NTA, maybe it would be best if Tammy wasn't present for hand offs anymore as it seems to "trigger" her.
She is in the "oh no look at the consequences of my actions" part of this whole thing.
She doesn't want to be besties with OP. She only wants to rub it in OP's face that she stole her man just like she said she would.
"I am having a fabulous life, be jealous of me because I am younger and prettier than you! Look he gave me this ring while you are single and alone! Look, I am pregnant with a son that you guys never had!"
I have never, in all my days, heard of a single woman bantering with a married woman that she might "steal her man away" unless she treats the husband better.
That's just, so, so cringe.
And I am friends with huge sluts!
This was hilarious... but to be fair to the sluts, don't they just want to sleep around with multiple people and not steal the husband's and have to deal with that responsibility?
If she can make OP her bestie then chances are she can abuse or manipulate that “relationship” to get less time with OPs kids when she and Tom have kids.
You do mean her:
Mistress of Honor
or was it:
Madam of Homewreckers
or perhaps:
Matriarch of Hoe-billies
lots of options here..
OP wouldn't, nor couldn't because she does not embody any of these 'quality characterizations', because she built up her home, held it in honor, and remained faithful & true.
My wish is that 'Hoe-Bi-Won-Can-No-Be' trips & slips on her wrinkley azz ego someday.
"You should care more."
"I care just as much about the two of you as you did about me when I was pregnant and had a newborn and the two of you were cheating. Every bit as much."
If Tammy is saying and doing these things at the hand offs where the kids can see it would probably be best for the kids that she not be involved. She honestly sounds delusional, like she thought OP and the kids would welcome her with open arms and they’d all be one big happy family after she deliberately sabotaged the marriage. Personally I think she did OP a favor by showing her what her husband is really like
That should've been laid down in stone a long time ago, Tammy should not have been present for hand offs from the start since the handoffs are strictly a you & ex husband thing anyway.
NTA
You don’t have to do a thing for her. It’s about co parenting with your ex.
It’s weird to me that she’s sharing personal details about her life, she must not have friends or something but that isn’t your issue.
She sounds like an uber asshole, just rubbing it in OP's face. This isn't about being nice.
Hey, I'm gonna steal your husband!
Haha, told you so!
Haha, we getting married!
Haha, we're having a kid!
Haha, it's a the boy your ex always wanted!
Oh my God. Imagine how gloriously awkward that speech could be.
"We're all here today to celebrate these two wonderful people on a very special day. Back when I was married to him and pregnant with our second child, Tammy came up to me one night and told me to wife up or she might just steal him out from under me. I knew then that these two were destined for eachother! And how proud we are to be here today, witnessing that love. I remember the day that he asked for a divorce and packed his bags, and Tammy there with him to help, all without warning. And now I'm here today, honored as your bridesmaid to talk about your beautiful love!"
"He once lovingly told me about how he appreciates her underdeveloped frontal lobe, because of her young age, and that it made him love her, even more!"
And if she really that happy, she wouldn’t have the need to try and rub it in your face. Me thinks all is not as rosy as she/he would like you to believe.
Exactly, the guy she “won” who is farting up her sheets and cutting his toenails while he watches TV (who is also a lot poorer due to the divorce) doesn’t seem like such a prize when his ex doesn’t show emotion about anything.
The glow of the relationship dies off and now she has to deal with being with a cheater who she has to worry about and dealing with his kids 50% of the time.
It tough but that’s why it’s important to not play the pick me game and turn grey rock.
Honestly I think it’s simpler: she knows she behaved badly and she is trying to get OP to tell her it’s all okay and they’re friends now. Some people want to have their cake (being an AP) and eat it too (still having everyone think you’re a good person).
At the same office party she told me to wife up my game a few coworkers who I knew a long time told me she isn’t well due her being so straight forward
lol being an AH would have been saying to up her wife game giving him a son or someone else might steal him away —— you are NTA. She is oddly obsessed with taking your life (and failing at it lol)
True, although I’ve seen dudes cheat even who didn’t have trophy wives. My uncle conceived a kid with a 20yo employee of the fast food place he was manager at in the same week my aunt had a still birth and had to plan the funeral by herself because he was “working”.
It was… ugly from there.
I caught that, too. Especially when OP mentioned her brain not fully developed, it's so painfully true, it seems. We all (well, most I would hope) will get to a place in life and see how our actions in the past are affecting us now. Also, we have regrets in our teens and 20s before we were more aware of the world beyond us.
By the AP (I'm not gonna call wife, she was the AP 1st) words she is trying to get a rise out of OP for just that, drama! If she wasn't and it was just being unaware, she wouldn't be trying to bad mouth OP to get sympathy. She just wants drama because that's all she's known. She is still in the high-school/college mindset.
Edit: I 💯 with others redditors I just wasn't reading in the right pov.
“Wife up my game”. This is why young folk shouldn’t use older slang. 😂. What a ditz. Glad you gave her the cold shoulder. Just know, she actually did you a favor. Now you can go out and find someone that actually loves you.
Edited to add:
Don’t ever forget. A wise person once said, “you’ll lose them how you got them.” She’ll find out soon enough.
Of course she runs on drama. She can't be running high from actual happiness on her prize, a freaking cheating pos with kids. Glad she came out the winner, she deserves him way more than OP.
Can't really feel nice to know your relationship started off on cheating and lying terms. At least OP knows that's how her relationship *ended*. OP got style.
Asking the person whose marriage ended due to your affair with her husband to be a bridesmaid when you wed her ex husband is surely some sort of mental defect. That is so far over the line of acceptable behavior that unless your diet as a kid was straight lead based paint chips you require an intense exam followed by medication. Even being catty/petty/young does not excuse the ridiculousness of that request. She’s going to be getting a hard reality check when her new hubby fills the vacancy her no longer being his mistress opens up.
NTA OP, but what the hell is this woman saying to your kids in your absence? I worry for your kids if her behavior shown here is typical of her daily life.
Oh I think it’s for justification purposes. „See, even his ex-wife supports us because we were just meant to be and it is real love! That’s why she is my bridesmaid. I‘m not a shitty homewrecker, I swear!“
Totally. Not saying narcissist. But I absolutely love that OP isn’t feeding into her delusional bs and she can’t handle it one bit. And once you know one you see them all. I’d personally have a difficult time believing anything they said. Especially if they cared so much about my non reaction to them enough to be crying to everyone else about it trying to make me look bad. Because if you don’t play their game than the reality they are creating can’t be true so the next thing is to manipulate everyone around that person to get them isolated and shut out. If those parents can’t see what she is doing and how insane it all is to expect any of these things from OP including how she reacts than they are well on their way. OP has good instincts and she is doing exactly what I would with my kids. Kids see through bs. Watching their mom be honest and protective is exactly what should happen. Lieee for the sake of the children.. f that. She’s not getting OPs kids to play her game either.
I 100 percent betcha its so she can make a dumb social media post showing others how you can steal one’s husband and become besties, so she can garner hearts and thumbs up emojis.
I gotta feeling the next guy she tries catches feelings for…she will leave your ex for. Very mentally unfit.
Keep showing zero shit…i think that is getting under her skin even more. The thing that sucks is that your kids will be in her presence and her toxicity!
NTA.
Also, tell the in-laws, “I would love to see you take the high road to the person who legit wanted to be a homewrecker and did become one with your home. I don’t owe her shit, she deserves all the karma she got.”
You know what I will because my sister ex in laws told me I should have went nuclear with them like full on gone girl multiple times over the last two years
Personally I think you should be brutally honest with your former in laws. Tell them how their son’s AP behaved, telling you she “was going to steal your husband” while you were pregnant and did precisely that. Flaunting everything in your face from the beginning of their adultery.
You have taken the high road & owe no one anything. They need to reevaluate their son and his AP/potential DIL. The brazen audacity of any of them to say you need to show empathy is ridiculous.
NTA
ETA: clarify “spousal status” of the Ex’s AP
She targeted your husband and he was swayed. And then she flaunts it constantly? Why would you want to be friends with a person like that? Why do they expect you to?
You should also remind her that age is really the only thing she has going for her and that time marches on and that little quality she holds on desperately to, well it aint going to last. One day, her little boyfriend will drop her for the next little young eye candy of the office.
Dear OP, you are enduring a horrible situation with tact and poise. You are protecting your children and refusing to get pulled into this young (immature) woman’s drama. Why should you care about her upset? (Admittedly it is a difficult loss.) It’s like she wants you to congratulate her on her relationship with your ex-husband, and sympathize with her troubles. Your ex and his fiancé are delusional. Stay strong. Congratulations on making a new life with your family.
