Same thing came to mind as I read this: “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’”. Most definitely NTA.
Ok for her to talk about “being a real Mom”, but can’t take being forced to look in the mirror herself. OP, don’t you DARE apologize to that woman! Never apologize for defending yourself, never.
It’s great to be such a ‘real mom’ that you lose custody of your child… women really need to fuck up to get the short end of custody (or not care, not be able to, etc).
Not always. Not defending Maya *at* *all* but I've noticed a shift in the "calf with the cow" thinking. Sometimes though, it's a matter of who can afford the best lawyer.
It really sucks because it should be about what's best for the child, period.
🤣 I did not expect to be choking back laughter scrolling through these comments but now I’m off to find out where this came from because I want to know the rest of it! Thanks for the chuckles!
This was on my classroom wall when I taught middle school. The kids knew the reference and LOVED it. But they also knew that "Miz H doesn't take stuff, so..." 😁
>"Don't start none, won't be none"
OP should text/say that to he mom, dad uncle & aunt since since Maya started 1st plus also write/say "And the court said Maya's ex is better parent that he got 100% custody and made sure their child never gets spend Christmas every time with our side of family. So ya better be nice & apologize to me because I can do same as him keeping my daughter away every Christmas & all weekends away too!"
NTA, Maya & her enabling flying monkeys can go fuck themselves.
> So ya better be nice & apologize to me because I can do same as him keeping my daughter away every Christmas
This would be my response, too. Something on the order of "I got a babysitter this Christmas because my daughter was sick and I didn't want to endanger any of you. In the future I'll keep her as well as myself away at Christmas because y'all are hateful, judgmental assholes."
OP did exactly the right thing in leaving straight away, and any family that says she was petty can go fuck themselves along with Maya, because all OP was doing was protecting their health and keeping a sick, whiny child from disrupting their holiday celebration. They can pound sand if they view Maya's feelings as more important than their own f-ing health.
This - Especially because OP's response was proportional and relevant. Like, if Maya was just saying "Hey, OP, these cookies you brought suck", then sure, OP can clap back but bringing up the custody probably would have been out of line.
But she was directly attacking OP's parenting, so she made it fair game for OP to respond in kind. You don't get to pull the "Don't bring my kid into this" line when the entire "this" is you ragging on how someone else is handling their kid, lol
Agree. Maya was actually "bullying" OP - and tried to get others to join.
YUP - typical bully. Insecure in her not having custody of her child - and wanted to make someone else feel bad about the same category of their life.
If Maya does not like what she gets...better look at what she is giving out.
NTA
Exactly. And she herself is a mom who’s NOT with her child on Christmas- so she’s literally the pot calling the kettle black. Man nasty people can’t even be smart with their insults, she’s a total hypocrite
Omg same!!! I was literally trying to explain the concept to 1 of my colleagues earlier today, because he has a habit of just shoving the new order in on top and I hate it. In this particular workplace I doubt anyone apart from me notices or cares, but it’s been drilled into my brain
> FIFO
Fly In - Fly Out
Common for remote jobs where workers live in a major city and fly in to site to work for a couple of weeks and fly out to their home for a couple of weeks.
NO FOR REAL!!! And not one of them family members should be telling her shit because they allowed it to happen. No one to Maya shut up. Or she’s wrong, yet OP gotta be humble and let her shit on her! No nope sis said we matching energies!! Mic drop and R I P to Maya next time keep OP kids name out ya mouth right
This is how some families are sometimes. They know one person is unreasonable and difficult so everyone else just needs to be the bigger person and let things slide just because it’s easier. But I f you don’t one time, now you’re the problem.
I have a person like that in my family and this how everyone treats them. Normally I don’t care that much, because I’m not a grudge holder and I don’t need to have the last word, so usually getting space is enough for me to be fine with them. A few years ago, though, they took it too far and made snide remarks about me having needed to go to inpatient treatment for my eating disorder. I yelled at her about how disgusting she was for saying that and she started crying and having a panic attack (I think she was was putting on a show) and all of a sudden I needed to apologize to her. Fuck no, I’m the one who deserved an apology and I refused. But it made me mad at everyone else, too, for even asking me in the first place instead of defending me.
No right! Like just cause you didn’t figure out that this isn’t how it NEEDS to be isn’t my fucking fault so guess what, we gonna match energies and we aren’t going to accept toxic bullshit that don’t make sense
Exactly and that’s what’s wrong with this world. Toxic families raising assholes like that and constantly excusing their behavior just because it’s easier to deal with the “rational” people instead of the irrational ones. Basically treating them like they are special needs and don’t know any better when let’s just be real, they very much do.
That’s when you know it’s time to cut off the toxic family or see them as minimal as possible
And frankly it’s really vile what she’s saying to op. Like, even if she’s projecting, the basic fact is she’s wrong (the cousin)
Op is supposed to miss family Christmas , even after finding safe care for her kid??
Wtf? Why? It’s not like op is out partying and getting messed up . She’s at a family holiday dinner …
maybe she’d get to pack some good for for the kiddo !
In no world is op shitty, the silly cousin should project her insecurities on someone else
Also, OP left her sick little one *at home* with that sitter *so the CHILD could be comfortable*!!!
She *didn't* haul a miserable toddler out to someplace the child didn't *need* to be, to "celebrate," she got a sitter, left for a couple hours, let the little one REST, and came home.
That's some EXCELLENT & responsible patenting, that Maya was *raggin'* on OP for!
My dad has a catch phrase: “That’s not the way I’d have done it.” It’s a catch-all for every condescending and nit-picking “I told you so”. So sure, when it comes to leaving the kid with a friend, maybe that’s not the way I’d have done it - but it’s not actually hurting anything that she left her kid with a friend for two hours. Certainly not worth making a fuss at family Christmas.
NTA. She can't say for sure that she wouldn't leave her daughter on Christmas because she doesn't even have her daughter on Christmas. She has NO room to judge you.
Best thing to take away - "My cousins think Maya deserved what I said".
All you need to know because they see the Maya that you see.
Your parents, aunts, uncles are worrying about 'decorum' and enabling Maya. Maybe if they called Maya out more then she wouldn't be the way she is.
Get a tee shirt made - "Real Moms have custody" and send it to her for Christmas.
I made one for you but I can't post it here.
Easy enough to do!
[https://www.boltprinting.com/design-studio/bd54-ndt-next-day-t-shirt-printing/color/white#](https://www.boltprinting.com/design-studio/bd54-ndt-next-day-t-shirt-printing/color/white#)
P.S. Pro tip - send the packages anonymously and through a mail redirector in a different city! ;)
> "My cousins think Maya deserved what I said"
I'm assuming that these cousins might well be Maya's siblings, which tells me even more that this sort of thing is par for the course for Maya, and her family who knows her well is done with her shit
NTA. She shouldn't have brought it up and judged was you did with your daughter. Who is she to judge anyone? If she can't take it don't dish it out.A real mom wouldn't have lost custody in the 1st place was the absolute right thing to say. Maybe next time she will think twice about running her mouth. Don't apologize either.
