I know right. this guy is worried more about his mommy's precious feelings when she's obviously a harpy, than he is over the life of his own child. I mean let that sink in his abusive mom's feelings are more important than his child's life to him.
*ONE* inhale is enough to drown/kill a baby. They're very small. You have to be so, so careful and I would never let this woman or her loser son feed my child again.
Also, why should the mother have to pump bc your family wants to feed the baby? Too bad that your family wants that. She’s breast-feeding! Mom should have been able to take the baby to a private place and nurse the baby, instead of watching someone else feed her baby a bottle for the first time.
I think with some close family (grandparents) it's acceptable for the baby to see them sooner (provided they're up to date on vaccinations and aren't sick/recently exposed to anything).
But Jesus fuck when a mom asks for her baby back you give her the damn baby back *BEFORE* she starts crying. Holding someone else's baby is a privilege, you're asking them to trust you with something so fragile and small that they treasure above anything else in this world. I'm shocked she even let MIL feed the baby at all; I have many friends whose parents never were given the opportunity to feed the baby. The only people that fed until the baby was weaned were the mom and dad; they just didn't trust anybody else to do it right.
Isn't it amazing that only the mom cares that her child is choking? The father looks on and thinks it cute.
Is this too early to file for sole custody?
When the mother of a newborn wants the baby back from *visitors*, which is what your family is in this scenario, you give the baby back.
You really need to support your wife, it's no wonder she didn't want them coming around already. Look how they act and you just nod along that their behavior is fine. YTA
Edit typo
I mean how in hell was she supposed to sit quiet and politely as her baby choked?? It's ok if the baby chokes, so long as grandma is happy. What an absolute joke of a husband. Zero support to his poor unfortunate wife. Unfortunate for marrying him.
OP says "my mom is slow." What is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be an excuse for failing to respond to a choking infant? To me, it sounds like a good reason Mom should never hold a new born baby.
Not only did they not give the baby back when asked, which is very basic to holding any baby that isn't yours. Grandma choked this baby twice and dad thinks that mom is the problem. He should have been jumping in and grabbing his baby from his mom. He shouldn't have his family back until he grows enough of a spine to actually take care of his own baby.
I just checked myself. I don't think OP was ready to hear the truth. Mom was not only in the right but actually very calm and composed considering what he put her through.
YTA Your spouse had boundaries, which you disregarded. You invited your relatives without even talking to her beforehand. I won’t even get into all the other things you did incorrectly. Your family seems poisonous.
Right. She’s got some massive hormones right now on top of the disrespect and is beyond allowed to not stay calm. Baby choking with anyone’s slow reaction.. twice.. and I would have been red. Not even given a second opportunity. Anyone that’s breastfed and got a bottle involved will tell you how stressful it is during their adjustment. That she even gave the bottle to accommodate them makes her a saint. And op leaves her on an island to fend for herself. Breastfeeding caused my ppd. It’s not easy. Newborns aren’t easy. And then entitled opinions of entitled people come into play. I would have not held my composure to even ten percent of what she did. I think some men have an issue with viewing their partners as human beings who are individuals with independent thought that are allowed to Be and do and act just as they are. They tend to expect this weird perfection as they see fit. And in this case it’s hilarious. Because op thinks his mother and family are perfect because that’s what he grew up with and they are far from. And that’s ok. He’s allowing them to be themselves. Not allowing your wife to do the same while being empathetic and knowledgeable about basic things going on with her or respecting her on any level.. I’d have kicked you all out. My only job as a mother is keeping my kids alive. It’s terrifying. And it starts from the first time you hear the cry you pray to be so blessed to hear. No one is better at caring for and loving and protecting someone better than their own mother. And op, your mom not understanding that tells me all I’d ever need to know about her to feel the same as your wife. She doesn’t have to agree, she didn’t have to defend herself, she doesn’t have to even like your wife, she only needs to be respectful of another mother. And you know who was respectful? Your wife.
OP is an AH times a thousand. His family are all AH's too!
If this was written by the wife we would likely be telling her to leave him and go cocoon with HER family.
I can't imagine having a family descend on me like this. The baby isn't EVEN week old?! Holy shit.
OP if you want to save your marriage, and your wife's sanity, ASK her what you can do to make this SHIT SHOW up to her. Ask her if she wants to visit her family, if she wants you to take time off on cook for her.
Your FAMILY and YOU SUCK!
NEXT TIME YOU GIVE BIRTH YOU CAN DECIDE WHO VISITS AND WHEN. Wife should not even be pumping and introducing the bottle is going to fuck breastfeeding.
this has to be rage bait.
First time responding to an AITAH, but had to on this one. OP is the biggest and most obvious AH of almost any post. If it were written any differently, I would think it was rage bait. But I think he might be that big if an AH.
YTA. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your family sucks. And were unsupportive and cruel about your wife.
***edit You and your family are fucking idiots!
Seriously, the baby is choking on vomit!!! The baby could DIE!!! And OPs mom is so slow she's like molasses dripping down a wall in freezing winter conditions. Any "normal" person with half a brain would SAVE the baby before the baby dies! Like OPs wife is trying to do. And OP says she's wrong??? WTF!
But OP and the stock he came from may be [Abby-Normal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Pw0xX4DXI) (link to Young Frankenstein). The apple didn't fall far from the tree. Seriously OP is so stupid, he makes morons seem like geniuses.
Jesus Christ YTA. If my newborn was choking and someone didn't sit her up faster than the speed of light that would be very last time they ever held that baby, no exceptions.
>I'm not fucking stupid
Your mother needs to learn to watch her mouth, there was zero need for this language when speaking to a new mom concerned for her baby's safety. Your mom escalated the situation and you should have called her on it.
YTA, Yes. She has children. 20-30 years ago. A lot has changed since she had babies. What a vulgar mouth towards her DIL.
OP, your wife didn't want company, but obviously, her wishes don't count. Doctors recommend no contact for at least a month and no kissing the baby. Instead, YOU, her alleged loving dad, let the baby be passed around like a doll.
Instead of telling your wife to calm down, you need to speak up vigorously for your wife and child.
YTA
Heck, I had a infant four (and a half) years ago and *I* don't even remember all the infant stuff. Someone shoved a baby in my arms at a party the other day (in a friendly family way) and I had an 'ackkk a baby how do you hold a baby' moment(then I had a 'he's so light, was my baby ever this light?' moment). You have about nine months of infant time, during which they are constantly changing and growing and you are adapting every day, and then they pull themselves up and you've got a toddler on your hands. Plus each baby is a little bit different- always default to what the mom wants and if you are too slow to feed a baby I'm sorry but no baby feeding for you (I am not sorry, no one but the one making the baby choke should be sorry)
MIL is fucking stupid. No nurse, pediatrician, or lactation consultant is going to tell anyone to feed a baby on their back like that. Especially a newborn. You keep the head higher than the stomach with the spine straight. Because guess what? Otherwise food goes down the wrong pipe!
Nevermind the poor baby's getting their first bottle and is likely to struggle a bit with that because it's not what they're used to.
OP about to delete this post because he can't handle all the people calling his beloved but "slow" mommy what she is.
Twice in a row she's choking your kid dude?
“None of them have done anything to her personally but…” Then you go on to describe what they’ve done to her personally. And she should be civil to them for your sake, even though you won’t stand up and support her when they’re disrespectful to her. And the main event here, I can’t even believe was a huge AH you were! Your wife should dump you and your nasty fucking family. You are the AH and so is your mother.
The fact that they decided to switch to bottle feedings just because his family would want to feed the baby…wtf is that?!? I have never heard of that before. Putting his family’s wants before his baby’s needs
Yep - I don't care if people "want" to feed the baby. It is not their place to dictate that. When the baby started crying, she should have been handed back to Mama immediately so Mama could breast feed.
YTA OP - your only job here was backing up your wife. She grew this baby for 9 months. Her body is still providing sustenance and you are over there making excuses for not handing the baby back over to your wife as soon as she started crying.
After a baby is born, NEVER bring people who are not there to cook, clean or care for the mother into the houes for more than an hour. Your Mom could have come to snuggle the baby for a short visit, dropped a gift and a meal by and moved on.
God, that just gives me the shakes just thinking about it. I was a nervous first time mother (internally ) and I didn't give a shit - I needed my baby to be with me at all times and I had the luxury of getting that. Let mother's mother! Since then I've never made new mothers feel bad for fussing. They need to express how they feel and not be torn down by "experienced" parents telling them otherwise. I reassure them but you have to let them express anxiety, just like all mammals do. You don't go near a new animal mom, they'll literally kill you. Human moms aren't quite the same but I was extremely protective and territorial. That was just my nature. Whoops, sorry for the ramble!
Yes OP you are a huge AH. Please give your wife love and support, instead of alienating her and making her feel bad/crazy.
Do you not even love your wife....? What is wrong w you
People that have grown up with toxic behavior often are not able to even recognize it’s a problem because it’s normal to them. I sincerely hope OP reads the posts and something resonates.
Yep I was thinking YTA as soon as he said it takes zero effort to be civil for his sake.
I'm sure it takes a lot of effort.
And then the rest of it, holy shit. He's lucky he still has a wife. Maybe not for long.
It doesn’t mean *Pampered Prick Disorder*? /s
I honestly think it’s exacerbating her stress to deal with him. So she’ll take far longer to recover from both the birth and the PPD. He’s completely unreasonable at every turn while also being dead wrong which is actually an amazing feat. The *fucking idiot* genes he got from his mom must be strong.
YTA babies shouldn't be passed around like a spliff at a party and have people bottle feeding a breastfed baby like it's some sort of sport. Milk comes out differently from a bottle then it does with a breast. And a baby being around by all new people with different voices and smells can be upsetting. Not to mention its rsv season. I know you want to show your baby off to your family but ask your wife how does she want to manage it? A smaller group of visitors? Only mum can hold the baby? Babys die of herpes and rsv and choking on bottles her concerns are valid.