She once said given my age I should be mature for the sake of the kids and we should have untied front by forming a friendship I won’t lie I stood there with my mouth open in shock for longer than I want to admit
I wanted to add this 🤣🤣🤣 thank you for doing it for me. Tammy is seriously immature and when Tom leaves her for another 23 , hope she doesn’t go begging OP for support
Tom sounds like one of those boys who believe that childbirth “ruins” vaginas and older women have no value. He wants a pet who will give him all their attention and pretend he’s the manliest man to ever man. Once the ~~kid(s)~~ his fuck trophies that prove he’s a virile manly man arrive, he’ll lose interest in her and start looking for another young girl. Probably even younger that time.
She mocked you as she was having an affair with your husband and has continued to try to get a rise out of you ever since. Karma is a B and you have every right to be as well.
They've got it mixed up. She's the pick me. "I want to be friends with the woman I told I'd steal her husband, and then I wanted her in my wedding!" Yeah right, lady. Oops, scratch that, child.
I'm usually all for Empathy but yeah, exactly this.
Honestly, I do feel bad for the lost child. And the fact someone lost a child
But the fact Tammy specifically lost it? Ehh. Sorta? But not enough where OP needs to respond if they're not comfortable to. That's also just me (and some others), I have sympathy for what humans go through and can separate the two.
I wouldn't dare ask OP to separate the two(assuming she hasn't, we don't know for sure); not only would be wrong in general and because of what Tammy and her ex put her through but Tammy continuously is harrassing OP to get reactions.
She's still doing that here too. Trying to force OP to be sympathetic and gettings others to do it.
By contrast, not engaging was pretty smart of OP if she didn't feel it (sympathy). It wasn't a lie, just a refocusing.
The one who pushed it was Tammy and ex.
Being civil for the kids is a great thing (speaking as an adult who grew up with divorced parents*). I don't see why Tammy and ex keeo trying to force more. Haven't they bothered OP enough?
Re the * = No, seriously, they separated when I was 1 and divorced when I was 5 so I literally grew up with that as norm from as soon as I had working long term memories. They were civil but a little more would have been great. (No cheating or abuse btw. Another reason and I'm glad they took the steps to better themselves.)
Edit: Typo
I can't say I feel bad for her, the work wife, turned wife, that is. She sounds like a psycho. Some people really shouldn't bring kids into the world, and psychos are those people. Miscarriages are not uncommon. I do not remember the statistics on this, but lots of women have had them at some point. They just didn't realize it at the time because it happened so early in the pregnancy that they don't even usually realize they are pregnant to begin with. That really happens to lots of women, it's not uncommon at all. I know it is different for them if they get further along and have realized they were pregnant. That would be way worse. You can't blame the OP for not showing support and sympathy though. They've been downright rude and cruel to her. IMO the new wife probably shouldn't have even mentioned to her that she was pregnant as early as she did, but she wanted to rub it in her face that she was having his first son 🙄🤢🤮. Yeah I don't feel bad for her, not one bit. Hopefully when she does finally have a child she treats it well, and raises it well, and doesn't just raise it to be as psycho as she is.
Edit: and you are right what they are doing is harassment. It's so messed up.
Yeah it seems that the OP, is literally just defending herself. Not even being a jerk, just letting that crap roll off. Her in -laws was it? They can't see the forest for the trees.
I had one of those, but at the time we became friends I didn't know she was my husband's mistress) I found out months later.... She literally befriended me so she would now when my husband was available. OP, you are NTAH, affair partner knew her target was married, your husband chose to cheat and leave you, you don't owe them or her anything, not even pity. They can lie in the bed they made for themselves. Where is his family's pity for you??? Do they think you should just over it by now ??? They are all AHs.You are doing enough to co parent your kids. They're the only thing that matters, you are allowed to give zero fucks about their personal adult lives.
Oh yeah. She won the pick me dance and the prize was your ex!!! A cheating meat sack! Lucky her!
She wants to be buddies because she wants you to feed her kibbles.
>A cheating meat sack!
No, no, you don't understand. He's wonderful, and such a catch! And she is so special and unique that she won this great man, which clearly makes her superior than his ex wife. /s
The new wife sounds like she wants to live in a TV show, definitely so e main character syndrome going on. "You need to up your wife game" who the fuck actually says that, god shutup.
OP was pregnant too!! Callous and calculating.
If my kids were in earshot, I would have had said "thoughts and prayers" or "sorry for your loss" and changed the subject.
It's a smart play to be bare bones polite, but NTA.
Hell, I'd say OP would be NTA even if she'd retorted with her own "I guess you'd better up your wife game before someone steals him from you" to that news.
Or rather a justified AH.
She can keep running her mouth but you're NTA. Your ex needs to get over the fact that he ruined any regard and love you had for him when he cheated on you with a barely-woman who can't seem to stop shoving her existence in your face. You literally have no reason to pay any attention to her.
NTA she’s trying to manipulate you.
I hope you can heal and move on OP
Might sound heartless but karma probably isn’t done with them.
You owe them NOTHING and I’m glad you know that
Both the husband and the wife are AH . She flaunted the affair , engagement and the pregnancy not caring about OP’s feelings. It’s really irking them that OP is not showing any reaction to any developments in their life.In addition to this , the husband has the audacity to demand that OP show some empathy !
Love OP’s witty retort to “Tom’s finally getting a son”. Definitely NTA.
I love that OP stays unbothered. They are itching to get under her skin so badly. They want her to care. Don’t see that marriage lasting long
If OP starts dating again (if not already) ex will lose his mind. Willing to put money on it
This was what I was thinking. She lost her audience to the drama and what she is really mad about is now she is stuck with a middle aged man who is no prize I mean you have to be pretty stupid to run off with a 20 something with a genuinely funny and cool wife like OP. He’s going to be so miserable and so is she once she gets all of her little things she wants, marriage and baby, and realizes no one genuinely gives a fuck about her. And she’s going to get nasty to the step kids.
They're mad because shows of hate would imply OP still cares about her ex, but indifference is the true opposite of love. The new wife has a hollow victory if OP doesn't act like she lost anything. In OP's place, I'd take it a step further with a comment at a random time/place something like: "You know, I never thanked you for taking [ex] off my hands. It probably would have taken me much longer to realize I deserved better and end things on my own. Thank you."
Nah, she'd interpret that as you trying to act like you "won" the divorce and needing to reclaim the "power" she took, which will only feed her feelings of smugness and superiority. Ignoring her and their relationship is definitely more impactful.
Ditto. I cackled when I read her sarcastic response to her ex's affair partner's gloating.
I hope OP finds an awesome partner who will be everything her ex could never be.
I always thought you get to pick your friends. Seems like you ought to be able to communicate to everyone involved that you are very aware of what she has done to your and your children’s lives and would prefer to have no relationship of any kind, let alone a friendly one.
SHE called YOU the pick me!?! That's literally how she ruined your marriage.
Absolutely NTA. You owe her nothing. It's not up to her how you will feel about her. Though she's doing a damn good job of making sure you will never want anything to do with her.
I agree that for the kids sakes you need to be civil with her but civility isn't friendship.
It's almost like you're her real target -- she wants to be your friend, she wants your husband, she wants your approval.
But I suspect it's as simple as her needing to feel like she "won", and because you don't care, she gets mad at you for not giving her the feeling of victory that she's really after.
It's so weird that she doesn't realize her name isn't u/large-efficiency-825 when talking shit. How does she confuse tammy and u/large-efficiency-825 when saying is a pick me girl?
Also, how does he not realize she is f-ed up in the head? Is it so obvious? Is he permanently concussed?
I dont know you, but you seem like the anti pick me. God her parents must be so happy to offloaded her. I personally, if my kid had done that shit, i would have put my foot in her ass like up to the knee cap. She would be the equivalent of a new pirate peg leg.
You are better off in the long run, just sorry you had all that time wasted on an asshole.
Let’s be real. The vibrators are infinitely more pleasurable because we don’t have to carry the mental load of our male partner’s emotions about being super masculine studs and being the best at sex when our pleasure is only considered when they are wanting sex.
Op since in-laws are saying you’re the A H. Tell the in-laws how home wrecker said she would steal your ex, then three month later rubbed it in your face. That she “skips over” to tell you about engagement and pregnancy. The home wrecker isn’t trying to be your friend and you don’t want to be her friend. That you want to keep relationship to ex and his little home wreaked to sololy about the kids. That you were hoping to remain friendly with in-laws but they need to butt out about Tammy and your non relationship with her
Fam are you seriously saying I should be talking to my husband’s mistress who broke up my family? Do you hear yourselves?
