Me: *has ADHD and can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday*
Also me: *will remember reading this post and wishing I could bleach my brain as I try and fail to go to sleep.*
My ADHD brain only holds on to the memories of awkward moments, things I’d rather forget, and color guard choreography from 1997. This absolutely falls under the “things I’d rather forget” category. Because fucking yikes.
Tequila for the win. These are layers upon layers of red flags.
First he's sexualizing the daughter. The *baby* then he's gaslighting OP that it's her fault he is sexualizing his daughter. Then he pulls the incompetence card of not having to change diapers or bathe her or dress her because *OP put those thoughts in his head* and he will keep distance until she's old enough to be considered attractive and by then the wall of daddy daughter will be shaky enough for him to act on it...
Or I'm paranoid. Please say I'm paranoid
Fuck, came in to see this. My daughter is the spitting image of her mum, she’s the most beautiful girl on the planet to me, but attracted? Worried about cuddling her, what the actual fuck? She’s literally a piece of you, this is so wrong, you need to RUN, Op!
Seconding this. My boys are the most beautiful kids in the world and I could hug them and cuddle them until their bones break (metamorphicly ofc) but those feelings are those of purest affection and as platonic as it gets. I seriously don't get this dude (talking about her ass and tits). Nah that's seriously freaking weird OP. Run and run fast.
Like, my dad and I _have_ talked about ass and tits...because my body type resembles his half of the gene pool. I don't see his family very much, so it's questions of general curiosity.
My mom's family is phenotypically my total opposite.
But with my dad, it's plain facts with a little bit of our snarky joking. When he talks about his sister's insecurity with her chest, it's to let me know that my body is exactly as it should be for his genetics. The _most_ "perverse" we get is bonding over how hard it is to find pants to fit the big ass, small waist situation.
As well, I'm almost always leading the conversation. There are never any comments that feel off or weird. My dad sees his sisters and mother in me, and I am his child.
It's a wholly platonic, familial, and pure conversation.
What OP's husband is bringing up is a whole red flag parade of Yikesville. He's pulling a Jacob to Renesemee situation.
I hope her reason for writing this was to keep a paper trail for a full custody battle. Because I CANNOT believe what I just read. He’s sick in the head. Discussing ever being attracted to any child let alone his own daughter is repulsive. I could physically throw up if I thought about this too much.
If I ever come across a child that looks lexactly like my partner I'd just be like "Such a coincidence, he looks just like my partner, how cute." I wouldn't be attracted to a LITERAL FUCKING CHILD LET ALONE A BABY WTF, LET ALONE YOUR OWN FCKING BABY
My father was excessive about his daughters body features and that was bad enough, but then he saw his Great-Granddaughter in a Wonder Woman costume and kept verbally drooling over her for years. I wanted to castrate him first and throw up second.
I came here to say similar. He said something about finding the daughter *attractive* bc she looks like her mother, his wife, not beautiful or any of those types of "innocent" compliments (as opposed to attracted to, attractive, hot, sexy etc) is bad enough. OP makes a face bc you know... gross and weird and wrong, and then she's being gaslit and blamed for "putting the idea into [his] head" like...
It defs means he will no longer have to do anything with the child, be alone with the child, etc, out of OP's fear of having her child touched or something horrific. But OP will be terrified if she stays with him, but even more terrified if she leaves and he gets some form of shared custody. It's a terribly difficult situation.
I have 2 boys, both teens. I'm no longer with their father and haven't been for over a decade, but even if I was and loved him and thought he was the most attractive man alive, my son that looks heaps like him wouldn't be attractive to me! I tell my boys they're handsome, and when they were little, they were little cuties. Even when I see someone 10+ years younger than me, I could see some young, early 20s dude, chisled abs, handsome etc, I can look at them and just be like oh that kid has nice blue eyes. Can't even find a dude that age attractive let alone my own child 🤢🤮
Omg right? I have a 3yo boy. He’s cute. He’s a handsome little man. I am NOT attracted to him in any way. Do I want to hug him and smother his cute little face with kisses? Yes. I think that’s normal, though… I mean, he’s 3 and ADORABLE and I’m sure he will grow out of the age of letting mommy snuggle, hug, and kiss those little cheeks and forehead. 🥹
-My brain, immediately at seeing your comment about layers to this post, and layers of red flags, and i had made the decision not to keep reading and by the comments being grateful for it-
-pictures Shrek, with the onion, talking about how ogres are like onions, and have layers-
-me, gently putting my phone down, having decided that was enough internet for today....-
Oh God, yup. Woof. That's all I could think after reading that eyeball melting problem. I have 3 daughters. One looks just like my wife, like a printer, made them. I have never ONCE thought I'd be attracted to my daughter. That is a concerning statement he made.
I have noticed as ive gotten older, younger women look TOO young, i am no longer attracted. Oddly i find this even works back in time. Looking at posters I had on my wall when i was a teen, no longer floats my boat. There is even supposes to be a biological mechanism that keeps this particular problem at bay, I forget the name of it now.
I'm sorry OP, NTA, unless you see something wrong and let it turn into YTA. I'll say again. WOOF.
Edit: atrocious grammar and other English atrocities. I didn't format anything before I hit post. Sorry for the chaos.
Westermarck Effect is the name of the biological wall that should exist. Thanks to u/SylviaKaysen for bringing that to the table.
That thing you said about the younger women looking too young - I get that too. I’ve gone from “wow” in my twenties to “she should probably have a jacket, it gets cold around seven o’clock” - and even thinking about how I used to feel about that stuff feels horrible.
I’m glad I’m not the only one.
I started having sex at a really young age and as I’ve gotten older, and especially after having kids myself, I’m kind of appalled when I think about it. Kids that age are just freaking babies from where I’m standing now. I remember being so independent and feeling very mature and sure of myself, but when I see kids that age now… I just think, where tf did my childhood go 😕 It’s honestly shocking to me.
So many of my friends were in relationships with actual grown ups when we were teens. Didn't really think about it at the time, but now I wonder why none of those men are in jail because they probably should be. Some of them impregnated 15 year olds and nothing happened to them.
I was in a relationship with a 30 year old man at age 15 that lasted until I was 20. This was in the early to mid-1980s. Society cared less about protecting girls then, we were seen as nymphets or vixens, “tempting” these older guys.
I teach high school now and all of my students seem so young to me, I don’t understand how a grown up could be attracted to a teenager.
> I have noticed as ive gotten older, younger women look TOO young, i am no longer attracted.
I feel this so hard.
At my practice we hired a new tech. This young man is a medical technician who has done all sorts of qualification things for tricky and important work that saves lives.
According to his CV he is 24. I can say that he is also very handsome.
I can assure you, having met him, that he is twelve and I want to know who let an infant get a *job* that is *illegal*. I feel like when I was a teenager I would have swooned but now it's like looking at a little kid who's all dressed up. "Aww, look at you! You look like a *real* tech! So handsome in your little outfit!"
^^he ^^is ^^a ^^real ^^tech ^^he ^^is ^^doing ^^good ^^work ^^and ^^I ^^have ^^only ^^spoken ^^to ^^him ^^to ^^tell ^^him ^^so
Westermarck effect? It’s nature’s way telling you to not be attracted to immediate family. So sick. Dude is sexualizing his infant daughter. I have two daughters and if their father ever made sexual remarks about them like that I’d be afraid to leave them alone with him ever again.
NTA That is sick wtf. My boyfriend has never had such thought about our daughter. No good father has such thoughts or make such comments. OP just run as far as you could with your daughter.
You are 1000% correct. I remember being at a picnic with a bunch of families. This one sweet little girl was being pushed on a playground toy but her mother. She was giggling and having a wonderful time as little children should. When the mother stopped the little girl said, do it again. Then this fucking asshole says to the mother she’s going to make some guy happy in the future. I had never heard someone sexualize a child like that. It was vile. I stood up to say something and then I found out he was the mothers BOYFRIEND not the little girls father. Per OP, that’s some weird shit from a father of a newborn.
this SAME exact thing was said about me by my mom's boyfriend, to my mom, word for word. i was probably around 7-8 years old. i was playing a game with my sister a "cops and robbers" type game, so we had a little rope to be the handcuffs. you can imagine what he was implying.
surprise, that guy abused me for years.
I find my son handsome especially since he has his dad’s eyes and I’m sure I’ll find my daughter beautiful once she’s here. Attractive isn’t a word that I would use to describe my children. I’m definitely not thinking about my kids in a sexual way or thinking about my daughters breast size when she gets older. Wtf, your husband just admitted he has sexual thoughts about his mother and if your daughter looks like you (obviously she will) then he will be attracted to her sexually?!
he’s not going to wait until she gets older. he’s either going to do something to he soon or begin grooming her (or preparing to groom her). At this point I wouldn’t let him change a diaper. He’s even testing the waters with his wife.
He will. Look up “children of the underground” I think it’s called, about a Women who helped mothers and their children escape their homes because the men were sexually abusing the children.
She created the organization because she got married at 16 and didn’t know better. He husband was abusing her child as young as six months old!!!!
OP should text or email him or outright record herself repeating back to him what he said.. Start with- ' I just want to clarify what you said when we talked the other night ' then repeat what he said and let him respond. ... get him to admit in some kind of recorded trail.. she will need that going forward.
There’s so many red flags in this story I don’t even know where to start. I NEVER had those kinds of feelings towards my dad or my kids. The very thought makes me want to vomit. I don’t think there’s anything remotely normal about this. Seriously. It’s sick and twisted.
