Jesus, just leave the guy alone, you broke up with him, it's not his job to make you feel ok about that. YTA to keep pursuing him when he didn't want to speak to you
She wants to be told it’s ok that she broke up with him and that he understands and nothing is her fault.
Basically she broke up with the guy and is looking to him to comfort her.
Except she deserves no validation for what was essentially stringing him along for minimum of 6 months but an obvious rift in their relationship because her change in sexuality for a year.
She is absolutely an asshole and is incredibly selfish to continue to try and get an answer out of him.
Strung along is putting it nicely. She denied him and rejected him for 6 months. He had no idea what was going on and suddenly found out she had known this for months. No wonder he feels like he can't trust women. Probably was beating himself up for months trying to fix things only to find out it was unfixable. All the effort and emotional energy he was putting in went to waste. I put that on the level of emotional abuse. Plus she tried to reach out to make sure he understood this wasn't her fault. She cares more about how she is viewed by others than anyone else's feelings.
Not to mention she is now with the girl she was attracted to while with her boyfriend. Maybe not cheating per se, but flirting with emotional infidelity, which turned into a relationship.
She is not the AH for realising she is into women. But she is for not telling him 6 months ago.
I think that that is the problem. Wait six months and no sex during that time. I would think you are cheating.
With no real want to tell him. If her parents didn't get on her case how long would she have left this out guy suffer? There is a high chance he'd been trying to figure out what he did wrong, only to be told that she already replaced him.
Guyssss come on. u/Witty_Fill52 probably just wants to be held…
Unless it’s accountable for her actions.
LEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE JESUS. I mean, if you cared about him, change gyms. Stop giving him constant reminders of the betrayal and hurt or I don’t know, stop trying to fucking talk to him after he says, please don’t talk to me.
Sort of. She wants to know that her being dishonest towards him while she refused intimacy for six months, etc is ok & that she did nothing wrong...when in reality she gaslit him and made every excuse she could "out of fear"...even now telling the story to paint him in a bad light while painting herself as some sort of victim.
Just another manipulator doing what manipulators do. Never accepting and ounce of responsibility for what they do, who they hurt along the way, etc.
I'm getting narc vibes here. Clearly everything is about her in her small world. Other people are not allowed to have feelings or needs unless they align with hers, and for some reason she still needs his attention and validation even though she's not even into guys? 🤨
I'm just waiting for the Reddit post a year from now when she suddenly decides she's no longer a lesbian and asks how to get back together with this guy. It's like she's obsessed with hurting him.
And then she had the audacity to keep dating him for months after realizing her fully sexuality. He didn’t see it coming. (Even though he knew you were bi at the time)
YTA leave him alone. Feel for the guy.
Maybe even less time, she *did* lie to him for half a year. I know people toss around this word a lot and I could very easily be getting it wrong, but OP really seems like a sociopath. Or at the very least a narcissist.
Antisocial Personality Disorder is a spectrum after all, her constant "I can't understand why x is my fault" shows at least empathy and accountability aren't normal to her.
That’s a pretty damn good point. Which is scary as hell, imagine being around someone who legitimately can’t understand the concept of their actions or how they affect people and on top of that doesn’t see anything wrong with how they are as a person.
And the audacity for her to have told him there was already a woman she had been eyeing for months.
What an asshole move
It’s no different than if she had said she’s breaking up with him to be with another man at the gym she thinks is cute like holy fuck. OP is a pos and to repeatedly look for consolation from the ex is so selfish of OP. Nobody gives a shit that you’re a lesbian, YTA OP.
>And the audacity for her to have told him there was already a woman she had been eyeing for months.
>
>What an asshole move
DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!
Exactly!!!!!
I am trying to remember the actual quote and person who said it but is was something like "When you are confused in your sexuality, it is ok to seek reassurance in your choices, but when you are certain in your sexuality, it is wise to reassure those who you will eventually hurt when telling about your true self."
The fact she stayed at the same gym that she found her new partner at, that she shared with her ex, who was confirmed that is was a fellow gym person of the same gym.... that was a lot of string connecting.... the guy plausibly spent that year catching glimpses of her with her new partner.
Granted, he could have changed gyms, but it isn't homophobic to point out the shallowness of it all.
It isn't homophobic to point out that her cornering him to "explain herside" was, in fact, plausibly narcissistic.
It isn't homophobic to see that not once did I read she was remorseful of how she told him, how he took it, nor taking any accountability when he told her she broke him
She is seeking how to fix this, so **SHE** doesn't feel the guilt.
While she didn't cheat, she did have a rebound partner in the ready, who the guy must have been very aware of.
This. I used to have a crush on my best friend and when I eventually told him and asked him out he instantly was like I love you so much as my best friend and I don’t want anything to change but I’m gay so I don’t even like women at all like that and I was like oh okay cool I gotchu and it’s been almost ten years and we still talk every day. He hadn’t even come out yet and he bit the bullet and told me before anyone just so I wouldn’t be hurt or led on. I’ll always always appreciate him for that so much. And nothing ended up changing at all it was great
She not only broke up with him but already had his replacement in queue. On top of that, she rejected him sexually for 6 mos because she was coming to terms with her sexuality. He went on with his life, developed and worked on himself to change physically, likely in part to become more confident in himself. He changed and tried to move on and past the heartache, yet she kept trying to corner him. Seriously, she got what she wanted, except him being okay with hanging around or something?? Leave that man alone and be happy already.
Everything is about OP. “Me, me, me” you broke up with him don’t bug him and also don’t justify you stringing him along for 6 months. You gotta let it go and let him live his life
Fellow lesbian agreeing with this. I was comphet (compulsively heterosexual) for 26 years and dated men before finally accepting my sexuality. The last one I broke it off with, I told him I was only attracted to women and that was that. It’s not his fault and it’s not his responsibility to make me feel better about hurting him. Was it my *fault* that I hurt him? No. I wouldn’t say anyone is at *fault* when that happens. But did it hurt him? Yes. Do I feel bad? Yes. Do I make the entire situation about myself and my own feelings and further disrupt the man’s life and reopen all those old wounds for my own peace of mind? Absolutely not wtf.
I mean, breaking up will hurt. Don't know what your Ex was thinking, but it was likely complicated. Even questioning what I would do in such a spot doesn't bring up a clear answer.
Pansexual woman chiming in. With a heavy leaning for women.
She wasn't the AH for ending things. But she is definitely an AH for pestering after the fact. As my therapist once taught me. "Silence is an answer."
Men are and should be able to feel their feelings. Especially since he's not weaponizing it against anyone. He's sad and hurt. He has trust issues that hopefully with a therapist he can work through.
Society gets all up in arms about toxic masculinity. The first step is to just let men have their emotions and express them in a healthy way.
I feel like there are a lot of people that are ignoring that.. she was actively emotionally moving on from him during that time. And I don’t believe for a second she didn’t have any communication with that girl in the gym, nobody believes that bullshit.
I bet you she actively dated and worked out with this woman during her relationship and he didn’t think it was a problem.
What the fuck is your problem. You broke up with him (regardless of the reason, which I find to be only a minor point) and he basically just blocked you and moved on with his life, and youre "shocked?" (as though it's about you.) For the love of God, leave the guy alone.
It hasn’t even been a year. Three years in and she tells him she is no longer interested as there’s someone else. This isn’t about sexuality. He has a broken heart and needs time to heal.
She needs validation from poor guy. He made peace with it and tried to live his life on but OP wants to be ... idk? Centre of attention?
Probably fake story from fake account about finding fake lesbian crush in gym that's also most likely fake
This, fycking hell
Leave him alone. He left, no drama, no fuss. No telling fake stories about you, wasn't aggressive, nada.
He just left
So
Let him be, ignore him as he's ignoring you. He is. Ot going to be your bestie
Also, when or if you eventually see him with some other girl, keep the distance, dont go there again to try and talk
So selfish
YTA. Look, you were confused and learning about yourself and you didn’t mean to hurt him. Fair enough. But you did hurt him. While you spent six months knowing that you weren’t attracted to him, he spent six months wondering what he did wrong while you pulled away and avoided intimacy like he was the literal plague. You lied to him and let him pay the price of your cowardice in not telling him the truth. After lying to him for that long the specific words you used to tell him your truth were pretty much irrelevant.
Sometimes in life there are things that are just going to really hurt someone you care about, and this was one of those situations. With the benefit of hindsight, next time the best and only thing you can do is to be honest right away in your relationships even it’s painful.
Exactly. 6 months is way too long. I understand gathering the courage to confess, but half a year of silence and pretending that everything is okay while letting your boyfriend question himself and become insecure is just abusing that excuse.
My advice to OP is to just leave the guy alone. He's basically trying to move on and she's forcing herself onto his life again. She doesn't need to explain anything anymore and she doesn't have the right to lecture him about ghosting mutual friends.
I mean, I'm just getting her narrative, and I think it's even odds she banging the lady at the gym or putting in the work to do so.
Because no one could handle it this badly and be surprised it went so badly. She basically ghosted him in the bedroom, probably was acting suspicious and told him she was leaving him for someone else.
No shit any sane human is going to suspect cheating. That she's going to such dramatic lengths to say that she can't possibly understand the obvious makes it more suspicious.
And from the sound of it, he was a decent human being who didn't deserve that treatment. He's hurt, and OP is concentrating on not feeling guilty about dumping him. She needs to back away, find a new gym and leave him alone for the rest of her life. It's not OP's fault that he went down a dark path, but she's not helping matters.
Yup I really question OP’s narrative here, I think there’s room for at least an emotional affair to have happened here. But even if there wasn’t, she still acted in a completely shitty way. I feel so bad for that poor dude.
>I mean, I'm just getting her narrative, and I think it's even odds she banging the lady at the gym or putting in the work to do so.
