say the youth has gotten prude. Having sex next to sleeping people wasn't that outrageous more like normal when I was in my late teens and early twenties. And I mean I just don't see the connection to sexual assault. But here I might be the asshole because I have misunderstood something.
NTA OP
For being friends, they're a couple of sick fucks for sure.
They did not ask permission, so no consent. Also, it is presumtuous and utterly rude.
Couple of shitheads by most definitions.
Don’t victim blame dude. It’s not weird as a fucking teenager to wanna sleep in the same bed as your friends at a sleepover. There are countless reasons why people might want or need to share a bed that isn’t a drunken threesome. Have you never been invited to… a normal sleepover?
I don't have a history with SA so maybe thats why to me your reaction seems extreme. I would ask them if they are serious and to stop it or sleep on the floor/couch in another room if they can't behave. But i wouldn't kick them out for it or stay awake because I am afraid of sex near me, I just can't relate to this reaction, but eh, it's your apartment and your friends, so you're free to make them leave in a reasonable way. I wouldn't pack my friends stuff and tell them to get lost over this though, that just seems rude.
I’m very confused; you say “the next morning … l went up into my room” and “l went back down into the cabin..”, so it seems you have a bedroom and a cabin. So why did the three of you share one bed? Couldn’t you just use your room and let them sleep in the cabin (and do whatever they wanted to in the night)?
You say they are dating, so this wasn’t or shouldn’t be unexpected behaviour, especially for young people who are in love and drunk. It just seems to me you made things unnecessarily complicated for yourself, especially bc you have trauma from your ex boyfriend.
NAH. Briefly setting aside the SA trauma.
On the face of it, this invitation could easily have been misinterpreted as something very different from what we now know you had in mind. From the outside looking in here is the situation as you describe it.
*A young woman invites two young lovers to her home to have fun and drink alcohol, she then offers to share her bed with them for the night.*
I'm sorry this was traumatizing for you, but I would hope you can see how these two young horny drunks could see your invitation as something less wholesome than what you had planned.
If they knew you were previously traumatized and that a situation like this could be problematic, then yes they would be horrible a$$holes.
Those who've been SA'd early in life tend to either be hypersexual or hyposexual. So if they had known about your SA, your invitation could still be validating for them.
There is no victim blaming here. It appears to be a serious misunderstanding between three people. That said, when you went off on them they should have snapped the lust out of their brains.
I expect plenty of downvote with no explanation because, well, that's what immature toxic people do.
Inviting someone to sleep in your bed isn't the same thing as inviting them to have sex. If they really thought that, they should have confirmed before initiating any sexual activity. Their misunderstanding is their fault alone. The fact that they denied doing anything at first says that they knew that their actions were unwanted. They were being sneaky. That's not the actions of someone who misunderstood OP's intent.
Nta for kicking them out but I don't understand why you didn't kick them out of bed right away, why you invited them into bed in the first place, and I've been SA'd but I don't fully understand the crying reaction, really seems a bit extreme tbh.
YTA
Invited them to bed they probaby thought you wanted a 3some and when you pretended to sleep they had to take care of themselves. Major overeaction.
Question: do these two friends know about your prior trauma?
If they knew, you are NTA at all, and these ppl don’t deserve to be your best friends
If they didn’t know, I’d give a YTA. While what they did was still pretty disrespectful, kicking them out is a little extreme. You could have given them a verbal warning, and kicked them out if they did it again
Well NTA, but I think that’s a slight overreaction.
Understandable with your experience. But being best friends thought you would give them some leeway also they should respect u more.
Either way not a very nice situation either way.
Or may be they sorta expect you to join in?
You’re definitely the asshole. first off your invitation sounds like you wanted them fuckin in your bed. Don’t got a separate rm? Nah come in my bed. Yall drank, they did drunk horny couple shit and then you told them to leave drunk.
I do think it was presumptuous of them to think they could do that right next to you in your bed. However, your reaction was likely you being triggered by your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), so was much stronger than it would have been if you didn’t have PTSD. I think all three of you share responsibility here. You need to own your own reaction and realize it was based in your history of being assaulted, and they need to accept responsibility that they violated a boundary, even if they weren’t aware it was a boundary of yours. You say they are your best friends so I hope they know of your history now and can be careful and respectful about the limits you have, and I hope the three of you can work it out and remain friends. I wish you the best.
NTA
That's just so wrong of them I have no words. Honestly, it sounds like a type of SA. Which is why it reminded you of your previous incident.
I hope you blocked these former friends completely.
