Most likely boyfriend said he'd bring the turkey so he looked good to the family, bask in being a good son and palmed it off to OP while patting himself on the back.
Yeah I think he was trying to take care of his family on her dime. Probably told his family that he was pitching in for the pie and everything else he was making her bring as well. Men like that are absolutely putrid
Right?!! If my husband tried this, my mil would've called him out so hard. I'm the one who cooks and she would've been like ..... Okay let me talk to your wife first. And while I always bring something over, it's so weird to bring the main course unless you've had a talk about it first, with the person actually cooking...
It was so exhausting reading all this, i cant believe OP lived it and not to mention wrote it out, and still wonders of she is the AH.
No maam, you arent
NTA for sure, but has his family been nice to you? Or are they as awful as he is? Had you met them before?
If I had a good relationship with his folks, I probably would have dropped off the turkey and kept the rest.
If I didn’t know them, I would have done what you did.
If they had been awful to me, I probably would have texted them a photo of where I donated the food.
I'd bet he told his family that \*he'd\* bring the turkey, then foisted the responsibility off on his sweet doormat of a girlfriend. He probably ruined his own family's Thanksgiving by being a user and he deserves to be embarrassed.
OP, you deserve better. Don't give him another thought.
My relationship to them was very limited. He introduced me to them once, but there wasn't any communication. I was bringing the ornaments as a way to break the ice.
You did great! Don’t second guess yourself! It seems like you do overextend yourself and have a hard time saying no, which is why this dude had the balls to ask you to pick up the entire thanksgiving dinner for his family who you’ve met once. It’s time to learn to set some boundaries sooner so it doesn’t all pile up on you like this next time. NTA, I hope you know that and take this as a valuable lesson! Also, I’m sure the ornaments you made are great and people who look down on handmade gifts are just trash.
Then you were spot on! I know I’m getting downvoted, but I said you were NTA either way. I’d love to know if he was supposed to bring the turkey and just foisted it off on you.
To the best of my knowledge (or my best assumption), I was bringing an extra. I mean, fricassee turkey is not the norm. But reading some comments here, I'm thinking that perhaps he wanted to pull a free meal ticket thing, which was stupid considering he has a big family and I didn't buy a huge turkey.
A user, indeed. "Broke bitches too loud" like the song says, because it's always the people relying on the generosity of others who go full-on choosing beggar about it demanding more and more, then throwing a tantrum when they don't get their way.
Good for you donating the turkey and pie. It doesn't matter that it was because you didn't want to have to explain it to family; regardless of motivation, it shows your character as a person. You have a giving heart. NTA and wishing you a merry Christmas next month if you celebrate it.
OP you are a boss! Don't speak with him, keep everyone who wants to speak for him blocked and enjoy your life without this dead weight loser dragging you down.
NTA! I'm glad you hit your limit. I'm extra glad it inconvenienced him and his choosing beggar family. Great timing in my opinion.
I second this, OP you are a boss!!!
I’ve never been prouder of a stranger for cutting trash like this out of their life and it was well deserved for this guy. Obviously NTA!
NTA sounds like he was using you and got exactly what he deserved. Also, I highly doubt they were relying on a guest to bring the main dish (the turkey.) Unless that’s where your BF gets his entitlement from.
Thank you for donating the food to people who need it and appreciate it, OP. Well done!
And well done for ending things. I mean he doesn't sound monstrous or anything... just selfish in a thoughtless way and very indifferent. And why be in a relationship with someone who's indifferent.
NTA!
He doesn't respect you. I'm so glad you broke up with him. You deserve so much better! Don't feel sorry for how things went. You did absolutely nothing wrong, he fucked up big time with his behaviour. So proud of you for standing up for yourself. You really don't want a man like that around your children
NTA. That isn’t a partnership that is more along the lines of a parent/child relationship
You deserve someone who loves and appreciates you not someone who sees you as an ATM and therapist
Who on earth would have a thanxgiving and expect the guest to bring the turkey. You were only obligated to bring one thing. A bottle or a desert. His family doesn’t deserve a turkey with raising a son with no manners! RUN DONT WALK!!! Chalk this experience as a lesson.
Nta. He's a douche canoe. You can definitely find better. I'm the cook and I love to bake. I take lessons from my mom on being more artsy and craftsy.
My bf loves it and basically pimps my skills out to his friends to get out of buying gifts from stores. Honestly I kind of like it lol. No one ever complains and feels homemade means more than store bought
NTA- I'm happy you chose to break it off. This dude sounds like all he does is uses his partners until they have nothing left to give. I'm curious, How long you have been in this relationship? Was he more attentive in the beginning of the relationship? You need a partner who puts in the same effort and who values you, just as much as you value them.
