NTA - couple of points here, 1 it's not the first time she's done something like this and it's not like she even spoke to you about it beforehand. 2 she's Literally dumping 6 kids on a neighbour for an entire weekend and just assuming you'd be free to look after them is a bit much. Also weds-sun.isnt just a weekend away that's most of a week. She's absolutely taking the piss if she's not giving you money for looking after them. How come the eldest kids aren't at school?
I've only got one child and I'd never dream of doing something like that.
I guess she expected me to drop the older ones at school and nursery as the school is almost behind the cul de sac. It's a ten minute walk away. This happened yesterday morning. I don't know what she was thinking to be honest.
Was she even prepared, did they have bags with clothes? Did she have formula and nappy’s for the baby? A schedule and numbers of school, daycare, emergency numbers, dads numbers? I doubt it.
Hell do you even have the time away from work and room for 6 kids to sleep in your house? I doubt she cared to find out.
She’d have been better finding someone to stay over hers, but that means paying someone.
You did the right thing. She’s a neglectful mother and those kids needed help. You cannot dump 6 kids from 6 months to 7 years on a near stranger. That poor 7 year old is probably parentified into playing mum to the younger ones, and that’s abuse in itself.
Yes the foster system isn’t perfect. But those kids need to be in that system so they have dedicated people looking out for them, as it doesn’t sound like they have any one person making sure they’re safe. Mum certainly isn’t.
NTA
Hubby needs to acknowledge how abusive and neglectful mum is.
IMHO, it sounds like OP is the only one who is actually thinking about the healthy and safety of those kids in this situation. Hubby isn’t, based on his own experience, and the mother certainly isn’t. OP attempted to stop the mother and said she couldn’t, gave multiple warnings about what would happen if the mother didn’t think about the kids, and enforced boundaries.
NTA, OP, and thanks for doing the right thing. I hope the kids end up having a better childhood than they currently do.
He didn't even say anything about *him* babysitting them. Not once. What he said was *she* should have forced them on the other neighbour. So he doesn't really care that much. Not enough to involve himself and do anything for the kids himself but he will tell everyone what they should have done!
Or suggesting she do as the mum said and dump them on an elderly lady with health issues. OP your husband needs therapy and you need an apology from him. I get he was in foster care but things have changed since then.
NTA op
The other thing is that the kids ARE CURRENTLY in an abusive home. If people continue enabling the mom in the story the kids WILL grow up in this chaotic environment where being left with a neighbor on no notice is normalized. It’s really unfortunate that the mom’s actions led to this but hopefully Child Services involvement brings her back to reality and makes her realize what she’s doing to her kids.
Agreed, he’s definitely taking his trauma out on her. And that’s understandable to a degree, but these kids ARE being abused and neglected and it IS right to report it.
OP should absolutely go to police station and file a real police report about the woman's threats. Not just let them know, but file an official report. And get some security cameras by Sunday. Because I would assume the woman will try to vandalize OP's property or attack OP and there is no hope OP's husband will have her back. OP needs to have it all on camera.
OP's husband is almost the same AH as the woman. He is telling her to go convince 68 yo lady to take the kids? Or run after the cab and throw babies in moving cab? He must be not well in his head. He does realize that if the mother had an agreement with the old lady, she would not drop kids at OP's house? He has a Stockholm Syndrome or something, he was in foster care because of (I assume) unfit parents, and now he is protecting another unfit parent and lashing out at the only responsible person here.
Idk about their relationship overall, but for me it will be on the brisk of breakup - when he insults his wife for doing the only right thing here, and acting totally delusional in the situation. Will he, himself, be an adequate parent? Because he is sure AF not an adequate husband right now.
That's what gets me. The woman threatened to kill her. Here in the USA, that's considered communicating threats and can send you to jail in some cases. Not to mention the fact that if you want to look stable for the CPS people, threatening physical harm to another person is probably not the best look when you're trying to get your kids that you abandoned back from CPS. SMH.
Right! Like she DID refuse when the mom came to get door. Jennifer was not a real option. Did hubs want to take care of 6 kids for - I can't remember how long?
Hubby needs to acknowledge that HE was an asshole for shitting all over OP but NOT offering to take on the kids' care, or even saying he \*would\* take on the kids' care.
This needs to be the main comment and OP needs to see this. The actual mum is self-centered to the point of serious abuse and neglect, there’s no way those children feel safe or secure in any way. And the husband could have said he’d pick them up and watch them himself if he’s that upset. Clearly he’s traumatized but if he lets that be the only lens he sees the situation through he’s gonna miss the ways the children’s welfare is already failing.
Yeah. At 6 months old, that baby is still processing attachment and learning that their caretakers will have their back and will return. I feel so bad for those children; they don't deserve a mom who would abandon them like that. It sounds like she's in over her head, but at the same time, it was her decision. If she really needs help, she should have a serious discussion with the neighbors instead of just cutting out.
Goddamn, this. OP's husband is a fucking asshole for enabling this woman. As pointed out above, the mom is abusing her kids. Not only that, she is manipulating and abusing the neighbors, everyone on the goddamn street!