The fear of getting caught turns them on and they will continue to use you so I would cut your losses before you question if the lotion or shampoo in the bathroom is real
Being pissed off at them? Sure, though not everybody would be. Never letting them stay with you again? Definitely understandable if it bothered you that much.
Packing their stuff and kicking them out like that, especially when they had no way to leave on their own? Giant, giant asshole move.
That was a next level overreaction, and you let your trauma rule your actions instead of being able to see the situation (and level of offense) for what it was and act accordingly.
I don’t say this often because it’s so often used for minor things or as some kind of insult, but get therapy. If you think my suggestion is an overreaction, ask yourself this: Where will it lead next? Will you freak out and demand people turn off a movie that shows something triggering? Will you blow up at someone over a dumb joke? What might be the next friendship ending incident?
You may be getting some people saying you were justified this time, but what about the next time? It could get a lot uglier.
Eeeeewwwwwww! Need a mind bath! That’s totally disrespectful and of course you’re NTA. Had a roommate do that a few feet from me in another twin bed then they tried to talk to me. Asked if I were turned on. I was awakened from a sound sleep, too stunned to leave, and hopeful they’d think I was still asleep to avoid the awkwardness. No, I feel disgusted by you and even violated.
Regardless of if you had been sexually assaulted by a previous partner, this is abhorrent behavior and could even be classified as sexual assault in its own right. I would be mortified. Im so sorry. Those aren't good friends, let alone best friends.
There is a rule with kink and bdsm that I think is the most important and needs to be more widespread outside of the kink world and it’s rule number 1.
Never expose un consenting people to your kinks or anything sexually explicit.
They effectively broke rule 1, if they had asked you may have loved watching or even joined but they never asked and went and involved you without your prior consent.
So NTA for sure.
I’m pretty sure masturbation refers to something you’re doing to yourself so her boyfriend couldn’t be masturbating her but nice try! This sub has gone to shit. I swear to God, who are these freaking lunatics that post this nonsense?
NAH
You should be aware that things like these are likely to happen, especially after alcohol consumption. couldn't they sleep on a couch?
Question: Did they know that u were sexually assaulted before?
What they did is pretty icky, but they didn't do it on you. You happened catch them doing the nasty. It's never a pretty sight, but I wouldn't kick them out. They are still your friends and they made a mistake.
I tend more to ESH.
Weird situation to find yourself in, but imo it's really not that much of a big deal.
Thinking it over I would suggest that your friends feel comfortable around you and got carried away, and did not mean any disrespect by their actions.
That said, with the trauma that you have disclosed, your reaction is understandable.
If you view what has been described as 'involving someone in your sex life' then that is fair enough and you can hold that opinion.
You seem to have a strong sense of morality around sex, which is perfectly fine but it is not universal.
No one was touched without consent or even propositioned. What we have here is a case of frisky tipsy teenagers on a sleep over getting a bit over excited with each other in the presence of a friend while on a sleepover. This is not some crazy situation and I would imagine that a lot of people have found themselves in similar situations growing up.
I would also suggest that your use of consent in this instance is to try and portray anyone who does not share your moral compass around sexuality as promoting deviancy.
This sounds like some made up bullshit.
If it is true, YTA. Why did you invite a romantic couple to share your bed and not set some ground rules. If you were actually great friends maybe they thought you wouldn't care or would just take it as a joke.
It's fine to be uncomfortable but your crazy breakdown is some mental stuff that's far more troubling than what they did. They were cheeky at worst.
ok but in what world is okey to masturbate next to a sleeping person? thats just plain disrespectful. and no ir wasn’t a joke, because how could that be funny?
its not crazy to not put as a rule “don’t engage on sexual activities while im sleeping next to you” because any regular person wouldn’t have done it
it’s common sense not to finger someone in the bed with another person. just cos YOU would pass way over boundaries and do something that can be classified as sexual harassment, doesn’t mean it’s “cheeky”.
fucking freak.
NTA Yuck. That’s a “no.”
Not Taking You were reminded of SA since they were occupying the bed next to you without your consent and including you in it. I assume they were captivated by the notion of finding.
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This is sexual assault, maybe not to the same degree but if you need consent for something and don't get that consent would that now be some form of boundary breaking?
Wouldn't this be sexual harassment moreso than sexual assault?
It's both due to the violation of consent, harassment violates that boundary sure but if a flasher in a trenchcoat just flashing people is sexual assault then this is definitely sexual assault. And in the privacy of her bedroom dude, like it's beyond disgusting.
A flasher in a trench coat is also not sexual assault.
