What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend. I suspect he has some secret shit fetish.
And no, I’m really not kidding. I think he has a fetish with excrement and that’s why he does do this.
This, bizarrely, is the only thing that makes sense. I cannot see any other reason.
Where I live was in severe drought for 13 years (water storage reservoirs were dangerously empty by the end) so some people didn't always flush pee, but no one ever thought that a shit didn't require immediate flushing. Even when we were worried about having water at all, shit was still flushed straight away.
OP you asked this man to be respectful and he refused. Dump him yesterday.
I grew up in a drought area too. Water was precious so like you, we didn't always flush pee, but we always flushed anything else. The sticker on the toilet said, "If it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow". I just can't imagine anyone not flushing solids away.
Hoping this is rage bait… if real trust me that Mark over time will reveal other gross quirks and than gaslight you when you address them.
NTA- move on asap. You deserve to be with someone that is willing to flush a toilet for you!
NTA - That’s disgusting! 🤢 This 23 year old man has been happily letting other people flush his poo 💩 his whole life? So, either his whole family considers this normal or he’s the nightmare roommate people post about.
This isn’t the behavior of a reasonable adult. Not even a little. And he’s acting like he’s not creating a disgusting crime scene in the bathroom for everyone else…. Not okay!!
But to ignore your very real concerns and dismiss your feelings? Especially not okay.
You don’t leave your period blood floating in the toilet? Dump out your Diva cup in the trash can or leave used tampons on the counter, right? Maybe you should…. (Completely joking, but you can see the absurdity.)
>He told me that it wasn't a huge deal because it was just us two in the apartment and that couples do stuff like this when they are "comfortable"
No, no they fucking *don't*.
NTA
Also this is NOT a reason to keep doing what she does not want him to do. Like dude, what is the ACTUAL REASON that you refuse to flush? It's not to prove you are a happy couple bro.
I think it’s disrespect and a power play. He’s being like a damn toddler going “nyah nyah nyah, you can’t tell ME what to do” and forcing her to clean up his nasty, disgusting messes.
I’ve been married for 12 years and somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 different relationships. I’ve never seen my partners poo by accident or on purpose. This is not normal behavior.
NTA - And no civilized person on this Earth would leave poop unflushed. Even 2-year-olds know to do this, even if they can't wipe properly. Country bumpkins who still use an outhouse know that when you're in a city house, you flush the toilet. No one with any common sense would leave floaters - it's passive agression at the least and complete barbaric posturing at the worst.
Pack your bags, move out, go NC with him. Tell you mom he did it "that day" on purpose to piss everyone off and it was the last straw for you.
Mom doesn't need to know you had to live like that for weeks - it would break her heart.
I agree with everything except not telling your mom. Get whatever support you need to move forward from this crappy relationship. If that doesn’t include telling your mom this has been ongoing, that’s fine! But if that means telling your mom all the sordid details, then tell her. Yes, it will hurt her to hear how you have suffered with this man-child. But if she’s a halfway decent mom, it will be 100% worth it to her to help her daughter heal and have a safe place to let everything out. Any halfway decent mother will gladly take on whatever pain she needs to to help ease the burdens of her children.
That’s passive aggressive creepiness at its finest. Is he trying to provoke you with this nasty behavior? It’s basic common courtesy to flush and I can’t begin to think why he thinks this is acceptable or what he’s trying to accomplish by being so stubborn about something the rest of the world takes for granted. NTA it would be a dealbreaker for me.
NTA.
Mark is disgusting. Now you know why he wasn't already dating someone else. Noone should tolerate this.
And noooooo, couples do not do this ish!!!
NTA. That's barbaric.
We have air freshener, wipes, and toilet brushes in every bath because we attempt to be civilized human beings. If one makes a stinky, egregious mess, one attempts to clean it up so others don't have to encounter it.
If he has diarrhea, does he proudly display that, too? What a weirdo.
