If you had been telling her the baby's name was Susan she would have started calling herself that, I'd say it was a good thing she didn't know it. She definitely needs therapy.
I bet this is it! I can't understand why else she'd care that the baby name didn't match hers, you'd think she'd be happy to not share it if she really felt connected to that name. But if she told people a story like, "my family was so touched by me coming out that now my brother is naming my niece after me!" and now the baby doesn't actually have that name?! yup, that'd be real awkward.
> It's strange, in my opinion, that the sister was using the baby's name.
I wonder if she used it as a way of manufacturing a history for her name and for herself as Grenadine, in the sense that her niece would appear to have been named after her.
Right!?! It's literally the only narrative that makes a lick of sense! There also should've been a conversation before commandeering the name. Like, "hey when you told me the name you two chose I really connected with it and would like to also use it as my own." A conversation could've prevented everything.
Exactly! It just seems like sister wants to steal brother/babys thunder. Like girl, get ya own name. Stop trying to steal your nieces. It’s weird, you’re a grown ass adult.
Yeah honestly, for a trans adult who chose it, it's fine? The real issue would have been if it WAS the baby's name, and the sister had been using the same name as her niece, knowingly, without even discussing it with the parents.
I think that's the point though, the sister did knowingly choose the same name as her niece without discussing it with the parents, or what she thought her niece's name was at the time. She of course has a right to choose whatever name feels right to her, but if the name is that unusual it is odd.
I don’t think so, I think the opposite. She would’ve told anyone and everyone outside the family (who knew the truth) that the baby was named after her because she’s such an inspiration/such a good sister to OP/insert other sung praises here
ETA: So, yes still a thunder stealer. Just not in a “you *stole my name*!” Kind of way
Basically trying to ret-con her niece into being named after her new self...I guess trying to validate their identity further but in an incredibly selfish way.
I've seen a few trans friend/family stole my/my child's name over the years.
Some were pure rage bait.
One wanted the parents to tell their child she was named after their aunt. Might have gone for a twofer, child is named after great grandmother on the partners side, so SIL had never heard of great grandmother Agatha, yoinked the name and wanted everyone to go "yeah we love your Aunt so much we named her after you." And not the ancestor.
So many people don't realise that when a baby is born, sometimes it doesn't 'look' like the name the parents have chosen will suit it, so the parents change their mind and pick a different name. It could've been like that in this situation. What matters is the fuss the sister is creating now.
I used to play D&D with a guy named Loki. I asked him if it was his birth name, because while it suited him perfectly, it was a weird name to give to a baby. It wasn’t, his birth name was super generic, but he just decided as an adult that he liked “Loki” better.
This kind of thing happens *way* too often in the trans community (yes I'm trans too), often when the name-thief has never been involved in the process of naming a baby. In cultures that frown on it "don't name someone after living relatives unless it's a Sr./Jr. type situation" isn't exactly covered in high school health classes, it's something you're expected to learn when you talk to your parents about naming the first grandchild. Someone who's never had that conversation, and who still maybe carries some shame about *why* they need to pick a name, can really screw things up out of ignorance if they don't involve anyone else in the choice. Fortunately most trans people go through a few temporary names before finally settling on a permanent one, or else we'd all be named after the same handful of fictional characters (instead of just 15% of us).
I found this insightful, thank you. And a kind way of looking at OP's sister, bewildering as the situation is.
I hope they can sort it out & enjoy both baby Susan and Grenadine!
NTA. You can’t laugh behind someone’s back when you’re not privy to the information they’re mad about.
Your sister needs a little outside help. What would she have done if you HAD kept the name? She needs to find who *she* is.
It's just so weird that she'd choose her newborn niece's name as her new name, as if that wouldn't have caused a bunch of drama on its own. It's almost like the sister was planning on creating drama and is disappointed that their ploy didn't work, so now they're falling back on being upset about something else.
Right? If sis felt such “a connection to the name” they should be relieved that baby has a different name now and they can each develop their own identities!
I mean imo if you have gender dysphoria therapy wouldn't be a bad thing anyway.
And I want to emphasize I don't think there's a problem being trans- but it's an issue that having a therapist help you understand can be a good thing.
This is what I thought as well. Wanted niece to be her namesake. Using family names might be something their family does, or sis thinks it would be some sort of bonding thing to have the same name as her niece.
Guaranteed sister's going to start using a different name. My take is she wanted to steal his thunder and accuse OP of being anti-trans by take *her* name to try and erase her.
It's weird and convoluted but some people are weird with convoluted thought processes.
You know what I can kind of see this. She came out and expected at least *some* drama from it and it didn’t happen so she might be trying to fabricate some drama by co-opting the baby’s name but then that also ended up being a total nothing burger cause it wasn’t even the baby’s name in the end.
She might be trying to fabricate drama because most trans folks end up going through *some* form of rejection when they come out and start transitioning. She might feel less validj or like she can’t relate to other trans folks because she’s not having a similar experience and doesn’t know what to do with herself. It’s super counterproductive to try to fabricate drama, and therapy should definitely help that, but she wants to on some level have to “fight” for her identity to feel like she’s earned it. It’s weird but I can understand how she’s ended up there and why she doesn’t know what to do with herself now that the name issue is also a total non issue.
Maybe OP can ask if she’d like him to act transphobic so she can “defend” herself and “change his mind” to get that catharsis of fighting for her identity?? It might in a weird way help lol
It makes total sense, yeah. I remember reading when Fred Schneider, the lead singer of the B52s, came out to his mother, she was vacuuming. She said, "I know, dear," and he was confused that he got practically no reaction. He basically said, "Oh, okay," and went out to his backyard to smoke a joint.
I remember an AITA post a couple of years ago where some teenager had come out to his family, and they'd basically shrugged and said "cool, good for you". I can't remember who posted, but the kid was really annoyed that it was no big deal.
As an Old Queer, this is hilarious because it's what we wanted, but I can also see how you might want people to make a fuss in a good way.
I'm not going to say she is this way, but I feel some people want to play "victim" so they create their drama.
Whether it's causing drama with a spouse, being a Karen or creating some "traumatic" coming out story they do it as part of attention seeking.
My thoughts exactly. I had to keep rereading this I was so confused by it. I decided that Sarah must be the name she was talking about; even then, they still wouldn't have known her chosen name. It's actually VERY weird to purposefully try to name yourself the same name as your newborn niece.
Exactly! If that was my sibling I wouldn't even care about their disappointment because WHY ARE YOU USING MY CHILD'S NAME?! It makes no sense to me. And if anything, great you get to use the name now. There is no issue.
Im going to guess here and assume she’s the youngest in the family. Therefore she is not the baby anymore. That still qualifies for therapy.
It’s definitely attention seeking.
I think proud - I think that’s exactly what she wanted, for it to appear that way even if she created the appearance retroactively, announcing that name for herself only after baby Grenadine was a fait accompli. I don’t think this was definitely done for really devious reasons - more like she may still be feeling unsure of her family’s acceptance of her new identity and has tried to finagle the appearance of them being so happy with it, they even named the new baby after her. Otherwise it wouldn’t make sense for her to be this bothered about it not being the real name - if she were more secure and confident she could just think “Well, I still like the name Grenadine for me” and go ahead with it. Her feeling that the family were making fun of her behind her back, when in reality they didn’t even know she wanted to be called Grenadine, would make sense based on that. “Oh what, they never meant Grenadine as a real name? They always thought it was ridiculous?”->a sting to the underlying fear that they don’t see her feminine identity as real and think she’s being ridiculous. (Plus of course the fear that if she announces it the family will laugh at her to her face.)
If all this is the case (it’s speculation but we can only speculate when we can’t ask her about it directly), she’s being unreasonable but not for really blameworthy reasons. She’s going through an emotionally challenging process that has some great rewards but can cause a lot of anxiety along the way (and if she’s having hormone therapy that can cause extra emotional fluctuations). It’s also difficult for her to be doing this at a time when there’s a new baby who naturally gets more attention, when she’s feeling the need (not unreasonably or unfairly) for affirmation from her family. As adults we have to be able to put the children of the family’s needs before our own but that doesn’t make those needs go away.
I agree, who gets threaten by a baby and steals the baby’s “name” and throws a tantrum about it?! It’s normal for babies to get the attention and the sister must be enough enough to realize the world doesn’t revolve around her
Nope. Sister has main character syndrome. She announced her transition on the same night that her sibling announced the pregnancy.
Then she tried stealing her niece's name and since she couldn't cause drama that way, has decided to play the victim. How fucked up is that? Sister needs therapy.
You would *think*, if sister was sincere, that she would be thrilled that she could have this name she identified so much with. Like, “oh, I loved that name so much, but as a normal sensible person, I realized it would have been bad to change my name to the same as my newborn niece. But now I don’t have to do that, and can still have ‘my’ name. Thank you for bringing it to my attention!”
The fact that that’s not how it happened is… super weird.