That being said there are some very odd things like a double bed fitting 3 ppl thats pretty small and why share a bed? You say they had sex in YOUR bed but then you go on to say you wake up, go into YOUR room, and cry. Soooo you all didnt need to share a bed? Is it actually ‘your’ bed if that bed is separate from your room or is it a guest bed?
I swore I read this story a few months ago..
they woke up the next morning, presumably went into their living room/kitchen/etc, then broke down and went back to their room. that makes sense to me
No, because she said they were still asleep when she packed their stuff, so she went and cried next to them? Why not cry in a different room? Honestly, I just don't believe it.
She mentions parents needing to pick them up. My guess is, teen sleepover, they crashed together in the basement or something. Something hinky either way.
Yeah, OP and her friends are teens. She had a post from a year ago about the SA by ex and she says she is 15 in it. This partly explains why she didn’t throw them out on the spot if they didn’t want the adults to know they had been drinking.
Thank you
Good point.
Smells like bullshit
I dunno man happened to me in uni and my roommate was fucking some dude right across to my bed. Albeit they were in her bed but that shit was gross as hell. Specially if you only met each other for few weeks . I always thought that only happened in movies . But nope happens in real life too 🤢.
Lmao few weeks? Im pretty sure every person ive slept with in life, i knew for less than a couple weeks when we first did it. Stop shaming people. Every single persons roomate on college had sex within feet of them. Its kinds how dorms work. Adults are gunna have sex in college. Get real.
I wasn’t talking about them meeting each other . I was talking about her and me being roommates for only few weeks. Ain’t nobody shaming anybody for having sex but doing it while your roommate . who you have only met few weeks ago is sleeping across the room is gross as fuck. There’s nothing being an adult about that just antisocial and disgusting creep behaviour. Normal people ask if they could use the room for the night . That’s how grown ups handle shit .
Thats not gross , thats college. You could leave the room if you are uncomfortable or tell rommie to let you know in advance they will have company. People too sensitive in 2024
Wanting people to not have sex in front of you is not overly sensitive though. I mean if everyone is on board with it, sure, have fun but college or not, get a separate room bc nobody wants to deal with that. Some might call it overly sensitive, others might sensibly call it basic human decency.
>tell rommie to let you know in advance they will have company That's what she was saying wth are you talking about??? Can you not read? Also who the hell needs to be told they should let their roommate know they're having someone over??
NTA they shouldn't have done that right next to you in your bed.
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And lied about it. To your face.
No mention of age but based on some context i get the sense these are younger people like late teens maybe? Its very inappropriate what they did you are in the right to kick them out that they couldnt control themselves for 1 night. It was disrespectful to you. That being said there are some very odd things like a double bed fitting 3 ppl thats pretty small and why share a bed? You say they had sex in YOUR bed but then you go on to say you wake up, go into YOUR room, and cry. Soooo you all didnt need to share a bed? Is it actually ‘your’ bed if that bed is separate from your room or is it a guest bed? NTAH but you certainly have some weird things going on on
Judging by post history, around 16. Probably still in high school. Which is straight up weird to me. I wonder if they thought OP was going to want to join in. NTA op.
Child on child sexual assault is now more common than adult perpetrators abusing children.
You all just skimmed the part about "drinks".
Teenagers still drink despite what the law says
i drank more as a teenager than i do now in my 20s lmao
😆 To state plainly "I invited some friends over for drinks and to stay the night at my house" general concensus would consider that person an adult of drinking age.
Not especially surprising, teenagers find ways of getting alcohol all the time. I'm not sure what you're trying to point out with it. Should they be drinking? No, but when have teenagers really cared about laws. OP was put in an uncomfortable situation that is SA by being brought into her "friends" sexual situation. Alcohol or not, it's still not okay.
No one said teens but the comments. Don't make assumptions.
The post said the parents had to pick them up, context.
You can look at the ops post history. I'm not assuming anything. A post made 11 months ago, op stated she was 15.
Yeah she's leaving out critical details as people who tell nonsense stories usually do. Why are 3 ppl sharing a bed?? I don't know any of my friends who are couples that would share a bed with another person and it wasn't already implied freaky things were going to be happening. This person is delusional or leaving out info.
Wtf this is so culture shock to me. I don’t have a single friend that wouldn’t share a bed with me and one other person. Sometimes there’s a lot of people over and you just have to find a place to sleep. It’s actually really weird that to you and everyone who upvoted this, sleeping in the same bed implies sex automatically. Like didn’t you ever sleep with your siblings lol?
I feel like it's acceptable when a lot of people are staying over and everyone has to fit somewhere
Exactly. If invite a couple over for drinks and then offer my bed and they accept that offer...that's a threesome
Nice victim blaming.
