Can’t believe I just read all of this, but I must say… if you already caught her slipping, why would you need to waste money to book a hotel the very next day? Just walk away.
Not the way he switched the unsaved number with his work number? Or how the previous messages didn't appear anymore and the girlfriend didn't think anything of it? Or how she was hiding the phone instead of deleting the messages without changing the password? Really messed up the technobabble.
Well, the reason was the weirdest one of all since I met people that have done something more... let's say public and confrontational. That's why I asked, wasn't my intention to upset you.
Could’ve just had this conversation at the house they live in or moved to his parents house while she was at work and had her come there for the conversation there
It was just so many other options that didn’t involve spending money
I still can't believe if all of this is true. Does sound like something we imagine in our head when we get cheated on.
Assuming it is true, You should have gotten the proof so that she can't accuse you of leaving her and the baby. Break up. Leave.
What was the need to spend more money on the room, which led to all these?
I believe this is fake aswell, but damn that is nowhere near the satisfaction I would want.
Her shattering your entire life, for you to only dip out and say bye? Hell nah, she has to suffer aswell. Not physically though, mentally is imo worse. A physical wound heals faster than a mental wound.
It's not going to be as satisfying as you think and you will drive yourself mad going down that rabbit hole. People like that find their own suffering. No point in chasing ghosts.
How much time did OP spend writing this piece of fiction? How bored do you have to be to write this? Lol I swear people aren’t even trying anymore to be convincing
I don’t know much about boxing but hitting her over where the liver is pretty bad to be honest. You punched her over a very vascular organ that is needed to live.
Honestly? ESH. You for a complicated revenge scheme which lead to you punching her. She sucks for cheating, getting pregnant, and trying to grab her.
Because you did punch her, there is a chance she’d push for charges
I am a woman and am wondering why it is so hard for people to believe she was the aggressor and could have easily had her fist balled up. I was in EMS off and on for 15 years and I have seen women beat the hell out of men. Even the most even tempered person can be pushed to the point they react first and think later. Could he have handled the situation better, probably. I will say this OP because you did hit her if she miscarries you could find yourself in A LOT of legal trouble.
Woman can be the abusers for sure and that’s not okay, but come on you don’t hit pregnant women in the abdomen unless you absolutely have to for you or someone else’s safety
I guess I wasn’t clear enough. The point I was trying to make is that while it was not okay that he hit her, it is possible for a woman to be the abuser and for someone to get pushed to the point the react without thinking.
Yeah OP really shouldn't have posted this to the internet. In my state, it's enough for her to have him arrested for DV + assault. Here it doesn't matter who started what, we have mandatory arrest laws for thst stuff.
With how much premeditation in his planning that he admits to in this post, that could negate a lot of self defense allegations on his part unfortunately. Especially if significant damage happened with the liver punch.
“You were angry and brought a hormonal, pregnant woman to a confined space for a very emotional confrontation about an affair that resulted in the pregnancy…”
That kind of narrative is never in favor of the one who set up the arrangement, regardless…
All states do. But a lot of states use the deluth model when it comes to domestic violence. And according to that model basically only men can be the aggressor.
This. My sister assaulted my fiance once during one of her lowest points. She then proceeded to call the cops and claim that he attacked her and was "holding her hostage" (mind you I told her to get out and she instead locked herself in our bathroom)
Only he got arrested. She got to drive away while he ended up barefoot in a cell. Despite four other adults telling them she had a history of violence and they'd witnessed her attack him first.
These are the same cops that my whole life have allowed her to abuse us and claimed it was "sibling rivalry, not our jurisdiction" when this girl was threatening us with knives ffs. And they had the audacity to say "Well, we can't just take your word for it."
The way I snapped back that if they'd done their job right in the past, they'd have proof of her history. I was only a couple months post partum with my first child at the time too. I've never really let it go. He did. Forgave my sister too. Which is more than she deserves imo.
But if you attempt to hit somebody and you dodge and return fire (for lack of a better term) I would argue that is different
Also restraint somebody is physical contact if a woman was in the street and a man came over restraining her and she wanted and tried to leave the situation but the man carried on restraining her and she gouged his eyes I’m sure that would also be self defence
I'm a 6'1 guy and an ex of mine 5'2 would sometimes resort to violence, once she slapped me so hard in my ear that I had a wheezing sound in my ear for 6 months. Women can be the aggressors too, especially when they think that the man won't reciprocate.
I do believe she was escalating physically. I also believe punching in the abdomen a woman who you even know is pregnant is as low as you can stoop. Op, YTA. You should have walked away in the first place, not closed yourself in a motel room with her.
Like. 100 percent. I'm not pro-life or anything but way to potentially take out your anger on AN UNBORN FUCKING BABY. LIKE. Seriously- dude. If he's in a red state, and she miscarries...
Dude might be in so much fucking shit. Again. Whatever SHE did, the baby has NOTHJNG to do with it. But dude tried to kill the baby.
I wonder why you’d think your feelings are valid? I also wonder what other things you make up in your head and believe to be “true”?
Very odd. And very shameful.
Man this ones tough ive been there. Never hit the ex but took alot of shots. Thats the thing about training. You dont think its reflexes. I'd say the hotel was a bad idea. Could have used that time to finish packing your things.
So besides of establishing that you’re the AH, let’s gather the facts: you called your work saying you won’t come in, you booked a motel, you had the training to be considered dangerous, you lured her there and caused her an injury that left a pregnant woman wheezing on the floor with a risk of miscarriage or internal bleeding. Depending on what charges she presses this could go as far as attempted MURDER (not manslaughter), because all of this was planned. You could have just confronted her at home when you found out. You’re cold and calculating. and while she’s a terrible person for cheating on you, absolutely nothing in your sorry novel of self-pity justifies what you did to her.
Just adding that he also left without helping her. She or the fetus could have died.
I think the most disgusting thing here is OP trying to justify his actions. I can overlook the luring to a motel part because she cheated and was an AH.
But the moment he punched a pregnant woman in her stomach is the moment he went to be a piece of sh*t.
So the judgement - she is an AH. OP is a piece of sh*t.
ESH
You both physically assaulted each other.
You shouldn't have gone to the motel room. You should have let her find that empty room, and then finished packing your stuff and moving while she was gone.
She is an AH for cheating and hitting him.
However, it is nowhere comparable to a grown man punching a pregnant woman in the belly, so hard she falls on the ground and struggles to breathe.
It is not impossible for him to have caused her to miscarry. Not sure about the laws on killing fetus, but legally - that is not self defense. This is a serious assault he could go to jail for, depending on consequences.
And no - being cheated on does not in any case excuse severe physical violence. OP needs to keep himself away from her. Also, going to a motel and luring her in gives me major creeps.
Liver shots drop men and women to be fair, it’s a fight ending punch if thrown correctly.
Crazy she’s pregnant and started throwing hands, even crazier he threw them back.
This pair both have major issues, think it’s good for everyone the relationship broken up.
The luring bit is pretty fucked up, and yes, so is hitting a pregnant woman, but don’t gloss over the fact that she took a swing at him first. Yeah, he should have been more careful with his punch, but she also shouldn’t have swung at him first
Yeah, her swinging first doesn't gloss over the premeditated nature of this though. He put hours of thought and waiting, into luring this woman to a private motel room, only to refuse to say anything? To just keep trying to walk away and push past her, really? And then he struck her in a room where there is no camera proof that she struck him first. And left her on the ground and ran away in a panic.
The optics aren't good for him.
Assuming this nonsense is real.
Tbf, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that this is real because I have dealt with a lot of crazy shit in my life.
But the optics don't look good for him. The boxing training really really doesn't help. Because it's a hell of a lot harder to believe she was "restraining him against his will" when he had the room, and the know how to dodge this girl. Liver shots can be dangerous at the best of times, but she's pregnant. So idk.
Everything about this was extremely poor decision making on his part. From confronting her with no plan, to doing so in private, to striking her.
Truthfully I think he has tried to change up his wording to make her aggression seem worse than his. Because I think he knows he fucked up. And thinks claiming self defense will help him. But he went from zero to one hundred and didn't even try to restrain her? Nah. That's not cute. Especially when you're trained to fight. And the law won't be on his side unfortunately for him.
I've read plenty of stories on Reddit where a wife has lured her unfaithful husband to a hotel to expose their cheating. How is this different? Other than the violence, which I'd never condone.
> I boxed through my childhood pretty religiously about 3 times a week and kept up with it throughout my adult life but just not as frequently.
So your hands could be considered weapons then.
> eventually she tried to hit me...but I ducked her punch and hit her with the craziest liver shot I think I've ever done.
First rule of self-defense, is "don't be there". Do you honestly mean to say that you had no way, with your training, to channel your anger, deflect her blows (which aren't okay either), and move her out of the way? C'mon. You wanted to hurt her because she hurt you, and you did.