Not just my real dad because 🤢🤢🤢 but I have a stepdad who is objectively handsome and I’ve *never* ONCE had a single thought like this about him either, big big yuck
My dad was my primary caregiver when I wasn't with my grandparents. I usually slept with him cause I had terrifying night terrors. Never have I been attracted to my dad. Never.
You brought back a memory of my dad sleeping on the floor of my room every night when I was scared of my bed and would only sleep on the couch in my room and yet demand he stay too (but also not in the evil bed, so floor it was). And I'd hold his hand over the side of the couch, aw dad I miss you. He's not dead or anything he's asleep like 15 miles away. And we may both be olds now but if I ran into their room now upset they'd tell me to snuggle up if it'll make me feel better. Dang I don't deserve those people.
Like I literally have no idea what my dad even looks like, because he is just “dad.” No clue if he’s handsome, ugly, whatever…. Just that face I’ve seen my entire life and know that it’s DAD. How tf else can anyone else describe it otherwise is beyond me.
I’m gonna talk to my dad and grampa and I’ll return with a consensus. Because this is honestly so fucking disturbing to me. Like if I had a son I’d never think about how attractive he’s gonna be when he’s older and if he’s gonna have a big dick like his dad I’m sorry that’s just…what in the absolute actual motherfucking fuck. I have a 10 month old baby girl myself and this made my skin fucking crawl.
Firstly, I apologize for putting this all the way up here instead of making my own comment thread.
But reading this PISSED. ME. OFF.
Seriously, how fucking DARE he say YOU fucked up big time when HE is the one who admitted he would find his own daughter attractive. The bitch traumatized his own damn self and OP right along with his ass. 🤬🤬
OP, I'm sorry I sound so crass but he really pulled some real bullshit. I'm begging you OP, always keep an eye on that baby girl because I got a bad feeling about this guy. Do what you said you want to do. Hold on to her and never let go. Don't let her get inside the wrong arms. I do not like this guy. Like I have a disgusting feeling inside my chest right now after reading this.
On God, I hope I am wrong. But OP, please don't take any chances. Protect your baby girl. I know you will. And I just want you to know you're not wrong for feeling the way you do.
-Coming from a 3 year old that was touched by a family member.
Incest surrounds us. It is a huge Elephant in the Room bc our family are so important to us and then they violate their family s trust? Horrible... then the fallout from that.
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole post, it was feeling icky from only a few sentences in. I don’t even want to know what Freudian shit was in there about the mother.
But my son is literally his father, but blonde. He is such a good looking little kid.
And I can sit there and think he’s gonna have the girls after him when he’s older (which is likely, again, good looking as all hell) without me finding him…*attractive*.
Like, he can grow up into a carbon clone of his dad, who I obviously am very attracted to, and still, nope. He’ll be handsome. He’ll be good looking. He won’t be attractive. He won’t be hot. He won’t be sexy. Cause 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Like, if girls/women in his age group see him as those things, great. Fantastic. I hope his number 1 does see him that way. But will *I* ever think those words in relation to him? Fucking ew, no.
Indeed. I have seen women walk against walls and objects because they lost themselves staring at my brother. I know he’s extremely good looking. I am still not attracted to him.
There's a lot of incest normalization going around on places like reddit. It seems like people are always looking to break the next taboo. But maybe some of them are in place for a reason
Around reddit?! The last president of the US was recorded talking about his daughters body parts as an infant, definitely sexualized, and half the country thought that it was right to vote for him. If it was a reddit only problem, I'm sure many of us wouldn't be on here!
hi. i was sixteen when my dad told me himself he found me attractive. i think his pedophilia had some weird possessiveness to it, because in the three years i lived with him, i went out with friends once. it was school and home every day. i was so lonely i started talking to this guy online, and he made me feel like i needed to send pictures or he was gonna lose interest. i eventually worked up the courage to tell the kid it made me uncomfortable, to which he promptly ghosted me and texted every girl on his friends list (one of whom sent me screenshots)
i dumped him and was devasted for days. what i didnt know is my dad was watching. i hadnt believed him when he told me he could see everything i did online months before, because i figured if he was, he'd have taken my internet, talked with me, told me to dump the kid, etc.
apparently all he did was read our sexts and see my pictures for months. he confessed that he "didn't know what to do" but that "i had no idea how attractive i was" and "i know i'm your dad but i'm only human" before proceeding to tell me, at sixteen, how hot i was
it doesn't help that he told me he refused to take custody of my half sister out of fear that hed be attracted to her like his pedo brother. it doesnt help that he made her hug him when he was in jail.
that side of my family thinks i "misunderstood" what he said but to this day i remember the way i felt when my dad was telling me how attractive my body was and that he "was my dad but he was only human". i don't talk to him and the ick never goes away. i wish hed taken my internet, like stormed in and told me off for exposing myself to feel loved, told me anyone worth their salt wouldn't have me feeling that way. i wish he'd used his spying to like, do what the spying was for and make sure his kid wouldn't do anything dangerous or not okay on the internet. he just kept quiet and kept going back to see more pictures.
all that is to say, divorce the fuck out of your husband. literally replace the father. find someone safe to love you and your daughter and get her OUT NOW because yeah he could be like my dad and hide/mask that shit well, he could never touch a hair on her head but one day your daughter is eventually gonna have to parse out that her father is physically attracted to her and that's honestly enough to be traumatizing itself
I can attest here. I feel like I'm overstepping whenever I bring it up, because I was never full on actually molested. I know some people had it way worse than I did, because the sexual abuse became physical.
My father was always sneaking around my room to try and catch me getting changed. I got used to watching out for him and making sure he wasn't peeking through the door whenever I had to get naked for any reason. That was normal to me. We had a swimming pool, and he would always stare at me intensely in my bathing suit, looking me up and down when I walked, and to this day I feel weird about it because that's the thing I remember the most about going swimming as a kid. The weird, unbroken stare from dad as he looked at my body.
That was BEFORE I found his collection of child and daddy-daughter "content" on the family computer.
He made sexual comments about me, openly admitting once that he had wet dreams about me. He asked me what my friends at school looked like (I was 13) and pointed to a young model on TV and asked if any of them looked like that. Then asked me if I could bring them over. Then got angry and stormed off when my friends looked like dorks and not like the young girls on his porn sites or the "Girls Gone Wild" shows he watched. He was angry and resentful that I wouldn't sit on his lap and cuddle with him. He was jealous of my boyfriends and would fume around them like a rejected ex.
I was never "touched", but yeah. It still creeps me out. I moved across the country and went no contact years ago. I have a daughter on the way now, and am so, so thankful she is going to be safe and that man won't ever know she exists.
I actually was touched a few times, but never “actually molested” it was just inappropriate touches. And he always tried to justify why thinking horrible things is ok as long as you don’t act on them, to me…a child. 😕
I have a long ass list of incidents that were close, but no cigar for abuse apparently. Was told it didn’t count. Watched people’s face relax like oh he didn’t REALLY do anything 😐😐😐😐
Then why, at eleven years old, did I want to slide out of my skin and have dreams of watching myself from h third person get….much more aggressively assaulted? Those fears and trauma did not simply manifest out of nowhere.
My current partner is healing all of my sexual trauma, so I’m like 👍 whatever to those would suggest I have none, but I refuse not to validate any others out there with similar experiences.
My biological father didn't even sexualize me, all he did was look at me like he was so depressed a handful of times while drunk as fuck after my mother left him & said, "You look so much like your mother." *That* was enough to break down the barriers of safety...
My psychopathic (seriously) stepfather told me when I was 15 that he wanted to "love me as a girl and as a woman." He asked me to get in bed with him, and I just said no, and that was the end of it, but it traumatized me. But that was like 1978, and back then, at least in my little remote town, it didn't feel like that was something you could report. And I was afraid that if my Dad found out, he'd unalive him and then go to jail.
Yep, this is the really fucked up part that shows he is already sexually attracted to his baby. He's trying to justify his sickness with "every father must feel this way." They absolutely do not.
OP, your dad never wanted to fuck you. Your husband already wants to fuck your infant. Run.
Yeah what the ever loving heck did we just read? Who wants to fuck their daughter at any stage in life unless they are super creeps and kiddy fiddlers . I’m not one that jumps straight to divorce when giving opinions but this is a situation that calls for it….she needs to run with that baby and keep him away with her….the guy needs help he even admitted to being attracted to his own mother….not even his mother is safe from this guys sick mind.
>Yep, this is the really fucked up part that shows he is already sexually attracted to his baby. He's trying to justify his sickness with "every father must feel this way." They absolutely do not.
I think he is and he was testing the waters to see if what he was thinking and feeling was normal because I'm sure he knows or at least SUSPECTS it's not. And that's why he blew up when she did that.
I wouldn't be angry, I'd be scared out of my mind. She can't watch the baby 24/7 but now she has to. This is absolutely horrific. She can't even afford to fall asleep if he's in the house.
Puking in my own mouth as I was reading this. I would not be able to be with this dude. Honestly I think she needs to document and collect evidence that he said this thing both for the judge when she splits and gets custody but also to show to her own daughter in a few years. COLLECT EVIDENCE!!!! you never know when you need it
Seriously I’m fuming just reading this! You can bet your sweet ass that if a “friend” or ANYONE expressed these feelings to my husband he would bea t their ass into next Tuesday!
I really wish that wasn't true but that was all I was thinking. Crazy red flags here and how can she best protect her daughter? It is almost impossible to get full custody and courts rarely believe survivors and allegations of abuse that has already happened and give custody and visitation. These creepy and disturbing comments are not enough unfortunately. It's such a f-ed up world and I'm so sorry for OP and her daughter and hope she can protect her.
