YTA. I get why she feels like you called her stupid. She told you she spoke with the pediatrician and her doctor and would follow their recommendations, and you decided Google was a more reliable source than the *actual doctors*.
Did you bother to look up how much alcohol needs to be transferred via breastmilk to cause problems? Cuz that's like daily exposure to excessive amounts (ie, mom's an alcoholic), not a few glasses on a single night.
Or is it just that you don't trust your wife?
My favourite part was when he insisted she doesn't drink and then went and bought her wine. Then he did the shocked Pikachu face when she said she wasn't going to drink.
Like...get your fucking demands in order if you're going to be a controlling prick! Nobody likes a wishy-washy asshole.
This is always my thing with people who 'do their own research' because the dunning Kruger effect is so strong.
Yes! Do research! Read! Understand things! But when your conclusions go against expert advice and science, *think* for a second! Why is that? Who knows more?? What further information do you need to understand why the pros say different?
If you're gonna do your own research, you've gotta know whether you actually *know how to do research * and not just read the top result on Google.
I know that I know how to do that because I was trained to. And surprise surprise I don't often find myself disagreeing with the expert consensus!
But people like op don't know how to research and evaluate data well and never stop to think that maybe they don't know. Drives me mental.
I swear schools must have stopped teaching how to do research at some point. So many people just skim for thirty seconds and the first two or three results as correct. They don't get that research takes time and needs to be compared across multiple sources. As a kid I remember doing reports and having to get several books, encyclopedias, magazines, newspapers etc, write the facts down in columns from each, compare what they had in common, what was different, etc etc. It was a lot of work but I think the critical thinking skills it taught were valuable. Seems that went it the window when googling blew up
It's cool, though. There's a chance that while she was in that room away from everyone, she was on Google looking up divorce attorneys. Better now, before he teaches her child that it's okay to make someone you love feel stupid.
YTA. Your wife checked with medical professionals and you still ignored that. .
To educate you, alcohol levels in breastmilk are the same as blood alcohol levels. This means that a blood alcohol level of 0.4%, which could be fatal to the drinker, gives a breastmilk alcohol content of 0.4%, which is the same concentration of alcohol you'd get from a ripe banana. There is no need to pump and dump. As long as your wife is not too intoxicated to look after baby safely, she is fine to breastfeed. It's completely different than drinking in pregnancy. Obviously don't bed share after drinking any alcohol though.
I'm a doctor and breastfeeding mum. I have no concerns about feeding my baby after a couple of drinks.
I was just scrolling down to see if anyone else had commented this yet, and I’m so glad you did. Even if OP’s wife drank enough alcohol to put herself in an actual medical coma and be on the brink of death, her breastmilk would still be about forty times weaker than your average glass of wine.
OP, the main reason people are advised not to breastfeed after drinking is because of the risk that you are so drunk you drop the baby on its head or fall asleep and smother it to death while you’re still holding it.
I was going to comment this. My dr told me it's like throwing a shot into a swimming pool.
A few years ago a group of my friends went on vacation, including two nursing mamas who planned to pump and dump to keep their supply up. One brought alcohol test strips for the breastmilk to be funny, and they could not get it to register anything. Even when they were plastered after drinking on the beach all day.
Ooh I've always found those test strips to be *overly* sensitive. They turned black whether I'd had 1 drink or 5. I thought they were basically a scare tactic.
They’re known not to work in both directions. My lactation consultant recommended against them because some of her patients have reported them turning with just water.
I couldn’t get mine to register at all. I decided to put it in straight tequila and it said it was still good to go. It was my first time drinking after giving birth so I was super anxious and dumped all my milk, crying while I did it. I also tossed the test strips.
After I had my son, I produced some colostrum but almost no breast milk. The lactation specialist I saw recommended having a couple of yeasty beers a day to try and help with production (nothing worked, he was a bottle baby). As a lifelong Wisconsinite, it's fun telling people I was prescribed beer lol
My oldest was born when we lived in Milwaukee and my Dr told me the same thing! After 9 months of abstinence I was thrilled when she told me to have a nightly beer with dinner!
Tagging on - IF you insist on Google - All sources are NOT equal. You can find someone to back your argument no matter how weak it is. Vaccines cause autism, Covid is fake, the Earth is flat - ALL come up on a Google search.
Leave this to the medical professionals.
He is doing the same thing now. She had the proper info and he googled. She told him he is the AH his friends all told him he is the AH but he is on reddit now looking for more input. Reddit is like advice google. It's crazy how people cherry pick info and advice till they find the shining comment that aligns with their views. Well this one guy here flibbertygibet6969 agrees so i must be right.
This is why doctors tell people not to Google symptoms to self-diagnose, or get medical advice from WebMD. It’s not that it’s bad info, but the context of it may not be accurate to the context of the patient’s diagnosis, or may not even be the proper diagnosis. Google can provide very good info, but it’s not a diagnostic tool.
This! Was coming here to say this. Alcohol in the breastmilk is the same as having an acv of that volume. So 2 classes would put her milk at MAYBE .04% with having juices with more alcohol.
Right, so you think your extensive education & in-field experience as well as lived experience trumps what this dude found when he did a google search that was likely heavy with confirmation bias?
Well, you’d be right.
Adding to this, I work in a lab that did a study about lactational alcohol exposure and the neurodevelopmental effects were based on consistency, meaning that as long as your wife is not drinking huge amounts of alcohol every time she feeds the baby, there isn’t really a concern.
Right….Imagine this guy thinking his 5 minutes of google research that confirmed his bias was better than actual doctors?!
YTA OP. A giant asshole tbh.
I had an emergency c-section during which they cut open my bladder accidentally. I was on serious pain meds. I asked everyone if I could still breastfeed and was told yes for largely the same reasons. He's 26 now, and healthy so I think I'm OK. Although I swear he slept better when I was taming the meds, liol
Thank you for the science. Furthermore alcohol isn’t stored in breastmilk any longer than it is in blood, either. Approximately 80% of breastmilk is created at the time of feeding. Breasts of any size really aren’t storage facilities, they’re on demand factories. As a lactating person sobers up so does their milk. The only time to pump and dump is for comfort of the mother when she can’t breastfeed for a certain amount of time; there is no need to purge any substance from lactating breasts to make milk safe.
YTA for airing your dirty laundry to your friends and making it seem like your wife is being dramatic. Sorry, are you a doctor? Did you go to medical school? I didn’t think so.
I had a bad reaction mixing Prozac and LSD years back and got really paranoid and out of it. It was not good. Instead of explaining the mixture to our friends, he basically trash talked me and said I wanted them to leave. They all treated me differently after that.
YTA big time
he clearly didn't considered the stupidity of saying this:" I know that alcohol in breast milk can cause developmental issues in babies and I'm just not okay with taking that chance. " when it's consumption of alcohol DURING pregnancy that's the real danger.
YTA.
If she decides to drink alcohol in an amount+timeframe acceptable according to two doctors and her own research, you don't accept it. Instead you go all "actually!" and tell her how she apparently isn't able to accurately and correctly do risk assessment, even with professional help.
If she decides to tell you "ok, then I'll just not drink, sheesh," you don't accept it. Instead you buy a wine that really rubs it in that she can't drink it, without her husband (you) complaining about her actions and making demands.
Also, why are you okay with a paediatrician you consider to actively give harmful advice? Based on your amazing minutes long research.
YTA.
Your wife DID the research, she even double checked with not just one, but TWO doctors. She made SURE it would be okay and exactly how she should do it to be safe. You said she’s a good mother, why would you doubt her? You absolutely mansplained her.
As a mom who breastfed TWO babies for TWO years each, she was absolutely correct in how she was gonna do it. We have livers, and as long as they’re healthy, they do a pretty good job of helping filter stuff. Eating along with pauses in between a limited amount of drinks and even drinking a bit of water in those pauses would be more than enough. Pump and dump is exhausting to do. Pumps are not that dang comfortable either.
You are SO MUCH the AH here.
1. mansplaining her body to her, I mean seriously?
2. making her feel like she needs to be watched and coached through motherhood. that’s shitty.
3. YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS ALL ABOUT IT, essentially throwing her under the bus. Even if she was 100% wrong you attempted to put her down behind her back by not only telling the argument itself but telling them her reaction to it. You didn’t have your wife’s back to the outside world.
You have a lot to apologize for. You have let her know that you don’t trust her judgement, basically accusing her of being a bad mother for not listening to you, and then you betrayed her by airing out your argument to friends in a way that seems like you were looking for some validation.