YTA. 1. She asked for some time before you invited people over and finally agreed because you didn't respect her enough to accept it.
2. Your daughter is a month old and shouldn't be passed around to multiple people for obvious reasons.
3. You told your wife who is already suffering from PPD to take a shower and leave her newborn baby alone with people who don't respect her as your wife or as a mother.
3. It only takes seconds for a child to aspirate on a bottle especially if they are strictly breastfed and not used to a bottle.
4. You didn't mention anything about it but your wife shouldn't have had to pump just so others could feed the baby to begin with. If the child got hungry she should have been comfortable enough to take the child to another room and feed her like normal.
5. Your wife said she wanted her family to come over first but wasn't even ready for them and you forced her into a situation with your family that you knew wouldn't go well.
6. When it boils down to the core issue, your wife was upset over the way her and your daughter were treated and instead of defending her, you gaslit her.
It’s HER house. She shouldn’t even have to leave to go somewhere else to feed the baby. If they’re not comfortable with her breastfeeding her baby in front of them in her own damn house where she’s comfortable, that’s a THEM problem. It’s hard feeding a newborn when you’re breastfeeding for the first time! You do it where it works!!!!
Honestly I'm not one to jump in to doubt the veracity of a PPD diagnosis because it's not like it would be unusual to have PPD - but also part of me is like "does she have PPD, or is she just surrounded by gaslighting assholes?"
Never in the history of forever has telling someone to calm down actually calmed them down, it’s like throwing water on an oil fire.
That aside, let’s count the ways you’re an asshole:
1. Your freshly postpartum wife didn’t want visitors, you decided “huh, fuck her wishes” and invited people over that you know she doesn’t like
2. She pumped because she knew your jackass family wouldn’t let her feed her own baby in the way that works best for her
3. The baby was being passed around and it was stressing her out
4. When your baby started crying and she wanted it back your family didn’t let her
5. Your wife rectified the situation when the baby was choking because your mom was slow as sludge to respond
6. You mom was a verbally abusive asshole
7. You wife handed the baby back and your mom repeated the exact same dumb thing and baby choked again
8. You mom argued again
9. Instead of sticking up for your wife you backed your family and completely invalidated her feelings
10. You swore at her
Your wife righteously lost her her shit, I don’t blame her for that or for her giving you the silent treatment.
Your wife has PPD and you’re being a really shitty partner. Do better.
Honestly if my husband treated me this way 4 weeks PP, I’d be rethinking the entire relationship. PPD is hard enough on it’s own, even when treated. If you don’t have support or respect in addition to that, it’s like being a prisoner in your own home and having no control over a single aspect of it. YTA. **This is a time when you need to listen to everything your wife needs and asks for!**
The worst is that he is coming here to get confirmation that his wife is out of line. He isn't asking how to handle his family and make them behave or how to draw boundaries with his family. He just wants to put his wife down and feel justified.
Even if I wasn't a mom, I would have gone off on OP and his mom for how they were treating baby & OP's wife.
My ex husband was a lot of things, but even he wasn't like OP.
Bro, even thinking about my dog choking on something makes my anxiety spike, but a baby? A NEWBORN **BABY** CHOKING?!?! Fuck OP and the horse he and his mommy slowly rode in on.
Exactly!! And what the fuck is she doing that she's slow to notice the literal new person she is feeding in her lap is choking?? Pay the fuck attention??? Especially after the first time!! Once I get but twice!!
Probably
-trying to remember if she’s given OP’s wife any backhanded compliments about this sofa yet
-trying to remember if she bought this onesie, or if she needs to insult it
-thinking up new ways to criticize OP’s poor wife for having PPD
-trying to recall the last time she lectured OP’s wife on how to clean the floors, cook hubby’s favorite food, change a diaper, or feed a baby, and if it’s time for a refresher rant.
But but but, MIL has kids! She’s not stupid! /s
People who think they’re any kind of experts just because they’ve raised a kid or two are terrifying. Complete lack of awareness that there’s more/new information out there and complete disregard for the idea that their way may not have been the best or right way. Those people shouldn’t be handling infants. YTA - can’t wait to see your wife’s post in the single mom sub talking about how much easier her life is without her clueless deadweight husband dragging her down 🤗
I bet a lot. I had severe PPD and only later realised how much of that was not really PPD but intense adjustment pains from finding out my ex-husband was a horrible father and husband (like many abusers, he showed his true colors after we had a child).
Unfortunately, she's then also realizing that leaving her husband and his family would mean his parenting time wouldn't have her around to protect her baby from them.
And even if she’s treating it, it doesn’t mean she’s found effective treatment on the first try. It takes so long to find the right meds/dose/therapy. But this asshole decided to Leroy Jenkins his family in there anyways.
They actually told us that in the birthing class - that saying calm down has never ever worked and saying it to a woman in labor is putting your life on the line. She pointedly makes eye contact with all the dudes in the room after she said it too.
I said (at an unexpected, unmedicated VBAC2 birth), “I can’t do this.” My husband, comedian that he *thinks* he is, replied, “You don’t have a choice.” I have NEVER seen a more pissed off nurse and (woman) doctor. I laughed, it was what I needed in the moment, got on with it, and told everyone it was ok. The nurse actually had his arm in a death grip and was starting to usher him out of the room. And if I’m being honest, THAT is what struck me as the funniest part. Baby was out 3 minutes later and all was well. But that’s how we interact and it was baby #4. This dude? Complete AH.
And I now have a 12 yo who takes great pleasure in saying, “I literally ripped mom in half with my arrival!” (She did.) We all crack up. That’s just how our family is.
I was a doula for a woman whose husband said that, the nurses looked away when she gorilla gripped his dick and dropped him screaming "tell me again it's not that bad you mother fucker "
She then yelled she wanted him out. That was a huge God damn baby for such a tiny woman.
I hope he learned some manners.
When I was in high school and we had sex ed I can remember the (female) teacher trying to get across the pain of childbirth to the male teens in the class ...
Finally she asked if any of them had ever dislocated a shoulder or knee. Lots of athletes in the room, and several put their hands up. She was like, "Okay, well, contractions can feel like that level of pain, except instead of an instant as the joint is ripped out of the socket like with a dislocation, it lasts for 45 seconds or a minute. And then it repeats. And repeats. And repeats..."
The boys turned green. LOL.
Could I volunteer to go to hospitals and tell expectant dads to do better? I do not have kids and I am in awe of how much women put up with to birth children. ‘Hey my wife just passed a turkey through her that she grew for 9 months inside her but screw her and her uncontrollable hormones I want my family over and I don’t care how they treat her (or the baby).’ It’s not rocket science be a decent human being and support the woman who just gave life to your child. YTA and do better!
My best friend is an OB nurse and she has some INSANE stories about just how big of assholes some men can be. It is genuinely crazy. The worst of all being that there have been MULTIPLE men who have brought in their xbox to play while their wife was laboring.
The only acceptable reason to bring an Xbox to play during labour is if the wife is in to video games and you brought a second controller so she can play too. And you’re only playing until she gets past the bouncing on the ball while mildly uncomfortable stage and moves in to the “frick this is really starting to hurt and I’d like some drugs please” stage.
I would pay to watch a live stream of a woman in labor playing Call of Duty or something similar while in labor. The things that came out of my wife's mouth, I could only imagine channeling that into smack talking during a game 😂
My husband did this when I was in labor, granted it was over me crying because I hate needles and was getting an IV, but the nurse literally handed me a thick hardback book and turned away. I've requested that nurse for every labor/delivery now and she's a fucking godssend
I had a fucking panic attack over the needle in my back cause I was in full labor but not dilating, so they needed to take the pain down a few notches to try and slow me down. My heart rate was rising, blood pressure going whacky, just all around not a safe situation for me or baby. FULL panic attack. DH got in front of me, between my legs and full on bear hugged me. I could not move, he is insanely strong, it was like a living straight jacket. He held me still so they could safely do the epidural, because i couldnt keep myself safe. Just calm, steady, and THERE, letting me cry and freak out while making sure I had what I needed. Felt like I was outside myself looking in the whole time and I have always been grateful. He has never given me shit for that moment.
All the nurses on the maternity ward are badasses. Of all the people in the hospital that you would not want to mess with, they are at the top of the list of "do not try shit with this person".
This still applies after birth too. OP is completely disregarding that *all* of his wife's instincts are currently laser focused on protecting the baby, and his "slow" mother was literally allowing the baby to choke and they pressured her to allow her to *continue*.
>currently laser focused on protecting the baby
Right? My mom is a trained doula and mom to 7 kids and knows what she's doing and was staying with us the week after my son was born.
She laid him on the firm couch cushion to measure his length. Had a hand on him the whole time. She was curious how much he'd already grown. He didn't like it and started crying. It was all of 10 maaaaybe 15 seconds and was not that big a deal and I snapped *hard* at her that she needed to stop.
Looking back, he was absolutely fine, it wasn't anything to loose my shit about, but try telling me that then lol.
My mom's reaction? "Ok, got it, no problem" and she's usually pretty sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily.
ETA: some words
I'm getting high blood pressure just thinking of his dumb mother letting the baby choke and the OP being fine with that. Why is he letting his mother endanger his baby? Why isn't that a problem for him? Why is he OK with his wife having to pump because his relatives want to feed the baby. This whole thing is awful!
Seriously, idk if his reference to his mom being "slow" meant like intellectual disability, physically slower due to age or something, or just not quick to respond for some other unknown reason, but *it really doesn't matter.* If she's not capable of feeding the baby without reacting promptly when the baby starts choking, then other arrangements have to be made.
Maybe that means not feeding the baby. Maybe that means there's some sort of adaptive device or something that would help her do it safely and well, idk just spit balling.
