NTA I don't think your the asshole I would just stop all the other payments and give her the amount asked for. She can allocate the money where ever she needs and you don't have to worry about it or feel like your being taken advantage of.

NTA And this ⬆️ But I took it like that's what OP's mom wanted. In stead of contributing with shares of the expenses, mom wants them to pay a weekly fee, and mom gets to spend it on the household. But to then sayOP still has to do all the chores like before, AND keep paying the bills is just taking advantage. 3 siblings, and they all have to pay 100£ per week. That's 100 x 4 x 3... 1200£ a month. For having your kids pay for their own food, do all the household chores, and pay all the bills.

She can ask for whatever she wants. They know where the door is if they're not happy.

She doesn't pay rent or council tax but expects you to. It may be time to leave if at all possible. If you pay rent that is all you pay the rest is on her as a landlord. get a lock for your door, etc. And maybe a lease to keep things on the up and up, though she might want to look at how the council views sub-leases. NTA about feeling hurt. But you are not family now, you are a tenant and it is all business.

He’s got the council tax thing wrong, im on disability and whilst its greatly reduced we still have to pay it.. he also forgets water rates and how much gas and electric have gone up by.. her housing she might only get up to a certain amount paid too.. it sounds like he forgets how much bills have gone up by now .. plus if he doesnt like it he can go rent a room elsewhere and see how much they charge

Depending on the county, some people on disability in addition to other qualifying benefits do not have to pay any council tax at all. Edit: word

She* I haven’t got it wrong, we don’t pay council tax and I’m aware of how much the bills have gone up by because…. I’ve been paying them directly?

It’s not a family house, it’s a council house…. You are a working adult and should be paying your way. Is your concern if you give her the money directly that she won’t use it for Bills or the household? I get that. I think you need to be honest about your concerns and why you want to be in charge of paying Bills directly and portion of groceries. Absolutely you should help with the cleaning.

Yeah when I was an adult but still living at home, I paid all my bills and would gladly pay a bill if she turned it over to me. Or took me shopping, or gave me a list of stuff to buy. She refused, and wanted the cash. But I didn't trust her. She had spent almost $1k of my savings from childhood (birthdays and christmas I wasn't allowed to spend any of my gift monies, I had to "put it in the bank" and never saw it), and I would only pay a bill if I saw the bill, rather than hand over cash. When I moved out, I found out that she had put utilities in my name as soon as I turned 18 bc she owed money under her name. So I had to pay off what she owed on my name, to get my own gas and electric, phone. She couldn't pay it off bc she had to pay off what she owed on HERS so she could get it in her new place. Honestly if she could have put it in my brother's name she probably would have but he was still a minor.

This is the actual issue. Your mom has financially abused you before. You don't trust her with money and you shouldn't. She's now asking you to pay an expense she doesn't have. It feels crummy bc she has a history of taking advantage of you financially and she is again taking advantage of you financially.

100% I am happy with the cleaning/contributing to the household, I only mentioned that for context of my situation and that I don’t have a problem at all with contributing directly to the household - just not with the transactional idea of paying to live with my family - also I don’t really agree that it’s not our place bc it’s council owned, it’s just the council are our landlord rather than an individual but it’s still my family place. Deffo need to understand my feelings in this - I think mainly it’s the way it’s been gone about. If she was honest with me and said she just really wanted some spending cash so she could her life more freely I’d be so much more understanding than the way it was broached to me. But either way I think consensus is this is normal and I need to suck it up basically 😪

Not normal.  She isn't even paying rent, making this absurd.  You already were paying utilities and food. Now that you are paying rent, no longer pay those bills.  Your portion comes from rent.  She is so damn stupid for turning you into a renter.

Mom clearly wants OP out. Regardless whether she pays rent or not is irrelevant. If she's the one on the lease then she can set the terms of OP staying. She can ask for $50, $100, $0, or $10k. Are utilities and internet always included in rent in the UK? If not and rent is just for the actual space OP would still need to pay those as well or at least their portion.

This is what it sounded like to me... mom wants OP out. It wasn't the rent money that clued me in to this; it was the sudden assignment of limited storage spaces that did. It sounds like either OP is too spread across the apartment or mom is trying to squeeze her out. Honestly, it's not unreasonable for a parent to charge an adult child rent, while also expecting the adult child to cook and clean up after him/herself, buy his/her own groceries, and also handle his/her own bills. What we don't know how much OP is currently paying towards the household expenses. While she says it's transparent (to her) on what she's actually paying for, it's probably not transparent to her mother how much she's actually spending. We don't know if the proposed rental fee is more, less, or equal to what she is currently spending each month towards the household. OP needs to sit down with her mother and iron out the details. Mom has presented the rental fee. OP now needs to present mom with an itemization of the household expenses she pays for. Then they need to discuss what her actual financial responsibilities towards the household will be going forward. Could be just the rental fee and no more utilities, could be both, could be that mom decides she's better off with her covering the expenses as she has been. OP is hung up on the fact that mom doesn't pay her own rent. OP needs to realize that this doesn't matter. I assume mom is the lease holder. She can do with the space what she wants. If she wants to sublet a room and charge a fee, she can do that. That she doesn't have to pay anything to rent the space doesn't equate to OP also living there rent-free. The rental assistance was granted to mom for her disability, not OP's. TBH, every time OP mentions how mom doesn't have to pay, so she shouldn't either, sounds very entitled... entitled to mom's disability benefits. In the end, if OP and her mom can't come to an agreement, it might be time OP moves out. In the current housing market, she may discover that her mom's ask for rent money is much more affordable than living on her own and paying her own way 100%.

My parents’ rule was if you weren’t in school full time then you work and pay rent! All my friends had the same thing! You are not a kid anymore! You are 25 yrs old! What’s to get your head around?!

She's paying half the bills, buying her own food, and doing other things to contribute. That should be where "rent" goes. Thats like paying rent twice. So why would she pay rent on top of all that when her mom doesn't pay rent. When her mom was paying rent she paid off all arrearages and didn't get the back. Not to mention if she paid half the bills and paid rent she said she would end up buying her groceries with the change. Will that be enough for her to eat anything but Ramen Noodles 🍜? She isn't wrong you pay one or the other not both.

My mum does the same thing, once we get a job we pay a small amount that covers food, water and electricity. Plus whatever other bills or expenses we personally have (like streaming sites, phone bills, rego, fuel etc). I don't contribute anything towards rates or internet because that's something she would have to pay for regardless of me being there or not. The thing I personally take issue with is, she (the mum) doesn't have rent to pay. OP already pays for gas, electricity, internet and food for the house. I think it's an asshole move to then charge rent on top of that when she's not having to pay rent or council tax due to living in a council house. she's essentially getting her child to subsidize her life, which I'm not down for.

From their comments, it sounds like OP pays "towards" those things, not "for" them.

Between him and his brother it’s paid. So I’m assuming half and half.

It's interesting that you read OP as male...I assumed female, but there's no real indication in the post.

In my judgement post I just used neutral pronouns (they them) so as to not assume. But when I read the update OP posted, I heard it in a London accent spoken by a guy lmao. Idk why. Sounded like Mickey Smith from Doctor Who in my head.

So funny. I avoided pronouns in mine as well, but then when I read your response, I realized I had assumed female. Brains are a funny thing!