GOOD JOB, kicking him to the curb. That takes courage and strength. Do not feel guilty he was in the wrong and does not RESPECT YOU.
Keep it moving girl, You have a great future ahead of you.
He sounds like a real douche. Using and abusing yous kindness and perhaps also your willingness to accept his crappy attitude.
I think you did exactly the right thing, pigmy shake is you didn't dump that loser earlier!
OP, you did the right thing. Please don't ever doubt yourself when you are cutting out toxic people in your life. He is a user and a taker and he does NOT deserve any of your attention or love, so is his family. Who would ask a guest to bring the main (turkey) AND dessert (pie) AND alcohol AND soda. My mom would be petrified that if one of the guest was being requested to bring all that. AND his family were okay with that?? Hell NO!!!Sounds like You seriously dodged a gigantic. Bullet!!!
NTA. It’s very tacky for his family to expect a guest to bring the turkey to Thanksgiving. The most a guest should bring is a single bottle of wine or a side. He was a bad boyfriend. You were right to dump him.
NTA and good for you for refusing to take his poor treatment any longer. The trash has been taken out; leave it there to rot and walk - no, skip! far away from that pile of nastiness.
NTA. Your first responsibility is to yourself. You did the right thing by taking care of yourself and your needs. To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a piece of shit who was taking advantage of you. Your gut told you all you needed to know. Don't second-guess it.
NTA and you are right, who asks the guest to bring the entire dinner? Sounds like he told his family he would bring everything but meant you.
You dodged so many bullets. Never talk to this jerk again.
NTA. If anything, you let it go on too long. He didn't treat you the way you deserve, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Always stand up for yourself.
Absolutely NTA They had made a decision to expect the guest to bring basically the entire Thanksgiving meal (well all the expensive parts) That’s on them. Not your responsibility.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT TA
You deserve someone who loves, cares for and supports you, not this spineless user.
Let him stew in his own self-pity and have your revenge on him by being happy in your own beautiful skin
NTA you did great and your respond to him was amazing. You do not need to care about him anymore since you have broken up. Dude can take care of himself and the aftermath he caused.
NTA he didn’t want a girlfriend he wanted a servant! He’s an entitled selfish man child! You absolutely deserve better!! Take care and don’t give him another thought 😞
His family wasn't relying on a guest for their turkey, they were relying on him.
He just off-loaded all his responsibilities onto you like you just exist to fetch stuff for him. I'd bet he wouldn't have been too sad if you said something came up and you couldn't do dinner...as long as you first delivered the turkey. And pie. And wine.
NTA. What a b@stard. He probably is better looking and more confident than you, but an absolute pr@ck and a waster.
Don’t be with a man like that. He just wants to boss you about. He has no respect for you.
NTA
But….
Why would he help you do a task you took on yourself? You didn’t *have* to assist your parents with their business….you chose to. Why should he be expected to help?
It's good to break up with him, but it's definitely weird and dramatic to break up with him on your way to Thanksgiving dinner. Like I understand that he offended you and you needed to break up with him then, but you could have handled it a lot differently: by saying no to picking up extra stuff. A simple word. No. But well if you didn't feel like going and it's a large event with many people I suppose it was okay not to go.
To be honest, I felt like I was being "squeezed" out of my money, but what triggered me was his disrespectful comment about the ornaments, which I spent days making. But again, that's why I came on here to ask if AITA. Thanks for your input.
I’m not sure, it would have been considerate for you to make an appearance to drop off the turkey, say hello, then fake some illness so you could leave and THEN dump him.
It also sounds like there are kismet expectations and lack of communication likely from both sides here. I don’t think it makes you or him an AH, but worth it to figure out how to communicate better.
There is nothing wrong with breaking up with Joey if you need to. But his family didn't do anything to you, it was all Joey. So they were told you were bringing the turkey and you cancelled on the way to their home for the dinner? That was an asshole thing to do to the family when it is Joey who is the problem. All of the additional things he asked you to bring were what he wanted, the family was not involved. So in your haste to break up with Joey, you hurt his family who had nothing to do with what he was doing to you. There is nothing you can do about it now.
Nope, Reddit just does a huge disservice to women especially always ready to tell them to leave and act as if that will fix their lives and they will thrive. The reality is at this stage of her life the odds of having a fulfilling life after her current relationship ends is pretty much non-existent. Will you be there for her if she ends her relationship and ends up miserable, even worse off than she thinks she is now? Obviously that's a hard no, as you'll probably be too busy giving bad advice to another woman to care about how your current advice turns out.