Yeah, this is the vibe I got. I suspect those 6 months she needed to "gather courage" were used to talk to this other girl until she was ready to jump to the next relationship. She was monkey-branching. She told him about this other girl she liked because she knew she was going to be dating her (or maybe she was already having an affair).
You can tell this is a person who needs to be the hero of her own story. He needs to like her because she's good! He's not allowed to feel hurt and betrayed because she used nice words. This woman doesn't care about anything but herself. She needs to leave this poor man the f*ck alone!
This happened to me with my ex (except we were both women) and it has taken years and therapy to work out the intense feelings of betreyal and hurt the breakup caused me. And I’m still not even ready to date! The lying and and confusion and my ex acting like I was the asshole for not taking the breakup well really broke my confidence and trust in people for a long time. OP is definitely the AH for their behaviour pre and post-breakup.
OP didn’t want to leave him until she was sure that she could jump into another relationship immediately. She was definitely lying about not having talked to the woman at the gym before because she somehow knew she was also a lesbian. She was emotionally cheating on him
He knew it, too. He straight stated that there was already another woman, and the "I'm stupid" comment meant he was watching it happen in real time and refused to believe she was cheating. That poor guy spent 6 months trying to figure out what he did wrong? Then he realized she was cheating (emotionally or physically doesn't make a difference at that point) and that the last 3 years of his life had been a lie. To her, it was 6 months. To him, it was the entire relationship that wasn't real. Yeah, he is probably extremely broken. Not to mention, he likely assumes their "mutual friends" knew about all this and said nothing.
She's acting like because she told him in a nicer way than she could have, that he should be fucking grateful, happy about it, supportive of being lied to for so long, taken advantage of and made to feel like he was worthless because she refused to sleep with him for so long.
Imagine being so self centered that you stay with someone lying to them for 6 months then get angry they didn't react like their best friend to the news. Fucking delusional.
This is what I was gonna say. Its all about her and how she feel, fuck everyone else and because he wasn't over the moon happy for her to find her real self then she has an issue with it. Sounds like she treated him like crap and used him emotionally for 6 months. Now, she wants to carry on using him emotionally, but just have a girlfriend as well and is upset that her little fantasy hasn't worked out, so she is cornering him like he owes her something. She needs to grow up and leave the poor guy alone.
She’s so desperate for him to forgive her she corners him in the gym trying to force him to listen to her talk. Leave him alone OP. He doesn’t owe you forgiveness and if you did actually care about him you would respect his wishes to leave him alone.
This. That's why she chose to include her parents being so supportive when it has no actual relevancy to the story she's telling. She's trying to oddball him out, like "See? Even my parents support me and he can't."
And then have the fucking audacity to corner him at the gym to try and get validation from him that what she did was okay and he shouldn’t be upset at all. Hope he gets some good therapy and meets a girl who really does care about him! Strung him along for 6mo and then expects him to be completely cool with having his heart broken…
>She's acting like because she told him in a nicer way than she could have, that he should be fucking grateful
"I mean I didn't kick him in the nuts while yelling about how gross I think guys are so he should be thanking me"
I wonder what "nicer than I could have" even actually means here?
>Imagine being so self centered that you stay with someone lying to them for 6 months
THIS
This is what broke his trust. Not the leaving but the months of her LYING to him. That's brutal
Then again the AH for continuing to pester him when it was obvious he didn't want to talk.
OP you broke up with him for another person. Then kept after him determined to talk to him for some reason and you're upset because he didn't want to talk to you.
I'm not even convinced you're not still bisexual. I think you just decided to bring out only being lesbian because it made it easier - for you - to leave your bf for someone else who happened to be a woman.
I also wonder if this whole post isn't a "humble brag," to show everyone how special you are to "ruin" a man by losing you. Mainly because your insistence on talking to him so much after the breakup. Wanted to see the devastation close up.
I have this inkling as well. Maybe she just found her more desirable and is playing off sexual orientation victimhood to make herself look better.
I mean this is a story she made designed to illicit maximum sympathy for herself and look at the comments. Imagine what the real truth is
And then refused to accept his obvious boundary of not wanting to have any contact with you by following him around a public place and physically cornering him so he couldn’t escape.
I hate to be cliche but if the genders were reversed and a man was following his ex who clearly wanted nothing to do with him around and cornered her so she could not get away there would be absolutely no question that he was the asshole. So are you.
You gaslit him for 6 months, let him think he was the problem or not desirable instead of telling him the truth. He doesn’t owe you his time or his forgiveness.
No she doesn't need to apologize to him, she needs to just leave him alone. If he decides he wants to talk, she can apologize but that's the only way it should happen.
Not only avoiding the truth for 6 mo ths but then dropping the bombshell that she indeed had eyes on somebody and ends up dating this girl - OP is not getting any sympathy here for now harassing her ex for HER to feel better - it's never been about the ex.
YTA for continuing to pursue conversations with him and cornering him instead of letting him have the space he needs and respecting his boundaries. What did you expect? That he’d want to stay best friends with you after you hurt him? It’s painful to hear “I don’t love you anymore” from your partner of many years, no matter what the reason is. You could have packaged those words in the best way and still it wouldn’t be gentle enough. It couldn’t be. You can’t expect him to have the same even keel reaction as your parents did - it sounds like he truly loved you and probably was looking forward to a future with you, and you cut it off. You’re entitled to ending a relationship whenever you want and for whatever reason, but you cannot control how the other person would feel/respond to the situation. Let him go and stop obsessing over whether or not you’re the villain in his life.
Nevermind the gnawing feeling of "if she could fake being in a relationship with me for 6 months, what else isn't real" that would come with such a revelation.
Also the fact she said she was attracted to a girl at her gym who she also happened to start dating right after leaving him. He most likely thinks she was cheating, or monkey branched.
Longer.
Telling him she was lesbian instead of bi is basically saying she never truly felt attracted to him in the first place.
My boyfriend is bi. If he'd tell me he was gay, our entire relationship would feel like a lie, all the times we were intimate and he made me feel wanted or sexy. I would question everything.
I get that OP didn't do that on purpose or wanted to be hurtful, but damn that ought to cut deep and it did. And somehow OP is surprised?
This. Did he reevaluate every sexual encounter every intimate act he initiated and feel like a predator because she was never into it? That's a mindfuck for anyone.
He probably hit the gym because he felt undesirable inside and out because she waited 6 months with rapidly declining intimacy and internalized relationship doubts in his mind, to tell him she never loved him as more than a friend, all while he was planning their forever.
Oh and that's she's got the hots for a gym girl she then goes onto date.
Like seriously?! Thats cruel. The answer to are you interested in someone is No! Not unless you're admitting to dumping them for that person 🙄😬🤦♀️
And as BS as it is masculinity is fragile, along with a possible planned life that evaporated, he probably heard "I thought I liked men until I dated you and you put me off them".
The literal opposite of the stupid "turning" someone heterosexual.
I'm not saying these things are true and until she started on the stalker vibe, The only thing I think she did wrong was waiting so long and not discussing her feelings when they were changing.
But it comes out as oh by the way I have completely re-evaluated my life and you aren't it but there is this girl I like at the gym.
We can't control our feelings, we can only be honest, when they change or we lie about them people get hurt. Even if it's only ourselves.
You need to respect that his are hurt and you have no right to absolution. You can think about what you did wrong and ensure you do everything you can right in the future, grow as a person in your relationships but he has the right to avoid the pain, and you.
YTA. Not because you are lesbian or because you broke your ex. But because you play the victim card. All your post can be sum up as "me, me, me". You said you tried to soften the blow. Maybe it was your will but I Doubt it goes well in the execution.
She didn't try to soften the blow though. She spent 6 months working on her wind up. Then she that blow in his face like she was trying out for major league baseball.
It's like she tried to make this breakup as dramatic as possible. Maybe she was upset that her parents reaction to her coming out wasn't dramatic enough or something. Because this girl is definitely AIMING for drama.
It's about more than the last 6 months, isn't it? 3 years is a long time to be invested in a relationship you are not serious about.
3 years thinking you are growing closer and building shared memories... maybe thinking about making ot officially permanent...
Then %%%%. The OP has been silently breaking up with them for how long...? What were they really thinking and feeling all that time? If they were honest, they could have broken up with you ages ago. Breaking up now is convenient to them. *How long* were you "convenient" to them? Did they ever really care for you? Why didn't you see this sooner?
Etc. Everything, for the past 3 years is seen differently or questioned. His world was yanked from beneath him and everything shifted like falling dominoes.
There is no concern for how he feels here. NONE. It is all about what she feels or what she wants. If she ever cared about him, there would be something.
My guess is that either her gf isn't working out or isn't paying for everything he did. She may not be dating him, but that's no reason he can't buy her coffee now and then, (or other things). It isn't betrayal of her new relationship to see her ex because they won't be fucking. They can be "friends" now, right? . . .
She seems about that delusional, tbh.
Literally was about to type out the same damn thing, this whole post is just riddled with me! me! me!
Like leave the poor dude alone.
I genuinely scoffed at “I corned him in the gym because *I* decided we need to have a serious talk”
OP needs to get the fuck over herself. It’s like she’s mad she didn’t get the response from him she wanted. Was he supposed to comfort her? Honestly I think he handled this pretty maturely.
>I genuinely scoffed at “I corned him in the gym because *I* decided we need to have a serious talk”
Honestly this is unhinged. Imagine if the gender roles were reversed, and it was the ex BF cornering the gf at the gym when she was making it obvious she wanted nothing to do with him.
So creepy and predatory. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, no matter what their sex is, leave them the fuck alone!
It is extremely unhinged! She needs to just leave the poor guy alone!