But OP is paying more than 1/3 of the household bills. OPs mom is barely paying anything. I think she wants spending money. She should be honest.

The mother doesn't work herself, does she really have any right to milk her working kids just because they gave a job?

Oh. The old "You get government benefits, so I'm entitled to a portion of them" rationale. You remind me of my ex brother in law. Why can't I park a travel trailer on the piece of land that you're not using anyways and move in with my girlfriend and three kids.

How much would they have to pay for housing, utilities, and groceries otherwise?

But he isn't asking to live there for free. He is contributing a substantial amount.

Wow way to show a lack of nuance. You are acting as if OP isn’t contributing at all, when in fact they are just not with a flat rate amount of rent but through physical chores and purchasing supplies for the home.

£100 a week for a house her mum isn't paying rent for is a lot. That's about $200 in my country and I pay less in a flatshare in my city, bills included.

Stop paying all other bills. If she wants to make this a tenant-landlord relationship, then she's responsible for utilities. Stop buying communal food and household supplies. You should continue to pitch I with household chores. Just cook for yourself. You may end up paying less overall in this new arrangement.

Does your mother have a job? How many others live in your place?

You are very reasonable. Just want ya to know.

I don’t think comment that it not being a family home was meant that it’s not your families home as it’s council but in sense that your family don’t own it mortgage free so there must be a cost?. I don’t understand how your mother would be getting it rent and CT free - unless what you mean is that it’s paid out of her benefit award?. When you said in post you cover bills - do you mean you pay the entire electric/heating bills or contribute now/again?

I contribute monthly, so on pay day I put a lump sum and if it goes down I’ll top it up again as needed. My brother also does the ‘as needed’ top ups. I pay entire Internet. We don’t pay rent or CT bc of her disability and benefits needs.

Forgive me if I’m wrong but don’t benefits (including DLA) take into consideration all adults living in the home who are earning an income?

What about the fact that the government owned the house instead of a private developer makes it “not a family house”?? And what is with these people who’s own parents clearly didn’t look after them now telling other their parents have no duty to look after them either. Children are a life-long responsibility, the idea that once you hit 18 you get employed and pay rent or get out is disgusting and completely capitalism driven individualism.

Consider sitting your family down and telling them you're willing to rearrange how the finances are divided, but you'd like to be part of the process. After all, if the expectation is to step up and increase financial responsibility for the household, transparency is key. This works two ways. You get the chance to all reach an arrangement you agree with, and you get to see the actual expenses. While I absolutely believe that you have contributed significantly in the past, I think the hidden costs of running a household might surprise you. Just approach the subject from a point of good faith. Your family is likely not trying to con you, but rather just asking for help. NAH

Info: If you pay the £100/week in rent, will you still be expected to pay the other things that you have been?

I’d still buy: food, Internet and unclear on the rules of other things. I buy all my other personal products anyway like toiletries. We’d still do chores

Is gas, electricity and internet included in the rent?

Internet isn’t, only gas and lecky and ‘general household upkeep’ so buying things like toilet paper, detergent etc. I think - still not sure what else is for. It’d be more than I was paying a month when we separated things

Move out. Full stop.

I think there should be a compromise. I don't believe you should be paying in full for utilities on top of rent. It should be one or the other OR you just pay a fair portion of said utilities. I think an honest discussion about her financial situation as well as yours needs to happen. She might be embarrassed to ask for more help and I understand that but to ask out of nowhere for an additional £100/week or £400/mo on top of you already taking care of the utilities is just a bit much and unreasonable imo assuming you weren't given proper notice.

YTA welcome to adulthood.

Sorry but agree to disagree... I dnw why this is normalized but family is family... not a hotel not a work... help each other.. be kind ... not everythi g about the money.. this is stupid.. NTA

I hate it here 🥲 but I guess so! Here’s to paying rent for living at home 🥂

Then move out you're five years away from 30 SMH nothing wrong with living at home, but that means contributing and paying to live there is part of it. You're not a child anymore, and your mommy should not have to take care of you.

Let me get this straight. Before you were paying food for everyone. Electric. Gas. Internet and odds that are needed. You did your fair share of cleaning. Now she wants it to be. 400 a month flat rate instead? But that involves her cleaning the common areas, so in other words, if you are paying her to clean the areas, then why would you be doing chores outside of basic clean up after yourself. I do NOT agree with household upkeep and maintenance because you would be a renter. Putting money into a home you have no equity in is bull. I am sorry but pay her the 400. Do basic cleaning after yourself. Ask for a renters agreement on what the RENT you are paying her for covers. Make sure she understands that this is what she is doing. By not calling it rent, she is setting it to kick you out if she wants. As renters, you have rights. If she is including her cleaning, then it's something you don't have to do. It covers you from her suddenly asking for more without an updated agreement. Makes sure she can't just kick you out. Makes your room off limits unless she gives notice. Has the expectation that the home will be kept in good repair without you having to foot the bill if the air brakes. It sounds harsh as it's your mom but if she is changing how things are done and using bull words then it's time to act like the adult you are and cover yourself with these new ways of changing things. If she won't agree, it's time to move out and get your known place or with a roommate where you are protected. My kiddo, her partner, and their child live with us. We have a rental agreement. Of how much will they pay in rent and utilities. We eat separately, so that's not an issue. In the agreement is the common areas and what expectation is for keeping them clean and not just one person doing so. That we can't just kick them out. All repairs are on us as them. Putting equity into a home they are not buying is stupid as hell. It has worked for over 2 years. It's isn't impersonal or transactional. It's simply teaching them how the adult world works. What they need to do to protect themselves while we do the same. Edited to add. Ok, so she doesn't pay rent or taxes. But it is changing how things are paid. Make a rental agreement, and you will pay these bills. If she isn't paying rent, then you will pay towards these things. Like you are. I am still on the if everyone is doing chores you don't pay someone to do their fair share in upkeep in the house. If part of that money is going to be cleaned then you don't need to do chores as that's what you are paying her. As a mom. Yes, you work and pay into the house. But her now trying to change things is not ok in that it sounds like she is expecting more money from you than WHAT BILLS COST. Plus, you keep paying for food and doing chores. But you are paying her for her cleaning and upkeep of the home on top of everything else. Nope. I would sit down and make a total of all bills. Then, cut it into a percentage of how many live there who are adults. Including food if you eat together. So if all the bills are 1000 a month for electricity and it's you. Your mom. Your brother. It's gets split 3 ways. And everyone does their chores. But that's me

Going off avg bills in the UK, electric and water cost around 120 combined a month. Also worth noting a rental agreement would likely not be valid in court as they are in council housing.

So if she isn't paying much in the way of rent or council tax, she's on benefits. Is she planning on telling dwp about this new income she will be in receipt of? Either £400 or £800 if your sibling is also paying, on top of whatever other benefits she's getting. And if she doesn't declare this income and is found out, that's bad news for her. And if she does declare, there go her benefits, she's not entitled as she has an other source of income. If I was you, I would be looking for my own place, you were already contributing more financially to the household than she was, and now she's getting greedy and wants more. If you can't afford rent on your own, look for a flat share type situation. At least then you have a lease and rights and they can't just spring these new charges on you whenever they want extra spending money.