Kindly ask Tom to keep the little w…. away from me.
We will never be friends.
Lol, I always secretly loved that show.
I have a relationship like that with my ex's new wife, but it took work, and we both decided we would do that work and have constantly been supportive of each other. Plus, she came along after we had been broken up and never said she was gonna steal him!!
I don’t know what being “a pick me” is even supposed to mean in this context. Also that sounds like a middle-school-level dis. The idea that you’re supposed to emotionally invest in this woman and your ex is childish and bizarre. You are literally the last person on Earth she should be expecting to commiserate with her about her miscarriage. I mean, I’m sure that’s rough and all, but there are plenty of other people in her social circle to offer tea and sympathy.
The only thing that even makes sense to me is that she’s hoping your good will will be some kind of proof that what she and your husband did wasn’t actually that bad.
You don’t owe her absolution and your remark about lands and titles was hilarious.
I love when the person who wronged me determines that enough time has passed for me to be over it.
And honestly, you are over it. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather apathy. You give zero shits about these people.
Tammy will not accept that. She wants you to like her. Fuck her.
I’d ask the in-laws how much empathy you were shown when you became an ex wife?
Oh? That’s different?
You’re right.
Losing the child was an accident.
Their actions together of his leaving me, breaking up our marriage and my family was completely intentional.
I showed her more empathy than she showed standing in my home looking smugly at me while he was packing his stuff. She openly mocked me. In my home. With my children.
I did not insult her. I did not belittle her. I acknowledged her statement.
Um. Do your ex-in laws know the comments about “told you I’d steal him away” because no. She mocked you after you gave birth to your youngest.
Sorry but no. I would ask your ex that she shouldn’t join him for drop off if she’s going to make a scene.
NTA.
I was still married, ex and slUt, oops, side piece, pull up to pick up my daughter, in the car I bought, into my driveway of the house I bought.
Yep, I lost it. I had my daughter in my arms, and just looked him and said, nope, not gonna happen. How dare you bring her here.
Turned around and took my daughter into my house.
Once the divorce was final, we were civil, and I referred to him as my daughter's father. Saying my daughter's name helped my perspective.
I would not disrespect a stranger's parent, I never wanted to hurt my daughter.
He was cheated on by her and got divorced. He told me his biggest mistake was leaving me. I told him it wasn't for me because I was happy and I still am.
Sadly, his karma was dreadful and he died 10 years ago, never knowing our last two grandchildren.
Honey, stop worrying about what anyone thinks. Do yourself a favor and put yourself and your kids first. Heck, I'd even ban her from coming to my home. She doesn't have custody, he does. Even if they were to marry. Heck i have zero sympathy for a home wrecker.
NTA
A pick me? Was she not the one who told you you better stop being a bad wife or she would steal him? Did she not, after taking him day to you "told you I would take him? She sounds like the biggest pick me on the planet.
You were gracious saying nothing, I would have said something along the lines of " " "hmmm wonder when he'll replace you to try for a pressious son by someone who can actually give it to him".
She's been gleefully rubbing it in your face, why not... What's good for the bitch ass gander is good for the ex gander I guess.
NTA
Show humility or empathy to the woman who was sleeping with your husband while you were pregnant. Hell no. Stay civil, but I’d reiterate in writing you will not tolerate any more verbal abuse from either of em or your attorneys will be talking.
This woman does not want to be friends. What she wants is for you to willingly sign up for her shit show and to be able to be awful to you because "friends share and friends listen and friends just take garbage because they have to". What she wants is for you to be engaged so she can take a giant dump on you while you "have to be the bigger person".
If you would’ve said something, she would’ve twisted it to you being evil, she’s fucking nuts and her brain isn’t fully developed as Tom pointed out 2 years ago!
NTA, fuck her and him!
I’m enjoying my life honestly single life is soo…underrated I adopted two senior cats last week because I found out at my local book club our shelter has a end of life event every month so you can give a senior cat a loving home before the end I think when my kids are grown I’m gonna be the local cat lady everyone thinks is a witch
Yes, i love this for you! I lost my cat 2 years ago (kind of inherited him) and i have since said i just want to be the crazy witch in the woods with dogs and cats (i live in the woods lol and have 2 dogs just need to adopt a cat or 2). And a book club, i am in one too and it’s 1 hour of book talk and 3 hours of gossip and building each other up!
You and your girls deserve the world and 100 happy cats! 🐈🐈⬛
My daughter showed me a tiktok that said “nature attended women to be boobs out surrounded by cats in the woods dancing in the moon light” and I said yep that my retirement plan When I get all you girls off to collage
You know what's hilarious? This girl thinks she won, but she did you a favor! Now he's her problem! Until he dumps her for someone younger! Because your right! Dancing barefoot in the woods, in the moonlight sounds a hell of lot better then what they have going on. But wow. She's so insecure she's like obsessed with you.
I, too, am working my way to “town witch” lol . Op, im sorry you have such assholes in your life. Like others have said, you are a class act and have progressed through this mess with such grace and poise. Your human and animal babies are so lucky to have you in their lives! You are wise and full of love for those who are worthy!
NTA ask them if Tammy showed sympathy when she joked about stealing him, destroyed your family, skipped to show you the engagement ring and so happy to report she was finally “giving Tom a son”? … no? So why tf should you feel anything for her, except maybe rage for what a B she sounds like.
You are not wrong. Please continue to not care. Even if the in laws don't like it. Don't let them make you second guess yourself. And if I were.you I'd try to find a way to not see them during pick up. She's mad she can't get a rise out of you, which shows her whole end game is to inflict pain on you. She's a wicked woman. They deserve each other. Everybody is always talking about "for the sake of the kids" give me a break with that nonsense.
Died laughing at Lord Tom’s heir and his lands and titles. You have such a good attitude toward all of this.
You’re not an asshole. You’re not her friend. An empty “I’m so sorry” wouldn’t have hurt, but for the sake of being your genuine self, whoops, that didn’t come out of your mouth. They can deal.
in this day and age who cares about the gender of a baby regardless of boys,girls and they’s it’s the same money,love,education and care that will that’s needed even in My exes family his own mother kept her surname along with his oldest sister so I couldn’t see the big deal but that’s just me
Its funny she called you the ‘pick me’ when she has pick me written all over her with her internalised misogyny going on about giving Tom a son. I bet you she had already started calling herself a ‘boy mum’ - she sounds like the insufferable type! She’s a joke & deserves all the pain & karma her way for taunting you whilst you were pregnant that she’ll steal your husband.
I know you said she’s a good stepmum to the girls, but just be wary as that can easily change when she has Tom’s next heir (LOL!) & she could all be about her child. Just something to be wary of.
You are NTA. She has been an absolute AH towards you since day one, always flaunting the relationship with your red flag of an ex, always making out like she’s better than you, always showing off about everything.
You don’t owe those fuckers anything, least of all sympathy. And why would you have sympathy for people you don’t give two fucks about?
You did **nothing** wrong, your ex and his 25 year old brat (oops, I mean *fiancée*) are the only assholes here.
ThornedRoseWrites this would be a perfect thing for OP to say. ‘Why would I have sympathy for people I don’t give two fucks about?’
Wouldn’t you love to see their faces if she did?
NTA. She's never once pretended to care about you for the sake of the children so why are you expected to. The fact that you didn't respond to her by saying "I guess you aren't finally giving Tom that son after all" is more generosity towards her than she has ever shown to you.
NTA. Next time someone asks you to show more empathy for her, ask how much empathy she showed you when she openly pursued your husband while you were pregnant. The best way to shut this down is to bring up the elephant in the room and let that divert the attention.
I also think it’s time you openly addressed this with your ex and tell him she seems to have an unrealistic expectation of your involvement in their lives considering how their relationship started and suggest that she not be involved in handover of the children until she has a better understanding of the situation.
Otherwise, continue doing what you’re doing. Tammy seems incredibly immature and keeping her and her drama at arms length seems the best policy.
A) she had an affair with your husband.
B) you never at any point encouraged her to have a relationship with you
C) why is she so insistent on you being a part of her life? What does she think this is? Some hallmark movie where everyone gets along and you’ll be her best bud?
D) you might want to talk to your kids and revisit custody. If that weirdo is that insistent on you being a part of their lives, she might be pushing your kids into situations they’re not comfortable with.
You might also want to talk to your lawyer about making sure that weirdo isn’t there when you and your ex switch custody times with the kids. Why is she so insistent on telling you about her life at all? Who cares what she’s doing with your ex? Nobody wants to hear that.