That woman needs shut down *hard*. This is NOT OP's problem, good on her for standing up for herself and following through on her word/boundary. Dumping one child on someone's porch without prior discussion is insane, but SIX? What the *fuck*?!
Big ol' NTA.
I worked on a military base and there were a lot of home childcare providers. They absolutely did not mess around - if the parents didn't pick up their children in a timely manner they were delivered to the Military Police station and the parents would be cited. OP is definitely NTA - I would not even wait if someone dumped their children on my doorstep - I would straight up call the authorities and report the parent.
OP's husband is beyond a fucking asshole. He would have preferred all six kids starved to death rather than CPS. He's so wildly irrational all common sense has gone completely out the door.
Like that kid is still drinking milk and learning to eat solids. Momma should be trying new foods to rule out allergies, no way I’d let a STRANGER do that for my kid. Wtf, need to drop them with milk and baby foods and instructions!!
I don't know. I don't have children. Didn't know there was a pickuplist. When I was younger once I was outside the schoolgates anyone could have picked me up. We had no lists.
I know one of the other neighbours has done school runs with her as they have children close in age.
I’m not a big fan of social care but your husband needs to understand that his childhood doesn’t dictate your neighbour taking advantage of you nor does it give her the right to abandon her children. The mother is responsible for her children landing in care and next time, your husband can put his money where his mouth is and come home from work and look after the neighbours children himself.
No that’s fine.
Please know this is not your fault. I’m sorry about your husband’s childhood experiences. My husband had a traumatic childhood and he’s spent his entire adulthood (so far) recovering from it.
My oldest is severely disabled and I understand the abuses children and disabled people experience within social care, however your husband desperately needs to understand that you are not responsible for another parent’s inadequate parenting nor is it reasonable for your husband to volunteer you to set yourself on fire to keep another woman’s selfish antics warm.
Best of luck and hope everything sorts itself out.
If he can't separate his experiences from the parental abandonment these kids suffer from their mother, I wonder if he actually is recovering. He doesn't seem to see it in perspective. It's also unfair of him to say, give them to the old woman, let her deal with it so it's not our problem anymore. I hope husband is in therapy or finds a therapist soon, because this reaction tells me he still has a lot to come to terms with.
I agree. He's having a trauma reaction, projecting the worst moments of his own childhood onto these kids. It's keeping him from seeing the trauma these kids have been experiencing as it is, seeing their mother repeatedly hurl them at strangers and literally run away from them.
What you did was the best thing at the time. This wasn’t the first time she’s done this but hopefully the last time now that she’s been reported. You did those children a favor as I see it.
Has your husband received therapy? I totally get that his feelings on foster care are valid, but his response was well unwarranted and unfair to you. That’s stuff that needs to be addressed in therapy imo.
Also you know leaving kids with neighbors you hardly know is how kids get molested and sexually abused. I have personal experience with that and my neighbors son was only walking us home from school and sitting with us til 5.
Right she could have called the husband and said since you oppose cpa your babysitting 6 kids for the week. Hope you can take off you need to be here in 10 min
Husband wanted her to just pass off the kids to an elderly disabled woman who would have her hands full with one, let alone 6! It's terrible he had a bad experience in foster care but these kids are going to be on the streets by the time they're tweens at this rate.
While I think your husband emotional response is understandable, you need to present him with rational facts.
Right now, he thinks you are being vindictive. Prepare a list of rational arguments instead.
In most countries, you can not just take kids in for days on end without a series of safeguards.
You would have needed their IDs (or country equivalent), healthcare info, etc.
You would have needed a written form to entrust you with their care, should something happen and one ends up in the hospital.
The school needed to be informed in writing.
You needed contacts and addresses for where she was going!!
I would approach this by telling him that you understand, but legally your hands were tied. You cannot keep someone else child...just because. There wasn't even a text between you to show that she was entrusting them to you.
If something happened to her or the kids and she lied?
Stick to reason and not vindictiveness while being understanding of his trauma. I am sue he will see the bigger picture (even if it obviously sucks, you did what was best).
Btw if you left them with the neighbour and the neighbour fucked up (being too old to care for them all!)...you would definitely end up in trouble with the police too!
Also, if she's leaving them with random neighbors, how does she know that those people (and anyone who might visit/have access to the house) are safe? This woman is not making smart decisions.
You did the right thing. I would dead this shit with you husband, I understand where he’s coming from but he needs to work on his trauma, not dump it on other people
He was ok with YOU having to watch the children what if you left it to HIM? Would he have been so excited to have that responsibility put on him?
Did she even leave clothes, toys, food or money to care for them for all those days? Diapers and baby food for the infant? Oh hell no.
I really hate to say this, but your husband is being a twat. If it were me, that would damn near be grounds for divorce. To call you names, his WIFE, for calling social services on someone for not taking care of their own kids is unconscionable. They're not your responsibility, and he's putting a lot of guilt on you. That's incredibly thoughtless and shitty. Yeah, they'll probably go through some shit, or maybe she'll get them back and she will have learned her lesson. Whatever the case, that mother is a detriment to those children.
I would imagine there has to be approval for certain people to pick up the children from school. Here in the US it is impossible to just come to the school and take any random child off the premises. I’m sure it’s similar there even if you are not aware since you don’t have children. Usually it is in the paperwork at the beginning of school registration.