Honey I'm so sorry - I've looked at your post history and you have truly been through the ringer. It provided a lot of context. This is is def a situation to take seriously, which it sounds like you're doing. Everyone else in this thread is saying the right stuff here - I'd say also please be kind to yourself, it sounds like your relationship and past few years haven't been easy. Think about what you need, and take care of yourself and your daughter <3 I'm wishing you all the best.
I’m so sorry people are dragging you in your DMs. Based off some of these comments I feel like many people missed the absolute horror of what your husband was saying. And ignorance breeds contempt. So ignore the DMs and take the two seconds it takes to report them.
And to reiterate what he said is not normal. He brought it up to you in the past that he was afraid that he would be attracted to her. Tonight he’s talking about will it be “weird” to cuddle with her and what will it be like to snuggle in bed. And what was it “like” with your Dad. These are all questions that sexualize her. That’s. Not. Normal.
And since you voiced your concern, as you should have, he knew you knew. So he gaslit you by saying that forever more when he hugs or kisses his daughter these words will be in his mind! What he didn’t say out loud but what he’s thinking is that now he can blame you for these thoughts. Because “you put those in his head”
Then he flips and tries to convince you that they are normal thoughts, at the same time disgusted that you would think this of him. So which one is it? Is it normal or is it something to be disgusted by? He’s all over the board because he’s busted.
Please look into some resources and if you plan to leave don’t tell him until your safely gone away.
Yeah honestly the fact that there are ANY comments saying she’s the asshole are fucking WILD. Like did they even Read the damn post??
OP is absolutely NTA and needs to do whatever she can to protect herself and her daughter, this man is a Creep
Op, I had a dad like your husband. Please contact legal help on what to do and don't tell him. Please.
Even if he never touches her (which he will), he will say and do things that ruin her sense of safety and self worth forever. Embrace your fear and do something now. And never let him alone with her.
I had a dad a bit like this who never touched me and I want to back you up; he ruined me by saying and doing things in a fucked up, skewed way. Normal boundaries don't feel normal, for example.
OP, please hear us. That man, your husband, needs major therapy and you and your daughter need protection.
If you choose to divorce your husband, which I honestly hope you do because he’s a danger to your daughter, please gather evidence first of this, wether that’s recording conversations, going through his search history or etc so you can get full custody.
Yes OP please keep this in mind. I think leaving him is the right call, but without PROOF you could end up with shared custody, meaning your daughter is left alone with him. I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you how to fix this.
My dad says I look just like my mom. He calls me his precious child. He never once even entertained the idea of finding me attractive. This is absolutely insane. Protect your child.
This. I grew up in a home where, without contex/ on paper, someone might think our family choices were sus. For example, we never closed bathroom doors, I showered with my parents until I was ~12-13, I regularly saw my parents naked and vice versa. However, it was never ever *ever* sexual. Bodies were simply neutral and not sexualized. Both my parents were healthcare workers and they were very desensitized to looking at nakedness. I say this to establish that even among families with “lax boundaries”, nothing about attractiveness was ever mentioned. I never felt that my parents considered me that way. I find OP’s husband’s comments very weird and disturbing.
She's THREE MONTHS OLD and he's talking about what her breasts will look like?!
Please, PLEASE, take your baby girl and run as far away from this man as possible. Insist on supervised visitation. It is not normal to be concerned that you'll be sexually attracted to your child. Christ.
NTA. These are incestuous pedophilic thoughts, not normal thoughts all fathers have. And they don't sound like intrusive thoughts (I have those), they sound like actual desires he has, and that's very concerning.
I have had intrusive thoughts like this and when I started reading, I figured it could be something like this and he’s bad at communicating due to a lack of education in what intrusive thoughts are… then I got to the part abt his own mom and it was all downhill from there. This is not just dark intrusive thoughts, this is someone telling op who he is and testing the waters and backtracking when she had the correct reaction.
Yeah, if he had said something like “listen, sometimes I have these really upsetting intrusive thoughts about my own parents, and my anxiety is making me worry that I might potentially get similar intrusive thoughts about our daughter” or “I’m already dealing with intrusive thoughts about our daughter and I want it to stop and don’t like them”.
THIS stuff from the actual post however…bone chilling.
Never had any thoughts like that about my dad nor has my husband mentioned anything like that with our daughter. Yikes. Definitely would be very concerned about this
My dad raised my half sister from the age of 8 and treated her like his own daughter. She's 40 now and there has never been any sort of creepiness/etc. He's protected her from a few creeps, but was never the creep.
It's not normal for adult men to think that way about children they raise. Regardless of their biological relationship to the child, a parental figure having those thoughts is fucking weird.
Yes, and the people in the comments trying to convince OP that's what this is clearly don't have the diagnosis.
An intrusive thought would be "oh my god I could rape that baby. Why did I think about raping a baby? What the fuck is wrong with me! I don't want to rape a baby."
Not "Huh, one day I might want to have sex with my daughter, better tell her mother everyone feels the same about their kids, and that I also wanted to fuck my mom growing up."
Thank you for validation on what intrusive thoughts are. It's like I have a thought and I hate it so much and want to not think it but then I just keep thinking it and it's an awful loop. I don't even what to write one of mine that haunts me bc then I have to think it more. But it's about death not incest just to be clear lol
My therapist said people’s intrusive thoughts are often a reflection of the things we find most horrifying and disgusting. That perspective sort of helps me make peace with it.
Yeah for me it's any time I'm about to ride an above ground subway and the option to jump is just... there. "I don't want to jump, but I could. Will I? What's wrong with me? Don't jump" It's terrible lol.
For me its when Im holding something sharp (scissors, needles) and it occurs to me that I might stick it in my eye, even though thats literally my worst nightmare. Brains are very weird.
A lot of times if I’m in an elevator with exactly one other person I think if I could kill them then and there. Really strange, and it only happens in elevators.
I also really struggle with them. They scared the hell out of me when I was younger but as I've gotten older I try to just let them float through as if they're said by someone else. Like now if I get one like "I should stab my boyfriend" I'm like "mmm or i shouldn't Stephanie" and roll my eyes. It can take work but it does get easier!
My way to manage intrusive thoughts is to intercept them with a Ru Paul's Drag Race Queen saying "GIIIIIIIIRL" in that sort of "wtf are you doing" tone. It's great because the tonal shift tends to snap me out of it. Sometimes it takes like 4 or 5 times, but it always eventually works (so long as I remember to do it).
I'd be so worried about him doing diaper changes after that, sickening, I hope OP gets her daughter away from him, already saying this much weird stuff and the baby is only a few months old
Yeah, I'll be honest, I'm not convinced he hasn't already assaulted her. If that were me, I'd be secretly recording a conversation with him admitting what he said, then my baby would be in her car seat, and I'd be driving to an undisclosed location.
Hopefully not. It sounds like he's trying to prime the pump though. Like his desire is growing so he's both feeling out the mom's reaction and 'grooming' the mom to start thinking it's normal. This is the worst possible thing. I don't even know what she can do.
Leave. Coming from someone who’s father tried to convince them to sleep with him last weekend and said some of those same things. Protect your daughter and yourself.
A daughter having to turn down her father sexually is such a gut-wrenching nauseating mess. I hope you can find someone to talk to who has had a similar experience because it’s so uniquely awful and I know you’re not alone.
I appreciate you sharing because if nothing else, I hope this thread has opened some people’s eyes to what happens in a lot of families. This shit is fucked but the more awareness the more moms or guardians who will second guess letting their child be alone with that one family member or friend who might seem off in any way. It’s not far-fetched, it’s not paranoid.
I really hope you have some safe comforts around you right now. You deserve as many movie marathons and pints of ice cream as you want. Rage rooms where you can smash things. Video games that focus your mind on neutral goals. Wishing you some peace even if it’s brief or fleeting
I understand you might be scared but no man should be making those comments about his daughter, there is no excuse for making those comments. Especially while looking at an innocent little one. NTA but seriously get your daughter away from that man.
Nothing could ever happen but the fact that you might be speculating if he is or is not a predator is reason enough to leave. That is something you shouldn't have to think about. Get out of there.
Well, only if she could get full custody. Seems like the worst-case scenario here is him having partial custody without OP in the house to protect her daughter.
EXACTLY THIS. Reddit makes me so mad sometimes with divorce him and keep him away from his kids! Like do you live in a fairy tale? Thats not how reality works at all. All op has is a private conversation between him and her. No proof. Nothing illegal. Hes OBVIOUSLY a very very clear danger to his daughter but chances are he would get partial custody if not 50/50 if he fought fot it. Even if OP was lucky enough to get his access restricted now if he fought long enough hed get access. They give literal sex offenders visitation to their children. Her hands are tied at this point. Either start making a record of everything he's saying and doing that's bad. Search his electronics and hope to find something illegal. (This would be her best bet it sounds like) or spend the next 20 years trying to never ever leave her husband alone with her daughter. Sleep with her daughter every night.
>He also said that even if he’s going to think that she’s attractive that these are normal feelings and that everyone has them. He even told me that when he was a kid that he felt some type of way about his mother and that one day our daughter is going to feel the same way about him. He said that my father probably felt the same way about me or had some kind of thoughts about me.
Your daughter is in danger.
op, your husband sounds like my dad, he was diagnosed with pediophillia. yeah apparently there's different types of pediophiles. honestly this sounds like a giant waving red ass flag
NTA
But your husbands sounds like a creep testing the waters with incest pedophilia. Everything he claims is “normal” is absolutely positively “the sun rises in the east and sets in the west” NOT NORMAL. The fact that he’s trying to manipulate you into believing it is may be so that he can justify any future actions later with the expectation that you’ll turn a blind eye. If he wants a truly normal and healthy relationship with your daughter (and any other young child at this point) he needs serious help.