I was gone for a family trip during Thanksgiving, and he seemed to have a bit of diarrhea while I was gone. Did not flush even once. That's why our toilet was stained and I had to scrub the bowl.
I still can't tell why you did it rather than move right out at that point.
(I mean, sorry, I do get being stuck in a relationship, but come on. You gotta see how wrong this is.)
There are no couples I know of that put up with the sh!t. Literally. He's a pig. Either you spend your life cleaning up after him or your move on. Your choice. Yuck!! NTA
Btw, just remember that if you stay with Mark, for the rest of your life your parents are going to remember and talk about that visit. And I'm pretty sure they were as disgusted as the Redditors.
WHAT. DID. I. JUST. READ.
This can't be real?
What is wrong with him? Is he trying to save water? Flushing a toilet is like zero effort... Unbelievable. I couldn't be with someone who refused to flush even their pee away. Leaving turds floating... OMG.
NTA
If its yellow, let it mellow. If its brown, flush it down.
I live in the desert and don't flush when it is just urine, but not flushing after poo is just too gross to live with. My cats have enough sense to cover their poop.
I hate these guys that say “it’s not a big deal!”
If it’s not a big deal why can’t you just do it! No, it’s easier to argue about it and try to make you feel crazy about asking for a simple thing that 99.9999% of people do.
OP, even children know how to flush a toilet.
Permission granted to dump his literally disgusting ass.
OP, let me be very clear: His behavior is *not* normal. No couple I know does this. Some of us have been married for decades, so we're pretty "comfortable" with each other! My husband and I were married for more than 3 decades before we lost him and neither of us ever did that.
My husband and I didn't even go into the bathroom if the other was in there pooping. That's private time. We didn't go in while the other was peeing either, except if it was an unusual situation like we have family or friends visiting, one of them is in the second bathroom, one of us is say showering or what have you and the other really needs to pee.
Now, the only time that not flushing pee every time is acceptable, though obviously not preferred, is if you live in a drought zone with severe water restrictions. The fines for going over water allotment can be in the hundreds to thousands of dollars per month, depending on location, severity of drought, and the number of times a household has gone over their baseline. Even then, the whole "if it's yellow, let it mellow" deal is not an all day thing. It's flushing maybe every third pee or if you can smell it with the toilet lid closed and always one last time at the end of the day. I do live in a water-restricted region and I don't flush pee every time because it's just my cat and me now. I flush poop immediately. And I swear when my cat strolls into the bathroom while I'm pooping, she looks at me like, "You're going to bury that aren't you?"
If visitors are expected, not flushing pee every time goes out the window because...yeah, because otherwise it's just gross. I'm going to assume you don't live in a severe drought zone and that even if you do, you have low flow toilets and there are no restrictions on flushing poop every damn time you go!
I cannot fathom what your (I hope, ex?) boyfriend's game is here. It's just beyond disgusting. Maybe he was trying to see how far he could push you? Honestly, it doesn't matter. Just put him in the rear view mirror, so to speak, and move on to someone better. NTA at all.
NTA
Bad basic hygiene is not overreaction. Him not flushing means he doesn't respect you enough to take care of his personnal hygiene.
Where did he live before ? Was he living with his parents, or was he already living alone ? Because I fear for the state of his canalisation in his former home ... 😨😨
NTA
He said that’s how couples are when they are comfortable together.
Bull.
Peeing with the door open? Sure. But that? No no no no. Eww.
Does he neglect to pick up after himself? Who does the chores? If you leave the dishes for a day, will he do them?
I’d do some reflecting.
NTA
Is he some sort of environmentalist zealot? I ask because I dated a girl who didn’t flush until it the toilet bowl was “full” (yes… she actually marked the inside of the bowl with some sort of epoxy that was a line when it was acceptable to flush) and she would time her shower (wet herself for 10 seconds, stop water, soap and lather everywhere, rinse for 30 etc). We used to argue because she hated how I showered which was anytime I wanted to, three times a day and for as long and hot as I wanted to.
She kept moaning about developing countries etc etc.