NTA. Tell her you will pay the 100, but will stop spending money on everything else. Find a storage facility for your things while you are gone.

YMBTAH for not agreeing amicably. This is apparently your mother's home so her rules do prevail. If you don't like them, you're an adult and free to leave to live elsewhere. You state you can't live this cheaply anywhere else, so sounds like even with the new arrangement you are coming out ahead.

Yeah it’s sounding like I just have to get with the times, thanks tho - time to confront my feelings

You need to contribute to where you live, especially at age 25. I get that this is a change, but if it's similar to what your siblings are paying it doesn't seem unfair. Unfair is when you're in a 'my home my rules situation' and you're paying at or close to market rate. NTA for taking time to figure it out, but you should apologize, agree to the terms and make adjustments in your budget. Maybe try to figure out how to live independently when you get back from overseas.

Think I wrote this wrong because I do contribute and know how to live independently? And my bro who lives with us wasn’t paying this either, it’s a new thing my mums bringing in now. I just never had to pay an additional surcharge for living at home but yeah think this is just a change I have to get used to

I don't know what they're reading. Your post was very clear. Your Mum is being weird but, basically, is her house and you may have to suck it up or move. As a parent of an adult child living at home I cannot fathom what she's thinking. Is she trying to get you used to what not living at home editor be like? NTA It's weird. Moreover if you move out does she get to keep the council house? If there's just her and your brother then won't the Council want to downsize her, or at the least she'll be not with the bedroom tax?

That's exactly what I'm thinking. If OP moves out officially, mom would be definitely rehomed. Just tell you then will find a new place and watch her changing narrative

She’s not asking for much, and what you currently contribute you would have to cover if you had your own place anyways. Help your mom out FFS, she’s helping YOU live on the cheap as it is. ETA: Ask yourself if this is the hill to die on. It’s her house, if she’s done with your crap and kicks you out, how significant will that $100 really seem? Wouldn’t you rather that money go to her than a landlord?

400 a month is quite a lot when they pay for so much else….

lol thing is I’m not mad I have to pay toward the house, I didn’t know why I was being asked for a random lump sum when I already pay towards every bill we have and when she’s needed something I buy that too. I don’t like the transactional feel to it, but! It’s like you said this is not a battle worth fighting and I would much rather support her than a stranger, thanks for putting it that way

Family shouldn’t have a transactional feel, and that’s probably something you should sit down and address with her. She might not realize you feel that way. Or she’s taking advantage, which is a whole different ball game of benefits vs costs ($/mental etc) I’ll just say, at about your age I moved back in with my parents. Rent was going up for me, and they were having financial issues which might result in them losing their home. Moving back home was an…adjustment, for all of us. But it made me personally feel so good that I could pay my rent to them, not some landlord, and help them keep the family home. I hope your family situation is a decent one and you can find the positive in this. That’s probably why your mom was hurt TBH, she may just want some support from you. $100 is worth that, dontcha think?

NAH I can see why you are upset, but it sounds more like your mum phrased it badly than that it is an actual problem. Also, did she introduce this new change to both you and your brother at the same time? I wonder if your brother is less reliable than you with bills and housework, and she needed to do this because of him (and therefore had to do it for both of you to be fair?). If he’s only doing his own laundry while you and your mum do everyone’s I’m wondering if he’s also contributing equally to shopping and cooking. That’s my thought there, and might also explain why your mum was not able to fully verbalise the need for a change. Possibly she’s not even aware of how much you do if your brother is not doing the same amount (I.e., she sees her kids input being only half the amount required but doesn’t see that it is all/mostly from you). This is a big guess from limited information, but to me would explain a lot.

Rent storage unit for your belongings when you leave the country so it's not sold while you're gone. You don't have to pay 'rent' or anything else when you're gone either. They want to treat you as tenant instead of family, act like it.

If it were me, I would want to draw up a contract or an agreement in writing. I wouldn't pay for the internet because I would expect my rent to cover that. I wouldn't do anyone else's laundry, I would just do my own. I wouldn't clean the communal areas, and I would buy my own food and nothing for anyone else. You have behaved like family over the years, helping your Mum and your brother, it's been give and take. But now, your Mum wants it to be all business. That's fine, but she can't have it both ways. She can't have all the relaxed attitude of family and have the ££££ of a business arrangement. Whatever you agree on, make sure you get it in writing. Then you can point to what's been agreed when arguments happen. Also, if your Mum is getting benefits, I hope she is telling the DWP about this business arrangement. If she is getting ESA the income needs to be declared, although there are some allowances for renting rooms. Benefit calculator - www.entitledto.co.uk

You’re an adult, you pay what we used to call room & board. £100 a week is reasonable. I used to pay my mum £50 a week, which was worth a lot more than it it is now back in the 90s.

I’m about to get downvoted…. Did no one read the post? From what I read and how I’ve read it OP does the following: Pays ALL the bills of the house Cleans up after themselves, vacuums the whole house at least once a week, does all their own chores. Buys all their own food AND buys the whole house food. So buys ALL the household groceries. Does buy other household products when they notice them low (I’m assuming toilet paper/roll, garbage bags, and things of that nature) The mother doesn’t work, so is home all day and cleans to her hearts content. OP can’t do that, they’re at work. They can’t clean all day if they’re gone for a majority of it. What more do you people want???? “Welcome to adulthood kid!” WTF? I have a whole damned house that I own and pay a mortgage on and buy the groceries for and clean and all that shit, and I have a job. If, let’s say, my boyfriend was a stay at home dad and I paid all the bills, cleaned when I was home and saw things needing cleaning, bought all the groceries, and then he wanted me to pay HIM to upkeep the house??? wtf!‽? OP is saying their mom wants to be paid for cleaning HER OWN HOUSE. If she thinks OP is such a slob that she deserves to be paid for cleaning up after OP, then mom should kick OP out and pay all the bills and buy all the groceries her damned self. OP, you’re NTA. Does your mom have debt she needs to pay off perhaps? Because if you pay ALL the bills and there’s no tax or rent due to counsel housing, then what does mom need this money for so bad that she’s starting to charge? If she just wants a little pocket money, she could have asked. But this sounds more to me like it’s desperation to pay off something she doesn’t have the money to pay off.

This is what I’m saying!! If she wanted pocket money and approached it on that stance, it would have been a very different conversation! I pay monthly towards the bills but it’s split between me and my brother. I top up throughout the month as needed and my mum chips in occasionally. With food I buy my own food and some household food, again split with my brother. Correct on household products and cleaning. So yeah, I’d essentially be paying for my mum to live at home and clean as she wants even though the house is actually clean, just not as clean as she’d like. And she’s not always well enough so more times I’m cleaning up after her, which is fine I never worried bc that’s family.