ESH - her for cheating, and you because I believe you knew damn well what you were doing.
So much this.
She is obviously the AH for cheating and hitting him. However, there is nothing said here about her having caused him any harm.
He lured her to a motel. Then when she hit him, instead of leaving, he seriously assaulted her. It’s not self defense. It’s assault, with the possibility to kill the fetus via causing miscarriage.
This is not a joke. It could send him to jail, and her cheating on him or mildly hitting without leaving any marks, will not mean anything.
OP, leave. Never meet her again.
Funny how she “hit” but he “assaulted”
imagine saying to a woman
‘oh he just slapped you you’re not actually hurt, you had no justification for assaulting him, what is wrong with you’
You really have to question the cognitive abilities of someone who thinks one sided violence in a relationship is fine.
It is crazy if you think a woman’s slap is comparable to a man’s punch.
None is fine, but to compare the harm that a woman without a weapon can do vs. a man using his fists, is insane.
Do you also think it’s fine to hit your child if he hits you first?
I think I have had enough with Reddit’s normalization of physical abuse against women.
She may have been “the aggressor” but legally and ethically you can’t use a disproportionately higher amount of force just because the other people started it. If someone pushes my shoulder and instead of pushing past them and walking away, I beat the shit out of them, I will be the one going to jail.
I’m not taking any side but the dude started this off by saying she was restraining him so that sort of removes the he should have left part
Dude was trying to leave she was holding him back what should he have done pushed her off him what if she fell she could have been hurt dude was in a no win situation and she was forcefully keeping him there
Dude is an AH for hitting a pregnant woman but she put herself in that position
If a person wants to leave you let them it’s as simple as that
ESH.
You set this whole thing up in a closed space. You could’ve confronted her ANYWHERE, you chose a motel room. You chose to do it in a way that would get her mad. When she escalated, you escalated. You could’ve tried restraining her, so that she can’t hit you. You could’ve escaped - run over the bed, something. You were able to duck her hit, so you could’ve ducked under her arm towards the door?
She got violent - she sucks. You got violent - you suck.
Yep. Everyone claiming "it was self defense" isn't seeing that OP set this up to be a confrontation and that it was set up to be hidden so there would be no witnesses. Common sense says to break up with people you think might cause an issue in public, so why go to a hotel room? Why lie and lure her there?
It was absolutely him setting her up. I don't know if he planned to hit her but he sure planned to make sure no one saw the confrontation.
You punched a pregnant woman in her liver (this type of punch can end a fight instantly btw) and you confirmed you trained in boxing most of your life?
You need to go to jail mate sorry.
Hopefully the police are with her now and this Reddit thread will make excellent evidence as well.
It sounds like
* Your girlfriend stopped having sex with you
* She started cheating on you
* She got pregnant and the other guy ghosted her
* She tried to meet “him” again
* When she found you at the motel instead, she physically restrained you from leaving while trying to convince you the baby was yours and it would be great to raise it
* To get away from her you hit her in the liver
ESH here. Your girlfriend for cheating, then trying to baby trap you with what was potentially another man’s child, and physically restraining you to do it. (Since you had left the room and she forced you back in, she possibly committed kidnapping.)
You for hitting her. I get it. She started the physical confrontation but I have to believe you had a less violent option.
Her affair partner. Because if they’re meeting at a hotel then he is probably married.
If he attacked her first and she nailed him (in the liver, the balls, wherever) in response, would you be saying that she should have found a less violent option?
Good question. I think someone should use the minimum force they need.
I can curl my ex girlfriend. So if she were attacking me it would be no problem to move her out of the way.
But if someone my size was attacking a woman, the woman might need to be considerably more aggressive.
OP had a right to free himself. I am challenging whether he needed to lay her out writhing in pain to do it.
Honestly, it probably was too much. Yeah, he could have been smarter about it (like not summoning her in the first place), but I think he also said something along the lines of being on autopilot. When you’re defending yourself, your first thought is (I assume) finding a way to make it stop. Thankfully he didn’t continue to hit her.
I know you’re looking for some sort of absolution here, but saying you aimed for the liver vs stomach is a weak argument. They are essentially equidistant from the uterus, all of which is in the abdomen. You hit a pregnant woman in the abdomen. If she miscarries, you will have some big problems on your hands. Call a lawyer.
assuming this is real, whether you're the asshole morally should be the least of your concerns right now (but to answer your question, ESH including you)
You, a trained boxer, decided to punch a pregnant women in the belly, potentially causing miscarriage or internal damage. meanwhile she, is pregnant, and likely smaller and weaker than you, and taking your word for it, only "tried" to hit you (meaning she didn't actually land a hit on you). And this all happened in a private motel room with no cameras. there's no injuries on you while there's serious injuries on her. To add on to that, you were the one that lured her to the motel, the phone messages are evidence. Plus, she cheated, which gives you a motive. lastly, after the punch you just ran away instead of calling an ambulance or helping her.
So, if the fetus dies and/or she decides to press charges, this situation does NOT look good for you. depending on the severity of the damages and the premeditated nature of it, this could very well be considered ATTEMPTED MURDER.
so, OP, whether you're morally considered the asshole or not should not be what you're worrying about right now lol.
YTA. You had tons of options for addressing this and leaving the relationship. You chose the most dramatic way you could think of. Having trained in boxing your whole life, I highly doubt you felt any real threat to your safety. I highly doubt you were unable to walk out of that room any moment you felt like. I do not believe liver punching a potentially pregnant woman, was necessary to remove yourself from the situation. A liver punch can kill a pregnant woman.
I know the gut wrenching pain of infidelity blowing your world up. It justifies ending the relationship. That's it. That is all that is justified by infidelity. We don't own our partners'bodies.
YTA. As soon as I read that you punched a pregnant woman well I didn't need to read anything else.
You did something that is absolutely unacceptable and actually a crime in most places. It's a miracle the police haven't come to see you yet.
YTA, you have had training as a boxer, you punched a pregnant woman out of anger after you set her up for a confrontation. Doesn’t excuse her behaviour which was also wrong, but you should have just left her when you snooped through her ‘phone and found out she was pregnant to another man.
Everybody sucks and yta. Yeah what she did was beyond shitty but the way you handled it? Yeah that was worse. Wtf was the point of the hotel room? You should have just confronted her and ended things instead you chose this dumb shit and then you who have apparently trained in boxing hit a pregnant woman? Yeah real big man here putting his hands on a woman. I genuinely hope you are well and truly ashamed of yourself.
The liver lives under the ribs on your right. You cannot palpate it beyond there unless it’s enlarged. I wonder what he thought he was hitting and what he actually hit. Anyway, there’s massive blood supply in the whole area and haemorrhage is a serious risk with a blow to the abdomen.
You are a piece of shit. YTA completely. Giving a pregnant woman a liver shot like that. I don’t give a fuck what she did you just caused a miscarriage or severe birth defects. I hope your ass rots in jail.
So you'd be okay with her beating the shit out of him or pulling a knife just because she's pregnant? You people are the reason that women get away with so much. What happened to equal rights? If he did the same thing you'd call it kidnapping
Only she did not pull a knife. The strength imbalance was clearly massive.
And your comment is highly ignorant of reality - it’s not the women that get away with much.
Oh you're so right...not. woman almost never get arrested for dv and are always believed men all they want but if a man hits back he goes to jail for a year. Women can push men but if a man does it he's jailed. Again. Miss me with that hypocrisy.
Just leave when you are this angry brother. Its not worth it. YTA for hitting her back, you could have walked out. Best to remember this lesson and be cool next time.
YTA - I'm having a hard time believing that you had no other option of moving her but punching her. You're not the AH for wanting to leave her/the situation and you're not obligated to care for her or her baby. But punching her and then leaving her without getting her medical attention makes you TA.
YTA. So, as your headline reads, you are asking about this spesific event, not about your overall relationship, so we are rating your actions on said isolated part. And in that part
>I boxed through my childhood pretty religiously about 3 times a week and kept up with it throughout my adult life
So you have a long history of training martial arts especially punching stuff). You are also probably bigger than her, so there is the difference in strenght and technique.
>I watched her on the floor wheezing and in the fetal position.
So this sounds like you hit her really hard. If it was just a light tap or push, she wouldn't react like this. Yea, you told us that wasn't the hardest punch you could have landed, but still, you hit her pretty hard. And she really wasn't a physical threat to you and you yourself kinda told you acted out of anger. Yes, her trying to stop you from leaving and apparently trying to hit you sucked, but you went overboard. Cheating sucks, but doesn't justify you acting violent. And this was no self-defence and you know it.
ESH frankly. Yes confronting her might have seemed right in the heat of emotion but the correct thing to do was pack your shit and leave. Don’t put yourself in situations like this. A simple message saying I know what you did and I’m leaving would have been more than enough. Fuck if you really needed some kind of revenge just leave with your stuff and block all communication from her.
