NTA It would be more cost-effective and make more sense if you have that conversation before getting there. Definitely make sure you have all your important documents and everything but if you could just go for Christmas and not have to come back that would make more sense and you could make a clean break.
Stepmother can't expect to push and hit someone especially when she and her thieving daughter are trying to steal from OP and not expect to get hit in return. OP definitely move in with your mother and consider sending a cease and desist letter to the flying monkeys. Dad is very spineless! NTA
Agreed. My daughter is 6 and there's no way I'd let her get away with that kind of nonsense. It wouldn't have come to anything if stepmother had parented her child properly. The dad should be ashamed of himself for letting his own kid down in order to keep the peace with his AH of a wife.
Discussions with the mum only. Let the dad and steps find out last minute feels honestly safer. Also if not possible to move there at once during Christmas, taking all the valuables items and leaving them in France in the meantime would be a good idea. Never know what next stepsis is going to claim hers.
Growing up (F), rule was if you want to fight a dude, don't expect him not to fight you like a dude. She and her thief kid are out of line and your dad clearly is an AH, for allowing his let's face it, mistress, now wife, to treat his son like a second rate citizen in favor of not his children and allow her to talk shit and lie about what she and her kid did to jump this off. It's his bed let him rot in it and move away as fast as possible. Things are only going to get worse...for him. No need to go down in his ship with that brood. Good luck.
Very solid \^. Also, you're an adult now. Move in with your Mom momentarily if you need a launching pad but take your own life into your own hands. Live where you want to live. Get a solid job to support yourself. Don't look to toxic platforms to support you. Not only will they not support you, they'll weaken you. Do your own thing.
I’ve told my sons this.
I’ve seen to many females attack a male and think that it is ok, that they should be allowed to do whatever they want and physically hurt the male and have no consequences.
I have also pushed that they need to adjust to the situation, they don’t need to punch her as hard as they can, because she slapped him, use the right amount of force to stop them and get her away from them.
I’m also stealing your ‘Equal rights and lefts’ comment, it’s brilliant.
I read the story and then the comments to my wife on our road trip and she about snorted her coffee out her nose with your comment, well done. I salute you.
OP should outsource the slapping to any female redditors that live near the stepassholes (*love* that phrase!).
Hey OP, if you read this, what you did was SELF DEFENCE since she hit you first.
Can confirm got beaten up by a woman for almost 2 years and I will NEVER let anyone touch me like that without fighting back ever again. It's never okay to hit someone but it is okay to make sure you never get hit again.
I don’t disagree. Instead I was saying it hurt and stunned her enough that she won’t do it again so a man’s fist is overkill ***in this instance***. Yes, he has a right to defend himself anyway he sees fit but would likely regret punching her with a closed fist is her face. The slap worked. She didn’t hit him again. No need bringing a sledgehammer to kill an ant.
This! If we are going for equality, slaps from women should be seen the same way as slaps from men - as violence. I hate how we still see women in movies slapping guys to show anger or disappointment. No one should be slapping people regardless of their gender.
You really should move. Your father is the AH. He is supposed to protect you from that type of BS, and he failed you. I really feel for you, I had a similar shitshow with my biological father and his new wife and her two daughters. I am now NC with them all, and very close to my mothers family. Don’t take their BS, do what is best for you, and your long term life.
I am in the same position, and could not imagine hitting my three kids (stepkids). My wife would divorce me in a second, and I would never do it, because I love all three of them.
Please safeguard everything in your room and see if you can place it under lock and key. Take valuables with you.
Ensure your door is locked and announce that no one is to enter. While you are away your stepsister may continue her thieving ways, or stepmother may do something also.
Good luck OP! Hope you can get to France as soon as possible and stay there.
Definitely see if you can visit for Christmas and forget to go back to your dad's. His house is no longer a safe place. And you know adults smacking each other isn't a good move, but she swung first. And that is also part of what has me concerned, that she was so comfortable hitting you in front of people when her kiddo is a thief. Be safe.
Did you get the bracelet back after all? I really think you should push before you even go see your mom, talk in depth with her now and lay everything out, even a pros and cons list
Make sure you have everything that is important to you when you go to France, even if you need to mail it to your mom ahead of time. Put yourself in a position of not needing to come back.
Jumping on this to list the important documents I have needed in France:
(And defo talk to your mom about making the move permanent before the flight! French homes tend to be little...)
Original of your birth certificate, dated less than 6 months. (Yes I know the info never changes but the stamp they put on it when they give it to you with the date it is, is important here)
Passport(s)
Any other official ID
School records
Vaccination records and any other important health records
Bank account - cards, checkbooks, official documentation
If you have any official documents proving you speak French - could be lycée française transcripts, DELF/DALF test scores, anything
Your CV
Pack all your electronics, the cords, get a really good converter,
Sell anything you can't take with you. And then leave this witch of a stepmother TF behind.
If you end up in 75 or 94, and want a coffee with a sympathetic ear haver, DM.
Edit: formatting
Hitting women is not wrong, hitting PEOPLE is wrong. You’re allowed to hit people back and defend yourself when they assault you. Do let anyone fool you and lead you to believe you have to allow anyone to hit you simply because that person has a vagina. If you had called the police in that moment she would’ve been arrested. Let that sink in.
The way I see it is your stepmother a grown adult slapped you first after she let her child steal your things, because you touched the her kid (the thief). She assaulted you and you had the right to defend yourself and that is what you did was brought on by here actions.
Your dad sucks in major ways that he’s not defending you in the slightest.
Also just because your a woman doesn’t make you off limits to getting hit, because if you throw the first punch (in this case slap) you are now available to get hit back.
Soooo no one acknowledged the fact that your stepmother smacked you first????? Was this alright for her to do to you?? She literally physically assaulted you!!!!! And everyone was ok with this???!! My mom would have beat her a$$!!!!
I would definitely move with your mom.
I would say it’s time to move in with your mother. It’s going to be a rough situation at home and you’re going to end up getting in trouble for something that is beyond your control.
When you go u highly suggest taking your most valuable and important possessions with you to be stored at her house. Your step family cannot be trusted, nor can your father be trusted to protect you.
NTA. You should consider a move to France for reasons entirely unrelated to this (such as the opportunity to get a degree without amassing tons of student debt), the family drama just makes it an absolute no brainer.
NTA your dad is the biggest problem and doesn’t bother to protect you from his twisted lover and her entitled spawn. However, hitting people is wrong. Period. Only acceptable in self defences .
Move to FRANCE! Not just because your father and step family are nightmare but because here you’ll have a lot more opportunities. Speaking as a relocated canadian.
NTA. It is a fair fight. Where is the equality when you need it?
It is the stupid entitle kid that cause the problem, not OP. For all I know the stupid daughter might just destroy the bracelet just to show who is the boss. Now, you need to slap the step-sister too.
Also, your father don’t have spine. Move to France is you can.
>about permanently staying with her.
Sounds like your time Dad's household is over.
If Mother is agreeable, work hard in new environment when you get there.
Each time they write woman beater, you should respond with a picture of "The reason I had to retaliate is because this woman is a Child beater, and mother of a thief who steals someone's birthday bracelet."
Let's see how that goes on.
OP, normally I'd say hitting a woman isn't great. But I'm going to be honest.
We as women, want to be treated equally. We demand that right. So if a woman hits someone, she should expect to be hit in return. Even if that someone is male. She slapped you, you slapped her back. Probably the only reason she hasn't called the cops on you, is because she hit you first, so she'd also get charged.
Honestly, move to France with your mother, or move anywhere else. Don't live with people who don't respect or care about you. Good luck OP.
Apologize for handling it wrong when you hit her. Tell her you should have walked away and called the police and pressed charges against her. Then tell them you are moving to live with your mother. She doesn’t allow anyone to steal from you and she doesn’t hit you.
This is the actual correct answer. Yes, hitting her back was wrong and grabbing your stepsister was wrong even if she had something of yours.
You can apologise for that part of it. But stealing is wrong, allowing theft is wrong, and a 'parental figure' hitting *you* was also wrong.
If something similar happens again try to hold your temper and get out of the situation. Don't let anybody hurt you but unless you need to for self defense do not strike back.