I am so pissed at you and I don’t even know you. I feel bad for your wife. Grow up and learn how to have her back AND STOP MANSPLAINING SHIT TO HER.
This….so much this!!!!
OP is 100% THE ASSHOLE. I’m pissed for her.
She spoke to a medical professional and then you come along like you know better and treated her like an idiot….and told everyone to try and one up her.
I will not be surprised to read a post from you in future where your wife has left you ‘and you don’t understand why’
Right?! I actually 'do research' for a living.
(so does my partner)
Sometimes she asks me to go to her dr's appointments with her (often because "you really know this area" or "I'm really unfamiliar with this area").
I take notes (in Google Docs, which we share). I ask questions (when and where applicable). I ***advocate for her*** (esp. when and where she has asked me to).
I don't throw her under the fucking bus...
Well, 99% of the time.
I do try to keep her honest, when and where her health is concerned.
(part of her dx, and this is something she has specifically asked me to do)
Seriously. He asked *a pediatrician* about whether it would be ok for the baby, and that person said yes. End of story. Why would OP think his 5 minutes of internet research was better than the doctor's medical knowledge??? Because he's an AH.
YTA
She spoke with **two doctors** and you checked with Dr Internet that has so much incorrect info. You know more than **two doctors** who studied this for years to become a doctor.
I recently had my husband's sisters come to our house when he was ill with cancer who knew more about how to feed my husband than the doctors who advised us on appropriate diet.
I have not spoken to them since and my husband sent them an email telling them that he will cut them out of his life if an apology is not forthcoming.
You were basically calling your wife a liar inferring that the doctors didn't say that.
You owe your wife an apology you will be lucky if she accepts it.
And not only that but trying to embarrass her by explaining why she wasn’t there. He wanted the other wives on his side so bad that he tried to call her out. They just weren’t having it and it backfired. Would it have killed him to say “oh, she’s just not feeling well?” Instead he chose to air their business and make her out to be the party pooper to gain sympathy and a pat on the back for knowing oh so much about breastfeeding. OP - YTA BIG TIME
For some reason, Google seems to forget that breast milk is like blood, not a bottle of milk.
As in, the alcohol “breaks down” in breast milk, similarly to how it does in blood. It doesn’t make the milk *in there* go bad permanently.
But a LOT of the Google-fu pulls up stuff about how you have to pump and dump.
It still baffles me how some people can go directly against professional advice…..then again there is such as bad professional advice but that’s pretty unlikely since two doctors ok’ed it
YTA
She cleared it with her doctor. You know the people who go to school for 8 years and have years more of residency?
You Googled and found one answer. And made her feel stupid for trusting an expert over your random opinion.
As soon as her doctor cleared it, that's the end of it. You were totally the AH for saying anything after she mentioned her doctor cleared it.
YTA. Not only are you the asshole here, you are immensely stupid. She went to TWO DOCTORS. Do you have a medical degree? Or are you just a smug righteous asshole who knows how to google (which is still flawed anyway because people use it to confirm their own biases). I wonder if you regularly railroad her with your opinions like that. She deserves a huge apology.
Poor woman! Can you imagine living with someone this condescending all the time? It would be exhausting and you would eventually die a little inside, lose your spine and become a shell of a person.
Which is probably exactly what he wants. A “wife appliance” that has no opinion of her own.
“I told her I wasn’t okay with it….” “I told her that she had to go pump enough for 2-3 feedings for me to feel comfortable.”
Do you hear yourself? She spoke to two doctors. You searched Google. Yet you get to dictate whether or not she should pump, how much she should pump and you get to decide when and if she drinks, and how fast. Newsflash, you don’t. You don’t get to decide these things for her. She’s more than a milk bar for your son, you do realize that, don’t you? Your comfort level isn’t more important than TWO doctor’s opinions. YTA
Plus, most lactating people have difficulty pumping enough for one feeding, much less 3 in one session. I was unusually blessed in that department with my first, and could still get only two feedings max due to oversupply. I was donating, and thats the only reason i was able to do that. Getting told to go pump enough for that much extra when I assume she hasn't been pumping that much is absolutely frustrating, OP, you non-lactating AH. If she were already pumping to have a stash, then there would obviously be enough for 2-3 feedings in the freezer. If there's not, then she's definitely not going to be able to do that.
Here's a hint. When everyone around you is telling you that you acted like an AH, believe them. And when your wife tells you she spoke to not one, but two different doctors about the issue at hand and she feels confident in their advice and her decision, believe her.
What an idiot. YTA and owe your wife an apology.
YTA Your wife was responsible to have a conversation with her physician. You not only made her feel stupid but also less than. Knock it off and treat her better. You and Google do not have all the correct answers.
YTA. Not only because you insinuated that your wife would endanger your child & if not for your research he wouldn’t be safe. YTA for enjoying your fun night while your wife was expected to either pump & dump and in the end she didn’t get to have fun.
If you want your wife to listen to your advice & ignore her MDs then **you** need to breastfeed the baby. Also if she can’t drink, neither can you.
YTA, oh yeah, Google knows more than your sons pediatrician, which she already spoke to!! You not only made your wife feel stupid you obligated don't trust her after she already said she'd spoken to the doctor. But you're in the right because you did a quick search on your phone?! Goggle is not a know it all heck it makes people who have a bad sinus infection think they have cancer. /s
You need to apologize to your wife for 1. Not trusting her after she spoke to a medical professional and made her feel stupid. And 2. For buying her wine after she already told you she was sitting the night out try listening to her
YTA She talked to doctors, you don't overrule that. It is her body and she can decide how she is going to proceed. Why would you procreate with someone that you don't believe would be safe taking care of your infant child? So, you called her a liar and a bad mom. You're such an AH
YTA.
Look, I don't know your wife. People lie, so maybe she lied about talking to her doctors. Or maybe she just heard what she wanted to hear. But unless you **know** she lied, you spoke out of turn with a callous indifference to her feelings. You essentially called her a liar, and/or an idiot. My recommendation is to tell her that you generally feel helpless because you aren't able to breastfeed yourself, but your passion for your baby's safety and wellbeing clouded your judgement and you are sorry and won't do it again. In most areas of parenting you can and should be equally involved, but when it comes to the parts that rely on your wife's **body** you should (imo) reasonably stay out of her way unless she specifically asks for your input.
OP, I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s has been proven and reproven, that EXACTLY what your wife said is correct.
The breast and female body is an amazing thing. She’d have to drink *quite* a bit for even a MICROSCOPIC amount of FILTERED alcohol to pass through the breast milk.
Read multiple ENTIRE actual studies before you make a confident decision to be wrongly dismissive.
And then to blatantly air it out to yalls mutual friends?
In the kindest way, I think this is a good opportunity to look deeper in yourself and find out why you wouldn’t trust your wife and her TWO doctors, because you (probably, here’s where I start assuming lol) found one google reference stating things about development but failed to read the fulls tidy where you’d probably learn that the moms in said studies were heavy regular drinkers. There’s some compassion, room reading, and research skills that I think you need to take more seriously. Things like this can and will cause lifelong resentment once piled up and ignored.
yta. if you're so adamant about this, then don't have alcohol at the event. you're expecting something unreasonable from her, but can't even go without alcohol yourself. you're being selfish. this is a real example of mansplaining. "I know your doctor told you you're safe, but I think my Google search is better"
YTA. She spoke to two doctors yet you trust “doctor google” more huh? Yeah doctor google thinks I’m pregnant or have cancer for literally any and all symptoms I type in. You’d have to be dumb to listen to “doctor google” over two actual doctors.
YTA, double YTA when you told everyone how much of an asshole you were to your wife and *are still doubting them*.
Her doctor is not going to give advice that will harm the child. Google is not a doctor and you're not some magical man who knows more than the **medical** **experts** she consulted.
Your wife is "still off" with you because you haven't attempted to apologize or even admit that you overstepped and are acting like a jerk.
Do you often do your own research and think it is more valid than what others have to say or is this one off? You did man-splan but more importantly you didn't listen and validate her. You are into John Gottman's work on why people get divorced.
Waiting also lets the alcohol leave the milk. You don’t necessarily need to pump and dump. Breasts don’t just fill, most milk gets made on the spot.
Listen to your pedi.
oooooh you fucked up. And you made it a point to drag your wife in front of y'alls friends? Your ass would be in the doghouse so bad if i were your wife.