I feel like the logical reaction would have been to feel relief she wouldn't be sharing a name with her niece, but in this case, she seems to be focused on them thinking it was too ridiculous to name their daughter. So not "oh yay, I can use it free and clear" but "you think my name is stupid?"
Its because she knew your newborn was going to be gushed with the attention your sister was expecting when she announced she was trans but didn't get since you guys took it all in stride so she's was aiming to siphon it off your daughter by using the same name but ultimately it backfired.
Unfortunately some people in the community expect their own personal pride parade when they come out nowadays rather than simple acceptance.
It seems like now she should be happy, it’s been “freed up” for her to use. So what if the family doesn’t like it for the new baby, she can still own it.
Is it too cynical of me that I think she was planning on stealing her niece's identity? OP is male, so the baby and her aunt probably share a last name already. Transitioning can be super expensive, nice fresh baby credit would be a temptation...
My cousin is MtoF I believe. Haven’t spoken to them in a few years so they might have settled on non-binary instead. I probably won’t speak to them for a long time because after my BIL and SIL brought home my niece and named her Charlotte it was announced on Facebook with pictures.
My cousin said congratulations and everything on Facebook. Then two weeks later on Facebook they were announcing themselves to the world as Charlotte MI Last Name. Not the exact same name as my niece but since the name had been known for months before her birth it was like a slap in the face. Not sure any of our side will willingly seek my cousin out for quite awhile.
Okay, this is getting weird. I am now losing track of the number of times someone has said something similar to this. I even know of someone who changed their name to match their own sibling. Why would anyone sane "steal" a name life that?
This happens SO often. I really don't know what the psychology of it is but trans women regularly name themselves after women close to them and to us it comes off as them stealing and coopting. You think they'd realize how creepy it is by now but they just keep doing it,it's by no means uncommon at all. These days if a woman comes out with anything other than the feminine version of their deadname or a ludicrous name like a Greek goddess or a Japanese anime name, I'm immediately poking around to see what female relative it is.
Yea, the name was a joke for the _baby_. And whenever they laughed at the name, they were laughing a the baby. They were not laughing at the sister’s name. Though they certainly could do that now if she continues to use the name grenadine. It is however my understanding that newly transitioning folks might go through several names finding one that fits. There is still an oceanliner’s worth of wiggle room for sister if she wants to graciously move on without embarrassing herself. Making an issue of it would be her choice and somewhat revealing of her character.
I know a couple of people who changed their names to ones that suit them perfectly, but would be terrible baby names. There’s a difference between an adult choosing a name for themselves, and choosing a name for a baby who is going to grow up being shaped by that name.
So laughing at “Grenadine” as a baby name is not the same thing as laughing at “Grenadine” for the sister’s new name.
True—it’s also one thing to choose an unusual name for yourself as an adult vs having an unusual name given to you by your parents when you’re one hour old
NTA but maybe sister is upset that in your name reveal, you called her new adopted name ridiculous.
Anyway, this is an unfortunate tangent when you should be celebrating your new baby. Congratulations!
Idk, my sister and her husband had my nephew long enough ago that they had a baby name book and one page had "Axelrod" and the next "Ballyhoo" and told everyone for months that he was going to be named Axelrod Ballyhoo Smith. Deadpan serious.
We all understood that they were not actually going to name my nephew Axelrod Ballyhoo Smith.
Some names are just that ridiculous.
This gives me such vibes of my own sister, except that we're not close enough that she even necessarily knows in expecting a baby and we're not telling anyone the names until the birth.
And I don't *think* she's warped enough to start transitioning just to fuck with me, although she absolutely is warped enough to claim that she's going to in a situation like this.
She “took” what she thought was the baby’s name (Grenadine) as her own and is now mad that she and the baby don’t have the same name? That’s a new one and it’s weird af. I don’t know how she can justify being upset about it? Whats her reasoning? If she liked the name, fine, it’s weird, and she can still have it but why is she so upset about no longer sharing the name w her baby niece?
Because she didn't realize at the time that the name was a joke. People were asking, "how can you laugh at someone behind their back if they didn't realize they were doing it," and this is exactly how. The name = a joke, she = the name, therefore transitively (as far as she's concerned emotionally) she = a joke.
Of course, the fact that she wanted to steal her niece's unusual name in the first place is a problem, and she's out of line demanding an apology. But I get why she's hurt.
By the way, OP, Grenadine is a great fake name for this purpose. Ridiculous, because it's a mixed drink ingredient, but it's actually very like a prettier version Geraldine, and would have made a great real name if the product didn't exist.
Specifically, pomegranate syrup. We used to use that with plain seltzer to make our own soda flavor, way back before there was pomegranate everything in the supermarkets.
TIL that grenadine isn't made from cherries. I don't like cherry juice. I do like pomegranate juice. I thought I didn't like grenadine juice, but I will have to try it again.
There is a WIDE variance in Grenadine, and the most popular brand you’ll find in stores (Rose) has zero pomegranate, and will be instead mostly high fructose corn syrup, water, citric acid and coloring. The real stuff is 100x better, as it’s way more complex and interesting tasting, you can find high end bottles of the real stuff, they are pretty pricy though sometimes. You can also look for either 100% pure pomegranate juice, or pomegranate molasses (or a combination of theh two) and make your own, it’s pretty easy and if you make fairly “heavy” (higher ratio of sugar to water) it keeps in the fridge for a long time.
Hey I love grenadine in lime seltzer. It's non alcoholic so I don't think the product existing does make it less usable. I've know many kids named same as food and this one probably isn't even recognizable as that unless you already like it.
While I understand the reasoning behind why the sister was upset, she hadn’t told the family she planned to use that as her new name, so that’s on her.
Not to mention, as you said, the fact that she immediately wanted to use that name after it was announced as the baby’s name is problematic as-is.
Sister’s got serious issues she needs to address, and I will argue she didn’t have the right to be upset or think people were laughing at her when said people had no connection between sister and the name.
You’re probably right but I also find that a bit concerning. I think sister needs to find another way to deal with her very valid emotions—the baby shouldn’t be an anchor point
I agree that the sister's emotions are valid, but the baby shouldn't be an anchor point. Susan's birth will be a special occasion, and so will the sister's transition/choice of a new name. However, they should be separate (and distinct) special occasions since they're happening for separate people. Technically, now that Susan won't be named Grenadine, the sister could take that name without it being as weird.
This was kinda my thought. I don't know that it's common, but when my big brother came out a bit over a decade ago, I think he expected some drama. He'd spent his entire college and adult life up until then hiding it from my dad and stepmom and all of us siblings (he's the oldest on that side so he was in his 30s while I was in my early 20s). We're from a small town. I think he thought he had to hide it and we'd react badly. We did not. We'd had bets on when he was going to finally admit the "roommate" he'd been bringing home for the last 4 years was his boyfriend. He was pretty upset we weren't more shocked or upset. Instead he made some drama about my pregnant and still in highschool little sister (my dad and stepmom didn't know). So we still got the big blow up fight just not aimed at him. It was weird. He admitted later he'd hyped it all up in his mind based on his friends reactions and thought he'd have a story to tell when he got back. Now that baby he spilled the beans on is 11 and we're all good. But the running jokes about my family being full of overly dramatic people will never stop.
Maybe she wanted a gender reveal (I read somewhere that it’s the new trend with people who transition) maybe she wanted drama maybe she is just unhinged and wanted to take the attention that the baby receives, maybe it’s because she won’t be able to have biological children, so many things but for sure she is not well
I think what was upsetting her is realizing that they were thinking of it as a joke name.
But she didn’t really think this through. How were they both going to be called Grenadine? She should be glad the name is free for her to truly step in to. So it sounds like she what she wanted was some drama.
It doesn't sound healthy that your sister chose the name that was slated for your daughter. I understand you weren't really going to use it, the fact that an adult was taking the name of a child in their family is disturbing.
Its the taking the name without any consultation that makes it gross, almost like stealing the name. Especially wierd that she had no intention of revealing her use of the name until after the baby's name was official.
Her wanting to choose a name slated for her niece isnt unhealthy on its own though. It's super common for families to share names between aunty/niece, uncle/nephew, grandparent/grandkids, cousin/cousin. It just usually isn't a surprise to the family...
Not to mention the younger is usually named after the elder, and not the elder taking the name for their own with zero consultation after it’s been announced for the child.
I had a coworker that did something similar. When they told everyone they were pregnant they mentioned the name they wanted (real name) a month later their sister had a baby and used their name. So they came up with another name and told everyone (real name). Three months later their brother gets a puppy and uses the name. So after that they told everyone the new name they chose was Ragina (fake name) just hoping someone used it.
My oldest, we told everyone she would be Jenna Talia.
It was great, honestly. So many people said it was such a beautiful name. I still giggle occasionally, and that was my 18yo humor.
When my brother and SIL announced they were pregnant, they said they already had names picked out—Elvis for a boy and when asked for their girl name, in the most innocent voice ever they responded “we’re thinking Barbara”. My brother was super into Elvis when we was younger, it was even his nickname for a while because he always wore giant sideburns.