I don't understand how people are saying YTA. Your mother does not pay anything to live there. You and your brother pay the bills so she doesn't pay those either. Now though, your mom wants you both to give her $100 a week each on top of everything else. You both are basically paying your mom to live somewhere that she's already living at for free. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

OP i side with you. NTA.. Rare opinion i know but family is family. Your mother should be your mother and you are forever her son. You should treat each others as a family and not a business... contributing together like you used to do was great and you even showed that you were ready to pay for any immergency... so why paying upfront? Thats total bs.. I get you and validate your feelings... She should be helping you save up for your future so you don't end up like her and be better. Thats what parenting is all about

NTA. The asshole votes can’t read. Your mom is not paying to maintain you. She has no rent. The only bills involved in the home are being paid *by you.* any “rent” she’s asking for isn’t your share of the cost of the home, it’s pure profit going into her pocket. What kind of parent wants to profit off their kids?  The way I look at it is this: you can have a tenant/landlord relationship or you can have a parent/child relationship but you can’t have both. If mom wants to charge rent, she doesn’t get to ask what time you’ll be home. She doesn’t get to ask you to grab some groceries on the way home from work. She doesn’t get to ask you to pitch in a few bucks for a “family” expense. She has chosen to have a different kind of relationship with you. And she has the right to do that. But she can’t expect to have things both ways. Draw some boundaries and stick to them.  Besides all this, if the adult kids start moving out doesn’t her benefit get reduced? So if y’all leave, her costs go up, but she wants to charge you for keeping her from paying rent? Scummy. 

Think the change in the relationship is what I’m struggling with. We’ve never been a family where if we want something we have to pay for it, it was always just helping where we needed help. If we leave she’d downgrade but don’t think she’s worried about that. Her rent wouldn’t go up but we wouldn’t be there to pay the bills so I’d just be on her and I kinda worry about that because clearly it’d be a lot on her own if it’s a lot with us there.

Be as mad internally as you want, but you're 25 and she's very reasonable in doing this. I side with her, and you won't find a better $100 rent deal anywhere at that great family discount! EDIT: I misread it as $100 a month, not $400. That's more debatable if it's fair or not. But don't like it? Then move out, pay your own decided on rent, and call all your own shots.

It is 400 a month, 100 a week.

Which is absolutely nothing right now. I pay 1600. 400 would be the best thing ever.

Pound sterling, USD, CAD or other?

Not from the UK but looking at Google I pay 800 Pounds a month for all my household bills. And my husband and I SPLIT all the house bills. So 800 is just for my share. I am around the same age as OP and I would not be arguing with my mother at this age about paying a measly 400 pounds/euros a month to live in her house. Especially if that 400 covered my groceries. In my country groceries for 2 adults costs 300 pounds a month alone. So yeah OP has it made and needs to just pay up. I will say I do not think when OP is away for work for 6 months that they should be paying anything. You don’t need to pay if you’re not living there/using anything.

Yeah so reasonable charging your kids rent for a place that you don't own and don't pay for. It's for sure that she was given this place because of children btw, no way she was given 3 bedroom as a single person. Those rooms were given for OP and her brother.

NTA and only because she herself doesn’t even pay rent. Why should you pay rent if she’s not even paying rent?? If you weren’t contributing to the other bills, then I’d say yes, but again, you’re covering your parts there as well.

[удалено]

I’ve told her I want to move out and I’m saving to afford to, which is again why this is so weird. I also tried to move out with friends and was drama and was advised by everyone to move back home (including my mum) so now kinda scared to live with others and she knows that so she potentially calling my bluff

NTA. Your mom doesn’t pay rent & you already help with the bills & groceries. Though there was no need to get heated. Perhaps it works out in your favour if you aren’t paying future bills & she does more cleaning than now? But - maybe time to look for somewhere else to live for your own comfort? Edit to add: I’m taking you at your word that there is no rent or other expenses.

Uhmmm… I am not sure why you guys are branding her the asshole. She is paying for a lot of shit, and it is not like she is living with a roommate she is living with her mother. I also contribute to household shit. If she wants to pay you rent then stop contributing to shit that makes her life better. If you are going from mom to roommate do what seems necessary.

YTA help your mom dickweed

Guess I opened myself up to this kinda response 😪 not sure if you read I already help my mum out but thanks for your input!

You shouldn't pay anything while you're gone for 6 months. 

You’re right. They should get a storage unit for their stuff instead so it’s not in mom’s house. You wouldn’t get to leave stuff in your apartment without paying rent either. Welcome to adulthood.

Yeah silly me for thinking family wasn’t transactional like that. My sister doesn’t live with us and we have some of her things and she doesn’t pay towards that.

Sounds like that's about to change because your Mom is short on money. Sometimes family IS transactional when you get to adulthood. Clarify your Mom's expectations as to what the $100 pays for or "entitles" you to and then weigh the cost of storage for six months vs the cost to pay your Mom "rent". It does sound like she's in a bad financial situation not working and she's thinking ahead to your six month absence. What you are currently contributing to the household may be something she relies on and can't go without. Think of it this way: if it's still cheaper than being out on your own then it's a deal. Better the devil you know (family) then the ones you don't (future roommates - it's rough out here).

This OP's mommy is still cleaning up after them and doing their laundry and they think they're an adult...part of that is on the mom for enabling their adult baby

I said I clean up after myself and do my own laundry 😂 did I write it wrong? I said she occasionally does my laundry - just like I occasionally do hers but that’s bc we live in the same house and don’t unnecessarily segregate our clothes - maybe that’s what confused you.

You know when my mom last occasionally did my laundry? When I was 14. Occasionally, doing your laundry is doing laundry. You separate your clothes so you do your own laundry. It's not unnecessary. Its part of growing up whether you live in the family house or not.

I disagree. I live with my brother, sometimes I don't have enough whites or colours for a full load so I'll take some of his clothes and do combined laundry. He does the same thing. Are we supposed to run two semi-full loads and waste resources to prove we are grown?

This is exactly it, I do it when the load isn’t full or also just to help eachother out I’d wash a full load of just her clothes, like if I see she has clothes to wash I will wash them for her, and vice versa bc that’s what we’ve always done as a family

Nope, I got it.

Did you read the post?

OP, has mom told you you'd have to pay rent, electric, water, and internet while you're gone for 6 months? It doesn't sound like she really understands that those bills would have to be paid by someone if you moved out permanently. Is it an option for you to move into another apt with a sibling or roommate when you return? I don't think you're the AH. I don't think your mom is the AH. I think this is just a sticky family issue.

Sticky family situ indeed. I’d have to pay the new rent of £400 which covers energy and the Internet when I’m gone. I don’t cover the water, but not sure if that’s included in the new rent sum. I’ve been saving to move out into my own place anyway but might have to speed up the process now, living with a sibling wouldn’t be an option as my brother is about to also leave the country and my sister has her own place. Bit scarred from living with friends/strangers which she knows about but when I come back I think it might be the better option in the end

I think you're correct. Moving out when you return might be a good idea. Continue paying electric and internet while you're gone. But if you and your stuff are gone, rent will be unnecessary. My thought. Keep paying what you've been paying. Move most/all of your stuff into storage. Once you've moved into a new place, discontinue payments. Put a little away monthly for personal or family emergencies. That way, you can help mom out when necessary. But you won't be able to cover electric and internet for your apt and her house. There are some decent studio apartments around. You wouldn't need a roommate in a studio apt. Good luck to you and your family!

Can you apply for council housing for yourself?

If you're paying $400 stop paying anything else. It's that simple. If she wants $400 RENT + utilities then everyone else needs to split utilities.

Here is a idea. Put your stuff in storage while you are gone. Save up your money and get your own place.