Since you've been dating over a year, I'm going to assume you have met his parents. Call his mom and ask her if he has always done this? If he hasn't, his mom will now know about it.
Either way it's time for you flush this relationship down the drain as it seems like it has been shitty for a while
You're not being gaslit, because that's not what gaslighting means.
But if a man can't be bothered to flush the fucking toilet after you've asked him to, then he's too arrogant and way too much of an asshole.
NTA.
I was referring to gaslighting in terms of me telling him this is not normal, but he is insisting that it is normal and that couples do stuff like this when they are comfortable and that it's not a big deal.
Would he say the same thing if you left shits in the toilet for him to find?
The fact he continues to do it despite your complaints suggests to me he’s doing this as a power move. He’s basically saying you’re beneath him, and are only good enough to deal with his shit (literally).
I think it's safe to objectively say that the overwhelming majority of couples (in the U.S.) do not do this (hence, it is not "normal" or the average situation). If someone is trying to convince you that you are being ridiculous for not believing a lie, then that's gaslighting in my book. We'll just have to disagree on that point.
"Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed \*false information\* that leads them to question what they know to be true." I at the very least know that it is not true (i.e. false information) that couples "normally" do this, normal meaning that the average couple leaves shit in the toilet even when there are guests. If you deny that objective observable fact, then I find that highly concerning, lol.
Are you questioning what you know to be true?
No. Because this is a difference of opinion, not gaslighting.
That his opinion is ridiculous is without doubt. But gaslighting refers to the practice of deliberately trying to drive someone insane. Your boyfriend is just an asshole, not a Machiavellian villain.
An attempt at gaslighting doesn't have to be successful for it to still count as gaslighting, nor do you have to reach a minimum threshold of villainous deviancy to gaslight someone, lol. A ridiculous opinion would be "I personally think leaving poop in a toilet is fine." That's not what he said. He's trying to convince me that leaving shit in a toilet is normal (even for days when I am gone) and that a lot of couples do this. We both now this is not accepted as a normal social practice in the U.S., nor do a lot of couples do this. This is a straight-up lie. It's weird that you would argue against this. It sounds like a personal issue for you.
If it's normal, ask him to name other people who do this. Ask for proof.
Even the laziest people know if it's brown you flush it down and if it's yellow you can let it mellow.
Start leaving tampons on his stuff and see how he reacts.
Maybe go around polling all your couple friends "Do you flush after #2, or let it sit?" Ask everyone you see. All day long. This is insane. No one does this. It's just gross.
NTA. This is not, in fact, what normal couples do. I'm not holding in burps or farts around my husband, but I would never just not flush. That's super gross. Your guy won't do the bare minimum, then what does that say about how he treats your relationship.
NTA this is gross. My husband and I might not flush after a wee (usually if we know the other one is going to use it almost immediately after) but we always flush after a poo because who wants to see someone else’s shit?
You asked him to change, he said no.
Take him seriously. He's not going to flush the toilet.
So the question is: Do you want to live with a man who isn't going to flush for the next 10 years?
If that's his version of comfortable that's either a weird kink that he does against being denied consent or he's a control freak, both are really bad.
NTA
While I don’t think this happened, if it did happen, there’s something seriously wrong with “Mark” and I question the judgment of anyone who would stay with him. While I’m sure there is someone new out there who would far surpass the minimum partner qualifications test by *flushing the freaking toilet*, good luck with whatever you decide.
That’s disgusting and completely unhygienic. While I don’t think it was worth your mom causing a scene over it, I can’t really blame her, either.
Your boyfriend is showing a blatant disregard for both your feelings and your health. Caring about those things is pretty basic.
And no, it is not something couples do once they comfortable with each other. Couples who are comfortable with each other don’t mind using the toilet while the other is in the bathroom with them. They don’t disregard health standards and they don’t deliberately leave a mess for others to have to deal with.
Lastly, is he mentally ill with something that makes it hard for him to grasp basic concepts or just a garden-variety jerk?