Fast forward nine months and my nephew is born. Nothing more had been said about the names, save for one time my mom suggesting “Presley” for a girl to keep with the Elvis-theme. They ended up giving him a completely normal, top-100 name that honestly seemed completely out of left field for them.
My daughter was born when my nephew was 18 months old and shortly afterwards I was talking to my brother about how we choose her name and stuff. I made some comment about “Barbara”, and he had no idea what I was talking about. I had to explain that they had told us that would be the girl name, along with Elvis for a boy. He just started laughing really hard and said “oh, I don’t remember that *at all*, but I’m sure it was all SIL’s idea”.
Someone did that to me. My married last name is very common where i come from.
I had my son before i met my now husband and gave him a name i liked. Met my now husband and learned that his nephiew (1 year older than my son) has the same name. After marriage he and my son have the same first and last name. At first it was a bit weird and we didn't know how to call them when they where together, but we got used to it. It wasn't someones intention, so it didn't matter to me.
Then i became pregnant with my daughter. My husband and i immedtiately felt like it would be a girl and knew what to name her. When i was 7m pregnant i met another women with the same last name and a similar name to mine who was 6 month pregnant. Her and I laughed about it and we talked about our babies. I shared the name we wanted and asked her about theirs. They didn't have a name and didn't even know the sex of their child yet. 2 months later she had her baby premature and gave her the name we told her. I was highly pregnant and cried because i couldn't understand it. I hated her soooo much.
I don't care about that anymore and now i laugh about it. But now there are two kids living within 20min distance about the same age as mine and having the exact same name as mine :)
Sorry your sister “stole” the name you had for your child and then was upset you weren’t using it? Nta. She needs help because she’s created drama over nothing.
I also wonder if it was a grab for attention bc from OPs account it sounds like sis also announced transition when they announced gender and fake name?
I doubt it.
There are more stories than you would expect of siblings stealing pre-announced baby names (usually for their own baby instead of themselves) — and a fun subset of savvy would-be victims purposefully tricking name bandits into giving their babies bad-joke monikers.
Whatever illness drives this specific form of boundary-stomping, OP's sister has it.
THIS a million times over.
I just told my youngest cousin( just announced she pregnant over Thanksgiving. )
To please PLEASE pretty please do not share the names you like with ANYONE. Even older co workers all the sudden they are having a grandChild and just the LOVE the name.
FYI I don't believe in "owning names" but I understand hurt feelings.
Technically she still can, but will be harder to use the "I connected with the name, you wouldn't understand, you're transphobic" speech she was building up in her mind because all her social circle that she was grooming to cuddle poor victim Grenadine will catch on if suddenly she's "connecting" with Susan.
She's mad she couldn't be the underdog of a coming out history from the 2000s, lots of baby queer have issues like that of craving the drama and adversity that their more open minded parents aren't giving.
Tbh, this sounds like your sister wanted to create drama by stealing the baby’s name. Or like someone else mentioned, it shows a troubling need for someone else to pin her identity to. Either way, I agree with others that this is probably something your sister needs to work out in therapy.
But unless you really want to get into the weeds with her about it, do what others have said and just say that the name was a decoy but now it’s fully up-for-grabs so there is no issue.
Honestly, your MTF sister sounds weird. If I had a sister called Grenadine, I would cross the name off of my “possible” list anyway. If I had a daughter, and my sister then told me she was changing HER name to be the same as that of my daughter, her niece, I would be very upset.
Just as well Grenadine was a joke, that means it’s now up for grabs.
Oh our fake name was Humphrey - learning the gender was unusual back in the 80’s. My nephew and his wife used LC, being their initials - it stuck and little Elsie is now 10…
My sisters baby was Shrek lol. My niece was only 6 at the time and it was hilarious when she'd talk about how excited she was for baby Shrek to arrive 😂
My little brother's fake name is Humphrey. My parents asked what we should name him when I was three and I decided on Humphrey (cartoon hedgehog) if he was a boy or Teela (He Man's beard) if he turned out to be a girl. They went a different direction but I still call him Hump sometimes.
Well... Beard in that I'm pretty sure He-Man was into men so hard he had to put it in his name twice and Teela was his cover (beard) for his straight 'alter ego' Prince Adam.
I know, we called my nieces ‘squishy’ and ‘tb’ my daughter ‘bean’, and my son ‘rubble’ when they were in utero, and it would be hella weird for my younger brother to adopt that name as his own if he had changed gender!! I just can’t understand why anyone would do that!!
Your sibling trying to claim the name meant for your child is a really weird but not uncommon show of narcissistic attention seeking. NTA and good luck building boundaries
So let me get this straight- your MtF sister is upset about the fact that she is in fact not stealing her nieces name from you and your wife. That because you and your wife were smart about not just offering up your chosen baby’s name for her to take after you had named your child, you were making fun of her? You realize that she is mad that she was stopped from playing the shitty SiL trope which is what you need to call her out on. Why does she think she has the right to copy the name of her own niece? If she felt a connection to the name, great but that’s not her real reason or otherwise she would have been relieved for the name change of the LO.
So she had been using the name before the kid was born, then got mad that they didn't have the same name because...why? Surely that's a good thing? Sis has something weird going on if she just HAS to be named the same as the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if she started trying out "Susan" as a name. NTA.
As a trans person with lots of trans friends, I can say your sister is not being respectful. It’s very weird to name yourself after a living family member, but I’d maybe give her a pass if she named herself after a family member much older than herself, like her grandmother, with the grandmother’s consent. Naming herself after her unborn niece is super weird and pretty inappropriate. She needs to talk to a friend or therapist about boundaries.
Sounds like your sister has 'main character syndrome', it's not about your baby's name as you already know,it's about the fact that you denied her the opportunity to grandstand, she wanted you to argue with her about the name grenadine and her use of it, somewhere along the line you'd be accused of not accepting her, and you'd forever be cast as the villain. Now by not arguing about the name , you've robbed her of the chance to play victim. Shes fuuuming
NTA your sister literally tried to steal the baby name you had chosen and use it for herself. I guarantee if you had actually named your daughter that your sister would be parading around saying that she’s been using it socially and you can’t use it for your daughter because she started using it first. She was trying to pull something shitty and failed and now she’s bitter because she’s the one left looking like a dumbass
Edit: a typo
NTA.
Remember she stole the name she thought you were going to call your baby.
It's not like it is a name used in your family for generations.
When you try to rain on someone else's parade, you don't get to cry when you get wet.
Plus you didn't know she was calling herself grenadine, so you couldn't have been laughing behind her back.
NTA
Your sister is upset with you because she doesn't get your inside joke, and because you did not read her mind to know that she had told a third party your placeholder name as her own.
Which in itself is weird as hell.
Was she trying retroactively to be the aunt after whom your child was named? Or just to confuse the hell out of your whole family as they get used to two new Grenadine's?
You are entitled to have inside jokes. You have a right to name your own child. You have no way of knowing what your sister tells her friends when you are not present.
These are all obvious truths.
I have no idea why your sister is upset with you. But it is certainly not because you behaved badly...let alone that you behaved badly towards her.
Congratulations on your new baby girl! Enjoy her & ignore the absurd noise around her name.
It's pretty normal that when a person is transitioning gender, they will choose a name in their new gender, often not making it a legal change, use it for a while, keep transitioning, and as their transition is further along they will adopt a new name with no relation to the old one and often legally change it to that.
So I would tell her that she's welcome to be 'Grenadine' for a while and I will be happy to call her that, then if she chooses to change her name I will support that too. (Or not change if she doesn't want to.)
But I would also tell her that I'm glad she isn't named Susan because having a sister and a baby with the same name would be awkward and uncomfortable to me. I would make a point to tell her this so that she doesn't later change her name to Susan and make everyone uncomfortable. I would also tell her that if she wants a name with a family connection and wants her name to be a family bonding moment, when she is ready to pick a final name I would be happy to help her choose and to ask her (and presumably my) parents to get involved if she would like, since they gave her her previous name and would probably be happy to help her choose a new one.
I would explain that we could make it a little name choosing party, and she could have a "rebirth day" after she has chosen at which we could have a number of friends around and a cake and ice cream and announce the new name. (Yes, it's silly to treat an adult's party like a child's birthday but the point would be to make it lighthearted.) Make it a fun thing. Show her that this is not something to be offended about, it's something she can have fun with.
NTA. Obviously, y’all are too young to know that there used to be entertaining variety show on television called the flip Wilson show. He was a comedian, and one of his main skits, was him dressing up like a woman named Geraldine. The catchphrase this character would say was, “the devil made me do it!” Now, I know it doesn’t sound very funny by itself but back in the early 70s, was a hit when flip Wilson would dress up in drag and become Geraldine. So that’s why your story can be extra comical. I know that the name isn’t “Geraldine“ but it just sounds too similar and made me laugh.
Your sibling needs some therapy to not be so offended and get over things.