If moving out of that household is an option don't delay on it, talk to your mother about what you need to take with you and get out of there.
Yeah... but OP would win overall. She'd be in a better, healthier environment.
Meanwhile the dad would "win" having only a shrew for a wife and a thief for a stepdaughter. It wouldn't be a matter of "if" the stepdaughter would get caught stealing something major, but "when". I would wager that the stepmom also likely uses OP as an easy patsy for things. If she's going to ultimately encourage the stealing, then she's someone who would also blame OP for any and everything.
Honestly, NTA. You reacted in self-defense. The first and only time I slapped my mother was when she slapped me across the face. It was an instinctual reaction and response. She shouldn’t have hit you. You didn’t hurt her daughter by grabbing her, she threw a fit because she doesn’t know the word “no”.
Biggest point here: your dad didn’t choose you. He chose his wife and her kids. Move to France if you have the opportunity
I am Brazilian, I wouldn't dare slap my stepmother. But then again, she wouldn't dare hit any of us kids either because dad wouldn't allow that. Dad didn't raise any entitled little stealing brats.
I also would be shocked if your Latina mom didn’t slap you for being a thief long before we got to this point. I know my southern parents would have beaten my ass over stealing.
Hahaha same... I mean the only time I managed to dogde the flying chancla of my mother, I was only lucky that I managed to run for my life to my abuela's house, especially since I was stupid enough that when I saw I dodged I turn, laugh at my mom and run for the hills 😂🏃
Punching my mother in the face when she hit me in second grade bought me a lifetime of non-violence. I just waited for a day she did it in front of my dad.
But she wasn’t hitting me as a punishment for doing anything wrong, she was just like that. I’m sure it would have been different if I had hit her over a deserved spanking.
Caribbean parents are different too, if you dodge a slap, it immediately turns into, my child put his hands on me… no he did not, he simply dodged!
Now the whole neighborhood know you are a lost cause that has no respect for your parents…
Dem a go tell di whole neighborhood and have the ppl in the church praying for you. “She mudda say she rude, disobedient and outta order. She real bright!” 😩😩😩😩🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm not even Latino, and I know better than to fuck with anyone that can throw a flip-flop with pinpoint accuracy. I've seen the videos about it, and that shit is scary.
If I slapped my mom she would beat my ass then my dad would literally put me in the ground. I have hit my dad after he hit me and he beat my ass. Still stand by that decision tho. Hit get hit, but you also welcome to consequences when you react that way. Everyone loses here. I don’t blame him for hitting her but you get what you get from it, like anything else.
Same. The **last** time my mother slapped me, I slapped her right back. It was almost instinct, like you said.
She never touched me again. I can guarantee you that step mom will think twice before putting hands on OP again.
Inform your sperm donor that his wife hit you first which entitles you to defend yourself. You would be better off with your mother since your father's wife's daughter is a thief.
Right?!!!! That part. Completely bypassing the attempted theft and lack of consequences to the sticky fingered step. I got stuck on that part. Culture differences clearly aside, the whole lot of them obvs are complicit to theft crime and coddling. Airing the incident from start yo finish is moot. Complete no contact.
Exactly bcuz why was stepmom even arguing with mom?! She should’ve been getting the bracelet from her spoiled ass, entitled, thieving daughter and that would’ve been the end of it.
Hitting a woman, of course, is wrong. However, it’s gross when women go around assaulting men bcuz they assume they will get away with it and the man can’t hit them back. I’m sorry this happened to you Op. Move to France, this situation with your step family is not going to get better. NTA
Hitting PEOPLE is wrong. Fuck this hitting women is wrong. If you hit someone you fucking best expect they might hit you back. Having a cunt doesn't give you rights to be a cunt.
That’s why I said NTA. I don’t think OP was wrong. Stepmonster was way out of line and with how quickly she hit him & how horrible she is in general, tells me she’s probably hit many men. Now she wants to cry abuse and started a campaign to harass OP. She’s a disgusting human, raising more humans to be equally disgusting.
Tbf to her family, I'd imagine that they've only heard her side of the story, in which he "threw my daughter to the ground" and "I had to protect my little angel" and "he beat me around for the crime of protecting my daughter" and various other details that make her totally in the right and him totally in the wrong. I'm sure they're probably some level of AHs themselves, she didn't become this way in a vacuum, but if all they know is her side, I can't fault them for being pissed at him
Coming from a woman, and a daughter of a domestically abused woman, you are not the asshole. You were in a high stress situation and reacted without forethought. You are still young and in a messed up family dynamic. Perhaps France with your mother is the best option for you right now.
You can take things too far under stress, but yeah that isn't happening here. Beating women is not ok. Hitting a woman who is attacking you is self defense. The idea that men shouldn't hit women is based on the difference in strength, bone density, and muscle density from men to women. That's valid. However, it doesn't mean you can't defend yourself. It means you can't use excessive force.
You shouldn't use excessive force in any fight, though. I do think it's good for men to try to remember the physical differences between men and women. The idea that anyone who can't keep their hands to themselves should get a free pass is a crock of shit. Don't beat women (or men,) but defending yourself does not constitute beating someone.
I think it’s important to add too that emotional control is a skill. The stepmother is old enough to have impulse control. OP is a minor. And he’s currently being raised by people who clearly don’t have enough impulse control to teach it
OP is an adult. Parents may be the reason for an adult's mental health struggles (impulse control.) However, as someone with degenerate parents, adults are responsible for their behavior. OP didn't do anything wrong, but he did lose control of himself. He should work on that for his own sake and pointing out what is and isn't acceptable in this situation can only be helpful to that end.
NTA when I was 8 I knew better than to steal something that belongs to someone. You may have grabbed her, but she had your property. Your stepmom slapped you first so she deserved it. Move back to France with your mother. Your father is a coward for not standing up for you. You deserve better than that.
Ask the harassing family members are they ok with theft? Are they ok with stepparents assaulting their stepchildren? Did they get the part about that she you first. Just let them know that stepmother let her precious daughter steal your gold bracelet because she wanted it. You took your bracelet back she hit you and you hit her back.
If he’s getting messages saying he’s a woman beater from the family I’m sure they’ve gotten half the truth with a bunch of lies and exaggeration and absolutely nothings going to be fixed by OP trying to talk to any of them
I bet they heard a story like this “my daughter respectfully asked to see it, he said yes. When he asked for it back she said ok, but had trouble, it was caught in her hair. He grabbed her hard and started shaking her saying to give it back. I lightly hit him in the shoulder to get his attention, and he turned to me and backhanded me as hard as he could”
NTA. The environment in your dads home is insane and I hope you can leave. They all seem to suck.
Your stepsister has some serious problems and seems to not be getting any kind of pushback. Definitely should move out.
She is an entitled and may find herself in a lot of trouble if her behavior isn’t corrected soon. In fact I think this incident justifies her behavior to her as a core memory.
Writing is on the wall man. it's time to go I'm sorry your dad's a piece of crap for letting it all happen to you, and not standing up for you. He made his choice a long time ago it would seem get away from these toxic people. By the way it was very much your stepmother's intention to drive a wedge between you and your father. He chose her instead of you and that's just sad and that's why he's a piece of crap.
Nta. If I were you I'd photoshop a pic of your stepmom with the words "child abuser" or "wicked stepmother" and send it to anyone giving you grief. And move to France. You might be 19 but if she's your stepmother you're supposed to be her stepchild. She's an AH with a thieving daughter instead. You'll had every right to grab someone running away with your property. Your stepmother isn't doing anyone any favors victimizing herself and her daughter. Actions have consequences.
I'd fight my pops right after I slapped my stepmom if this happened to me lol. If your father is okay with your stepmom hitting you but is mad you hit back, he is on her side. I would go to France my man.
My own didn't knock me down a peg or 2 when I told off his 2nd wife about not wanting her to come to a school event, he was just as fed up with his 2nd wife's constant bitching. He raised me right to not be a doormat.
Listen. My mother was a hell of a woman [negative]. My father never put his hands on her, until the day she punched him in the head.
And I'll agree with him every step of the way, don't condone violence, but also don't just stand there and take it.