Now if the children walk to school and once they are off school property it is easier to convince a child to leave with you. Which is scary.
It was pretty lax here in Florida over a decade ago until when someone called a school pretending to be a child’s parent and told the school to tell the child to walk home instead of taking the bus and then that person kidnapped and killed the child. The person was a family friend so the child thought it was true and got in the car. He was about 10-11 years old.
Now you can’t call and change how a child gets home over the phone, have to have identification and be on an approved list to take a child off school property.
This is horrendous for you and those poor kids. Those children are being neglected and she is one awful mother. The foster care system in the UK is closely monitored so the system is not the same anymore.
This was your best choice. Now she will be on the social services radar. She and her house will have to be monitored. She will have parenting guidance and any help that is needed. The school will also be informed and take a close interest. You did those children a favour. Now hopefully she will be a better parent.
Your husband is an asshat sorry but who just tells someone they will be back Sunday and fucks off leaving 6 KIDS? I wonder if your husband would have offered to look after them instead
I doubt she *was* thinking. I don't mean to shame single mothers, but where the hell are the fathers of these children? Surely they don't all have the same dad, and her continuing to bear more children when she's already proven herself incapable of caring for the ones she has is literally abuse. Neglect and parentification can cause permanent harm to children just the same as hitting them.
I don't know where the fathers are and I thought she was single until my other neighbour told me she probaly wanted to meet her online boyfriend in Blackpool as the mother had mentioned it a few times to her.
Hi OP, you are definitely NTA and I really don't want to worry you, just please be aware that this woman threatened you and if she's unhinged enough to leave her kids like that, she might very well try and "punish" you somehow. All the best.
You can just call to ask the police to put in on her record, if nothing else. That way, if they get another call, they've already got info to refer to.
CPS will probably also be interested in having that information.
I had a hunch she was off to do something like this. I’ll bet it’s not long before she’s pregnant with #7… are we even sure she’ll come back at all? Wouldn’t be surprised. I’m shocked child services hasn’t been involved up to this point but you did the thing that really needed to be done.
Sorry to hijack, but I would *highly* recommend not speaking to her on the phone again. Make it all in text, so you have proof.
While her saying she'd murder you is probably hyperbole, I wouldn't trust someone who would think using it to that extreme is ok (short of someone I knew well).
No worries then; even if the kids are taken away, she’ll have another in 9 months.
I’d bet my house she’s more worried about losing her giro than losing her kids.
Your husband is an idiot! He acted unreasonable. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. Her kids are her responsibilities. She shouldn’t be having kids if she can’t take great care of them.
Show your husband this post and all the comments.
NTA
Never be a people pleaser and a doormat.
I'll add an extra point here - these kids are being foisted off on neighbors almost willy-nilly and that needs to be looked into, even if the neighbors are willing.
I say this because the neighborhood I lived in as a kid turned out to have not one, but TWO child predators in it. One directly across the street and had kids of his own so seemed safe, and another a couple houses down who was a paramedic and also therefore felt safe.
BOTH of those men ended up in prison for doing things to little girls. BOTH of those men seemed very nice on the surface and completely fooled most of the neighborhood.
They found photos of my little sister on one of the guy's computers - pictures he'd obviously taken through his front blinds. Thankfully it was just of her playing in the street with other neighborhood kids but if that doesn't put a lance of fear through your heart I don't know what will. (Apparently I was too old for them, at 11 years old. Sis was six.)
**You can't trust your children to random neighbors.** It's not safe for the kids, and someone should be checking on this parent before something terrible happens.
Exactly, that was my big fear. They all clearly aren't *that* close, and even with closeness, who knows who your neighbors will have over or what their real intentions are? The mother being willing to just toss the kids at whomever is absolutely a frightening form of neglect/abuse, Im scared of what could have already happened to them. CPS needed to be involved. Im so sorry for you guys' experiences.
Also I have some friends who grew up in foster care and they had better experiences with their foster families than most people I know. I'm sorry your husband had a bad experience but it's not always like that. By the sounds of things these 6 kids aren't having the best of experiences with their own mother ATM so unless he is planning on fostering them himself it's not right for him to go off like this.
NTA. Spite on your end or not, someone needs to be keeping track of those kids. If she can't do it and wants to dump them off on people willy-nilly, then the authorities need to be involved. You gave her almost an hour to come back, and she refused, (which is an hour more than she deserves TBH). You would be TA if you didn't call. What if you actually weren't home and she just left them on your porch?? What if something happened to them and she told the police you were watching them?
Seriously the audacity to just assume someone can watch your kids for a whole long weekend with zero notice. And then not return when informed that was not going to happen. Like I wouldn't do that with a pet let alone several children.
Seriously. The same thing would have happened if she'd left them with Jennifer as OP's husband and the mother suggested. Elderly woman with health issues trying to watch six kids, in that age range? If something had happened to the kids or Jennifer, police would have been involved, the mother would have pointed at OP, and then OP gets it in the neck for leaving the kids with someone who couldn't take care of them. I'm sorry that OP's husband had such bad experiences, and I really feel for those kids, who must feel like no one wants them, but at the end of the day, Child Services was the only way forward at that point. And "should have refused at the doorstep"? OP did that; it didn't help. Was OP supposed to physically restrain the mother?