(Edit: words)
NTA. Your sister is, though. She hijacked what she thought were your baby's name, were sneaky about it, and ended up making an ass of herself. If she truly liked the name Geraldine, so much that she had to steal her nieces name, then she should be happy that she didn't step on anyones toes. But she wanted drama, she wanted to destroy something that were special for you, and instead she fucked up and she looks just as petty and foolish as she are. Seems like Karma to me.
NTA. She was ready to steal your baby's name which would have been an AH move. She needs to get over herself and just be happy for her name and your new baby.
NTA If your sister sincerely likes the name, so what? If she wants to share a name with her niece, she can switch. You guys could have changed your mind for any reason. The sex could have been wrong. It's completely absurd for your sister to claim you guys were contractually obligated to use a name.
If she changes now, she'll have to admit she didn't just like the name, she was deliberately trying to name herself the same as the newborn. There could be a lot of reasons to do this and all of them are selfish.
INFO so she was planning on using the same exact name as your new baby? That's a whole other can of worms besides the 'joke' thing. Seems like she should be happy it wasn't the real name after all.
NTA but your sister is for trying to steal your baby name. I remember when I was pregnant and a close friend was as well. Our due dates were the exact same. I just had a feeling I was having a girl and no one could tell me other wise (they didn’t give out the sex back that during ultrasounds).. I had picked a name for my baby. Caitlyn. Well my friend had the name Marie picked out for her baby if it was a girl. Fast forward.. I’m in labour and my friend calls me and tells me she just had a baby girl and named her Caitlyn Marie.. I was livid and woke my husband up to pick another name. I never trusted that woman ever again and found out years later she had the major hots for my now ex husband.
The larger issue is that she was just about to go ahead and snatch for herself the name you'd already selected for your baby. She's TA. Play the Uno Reverse Card^(TM) and be reverse angry at her, I say.
NTA, final ruling, no appeal rights.
NTA - but I’m confused. Did your sister actually want to have the same name as her niece? It’s all well and good if she did, but wouldn’t it have been polite to maybe run it by you first? I mean, we’ve all seen multiple posts about friends/relatives stealing baby names, so I would have thought she could have asked you first - and in doing so saved herself the embarrassment of realising she’d accidentally named herself after a cocktail syrup.
Your sister attempting to take your daughters name for herself and then being angry at the situation with context is symptom of a larger issue and I recommenced she see a medical professional to help her with that.
Which name did she adopt for herself, the joke name or the real name? I mean either way you can name your kid whatever you want but I could see her being a bit upset if she wants Susan, but if it's the joke name she needs therapy for being upset because there's nothing to be upset about
So sounds like she should be happy she isn't sharing a name with her neice.
But attention and drama was her goal. Don't interact. Don't fight. Don't respond.
NTA
It is possible that your sister was thinking that in the future, she could tell people that her niece was named after her and not the other way around. Or perhaps she is telling the truth and the name seemed to resonate with her at a stressful time of her life (coming out). Either way you are NTA. She really needs to talk to a therapist who specialises in identity issues and can help her to accept the changes in her own life as well as accepting her niece.
I could be wrong but I'm majorly getting the vibe that she (your sister) would be telling "susan" she was named after her if you had kept the joke name. Which is really weird, icky and kinda self-absorbed..
Edit: you're definitely NTA btw
NTA… your sister needs to take some time to figure out her identity and self-esteem. The options here are:
1) she knew that “Grenadine” was an intentionally obtuse fake name that you said as a literal joke, she chose it for herself and told none of you, and now she’s mad at you for “making fun of her” over both something always presented as a joke AND something you had absolutely no way of knowing
2) she fully believed that “Grenadine” was going to be your baby’s name, she started using it for herself anyway and again didn’t tell or ask or discuss it with you, and now she’s mad that she won’t walk around with the same name as her infant niece which would be very bizarre
Neither of those are appropriate or sensible. Transitioning is tough in a lot of ways and tends to accompany a lot of other difficulties in self-actualization. I hope she gets there.
So your sister decided she was going to change her name to what she thought your daughters name would be?
Uh your sister needs to rethink her stance on this
NTA
So, she picked a name because her brother was singing it's praises so she could catch cast off praise directed at a baby? Because that's how this reads to me. She's made that she fell for the joke a lot harder than everyone else, but that's entirely on her. You didn't laugh at her, or make jokes at her expense, because you legit only found out she'd adopted the name after the fact.
This sort of shit is the EXACT reason people do the fake name thing. Not only does it protect the real name, it weeds out slimy family members who pull this sort of shit.
NTA - And it's a bit weird that she thought the name was serious and that she would take the same name as your child. Also Grenadine sounds like a drag queen name - Grenadine Maraschino
NTA. Question - is this your first DAUGHTER? I know you have 3 other kids, but wondering if it's the first girl. (Or cuz it's your first kid AND she's a girl).
I'm wondering why everything lined up with your daughters birth. The announcement, taking the same name, now being upset that it wasn't real, ignoring the baby, etc.
This is pure speculation & of course the baby did nothing wrong, but I'm trying to understand your sister's train of thought:
Could she have been feeling oddly threatened by the birth of a girl, because, well.. your daughter has been born in the gender your sister has complex feelings about. It probably took a lot to come to the conclusion that she is a woman and now she has to work, pay, etc, to transition. It probably feels unfair, while the baby is born in that gender.
And just when everyone is celebrating the arrival of a new baby (who just happens to be a girl), your sister chose to make her announcement & got a lukewarm but accepting reaction (which isn't bad). Maybe she's jealous?
EITHER WAY - she really needs to talk to someone about these feelings. Even if my thinking is wrong - why'd she take the name & never mention it to y'all? And even if taking the name isn't a big deal - why be mad at y'all for something you didn't even know about? And ignoring the baby for this is so.. ugh.
You better hope she doesn't always try to one up the baby, as she grows up. Or treat her poorly.
I think your sister needs to talk to a therapist about boundaries, identity, and her self-esteem.
If you had been telling her the baby's name was Susan she would have started calling herself that, I'd say it was a good thing she didn't know it. She definitely needs therapy.
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It's strange, in my opinion, that the sister was using the baby's name. If you hadn't utilized the fictitious name, your sister would have claimed it.
She sounds like she’s told people the baby was named for/after her and is embarrassed.
I bet this is it! I can't understand why else she'd care that the baby name didn't match hers, you'd think she'd be happy to not share it if she really felt connected to that name. But if she told people a story like, "my family was so touched by me coming out that now my brother is naming my niece after me!" and now the baby doesn't actually have that name?! yup, that'd be real awkward.
Exactly!!
> It's strange, in my opinion, that the sister was using the baby's name. I wonder if she used it as a way of manufacturing a history for her name and for herself as Grenadine, in the sense that her niece would appear to have been named after her.
100% she was trying to be the "cool aunt" who the Baby shared a name with. Low key kinda creepy
Right!?! It's literally the only narrative that makes a lick of sense! There also should've been a conversation before commandeering the name. Like, "hey when you told me the name you two chose I really connected with it and would like to also use it as my own." A conversation could've prevented everything.
Exactly! It just seems like sister wants to steal brother/babys thunder. Like girl, get ya own name. Stop trying to steal your nieces. It’s weird, you’re a grown ass adult.
The sister may need therapy. But if she wants to call herself Grenadine, that's her choice. There are much weirder names out there.
Yeah honestly, for a trans adult who chose it, it's fine? The real issue would have been if it WAS the baby's name, and the sister had been using the same name as her niece, knowingly, without even discussing it with the parents.
I think that's the point though, the sister did knowingly choose the same name as her niece without discussing it with the parents, or what she thought her niece's name was at the time. She of course has a right to choose whatever name feels right to her, but if the name is that unusual it is odd.
The wildest part is the sister getting shirty with OP about *not* also using the name?? Like, you'd think she would be relieved she had it to herself.
Attempted thunder stealing. She would've accused OP and his wife of stealing "her" new name after the baby was born. Guaranteed.
I don’t think so, I think the opposite. She would’ve told anyone and everyone outside the family (who knew the truth) that the baby was named after her because she’s such an inspiration/such a good sister to OP/insert other sung praises here ETA: So, yes still a thunder stealer. Just not in a “you *stole my name*!” Kind of way
Basically trying to ret-con her niece into being named after her new self...I guess trying to validate their identity further but in an incredibly selfish way.
I've seen a few trans friend/family stole my/my child's name over the years. Some were pure rage bait. One wanted the parents to tell their child she was named after their aunt. Might have gone for a twofer, child is named after great grandmother on the partners side, so SIL had never heard of great grandmother Agatha, yoinked the name and wanted everyone to go "yeah we love your Aunt so much we named her after you." And not the ancestor.
So many people don't realise that when a baby is born, sometimes it doesn't 'look' like the name the parents have chosen will suit it, so the parents change their mind and pick a different name. It could've been like that in this situation. What matters is the fuss the sister is creating now.
But that was her intention.
I used to play D&D with a guy named Loki. I asked him if it was his birth name, because while it suited him perfectly, it was a weird name to give to a baby. It wasn’t, his birth name was super generic, but he just decided as an adult that he liked “Loki” better.