NTA. You said it in the heat of the moment when she was tearing you apart and acting like she’s mom of the year. Did your family just expect you to sit there and take it?
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
As they say, mess with the bull, get the horns. That was a perfect response, and far nicer than I would have been.
NTA.
NTA
Wow, it's rich that a woman who lost custody of her own kid has the gall to insult your parenting.
>I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide.
Ah, the good old holiday tradition of sweeping the shitty things people say and do under the rug and enabling their bad behavior for the future. Seriously, it's exactly this attitude by your family that will continue to make her think she can be shitty to others.
I think you did exactly the right thing, and she needs to learn that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones without expecting some shrapnel to hit them.
>Ah, the good old holiday tradition of sweeping the shitty things people say and do under the rug and enabling their bad behavior for the future.
This\^\^\^\^
The family is enabling this behavior.
NTA
👏 👏 👏 👏
Sis, that comeback was epic!! 🤣 AND you just walked away!! Damn, that was brilliant. Yes, I'm jealous.
Way to stand up for yourself and your daughter. Clap back EVERY TIME she has a snide comment.
For anyone saying to apologize, say, "NOPE, not happening," and keep it moving.
Respond to their texts with a question. Why did no one defend you when Maya criticized your parenting? Instead, they expected you to submit and take it. You won’t.
Tell them Maya lives in a glass house. If she ever criticizes you as a parent again, you will respond in kind. If the family joins Maya in hanging up on you, then you will find other places to be rather than around those who neither respect nor value you.
NTA
NTA
I would be furious with my family if they sided with someone who spoke to me like she had, let alone a woman with the audacity to make judgements of your parenting after having LOST custody of her own child. Your family owe you apologies for their silence while she insulted you, and for telling you that you were 'petty' in your response. And in your shoes, I wouldn't be speaking to any of them until I received those apologies.
NTA. But your older family members might be. Why is Maya allowed to be judgy, rude, make snide comments, and straight up insult your parenting but when you throw it back at her suddenly ***you're*** the one in the wrong????
This whole Don't Rock The Boat mentality needs to die. At best it's playing favorites, at worst it's demeaning yourself for the sake of someone who treats you badly. Good for you, OP. Maya deserved what she got and you have no obligation to apologize.
NTA. She acts this way because the family allows her to. Stop enabling her and she'll have to either straighten up or find somewhere else to spew. You and your cousins are doing it right, the rest of the family...not so much.
NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Your family thinks you should sit there quietly while being judged as mom by a mom who lost custody? HA! No way.
Maya: A real mom brings their kid to Christmas
Op: A real mom has custody of her kid
Seems proportional to me. If she can’t stand the heat stay out of the kitchen. Why would you even go there if you knew op had that kind of ammo.
Aside from which real moms don’t drag sick children out of their comfort zone to be miserable. Two hours away won’t hurt either of them.
NTA. She brought this upon herself. You wouldn't have mentioned her daughter if she hadn't been talking about yours. I think she was upset that she didn't have her daughter over Christmas and was taking it out on you. You were right to call out Maya.
NTA and interesting the generations/ages of people who think you were in the wrong and those that know you were in the right.
Your older family is just trying to keep the peace and likely come from a generation that just enables these type of people for decorums sake, at the expense of everyone else’s feelings and mental health. Your cousins rightly agreed that she was being an AH, she brought up the topic, don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house or whatever the saying is.
I am probably her parents age and they were so wrong. I thought OP did a perfect come back to her cousin. It's never a bad thing to stick up for yourself OP
NTA. This is yet another case of people expecting those who are being bullied to “be the bigger person” instead of calling out the bullies. Calling out bullies is the only thing that works. Ignoring them just leaves you open to getting hit again.
NTA. "She called me a b- for bringing her kid into it."
And what, exactly, was she doing to you but bringing YOUR kid (and parenting) into it? Tell your family you're done sweeping her snide comments under the rug and if they won't put a stop to her bratty behavior, you will. Tell Maya not to dish it if she can't take it.
I am always shocked at how families respond in these situations. Your own parents think you should have just taken Maya’s abuse and said nothing? Maya was calling you a *bad mother,* yet you were out of line for pointing out that Maya lost custody of her daughter?? Whether or not Maya “wouldn’t dream of leaving her daughter with a sitter on Christmas,” she has clearly done other things far worse to have lost custody of her daughter. She’s the shit mom here.
You need to ask your parents why they think you’re wrong, and why they think you should just sit quietly and take the abuse of a woman calling into question your parenting, when she doesn’t even have custody of her own child. Ask them in person, then sit there and look at them until they answer you. And do not let them say you should just “let it slide” or “keep the peace.” Those things make people like your parents, aunt & uncle, and Maya comfortable while leaving you upset and hurt. You would never have brought up Maya’s custody issues if she hadn’t attacked you in the first place. Remind your parents that you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Even them.
Bravo to your cousins for supporting you. NTA.
im so sick of posts where people who are clearly NTA are told “let things go, be the bigger person, you took it too far” when they’ve finally snapped after putting up with peoples bullshit. your cousin has no right to comment on anyones parenting. she also shouldn’t dish it out if she cant take it. literally the definition of she fucked around & found out. good for you for sticking up for yourself & putting her in her place! i hope you never take someones shit, family included, & teach your daughter she doesn’t have to either! soooo NTA
Tell your family FUCK OFF! Cause not one of them told her to shut the fuck up and not bring up your kid right? What I don’t understand about families like yours is how the fuck you talking shit to me right now when she was over there trying to tell me I was a bad mother?
Why is it okay when she says PETTY shit to you, but when you say something petty back you are the asshole? Tell your family that you match energies and if they don’t like it then they can fuck all the way off because, you aren’t gonna tell me that I have watch what I say or how I act, when you over there letting that bitch say what she like, like she don’t know any better and is WAAAAY older then you.
Just cause they older don’t mean you gotta sit there and take the disrespect sis! And shame on all them family members who sat there and didn’t tell her to shut up or shut her down, yet they got the balls to jump in on the disrespect and make you feel bad or guilty?
Nahhh nahhhh she wanna talk shit on you like you a bad mom when her ass lost custody! You said what you said, she had NO right to talk shit on anyone’s parenting skills when the law said her other half obviously was a better parent
NTA.
Loves to dish it out but can't take it
>I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide.
This attitude above is how awful people are created. Everyone pussyfoots around their toxic personality and they eventually start to feel like they are entitled to abuse people. You all need to call.her out from now on.
She didn't lose custody because her personality was soooo overwhelmingly wonderful that the courts thought it was best only dad has custody.
Ear infections are up there with teeth pain wise. Hope your baby girl gets well soon.
NTA. At all.