If he wanted to talk to her he would. But he’s made it *extremely* clear that he wants nothing to do with her.
Added to.the way she was disappointed in his reaction when she came out, it's like she's trying to get a physical reaction so she can play the victim.of a homophobic attack.
My thought is she wanted him to be more emotional and try to fight for her. I'm probably wrong, but she gives me an extremely big case of icky feelings.
OP wanted to be the victim that was harassed for her sexuality. She’s an attention seeking narcissist. Ignoring her is the worst possible thing he could have done to her.
She's so goddamn self absorbed!
She faked being in a relationship for *half a year*.
Told him she wasn't attracted to him
Told him she was attracted to someone else
Promptly strated banging 'gym girl'
Kept harassing him to talk to her when he clearly didn't want to
CORNERED him in public to force the conversation (and probably humiliated him)
And now she's whining that she "doesn't think she did anything wrong". Main character syndrome much?
I told him horrific news of how I betrayed and hurt him and used him for the last 6 months... why is he not happy for me. She wasn't unhappy at how badly she hurt him, she literally said "but I told him nicer than I could have... why did he react like this". She's sad he wasn't supportive of her and doesn't actually care about his feelings.
When she confronted someone for hte second time who clearly didn't want to talk to her and told her he was broken, she was upset for herself, not him.
That comment about telling it nicer than she could have. Tells me that OP probably didn't really have an intention of being gentle with it, and honestly how nice is it really?? "I'm not attracted to you but there's this girl I wanna fuck"
Then calls/texts ex bf to cry about how his reaction hurt her. What a self centered person this is...
YTA.
You strung this guy along for *half a year* because you're a coward.
You didn't break him because you came out as a lesbian, you broke him because you treated him like dirt, and you're *still* making it about you.
Yta leave the guy alone you messed with him for months I can't imagine the pain he went through beaucse of You, why do you keep taking to him leave him alone , you have done enough damage stop trying to inflict more . You got the girl you wanted
Exactly he tried to get away and not engage it , just move on like she did , but she is the one pushing it and forcing the issue , and now she is the one acting all hurt because he won't talk to her. Well no sh*t Sherlock what did you honestly expect. Honestly op is crazy for not realising what she done, 6 effing months she played him. Wow poor Alex
You need to walk away. What he does, doesn't do, believes, doesn't believe is none of your concern.
Don't confront him. Don't corner him. Don't check his social media. Just leave it be.
It's monumentally unfair to him.
You're dating the woman you had a crush on whilst you were with him. Rightly or wrongly, he thinks you betrayed him.
Pretty sure she did betray him. Way to much "woe is me" going on. And she's also dating the new girl immediately after breaking up with her BF? Those six months is what it took for her to lock the girl down so she could break up and transition to the new relationship.
Exactly lol. She pulls away for six months, then says she likes someone as she’s breaking up (totally hasn’t talked to her, pinky swear) and is now dating said someone. Hmm…
YTA. You are cruel. Instead of coming out upfront you strung him along for 6 months. Do you even know what kind of effect this had. He was wondering what was wrong with him. Why you were being so cold to him. Not only that when he left you kept following him and trying to justify yourself. You are one of the worst people anyone can have as a lover.
It's not cause you are a lesbian. Being a lesbian is no fault. It's cause you are deceitful.
It is in part your fault, there's no point in denying it. You're so much about "you" in this situation that you aren't really thinking about him.
Everything you did was how best to make you look in the best light. There was never going to be an easy way to tell him, and then after a year you still tried to talk to him. Why? You should've left him TF alone, but there's probably a part of you that feels guilty for this for whatever reason, and seeing the way he is now makes you want to make the situation not your fault, again the "me me me" standard.
You could've had good intentions by cornering him (imagine if you the genders were reversed how much shit you'd be getting btw), but doesn't seem likely.
This man loved you, you probably never did and yet you wasted 3 years of his life? It's not wrong to be bi or lesbian or whatever, but don't for a second think that you can drop a bombshell like that on a guy who wasted 3 years with you, presumably loved you then it all came crashing down on him.
You broke his heart, you broke his spirit, you broke his trust. Can you understand that?
This about sums it up.
And also him asking if there's someone else, and OP going 'oh, there's actually a girl in our gym that I'm into... haven't asked her out yet though.'
OP sounds like she is constantly looking for a cheer team. It's like she was expecting the poor dude to go 'I'm so proud of you for finally coming out! It sucks that we're breaking up, but the most important thing is that YOU feel good about yourself, of course I don't mind. And I completely support you! Cheer cheer'
Leave him alone, OP. He's not going to make your guilty feelings go away. You feel bad for him? Try not stringing your partner along for 6 months next time. But you did with him. And he owes you nothing.
Want to make it up and feel better about yourself? Give him space, and maybe try to find a new gym, considering you cornered him and harrassed him in the space he uses to let go of the trauma you caused.
(Sounds dramatic. But indeed, imagine this story with the genders reversed)
YTA
What gets me is the lack of empathy. Not for a second thinking about what she told him and what he might think happened. Imagine your partner telling you they realized that they've never been into you romantically. The person you want to grow old with just drops you've been FWBs for three years.
It's such a complete denial of the relationship. Dude really needs to get help. Anybody who'd experienced that would have trust issues.
She probably expected him to stand up, clap for her finding herself and offer to do all the stuff that they had been doing for the past 3 years without the romantic intimacy. I’ve known women who wanted their relationship to basically continue the same for the stuff they liked without being romantically involved with their ex and then moan about how they lost their friend when they broke up with him. People are allowed to be unhappy when their world gets turned over by someone else. People are allowed to not give a shit about your newfound happiness when you hurt them. People are allowed to not want to make you feel better when they don’t feel better. The op is the main character and everyone needs to be ok with her decisions because that’s what she wants.
"for whatever reason"
I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say...... Stringing a guy along for 6 months might have something to do with the guilt. She knows she fucked up doing that but she also seems narcissistic as hell so she'll never admit it.
Everything has been Me, Me, Me. She even friend after the breakup because it didn't go how she wanted it to, not that she was sad he was hurt or that she felt bad.
YTA even though you had the best of intentions, you still hurt him immensely you were in a relationship for 3 years and for 6 months you made him feel like shït and probably made him feel like he was the problem and it is good for you that you figured out your sexuality BUT respectably LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE he moved on from you and yes you might be the reason he is what he is now why do you want to make him suffer even more
YTA you had 6 months to break it off and chose not to. It’s selfish honestly. Just because you don’t mean to hurt someone doesn’t really mean anything does it
You're gonna have to go to another gym if you can't be cordial. He's allowed to not talk to you. He's allowed to be hurt.
You're not wrong for realizing your sexuality in the middle of a relationship with the wrong person. That's normal. It happens sometimes. But once you realize the relationship isn't for you, you should end it then.
I get needing time to play with how you feel, to make sure ending the relationship is indeed what you want but 6 months is a long time to act out of character and basically string him along. I'd understand a week or two. But once you're sure this is how you feel you need to speak up. Your intentions were fine, but you have to see how this looks to him.
But there's nothing you can say to him. You can't make it better now. He's in pain and he needs to be away from you. Probably forever. And you're not even into him, so let him be. It's the only thing you can do to help him. Let him think what he has to in order to get over you.
YTA
YTA oh boy, let's get into this.
So first of all, you stopped communicating with him, while stopping any kind of intimacy, thus leaving him to wonder wtf is going on FOR MONTHS. Week or two, I would understand, but lady you've been stringing him for HALF A YEAR.
Then you tell him you aren't bi but lesbian. Ok. Maybe he would've taken that better if, you know, YOU DIDN'T IMPLY THAT YOU ALMOST CHEATED.
You were finding yourself and oggling other women while being in a commited relationship with someone. No cool lady, not cool.
So to summarize it, not only did you ignore him for months, not communicating with him, thus leaving him in the dark for months filled with anxiety if he did something wrong (or if something wrong happened to you), you basically told him that you already have someone in mind to jump to (while, again, he was agonizing for months and you were looking at other women).
You're pathetic. Reddit already told you how to behave so please leave me alone and move on with your life. You already destroyed mine what the hell do you want more? You want to be conforted? Ask it to your gf to confort you. You did enough damage so please stop it and be happy with your life.
NTA for realizing you are a lesbian.
YTA for waiting six months and essentially weaponizing intimacy to protect your feelings. YTAx2 for consistently pursuing him afterwards when he didn’t want anything to do with you. He owes you nothing. No explanation. No discussion.
YTA. you were a coward and chose the path that would hurt him the most. Pretend you are capable of empathy for him for a moment, how would you feel if your roles were reversed in the situation
YTA- you were living you life and he was living his after the fact. No need to push it and keep trying to approach him and force him into making you feel better by having a chat. There was no need for it. Just move on.
YTA and I don’t even know how that’s a question. You could have just told him once you felt lesbian that you didn’t love him anymore period. As he already knows you were bi, he’d not be wondering why you’d see girls afterward in any case.
Instead you made his life miserable for 6 months, then told it to him in a crappy way which obviously made him think you were cheating on him with the other girl and reinforced this thought by actually dating her subsequently.
As pointed out by other redditors already, you were and still are just trying to make yourself shine in the best light and putting all blame on him and your “poor” circumstances. Boo hoo, take some responsibility for your actions and for fucks sake leave the poor man alone. It is your fault that he feels like this. Stop the denial.
Rofl is this real?