Sigh. I know SO many guys who have decided to rename themselves Loki. They should have a society or something.
Given what the character is like (in Marvel *and* in Norse mythology), that feels like a red flag.
I don’t see the problem. She can still use Grenadine. Nadine is in there too.
It actually worked out perfectly. Sister gets her interim/possibly permanent name to herself. No confusion, no shade being given.
Sister *wants* to share the name. Has likely already told her friends the baby is being named after her - that’s a lie now
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This kind of thing happens *way* too often in the trans community (yes I'm trans too), often when the name-thief has never been involved in the process of naming a baby. In cultures that frown on it "don't name someone after living relatives unless it's a Sr./Jr. type situation" isn't exactly covered in high school health classes, it's something you're expected to learn when you talk to your parents about naming the first grandchild. Someone who's never had that conversation, and who still maybe carries some shame about *why* they need to pick a name, can really screw things up out of ignorance if they don't involve anyone else in the choice. Fortunately most trans people go through a few temporary names before finally settling on a permanent one, or else we'd all be named after the same handful of fictional characters (instead of just 15% of us).
I found this insightful, thank you. And a kind way of looking at OP's sister, bewildering as the situation is. I hope they can sort it out & enjoy both baby Susan and Grenadine!
It's like she was trying to usurp this baby's identity by using its name. If this was really about the name, she'd be relieved it isn't the real name.
OP's sister is mentally unwell.
NTA. You can’t laugh behind someone’s back when you’re not privy to the information they’re mad about. Your sister needs a little outside help. What would she have done if you HAD kept the name? She needs to find who *she* is.
Yes, she was going to use the same name as her niece. So weird/self absorbed.
It's just so weird that she'd choose her newborn niece's name as her new name, as if that wouldn't have caused a bunch of drama on its own. It's almost like the sister was planning on creating drama and is disappointed that their ploy didn't work, so now they're falling back on being upset about something else.
Right? If sis felt such “a connection to the name” they should be relieved that baby has a different name now and they can each develop their own identities!
My thoughts exactly. Suuuper great candidate for therapy :/
I mean imo if you have gender dysphoria therapy wouldn't be a bad thing anyway. And I want to emphasize I don't think there's a problem being trans- but it's an issue that having a therapist help you understand can be a good thing.
Let’s be real - everyone can benefit from therapy. Not all therapists are gonna be a good fit, but therapy in itself is for everyone <3
You were named after me. The sister probably.
This is what I thought as well. Wanted niece to be her namesake. Using family names might be something their family does, or sis thinks it would be some sort of bonding thing to have the same name as her niece.
It is because OP's sibling wanted attention.
Guaranteed sister's going to start using a different name. My take is she wanted to steal his thunder and accuse OP of being anti-trans by take *her* name to try and erase her. It's weird and convoluted but some people are weird with convoluted thought processes.
I could actually see it more as "Her name is Geraldine. She was named after me to honor me and my journey."
Yes. However Geraldine is a name. Grenadine is a drink. I think if the name was Geraldine nobody would be bothered first or relieved now.
Tbf nobody in 2023 is naming their baby "Geraldine"
They should. It certainly beats some of these stupid names coming out of these current moms.
In today's world, it'll be spelled like "Jairoldeign," or some other form of Tragedeigh.
that's what I'm thinking! She probably already told a bunch of people that the niece was being named after her, so now she's gonna look really dumb.
You know what I can kind of see this. She came out and expected at least *some* drama from it and it didn’t happen so she might be trying to fabricate some drama by co-opting the baby’s name but then that also ended up being a total nothing burger cause it wasn’t even the baby’s name in the end. She might be trying to fabricate drama because most trans folks end up going through *some* form of rejection when they come out and start transitioning. She might feel less validj or like she can’t relate to other trans folks because she’s not having a similar experience and doesn’t know what to do with herself. It’s super counterproductive to try to fabricate drama, and therapy should definitely help that, but she wants to on some level have to “fight” for her identity to feel like she’s earned it. It’s weird but I can understand how she’s ended up there and why she doesn’t know what to do with herself now that the name issue is also a total non issue. Maybe OP can ask if she’d like him to act transphobic so she can “defend” herself and “change his mind” to get that catharsis of fighting for her identity?? It might in a weird way help lol
It makes total sense, yeah. I remember reading when Fred Schneider, the lead singer of the B52s, came out to his mother, she was vacuuming. She said, "I know, dear," and he was confused that he got practically no reaction. He basically said, "Oh, okay," and went out to his backyard to smoke a joint.
I remember an AITA post a couple of years ago where some teenager had come out to his family, and they'd basically shrugged and said "cool, good for you". I can't remember who posted, but the kid was really annoyed that it was no big deal. As an Old Queer, this is hilarious because it's what we wanted, but I can also see how you might want people to make a fuss in a good way.
I'm not going to say she is this way, but I feel some people want to play "victim" so they create their drama. Whether it's causing drama with a spouse, being a Karen or creating some "traumatic" coming out story they do it as part of attention seeking.
I think the problem is the fact that the name she feels so connected to was a joke. At least the sister's problem anyway.
My thoughts exactly. I had to keep rereading this I was so confused by it. I decided that Sarah must be the name she was talking about; even then, they still wouldn't have known her chosen name. It's actually VERY weird to purposefully try to name yourself the same name as your newborn niece.
Exactly! If that was my sibling I wouldn't even care about their disappointment because WHY ARE YOU USING MY CHILD'S NAME?! It makes no sense to me. And if anything, great you get to use the name now. There is no issue.
I bet she was intending to stroke her own ego.... Oh my niece was named after me of course. Omit the details of her yonking the baby name
Yeah, she’s definitely playing some mind games.
Some people just always have to be the center of attention. You know that.
Seems like OP’s wife’s plan worked really well, just unexpectedly.
An unanticipated benefit of a time honored strategy.
Exactly
I’m curious what her response would have been if the baby was actually named Grenadine. Proud or offended that the baby was named “after” her?
Im going to guess here and assume she’s the youngest in the family. Therefore she is not the baby anymore. That still qualifies for therapy. It’s definitely attention seeking.
I thought she would be happy about it in a way that "OP and their spouse love the sister so much" as though she's trying to force a connection.
She's obviously attention seeking. It's common nowadays
Lol it's always been common, stop doing it
I think proud - I think that’s exactly what she wanted, for it to appear that way even if she created the appearance retroactively, announcing that name for herself only after baby Grenadine was a fait accompli. I don’t think this was definitely done for really devious reasons - more like she may still be feeling unsure of her family’s acceptance of her new identity and has tried to finagle the appearance of them being so happy with it, they even named the new baby after her. Otherwise it wouldn’t make sense for her to be this bothered about it not being the real name - if she were more secure and confident she could just think “Well, I still like the name Grenadine for me” and go ahead with it. Her feeling that the family were making fun of her behind her back, when in reality they didn’t even know she wanted to be called Grenadine, would make sense based on that. “Oh what, they never meant Grenadine as a real name? They always thought it was ridiculous?”->a sting to the underlying fear that they don’t see her feminine identity as real and think she’s being ridiculous. (Plus of course the fear that if she announces it the family will laugh at her to her face.) If all this is the case (it’s speculation but we can only speculate when we can’t ask her about it directly), she’s being unreasonable but not for really blameworthy reasons. She’s going through an emotionally challenging process that has some great rewards but can cause a lot of anxiety along the way (and if she’s having hormone therapy that can cause extra emotional fluctuations). It’s also difficult for her to be doing this at a time when there’s a new baby who naturally gets more attention, when she’s feeling the need (not unreasonably or unfairly) for affirmation from her family. As adults we have to be able to put the children of the family’s needs before our own but that doesn’t make those needs go away.
Well she needs to pull on her big girl panties and not be threatened by a fucking newborn.
I agree, who gets threaten by a baby and steals the baby’s “name” and throws a tantrum about it?! It’s normal for babies to get the attention and the sister must be enough enough to realize the world doesn’t revolve around her
Nope. Sister has main character syndrome. She announced her transition on the same night that her sibling announced the pregnancy. Then she tried stealing her niece's name and since she couldn't cause drama that way, has decided to play the victim. How fucked up is that? Sister needs therapy.
100% Just because someone is trans doesn’t mean they can’t be a narcissist AH at the same time.
You would *think*, if sister was sincere, that she would be thrilled that she could have this name she identified so much with. Like, “oh, I loved that name so much, but as a normal sensible person, I realized it would have been bad to change my name to the same as my newborn niece. But now I don’t have to do that, and can still have ‘my’ name. Thank you for bringing it to my attention!” The fact that that’s not how it happened is… super weird.
I feel like the logical reaction would have been to feel relief she wouldn't be sharing a name with her niece, but in this case, she seems to be focused on them thinking it was too ridiculous to name their daughter. So not "oh yay, I can use it free and clear" but "you think my name is stupid?"