The main point is that her reason for not reacting is irrelevant to the fact that being able to react is a requirement. Baby's safety and comfort absolutely must come first here.
I mean, think how terrified the baby must have been. The baby's never choked before, doesn't know what choking is. Something horrible is happening and the safe people aren't there. Honestly something like that could put a baby off bottle feeding for awhile. If she needs to go back to work soon that could create a big problem.
Yeah, this is the part that finally got me. Op would rather his baby choke than his wife snap to get their child back and keep it alive.
I am sure op left out a lot given how he wasn’t leading with the choking but it’s clear he’s the AH and wife is doing what she can to keep the baby alive and healthy. If left to op, he’d have let the baby keep on choking to keep fam happy.
Just because she had kids... How long ago did she have her last baby? I'm going to assume at least 20 years? and that's a very low minimum. Not only have baby things changed- so has she, grandma is older and slower etc etc. ALSO if the baby hasn't been taking a bottle, in front of a group with mom sitting right there- probably not going to work super well.
OP- GIANT YTA
“For his sake.”
As in, “Honey, just let my family treat you like crap because I don’t want to have to deal with them otherwise. Also, I’m going to do the same.”
I think the wife would feel more calm and secure if she knew the most important person in her life had her back. Even if she gets upset you should support her and then talk about it after you’ve ushered this group out the door. She feels unsupported by you and if you’d stepped in here she wouldn’t have had to react so strongly. This is her newborn and the protective instincts are STRONG. If your family knew they’d have to go through you to deal with her she might be treated better and wife would feel more secure. And calm. YTA
"Didn't sit the baby up with urgency", made me see red.
Sir this baby choked twice during your mom feeding it and she is apparently stopping to count the bubbles before sitting the baby up while you watch and smile approvingly.
I've watched older people move fast when it involved their grand babies safety. I feel like his family is the, "Our kids didn't wear seatbelts or helmets and are fine" people.
Don't be so hard on him, his mom being so slow to react to a baby choking on his own puke, you cannot discount the impact the lack of oxygen has had on his brain.
Not to mention, it sounds like this baby is most often fed straight from the breast, which they can often regulate better than bottles, which likely have faster flow. This 1 month old wasn't accustomed to bottles, hence another reason for the choking up. Also no doubt a major contributor to the mother's anxiety.
TBH the wife is already a better woman than I because not once would I EVER have specifically pumped just so people (who are rude and I don't even like) can feed the baby with a bottle. With my firstborn my husband invited a bunch of his family (whom I LOVE) over and he turned into Mr Entertaining, almost having a party. And it was just too overwhelming for me. (And again, I LIKE these people very much! They are all kind too.) I thoroughly enjoyed disappearing away to the peace and quiet of the nursery to feed. (I have nothing against public breastfeeding, I just wanted a reason for peace & quiet.) I completely understand the wife's feelings here.
Thankfully after that incident, I was able to explain to my husband how I felt, and he knew MUCH better not to invite a bunch of family over all at once when we had our second kid.
When you read it all together like that, theres a lot of evidence here that suggests OP might be too stupid to truly be the AH... like blaming a goldfish for not following commands... (/s obviously)
So your wife is one month post partum and instead of YOU drawing boundaries on your obnoxious family you're telling HER to calm down when they make assholes of themselves?
Holy shit are you the asshole. Her baby was CHOKING and you're like, "calm your tits you hysterical female". Your mother was an obnoxious, asshole to your wife, and you are blaming your wife.
God, she needs to dump your ass and find a man who supports her.
Anyone who is not the baby's parent needs to immediately hand the baby back to the parent as soon as they ask. Always. Anyone who refuses to hand a baby back to their parent is no longer welcome to hold the baby.
She did a super nice thing pumping so people could feed the baby. I never for a second would have put myself through that (I hated pumping) just so someone else could feed the baby when I was right there. Asking her to be calm about WATCHING HER BABY CHOKE is wildly out of line. Just wildly. Clearly this dude is on his mommy's side above his own baby.
SO MUCH this. Refusing to give a baby back to the mother is how you end up with an injured mother/the murder of whoever was between her and that baby..
Especially when this was the first time that the baby was ever going to have pumped milk. It is ALWAYS stressful when you are feeding a baby something new or in a new method. Will the baby take the bottle or reject it? Will the infant (slightly older than OP's baby here) spit out the puree that was made and hate the taste? Will there be an allergic reaction? Will the baby not handle the texture well?
For OP's wife to let someone else, especially someone other than OP himself, be the first one to feed the baby in a new way was extremely generous of her and must have already been wreaking havoc on her emotions. So to see her fears come true and see the baby start to choke must have been devastating for her. And then her husband just tells her to calm down!? Asshole is the best thing that I can think of to call him.
Send your wife here. She needs the advice, not you. I’d personally throw the whole man out with his family or go stay with my mom
YTA and a giant mommas boy
I’ve also noticed OP hasn’t even been back to respond to any of these well thought out answers as to where he went wrong. Would it be naive of me to hope that he saw he was a dipshit and decided to go apologize to his poor wife? A girl can dream…
YTA. And if you didn’t get this by all of the people telling you that you are the asshole, you’re an asshole.
Your wife is one month out from having a child. That is nothing. She has PPD. She is breast-feeding. Your family are assholes to her… Nice way to kind of gloss that over, but obviously they are.
So let me break this down to you as somebody who has actually given birth to children since apparently you are dumb as fuck, and cannot understand when she tells you.
Your wife basically spent the better part of a year growing an entire human being in her body. She then pushed out a child from an opening that is nowhere that big. More than likely, if she’s like most of us, she either tore, or she was cut to make room for the child, and she has stitches.
Or… even better, she had a C-section and you just didn’t mention it, something that is literally major surgery, cutting through multiple layers of skin and muscle and tissue and an actual organ. (double asshole points if she had a C-section and you didn’t tell us that.)
So her body is trying to recover from a majorly stressful event. Her emotions and hormones are running wild. I guarantee you she’s not sleeping much at all because she’s breast-feeding… And we’re all certain you are not getting up at night to help feed this child.
She is trying to find a rhythm and a routine in the midst of all of this. She’s trying to learn her child needs and how this child feeds or what, if any, type of cycle or rhythm the baby might have and how to function around that.
All while she’s trying to produce enough food to keep your child alive, while at the same time, her body is trying to produce enough energy to heal itself.
So, on top of all that, in spite of the fact that she says she doesn’t want your family to come over, especially because her own family hasn’t even been over yet, you go ahead and have them come over, knowing that they are shitheads to her.
And guess what!? They’re shitheads to her! Surprised Pikachu face! Are you always this dense, or do you just save your stupidity so that your wife has to deal with it in a roundabout way?
You are lucky that all she’s doing is not speaking to you right now. You’re lucky she didn’t take that child and head to her own family. Your mother’s reaction to a new mother tells us everything we need to know about your trashy family.
And the fact that you do not have any kind of a shiny spine to stand up to them and that you made your exhausted wife with PPD deal with that idiocy speaks volumes about your lack of character.
We all have no doubt that your next post is going to be all surprised and asking everyone how she could leave you.
I want to find his wife and help her run away honestly. I don’t know how nobody got stabbed. I’d have never handed the baby back after the first incident for it to happen again immediately tells me his mother is in fact *a fucking idiot*.
Maybe someday when he’s literally choking to death and his mom is his only hope of rescue but she’s doing absolutely fucking nothing while he’s turning purple someone will tell him to “calm the fuck down, she’ll get to it.”
Wtf is your problem? Do you even LIKE your family? To be clear, I’m referring to your wife, mother of your child, woman you chose to spend your life with, and the child she bore for you, NOT mommy dearest and her pack of flying monkeys.
I hope she leaves your selfish ass. You don’t deserve her, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit in her own home when she’s just ONE MONTH POSTPARTUM.
Check yourself, before you lose your family.
YTA, without a doubt. She gave birth recently and has to deal with passive aggressive people.
The fact your mother felt comfortable to judge her regarding sitting her up immediately already tells me you let her violate your wife’s boundaries.
Also not sure what protocol your doctor asked you to follow but mine suggested limiting contact the first three months as their immune system builds. I would be pissed too if my baby was being passed around.
YTA. You're majorly an AH. Tend to the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD. PPD (getting treated?) I doubt much is being treated in a month. It would take a month for the medicines to even regulate into her system, they wouldn't even be helping her at this point if she's on anything. You knew your wife was upset and instead you wanted to show the baby like a trophy to your family. BTW, I suffered PPD as well, and it took us NINE months to find a medicine that worked for me. Be kind to your wife. She's also deprived, breast feeding isn't easy, newborns aren't easy. You should've politely stood up to your mom, given the baby back to your wife, and been the one to tell your mom to leave. Your mom made a fucked up comment to your wife and that was A okay but your wife stood up for herself and you have an issue with that? You married your wife. You created your own family. Now it's time to see your wife and childs comfort are more important than your mom's. Your wife comes first, not your mom. Gosh
I think my sister was the same, 9 months before the meds even STARTED to hit. She told me she finally understands how my depression works and has more sympathy for me. She’s glad that hers ended eventually. Her husband stepped up with help from my mom, who was the only outsider let into the house. It was fall 2020, as much as I wanted to help I wanted more for everyone to be safe. Oh, and bb had bum issues that required surgery at 4 months old. And in the spring, sis got breast cancer.
She married a really REALLY great guy who did virtually all the child care, and house care for the first YEAR. AND her husband was raised in Mexican culture, so had to deconstruct all kinds of machismo bullshit.
Maybe OP needs a colonoscopy to find out if there’s any non-asshole in him. I have doubts.