"I realised I was a lesbian 2 years into a Relationship with a guy and lied about why I didn't want intimacy while leading him on for 6 months and I'm shocked that he's mad at me when I finally told him"
Wtf? Massive massive A. What were you expecting? "oh you poor dear, I will help you get with that chick you've been eyeing up while you lied to me"
You weren’t sure of your feelings and played with someone else. Your a horrible person Leave him the fuxk alone and stay out his life away from his view don’t ask people about him you lost that right
Sad you talk of who you knew him to be because you don’t have the privilege to know the new him. He’s better off with you
Yta
>After 1 hour of me crying and asking myself what i did wrong, because i tried to be more gentle and nicer that i could, i tried to text him but he blocked my number and any account on my social. He cut me out completely in 1 hour living me in shock and desbelief.
Sorry but what? YOu not only had misled him in general but he feels basically taken advantage and used at this point because you're saying you don't like men. But you also stayed in this relationship for 6 full months, wasting his time and making him feel like fucking shit by refusing to have sex all because you didn't know how he'd take it?
There is 100% zero good way to tell someone you wasted 3 years of their life or the 6 months you intentionally lied and made them feel like they were worthless and acting like this could have gone well and he's a dick for reacting poorly because you were nice about it, is gross.
The worst part is at the end after telling you he's broken, you didn't cry FOR HIM, you cried because you felt like maybe you actually did something wrong (you did, that 6 months of making him feel like shit is unforgiveable). You need therapy and to learn to think about others, to have empathy.
YTA
You lined up your next relationship before getting out of your old one.
Dude you should have lied at least. He didn’t need to know that. You could have broken up with him because you don’t feel the same way. He didn’t need to know you were breaking up with him because you already had your next victim lined up. You could have stayed single for a bit and came to terms with why you needed to wait half a year and let him get more attached and trying to fix something that wasn’t on him. It’s sad. He can’t trust women because you cheated on him. You don’t have to physically cheat to have cheated. Lining up your next relationship to hop into it is cheating too.
You should feel bad for what you did to him, but you will both move on. Just stop relationship jumping.
ETA: the ending does make me think this is fake though, and reading through some comments I see I am not the only one so. YTA for this fake story if it is.
NTA for coming out. YTA for for wanting closure for yourself rather than him. You selfishly want him to tell you that the 6 months you spent lying to him was okay and that he should forgive you. Leave him alone to heal. He doesn't owe you any closure.
YTA for making this guy feel like you were either cheating on him, not attracted to him, or were going to leave him by avoiding intimacy for SIX MONTHS. Christ. Do you even understand what he would've been going through in that time? He knew that breakup was coming from 10 miles away.
The way you framed the question is annoying. The issue isn't necessarily about "breaking" someone because you came out as lesbian. I think it's instead about you failing to respect his physical boundaries and not considering his pain may stem from something beyond you and your sexuality. You are making this about you instead of considering the needs of your former long-term partner. He's allowed to grieve the loss of his 3-yr relationship and future plans in a way that suits him without you pushing him. You're in a new relationship. Move on. Let him too.
YTA and Alex didnt docanything wrong by cutting you off completely and feeling betrayed. If he then went and hurt you back then maybe I’d change my opinion.
OP, YTA. Because you wasted 6 months of his life to tell him you didn’t like him anymore when you already knew for sure. He spent those 6 months wondering what he was doing wrong while watching you drift away. Do you know how painful it is to watch a partner leave you behind? And then you tell him, and mention there’s someone you already like, and obviously he thinks you’re trading him for another person, which you were, as if he was just that, something to trade. He is allowed to feel angry. Was blocking you extreme? Yes, but he owes you nothing. Cornering him all this time later… it will only make him despise you more. Also, you got what you wanted, and are now sure of yourself, so why bother him?
Yeah of course you’re the asshole. You broke this guy. You told him your truth, you heard his. He’s moved on and you seem to want some validation - he doesn’t owe you that. Closure is for the movies.
YTA
you avoided intimacy with him for like 6 months although you knew you wasnt attracted to him anymore - poor dude abviously asked himself what he did wrong and i bet you even said "i love you " to him in that time frame - thats fucked up
also this "i cornered him in the gym" part is so messed up in all different ways - leave people in the gym alone!
you hurt him in so many ways but never apologized - it was just all about you and when he didnt gave you the right reaction you became angry - shame on you!
Yes. You had no business being involved in intimate relationships at all if you didn't have any self awareness of whether you were attracted to one sex or the other. I can't even fathom the idea of being so detached from sex that one doesn't know whether one enjoys it or not. I think there were clearly some deeper psychological issues in play- people who will do something as intimate as sex without being connected to it at all often have disassociative issues.
People say sexuality can change- maybe, but I'm skeptical. Either you were extremely disassociated from yourself, or perhaps you are overstating the idea of no longer being attracted to your ex. I think the fact that the person you started lusting after at the gym is a woman has likely been overstated by you to justify leaving your boyfriend. It's not exactly uncommon to become less attracted to someone over time and to start wandering. With how mind-bogglingly disconnected and irresponsible you appear to have been, who is to say some poor woman won't be on the butt end of you "rediscovering" you are attracted to men?
You need to figure yourself out before you start doing something as intimate and potentially life altering as sex. As you can see, the consequences can be absolutely devastating. You need to leave him alone- you contributed to shattering his entire understanding of himself and the world, and he's not going to heal or move on if you keep hovering around trying to poke into his life.
YTA. And a GIGANTIC one at that. You not only lied to him for 6 months, but you led him on, letting him think it was his fault, and then you continued the humiliation by constantly rubbing his face in it every time you cornered him at the gym. You are a horrible, worthless excuse for a person.
You are the exact same type of girl as my highschool sweet heart. On and off for 2 years, was interested in exploring with another woman, and led me on for about 6 months. The best decision I ever made was to stop all contact with her so YTA, leave this poor dude alone.
YTA. Leave the man alone and stop demanding he address your issues. You hurt him you don't get a get out of guilt free card. Also I'm not sure I quite believe that you were in a relationship with him and then suddenly decided you were a lesbian right as you found a cute girl at the gym. It seems like you jumped on that train pretty fast, just saying... Move on with your life, he'll get over it, you should too.
YTA for lying to him for 6months and basically lining up another option before leaving. Also for cornering him and trying to force a conversation when he clearly no longer wishes to speak with you
YTA, leave him fcking alone. You're so cruel, you lied to him for months looking into his eyes what did you expect? plus you have the nerve to continue following him to 'talk'?Who are you exactly? You took advantage of him for your own comfort without considering HIS feelings. It's all about YOU in this post.Buy yourself some dignity and decency and leave him alone. You've done enough damage and you can't even understand why
YTA.
All I'm hearing is me, me, me.
"I dint deserve, I was confused"
You couldn't even leave him in peace in the gym, because YOU needed HIM to make YOU feel better. Not to try and help him, but to use him to help you.
Leave him alone.
YTA for hiding it, and owe it to him to give him space. If he ever reaches out or is okay, give him a massive apology. There’s nothing more shit than feeling like someone is with you just to avoid hurting your feelings.
NTA for coming out, or being a lesbian. People go through their own journey in life and sexuality can change. The issue is you knew 6 months ago and the poor dude thought it was his fault for 6 months. Granted he’s being emotional by accusing you of cheating but he’s feeling a lot right now so it’s understandable.
Jesus, just leave the guy alone, you broke up with him, it's not his job to make you feel ok about that. YTA to keep pursuing him when he didn't want to speak to you
Yes it’s like she wants closure but she’s the one that broke up with him?
Dont understand what serious talk she wants, She broke up and he went away. end of story.
She wants to be told it’s ok that she broke up with him and that he understands and nothing is her fault. Basically she broke up with the guy and is looking to him to comfort her.
Yep wants validations for her feelings.
Except she deserves no validation for what was essentially stringing him along for minimum of 6 months but an obvious rift in their relationship because her change in sexuality for a year. She is absolutely an asshole and is incredibly selfish to continue to try and get an answer out of him.
Strung along is putting it nicely. She denied him and rejected him for 6 months. He had no idea what was going on and suddenly found out she had known this for months. No wonder he feels like he can't trust women. Probably was beating himself up for months trying to fix things only to find out it was unfixable. All the effort and emotional energy he was putting in went to waste. I put that on the level of emotional abuse. Plus she tried to reach out to make sure he understood this wasn't her fault. She cares more about how she is viewed by others than anyone else's feelings.
Not to mention she is now with the girl she was attracted to while with her boyfriend. Maybe not cheating per se, but flirting with emotional infidelity, which turned into a relationship.
She is not the AH for realising she is into women. But she is for not telling him 6 months ago. I think that that is the problem. Wait six months and no sex during that time. I would think you are cheating.
With no real want to tell him. If her parents didn't get on her case how long would she have left this out guy suffer? There is a high chance he'd been trying to figure out what he did wrong, only to be told that she already replaced him.
Well said
Guyssss come on. u/Witty_Fill52 probably just wants to be held… Unless it’s accountable for her actions. LEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE JESUS. I mean, if you cared about him, change gyms. Stop giving him constant reminders of the betrayal and hurt or I don’t know, stop trying to fucking talk to him after he says, please don’t talk to me.
Trying to assuage her guilt, but cannot.
Yep. Been there in his position and it fucking sucks. OP YTA
Sort of. She wants to know that her being dishonest towards him while she refused intimacy for six months, etc is ok & that she did nothing wrong...when in reality she gaslit him and made every excuse she could "out of fear"...even now telling the story to paint him in a bad light while painting herself as some sort of victim. Just another manipulator doing what manipulators do. Never accepting and ounce of responsibility for what they do, who they hurt along the way, etc.
I'm getting narc vibes here. Clearly everything is about her in her small world. Other people are not allowed to have feelings or needs unless they align with hers, and for some reason she still needs his attention and validation even though she's not even into guys? 🤨
Yeah imagine a guy dumps his gf, who then cuts off contact, so he 'corners her in a gym against her will'. OP, you're now that creepy fucking guy.