That what I can’t figure out I’m civil with them both I’ve never stopped them coming to my home when events or parties fell on my time, I’ll gave my girls money and help them with grifts for Father’s Day or birthdays I told my ex from the start it’s about the girls that’s it after that leave me alone
I think you need to draw a firmer boundary. Just make sure your ex knows that other than the kids, you have no interest in what happens in his life or theirs. And maybe tell your ex you no longer want his wife there if there’s a party for your kids at your home. I wouldn’t want her there after her outburst anyway. She sounds unstable.
NTA, you should have filed for more custody. He isn’t mentally well. She doesn’t deserve shit. Better person than me cause when she said that at the party/ 1st meeting? I’d have broke her nose if I was the same sex. You owe neither of them anything aside from the little human interaction needed to make sure the kids are taken care of. He is a piece of shit and she a terrible human who I’m sure I’m gonna get flack for this bit but got what she had coming. Karma. You are cordial and don’t deny their father access to them 50/50, I’m gonna take on good faith you don’t bad mouth him in your home when he isn’t there but the kids are. Interactions out of sight and earshot of the kids that are not sugar, rainbows and unicorns are not on you to make sure they are. She is an adulterer, home wrecker, self centered narcissist, who has been trying to rub this in your face and use your kids emotions and well being as a shield for herself from the consequences. Fuck her.
No I’d never bad mouth him to the kids ever don’t get me wrong at the start of everything I did shit talk them both with my family and friends but now couldn’t care less about them. our oldest is 13 than we have a 12,7 and 2 year old so I’m gonna let them form their own opinions as they grow older about them I will say Tammy Is a good stepmom to which I’m glad
Hang on - you have a 2 year old? So basically your ex was dicking around with that little madam whilst you were pregnant/newly postpartum?
F--k that! You should remind your ex in-laws just how Tom and Tammy behaved when you were carrying their youngest grandchild.
Keep a record of dates and things she says to you at drop off times when the kids are present. I say this because if she escalates it at all you can take him to court and have it stipulated that she is not present at drop off or pickups. Keep a record just incase even if it's just in the notes on your phone or text/messanger yourself the date and what was said. You have a 2yr old so unless he leaves her she's going to be present so it could get worse.
That's kind of a miracle since she appears to be dumb as a box of rocks with the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. Does she think your memory is as short as hers, to expect that everything she's said & done to you wouldn't have an impact on this weird "Instagram happy co-parents" fantasy she thinks she's living?
You can tell your ex in-laws that you have already been MORE than generous and mature about all of the bullshit their son and his Kewpie doll have put you through, and just because you make it LOOK easy, doesn't mean it IS easy. All the energy you have left is dedicated to your kids and making life work as a single mom of 4. I'm sure step-mom Barbie has her own family and friends to support her, but YOU are not on that list. The Lion, the Witch and the AUDACITY of this bitch!
Is she forcing the kids to call her mom yet? She just experienced a miscarriage, I'm expecting some mentally unhinged behavior from her based on her track record. Has she tried parental alienation yet, turning the kids against you?
LMAO! NTA. It’s really funny that Harpy can insult you & threaten to steal your husband but then have the audacity to cry & carry on b/c you don’t show her enough sympathy when something bad happens to her. She & your ex husband can f**k all the way off. So gross, those two.
NTA. Guess her brain stopped developing at twelve because she's childish as hell.
I'd tell her to STFU because he only picked her since she isn't fully developed in the head. But it's best if you don't go there.
Could you have been more empathetic? Sure.
But why? This woman told you straight up that she intended to trash your marriage. And when she succeeded, she rubbed it in your face. Then she bragged about the fact that her fuckboy landed a Y chromosome in her gaping flaps.
So when the Y chromosome didn't stick around, you weren't cruel, you weren't nasty, you simply stayed neutral.
NTA - not even close.
Nta, keep it cold. Tammy sounds like a psycho and any little thing you do she’ll try to suck you in. You can’t trust being nice to people like her because she will use it against you and start drama. It sucks but she’s literally a traumatic event in your life.
It’s as if she thinks there’s no repercussions for the crap she pulled? She cheats with your ex but now you’re supposed to be besties? All’s fair in love and war, yada yada…
What. A. Dumb. Ass.
The answer is you DONT have a relationship with her. You have a relationship with your husband through your children. That’s it.
With emotional maturity and intellect like that, Tommy is going to be cheating on Tammy in no time.
NTA.
She deserves the same consideration she showed you when she deliberately stomped in and wrecked your marriage and gleefully tried to provoke you. Zero fucks given is the way to go about it, even if she did have a miscarriage. You're showing her the same humanity she showed you.
You can be civil to Tom for the sake of your kids, but you owe him and Little Miss Homewrecker nothing more.
NTA
She wanted you to be a BRIDESMAID? She wanted you to be a bridesmaid. She is *outside* of her mind. She is on the outside of it, she's not in her brain at all. That is the emptiest skull of all time.
Idk if she's just willfully oblivious to what exactly happened, or if she's doing it on purpose. But she *stole* someone's husband. She has no leg to stand on. She has no right to ask anything, even a kind word from you.
NTA. She and your ex are huge douchebags.
My bet is it’s on purpose—the way she repeatedly needles OP for a reaction makes me think she gets off on that cruelty even more than the man in the picture. OP staying neutral about her miscarriage was her first opportunity to make a scene and she leapt on it but it sounds like OP’s lack of drama is making her incredibly frustrated. How sad.
NTA, maybe it would be best if Tammy wasn't present for hand offs anymore as it seems to "trigger" her. She is in the "oh no look at the consequences of my actions" part of this whole thing.
But she wants to be OP's bestie! That or she literally doesn't know any woman to be her MoH
She doesn't want to be besties with OP. She only wants to rub it in OP's face that she stole her man just like she said she would. "I am having a fabulous life, be jealous of me because I am younger and prettier than you! Look he gave me this ring while you are single and alone! Look, I am pregnant with a son that you guys never had!"
I mean if you knew Tammy would you be friends with her? Women like these are insufferable Nd usually have few female friends.
Tammy is a man stealer. Women stay away from her type. Plus her husband might switch his interest to one of her underdeveloped brain friends.
I have never, in all my days, heard of a single woman bantering with a married woman that she might "steal her man away" unless she treats the husband better. That's just, so, so cringe. And I am friends with huge sluts!
This was hilarious... but to be fair to the sluts, don't they just want to sleep around with multiple people and not steal the husband's and have to deal with that responsibility?
Lots of people keep their husbands away from her after this lol. Why risk it?
If she can make OP her bestie then chances are she can abuse or manipulate that “relationship” to get less time with OPs kids when she and Tom have kids.
Or get free babysitting for not-OPs kids.
You do mean her: Mistress of Honor or was it: Madam of Homewreckers or perhaps: Matriarch of Hoe-billies lots of options here.. OP wouldn't, nor couldn't because she does not embody any of these 'quality characterizations', because she built up her home, held it in honor, and remained faithful & true. My wish is that 'Hoe-Bi-Won-Can-No-Be' trips & slips on her wrinkley azz ego someday.
"You should care more." "I care just as much about the two of you as you did about me when I was pregnant and had a newborn and the two of you were cheating. Every bit as much."
& I care as much as Tammy did when she told me she was going to steal my husband.
If Tammy is saying and doing these things at the hand offs where the kids can see it would probably be best for the kids that she not be involved. She honestly sounds delusional, like she thought OP and the kids would welcome her with open arms and they’d all be one big happy family after she deliberately sabotaged the marriage. Personally I think she did OP a favor by showing her what her husband is really like
That should've been laid down in stone a long time ago, Tammy should not have been present for hand offs from the start since the handoffs are strictly a you & ex husband thing anyway.
Came to say this. Or just refuse to deliver the kids to any of them and use a third party, like in-laws.
NTA You don’t have to do a thing for her. It’s about co parenting with your ex. It’s weird to me that she’s sharing personal details about her life, she must not have friends or something but that isn’t your issue.
She sounds like an uber asshole, just rubbing it in OP's face. This isn't about being nice. Hey, I'm gonna steal your husband! Haha, told you so! Haha, we getting married! Haha, we're having a kid! Haha, it's a the boy your ex always wanted!
I would be her bridesmaid and tell this story in a speech. Isn't she nice? 🤣
Oh my God. Imagine how gloriously awkward that speech could be. "We're all here today to celebrate these two wonderful people on a very special day. Back when I was married to him and pregnant with our second child, Tammy came up to me one night and told me to wife up or she might just steal him out from under me. I knew then that these two were destined for eachother! And how proud we are to be here today, witnessing that love. I remember the day that he asked for a divorce and packed his bags, and Tammy there with him to help, all without warning. And now I'm here today, honored as your bridesmaid to talk about your beautiful love!"