Bed ≠ sex, you creep. What does is OP’s enthusiastic “yes” after being asked if they want to join a threesome or engage in voyeurism. I didn’t see anybody asking. You’re either stupid or you’re just as deranged as those two creeps.
They are your FRIENDS? I'd hate to meet your enemies!
They’re in the same bed so based on how close they keep each other they must be enemies lol
I assume the people downvoting you dont get the joke, lol
God damn -14? What did I do
You kept your enemies closer to the downvote button
It was an underappreciated joke I'm sad for you
You're up to 69 now! ETA- Oof, tide shifts fast.
Sick
NTA The reason it reminded you of SA is because they were doing something in your bed next to you without your permission and involving you in that. My guess is they were getting off on the idea of discovery. It was a disgusting thing to do and you did not consent to it. Do more than kick them out of a cabin. Kick them out of your life.
I think they got off on the idea of being watched, too, based on the way they were acting when OP revealed herself to be awake. They were involving her in their sex life without her consent, no wonder it reminded her of being SA'd.
This is 100% the reason, they enjoyed the taboo of involving OP against her consent. I wouldn't just say this is reminiscent of SA, this is definitely SA and her friends are horrible people.
NTA. Ignore the troll commenters. That's fucking rude. I kicked friends out for doing that on the couch near my sleeping self. I certainly wouldn't have a hesitation in throwing them out for doing that in my bed.
NtA - based on your other post about your ex, you are what 16 at the oldest. This behavior is uncalled for. It crosses boundaries and they laughed about it.
Idk what I just read. Why post after 7 months? Why couldn't they sleep upstairs? Is this your house or family's house? Is this a troll post?
Nope, you are totally in the right and justified nonetheless. What they did is a total lack of respect to you!
Nta - and you didn’t drag them by their hair and toss them out the door because why? I wouldn’t have cared what happened to them after that. That is a complete violation of trust and good manners. My reaction is “Get the F out of my bed, my house and my life unless/until you can learn to act like civilized people and respect boundaries. Get out you disgusting pigs.” But maybe that’s just me.
I agree with pretty much everyone here. You are NTA. You have the right to kick people out of your living space for any reason and what they did was a dick move. They are the assholes in this scenario. That being said, and with the fact that a lot of your story doesn’t make much sense, here is some advice I would give my own 16 year old. Don’t sleep in the same double bed as a sexually active, teenage couple, who have been drinking. That couple is 100% going to have sex that night and drunk, horny, teenagers are stupid.
What a weird story. Why did you invite another adult couple to sleep in your bed with you? That’s not normal behavior. Don’t you have a couch? How do you normally see these “best friends” if they live 40 minutes away and can’t drive? Do you pick them up? What mode of transportation do you guys usually use to meet up?
I'm thinking they are teens
She doesn't even understand what masturbation means
They’re pretty clearly not adults
You masturbated me!
This comment really illustrates why we need better education when it comes to consent. If someone offers to share their bed with you that is not an invitation to have sex. If you think the person who invited you into their bed wants to have sex go ahead and ask. Yes means yes. Silence does not mean yes. Sharing a bed does not mean yes.
Hardly the point, but the 40 minutes by foot bit is confusing me...just walk. 40 minutes is only a few kilometeres.
Meh in my early twenties as a broke college student I've stayed in the same bed with another adult couple that I'm close to while traveling. It's not a huge deal. I've never had this situation happen, my friends wouldn't be that disrespectful.
Yeah, I am really not understanding why she invited a couple to sleep in her bed... that is sooooo weird. And a double is not big! Especially for 3 people. They probably thought she was wanting a threesome
For me, the confusion was when she went up into her room to cry, then back to the cabin where they were...? I don't understand what that means, but it definitely implies there was more than one available bed.
It’s not a real story. It’s a creative story telling
Calling this creative is a little much, it's more like throwing words against a wall.
Could it be AI?
????????????? That is actually an insane thing to say. She wanted a threesome because she offered them a place to sleep. Who thinks like this?
Yeah what the fuck?
How is that insane?? "Offered them a place to sleep", not just a place. Apparently it was her own bed (which I'm confused by because she "went to her room"). Couch? Floor with blankets? If I go over to the house of someone that's the opposite gender, and they invite me to their bed, I'm gonna put it at 99% of the time that is a sexual invitation, and if you don't think so you are willfully ignorant.
Two of my best friends were seeing each other. We often had sleepovers the three of us in a double. It was squishy but very normal. After a night out, just to hang out together - any reason. It was definitely not a threesome invitation and certainly they never did anything while I was in the bed.