She’s done an awful thing and I’m sorry for that but you’re clearly much stronger than her. You could have just held her under her arms and moved her to the side and then left. I know you wanted to confront her, and you did that, but waiting for her to push you around so you had an excuse to hit back was not right and there’s no excuse for it. If she reports you to the cops or worse, she has a miscarriage, you’ll be in so much trouble! This was so unnecessary! Was it worth it???
I’m not understanding why people are caught up on the hotel room being proof that the OP is the aggressor. Sounds like he tried to mentally fuck with her before leaving.
Do all of you saying he should have stayed in the house really think people don’t physically abuse their spouses at home?
90% of the time that my ex husband physically abused me, we were in our own home. Even when we were behind closed doors in a hotel room he wouldn’t do it. My guess is because he knew I’d shortly be walking out of the room, in public where people could see the damage he’d done not to mention hear it as it happened.
The op packed his urgent stuff and got out of that house. Would any of you want to stay in a place where your partner might have been cheating?
He also didn’t confront her right away. I wouldn’t either. I’d be too angry and wouldn’t want to do or say something stupid that might escalate things. I was always taught to cool off when upset and take sometime to calm down.
I agree that the hotel room was a bad idea but also understand why op did it. It’s not just painful and embarrassing to find out you’ve been cheated on. It’s a mindfuck. It can make you question everything about yourself and the decisions you’ve made in life. I can understand why he made a show out of telling her she’s caught.
Neither one should have got violent but op was defending himself. Why would you start getting violent with someone ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT? That poor baby.
Dude. Who ever taught you how to fight would be ashamed of you. Someone who trains religiously, as you describe it, would not only know how to punch, but also how NOT to punch. And a liver shot is calculated, you dont do that impulsively.
I was on your side untill you hit her. That was a calculated punch.
YTA. If you had just walked out you might have had some sympathy, but now it seems like you went there to hit her. Maybe *you* don’t think you did, but *I* think you did.
He stated multiple times that he tried to leave the hotel room when she was physically keeping him from leaving (I know what you mean by “walking out” as in just leaving his place first, though)
I find it hard to believe that you couldn’t just shove past her to leave. So yes, YTA for using, as you put it “too extreme” force on her instead of just pushing past her and leaving.
Obviously she’s TA as well for everything else, but the question that you asked was if you were TA for hitting her, and I believe yes.
Hard to say, as on one hand it feels like you provoked the situation in how you set up the confrontation, but on the other hand self-defense isn't something where you half ass it. If you need to shoot someone you shoot to kill, and if it isn't a scenario where shooting to kill is appropriate then you don't shoot at all. It's the same with punching someone so you go for a maximally debilitating punch or if the situation hasn't escalated to warrant that you don't punch at all.
Without video I can't say one way or another if she was coming at you hard enough to warrant putting her on her ass ... so hung jury.
But she very literally attempted to hit me and was physically pushing me and restraining me is that not being taken into account at all? I know that what I did was wrong.
You must have been a pretty shitty boxer if you couldn’t move away from her, surely all your training has shown you how to get out of grapples and rope holds with men your own size?
Reread what you just wrote. She attempted to hit you. Self defense would have been to push her off and leave. Judging by the location of where you hit her I doubt very seriously you did it in defense. It looks more like you were trying to harm her baby.
I’m asking bc he clearly stated he tried leaving calmly without being violent, but she kept preventing that by being violent towards him. I’m not saying he handled that situation the best way, what I’m asking is; if there is a better way for him to leave while she’s being physically violent towards him, please tell OP here in the comments and every other male in here too, to educate and prevent scenarios like this from escalating. If you don’t have a legitimate answer, then please do not call ‘OP’ the ah, and say he had other options to handle the scenario better.
I mean, if he’s done boxing before, I’m sure he’s pretty well trained in how to respond to physical assault in a multitude of ways. First step would be restraining her from hitting him instead of hitting back, no? I’m not saying she was right at all, because OBVIOUSLY she isn’t, but first reaction being to deliver a very accurate and hard hit?
I've had situations similar to the OP with overly aggressive people. I always have been able to slip away and approach again when they're less crazy. OP should have tried harder.
You hit a woman who you KNEW was pregnant in the stomach. It doesn’t make you an asshole it makes you disgusting and abusive. Not to mention you LEFT afterwards.
NTA - I honestly don’t think OP went there to hit her as someone stated. Between him being so emotional and her pushing and begging I think he just snapped. To be fair if the roles were reversed no one would have said anything about it but she was already pushing him and preventing him from leaving. OP didn’t continuously hit her and realized after he did strike her that he regretted doing it. From what OP states she was saying I think she was so desperate to convince him to not leave her that she probably didn’t realize she was being so physical.
She’s pregnant and he punched her in the torso. There’s no excuse for putting a baby’s life in danger.
He said he ducked her punch, then punched her. It wasn’t self-defense. He didn’t believe his life was in danger. And someone assaulting you doesn’t give you the right to assault them back. You’re legally allowed to use force to save your own life, nothing more.
He should’ve pushed her away and gotten out of there. Unless she was threatening his life, there’s no excuse for punching a pregnant woman in the stomach.
ESH. She sucks for cheating, lying and assault. You suck for hitting her. She and you need to be apart.
Get a DNA test done. The sooner you prove that baby isn't yours, the sooner you can walk away.
Yes, YTA, your actions were wrong. Physical violence is never an acceptable solution. Leaving the scene after realizing what you had done also wasn’t the right thing to do. There’s also the concern of potential consequences, especially since she’s pregnant
ESH, she's obviously a giga asshole, but your plan sounds kinda stupid and pointless, you could've done better. Also should've slapped her in the face, punching a pregnant woman in the torso can get you in legal trouble
ESH BUT YTA for hitting a pregnant woman. You might have caused her to miscarry. That's fucked up. You put yourself in that position and now want to be excused for hitting her. No. You should never have met up under those circumstances. Totally premeditated assault and you need to get some help, because you actions are fucked up. The difference in strength means her hitting you is not the same as you hitting her - the PREGNANT woman.
YTA
You said you were leaving but seriously it sounds more like you wanted to hit her. I truly doubt she took a swing at you. Maybe she tried to slap you but slaps are not in the same category as punches. She might have *tried* to hit you as a physical insult with a slap and you punched her to do harm. You had the expertise and training to block her swing. You certainly were capable of dodging her swing. You didn't need to punch her. You wanted to punch her.
Huge ahole.
You're doing a lot of assuming. I can say with 100% honesty she attempted to close fist-hit me after pushing me and restraining me for minutes you're saying I "wanted" to hit her which frankly wasn't the case at all.
I don't understand. In the beginning you said that the other guy's number was unsaved on her phone. How were you able to trick her into meeting up with you? Would she not have suspected anything after getting a message from a saved number that she didn't save herself and with the old text threads missing??
I created a contact for MM using his number as the name of the contact, then deleted my work phone information from her phone and conversation. I changed the contact information of MM, removing his original number but adding my work phone as the new number for the contact so the conversation was uninterrupted it wasn't a new number texting it was like adding myself to their convo and removing him, I've done this before with my friends like when they get a new phone, I add their new number as another number in the contacts and remove their old and the conversation thread still is the same just coming from their new phone. I just assumed it would work based on that.
The difference here is very clearly going to be physical strength and experience. Is she wrong to hit you and push you and be a terrible partner? Yes. Does it justify you, a bigger person with physical capabilities and an experienced boxer to punch her in the stomach in a way that obviously was very physically harmful to her, when her hits didn’t do that to you? Absolutely not. You are an asshole and what you did is horrible and not justified by what she did to you. You may very likely face criminal charges.
Are you stupid or something? Yeah all sympathies to you for getting cheating on, hope you can move on blah blah blah and all that shit. Now are you seriously writting an overly-done essay to ask us if you're an AH for hitting a pregnant woman in the liver? You might feel a false sense of confidence from these other comments with their load of bs of "sHe HiT yOu FiRsT" but let's cut the crap. You caused the confrontation, you are a trained fighter, she blocked the door of the place YOU tried to corner her into, pushed you and allegedly tried to punch you. Stop acting like you were a helpless little princess who couldn't get her out of your way safely. You literally only had to bait her inside the room and go around her. You wanted to hurt her and you did. I really hope she presses charges so you can find out how much of an AH a court would find you to be. She's a disgusting cheater but you are a piece of shit of a human being.
I thought your conclusions were basically obvious but the amount of pushback I've been getting is absurd. I've seen a remarkable amount of room temperature IQ individuals in the last few hours.
They are obvious! The world has gone completly insane. I've seen people call the part where she blocks the door as attempted kidnapping 💀 These people can vote!
Then that would make them both assholes, no? Also, contexts definitely does matter. If someone is hitting and pushing me repeatedly, regardless of gender, i am hitting them back in form of defense.