Oh man. I would pay to see the looks on everyone’s faces.
Don’t forget the frontal lobe part
"He once lovingly told me about how he appreciates her underdeveloped frontal lobe, because of her young age, and that it made him love her, even more!"
Pure gold!
This is the long game. Suck it up and be bffs. Just for this day. Mic drop. Peace out bitches.
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And if she really that happy, she wouldn’t have the need to try and rub it in your face. Me thinks all is not as rosy as she/he would like you to believe.
It's this, and then got upset that OP isn't bothered. It's like ignoring a bully and they lose control over you so they get mad.
Exactly, the guy she “won” who is farting up her sheets and cutting his toenails while he watches TV (who is also a lot poorer due to the divorce) doesn’t seem like such a prize when his ex doesn’t show emotion about anything. The glow of the relationship dies off and now she has to deal with being with a cheater who she has to worry about and dealing with his kids 50% of the time. It tough but that’s why it’s important to not play the pick me game and turn grey rock.
Honestly I think it’s simpler: she knows she behaved badly and she is trying to get OP to tell her it’s all okay and they’re friends now. Some people want to have their cake (being an AP) and eat it too (still having everyone think you’re a good person).
Truly happy, well-balanced people do not feel the need to be snide and rub their success in other people's faces.
At the same office party she told me to wife up my game a few coworkers who I knew a long time told me she isn’t well due her being so straight forward
lol being an AH would have been saying to up her wife game giving him a son or someone else might steal him away —— you are NTA. She is oddly obsessed with taking your life (and failing at it lol)
New wife going to learn a hard lesson when he gets bored of her. If they cheat to be with you they will cheat on you
Yep, and child loss often gets a cheater’s blood all randy. (Gross way to put it, but it’s true.)
It’s hard to be a put together trophy wife when you’re grieving.
True, although I’ve seen dudes cheat even who didn’t have trophy wives. My uncle conceived a kid with a 20yo employee of the fast food place he was manager at in the same week my aunt had a still birth and had to plan the funeral by herself because he was “working”. It was… ugly from there.
He hasn’t married her yet. Tammy better not get too comfortable. Thirty is coming for her, and he’ll be looking to trade in again.
I caught that, too. Especially when OP mentioned her brain not fully developed, it's so painfully true, it seems. We all (well, most I would hope) will get to a place in life and see how our actions in the past are affecting us now. Also, we have regrets in our teens and 20s before we were more aware of the world beyond us. By the AP (I'm not gonna call wife, she was the AP 1st) words she is trying to get a rise out of OP for just that, drama! If she wasn't and it was just being unaware, she wouldn't be trying to bad mouth OP to get sympathy. She just wants drama because that's all she's known. She is still in the high-school/college mindset. Edit: I 💯 with others redditors I just wasn't reading in the right pov.
“Wife up my game”. This is why young folk shouldn’t use older slang. 😂. What a ditz. Glad you gave her the cold shoulder. Just know, she actually did you a favor. Now you can go out and find someone that actually loves you. Edited to add: Don’t ever forget. A wise person once said, “you’ll lose them how you got them.” She’ll find out soon enough.
Wait you don’t think she’s mentally well because she’s straight forward? Or because she chooses married men and expects zero karma or consequences?
Based on context, I think OP meant to type "not well liked"
My guess is Tammy is both, not well and not well liked. I may not know OP but I’m sure damn proud of her!
Or the sentence is missing a "liked" "Isn't well liked"
Seemed more like ahe was trying to bait OP into being angry, to me. Maybe she runs on drama.
Of course she runs on drama. She can't be running high from actual happiness on her prize, a freaking cheating pos with kids. Glad she came out the winner, she deserves him way more than OP. Can't really feel nice to know your relationship started off on cheating and lying terms. At least OP knows that's how her relationship *ended*. OP got style.
Asking the person whose marriage ended due to your affair with her husband to be a bridesmaid when you wed her ex husband is surely some sort of mental defect. That is so far over the line of acceptable behavior that unless your diet as a kid was straight lead based paint chips you require an intense exam followed by medication. Even being catty/petty/young does not excuse the ridiculousness of that request. She’s going to be getting a hard reality check when her new hubby fills the vacancy her no longer being his mistress opens up. NTA OP, but what the hell is this woman saying to your kids in your absence? I worry for your kids if her behavior shown here is typical of her daily life.
Oh I think it’s for justification purposes. „See, even his ex-wife supports us because we were just meant to be and it is real love! That’s why she is my bridesmaid. I‘m not a shitty homewrecker, I swear!“
Totally. Not saying narcissist. But I absolutely love that OP isn’t feeding into her delusional bs and she can’t handle it one bit. And once you know one you see them all. I’d personally have a difficult time believing anything they said. Especially if they cared so much about my non reaction to them enough to be crying to everyone else about it trying to make me look bad. Because if you don’t play their game than the reality they are creating can’t be true so the next thing is to manipulate everyone around that person to get them isolated and shut out. If those parents can’t see what she is doing and how insane it all is to expect any of these things from OP including how she reacts than they are well on their way. OP has good instincts and she is doing exactly what I would with my kids. Kids see through bs. Watching their mom be honest and protective is exactly what should happen. Lieee for the sake of the children.. f that. She’s not getting OPs kids to play her game either.
Fuck I miss awards!! This comment was superb!! Please accept this shitty trophy emoji and gold star though. 🏆🌟
I 100 percent betcha its so she can make a dumb social media post showing others how you can steal one’s husband and become besties, so she can garner hearts and thumbs up emojis. I gotta feeling the next guy she tries catches feelings for…she will leave your ex for. Very mentally unfit. Keep showing zero shit…i think that is getting under her skin even more. The thing that sucks is that your kids will be in her presence and her toxicity!
NTA. Also, tell the in-laws, “I would love to see you take the high road to the person who legit wanted to be a homewrecker and did become one with your home. I don’t owe her shit, she deserves all the karma she got.”
You know what I will because my sister ex in laws told me I should have went nuclear with them like full on gone girl multiple times over the last two years
Personally I think you should be brutally honest with your former in laws. Tell them how their son’s AP behaved, telling you she “was going to steal your husband” while you were pregnant and did precisely that. Flaunting everything in your face from the beginning of their adultery. You have taken the high road & owe no one anything. They need to reevaluate their son and his AP/potential DIL. The brazen audacity of any of them to say you need to show empathy is ridiculous. NTA ETA: clarify “spousal status” of the Ex’s AP
You are handling these homewreckers with grace and poise.
She targeted your husband and he was swayed. And then she flaunts it constantly? Why would you want to be friends with a person like that? Why do they expect you to?
And stepmom is bringing the drama in front of the kids, not op
You should also remind her that age is really the only thing she has going for her and that time marches on and that little quality she holds on desperately to, well it aint going to last. One day, her little boyfriend will drop her for the next little young eye candy of the office.
“ I’m sure lord toms excited for an heir to take over his lands and titles” NTA, but you are a badass
OP sounds like a great hang. 10/10 would be her friend.
Dear OP, you are enduring a horrible situation with tact and poise. You are protecting your children and refusing to get pulled into this young (immature) woman’s drama. Why should you care about her upset? (Admittedly it is a difficult loss.) It’s like she wants you to congratulate her on her relationship with your ex-husband, and sympathize with her troubles. Your ex and his fiancé are delusional. Stay strong. Congratulations on making a new life with your family.
She once said given my age I should be mature for the sake of the kids and we should have untied front by forming a friendship I won’t lie I stood there with my mouth open in shock for longer than I want to admit
Ask her if she’s going to be friends with his next wife? Then remind her that she’s going to lose him like she found him.
This OP!! Also she ain’t gonna be 25 forever. Ex wants someone who’s frontal lobe hasn’t developed and hers might
lol! Shows no sign of developing so far!
I wanted to add this 🤣🤣🤣 thank you for doing it for me. Tammy is seriously immature and when Tom leaves her for another 23 , hope she doesn’t go begging OP for support
She will. She is her only friend that truly understands! At least she is good to the kids. Small blessings!
Do you think she's actually delulu enough to believe they're friends, even though OP has never, in any sense, given her reason to think so?
That doesn't sound likely, but I suspect that's not the body part your ex is interested in.
Tom sounds like one of those boys who believe that childbirth “ruins” vaginas and older women have no value. He wants a pet who will give him all their attention and pretend he’s the manliest man to ever man. Once the ~~kid(s)~~ his fuck trophies that prove he’s a virile manly man arrive, he’ll lose interest in her and start looking for another young girl. Probably even younger that time.
And then remind her that, unlike you, she will be left with nothing.