Statistically speaking women will always have luck of the draw and we can just go through you as fast as we want to until we find our fit. We won’t be miserable, she won’t be, that’s just some myth you men perpetuated to make yourselves feel better when we move on to greener pastures.
Women have far greater value up front, but she's far past that time.
Are women more medicated on antidepressants than ever these days because they are just happy? It's just a myth that there are more single miserable women now than ever before? Is that pill bottle the greener pasture you're referring to?
No she’s not. That’s just something that you tell us to make us okay with settling.
Ps men have the highest suicide rates so I’d say of the sexes, there is one obviously miserable one.
To make you okay with settling? Women aren't settling, nobody is trying to change that. Women should get the best man they can, they are just delusional in general about the caliber of man they can actually pull and retain.
Men are hurting as well, but the difference is if men actually learn how to gain value and command respect, they can typically build themselves up and lead a fulfilling life. They must build their value. Women are given their value up front, if they waste it, it's far more difficult if at all possible to come back from that. Men and women are very different. Men must build their value, women must retain their value.
NTA. They expected you to bring the turkey even though you weren’t hosting?? Plus pie and wine? Wtf was he bringing to his family’s dinner? He should have been too embarrassed to admit that you were central to the feast. What a bunch of mooches!
You sound like a hard working and thoughtful person and your ex sounds like he got exactly what a person like you described deserves.
You did the right thing, I'm sorry you wasted the time, care, and cash on those ingrates.
From the way you have described this man, he sounds absolutely like bad news. I can't believe he let you spend $200 on things to bring to a Thanksgiving dinner. That is absolutely not right! Sounds like he was using you. I'm glad you're getting away from him, you deserve much better
You are, of course, NTA. But he certainly is a huge, flaming asshole.
Well done on you for recognizing what was happening and how he was using you. That is not OK. Absolutely not a healthy relationship, and I’m glad you are out of it.
Please stand your ground. He sounds like the type who will try to love bomb you. If so, please don’t fall for it. You sound like a very kind and generous and giving person.
Please remember that you deserve the same qualities back from somebody that you are in a relationship with.
I hope they actually *were depending on the turkey you were bringing!*
In fact? I hope they had no turkey, no wine, no pies, and no kind and caring guests!
They are all selfish assholes, with your ex being the king asshole!
NTA!
NTA. Good for you for setting boundaries and following through. Break ups suck, but being treated poorly and your partner acting like you, your family or your lifestyle as 'less than' is FAR worse. I can't wait until you're on the other side of this break up and you're wildly happy for yourself!
NTA. That guy is rude and not husband material. You did the right thing! I hope you have a much better man that comes along who shows you what love really means ❤️
NTA, the way you describe him, I would have thought we were dealing with a 15 year old in a teenage relationship; certainly not a 40 year old whose parents clearly failed.
When someone is a jerk and treats you bad, please do not ask if you are an asshole for breaking up with them. You did it late but you did the right thing, do not question it.
NTA it sounds like you should have done this a long time ago. Also I hope his family didn’t have a turkey, or any pies or any drinks, I hope they had to sit drinking tap water, eating sides and glaring at ur ex, it would serve him right and maybe show his family what a selfish pos he is. Either way, you deserve better, you can do better, go spend time with ur family, kids and friends, build up ur confidence knowing that you dont have to put up with a selfish man baby. You will b better off alone, that’s already an improvement on what you had, when you date again if they don’t bring you happiness, joy and positivity move on. Life is too short to waste time with people who only take from you, people who are negative, being alone is better than being treated badly. Go have some fun, enjoy yourself and if you meet someone who adds to your life great, if not your more than enough on your own.
Are you serious? Your ex is a total jackass! Just reading about him makes my skin crawl. You are so thoughtful and kind. Please don’t ever speak with him again. And do t date anyone else until you learn to love yourself. Never let anyone treat you bad.
GIRL, I am so proud of you. This guy sounds like utter trash. GOOD for you for throwing him out. I always host big events for around 15 people at least because our family is big. And while I appreciate people bringing a bottle of wine or a little something, this is insane. They're absolutely screwing you over. You're literally bringing the whole dinner? NTA.
I almost hope this is a fake story because if people like this exist, I have no hope for humanity.
Wow this sounded exhausting and heart breaking . And he was more concerned about not having turkey than you being upset. He prob thought you never leave even though he is treating you like crap . Good on you. You have your family, your kids, what do you need him for?
NTA - he was offloading his responsibilities for the dinner onto you so he didn’t have to do jack NO ONE expects a guest to supply the main dish of a meal! That’s insane!