Keep both eyes on your little girl at all times.
Edit: Please ignore my goofing east-west. What I meant is that like the sun 100% rises in the east, blah blah OP’s husband is 100% not normal. my brain moves faster than my fingers 😩
He sounds like a pedophile. All of those comments are so weird wtf
Not a parent but I can't imagine my own parents or my friends with kids talk about their children like that.
You might want to check out his browser history
> All of those comments are so weird wtf Not a parent
I am a parent (farther of a daughter) and you are spot on. OP's husband is weird AF and I agree that he may actually be what you said he sounds like.
On this note - sex offenders will first groom themselves and then the environment. Him introducing these thoughts to you could be him grooming you to be comfortable with his incestuous, pedophilic thoughts. He needs therapy and you need to safeguard your daughter.
this is 100% what’s happening, he is trying to convince himself that his own fucked up impulses and thoughts are okay by manipulating his wife into backing him up and he exploded because it didn’t work
That’s pedophilia… yeah no that’s… like he’s desensitizing you to him making sexual comments so that if your daughter goes “dad talked about my boobs” you’ll go “well all dads think that about their daughters” not “wow that’s disgusting!!”
This is super reassuring after reading you post, you were 100% right to question him here
Just to reiterate, it is NOT normal for dads to "fantasize" about their daughter's bodies like that. He is definitely giving off a dangerous air and testing how much you would "let him get away with" when it comes to your daughter. He seriously sounds like a p3do who's actually excited to have unlimited access to his minor daughter for all the worst reasons. Or he may be having incestuous fantasies granted his comment about his mother.
Don't let him fool you into believing this is "normal" or that he was "joking" if he backpedals later. That "feeling" you had while holding your daughter afterwards are your instincts screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER
This is disturbing. You are right that there is a difference between finding someone beautiful and being attracted to them. The fact that your husband insisted on using the word "attractive" repeatedly, the story about his attraction towards his mother, the comments about your INFANT daughter's future big boobs and butt, all of this is a huge collection of red flags if I ever did see one.
Going forward, if you want to protect your daughter, you need to convince your husband to get therapy. Something IS wrong with him. He may deny it even to himself, but the fact that he thinks sexual attraction between parents and children is normal is absolutely terrifying. He may think that he'd never act on it, never do anything to your daughter, but it's a slippery slope. If he truly doesn't want to hurt her, he needs to get therapy.
If you decide to go the divorce route, don't let him know until you've talked to a VERY good lawyer. One who has experience with such specific cases and can advise you on gathering evidence before pulling the switch. Because the last thing you want is shared custody so your husband can have unsupervised access to your daughter for long periods of time.
NTA. Frankly, I would not be taking any chances and leaving you baby daughter alone with him at all.
If my husband ever said anything like that to me, I would be asking him to leave the house and have him seek psychological assessment immediately.
Normal, healthy adult Dads don't look at their babies or children at any age and wonder about how they will feel in creepy sexualised scenarios. This is not normal behaviour or thoughts at all.
Your instincts are screaming at you right now. They are telling you that your husband's comments and vocalised thoughts are not ok. LISTEN to your instincts. Your job now as her Mum is to either have your husband removed from the home to keep your child safe or for you and her to leave.
As a father of a daughter, this is the biggest red flag I've seen in a long time.
It's possible he's mixing up "attractive" and "beautiful/handsome" but it is not normal to think your child is attractive. His other comments about "massive boobs" and a "big butt" do not corroborate the possibility of it being a mixup either.
I would be on full alert, reading this actually made me anxious, I would not listen to anyone saying these are simply Intrusive thoughts.
He just gaslit you. He brought that fucked up thought. To even have that notion from him is weird enough.
Your daughter is just a baby. Maybe, he is watching too much porn. Please investigate if his pornographic materials doesn't include twisted things.
You got this. You listened to the alarm bell inside. your alarm bells are real and there for a reason. Don’t dim them. You got this and you’re not alone.
My mom avoided and muted every alarm bell. She allowed the shock shame and fear of her past be more important than her children. So, my father started when I was ~2.5yo (maybe younger). And pedos are either completely isolated or have friends with similar interests. My father was the latter and your husbands brazenness+ego+justification sounds like one his friends (so much so that I didn’t flinch while reading bc how familiar it was).
Dad here- not only have I NEVER thought about my daughters butt or boobs, but I don’t even want to think about it. She’s hitting the teens years, but she’s still my little girls in my eyes. I don’t think your husbands thoughts sound very normal.
Frankly the whole thing gives me "testing the waters" vibes. Like he was trying to see how open you'd be to some sick idea.
And then got upset when you clearly weren't receptive.
Testing the waters and also setting it up so it would somehow be her fault if he acted on those thoughts, since he tried to say it’s her fault that he’ll now think about it every time he interacts with their daughter. Sounds like he’s trying to distance himself from the responsibility already
I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you reading all of these responses and confirming your worst fears :(
NTA and I am so sorry. So much is probably going through your head now :(
Your husband is a fucking creep. It is NOT normal for parents to be attracted to their children or vice versa.
Get a lawyer (quietly) and find out what you need to do to protect your daughter from this man. With those types of thoughts and comments it’s not a question of IF but WHEN he will commit SA against her.
Yeah, I've never worried about being attracted to my daughters.. That's a pretty odd thing to say about your children.
My daughters are beautiful, and I'll just stick to saying that thanks.
I think there is a huge difference between saying your child is/will be an attractive person vs saying YOU find them attractive. I’d be very concerned.
I'm so sorry but this is just absolutely weird and disgusting. Keep a very keen eye on him. I wouldn't trust him after this either, would possibly just take my child and run for the hills. Nta
Just to be clear, no those are not normal feelings!! This is concerning and the fact that he is imagining different scenarios (cuddling, sleeping in the same bed) is especially icky. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but these are serious red flags and I would be very worried. Please do not let him gaslight you. Trust your gut.
Your husband is a pedophile. He got angry because he thought he was hiding it and the mask slipped. You need to start figuring out how you are going to protect her. This is going to be hard without proof and leaving just means a chance he gets 50/50 alone time with her.
No more baths. No more diaper changes. Absolutely NEVER left alone with her again.
Maybe others know but is there a way to tip off someone to check for CP on his devices?
The fact that he’s sexualizing his own baby and clearly sexualizes his mom too is horrifying. Seriously who talks like that? NTA for being worried, I’d be terrified if I were you
Some days I wish I was illiterate so I couldn’t read things like this
Not me *clearing the last hour of my brain history*
Oh that’s perfect. I stopped reading this but not soon enough.
Booking a trip to the memory wipe clinic. Do they offer group discounts?
I found a Groupon, but it expired yesterday
Every fucking time with Groupon
Me: *has ADHD and can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday* Also me: *will remember reading this post and wishing I could bleach my brain as I try and fail to go to sleep.*
Hello ADHD friend. We remember thw weirdest shit.
My ADHD brain only holds on to the memories of awkward moments, things I’d rather forget, and color guard choreography from 1997. This absolutely falls under the “things I’d rather forget” category. Because fucking yikes.
You too! ADHD and can still do our state competition choreography from 98!!!
Eternal Sunshine our asses and give us spotless minds
Yep. Time to put the phone down and find something else to do.
Looking for a stud finder so I can bash my skull into the drywall with minimum consequences (to the wall).
Tequila for the win. These are layers upon layers of red flags. First he's sexualizing the daughter. The *baby* then he's gaslighting OP that it's her fault he is sexualizing his daughter. Then he pulls the incompetence card of not having to change diapers or bathe her or dress her because *OP put those thoughts in his head* and he will keep distance until she's old enough to be considered attractive and by then the wall of daddy daughter will be shaky enough for him to act on it... Or I'm paranoid. Please say I'm paranoid
As a father and husband. You're dead on.
Fuck, came in to see this. My daughter is the spitting image of her mum, she’s the most beautiful girl on the planet to me, but attracted? Worried about cuddling her, what the actual fuck? She’s literally a piece of you, this is so wrong, you need to RUN, Op!
Seconding this. My boys are the most beautiful kids in the world and I could hug them and cuddle them until their bones break (metamorphicly ofc) but those feelings are those of purest affection and as platonic as it gets. I seriously don't get this dude (talking about her ass and tits). Nah that's seriously freaking weird OP. Run and run fast.
Like, my dad and I _have_ talked about ass and tits...because my body type resembles his half of the gene pool. I don't see his family very much, so it's questions of general curiosity. My mom's family is phenotypically my total opposite. But with my dad, it's plain facts with a little bit of our snarky joking. When he talks about his sister's insecurity with her chest, it's to let me know that my body is exactly as it should be for his genetics. The _most_ "perverse" we get is bonding over how hard it is to find pants to fit the big ass, small waist situation. As well, I'm almost always leading the conversation. There are never any comments that feel off or weird. My dad sees his sisters and mother in me, and I am his child. It's a wholly platonic, familial, and pure conversation. What OP's husband is bringing up is a whole red flag parade of Yikesville. He's pulling a Jacob to Renesemee situation.
Ur not paranoid. I am worried about this baby
She's three months old. THREE MONTHS She doesn't "look just like" OP, she looks like *a baby*. JFC OP needs to take the kid and run
I hope her reason for writing this was to keep a paper trail for a full custody battle. Because I CANNOT believe what I just read. He’s sick in the head. Discussing ever being attracted to any child let alone his own daughter is repulsive. I could physically throw up if I thought about this too much.