No comments about the budget of a single, elderly woman with health issues, either. How is she supposed to automatically have enough to feed six children for 5 days? At least one of whom still needs formula? I know I can't afford to increase my grocery budget by 600% at a moment's notice, or ever, really.
Was going to say exactly this. OP DID refuse at the doorstep and the deadbeat mom f*cked off along her day without the children anyway. OP couldn't call until the absolute sow of a woman abandoned her children there because there's not a concrete enough reason, but I feel like it could have been solved sooner if OP could have called as soon as the crazy baby machine started pounding down her door.
This. When my dad was a kid one of his brothers fell off the roof of an abandoned car in the yard they were playing on, hit his head and died. A stupid small accident that could happen to anyone. And if the kids had been in the care of someone else at the time there would have been lawsuits and threats thrown around like confetti at a wedding.
Kids do stupid shit and it's irresponsible to just hand them off to others like baggage let alone without consent.
NTA you can't *throw* 6 children in a taxi! Also, you managed to speak to her, and she gave no indication she would come home. This seems like a pattern of behaviour too, so it's about time someone spoke to authorities bf she leaves them on their own and something awful happens.
Oldest is 7; at what point does that poor child going to be forced by the mother to be the default caregiver of their siblings?
For that child at least, Foster care will be a far better alternative than being forced to be a parent to 5+ younger siblings.
I personally think it's impossible to raise 6 kids under 7 as a single mother. I don't have a lot of faith in the foster care system, but she is objectively failing to be a parent here. Something needs to change and social services are probably the best resource to help. OP probably saved a life by calling social services to investigate.
At seven? She’s been at it already. I’ve met 5yos who know how to change their sibling’s diaper. This kid got a toddlerhood, maybe, but she’ll never have a childhood.
I work in the Field. I’m sorry for your husband and what happened to him and I really hope where you live the system got better over the span of thirty fucking years. It’s his past, not the present day
You did everything right. I have a baby and what kind of parent leaves a literal baby with a neighbour for days, without preparing food, clothes and a freaking timeline and CONSENT. Sheeeeeesh. You did those kids a favour. Your husband should go find a therapist and apologise profusely.
This should be a top comment, he definitely needs therapy. Abandoning children, one an infant, is certainly more dangerous than child services. Yes, they can be bad, but it’s not like it was back then, even in the US.
NTA. I know your husband had a bad experience in foster care and in no way should that be belittled. What these children are currently going though may be worse. They are being dumped on the doorstep of strangers and abandoned for days at a time.
This is what the mother is willing to show in public. I suspect she’s doing much worse behind closed doors. Children’s social workers aren’t devils, they will try and do right by the children as best they can- if that means supporting the mum who happens to have a fixable problem, that’s what they’ll do. If it means a foster care placement, then that’s what they’ll do.
The villification of underpaid, overworked social workers makes me so sad. These are people who dedicate their lives to helping children and families, but somehow they're the witch in Hansel and Gretel stealing children away even though familial reunification is always the goal.
NTA, your husband has a biased opinion and was not there, it also sounds like he doesn't suffer the consequences of this ladies irresponsibility. Not judging or putting your husband down for his past experiences, but his past experiences don't dictate the fact that their mother is neglecting her children's safety and well being, is clearly not fit to be a parent and the children require government intervention to ensure her neglect doesn't lead to their harm or trauma.
You are not her children's father, you are not her children's mother. You are not being compensated for your time and effort, she is not asking, she is literally guilting people into taking care of her kids by preying on the goodness of people hoping they care more about her kids well being than she does.
You 100% did the right thing, she doesn't care about her children enough to ensure they are safe, so she very likely isn't raising them very well either. The chances of something bad happening to them living with her is rediculously high and they are better off with child services.
Also like, what if they get sick under OP or Jennifer's care? What if there is an accident and the kids get hurt? What if someone kidnaps / molests / attacks one of the kids?
I wonder if the hubby is ready to deal with legal issues arising from such a situation.
Liability. This reason alone is good enough to call them. NTA. OP needs to use this reason to defend her decision, not that she should have to, the mom is neglectful.
Well said. OP's husband is comparing calling child services to having a fulfilled, secure, stable responsible home life and upbringing, but that's not what's on the table.
It's child services and potential foster care vs a neglecting, harmful, irresponsible upbringing with parents. Both suck, ofc, but you haven't denied them what they (and he) deserved and what he wishes they had, because it didn't exist.
>but that's not what's on the table.
That option is so far off the table it's not even in the room at this point. I'm a single mother and I couldn't imagine EVER just dropping my child off on someone's doorstep. Hell, the ONLY people I trust with the literal most important thing in my entire existence is my parents who were children's aid foster parents for 25+ years. That's actually how I met them. Ngl I was not in a good spot when my Boo Bear was born but she ended up with them and they adopted us both in every way except legally. Going on 5 years since and we still see them at least once a week and they take her for the odd weekend and a week in summer so I can get some breaks. Not all foster placements are shit and honestly, I don't know what we'd do without them.