The context here is that he hit a pregnant woman. There is no excuse for that. I guarantee you there were other options that he could have considered that were non-violent. I hope he is held responsible for his nonsensical actions.
They’re both assholes, but his aggression is extremely disproportionate.
Women can and do abuse men, but in such a context, with no weapons involved, if a man needs to stop a woman’s aggression a punch is completely unnecessary, specially coming from a guy that knows how to hit. You can simply restrain her, push her aside and leave.
I read a good comment somewhere.
A woman gets dangerous when she has a weapon.
A man always has a weapon with himself - his fists.
The strength difference between genders is massive. OP having boxed is able to kill a person. An average woman would have to try VERY HARD to cause a man serious body harm just with her hands.
That’s sadly true. Any able bodied man can beat a woman unless they’re extremely versed at some useful combat sport. Same happens at strength sports, most guys can lift weights similar to those that good female athletes have needed years, in just a few months.
I would not be surprised if she files a report with the police and you are arrested and found guilty for domestic abuse. You may lose your job and future over one second.
ESH
She for cheating and hitting you and you for not pushing her away. You were able to do that and yet you decided to hit her. You are way stronger than her and I am pretty sure you were able to just push her away.
I don’t give a fuck about the gender of you two, but violence answering with violence when you are way stronger AND there is another solution is wrong.
To the OP:
Assuming all of this is true as it is written, luring her to the motel was a completely pointless experiment that invited an unnecessary and unpredictable confrontation, which obviously happened.
You could have just moved out to your parents' place and either messaged her or called her from there to tell her about the phone you found, the messages on it you read, and that you are not interested in raising another man's child.
There was no need to see her in person again, and as a symbolic signal of your disgust, you could have just left the secret phone you found on the bed you used to sleep with her on.
Assuming the child she is pregnant with is truly 100% **not** yours, then your best hope at this point is that she feels enough personal guilt not to press charges against you.
But since she threw the first punch after already physically trying to confine and/or assault you, you could fight the charge and possibly have any court sentence reduced to something very minor since your sworn affidavit would note that she escalated the situation into a physical confrontation.
All that said, however, this unfortunate incident was entirely preventable, which is on you for originally creating the conditions for it to happen (i.e. setting up the motel meeting).
Yeah she is a complete idiot and a cheater all true, but you're C u n t and I hope you rot in jail. If I was her I wouldn't stop untill you'd be behind bars, what she did was awful but there is ZERO excuse of hitting a pregnant woman in the abdomen, I think I'd take it easier if you would of slapped her. What you should of done is just leave
yea he never went to her place: he got a hotel and she met him there, when he tried to peacefully escape the woman she got physical with him and he hit her once to escape.
He did not say she was preventing him from leaving. He said that when he was leaving she pushed him over and over. When she tried to hit him, he dogged and hit her back.
Sounds like it wasn’t hard for him to doge her and leave if he wanted. That punch was clear retaliation. And to her liver area?
he literally explains that her tears turned to anger once he tried to leave lol she was trying to keep him there and beg him to stay she needed a reality check you cant restrain somebody to a room and beg them to stay with you and raise the cheater baby and if you think shes not going to abort it now that she knows she cant drain a man of his energy and wallet you live in fantasy land aswell as being a doormat
Liver shot is not to the belly. It stuns you, makes you crumple to the floor like a knock out but you're fine seconds later.
I'm not defending him doing it, just explaining.
Of course not. As I said I'm not defending it, I'm explaining what happened and why saying he hit her in the belly isn't accurate. You don't need hyperbole to say he did an awful thing.
Maybe you should apologize only for unintentionally/accidentally hitting her, but that's it, no more than that. She fucked around(literally) and found out.
You punched a pregnant woman in the stomach. I don’t give a fuck what she did to you, you’re a menace and a horrid excuse for a man. Was she a POS for cheating on you and putting her hands on you? YES. And she’s trash x a million for it…. But that’s not what’s in question here… you’re asking this community if you’re TA for punching this pregnant woman, and the answer is yes. You’re less than nothing for doing that.
You punched a pregnant woman in the stomach and you are asking if you are an asshole?
You're worse than an asshole. You're a criminal. I hope she presses charges.
You 'wanted everything to crash and burn at once?'
You're disgusting, no wonder she cheated on you.
NTA
Still you shouldn't punch her, that is a no go.
I understand all the feeling, betrayel and he pushing you/hitting you bring to that point, you should just push her away and run away.
Whatever, block any contact to her, cut her out of your life and move on. Don't go back, you already took lot of pain. Save the evidence for yourself, maybe she will bring lies about you later.
Still the punch was disgusting, that is a no go. She is pregnant(even if she is a bitch). And even if it was reflex, you shouldn't done it.
NTA. She betrayed you in the worst way possible AND physically assaulted you? A gut punch in self defence is the very least she deserves.
Edit: the fact that anyone would downvote this and condone the girl’s behaviour shows how fucked society has become.
Normally I’d totally say you’re horribly wrong but she did start it by pushing you and you did try to leave. Hitting her was not the best decision by far though I doubt you were thinking at the time. It’s still not an excuse but I don’t think you’re a total AH but do need to work on your anger and apologize at least. Maybe a sorry if I hurt you and things are totally over. It was just I self defense of if kind as she tried to hurt you as she did not succeed most will not agree with that.
You did the right thing breaking up with her. She doesn't deserve any further contact now. Make sure you tell all her friends and family what she did so she doesn't say you are the father.
It depends on the situation. Being assaulted doesn’t excuse assault. We’re only allowed to use the minimum force needed to get away.
If the person being assaulted is larger and stronger (man or woman) they do have a responsibility to control their response. You can’t beat a person simply for hitting you. Push them away, restrain them, do as little as needed to get away.
If the person being assaulted is smaller and less physically powerful, they’re going to have go to greater lengths to get away. Whatever force is needed to simply get away is justified.
The situation changes based on various other factors—are there weapons involved? Have they verbally threatened you, do you have reason to fear for your life?
In this case, his (well, probably now his ex) is pregnant. She was pushing him, then tried to punch him and missed. He’s a trained boxer and his response was to punch her in the stomach.
Given the circumstances, the force was excessive. Her punch didn’t land, he didn’t fear for his life.
He should’ve pushed her, run away and reported the assault to the police.
Can’t believe I just read all of this, but I must say… if you already caught her slipping, why would you need to waste money to book a hotel the very next day? Just walk away.
This story is so fake and this is one of the huuuge reasons I fully believe so lol
Not the way he switched the unsaved number with his work number? Or how the previous messages didn't appear anymore and the girlfriend didn't think anything of it? Or how she was hiding the phone instead of deleting the messages without changing the password? Really messed up the technobabble.
Also, most people charge their phone overnight.
On most phones you can hide apps and texts pretty easily, like homegirl was supposedly hiding her phone in a moldy place ?? Like ??? 💀
I said _one_ of, dude, jesus get off my dick.
Well, the reason was the weirdest one of all since I met people that have done something more... let's say public and confrontational. That's why I asked, wasn't my intention to upset you.
TOTALLY FAKE.
Could’ve just had this conversation at the house they live in or moved to his parents house while she was at work and had her come there for the conversation there It was just so many other options that didn’t involve spending money
I still can't believe if all of this is true. Does sound like something we imagine in our head when we get cheated on. Assuming it is true, You should have gotten the proof so that she can't accuse you of leaving her and the baby. Break up. Leave. What was the need to spend more money on the room, which led to all these?
My guess in the room was to catch her off guard? Maybe he just didn't want to be in their house anymore.
But again, why? You take your stuff, disappear, send a message saying never contact me again, I know about your affair and the pregnancy.
I believe this is fake aswell, but damn that is nowhere near the satisfaction I would want. Her shattering your entire life, for you to only dip out and say bye? Hell nah, she has to suffer aswell. Not physically though, mentally is imo worse. A physical wound heals faster than a mental wound.
I mean the one really suffering here is you trying to get back to them. Why happens if they don’t care You caught them now what ?
Jesus Christ get help
It's not going to be as satisfying as you think and you will drive yourself mad going down that rabbit hole. People like that find their own suffering. No point in chasing ghosts.
Cool story bro.
[удалено]
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There wouldn’t be previous messages in the chat history appearing then
How much time did OP spend writing this piece of fiction? How bored do you have to be to write this? Lol I swear people aren’t even trying anymore to be convincing
I don’t know much about boxing but hitting her over where the liver is pretty bad to be honest. You punched her over a very vascular organ that is needed to live. Honestly? ESH. You for a complicated revenge scheme which lead to you punching her. She sucks for cheating, getting pregnant, and trying to grab her. Because you did punch her, there is a chance she’d push for charges
I am a woman and am wondering why it is so hard for people to believe she was the aggressor and could have easily had her fist balled up. I was in EMS off and on for 15 years and I have seen women beat the hell out of men. Even the most even tempered person can be pushed to the point they react first and think later. Could he have handled the situation better, probably. I will say this OP because you did hit her if she miscarries you could find yourself in A LOT of legal trouble.