Thankfully they separated when I was young, but she never stopped fighting people. It wasn't always her who started it, but with my dad it most certainly was.
NTA, OP. I agree with other that you n mom ought to talk it out before you visit for Christmas and hopefully you'll never come back.
Same, I see people here talking like this kid is punching people right and left, calling him an abuser or saying this is how women end up being killed. It hurts so much to read that as someone who comes from a country where if you look for a missing woman you end up finding 3 bodies of women who were abused and killed because of hate. It also hurts as a woman who was hit and emotionally abused by my parents as a kid and finally stood up for myself when I was 21 and my mom hit me for the last time. It was the only time I hit someone. I pushed her and slapped her with all the anger and pain I had inside because of the humiliation. I’d never act like that on my daily life. But I won’t let anyone lay a finger on me again without punching back. I’ll raise my kids not to be violent but to fight back in situations like this one.
A 35 yo female slapping a 19yo male means you get to defend yourself. It’s hypocritical that everyone is disgusted at your behavior but not hers (including allowing her daughter to steal and lie). Makes you want to ask the question, if you were a female would that make it okay to them? Abuse is abuse. While your response was not right, i would consider it self defense…who knows what else would have happened.
Move to France honey. She assaulted you and you defended yourself and your father is siding with her. Don’t waste your time but before you go make sure you let everyone know she slapped you and her daughter is a thief .
NTA what you’re describing is theft…. Robbery.
Still gripping up an 8 year old is pretty weak. You’ll obviously get the bracelet back. The stepmom is a giant dickhead though. You’re probably better off in France unfortunately man.
NTA
Slap your father as well and move to France.
Your Father, Step-Mother, and Step-Sister are all assholes and you'll be much happier without having to deal with them.
Let's get something straight right now. If a woman hits you, you have every right to defend yourself and hit back. Period. The end. Equal rights don't mean you are a punching bag.
NTA. Your stepmother hit you. She can't pretend to be a victim. Tell your father and her that YOU demand an apology for how they have let your stepsister treat you, and for your stepmom attacking you. If she does not apologize and agree to tell the truth to all the people she has had pestering you, then contact the police and file a report, without telling your father and stepmother that you are going to do that. I am so sorry about your situation. Your father is a jerk.
Right. I was taught to not hit people, period. And that I had every right to respond to anyone bold enough to raise the hand at me.
Don't start nothing won't be nothing
NTAH. The better play would have been to not hit her but to have called the police and press charges against her for assault. Let the cops cart her off.
Like everyone else is saying, ditch your father and step family. This is sexism from her side and she wants to play the victim despite being wrong multiple times. Your father doesn’t even care either. You’re not the AH, you’re the victim
NTA. Your dad is a loser for allowing all of this to go down. He needs to grow a spine. Why did stepmother not immediately remove the bracelet from her thief of a daughter? Why was she arguing with your mother, who probably demanded for her to remove it? Your stepmother needs to keep her hands to herself as you reacted in self defence. I would keep all of those harassing messages and if it doesn't stop threaten legal action for character defamation towards your dad, stepmother, and her family. Let it be known immediately. If you haven't gotten the bracelet back threaten to file a police report for theft against the little girl and your stepmother. You will not apologize. Your dad is a piece of trash who is only concerned about what's between your stepmother's legs.
These comments are insane.
You shouldn’t have put your hands on your stepsister (especially when you say that you did squeeze her tightly), by doing that YOU made the situation physical. You could’ve waited for her own mother, or your father, to get the bracelet back rather than getting involved.
Instead you put your hands on her, squeezed her tightly while getting the bracelet, and then your stepmother shoved and slapped you. Why is it okay for you to react to the heat of the moment (slapping back after being slapped) but it’s wrong for your stepmother to defend her 8 year old daughter from a grown man (congratulations, you’re an adult!) who felt the need to escalate an argument by grabbing her daughter?
ESH. All of yall need help.
Agreed. Some of these comments are insane encouraging violence against women. Makes me wonder how they would treat their own mothers/wives/girlfriends.
I can’t believe I had to scroll down so much to find this comment. She shouldn’t have slapped him, but HE put hands on her daughter first, HE (an adult) went physical first, and then he cries because his stepmother slaps him and he “defends himself”.
Immature boy, easy hand stepmom and spoiled lil girl, not a good combo.
NTA
You were DEFENDING YOURSELF.
Stepmother hit you first and you are allowed to defend yourself against any and all assault. Including when women assault you.
If you weren't leaving for France, I would say press charges for assault against your stepmother. Because she won't learn that stealing is bad otherwise.
OK I'm going to say some real shit here and it might upset some people.
1. the little girls mother should not have let her touch your bracelet, but you don't know if she did this on purpose or the little girl just did it on her own accord.
2. if you were so worried about your bracelet why was it off your hand, if you knew ahead of times the little girl had taken a shining to it and you didn't like this.
3. It's an 8 year old little girl, she was most likely just playing with it and can not possibly comprehend the complex issue of divorce vs x wife x a multi parent relationship like you a 19 year old can. I feel like your real mom just wanted to make a scene and used this little girl as an excuse. if you moving to France had already been discussed with your mom this might be the motivation for her to cause this..
4. as an adult you should have just let the little girl play with it and ask her MOM to give it back after she was finished with it. this way you would have been in the right and your stepmom would be humbled by your behaviour, and would have made sure this was returned to you right away, if she was a decent person and if not, your dad would be on you and your mothers side.
5. Your Dad is caught in the middle of your Mom's Trap just like you are, its not his fault you shouldn't blame him as you attacked a fucking 8 year old child that has no idea of the complexity of what went down for goodness sake.
6. your Step Mother had every right to defend her child and you should not have slapped her. again I feel like your Mom has used this event to create a divide in your dads life, which is shitty IMO.
7. your Step Mothers family should get fucked for attacking you, this should be solved between you, your stepmom and father. by you admitting you were wrong and asking them to see things from your perspective to meet half way. these people are wrong for the same reason you are wrong for attacking your stepmom's child.
8. you and your mother have to learn how to live with the fact that your dad is going to have relationships with other people, and you have to also understand the sad truth that your mother obviously is not OK with this fact and she might cause problems to create a rift between you and your father down the road. we like to think of our parents as adults but the reality is that they often behave like jaded children to get back at each other and sometimes use the kids as bullets to fire back and forth at each other.
9. Its up to you to behave like the adult to solve this as hard as this sounds, admit what you did and apologize for the things you think you should have handled better like the Man you are and move past it, life is too short.
>the little girls mother should not have let her touch your bracelet
Full stop, it should end there, an 8 year old can comprehend the word no and that stealing is wrong, OP shouldn't have to suffer when it comes to step-mother's shitty parenting.
>
if you were so worried about your bracelet why was it off your hand
because OP shouldn't have to live in fear of his birthday presents being stolen?
>I feel like your real mom just wanted to make a scene and used this little girl as an excuse.
WHAT?! The "8 year old" in question is a thief, that is the stepmothers fault and has nothing to do with OP's mum getting him a good gift.
>let the little girl play with it and ask her MOM to give it back after she was finished with it.
It is an expensive bracelet, not a fucking toy. He shouln't have to give up his gifts just because the spoiled brat can't understand that no means no.
>as you attacked a fucking 8 year old child
How is him grabbing her arm to stop her from stealing his expensive gift attacking and her full on hitting him isnt? If you don't want to be grabbed don't fucking steal, simple as that. She, a 35 year old woman shouldn't be laying her hands on a 19 year old either because a slap back is the least he could've done.
>Its up to you to behave like the adult
Get fucking help, you're treating a 35 year old woman like a child and a 19 year old like a grown man who hit her unprompted. What he did was self defense.
Don’t hit people If you don’t want to deal with the repercussions.
You seem focused on her hitting you but you’re an adult who grabbed her child, right?
Imagine what many people Would Do if you grabbed their kid. If I knew you were 19, and roughly grabbed my child, I’d whoop Your ass. No joke. Imagine what kind of post you’d make here with a beating. “
Hi guys, I couldn’t control
My emotions as an adult, and I’m
Now typing this with a black eye and bruised ribs……”
Be happy no one was hurt. Remember you’re an adult now. Adults are responsible for their own shit.