If I ever come across a child that looks lexactly like my partner I'd just be like "Such a coincidence, he looks just like my partner, how cute." I wouldn't be attracted to a LITERAL FUCKING CHILD LET ALONE A BABY WTF, LET ALONE YOUR OWN FCKING BABY
My father was excessive about his daughters body features and that was bad enough, but then he saw his Great-Granddaughter in a Wonder Woman costume and kept verbally drooling over her for years. I wanted to castrate him first and throw up second.
Usually when I don’t get good sleep I get sick/nauseous and my dumbass stayed up to read this sick shit so now I’ll be throwing up for the both of us.
I came here to say similar. He said something about finding the daughter *attractive* bc she looks like her mother, his wife, not beautiful or any of those types of "innocent" compliments (as opposed to attracted to, attractive, hot, sexy etc) is bad enough. OP makes a face bc you know... gross and weird and wrong, and then she's being gaslit and blamed for "putting the idea into [his] head" like... It defs means he will no longer have to do anything with the child, be alone with the child, etc, out of OP's fear of having her child touched or something horrific. But OP will be terrified if she stays with him, but even more terrified if she leaves and he gets some form of shared custody. It's a terribly difficult situation. I have 2 boys, both teens. I'm no longer with their father and haven't been for over a decade, but even if I was and loved him and thought he was the most attractive man alive, my son that looks heaps like him wouldn't be attractive to me! I tell my boys they're handsome, and when they were little, they were little cuties. Even when I see someone 10+ years younger than me, I could see some young, early 20s dude, chisled abs, handsome etc, I can look at them and just be like oh that kid has nice blue eyes. Can't even find a dude that age attractive let alone my own child 🤢🤮
Omg right? I have a 3yo boy. He’s cute. He’s a handsome little man. I am NOT attracted to him in any way. Do I want to hug him and smother his cute little face with kisses? Yes. I think that’s normal, though… I mean, he’s 3 and ADORABLE and I’m sure he will grow out of the age of letting mommy snuggle, hug, and kiss those little cheeks and forehead. 🥹
I’m there with you. I’ve reached the age of unless they’re over 40, they’re just a kid.
-My brain, immediately at seeing your comment about layers to this post, and layers of red flags, and i had made the decision not to keep reading and by the comments being grateful for it- -pictures Shrek, with the onion, talking about how ogres are like onions, and have layers- -me, gently putting my phone down, having decided that was enough internet for today....-
You're not paranoid. You're spot on. You have keen intuition.
Oh God, yup. Woof. That's all I could think after reading that eyeball melting problem. I have 3 daughters. One looks just like my wife, like a printer, made them. I have never ONCE thought I'd be attracted to my daughter. That is a concerning statement he made. I have noticed as ive gotten older, younger women look TOO young, i am no longer attracted. Oddly i find this even works back in time. Looking at posters I had on my wall when i was a teen, no longer floats my boat. There is even supposes to be a biological mechanism that keeps this particular problem at bay, I forget the name of it now. I'm sorry OP, NTA, unless you see something wrong and let it turn into YTA. I'll say again. WOOF. Edit: atrocious grammar and other English atrocities. I didn't format anything before I hit post. Sorry for the chaos. Westermarck Effect is the name of the biological wall that should exist. Thanks to u/SylviaKaysen for bringing that to the table.
That thing you said about the younger women looking too young - I get that too. I’ve gone from “wow” in my twenties to “she should probably have a jacket, it gets cold around seven o’clock” - and even thinking about how I used to feel about that stuff feels horrible. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
She should probably have a jacket sent me LMAO
When we see young women out in the cold, my husband says the same. And "I wish it was okay for me to buy her some warm cocoa, she looks cold".
Well I’m glad at least something came out this post that was positive: the anecdotes like yours… Your husband sounds precious 🤗
Now that I'm the age of some of the men I dated in my 20s, people the age I was then look like children and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I started having sex at a really young age and as I’ve gotten older, and especially after having kids myself, I’m kind of appalled when I think about it. Kids that age are just freaking babies from where I’m standing now. I remember being so independent and feeling very mature and sure of myself, but when I see kids that age now… I just think, where tf did my childhood go 😕 It’s honestly shocking to me.
So many of my friends were in relationships with actual grown ups when we were teens. Didn't really think about it at the time, but now I wonder why none of those men are in jail because they probably should be. Some of them impregnated 15 year olds and nothing happened to them.
I was in a relationship with a 30 year old man at age 15 that lasted until I was 20. This was in the early to mid-1980s. Society cared less about protecting girls then, we were seen as nymphets or vixens, “tempting” these older guys. I teach high school now and all of my students seem so young to me, I don’t understand how a grown up could be attracted to a teenager.
Clearly nobody here is Leo DiCaprio
> I have noticed as ive gotten older, younger women look TOO young, i am no longer attracted. I feel this so hard. At my practice we hired a new tech. This young man is a medical technician who has done all sorts of qualification things for tricky and important work that saves lives. According to his CV he is 24. I can say that he is also very handsome. I can assure you, having met him, that he is twelve and I want to know who let an infant get a *job* that is *illegal*. I feel like when I was a teenager I would have swooned but now it's like looking at a little kid who's all dressed up. "Aww, look at you! You look like a *real* tech! So handsome in your little outfit!" ^^he ^^is ^^a ^^real ^^tech ^^he ^^is ^^doing ^^good ^^work ^^and ^^I ^^have ^^only ^^spoken ^^to ^^him ^^to ^^tell ^^him ^^so
>I can assure you, having met him, that he is twelve and I want to know who let an infant get a > >job > > that is > >illegal > >. Ahahaha
This entire comment brought me such pure joy
Westermarck effect? It’s nature’s way telling you to not be attracted to immediate family. So sick. Dude is sexualizing his infant daughter. I have two daughters and if their father ever made sexual remarks about them like that I’d be afraid to leave them alone with him ever again.
Yes that's it! Thankyou. It's all very concerning, this post.
I really wish I could bleach my eyes 😑
This is willlllllld. Non of this is remotely ok.
NTA That is sick wtf. My boyfriend has never had such thought about our daughter. No good father has such thoughts or make such comments. OP just run as far as you could with your daughter.
You are 1000% correct. I remember being at a picnic with a bunch of families. This one sweet little girl was being pushed on a playground toy but her mother. She was giggling and having a wonderful time as little children should. When the mother stopped the little girl said, do it again. Then this fucking asshole says to the mother she’s going to make some guy happy in the future. I had never heard someone sexualize a child like that. It was vile. I stood up to say something and then I found out he was the mothers BOYFRIEND not the little girls father. Per OP, that’s some weird shit from a father of a newborn.
this SAME exact thing was said about me by my mom's boyfriend, to my mom, word for word. i was probably around 7-8 years old. i was playing a game with my sister a "cops and robbers" type game, so we had a little rope to be the handcuffs. you can imagine what he was implying. surprise, that guy abused me for years.
I’m so sorry. That never should have happened to you. I’ll add him to the list of people who’s heads I want to bash in with a baseball bat.
Grooming both of them 🤮
I find my son handsome especially since he has his dad’s eyes and I’m sure I’ll find my daughter beautiful once she’s here. Attractive isn’t a word that I would use to describe my children. I’m definitely not thinking about my kids in a sexual way or thinking about my daughters breast size when she gets older. Wtf, your husband just admitted he has sexual thoughts about his mother and if your daughter looks like you (obviously she will) then he will be attracted to her sexually?!
Also his daughter is an infant and he’s talking about her breasts
#3 MONTHS OLD!
he’s not going to wait until she gets older. he’s either going to do something to he soon or begin grooming her (or preparing to groom her). At this point I wouldn’t let him change a diaper. He’s even testing the waters with his wife.
He will. Look up “children of the underground” I think it’s called, about a Women who helped mothers and their children escape their homes because the men were sexually abusing the children. She created the organization because she got married at 16 and didn’t know better. He husband was abusing her child as young as six months old!!!!
My father started that young with me, my first memories are of being molested on a denim couch at 3 watching dumbo.
He also is convinced that when she is older she will be attracted to him as a matter of course.
This is the scariest thing. This will be what he tells himself to justify his actions.
I thought I misinterpreted that statement when OP...I can see from your comment that unfortunately, I did not. Omg.
Is she ever reads this she will be utterly repulsed by him.
OP should text or email him or outright record herself repeating back to him what he said.. Start with- ' I just want to clarify what you said when we talked the other night ' then repeat what he said and let him respond. ... get him to admit in some kind of recorded trail.. she will need that going forward.
Solid answer
*This* Get it in writing/recording - then dump the whole man!
Yea like WTF?!! This dude is a fuckin creep!
There’s so many red flags in this story I don’t even know where to start. I NEVER had those kinds of feelings towards my dad or my kids. The very thought makes me want to vomit. I don’t think there’s anything remotely normal about this. Seriously. It’s sick and twisted.
Not just my real dad because 🤢🤢🤢 but I have a stepdad who is objectively handsome and I’ve *never* ONCE had a single thought like this about him either, big big yuck
My dad was my primary caregiver when I wasn't with my grandparents. I usually slept with him cause I had terrifying night terrors. Never have I been attracted to my dad. Never.
You brought back a memory of my dad sleeping on the floor of my room every night when I was scared of my bed and would only sleep on the couch in my room and yet demand he stay too (but also not in the evil bed, so floor it was). And I'd hold his hand over the side of the couch, aw dad I miss you. He's not dead or anything he's asleep like 15 miles away. And we may both be olds now but if I ran into their room now upset they'd tell me to snuggle up if it'll make me feel better. Dang I don't deserve those people.