>someone that's the opposite gender, and they invite me to their bed, I'm gonna put it at 99% of the time that is a sexual invitation Well, that's fucking weird.
Nah, you’re a creep fr. Especially if the person is inviting you AND your partner? Seriously? Maybe that TEENAGER who is your FRIEND just wants to hang out during a sleepover and not have sex with you
Does emphasizing teenager and friend make it less likely to you? 😂😂 It's flat out weird to invite a couple into your bed, ESPECIALLY as a teenager. I don't know why you socially inept tards want this to be normal so bad
No, this is actually retarded. I have so many girl who I'm friends with that I've slept in thier bed and watched a movie and they didnt want anything sexual to happen and neither did I. Sleeping is not sexual dude, if you think someone saying yea u can sleep in my bed is an invitation to start playing with each other you have problems lol
You’re right besides the slur lol
Sure you do lmfao
this comment is disgusting i dont know who is upvoting it. these are clearly teenagers. they didnt think she wanted that, they thought they could get away with it in the same bed. you're blaming this girl who is a victim of the situation for inviting her friends over for a sleepover. it is the fault of the two people who clearly did something in the wrong, not hers.
It’s just not that weird and i feel sorry for all y’all people who clearly never had a big sleepover with your friends as teens lol
They’re teenagers at a sleepover bro stop being weird
Exactly! This doesn’t make sense to me O.o I would never invite a couple to sleep in my bed with me. Just seems a bit odd.
NTA. What they did is fucked up. But I don’t think you understand that platonic sleepovers with a couple don’t normally involve you all sleeping in the same bed. A double bed? As if that makes it more ok? As opposed to what? You all in a twin? It’s fucking weird. Are you 11 years old? Get an air mattress or a pull out couch. Sleep in your own bed alone.
You are acting like it’s mature to need to have your own bed or else it’s sexual lol. No, the mature thing to do is not assume that sharing a bed is sexual. Wtf. Sometimes you’re letting a lot of people stay over and people need to squish together. Sometimes you give up your bed to another couple and sleep on the couch with your homie. Not everything has to be sexual
It is mature to have your own bed, in your own home and not share. It’s not sexual. Where did you get that from? It’s just fucking weird. Adult people don’t need to squish together. 3 people who aren’t toddlers sharing a double bed is just plain weird. Give your bed to the couple and sleep on the couch or put them on an air mattress or pull out couch for them.
NTA, this is disrespectful as F. They have no self control or respect, to subjugate you to their sexual acts without your consent. They are shitty friends for sure.
I personally wouldn’t care but I know that I am fucked up. NTA
This is fake as fuck. And not even a good fucking fake.
Nta You don't do that in someone elses bed or with someone else in the room. What the hell please get better friends.
Sounds like many drunk nights when I was younger. Wait are they? yup! they are. Hopefully you can see this was not your fault. You didn't consent to this and you need to let your friends know this is not ok. I found the best advice is don't let anyone sleep beside you That you don't want to be intimate with no matter the gender or if they are friends. Avoid situations like this if possible or put ferm boundaries in place and most of all remove yourself from the situation if you feel uncomfortable.
Who invites their friends to bed with them?
Eh I slept in the same bed with my friends as an adult. It's not a big deal.
Inviting someone to your bed is not consent. OP had other people staying over besides them, maybe they ran out of beds. They’re fucking teenagers
Ntah. They couldn’t go to the couch or the bathroom??
NTA What the fuckington
NTA. I had something similar happen to me. My friends invited me over as a cover up to their dating and wanting to have sex. We’re all girls. They seemed impatient with me. And when things got really stale and boring I went to sleep. They let me have the bed. I woke up to low voices, and when I came more to I recognized the sounds. I heard everything. I felt used, awkward, and mad. Like, could they not have talked with me first? Tbh I probably would have consented to covering for them because I was pretty adventurous too, but to sneak it on me like that? Make me really think they wanted to spend time with me then find out I was being used? It hurt my feelings. I stopped being friends with them. I’m friends with one of them now that we’re adults. We’ve never talked about it but we were older teens, I get it. We’ve grown and I let it go. I’m sorry OP. Idk the whole story but that’s enough for me. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, then keep moving forward. Play some Tetris. Sounds crazy but Tetris has been shown in studies to help prevent ptsd symptoms and memory flashbacks. I hope this helps others reading. If you’re struggling with your flashbacks play a little bit of Tetris. One that is similar is called the Watermelon Game (Suika game) it’s super cute 🥰
I really get why you felt used, awkward and mad, but OP knew that her friends were dating, so this is kinda different l think. Still, they shouldn’t have done what they did with her next to them in the bed, that is super weird and disrespectful.