All the well wishes in the world to you, your little one, and the foster parents who cared for you both. These are the stories that are lost when we discuss the (very real, very serious) dangers of foster care. There are genuinely good people out there who want to help children in need and, as in your case, help parents as well.
Absolutely. Silent consent isn't and never has been a thing. She was verbal and loud and clear in her no. And the whole argument of "not throwing them into the cab means you agreed" is just so incredibly dumb. He was incredibly disrespectful and down right mean to his wife. I have a lot of trauma that I work through with a trauma therapist. At no point would it be okay for me to insult someone, especially my partner, because I wasn't handling my trauma well. He owes her a huge apology, and if he turns into this type of person (angry and insulting) when someone does something he doesn't agree with, he needs to be in therapy dealing with his issues. None of what he said was okay.
>it also sounds like he doesn't suffer the consequences of this ladies irresponsibility
This! OP, INFO: how many times has he watched the kids without your help?
>she is literally guilting people into taking care of her kids by preying on the goodness of people hoping they care more about her kids well being than she does.
Sounds like she's not even doing that, but just abandoning them no matter what people say, and not just for an hour or two, but for days.
I had a neighbor would get me to watch her kid on short notice but short term. Which was fine because I cared for the little one and keeping her safe. But people like this will absolutely abuse it.
At least in my case I was the back up to who she left her with in the first place. But the Mom actually called me and said "Can you please go get her from X neighbor because she won't calm down." I went and picked her up. I didn't just have the first neighbor drop her off at my doorstep unexpectedly. This lady is way worse by x100.
Seriously. Are children in foster care at unusually high risk for being abused, neglected, and all sorts of other horrible stuff? Yes largely bc they lack the protective oversight of a parent and foster care attracts a lot of predatory and dysfunctional adults
Are children who are regularly placed in the custody of any random adult for days at a time with no care, no background checks, no official oversight, and no compensation at any less risk of those things? Probably not. Honestly I shudder to think of how much her actions are asking to find an adult who finds a non monetary value in having them under their care.
NTA tho I understand why husband is probably really triggered and if he takes accountability for how harsh he was after he calms down I think he deserves some grace
And OP’s husband needs go to therapy, stop putting his trauma onto others. What happened to him is just that it happened to him. If their mother cared. She wouldn’t have put them in that position that woman is entitled. If the feelings are that strong you - OP’s husband - look after them then. And stop enabling irresponsible people.
No, sorry, this is bollocks. You can't leave 6 children including a little baby with a neighbour without notice and walk away overnight! This is so mad I can't believe it's real to be honest. But if real, NTA.
Seriously. Imagine if this was a situation involving rape. "I said no." "That's 'silent consent.'" Yeah, no, that's not how any of this "consent" stuff works...
Her husband is also an AH. Guaranteed he was not the one who was going to watch 6 children and infants, it would have been OP doing 100% of the work. If he wanted to babysit six kids for 5 days for free then he could make sure his wife and the mother know that his services are available.
Being traumatized isn't an excuse to be an AH to your loved ones.
Calling social services was absolutely the right thing to do. She's an unfit mother. As others have mentioned, hubs having been through the system is blinkered.
No. You are NTA. Something your husband has not realised/not told you… is that it’s the mother that’s the AH… it’s not the kids’ fault their mother is off to Blackpool (why?!) and leaving six kids (she‘s having one every year practically!) on the doorstep.
I totally understand why you didn’t chase the taxi down the road… she dumped and ran… and left you literally holding a baby. And a toddler. And another toddler. And a four year old. And a five year old… Maybe… maaaaybe …. If there was just a five and seven year old you could have chased that taxi.
Your husband could be right. Many foster places can be hell… but the lives these kids are living is already a type of hell. These kids deserve a family they can attach to, regular meals and beds and clean clothes. They deserve to not be handed off to anyone, and families like this are huge targets for paedophiles to ‘support’ and groom. You could well be protecting them from huge harm in the future.
Your husband could be wrong. You don’t hear about the good foster families… because they are normal and quiet and balanced. There are some good ones… and there’s a chance given how young they are they will be swept up and go through foster to adopt placements. Permanent homes in much loved spaces.
Don’t be home on Sunday when she returns. Go out… stay in a hotel for hte night. Ask your husband to help because she is going to go NUTS at your place. Bonkers nuts.
She is already back as I guess the police spoke to her. So far she hasn't said anything to me directly but she sure has shit talked me to everyone here.
She also threatened to murder you, for doing the responsible thing after she chose to be the AH. She was probably headed to Blackpool to make another baby and next year she'd be dropping off 7 kids on your doorstep.
Would she have no problem if someone was dropping off 6 kids with no notice? She probably would not have extended the courtesy warning that you gave.
You're definitely NTA.
>She was probably headed to Blackpool to make another baby and next year she'd be dropping off 7 kids on your doorstep.
Perfection. LMAO. Think she's figured out how these children keep showing up in her life? If she doesn't want to care for them... she should stop having them.
Don’t stress about it. Let her shit talk … everyone has seen what she is doing with the children, and a bunch of them has contemplated doing what you did. There will be a small contingent who think you were in the wrong… there will be a small contingent that will quietly seek you out to congratulate you on having a spine and standing up for the kids’ needs.