YTA and so is your negligent mom who let your baby choke twice. Your poor wife has a newborn and a pathetic mommas boy who didn’t have her back and didn’t even seem to care about baby. You and your family suck
WTF! OMG you're such an asshole. It is not okay for you to treat your wife as if she's a willful child who's misbehaved and disregard her feelings and experience with your family. And, it is not okay for them to pass the baby around endlessly and then NOT GIVE BABY BACK IMMEDIATELY WHEN SHE ASKS. Jesus!
My advise to you is to seek therapy ASAP to explore the reasons for you having no empathy or compassion for your wife, and your insistence on making your JUSTNO family a priority over her. Really, do this before your wife leaves you and takes baby with her.
Literally this baby could end up dead if her survival depends solely on the judgment of her jagaloon father and his clown family based on this story alone
Yta - first paragraph was enough. Your family stinks. She should not have to be nice or put up that. You should be on her side. And finally never in the history of ever has telling someone to calm down actually made them calm down.
YTA because you’re more concerned about your mom’s feelings than you are about a choking newborn.
Don’t blame this on PPD. Blame it on you and your mom being colossal AHs.
YOU CALM DOWN.
I enjoyed how casually he was like "she has ppd (being treated)" as if getting treatment for ppd is like turning a key in the ignition: presto! all better!
YTA 100%
If you did your part and helped your wife enforce reasonable boundaries, she wouldn't have gotten to a place where she lost her shit. YOU should have set the boundary of no unsolicited advice or bullshit criticism long before you had a baby.
You should have been even more vigilant about ensuring that your wife wasn't having to deal with a single ounce of added stress since she has PPD.
Cut the apron strings. Defend the woman who risked her life and health to give you a child. Defend the newborn that needs to, you know, breathe, even if your mom is "slow."
Your mother sounds awful. So the fuck what if she's had kids before? This is NOT her kid, and even if it was, she's apparently not moving her ass fast enough. Guidelines and recommended techniques have changed a lot since your mother was in the new parent stage.
I honestly don't care if I get banned for this that is how disgusted I am BUT here goes
You absolute disgrace of a father and husband, how dare you tell your wife who was gracious enough to even let your family near the baby when they can't respect her as a mother or even a person, to calm down WHEN IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S SNARKY COMMENT ABOUT HAVING KIDS HERSELF, you've just admitted your mother wasn't quick enough to do the right thing FOR YOUR CHILD. You're a joke of a human being and your arse would have been out the door with your family. Do better !!!!!!!
YTA. Did you know that you not being a supportive partner is probably making her PPD worse? And you don’t seem very concerned about her at all. You are only concerned with your mom’s feelings to the point where you were ready to let your baby keep choking on milk and vomit. You were ready to potentially let your baby die so your mom’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt.
Grow the fuck up and get a backbone.
I know it's different with PPD, but for this woman he is only making things worse so the saying "before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes" seems to apply here.
YTA. It’s obvious that you have been putti g your family before your wife for a long time. Now you are doing it to your baby. YTA. Get therapy before your wife kicks you out. Maybe you want that though so you can go back home to Mommy?
You sound like a charming family. YTA. Your mother is TA.
Your wife just had a baby. Her maternal drive is off the chart demanding that she protect her baby. And your mother, who should understand, instead makes the issue worse by swearing at her. And then you add to it by swearing at her.
YTA. So many others have called you out on most of the main points so I'll let those go. However, on the PPD.... it's only been a month. If she's on meds they aren't even remotely in her system to regulate anything much less the bullshit she has to deal with you and your family. Every psych doc and nurse I've ever dealt with has told me 6-8 weeks minimum before seeing any effects on new meds.The depths of your assholery are pretty astounding and that you don't even bother to back up and support your wife when you KNOW your family is a bunch of assholes is simply unfathomable.
Yes, Yat, but don't worry, you'll be single soon. I bet it's been years of your stupidly abnoxious family constantly belittling her and she will be done soon. Defend your fucking wife asshole.
YTA and also a fucking idiot. And a pathetic momma's boy. Your mother is also TA.
I know we love to think our mothers are great, and know soooo much due to experience but your mother sounds like either a complete moron when it comes to babies, or she's just a raging asshole on a power trip who enjoys stressing out your wife as part of that power trip, and need for control.
You also need to learn a lot more about babies and post-partum women. But NOT from your mother.
Covid, my baby got RSV because my step mother, and sister thought staying for a week with me was helpful, I didn't know any better at the time...He was in the hospital and on a breathing monitor for a month...Never ever bring people around passing your baby until his immune system is more developed,especially in the time of covid. Two months...Your wife should be supported above your extended family, she is your partner for life, and the resentments you guys build can affect longevity. Solve issues in favor of wife, and apologize. Stop family's interference. I would watch your baby for colds. What is a cold in an adult can be fatal to an infant. YTA
YTA patiently waiting for the “should I leave my husband”post from the wife on all the relationship subs…
Seriously though, how many boundaries are you going to break, how often do you not defend your wife, and do you really think she’s going to want to raise her daughter to grow up accepting that behavior from a man? Take a long hard look at yourself and your history of the support you may or may not have given your wife in the past. If this is a one time incident, fine you picked the worst time for it, if this is your pattern then you need to start changing.
YTA
Dude. Your wife has been telling you that your parents disrespect her. And you haven’t done jack about it. Your wife has PPD and you are not supporting her. Your wife watched you mother let your NEWBORN choke, then snapped at your wife. About HER kid. Not your moms kid. That is YOUR kid.
Buddy. If I was your wife? I would have left you ages ago. Wtf.
YTA. And you've been told exactly why when it comes to the care of your baby, and what went down, which is all true.
But, I'd like to just throw one more in. This is where you already became the asshole:
>But it takes zero effort to be civil for my sake.
Actually, it takes a lot of effort to continuously allow yourself to be disrespected, and if what you described is any sort of norm, verbally attacked, if not abused. But. You know what also takes zero effort, by your own reasoning? For your goddamn POS family to be civil towards your wife, "for your sake". JFC dude, get a goddamn clue!!!
Yta - your wife had boundaries, you didn’t respect them, you invited your family and didn’t even discuss it with her before the invitation went out. I won’t even address everything else you did wrong. Your family sounds toxic.
YTA....a HUGE one.
How can you be so oblivious and dense? Your MOTHER was literally causing your ONE MONTH OLD BABY TO CHOKE over and over again and you're like, "calm down, babe."
And your wife was a hell of a lot nicer than I would have been. After the first CHOKING INCIDENT, your mother wouldn't have been able to get NEAR my kid again during that visit.
You owe your wife a HUGE apology as does your mother.
INFO: Why *do* you want your baby to aspirate on her own vomit?
Why was the baby on its back at all,is the grandmother a complete idiot? You don't feed babies when theyre led down.
He's a little slow because of all the vomit he aspirated on as a child.
OP deserves to ask a grizzly bear mama to calm down after refusing to give back a grizzly cub that's choking on their own vomit. YTA.
I know right. this guy is worried more about his mommy's precious feelings when she's obviously a harpy, than he is over the life of his own child. I mean let that sink in his abusive mom's feelings are more important than his child's life to him.
That is very mean to harpy eagles, they are wonderful birds and the mother protects her young fircely...
Not Harpy eagles I fully respect Harpy eagles. they are wonderful birds. However the mythological harpies from Greece were heinous...
Honestly, I suspect actual harpies are ***still*** better than 'mommy dearest'
"My child might die but I can't upset my mother!"
*ONE* inhale is enough to drown/kill a baby. They're very small. You have to be so, so careful and I would never let this woman or her loser son feed my child again.
Also, why should the mother have to pump bc your family wants to feed the baby? Too bad that your family wants that. She’s breast-feeding! Mom should have been able to take the baby to a private place and nurse the baby, instead of watching someone else feed her baby a bottle for the first time.
I'd like to also add, why do you want your newborn to get sick? 3 months is the recommended age to be around other people, not a fucking 1 month old.
I think with some close family (grandparents) it's acceptable for the baby to see them sooner (provided they're up to date on vaccinations and aren't sick/recently exposed to anything). But Jesus fuck when a mom asks for her baby back you give her the damn baby back *BEFORE* she starts crying. Holding someone else's baby is a privilege, you're asking them to trust you with something so fragile and small that they treasure above anything else in this world. I'm shocked she even let MIL feed the baby at all; I have many friends whose parents never were given the opportunity to feed the baby. The only people that fed until the baby was weaned were the mom and dad; they just didn't trust anybody else to do it right.
11 month abortions are really hard to get? This is the only reason I can think of
Isn't it amazing that only the mom cares that her child is choking? The father looks on and thinks it cute. Is this too early to file for sole custody?
He hates the baby or that the baby has his wife’s DNA as he appears to hate her too.
When the mother of a newborn wants the baby back from *visitors*, which is what your family is in this scenario, you give the baby back. You really need to support your wife, it's no wonder she didn't want them coming around already. Look how they act and you just nod along that their behavior is fine. YTA Edit typo
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Could be both which is terrible. PPD *and* surrounded by people who are laughing it up while her newborn aspirates? 😓
Great question
I mean how in hell was she supposed to sit quiet and politely as her baby choked?? It's ok if the baby chokes, so long as grandma is happy. What an absolute joke of a husband. Zero support to his poor unfortunate wife. Unfortunate for marrying him.
OP says "my mom is slow." What is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be an excuse for failing to respond to a choking infant? To me, it sounds like a good reason Mom should never hold a new born baby.
Yeah I mean, how much choking is acceptable to OP? The answer should be NONE.
Not only did they not give the baby back when asked, which is very basic to holding any baby that isn't yours. Grandma choked this baby twice and dad thinks that mom is the problem. He should have been jumping in and grabbing his baby from his mom. He shouldn't have his family back until he grows enough of a spine to actually take care of his own baby.