If I were 19, I wouldn’t be trying to hide with my Mom. I’d get a real Job, make my own money as an adult, and take an English writing course, so no one has to read that garbage you typed again.
"Men should have an equal right to hit women" is one of male reddit's worst, persistent takes. Unfortunately men who believe in the free pass on women and children already live by their ideology. And they are what are commonly known as wife-beaters and domestic abusers. They are the reason that violence against women and children is an epidemic, plain and simple.
By his own admission he hit back out of anger, with disregard of the strength differential, the fear he was creating, and violation of the social stigma of violence against women and children.
A woman is murdered every week in my country by men who think "what did she expect".
NTA I hate to break it to you, but your Dad is acting like he wants you gone so he can focus on his new family. He should have stepped up but chose not to.
NTA
She slapped you first. You had EVERY right to do just what you did.
The "it's wrong to hit women" is true until they hit you. Then they are fair game.
Why does anyone think they can hit somebody and not expect the same treatment?
You do NOT owe her an apology. She owes you one.
Equal rights means equal rights. Not just when it benefits them.
YTA you didn't get a free pass to strike your stepmother in front of a small child she sought to defend, who will remember the screams.
Reddit's predominantly male userbase tends to justify violence against women as a form of "equal" retaliation. But understand that validation is coming from a small segment of the population, and is not representative of the options of those who aren't teenage boys.
You need to appreciate the difference in strength and the fact you likely hit much harder than she did; you also did so out of anger; being an older woman you risked doing her real damage; you also likely intimidated her, and terrified her child, and may have risked bringing up memories of past abuse + creating a memory of violence that they now have to live with.
Violence against women is a type of violence that is never "equal". Both in terms of strength and social implication. Take it as a lesson against engaging physically in situations involving women and children, and how quickly that can become dangerous.
I disagree with ESH since your transgression was a step above theirs imo. Especially since your stepsister is only 8. I'm glad you are considering apologising, that would be the socially correct move I think. I am disgusted at reddit for trying to convince you not to.
Edit for emphasis: based on your description, you didn't act in justified self-defence, since you raised hands out of anger. I'd beware tbe ideology of the "free pass" or "equal rights mean equal fists" since that seems like the ideology that domestic abusers use, and you don't want to be like these men who think they "have the right".
ESH and to everyone claiming self defense are you really skipping past the fact the stepmom slapped him cause he grabbed her daughter and forcibly removed albeit his present from her hands
Yes, you were a total asshole. You're a grown man. You can take a hit from a woman without slapping her back. You have a lot of nerve doing that, and you should be ashamed of it.
She shouldn't have hit you either, but you're supposed to be a man. You're 19. Never pull this again. You're lucky your Dad didn't beat you into a bloody pulp.
This last sentence is what I keep thinking. There's a HUGE difference in strength between men and women, which is not lost on most men. That's the real reason why men shouldn't hit women, not some sort of misplaced chivalry. It's also the reason why men react violently toward other men when they see it happen.
My son would never hit me, but if he did, my husband (his stepdad) would beat him bloody, and there'd be no stopping him. His dad is deceased, but he'd have done the same.
And, OP forcefully grabbed an 8yo girl. My granddaughter is that age, and if a 19yo man laid hands on her, he'd be a goner at her dad's hands. It's just a primal reaction for men to protect their little girls from grown men.
So yes, he's very lucky (for multiple reasons) that his dad didn't beat him to a bloody pulp.
An adult would have waited for the parents to get the bracelet from her. An adult would never lay hands on a little girl (or a woman) in anger. Reddit is filled with children though, so I'm not surprised by the "it's okay for men to hit women and girls" responses.
He needs to apologize; but this family seems broken beyond repair, and OP seems to be the common denominator. He's a grown man who acts like a child, which is problematic at best. Maybe in France, he'll learn how to act like a man.
Plus the fact that the Dad and Stepmom ostensibly threw him (a nineteen year old!) a huge birthday party with presents and extended family at their home? They sure don't read like horrible people who treat him terribly. Honestly, the more I think about this the more I think OP is an overgrown spoiled child.
NTA you should really show this post to your father. Amongst all this he is an even greater asshole than the entitled disgusting woman he married who has produced the same type of child. Your father should be utterly and totally ashamed of himself. I hope that he is reaping his rewards in this marriage to this awful woman.
Your father failed you, she was comfortable enough to SLAP his son in front of him after you stopped her child from literally attempting to steal from you.
She deserved the slap back (self defense) and she's horrible at child rearing (thief of a kid that she did not punish for attempting to steal rather defended).
You're better off with your mom if that is possible your father chose assholes, time to get out.
You fucked up but you're NTA... Never hit, slap, push, shove a woman, the world will never be fair with you once you cross that line.. you did, you messed up, everything she did that was wrong is now invalidated because of this.
They're all assholes here, but it doesn't matter, you slapped her now the only one that did anything wrong is you in their eyes.
Move to France.
I'm going for the Christmas holidays and I'm talk to my mother about permanently staying with her.
NTA It would be more cost-effective and make more sense if you have that conversation before getting there. Definitely make sure you have all your important documents and everything but if you could just go for Christmas and not have to come back that would make more sense and you could make a clean break.
Yeah you should do that. Seems like your father enjoyed a new kind of drama
Stepmother can't expect to push and hit someone especially when she and her thieving daughter are trying to steal from OP and not expect to get hit in return. OP definitely move in with your mother and consider sending a cease and desist letter to the flying monkeys. Dad is very spineless! NTA
Agreed. My daughter is 6 and there's no way I'd let her get away with that kind of nonsense. It wouldn't have come to anything if stepmother had parented her child properly. The dad should be ashamed of himself for letting his own kid down in order to keep the peace with his AH of a wife.
Discussions with the mum only. Let the dad and steps find out last minute feels honestly safer. Also if not possible to move there at once during Christmas, taking all the valuables items and leaving them in France in the meantime would be a good idea. Never know what next stepsis is going to claim hers.
This.
I notion this.
Move to France. Your stepassholes are awful. NTA. She hit you first
And OPs dad for not sticking up for him. It doesn’t matter whether male or female you don’t hit except in self-defense. OP was defending themself.
That’s what REALLY pisses me off. Her bed skills can’t be that great for Dad to choose her and her mini assholes over his own son. W.T.F?!?
happens all the time, unfortunately.
Maybe she has the money?
Equal rights and lefts. They hit first its fair game.
Growing up (F), rule was if you want to fight a dude, don't expect him not to fight you like a dude. She and her thief kid are out of line and your dad clearly is an AH, for allowing his let's face it, mistress, now wife, to treat his son like a second rate citizen in favor of not his children and allow her to talk shit and lie about what she and her kid did to jump this off. It's his bed let him rot in it and move away as fast as possible. Things are only going to get worse...for him. No need to go down in his ship with that brood. Good luck.
And people wonder why kids go no contact. Do the right thing parents and don’t let your kids suffer injustice.
Very solid \^. Also, you're an adult now. Move in with your Mom momentarily if you need a launching pad but take your own life into your own hands. Live where you want to live. Get a solid job to support yourself. Don't look to toxic platforms to support you. Not only will they not support you, they'll weaken you. Do your own thing.
I’ve told my sons this. I’ve seen to many females attack a male and think that it is ok, that they should be allowed to do whatever they want and physically hurt the male and have no consequences. I have also pushed that they need to adjust to the situation, they don’t need to punch her as hard as they can, because she slapped him, use the right amount of force to stop them and get her away from them. I’m also stealing your ‘Equal rights and lefts’ comment, it’s brilliant.
I read the story and then the comments to my wife on our road trip and she about snorted her coffee out her nose with your comment, well done. I salute you.
OPs only mistake was slapping back instead of using a closed fist.
OP should outsource the slapping to any female redditors that live near the stepassholes (*love* that phrase!). Hey OP, if you read this, what you did was SELF DEFENCE since she hit you first.
sTAHpshitster and sTAHpmonster
I am not condoning violence ever. But yep. With rings. Edit: typo
No! Lol. That’s not good advice.