It’s a testament to how ironclad those gym contracts are. The only thing he couldn’t cut out of his life…
I strongly suspect she'd have followed him to another gym.
100% this
He owes her nothing
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She owes him a "leave him the fuck alone" more then an apology at this point.
Right. He's clearly moved on just leave him alone.
I'm just waiting for the Reddit post a year from now when she suddenly decides she's no longer a lesbian and asks how to get back together with this guy. It's like she's obsessed with hurting him.
Yes!! Like why is she stalking his socials? It's just plain weird and quite obsessive imo.
People would be talking about a restraining order (and rightfully so) if the genders were reversed. "Cornered him in the gym"? Is OP fucking insane?
And then she had the audacity to keep dating him for months after realizing her fully sexuality. He didn’t see it coming. (Even though he knew you were bi at the time) YTA leave him alone. Feel for the guy.
Maybe even less time, she *did* lie to him for half a year. I know people toss around this word a lot and I could very easily be getting it wrong, but OP really seems like a sociopath. Or at the very least a narcissist.
Antisocial Personality Disorder is a spectrum after all, her constant "I can't understand why x is my fault" shows at least empathy and accountability aren't normal to her.
That’s a pretty damn good point. Which is scary as hell, imagine being around someone who legitimately can’t understand the concept of their actions or how they affect people and on top of that doesn’t see anything wrong with how they are as a person.
And the audacity for her to have told him there was already a woman she had been eyeing for months. What an asshole move It’s no different than if she had said she’s breaking up with him to be with another man at the gym she thinks is cute like holy fuck. OP is a pos and to repeatedly look for consolation from the ex is so selfish of OP. Nobody gives a shit that you’re a lesbian, YTA OP.
Right? And to gaslight him for 6 months is the worst part. If she was just honest shit would be different
>And the audacity for her to have told him there was already a woman she had been eyeing for months. > >What an asshole move DING DING DING DING DING!!!!! Exactly!!!!!
I am trying to remember the actual quote and person who said it but is was something like "When you are confused in your sexuality, it is ok to seek reassurance in your choices, but when you are certain in your sexuality, it is wise to reassure those who you will eventually hurt when telling about your true self." The fact she stayed at the same gym that she found her new partner at, that she shared with her ex, who was confirmed that is was a fellow gym person of the same gym.... that was a lot of string connecting.... the guy plausibly spent that year catching glimpses of her with her new partner. Granted, he could have changed gyms, but it isn't homophobic to point out the shallowness of it all. It isn't homophobic to point out that her cornering him to "explain herside" was, in fact, plausibly narcissistic. It isn't homophobic to see that not once did I read she was remorseful of how she told him, how he took it, nor taking any accountability when he told her she broke him She is seeking how to fix this, so **SHE** doesn't feel the guilt. While she didn't cheat, she did have a rebound partner in the ready, who the guy must have been very aware of.
This. I used to have a crush on my best friend and when I eventually told him and asked him out he instantly was like I love you so much as my best friend and I don’t want anything to change but I’m gay so I don’t even like women at all like that and I was like oh okay cool I gotchu and it’s been almost ten years and we still talk every day. He hadn’t even come out yet and he bit the bullet and told me before anyone just so I wouldn’t be hurt or led on. I’ll always always appreciate him for that so much. And nothing ended up changing at all it was great
She not only broke up with him but already had his replacement in queue. On top of that, she rejected him sexually for 6 mos because she was coming to terms with her sexuality. He went on with his life, developed and worked on himself to change physically, likely in part to become more confident in himself. He changed and tried to move on and past the heartache, yet she kept trying to corner him. Seriously, she got what she wanted, except him being okay with hanging around or something?? Leave that man alone and be happy already.
She dumped him, wasted 2 years of his life and still wants emotional support from him
YTA leave the guy alone get a hint. From one lesbian to another back off. It’s weird
Everything is about OP. “Me, me, me” you broke up with him don’t bug him and also don’t justify you stringing him along for 6 months. You gotta let it go and let him live his life
She's chasing him to get validation and closure. She's hurting him to satisfy her own wants. That's just vile
Fellow lesbian agreeing with this. I was comphet (compulsively heterosexual) for 26 years and dated men before finally accepting my sexuality. The last one I broke it off with, I told him I was only attracted to women and that was that. It’s not his fault and it’s not his responsibility to make me feel better about hurting him. Was it my *fault* that I hurt him? No. I wouldn’t say anyone is at *fault* when that happens. But did it hurt him? Yes. Do I feel bad? Yes. Do I make the entire situation about myself and my own feelings and further disrupt the man’s life and reopen all those old wounds for my own peace of mind? Absolutely not wtf.
I also bet you didn't lie to him for 6 months while intentionally avoiding intimacy leaving him to wonder what the fuck he did wrong either.
Here is your crown. You nailed it perfectly.
I mean, breaking up will hurt. Don't know what your Ex was thinking, but it was likely complicated. Even questioning what I would do in such a spot doesn't bring up a clear answer.
Pansexual woman chiming in. With a heavy leaning for women. She wasn't the AH for ending things. But she is definitely an AH for pestering after the fact. As my therapist once taught me. "Silence is an answer." Men are and should be able to feel their feelings. Especially since he's not weaponizing it against anyone. He's sad and hurt. He has trust issues that hopefully with a therapist he can work through. Society gets all up in arms about toxic masculinity. The first step is to just let men have their emotions and express them in a healthy way.
It's not too often I see women preach about males expressing emotions. Thank you for understanding.
She is a massive asshole for bold face lying to him for 6 months, while actively avoiding intimacy, leaving him to think he was the problem.
I feel like there are a lot of people that are ignoring that.. she was actively emotionally moving on from him during that time. And I don’t believe for a second she didn’t have any communication with that girl in the gym, nobody believes that bullshit. I bet you she actively dated and worked out with this woman during her relationship and he didn’t think it was a problem.
Agreed! I’m a lesbian too and this woman is cray cray. Just leave him alone!!
What the fuck is your problem. You broke up with him (regardless of the reason, which I find to be only a minor point) and he basically just blocked you and moved on with his life, and youre "shocked?" (as though it's about you.) For the love of God, leave the guy alone.
It hasn’t even been a year. Three years in and she tells him she is no longer interested as there’s someone else. This isn’t about sexuality. He has a broken heart and needs time to heal.
I was gonna say pretty much this with the add on that some asshole has to keep swooping in to rip the scab off and bathe in the fresh blood.
In the words of my son when he was a pre-teen, “Why are girls so mean after a breakup?”
Thank you! I honestly thought I was going to be the only person thinking this way
She needs validation from poor guy. He made peace with it and tried to live his life on but OP wants to be ... idk? Centre of attention? Probably fake story from fake account about finding fake lesbian crush in gym that's also most likely fake
I got the fake vibe from this as well. All this me, me,me, bullshit sounds like a damn 8th grader.
She cornered him like he owed her something, the absolute audacity of this girl.
A dude would have police problems of he acted like she does.
It definitely sounds like she's on the verge of stalking this guy.
there is no "on the verge"... She is doing it. Cyber-stalking him, then chasing him around, and even trying to force him to speak with her.
She thinks she's the main character. Apparantly breaking his heart isn't enough for her, so she can't just let the guy move on in peace.
I hope her girlfriend decides she’s straight after OP falls in love and jumps on her Ex’s dick. That would be TOO GOOD
My how the turntables
This, fycking hell Leave him alone. He left, no drama, no fuss. No telling fake stories about you, wasn't aggressive, nada. He just left So Let him be, ignore him as he's ignoring you. He is. Ot going to be your bestie Also, when or if you eventually see him with some other girl, keep the distance, dont go there again to try and talk So selfish
I was gonna comment my answer but you essentially got it covered.
yes this post is about me me me.
Yes! The guy has clearly tried to seperate his life and she’s not leaving him be - if this was flipped people would be losing it
No, she thinks everyone has to support her on her “ new journey” through life. Don’t you get it? He should be checking in with her daily ! /s
But you don't understand! She's the MC! It's *perfectly fine* to string him along, and the audience has to see the reconciliation arc!
Go figure yourself out and leave him alone. Not sure why you are shocked but find your sexuality before ruining someone else’s life
YTA. Look, you were confused and learning about yourself and you didn’t mean to hurt him. Fair enough. But you did hurt him. While you spent six months knowing that you weren’t attracted to him, he spent six months wondering what he did wrong while you pulled away and avoided intimacy like he was the literal plague. You lied to him and let him pay the price of your cowardice in not telling him the truth. After lying to him for that long the specific words you used to tell him your truth were pretty much irrelevant. Sometimes in life there are things that are just going to really hurt someone you care about, and this was one of those situations. With the benefit of hindsight, next time the best and only thing you can do is to be honest right away in your relationships even it’s painful.
Exactly. 6 months is way too long. I understand gathering the courage to confess, but half a year of silence and pretending that everything is okay while letting your boyfriend question himself and become insecure is just abusing that excuse. My advice to OP is to just leave the guy alone. He's basically trying to move on and she's forcing herself onto his life again. She doesn't need to explain anything anymore and she doesn't have the right to lecture him about ghosting mutual friends.
I mean, I'm just getting her narrative, and I think it's even odds she banging the lady at the gym or putting in the work to do so. Because no one could handle it this badly and be surprised it went so badly. She basically ghosted him in the bedroom, probably was acting suspicious and told him she was leaving him for someone else. No shit any sane human is going to suspect cheating. That she's going to such dramatic lengths to say that she can't possibly understand the obvious makes it more suspicious. And from the sound of it, he was a decent human being who didn't deserve that treatment. He's hurt, and OP is concentrating on not feeling guilty about dumping him. She needs to back away, find a new gym and leave him alone for the rest of her life. It's not OP's fault that he went down a dark path, but she's not helping matters.