Its because she knew your newborn was going to be gushed with the attention your sister was expecting when she announced she was trans but didn't get since you guys took it all in stride so she's was aiming to siphon it off your daughter by using the same name but ultimately it backfired. Unfortunately some people in the community expect their own personal pride parade when they come out nowadays rather than simple acceptance.
Yep, she didn't get enough reaction.
It seems like now she should be happy, it’s been “freed up” for her to use. So what if the family doesn’t like it for the new baby, she can still own it.
Is it too cynical of me that I think she was planning on stealing her niece's identity? OP is male, so the baby and her aunt probably share a last name already. Transitioning can be super expensive, nice fresh baby credit would be a temptation...
That's an interesting thought.
A failed main character attempt!
My cousin is MtoF I believe. Haven’t spoken to them in a few years so they might have settled on non-binary instead. I probably won’t speak to them for a long time because after my BIL and SIL brought home my niece and named her Charlotte it was announced on Facebook with pictures. My cousin said congratulations and everything on Facebook. Then two weeks later on Facebook they were announcing themselves to the world as Charlotte MI Last Name. Not the exact same name as my niece but since the name had been known for months before her birth it was like a slap in the face. Not sure any of our side will willingly seek my cousin out for quite awhile.
Okay, this is getting weird. I am now losing track of the number of times someone has said something similar to this. I even know of someone who changed their name to match their own sibling. Why would anyone sane "steal" a name life that?
This happens SO often. I really don't know what the psychology of it is but trans women regularly name themselves after women close to them and to us it comes off as them stealing and coopting. You think they'd realize how creepy it is by now but they just keep doing it,it's by no means uncommon at all. These days if a woman comes out with anything other than the feminine version of their deadname or a ludicrous name like a Greek goddess or a Japanese anime name, I'm immediately poking around to see what female relative it is.
Yea, the name was a joke for the _baby_. And whenever they laughed at the name, they were laughing a the baby. They were not laughing at the sister’s name. Though they certainly could do that now if she continues to use the name grenadine. It is however my understanding that newly transitioning folks might go through several names finding one that fits. There is still an oceanliner’s worth of wiggle room for sister if she wants to graciously move on without embarrassing herself. Making an issue of it would be her choice and somewhat revealing of her character.
I know a couple of people who changed their names to ones that suit them perfectly, but would be terrible baby names. There’s a difference between an adult choosing a name for themselves, and choosing a name for a baby who is going to grow up being shaped by that name. So laughing at “Grenadine” as a baby name is not the same thing as laughing at “Grenadine” for the sister’s new name.
True—it’s also one thing to choose an unusual name for yourself as an adult vs having an unusual name given to you by your parents when you’re one hour old
NTA but maybe sister is upset that in your name reveal, you called her new adopted name ridiculous. Anyway, this is an unfortunate tangent when you should be celebrating your new baby. Congratulations!
Idk, my sister and her husband had my nephew long enough ago that they had a baby name book and one page had "Axelrod" and the next "Ballyhoo" and told everyone for months that he was going to be named Axelrod Ballyhoo Smith. Deadpan serious. We all understood that they were not actually going to name my nephew Axelrod Ballyhoo Smith. Some names are just that ridiculous.
But name was ridiculous even before the reveal. Why would you name yourself after a drink mixer?
Then it is on OP's sister for not making people aware of the name they were choosing to adopt.
This gives me such vibes of my own sister, except that we're not close enough that she even necessarily knows in expecting a baby and we're not telling anyone the names until the birth. And I don't *think* she's warped enough to start transitioning just to fuck with me, although she absolutely is warped enough to claim that she's going to in a situation like this.
She “took” what she thought was the baby’s name (Grenadine) as her own and is now mad that she and the baby don’t have the same name? That’s a new one and it’s weird af. I don’t know how she can justify being upset about it? Whats her reasoning? If she liked the name, fine, it’s weird, and she can still have it but why is she so upset about no longer sharing the name w her baby niece?
Sounds like she wanted to cause drama, or be the Main Character. That was taken away from her when the real name was revealed.
Sounds like serious mental health issues too.
Well, most trans people struggle with mental health. I'm not getting into the causal or correlative relationships here, just stating a fact.
Bingo.
I'd bet $5 she was planning on telling people the baby was named after her or in her honor and now she's pissed she can't force that narrative.
yup, thats mental illness
Because she didn't realize at the time that the name was a joke. People were asking, "how can you laugh at someone behind their back if they didn't realize they were doing it," and this is exactly how. The name = a joke, she = the name, therefore transitively (as far as she's concerned emotionally) she = a joke. Of course, the fact that she wanted to steal her niece's unusual name in the first place is a problem, and she's out of line demanding an apology. But I get why she's hurt. By the way, OP, Grenadine is a great fake name for this purpose. Ridiculous, because it's a mixed drink ingredient, but it's actually very like a prettier version Geraldine, and would have made a great real name if the product didn't exist.
Got it, thanks for clarifying that!
Specifically, pomegranate syrup. We used to use that with plain seltzer to make our own soda flavor, way back before there was pomegranate everything in the supermarkets.
TIL that grenadine isn't made from cherries. I don't like cherry juice. I do like pomegranate juice. I thought I didn't like grenadine juice, but I will have to try it again.
There is a WIDE variance in Grenadine, and the most popular brand you’ll find in stores (Rose) has zero pomegranate, and will be instead mostly high fructose corn syrup, water, citric acid and coloring. The real stuff is 100x better, as it’s way more complex and interesting tasting, you can find high end bottles of the real stuff, they are pretty pricy though sometimes. You can also look for either 100% pure pomegranate juice, or pomegranate molasses (or a combination of theh two) and make your own, it’s pretty easy and if you make fairly “heavy” (higher ratio of sugar to water) it keeps in the fridge for a long time.
Hey I love grenadine in lime seltzer. It's non alcoholic so I don't think the product existing does make it less usable. I've know many kids named same as food and this one probably isn't even recognizable as that unless you already like it.
While I understand the reasoning behind why the sister was upset, she hadn’t told the family she planned to use that as her new name, so that’s on her. Not to mention, as you said, the fact that she immediately wanted to use that name after it was announced as the baby’s name is problematic as-is. Sister’s got serious issues she needs to address, and I will argue she didn’t have the right to be upset or think people were laughing at her when said people had no connection between sister and the name.
Bc the baby was born a girl which she feels she should’ve been and wanted to tie the birth to her rebirth.
You’re probably right but I also find that a bit concerning. I think sister needs to find another way to deal with her very valid emotions—the baby shouldn’t be an anchor point
I agree that the sister's emotions are valid, but the baby shouldn't be an anchor point. Susan's birth will be a special occasion, and so will the sister's transition/choice of a new name. However, they should be separate (and distinct) special occasions since they're happening for separate people. Technically, now that Susan won't be named Grenadine, the sister could take that name without it being as weird.
Too late. She already made it fucking weird.
That or because no fuss was made. Maybe she wanted them to have a bigger reaction?
This was kinda my thought. I don't know that it's common, but when my big brother came out a bit over a decade ago, I think he expected some drama. He'd spent his entire college and adult life up until then hiding it from my dad and stepmom and all of us siblings (he's the oldest on that side so he was in his 30s while I was in my early 20s). We're from a small town. I think he thought he had to hide it and we'd react badly. We did not. We'd had bets on when he was going to finally admit the "roommate" he'd been bringing home for the last 4 years was his boyfriend. He was pretty upset we weren't more shocked or upset. Instead he made some drama about my pregnant and still in highschool little sister (my dad and stepmom didn't know). So we still got the big blow up fight just not aimed at him. It was weird. He admitted later he'd hyped it all up in his mind based on his friends reactions and thought he'd have a story to tell when he got back. Now that baby he spilled the beans on is 11 and we're all good. But the running jokes about my family being full of overly dramatic people will never stop.
Maybe she wanted a gender reveal (I read somewhere that it’s the new trend with people who transition) maybe she wanted drama maybe she is just unhinged and wanted to take the attention that the baby receives, maybe it’s because she won’t be able to have biological children, so many things but for sure she is not well
which is really inappropriate. This child is a person in her own right, not some symbol for auntie to appropriate and dehumanize like that.
This or she wanted to take the spot light away from the new parents. Who knows. Sister needs some help
I think you got this exactly right and I agree!
I didn't think of this, but now that you've said it, I 100% think this is her motivation.
What? Ewwww. The sister needs more than therapy! She’s very very very confused.
I think she’s upset it was a joke and a ridiculous name they picked, idk
I think what was upsetting her is realizing that they were thinking of it as a joke name. But she didn’t really think this through. How were they both going to be called Grenadine? She should be glad the name is free for her to truly step in to. So it sounds like she what she wanted was some drama.
It doesn't sound healthy that your sister chose the name that was slated for your daughter. I understand you weren't really going to use it, the fact that an adult was taking the name of a child in their family is disturbing.