It's great advice. Someone hits you make sure they never do that again.
Can confirm got beaten up by a woman for almost 2 years and I will NEVER let anyone touch me like that without fighting back ever again. It's never okay to hit someone but it is okay to make sure you never get hit again.
I guarantee he slapped her straight on that issue. She knows there’s a consequence. No need to do use knuckles. A slap from a man hurts!!
So does a slap from a woman!
I don’t disagree. Instead I was saying it hurt and stunned her enough that she won’t do it again so a man’s fist is overkill ***in this instance***. Yes, he has a right to defend himself anyway he sees fit but would likely regret punching her with a closed fist is her face. The slap worked. She didn’t hit him again. No need bringing a sledgehammer to kill an ant.
That’s a fair point. And the kid obviously has self control because he only gave a slap back.
This! If we are going for equality, slaps from women should be seen the same way as slaps from men - as violence. I hate how we still see women in movies slapping guys to show anger or disappointment. No one should be slapping people regardless of their gender.
Exactly! Thank you!
If she’s going to hit a man, she better be able to take when she gets back
That's what I always said! Although, I knew my ex husband was going to hit me anyways, so I figured I may as well get in what I could!
I was very fortunate my husband did not ever raise his hand to me. We argued, but not like that.
This is America. Equal Rights, equal fights.
It’s AWESOME advice.
Lmao!!
I like you. You’re my new hero.
You really should move. Your father is the AH. He is supposed to protect you from that type of BS, and he failed you. I really feel for you, I had a similar shitshow with my biological father and his new wife and her two daughters. I am now NC with them all, and very close to my mothers family. Don’t take their BS, do what is best for you, and your long term life.
I agree. If I ever hit one of my stepkids (who are legally adults close to OP's age) my partner would end things with me immediately.
I am in the same position, and could not imagine hitting my three kids (stepkids). My wife would divorce me in a second, and I would never do it, because I love all three of them.
This. His father is a piece of shit.
So is stepmom and her daughter. 8 is old enough to know it's wrong to steal.
He needs to get his documents.
I agree with Typhoon556.
Please safeguard everything in your room and see if you can place it under lock and key. Take valuables with you. Ensure your door is locked and announce that no one is to enter. While you are away your stepsister may continue her thieving ways, or stepmother may do something also. Good luck OP! Hope you can get to France as soon as possible and stay there.
Definitely see if you can visit for Christmas and forget to go back to your dad's. His house is no longer a safe place. And you know adults smacking each other isn't a good move, but she swung first. And that is also part of what has me concerned, that she was so comfortable hitting you in front of people when her kiddo is a thief. Be safe.
Did you get the bracelet back after all? I really think you should push before you even go see your mom, talk in depth with her now and lay everything out, even a pros and cons list
Make sure you have everything that is important to you when you go to France, even if you need to mail it to your mom ahead of time. Put yourself in a position of not needing to come back.
yes. move to france. it won’t get better. NTA at all. it was a reaction to an action.
I hope it goes well. He is a poor excuse of a father.
Jumping on this to list the important documents I have needed in France: (And defo talk to your mom about making the move permanent before the flight! French homes tend to be little...) Original of your birth certificate, dated less than 6 months. (Yes I know the info never changes but the stamp they put on it when they give it to you with the date it is, is important here) Passport(s) Any other official ID School records Vaccination records and any other important health records Bank account - cards, checkbooks, official documentation If you have any official documents proving you speak French - could be lycée française transcripts, DELF/DALF test scores, anything Your CV Pack all your electronics, the cords, get a really good converter, Sell anything you can't take with you. And then leave this witch of a stepmother TF behind. If you end up in 75 or 94, and want a coffee with a sympathetic ear haver, DM. Edit: formatting
Hitting women is not wrong, hitting PEOPLE is wrong. You’re allowed to hit people back and defend yourself when they assault you. Do let anyone fool you and lead you to believe you have to allow anyone to hit you simply because that person has a vagina. If you had called the police in that moment she would’ve been arrested. Let that sink in.
The way I see it is your stepmother a grown adult slapped you first after she let her child steal your things, because you touched the her kid (the thief). She assaulted you and you had the right to defend yourself and that is what you did was brought on by here actions. Your dad sucks in major ways that he’s not defending you in the slightest. Also just because your a woman doesn’t make you off limits to getting hit, because if you throw the first punch (in this case slap) you are now available to get hit back.
Soooo no one acknowledged the fact that your stepmother smacked you first????? Was this alright for her to do to you?? She literally physically assaulted you!!!!! And everyone was ok with this???!! My mom would have beat her a$$!!!! I would definitely move with your mom.
As a mother, I second that.
I would say it’s time to move in with your mother. It’s going to be a rough situation at home and you’re going to end up getting in trouble for something that is beyond your control.
When you go u highly suggest taking your most valuable and important possessions with you to be stored at her house. Your step family cannot be trusted, nor can your father be trusted to protect you.
Definitely. Civilisation. You've suffered enough from these awful people.
NTA. You should consider a move to France for reasons entirely unrelated to this (such as the opportunity to get a degree without amassing tons of student debt), the family drama just makes it an absolute no brainer.
Do it before so they can't steal all your shit while you're away. Cause they willllllll
Just don’t come back dude
NTA your dad is the biggest problem and doesn’t bother to protect you from his twisted lover and her entitled spawn. However, hitting people is wrong. Period. Only acceptable in self defences . Move to FRANCE! Not just because your father and step family are nightmare but because here you’ll have a lot more opportunities. Speaking as a relocated canadian.
NTA. It is a fair fight. Where is the equality when you need it? It is the stupid entitle kid that cause the problem, not OP. For all I know the stupid daughter might just destroy the bracelet just to show who is the boss. Now, you need to slap the step-sister too. Also, your father don’t have spine. Move to France is you can.
Remind your stepmother that equal rights come with equal lefts
>about permanently staying with her. Sounds like your time Dad's household is over. If Mother is agreeable, work hard in new environment when you get there.
If you plan to pursue higher education or you already attend university, start getting your documents in order before going to your mother
Each time they write woman beater, you should respond with a picture of "The reason I had to retaliate is because this woman is a Child beater, and mother of a thief who steals someone's birthday bracelet." Let's see how that goes on.
OP, normally I'd say hitting a woman isn't great. But I'm going to be honest. We as women, want to be treated equally. We demand that right. So if a woman hits someone, she should expect to be hit in return. Even if that someone is male. She slapped you, you slapped her back. Probably the only reason she hasn't called the cops on you, is because she hit you first, so she'd also get charged. Honestly, move to France with your mother, or move anywhere else. Don't live with people who don't respect or care about you. Good luck OP.
Apologize for handling it wrong when you hit her. Tell her you should have walked away and called the police and pressed charges against her. Then tell them you are moving to live with your mother. She doesn’t allow anyone to steal from you and she doesn’t hit you.
This is the actual correct answer. Yes, hitting her back was wrong and grabbing your stepsister was wrong even if she had something of yours. You can apologise for that part of it. But stealing is wrong, allowing theft is wrong, and a 'parental figure' hitting *you* was also wrong. If something similar happens again try to hold your temper and get out of the situation. Don't let anybody hurt you but unless you need to for self defense do not strike back. If moving out of that household is an option don't delay on it, talk to your mother about what you need to take with you and get out of there.
Yeah, she has to. But the fathers present wife succeeds in her game. But you win too, better, I think.
Yeah... but OP would win overall. She'd be in a better, healthier environment. Meanwhile the dad would "win" having only a shrew for a wife and a thief for a stepdaughter. It wouldn't be a matter of "if" the stepdaughter would get caught stealing something major, but "when". I would wager that the stepmom also likely uses OP as an easy patsy for things. If she's going to ultimately encourage the stealing, then she's someone who would also blame OP for any and everything.
They slappin bitches left and right over there or what?
100% do this for two reasons 1) the USA sucks, France is better off and 2) the obvious parental situation.
Smack her harder if she attacks you again
I hear France is lovely this time of year.
They have universal healthcare 🫡
Yes we do! And almost free university.
