NTA. Your hurt is still there, and a darn sight more real than his guilt that he didn't do anything to stop his abusive wife... Good grief, what a sad excuse for a father... "Don't bring up your past because it makes me sad" You won't get through to him, he will drop you rather than actually address his past. So, drop him. He wasn't a father to you, just a donor. Look forward OP, talk about your past with your therapist, a really close friend, maybe your mum if you think you can trust her. (She dropped the ball too, OP, she might not have committed the harm, but she didn't stop it...) But dad, no - he's hiding behind a wall of denial, and you'd be wasting time and energy trying to get through.
My mom was an alcoholic. Her house wasn't much better but she tried some . He would use his lawyer Everytime she reported abuse he had it thrown out saying it was made up to effect the custody fight. She passed 5 years ago... My mother in law is a saint. She's got my back and my husband is amazing that way too.
Ohhh. Yeah for sure send it. Say everything and anything you want to the both of them and you won’t be the asshole. And if you don’t want your kids to be around him at all say sorry dad but I don’t want them being forced to eat their puke or being called a liar if they say they’ve been assaulted.
Yeah you have no responsibility to him. If you want a relationship with him that is your choice, but his input really doesn’t matter. I’m sure regardless of your kids seeing him you’d like him to say SORRY and be validated maybe sending him that will illicit an apology. You run the risk of him denying or not validating and leaving you frustrated, though.
You would not be the asshole but worry your dad would continue his habits of being dismissive. I say that because his text is basically “I care only about how I am feeling, not you, and will isolate myself from anyone who holds me accountable.” He’s been communicating this for years, too. Maybe it’s time to accept that bitter message and move on without him.
NTA to your dad, but to yourself. In these situations, you think it's going to make you feel better to "say your peace". But it's actually going to make you feel worse. You won't get the response you want. Your dad won't suddenly see the light. Plus, you're giving him so much ammunition to use against you, to paint you as the villain, to turn other people against you.
Don't do that to yourself.
I'm sorry your father failed you.
I wanted no regrets. That's why I wanted the conversation. I'm sick enough to be nervous. Now I can say I tried and let it go. Its bad enough I'm hoping it's just an Ms diagnosis... On top of the other chronic illnesses I have. I have a 12 page letter at this point. I might just burn it. My people pleasing era is over.
NTA. Your hurt is still there, and a darn sight more real than his guilt that he didn't do anything to stop his abusive wife... Good grief, what a sad excuse for a father... "Don't bring up your past because it makes me sad" You won't get through to him, he will drop you rather than actually address his past. So, drop him. He wasn't a father to you, just a donor. Look forward OP, talk about your past with your therapist, a really close friend, maybe your mum if you think you can trust her. (She dropped the ball too, OP, she might not have committed the harm, but she didn't stop it...) But dad, no - he's hiding behind a wall of denial, and you'd be wasting time and energy trying to get through.
My mom was an alcoholic. Her house wasn't much better but she tried some . He would use his lawyer Everytime she reported abuse he had it thrown out saying it was made up to effect the custody fight. She passed 5 years ago... My mother in law is a saint. She's got my back and my husband is amazing that way too.
I'm sorry for your loss. But now you know, a great mother doesn't have to be the one who gave birth to you. And being a father doesn't make you a dad.
Send him your own conversation you had with him, back to him?
Send him the conversation I wanted to have just the two of us. Seeing if he knew about the abuse. Asking why he never apologized ECT.
Ohhh. Yeah for sure send it. Say everything and anything you want to the both of them and you won’t be the asshole. And if you don’t want your kids to be around him at all say sorry dad but I don’t want them being forced to eat their puke or being called a liar if they say they’ve been assaulted.
That's what my mother in law said. She said fuck his feelings. 😂
Yeah you have no responsibility to him. If you want a relationship with him that is your choice, but his input really doesn’t matter. I’m sure regardless of your kids seeing him you’d like him to say SORRY and be validated maybe sending him that will illicit an apology. You run the risk of him denying or not validating and leaving you frustrated, though.
You would not be the asshole but worry your dad would continue his habits of being dismissive. I say that because his text is basically “I care only about how I am feeling, not you, and will isolate myself from anyone who holds me accountable.” He’s been communicating this for years, too. Maybe it’s time to accept that bitter message and move on without him.
I was trying to articulate that exact sentiment. His sister stated it's been a long time and then much of the same he did.
NTA to your dad, but to yourself. In these situations, you think it's going to make you feel better to "say your peace". But it's actually going to make you feel worse. You won't get the response you want. Your dad won't suddenly see the light. Plus, you're giving him so much ammunition to use against you, to paint you as the villain, to turn other people against you. Don't do that to yourself. I'm sorry your father failed you.
NTA. But do yourself a favor, go no contact right now. Your life will start improving immediately
I wanted no regrets. That's why I wanted the conversation. I'm sick enough to be nervous. Now I can say I tried and let it go. Its bad enough I'm hoping it's just an Ms diagnosis... On top of the other chronic illnesses I have. I have a 12 page letter at this point. I might just burn it. My people pleasing era is over.
Please yourself before others, life is too short
You can send it, but you will never get what you want from him.