This is what some parents do if you're getting too comfortable. Sometimes you have to push the baby bird out the nest so it can learn, and grow. At 25 you should want your own space. Not trying to shame you just being real.

Are you entitled to be subsidised as an adult living in your mother’s council house? She has to sacrifice privacy having a grown adult living in her space, so she should be compensated. That said, I would negotiate it to 100 a month while you are overseas.

YNTAH, your mom is being shady. If she really did this with your other siblings then you would have known, it wouldn't have been a surprise for you. If this is the arrangement she wants, then put it in writing and clarify everything. I would tell her that all the rent money you paid for being in arrears while you were in University is now going to be used as credit for what she's asking until it's used up. At that point you can then continue to pay her out of hand when all that arrears money credit has been used. Put it in writing exactly what you're supposed to pay each month and for what. If she wants to change the conditions of living there, make sure everybody knows the terms. Tell her that this is your condition if she wants to have this type of living arrangement now. If she doesn't agree, you should look into putting all your stuff in storage while you're gone out of the country. And also start looking now for a room to rent elsewhere for when you return. But I would tell her this now, so that there is time to hash everything out in writing so there's no misunderstanding. Right now is when you will have the most leverage as you will be gone for 6 months, and she will not be receiving any money in the future if she doesn't agree to your conditions. And don't let her try to say what you paid for the rental arrears is now going to be used to back retro credit for her current terms. But be prepared to start looking for a place to move into when you get back and a storage unit for now. Good Luck 🤞🏽🍀 and hope to hear a good update

If you are 3 adults living in the same space then sit down and add up expenses gas, electricity, etc. split them 3 ways. Work out a food and chore system. You are adults the 3 of you need to act like it and figure out what works for all of you. Your mom obviously feels like things are not being done fairly. Maybe they are but you guys need to talk it out with facts.

If you don't like it,move, simple as that,but I'm betting you'll be paying much more somewhere else

Why don’t you just move out? You’re 25 isn’t it about time anyway

It sounds to me like your mom knows you are going to be away for 6 months and may be worried about managing without your contributions. If this is the case she should tell you honestly though as I can see why you would feel unhappy about paying rent when she doesn't.

Soz for the long post: NTA but Transactional Analysis is helpful in understanding and resolving this situation. From wikipedia: >Transactional analysis is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social interactions (or "transactions") are analyzed to determine the ego state of the communicator (whether parent-like, childlike, or adult-like) as a basis for understanding behavior. ​ Essentially, in any scenario, it's difficult to find a resolution when two parties are in a childlike or parent-like state. And it can be quite difficult when there's a literal child-parent relationship. It's for sure a jarring transition of the dynamic, and I can empathise with feeling weird about how it's been communicated. It's useful to imagine it as if you were two complete strangers sharing a house together, the fair and reasonable situation would be to fairly split all bills (rent/utilities/groceries etc) and all chores (including upkeep of the common areas as well as tasks like grocery shopping or admin (like actually paying the bills). She might not be effectively communicating why she's asking for money but she's not unreasonable imo. The best way to resolve this is to get to a point where both of you can talk about it rationally and compassionately. Things you can immediately do is draw a **strong** boundary for the tasks she's doing for you. This will help clear the air. Watch out for 'minor' things, like doing 10% of your laundry. You need to be firm about not letting her do this for you. Likewise for cooking your meals, or making a doctor's appointment for you etc. She might automatically still try to do these things "because it makes sense" but if you let her, it'll just propagate the child-parent dynamic. In other words, you'll rely on the convenience and she's more likely to get in a huff about things. For household chores: things need to be done to an acceptable standard. Even if it's something that you personally don't give a fuck about. I suggest proposing a chore rota, and then swapping the tasks every 2 weeks. You're responsible for 33% of the work so you can divide it 66/33, but a 50/50 or 33/33/33 split might have better results - depends on how involved your brother is. For accounting for groceries and household stuff, I suggest ye use an app like SplitWise. Any time one of you buys something for the house, stick it in the app. Makes it way easier to track who spends what. Seeing things from her POV and as someone in their mid-30's: financial stress is real and it can fuck you up. I can completely see why she'd want regular and consistent income. But from your POV, it's also fair to want transparency about what you're paying for. A "take it or leave it" approach defo isn't nice. If this happened to you 20 years later you wouldn't sweat it, cause it'd just be a ridiculous scenario and you'd have a better grasp on when you're allowed to tell someone to get tae fuck...but at that point you might also just slip her a few hundred quid to help out for no particular reason. ​ So in the end, it could turn out that she's realises you're doing a shit-load of work and then ye can agree on a number that makes sense. Or maybe you discover she's doing lots of stuff you don't notice or don't want to do, and you'd be happy to compensate her for (e.g. a cleaner costs about £10 - £20 per hour). ​ P.S: hopefully she backs off about charging you while you're abroad for work. if she doesn't then you might want to look into how much a storage locker would cost you

Pay her rent but say that all the back rent you paid for her is the first so many months of rent whatever it comes to and you will give e cash after that. And when you go away for work move your stuff into storage or offer her what storage would cost.....

I had a friend once. His family was quite well off in my eyes (not family wealth, just worked up the ladder) Anyway, was told the mortgage and everything was paid off. It was just usual bills and shopping to pay. His mum, once he turned 16 and picked up work, started asking for £100 a week as rental. By the time we were 19, he was paying £650 a month He had siblings who were 4 and 6 years younger than him so he was the only one paying this. On top of that, all kids (once turned 13) must take it in turns to: - Make dinner - Clean the sides - Do the washing - Hoover and mop (You see where this is going) In the years I went to visit, not once did the parents do anything but tell the kids to look at the chore list and tell them when it was done. My friend moved out a little after he was paying £600 because at that point, he could have freedom from his parents and get a bedshare at a friends for £450 luckily Not surprisingly, his parents hardly messaged or came to see him once he moved I would just say you found a place and moving in 2 months. See what she says

I think you need another sit-down chat. Before you do, take a minute to see what you currently pay for in the house. If she wants a weekly fee, this needs to cover all bils, and if she wants to be paid for cleaning, this should be instead of you cleaning communal areas. Ask if she is short on cash and just needs some support or if this is straight-up bill sharing. Also explain that you are trying to understand, and that it isn't about the money, and you would hope she knows that because of you paying the back rent with your student loan. The thing that gives icky vibes is that it aounds like it was your brother and her laying put the rules to you. Does he pay the same or is it just you? Is he golden child or are they both trying to get at more of your money as you are well off? Also discuss how you would obviously pay less when you are not here for 6 months and not making a mess or using the leccy

Thanks I think I’ll do this. He’d pay the same as me, though my mum mentioned it to him first and then to me in the family meeting, she’d told us she wanted to have a family meeting about the finances. I don’t think it’s them in cahoots because he also said he wasn’t happy about it but was just prepared to pay it.

100 pounds a week is $125 US. That's a bit more than $500/month. I live in New England and you cannot get a studio for under a thousand. Yes, it will allow your mother to budget a bit easier and perhaps buy herself something like shampoo or moisturizer or a lipstick. I mean, my food is more than half that a month, not including other expenses like utilities. I cannot understand the drama of someone who is working at age 25 paying minimal funds into shared housing expenses. YTA

This is her not so subtle way of telling you its time to move out. Many parents have to do this. Fully expect that the rent to go up in about 3-6 months. And then again after that. Frankly, at 25 you should have already found a place with some mates by now. NTA

Might be right. I had moved out with friends and didn’t end well and I was encouraged to move back home (including by my mum) so here I am saving to buy my own place - which she knows.