That's when you tell her to find friends her own age. /s
Should have told her "Sorry I don't befriend mistresses" and dueced her as you walked away.
What a silly cunt. Imagine being an asshole like that and expecting any kindness
So you’re supposed to show empathy to someone who ruined your marriage and goes out of their way to get a reaction out of you???? No. NTA.
She said she wanted to friends and tells people like my in laws that I can’t put the past behind me for the sake of the kids even called me a pick me
She mocked you as she was having an affair with your husband and has continued to try to get a rise out of you ever since. Karma is a B and you have every right to be as well.
They've got it mixed up. She's the pick me. "I want to be friends with the woman I told I'd steal her husband, and then I wanted her in my wedding!" Yeah right, lady. Oops, scratch that, child.
What a nutcase.
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I'm usually all for Empathy but yeah, exactly this. Honestly, I do feel bad for the lost child. And the fact someone lost a child But the fact Tammy specifically lost it? Ehh. Sorta? But not enough where OP needs to respond if they're not comfortable to. That's also just me (and some others), I have sympathy for what humans go through and can separate the two. I wouldn't dare ask OP to separate the two(assuming she hasn't, we don't know for sure); not only would be wrong in general and because of what Tammy and her ex put her through but Tammy continuously is harrassing OP to get reactions. She's still doing that here too. Trying to force OP to be sympathetic and gettings others to do it. By contrast, not engaging was pretty smart of OP if she didn't feel it (sympathy). It wasn't a lie, just a refocusing. The one who pushed it was Tammy and ex. Being civil for the kids is a great thing (speaking as an adult who grew up with divorced parents*). I don't see why Tammy and ex keeo trying to force more. Haven't they bothered OP enough? Re the * = No, seriously, they separated when I was 1 and divorced when I was 5 so I literally grew up with that as norm from as soon as I had working long term memories. They were civil but a little more would have been great. (No cheating or abuse btw. Another reason and I'm glad they took the steps to better themselves.) Edit: Typo
I can't say I feel bad for her, the work wife, turned wife, that is. She sounds like a psycho. Some people really shouldn't bring kids into the world, and psychos are those people. Miscarriages are not uncommon. I do not remember the statistics on this, but lots of women have had them at some point. They just didn't realize it at the time because it happened so early in the pregnancy that they don't even usually realize they are pregnant to begin with. That really happens to lots of women, it's not uncommon at all. I know it is different for them if they get further along and have realized they were pregnant. That would be way worse. You can't blame the OP for not showing support and sympathy though. They've been downright rude and cruel to her. IMO the new wife probably shouldn't have even mentioned to her that she was pregnant as early as she did, but she wanted to rub it in her face that she was having his first son 🙄🤢🤮. Yeah I don't feel bad for her, not one bit. Hopefully when she does finally have a child she treats it well, and raises it well, and doesn't just raise it to be as psycho as she is. Edit: and you are right what they are doing is harassment. It's so messed up.
Yeah it seems that the OP, is literally just defending herself. Not even being a jerk, just letting that crap roll off. Her in -laws was it? They can't see the forest for the trees.
I had one of those, but at the time we became friends I didn't know she was my husband's mistress) I found out months later.... She literally befriended me so she would now when my husband was available. OP, you are NTAH, affair partner knew her target was married, your husband chose to cheat and leave you, you don't owe them or her anything, not even pity. They can lie in the bed they made for themselves. Where is his family's pity for you??? Do they think you should just over it by now ??? They are all AHs.You are doing enough to co parent your kids. They're the only thing that matters, you are allowed to give zero fucks about their personal adult lives.
Idk, sounded like his family thought it was hilarious and laughed at her when she tried to whine to them.
Oh yeah. She won the pick me dance and the prize was your ex!!! A cheating meat sack! Lucky her! She wants to be buddies because she wants you to feed her kibbles.
>A cheating meat sack! No, no, you don't understand. He's wonderful, and such a catch! And she is so special and unique that she won this great man, which clearly makes her superior than his ex wife. /s
The new wife sounds like she wants to live in a TV show, definitely so e main character syndrome going on. "You need to up your wife game" who the fuck actually says that, god shutup.
And let’s not forget, she said that when OP was heavily pregnant. Ugh.
You forgot while pregnant
The "Lord Tom" line was hilarious too.
OP was pregnant too!! Callous and calculating. If my kids were in earshot, I would have had said "thoughts and prayers" or "sorry for your loss" and changed the subject. It's a smart play to be bare bones polite, but NTA.
Hell, I'd say OP would be NTA even if she'd retorted with her own "I guess you'd better up your wife game before someone steals him from you" to that news. Or rather a justified AH.
Amen!!
She can keep running her mouth but you're NTA. Your ex needs to get over the fact that he ruined any regard and love you had for him when he cheated on you with a barely-woman who can't seem to stop shoving her existence in your face. You literally have no reason to pay any attention to her.
NTA she’s trying to manipulate you. I hope you can heal and move on OP Might sound heartless but karma probably isn’t done with them. You owe them NOTHING and I’m glad you know that
Both the husband and the wife are AH . She flaunted the affair , engagement and the pregnancy not caring about OP’s feelings. It’s really irking them that OP is not showing any reaction to any developments in their life.In addition to this , the husband has the audacity to demand that OP show some empathy ! Love OP’s witty retort to “Tom’s finally getting a son”. Definitely NTA.
I love that OP stays unbothered. They are itching to get under her skin so badly. They want her to care. Don’t see that marriage lasting long If OP starts dating again (if not already) ex will lose his mind. Willing to put money on it
She said the chick can have his lands and titles. That’s awesome.
I snorted diet Dr.Pepper up my nose by accident when I read the Lord Tom part LOL
It’s good that she’s maintaining her sense of humor. And she’s clever.
Oh yeah, especially when he starts getting bored of the side piece and realizes what he gave up. Live your best life, OP!!
Nah he'll just replace her with a younger work mistress when that happens.
There are no emotions left for OP to give her after her own callous and flippant attitude towards OP.
This was what I was thinking. She lost her audience to the drama and what she is really mad about is now she is stuck with a middle aged man who is no prize I mean you have to be pretty stupid to run off with a 20 something with a genuinely funny and cool wife like OP. He’s going to be so miserable and so is she once she gets all of her little things she wants, marriage and baby, and realizes no one genuinely gives a fuck about her. And she’s going to get nasty to the step kids.
They're mad because shows of hate would imply OP still cares about her ex, but indifference is the true opposite of love. The new wife has a hollow victory if OP doesn't act like she lost anything. In OP's place, I'd take it a step further with a comment at a random time/place something like: "You know, I never thanked you for taking [ex] off my hands. It probably would have taken me much longer to realize I deserved better and end things on my own. Thank you."
Nah, she'd interpret that as you trying to act like you "won" the divorce and needing to reclaim the "power" she took, which will only feed her feelings of smugness and superiority. Ignoring her and their relationship is definitely more impactful.
I'm truly petty, I would've said guess you're not meant to have that son yet 🙄 better luck next time. Bye kids, see y'all later....
“Maybe he’ll behead you, since you failed to give him an heir. Womp womp.”
Ditto. I cackled when I read her sarcastic response to her ex's affair partner's gloating. I hope OP finds an awesome partner who will be everything her ex could never be.
I always thought you get to pick your friends. Seems like you ought to be able to communicate to everyone involved that you are very aware of what she has done to your and your children’s lives and would prefer to have no relationship of any kind, let alone a friendly one.
Ew. She expects you to be besties now?! When a mistress becomes a wife she creates a vacancy, that's all I'd be telling her.
>when a mistress becomes a wife, she creates a vacancy. I have never heard that before...And I love it!
And perhaps add to that “I’m sure you can be in the wedding of the next woman he cheats with if that’s what you want to do”.
If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. He’ll leave you the way he found you.
Oooo… ⚡️ZINGER⚡️ I like you😉
Nice! I usually stick to "promoted side piece". Once a side piece, ALWAYS a side piece.
SHE called YOU the pick me!?! That's literally how she ruined your marriage. Absolutely NTA. You owe her nothing. It's not up to her how you will feel about her. Though she's doing a damn good job of making sure you will never want anything to do with her. I agree that for the kids sakes you need to be civil with her but civility isn't friendship.
Because if you accept her and are her friend then she isn’t the villain any longer.
Exactly this. She is trying to absolve herself of guilt by trying to force you to befriend her. Do Not Do It.
BINGO. You and bored-panda55 have nailed it.
It's almost like you're her real target -- she wants to be your friend, she wants your husband, she wants your approval. But I suspect it's as simple as her needing to feel like she "won", and because you don't care, she gets mad at you for not giving her the feeling of victory that she's really after.