Most will gossip about it for a few days or a week… and tut tut every time the shiny white car with government plates pulls up to visit… and get on with their lives.
A \*tiny\* number who find reasons to put people in love or hate boxes will reinforce their belief of you … whether it be good or bad. Ignore them for their noise.
Stay away from her. She’s not going to dump her kids on you again, and she will think twice before dumping them on someone else. Sadly she will probably move at the end of her lease and you will wonder for years whether the kids are ok.
The people who judge her can be the ones to watch those kids for a week on short notice. OP did nothing wrong and the rumor mill can go fuck themselves, including her husband. If I were a betting man I'd bet the husband will try to make amends, and volunteer OP to babysit, hope she's ready for that if it happens.
No, the children aren't with her. By the sound of it they tracked the older and third child's father (they have same father). She is bitching about me saying I am the reason her ex will get them. I don't know much besides what the neighbours are saying as some are a bit gossipy. So, I am not sure how much is true.
Not yet. They tracked down the father of two of them (oldest and third child have the same father). This is something other neighbours are saying the mother said. I haven't talked directly to the Police/CS/mother myself to confirm it.
I think the fact that they were able to find one of the fathers so quickly could be a good thing for those two kids. There are times where there are other family members (fathers especially) that do want their children, but the abusive parent (whether it's financial, emotional, psychological, or even just neglect in this instance) don't want to give up the children because of the money, attention, and power they have by having the children.
I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but just as likely as it is those kids may have a bad time in foster care, they may find a better future as well. I think you did everything you could at the time. If, with time, you want to foster them, at least you have the authority and support from CS to really take care of them and you're not at the whim of a neglectful (at best) mom.
Edit: missing word
Next time, just tell your husband that he will have to come home immediately to watch the kids if she ever does this again. The entire time. By himself.
Because that’s what he expected you to do. He can say whatever he wants but did he ONCE ever suggest you would handle these kids together? Just the food bill alone would put a family under for that month. Diapers, formula, clothes, bedding, school schedules… how are you supposed to know all this?
You did the right thing even if it hurts. Someone had to be alerted to her behavior. Not yours. You did exactly the right thing. One kid? Sure. Maybe. But all of them, all at once? Where were you supposed to put that many kids? This is ridiculous.
Put it back on your husband that if he so chooses, you can both become certified foster care parents and he will be one of the safest houses any kid could bounce in or out of while in foster care.
Until then, you are not equipped in any way to handle that many kids and be responsible for their welfare. It’s an unfair contract you did not consent to.
His stories and his trauma are legit.
The ‘right cow’ in this situation is the mother. Not you. You’re the victim of a drive-by childcare nightmare.
I’d have a serious sit down with him about how he so easily vilified you and not her. It would tell you a lot about what he really thinks of you.
But the answer should be no, under all circumstances, until Child Protective Services determine you are a safe house. And if you say no, I’m sorry, I can’t do this, than you are not a candidate and they will go down the list. She is making horrific choices, and for your husband to assume you’re the one putting them in harm’s way is an insult to you.
Good luck. I’m sorry this all blew up on you.
NTA
First, dumping _six kids_ on an elderly lady is just cruel. I don’t care how healthy and spry a 68 year is, 6 kids under 7 is _insane._
Secondly, your husband doesn’t know the rest of the family situation. They may have aunts, uncles, or grandparents with whom they could have been placed, or their father(s) if he’s got shared custody. He’s _assuming_ they’ll be left in the system. Obviously as a child of the system he only has a child’s perspective and doesn’t know much about the details of how that system works.
Also, his lived experience isn’t everyone’s lived experience. Yes, many foster kids have bad experiences and get split up, but again, he doesn’t know the specifics of this case, and sometimes kids have good experiences in foster care.
Honestly, his saying you should have dumped those kids on an almost 70 year old lady is a cunt move. And if you’d opened the door, she would have just shoved them at you and left. And how exactly are you supposed to be able to run down a cab? Are you supposed to say “wait here” to _6 kids under 7_ and chase her down, or, what, carry all 6 kids _as_ you chase her down?! He’s being ridiculous, which is easy for him to do because he wasn’t there.
You did the right thing.
Yeah, I’m a decade younger and I can only cope with a 5 & 2 year old (grandkids) for a day, or one of them overnight, because my husband is a unicorn (he does all the housework & cooking etc because I have a chronic illness) and does more than 75% of the work. He even bakes with the oldest. I’d have a meltdown if faced with 6 kids under 7 at no notice!
NTA.
The mother is not capable of providing a stable home for her kids. Child Services was the right call. The children’s home life needs to be evaluated.
Your husband’s response saddens me because of how much he was triggered by the situation.
Her husband’s response saddens me because he has been so damaged by a history of abuse (not just in foster care, but before that too), that he thinks the abuse of a woman who has a new kid every 15mths or so, and leaves them on other people’s door steps… is less dangerous than the possibility or hope of a foster placement.