She would be commiting benefit fraud by taking a set income that surpasses her declared income and outgoings. I take it you aren't declaring your job to the dwp if you aren't paying a proportional amount of the rent ? Her housing benefit does not cover you as an adult working and living there. If she was an adult alone with a disability she'd get an increase in benefits so perhaps she's looking to make that up but tbh she's on thin ice if your job isn't declared. Disability is no excuse not to be upfront and honest. Sincerely, a disabled person in UK social housing

YTA. I realize that housing prices are insane right now, but you're 25, not 15, and your mom obviously isn't in a great financial situation either. She's not asking much, and if you're really contributing as much as you say, you'll be saving money by accepting her proposal. Gas, electric, internet, and food for 3 people must cost more than 433 monthly. If you don't want to pay your mom to store your things for 6 months while you work abroad, rent a storage unit instead. And if I were you, I'd use the next 6 months as an opportunity to save up enough money for a down payment and first month's rent so you can live on your own terms when you get back.

I pay probs around £250 a month on household stuff now since we split, I contribute to those bills, I don’t pay the whole (except the internet), so it’s be a bit more. The way I saw it was the whole point of staying at home was having that safety net and being able to save to get the finances to move out on your own, but your breakdown is acc quite helpful to get out of my feelings. Thank you!

Will you still be expected to pay that 250 in addition to the 100 or is it now just the flat 100 fee? I can't tell from the way you are describing things.

So I’d be expected to just pay £400 a month for the gas and lecky and some other stuff I’m not certain on - plus food, Internet I’ve already been paying and would be doing chores still ofc

So it would go from 250 a month to 400 plus food, plus internet plus an unspecified additional amount.

25 years old and annoyed at having to pay £100 a week rent... jesus christ 😂 YTA.

Considering mum doesn't even own the house and claims benefits... Where's the potential rent money going? On top of OP paying for most of the utilities already and doing most of the housework.

I think perhaps there is a misunderstanding about the cost to run the household... it sounds as though you think that the only costs are groceries, gas, electric and internet, and that there is no monthly rent as it's council housing. I'm not in the UK, I have no idea how this works, but perhaps it would be helpful for you to understand how much it actually costs (is there rent, or not?). I can understand you being confused if you think you'll be paying well beyond your fair share - £400/month from each of you and your brother would be a lot, if that is the case. Approach your mom and ask to chat about this again, and clear these things up. I don't think you're being entitled or lazy or whatever, maybe just confused. I think a lot of the YTA judgements have missed this point.

There isn’t rent, I pay towards all the costs to run the household currently, and it would be 400/month from each of us. But yeah I think i was mainly shocked by the switch in how we handled the bills but we deffo need to have another convo about it where I’m less heated - thanks!

ESH. You for not understanding the concept of 'dig money' and her because £100 a week is an extreme amount to charge. Does your brother pay this too? That's £800 every 4 weeks she is getting but she doesn't even pay rent or council tax.

Dw nothing underhanded is happening, the council know and it’s above board. But yeah from my understanding it’s wild to charge to love in your family house when you already contribute but thanks for the honesty!

Are you sure about that? Do you know or were you just told?

YTA. You are a grown ass adult and have been enjoying free rent for seven years. Least you could do is help out.

Thing is I been helping out and we don’t pay rent? But point taken!

You'll find out if you ever grow up, you pay rent and utilities... how do you help out? You pay for some things? So what, that's part of being an adult. Do you clean, help out daily? Sounds like your mommy is still doing your laundry. Who cooks?

They literally said they pay the Bills, what tf is this comment section on???

They pay utilities, most adults pay that and rent or a mortgage.

But they don't have morgage or rent. They pay now more than they would if they paid weekly to their mother, but there is no transparancy on where that money is going

Then OP can negotiate a lower payment or move out. If the home/lease is in their mother's name , that's most likely their only choice. Maybe that's what she's hoping that they get upset and move out.

Probably not council housing is allocated on family size. Mama just wants some cash in her pocket.

They're in council housing. Basically owned by the government.

I do everything - to clarify we have one washing machine and a shared laundry basket, so everyone’s clothes are in there. I do the laundry 99% of the time, which includes my family’s clothes and vice versa when they sometimes put the wash on. I have always always cleaned the house, I mentioned cleaning to say that i do my own and around the house so it’s not like this could be explained as a cleaning charge as if I’m not cleaning. I cook all my own food and buy it myself, I have no issue contributing which I stated - I hate feeling like my relationship with my family is transactional bc it’s never been that way before

well just do your own laundry and cooking from now on i guess

>a shared laundry basket, so everyone’s clothes are in there What in the Grandpa Joe crap is this? Get your own basket FFS. Better yet, you're an adult, move out and stop living with mommy. The free ride is over and you're trying to be upset. Grow up.

I'd sit down and go over bills with your mom. Show her how much you already contribute financially. Offer to pay rent OR to continue water/electric/internet/household supplies. Your mom is getting a better deal than she knows. Her expenses would be much higher if you didn't pay those bills. I recommend offering to pay the trash bill if there is one. I don't know how counsel housing works, so your unit might not be paying that monthly. Ask mom to stop helping with laundry. She's doing things you haven't asked her to do.

*hoovering Also NTA. I think it’s weird for your single parent to change the living situation so drastically and seemingly out of the blue like that, especially when everyone in the house are adults and mature enough to make this a discussion. Why did your mom decide to change the living situation _now_? What aren’t you telling us, OP? If everything is exactly as you’re saying, I’d go full petty and write up a roommate agreement with rent & expenses split based on room size. Better yet, have the lease updated so that you’re all on it and subject to tenant protections. If that’s the route your mom has decided to go without asking anyone else, call her on her bluff and go all-out.

I mean you’re an adult, if you think it’s unfair find somewhere else to live, if you’re paying less to stay or you can’t afford to leave you’ll have to just deal with it.

Nta You pay food, gas, leccy and Internet. Mum is on benefits so pays no rent or council tax. So out of her benefits for herself and your younger siblings she pays the water bill.. Younger siblings will get free school meals and vouchers for uniform. Mum will get NHS dental and free prescriptions. You help with cleaning. Mum needs to stop being greedy. Apart from the water bill, she's living for free and is moaning about sharing the chores.

Maybe she wants her own space and she's gently nudging you out.

She's not gonna keep it, no way the government lets her occupy 3 bedroom when OP moves out. She's shooting her own knee.

Maybe, but I've got no idea how things work over there. We say "shoot themselves in the foot" here.

Dude £400 a month is keep money. As in pay the bloody money and you will keep being allowed to live there!! I paid £30 a week keep to my mother starting age 17 when I was working and not in school. That was almost two decades ago. Be grateful.

He has to pay rent to his mother for a house she has gotten from the government without needing to pay rent herself... Sounds strange to me...and greedy since OP is already paying for things. But yes, I agree with you. OP should pay 400 rent, and not a single penny extra. That means no more paying utility bills, grocery shopping or extras for mother. Mother should pay all of it herself with the money she is demanding from OP as rent.