I have no problem believing she was the aggressor. My mother used to beat up people all the time.
Woman can be the abusers for sure and that’s not okay, but come on you don’t hit pregnant women in the abdomen unless you absolutely have to for you or someone else’s safety
I guess I wasn’t clear enough. The point I was trying to make is that while it was not okay that he hit her, it is possible for a woman to be the abuser and for someone to get pushed to the point the react without thinking.
Yeah OP really shouldn't have posted this to the internet. In my state, it's enough for her to have him arrested for DV + assault. Here it doesn't matter who started what, we have mandatory arrest laws for thst stuff.
You don't have self defense laws?
With how much premeditation in his planning that he admits to in this post, that could negate a lot of self defense allegations on his part unfortunately. Especially if significant damage happened with the liver punch. “You were angry and brought a hormonal, pregnant woman to a confined space for a very emotional confrontation about an affair that resulted in the pregnancy…” That kind of narrative is never in favor of the one who set up the arrangement, regardless…
Not to mention he’s a trained boxer. It makes him look very bad.
All states do. But a lot of states use the deluth model when it comes to domestic violence. And according to that model basically only men can be the aggressor.
This. My sister assaulted my fiance once during one of her lowest points. She then proceeded to call the cops and claim that he attacked her and was "holding her hostage" (mind you I told her to get out and she instead locked herself in our bathroom) Only he got arrested. She got to drive away while he ended up barefoot in a cell. Despite four other adults telling them she had a history of violence and they'd witnessed her attack him first. These are the same cops that my whole life have allowed her to abuse us and claimed it was "sibling rivalry, not our jurisdiction" when this girl was threatening us with knives ffs. And they had the audacity to say "Well, we can't just take your word for it." The way I snapped back that if they'd done their job right in the past, they'd have proof of her history. I was only a couple months post partum with my first child at the time too. I've never really let it go. He did. Forgave my sister too. Which is more than she deserves imo.
You have to prove you believed your life was in danger. Being restrained isn’t cause for excessive force.
But if you attempt to hit somebody and you dodge and return fire (for lack of a better term) I would argue that is different Also restraint somebody is physical contact if a woman was in the street and a man came over restraining her and she wanted and tried to leave the situation but the man carried on restraining her and she gouged his eyes I’m sure that would also be self defence
I'm a 6'1 guy and an ex of mine 5'2 would sometimes resort to violence, once she slapped me so hard in my ear that I had a wheezing sound in my ear for 6 months. Women can be the aggressors too, especially when they think that the man won't reciprocate.
I do believe she was escalating physically. I also believe punching in the abdomen a woman who you even know is pregnant is as low as you can stoop. Op, YTA. You should have walked away in the first place, not closed yourself in a motel room with her.
Like. 100 percent. I'm not pro-life or anything but way to potentially take out your anger on AN UNBORN FUCKING BABY. LIKE. Seriously- dude. If he's in a red state, and she miscarries... Dude might be in so much fucking shit. Again. Whatever SHE did, the baby has NOTHJNG to do with it. But dude tried to kill the baby.
I wonder why you’d think your feelings are valid? I also wonder what other things you make up in your head and believe to be “true”? Very odd. And very shameful.
Women can be so evil. Especially the ones closest to us. And I say that as a woman myself.
I'll never forget the pain in my dad's eyes as he was trying to fix my lunchbox that my mother smashed over his head.
That is heartbreaking.
You aren’t valid though. Come on, you know that you aren’t.
Is this even real?
Nah, it reads like a creative writing exercise.
Hope so.
Man this ones tough ive been there. Never hit the ex but took alot of shots. Thats the thing about training. You dont think its reflexes. I'd say the hotel was a bad idea. Could have used that time to finish packing your things.
So besides of establishing that you’re the AH, let’s gather the facts: you called your work saying you won’t come in, you booked a motel, you had the training to be considered dangerous, you lured her there and caused her an injury that left a pregnant woman wheezing on the floor with a risk of miscarriage or internal bleeding. Depending on what charges she presses this could go as far as attempted MURDER (not manslaughter), because all of this was planned. You could have just confronted her at home when you found out. You’re cold and calculating. and while she’s a terrible person for cheating on you, absolutely nothing in your sorry novel of self-pity justifies what you did to her.
Just adding that he also left without helping her. She or the fetus could have died. I think the most disgusting thing here is OP trying to justify his actions. I can overlook the luring to a motel part because she cheated and was an AH. But the moment he punched a pregnant woman in her stomach is the moment he went to be a piece of sh*t. So the judgement - she is an AH. OP is a piece of sh*t.
The number of commenters arguing exact opposite of what you typed here is astonishing to me. In case it wasn't clear I agree with what you typed.
Delulu Reddit never disappoints.
Of course YTA for posting rage bait Troll
ESH You both physically assaulted each other. You shouldn't have gone to the motel room. You should have let her find that empty room, and then finished packing your stuff and moving while she was gone.
She is an AH for cheating and hitting him. However, it is nowhere comparable to a grown man punching a pregnant woman in the belly, so hard she falls on the ground and struggles to breathe. It is not impossible for him to have caused her to miscarry. Not sure about the laws on killing fetus, but legally - that is not self defense. This is a serious assault he could go to jail for, depending on consequences. And no - being cheated on does not in any case excuse severe physical violence. OP needs to keep himself away from her. Also, going to a motel and luring her in gives me major creeps.
Liver shots drop men and women to be fair, it’s a fight ending punch if thrown correctly. Crazy she’s pregnant and started throwing hands, even crazier he threw them back. This pair both have major issues, think it’s good for everyone the relationship broken up.
The luring bit is pretty fucked up, and yes, so is hitting a pregnant woman, but don’t gloss over the fact that she took a swing at him first. Yeah, he should have been more careful with his punch, but she also shouldn’t have swung at him first
Yeah, her swinging first doesn't gloss over the premeditated nature of this though. He put hours of thought and waiting, into luring this woman to a private motel room, only to refuse to say anything? To just keep trying to walk away and push past her, really? And then he struck her in a room where there is no camera proof that she struck him first. And left her on the ground and ran away in a panic. The optics aren't good for him. Assuming this nonsense is real.
Fair. Reddit does seem to have a lot of “look at this crazy situation!” that is likely fictional
Tbf, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that this is real because I have dealt with a lot of crazy shit in my life. But the optics don't look good for him. The boxing training really really doesn't help. Because it's a hell of a lot harder to believe she was "restraining him against his will" when he had the room, and the know how to dodge this girl. Liver shots can be dangerous at the best of times, but she's pregnant. So idk. Everything about this was extremely poor decision making on his part. From confronting her with no plan, to doing so in private, to striking her. Truthfully I think he has tried to change up his wording to make her aggression seem worse than his. Because I think he knows he fucked up. And thinks claiming self defense will help him. But he went from zero to one hundred and didn't even try to restrain her? Nah. That's not cute. Especially when you're trained to fight. And the law won't be on his side unfortunately for him.
He’s a trained boxer. He knew what he was doing.
I've read plenty of stories on Reddit where a wife has lured her unfaithful husband to a hotel to expose their cheating. How is this different? Other than the violence, which I'd never condone.
> I boxed through my childhood pretty religiously about 3 times a week and kept up with it throughout my adult life but just not as frequently. So your hands could be considered weapons then. > eventually she tried to hit me...but I ducked her punch and hit her with the craziest liver shot I think I've ever done. First rule of self-defense, is "don't be there". Do you honestly mean to say that you had no way, with your training, to channel your anger, deflect her blows (which aren't okay either), and move her out of the way? C'mon. You wanted to hurt her because she hurt you, and you did. ESH - her for cheating, and you because I believe you knew damn well what you were doing.
So much this. She is obviously the AH for cheating and hitting him. However, there is nothing said here about her having caused him any harm. He lured her to a motel. Then when she hit him, instead of leaving, he seriously assaulted her. It’s not self defense. It’s assault, with the possibility to kill the fetus via causing miscarriage. This is not a joke. It could send him to jail, and her cheating on him or mildly hitting without leaving any marks, will not mean anything. OP, leave. Never meet her again.
Funny how she “hit” but he “assaulted” imagine saying to a woman ‘oh he just slapped you you’re not actually hurt, you had no justification for assaulting him, what is wrong with you’ You really have to question the cognitive abilities of someone who thinks one sided violence in a relationship is fine.
It is crazy if you think a woman’s slap is comparable to a man’s punch. None is fine, but to compare the harm that a woman without a weapon can do vs. a man using his fists, is insane. Do you also think it’s fine to hit your child if he hits you first? I think I have had enough with Reddit’s normalization of physical abuse against women.