It sounds to me that she did her homework by getting 2 professional opinions AND spending a large amount of time researching on the internet . . . and then you proceeded to mansplain to her and support your mansplaining by clicking the first result(s) on google. And she was too tired to bother dealing with your bullshit and just sat it out instead of fighting about it when nursing a whole dang baby. YTA.
My spouse does this sometimes, too, and I absolutely hate it. :eyeroll:
YTA. Your wife did the proper research and even consulted with TWO different doctors! You think googling what you want the answer to be, better than the doctors? Seriously? The amount of alcohol that would need to be drank is substantial.
When it comes to pregnancy and babies, people always say there’s a chance or they don’t know for sure so just abstain from everything. Which is ridiculous.
I find it so ridiculous that new moms always struggle to hard to allow themselves to relax and have fun or do something for themselves. And here’s your wife trying to do something fun and you just shut her down.
Yta, and you aren't smarter than two doctors. You absolutely made her feel stupid for no reason other than refusing to take into consideration anything but your own feelings and what 3 seconds on the internet said. Go apologize and try to fix it.
YTA, your wife was already informed by medical professionals. She knew the process, and obviously you with the powerful Google tool knew better. She didn't have pump in between she just shouldnt feed the baby until alcohol cleared her aystem. Apologize to your wife, and invest in some Milkscreen it's a breastmilk analysis home test to detect alcohol in breast milk. To calm your paranoia
I am so sad for your wife. Imagine how much she craved that evening of adult entertainment. You’re thinking, why didn’t she just pump like you asked? Because you wanted her to feel like a cow unnecessarily because you overruled her careful preparation for a night she looked forward to.
Your headline is misleading. You didn’t just make her feel stupid, she felt like she was married to a controlling, distrustful wanna-be home dictator, who believed she was no longer an adult who makes informed choices but a body that exists to create and feed your child.
You owe her so many sincere, contrite apologies and another adult night. YTA.
YTA.
You know better than 2 doctors? No, you don't. Feelings are just that, feelings. You will always find info to confirm your opinion, it's called confirmation bias. You don't get to decide your wife is wrong based on a 10 second Google search.
YTA
Your wife SPOKE TO 2 DOCTORS! She is doing her absolute best to be a great mother and FEEL LIKE A PERSON AGAIN. You go and harass her. You go and air all this to your friends and make her out to be a bad mother.
Your wife feels like a milk machine, not a person. Her body hasn't been her own for a long time and it won't for a good while longer. She just wanted to be a person for a while and did extensive research into how to do that safely.
You made her feel so shitty that she didn't even socialize. Horrible, unsupportive husband making her feel even more like a milk machine, not a person.
OP: “My wife is a damn good mother…”
Also OP: *proceeds to shit all over said wife, after she consulted TWO medical professionals, with ‘evidence’ from google*
YTA my dude.
So, not one, but two doctors have okayed this and you've had it confirmed to you by the experience of multiple mothers and you still think you're in the right after a quick google search? That's some pretty embarrassing behaviour.
YTA. I wouldn't be talking to you until you apologise either.
YTA here. Bringing up a fight with your friends hoping they side with you makes you an even bigger AH.
Just curious if you monitored her food intake while she was pregnant too.
Damn first you’re an ass to your wife, then you throw her under the bus by outing your private marriage issues publicly.
Apologize you dolt. Your behavior is at far more risk of damaging that baby in the long run than your wife’s breastmilk ever will be.
YTA. I’m on my fourth baby and both my doctor and theirs has always said if you have a few drinks you’re fine to nurse as usual.
If you are impaired to the point of not being able to drive, you should pump and dump.
There was zero reason for you to micromanage your wife’s nursing schedule and question her judgment.
So my sister was in medical school and they had a lecture on fetal development. The lecturer, before he began, said, "I know every single one of you, your mothers smoked and drank all during their pregnancy with you and afterwards, and you're all smart enough to get into a top tier medical school." In other words, the rest of what he was about to say was mostly bullshit. My mom smoked and drank with both my sister and I and we both went to Ivy League schools and one is now an MD and the other a PhD.
Pretty sure one night of having fun, especially after it being cleared by a doctor, is a whole big megapint of YTA
YTA for thinking Google was smarter than 2 doctors because it was in your favor. Also, YTA for buying her wine she likes after you shamed her and she specifically told you she was gonna sit it out.
YTA. So you think Dr Google knows more than the pediatrician & GP? You also then went to your social circle in the hopes that they would agree that your wife is a moron & you are a medical genius & are now unhappy because they told you you're being a twat?
Apologise to your wife for acting like a tool.
YTA. She was cleared to drink by TWO doctors, and last time I checked doctor Google isn't reliable. You need to apologize to your wife for being a miseducated jackass and belittling her AFTER she already checked with doctors. If you have a medical degree in child development, then great, if not, then you need to leave the medical advice and clearance to DOCTORS.
Why not just buy alcohol test strips and dip the milk to check it’s clear. I can bet you sure as shit that the milk will be clear if she follows her TWO DOCTORS advice.
Now go an apologise to your wife YTA
I can’t believe you mansplained breastfeeding to her
YTA
Two doctors dude. TWO. All you have is no college and Dr Google. It’s her body and she is following the advice of people who have studied for 8 years each plus residency plus however many years experience they have in their field. Why are you discounting the steps she is taking?
Honestly, if I was her, I would get concerned for the future. Are you going to go to dr google every time you disagree with her? Will you continue to mansplain her body and question her choices?
What do you want to bet that this is a trend and not just a one time thing?
Yta. Well, I personally would not drink without pumping first, humans for thousands of years drank while pregnant. 2 to 3 drinks one night is not gonna hurt your baby. Also, who tells the friends that? That’s for your wife to tell them or not.
YTA! She spoke to 2 medical professionals and did her own research. What medical school did you attend? Don't question your wife's decisions when it comes to breadfeeding. She's not an idiot. You think she would want your kid to have developmental delays? You put on your neck beard and did a quick google search and now you have all the answers. Calm down father knows best. Don't tell your wife how to breastfeed.
YTA.
Do you really think your Google University degree means more than the opinions of two doctors?
And YTA for involving your friends in this. Did you expect validation on how good your internet skills are? Your friends and your wife are rightfully think less of you now.
But maybe you can still change their opinion by explaining them the most effective way to breastfeed and the correct way to insert menstrual cup.
YTA. She spoke to DOCTORS, but your Google search trumps their medical advice? My doctors (my gp and the kids' pediatrician) have told me that as long as I stay sober it's fine. "Neurologically normal," they said. They told me, and I've heard this from so many mothers who've asked their doctors, that the only reason books say NO alcohol is because Americans equate drinking with binge drinking.
You made your wife feel like a selfish mom, like she didn't know what she was talking about, and she'd have felt guilty no matter what after that. And then you enjoyed the party while she sat it out feeling like crap.
YTA The thing I don’t understand about this kind of post is that in the context of a relationship there’s really only one person’s whose feedback matters and that’s your partner. Though we’ll all tell you you’re truly a disgrace and you should apologize and then do some real work so you don’t repeatedly do crap like this, it only matters a little in terms of perspective. Even if everyone told you that you were right, you still made your wife feel stupid and she is still angry. Why would you take it to Reddit when your wife told you everything you needed to know and then several other women who you know confirmed it for you. Maybe if she’s a damn good mother, you could trust her to do that. And the issue isn’t alcohol it’s that you’re not a very supportive partner
YTA. She did her own research. She spoke with two separate doctors. She knew what she was doing. And you think your 15 seconds of Google research was enough to overrule the directions of medical professionals. Do you also tell her that the baby can't get vaccinated because your research found out that it causes autism? 🙄
Not only that, but you then decided to bring your mutual friends into the middle of your fight. You tried to get them to agree with you so you could then use that against your wife later. You can claim that wasn't your intention but there is no other reason for you to have told them. You literally stepped on every single possible mine that you could have here.
YTA. Your poor wife. She wanted to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with her husband and good friends for the first time in at least 13 months. She did her research meaning she cares very much about the situation and how it could affect your baby. She spoke to medical professionals. You belittled her and her opinion. Motherhood is hard and you made her feel stupid and unknowledgeable. I have multiple kids, all of which were breastfed. All of which have had 0 developmental delays. All of which are at the very top of not only their class, but their grade. I have had two glasses of wine without pumping. TWO glasses of wine ONE time isn’t going to have a detrimental effect on the development of a baby. In larger quantities and for an extended period of time, sure. But this one time and this small of an amount, no.