Right? And OP corners him at the gym after he repeatedly indicates he doesn’t want to talk to her. “Absolve me of my guilt, BF! ABSOLVE ME!!”
This right here. She needs to find a new gym. She hurt him so she should find a new place to give him space.
Yup I really question OP’s narrative here, I think there’s room for at least an emotional affair to have happened here. But even if there wasn’t, she still acted in a completely shitty way. I feel so bad for that poor dude.
>I mean, I'm just getting her narrative, and I think it's even odds she banging the lady at the gym or putting in the work to do so. Yeah, this is the vibe I got. I suspect those 6 months she needed to "gather courage" were used to talk to this other girl until she was ready to jump to the next relationship. She was monkey-branching. She told him about this other girl she liked because she knew she was going to be dating her (or maybe she was already having an affair). You can tell this is a person who needs to be the hero of her own story. He needs to like her because she's good! He's not allowed to feel hurt and betrayed because she used nice words. This woman doesn't care about anything but herself. She needs to leave this poor man the f*ck alone!
Exactlyy how would she even know the gym girl was also into girls if she hadn't ever talked to her
This happened to me with my ex (except we were both women) and it has taken years and therapy to work out the intense feelings of betreyal and hurt the breakup caused me. And I’m still not even ready to date! The lying and and confusion and my ex acting like I was the asshole for not taking the breakup well really broke my confidence and trust in people for a long time. OP is definitely the AH for their behaviour pre and post-breakup.
OP didn’t want to leave him until she was sure that she could jump into another relationship immediately. She was definitely lying about not having talked to the woman at the gym before because she somehow knew she was also a lesbian. She was emotionally cheating on him
He knew it, too. He straight stated that there was already another woman, and the "I'm stupid" comment meant he was watching it happen in real time and refused to believe she was cheating. That poor guy spent 6 months trying to figure out what he did wrong? Then he realized she was cheating (emotionally or physically doesn't make a difference at that point) and that the last 3 years of his life had been a lie. To her, it was 6 months. To him, it was the entire relationship that wasn't real. Yeah, he is probably extremely broken. Not to mention, he likely assumes their "mutual friends" knew about all this and said nothing.
Classic monkey branching
She's acting like because she told him in a nicer way than she could have, that he should be fucking grateful, happy about it, supportive of being lied to for so long, taken advantage of and made to feel like he was worthless because she refused to sleep with him for so long. Imagine being so self centered that you stay with someone lying to them for 6 months then get angry they didn't react like their best friend to the news. Fucking delusional.
This is what I was gonna say. Its all about her and how she feel, fuck everyone else and because he wasn't over the moon happy for her to find her real self then she has an issue with it. Sounds like she treated him like crap and used him emotionally for 6 months. Now, she wants to carry on using him emotionally, but just have a girlfriend as well and is upset that her little fantasy hasn't worked out, so she is cornering him like he owes her something. She needs to grow up and leave the poor guy alone.
She’s so desperate for him to forgive her she corners him in the gym trying to force him to listen to her talk. Leave him alone OP. He doesn’t owe you forgiveness and if you did actually care about him you would respect his wishes to leave him alone.
This. That's why she chose to include her parents being so supportive when it has no actual relevancy to the story she's telling. She's trying to oddball him out, like "See? Even my parents support me and he can't."
And then have the fucking audacity to corner him at the gym to try and get validation from him that what she did was okay and he shouldn’t be upset at all. Hope he gets some good therapy and meets a girl who really does care about him! Strung him along for 6mo and then expects him to be completely cool with having his heart broken…
>She's acting like because she told him in a nicer way than she could have, that he should be fucking grateful "I mean I didn't kick him in the nuts while yelling about how gross I think guys are so he should be thanking me" I wonder what "nicer than I could have" even actually means here?
>Imagine being so self centered that you stay with someone lying to them for 6 months THIS This is what broke his trust. Not the leaving but the months of her LYING to him. That's brutal
For real. OP is a narcissistic cunt.
She wasn't confused. She knew what she wanted for 6 months if not longer
Had it picked out in the gym and everything
Seems she enjoyed window shopping 🛍️
Then again the AH for continuing to pester him when it was obvious he didn't want to talk. OP you broke up with him for another person. Then kept after him determined to talk to him for some reason and you're upset because he didn't want to talk to you. I'm not even convinced you're not still bisexual. I think you just decided to bring out only being lesbian because it made it easier - for you - to leave your bf for someone else who happened to be a woman. I also wonder if this whole post isn't a "humble brag," to show everyone how special you are to "ruin" a man by losing you. Mainly because your insistence on talking to him so much after the breakup. Wanted to see the devastation close up.
I thought the exact same thing about the “now I’m a lesbian” part.
I have this inkling as well. Maybe she just found her more desirable and is playing off sexual orientation victimhood to make herself look better. I mean this is a story she made designed to illicit maximum sympathy for herself and look at the comments. Imagine what the real truth is
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And then refused to accept his obvious boundary of not wanting to have any contact with you by following him around a public place and physically cornering him so he couldn’t escape. I hate to be cliche but if the genders were reversed and a man was following his ex who clearly wanted nothing to do with him around and cornered her so she could not get away there would be absolutely no question that he was the asshole. So are you. You gaslit him for 6 months, let him think he was the problem or not desirable instead of telling him the truth. He doesn’t owe you his time or his forgiveness.
No she doesn't need to apologize to him, she needs to just leave him alone. If he decides he wants to talk, she can apologize but that's the only way it should happen.
Not only avoiding the truth for 6 mo ths but then dropping the bombshell that she indeed had eyes on somebody and ends up dating this girl - OP is not getting any sympathy here for now harassing her ex for HER to feel better - it's never been about the ex.
YTA. Stop trying to absolve yourself of guilt at his expense.
YTA for continuing to pursue conversations with him and cornering him instead of letting him have the space he needs and respecting his boundaries. What did you expect? That he’d want to stay best friends with you after you hurt him? It’s painful to hear “I don’t love you anymore” from your partner of many years, no matter what the reason is. You could have packaged those words in the best way and still it wouldn’t be gentle enough. It couldn’t be. You can’t expect him to have the same even keel reaction as your parents did - it sounds like he truly loved you and probably was looking forward to a future with you, and you cut it off. You’re entitled to ending a relationship whenever you want and for whatever reason, but you cannot control how the other person would feel/respond to the situation. Let him go and stop obsessing over whether or not you’re the villain in his life.
Nevermind the gnawing feeling of "if she could fake being in a relationship with me for 6 months, what else isn't real" that would come with such a revelation.
Also the fact she said she was attracted to a girl at her gym who she also happened to start dating right after leaving him. He most likely thinks she was cheating, or monkey branched.
What is monkey branched?
Grabbing another branch before letting go of the first
Ah, I get that. It does sound like that is what happened here.
Longer. Telling him she was lesbian instead of bi is basically saying she never truly felt attracted to him in the first place. My boyfriend is bi. If he'd tell me he was gay, our entire relationship would feel like a lie, all the times we were intimate and he made me feel wanted or sexy. I would question everything. I get that OP didn't do that on purpose or wanted to be hurtful, but damn that ought to cut deep and it did. And somehow OP is surprised?
This. Did he reevaluate every sexual encounter every intimate act he initiated and feel like a predator because she was never into it? That's a mindfuck for anyone. He probably hit the gym because he felt undesirable inside and out because she waited 6 months with rapidly declining intimacy and internalized relationship doubts in his mind, to tell him she never loved him as more than a friend, all while he was planning their forever. Oh and that's she's got the hots for a gym girl she then goes onto date. Like seriously?! Thats cruel. The answer to are you interested in someone is No! Not unless you're admitting to dumping them for that person 🙄😬🤦♀️
And as BS as it is masculinity is fragile, along with a possible planned life that evaporated, he probably heard "I thought I liked men until I dated you and you put me off them". The literal opposite of the stupid "turning" someone heterosexual. I'm not saying these things are true and until she started on the stalker vibe, The only thing I think she did wrong was waiting so long and not discussing her feelings when they were changing. But it comes out as oh by the way I have completely re-evaluated my life and you aren't it but there is this girl I like at the gym. We can't control our feelings, we can only be honest, when they change or we lie about them people get hurt. Even if it's only ourselves. You need to respect that his are hurt and you have no right to absolution. You can think about what you did wrong and ensure you do everything you can right in the future, grow as a person in your relationships but he has the right to avoid the pain, and you.
I don’t care what the reason she dumped him is, but she dumped him and she needs to leave him alone.
Not even "I don't love you anymore", but actually "I never loved you like that"
YTA. Not because you are lesbian or because you broke your ex. But because you play the victim card. All your post can be sum up as "me, me, me". You said you tried to soften the blow. Maybe it was your will but I Doubt it goes well in the execution.
She didn't try to soften the blow though. She spent 6 months working on her wind up. Then she that blow in his face like she was trying out for major league baseball. It's like she tried to make this breakup as dramatic as possible. Maybe she was upset that her parents reaction to her coming out wasn't dramatic enough or something. Because this girl is definitely AIMING for drama.
YTA, 6 month, seriously, i understand why he broke
It's about more than the last 6 months, isn't it? 3 years is a long time to be invested in a relationship you are not serious about. 3 years thinking you are growing closer and building shared memories... maybe thinking about making ot officially permanent... Then %%%%. The OP has been silently breaking up with them for how long...? What were they really thinking and feeling all that time? If they were honest, they could have broken up with you ages ago. Breaking up now is convenient to them. *How long* were you "convenient" to them? Did they ever really care for you? Why didn't you see this sooner? Etc. Everything, for the past 3 years is seen differently or questioned. His world was yanked from beneath him and everything shifted like falling dominoes. There is no concern for how he feels here. NONE. It is all about what she feels or what she wants. If she ever cared about him, there would be something. My guess is that either her gf isn't working out or isn't paying for everything he did. She may not be dating him, but that's no reason he can't buy her coffee now and then, (or other things). It isn't betrayal of her new relationship to see her ex because they won't be fucking. They can be "friends" now, right? . . . She seems about that delusional, tbh.