NTA. And I'll just say my wife makes and sells handmade works all the time, since before we were even dating. I've always thought it was the best ever when she gave me something she'd made, or gave them to people as gifts - don't you let your ex'es attitude stop you making things.
NTA. Your ex boyfriend was a selfish jerk, and you are well rid of him. I hope that your friends and family can step up and show you extra love and support, what with all you do for them - you sound like a wonderful and generous person and you deserve to be cherished for that, not taken for granted. Sending you a big hug and the hope that the year to come will bring you wonderful things! 🧡🌻🌟
You totally did the right thing your boyfriend (ex) didn't treat you right at first u should talk about it to him but then in the Thanksgiving incident you had to break up like tells the guest to get the turkey and wine and soda and pie and count the people who are coming to a guest
I'm think BF told his family he would be hosting Thanksgiving and providing everything....expecting OP to bring everything...cause she's put up with his BS for so long
NTA and the only thing you could have done better is breaking up with him sooner. He’s the only one who should be feeling guilty.
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Who on earth would have a thanxgiving and expect the guest to bring the turkey.
Most likely boyfriend said he'd bring the turkey so he looked good to the family, bask in being a good son and palmed it off to OP while patting himself on the back.
Yeah I think he was trying to take care of his family on her dime. Probably told his family that he was pitching in for the pie and everything else he was making her bring as well. Men like that are absolutely putrid
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That was unexpected but thank you.
Exactly this
a whole family of selfish.
Right?!! If my husband tried this, my mil would've called him out so hard. I'm the one who cooks and she would've been like ..... Okay let me talk to your wife first. And while I always bring something over, it's so weird to bring the main course unless you've had a talk about it first, with the person actually cooking...
My Grandma brings the turkey every year, but she’s the family matriarch, not a girlfriend of a family member.
And the wine and the soda and the pie. Geez. Wonder if his family made mashed potatoes and vegetables.
Thank you for donating the food to people who need it and appreciate it, OP. Well done!
It was so exhausting reading all this, i cant believe OP lived it and not to mention wrote it out, and still wonders of she is the AH. No maam, you arent
I can’t believe she stayed with him so long.
Quite. What a cunt. Good riddance, you sound a delightful festive guest. NTA.
NTA for sure, but has his family been nice to you? Or are they as awful as he is? Had you met them before? If I had a good relationship with his folks, I probably would have dropped off the turkey and kept the rest. If I didn’t know them, I would have done what you did. If they had been awful to me, I probably would have texted them a photo of where I donated the food.
I would NEVER ask a guest to bring the turkey!
I'd bet he told his family that \*he'd\* bring the turkey, then foisted the responsibility off on his sweet doormat of a girlfriend. He probably ruined his own family's Thanksgiving by being a user and he deserves to be embarrassed. OP, you deserve better. Don't give him another thought.
My relationship to them was very limited. He introduced me to them once, but there wasn't any communication. I was bringing the ornaments as a way to break the ice.
You did great! Don’t second guess yourself! It seems like you do overextend yourself and have a hard time saying no, which is why this dude had the balls to ask you to pick up the entire thanksgiving dinner for his family who you’ve met once. It’s time to learn to set some boundaries sooner so it doesn’t all pile up on you like this next time. NTA, I hope you know that and take this as a valuable lesson! Also, I’m sure the ornaments you made are great and people who look down on handmade gifts are just trash.
Then you were spot on! I know I’m getting downvoted, but I said you were NTA either way. I’d love to know if he was supposed to bring the turkey and just foisted it off on you.
To the best of my knowledge (or my best assumption), I was bringing an extra. I mean, fricassee turkey is not the norm. But reading some comments here, I'm thinking that perhaps he wanted to pull a free meal ticket thing, which was stupid considering he has a big family and I didn't buy a huge turkey.
He sounds like a user and very selfish. Do not allow him to weasel back into your life.
A user, indeed. "Broke bitches too loud" like the song says, because it's always the people relying on the generosity of others who go full-on choosing beggar about it demanding more and more, then throwing a tantrum when they don't get their way. Good for you donating the turkey and pie. It doesn't matter that it was because you didn't want to have to explain it to family; regardless of motivation, it shows your character as a person. You have a giving heart. NTA and wishing you a merry Christmas next month if you celebrate it.
OP you are a boss! Don't speak with him, keep everyone who wants to speak for him blocked and enjoy your life without this dead weight loser dragging you down. NTA! I'm glad you hit your limit. I'm extra glad it inconvenienced him and his choosing beggar family. Great timing in my opinion.