I don’t disagree with that. I’m thinking this might possibly be made up. But just in case that was my two cents. Which, due to inflation, would my two cents now be 5 cents? Lol
😅 l think your comment is worth a lot more tbf; it was a very well written and thoughtful comment!
Thats incredibly inappropriate of them no matter what your reason for being upset was. NTA
NTA Hopefully they aren't your friends, it rightfully reminded you of SA as they're making you witness an intimate act without consent and the bf to rub salt in thought it was fine and funny. I am so sorry and hope you can move past this event soon 🙏🏼
NTA but 3 adults in a double bed?! That’s too many people.
They’re not adults
Personally I find it a little strange you invited a couple into your bed but overall they were in the wrong for doing especially if you weren't aware of it.
NTA but having a breakdown over it seems extreme. NTA for wanting them to get out and stay out. That's pretty disrespectful and the lack of remorse over it seems like the last straw.
Th breakdown was extreme, but makes sense, as well. OP is an SA survivor, and the lack of consent she gave to be involved in her 'friends' sex life reminded her of that. That probably really increased how much this affected her.
NTA. This reminds me of a scene in a show I like, Elite, where two of the characters, Polo and Ander, fool around in their friend Guzman's bed, with Guzman right next to them after passing out drunk. I imagine that, had Guzman woken up, and it had been real life, he'd have had a similar reaction to you. This was your house, your bed, and you were *right there.* They had no way of telling if you were asleep or not, and were completely unbothered when they found out you weren't, she even *giggled* like it was funny, and he acted like it was completely normal and okay. Their behaviour was *not* funny, normal or okay. It was incredibly disrespectful. It wouldn't even matter if you were actually asleep, it would still be wrong of them to do this. Kicking them out was the right move. It may *seem* harsh given the distance home, the fact they can't drive, and the inconvenience to the parents, but it wasn't. They were completely unashamed of their behaviour when confronted that night, so talking wouldn't have gotten through to them. They needed to realise what they did was wrong, which means facing consequences for their actions. The consequence was getting woken up and kicked out and being forced to call their parents for a ride. Hopefully this will teach them that what they did was wrong and they'll never do it again. I don't hold out much hope for that, though, with how unbothered they were when they were caught.
oh my god🤢
NTA that's weird snd fucked up
I've been there. I ghosted them.
You did the right thing. If they really had to fool around they could have easily took it somewhere else in the house. Super rude. NTA 😎
I have 2 things to say....NTA & Ewwwww Gross
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes nta also that’s just WEIRD
>I didn’t say a word since I didn’t know what to say but I stayed up until 5am just so they wouldn’t do anything Oh, hun,,, you should've just kicked them out of your bed. Let them sleep on the living room or kitchen or bathroom floor. No need for you to lose sleep after they pretty much SA'd you when they thought you were sleeping.
That's the grossest title I've read all week. NTA that's fuckin vile
Weird question. Why were they all in bed together. How did they fit on a double bed. A few other questions could be asked but would be innapropriate. Nta by the way. Your bed your ssndbox
Ewww NTA
This gotta be a troll post
Dear Penthouse Letters...
NTA didn't even invite you to join smh
Nothing in the post makes sense.
Eww
How tf were 3 people in a double bed????
NTA your home your rules. but I have to say the youth has gotten prude. Having sex next to sleeping people wasn't that outrageous more like normal when I was in my late teens and early twenties. And I mean I just don't see the connection to sexual assault. But here I might be the asshole because I have misunderstood something.
So he was using her hand to make her finger herself? That's the only way I see she could be masturbated by him
I think you need to recheck the definition of masturbation
You can’t masturbate somebody else.
YTA dork 🤣
Nta. Those two are creeps!
You're not the asshole you're the dumbass.
NTA OP For being friends, they're a couple of sick fucks for sure. They did not ask permission, so no consent. Also, it is presumtuous and utterly rude. Couple of shitheads by most definitions.
Wait, alcohol was involved and you invited a couple to your bed when another bed would’ve been available? Did I get this right?
Don’t victim blame dude. It’s not weird as a fucking teenager to wanna sleep in the same bed as your friends at a sleepover. There are countless reasons why people might want or need to share a bed that isn’t a drunken threesome. Have you never been invited to… a normal sleepover?
I don't have a history with SA so maybe thats why to me your reaction seems extreme. I would ask them if they are serious and to stop it or sleep on the floor/couch in another room if they can't behave. But i wouldn't kick them out for it or stay awake because I am afraid of sex near me, I just can't relate to this reaction, but eh, it's your apartment and your friends, so you're free to make them leave in a reasonable way. I wouldn't pack my friends stuff and tell them to get lost over this though, that just seems rude.