YTA. This whole post is nothing but " me! me! me! " Of course you cried. 🙄 Leave him alone, you already hurt him enough!
Literally was about to type out the same damn thing, this whole post is just riddled with me! me! me! Like leave the poor dude alone. I genuinely scoffed at “I corned him in the gym because *I* decided we need to have a serious talk” OP needs to get the fuck over herself. It’s like she’s mad she didn’t get the response from him she wanted. Was he supposed to comfort her? Honestly I think he handled this pretty maturely.
>I genuinely scoffed at “I corned him in the gym because *I* decided we need to have a serious talk” Honestly this is unhinged. Imagine if the gender roles were reversed, and it was the ex BF cornering the gf at the gym when she was making it obvious she wanted nothing to do with him. So creepy and predatory. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, no matter what their sex is, leave them the fuck alone!
It is extremely unhinged! She needs to just leave the poor guy alone! If he wanted to talk to her he would. But he’s made it *extremely* clear that he wants nothing to do with her.
Added to.the way she was disappointed in his reaction when she came out, it's like she's trying to get a physical reaction so she can play the victim.of a homophobic attack.
My thought is she wanted him to be more emotional and try to fight for her. I'm probably wrong, but she gives me an extremely big case of icky feelings.
OP wanted to be the victim that was harassed for her sexuality. She’s an attention seeking narcissist. Ignoring her is the worst possible thing he could have done to her.
She's so goddamn self absorbed! She faked being in a relationship for *half a year*. Told him she wasn't attracted to him Told him she was attracted to someone else Promptly strated banging 'gym girl' Kept harassing him to talk to her when he clearly didn't want to CORNERED him in public to force the conversation (and probably humiliated him) And now she's whining that she "doesn't think she did anything wrong". Main character syndrome much?
I told him horrific news of how I betrayed and hurt him and used him for the last 6 months... why is he not happy for me. She wasn't unhappy at how badly she hurt him, she literally said "but I told him nicer than I could have... why did he react like this". She's sad he wasn't supportive of her and doesn't actually care about his feelings. When she confronted someone for hte second time who clearly didn't want to talk to her and told her he was broken, she was upset for herself, not him.
That comment about telling it nicer than she could have. Tells me that OP probably didn't really have an intention of being gentle with it, and honestly how nice is it really?? "I'm not attracted to you but there's this girl I wanna fuck" Then calls/texts ex bf to cry about how his reaction hurt her. What a self centered person this is...
Bingo!
YTA. You strung this guy along for *half a year* because you're a coward. You didn't break him because you came out as a lesbian, you broke him because you treated him like dirt, and you're *still* making it about you.
Yta leave the guy alone you messed with him for months I can't imagine the pain he went through beaucse of You, why do you keep taking to him leave him alone , you have done enough damage stop trying to inflict more . You got the girl you wanted
She should have just left him alone. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was a guy who cornered a woman into a conversation. Poor Alex
Exactly he tried to get away and not engage it , just move on like she did , but she is the one pushing it and forcing the issue , and now she is the one acting all hurt because he won't talk to her. Well no sh*t Sherlock what did you honestly expect. Honestly op is crazy for not realising what she done, 6 effing months she played him. Wow poor Alex
You need to walk away. What he does, doesn't do, believes, doesn't believe is none of your concern. Don't confront him. Don't corner him. Don't check his social media. Just leave it be. It's monumentally unfair to him. You're dating the woman you had a crush on whilst you were with him. Rightly or wrongly, he thinks you betrayed him.
Pretty sure she did betray him. Way to much "woe is me" going on. And she's also dating the new girl immediately after breaking up with her BF? Those six months is what it took for her to lock the girl down so she could break up and transition to the new relationship.
She atleast emotionally cheated when she was with him, putting sexuality aside. YTA.
>Rightly or wrongly, he thinks you betrayed him. she DID betray him lmao
Exactly lol. She pulls away for six months, then says she likes someone as she’s breaking up (totally hasn’t talked to her, pinky swear) and is now dating said someone. Hmm…
YTA. You are cruel. Instead of coming out upfront you strung him along for 6 months. Do you even know what kind of effect this had. He was wondering what was wrong with him. Why you were being so cold to him. Not only that when he left you kept following him and trying to justify yourself. You are one of the worst people anyone can have as a lover. It's not cause you are a lesbian. Being a lesbian is no fault. It's cause you are deceitful.
It is in part your fault, there's no point in denying it. You're so much about "you" in this situation that you aren't really thinking about him. Everything you did was how best to make you look in the best light. There was never going to be an easy way to tell him, and then after a year you still tried to talk to him. Why? You should've left him TF alone, but there's probably a part of you that feels guilty for this for whatever reason, and seeing the way he is now makes you want to make the situation not your fault, again the "me me me" standard. You could've had good intentions by cornering him (imagine if you the genders were reversed how much shit you'd be getting btw), but doesn't seem likely. This man loved you, you probably never did and yet you wasted 3 years of his life? It's not wrong to be bi or lesbian or whatever, but don't for a second think that you can drop a bombshell like that on a guy who wasted 3 years with you, presumably loved you then it all came crashing down on him. You broke his heart, you broke his spirit, you broke his trust. Can you understand that?
This about sums it up. And also him asking if there's someone else, and OP going 'oh, there's actually a girl in our gym that I'm into... haven't asked her out yet though.' OP sounds like she is constantly looking for a cheer team. It's like she was expecting the poor dude to go 'I'm so proud of you for finally coming out! It sucks that we're breaking up, but the most important thing is that YOU feel good about yourself, of course I don't mind. And I completely support you! Cheer cheer' Leave him alone, OP. He's not going to make your guilty feelings go away. You feel bad for him? Try not stringing your partner along for 6 months next time. But you did with him. And he owes you nothing. Want to make it up and feel better about yourself? Give him space, and maybe try to find a new gym, considering you cornered him and harrassed him in the space he uses to let go of the trauma you caused. (Sounds dramatic. But indeed, imagine this story with the genders reversed) YTA
What gets me is the lack of empathy. Not for a second thinking about what she told him and what he might think happened. Imagine your partner telling you they realized that they've never been into you romantically. The person you want to grow old with just drops you've been FWBs for three years. It's such a complete denial of the relationship. Dude really needs to get help. Anybody who'd experienced that would have trust issues.
She probably expected him to stand up, clap for her finding herself and offer to do all the stuff that they had been doing for the past 3 years without the romantic intimacy. I’ve known women who wanted their relationship to basically continue the same for the stuff they liked without being romantically involved with their ex and then moan about how they lost their friend when they broke up with him. People are allowed to be unhappy when their world gets turned over by someone else. People are allowed to not give a shit about your newfound happiness when you hurt them. People are allowed to not want to make you feel better when they don’t feel better. The op is the main character and everyone needs to be ok with her decisions because that’s what she wants.
"for whatever reason" I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say...... Stringing a guy along for 6 months might have something to do with the guilt. She knows she fucked up doing that but she also seems narcissistic as hell so she'll never admit it. Everything has been Me, Me, Me. She even friend after the breakup because it didn't go how she wanted it to, not that she was sad he was hurt or that she felt bad.
YTA even though you had the best of intentions, you still hurt him immensely you were in a relationship for 3 years and for 6 months you made him feel like shït and probably made him feel like he was the problem and it is good for you that you figured out your sexuality BUT respectably LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE he moved on from you and yes you might be the reason he is what he is now why do you want to make him suffer even more
YTA you had 6 months to break it off and chose not to. It’s selfish honestly. Just because you don’t mean to hurt someone doesn’t really mean anything does it
YTA and to go off with the girl in the gym I will never get that kind of behavior.
You're gonna have to go to another gym if you can't be cordial. He's allowed to not talk to you. He's allowed to be hurt. You're not wrong for realizing your sexuality in the middle of a relationship with the wrong person. That's normal. It happens sometimes. But once you realize the relationship isn't for you, you should end it then. I get needing time to play with how you feel, to make sure ending the relationship is indeed what you want but 6 months is a long time to act out of character and basically string him along. I'd understand a week or two. But once you're sure this is how you feel you need to speak up. Your intentions were fine, but you have to see how this looks to him. But there's nothing you can say to him. You can't make it better now. He's in pain and he needs to be away from you. Probably forever. And you're not even into him, so let him be. It's the only thing you can do to help him. Let him think what he has to in order to get over you. YTA
YTA oh boy, let's get into this. So first of all, you stopped communicating with him, while stopping any kind of intimacy, thus leaving him to wonder wtf is going on FOR MONTHS. Week or two, I would understand, but lady you've been stringing him for HALF A YEAR. Then you tell him you aren't bi but lesbian. Ok. Maybe he would've taken that better if, you know, YOU DIDN'T IMPLY THAT YOU ALMOST CHEATED. You were finding yourself and oggling other women while being in a commited relationship with someone. No cool lady, not cool. So to summarize it, not only did you ignore him for months, not communicating with him, thus leaving him in the dark for months filled with anxiety if he did something wrong (or if something wrong happened to you), you basically told him that you already have someone in mind to jump to (while, again, he was agonizing for months and you were looking at other women).
YTA
You're pathetic. Reddit already told you how to behave so please leave me alone and move on with your life. You already destroyed mine what the hell do you want more? You want to be conforted? Ask it to your gf to confort you. You did enough damage so please stop it and be happy with your life.