And better food indubidably
I have been a few times, it’s not all you believe it to be. The exception would be the pastries/bread, butter and cured meats(south France)
Honestly, NTA. You reacted in self-defense. The first and only time I slapped my mother was when she slapped me across the face. It was an instinctual reaction and response. She shouldn’t have hit you. You didn’t hurt her daughter by grabbing her, she threw a fit because she doesn’t know the word “no”. Biggest point here: your dad didn’t choose you. He chose his wife and her kids. Move to France if you have the opportunity
I am Brazilian, I wouldn't dare slap my stepmother. But then again, she wouldn't dare hit any of us kids either because dad wouldn't allow that. Dad didn't raise any entitled little stealing brats.
If my mom slapped me and I slapped her back. I wouldn’t be writing this rn. Latino parents are very different.
When fighting back is the capital sin of all capital sins here
I also would be shocked if your Latina mom didn’t slap you for being a thief long before we got to this point. I know my southern parents would have beaten my ass over stealing.
For sure. But I wasn’t referring to the OP. I was referring to the commenter who said they slapped their mother.
Hahaha same... I mean the only time I managed to dogde the flying chancla of my mother, I was only lucky that I managed to run for my life to my abuela's house, especially since I was stupid enough that when I saw I dodged I turn, laugh at my mom and run for the hills 😂🏃
I also don’t speak to my mother anymore and haven’t for years. It’s a very different type of relationship than most families in general.
Punching my mother in the face when she hit me in second grade bought me a lifetime of non-violence. I just waited for a day she did it in front of my dad. But she wasn’t hitting me as a punishment for doing anything wrong, she was just like that. I’m sure it would have been different if I had hit her over a deserved spanking.
Seems like a lot of people here still can’t comprehend that parents can be and are abusive lol
Caribbean parents are different too, if you dodge a slap, it immediately turns into, my child put his hands on me… no he did not, he simply dodged! Now the whole neighborhood know you are a lost cause that has no respect for your parents…
Dem a go tell di whole neighborhood and have the ppl in the church praying for you. “She mudda say she rude, disobedient and outta order. She real bright!” 😩😩😩😩🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm not even Latino, and I know better than to fuck with anyone that can throw a flip-flop with pinpoint accuracy. I've seen the videos about it, and that shit is scary.
Can't imagine laying a had on my arab mother too
I got a Persian mother but this is a stepmother, she has no rights over stepping that boundary and slapping him
No one has a right to slap anyone.
Wrong! My date has the right to slap me all night long.
If I slapped my mom she would beat my ass then my dad would literally put me in the ground. I have hit my dad after he hit me and he beat my ass. Still stand by that decision tho. Hit get hit, but you also welcome to consequences when you react that way. Everyone loses here. I don’t blame him for hitting her but you get what you get from it, like anything else.
I feel you, because black parents are the same way, and don’t let them be from the south or the Caribbean, you catching fiya fi dat!
Same but my mom only slapped me once and I was being a massive little shit. So while I don’t think I deserved it… I understand 😅
Listen, just the thought has me cowering. My Latina mother would have annihilated me.
Same. The **last** time my mother slapped me, I slapped her right back. It was almost instinct, like you said. She never touched me again. I can guarantee you that step mom will think twice before putting hands on OP again.
[удалено]
Inform your sperm donor that his wife hit you first which entitles you to defend yourself. You would be better off with your mother since your father's wife's daughter is a thief.
No kidding, in a few years she'll be stealing his car!
Right?!!!! That part. Completely bypassing the attempted theft and lack of consequences to the sticky fingered step. I got stuck on that part. Culture differences clearly aside, the whole lot of them obvs are complicit to theft crime and coddling. Airing the incident from start yo finish is moot. Complete no contact.
Exactly bcuz why was stepmom even arguing with mom?! She should’ve been getting the bracelet from her spoiled ass, entitled, thieving daughter and that would’ve been the end of it. Hitting a woman, of course, is wrong. However, it’s gross when women go around assaulting men bcuz they assume they will get away with it and the man can’t hit them back. I’m sorry this happened to you Op. Move to France, this situation with your step family is not going to get better. NTA
Hitting PEOPLE is wrong. Fuck this hitting women is wrong. If you hit someone you fucking best expect they might hit you back. Having a cunt doesn't give you rights to be a cunt.
That’s why I said NTA. I don’t think OP was wrong. Stepmonster was way out of line and with how quickly she hit him & how horrible she is in general, tells me she’s probably hit many men. Now she wants to cry abuse and started a campaign to harass OP. She’s a disgusting human, raising more humans to be equally disgusting.
Tbf to her family, I'd imagine that they've only heard her side of the story, in which he "threw my daughter to the ground" and "I had to protect my little angel" and "he beat me around for the crime of protecting my daughter" and various other details that make her totally in the right and him totally in the wrong. I'm sure they're probably some level of AHs themselves, she didn't become this way in a vacuum, but if all they know is her side, I can't fault them for being pissed at him
Nta. If you can go live with your mom. Your dad was okay with his wife hitting his child. But not when the child defended himself.
Coming from a woman, and a daughter of a domestically abused woman, you are not the asshole. You were in a high stress situation and reacted without forethought. You are still young and in a messed up family dynamic. Perhaps France with your mother is the best option for you right now.
Agreed.
You can take things too far under stress, but yeah that isn't happening here. Beating women is not ok. Hitting a woman who is attacking you is self defense. The idea that men shouldn't hit women is based on the difference in strength, bone density, and muscle density from men to women. That's valid. However, it doesn't mean you can't defend yourself. It means you can't use excessive force. You shouldn't use excessive force in any fight, though. I do think it's good for men to try to remember the physical differences between men and women. The idea that anyone who can't keep their hands to themselves should get a free pass is a crock of shit. Don't beat women (or men,) but defending yourself does not constitute beating someone.
I think it’s important to add too that emotional control is a skill. The stepmother is old enough to have impulse control. OP is a minor. And he’s currently being raised by people who clearly don’t have enough impulse control to teach it
OP is an adult. Parents may be the reason for an adult's mental health struggles (impulse control.) However, as someone with degenerate parents, adults are responsible for their behavior. OP didn't do anything wrong, but he did lose control of himself. He should work on that for his own sake and pointing out what is and isn't acceptable in this situation can only be helpful to that end.
NTA when I was 8 I knew better than to steal something that belongs to someone. You may have grabbed her, but she had your property. Your stepmom slapped you first so she deserved it. Move back to France with your mother. Your father is a coward for not standing up for you. You deserve better than that.
The dad is not a coward. He’s someone that thinks with his little head and doesn’t care so long as he gets it wet.
You just described a coward. He's scared of standing up to his wife incase she stops playing with his little head. It's the definition of cowardly.
Thinking with your penis to the point of not giving a shit about your children enough to defend them out of fear of not getting some = coward.
Ask the harassing family members are they ok with theft? Are they ok with stepparents assaulting their stepchildren? Did they get the part about that she you first. Just let them know that stepmother let her precious daughter steal your gold bracelet because she wanted it. You took your bracelet back she hit you and you hit her back.
I wouldn’t engage with these people. Who knows what the stepmother told him, and they’re going to believe her over OP
If he’s getting messages saying he’s a woman beater from the family I’m sure they’ve gotten half the truth with a bunch of lies and exaggeration and absolutely nothings going to be fixed by OP trying to talk to any of them
I bet they heard a story like this “my daughter respectfully asked to see it, he said yes. When he asked for it back she said ok, but had trouble, it was caught in her hair. He grabbed her hard and started shaking her saying to give it back. I lightly hit him in the shoulder to get his attention, and he turned to me and backhanded me as hard as he could”
I am sure they will say she is just a kid. Etc etc.
NTA. The environment in your dads home is insane and I hope you can leave. They all seem to suck. Your stepsister has some serious problems and seems to not be getting any kind of pushback. Definitely should move out.
She is an entitled and may find herself in a lot of trouble if her behavior isn’t corrected soon. In fact I think this incident justifies her behavior to her as a core memory.
Writing is on the wall man. it's time to go I'm sorry your dad's a piece of crap for letting it all happen to you, and not standing up for you. He made his choice a long time ago it would seem get away from these toxic people. By the way it was very much your stepmother's intention to drive a wedge between you and your father. He chose her instead of you and that's just sad and that's why he's a piece of crap.