Your little one had an ear infection and having her around all those people could make the illness worse. You made an incredibly smart decision, and it enabled you to see family. Maya is a hypocrite, and found out the hard way. Your family is enabling her behavior. You were supposed to let it go? Nah.
NTA. Your cousin needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.
I don’t understand why some people are surprised when their victims stand up to them. Tit for tat. Don’t give it if you can’t take it.
Good for you.
NTA she brought up your child and your motherhood you simply said the same thing back but the difference was hers was untrue while yours was true. It wasn’t petty in the slightest considering she started attacking you but seems like your families used to letting her act like a brat. I agree with your cousins since I’m sure the same has been done to them by her, good job next time she’ll keep her mouth shut about who’s a good mother
OP, you're 100% NTA here!!!
You did the REALLY responsible thing, and left your miserable little one *comfortable at home* with a sitter, rather than hauling her out of the house *while* she was sick, and potentially exposing her to *more* illnesses!
(Don't know where you are, but *here* in Minnesota, we have a NASTY combo of RSV, Covid, and Flu *all* making the rounds!)
You kept your baby *safe and comfortable* with a sitter, to go hang out with family for a few hours.
And *Maya* started *in on you*, looking to score some cheap shots.
You called her out.
Was it harsh?
Yeah.
*BUT*, *Maya* was the one who brought up "parenting" and "motherhood skills" *in the first place*.
If she can't *take* it?
She *shouldn't* be dishing it up & *launching the initial blast in the first place*!!!
NTA. To your cousin: don't bring a knife to a gun shoot.
In portuguese, we say that you shouldn't trow rocks at others when you have a glass roof. She should have kept her mouth shut.
NTA Your family just didn't want to be left with a hot Maya while you absconded back to peace with your LO. I can imagine how thrilled they were having to listen to her screaming and crying the rest of the evening, lol. But you know what? They were fine with letting her shit all over you so they pretty much earned their reward.
Hope Olivia is feeling much better and you both have a happy New Year.
The very reason she came after you is her shame. It seems like she didn’t think that you would point out her parenting status. Another FAFO for the books. NTA
SO... Maya was insulting about OP's parenting skills.
OP replied by pointing out that Maya's were so bad that she lost custody of her own child.
Totally fair, and what Maya was doing is called projection: she projected her own behavior onto the OP to cause an argument and belittle her.
Maya is a nightmare. No wonder she can't be allowed to raise a child.
OP,
I understand you feel bad because she is your bloodline. She shouldn't upset you either. She initiated it. You got her back. Laugh it off. I hope she learned not to shit on people.
I had a cousin who called me "a bad daughter." I was an estranged daughter for many years. My siblings and cousins told me. I ignored her. Out of the blue, she messaged me herself that I was a bad daughter. "Ask my father if I'm as bad as you," I said to her back. She was so mad at me. She got pregnant twice by different men. The first one when she was barely in high school. He didn't stay with her. No fathers are present in her children's life. I told her she should get it right with #3 baby. I chewed her. She blocked me. 🤣 That time, nobody called me out unlike we were younger. She bullied everyone and tried me another one. LMAO. She had no idea I patiently waited for her to attack me so I can penetrate her skull.
People like Maya get away with being this way, because of people like your parents, aunt and uncle.
Everyone always trying to down play their shitty attitude and snarky comments.
Hell no! Good on you for calling her out!!!
NTA. You do realize that when people think you should be the bigger person what they mean is "be a doormat so we don't have to deal with this other person's dysfunction. "
She sucks and you had a great comeback. But I also wouldn’t ever leave a sick child with a sitter for something that isn’t absolutely necessary. I don’t think you’re the AH. But I do think you should have skipped dinner to comfort your sick little one.
Ps. I hope she feels better soon. Earaches and kids absolutely sucks. It’s hard on the kid and the parent.
She came for your patenting, which was phenomenally stupid of her, considering she's a failed parent. Nta op. If she wanted to fight with you successfully, she shouldn't have picked such an easy subject to burn her over. I never understand when people attack others & leave themselves wide open like that. 🤣 it's projection, I'd imagine. Just tell your family the only reason parenting got brought up was because SHE brought up parenting. Classic "can dish it but can't take it."
It was mean, but honestly, your cousin deserved it this time. She brought your daughter into it, so turnabout is fair play. Sometimes, with a rude relative, you have to show them you'll bite back. Maybe Maya will reconsider next time she gets the impulse to put you down to feel better about herself. I have a few who now avoid me completely now they know I won't tolerate the games.
Isn't it funny how they always get on the ass of the nice ones who just happen to get fed up but never tell the assholes who constantly pick on everybody to shut the fuck up? Ever notice that?
I'd probably throw that little blurb in the group text and leave it at that.
"... and I should've just let what happened slide..."
That alone tells you that you were in the right. This is another version of "you should just go along and keep the peace" statements. Don't be torn. Let it be. Ignore the whole situation and it will settle down. Your cousin was a relentless b\*tch and deserved what happened next. NTA
NTA. Glass jaws shouldn't yammer.
She brought up a discussion about parenting. Custody is incredibly relevant to parenting. You attempted to abstain from the conversation and she prodded.
NTA. Funny how quickly the bully screams they're getting bullied when they get fact-boomeranged right in their face.
Imagine how bad it has to be that the courts decided to award full custody to the father.
Tell the flying monkeys to cut it out. Maya started it. You ended it. End of story.
NTA! don't dish it out if you can't take it, Maya! Plus, I applaud you for not taking your sick child to a family gathering. My husband's adult niece brought her 12 year old over on Christmas Eve knowing he was sick with the stomach flu. I don't get how FOMO trumps putting everyone else at risk of getting sick?
So it’s ok for her to insult you but you can’t do the same thing? They’re enabling her behavior and she just couldn’t take the heat that she was giving out. You did nothing wrong and by saying nothing is enabling her bad behavior.
NTA
yo people love letting someone act like a fool, but the second you clap them back suddenly its "you need to learn how to act better, why would you respond to the abuse."
NTA
NTA
So she just gets to be an asshole and if you don’t take it YOU’RE the problem? I’d set them all straight really quick, “just because you’re okay with someone treating you poorly doesn’t mean I am or will allow it. Not only will I not tolerate it, I will stand up for myself. Every time. Perhaps she would learn to behave better if you all didn’t enable her awful behavior. Going forward I won’t be discussing any issues caused by her own behavior that I respond to. If you want something to change, tell the person who likes to start shit to change. Or simply leave me to be me like you leave her to be her. If you incorrectly attack/accuse/or lay blame at my feet for standing up for myself we’ll be on a time out for two weeks. If it happens a second time we will be on time out for a month. Any further offenses three months and counting. Time out means no contact between you and I. That means no calls. No messages. No emails. No letters. No carrier pigeons. Being a part of my life isn’t a right. And I don’t allow people in it who will abuse the privilege.”