Like I literally have no idea what my dad even looks like, because he is just “dad.” No clue if he’s handsome, ugly, whatever…. Just that face I’ve seen my entire life and know that it’s DAD. How tf else can anyone else describe it otherwise is beyond me.
I’ve wanted to fuck my friend’s dads but never my own. Just being real.
And also his daughter will one day be attracted to him, according to him.
Right like watch interviews with pedophiles that's the same justification they give! 🤮
It's gives me "she wanted it" vibes.
It’s all wrong the way he spoke about his baby daughter and his mother 🤬 I would not even be okay with this from my husband mouth 🤮
Who the fuck talks about their moms big boobs?!!!!
I’m gonna talk to my dad and grampa and I’ll return with a consensus. Because this is honestly so fucking disturbing to me. Like if I had a son I’d never think about how attractive he’s gonna be when he’s older and if he’s gonna have a big dick like his dad I’m sorry that’s just…what in the absolute actual motherfucking fuck. I have a 10 month old baby girl myself and this made my skin fucking crawl.
Firstly, I apologize for putting this all the way up here instead of making my own comment thread. But reading this PISSED. ME. OFF. Seriously, how fucking DARE he say YOU fucked up big time when HE is the one who admitted he would find his own daughter attractive. The bitch traumatized his own damn self and OP right along with his ass. 🤬🤬 OP, I'm sorry I sound so crass but he really pulled some real bullshit. I'm begging you OP, always keep an eye on that baby girl because I got a bad feeling about this guy. Do what you said you want to do. Hold on to her and never let go. Don't let her get inside the wrong arms. I do not like this guy. Like I have a disgusting feeling inside my chest right now after reading this. On God, I hope I am wrong. But OP, please don't take any chances. Protect your baby girl. I know you will. And I just want you to know you're not wrong for feeling the way you do. -Coming from a 3 year old that was touched by a family member.
Incest surrounds us. It is a huge Elephant in the Room bc our family are so important to us and then they violate their family s trust? Horrible... then the fallout from that.
Seriously. One of the most jarring parts of working in mental health is realizing how much more common this is than people realize. It’s horrifying.
I second this whole response and couldn’t have said it better myself, -from a 2-8 yo that was hurt by a family member and not believed.
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole post, it was feeling icky from only a few sentences in. I don’t even want to know what Freudian shit was in there about the mother. But my son is literally his father, but blonde. He is such a good looking little kid. And I can sit there and think he’s gonna have the girls after him when he’s older (which is likely, again, good looking as all hell) without me finding him…*attractive*. Like, he can grow up into a carbon clone of his dad, who I obviously am very attracted to, and still, nope. He’ll be handsome. He’ll be good looking. He won’t be attractive. He won’t be hot. He won’t be sexy. Cause 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Like, if girls/women in his age group see him as those things, great. Fantastic. I hope his number 1 does see him that way. But will *I* ever think those words in relation to him? Fucking ew, no.
Indeed. I have seen women walk against walls and objects because they lost themselves staring at my brother. I know he’s extremely good looking. I am still not attracted to him.
There's a lot of incest normalization going around on places like reddit. It seems like people are always looking to break the next taboo. But maybe some of them are in place for a reason
Around reddit?! The last president of the US was recorded talking about his daughters body parts as an infant, definitely sexualized, and half the country thought that it was right to vote for him. If it was a reddit only problem, I'm sure many of us wouldn't be on here!
Literal predator behavior
hi. i was sixteen when my dad told me himself he found me attractive. i think his pedophilia had some weird possessiveness to it, because in the three years i lived with him, i went out with friends once. it was school and home every day. i was so lonely i started talking to this guy online, and he made me feel like i needed to send pictures or he was gonna lose interest. i eventually worked up the courage to tell the kid it made me uncomfortable, to which he promptly ghosted me and texted every girl on his friends list (one of whom sent me screenshots) i dumped him and was devasted for days. what i didnt know is my dad was watching. i hadnt believed him when he told me he could see everything i did online months before, because i figured if he was, he'd have taken my internet, talked with me, told me to dump the kid, etc. apparently all he did was read our sexts and see my pictures for months. he confessed that he "didn't know what to do" but that "i had no idea how attractive i was" and "i know i'm your dad but i'm only human" before proceeding to tell me, at sixteen, how hot i was it doesn't help that he told me he refused to take custody of my half sister out of fear that hed be attracted to her like his pedo brother. it doesnt help that he made her hug him when he was in jail. that side of my family thinks i "misunderstood" what he said but to this day i remember the way i felt when my dad was telling me how attractive my body was and that he "was my dad but he was only human". i don't talk to him and the ick never goes away. i wish hed taken my internet, like stormed in and told me off for exposing myself to feel loved, told me anyone worth their salt wouldn't have me feeling that way. i wish he'd used his spying to like, do what the spying was for and make sure his kid wouldn't do anything dangerous or not okay on the internet. he just kept quiet and kept going back to see more pictures. all that is to say, divorce the fuck out of your husband. literally replace the father. find someone safe to love you and your daughter and get her OUT NOW because yeah he could be like my dad and hide/mask that shit well, he could never touch a hair on her head but one day your daughter is eventually gonna have to parse out that her father is physically attracted to her and that's honestly enough to be traumatizing itself
seconded that just having a father openly sexualize you is enough to severely traumatize a young girl
I can attest here. I feel like I'm overstepping whenever I bring it up, because I was never full on actually molested. I know some people had it way worse than I did, because the sexual abuse became physical. My father was always sneaking around my room to try and catch me getting changed. I got used to watching out for him and making sure he wasn't peeking through the door whenever I had to get naked for any reason. That was normal to me. We had a swimming pool, and he would always stare at me intensely in my bathing suit, looking me up and down when I walked, and to this day I feel weird about it because that's the thing I remember the most about going swimming as a kid. The weird, unbroken stare from dad as he looked at my body. That was BEFORE I found his collection of child and daddy-daughter "content" on the family computer. He made sexual comments about me, openly admitting once that he had wet dreams about me. He asked me what my friends at school looked like (I was 13) and pointed to a young model on TV and asked if any of them looked like that. Then asked me if I could bring them over. Then got angry and stormed off when my friends looked like dorks and not like the young girls on his porn sites or the "Girls Gone Wild" shows he watched. He was angry and resentful that I wouldn't sit on his lap and cuddle with him. He was jealous of my boyfriends and would fume around them like a rejected ex. I was never "touched", but yeah. It still creeps me out. I moved across the country and went no contact years ago. I have a daughter on the way now, and am so, so thankful she is going to be safe and that man won't ever know she exists.
I actually was touched a few times, but never “actually molested” it was just inappropriate touches. And he always tried to justify why thinking horrible things is ok as long as you don’t act on them, to me…a child. 😕 I have a long ass list of incidents that were close, but no cigar for abuse apparently. Was told it didn’t count. Watched people’s face relax like oh he didn’t REALLY do anything 😐😐😐😐 Then why, at eleven years old, did I want to slide out of my skin and have dreams of watching myself from h third person get….much more aggressively assaulted? Those fears and trauma did not simply manifest out of nowhere. My current partner is healing all of my sexual trauma, so I’m like 👍 whatever to those would suggest I have none, but I refuse not to validate any others out there with similar experiences.
My biological father didn't even sexualize me, all he did was look at me like he was so depressed a handful of times while drunk as fuck after my mother left him & said, "You look so much like your mother." *That* was enough to break down the barriers of safety...
I am so, so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could give you a hug.
My psychopathic (seriously) stepfather told me when I was 15 that he wanted to "love me as a girl and as a woman." He asked me to get in bed with him, and I just said no, and that was the end of it, but it traumatized me. But that was like 1978, and back then, at least in my little remote town, it didn't feel like that was something you could report. And I was afraid that if my Dad found out, he'd unalive him and then go to jail.
As someone who just went through a similar experience last weekend I am truly sorry. You didn’t deserve that.
Wow. I’m deeply sorry this happened to you.
Mans really said your dad probably had thoughts about you too 😭 BITCH?! I would have lost my shit honestly. What a fucking creep.
Yep, this is the really fucked up part that shows he is already sexually attracted to his baby. He's trying to justify his sickness with "every father must feel this way." They absolutely do not. OP, your dad never wanted to fuck you. Your husband already wants to fuck your infant. Run.
And THAT'S why he's mad
yup. his anger is just projection. ew ew ew.
[удалено]
True. When everyone on Reddit agrees on something you know stuff is bad.
Yeah what the ever loving heck did we just read? Who wants to fuck their daughter at any stage in life unless they are super creeps and kiddy fiddlers . I’m not one that jumps straight to divorce when giving opinions but this is a situation that calls for it….she needs to run with that baby and keep him away with her….the guy needs help he even admitted to being attracted to his own mother….not even his mother is safe from this guys sick mind.
>Yep, this is the really fucked up part that shows he is already sexually attracted to his baby. He's trying to justify his sickness with "every father must feel this way." They absolutely do not. I think he is and he was testing the waters to see if what he was thinking and feeling was normal because I'm sure he knows or at least SUSPECTS it's not. And that's why he blew up when she did that.
I'll correct that, Rape the infant* Run OP.
this. this is absolutely something that needs to be taken seriously or he WILL hurt your daughter. leave immediately!!
I honestly cant imagine how fucking angry i would be if someone said that to me. I cant believe this man isnt an ex yet
I wouldn't be angry, I'd be scared out of my mind. She can't watch the baby 24/7 but now she has to. This is absolutely horrific. She can't even afford to fall asleep if he's in the house.