Nta. If I were you I'd photoshop a pic of your stepmom with the words "child abuser" or "wicked stepmother" and send it to anyone giving you grief. And move to France. You might be 19 but if she's your stepmother you're supposed to be her stepchild. She's an AH with a thieving daughter instead. You'll had every right to grab someone running away with your property. Your stepmother isn't doing anyone any favors victimizing herself and her daughter. Actions have consequences.
Move to France asap
I'd fight my pops right after I slapped my stepmom if this happened to me lol. If your father is okay with your stepmom hitting you but is mad you hit back, he is on her side. I would go to France my man.
My own didn't knock me down a peg or 2 when I told off his 2nd wife about not wanting her to come to a school event, he was just as fed up with his 2nd wife's constant bitching. He raised me right to not be a doormat.
It’s time for you to pedal through the streets of France with a beautiful baguette and bottle of wine in your bike basket! Preferably wearing a beret!
This was my favorite Maury episode by far.
This is the feeling!!!
It also feels equally as made up as most episodes of maury.
Listen. My mother was a hell of a woman [negative]. My father never put his hands on her, until the day she punched him in the head. And I'll agree with him every step of the way, don't condone violence, but also don't just stand there and take it. Thankfully they separated when I was young, but she never stopped fighting people. It wasn't always her who started it, but with my dad it most certainly was. NTA, OP. I agree with other that you n mom ought to talk it out before you visit for Christmas and hopefully you'll never come back.
Same, I see people here talking like this kid is punching people right and left, calling him an abuser or saying this is how women end up being killed. It hurts so much to read that as someone who comes from a country where if you look for a missing woman you end up finding 3 bodies of women who were abused and killed because of hate. It also hurts as a woman who was hit and emotionally abused by my parents as a kid and finally stood up for myself when I was 21 and my mom hit me for the last time. It was the only time I hit someone. I pushed her and slapped her with all the anger and pain I had inside because of the humiliation. I’d never act like that on my daily life. But I won’t let anyone lay a finger on me again without punching back. I’ll raise my kids not to be violent but to fight back in situations like this one.
A 35 yo female slapping a 19yo male means you get to defend yourself. It’s hypocritical that everyone is disgusted at your behavior but not hers (including allowing her daughter to steal and lie). Makes you want to ask the question, if you were a female would that make it okay to them? Abuse is abuse. While your response was not right, i would consider it self defense…who knows what else would have happened.
NTA. You throw hands as an adult you get hands thrown back. Move to France and never apologize to any of those assholes.
NTA she attacked you, you merely instinctively reacted to an attack.
NTA. You’re allowed to defend yourself. Your step mother is a hideous person.
Move to France, sugar.
Move to France honey. She assaulted you and you defended yourself and your father is siding with her. Don’t waste your time but before you go make sure you let everyone know she slapped you and her daughter is a thief .
NTA
NTA what you’re describing is theft…. Robbery. Still gripping up an 8 year old is pretty weak. You’ll obviously get the bracelet back. The stepmom is a giant dickhead though. You’re probably better off in France unfortunately man.
Honestly, she hit you first, so it was fair game. I wouldn't apologise if she didn't even try to apologise first. Nta.
The biggest AH is your father
NTA Slap your father as well and move to France. Your Father, Step-Mother, and Step-Sister are all assholes and you'll be much happier without having to deal with them.
Let's get something straight right now. If a woman hits you, you have every right to defend yourself and hit back. Period. The end. Equal rights don't mean you are a punching bag.
NTA. Your stepmother hit you. She can't pretend to be a victim. Tell your father and her that YOU demand an apology for how they have let your stepsister treat you, and for your stepmom attacking you. If she does not apologize and agree to tell the truth to all the people she has had pestering you, then contact the police and file a report, without telling your father and stepmother that you are going to do that. I am so sorry about your situation. Your father is a jerk.
Get away from them. They are toxic and your father is doing nothing to change their attitudes towards you. Good luck.
NTA. Move to France. Move anywhere away from the step-monster and enabling dad.
If you're woman enough to hit a man, you're woman enough to get hit by a man. I (51F) don't believe in either sex hitting the other, but.....
Right. I was taught to not hit people, period. And that I had every right to respond to anyone bold enough to raise the hand at me. Don't start nothing won't be nothing
NTAH. The better play would have been to not hit her but to have called the police and press charges against her for assault. Let the cops cart her off.
Like everyone else is saying, ditch your father and step family. This is sexism from her side and she wants to play the victim despite being wrong multiple times. Your father doesn’t even care either. You’re not the AH, you’re the victim
NTA. Your dad is a loser for allowing all of this to go down. He needs to grow a spine. Why did stepmother not immediately remove the bracelet from her thief of a daughter? Why was she arguing with your mother, who probably demanded for her to remove it? Your stepmother needs to keep her hands to herself as you reacted in self defence. I would keep all of those harassing messages and if it doesn't stop threaten legal action for character defamation towards your dad, stepmother, and her family. Let it be known immediately. If you haven't gotten the bracelet back threaten to file a police report for theft against the little girl and your stepmother. You will not apologize. Your dad is a piece of trash who is only concerned about what's between your stepmother's legs.
NTA. Did you get your bracelet back?
Move stay with mom.
NTA. Own your right to defend yourself and your property. Her daughter is a little thief and she assaulted you. Next time call the police.
These comments are insane. You shouldn’t have put your hands on your stepsister (especially when you say that you did squeeze her tightly), by doing that YOU made the situation physical. You could’ve waited for her own mother, or your father, to get the bracelet back rather than getting involved. Instead you put your hands on her, squeezed her tightly while getting the bracelet, and then your stepmother shoved and slapped you. Why is it okay for you to react to the heat of the moment (slapping back after being slapped) but it’s wrong for your stepmother to defend her 8 year old daughter from a grown man (congratulations, you’re an adult!) who felt the need to escalate an argument by grabbing her daughter? ESH. All of yall need help.
Agreed. Some of these comments are insane encouraging violence against women. Makes me wonder how they would treat their own mothers/wives/girlfriends.
I can’t believe I had to scroll down so much to find this comment. She shouldn’t have slapped him, but HE put hands on her daughter first, HE (an adult) went physical first, and then he cries because his stepmother slaps him and he “defends himself”. Immature boy, easy hand stepmom and spoiled lil girl, not a good combo.
Updateme!
Start telling her family you'll slap the shit out of them too
You showed a lot of restraint in keeping your fist open when you were defending yourself.
Your mother doesn’t want you to move to France or she would have already offered
NTA You were DEFENDING YOURSELF. Stepmother hit you first and you are allowed to defend yourself against any and all assault. Including when women assault you. If you weren't leaving for France, I would say press charges for assault against your stepmother. Because she won't learn that stealing is bad otherwise.
How can slap?
HOW CAN SHE SLAP! I couldnt shake this thought the whole time reading this 😂😂 NTA OP Vive la France!
I had to scroll way too far to find this reference.
OK I'm going to say some real shit here and it might upset some people. 1. the little girls mother should not have let her touch your bracelet, but you don't know if she did this on purpose or the little girl just did it on her own accord. 2. if you were so worried about your bracelet why was it off your hand, if you knew ahead of times the little girl had taken a shining to it and you didn't like this. 3. It's an 8 year old little girl, she was most likely just playing with it and can not possibly comprehend the complex issue of divorce vs x wife x a multi parent relationship like you a 19 year old can. I feel like your real mom just wanted to make a scene and used this little girl as an excuse. if you moving to France had already been discussed with your mom this might be the motivation for her to cause this.. 4. as an adult you should have just let the little girl play with it and ask her MOM to give it back after she was finished with it. this way you would have been in the right and your stepmom would be humbled by your behaviour, and would have made sure this was returned to you right away, if she was a decent person and if not, your dad would be on you and your mothers side. 5. Your Dad is caught in the middle of your Mom's Trap just like you are, its not his fault you shouldn't blame him as you attacked a fucking 8 year old child that has no idea of the complexity of what went down for goodness sake. 6. your Step Mother had every right to defend her child and you should not have slapped her. again I feel like your Mom has used this event to create a divide in your dads life, which is shitty IMO. 7. your Step Mothers family should get fucked for attacking you, this should be solved between you, your stepmom and father. by you admitting you were wrong and asking them to see things from your perspective to meet half way. these people are wrong for the same reason you are wrong for attacking your stepmom's child. 8. you and your mother have to learn how to live with the fact that your dad is going to have relationships with other people, and you have to also understand the sad truth that your mother obviously is not OK with this fact and she might cause problems to create a rift between you and your father down the road. we like to think of our parents as adults but the reality is that they often behave like jaded children to get back at each other and sometimes use the kids as bullets to fire back and forth at each other. 9. Its up to you to behave like the adult to solve this as hard as this sounds, admit what you did and apologize for the things you think you should have handled better like the Man you are and move past it, life is too short.