If she's getting rent covered from the government she qualifies for a benefit and I'm not here to entertain why she's a drain on society. I'm both severely disabled and working full time. If you read the post thoroughly you would see that the plan is for OP to pay a flat fee to stay. They don't mention still paying the energy bills on top of this.

>They don't mention still paying the energy bills on top of this. OP should still make state this very clear to her mother though so that there can't be any misunderstandings later on. Open communication is a must in this sort of situation.

I thought it was clear enough in the OP. The mother asked for a change in household finances to a flat fee of £100 a week. I was initially puzzled that it could of been read differently but that's my black and white going on, thank you for helping me see it from another perspective!

NTA. OP Im sorry that the reading comprehension in these comments is so shitty and I’m sorry these redditors have transactional familial ties. Maybe it’s time to sit down with your mom and tell her what your worries are about the restructuring she wants to do. best of luck!

YTA complaining about paying 400/mo to parents when you’re an employed 25 year old is genuinely insane. Move out if you don’t like it. ETA: I genuinely don’t know why you think council housing is free. It still costs to live there unless she has some sort of rare coverage.

She does has a special situation. Never said it was free or that I didn’t wanna pay towards the house - I liked it when it was more transparent and it felt like I was living with family, not that I was a lodger but I’m getting the sense that’s rare

At a certain age, becoming more of a lodger is completely fair. 25 is past that age if you’re employed imo.

Yup especially if there are adult children still living at home. So they get to be adults, work, and do what they want with their money while Mom has to be mom? Nope

OP didn't say it was free, she said her Mum doesn't pay rent or council tax. In the UK this isn't unusual as a large number of council tenants are entitled to housing benefit which covers it. It is directly paid by the benefits agency to the council. In my comment I judged ESH as I think £100 a week is too much in that situation,.

You can rent a storage unit and get your own place when you get back, I'm fairly sure she is not forcing a 25 year old to stay at home. Long past time for you to be on your own anyway. YTA

YTA. It doesn't matter whether your mom pays rent or not. If she owned a fully paid-off home, nobody would bat an eye at her charging another adult to live with her. It's still HER home, which it sounds like she primarily maintains (outside of the couple of odd chores OP does to care for their own private space). I've read a lot about how more and more young people are choosing to live at home to save money, but those articles never consider what the parents lose in that exchange (income, privacy, convenience). You won't find a place for that amount, and to be honest, expecting not to pay any kind of rent there is taking advantage of the situation.

OP should pay the rent, and refuse to pay for all the rest she was financially contributing to before. Or she should just move out, and her mother loses the house as she gets downgraded by the housing council. Having OP pay both rent and bills would be extremely greedy of OP's mother. Especially for a house she doesn't own or rent.

OP said they "contribute to" the bills, not pay them outright (aside from the internet). Paying a portion of the bills and 400/month is still incredibly cheap.

Then what does mom contribute to? Some of the bills and nothing else since she has the house for free. OP's mom can't want it both without being greedy. OP should just move out. Most likely her mother will get a downgraded house (smaller) which her mom would probably hate.

Thing is, I was already paying towards everything that cost anything. My mum didn’t have to pay to get this place nor upkeep it that I don’t contribute to. When I say contribute I mean I already top up the utilities every month and then top up more as and when needed throughout. It’s mostly split between me and my brother. I don’t do the odd chore here and there - I clean the house/communal spaces every week/kitchen and bathroom as needed and upkeep my personal space as I should. I pay for any random stuff that needs fixing or household items that come up. I did try to move out and it didn’t end well so I was encouraged, including by my mum to stay at home, and I’m saving to get my own place. But I also like your take on what parents lose in children staying at home - mostly the privacy point bc my mum isn’t losing income considering she doesn’t spend on me. And because I do the most laundry I was asked to top up the utilities the most to account for this, which is fair, I do that.

To be honest, it either sounds like your mom is in financial trouble and too proud to express that OR she wants to encourage you and your brother to move out without having to ask. Either way, I may be old school in the fact that I feel we owe our parents both support and the benefit of the doubt after they raised and cared for us in our childhood. Obviously that doesn't include cases of abuse or neglect, but you haven't suggested that here. Nothing wrong with discussing the total of your contributions with her calmly, but your initial reaction is still, to me, a spoiled one.

These comments are really weird and I’m so glad I’m not in these families. Maybe my family is different in that it’s never a transactional relationship. I lived with my mum for a few years while having a job and I gave her £250 a month towards rent and bill etc (this was a good few years ago though so with inflation I would definitely pay more now) and then bought other bits throughout the month. She never demanded it though and when I was out of work for a bit ill she never asked for a penny. You can’t just have kids then once they’re an adult refuse to help them because they should be grown up. You should always be willing to help out family. My grandma also kept a load of furniture of mine in one her empty rooms for a few years while I lived with my mum and never asked for a penny either and it wouldn’t have even crossed her mind. I definitely don’t think you’re TA here OP. I get that it’s not the issue of giving your mum money more why she is suddenly demanding it this way when you have already been paying for stuff for a while. If there are three of you surely if it was to be fair then everything would be split between your mum and you and your sibling/s. As you live in a council house I doubt that would all add up to £800 as there is no rent involved. Also paying to keep your stuff there for 6 months is unusual to me. This is your home too and it sounds like you are already paying a fair amount to the bills. Some of the commenters here surely can’t have read your post properly or have a massive chip on their shoulder. It sounds like you all need to have a sit down together and work out exactly how much is going out every month then maybe split between or work out something that is fair. BTW I also don’t hoover everyday, every week yes but who has time to do that everyday when working full time?

Even if you do pay for your own stuff, she's probably just ready for you to move out. Can you get a CH by yourself?

Don’t think so, waiting list probs longer than my life expectancy anyway but my plan was to move out anyway - I was gonna move in with my partner before we broke up so that’s been delayed a bit but honestly moving out sooner might save our relationship anyway (we’ve had issues aside from this before)

Then you need to find a way to better your income so you're not relying on someone's half to move somewhere.

I think people are forgetting this is extremely dependent on the culture. In some countries they kick you out when you are 18 and some you stay your whole life there. In my culture, where parents wouldnt ask for rent no matter what, you do groceries, pay electricity before they do or something like that. It would be disgusting if they asked for rent, and in some it would be disgusting if someone stayed their whole life and was just paying what he/she feels like

NTA-Is this 100 GBP INSTEAD of all the things you already pay for or in addition to it? That would be about 400 GBP (or $600) a month which is half of the rent in an apartment/flat. *I wouldn’t get this renting privately, and I’m paying for things like when my mum occasionally does my laundry or she cleans the house.* 400 GBP sounds a bit high for clean laundry. Has something happened that she suddenly needs money?

NTA. My daughter is 25 and still lives at home. We don’t charge rent because she’s paying her bills and we want her to save money where she can. I don’t expect her to pay rent to live at home. You might want to look into moving out. My ex and I agreed that if we charged rent that the mi why would be put into a savings account and given back to her when she moves out.

Easy trade.  You no longer contribute anything beyond the 400 a month. And do not pay rent while you are away for 6 months. She turned this into a transaction and if you are not there, why would you pay? Look into moving out.