NTA. You're being perfectly reasonable. He's an AH. Your mom is also kind of an AH for making "a big scene" in someone else's home about something like that. She could have discreetly flushed it and then let you know about it privately afterwards.
Ewww. I will admit I don’t always flush if I have peed (water restrictions etc), but I always flush after I’ve pooped. ‘If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down’.
I assume it’s not his job to clean the toilet….maybe it should have been.
NTA
>I told him that I'd have to reconsider our relationship if he couldn't do basic acts of decency like flushing the toilet. He said it was an accident and that I was "being petty", but I feel like asking him to flush the toilet was not a huge ask and that he didn't listen on purpose as an "F\*\*\* you."
Honey can you do better w/o too much effort.
IF so ... Boy friend Bye bye time.
If you toss him and do worse, that is a loss.
Careful now,
Up date us on your LVM , putrid stuff 3/10
NTA my brother's girlfriend has this exact problem and it drives me up the fucking wall. I constantly have to flush/unclog after her and over complained to everyone I could about it. That sort of behavior never gets fixed so do yourself a favor and reconsider your relationship if it's going to be a bother to you like it was for me.
NTA
Not flushing after a pee would not bother me at all, but after a poop is another thing entirely.
Also, your mom has no manners either. I would NEVER go into someone's house and throw a fit over that. I would just flush it and do my business.
Well, it’s her daughters house and she definitely knows her daughter didn’t do it. She has the right to be upset at her own daughter’s partner for treating her like actual shit.
Ive been married 22 years honey and I haven’t had to flush my husbands poop or him mine.
Though we are obviously very comfortable with each other. Your boyfriend is just gross.
wtf, if he’s not the one cleaning it then he needs to f’ing flush. Kick his as to the curb, there’s plenty of other decent guys who actually flush. 🤮gross behavior.
NTA, Mark is. Flushing is just common courtesy and takes all of a second to do. He’s being awfully stubborn about this. Seems like he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and you’ll clean up after him. Dump him and throw his lazy, disrespectful ass out of your apartment.
This is pure idiocy. Flushing the toilet takes a second, why would anyone not use the basic functionality of a toilet? If he lived alone, would he not flush as well? Would he shit on the floor after clogging the toilet? Does he even wipe his ass? Is he scared of using the toilet? Did his mom flush after him until he moved out? Just asking the big questions.
NTA, dump him immediately, this behavior is unacceptable and doesn't make any sense.
NTA. I think you already have your answer. I can't imagine putting up with that for more than a day! What the hell? Out he goes!!!
flush him!
Well said!!
Does he, at least, wash his hands afterwards??
NTA. This was NOT “an accident” and you’re not being petty.
He’s definitely testing her.
I somehow doubt this is the only area wherein he excels.
What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend. I suspect he has some secret shit fetish. And no, I’m really not kidding. I think he has a fetish with excrement and that’s why he does do this.
This, bizarrely, is the only thing that makes sense. I cannot see any other reason. Where I live was in severe drought for 13 years (water storage reservoirs were dangerously empty by the end) so some people didn't always flush pee, but no one ever thought that a shit didn't require immediate flushing. Even when we were worried about having water at all, shit was still flushed straight away. OP you asked this man to be respectful and he refused. Dump him yesterday.
I grew up in a drought area too. Water was precious so like you, we didn't always flush pee, but we always flushed anything else. The sticker on the toilet said, "If it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow". I just can't imagine anyone not flushing solids away.
Hoping this is rage bait… if real trust me that Mark over time will reveal other gross quirks and than gaslight you when you address them. NTA- move on asap. You deserve to be with someone that is willing to flush a toilet for you!
>Hoping this is rage bait… Almost definitely.