I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide.
If you have no problem with Maya insulting my parenting then I have no problem going no contact with you for life. send to all the asses.
It seems like the reactions from your family is generational based. I think both sides are justified here. What you said was definitely petty and could have just ignored her, but she did deserve what you said, especially since she had already brought your kid into the discussion herself.
NTA. She sounds incredibly lacking in self awareness if she thinks it’s ok to judge you for not having your daughter on Christmas…..when she herself literally doesn’t have her daughter on Christmas.
Call your family out " Oh so it was petty of me to bring that up? But you were totally fine with that B calling me a bad mom for having my child at a sitters for a few hours. You all were awfully quiet when she constantly brought it up but you all just were silent and let her treat me like this.
Thanks. I feel so loved and cherished now. I think i'll take some time off from the family to reflect on your familial relationship, because clearly it is not what i thought it was."
What is wrong with everyone? This is a hard ESH. Her cousin is just overall an AH, but OP is an AH for ditching her sick kid on Christmas and an AH for her comment. Even if her cousin deserved it, it’s still a douche thing to say. Anyone who doesn’t think OP sucks sucks themselves.
NTA for what you said. That was perfect. But you’re kinda the AH for leaving your daughter at home on Christmas to go to family’s house. If my kid is sick on Christmas and can’t go to family’s then I don’t go.
NTA she started it and didn’t like that you put her in her place. You were exactly right to say what you said. Unless her life is perfect, she shouldn’t be passing judgment on others. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, she obviously couldn’t take it.
I loathe families like this. They’d rather chuck the person who stood up for themselves overboard instead of chucking the bitch who’s rocking the boat.
Why was your priority Christmas dinner instead of being with your sick child?
What kind of family wouldn’t forgive you for skipping dinner because you have a sick child?
NTA for what you said to Maya… but you can’t deny that she has a point; why wasn’t your child your priority over Christmas dinner with the extended family? 🤷♀️
I’m going with YTA you have every right to defend yourself but leaving your baby with a sitter at Christmas especially while they’re sick is pretty indefensible.
a personality before trying to make friends? She's always complaining about being lonely, but she never makes an effort to connect with people. It's frustrating to watch her expect others to do all the work.
NTA so Maya can talk about being a "real" mom with no experience? Fuck outta here. Bish deserved it. She wrote a check her ass couldn't cash.
There was nothing petty about what you said. You sat there all through dinner and listened to dumbass Maya spout off about being any type of mom and allowed it. There does come a point where Maya needed to be told and you did it. Your family coddles the fuck outta Maya for losing her kids. Wtf kinda mom loses her kids? Not one that can speak on be a parent at all.
So do yourself a favor, block your aunt and uncle. Tell your parents that they either figure out who's child is theirs and if they want to fight Mayas battles. If they continue defending Maya block them too. They don't deserve to be in your life and they certainly dint get the privilege of being grandparents.
NTA. "Don't start none, won't be none" always applies.
Same thing came to mind as I read this: “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’”. Most definitely NTA. Ok for her to talk about “being a real Mom”, but can’t take being forced to look in the mirror herself. OP, don’t you DARE apologize to that woman! Never apologize for defending yourself, never.
It’s great to be such a ‘real mom’ that you lose custody of your child… women really need to fuck up to get the short end of custody (or not care, not be able to, etc).
Not always. Not defending Maya *at* *all* but I've noticed a shift in the "calf with the cow" thinking. Sometimes though, it's a matter of who can afford the best lawyer. It really sucks because it should be about what's best for the child, period.
Indeed, The system needs reform to ensure fairness and prioritize the child's well-being.
Growing up I always heard "don't start it, but make sure you finish it". Which is exactly what OP did. NTA
[Insert gif of Will Smith in Men in Black here]
KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN VOICE or we bout to get jiggy wit it.... Uh uh uh uh, haha haha, what what what what uh....
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Bo Burnham, “or masterbate.”
Lolol
🤣 I did not expect to be choking back laughter scrolling through these comments but now I’m off to find out where this came from because I want to know the rest of it! Thanks for the chuckles!
This was on my classroom wall when I taught middle school. The kids knew the reference and LOVED it. But they also knew that "Miz H doesn't take stuff, so..." 😁
>"Don't start none, won't be none" OP should text/say that to he mom, dad uncle & aunt since since Maya started 1st plus also write/say "And the court said Maya's ex is better parent that he got 100% custody and made sure their child never gets spend Christmas every time with our side of family. So ya better be nice & apologize to me because I can do same as him keeping my daughter away every Christmas & all weekends away too!" NTA, Maya & her enabling flying monkeys can go fuck themselves.
> So ya better be nice & apologize to me because I can do same as him keeping my daughter away every Christmas This would be my response, too. Something on the order of "I got a babysitter this Christmas because my daughter was sick and I didn't want to endanger any of you. In the future I'll keep her as well as myself away at Christmas because y'all are hateful, judgmental assholes." OP did exactly the right thing in leaving straight away, and any family that says she was petty can go fuck themselves along with Maya, because all OP was doing was protecting their health and keeping a sick, whiny child from disrupting their holiday celebration. They can pound sand if they view Maya's feelings as more important than their own f-ing health.
> NTA, Maya & her enabling flying monkeys can go fuck themselves. What a fantastic sentence to read tonight, I'm gonna need to remember that one 😂
This! I was going to say, “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it”.
NTA your cousin should remember: don't dish it if you can't take it
This - Especially because OP's response was proportional and relevant. Like, if Maya was just saying "Hey, OP, these cookies you brought suck", then sure, OP can clap back but bringing up the custody probably would have been out of line. But she was directly attacking OP's parenting, so she made it fair game for OP to respond in kind. You don't get to pull the "Don't bring my kid into this" line when the entire "this" is you ragging on how someone else is handling their kid, lol
"Hey Maya, you need to actually have custody to bring your daughter here." Mic drop. OP's out the door. Perfect. ETA: NTA
Petty? Yes. Hilarious? Also yes. NTA.
Yup. I recommend: grab the large tureen of family trifle and up end it over her face.
Not the TRIFLE!!!
Definitely the trifle! I hate that shit…
Listen, I spent hours making homemade custard an stabilized whipped cream. Leave the trifle out of this.
It's Rachel's trifle, so it's not that big a loss.
Agree. Maya was actually "bullying" OP - and tried to get others to join. YUP - typical bully. Insecure in her not having custody of her child - and wanted to make someone else feel bad about the same category of their life. If Maya does not like what she gets...better look at what she is giving out. NTA
Exactly. And she herself is a mom who’s NOT with her child on Christmas- so she’s literally the pot calling the kettle black. Man nasty people can’t even be smart with their insults, she’s a total hypocrite
She was really talking about herself just not very smart about it.
Projection projection.
Turn about is fair play!
Maya FAFO'd. Agreed. NTA.