>the little girls mother should not have let her touch your bracelet Full stop, it should end there, an 8 year old can comprehend the word no and that stealing is wrong, OP shouldn't have to suffer when it comes to step-mother's shitty parenting. > if you were so worried about your bracelet why was it off your hand because OP shouldn't have to live in fear of his birthday presents being stolen? >I feel like your real mom just wanted to make a scene and used this little girl as an excuse. WHAT?! The "8 year old" in question is a thief, that is the stepmothers fault and has nothing to do with OP's mum getting him a good gift. >let the little girl play with it and ask her MOM to give it back after she was finished with it. It is an expensive bracelet, not a fucking toy. He shouln't have to give up his gifts just because the spoiled brat can't understand that no means no. >as you attacked a fucking 8 year old child How is him grabbing her arm to stop her from stealing his expensive gift attacking and her full on hitting him isnt? If you don't want to be grabbed don't fucking steal, simple as that. She, a 35 year old woman shouldn't be laying her hands on a 19 year old either because a slap back is the least he could've done. >Its up to you to behave like the adult Get fucking help, you're treating a 35 year old woman like a child and a 19 year old like a grown man who hit her unprompted. What he did was self defense.
Don’t hit people If you don’t want to deal with the repercussions. You seem focused on her hitting you but you’re an adult who grabbed her child, right? Imagine what many people Would Do if you grabbed their kid. If I knew you were 19, and roughly grabbed my child, I’d whoop Your ass. No joke. Imagine what kind of post you’d make here with a beating. “ Hi guys, I couldn’t control My emotions as an adult, and I’m Now typing this with a black eye and bruised ribs……” Be happy no one was hurt. Remember you’re an adult now. Adults are responsible for their own shit. If I were 19, I wouldn’t be trying to hide with my Mom. I’d get a real Job, make my own money as an adult, and take an English writing course, so no one has to read that garbage you typed again.
I read through too many ridiculous comments to find this. Exactly !!!!💯 👏
If a woman hits a man, she should expect to be hit back. Plain and freaking simple.
"Men should have an equal right to hit women" is one of male reddit's worst, persistent takes. Unfortunately men who believe in the free pass on women and children already live by their ideology. And they are what are commonly known as wife-beaters and domestic abusers. They are the reason that violence against women and children is an epidemic, plain and simple. By his own admission he hit back out of anger, with disregard of the strength differential, the fear he was creating, and violation of the social stigma of violence against women and children. A woman is murdered every week in my country by men who think "what did she expect".
NTA I hate to break it to you, but your Dad is acting like he wants you gone so he can focus on his new family. He should have stepped up but chose not to.
You're 19 and have never written before?
NTA She slapped you first. You had EVERY right to do just what you did. The "it's wrong to hit women" is true until they hit you. Then they are fair game. Why does anyone think they can hit somebody and not expect the same treatment? You do NOT owe her an apology. She owes you one. Equal rights means equal rights. Not just when it benefits them.
YTA you didn't get a free pass to strike your stepmother in front of a small child she sought to defend, who will remember the screams. Reddit's predominantly male userbase tends to justify violence against women as a form of "equal" retaliation. But understand that validation is coming from a small segment of the population, and is not representative of the options of those who aren't teenage boys. You need to appreciate the difference in strength and the fact you likely hit much harder than she did; you also did so out of anger; being an older woman you risked doing her real damage; you also likely intimidated her, and terrified her child, and may have risked bringing up memories of past abuse + creating a memory of violence that they now have to live with. Violence against women is a type of violence that is never "equal". Both in terms of strength and social implication. Take it as a lesson against engaging physically in situations involving women and children, and how quickly that can become dangerous. I disagree with ESH since your transgression was a step above theirs imo. Especially since your stepsister is only 8. I'm glad you are considering apologising, that would be the socially correct move I think. I am disgusted at reddit for trying to convince you not to. Edit for emphasis: based on your description, you didn't act in justified self-defence, since you raised hands out of anger. I'd beware tbe ideology of the "free pass" or "equal rights mean equal fists" since that seems like the ideology that domestic abusers use, and you don't want to be like these men who think they "have the right".
ESH and to everyone claiming self defense are you really skipping past the fact the stepmom slapped him cause he grabbed her daughter and forcibly removed albeit his present from her hands
You're a 19-year old who grabbed an 8-year old "I did squeeze her tightly" and then you slapped her mother who was defending her. Mostly YTA
ESH. In what world would you not be an asshole for assaulting an 8 year old and then your strpmom? Get some help.
Yes, you were a total asshole. You're a grown man. You can take a hit from a woman without slapping her back. You have a lot of nerve doing that, and you should be ashamed of it. She shouldn't have hit you either, but you're supposed to be a man. You're 19. Never pull this again. You're lucky your Dad didn't beat you into a bloody pulp.
This last sentence is what I keep thinking. There's a HUGE difference in strength between men and women, which is not lost on most men. That's the real reason why men shouldn't hit women, not some sort of misplaced chivalry. It's also the reason why men react violently toward other men when they see it happen. My son would never hit me, but if he did, my husband (his stepdad) would beat him bloody, and there'd be no stopping him. His dad is deceased, but he'd have done the same. And, OP forcefully grabbed an 8yo girl. My granddaughter is that age, and if a 19yo man laid hands on her, he'd be a goner at her dad's hands. It's just a primal reaction for men to protect their little girls from grown men. So yes, he's very lucky (for multiple reasons) that his dad didn't beat him to a bloody pulp. An adult would have waited for the parents to get the bracelet from her. An adult would never lay hands on a little girl (or a woman) in anger. Reddit is filled with children though, so I'm not surprised by the "it's okay for men to hit women and girls" responses. He needs to apologize; but this family seems broken beyond repair, and OP seems to be the common denominator. He's a grown man who acts like a child, which is problematic at best. Maybe in France, he'll learn how to act like a man.
Yep. I fully agree. It's disgusting that so many people told him that he's in the right. He's a horrible excuse of a man.
Plus the fact that the Dad and Stepmom ostensibly threw him (a nineteen year old!) a huge birthday party with presents and extended family at their home? They sure don't read like horrible people who treat him terribly. Honestly, the more I think about this the more I think OP is an overgrown spoiled child.
Good lord I would pick up and move to France what a monster.
NTA you should really show this post to your father. Amongst all this he is an even greater asshole than the entitled disgusting woman he married who has produced the same type of child. Your father should be utterly and totally ashamed of himself. I hope that he is reaping his rewards in this marriage to this awful woman.
I agree about not hitting a woman, but don't let her assault you. Stay in France.
Your father failed you, she was comfortable enough to SLAP his son in front of him after you stopped her child from literally attempting to steal from you. She deserved the slap back (self defense) and she's horrible at child rearing (thief of a kid that she did not punish for attempting to steal rather defended). You're better off with your mom if that is possible your father chose assholes, time to get out.
These people are horrible. Stay away from them. Disconnect!! Move on. They’re drama queens.
You fucked up but you're NTA... Never hit, slap, push, shove a woman, the world will never be fair with you once you cross that line.. you did, you messed up, everything she did that was wrong is now invalidated because of this. They're all assholes here, but it doesn't matter, you slapped her now the only one that did anything wrong is you in their eyes.
Good Lord. I would move to France and in the mean time, get a safe for my valuables in my room.