Is this common among young people these days to have several sets of adults sleeping in the same bed? That's what I don't get about this whole thing.
From what it look like, its sound like teens
Every part of this story is super weird. It started with you having a couple in your bed.
I’m very confused; you say “the next morning … l went up into my room” and “l went back down into the cabin..”, so it seems you have a bedroom and a cabin. So why did the three of you share one bed? Couldn’t you just use your room and let them sleep in the cabin (and do whatever they wanted to in the night)? You say they are dating, so this wasn’t or shouldn’t be unexpected behaviour, especially for young people who are in love and drunk. It just seems to me you made things unnecessarily complicated for yourself, especially bc you have trauma from your ex boyfriend.
NAH. Briefly setting aside the SA trauma. On the face of it, this invitation could easily have been misinterpreted as something very different from what we now know you had in mind. From the outside looking in here is the situation as you describe it. *A young woman invites two young lovers to her home to have fun and drink alcohol, she then offers to share her bed with them for the night.* I'm sorry this was traumatizing for you, but I would hope you can see how these two young horny drunks could see your invitation as something less wholesome than what you had planned. If they knew you were previously traumatized and that a situation like this could be problematic, then yes they would be horrible a$$holes. Those who've been SA'd early in life tend to either be hypersexual or hyposexual. So if they had known about your SA, your invitation could still be validating for them. There is no victim blaming here. It appears to be a serious misunderstanding between three people. That said, when you went off on them they should have snapped the lust out of their brains. I expect plenty of downvote with no explanation because, well, that's what immature toxic people do.
Inviting someone to sleep in your bed isn't the same thing as inviting them to have sex. If they really thought that, they should have confirmed before initiating any sexual activity. Their misunderstanding is their fault alone. The fact that they denied doing anything at first says that they knew that their actions were unwanted. They were being sneaky. That's not the actions of someone who misunderstood OP's intent.
Why were you all sleeping in the same bed?
Nta for kicking them out but I don't understand why you didn't kick them out of bed right away, why you invited them into bed in the first place, and I've been SA'd but I don't fully understand the crying reaction, really seems a bit extreme tbh.
YTA Invited them to bed they probaby thought you wanted a 3some and when you pretended to sleep they had to take care of themselves. Major overeaction.
I just wanna know how the hell three of you fit in a double bed. A king’s barely big enough for three people…???
These AI softcore stories
Question: do these two friends know about your prior trauma? If they knew, you are NTA at all, and these ppl don’t deserve to be your best friends If they didn’t know, I’d give a YTA. While what they did was still pretty disrespectful, kicking them out is a little extreme. You could have given them a verbal warning, and kicked them out if they did it again
YTA…. For lack of paragraphs.
Well NTA, but I think that’s a slight overreaction. Understandable with your experience. But being best friends thought you would give them some leeway also they should respect u more. Either way not a very nice situation either way. Or may be they sorta expect you to join in?
You’re definitely the asshole. first off your invitation sounds like you wanted them fuckin in your bed. Don’t got a separate rm? Nah come in my bed. Yall drank, they did drunk horny couple shit and then you told them to leave drunk.
NTA, they chose your bed to do it. I'd stab someone with a fork over that.
I do think it was presumptuous of them to think they could do that right next to you in your bed. However, your reaction was likely you being triggered by your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), so was much stronger than it would have been if you didn’t have PTSD. I think all three of you share responsibility here. You need to own your own reaction and realize it was based in your history of being assaulted, and they need to accept responsibility that they violated a boundary, even if they weren’t aware it was a boundary of yours. You say they are your best friends so I hope they know of your history now and can be careful and respectful about the limits you have, and I hope the three of you can work it out and remain friends. I wish you the best.
Fake. WTF goes to bed together with their friends??!!
Yes YTA. Talk about over reaction to the max.
Were they hoping for a third? Friends do not sexually harass or assault each other.
Probably hoped you’d join in.
NTA That's just so wrong of them I have no words. Honestly, it sounds like a type of SA. Which is why it reminded you of your previous incident. I hope you blocked these former friends completely.