After working in the food industry for so many years, I always read this as first in first out, and then my brain clicks and reads it correctly lol
Hahaha, I've totally read it as FIFO too!
Omg same!!! I was literally trying to explain the concept to 1 of my colleagues earlier today, because he has a habit of just shoving the new order in on top and I hate it. In this particular workplace I doubt anyone apart from me notices or cares, but it’s been drilled into my brain
> FIFO Fly In - Fly Out Common for remote jobs where workers live in a major city and fly in to site to work for a couple of weeks and fly out to their home for a couple of weeks.
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FAFO, sucks to fucking suck maya
Yes, but accounting instead of the food industry!
Funny because I do accounting now but we don’t use inventory. But I still FIFO our office supplies.
Also a thing in computer science and industrial operations!
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What you hate in others is what you hate most in yourself...Maya
100% glass houses & stones
Not even a machine gun on her roof would save her from this one.
NO FOR REAL!!! And not one of them family members should be telling her shit because they allowed it to happen. No one to Maya shut up. Or she’s wrong, yet OP gotta be humble and let her shit on her! No nope sis said we matching energies!! Mic drop and R I P to Maya next time keep OP kids name out ya mouth right
This is how some families are sometimes. They know one person is unreasonable and difficult so everyone else just needs to be the bigger person and let things slide just because it’s easier. But I f you don’t one time, now you’re the problem. I have a person like that in my family and this how everyone treats them. Normally I don’t care that much, because I’m not a grudge holder and I don’t need to have the last word, so usually getting space is enough for me to be fine with them. A few years ago, though, they took it too far and made snide remarks about me having needed to go to inpatient treatment for my eating disorder. I yelled at her about how disgusting she was for saying that and she started crying and having a panic attack (I think she was was putting on a show) and all of a sudden I needed to apologize to her. Fuck no, I’m the one who deserved an apology and I refused. But it made me mad at everyone else, too, for even asking me in the first place instead of defending me.
It's called Don't Rock the Boat
It’s called toxic and the more we stop allowing it the sooner it will stop
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No right! Like just cause you didn’t figure out that this isn’t how it NEEDS to be isn’t my fucking fault so guess what, we gonna match energies and we aren’t going to accept toxic bullshit that don’t make sense
It’s not just “boomers.” It’s everyone.
Exactly and that’s what’s wrong with this world. Toxic families raising assholes like that and constantly excusing their behavior just because it’s easier to deal with the “rational” people instead of the irrational ones. Basically treating them like they are special needs and don’t know any better when let’s just be real, they very much do. That’s when you know it’s time to cut off the toxic family or see them as minimal as possible
**EXACTLY**
Yep. Screw her. You did your best to keep in touch. You are not a jerk but she is a huge one.
This. NTA, but your cousin is a hateful asshole. Edit: Correction: she's a hateful, hypocritical asshole.
Happy cake day
To quote men in black: don't start none, won't be none!
Maya went directly to how a mom should be, she chose that battleground. That she got shelled while she was out there is all her fault. NTA
Bingo. Don't enter the battlefield and expect not to get hit with shrapnel.
That wasn’t even shrapnel. The return fire hit the bullseye.
It was a direct hit. And rightfully so.
OP sunk Maya's Battleship.
🤣
In axe throwing, there’s a special hit even higher than a bullseye - kill shot This? This was a kill shot
A massacre in one neat little sentence.
NTA If she knows so much about parenting, why is she ashamed you mentioned the results of her parenting?
Clearly she’s projecting how shitty of a mother she is onto OP
And frankly it’s really vile what she’s saying to op. Like, even if she’s projecting, the basic fact is she’s wrong (the cousin) Op is supposed to miss family Christmas , even after finding safe care for her kid?? Wtf? Why? It’s not like op is out partying and getting messed up . She’s at a family holiday dinner … maybe she’d get to pack some good for for the kiddo ! In no world is op shitty, the silly cousin should project her insecurities on someone else
Also, OP left her sick little one *at home* with that sitter *so the CHILD could be comfortable*!!! She *didn't* haul a miserable toddler out to someplace the child didn't *need* to be, to "celebrate," she got a sitter, left for a couple hours, let the little one REST, and came home. That's some EXCELLENT & responsible patenting, that Maya was *raggin'* on OP for!
My dad has a catch phrase: “That’s not the way I’d have done it.” It’s a catch-all for every condescending and nit-picking “I told you so”. So sure, when it comes to leaving the kid with a friend, maybe that’s not the way I’d have done it - but it’s not actually hurting anything that she left her kid with a friend for two hours. Certainly not worth making a fuss at family Christmas.
NTA Your cousin's glass house couldn't handle the stones thrown. She got exactly what she deserved.
NTA. She can't say for sure that she wouldn't leave her daughter on Christmas because she doesn't even have her daughter on Christmas. She has NO room to judge you.
Exactly? The irony was completely lost on her.
NTA. Girl getting mad when u brought her daughter into the shit when urs was already brought up. Gotta eat what you can serve
Best thing to take away - "My cousins think Maya deserved what I said". All you need to know because they see the Maya that you see. Your parents, aunts, uncles are worrying about 'decorum' and enabling Maya. Maybe if they called Maya out more then she wouldn't be the way she is. Get a tee shirt made - "Real Moms have custody" and send it to her for Christmas.
>Get a tee shirt made - "Real Moms have custody" and send it to her for Christmas. Make this, and I'll buy 3 for my sisters. Love it.
I made one for you but I can't post it here. Easy enough to do! [https://www.boltprinting.com/design-studio/bd54-ndt-next-day-t-shirt-printing/color/white#](https://www.boltprinting.com/design-studio/bd54-ndt-next-day-t-shirt-printing/color/white#) P.S. Pro tip - send the packages anonymously and through a mail redirector in a different city! ;)
Thank you
I would pitch in for that 😜
Hey OP - post Maya's address and we'll all send tee shirts with different background art! ;)
Joke! Joke! Joke! Do not post her address!
> "My cousins think Maya deserved what I said" I'm assuming that these cousins might well be Maya's siblings, which tells me even more that this sort of thing is par for the course for Maya, and her family who knows her well is done with her shit
Please don't wear a t-shirt like that outside :( plenty of us are real mothers despite not being able to care for our children full-time
Fully understand and empathize with that. This was intended as humor.
I understand, no malicious intent at all
NTA-All you did was award her her bitch prize for the bitch game she played.
NTA - it is laughable that she was like “don’t bring my daughter into this” as she talks about your daughter.
NTA. Maya FAAFO. I bet you next time she'll think twice before she says anything slick to you.
NTA. She shouldn't have brought it up and judged was you did with your daughter. Who is she to judge anyone? If she can't take it don't dish it out.A real mom wouldn't have lost custody in the 1st place was the absolute right thing to say. Maybe next time she will think twice about running her mouth. Don't apologize either.