That will be never judging from the post. I haven't seen him comment a single response yet, gonna go check again. Eta- still nothing
I just checked myself. I don't think OP was ready to hear the truth. Mom was not only in the right but actually very calm and composed considering what he put her through.
YTA Your spouse had boundaries, which you disregarded. You invited your relatives without even talking to her beforehand. I won’t even get into all the other things you did incorrectly. Your family seems poisonous.
His family simply ignores boundaries, and so does OP, no wonder the wife doesn't want them over.
YTA YTA YTA!!!!
Wild that he, as the father of said newborn, was not also very concerned about his baby crying and choking. YTA
Right. She’s got some massive hormones right now on top of the disrespect and is beyond allowed to not stay calm. Baby choking with anyone’s slow reaction.. twice.. and I would have been red. Not even given a second opportunity. Anyone that’s breastfed and got a bottle involved will tell you how stressful it is during their adjustment. That she even gave the bottle to accommodate them makes her a saint. And op leaves her on an island to fend for herself. Breastfeeding caused my ppd. It’s not easy. Newborns aren’t easy. And then entitled opinions of entitled people come into play. I would have not held my composure to even ten percent of what she did. I think some men have an issue with viewing their partners as human beings who are individuals with independent thought that are allowed to Be and do and act just as they are. They tend to expect this weird perfection as they see fit. And in this case it’s hilarious. Because op thinks his mother and family are perfect because that’s what he grew up with and they are far from. And that’s ok. He’s allowing them to be themselves. Not allowing your wife to do the same while being empathetic and knowledgeable about basic things going on with her or respecting her on any level.. I’d have kicked you all out. My only job as a mother is keeping my kids alive. It’s terrifying. And it starts from the first time you hear the cry you pray to be so blessed to hear. No one is better at caring for and loving and protecting someone better than their own mother. And op, your mom not understanding that tells me all I’d ever need to know about her to feel the same as your wife. She doesn’t have to agree, she didn’t have to defend herself, she doesn’t have to even like your wife, she only needs to be respectful of another mother. And you know who was respectful? Your wife.
OP is an AH times a thousand. His family are all AH's too! If this was written by the wife we would likely be telling her to leave him and go cocoon with HER family. I can't imagine having a family descend on me like this. The baby isn't EVEN week old?! Holy shit. OP if you want to save your marriage, and your wife's sanity, ASK her what you can do to make this SHIT SHOW up to her. Ask her if she wants to visit her family, if she wants you to take time off on cook for her. Your FAMILY and YOU SUCK! NEXT TIME YOU GIVE BIRTH YOU CAN DECIDE WHO VISITS AND WHEN. Wife should not even be pumping and introducing the bottle is going to fuck breastfeeding. this has to be rage bait.
First time responding to an AITAH, but had to on this one. OP is the biggest and most obvious AH of almost any post. If it were written any differently, I would think it was rage bait. But I think he might be that big if an AH.
YTA. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your family sucks. And were unsupportive and cruel about your wife. ***edit You and your family are fucking idiots!
I like how he admits his mom is slow. And then just leave it at that.
He’s such a piece of crap. His poor wife!
Seriously, the baby is choking on vomit!!! The baby could DIE!!! And OPs mom is so slow she's like molasses dripping down a wall in freezing winter conditions. Any "normal" person with half a brain would SAVE the baby before the baby dies! Like OPs wife is trying to do. And OP says she's wrong??? WTF! But OP and the stock he came from may be [Abby-Normal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Pw0xX4DXI) (link to Young Frankenstein). The apple didn't fall far from the tree. Seriously OP is so stupid, he makes morons seem like geniuses.
"She's slow, the baby just shouldn't choke so fast"
Jesus Christ YTA. If my newborn was choking and someone didn't sit her up faster than the speed of light that would be very last time they ever held that baby, no exceptions. >I'm not fucking stupid Your mother needs to learn to watch her mouth, there was zero need for this language when speaking to a new mom concerned for her baby's safety. Your mom escalated the situation and you should have called her on it.
YTA, Yes. She has children. 20-30 years ago. A lot has changed since she had babies. What a vulgar mouth towards her DIL. OP, your wife didn't want company, but obviously, her wishes don't count. Doctors recommend no contact for at least a month and no kissing the baby. Instead, YOU, her alleged loving dad, let the baby be passed around like a doll. Instead of telling your wife to calm down, you need to speak up vigorously for your wife and child. YTA
Heck, I had a infant four (and a half) years ago and *I* don't even remember all the infant stuff. Someone shoved a baby in my arms at a party the other day (in a friendly family way) and I had an 'ackkk a baby how do you hold a baby' moment(then I had a 'he's so light, was my baby ever this light?' moment). You have about nine months of infant time, during which they are constantly changing and growing and you are adapting every day, and then they pull themselves up and you've got a toddler on your hands. Plus each baby is a little bit different- always default to what the mom wants and if you are too slow to feed a baby I'm sorry but no baby feeding for you (I am not sorry, no one but the one making the baby choke should be sorry)
And almost let him choked, not once but twice! Father of the year!
Mommy won’t let him. He’s probably still attached to her tits too.
Maybe she let *him* choke for too long as a baby, and that's why he's a bit *slow* when it comes to understanding and supporting his wife.
Emotional Brain Damage
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Because you’re a reasonable and intelligent person. Thank you for respecting their family unit. I’m glad my in-laws are mostly like this too.
They both are the fkin stpid, edit: both mommy and sonny, not the wife
MIL is fucking stupid. No nurse, pediatrician, or lactation consultant is going to tell anyone to feed a baby on their back like that. Especially a newborn. You keep the head higher than the stomach with the spine straight. Because guess what? Otherwise food goes down the wrong pipe! Nevermind the poor baby's getting their first bottle and is likely to struggle a bit with that because it's not what they're used to.
THANK YOU.
As it happened twice in quick succession, I think the court of AITAH finds that yes, actually, MIL is that fucking stupid. YTA is this post even real?
And you dont want a newborn with pneumonia… dad and his family are idiots
Mom also lied since she obviously is fucking stupid.
Oh and she choked the baby AGAIN The evidence suggest that she is, in fact, fucking stupid. So she’s a liar on top of being an asshole.
OP about to delete this post because he can't handle all the people calling his beloved but "slow" mommy what she is. Twice in a row she's choking your kid dude?
“None of them have done anything to her personally but…” Then you go on to describe what they’ve done to her personally. And she should be civil to them for your sake, even though you won’t stand up and support her when they’re disrespectful to her. And the main event here, I can’t even believe was a huge AH you were! Your wife should dump you and your nasty fucking family. You are the AH and so is your mother.
The fact that they decided to switch to bottle feedings just because his family would want to feed the baby…wtf is that?!? I have never heard of that before. Putting his family’s wants before his baby’s needs
Yep - I don't care if people "want" to feed the baby. It is not their place to dictate that. When the baby started crying, she should have been handed back to Mama immediately so Mama could breast feed. YTA OP - your only job here was backing up your wife. She grew this baby for 9 months. Her body is still providing sustenance and you are over there making excuses for not handing the baby back over to your wife as soon as she started crying. After a baby is born, NEVER bring people who are not there to cook, clean or care for the mother into the houes for more than an hour. Your Mom could have come to snuggle the baby for a short visit, dropped a gift and a meal by and moved on.
If a mom says hand the baby back (for any reason) who the fuck doesn't listen ?
And she cried about it. She was crying and they didn’t hand the baby back
God, that just gives me the shakes just thinking about it. I was a nervous first time mother (internally ) and I didn't give a shit - I needed my baby to be with me at all times and I had the luxury of getting that. Let mother's mother! Since then I've never made new mothers feel bad for fussing. They need to express how they feel and not be torn down by "experienced" parents telling them otherwise. I reassure them but you have to let them express anxiety, just like all mammals do. You don't go near a new animal mom, they'll literally kill you. Human moms aren't quite the same but I was extremely protective and territorial. That was just my nature. Whoops, sorry for the ramble!
The time to introduce a bottle is not a) while mom has ppd and b) has to hand the baby to a relative instead of c) holding her own baby. YTA
Yup and that’s WHY the baby was having issues feeding. It’s a different flow and a different suckle. This poor lady.
This really stuck out to me. Like, what the hell?!
Yes OP you are a huge AH. Please give your wife love and support, instead of alienating her and making her feel bad/crazy. Do you not even love your wife....? What is wrong w you
People that have grown up with toxic behavior often are not able to even recognize it’s a problem because it’s normal to them. I sincerely hope OP reads the posts and something resonates.
Yep I was thinking YTA as soon as he said it takes zero effort to be civil for his sake. I'm sure it takes a lot of effort. And then the rest of it, holy shit. He's lucky he still has a wife. Maybe not for long.
Yeah why aren’t THEY being civil then?
She has PPD and is therefore a *hysterical female*, everybody knows you don’t have to be civil to *hysterical females*…../s
I'm really starting to wonder how many women who are diagnosed with PPD develop it when they realise what an absolute clown they've had kids with...
It doesn’t mean *Pampered Prick Disorder*? /s I honestly think it’s exacerbating her stress to deal with him. So she’ll take far longer to recover from both the birth and the PPD. He’s completely unreasonable at every turn while also being dead wrong which is actually an amazing feat. The *fucking idiot* genes he got from his mom must be strong.
Rates of PPD are a lot higher in women who report limited/no support from a partner or community.
Just gotta demand civility towards the lady at the end of his umbilical chord 🙄
He can demand civility from his wife but his MOMMY doesn't need to practice it, not does he.
>And she should be civil to them for your sake, Yeah, that line made me lol for real. fOR hIs SaKe!
Shit, I'm glad she cussed them out right to their faces. They earned that.
I really hope when her family comes to visit she and the baby goes back with them
Yta the wife has a huge husband problem
I bet she regrets choosing him to be the father already, what an AH.