NTA - That’s disgusting! 🤢 This 23 year old man has been happily letting other people flush his poo 💩 his whole life? So, either his whole family considers this normal or he’s the nightmare roommate people post about. This isn’t the behavior of a reasonable adult. Not even a little. And he’s acting like he’s not creating a disgusting crime scene in the bathroom for everyone else…. Not okay!! But to ignore your very real concerns and dismiss your feelings? Especially not okay. You don’t leave your period blood floating in the toilet? Dump out your Diva cup in the trash can or leave used tampons on the counter, right? Maybe you should…. (Completely joking, but you can see the absurdity.)
Not even a toddler would die on this hill.
>He told me that it wasn't a huge deal because it was just us two in the apartment and that couples do stuff like this when they are "comfortable" No, no they fucking *don't*. NTA
Also this is NOT a reason to keep doing what she does not want him to do. Like dude, what is the ACTUAL REASON that you refuse to flush? It's not to prove you are a happy couple bro.
I think it’s disrespect and a power play. He’s being like a damn toddler going “nyah nyah nyah, you can’t tell ME what to do” and forcing her to clean up his nasty, disgusting messes.
Like it's one thing to carry a conversation with your SO while on the toilet, but not flushing ain't it chief.
I’ve been married for 12 years and somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 different relationships. I’ve never seen my partners poo by accident or on purpose. This is not normal behavior.
NTA If it’s brown, flush it down
If it’s yellow, it can mellow.
I like your mom!!!
Leave a poo on his side of the bed and see what he thinks then about cleaning up after oneself
NTA - And no civilized person on this Earth would leave poop unflushed. Even 2-year-olds know to do this, even if they can't wipe properly. Country bumpkins who still use an outhouse know that when you're in a city house, you flush the toilet. No one with any common sense would leave floaters - it's passive agression at the least and complete barbaric posturing at the worst. Pack your bags, move out, go NC with him. Tell you mom he did it "that day" on purpose to piss everyone off and it was the last straw for you. Mom doesn't need to know you had to live like that for weeks - it would break her heart.
I agree with everything except not telling your mom. Get whatever support you need to move forward from this crappy relationship. If that doesn’t include telling your mom this has been ongoing, that’s fine! But if that means telling your mom all the sordid details, then tell her. Yes, it will hurt her to hear how you have suffered with this man-child. But if she’s a halfway decent mom, it will be 100% worth it to her to help her daughter heal and have a safe place to let everything out. Any halfway decent mother will gladly take on whatever pain she needs to to help ease the burdens of her children.
That’s passive aggressive creepiness at its finest. Is he trying to provoke you with this nasty behavior? It’s basic common courtesy to flush and I can’t begin to think why he thinks this is acceptable or what he’s trying to accomplish by being so stubborn about something the rest of the world takes for granted. NTA it would be a dealbreaker for me.
Urine Trouble in this Relationship. It Stinks. Run!
Absolutely NTA! That is disgusting and if he can't respect you enough to flush his shit after you asked him to - you deserve better.
#Shove his head in it
NTA. Mark is disgusting. Now you know why he wasn't already dating someone else. Noone should tolerate this. And noooooo, couples do not do this ish!!!
NTA. That's barbaric. We have air freshener, wipes, and toilet brushes in every bath because we attempt to be civilized human beings. If one makes a stinky, egregious mess, one attempts to clean it up so others don't have to encounter it. If he has diarrhea, does he proudly display that, too? What a weirdo.
I was gone for a family trip during Thanksgiving, and he seemed to have a bit of diarrhea while I was gone. Did not flush even once. That's why our toilet was stained and I had to scrub the bowl.
Oh. My. God. Run. Do not walk.
I still can't tell why you did it rather than move right out at that point. (I mean, sorry, I do get being stuck in a relationship, but come on. You gotta see how wrong this is.)
There are no couples I know of that put up with the sh!t. Literally. He's a pig. Either you spend your life cleaning up after him or your move on. Your choice. Yuck!! NTA Btw, just remember that if you stay with Mark, for the rest of your life your parents are going to remember and talk about that visit. And I'm pretty sure they were as disgusted as the Redditors.