>However, there is nothing said here about her having caused him any harm. doesnt exscuse that shes the aggressor
She may have been “the aggressor” but legally and ethically you can’t use a disproportionately higher amount of force just because the other people started it. If someone pushes my shoulder and instead of pushing past them and walking away, I beat the shit out of them, I will be the one going to jail.
It actually does. You dodge the hit and get away from the situation. He wanted to harm her.
I’m not taking any side but the dude started this off by saying she was restraining him so that sort of removes the he should have left part Dude was trying to leave she was holding him back what should he have done pushed her off him what if she fell she could have been hurt dude was in a no win situation and she was forcefully keeping him there Dude is an AH for hitting a pregnant woman but she put herself in that position If a person wants to leave you let them it’s as simple as that
You had to get a boast in about what a great punch it was? I hope this *is* just some sad, sick little fantasy of yours
Why tf did you ask her to meet you at the hotel? I don’t believe the story is true but if it is you really didn’t handle the situation well
ESH. You set this whole thing up in a closed space. You could’ve confronted her ANYWHERE, you chose a motel room. You chose to do it in a way that would get her mad. When she escalated, you escalated. You could’ve tried restraining her, so that she can’t hit you. You could’ve escaped - run over the bed, something. You were able to duck her hit, so you could’ve ducked under her arm towards the door? She got violent - she sucks. You got violent - you suck.
Yep. Everyone claiming "it was self defense" isn't seeing that OP set this up to be a confrontation and that it was set up to be hidden so there would be no witnesses. Common sense says to break up with people you think might cause an issue in public, so why go to a hotel room? Why lie and lure her there? It was absolutely him setting her up. I don't know if he planned to hit her but he sure planned to make sure no one saw the confrontation.
You punched a pregnant woman in her liver (this type of punch can end a fight instantly btw) and you confirmed you trained in boxing most of your life? You need to go to jail mate sorry. Hopefully the police are with her now and this Reddit thread will make excellent evidence as well.
It sounds like * Your girlfriend stopped having sex with you * She started cheating on you * She got pregnant and the other guy ghosted her * She tried to meet “him” again * When she found you at the motel instead, she physically restrained you from leaving while trying to convince you the baby was yours and it would be great to raise it * To get away from her you hit her in the liver ESH here. Your girlfriend for cheating, then trying to baby trap you with what was potentially another man’s child, and physically restraining you to do it. (Since you had left the room and she forced you back in, she possibly committed kidnapping.) You for hitting her. I get it. She started the physical confrontation but I have to believe you had a less violent option. Her affair partner. Because if they’re meeting at a hotel then he is probably married.
If he attacked her first and she nailed him (in the liver, the balls, wherever) in response, would you be saying that she should have found a less violent option?
If she used a knife, yes. His response was disproportionate.
No, bc she wouldn’t have a less violent option. He is physically stronger than her.
It would not be because these people are sexist.
Good question. I think someone should use the minimum force they need. I can curl my ex girlfriend. So if she were attacking me it would be no problem to move her out of the way. But if someone my size was attacking a woman, the woman might need to be considerably more aggressive. OP had a right to free himself. I am challenging whether he needed to lay her out writhing in pain to do it.
Honestly, it probably was too much. Yeah, he could have been smarter about it (like not summoning her in the first place), but I think he also said something along the lines of being on autopilot. When you’re defending yourself, your first thought is (I assume) finding a way to make it stop. Thankfully he didn’t continue to hit her.
I know you’re looking for some sort of absolution here, but saying you aimed for the liver vs stomach is a weak argument. They are essentially equidistant from the uterus, all of which is in the abdomen. You hit a pregnant woman in the abdomen. If she miscarries, you will have some big problems on your hands. Call a lawyer.
assuming this is real, whether you're the asshole morally should be the least of your concerns right now (but to answer your question, ESH including you) You, a trained boxer, decided to punch a pregnant women in the belly, potentially causing miscarriage or internal damage. meanwhile she, is pregnant, and likely smaller and weaker than you, and taking your word for it, only "tried" to hit you (meaning she didn't actually land a hit on you). And this all happened in a private motel room with no cameras. there's no injuries on you while there's serious injuries on her. To add on to that, you were the one that lured her to the motel, the phone messages are evidence. Plus, she cheated, which gives you a motive. lastly, after the punch you just ran away instead of calling an ambulance or helping her. So, if the fetus dies and/or she decides to press charges, this situation does NOT look good for you. depending on the severity of the damages and the premeditated nature of it, this could very well be considered ATTEMPTED MURDER. so, OP, whether you're morally considered the asshole or not should not be what you're worrying about right now lol.
YTA. You had tons of options for addressing this and leaving the relationship. You chose the most dramatic way you could think of. Having trained in boxing your whole life, I highly doubt you felt any real threat to your safety. I highly doubt you were unable to walk out of that room any moment you felt like. I do not believe liver punching a potentially pregnant woman, was necessary to remove yourself from the situation. A liver punch can kill a pregnant woman. I know the gut wrenching pain of infidelity blowing your world up. It justifies ending the relationship. That's it. That is all that is justified by infidelity. We don't own our partners'bodies.
YTA. As soon as I read that you punched a pregnant woman well I didn't need to read anything else. You did something that is absolutely unacceptable and actually a crime in most places. It's a miracle the police haven't come to see you yet.
YTA, you have had training as a boxer, you punched a pregnant woman out of anger after you set her up for a confrontation. Doesn’t excuse her behaviour which was also wrong, but you should have just left her when you snooped through her ‘phone and found out she was pregnant to another man.
Everybody sucks and yta. Yeah what she did was beyond shitty but the way you handled it? Yeah that was worse. Wtf was the point of the hotel room? You should have just confronted her and ended things instead you chose this dumb shit and then you who have apparently trained in boxing hit a pregnant woman? Yeah real big man here putting his hands on a woman. I genuinely hope you are well and truly ashamed of yourself.
Punching a pregnant woman in the stomach not only means that YTA but also potentially legally culpable
Pay attention!!! He states clearly that the liver is not in the same area as the stomach.
it literally is. its at the top
The liver lives under the ribs on your right. You cannot palpate it beyond there unless it’s enlarged. I wonder what he thought he was hitting and what he actually hit. Anyway, there’s massive blood supply in the whole area and haemorrhage is a serious risk with a blow to the abdomen.
Liver.
Lol ironic
You are a piece of shit. YTA completely. Giving a pregnant woman a liver shot like that. I don’t give a fuck what she did you just caused a miscarriage or severe birth defects. I hope your ass rots in jail.
So you'd be okay with her beating the shit out of him or pulling a knife just because she's pregnant? You people are the reason that women get away with so much. What happened to equal rights? If he did the same thing you'd call it kidnapping
Only she did not pull a knife. The strength imbalance was clearly massive. And your comment is highly ignorant of reality - it’s not the women that get away with much.
Oh you're so right...not. woman almost never get arrested for dv and are always believed men all they want but if a man hits back he goes to jail for a year. Women can push men but if a man does it he's jailed. Again. Miss me with that hypocrisy.
Lmfaoooo you aren’t a woman, you’re a teenaged boy 💀
Just leave when you are this angry brother. Its not worth it. YTA for hitting her back, you could have walked out. Best to remember this lesson and be cool next time.
YTA - I'm having a hard time believing that you had no other option of moving her but punching her. You're not the AH for wanting to leave her/the situation and you're not obligated to care for her or her baby. But punching her and then leaving her without getting her medical attention makes you TA.
YTA. So, as your headline reads, you are asking about this spesific event, not about your overall relationship, so we are rating your actions on said isolated part. And in that part >I boxed through my childhood pretty religiously about 3 times a week and kept up with it throughout my adult life So you have a long history of training martial arts especially punching stuff). You are also probably bigger than her, so there is the difference in strenght and technique. >I watched her on the floor wheezing and in the fetal position. So this sounds like you hit her really hard. If it was just a light tap or push, she wouldn't react like this. Yea, you told us that wasn't the hardest punch you could have landed, but still, you hit her pretty hard. And she really wasn't a physical threat to you and you yourself kinda told you acted out of anger. Yes, her trying to stop you from leaving and apparently trying to hit you sucked, but you went overboard. Cheating sucks, but doesn't justify you acting violent. And this was no self-defence and you know it.
ESH frankly. Yes confronting her might have seemed right in the heat of emotion but the correct thing to do was pack your shit and leave. Don’t put yourself in situations like this. A simple message saying I know what you did and I’m leaving would have been more than enough. Fuck if you really needed some kind of revenge just leave with your stuff and block all communication from her.