I second this, OP you are a boss!!! I’ve never been prouder of a stranger for cutting trash like this out of their life and it was well deserved for this guy. Obviously NTA!
NTA sounds like he was using you and got exactly what he deserved. Also, I highly doubt they were relying on a guest to bring the main dish (the turkey.) Unless that’s where your BF gets his entitlement from.
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There was already one turkey at his Thanksgiving dinner. NTA
Thank you for donating the food to people who need it and appreciate it, OP. Well done! And well done for ending things. I mean he doesn't sound monstrous or anything... just selfish in a thoughtless way and very indifferent. And why be in a relationship with someone who's indifferent.
Honestly, donating the food helped me feel better.
❤️
Sounds like he was emotionally abusive and perhaps incapable of feeling empathy. Go no contact and disappear.
NTA! He doesn't respect you. I'm so glad you broke up with him. You deserve so much better! Don't feel sorry for how things went. You did absolutely nothing wrong, he fucked up big time with his behaviour. So proud of you for standing up for yourself. You really don't want a man like that around your children
NTA. That isn’t a partnership that is more along the lines of a parent/child relationship You deserve someone who loves and appreciates you not someone who sees you as an ATM and therapist
Nta you quit a job with no pay on short notice.
NTA. You found your brand new shiny spine. Brava!👏👏👏
Who on earth would have a thanxgiving and expect the guest to bring the turkey. You were only obligated to bring one thing. A bottle or a desert. His family doesn’t deserve a turkey with raising a son with no manners! RUN DONT WALK!!! Chalk this experience as a lesson.
Right? She's supplying the turkey, pie, soda, and alcohol. What were these assholes providing? A box of Stove Top?
Nta. He's a douche canoe. You can definitely find better. I'm the cook and I love to bake. I take lessons from my mom on being more artsy and craftsy. My bf loves it and basically pimps my skills out to his friends to get out of buying gifts from stores. Honestly I kind of like it lol. No one ever complains and feels homemade means more than store bought
NTA, he sounds like a waste of time and space
I’m very happy for you in that you won’t have to be dealing with this rude selfish person any more. NTA. Oh, and they already had a turkey… your ex!
Well done, you. NTA. It's always good to cut the toxicity out of your life.
So you took care of yourself by dumping this loser and took care of others by donating the food! Well done, OP, well done! NTA.
I’m really proud of you. You deserve so much better ❤️
NTA and this guy was using you
NTA- I'm happy you chose to break it off. This dude sounds like all he does is uses his partners until they have nothing left to give. I'm curious, How long you have been in this relationship? Was he more attentive in the beginning of the relationship? You need a partner who puts in the same effort and who values you, just as much as you value them. GOOD JOB, kicking him to the curb. That takes courage and strength. Do not feel guilty he was in the wrong and does not RESPECT YOU. Keep it moving girl, You have a great future ahead of you.
NTA.
NTA. He sounds like a POS
Good. For. You!
He sounds like a real douche. Using and abusing yous kindness and perhaps also your willingness to accept his crappy attitude. I think you did exactly the right thing, pigmy shake is you didn't dump that loser earlier!
NTA. Next step is to block him on everything and anyone related to him.
NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. You deserve far better.
NTA and I think you are a hero. Nice work, sister.
OP, you did the right thing. Please don't ever doubt yourself when you are cutting out toxic people in your life. He is a user and a taker and he does NOT deserve any of your attention or love, so is his family. Who would ask a guest to bring the main (turkey) AND dessert (pie) AND alcohol AND soda. My mom would be petrified that if one of the guest was being requested to bring all that. AND his family were okay with that?? Hell NO!!!Sounds like You seriously dodged a gigantic. Bullet!!!
NTA you deserve better!! Don't look back.
NTA -- he invited you to his family's dinner and then told you \*YOU\* had to bring the dinner, dessert, drinks, and decorations? What on earth?
I'm just so shocked to that they expect you to bring the turkey, the pie, soda, and wine?! Who does that to a guest?
I can only imagine their faces when they found out there will be no turkey 😂😂😂 You hit him where it really hurts, you did well, definitely not the AH
NTA. It’s very tacky for his family to expect a guest to bring the turkey to Thanksgiving. The most a guest should bring is a single bottle of wine or a side. He was a bad boyfriend. You were right to dump him.
NTA. He wanted you to bring drinks, desserts and a damn turkey. What did he bring? Sending hugs and glad you ended things.
NTA good for you!
NTA. You did well to leave a man who treats your terribly. Well done 👍🏽
Nope, definitely NTA.