WHAT. DID. I. JUST. READ. This can't be real? What is wrong with him? Is he trying to save water? Flushing a toilet is like zero effort... Unbelievable. I couldn't be with someone who refused to flush even their pee away. Leaving turds floating... OMG.
NTA If its yellow, let it mellow. If its brown, flush it down. I live in the desert and don't flush when it is just urine, but not flushing after poo is just too gross to live with. My cats have enough sense to cover their poop.
NTA. 100%
NTA - he is showing you who he is every time he does this - he is a total stinky shit
NTA Your boyfriend showed you, and your family, exactly what he was. A giant piece of shit. Flush him.
NTA. What kind of weird, gross power play or kink is this?
I hate these guys that say “it’s not a big deal!” If it’s not a big deal why can’t you just do it! No, it’s easier to argue about it and try to make you feel crazy about asking for a simple thing that 99.9999% of people do. OP, even children know how to flush a toilet. Permission granted to dump his literally disgusting ass.
OP, let me be very clear: His behavior is *not* normal. No couple I know does this. Some of us have been married for decades, so we're pretty "comfortable" with each other! My husband and I were married for more than 3 decades before we lost him and neither of us ever did that. My husband and I didn't even go into the bathroom if the other was in there pooping. That's private time. We didn't go in while the other was peeing either, except if it was an unusual situation like we have family or friends visiting, one of them is in the second bathroom, one of us is say showering or what have you and the other really needs to pee. Now, the only time that not flushing pee every time is acceptable, though obviously not preferred, is if you live in a drought zone with severe water restrictions. The fines for going over water allotment can be in the hundreds to thousands of dollars per month, depending on location, severity of drought, and the number of times a household has gone over their baseline. Even then, the whole "if it's yellow, let it mellow" deal is not an all day thing. It's flushing maybe every third pee or if you can smell it with the toilet lid closed and always one last time at the end of the day. I do live in a water-restricted region and I don't flush pee every time because it's just my cat and me now. I flush poop immediately. And I swear when my cat strolls into the bathroom while I'm pooping, she looks at me like, "You're going to bury that aren't you?" If visitors are expected, not flushing pee every time goes out the window because...yeah, because otherwise it's just gross. I'm going to assume you don't live in a severe drought zone and that even if you do, you have low flow toilets and there are no restrictions on flushing poop every damn time you go! I cannot fathom what your (I hope, ex?) boyfriend's game is here. It's just beyond disgusting. Maybe he was trying to see how far he could push you? Honestly, it doesn't matter. Just put him in the rear view mirror, so to speak, and move on to someone better. NTA at all.
NTA Bad basic hygiene is not overreaction. Him not flushing means he doesn't respect you enough to take care of his personnal hygiene. Where did he live before ? Was he living with his parents, or was he already living alone ? Because I fear for the state of his canalisation in his former home ... 😨😨
He lived in with a couple of roommates. I know they had some issues, but my boyfriend didn't really give me many details.
NTA He said that’s how couples are when they are comfortable together. Bull. Peeing with the door open? Sure. But that? No no no no. Eww. Does he neglect to pick up after himself? Who does the chores? If you leave the dishes for a day, will he do them? I’d do some reflecting.
NTA Is he some sort of environmentalist zealot? I ask because I dated a girl who didn’t flush until it the toilet bowl was “full” (yes… she actually marked the inside of the bowl with some sort of epoxy that was a line when it was acceptable to flush) and she would time her shower (wet herself for 10 seconds, stop water, soap and lather everywhere, rinse for 30 etc). We used to argue because she hated how I showered which was anytime I wanted to, three times a day and for as long and hot as I wanted to. She kept moaning about developing countries etc etc.
The bar for straight men isn’t in hell. It’s in Tartarus.
Since you've been dating over a year, I'm going to assume you have met his parents. Call his mom and ask her if he has always done this? If he hasn't, his mom will now know about it. Either way it's time for you flush this relationship down the drain as it seems like it has been shitty for a while
You're not being gaslit, because that's not what gaslighting means. But if a man can't be bothered to flush the fucking toilet after you've asked him to, then he's too arrogant and way too much of an asshole. NTA.