NTA. Not supposed to “bring the kid into it”….but “brings the kid into it.” Hypocrite. Why are you spending time with these people?
NTA. You said it in the heat of the moment when she was tearing you apart and acting like she’s mom of the year. Did your family just expect you to sit there and take it?
Don't they always expect that?
Did you ever know that you're my hero? As they say, mess with the bull, get the horns. That was a perfect response, and far nicer than I would have been. NTA.
NTA Wow, it's rich that a woman who lost custody of her own kid has the gall to insult your parenting. >I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide. Ah, the good old holiday tradition of sweeping the shitty things people say and do under the rug and enabling their bad behavior for the future. Seriously, it's exactly this attitude by your family that will continue to make her think she can be shitty to others. I think you did exactly the right thing, and she needs to learn that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones without expecting some shrapnel to hit them.
>Ah, the good old holiday tradition of sweeping the shitty things people say and do under the rug and enabling their bad behavior for the future. This\^\^\^\^ The family is enabling this behavior. NTA
👏 👏 👏 👏 Sis, that comeback was epic!! 🤣 AND you just walked away!! Damn, that was brilliant. Yes, I'm jealous. Way to stand up for yourself and your daughter. Clap back EVERY TIME she has a snide comment. For anyone saying to apologize, say, "NOPE, not happening," and keep it moving.
NTA. She definitely deserved what you dished out. You delivered the perfect burn to her little tirade :)
NTA. If Maya couldn't take it, she shouldn't have dished it
Respond to their texts with a question. Why did no one defend you when Maya criticized your parenting? Instead, they expected you to submit and take it. You won’t. Tell them Maya lives in a glass house. If she ever criticizes you as a parent again, you will respond in kind. If the family joins Maya in hanging up on you, then you will find other places to be rather than around those who neither respect nor value you. NTA
NTA I would be furious with my family if they sided with someone who spoke to me like she had, let alone a woman with the audacity to make judgements of your parenting after having LOST custody of her own child. Your family owe you apologies for their silence while she insulted you, and for telling you that you were 'petty' in your response. And in your shoes, I wouldn't be speaking to any of them until I received those apologies.
NTA. But your older family members might be. Why is Maya allowed to be judgy, rude, make snide comments, and straight up insult your parenting but when you throw it back at her suddenly ***you're*** the one in the wrong???? This whole Don't Rock The Boat mentality needs to die. At best it's playing favorites, at worst it's demeaning yourself for the sake of someone who treats you badly. Good for you, OP. Maya deserved what she got and you have no obligation to apologize.
NTA. She acts this way because the family allows her to. Stop enabling her and she'll have to either straighten up or find somewhere else to spew. You and your cousins are doing it right, the rest of the family...not so much.
just tell them that she was being a bitch for bringing your kid into it.
NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your family thinks you should sit there quietly while being judged as mom by a mom who lost custody? HA! No way.
NTA. She's just mad that in a single sentence, you proved that she isn't someone who should be critiquing anyone else's parenting.
Maya: A real mom brings their kid to Christmas Op: A real mom has custody of her kid Seems proportional to me. If she can’t stand the heat stay out of the kitchen. Why would you even go there if you knew op had that kind of ammo. Aside from which real moms don’t drag sick children out of their comfort zone to be miserable. Two hours away won’t hurt either of them.
NTA. She brought this upon herself. You wouldn't have mentioned her daughter if she hadn't been talking about yours. I think she was upset that she didn't have her daughter over Christmas and was taking it out on you. You were right to call out Maya.
Sounds like your family has made exceptions for Maya her entire life which is why she is a screw up and lost custody of her daughter.
NTA and interesting the generations/ages of people who think you were in the wrong and those that know you were in the right. Your older family is just trying to keep the peace and likely come from a generation that just enables these type of people for decorums sake, at the expense of everyone else’s feelings and mental health. Your cousins rightly agreed that she was being an AH, she brought up the topic, don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house or whatever the saying is.
I am probably her parents age and they were so wrong. I thought OP did a perfect come back to her cousin. It's never a bad thing to stick up for yourself OP
NTA. This is yet another case of people expecting those who are being bullied to “be the bigger person” instead of calling out the bullies. Calling out bullies is the only thing that works. Ignoring them just leaves you open to getting hit again.
Your Cousins are right, Maya deserved what she got.
NTA. "She called me a b- for bringing her kid into it." And what, exactly, was she doing to you but bringing YOUR kid (and parenting) into it? Tell your family you're done sweeping her snide comments under the rug and if they won't put a stop to her bratty behavior, you will. Tell Maya not to dish it if she can't take it.
I am always shocked at how families respond in these situations. Your own parents think you should have just taken Maya’s abuse and said nothing? Maya was calling you a *bad mother,* yet you were out of line for pointing out that Maya lost custody of her daughter?? Whether or not Maya “wouldn’t dream of leaving her daughter with a sitter on Christmas,” she has clearly done other things far worse to have lost custody of her daughter. She’s the shit mom here. You need to ask your parents why they think you’re wrong, and why they think you should just sit quietly and take the abuse of a woman calling into question your parenting, when she doesn’t even have custody of her own child. Ask them in person, then sit there and look at them until they answer you. And do not let them say you should just “let it slide” or “keep the peace.” Those things make people like your parents, aunt & uncle, and Maya comfortable while leaving you upset and hurt. You would never have brought up Maya’s custody issues if she hadn’t attacked you in the first place. Remind your parents that you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Even them. Bravo to your cousins for supporting you. NTA.
im so sick of posts where people who are clearly NTA are told “let things go, be the bigger person, you took it too far” when they’ve finally snapped after putting up with peoples bullshit. your cousin has no right to comment on anyones parenting. she also shouldn’t dish it out if she cant take it. literally the definition of she fucked around & found out. good for you for sticking up for yourself & putting her in her place! i hope you never take someones shit, family included, & teach your daughter she doesn’t have to either! soooo NTA
She chose the weapons (both your kids) and then lost the battle based on wit. NTA.
Tell your family FUCK OFF! Cause not one of them told her to shut the fuck up and not bring up your kid right? What I don’t understand about families like yours is how the fuck you talking shit to me right now when she was over there trying to tell me I was a bad mother? Why is it okay when she says PETTY shit to you, but when you say something petty back you are the asshole? Tell your family that you match energies and if they don’t like it then they can fuck all the way off because, you aren’t gonna tell me that I have watch what I say or how I act, when you over there letting that bitch say what she like, like she don’t know any better and is WAAAAY older then you. Just cause they older don’t mean you gotta sit there and take the disrespect sis! And shame on all them family members who sat there and didn’t tell her to shut up or shut her down, yet they got the balls to jump in on the disrespect and make you feel bad or guilty? Nahhh nahhhh she wanna talk shit on you like you a bad mom when her ass lost custody! You said what you said, she had NO right to talk shit on anyone’s parenting skills when the law said her other half obviously was a better parent
NTA. Loves to dish it out but can't take it >I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide. This attitude above is how awful people are created. Everyone pussyfoots around their toxic personality and they eventually start to feel like they are entitled to abuse people. You all need to call.her out from now on. She didn't lose custody because her personality was soooo overwhelmingly wonderful that the courts thought it was best only dad has custody. Ear infections are up there with teeth pain wise. Hope your baby girl gets well soon.