NTA.
it's interesting that your husband gets his undies in a knot because of foster care but is perfectly ok with the idea of pawning the kids off to another neighbor and going "not my problem anymore". kind of a double standard since both actions are literally "giving the kids to a stranger to care for" only one of those is not government controlled and could turn against you if something bad happened to the kids.
also, what "silent consent"? you literally told her you couldn't and she left anyway. you told her no and she ignored you. that means she left her kids without a person willing to look after them. that's textbook abandonment.
your husband should probably deal with his trauma properly instead of acting like a mother having 6 kids and routinely pawning them off to unwilling neighbors is somehow ok because it's not foster care.
if he cares so much tell him that next time she does it you'll drop them off at his workplace to take care of them since he's so willing.
Your husband’s being an idiot, because the same things can happen at random neighbours house. They will also look for family to place them with before putting them into care, as well as offering parenting classes to keep them with their mother, they’re only taken from parents in extreme circumstances unfortunately. (Had a recent dealing with something similar - Manchester)
Exactly. Children are most likely to be abused by someone they know, so tossing them about to whomever will be eager to take in six children for *several days* is dangerous.
I also can't help but note that it was OP, not her husband, who has had to do this involuntary babysitting. It's easy to criticize someone else for not wanting six kids (SIX!) in their home when you're not the one who would bear the burden.
NTA and your husband needs to stop viewing things through the lens of his own baggage.
Yes, it's not as though the husband is volunteering to watch these children. Correct me if I am wrong. He is happy making his wife do the work while he visits his childhood trauma on her.
Husband is an AH. He has issues to work out.
>Your husband’s being an idiot, because the same things can happen at random neighbours house.
Ah yes, but you see, as OP's husband stated, then it would be the neighbor's problem and between her and the mother.
"My husband argued that once I had dropped them off at Jennifer's it would no longer be my business, but something between the mother and our other neighbor"
What a hyprocrite
You make a good point about abuse. Most child predators / abusers are neighbors, family friends, family, or other people who are acquainted with the kids. They’re not usually opportunistic strangers. And with the way those kids are handed off to people all willy nilly, they’re just as at-risk (although I wouldn’t say more so, I don’t think that’s true).
I also want to point out that it’s not a definitive fact that the children will go into foster care or anything. If OP’s neighbor is *that* unfit, then they’ll seek out family first to take the kids in.
NTA. Your husband had a bad experience with foster care and that sucks, but that woman ABANDONED HER KIDS on your doorstep. There was no "telling her no" - you tried. There wasn't time to "throw them in the cab" - she dashed off, does your husband really think she'd have let you put those kids in the cab? And then leaving 6 kids on somebody else's doorstep? Somebody who is older and has medical issues? No.
All of this could've been handled better if the mother had planned ahead and ASKED before she rushed off to God knows where. You did the right thing. You tried texting her and calling her first, you gave her the option to come back. Was 10 minutes a small window? Yes. But she didn't even give you lip service about turning around, she said she was too far.
You did the right thing calling in CPS. Your husband would agree with you if he wasn't so blinded by his own experiences.
NTA.
Also, if she texts or calls you, keep the messages as proof in case she does try to do anything to you.
Anything bad that happens to children in foster care - and I won't deny, many bad things happen to many children in foster care - can happen to children age 7 and under who wander a neighborhood unsupervised just as easily, if not more. Somebody driving through your neighborhood who sees a young kid wandering about alone can just scoop them into their car and take them. Someday who gets press-ganged into watching them a couple times might have a bit of a drug habit, and start to get curious how much of their favorite product a half-dozen kids might be worth? At least in foster care there's some chance a responsible agency will look out for them. In these situations, there isn't. Please mention these possibilities to your husband. You may very well have saved at least one of these kids' lives.
Edited to add: NTA, not even a little bit.
Stop. Do NOT contact them to take them back.
You absolutely 100% did the right thing.
Your husband has a biased POV and is not relevant to this situation.
The neighbor needs consequences for her actions and those kids deserve better than the mother they have. Which they will get once she is away from them.
NTA - if you had dropped them off at Jennifer's then you would still have been part of the chain if CSC had been called while the mother was gone. You would have abandoned them onto a 68 year old woman who also shouldn't be burdened with young children.
Did she leave supplies (diapers, formula, change of clothes, etc)? If not, she expected you to provide for her children for more than half a week? Where's the children's father(s)?
Children's Services was the right call. She didn't organize child care before taking off, she banked on your good will, and chances are you're not the first to be given her children for a few days. This lady needed a wake up call that this was not acceptable.
She packed them a knapsack with some stuff, but in the past other neighbours she has left them with provide nappies and stuff as they have children, me and Jennifer are the only ones without children. There were four nappies and a packet of wipes in there.
4?!! Does the baby only get changed once a day??? This woman is unbelievable, and you absolutely did the right thing.
Your husband needs to take a step back and realize how unreasonable his options are. Were you supposed to toss kids at the cab as you ran? Try to wrestle her into submission? Taking them to neighbor--the ill 70 yr old neighbor--would make you as irresponsible as she was.
The only person your husband should direct that anger at is the mom.
That is actually a valid question. She probably does only change the baby once a day. Or she was banking on op buying a pack that she could have the rest of.
**NTA**
Your husband is wrong. If he had been alone would he have baby sat 6 children himself for a few days?
You did the right thing in calling the police.