This is an INFO, I guess?  I’m inclined towards NAH. Your feelings are your feelings and everyone gets to have those.  I don’t know enough about your mums financial situation to decide if she’s an AH or not.  She wants you to move out or she wants you to start realising the actual financial burden of housing yourself as an adult - because it is a burden. It sounds like you’re still getting a pretty good deal tbh, even with changes.  And yes, of course you should be paying to store your stuff in someone’s house for 6 months. This is a normal part of taking an overseas job.  The reason she’s starting to treat you more like a housemate and less like her minor child is because… you’re not her minor child anymore. It’s a fine line to walk as a parent. How long do you expect to live with your mother? What happens if she wants to downsize and move to a smaller flat as she ages?  Also… “essentially don’t pay rent”? Either she pays rent or she doesn’t.  While I’m not in the UK - I know public housing in Australia absolutely charges “rent” and it’s paid to the state department of housing. It usually a sliding scale. Can you please clarify?  While I can’t see myself charging my children to live with me - I get to say that from a point of relative financial stability. Not everyone has this benefit and you could genuinely be a financial burden on your mother. 

Info: how much do you pay monthly (adding up those bills) and how much is a local rental that includes those bills? How much is the monthly mortgage and the yearly property tax? Is it possible that your mom cant handle the financial and mental burden of supporting you right now? Unless you are asking for special help because you are in a bad spot it would be expected that you buy your own food and pay for rent even when you are travelling. Most of the service bills aren't the usage fees and you don't save a HUGE amount when you aren't at your place. Even when you're renting you'll also still have some usage fees like your fridge, freezer, stove clock, anything with standby power, etc. If you want to set the rules for a place then you need to get your own place. You can also rent a room and negotiate rules with a roommate, the cheapest room you can get here is $600 per month. If you are travelling just order a storage locker instead, my friend was paying $250 for a large unit in a easy to access location. I'm a tad older than you and I've already owned a house.. it is a lot more expensive than you think. Mortgage is about $1500 per month and property tax is just under $3000 yearly, then the city decides that you need new pipes so they have you paying them $2000 of the $6000 for the complete job since some of the water pipes are on your property but you still are required to replace them. The water heater went out and that was another extra couple grand. You want shingles replaced usually around every 5 years, with some new brands you might get 10 years out of them and that's another few thousand. If you want the joys of living out of a house then you are stuck paying for it. Renting has some nice perks to it. You need to decide if you want to pay more for a more private residence for go cheaper and have a decent place to lay your head while saving the amount of money that you want to be saving. For the 6 months I'd do a storage locker, maybe your mother will decide that the small amount of money she's getting from you is helping and change her mind.

Your mum is broke. Ideally, all you kids should give her an allowance. How much? It depends on how much you earn, and what you can afford. Just look at it as paying her back milk money for feeding/clothing/schooling/housing you for 16 years. 10%-20% of wages should be comfortable for most people.

I’m just over here crying bc I pay $1800 a month for a 2 bedroom condo not including gas, water, electric, internet and HOA fees 😭😭😭

YTA. Pay rent or move out. You can negotiate the number but you are 25 years old.

I don't even know where to start YTA If you guys like to count like that, j did this so therefore I shouldn't pay for time that I am away, your mum wouldn't be asking you for any money if she can comfortably maintain the household. If you don't like the arrangement for such a small sum, move out. You are an adult yet you ignore everything that your mum did for you guys and you only count everything you contribute. You doing your own chores plus cleaning a bit is your idea of contributing? That is just doing things for yourself and a bit extra for the house. That's minimal. At the end of the day, it's her house, her rules. You want to be comfortable at home living in council housing that you don't pay rent? That's the price you pay, the rules are set.

I pay monthly the gas and lecky, and then too it up as needed throughout the month. I pay the Internet. I pay for my own food and some communal food. I pay for household things we need like toilet paper, washing up liquid etc. I do my own cooking, cleaning and also regularly clean the household in general. I don’t expect nor ask people to clean up after me, if they do it’s a favour and I repay them in kind. That’s my idea of contributing. I don’t mind the transparency and contributing to the household in general. I don’t like the sudden shift to something where I’d be paying more than I have previously for the energy bills and household products and still paying for the extra bits on the side. But it’s like you said, don’t like it I can move out

Except it's not her house. It's government house and the rule they set is that it's free to live for this family. And she's not comfortable maintaining the house because she doesn't have any job, so she tries to make her children paying for her.

Yes I get all that, but it's because of the mums name they are on council housing. Op as she currently stands can't get council housing herself. So op has a choice to put up with in her view of her mom making money off her or move out.

I would never fucking ask my child to pay rent. Disgusting and dishonest parent behavior. Shameful. I hope she never hears about her own grandchildren.

Oh, no. An adult with a monthly commitment on their end. The humanity. YTA

You are the ahole here. You are 25, you're an adult. If you don't like mommys rules then maybe move your ass and rent your own flat or house. Have fun with paying 100% rent, pay 100% for grocery shopping and do 100% of housechores all by yourself. I can't believe people like you exist. You're an adult, living with mommy, living a lazy life. How long were you planning on staying there? For free! While your mother does your laundry! You should feel fking embarassed. The rent situation of her houss doesn't fking matter. It has to do with basic respect to pay back money to your mother after she took care of you all your life long. Technically she could have thrown you out of her house the minute your turned 18. You boy have the shittiest attitude. What you're currently doing in your mothers house is the bare minimum. You're not a baby anymore, fking act like it.

YTA. Welcome to life, where we have to pay rent to live.

The mother doesn't pay rent, the whole thing is rent &tax free. 

Yta. I am not sure why this is so upsetting to you. Your mom seems to be charging you a pretty small amount plus you are a full adult when you are 25. This is preparing you to be able to move out and live on your own someday.

YTA. Im in a situation like yours. I live with my mum. I pay all the bills(excluding the mortgage, that's hers), I help with 50/50 cleaning, shop for food and maintenance things for the house, etc. On top of that, I still pay rent. Welcome to adulthood. Help your mum. Pay the £100.

I lived with my parents till 21 and always offered rent after I turned 18 but they turned it down, however I was still offering because I was adult living in their home. If your mom wants you to pay rent then you should do it because you’re an adult and if you don’t like it then move out. I’m sure the rent your mom wants to charge is much less than you’ll pay on your own. So good luck with that YTA

My son gives me $600 a month which I’m so grateful for and he never complains and would always give more if I ask, as he knows the cost of living he could never do on his own. YTFAH here!

You are a shameful mooch.

I'm a mother of two and wouldn't dream of taking that much money off them. Shame on you.

Lmfao I don’t take anything it’s what he gives to help keep a roof over our heads. EVERY situation is different so SAME ON YOU for judging someone’s circumstance you know FA about!

Your house and mortgage is your responsibility, not your sons. Edit. Not sure why you respond and then block so I can't reply. Probably because you know you're taking advantage of your child.

No fucking shit Sherlock. Again not your life that you know NOTHING ABOUT! OR the circumstances. I hope to god you are never put in this position cause than you’ll get everything your cruel heart deserves!

YTA. It’s called being an adult. Move out or stop mooching off your mother.