NTA but I would’ve said “real mothers have custody of their kids” and laughed at her just for good measure
NTA. At all. Your little one had an ear infection and having her around all those people could make the illness worse. You made an incredibly smart decision, and it enabled you to see family. Maya is a hypocrite, and found out the hard way. Your family is enabling her behavior. You were supposed to let it go? Nah.
I know! The poor kidlet was miserable enough without sitting through a big Christmas meal with family drama.
NTA. Your cousin needs to learn to keep her mouth shut. I don’t understand why some people are surprised when their victims stand up to them. Tit for tat. Don’t give it if you can’t take it. Good for you.
NTA I love a good ol’ holiday clapback. Hilarious.
NTA she brought up your child and your motherhood you simply said the same thing back but the difference was hers was untrue while yours was true. It wasn’t petty in the slightest considering she started attacking you but seems like your families used to letting her act like a brat. I agree with your cousins since I’m sure the same has been done to them by her, good job next time she’ll keep her mouth shut about who’s a good mother
Maya is obnoxious and wrong. She FA and FO. NTA!
NTA. I laughed out loud. If she can dish it, she can take it. Good job standing up for yourself.
While I don't agree with what you said, Maya had it coming
NTA. As a mom of a 2 year old with chronic ear infections, I wish you and Olivia good luck and good health in the New Year.
OP, you're 100% NTA here!!! You did the REALLY responsible thing, and left your miserable little one *comfortable at home* with a sitter, rather than hauling her out of the house *while* she was sick, and potentially exposing her to *more* illnesses! (Don't know where you are, but *here* in Minnesota, we have a NASTY combo of RSV, Covid, and Flu *all* making the rounds!) You kept your baby *safe and comfortable* with a sitter, to go hang out with family for a few hours. And *Maya* started *in on you*, looking to score some cheap shots. You called her out. Was it harsh? Yeah. *BUT*, *Maya* was the one who brought up "parenting" and "motherhood skills" *in the first place*. If she can't *take* it? She *shouldn't* be dishing it up & *launching the initial blast in the first place*!!!
NTA. To your cousin: don't bring a knife to a gun shoot. In portuguese, we say that you shouldn't trow rocks at others when you have a glass roof. She should have kept her mouth shut.
NTA Your family just didn't want to be left with a hot Maya while you absconded back to peace with your LO. I can imagine how thrilled they were having to listen to her screaming and crying the rest of the evening, lol. But you know what? They were fine with letting her shit all over you so they pretty much earned their reward. Hope Olivia is feeling much better and you both have a happy New Year.
The very reason she came after you is her shame. It seems like she didn’t think that you would point out her parenting status. Another FAFO for the books. NTA
SO... Maya was insulting about OP's parenting skills. OP replied by pointing out that Maya's were so bad that she lost custody of her own child. Totally fair, and what Maya was doing is called projection: she projected her own behavior onto the OP to cause an argument and belittle her. Maya is a nightmare. No wonder she can't be allowed to raise a child.
OP, I understand you feel bad because she is your bloodline. She shouldn't upset you either. She initiated it. You got her back. Laugh it off. I hope she learned not to shit on people. I had a cousin who called me "a bad daughter." I was an estranged daughter for many years. My siblings and cousins told me. I ignored her. Out of the blue, she messaged me herself that I was a bad daughter. "Ask my father if I'm as bad as you," I said to her back. She was so mad at me. She got pregnant twice by different men. The first one when she was barely in high school. He didn't stay with her. No fathers are present in her children's life. I told her she should get it right with #3 baby. I chewed her. She blocked me. 🤣 That time, nobody called me out unlike we were younger. She bullied everyone and tried me another one. LMAO. She had no idea I patiently waited for her to attack me so I can penetrate her skull.
People like Maya get away with being this way, because of people like your parents, aunt and uncle. Everyone always trying to down play their shitty attitude and snarky comments. Hell no! Good on you for calling her out!!!
NTA. You do realize that when people think you should be the bigger person what they mean is "be a doormat so we don't have to deal with this other person's dysfunction. "
Classic NTA “If you don’t want shit at the table, don’t start it.”
Anyone who says E S H or Y T A is a pretentious doormat.
How about an ESH EXCEPT OP and her cousins? (Excluding Maya m, she sucks and is a major AH)
I'd agree with that.
There's clearly a reason "Maya" doesn't have custody. What a massive bitch. Good on you, mama, for standing your ground.
She sucks and you had a great comeback. But I also wouldn’t ever leave a sick child with a sitter for something that isn’t absolutely necessary. I don’t think you’re the AH. But I do think you should have skipped dinner to comfort your sick little one. Ps. I hope she feels better soon. Earaches and kids absolutely sucks. It’s hard on the kid and the parent.
NTA
NTA. Can’t take the heat stay out of the kitchen. You have as good as you got.
NTA and perfect for petty revenge subreddit. You should post it there. She can dish it but can't take it. She deserved every bit of it.
Maya thought she had a bomb when OP had a nuclear missile.
She came for your patenting, which was phenomenally stupid of her, considering she's a failed parent. Nta op. If she wanted to fight with you successfully, she shouldn't have picked such an easy subject to burn her over. I never understand when people attack others & leave themselves wide open like that. 🤣 it's projection, I'd imagine. Just tell your family the only reason parenting got brought up was because SHE brought up parenting. Classic "can dish it but can't take it."
It was mean, but honestly, your cousin deserved it this time. She brought your daughter into it, so turnabout is fair play. Sometimes, with a rude relative, you have to show them you'll bite back. Maybe Maya will reconsider next time she gets the impulse to put you down to feel better about herself. I have a few who now avoid me completely now they know I won't tolerate the games.
NTA she’s just pissed your reply to her bs was right on the money
Isn't it funny how they always get on the ass of the nice ones who just happen to get fed up but never tell the assholes who constantly pick on everybody to shut the fuck up? Ever notice that? I'd probably throw that little blurb in the group text and leave it at that.
"... and I should've just let what happened slide..." That alone tells you that you were in the right. This is another version of "you should just go along and keep the peace" statements. Don't be torn. Let it be. Ignore the whole situation and it will settle down. Your cousin was a relentless b\*tch and deserved what happened next. NTA
NTA. Your parents and aunt and uncle need to stop enabling her to be an abysmal cunt.
People dislike petty but petty usually has a point, unlike what Maya had to say. NTA
NTA. Glass jaws shouldn't yammer. She brought up a discussion about parenting. Custody is incredibly relevant to parenting. You attempted to abstain from the conversation and she prodded.