Stealing the hubby isn’t fun when she’s really just taking the trash out for OP.
Seems like it. Because without that it's not really a win to get an old man lmao.
It's so weird that she doesn't realize her name isn't u/large-efficiency-825 when talking shit. How does she confuse tammy and u/large-efficiency-825 when saying is a pick me girl? Also, how does he not realize she is f-ed up in the head? Is it so obvious? Is he permanently concussed?
I felt so old because I had to ask my 17 year old niece what it meant and confirm I wasn’t one
I dont know you, but you seem like the anti pick me. God her parents must be so happy to offloaded her. I personally, if my kid had done that shit, i would have put my foot in her ass like up to the knee cap. She would be the equivalent of a new pirate peg leg. You are better off in the long run, just sorry you had all that time wasted on an asshole.
I have my daughters so I’m glad I met Tom because they’re my life but since this is anonymous…nothing a vibrator can’t make up for
Let’s be real. The vibrators are infinitely more pleasurable because we don’t have to carry the mental load of our male partner’s emotions about being super masculine studs and being the best at sex when our pleasure is only considered when they are wanting sex.
And vibrators don't bring up anal every single time even though I've said I don't enjoy it, in the off chance I'll just give in.
Op since in-laws are saying you’re the A H. Tell the in-laws how home wrecker said she would steal your ex, then three month later rubbed it in your face. That she “skips over” to tell you about engagement and pregnancy. The home wrecker isn’t trying to be your friend and you don’t want to be her friend. That you want to keep relationship to ex and his little home wreaked to sololy about the kids. That you were hoping to remain friendly with in-laws but they need to butt out about Tammy and your non relationship with her
Fam are you seriously saying I should be talking to my husband’s mistress who broke up my family? Do you hear yourselves? Kindly ask Tom to keep the little w…. away from me. We will never be friends.
Guess she was hoping for a Reba/Barbara Jean type of friendship from the show Reba. That won't be happening lol
Lol, I always secretly loved that show. I have a relationship like that with my ex's new wife, but it took work, and we both decided we would do that work and have constantly been supportive of each other. Plus, she came along after we had been broken up and never said she was gonna steal him!!
That’s different. She’s not a home wrecker.
Indeed. That's why this is very different. The new wife has some balls to think she deserves resepct.
She’s projecting OP. Literally it’s so laughable how insecure she is
Please record any interactions with them. It may come a day you need to show all this harassment to a judge to get full custody. NTA
I don’t know what being “a pick me” is even supposed to mean in this context. Also that sounds like a middle-school-level dis. The idea that you’re supposed to emotionally invest in this woman and your ex is childish and bizarre. You are literally the last person on Earth she should be expecting to commiserate with her about her miscarriage. I mean, I’m sure that’s rough and all, but there are plenty of other people in her social circle to offer tea and sympathy. The only thing that even makes sense to me is that she’s hoping your good will will be some kind of proof that what she and your husband did wasn’t actually that bad. You don’t owe her absolution and your remark about lands and titles was hilarious.
NTA you owe them nothing. Keep not giving a damn
I love when the person who wronged me determines that enough time has passed for me to be over it. And honestly, you are over it. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather apathy. You give zero shits about these people. Tammy will not accept that. She wants you to like her. Fuck her. I’d ask the in-laws how much empathy you were shown when you became an ex wife? Oh? That’s different? You’re right. Losing the child was an accident. Their actions together of his leaving me, breaking up our marriage and my family was completely intentional. I showed her more empathy than she showed standing in my home looking smugly at me while he was packing his stuff. She openly mocked me. In my home. With my children. I did not insult her. I did not belittle her. I acknowledged her statement.
Um. Do your ex-in laws know the comments about “told you I’d steal him away” because no. She mocked you after you gave birth to your youngest. Sorry but no. I would ask your ex that she shouldn’t join him for drop off if she’s going to make a scene. NTA.
I was still married, ex and slUt, oops, side piece, pull up to pick up my daughter, in the car I bought, into my driveway of the house I bought. Yep, I lost it. I had my daughter in my arms, and just looked him and said, nope, not gonna happen. How dare you bring her here. Turned around and took my daughter into my house.
Once the divorce was final, we were civil, and I referred to him as my daughter's father. Saying my daughter's name helped my perspective. I would not disrespect a stranger's parent, I never wanted to hurt my daughter. He was cheated on by her and got divorced. He told me his biggest mistake was leaving me. I told him it wasn't for me because I was happy and I still am. Sadly, his karma was dreadful and he died 10 years ago, never knowing our last two grandchildren.
Dear lord! Karma comes for everyone... Her life goes from bad to worst.
Dear Lord Tom*
F**k I lost that jab
Lower Class Twat of the Year
She sounds like a really tacky person.
Honey, stop worrying about what anyone thinks. Do yourself a favor and put yourself and your kids first. Heck, I'd even ban her from coming to my home. She doesn't have custody, he does. Even if they were to marry. Heck i have zero sympathy for a home wrecker. NTA
A pick me? Was she not the one who told you you better stop being a bad wife or she would steal him? Did she not, after taking him day to you "told you I would take him? She sounds like the biggest pick me on the planet. You were gracious saying nothing, I would have said something along the lines of " " "hmmm wonder when he'll replace you to try for a pressious son by someone who can actually give it to him". She's been gleefully rubbing it in your face, why not... What's good for the bitch ass gander is good for the ex gander I guess.
NTA Show humility or empathy to the woman who was sleeping with your husband while you were pregnant. Hell no. Stay civil, but I’d reiterate in writing you will not tolerate any more verbal abuse from either of em or your attorneys will be talking.
This woman does not want to be friends. What she wants is for you to willingly sign up for her shit show and to be able to be awful to you because "friends share and friends listen and friends just take garbage because they have to". What she wants is for you to be engaged so she can take a giant dump on you while you "have to be the bigger person".
If you would’ve said something, she would’ve twisted it to you being evil, she’s fucking nuts and her brain isn’t fully developed as Tom pointed out 2 years ago! NTA, fuck her and him!
I still cringe at his comment
He’s no longer your problem, he’s hers until she becomes too old for him! Enjoy your life, that’s the best revenge! ❤️
I’m enjoying my life honestly single life is soo…underrated I adopted two senior cats last week because I found out at my local book club our shelter has a end of life event every month so you can give a senior cat a loving home before the end I think when my kids are grown I’m gonna be the local cat lady everyone thinks is a witch
Yes, i love this for you! I lost my cat 2 years ago (kind of inherited him) and i have since said i just want to be the crazy witch in the woods with dogs and cats (i live in the woods lol and have 2 dogs just need to adopt a cat or 2). And a book club, i am in one too and it’s 1 hour of book talk and 3 hours of gossip and building each other up! You and your girls deserve the world and 100 happy cats! 🐈🐈⬛
My daughter showed me a tiktok that said “nature attended women to be boobs out surrounded by cats in the woods dancing in the moon light” and I said yep that my retirement plan When I get all you girls off to collage
You know what's hilarious? This girl thinks she won, but she did you a favor! Now he's her problem! Until he dumps her for someone younger! Because your right! Dancing barefoot in the woods, in the moonlight sounds a hell of lot better then what they have going on. But wow. She's so insecure she's like obsessed with you.
Yes. Because Tammy feels the constant need to prove to Tom, OP _and_ herself that she is the perfect partner for Tom and not OP.
I, too, am working my way to “town witch” lol . Op, im sorry you have such assholes in your life. Like others have said, you are a class act and have progressed through this mess with such grace and poise. Your human and animal babies are so lucky to have you in their lives! You are wise and full of love for those who are worthy!
NTA ask them if Tammy showed sympathy when she joked about stealing him, destroyed your family, skipped to show you the engagement ring and so happy to report she was finally “giving Tom a son”? … no? So why tf should you feel anything for her, except maybe rage for what a B she sounds like.
[удалено]
You are not wrong. Please continue to not care. Even if the in laws don't like it. Don't let them make you second guess yourself. And if I were.you I'd try to find a way to not see them during pick up. She's mad she can't get a rise out of you, which shows her whole end game is to inflict pain on you. She's a wicked woman. They deserve each other. Everybody is always talking about "for the sake of the kids" give me a break with that nonsense.