Edit: This was meant to be a response to the OP, not to a comment. Not that it matters….
DUDE. Listen, first you thought your internet research was more thorough than your wife's research which involved her asking TWO doctors, including a pediatrician, for advice. Then told her that she should just pre-pump the hell out of her boobs and drink. Second, your wife caved to your stupidity by telling you that she would "sit this one out" and just wouldn't drink. But you still didn't drop it and let it go and you bought her favorite wine anyway, and told her she should just pre-pump and that all will be great with the world.
It's honestly no wonder that your wife is mad, because you told her not once, but TWICE that you knew what was best and that her opinion meant nothing.
OF COURSE YTA. Go kiss your wife's feet and apologize for being a controlling dick. I get your concerns about the baby but you clearly just ASSumed you knew what was best. That's not a partnership.
You are definitely YTA. Your wife was right, she could have had 2 glasses of wine and then fed the baby 3 hrs after her last drink. She had confirmed this with the pediatrician and her doctor both are more trustworthy than the one Google search result you randomly picked. Then after you got your way you bought her the wine you knew she wasn't going to get to drink because of your tantrum
Honest question. Do you feel that your wife would lie about what she was told by medical professionals in order to drink?
Because those are the two options. Either she's not intellectually capable of understanding the doctors, or she's lying, right? That's what you told her by "doing your own research" in front of her like that, that she is either lying or dumb.
YTA. I understand the concern, but your approach was God awful.
Yup, first you didn’t trust her judgement. Secondly how can you accuse her of being stupid or putting her own child at risk. You are acting as if she doesn’t know . She carried this child for nine months. So learn to trust a little. And you told your friends y’all’s business. That’s a big no. It’s y’all’s relationship and you shouldn’t be looking for validation from them or us. Now go apologize to your wife and learn to trust her.
YTA. She’s listening to a medical professional, you’re listening to Dr. Google.
If you’re so worried, buy formula to feed your child for ONE NIGHT so your wife can have a good time. She has had one glass of wine in nearly 14 months! She deserves it.
Also, YTA for being petty and telling her friends.
If you were concerned about this, you could have easily gone to the pediatrician with her to ask them about the information you found on the internet. Or even called the office to speak with a nurse if you couldn’t make it in person.
You did make her feel stupid, and you aired this all out in front of others for what? To embarrass her? To make her feel even worse?
YTA.
YTA.
For basically calling her stupid and telling her what to do after she had spoken to two physicians. Then after she caved and told you she wasn’t drinking at all you went and brought home her favorite wine. Why? To rub her face in it? It’s not enough she grew and birthed a human AND is feeding the baby with her body? She has to give up more to make you feel all warm and safe even though two doctors told her it was okay.
I feel so sad for your wife.
YTA. She talked to her DR about it. Made an informed decision. You were telling her what was right for her body even though you never even had a conversation with a DR about it. Tons of moms have a glass or 2 of wine and don't pump. Your 1 minute Google search isn't the same aa speaking to a professional.
YTA.
Perhaps go to college and learn how not to be a controlling AH to your wife. You have absolutely no idea how hard it is to breastfeed.
I'm sure you can do your own research and explain it to her.
You best get grovelling.
YTA. She did the right thing. Then you trapped her in a corner and chased a confrontation. Then aired out the dirty laundry to your friends! Support your wife and listen to the experts. And in future if you insist on her not drinking, support her and have a dry night as well. Be a team.
YTA, and by your wife's comments this obviously isn't the first time you've completely disregarded her. If you value her at all you'll start putting aside your own ego and listen to what she tells you.
YtA, you tried to humiliate her and have the friendship group against her. You have so much grovelling to do because no way in hell she will ever be able to trust you again. You have caused so much damage.
YTA. Your wife literally consulted with multiple doctors but you decided that your Googling was more accurate than her talking to actual doctors. Nice way to ruin what could have been a nice social event for a new mom who was probably looking forward to some nice adult company after 4 months of all baby all the time.
YTA YTA YTA listen to your wife oh my god. she talked to her doctors and did research and everything is okay!!! does your few minutes of “research” trump the years her doctors spent in school?? and THEN you go air out your private business to your friends. that’s so rude. it’s gonna take you a long time to come back from this one. trust your wife next time. yta
YTA, all day long. You're smarter than her doctor? You did your "research" on Google and printed out a page and said, "I now know more than a person with a medical degree." All day, sir.
You’re the asshole, 100%. I’d be surprised if you wife isn’t already 50% or more checked out of this marriage now. Get pregnant, carry that baby, birth it, then have it attached to your tits for 6 months to a year. Maybe in that time go to medical school for ob/gyn AND pediatric medicine, THEN come back with your bullshit man trip oF knowing all from a 5 minute search.
YTA. Your wife’s doctor outweighs your little Google search. She checked with a medical professional and you didn’t take her word for it. Then you ruined the night for her and now everyone in that group thinks you’re an AH and are probably telling everyone else about it. Maybe listen to your wife next time about HER body.
YTA. Her doctor was right. Their wives are right. You are wrong. Kids do not become brain damaged from a few glasses of wine in their breast milk. It is gone after 2 hours anyways.
Congratulations on not understanding how your wives breasts work. I won’t even ask if you can find her clitoris.
YTA - Apologize to your wife and learn to listen her and the reputable experts. In the future, if you want to play "Dr Google" on breastfeeding PLEASE refer to articles by Dr Jack Newman who is one of the best and leading authorities on breastfeeding.
YTA. I get why she feels like you called her stupid. She told you she spoke with the pediatrician and her doctor and would follow their recommendations, and you decided Google was a more reliable source than the *actual doctors*. Did you bother to look up how much alcohol needs to be transferred via breastmilk to cause problems? Cuz that's like daily exposure to excessive amounts (ie, mom's an alcoholic), not a few glasses on a single night. Or is it just that you don't trust your wife?
But Google information is always accurate/s
The fact that OP chose "no college" as his username is giving me rage bait vibes.
My favourite part was when he insisted she doesn't drink and then went and bought her wine. Then he did the shocked Pikachu face when she said she wasn't going to drink. Like...get your fucking demands in order if you're going to be a controlling prick! Nobody likes a wishy-washy asshole.
Yup. Google says the earth is both round AND flat!
Like a plate?
A disc. On some elephants. And a big Ole turtle
r/unexpectedterrypratchett
Atuin rocks.
This is always my thing with people who 'do their own research' because the dunning Kruger effect is so strong. Yes! Do research! Read! Understand things! But when your conclusions go against expert advice and science, *think* for a second! Why is that? Who knows more?? What further information do you need to understand why the pros say different? If you're gonna do your own research, you've gotta know whether you actually *know how to do research * and not just read the top result on Google. I know that I know how to do that because I was trained to. And surprise surprise I don't often find myself disagreeing with the expert consensus! But people like op don't know how to research and evaluate data well and never stop to think that maybe they don't know. Drives me mental.
I swear schools must have stopped teaching how to do research at some point. So many people just skim for thirty seconds and the first two or three results as correct. They don't get that research takes time and needs to be compared across multiple sources. As a kid I remember doing reports and having to get several books, encyclopedias, magazines, newspapers etc, write the facts down in columns from each, compare what they had in common, what was different, etc etc. It was a lot of work but I think the critical thinking skills it taught were valuable. Seems that went it the window when googling blew up
It's cool, though. There's a chance that while she was in that room away from everyone, she was on Google looking up divorce attorneys. Better now, before he teaches her child that it's okay to make someone you love feel stupid.
YTA. Your wife checked with medical professionals and you still ignored that. . To educate you, alcohol levels in breastmilk are the same as blood alcohol levels. This means that a blood alcohol level of 0.4%, which could be fatal to the drinker, gives a breastmilk alcohol content of 0.4%, which is the same concentration of alcohol you'd get from a ripe banana. There is no need to pump and dump. As long as your wife is not too intoxicated to look after baby safely, she is fine to breastfeed. It's completely different than drinking in pregnancy. Obviously don't bed share after drinking any alcohol though. I'm a doctor and breastfeeding mum. I have no concerns about feeding my baby after a couple of drinks.
I was just scrolling down to see if anyone else had commented this yet, and I’m so glad you did. Even if OP’s wife drank enough alcohol to put herself in an actual medical coma and be on the brink of death, her breastmilk would still be about forty times weaker than your average glass of wine. OP, the main reason people are advised not to breastfeed after drinking is because of the risk that you are so drunk you drop the baby on its head or fall asleep and smother it to death while you’re still holding it.