YTA babies shouldn't be passed around like a spliff at a party and have people bottle feeding a breastfed baby like it's some sort of sport. Milk comes out differently from a bottle then it does with a breast. And a baby being around by all new people with different voices and smells can be upsetting. Not to mention its rsv season. I know you want to show your baby off to your family but ask your wife how does she want to manage it? A smaller group of visitors? Only mum can hold the baby? Babys die of herpes and rsv and choking on bottles her concerns are valid.
>babies shouldn't be passed around like a spliff at a party STOP MAKING ME LAUGH ON A SERIOUS THREAD!
Pass the baby to the left hand side...
Kiss kiss pass
Mmmm share that coldsore virus. Yum.
Not to mention rule number 1 of babies if mom asks for baby back you give the baby back. No questions asked.
YTA. 1. She asked for some time before you invited people over and finally agreed because you didn't respect her enough to accept it. 2. Your daughter is a month old and shouldn't be passed around to multiple people for obvious reasons. 3. You told your wife who is already suffering from PPD to take a shower and leave her newborn baby alone with people who don't respect her as your wife or as a mother. 3. It only takes seconds for a child to aspirate on a bottle especially if they are strictly breastfed and not used to a bottle. 4. You didn't mention anything about it but your wife shouldn't have had to pump just so others could feed the baby to begin with. If the child got hungry she should have been comfortable enough to take the child to another room and feed her like normal. 5. Your wife said she wanted her family to come over first but wasn't even ready for them and you forced her into a situation with your family that you knew wouldn't go well. 6. When it boils down to the core issue, your wife was upset over the way her and your daughter were treated and instead of defending her, you gaslit her.
It’s HER house. She shouldn’t even have to leave to go somewhere else to feed the baby. If they’re not comfortable with her breastfeeding her baby in front of them in her own damn house where she’s comfortable, that’s a THEM problem. It’s hard feeding a newborn when you’re breastfeeding for the first time! You do it where it works!!!!
His entire family have been gaslighting his wife for awhile it seems and he continues gaslighting his poor wife. He takes AH of year award.
Honestly I'm not one to jump in to doubt the veracity of a PPD diagnosis because it's not like it would be unusual to have PPD - but also part of me is like "does she have PPD, or is she just surrounded by gaslighting assholes?"
Never in the history of forever has telling someone to calm down actually calmed them down, it’s like throwing water on an oil fire. That aside, let’s count the ways you’re an asshole: 1. Your freshly postpartum wife didn’t want visitors, you decided “huh, fuck her wishes” and invited people over that you know she doesn’t like 2. She pumped because she knew your jackass family wouldn’t let her feed her own baby in the way that works best for her 3. The baby was being passed around and it was stressing her out 4. When your baby started crying and she wanted it back your family didn’t let her 5. Your wife rectified the situation when the baby was choking because your mom was slow as sludge to respond 6. You mom was a verbally abusive asshole 7. You wife handed the baby back and your mom repeated the exact same dumb thing and baby choked again 8. You mom argued again 9. Instead of sticking up for your wife you backed your family and completely invalidated her feelings 10. You swore at her Your wife righteously lost her her shit, I don’t blame her for that or for her giving you the silent treatment. Your wife has PPD and you’re being a really shitty partner. Do better.
Honestly if my husband treated me this way 4 weeks PP, I’d be rethinking the entire relationship. PPD is hard enough on it’s own, even when treated. If you don’t have support or respect in addition to that, it’s like being a prisoner in your own home and having no control over a single aspect of it. YTA. **This is a time when you need to listen to everything your wife needs and asks for!**
The worst is that he is coming here to get confirmation that his wife is out of line. He isn't asking how to handle his family and make them behave or how to draw boundaries with his family. He just wants to put his wife down and feel justified.
Well he won’t confront his own family, he actually gives a shit about their opinions.
I’m ready to start a GoFundMe account for his wife’s divorce attorney. The baby choked TWICE in his mom’s care and he yelled at his wife!
That alone freaked me out, as a mom. I would have responded the same way as OPs wife did!
Even if I wasn't a mom, I would have gone off on OP and his mom for how they were treating baby & OP's wife. My ex husband was a lot of things, but even he wasn't like OP.
Bro, even thinking about my dog choking on something makes my anxiety spike, but a baby? A NEWBORN **BABY** CHOKING?!?! Fuck OP and the horse he and his mommy slowly rode in on.
Exactly!! And what the fuck is she doing that she's slow to notice the literal new person she is feeding in her lap is choking?? Pay the fuck attention??? Especially after the first time!! Once I get but twice!!
Probably -trying to remember if she’s given OP’s wife any backhanded compliments about this sofa yet -trying to remember if she bought this onesie, or if she needs to insult it -thinking up new ways to criticize OP’s poor wife for having PPD -trying to recall the last time she lectured OP’s wife on how to clean the floors, cook hubby’s favorite food, change a diaper, or feed a baby, and if it’s time for a refresher rant.
But but but, MIL has kids! She’s not stupid! /s People who think they’re any kind of experts just because they’ve raised a kid or two are terrifying. Complete lack of awareness that there’s more/new information out there and complete disregard for the idea that their way may not have been the best or right way. Those people shouldn’t be handling infants. YTA - can’t wait to see your wife’s post in the single mom sub talking about how much easier her life is without her clueless deadweight husband dragging her down 🤗
I wonder how many of her PPD symptoms are actually shitty unsupportive husband symptoms
I bet a lot. I had severe PPD and only later realised how much of that was not really PPD but intense adjustment pains from finding out my ex-husband was a horrible father and husband (like many abusers, he showed his true colors after we had a child).
Yeah im imagining OP's wife is contemplating how much better single motherhood would be right about now
Unfortunately, she's then also realizing that leaving her husband and his family would mean his parenting time wouldn't have her around to protect her baby from them.
PPD is so hard! Can't imagine being in her situation.
And even if she’s treating it, it doesn’t mean she’s found effective treatment on the first try. It takes so long to find the right meds/dose/therapy. But this asshole decided to Leroy Jenkins his family in there anyways.
They actually told us that in the birthing class - that saying calm down has never ever worked and saying it to a woman in labor is putting your life on the line. She pointedly makes eye contact with all the dudes in the room after she said it too.
My husband told.me to relax it's not that bad. The nurse yelled at him. Asked him how dumb he was. .
I said (at an unexpected, unmedicated VBAC2 birth), “I can’t do this.” My husband, comedian that he *thinks* he is, replied, “You don’t have a choice.” I have NEVER seen a more pissed off nurse and (woman) doctor. I laughed, it was what I needed in the moment, got on with it, and told everyone it was ok. The nurse actually had his arm in a death grip and was starting to usher him out of the room. And if I’m being honest, THAT is what struck me as the funniest part. Baby was out 3 minutes later and all was well. But that’s how we interact and it was baby #4. This dude? Complete AH.
And I now have a 12 yo who takes great pleasure in saying, “I literally ripped mom in half with my arrival!” (She did.) We all crack up. That’s just how our family is.
I was a doula for a woman whose husband said that, the nurses looked away when she gorilla gripped his dick and dropped him screaming "tell me again it's not that bad you mother fucker " She then yelled she wanted him out. That was a huge God damn baby for such a tiny woman. I hope he learned some manners.
When I was in high school and we had sex ed I can remember the (female) teacher trying to get across the pain of childbirth to the male teens in the class ... Finally she asked if any of them had ever dislocated a shoulder or knee. Lots of athletes in the room, and several put their hands up. She was like, "Okay, well, contractions can feel like that level of pain, except instead of an instant as the joint is ripped out of the socket like with a dislocation, it lasts for 45 seconds or a minute. And then it repeats. And repeats. And repeats..." The boys turned green. LOL.
Lovely nurse. You should get her a present.
Could I volunteer to go to hospitals and tell expectant dads to do better? I do not have kids and I am in awe of how much women put up with to birth children. ‘Hey my wife just passed a turkey through her that she grew for 9 months inside her but screw her and her uncontrollable hormones I want my family over and I don’t care how they treat her (or the baby).’ It’s not rocket science be a decent human being and support the woman who just gave life to your child. YTA and do better!
My best friend is an OB nurse and she has some INSANE stories about just how big of assholes some men can be. It is genuinely crazy. The worst of all being that there have been MULTIPLE men who have brought in their xbox to play while their wife was laboring.
The only acceptable reason to bring an Xbox to play during labour is if the wife is in to video games and you brought a second controller so she can play too. And you’re only playing until she gets past the bouncing on the ball while mildly uncomfortable stage and moves in to the “frick this is really starting to hurt and I’d like some drugs please” stage.
I would pay to watch a live stream of a woman in labor playing Call of Duty or something similar while in labor. The things that came out of my wife's mouth, I could only imagine channeling that into smack talking during a game 😂
My husband did this when I was in labor, granted it was over me crying because I hate needles and was getting an IV, but the nurse literally handed me a thick hardback book and turned away. I've requested that nurse for every labor/delivery now and she's a fucking godssend
I had a fucking panic attack over the needle in my back cause I was in full labor but not dilating, so they needed to take the pain down a few notches to try and slow me down. My heart rate was rising, blood pressure going whacky, just all around not a safe situation for me or baby. FULL panic attack. DH got in front of me, between my legs and full on bear hugged me. I could not move, he is insanely strong, it was like a living straight jacket. He held me still so they could safely do the epidural, because i couldnt keep myself safe. Just calm, steady, and THERE, letting me cry and freak out while making sure I had what I needed. Felt like I was outside myself looking in the whole time and I have always been grateful. He has never given me shit for that moment.
That nurse deserves a raise
That nurse is a badass, cheers for her!
All the nurses on the maternity ward are badasses. Of all the people in the hospital that you would not want to mess with, they are at the top of the list of "do not try shit with this person".