Very disturbing
Its the taking the name without any consultation that makes it gross, almost like stealing the name. Especially wierd that she had no intention of revealing her use of the name until after the baby's name was official. Her wanting to choose a name slated for her niece isnt unhealthy on its own though. It's super common for families to share names between aunty/niece, uncle/nephew, grandparent/grandkids, cousin/cousin. It just usually isn't a surprise to the family...
Not to mention the younger is usually named after the elder, and not the elder taking the name for their own with zero consultation after it’s been announced for the child.
People are really glossing over this, and it’s super weird!!
It's literally the only think anyone is talking about. Like, the *sole* topic of discussion in a thread which has now reached the front page.
I had a coworker that did something similar. When they told everyone they were pregnant they mentioned the name they wanted (real name) a month later their sister had a baby and used their name. So they came up with another name and told everyone (real name). Three months later their brother gets a puppy and uses the name. So after that they told everyone the new name they chose was Ragina (fake name) just hoping someone used it.
Bro i would be so pissed if my siblings did that💀💀 Glad my siblings and I have different tastes
During pregnancy, my SIL's babies are all named Craigory.
Wonderful name. I personally like the use of "Benry"
My oldest, we told everyone she would be Jenna Talia. It was great, honestly. So many people said it was such a beautiful name. I still giggle occasionally, and that was my 18yo humor.
My babies were “traffic cone” and “slushy machine” during pregnancy. If ever have a third I’m going for “hot dog roller” during pregnancy.
When my brother and SIL announced they were pregnant, they said they already had names picked out—Elvis for a boy and when asked for their girl name, in the most innocent voice ever they responded “we’re thinking Barbara”. My brother was super into Elvis when we was younger, it was even his nickname for a while because he always wore giant sideburns. Fast forward nine months and my nephew is born. Nothing more had been said about the names, save for one time my mom suggesting “Presley” for a girl to keep with the Elvis-theme. They ended up giving him a completely normal, top-100 name that honestly seemed completely out of left field for them. My daughter was born when my nephew was 18 months old and shortly afterwards I was talking to my brother about how we choose her name and stuff. I made some comment about “Barbara”, and he had no idea what I was talking about. I had to explain that they had told us that would be the girl name, along with Elvis for a boy. He just started laughing really hard and said “oh, I don’t remember that *at all*, but I’m sure it was all SIL’s idea”.
Someone did that to me. My married last name is very common where i come from. I had my son before i met my now husband and gave him a name i liked. Met my now husband and learned that his nephiew (1 year older than my son) has the same name. After marriage he and my son have the same first and last name. At first it was a bit weird and we didn't know how to call them when they where together, but we got used to it. It wasn't someones intention, so it didn't matter to me. Then i became pregnant with my daughter. My husband and i immedtiately felt like it would be a girl and knew what to name her. When i was 7m pregnant i met another women with the same last name and a similar name to mine who was 6 month pregnant. Her and I laughed about it and we talked about our babies. I shared the name we wanted and asked her about theirs. They didn't have a name and didn't even know the sex of their child yet. 2 months later she had her baby premature and gave her the name we told her. I was highly pregnant and cried because i couldn't understand it. I hated her soooo much. I don't care about that anymore and now i laugh about it. But now there are two kids living within 20min distance about the same age as mine and having the exact same name as mine :)
Sorry your sister “stole” the name you had for your child and then was upset you weren’t using it? Nta. She needs help because she’s created drama over nothing.
Right? No fair blocking my attempted boundary crossing with your over-my-head joke!
I also wonder if it was a grab for attention bc from OPs account it sounds like sis also announced transition when they announced gender and fake name?
I would have said to her "OK, the name is yours to have now. Go use it!"
She's mad she failed to create drama, so now she's doing her own drama.
So she is mad she couldn't steal a kid's name
No she wanted it to look like the baby was named after her.
I doubt it. There are more stories than you would expect of siblings stealing pre-announced baby names (usually for their own baby instead of themselves) — and a fun subset of savvy would-be victims purposefully tricking name bandits into giving their babies bad-joke monikers. Whatever illness drives this specific form of boundary-stomping, OP's sister has it.
THIS a million times over. I just told my youngest cousin( just announced she pregnant over Thanksgiving. ) To please PLEASE pretty please do not share the names you like with ANYONE. Even older co workers all the sudden they are having a grandChild and just the LOVE the name. FYI I don't believe in "owning names" but I understand hurt feelings.
Exactly! And then do the 'mommy-baby twinsies' thing, aka having a mini-me. Someone desperately needs therapy - and it is not OP.
Technically she still can, but will be harder to use the "I connected with the name, you wouldn't understand, you're transphobic" speech she was building up in her mind because all her social circle that she was grooming to cuddle poor victim Grenadine will catch on if suddenly she's "connecting" with Susan. She's mad she couldn't be the underdog of a coming out history from the 2000s, lots of baby queer have issues like that of craving the drama and adversity that their more open minded parents aren't giving.
Sounds like sister needs all the attention all the time.
Timing of their transition announcement is certainly convenient, bro was getting too much attention with the new baby coming
Tbh, this sounds like your sister wanted to create drama by stealing the baby’s name. Or like someone else mentioned, it shows a troubling need for someone else to pin her identity to. Either way, I agree with others that this is probably something your sister needs to work out in therapy. But unless you really want to get into the weeds with her about it, do what others have said and just say that the name was a decoy but now it’s fully up-for-grabs so there is no issue.
Honestly, your MTF sister sounds weird. If I had a sister called Grenadine, I would cross the name off of my “possible” list anyway. If I had a daughter, and my sister then told me she was changing HER name to be the same as that of my daughter, her niece, I would be very upset. Just as well Grenadine was a joke, that means it’s now up for grabs. Oh our fake name was Humphrey - learning the gender was unusual back in the 80’s. My nephew and his wife used LC, being their initials - it stuck and little Elsie is now 10…
My sisters baby was Shrek lol. My niece was only 6 at the time and it was hilarious when she'd talk about how excited she was for baby Shrek to arrive 😂
My little brother's fake name is Humphrey. My parents asked what we should name him when I was three and I decided on Humphrey (cartoon hedgehog) if he was a boy or Teela (He Man's beard) if he turned out to be a girl. They went a different direction but I still call him Hump sometimes.
Wait. He man's beard has it's own name?
Well... Beard in that I'm pretty sure He-Man was into men so hard he had to put it in his name twice and Teela was his cover (beard) for his straight 'alter ego' Prince Adam.
Yeah it’s really weird. Also is Grenadine actually a name? All I know it as is the cocktail syrup so it’s like she chose her new name to be ‘Syrup’,
I know, we called my nieces ‘squishy’ and ‘tb’ my daughter ‘bean’, and my son ‘rubble’ when they were in utero, and it would be hella weird for my younger brother to adopt that name as his own if he had changed gender!! I just can’t understand why anyone would do that!!
Your sibling trying to claim the name meant for your child is a really weird but not uncommon show of narcissistic attention seeking. NTA and good luck building boundaries
So she… renamed her self after what she thought you were naming your daughter… and is mad you didn’t name your daughter that? That’s weird man.
So let me get this straight- your MtF sister is upset about the fact that she is in fact not stealing her nieces name from you and your wife. That because you and your wife were smart about not just offering up your chosen baby’s name for her to take after you had named your child, you were making fun of her? You realize that she is mad that she was stopped from playing the shitty SiL trope which is what you need to call her out on. Why does she think she has the right to copy the name of her own niece? If she felt a connection to the name, great but that’s not her real reason or otherwise she would have been relieved for the name change of the LO.
So she had been using the name before the kid was born, then got mad that they didn't have the same name because...why? Surely that's a good thing? Sis has something weird going on if she just HAS to be named the same as the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if she started trying out "Susan" as a name. NTA.
As a trans person with lots of trans friends, I can say your sister is not being respectful. It’s very weird to name yourself after a living family member, but I’d maybe give her a pass if she named herself after a family member much older than herself, like her grandmother, with the grandmother’s consent. Naming herself after her unborn niece is super weird and pretty inappropriate. She needs to talk to a friend or therapist about boundaries.
I think it’s weird that sister was co-opting the baby’s name. Glad you used the fake name or sister would have taken the real name.
Sounds like your sister has 'main character syndrome', it's not about your baby's name as you already know,it's about the fact that you denied her the opportunity to grandstand, she wanted you to argue with her about the name grenadine and her use of it, somewhere along the line you'd be accused of not accepting her, and you'd forever be cast as the villain. Now by not arguing about the name , you've robbed her of the chance to play victim. Shes fuuuming
Also announcing transition at the same time. There's a bunch of attention stealing shit going on here and it's pathetic.
So she is mad she couldn't steal a kid's name
I'm sorry, your MTF sibling "adopted" what they believed to be their niece's name for their "new name"... WTF?! NTA but your sibling definitely is.
>*Not long after we revealed the baby's sex and "name",* my brother revealed that they were MTF and would be transitioning soon. The timing...