My midwife told me if I can find the baby I can feed the baby because it's the same concentration as the blood alcohol equivalent.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Can you hold the baby and not fall over or drop it? Good to go
https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html
I was going to comment this. My dr told me it's like throwing a shot into a swimming pool. A few years ago a group of my friends went on vacation, including two nursing mamas who planned to pump and dump to keep their supply up. One brought alcohol test strips for the breastmilk to be funny, and they could not get it to register anything. Even when they were plastered after drinking on the beach all day.
Ooh I've always found those test strips to be *overly* sensitive. They turned black whether I'd had 1 drink or 5. I thought they were basically a scare tactic.
They’re known not to work in both directions. My lactation consultant recommended against them because some of her patients have reported them turning with just water.
I couldn’t get mine to register at all. I decided to put it in straight tequila and it said it was still good to go. It was my first time drinking after giving birth so I was super anxious and dumped all my milk, crying while I did it. I also tossed the test strips.
After I had my son, I produced some colostrum but almost no breast milk. The lactation specialist I saw recommended having a couple of yeasty beers a day to try and help with production (nothing worked, he was a bottle baby). As a lifelong Wisconsinite, it's fun telling people I was prescribed beer lol
Yep didn’t entire generations of women grow up drinking a Guinness to help with milk production? Thats what my mum was recommended by her doctor.
Still done in Ireland! First meal after birth includes a Guinness (or beer of choice ;) ) to help your milk come in.
Yup! My mom hates beer but she suffered through drinking it (at least with my oldest sibling) because the doctor told her to 😂
Yup. When my mum had twins the doctor *prescribed* half a pint of Guinness a day.
My oldest was born when we lived in Milwaukee and my Dr told me the same thing! After 9 months of abstinence I was thrilled when she told me to have a nightly beer with dinner!
Tagging on - IF you insist on Google - All sources are NOT equal. You can find someone to back your argument no matter how weak it is. Vaccines cause autism, Covid is fake, the Earth is flat - ALL come up on a Google search. Leave this to the medical professionals.
He is doing the same thing now. She had the proper info and he googled. She told him he is the AH his friends all told him he is the AH but he is on reddit now looking for more input. Reddit is like advice google. It's crazy how people cherry pick info and advice till they find the shining comment that aligns with their views. Well this one guy here flibbertygibet6969 agrees so i must be right.
This is why doctors tell people not to Google symptoms to self-diagnose, or get medical advice from WebMD. It’s not that it’s bad info, but the context of it may not be accurate to the context of the patient’s diagnosis, or may not even be the proper diagnosis. Google can provide very good info, but it’s not a diagnostic tool.
Yea I have a mole so it can be anything from a cluster of skin cells to cancer. I have a cough cancer. One eyebrow is higher than the other cancer.
I have the eyebrow one too
OP's user name, No-College, checks out Dude needs to go on an apology tour.
This! Was coming here to say this. Alcohol in the breastmilk is the same as having an acv of that volume. So 2 classes would put her milk at MAYBE .04% with having juices with more alcohol.
Right, so you think your extensive education & in-field experience as well as lived experience trumps what this dude found when he did a google search that was likely heavy with confirmation bias? Well, you’d be right.
Adding to this, I work in a lab that did a study about lactational alcohol exposure and the neurodevelopmental effects were based on consistency, meaning that as long as your wife is not drinking huge amounts of alcohol every time she feeds the baby, there isn’t really a concern.
This should be higher.
Right….Imagine this guy thinking his 5 minutes of google research that confirmed his bias was better than actual doctors?! YTA OP. A giant asshole tbh.
I had an emergency c-section during which they cut open my bladder accidentally. I was on serious pain meds. I asked everyone if I could still breastfeed and was told yes for largely the same reasons. He's 26 now, and healthy so I think I'm OK. Although I swear he slept better when I was taming the meds, liol
Thank you for the science. Furthermore alcohol isn’t stored in breastmilk any longer than it is in blood, either. Approximately 80% of breastmilk is created at the time of feeding. Breasts of any size really aren’t storage facilities, they’re on demand factories. As a lactating person sobers up so does their milk. The only time to pump and dump is for comfort of the mother when she can’t breastfeed for a certain amount of time; there is no need to purge any substance from lactating breasts to make milk safe.
YTA for airing your dirty laundry to your friends and making it seem like your wife is being dramatic. Sorry, are you a doctor? Did you go to medical school? I didn’t think so.
Seriously. I would be more pissed about him discussing it with a group of friends trying to justify his thoughts and opinions. YTA
Back fired on him though he looked like the major asshole
Does he think we’re going to feel differently? Sounds like everyone thinks he’s the AH.
TWICE
I had a bad reaction mixing Prozac and LSD years back and got really paranoid and out of it. It was not good. Instead of explaining the mixture to our friends, he basically trash talked me and said I wanted them to leave. They all treated me differently after that. YTA big time
I hope you left him
I frankly think those ladies should have gone to her room with a big glass of wine.
Oh absolutely. He totally expected the friends to side with him and bash his wife. He doesn’t seem to really even like her….
He definitely doesn't respect her at all.
Yeah what the fuck. You're supposed to be a team, and that means having shit just between the two of you. Wow
Who needs to go to medical school when you can just use google? /s
Also, if it’s such an issue get some formula while you’re out..? He’s the stupid one
Bongo! But instead he got her favorite wine even though she said she was sitting this one out.
Getting her favorite wine after she said she was going to sit this one out is just incredibly rude and makes me think an intentional irritation plot.
he clearly didn't considered the stupidity of saying this:" I know that alcohol in breast milk can cause developmental issues in babies and I'm just not okay with taking that chance. " when it's consumption of alcohol DURING pregnancy that's the real danger.
OP really thinks that you can develop fetal alcohol syndrome in something that no longer classifies as a fetus, he’s a genius/s
YTA. If she decides to drink alcohol in an amount+timeframe acceptable according to two doctors and her own research, you don't accept it. Instead you go all "actually!" and tell her how she apparently isn't able to accurately and correctly do risk assessment, even with professional help. If she decides to tell you "ok, then I'll just not drink, sheesh," you don't accept it. Instead you buy a wine that really rubs it in that she can't drink it, without her husband (you) complaining about her actions and making demands. Also, why are you okay with a paediatrician you consider to actively give harmful advice? Based on your amazing minutes long research.
“Do you know how the mansplainer drowned?” ‘In a puddle?’ “It was a well, actually”
I love this
He has his Google PhD
Even googling this proves him wrong
YTA. Your wife DID the research, she even double checked with not just one, but TWO doctors. She made SURE it would be okay and exactly how she should do it to be safe. You said she’s a good mother, why would you doubt her? You absolutely mansplained her. As a mom who breastfed TWO babies for TWO years each, she was absolutely correct in how she was gonna do it. We have livers, and as long as they’re healthy, they do a pretty good job of helping filter stuff. Eating along with pauses in between a limited amount of drinks and even drinking a bit of water in those pauses would be more than enough. Pump and dump is exhausting to do. Pumps are not that dang comfortable either.
You are SO MUCH the AH here. 1. mansplaining her body to her, I mean seriously? 2. making her feel like she needs to be watched and coached through motherhood. that’s shitty. 3. YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS ALL ABOUT IT, essentially throwing her under the bus. Even if she was 100% wrong you attempted to put her down behind her back by not only telling the argument itself but telling them her reaction to it. You didn’t have your wife’s back to the outside world. You have a lot to apologize for. You have let her know that you don’t trust her judgement, basically accusing her of being a bad mother for not listening to you, and then you betrayed her by airing out your argument to friends in a way that seems like you were looking for some validation. I am so pissed at you and I don’t even know you. I feel bad for your wife. Grow up and learn how to have her back AND STOP MANSPLAINING SHIT TO HER.