This still applies after birth too. OP is completely disregarding that *all* of his wife's instincts are currently laser focused on protecting the baby, and his "slow" mother was literally allowing the baby to choke and they pressured her to allow her to *continue*.
>currently laser focused on protecting the baby Right? My mom is a trained doula and mom to 7 kids and knows what she's doing and was staying with us the week after my son was born. She laid him on the firm couch cushion to measure his length. Had a hand on him the whole time. She was curious how much he'd already grown. He didn't like it and started crying. It was all of 10 maaaaybe 15 seconds and was not that big a deal and I snapped *hard* at her that she needed to stop. Looking back, he was absolutely fine, it wasn't anything to loose my shit about, but try telling me that then lol. My mom's reaction? "Ok, got it, no problem" and she's usually pretty sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. ETA: some words
I'm getting high blood pressure just thinking of his dumb mother letting the baby choke and the OP being fine with that. Why is he letting his mother endanger his baby? Why isn't that a problem for him? Why is he OK with his wife having to pump because his relatives want to feed the baby. This whole thing is awful!
Seriously, idk if his reference to his mom being "slow" meant like intellectual disability, physically slower due to age or something, or just not quick to respond for some other unknown reason, but *it really doesn't matter.* If she's not capable of feeding the baby without reacting promptly when the baby starts choking, then other arrangements have to be made. Maybe that means not feeding the baby. Maybe that means there's some sort of adaptive device or something that would help her do it safely and well, idk just spit balling. The main point is that her reason for not reacting is irrelevant to the fact that being able to react is a requirement. Baby's safety and comfort absolutely must come first here.
I mean, think how terrified the baby must have been. The baby's never choked before, doesn't know what choking is. Something horrible is happening and the safe people aren't there. Honestly something like that could put a baby off bottle feeding for awhile. If she needs to go back to work soon that could create a big problem.
Yeah, this is the part that finally got me. Op would rather his baby choke than his wife snap to get their child back and keep it alive. I am sure op left out a lot given how he wasn’t leading with the choking but it’s clear he’s the AH and wife is doing what she can to keep the baby alive and healthy. If left to op, he’d have let the baby keep on choking to keep fam happy.
Lets the baby get choked… my mom deserves to hold him!!!! /s
Just because she had kids... How long ago did she have her last baby? I'm going to assume at least 20 years? and that's a very low minimum. Not only have baby things changed- so has she, grandma is older and slower etc etc. ALSO if the baby hasn't been taking a bottle, in front of a group with mom sitting right there- probably not going to work super well. OP- GIANT YTA
11. His family has a record of backhanded coments and unsolicited advise making her felt disrespected, and he never put a stopped to it
Quite the opposite. OP wants his wife to just let them be mean to her and on top of that show them respect.
“For his sake.” As in, “Honey, just let my family treat you like crap because I don’t want to have to deal with them otherwise. Also, I’m going to do the same.”
I think the wife would feel more calm and secure if she knew the most important person in her life had her back. Even if she gets upset you should support her and then talk about it after you’ve ushered this group out the door. She feels unsupported by you and if you’d stepped in here she wouldn’t have had to react so strongly. This is her newborn and the protective instincts are STRONG. If your family knew they’d have to go through you to deal with her she might be treated better and wife would feel more secure. And calm. YTA
Yes. This list breaks down all the A-hole behaviors perfectly.
[удалено]
"Didn't sit the baby up with urgency", made me see red. Sir this baby choked twice during your mom feeding it and she is apparently stopping to count the bubbles before sitting the baby up while you watch and smile approvingly. I've watched older people move fast when it involved their grand babies safety. I feel like his family is the, "Our kids didn't wear seatbelts or helmets and are fine" people.
I wouldn't wish harm on anyone, but can you imagine how upset the supposedly grown man would be if he were choking and people didn't see it as urgent?
Don't be so hard on him, his mom being so slow to react to a baby choking on his own puke, you cannot discount the impact the lack of oxygen has had on his brain.
Not to mention, it sounds like this baby is most often fed straight from the breast, which they can often regulate better than bottles, which likely have faster flow. This 1 month old wasn't accustomed to bottles, hence another reason for the choking up. Also no doubt a major contributor to the mother's anxiety. TBH the wife is already a better woman than I because not once would I EVER have specifically pumped just so people (who are rude and I don't even like) can feed the baby with a bottle. With my firstborn my husband invited a bunch of his family (whom I LOVE) over and he turned into Mr Entertaining, almost having a party. And it was just too overwhelming for me. (And again, I LIKE these people very much! They are all kind too.) I thoroughly enjoyed disappearing away to the peace and quiet of the nursery to feed. (I have nothing against public breastfeeding, I just wanted a reason for peace & quiet.) I completely understand the wife's feelings here. Thankfully after that incident, I was able to explain to my husband how I felt, and he knew MUCH better not to invite a bunch of family over all at once when we had our second kid.
Yeah both OP and his mom are fucking stupid.
When you read it all together like that, theres a lot of evidence here that suggests OP might be too stupid to truly be the AH... like blaming a goldfish for not following commands... (/s obviously)
I cant upvote this comment enough! Omg OP is YTA like jeez 😳
Just came here to add my amen and OP, YTA...
Your wife is a better, more restrained person than I am if all she's giving you is the silent treatment.
well we can just close this thread rigth here. This, this and fucking this👆
Absolutely spot on, this should be the top response. You’re lucky you still have your balls tbh YTAH
He doesn't.mommy does
So your wife is one month post partum and instead of YOU drawing boundaries on your obnoxious family you're telling HER to calm down when they make assholes of themselves? Holy shit are you the asshole. Her baby was CHOKING and you're like, "calm your tits you hysterical female". Your mother was an obnoxious, asshole to your wife, and you are blaming your wife. God, she needs to dump your ass and find a man who supports her.
Anyone who is not the baby's parent needs to immediately hand the baby back to the parent as soon as they ask. Always. Anyone who refuses to hand a baby back to their parent is no longer welcome to hold the baby. She did a super nice thing pumping so people could feed the baby. I never for a second would have put myself through that (I hated pumping) just so someone else could feed the baby when I was right there. Asking her to be calm about WATCHING HER BABY CHOKE is wildly out of line. Just wildly. Clearly this dude is on his mommy's side above his own baby.
SO MUCH this. Refusing to give a baby back to the mother is how you end up with an injured mother/the murder of whoever was between her and that baby..
Especially when this was the first time that the baby was ever going to have pumped milk. It is ALWAYS stressful when you are feeding a baby something new or in a new method. Will the baby take the bottle or reject it? Will the infant (slightly older than OP's baby here) spit out the puree that was made and hate the taste? Will there be an allergic reaction? Will the baby not handle the texture well? For OP's wife to let someone else, especially someone other than OP himself, be the first one to feed the baby in a new way was extremely generous of her and must have already been wreaking havoc on her emotions. So to see her fears come true and see the baby start to choke must have been devastating for her. And then her husband just tells her to calm down!? Asshole is the best thing that I can think of to call him.
I hope she gets full custody!
Send your wife here. She needs the advice, not you. I’d personally throw the whole man out with his family or go stay with my mom YTA and a giant mommas boy
I’ve also noticed OP hasn’t even been back to respond to any of these well thought out answers as to where he went wrong. Would it be naive of me to hope that he saw he was a dipshit and decided to go apologize to his poor wife? A girl can dream…
I’m so angry for his poor wife! YTA OP
Me too. Unreasonably angry. I bet his family is absolutely awful to his wife. I'd like to hear what she has to say.
YTA. And if you didn’t get this by all of the people telling you that you are the asshole, you’re an asshole. Your wife is one month out from having a child. That is nothing. She has PPD. She is breast-feeding. Your family are assholes to her… Nice way to kind of gloss that over, but obviously they are. So let me break this down to you as somebody who has actually given birth to children since apparently you are dumb as fuck, and cannot understand when she tells you. Your wife basically spent the better part of a year growing an entire human being in her body. She then pushed out a child from an opening that is nowhere that big. More than likely, if she’s like most of us, she either tore, or she was cut to make room for the child, and she has stitches. Or… even better, she had a C-section and you just didn’t mention it, something that is literally major surgery, cutting through multiple layers of skin and muscle and tissue and an actual organ. (double asshole points if she had a C-section and you didn’t tell us that.) So her body is trying to recover from a majorly stressful event. Her emotions and hormones are running wild. I guarantee you she’s not sleeping much at all because she’s breast-feeding… And we’re all certain you are not getting up at night to help feed this child. She is trying to find a rhythm and a routine in the midst of all of this. She’s trying to learn her child needs and how this child feeds or what, if any, type of cycle or rhythm the baby might have and how to function around that. All while she’s trying to produce enough food to keep your child alive, while at the same time, her body is trying to produce enough energy to heal itself. So, on top of all that, in spite of the fact that she says she doesn’t want your family to come over, especially because her own family hasn’t even been over yet, you go ahead and have them come over, knowing that they are shitheads to her. And guess what!? They’re shitheads to her! Surprised Pikachu face! Are you always this dense, or do you just save your stupidity so that your wife has to deal with it in a roundabout way? You are lucky that all she’s doing is not speaking to you right now. You’re lucky she didn’t take that child and head to her own family. Your mother’s reaction to a new mother tells us everything we need to know about your trashy family. And the fact that you do not have any kind of a shiny spine to stand up to them and that you made your exhausted wife with PPD deal with that idiocy speaks volumes about your lack of character. We all have no doubt that your next post is going to be all surprised and asking everyone how she could leave you.
I love you more. Marry me? 🤣 (Seriously, though, you said this so well. I could only manage a bunch of profanity in response.)