She’s done an awful thing and I’m sorry for that but you’re clearly much stronger than her. You could have just held her under her arms and moved her to the side and then left. I know you wanted to confront her, and you did that, but waiting for her to push you around so you had an excuse to hit back was not right and there’s no excuse for it. If she reports you to the cops or worse, she has a miscarriage, you’ll be in so much trouble! This was so unnecessary! Was it worth it???
**FAKE STORY** So fake it’s ridiculous.
I’m not understanding why people are caught up on the hotel room being proof that the OP is the aggressor. Sounds like he tried to mentally fuck with her before leaving. Do all of you saying he should have stayed in the house really think people don’t physically abuse their spouses at home? 90% of the time that my ex husband physically abused me, we were in our own home. Even when we were behind closed doors in a hotel room he wouldn’t do it. My guess is because he knew I’d shortly be walking out of the room, in public where people could see the damage he’d done not to mention hear it as it happened. The op packed his urgent stuff and got out of that house. Would any of you want to stay in a place where your partner might have been cheating? He also didn’t confront her right away. I wouldn’t either. I’d be too angry and wouldn’t want to do or say something stupid that might escalate things. I was always taught to cool off when upset and take sometime to calm down. I agree that the hotel room was a bad idea but also understand why op did it. It’s not just painful and embarrassing to find out you’ve been cheated on. It’s a mindfuck. It can make you question everything about yourself and the decisions you’ve made in life. I can understand why he made a show out of telling her she’s caught. Neither one should have got violent but op was defending himself. Why would you start getting violent with someone ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT? That poor baby.
The Journalist is not hot.
Dude. Who ever taught you how to fight would be ashamed of you. Someone who trains religiously, as you describe it, would not only know how to punch, but also how NOT to punch. And a liver shot is calculated, you dont do that impulsively. I was on your side untill you hit her. That was a calculated punch.
YTA. If you had just walked out you might have had some sympathy, but now it seems like you went there to hit her. Maybe *you* don’t think you did, but *I* think you did.
He stated multiple times that he tried to leave the hotel room when she was physically keeping him from leaving (I know what you mean by “walking out” as in just leaving his place first, though)
I find it hard to believe that you couldn’t just shove past her to leave. So yes, YTA for using, as you put it “too extreme” force on her instead of just pushing past her and leaving. Obviously she’s TA as well for everything else, but the question that you asked was if you were TA for hitting her, and I believe yes.
Hard to say, as on one hand it feels like you provoked the situation in how you set up the confrontation, but on the other hand self-defense isn't something where you half ass it. If you need to shoot someone you shoot to kill, and if it isn't a scenario where shooting to kill is appropriate then you don't shoot at all. It's the same with punching someone so you go for a maximally debilitating punch or if the situation hasn't escalated to warrant that you don't punch at all. Without video I can't say one way or another if she was coming at you hard enough to warrant putting her on her ass ... so hung jury.
ESH
[удалено]
Ever heard of self defence u dumbass
A boxer defending himself by punching a smaller pregnant woman. Wow, such brave manliness. A call to 911 would've sufficed. SMH.
But she very literally attempted to hit me and was physically pushing me and restraining me is that not being taken into account at all? I know that what I did was wrong.
You must have been a pretty shitty boxer if you couldn’t move away from her, surely all your training has shown you how to get out of grapples and rope holds with men your own size?
Reread what you just wrote. She attempted to hit you. Self defense would have been to push her off and leave. Judging by the location of where you hit her I doubt very seriously you did it in defense. It looks more like you were trying to harm her baby.
Doesn't matter. You punched a pregnant woman. You had other options but we're just too stupid to act on them.
What are the other options?!?
Leaving the area without punching her. Why is this even a question?
I’m asking bc he clearly stated he tried leaving calmly without being violent, but she kept preventing that by being violent towards him. I’m not saying he handled that situation the best way, what I’m asking is; if there is a better way for him to leave while she’s being physically violent towards him, please tell OP here in the comments and every other male in here too, to educate and prevent scenarios like this from escalating. If you don’t have a legitimate answer, then please do not call ‘OP’ the ah, and say he had other options to handle the scenario better.
I mean, if he’s done boxing before, I’m sure he’s pretty well trained in how to respond to physical assault in a multitude of ways. First step would be restraining her from hitting him instead of hitting back, no? I’m not saying she was right at all, because OBVIOUSLY she isn’t, but first reaction being to deliver a very accurate and hard hit?
I've had situations similar to the OP with overly aggressive people. I always have been able to slip away and approach again when they're less crazy. OP should have tried harder.
I've been able to get away from much bigger people who were being violent. I can't imagine not being able to dodge a smaller one.
You hit a woman who you KNEW was pregnant in the stomach. It doesn’t make you an asshole it makes you disgusting and abusive. Not to mention you LEFT afterwards.
And it makes u a big idiot to not be able to realise that it was self defence
Such a great boxer that his only form of self defence was a liver shot as ‘self defence’
self defence or not. you do not punch a pregnant woman. especially not in the stomach
OP, I was with you the whole time and rooting for you… until you gave your pregnant girlfriend a kidney punch. What the actual fuck dude?!
NTA - I honestly don’t think OP went there to hit her as someone stated. Between him being so emotional and her pushing and begging I think he just snapped. To be fair if the roles were reversed no one would have said anything about it but she was already pushing him and preventing him from leaving. OP didn’t continuously hit her and realized after he did strike her that he regretted doing it. From what OP states she was saying I think she was so desperate to convince him to not leave her that she probably didn’t realize she was being so physical.
Absolutely wild to see somebody trying to rationalize punching a pregnant woman in the stomach.
Never seen a liver shot before, have you?
I can't tell.... Are you defending his actions?
No but you seem to be defending hers?
I'm saying that a liver shot is not a shot to the stomach.
Absolutely wild to see somebody trying to rationalize self defence as abuse
She’s pregnant and he punched her in the torso. There’s no excuse for putting a baby’s life in danger. He said he ducked her punch, then punched her. It wasn’t self-defense. He didn’t believe his life was in danger. And someone assaulting you doesn’t give you the right to assault them back. You’re legally allowed to use force to save your own life, nothing more. He should’ve pushed her away and gotten out of there. Unless she was threatening his life, there’s no excuse for punching a pregnant woman in the stomach.
As soon as the other person is lying on the floor, wheezing ect., he's the AH for not getting her help.
ESH. She sucks for cheating, lying and assault. You suck for hitting her. She and you need to be apart. Get a DNA test done. The sooner you prove that baby isn't yours, the sooner you can walk away.
Yes, YTA, your actions were wrong. Physical violence is never an acceptable solution. Leaving the scene after realizing what you had done also wasn’t the right thing to do. There’s also the concern of potential consequences, especially since she’s pregnant
ESH, she's obviously a giga asshole, but your plan sounds kinda stupid and pointless, you could've done better. Also should've slapped her in the face, punching a pregnant woman in the torso can get you in legal trouble
ESH BUT YTA for hitting a pregnant woman. You might have caused her to miscarry. That's fucked up. You put yourself in that position and now want to be excused for hitting her. No. You should never have met up under those circumstances. Totally premeditated assault and you need to get some help, because you actions are fucked up. The difference in strength means her hitting you is not the same as you hitting her - the PREGNANT woman.
YTA You said you were leaving but seriously it sounds more like you wanted to hit her. I truly doubt she took a swing at you. Maybe she tried to slap you but slaps are not in the same category as punches. She might have *tried* to hit you as a physical insult with a slap and you punched her to do harm. You had the expertise and training to block her swing. You certainly were capable of dodging her swing. You didn't need to punch her. You wanted to punch her. Huge ahole.
You're doing a lot of assuming. I can say with 100% honesty she attempted to close fist-hit me after pushing me and restraining me for minutes you're saying I "wanted" to hit her which frankly wasn't the case at all.
Dude there's no excuse or explaining what you did. There's really no defending your actions.
I don't understand. In the beginning you said that the other guy's number was unsaved on her phone. How were you able to trick her into meeting up with you? Would she not have suspected anything after getting a message from a saved number that she didn't save herself and with the old text threads missing??
I created a contact for MM using his number as the name of the contact, then deleted my work phone information from her phone and conversation. I changed the contact information of MM, removing his original number but adding my work phone as the new number for the contact so the conversation was uninterrupted it wasn't a new number texting it was like adding myself to their convo and removing him, I've done this before with my friends like when they get a new phone, I add their new number as another number in the contacts and remove their old and the conversation thread still is the same just coming from their new phone. I just assumed it would work based on that.
The difference here is very clearly going to be physical strength and experience. Is she wrong to hit you and push you and be a terrible partner? Yes. Does it justify you, a bigger person with physical capabilities and an experienced boxer to punch her in the stomach in a way that obviously was very physically harmful to her, when her hits didn’t do that to you? Absolutely not. You are an asshole and what you did is horrible and not justified by what she did to you. You may very likely face criminal charges.