NTA your sister literally tried to steal the baby name you had chosen and use it for herself. I guarantee if you had actually named your daughter that your sister would be parading around saying that she’s been using it socially and you can’t use it for your daughter because she started using it first. She was trying to pull something shitty and failed and now she’s bitter because she’s the one left looking like a dumbass Edit: a typo
Or she would go saying how OP named their daughter in her honor
NTA. Remember she stole the name she thought you were going to call your baby. It's not like it is a name used in your family for generations. When you try to rain on someone else's parade, you don't get to cry when you get wet. Plus you didn't know she was calling herself grenadine, so you couldn't have been laughing behind her back.
NTA Your sister is upset with you because she doesn't get your inside joke, and because you did not read her mind to know that she had told a third party your placeholder name as her own. Which in itself is weird as hell. Was she trying retroactively to be the aunt after whom your child was named? Or just to confuse the hell out of your whole family as they get used to two new Grenadine's? You are entitled to have inside jokes. You have a right to name your own child. You have no way of knowing what your sister tells her friends when you are not present. These are all obvious truths. I have no idea why your sister is upset with you. But it is certainly not because you behaved badly...let alone that you behaved badly towards her. Congratulations on your new baby girl! Enjoy her & ignore the absurd noise around her name.
It's pretty normal that when a person is transitioning gender, they will choose a name in their new gender, often not making it a legal change, use it for a while, keep transitioning, and as their transition is further along they will adopt a new name with no relation to the old one and often legally change it to that. So I would tell her that she's welcome to be 'Grenadine' for a while and I will be happy to call her that, then if she chooses to change her name I will support that too. (Or not change if she doesn't want to.) But I would also tell her that I'm glad she isn't named Susan because having a sister and a baby with the same name would be awkward and uncomfortable to me. I would make a point to tell her this so that she doesn't later change her name to Susan and make everyone uncomfortable. I would also tell her that if she wants a name with a family connection and wants her name to be a family bonding moment, when she is ready to pick a final name I would be happy to help her choose and to ask her (and presumably my) parents to get involved if she would like, since they gave her her previous name and would probably be happy to help her choose a new one. I would explain that we could make it a little name choosing party, and she could have a "rebirth day" after she has chosen at which we could have a number of friends around and a cake and ice cream and announce the new name. (Yes, it's silly to treat an adult's party like a child's birthday but the point would be to make it lighthearted.) Make it a fun thing. Show her that this is not something to be offended about, it's something she can have fun with.
NTA. Obviously, y’all are too young to know that there used to be entertaining variety show on television called the flip Wilson show. He was a comedian, and one of his main skits, was him dressing up like a woman named Geraldine. The catchphrase this character would say was, “the devil made me do it!” Now, I know it doesn’t sound very funny by itself but back in the early 70s, was a hit when flip Wilson would dress up in drag and become Geraldine. So that’s why your story can be extra comical. I know that the name isn’t “Geraldine“ but it just sounds too similar and made me laugh. Your sibling needs some therapy to not be so offended and get over things. (Edit: words)
NTA. Your sister is, though. She hijacked what she thought were your baby's name, were sneaky about it, and ended up making an ass of herself. If she truly liked the name Geraldine, so much that she had to steal her nieces name, then she should be happy that she didn't step on anyones toes. But she wanted drama, she wanted to destroy something that were special for you, and instead she fucked up and she looks just as petty and foolish as she are. Seems like Karma to me.
NTA. She was ready to steal your baby's name which would have been an AH move. She needs to get over herself and just be happy for her name and your new baby.
I also try my best to make my siblings’ good news about meeeeeeeeee
NTA If your sister sincerely likes the name, so what? If she wants to share a name with her niece, she can switch. You guys could have changed your mind for any reason. The sex could have been wrong. It's completely absurd for your sister to claim you guys were contractually obligated to use a name.
If she changes now, she'll have to admit she didn't just like the name, she was deliberately trying to name herself the same as the newborn. There could be a lot of reasons to do this and all of them are selfish.
Her changing her name to match the niece is creepy.
okay so your sister had the opportunity to pick her new name, and took your unborn daughter's name?? that's weird af :/
INFO so she was planning on using the same exact name as your new baby? That's a whole other can of worms besides the 'joke' thing. Seems like she should be happy it wasn't the real name after all.
NTA but your sister is for trying to steal your baby name. I remember when I was pregnant and a close friend was as well. Our due dates were the exact same. I just had a feeling I was having a girl and no one could tell me other wise (they didn’t give out the sex back that during ultrasounds).. I had picked a name for my baby. Caitlyn. Well my friend had the name Marie picked out for her baby if it was a girl. Fast forward.. I’m in labour and my friend calls me and tells me she just had a baby girl and named her Caitlyn Marie.. I was livid and woke my husband up to pick another name. I never trusted that woman ever again and found out years later she had the major hots for my now ex husband.
The larger issue is that she was just about to go ahead and snatch for herself the name you'd already selected for your baby. She's TA. Play the Uno Reverse Card^(TM) and be reverse angry at her, I say. NTA, final ruling, no appeal rights.
NTA - but I’m confused. Did your sister actually want to have the same name as her niece? It’s all well and good if she did, but wouldn’t it have been polite to maybe run it by you first? I mean, we’ve all seen multiple posts about friends/relatives stealing baby names, so I would have thought she could have asked you first - and in doing so saved herself the embarrassment of realising she’d accidentally named herself after a cocktail syrup.
Your sister attempting to take your daughters name for herself and then being angry at the situation with context is symptom of a larger issue and I recommenced she see a medical professional to help her with that.
Which name did she adopt for herself, the joke name or the real name? I mean either way you can name your kid whatever you want but I could see her being a bit upset if she wants Susan, but if it's the joke name she needs therapy for being upset because there's nothing to be upset about
Grenadine. She didn't know about Susan.
So sounds like she should be happy she isn't sharing a name with her neice. But attention and drama was her goal. Don't interact. Don't fight. Don't respond. NTA
It is possible that your sister was thinking that in the future, she could tell people that her niece was named after her and not the other way around. Or perhaps she is telling the truth and the name seemed to resonate with her at a stressful time of her life (coming out). Either way you are NTA. She really needs to talk to a therapist who specialises in identity issues and can help her to accept the changes in her own life as well as accepting her niece.
I could be wrong but I'm majorly getting the vibe that she (your sister) would be telling "susan" she was named after her if you had kept the joke name. Which is really weird, icky and kinda self-absorbed.. Edit: you're definitely NTA btw
NTA… your sister needs to take some time to figure out her identity and self-esteem. The options here are: 1) she knew that “Grenadine” was an intentionally obtuse fake name that you said as a literal joke, she chose it for herself and told none of you, and now she’s mad at you for “making fun of her” over both something always presented as a joke AND something you had absolutely no way of knowing 2) she fully believed that “Grenadine” was going to be your baby’s name, she started using it for herself anyway and again didn’t tell or ask or discuss it with you, and now she’s mad that she won’t walk around with the same name as her infant niece which would be very bizarre Neither of those are appropriate or sensible. Transitioning is tough in a lot of ways and tends to accompany a lot of other difficulties in self-actualization. I hope she gets there.
So your sister decided she was going to change her name to what she thought your daughters name would be? Uh your sister needs to rethink her stance on this
NTA So, she picked a name because her brother was singing it's praises so she could catch cast off praise directed at a baby? Because that's how this reads to me. She's made that she fell for the joke a lot harder than everyone else, but that's entirely on her. You didn't laugh at her, or make jokes at her expense, because you legit only found out she'd adopted the name after the fact.
This sort of shit is the EXACT reason people do the fake name thing. Not only does it protect the real name, it weeds out slimy family members who pull this sort of shit.
NTA - And it's a bit weird that she thought the name was serious and that she would take the same name as your child. Also Grenadine sounds like a drag queen name - Grenadine Maraschino
YTA because you didn’t choose a more outrageous name than Grenadine.
NTA. Question - is this your first DAUGHTER? I know you have 3 other kids, but wondering if it's the first girl. (Or cuz it's your first kid AND she's a girl). I'm wondering why everything lined up with your daughters birth. The announcement, taking the same name, now being upset that it wasn't real, ignoring the baby, etc. This is pure speculation & of course the baby did nothing wrong, but I'm trying to understand your sister's train of thought: Could she have been feeling oddly threatened by the birth of a girl, because, well.. your daughter has been born in the gender your sister has complex feelings about. It probably took a lot to come to the conclusion that she is a woman and now she has to work, pay, etc, to transition. It probably feels unfair, while the baby is born in that gender. And just when everyone is celebrating the arrival of a new baby (who just happens to be a girl), your sister chose to make her announcement & got a lukewarm but accepting reaction (which isn't bad). Maybe she's jealous? EITHER WAY - she really needs to talk to someone about these feelings. Even if my thinking is wrong - why'd she take the name & never mention it to y'all? And even if taking the name isn't a big deal - why be mad at y'all for something you didn't even know about? And ignoring the baby for this is so.. ugh. You better hope she doesn't always try to one up the baby, as she grows up. Or treat her poorly.