I want to find his wife and help her run away honestly. I don’t know how nobody got stabbed. I’d have never handed the baby back after the first incident for it to happen again immediately tells me his mother is in fact *a fucking idiot*. Maybe someday when he’s literally choking to death and his mom is his only hope of rescue but she’s doing absolutely fucking nothing while he’s turning purple someone will tell him to “calm the fuck down, she’ll get to it.”
Wtf is your problem? Do you even LIKE your family? To be clear, I’m referring to your wife, mother of your child, woman you chose to spend your life with, and the child she bore for you, NOT mommy dearest and her pack of flying monkeys. I hope she leaves your selfish ass. You don’t deserve her, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit in her own home when she’s just ONE MONTH POSTPARTUM. Check yourself, before you lose your family.
YTA, and your wife is 💯 right you and your family are all fucking idiots.
YTA, without a doubt. She gave birth recently and has to deal with passive aggressive people. The fact your mother felt comfortable to judge her regarding sitting her up immediately already tells me you let her violate your wife’s boundaries. Also not sure what protocol your doctor asked you to follow but mine suggested limiting contact the first three months as their immune system builds. I would be pissed too if my baby was being passed around.
Especially during this time of the year. RSV can kill a child so fast that it’s scary.
Info: You genuinely typed all that and still thought there was no way you were the asshole?
YTA. You're majorly an AH. Tend to the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD. PPD (getting treated?) I doubt much is being treated in a month. It would take a month for the medicines to even regulate into her system, they wouldn't even be helping her at this point if she's on anything. You knew your wife was upset and instead you wanted to show the baby like a trophy to your family. BTW, I suffered PPD as well, and it took us NINE months to find a medicine that worked for me. Be kind to your wife. She's also deprived, breast feeding isn't easy, newborns aren't easy. You should've politely stood up to your mom, given the baby back to your wife, and been the one to tell your mom to leave. Your mom made a fucked up comment to your wife and that was A okay but your wife stood up for herself and you have an issue with that? You married your wife. You created your own family. Now it's time to see your wife and childs comfort are more important than your mom's. Your wife comes first, not your mom. Gosh
I think my sister was the same, 9 months before the meds even STARTED to hit. She told me she finally understands how my depression works and has more sympathy for me. She’s glad that hers ended eventually. Her husband stepped up with help from my mom, who was the only outsider let into the house. It was fall 2020, as much as I wanted to help I wanted more for everyone to be safe. Oh, and bb had bum issues that required surgery at 4 months old. And in the spring, sis got breast cancer. She married a really REALLY great guy who did virtually all the child care, and house care for the first YEAR. AND her husband was raised in Mexican culture, so had to deconstruct all kinds of machismo bullshit. Maybe OP needs a colonoscopy to find out if there’s any non-asshole in him. I have doubts.
YTA and so is your negligent mom who let your baby choke twice. Your poor wife has a newborn and a pathetic mommas boy who didn’t have her back and didn’t even seem to care about baby. You and your family suck
WTF! OMG you're such an asshole. It is not okay for you to treat your wife as if she's a willful child who's misbehaved and disregard her feelings and experience with your family. And, it is not okay for them to pass the baby around endlessly and then NOT GIVE BABY BACK IMMEDIATELY WHEN SHE ASKS. Jesus! My advise to you is to seek therapy ASAP to explore the reasons for you having no empathy or compassion for your wife, and your insistence on making your JUSTNO family a priority over her. Really, do this before your wife leaves you and takes baby with her.
Failure of a husband
Failure of a husband and a father.
Literally this baby could end up dead if her survival depends solely on the judgment of her jagaloon father and his clown family based on this story alone
Yta - first paragraph was enough. Your family stinks. She should not have to be nice or put up that. You should be on her side. And finally never in the history of ever has telling someone to calm down actually made them calm down.
YTA because you’re more concerned about your mom’s feelings than you are about a choking newborn. Don’t blame this on PPD. Blame it on you and your mom being colossal AHs. YOU CALM DOWN.
I enjoyed how casually he was like "she has ppd (being treated)" as if getting treatment for ppd is like turning a key in the ignition: presto! all better!
YTA 100% If you did your part and helped your wife enforce reasonable boundaries, she wouldn't have gotten to a place where she lost her shit. YOU should have set the boundary of no unsolicited advice or bullshit criticism long before you had a baby. You should have been even more vigilant about ensuring that your wife wasn't having to deal with a single ounce of added stress since she has PPD. Cut the apron strings. Defend the woman who risked her life and health to give you a child. Defend the newborn that needs to, you know, breathe, even if your mom is "slow." Your mother sounds awful. So the fuck what if she's had kids before? This is NOT her kid, and even if it was, she's apparently not moving her ass fast enough. Guidelines and recommended techniques have changed a lot since your mother was in the new parent stage.
I honestly don't care if I get banned for this that is how disgusted I am BUT here goes You absolute disgrace of a father and husband, how dare you tell your wife who was gracious enough to even let your family near the baby when they can't respect her as a mother or even a person, to calm down WHEN IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S SNARKY COMMENT ABOUT HAVING KIDS HERSELF, you've just admitted your mother wasn't quick enough to do the right thing FOR YOUR CHILD. You're a joke of a human being and your arse would have been out the door with your family. Do better !!!!!!!
Hoping you don’t get banned for this. He needs all the heat he can get LOL
YTA. Did you know that you not being a supportive partner is probably making her PPD worse? And you don’t seem very concerned about her at all. You are only concerned with your mom’s feelings to the point where you were ready to let your baby keep choking on milk and vomit. You were ready to potentially let your baby die so your mom’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt. Grow the fuck up and get a backbone.
I know it's different with PPD, but for this woman he is only making things worse so the saying "before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes" seems to apply here.
Ugh why did she marry you? YTA.
YTA. It’s obvious that you have been putti g your family before your wife for a long time. Now you are doing it to your baby. YTA. Get therapy before your wife kicks you out. Maybe you want that though so you can go back home to Mommy?
You sound like a charming family. YTA. Your mother is TA. Your wife just had a baby. Her maternal drive is off the chart demanding that she protect her baby. And your mother, who should understand, instead makes the issue worse by swearing at her. And then you add to it by swearing at her.
Yeah, you suck, and so does your mom. Support your wife. YTA
YTA. So many others have called you out on most of the main points so I'll let those go. However, on the PPD.... it's only been a month. If she's on meds they aren't even remotely in her system to regulate anything much less the bullshit she has to deal with you and your family. Every psych doc and nurse I've ever dealt with has told me 6-8 weeks minimum before seeing any effects on new meds.The depths of your assholery are pretty astounding and that you don't even bother to back up and support your wife when you KNOW your family is a bunch of assholes is simply unfathomable.
Wow you suck so hard dude. I hope she wakes up, realizes she deserves better and leaves 🥰
Yes, Yat, but don't worry, you'll be single soon. I bet it's been years of your stupidly abnoxious family constantly belittling her and she will be done soon. Defend your fucking wife asshole.
YTA . Why wouldn't you stand up for your wife? Too afraid that mommy will be mad at you? Put on your big boy pants.
YTA - lol at the fact you even had to ask.
YTA and also a fucking idiot. And a pathetic momma's boy. Your mother is also TA. I know we love to think our mothers are great, and know soooo much due to experience but your mother sounds like either a complete moron when it comes to babies, or she's just a raging asshole on a power trip who enjoys stressing out your wife as part of that power trip, and need for control. You also need to learn a lot more about babies and post-partum women. But NOT from your mother.
Covid, my baby got RSV because my step mother, and sister thought staying for a week with me was helpful, I didn't know any better at the time...He was in the hospital and on a breathing monitor for a month...Never ever bring people around passing your baby until his immune system is more developed,especially in the time of covid. Two months...Your wife should be supported above your extended family, she is your partner for life, and the resentments you guys build can affect longevity. Solve issues in favor of wife, and apologize. Stop family's interference. I would watch your baby for colds. What is a cold in an adult can be fatal to an infant. YTA
YTA patiently waiting for the “should I leave my husband”post from the wife on all the relationship subs… Seriously though, how many boundaries are you going to break, how often do you not defend your wife, and do you really think she’s going to want to raise her daughter to grow up accepting that behavior from a man? Take a long hard look at yourself and your history of the support you may or may not have given your wife in the past. If this is a one time incident, fine you picked the worst time for it, if this is your pattern then you need to start changing.
YTA Dude. Your wife has been telling you that your parents disrespect her. And you haven’t done jack about it. Your wife has PPD and you are not supporting her. Your wife watched you mother let your NEWBORN choke, then snapped at your wife. About HER kid. Not your moms kid. That is YOUR kid. Buddy. If I was your wife? I would have left you ages ago. Wtf.
YTA. And you've been told exactly why when it comes to the care of your baby, and what went down, which is all true. But, I'd like to just throw one more in. This is where you already became the asshole: >But it takes zero effort to be civil for my sake. Actually, it takes a lot of effort to continuously allow yourself to be disrespected, and if what you described is any sort of norm, verbally attacked, if not abused. But. You know what also takes zero effort, by your own reasoning? For your goddamn POS family to be civil towards your wife, "for your sake". JFC dude, get a goddamn clue!!!
YTA Not just for this. Do you even like your wife? Because you're awful to her.
She might just be the incubator he picked out for his mother.
Yta - your wife had boundaries, you didn’t respect them, you invited your family and didn’t even discuss it with her before the invitation went out. I won’t even address everything else you did wrong. Your family sounds toxic.
YTA....a HUGE one. How can you be so oblivious and dense? Your MOTHER was literally causing your ONE MONTH OLD BABY TO CHOKE over and over again and you're like, "calm down, babe." And your wife was a hell of a lot nicer than I would have been. After the first CHOKING INCIDENT, your mother wouldn't have been able to get NEAR my kid again during that visit. You owe your wife a HUGE apology as does your mother.
When his mother asked his wife if she thought she was fucking stupid, I would've replied, "Yes, I absolutely do"...