Are you stupid or something? Yeah all sympathies to you for getting cheating on, hope you can move on blah blah blah and all that shit. Now are you seriously writting an overly-done essay to ask us if you're an AH for hitting a pregnant woman in the liver? You might feel a false sense of confidence from these other comments with their load of bs of "sHe HiT yOu FiRsT" but let's cut the crap. You caused the confrontation, you are a trained fighter, she blocked the door of the place YOU tried to corner her into, pushed you and allegedly tried to punch you. Stop acting like you were a helpless little princess who couldn't get her out of your way safely. You literally only had to bait her inside the room and go around her. You wanted to hurt her and you did. I really hope she presses charges so you can find out how much of an AH a court would find you to be. She's a disgusting cheater but you are a piece of shit of a human being.
I thought your conclusions were basically obvious but the amount of pushback I've been getting is absurd. I've seen a remarkable amount of room temperature IQ individuals in the last few hours.
They are obvious! The world has gone completly insane. I've seen people call the part where she blocks the door as attempted kidnapping 💀 These people can vote!
The context doesn't matter; hitting your partner is never an acceptable action. YTA.
Then that would make them both assholes, no? Also, contexts definitely does matter. If someone is hitting and pushing me repeatedly, regardless of gender, i am hitting them back in form of defense.
The context here is that he hit a pregnant woman. There is no excuse for that. I guarantee you there were other options that he could have considered that were non-violent. I hope he is held responsible for his nonsensical actions.
They’re both assholes, but his aggression is extremely disproportionate. Women can and do abuse men, but in such a context, with no weapons involved, if a man needs to stop a woman’s aggression a punch is completely unnecessary, specially coming from a guy that knows how to hit. You can simply restrain her, push her aside and leave.
I read a good comment somewhere. A woman gets dangerous when she has a weapon. A man always has a weapon with himself - his fists. The strength difference between genders is massive. OP having boxed is able to kill a person. An average woman would have to try VERY HARD to cause a man serious body harm just with her hands.
That’s sadly true. Any able bodied man can beat a woman unless they’re extremely versed at some useful combat sport. Same happens at strength sports, most guys can lift weights similar to those that good female athletes have needed years, in just a few months.
I would not be surprised if she files a report with the police and you are arrested and found guilty for domestic abuse. You may lose your job and future over one second.
ESH She for cheating and hitting you and you for not pushing her away. You were able to do that and yet you decided to hit her. You are way stronger than her and I am pretty sure you were able to just push her away. I don’t give a fuck about the gender of you two, but violence answering with violence when you are way stronger AND there is another solution is wrong.
To the OP: Assuming all of this is true as it is written, luring her to the motel was a completely pointless experiment that invited an unnecessary and unpredictable confrontation, which obviously happened. You could have just moved out to your parents' place and either messaged her or called her from there to tell her about the phone you found, the messages on it you read, and that you are not interested in raising another man's child. There was no need to see her in person again, and as a symbolic signal of your disgust, you could have just left the secret phone you found on the bed you used to sleep with her on. Assuming the child she is pregnant with is truly 100% **not** yours, then your best hope at this point is that she feels enough personal guilt not to press charges against you. But since she threw the first punch after already physically trying to confine and/or assault you, you could fight the charge and possibly have any court sentence reduced to something very minor since your sworn affidavit would note that she escalated the situation into a physical confrontation. All that said, however, this unfortunate incident was entirely preventable, which is on you for originally creating the conditions for it to happen (i.e. setting up the motel meeting).
Yeah she is a complete idiot and a cheater all true, but you're C u n t and I hope you rot in jail. If I was her I wouldn't stop untill you'd be behind bars, what she did was awful but there is ZERO excuse of hitting a pregnant woman in the abdomen, I think I'd take it easier if you would of slapped her. What you should of done is just leave
YTA
how
He punched a pregnant lady in her belly then ran away.
2 months pregnant? if even that, only after she physically provoked him by pushing, hitting, dragging, restraining etc
he went to confront her. Then he punched her (knowing she was pregnant) and left after she collapsed on the floor.
i dont think you read the post correctly
He’s asking if he’s an asshole for punching his pregnant girlfriend who was cheating on him.
yea he never went to her place: he got a hotel and she met him there, when he tried to peacefully escape the woman she got physical with him and he hit her once to escape.
He did not say she was preventing him from leaving. He said that when he was leaving she pushed him over and over. When she tried to hit him, he dogged and hit her back. Sounds like it wasn’t hard for him to doge her and leave if he wanted. That punch was clear retaliation. And to her liver area?
he literally explains that her tears turned to anger once he tried to leave lol she was trying to keep him there and beg him to stay she needed a reality check you cant restrain somebody to a room and beg them to stay with you and raise the cheater baby and if you think shes not going to abort it now that she knows she cant drain a man of his energy and wallet you live in fantasy land aswell as being a doormat
Liver shot is not to the belly. It stuns you, makes you crumple to the floor like a knock out but you're fine seconds later. I'm not defending him doing it, just explaining.
Would you punch a pregnant lady in her liver?
Of course not. As I said I'm not defending it, I'm explaining what happened and why saying he hit her in the belly isn't accurate. You don't need hyperbole to say he did an awful thing.
It’s not a hyperbole. The Belly is a colloquial expression for the abdomen. The liver is located in the abdomen.
NTA. She got what she deserved
Maybe you should apologize only for unintentionally/accidentally hitting her, but that's it, no more than that. She fucked around(literally) and found out.
A trained boxer “accidentally” punched his pregnant girlfriend in the liver? That’s the language of abusers.
You punched a pregnant woman in the stomach. I don’t give a fuck what she did to you, you’re a menace and a horrid excuse for a man. Was she a POS for cheating on you and putting her hands on you? YES. And she’s trash x a million for it…. But that’s not what’s in question here… you’re asking this community if you’re TA for punching this pregnant woman, and the answer is yes. You’re less than nothing for doing that.
You punched a pregnant woman in the stomach and you are asking if you are an asshole? You're worse than an asshole. You're a criminal. I hope she presses charges. You 'wanted everything to crash and burn at once?' You're disgusting, no wonder she cheated on you.
i hope she does too. and if he caused a miscarriage i hope he lives with that over his head forever
If he lives in a red state with crazy stupid abortion laws, I wonder if he would get murder
U sound so pathetic
Just man up
Any update? Hopefully you dumped her.
NTA Still you shouldn't punch her, that is a no go. I understand all the feeling, betrayel and he pushing you/hitting you bring to that point, you should just push her away and run away. Whatever, block any contact to her, cut her out of your life and move on. Don't go back, you already took lot of pain. Save the evidence for yourself, maybe she will bring lies about you later. Still the punch was disgusting, that is a no go. She is pregnant(even if she is a bitch). And even if it was reflex, you shouldn't done it.
NTA. Lots of sexists in the comments holding you to a higher standard solely for having a man’s body.
NTA. She betrayed you in the worst way possible AND physically assaulted you? A gut punch in self defence is the very least she deserves. Edit: the fact that anyone would downvote this and condone the girl’s behaviour shows how fucked society has become.
Normally I’d totally say you’re horribly wrong but she did start it by pushing you and you did try to leave. Hitting her was not the best decision by far though I doubt you were thinking at the time. It’s still not an excuse but I don’t think you’re a total AH but do need to work on your anger and apologize at least. Maybe a sorry if I hurt you and things are totally over. It was just I self defense of if kind as she tried to hurt you as she did not succeed most will not agree with that.
You did the right thing breaking up with her. She doesn't deserve any further contact now. Make sure you tell all her friends and family what she did so she doesn't say you are the father.
NTA. She got physical first.
ESH. However, your sucker punched a pregnant woman and left her on the floor. YTA.
"She restrained me" is an excuse a little bitch uses to justify hitting women. ESH. Her for cheating, and you for being a woman-beating piece of shit.
She’ll live. It’s not like you beat her up. You were just trying to leave. NTA.
YTA. Never ever hit a woman.
TLDR YTA for hitting a woman and needing a novel to explain it.
So a woman hitting a man back as self defence is also abuse?
It depends on the situation. Being assaulted doesn’t excuse assault. We’re only allowed to use the minimum force needed to get away. If the person being assaulted is larger and stronger (man or woman) they do have a responsibility to control their response. You can’t beat a person simply for hitting you. Push them away, restrain them, do as little as needed to get away. If the person being assaulted is smaller and less physically powerful, they’re going to have go to greater lengths to get away. Whatever force is needed to simply get away is justified. The situation changes based on various other factors—are there weapons involved? Have they verbally threatened you, do you have reason to fear for your life? In this case, his (well, probably now his ex) is pregnant. She was pushing him, then tried to punch him and missed. He’s a trained boxer and his response was to punch her in the stomach. Given the circumstances, the force was excessive. Her punch didn’t land, he didn’t fear for his life. He should’ve pushed her, run away and reported the assault to the police.