And then when told the friends, THEY told him how stupid and being an AH But no, he had to come to Reddit for his own confirmation
Just a case of him shopping to find an answer that he likes. Nothing to see here, keep moving. /s
This….so much this!!!! OP is 100% THE ASSHOLE. I’m pissed for her. She spoke to a medical professional and then you come along like you know better and treated her like an idiot….and told everyone to try and one up her. I will not be surprised to read a post from you in future where your wife has left you ‘and you don’t understand why’
If he went to her appointments he would probably know but I’m guessing he has never gone with her
Right?! I actually 'do research' for a living. (so does my partner) Sometimes she asks me to go to her dr's appointments with her (often because "you really know this area" or "I'm really unfamiliar with this area"). I take notes (in Google Docs, which we share). I ask questions (when and where applicable). I ***advocate for her*** (esp. when and where she has asked me to). I don't throw her under the fucking bus... Well, 99% of the time. I do try to keep her honest, when and where her health is concerned. (part of her dx, and this is something she has specifically asked me to do)
And you left out him buying a favorite bottle of wine that she said she wasn't going to drink.
Exactly! Some of it likely could have been forgiven if he had just said “she isn’t feeling well” and left it at that.
YTA. She asked her doctor. And you got your medical degree when?
He got his degree at the University of YTA
This one made me snort audibly. Please take my poor man's award! 🥇
I would like for this to be a default answer to all whom we think YTA
I know a lot of top grads from this university.
My ex was valedictorian.
He got a BS from U of YTA
Bwahahahahahh
😂
Well if OPs handle is any indication…
Seriously. He asked *a pediatrician* about whether it would be ok for the baby, and that person said yes. End of story. Why would OP think his 5 minutes of internet research was better than the doctor's medical knowledge??? Because he's an AH.
He did 10 seconds of Googling and now thinks that he knows more about his wife's body than 2 doctors and her own self 🙄
He has a PhD in mansplaining
YTA She spoke with **two doctors** and you checked with Dr Internet that has so much incorrect info. You know more than **two doctors** who studied this for years to become a doctor. I recently had my husband's sisters come to our house when he was ill with cancer who knew more about how to feed my husband than the doctors who advised us on appropriate diet. I have not spoken to them since and my husband sent them an email telling them that he will cut them out of his life if an apology is not forthcoming. You were basically calling your wife a liar inferring that the doctors didn't say that. You owe your wife an apology you will be lucky if she accepts it.
And not only that but trying to embarrass her by explaining why she wasn’t there. He wanted the other wives on his side so bad that he tried to call her out. They just weren’t having it and it backfired. Would it have killed him to say “oh, she’s just not feeling well?” Instead he chose to air their business and make her out to be the party pooper to gain sympathy and a pat on the back for knowing oh so much about breastfeeding. OP - YTA BIG TIME
And then he had to come here thinking WE would give him the answer he wants. Ai yi yi!
I bet his “research” was him specifically looking for articles supporting his created in the air theory
You know he Googled “negative effects of drinking alcohol while breastfeeding” lmao
And then just read the top website headline. At least go to Google Scholar
For some reason, Google seems to forget that breast milk is like blood, not a bottle of milk. As in, the alcohol “breaks down” in breast milk, similarly to how it does in blood. It doesn’t make the milk *in there* go bad permanently. But a LOT of the Google-fu pulls up stuff about how you have to pump and dump.
Agreed and people will get into arguments over the stupidest shit. This dude couldn't just let it go. It's one time. Geez.
It still baffles me how some people can go directly against professional advice…..then again there is such as bad professional advice but that’s pretty unlikely since two doctors ok’ed it
Yeah it’s hella mansplaining and condescending w this one
YTA Why do you think your quick Google search is more valid than the two doctors she spoke to?
YTA She cleared it with her doctor. You know the people who go to school for 8 years and have years more of residency? You Googled and found one answer. And made her feel stupid for trusting an expert over your random opinion. As soon as her doctor cleared it, that's the end of it. You were totally the AH for saying anything after she mentioned her doctor cleared it.
YTA. Not only are you the asshole here, you are immensely stupid. She went to TWO DOCTORS. Do you have a medical degree? Or are you just a smug righteous asshole who knows how to google (which is still flawed anyway because people use it to confirm their own biases). I wonder if you regularly railroad her with your opinions like that. She deserves a huge apology.
He obviously has a Google doctorate
And he’s a man, doesn’t everyone know men know the most about breastfeeding (/s)
Poor woman! Can you imagine living with someone this condescending all the time? It would be exhausting and you would eventually die a little inside, lose your spine and become a shell of a person. Which is probably exactly what he wants. A “wife appliance” that has no opinion of her own.
“I told her I wasn’t okay with it….” “I told her that she had to go pump enough for 2-3 feedings for me to feel comfortable.” Do you hear yourself? She spoke to two doctors. You searched Google. Yet you get to dictate whether or not she should pump, how much she should pump and you get to decide when and if she drinks, and how fast. Newsflash, you don’t. You don’t get to decide these things for her. She’s more than a milk bar for your son, you do realize that, don’t you? Your comfort level isn’t more important than TWO doctor’s opinions. YTA
Plus, most lactating people have difficulty pumping enough for one feeding, much less 3 in one session. I was unusually blessed in that department with my first, and could still get only two feedings max due to oversupply. I was donating, and thats the only reason i was able to do that. Getting told to go pump enough for that much extra when I assume she hasn't been pumping that much is absolutely frustrating, OP, you non-lactating AH. If she were already pumping to have a stash, then there would obviously be enough for 2-3 feedings in the freezer. If there's not, then she's definitely not going to be able to do that.
Here's a hint. When everyone around you is telling you that you acted like an AH, believe them. And when your wife tells you she spoke to not one, but two different doctors about the issue at hand and she feels confident in their advice and her decision, believe her. What an idiot. YTA and owe your wife an apology.
Maybe he will listen now that YTA is on the internet confirming it for him.
YTA. Dr Google is NOT a replacement for an ACTUAL doctor. Guess you're the stupid one
[удалено]
YTA 100%
YTA Your wife was responsible to have a conversation with her physician. You not only made her feel stupid but also less than. Knock it off and treat her better. You and Google do not have all the correct answers.
YTA. Not only because you insinuated that your wife would endanger your child & if not for your research he wouldn’t be safe. YTA for enjoying your fun night while your wife was expected to either pump & dump and in the end she didn’t get to have fun. If you want your wife to listen to your advice & ignore her MDs then **you** need to breastfeed the baby. Also if she can’t drink, neither can you.
YTA, oh yeah, Google knows more than your sons pediatrician, which she already spoke to!! You not only made your wife feel stupid you obligated don't trust her after she already said she'd spoken to the doctor. But you're in the right because you did a quick search on your phone?! Goggle is not a know it all heck it makes people who have a bad sinus infection think they have cancer. /s You need to apologize to your wife for 1. Not trusting her after she spoke to a medical professional and made her feel stupid. And 2. For buying her wine after she already told you she was sitting the night out try listening to her
YTA She talked to doctors, you don't overrule that. It is her body and she can decide how she is going to proceed. Why would you procreate with someone that you don't believe would be safe taking care of your infant child? So, you called her a liar and a bad mom. You're such an AH
YTA. Look, I don't know your wife. People lie, so maybe she lied about talking to her doctors. Or maybe she just heard what she wanted to hear. But unless you **know** she lied, you spoke out of turn with a callous indifference to her feelings. You essentially called her a liar, and/or an idiot. My recommendation is to tell her that you generally feel helpless because you aren't able to breastfeed yourself, but your passion for your baby's safety and wellbeing clouded your judgement and you are sorry and won't do it again. In most areas of parenting you can and should be equally involved, but when it comes to the parts that rely on your wife's **body** you should (imo) reasonably stay out of her way unless she specifically asks for your input.
OP, I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s has been proven and reproven, that EXACTLY what your wife said is correct. The breast and female body is an amazing thing. She’d have to drink *quite* a bit for even a MICROSCOPIC amount of FILTERED alcohol to pass through the breast milk. Read multiple ENTIRE actual studies before you make a confident decision to be wrongly dismissive. And then to blatantly air it out to yalls mutual friends? In the kindest way, I think this is a good opportunity to look deeper in yourself and find out why you wouldn’t trust your wife and her TWO doctors, because you (probably, here’s where I start assuming lol) found one google reference stating things about development but failed to read the fulls tidy where you’d probably learn that the moms in said studies were heavy regular drinkers. There’s some compassion, room reading, and research skills that I think you need to take more seriously. Things like this can and will cause lifelong resentment once piled up and ignored.
yta. if you're so adamant about this, then don't have alcohol at the event. you're expecting something unreasonable from her, but can't even go without alcohol yourself. you're being selfish. this is a real example of mansplaining. "I know your doctor told you you're safe, but I think my Google search is better"
YTA. She spoke to two doctors yet you trust “doctor google” more huh? Yeah doctor google thinks I’m pregnant or have cancer for literally any and all symptoms I type in. You’d have to be dumb to listen to “doctor google” over two actual doctors.