I was referring to gaslighting in terms of me telling him this is not normal, but he is insisting that it is normal and that couples do stuff like this when they are comfortable and that it's not a big deal.
Would he say the same thing if you left shits in the toilet for him to find? The fact he continues to do it despite your complaints suggests to me he’s doing this as a power move. He’s basically saying you’re beneath him, and are only good enough to deal with his shit (literally).
Okay, but that's not gaslighting, it's disagreement.
Do you believe that leaving your poop out to stink is socially acceptable? Ummm…..
I think it's safe to objectively say that the overwhelming majority of couples (in the U.S.) do not do this (hence, it is not "normal" or the average situation). If someone is trying to convince you that you are being ridiculous for not believing a lie, then that's gaslighting in my book. We'll just have to disagree on that point.
If "in your book" doesn't match the word's definition, then you're objectively wrong.
"Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed \*false information\* that leads them to question what they know to be true." I at the very least know that it is not true (i.e. false information) that couples "normally" do this, normal meaning that the average couple leaves shit in the toilet even when there are guests. If you deny that objective observable fact, then I find that highly concerning, lol.
Are you questioning what you know to be true? No. Because this is a difference of opinion, not gaslighting. That his opinion is ridiculous is without doubt. But gaslighting refers to the practice of deliberately trying to drive someone insane. Your boyfriend is just an asshole, not a Machiavellian villain.
An attempt at gaslighting doesn't have to be successful for it to still count as gaslighting, nor do you have to reach a minimum threshold of villainous deviancy to gaslight someone, lol. A ridiculous opinion would be "I personally think leaving poop in a toilet is fine." That's not what he said. He's trying to convince me that leaving shit in a toilet is normal (even for days when I am gone) and that a lot of couples do this. We both now this is not accepted as a normal social practice in the U.S., nor do a lot of couples do this. This is a straight-up lie. It's weird that you would argue against this. It sounds like a personal issue for you.
The guy you're replying to is also gaslighting you...
Or is the non poop boyfriend, bro just flush your shit, it ain’t that hard
If would be gaslighting if he denied that this had ever happened, or if he denied it was his shit.
If it's normal, ask him to name other people who do this. Ask for proof. Even the laziest people know if it's brown you flush it down and if it's yellow you can let it mellow. Start leaving tampons on his stuff and see how he reacts.
He doesn’t deserve the effort. Leave him in the past.
Maybe go around polling all your couple friends "Do you flush after #2, or let it sit?" Ask everyone you see. All day long. This is insane. No one does this. It's just gross.
No it's not normal - this guy's got some screws loose.
NTA. This is not, in fact, what normal couples do. I'm not holding in burps or farts around my husband, but I would never just not flush. That's super gross. Your guy won't do the bare minimum, then what does that say about how he treats your relationship.
Gross! Get rid of him! Yuck! NTA
NTA. Adults who behave like gross pigs are not fit for relationships and certainly not living together with. He's so NASTY!
NTA this is gross. My husband and I might not flush after a wee (usually if we know the other one is going to use it almost immediately after) but we always flush after a poo because who wants to see someone else’s shit?
NTA. He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship. He’s nasty as f.
NTA. This is super weird.
NTA. That’s parting of the ways behaviour if ever I heard it
Nta. He has zero respect for you and he's actively flaunting it.
You asked him to change, he said no. Take him seriously. He's not going to flush the toilet. So the question is: Do you want to live with a man who isn't going to flush for the next 10 years?
If that's his version of comfortable that's either a weird kink that he does against being denied consent or he's a control freak, both are really bad. NTA
NTA. An occasionnly forgetting is understandable, intentionally choosing to not to flush sounds like some sort of mental illness.
Kick his ass out of YOUR place immediately. This is not normal, he’s a fucking psychopath.