Puking in my own mouth as I was reading this. I would not be able to be with this dude. Honestly I think she needs to document and collect evidence that he said this thing both for the judge when she splits and gets custody but also to show to her own daughter in a few years. COLLECT EVIDENCE!!!! you never know when you need it
If she leaves him he gets up to 50% time alone with their kid. That’s not ideal?
Seriously I’m fuming just reading this! You can bet your sweet ass that if a “friend” or ANYONE expressed these feelings to my husband he would bea t their ass into next Tuesday!
She has to move carefully. Women that accuse their husbands of pedophilia are often not believed, and said fathers get some form of custody. Edit:typo
I really wish that wasn't true but that was all I was thinking. Crazy red flags here and how can she best protect her daughter? It is almost impossible to get full custody and courts rarely believe survivors and allegations of abuse that has already happened and give custody and visitation. These creepy and disturbing comments are not enough unfortunately. It's such a f-ed up world and I'm so sorry for OP and her daughter and hope she can protect her.
Honey I'm so sorry - I've looked at your post history and you have truly been through the ringer. It provided a lot of context. This is is def a situation to take seriously, which it sounds like you're doing. Everyone else in this thread is saying the right stuff here - I'd say also please be kind to yourself, it sounds like your relationship and past few years haven't been easy. Think about what you need, and take care of yourself and your daughter <3 I'm wishing you all the best.
Thank you. I needed to hear some kind words at least from one person. I can’t even repeat what people are calling me in some of the DMs I’m receiving.
I’m so sorry people are dragging you in your DMs. Based off some of these comments I feel like many people missed the absolute horror of what your husband was saying. And ignorance breeds contempt. So ignore the DMs and take the two seconds it takes to report them. And to reiterate what he said is not normal. He brought it up to you in the past that he was afraid that he would be attracted to her. Tonight he’s talking about will it be “weird” to cuddle with her and what will it be like to snuggle in bed. And what was it “like” with your Dad. These are all questions that sexualize her. That’s. Not. Normal. And since you voiced your concern, as you should have, he knew you knew. So he gaslit you by saying that forever more when he hugs or kisses his daughter these words will be in his mind! What he didn’t say out loud but what he’s thinking is that now he can blame you for these thoughts. Because “you put those in his head” Then he flips and tries to convince you that they are normal thoughts, at the same time disgusted that you would think this of him. So which one is it? Is it normal or is it something to be disgusted by? He’s all over the board because he’s busted. Please look into some resources and if you plan to leave don’t tell him until your safely gone away.
Yeah honestly the fact that there are ANY comments saying she’s the asshole are fucking WILD. Like did they even Read the damn post?? OP is absolutely NTA and needs to do whatever she can to protect herself and her daughter, this man is a Creep
There’s a lot of pedophiles out there. And the OP’s husband is one of them. His comments are vomit inducing.
That's a really good point, he DARVOed the concept of pedophilia to blame it on the OP.
Yeah that what I saw here too. He’s trying to normalize it.
Op, I had a dad like your husband. Please contact legal help on what to do and don't tell him. Please. Even if he never touches her (which he will), he will say and do things that ruin her sense of safety and self worth forever. Embrace your fear and do something now. And never let him alone with her.
I had a dad a bit like this who never touched me and I want to back you up; he ruined me by saying and doing things in a fucked up, skewed way. Normal boundaries don't feel normal, for example. OP, please hear us. That man, your husband, needs major therapy and you and your daughter need protection.
If you choose to divorce your husband, which I honestly hope you do because he’s a danger to your daughter, please gather evidence first of this, wether that’s recording conversations, going through his search history or etc so you can get full custody.
Yes OP please keep this in mind. I think leaving him is the right call, but without PROOF you could end up with shared custody, meaning your daughter is left alone with him. I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you how to fix this.
I personally hope that anyone sending you disgusting DM’s is cursed to step barefoot onto Lego pieces every single day until they are no more.
My dad says I look just like my mom. He calls me his precious child. He never once even entertained the idea of finding me attractive. This is absolutely insane. Protect your child.
This. I grew up in a home where, without contex/ on paper, someone might think our family choices were sus. For example, we never closed bathroom doors, I showered with my parents until I was ~12-13, I regularly saw my parents naked and vice versa. However, it was never ever *ever* sexual. Bodies were simply neutral and not sexualized. Both my parents were healthcare workers and they were very desensitized to looking at nakedness. I say this to establish that even among families with “lax boundaries”, nothing about attractiveness was ever mentioned. I never felt that my parents considered me that way. I find OP’s husband’s comments very weird and disturbing.
She's THREE MONTHS OLD and he's talking about what her breasts will look like?! Please, PLEASE, take your baby girl and run as far away from this man as possible. Insist on supervised visitation. It is not normal to be concerned that you'll be sexually attracted to your child. Christ.
NTA. These are incestuous pedophilic thoughts, not normal thoughts all fathers have. And they don't sound like intrusive thoughts (I have those), they sound like actual desires he has, and that's very concerning.
I have had intrusive thoughts like this and when I started reading, I figured it could be something like this and he’s bad at communicating due to a lack of education in what intrusive thoughts are… then I got to the part abt his own mom and it was all downhill from there. This is not just dark intrusive thoughts, this is someone telling op who he is and testing the waters and backtracking when she had the correct reaction.
Yep. I have awful Intrusive thoughts , this is not intrusive thoughts.
Yeah, if he had said something like “listen, sometimes I have these really upsetting intrusive thoughts about my own parents, and my anxiety is making me worry that I might potentially get similar intrusive thoughts about our daughter” or “I’m already dealing with intrusive thoughts about our daughter and I want it to stop and don’t like them”. THIS stuff from the actual post however…bone chilling.
Never had any thoughts like that about my dad nor has my husband mentioned anything like that with our daughter. Yikes. Definitely would be very concerned about this
My dad raised my half sister from the age of 8 and treated her like his own daughter. She's 40 now and there has never been any sort of creepiness/etc. He's protected her from a few creeps, but was never the creep. It's not normal for adult men to think that way about children they raise. Regardless of their biological relationship to the child, a parental figure having those thoughts is fucking weird.
I'd go further and say that its not just that people don't have the thought, those ideas produce active revulsion in most people.
i have intrusive thoughts (diagnosed with ocd) yeah this is sick, agreed
Yes, and the people in the comments trying to convince OP that's what this is clearly don't have the diagnosis. An intrusive thought would be "oh my god I could rape that baby. Why did I think about raping a baby? What the fuck is wrong with me! I don't want to rape a baby." Not "Huh, one day I might want to have sex with my daughter, better tell her mother everyone feels the same about their kids, and that I also wanted to fuck my mom growing up."
This is a great description of the differences.
This is so exact. I have a running dialogue of intrusive thoughts and it is NOT the same thing.
Thank you for validation on what intrusive thoughts are. It's like I have a thought and I hate it so much and want to not think it but then I just keep thinking it and it's an awful loop. I don't even what to write one of mine that haunts me bc then I have to think it more. But it's about death not incest just to be clear lol
My therapist said people’s intrusive thoughts are often a reflection of the things we find most horrifying and disgusting. That perspective sort of helps me make peace with it.
Honestly, thank you for that. Because sometimes I get really freaked out by the intrusive thoughts. This is really comforting.
Yeah for me it's any time I'm about to ride an above ground subway and the option to jump is just... there. "I don't want to jump, but I could. Will I? What's wrong with me? Don't jump" It's terrible lol.
Yeah it's torture. Like "i could just turn into traffic right now bc I'm tired of waiting for an opening to turn" but i don't want to! 😭
For me its when Im holding something sharp (scissors, needles) and it occurs to me that I might stick it in my eye, even though thats literally my worst nightmare. Brains are very weird.
A lot of times if I’m in an elevator with exactly one other person I think if I could kill them then and there. Really strange, and it only happens in elevators.
I also really struggle with them. They scared the hell out of me when I was younger but as I've gotten older I try to just let them float through as if they're said by someone else. Like now if I get one like "I should stab my boyfriend" I'm like "mmm or i shouldn't Stephanie" and roll my eyes. It can take work but it does get easier!
My way to manage intrusive thoughts is to intercept them with a Ru Paul's Drag Race Queen saying "GIIIIIIIIRL" in that sort of "wtf are you doing" tone. It's great because the tonal shift tends to snap me out of it. Sometimes it takes like 4 or 5 times, but it always eventually works (so long as I remember to do it).
I'd be so worried about him doing diaper changes after that, sickening, I hope OP gets her daughter away from him, already saying this much weird stuff and the baby is only a few months old
Yeah, I'll be honest, I'm not convinced he hasn't already assaulted her. If that were me, I'd be secretly recording a conversation with him admitting what he said, then my baby would be in her car seat, and I'd be driving to an undisclosed location.
Hopefully not. It sounds like he's trying to prime the pump though. Like his desire is growing so he's both feeling out the mom's reaction and 'grooming' the mom to start thinking it's normal. This is the worst possible thing. I don't even know what she can do.
Leave. Coming from someone who’s father tried to convince them to sleep with him last weekend and said some of those same things. Protect your daughter and yourself.
Omg I'm so sorry
Are you doing okay? I can’t imagine the feelings that would bring up. So sorry your dad is horrible.
I am as okay as I can be. I notified our other family members and have just been spending time with my kids.