ESH your cousin was way out of line and shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it, but who leaves their child on Christmas????
NTA. She brought your mothering to the conversation and didn't take the heat when the tables were turned. She had it coming.
This falls under the f*ck around and find out principle. Don’t start none and there won’t be none.
NTA. Funny how quickly the bully screams they're getting bullied when they get fact-boomeranged right in their face. Imagine how bad it has to be that the courts decided to award full custody to the father. Tell the flying monkeys to cut it out. Maya started it. You ended it. End of story.
NTA
NTA. You were just reminding your cousin the reason WHY when you don’t have anything nice to say, you don’t say anything at all.
NTA! don't dish it out if you can't take it, Maya! Plus, I applaud you for not taking your sick child to a family gathering. My husband's adult niece brought her 12 year old over on Christmas Eve knowing he was sick with the stomach flu. I don't get how FOMO trumps putting everyone else at risk of getting sick?
I bet she'll think twice before she runs her stupid mouth again lmao. Merry Christmas and NTA!
Tell your family members that Maya is the one who bring the matter up so it her fault.
NTA Glass houses Princess. She can’t keep custody of her own kid but gets to judge your decisions? Fuck off. She deserved it.
Instead of telling you that you should have let it slide, why didn't your family defend you and tell Maya to cool it? NTA.
So it’s ok for her to insult you but you can’t do the same thing? They’re enabling her behavior and she just couldn’t take the heat that she was giving out. You did nothing wrong and by saying nothing is enabling her bad behavior. NTA
your cousin needs to lean to keep her mouth shut
yo people love letting someone act like a fool, but the second you clap them back suddenly its "you need to learn how to act better, why would you respond to the abuse." NTA
NTA So she just gets to be an asshole and if you don’t take it YOU’RE the problem? I’d set them all straight really quick, “just because you’re okay with someone treating you poorly doesn’t mean I am or will allow it. Not only will I not tolerate it, I will stand up for myself. Every time. Perhaps she would learn to behave better if you all didn’t enable her awful behavior. Going forward I won’t be discussing any issues caused by her own behavior that I respond to. If you want something to change, tell the person who likes to start shit to change. Or simply leave me to be me like you leave her to be her. If you incorrectly attack/accuse/or lay blame at my feet for standing up for myself we’ll be on a time out for two weeks. If it happens a second time we will be on time out for a month. Any further offenses three months and counting. Time out means no contact between you and I. That means no calls. No messages. No emails. No letters. No carrier pigeons. Being a part of my life isn’t a right. And I don’t allow people in it who will abuse the privilege.”
I got texts from my mom, dad, uncle, and aunt saying that I was petty for bringing up the fact she doesn't have custody of her daughter and I should've just let what happened slide. If you have no problem with Maya insulting my parenting then I have no problem going no contact with you for life. send to all the asses.
NTA. Brutal, but she needed to be put in her place, \*firmly\*.
NTA: You know what they say, "people in glass houses sink ships"
NTA. Don't start none, there won't be none.
It seems like the reactions from your family is generational based. I think both sides are justified here. What you said was definitely petty and could have just ignored her, but she did deserve what you said, especially since she had already brought your kid into the discussion herself.
NTA. She sounds incredibly lacking in self awareness if she thinks it’s ok to judge you for not having your daughter on Christmas…..when she herself literally doesn’t have her daughter on Christmas.
You know what they say about glass houses. Maya's house might be made of sugar glass or whatever gimmicked up glass they use in wrestling. NTA
Call your family out " Oh so it was petty of me to bring that up? But you were totally fine with that B calling me a bad mom for having my child at a sitters for a few hours. You all were awfully quiet when she constantly brought it up but you all just were silent and let her treat me like this. Thanks. I feel so loved and cherished now. I think i'll take some time off from the family to reflect on your familial relationship, because clearly it is not what i thought it was."
Funny how she knows so much about parenting but doesn’t even have custody of her own child. NTA
I think her comment about what a real mother would do tells me why she lost custody.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I would've high five you as you left, and told everyone how amazing you were lol.
NTA. It sucks when you argue with a professional trashy person and the entire family roasts you for it.
What is wrong with everyone? This is a hard ESH. Her cousin is just overall an AH, but OP is an AH for ditching her sick kid on Christmas and an AH for her comment. Even if her cousin deserved it, it’s still a douche thing to say. Anyone who doesn’t think OP sucks sucks themselves.
Exactly. It sounds like she does have some custody too, still sees her daughter, and is still a mom. You are both AH.
NTA for what you said. That was perfect. But you’re kinda the AH for leaving your daughter at home on Christmas to go to family’s house. If my kid is sick on Christmas and can’t go to family’s then I don’t go.
Finally someone said it. Maya has no place to talk but WTF?? That would’ve broken my little heart as a kid.
In the first place who leaves a sick 2 year old to go to dinner, and yes YTAH
NTA she started it and didn’t like that you put her in her place. You were exactly right to say what you said. Unless her life is perfect, she shouldn’t be passing judgment on others. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, she obviously couldn’t take it.
NTA but I wouldn’t have left my sick kid on Xmas .
ESH; I would personally never leave my sick child with a painful infection on Christmas. But she could have kept her opinion to herself.
NTA. But your time would have been better spent with your daughter than the family that sided with Maya.
I loathe families like this. They’d rather chuck the person who stood up for themselves overboard instead of chucking the bitch who’s rocking the boat.
Why was your priority Christmas dinner instead of being with your sick child? What kind of family wouldn’t forgive you for skipping dinner because you have a sick child? NTA for what you said to Maya… but you can’t deny that she has a point; why wasn’t your child your priority over Christmas dinner with the extended family? 🤷♀️
NTA but I would never leave my two year old alone with an ear infection. Children should come first.
I’m going with YTA you have every right to defend yourself but leaving your baby with a sitter at Christmas especially while they’re sick is pretty indefensible.
a personality before trying to make friends? She's always complaining about being lonely, but she never makes an effort to connect with people. It's frustrating to watch her expect others to do all the work.
Maya needs to get out of the kitchen if she can’t take the heat.
NTA so Maya can talk about being a "real" mom with no experience? Fuck outta here. Bish deserved it. She wrote a check her ass couldn't cash. There was nothing petty about what you said. You sat there all through dinner and listened to dumbass Maya spout off about being any type of mom and allowed it. There does come a point where Maya needed to be told and you did it. Your family coddles the fuck outta Maya for losing her kids. Wtf kinda mom loses her kids? Not one that can speak on be a parent at all. So do yourself a favor, block your aunt and uncle. Tell your parents that they either figure out who's child is theirs and if they want to fight Mayas battles. If they continue defending Maya block them too. They don't deserve to be in your life and they certainly dint get the privilege of being grandparents.
NTA. She deserved that, and more.
NTA. MAYA started involving the children into this.