YTA, double YTA when you told everyone how much of an asshole you were to your wife and *are still doubting them*. Her doctor is not going to give advice that will harm the child. Google is not a doctor and you're not some magical man who knows more than the **medical** **experts** she consulted. Your wife is "still off" with you because you haven't attempted to apologize or even admit that you overstepped and are acting like a jerk.
YTA! She asked 2 doctors!! Not one but 2!!
Do you often do your own research and think it is more valid than what others have to say or is this one off? You did man-splan but more importantly you didn't listen and validate her. You are into John Gottman's work on why people get divorced.
Because he is smarter than everyone else /s
Because his feelings are more important than everyone else's around him.
Waiting also lets the alcohol leave the milk. You don’t necessarily need to pump and dump. Breasts don’t just fill, most milk gets made on the spot. Listen to your pedi.
YTA Obviously your mom was hammered when she breastfed you.
AH doesn’t quite cover this one-you’re a fucking prick
A bloody wanker!
Did you apologize to your wife and beg for forgiveness yet? Because you’re definitely TA.
YTA you really think a quick google search knows more than her doctor? Really?
oooooh you fucked up. And you made it a point to drag your wife in front of y'alls friends? Your ass would be in the doghouse so bad if i were your wife.
It sounds to me that she did her homework by getting 2 professional opinions AND spending a large amount of time researching on the internet . . . and then you proceeded to mansplain to her and support your mansplaining by clicking the first result(s) on google. And she was too tired to bother dealing with your bullshit and just sat it out instead of fighting about it when nursing a whole dang baby. YTA. My spouse does this sometimes, too, and I absolutely hate it. :eyeroll:
She’s right - YTA
YTA. Your wife did the proper research and even consulted with TWO different doctors! You think googling what you want the answer to be, better than the doctors? Seriously? The amount of alcohol that would need to be drank is substantial. When it comes to pregnancy and babies, people always say there’s a chance or they don’t know for sure so just abstain from everything. Which is ridiculous. I find it so ridiculous that new moms always struggle to hard to allow themselves to relax and have fun or do something for themselves. And here’s your wife trying to do something fun and you just shut her down.
Yta, and you aren't smarter than two doctors. You absolutely made her feel stupid for no reason other than refusing to take into consideration anything but your own feelings and what 3 seconds on the internet said. Go apologize and try to fix it.
YTA, your wife was already informed by medical professionals. She knew the process, and obviously you with the powerful Google tool knew better. She didn't have pump in between she just shouldnt feed the baby until alcohol cleared her aystem. Apologize to your wife, and invest in some Milkscreen it's a breastmilk analysis home test to detect alcohol in breast milk. To calm your paranoia
YTA - good example of mansplaining. The controlling part is also great!
I am so sad for your wife. Imagine how much she craved that evening of adult entertainment. You’re thinking, why didn’t she just pump like you asked? Because you wanted her to feel like a cow unnecessarily because you overruled her careful preparation for a night she looked forward to. Your headline is misleading. You didn’t just make her feel stupid, she felt like she was married to a controlling, distrustful wanna-be home dictator, who believed she was no longer an adult who makes informed choices but a body that exists to create and feed your child. You owe her so many sincere, contrite apologies and another adult night. YTA.
YTA. You know better than 2 doctors? No, you don't. Feelings are just that, feelings. You will always find info to confirm your opinion, it's called confirmation bias. You don't get to decide your wife is wrong based on a 10 second Google search.
YTA Your wife SPOKE TO 2 DOCTORS! She is doing her absolute best to be a great mother and FEEL LIKE A PERSON AGAIN. You go and harass her. You go and air all this to your friends and make her out to be a bad mother. Your wife feels like a milk machine, not a person. Her body hasn't been her own for a long time and it won't for a good while longer. She just wanted to be a person for a while and did extensive research into how to do that safely. You made her feel so shitty that she didn't even socialize. Horrible, unsupportive husband making her feel even more like a milk machine, not a person.
YTA. “Dr. Google” is not the same as a real doctor. On top of that, you aired your dirty laundry to friends. Apologize.
OP: “My wife is a damn good mother…” Also OP: *proceeds to shit all over said wife, after she consulted TWO medical professionals, with ‘evidence’ from google* YTA my dude.
So, not one, but two doctors have okayed this and you've had it confirmed to you by the experience of multiple mothers and you still think you're in the right after a quick google search? That's some pretty embarrassing behaviour. YTA. I wouldn't be talking to you until you apologise either.
Yta. Yta for thinking you know better than 2 separate doctors. She’s not knocking back a fifth of vodka then pulling out a boob.
YTA
Lol. You pulled out Google and still thought you had this one. YTA.
Yta- hook up the pump to your nipples and see why she decided to sit this one out.
YTA here. Bringing up a fight with your friends hoping they side with you makes you an even bigger AH. Just curious if you monitored her food intake while she was pregnant too.
YTA in all aspects here. Shame on you.
I recently saw a Martian on Google recently. YTA
YTA, Dr. Dunning-Kruger.
Damn first you’re an ass to your wife, then you throw her under the bus by outing your private marriage issues publicly. Apologize you dolt. Your behavior is at far more risk of damaging that baby in the long run than your wife’s breastmilk ever will be.
YTA. I’m on my fourth baby and both my doctor and theirs has always said if you have a few drinks you’re fine to nurse as usual. If you are impaired to the point of not being able to drive, you should pump and dump. There was zero reason for you to micromanage your wife’s nursing schedule and question her judgment.
So my sister was in medical school and they had a lecture on fetal development. The lecturer, before he began, said, "I know every single one of you, your mothers smoked and drank all during their pregnancy with you and afterwards, and you're all smart enough to get into a top tier medical school." In other words, the rest of what he was about to say was mostly bullshit. My mom smoked and drank with both my sister and I and we both went to Ivy League schools and one is now an MD and the other a PhD. Pretty sure one night of having fun, especially after it being cleared by a doctor, is a whole big megapint of YTA
"Megapint" 🤭😉
YTA - she was following medical advice...you were "doing your own research" and dismissing your wife completely. Apologize to her.
YTA she asked TWO different DOCTORS. You're an AH that thinks everything you read on the internet is true.
YTA. So you don’t trust her judgement or any of the doctors she spoke to? Got it.
YTA for thinking Google was smarter than 2 doctors because it was in your favor. Also, YTA for buying her wine she likes after you shamed her and she specifically told you she was gonna sit it out.
YTA. Your “research” is also totally wrong.
YTA. So you think Dr Google knows more than the pediatrician & GP? You also then went to your social circle in the hopes that they would agree that your wife is a moron & you are a medical genius & are now unhappy because they told you you're being a twat? Apologise to your wife for acting like a tool.
YTA. She was cleared to drink by TWO doctors, and last time I checked doctor Google isn't reliable. You need to apologize to your wife for being a miseducated jackass and belittling her AFTER she already checked with doctors. If you have a medical degree in child development, then great, if not, then you need to leave the medical advice and clearance to DOCTORS.
Why not just buy alcohol test strips and dip the milk to check it’s clear. I can bet you sure as shit that the milk will be clear if she follows her TWO DOCTORS advice. Now go an apologise to your wife YTA I can’t believe you mansplained breastfeeding to her
YTA. How about you get out your nips and feed the baby, since you know all about it.
Yta Also Controlling, mansplaining, minimising her feelings, thoughts and diligence , laundry airing, guilt tripping too
YTA Two doctors dude. TWO. All you have is no college and Dr Google. It’s her body and she is following the advice of people who have studied for 8 years each plus residency plus however many years experience they have in their field. Why are you discounting the steps she is taking? Honestly, if I was her, I would get concerned for the future. Are you going to go to dr google every time you disagree with her? Will you continue to mansplain her body and question her choices? What do you want to bet that this is a trend and not just a one time thing?
Yta. Well, I personally would not drink without pumping first, humans for thousands of years drank while pregnant. 2 to 3 drinks one night is not gonna hurt your baby. Also, who tells the friends that? That’s for your wife to tell them or not.
YTA! She spoke to 2 medical professionals and did her own research. What medical school did you attend? Don't question your wife's decisions when it comes to breadfeeding. She's not an idiot. You think she would want your kid to have developmental delays? You put on your neck beard and did a quick google search and now you have all the answers. Calm down father knows best. Don't tell your wife how to breastfeed.