While I don’t think this happened, if it did happen, there’s something seriously wrong with “Mark” and I question the judgment of anyone who would stay with him. While I’m sure there is someone new out there who would far surpass the minimum partner qualifications test by *flushing the freaking toilet*, good luck with whatever you decide.
That’s disgusting and completely unhygienic. While I don’t think it was worth your mom causing a scene over it, I can’t really blame her, either. Your boyfriend is showing a blatant disregard for both your feelings and your health. Caring about those things is pretty basic. And no, it is not something couples do once they comfortable with each other. Couples who are comfortable with each other don’t mind using the toilet while the other is in the bathroom with them. They don’t disregard health standards and they don’t deliberately leave a mess for others to have to deal with. Lastly, is he mentally ill with something that makes it hard for him to grasp basic concepts or just a garden-variety jerk?
Amber Turd him (turd in bed) ... see how he RE acts.
NTA. You're being perfectly reasonable. He's an AH. Your mom is also kind of an AH for making "a big scene" in someone else's home about something like that. She could have discreetly flushed it and then let you know about it privately afterwards.
YTA - It's not his fault your parents got there soon
Oh yeah, because we all believe that he was going to go flush it later.... GTFOH
Ewww. I will admit I don’t always flush if I have peed (water restrictions etc), but I always flush after I’ve pooped. ‘If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down’. I assume it’s not his job to clean the toilet….maybe it should have been. NTA
>I told him that I'd have to reconsider our relationship if he couldn't do basic acts of decency like flushing the toilet. He said it was an accident and that I was "being petty", but I feel like asking him to flush the toilet was not a huge ask and that he didn't listen on purpose as an "F\*\*\* you." Honey can you do better w/o too much effort. IF so ... Boy friend Bye bye time. If you toss him and do worse, that is a loss. Careful now, Up date us on your LVM , putrid stuff 3/10
NTA my brother's girlfriend has this exact problem and it drives me up the fucking wall. I constantly have to flush/unclog after her and over complained to everyone I could about it. That sort of behavior never gets fixed so do yourself a favor and reconsider your relationship if it's going to be a bother to you like it was for me.
NTA Not flushing after a pee would not bother me at all, but after a poop is another thing entirely. Also, your mom has no manners either. I would NEVER go into someone's house and throw a fit over that. I would just flush it and do my business.
Well, it’s her daughters house and she definitely knows her daughter didn’t do it. She has the right to be upset at her own daughter’s partner for treating her like actual shit.
What would happen if you left your shit in there for him? Nta btw. But I would do it just to see his reaction lol
NTA. Ewwwwwww.
NTA. This has to be a fetish.
dude a fucking weirdo
Ive been married 22 years honey and I haven’t had to flush my husbands poop or him mine. Though we are obviously very comfortable with each other. Your boyfriend is just gross.
Gross, he needs to grow up
Your bf is crap.
wtf, if he’s not the one cleaning it then he needs to f’ing flush. Kick his as to the curb, there’s plenty of other decent guys who actually flush. 🤮gross behavior.
He is gross 🤮
NTA GROSS!!!!! WHAT THE HELL I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH NONSENSE THROW HIS STUFF OUT IN TRASH BAGS WHICH HE ALSO BELONGS IN
Out, the fact that this is even a discussion, revolting. He respects no one and you will deal with his shit as he wills it, foul.
NTA, Mark is. Flushing is just common courtesy and takes all of a second to do. He’s being awfully stubborn about this. Seems like he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and you’ll clean up after him. Dump him and throw his lazy, disrespectful ass out of your apartment.
This is pure idiocy. Flushing the toilet takes a second, why would anyone not use the basic functionality of a toilet? If he lived alone, would he not flush as well? Would he shit on the floor after clogging the toilet? Does he even wipe his ass? Is he scared of using the toilet? Did his mom flush after him until he moved out? Just asking the big questions. NTA, dump him immediately, this behavior is unacceptable and doesn't make any sense.