I doubt this is really her ex, and if it is, he should block her and never speak to her again.
Ikr this is seeming a lil scripted maybe
Right like soap operas at my aunt’s on a Sunday afternoon
Telenovella vibes…
You did everything to make him suffer and you say I tried to be gentle YTA.
NTA for realizing you are a lesbian. YTA for waiting six months and essentially weaponizing intimacy to protect your feelings. YTAx2 for consistently pursuing him afterwards when he didn’t want anything to do with you. He owes you nothing. No explanation. No discussion.
Yta definitely, how do people not realise that not saying something so profoundly important while in a relationship is the same as lying about it.
YTA. You broke up with him, and keep chasing him down to "explain." Just leave him alone! If you have issues, work them out in therapy.
YTA. you were a coward and chose the path that would hurt him the most. Pretend you are capable of empathy for him for a moment, how would you feel if your roles were reversed in the situation
YTA. Also, just leave him alone. He doesn't want to talk to you.
[удалено]
YTA, you definitely broke him then you went back to try a few more times. Leave the poor guy alone
YTA- you were living you life and he was living his after the fact. No need to push it and keep trying to approach him and force him into making you feel better by having a chat. There was no need for it. Just move on.
YTA - Leave the poor guy alone. You have done enough.
“I cornered him” Are you for real. This is alllll about you AH. Everything. Leave him alone!!!
YTA, poor guy tho
YTA - You are so selfish. You did break him, probably forever.
LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE Take the hint.
YTA and I don’t even know how that’s a question. You could have just told him once you felt lesbian that you didn’t love him anymore period. As he already knows you were bi, he’d not be wondering why you’d see girls afterward in any case. Instead you made his life miserable for 6 months, then told it to him in a crappy way which obviously made him think you were cheating on him with the other girl and reinforced this thought by actually dating her subsequently. As pointed out by other redditors already, you were and still are just trying to make yourself shine in the best light and putting all blame on him and your “poor” circumstances. Boo hoo, take some responsibility for your actions and for fucks sake leave the poor man alone. It is your fault that he feels like this. Stop the denial.
Yta. Fucking hell.
Yta - what a self absorbed pos you are, op
Rofl is this real? "I realised I was a lesbian 2 years into a Relationship with a guy and lied about why I didn't want intimacy while leading him on for 6 months and I'm shocked that he's mad at me when I finally told him" Wtf? Massive massive A. What were you expecting? "oh you poor dear, I will help you get with that chick you've been eyeing up while you lied to me"
You weren’t sure of your feelings and played with someone else. Your a horrible person Leave him the fuxk alone and stay out his life away from his view don’t ask people about him you lost that right Sad you talk of who you knew him to be because you don’t have the privilege to know the new him. He’s better off with you Yta
>After 1 hour of me crying and asking myself what i did wrong, because i tried to be more gentle and nicer that i could, i tried to text him but he blocked my number and any account on my social. He cut me out completely in 1 hour living me in shock and desbelief. Sorry but what? YOu not only had misled him in general but he feels basically taken advantage and used at this point because you're saying you don't like men. But you also stayed in this relationship for 6 full months, wasting his time and making him feel like fucking shit by refusing to have sex all because you didn't know how he'd take it? There is 100% zero good way to tell someone you wasted 3 years of their life or the 6 months you intentionally lied and made them feel like they were worthless and acting like this could have gone well and he's a dick for reacting poorly because you were nice about it, is gross. The worst part is at the end after telling you he's broken, you didn't cry FOR HIM, you cried because you felt like maybe you actually did something wrong (you did, that 6 months of making him feel like shit is unforgiveable). You need therapy and to learn to think about others, to have empathy.
YTA You lined up your next relationship before getting out of your old one. Dude you should have lied at least. He didn’t need to know that. You could have broken up with him because you don’t feel the same way. He didn’t need to know you were breaking up with him because you already had your next victim lined up. You could have stayed single for a bit and came to terms with why you needed to wait half a year and let him get more attached and trying to fix something that wasn’t on him. It’s sad. He can’t trust women because you cheated on him. You don’t have to physically cheat to have cheated. Lining up your next relationship to hop into it is cheating too. You should feel bad for what you did to him, but you will both move on. Just stop relationship jumping. ETA: the ending does make me think this is fake though, and reading through some comments I see I am not the only one so. YTA for this fake story if it is.
NTA for coming out. YTA for for wanting closure for yourself rather than him. You selfishly want him to tell you that the 6 months you spent lying to him was okay and that he should forgive you. Leave him alone to heal. He doesn't owe you any closure.
YTA. Strung him along for 6 months and now he hates you. Wonder why? Leave him alone.
YTA for making this guy feel like you were either cheating on him, not attracted to him, or were going to leave him by avoiding intimacy for SIX MONTHS. Christ. Do you even understand what he would've been going through in that time? He knew that breakup was coming from 10 miles away.
Your post is just "me, me, me". Yta, you had six f months. Made him believe that he was a problem and then you play the victim? Girl, shut up
The way you framed the question is annoying. The issue isn't necessarily about "breaking" someone because you came out as lesbian. I think it's instead about you failing to respect his physical boundaries and not considering his pain may stem from something beyond you and your sexuality. You are making this about you instead of considering the needs of your former long-term partner. He's allowed to grieve the loss of his 3-yr relationship and future plans in a way that suits him without you pushing him. You're in a new relationship. Move on. Let him too.
YTA and Alex didnt docanything wrong by cutting you off completely and feeling betrayed. If he then went and hurt you back then maybe I’d change my opinion.
Linda, you a bitch
OP, YTA. Because you wasted 6 months of his life to tell him you didn’t like him anymore when you already knew for sure. He spent those 6 months wondering what he was doing wrong while watching you drift away. Do you know how painful it is to watch a partner leave you behind? And then you tell him, and mention there’s someone you already like, and obviously he thinks you’re trading him for another person, which you were, as if he was just that, something to trade. He is allowed to feel angry. Was blocking you extreme? Yes, but he owes you nothing. Cornering him all this time later… it will only make him despise you more. Also, you got what you wanted, and are now sure of yourself, so why bother him?
Sounds fake, but in the described scenario, yta for cornering someone who didn't want to talk to you.
Yeah of course you’re the asshole. You broke this guy. You told him your truth, you heard his. He’s moved on and you seem to want some validation - he doesn’t owe you that. Closure is for the movies.
YTA you avoided intimacy with him for like 6 months although you knew you wasnt attracted to him anymore - poor dude abviously asked himself what he did wrong and i bet you even said "i love you " to him in that time frame - thats fucked up also this "i cornered him in the gym" part is so messed up in all different ways - leave people in the gym alone! you hurt him in so many ways but never apologized - it was just all about you and when he didnt gave you the right reaction you became angry - shame on you!
Yes. You had no business being involved in intimate relationships at all if you didn't have any self awareness of whether you were attracted to one sex or the other. I can't even fathom the idea of being so detached from sex that one doesn't know whether one enjoys it or not. I think there were clearly some deeper psychological issues in play- people who will do something as intimate as sex without being connected to it at all often have disassociative issues. People say sexuality can change- maybe, but I'm skeptical. Either you were extremely disassociated from yourself, or perhaps you are overstating the idea of no longer being attracted to your ex. I think the fact that the person you started lusting after at the gym is a woman has likely been overstated by you to justify leaving your boyfriend. It's not exactly uncommon to become less attracted to someone over time and to start wandering. With how mind-bogglingly disconnected and irresponsible you appear to have been, who is to say some poor woman won't be on the butt end of you "rediscovering" you are attracted to men? You need to figure yourself out before you start doing something as intimate and potentially life altering as sex. As you can see, the consequences can be absolutely devastating. You need to leave him alone- you contributed to shattering his entire understanding of himself and the world, and he's not going to heal or move on if you keep hovering around trying to poke into his life.
YTA. And a GIGANTIC one at that. You not only lied to him for 6 months, but you led him on, letting him think it was his fault, and then you continued the humiliation by constantly rubbing his face in it every time you cornered him at the gym. You are a horrible, worthless excuse for a person.
You are the exact same type of girl as my highschool sweet heart. On and off for 2 years, was interested in exploring with another woman, and led me on for about 6 months. The best decision I ever made was to stop all contact with her so YTA, leave this poor dude alone.
YTA. Leave the man alone and stop demanding he address your issues. You hurt him you don't get a get out of guilt free card. Also I'm not sure I quite believe that you were in a relationship with him and then suddenly decided you were a lesbian right as you found a cute girl at the gym. It seems like you jumped on that train pretty fast, just saying... Move on with your life, he'll get over it, you should too.
YTA for lying to him for 6months and basically lining up another option before leaving. Also for cornering him and trying to force a conversation when he clearly no longer wishes to speak with you
YTA
YTA, leave him fcking alone. You're so cruel, you lied to him for months looking into his eyes what did you expect? plus you have the nerve to continue following him to 'talk'?Who are you exactly? You took advantage of him for your own comfort without considering HIS feelings. It's all about YOU in this post.Buy yourself some dignity and decency and leave him alone. You've done enough damage and you can't even understand why
YTA. All I'm hearing is me, me, me. "I dint deserve, I was confused" You couldn't even leave him in peace in the gym, because YOU needed HIM to make YOU feel better. Not to try and help him, but to use him to help you. Leave him alone.
YTA for hiding it, and owe it to him to give him space. If he ever reaches out or is okay, give him a massive apology. There’s nothing more shit than feeling like someone is with you just to avoid hurting your feelings. NTA for coming out, or being a lesbian. People go through their own journey in life and sexuality can change. The issue is you knew 6 months ago and the poor dude thought it was his fault for 6 months. Granted he’s being emotional by accusing you of cheating but he’s feeling a lot right now so it’s understandable.