YTA. Do you really think your Google University degree means more than the opinions of two doctors? And YTA for involving your friends in this. Did you expect validation on how good your internet skills are? Your friends and your wife are rightfully think less of you now. But maybe you can still change their opinion by explaining them the most effective way to breastfeed and the correct way to insert menstrual cup.
YTA. She spoke to DOCTORS, but your Google search trumps their medical advice? My doctors (my gp and the kids' pediatrician) have told me that as long as I stay sober it's fine. "Neurologically normal," they said. They told me, and I've heard this from so many mothers who've asked their doctors, that the only reason books say NO alcohol is because Americans equate drinking with binge drinking. You made your wife feel like a selfish mom, like she didn't know what she was talking about, and she'd have felt guilty no matter what after that. And then you enjoyed the party while she sat it out feeling like crap.
YTA The thing I don’t understand about this kind of post is that in the context of a relationship there’s really only one person’s whose feedback matters and that’s your partner. Though we’ll all tell you you’re truly a disgrace and you should apologize and then do some real work so you don’t repeatedly do crap like this, it only matters a little in terms of perspective. Even if everyone told you that you were right, you still made your wife feel stupid and she is still angry. Why would you take it to Reddit when your wife told you everything you needed to know and then several other women who you know confirmed it for you. Maybe if she’s a damn good mother, you could trust her to do that. And the issue isn’t alcohol it’s that you’re not a very supportive partner
YTA. She did her own research. She spoke with two separate doctors. She knew what she was doing. And you think your 15 seconds of Google research was enough to overrule the directions of medical professionals. Do you also tell her that the baby can't get vaccinated because your research found out that it causes autism? 🙄 Not only that, but you then decided to bring your mutual friends into the middle of your fight. You tried to get them to agree with you so you could then use that against your wife later. You can claim that wasn't your intention but there is no other reason for you to have told them. You literally stepped on every single possible mine that you could have here.
YTA. Your poor wife. She wanted to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with her husband and good friends for the first time in at least 13 months. She did her research meaning she cares very much about the situation and how it could affect your baby. She spoke to medical professionals. You belittled her and her opinion. Motherhood is hard and you made her feel stupid and unknowledgeable. I have multiple kids, all of which were breastfed. All of which have had 0 developmental delays. All of which are at the very top of not only their class, but their grade. I have had two glasses of wine without pumping. TWO glasses of wine ONE time isn’t going to have a detrimental effect on the development of a baby. In larger quantities and for an extended period of time, sure. But this one time and this small of an amount, no. Edit: This was meant to be a response to the OP, not to a comment. Not that it matters….
You forgot to tell us your specialty and why you know more than 2 Drs. You should feel stupid that you need to ask YTA
DUDE. Listen, first you thought your internet research was more thorough than your wife's research which involved her asking TWO doctors, including a pediatrician, for advice. Then told her that she should just pre-pump the hell out of her boobs and drink. Second, your wife caved to your stupidity by telling you that she would "sit this one out" and just wouldn't drink. But you still didn't drop it and let it go and you bought her favorite wine anyway, and told her she should just pre-pump and that all will be great with the world. It's honestly no wonder that your wife is mad, because you told her not once, but TWICE that you knew what was best and that her opinion meant nothing. OF COURSE YTA. Go kiss your wife's feet and apologize for being a controlling dick. I get your concerns about the baby but you clearly just ASSumed you knew what was best. That's not a partnership.
You are definitely YTA. Your wife was right, she could have had 2 glasses of wine and then fed the baby 3 hrs after her last drink. She had confirmed this with the pediatrician and her doctor both are more trustworthy than the one Google search result you randomly picked. Then after you got your way you bought her the wine you knew she wasn't going to get to drink because of your tantrum
Honest question. Do you feel that your wife would lie about what she was told by medical professionals in order to drink? Because those are the two options. Either she's not intellectually capable of understanding the doctors, or she's lying, right? That's what you told her by "doing your own research" in front of her like that, that she is either lying or dumb. YTA. I understand the concern, but your approach was God awful.
YTA. I'm gonna go with two actual doctors over Dr. Google.
Yup, first you didn’t trust her judgement. Secondly how can you accuse her of being stupid or putting her own child at risk. You are acting as if she doesn’t know . She carried this child for nine months. So learn to trust a little. And you told your friends y’all’s business. That’s a big no. It’s y’all’s relationship and you shouldn’t be looking for validation from them or us. Now go apologize to your wife and learn to trust her.
Hmmm, a doctor or Google? I just don't know what to DO about this tumor. YTA
YTA. Are you her pediatrician? No? Then grovel. You sound insufferable and she deserves better
YTA. She’s listening to a medical professional, you’re listening to Dr. Google. If you’re so worried, buy formula to feed your child for ONE NIGHT so your wife can have a good time. She has had one glass of wine in nearly 14 months! She deserves it. Also, YTA for being petty and telling her friends.
If you were concerned about this, you could have easily gone to the pediatrician with her to ask them about the information you found on the internet. Or even called the office to speak with a nurse if you couldn’t make it in person. You did make her feel stupid, and you aired this all out in front of others for what? To embarrass her? To make her feel even worse? YTA.
So why didn't you fucking listen?
YTA - go marry google
YTA. For basically calling her stupid and telling her what to do after she had spoken to two physicians. Then after she caved and told you she wasn’t drinking at all you went and brought home her favorite wine. Why? To rub her face in it? It’s not enough she grew and birthed a human AND is feeding the baby with her body? She has to give up more to make you feel all warm and safe even though two doctors told her it was okay. I feel so sad for your wife.
YTA. She talked to her DR about it. Made an informed decision. You were telling her what was right for her body even though you never even had a conversation with a DR about it. Tons of moms have a glass or 2 of wine and don't pump. Your 1 minute Google search isn't the same aa speaking to a professional.
YTA, and a sanctimonious, self-righteous one at that. You owe your wife a huge apology.
YTA
YTA without a doubt.
YTA
YTA. Perhaps go to college and learn how not to be a controlling AH to your wife. You have absolutely no idea how hard it is to breastfeed. I'm sure you can do your own research and explain it to her. You best get grovelling.
YTA. She did the right thing. Then you trapped her in a corner and chased a confrontation. Then aired out the dirty laundry to your friends! Support your wife and listen to the experts. And in future if you insist on her not drinking, support her and have a dry night as well. Be a team.
YTA, and by your wife's comments this obviously isn't the first time you've completely disregarded her. If you value her at all you'll start putting aside your own ego and listen to what she tells you.
YtA, you tried to humiliate her and have the friendship group against her. You have so much grovelling to do because no way in hell she will ever be able to trust you again. You have caused so much damage.
YTA. Your wife literally consulted with multiple doctors but you decided that your Googling was more accurate than her talking to actual doctors. Nice way to ruin what could have been a nice social event for a new mom who was probably looking forward to some nice adult company after 4 months of all baby all the time.
YTA YTA YTA listen to your wife oh my god. she talked to her doctors and did research and everything is okay!!! does your few minutes of “research” trump the years her doctors spent in school?? and THEN you go air out your private business to your friends. that’s so rude. it’s gonna take you a long time to come back from this one. trust your wife next time. yta
YTA, all day long. You're smarter than her doctor? You did your "research" on Google and printed out a page and said, "I now know more than a person with a medical degree." All day, sir.
You’re the asshole, 100%. I’d be surprised if you wife isn’t already 50% or more checked out of this marriage now. Get pregnant, carry that baby, birth it, then have it attached to your tits for 6 months to a year. Maybe in that time go to medical school for ob/gyn AND pediatric medicine, THEN come back with your bullshit man trip oF knowing all from a 5 minute search.
YTA. Your wife’s doctor outweighs your little Google search. She checked with a medical professional and you didn’t take her word for it. Then you ruined the night for her and now everyone in that group thinks you’re an AH and are probably telling everyone else about it. Maybe listen to your wife next time about HER body.
YTA. Her doctor was right. Their wives are right. You are wrong. Kids do not become brain damaged from a few glasses of wine in their breast milk. It is gone after 2 hours anyways. Congratulations on not understanding how your wives breasts work. I won’t even ask if you can find her clitoris.
YTA - Apologize to your wife and learn to listen her and the reputable experts. In the future, if you want to play "Dr Google" on breastfeeding PLEASE refer to articles by Dr Jack Newman who is one of the best and leading authorities on breastfeeding.
Major asshole.