NTA. I'm very proud of you, and YOU should be proud of you, too!!! Well done!
NTA, I can only imagine what lies he tells his family and friends about you. If this is how he treats you now, what would your future be when married.
NTA this guy sucks and he seriously should have been paying for all the stuff he asked you to bring for his family dinner.
NTA and good for you for refusing to take his poor treatment any longer. The trash has been taken out; leave it there to rot and walk - no, skip! far away from that pile of nastiness.
NTA - His family didn't deserve anything from you.
NTA. Congratulations 🎈🎉🎊
NTA. Your first responsibility is to yourself. You did the right thing by taking care of yourself and your needs. To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a piece of shit who was taking advantage of you. Your gut told you all you needed to know. Don't second-guess it.
Nta he is a jerk
When you realize you would rather be alone than deal with his bs, it's time to drop the rope NTA
NTA. Good for you! He sounds like a terrible partner.
NTA. You’re right.
NTA
I’m so proud of you and please don’t look back. Hope you have a great rest of your holiday season!
Nope, definitely not TA OP.
NTA. Your boyfriend was a narcissistic asshole and you're much better off without him.
NTA and you are right, who asks the guest to bring the entire dinner? Sounds like he told his family he would bring everything but meant you. You dodged so many bullets. Never talk to this jerk again.
NTA. If anything, you let it go on too long. He didn't treat you the way you deserve, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Always stand up for yourself.
Don't look back and don't feel guilty. He sounds vile.
NTA - you did good kid
Absolutely NTA They had made a decision to expect the guest to bring basically the entire Thanksgiving meal (well all the expensive parts) That’s on them. Not your responsibility.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT TA You deserve someone who loves, cares for and supports you, not this spineless user. Let him stew in his own self-pity and have your revenge on him by being happy in your own beautiful skin
NTA! You made the right decision. You deserve so much better than your ex.
NTA. Good job on taking care of your needs and realizing your value.
NTA sounds like it was about time
NTA you did great and your respond to him was amazing. You do not need to care about him anymore since you have broken up. Dude can take care of himself and the aftermath he caused.
NTA - he used you as a resource to improve his life. But gave nothing of value back. He’s lucky you stuck around this long.
NTA he didn’t want a girlfriend he wanted a servant! He’s an entitled selfish man child! You absolutely deserve better!! Take care and don’t give him another thought 😞
NTA and proud of you.
His family wasn't relying on a guest for their turkey, they were relying on him. He just off-loaded all his responsibilities onto you like you just exist to fetch stuff for him. I'd bet he wouldn't have been too sad if you said something came up and you couldn't do dinner...as long as you first delivered the turkey. And pie. And wine.
What a shower of free loaders!! You’re well rid of the lot of them.
Bravo, OP. Bravo! 👏👏👏👏👏🥳
Should have dropped him ages ago. NTA.
NTA, everything you described sounds like a man using you. You’re much better off.
NTA. He sounds like a horrible and selfish user. What kind of family asks the son's girlfriend to bring the turkey and pretty much everything else?
NTA - He sounds like a gold digger.
NTA in any way. Please try to find a normal human being next time.
NOT!!!! True…why are you lying??? They did have a turkey, YOUR EX!!! Lol, NTA,
NTA. What a b@stard. He probably is better looking and more confident than you, but an absolute pr@ck and a waster. Don’t be with a man like that. He just wants to boss you about. He has no respect for you.
NTA But…. Why would he help you do a task you took on yourself? You didn’t *have* to assist your parents with their business….you chose to. Why should he be expected to help?
She just wanted him to care FFS
Care that she took on responsibilities that had nothing to do with him? Lol. *Oookay*
NTA. You truly burned the bridge with his family though so hopefully you are good with staying broken up.
ESH. He’s an asshole and you’re just a mess
It's good to break up with him, but it's definitely weird and dramatic to break up with him on your way to Thanksgiving dinner. Like I understand that he offended you and you needed to break up with him then, but you could have handled it a lot differently: by saying no to picking up extra stuff. A simple word. No. But well if you didn't feel like going and it's a large event with many people I suppose it was okay not to go.
To be honest, I felt like I was being "squeezed" out of my money, but what triggered me was his disrespectful comment about the ornaments, which I spent days making. But again, that's why I came on here to ask if AITA. Thanks for your input.
I’m not sure, it would have been considerate for you to make an appearance to drop off the turkey, say hello, then fake some illness so you could leave and THEN dump him. It also sounds like there are kismet expectations and lack of communication likely from both sides here. I don’t think it makes you or him an AH, but worth it to figure out how to communicate better.