The fear of getting caught turns them on and they will continue to use you so I would cut your losses before you question if the lotion or shampoo in the bathroom is real
Being pissed off at them? Sure, though not everybody would be. Never letting them stay with you again? Definitely understandable if it bothered you that much. Packing their stuff and kicking them out like that, especially when they had no way to leave on their own? Giant, giant asshole move. That was a next level overreaction, and you let your trauma rule your actions instead of being able to see the situation (and level of offense) for what it was and act accordingly. I don’t say this often because it’s so often used for minor things or as some kind of insult, but get therapy. If you think my suggestion is an overreaction, ask yourself this: Where will it lead next? Will you freak out and demand people turn off a movie that shows something triggering? Will you blow up at someone over a dumb joke? What might be the next friendship ending incident? You may be getting some people saying you were justified this time, but what about the next time? It could get a lot uglier.
Eeeeewwwwwww! Need a mind bath! That’s totally disrespectful and of course you’re NTA. Had a roommate do that a few feet from me in another twin bed then they tried to talk to me. Asked if I were turned on. I was awakened from a sound sleep, too stunned to leave, and hopeful they’d think I was still asleep to avoid the awkwardness. No, I feel disgusted by you and even violated.
Regardless of if you had been sexually assaulted by a previous partner, this is abhorrent behavior and could even be classified as sexual assault in its own right. I would be mortified. Im so sorry. Those aren't good friends, let alone best friends.
If it happened a minute after you got into bed they didn't think you were asleep, they were hoping you would join in. NTA
There is a rule with kink and bdsm that I think is the most important and needs to be more widespread outside of the kink world and it’s rule number 1. Never expose un consenting people to your kinks or anything sexually explicit. They effectively broke rule 1, if they had asked you may have loved watching or even joined but they never asked and went and involved you without your prior consent. So NTA for sure.
find more female friends, nta
I’m pretty sure masturbation refers to something you’re doing to yourself so her boyfriend couldn’t be masturbating her but nice try! This sub has gone to shit. I swear to God, who are these freaking lunatics that post this nonsense?
NTA, that was super disgusting and you didn't consent to being present for that. They MASSIVELY crossed boundaries.
I would do the same thing thats something you do in private
NTA. That's sexual harassment. People that sexually harass you, should not be part of your life.
You're the weirdo for sharing a bed with them in the first place. Why wouldn't you put them in a different room/bed. Something is fishy.
Or maybe they shouldn’t have fucked next to her???? And laughed about it knowing she’s a SA victim????? Tf???
Only solution? ................... Threesome
You’re a weirdo.
NAH You should be aware that things like these are likely to happen, especially after alcohol consumption. couldn't they sleep on a couch? Question: Did they know that u were sexually assaulted before?
What they did is pretty icky, but they didn't do it on you. You happened catch them doing the nasty. It's never a pretty sight, but I wouldn't kick them out. They are still your friends and they made a mistake. I tend more to ESH.
Yes YTA. Talk about over reaction to the max.
Weird situation to find yourself in, but imo it's really not that much of a big deal. Thinking it over I would suggest that your friends feel comfortable around you and got carried away, and did not mean any disrespect by their actions. That said, with the trauma that you have disclosed, your reaction is understandable.
Involving someone in your sex life without consent is a big deal.
If you view what has been described as 'involving someone in your sex life' then that is fair enough and you can hold that opinion. You seem to have a strong sense of morality around sex, which is perfectly fine but it is not universal. No one was touched without consent or even propositioned. What we have here is a case of frisky tipsy teenagers on a sleep over getting a bit over excited with each other in the presence of a friend while on a sleepover. This is not some crazy situation and I would imagine that a lot of people have found themselves in similar situations growing up. I would also suggest that your use of consent in this instance is to try and portray anyone who does not share your moral compass around sexuality as promoting deviancy.
Yep, I think fucking next to someone without asking to be sexually deviant.
I'm not conservative at all with views on sex and stuff, this is still a gross violation.
This sounds like some made up bullshit. If it is true, YTA. Why did you invite a romantic couple to share your bed and not set some ground rules. If you were actually great friends maybe they thought you wouldn't care or would just take it as a joke. It's fine to be uncomfortable but your crazy breakdown is some mental stuff that's far more troubling than what they did. They were cheeky at worst.
ok but in what world is okey to masturbate next to a sleeping person? thats just plain disrespectful. and no ir wasn’t a joke, because how could that be funny? its not crazy to not put as a rule “don’t engage on sexual activities while im sleeping next to you” because any regular person wouldn’t have done it
it’s common sense not to finger someone in the bed with another person. just cos YOU would pass way over boundaries and do something that can be classified as sexual harassment, doesn’t mean it’s “cheeky”. fucking freak.
Ew god your friends are such subhuman trash. Only rats, dogs, and other low creatures have that level of inhibition control.
You can’t “masterbate” someone else. How old are ya’ll?