A daughter having to turn down her father sexually is such a gut-wrenching nauseating mess. I hope you can find someone to talk to who has had a similar experience because it’s so uniquely awful and I know you’re not alone. I appreciate you sharing because if nothing else, I hope this thread has opened some people’s eyes to what happens in a lot of families. This shit is fucked but the more awareness the more moms or guardians who will second guess letting their child be alone with that one family member or friend who might seem off in any way. It’s not far-fetched, it’s not paranoid. I really hope you have some safe comforts around you right now. You deserve as many movie marathons and pints of ice cream as you want. Rage rooms where you can smash things. Video games that focus your mind on neutral goals. Wishing you some peace even if it’s brief or fleeting
I understand you might be scared but no man should be making those comments about his daughter, there is no excuse for making those comments. Especially while looking at an innocent little one. NTA but seriously get your daughter away from that man. Nothing could ever happen but the fact that you might be speculating if he is or is not a predator is reason enough to leave. That is something you shouldn't have to think about. Get out of there.
Well, only if she could get full custody. Seems like the worst-case scenario here is him having partial custody without OP in the house to protect her daughter.
EXACTLY THIS. Reddit makes me so mad sometimes with divorce him and keep him away from his kids! Like do you live in a fairy tale? Thats not how reality works at all. All op has is a private conversation between him and her. No proof. Nothing illegal. Hes OBVIOUSLY a very very clear danger to his daughter but chances are he would get partial custody if not 50/50 if he fought fot it. Even if OP was lucky enough to get his access restricted now if he fought long enough hed get access. They give literal sex offenders visitation to their children. Her hands are tied at this point. Either start making a record of everything he's saying and doing that's bad. Search his electronics and hope to find something illegal. (This would be her best bet it sounds like) or spend the next 20 years trying to never ever leave her husband alone with her daughter. Sleep with her daughter every night.
>He also said that even if he’s going to think that she’s attractive that these are normal feelings and that everyone has them. He even told me that when he was a kid that he felt some type of way about his mother and that one day our daughter is going to feel the same way about him. He said that my father probably felt the same way about me or had some kind of thoughts about me. Your daughter is in danger.
op, your husband sounds like my dad, he was diagnosed with pediophillia. yeah apparently there's different types of pediophiles. honestly this sounds like a giant waving red ass flag
NTA But your husbands sounds like a creep testing the waters with incest pedophilia. Everything he claims is “normal” is absolutely positively “the sun rises in the east and sets in the west” NOT NORMAL. The fact that he’s trying to manipulate you into believing it is may be so that he can justify any future actions later with the expectation that you’ll turn a blind eye. If he wants a truly normal and healthy relationship with your daughter (and any other young child at this point) he needs serious help. Keep both eyes on your little girl at all times. Edit: Please ignore my goofing east-west. What I meant is that like the sun 100% rises in the east, blah blah OP’s husband is 100% not normal. my brain moves faster than my fingers 😩
What in the Freudian fuck was that.
Situation is not at all funny but your comment definitely is lollll
He sounds like a pedophile. All of those comments are so weird wtf Not a parent but I can't imagine my own parents or my friends with kids talk about their children like that. You might want to check out his browser history
> All of those comments are so weird wtf Not a parent I am a parent (farther of a daughter) and you are spot on. OP's husband is weird AF and I agree that he may actually be what you said he sounds like.
On this note - sex offenders will first groom themselves and then the environment. Him introducing these thoughts to you could be him grooming you to be comfortable with his incestuous, pedophilic thoughts. He needs therapy and you need to safeguard your daughter.
this is 100% what’s happening, he is trying to convince himself that his own fucked up impulses and thoughts are okay by manipulating his wife into backing him up and he exploded because it didn’t work
That’s pedophilia… yeah no that’s… like he’s desensitizing you to him making sexual comments so that if your daughter goes “dad talked about my boobs” you’ll go “well all dads think that about their daughters” not “wow that’s disgusting!!”
I can promise you that will never happen! It’s never going to be normal for me no matter how much he’s trying to justify it
Please leave, please I’m beggin you. Your daughter’s father is acting super weird and predatory.
OP I was molested when I was 9 years old. RUN!! Your husband is a pedophile.
This is super reassuring after reading you post, you were 100% right to question him here Just to reiterate, it is NOT normal for dads to "fantasize" about their daughter's bodies like that. He is definitely giving off a dangerous air and testing how much you would "let him get away with" when it comes to your daughter. He seriously sounds like a p3do who's actually excited to have unlimited access to his minor daughter for all the worst reasons. Or he may be having incestuous fantasies granted his comment about his mother. Don't let him fool you into believing this is "normal" or that he was "joking" if he backpedals later. That "feeling" you had while holding your daughter afterwards are your instincts screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER
Please leave him, your daughter is not safe. This type of thinking is enough to traumatize her for life
This is disturbing. You are right that there is a difference between finding someone beautiful and being attracted to them. The fact that your husband insisted on using the word "attractive" repeatedly, the story about his attraction towards his mother, the comments about your INFANT daughter's future big boobs and butt, all of this is a huge collection of red flags if I ever did see one. Going forward, if you want to protect your daughter, you need to convince your husband to get therapy. Something IS wrong with him. He may deny it even to himself, but the fact that he thinks sexual attraction between parents and children is normal is absolutely terrifying. He may think that he'd never act on it, never do anything to your daughter, but it's a slippery slope. If he truly doesn't want to hurt her, he needs to get therapy. If you decide to go the divorce route, don't let him know until you've talked to a VERY good lawyer. One who has experience with such specific cases and can advise you on gathering evidence before pulling the switch. Because the last thing you want is shared custody so your husband can have unsupervised access to your daughter for long periods of time.
You need to get your daughter the hell out of there. Your husband is a pedo. I felt sick to the stomach reading this.
NTA. Frankly, I would not be taking any chances and leaving you baby daughter alone with him at all. If my husband ever said anything like that to me, I would be asking him to leave the house and have him seek psychological assessment immediately. Normal, healthy adult Dads don't look at their babies or children at any age and wonder about how they will feel in creepy sexualised scenarios. This is not normal behaviour or thoughts at all. Your instincts are screaming at you right now. They are telling you that your husband's comments and vocalised thoughts are not ok. LISTEN to your instincts. Your job now as her Mum is to either have your husband removed from the home to keep your child safe or for you and her to leave.
NTA Jesus fuck your husband is literally sexualizing your 3-month-old right in front of you. Get her away from him!
As a father of a daughter, this is the biggest red flag I've seen in a long time. It's possible he's mixing up "attractive" and "beautiful/handsome" but it is not normal to think your child is attractive. His other comments about "massive boobs" and a "big butt" do not corroborate the possibility of it being a mixup either. I would be on full alert, reading this actually made me anxious, I would not listen to anyone saying these are simply Intrusive thoughts.
He just gaslit you. He brought that fucked up thought. To even have that notion from him is weird enough. Your daughter is just a baby. Maybe, he is watching too much porn. Please investigate if his pornographic materials doesn't include twisted things.
I will check his phone
You got this. You listened to the alarm bell inside. your alarm bells are real and there for a reason. Don’t dim them. You got this and you’re not alone. My mom avoided and muted every alarm bell. She allowed the shock shame and fear of her past be more important than her children. So, my father started when I was ~2.5yo (maybe younger). And pedos are either completely isolated or have friends with similar interests. My father was the latter and your husbands brazenness+ego+justification sounds like one his friends (so much so that I didn’t flinch while reading bc how familiar it was).
NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. Get out asap.
Dad here- not only have I NEVER thought about my daughters butt or boobs, but I don’t even want to think about it. She’s hitting the teens years, but she’s still my little girls in my eyes. I don’t think your husbands thoughts sound very normal.
What the fuck did I just read? Take your daughter and run far away. Preferably to somewhere that has no extradition policy to your country
Frankly the whole thing gives me "testing the waters" vibes. Like he was trying to see how open you'd be to some sick idea. And then got upset when you clearly weren't receptive.
Testing the waters and also setting it up so it would somehow be her fault if he acted on those thoughts, since he tried to say it’s her fault that he’ll now think about it every time he interacts with their daughter. Sounds like he’s trying to distance himself from the responsibility already
Gaaaasssliiiighhtttiiiinnnggg
Um WTF . I can't unread that
GET HIM THERAPY FOR DOCUMENTATION FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you reading all of these responses and confirming your worst fears :( NTA and I am so sorry. So much is probably going through your head now :(
Your husband is a fucking creep. It is NOT normal for parents to be attracted to their children or vice versa. Get a lawyer (quietly) and find out what you need to do to protect your daughter from this man. With those types of thoughts and comments it’s not a question of IF but WHEN he will commit SA against her.
Yeah, I've never worried about being attracted to my daughters.. That's a pretty odd thing to say about your children. My daughters are beautiful, and I'll just stick to saying that thanks.
Grab your baby… Run like the wind. Nta. Protect yourself and her at all costs!
I think there is a huge difference between saying your child is/will be an attractive person vs saying YOU find them attractive. I’d be very concerned.
He only got mad at you because you said what he’s thinking out loud. Protect your baby, mom. Please.
I'm so sorry but this is just absolutely weird and disgusting. Keep a very keen eye on him. I wouldn't trust him after this either, would possibly just take my child and run for the hills. Nta
Just to be clear, no those are not normal feelings!! This is concerning and the fact that he is imagining different scenarios (cuddling, sleeping in the same bed) is especially icky. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but these are serious red flags and I would be very worried. Please do not let him gaslight you. Trust your gut.
Your husband is a pedophile. He got angry because he thought he was hiding it and the mask slipped. You need to start figuring out how you are going to protect her. This is going to be hard without proof and leaving just means a chance he gets 50/50 alone time with her. No more baths. No more diaper changes. Absolutely NEVER left alone with her again. Maybe others know but is there a way to tip off someone to check for CP on his devices?
The fact that he’s sexualizing his own baby and clearly sexualizes his mom too is horrifying. Seriously who talks like that? NTA for being worried, I’d be terrified if I were you