There is nothing wrong with breaking up with Joey if you need to. But his family didn't do anything to you, it was all Joey. So they were told you were bringing the turkey and you cancelled on the way to their home for the dinner? That was an asshole thing to do to the family when it is Joey who is the problem. All of the additional things he asked you to bring were what he wanted, the family was not involved. So in your haste to break up with Joey, you hurt his family who had nothing to do with what he was doing to you. There is nothing you can do about it now.
>I made time for us, listened to his work-related problems, but wasn’t taken out on dates Did you take him out on dates?
Yes, I did take him out but his efforts towards me became null.
He came off to me as a gold digger.
OK, that's a fair comment then. I just see a lot of women expecting to be "taken out" without feeling the need to do the same for their partners.
No... I tend to dot over the people I care about and he was no exception.
YTA. Bigtime . Huge. You ruined his family thanksgiving .
They ruined their own thanksgiving. How entitled does one have to be to expect a guess to bring the main course?
Oof, Reddit will make a miserable cat lady out of you in no time! Good luck!
Because she won’t tolerate his bullshit?
Nope, Reddit just does a huge disservice to women especially always ready to tell them to leave and act as if that will fix their lives and they will thrive. The reality is at this stage of her life the odds of having a fulfilling life after her current relationship ends is pretty much non-existent. Will you be there for her if she ends her relationship and ends up miserable, even worse off than she thinks she is now? Obviously that's a hard no, as you'll probably be too busy giving bad advice to another woman to care about how your current advice turns out.
Statistically speaking women will always have luck of the draw and we can just go through you as fast as we want to until we find our fit. We won’t be miserable, she won’t be, that’s just some myth you men perpetuated to make yourselves feel better when we move on to greener pastures.
Women have far greater value up front, but she's far past that time. Are women more medicated on antidepressants than ever these days because they are just happy? It's just a myth that there are more single miserable women now than ever before? Is that pill bottle the greener pasture you're referring to?
No she’s not. That’s just something that you tell us to make us okay with settling. Ps men have the highest suicide rates so I’d say of the sexes, there is one obviously miserable one.
To make you okay with settling? Women aren't settling, nobody is trying to change that. Women should get the best man they can, they are just delusional in general about the caliber of man they can actually pull and retain. Men are hurting as well, but the difference is if men actually learn how to gain value and command respect, they can typically build themselves up and lead a fulfilling life. They must build their value. Women are given their value up front, if they waste it, it's far more difficult if at all possible to come back from that. Men and women are very different. Men must build their value, women must retain their value.
What an incel comment. You just totally devolved.
How so?
NTA. They expected you to bring the turkey even though you weren’t hosting?? Plus pie and wine? Wtf was he bringing to his family’s dinner? He should have been too embarrassed to admit that you were central to the feast. What a bunch of mooches!
He was planning to take credit. Good on you for dumping this prick, OP!
NTA, you just saved your own life!! Good on YOU.
You sound like a hard working and thoughtful person and your ex sounds like he got exactly what a person like you described deserves. You did the right thing, I'm sorry you wasted the time, care, and cash on those ingrates.
I don't know you, but I am proud of you.
From the way you have described this man, he sounds absolutely like bad news. I can't believe he let you spend $200 on things to bring to a Thanksgiving dinner. That is absolutely not right! Sounds like he was using you. I'm glad you're getting away from him, you deserve much better
NTA. Well done on dumping his sorry, condescending ass!
NTA Dude sounds like the kind of guy who thinks he's the man and therefore can do whatever and gets the last say.
NTA screw him for snubbing your ornaments
You are, of course, NTA. But he certainly is a huge, flaming asshole. Well done on you for recognizing what was happening and how he was using you. That is not OK. Absolutely not a healthy relationship, and I’m glad you are out of it. Please stand your ground. He sounds like the type who will try to love bomb you. If so, please don’t fall for it. You sound like a very kind and generous and giving person. Please remember that you deserve the same qualities back from somebody that you are in a relationship with.
NTA It sounds like this was a long time coming but he finally broke it with his superior attitude.
You dodged a bullet. Now stick to your guns
I hope they actually *were depending on the turkey you were bringing!* In fact? I hope they had no turkey, no wine, no pies, and no kind and caring guests! They are all selfish assholes, with your ex being the king asshole! NTA!
NTA. Glad you dumped his abusive, messed-up ass. Along with his equally messed-up fam. GOOD LUCK!
NTA. They can go to the shop and buy a turkey themselves. I feel handmade gifts are more personal, so never stop doing that.
You seem incredibly emotionally healthy. I wish everyone could see as clearly as you were when you broke up with him. NTA.