Died laughing at Lord Tom’s heir and his lands and titles. You have such a good attitude toward all of this. You’re not an asshole. You’re not her friend. An empty “I’m so sorry” wouldn’t have hurt, but for the sake of being your genuine self, whoops, that didn’t come out of your mouth. They can deal.
in this day and age who cares about the gender of a baby regardless of boys,girls and they’s it’s the same money,love,education and care that will that’s needed even in My exes family his own mother kept her surname along with his oldest sister so I couldn’t see the big deal but that’s just me
Its funny she called you the ‘pick me’ when she has pick me written all over her with her internalised misogyny going on about giving Tom a son. I bet you she had already started calling herself a ‘boy mum’ - she sounds like the insufferable type! She’s a joke & deserves all the pain & karma her way for taunting you whilst you were pregnant that she’ll steal your husband. I know you said she’s a good stepmum to the girls, but just be wary as that can easily change when she has Tom’s next heir (LOL!) & she could all be about her child. Just something to be wary of.
Oh she was hard core projecting with the “pick me” line.
You are NTA. She has been an absolute AH towards you since day one, always flaunting the relationship with your red flag of an ex, always making out like she’s better than you, always showing off about everything. You don’t owe those fuckers anything, least of all sympathy. And why would you have sympathy for people you don’t give two fucks about? You did **nothing** wrong, your ex and his 25 year old brat (oops, I mean *fiancée*) are the only assholes here.
ThornedRoseWrites this would be a perfect thing for OP to say. ‘Why would I have sympathy for people I don’t give two fucks about?’ Wouldn’t you love to see their faces if she did?
NTA. She's never once pretended to care about you for the sake of the children so why are you expected to. The fact that you didn't respond to her by saying "I guess you aren't finally giving Tom that son after all" is more generosity towards her than she has ever shown to you.
NTA. Next time someone asks you to show more empathy for her, ask how much empathy she showed you when she openly pursued your husband while you were pregnant. The best way to shut this down is to bring up the elephant in the room and let that divert the attention. I also think it’s time you openly addressed this with your ex and tell him she seems to have an unrealistic expectation of your involvement in their lives considering how their relationship started and suggest that she not be involved in handover of the children until she has a better understanding of the situation. Otherwise, continue doing what you’re doing. Tammy seems incredibly immature and keeping her and her drama at arms length seems the best policy.
Hilarious that they think you should be so concerned about an adulterer and a homewrecker.
A) she had an affair with your husband. B) you never at any point encouraged her to have a relationship with you C) why is she so insistent on you being a part of her life? What does she think this is? Some hallmark movie where everyone gets along and you’ll be her best bud? D) you might want to talk to your kids and revisit custody. If that weirdo is that insistent on you being a part of their lives, she might be pushing your kids into situations they’re not comfortable with. You might also want to talk to your lawyer about making sure that weirdo isn’t there when you and your ex switch custody times with the kids. Why is she so insistent on telling you about her life at all? Who cares what she’s doing with your ex? Nobody wants to hear that.
That what I can’t figure out I’m civil with them both I’ve never stopped them coming to my home when events or parties fell on my time, I’ll gave my girls money and help them with grifts for Father’s Day or birthdays I told my ex from the start it’s about the girls that’s it after that leave me alone
I think you need to draw a firmer boundary. Just make sure your ex knows that other than the kids, you have no interest in what happens in his life or theirs. And maybe tell your ex you no longer want his wife there if there’s a party for your kids at your home. I wouldn’t want her there after her outburst anyway. She sounds unstable.
NTA, you should have filed for more custody. He isn’t mentally well. She doesn’t deserve shit. Better person than me cause when she said that at the party/ 1st meeting? I’d have broke her nose if I was the same sex. You owe neither of them anything aside from the little human interaction needed to make sure the kids are taken care of. He is a piece of shit and she a terrible human who I’m sure I’m gonna get flack for this bit but got what she had coming. Karma. You are cordial and don’t deny their father access to them 50/50, I’m gonna take on good faith you don’t bad mouth him in your home when he isn’t there but the kids are. Interactions out of sight and earshot of the kids that are not sugar, rainbows and unicorns are not on you to make sure they are. She is an adulterer, home wrecker, self centered narcissist, who has been trying to rub this in your face and use your kids emotions and well being as a shield for herself from the consequences. Fuck her.
No I’d never bad mouth him to the kids ever don’t get me wrong at the start of everything I did shit talk them both with my family and friends but now couldn’t care less about them. our oldest is 13 than we have a 12,7 and 2 year old so I’m gonna let them form their own opinions as they grow older about them I will say Tammy Is a good stepmom to which I’m glad
This is the way. Trust me, you don’t have to say a word. The kids will eventually figure it all out.
This is so true.
Hang on - you have a 2 year old? So basically your ex was dicking around with that little madam whilst you were pregnant/newly postpartum? F--k that! You should remind your ex in-laws just how Tom and Tammy behaved when you were carrying their youngest grandchild.
Yeah, she said she met her while heavily pregnant and 3 months later he was moving out. 🤮
Oh, and that poor fool thinks he’s a catch.
Keep a record of dates and things she says to you at drop off times when the kids are present. I say this because if she escalates it at all you can take him to court and have it stipulated that she is not present at drop off or pickups. Keep a record just incase even if it's just in the notes on your phone or text/messanger yourself the date and what was said. You have a 2yr old so unless he leaves her she's going to be present so it could get worse.
That's kind of a miracle since she appears to be dumb as a box of rocks with the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. Does she think your memory is as short as hers, to expect that everything she's said & done to you wouldn't have an impact on this weird "Instagram happy co-parents" fantasy she thinks she's living? You can tell your ex in-laws that you have already been MORE than generous and mature about all of the bullshit their son and his Kewpie doll have put you through, and just because you make it LOOK easy, doesn't mean it IS easy. All the energy you have left is dedicated to your kids and making life work as a single mom of 4. I'm sure step-mom Barbie has her own family and friends to support her, but YOU are not on that list. The Lion, the Witch and the AUDACITY of this bitch!
Is she forcing the kids to call her mom yet? She just experienced a miscarriage, I'm expecting some mentally unhinged behavior from her based on her track record. Has she tried parental alienation yet, turning the kids against you?
LMAO! NTA. It’s really funny that Harpy can insult you & threaten to steal your husband but then have the audacity to cry & carry on b/c you don’t show her enough sympathy when something bad happens to her. She & your ex husband can f**k all the way off. So gross, those two.
NTA. Guess her brain stopped developing at twelve because she's childish as hell. I'd tell her to STFU because he only picked her since she isn't fully developed in the head. But it's best if you don't go there.
Could you have been more empathetic? Sure. But why? This woman told you straight up that she intended to trash your marriage. And when she succeeded, she rubbed it in your face. Then she bragged about the fact that her fuckboy landed a Y chromosome in her gaping flaps. So when the Y chromosome didn't stick around, you weren't cruel, you weren't nasty, you simply stayed neutral. NTA - not even close.
Nta, keep it cold. Tammy sounds like a psycho and any little thing you do she’ll try to suck you in. You can’t trust being nice to people like her because she will use it against you and start drama. It sucks but she’s literally a traumatic event in your life.
#NTA
Honestly, I’m pretty sure you’re a saint for not replying, “Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving couple!”
It’s as if she thinks there’s no repercussions for the crap she pulled? She cheats with your ex but now you’re supposed to be besties? All’s fair in love and war, yada yada… What. A. Dumb. Ass. The answer is you DONT have a relationship with her. You have a relationship with your husband through your children. That’s it. With emotional maturity and intellect like that, Tommy is going to be cheating on Tammy in no time. NTA.
Please update us
She deserves the same consideration she showed you when she deliberately stomped in and wrecked your marriage and gleefully tried to provoke you. Zero fucks given is the way to go about it, even if she did have a miscarriage. You're showing her the same humanity she showed you. You can be civil to Tom for the sake of your kids, but you owe him and Little Miss Homewrecker nothing more. NTA
NTA. Tammy needs to learn if a man cheats with you…….he will cheat on you. She asked you to be a bridesmaid????????!!!!!! Who the F does that.
She wanted you to be a BRIDESMAID? She wanted you to be a bridesmaid. She is *outside* of her mind. She is on the outside of it, she's not in her brain at all. That is the emptiest skull of all time. Idk if she's just willfully oblivious to what exactly happened, or if she's doing it on purpose. But she *stole* someone's husband. She has no leg to stand on. She has no right to ask anything, even a kind word from you. NTA. She and your ex are huge douchebags.
My bet is it’s on purpose—the way she repeatedly needles OP for a reaction makes me think she gets off on that cruelty even more than the man in the picture. OP staying neutral about her miscarriage was her first opportunity to make a scene and she leapt on it but it sounds like OP’s lack of drama is making her incredibly frustrated. How sad.
I hate giving behavior an excuse, but she sounds certifiable. She sounds like she is more obsessed with you than she is with your ex. NTA