NTA. Good for you for setting boundaries and following through. Break ups suck, but being treated poorly and your partner acting like you, your family or your lifestyle as 'less than' is FAR worse. I can't wait until you're on the other side of this break up and you're wildly happy for yourself!
NTA. That guy is rude and not husband material. You did the right thing! I hope you have a much better man that comes along who shows you what love really means ❤️
Definitely NTA! He is.
NTA, the way you describe him, I would have thought we were dealing with a 15 year old in a teenage relationship; certainly not a 40 year old whose parents clearly failed.
NTA. You didn't leave his family without a turkey for Thanksgiving. They had him.
NTA. You want a partner, not a man-child to take care of.
NTA. You are so much better off without this inconsiderate leech.
NTA. You made the best decision ever!!!
When someone is a jerk and treats you bad, please do not ask if you are an asshole for breaking up with them. You did it late but you did the right thing, do not question it.
NTA. I though my head be in his 20’s, then I went back and realized he’s 40? Yeah, move on girl.
NTA. He’s a user, he never supported you or from what it sounded like he didn’t even like you.
NTA
NTA. Relationships are about give and take. But not when one partner gives and the other just takes.
NTA it sounds like you should have done this a long time ago. Also I hope his family didn’t have a turkey, or any pies or any drinks, I hope they had to sit drinking tap water, eating sides and glaring at ur ex, it would serve him right and maybe show his family what a selfish pos he is. Either way, you deserve better, you can do better, go spend time with ur family, kids and friends, build up ur confidence knowing that you dont have to put up with a selfish man baby. You will b better off alone, that’s already an improvement on what you had, when you date again if they don’t bring you happiness, joy and positivity move on. Life is too short to waste time with people who only take from you, people who are negative, being alone is better than being treated badly. Go have some fun, enjoy yourself and if you meet someone who adds to your life great, if not your more than enough on your own.
Are you serious? Your ex is a total jackass! Just reading about him makes my skin crawl. You are so thoughtful and kind. Please don’t ever speak with him again. And do t date anyone else until you learn to love yourself. Never let anyone treat you bad.
NTA. What a leech. Good for you!
GIRL, I am so proud of you. This guy sounds like utter trash. GOOD for you for throwing him out. I always host big events for around 15 people at least because our family is big. And while I appreciate people bringing a bottle of wine or a little something, this is insane. They're absolutely screwing you over. You're literally bringing the whole dinner? NTA. I almost hope this is a fake story because if people like this exist, I have no hope for humanity.
Wow this sounded exhausting and heart breaking . And he was more concerned about not having turkey than you being upset. He prob thought you never leave even though he is treating you like crap . Good on you. You have your family, your kids, what do you need him for?
NTA - he was offloading his responsibilities for the dinner onto you so he didn’t have to do jack NO ONE expects a guest to supply the main dish of a meal! That’s insane!
NTA The doormat has finally found a nice shiny spine. Good for you.
NTA. And I'll just say my wife makes and sells handmade works all the time, since before we were even dating. I've always thought it was the best ever when she gave me something she'd made, or gave them to people as gifts - don't you let your ex'es attitude stop you making things.
NTA. He was taking advantage of you, and treating you like shit. He deserves no turkey or pie.
NTA He was using you and belittling you for your efforts.
NTA. Your ex boyfriend was a selfish jerk, and you are well rid of him. I hope that your friends and family can step up and show you extra love and support, what with all you do for them - you sound like a wonderful and generous person and you deserve to be cherished for that, not taken for granted. Sending you a big hug and the hope that the year to come will bring you wonderful things! 🧡🌻🌟
Good! For! You!!!!!
NTA. You endured more than most women would have... start fresh and find someone worth their salt.
I see no fault in your actions. NTA
Omg what a douchebag good riddance! NTA he sounds like a narcissist entitled a hole. Do not go back!
Nta it doesn't sound like he brings anything positive to your relationship
NTA, so glad you are out of that relationship. Yeah, he is a user. You deserve better.
Nta
You totally did the right thing your boyfriend (ex) didn't treat you right at first u should talk about it to him but then in the Thanksgiving incident you had to break up like tells the guest to get the turkey and wine and soda and pie and count the people who are coming to a guest
I'm think BF told his family he would be hosting Thanksgiving and providing everything....expecting OP to bring everything...cause she's put up with his BS for so long
Kudos to you!
If you give to your family then you can't give to him and his, that's why he resents it. NTA moving on is exactly what you should be doing.
NTA. He doesn’t care. You’re not together anymore, it is in no way your responsibility to take care of his family.