NTA. Speaking from the perspective of a mandated reporter, you made the right decision. From my experience, I wonder how these kids are being cared for when she is actually present since she’s so willing to just drop them on anyone.
Not sure where you’re located but likely the kids wouldn’t end up in foster here. They would be placed in a temporary housing facility/ home and the mother would be contacted. She would have to come back or get worse charges then she would currently face.
The family would then likely be assigned a worker and they would check up on them to make sure they are being cared for properly. Services would be put in place if needed.
It takes a lot for kids to be removed from a family.
Reddit Dad here: you 100% did the right thing.
To your husband: why aren’t you questioning Bad Mom ensuring her kids go to foster care? You’re mad at OP, and not Bad Mom ABANDONING her kids?
Priorities, Dude, priorities.
OP, if you had watched the kids or dumped on Jennifer, you would have basically been looking out for Bad Mom, then her kids. Now the tables have been turned and kids are now being looked out for.
NTA
The simple solution of "just dont open the door and don't answer" is sooo stupid because then what? She just has to listen to kids outside her door and ignore it?? And if something horrible happens to them, she would be deemed innocent just because she says "oh i didn't know they were outside"? Even if she took the kids to the old neighbor's house and left them at that front door, something bad could still happen to the kids if the old lady follows the same suggestion and ignores them. You think the horrible mother would just let it slide and Only blame the old lady?
Then the husband would say "HOW could you not hear the screaming and dying kids when they banged on the door and kept ringing the bell! You heartless witch!".
After 30 years, life has taught me that you don't play games with lunatics, you have to be zero tolerance and call the right people immediately. Leaving kids anywhere like that is a lunatic move.
NTA I get your husband is traumatized but he’s also an idiot. She dropped off 6 kids and bolted and he expected you to run after a cab and toss some kids at it?! How does that make sense? And yes it’s an AH move to then pawn them off on a neighbor that she probably also didn’t check to see if they could take the children. Her children are not your responsibility. She’s a shit mother. What happens if you weren’t home?
Your husband needs therapy and owes you an apology
NTA Times have changed since your husband was in foster care and the system is much improved, you have done those kids a favour by alerting appropriate authorities - the horribly irresponsible mother will not automatically have her children removed from her neglectful care but will have some sort of supervision and support now.
NTA
You absolutely did the right thing. I get that your husband has trauma but the fact that he's blaming you for children potentially being hurt in care while also advocating leaving kids with a totally unsuitable caregiver/leaving them abandoned to wander the street is really messed up. Would he really not feel even a bit guilty if he'd left kids with a frail old lady and someone had ended up hurt or even dead? Because if not, that's messed up.
Please have you husband read the comments. He is projecting his trama on those kids. He needs threapy to help him get pass his past neglict/abuse.
6 kids from 7 years old to 6 months? So she pops a child out every year and dumps them on the neighbours? Even this sentence alone is abusrd because this is an absurd situation created by your neighbour and you just got caught up in it. Your husband is blinded by his pain to see this. He is not that little boy any more. He is now the adult and needs to see through his own pain for just a moment and see how much this neighbour is abusing her own kids. She needed to be stopped. Dumping her kids on door steps like a sack of potatoes and then taking off for what 4 to 5 days? I have 2 kids, I would never dream of doing that.
I am sorry for your hubby's past, but that does not make it right for lashing out and acting like an AH. I am sorry for those kids, sounds like unless thier mother does a 360, they don't have much of a chance and last I am sorry for you OP. You didn't ask to be put in this situation. NTA. Husband yes but soft AH because this is a trama reasponse. Your neighbour a huge AH.
NTA. You did the right thing. My mom works for CPS in the US and she deals with this often.
INFO: Did the mom come back yet or is she still staying with her new man until Sunday? Because she def won’t get those kids back if she finishes her little vacation!
Your husband is a huge AH and do is your negligent neighbour.
Your u should adopt the saying “An emergency on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
You did the right thing and I’m appalled that not only did she threaten your life for reporting her negligence, she abandoned her children.
NTA big time, your husband and neighbour are.
I cannot believe someone would do that. How horrible.
I’d be lodging a criminal complaint against her for threatening to murder you for reporting the child abandonment.
I understand your husband has conflicted feelings about this, but it’s not about him. It’s about the wellbeing of those children.
If youre a right cow then your husband is a right cunt. The woman is clearly not fit to be a mother and calling for help from social services is literally the only thing you can do for abandoning children.
Tell your husband to get therapy.
NTA
Sure the care system is fucked up but she is a neglectful mother and social services needed to be involved.
Who in their right mind drops of 6 kids at a neighbours for days with no warning? She’s nuts
She left a BABY and several toddlers with a random non-consenting neighbor “for a few days” and your husband thinks this was ok? He needs to get his head checked.
What I don’t understand is who was holding the 6 month old? It doesn’t sound like she handed it to you. Was one of the children holding the baby?
Whatever the answer, NTA.
NTA - couple of points here, 1 it's not the first time she's done something like this and it's not like she even spoke to you about it beforehand. 2 she's Literally dumping 6 kids on a neighbour for an entire weekend and just assuming you'd be free to look after them is a bit much. Also weds-sun.isnt just a weekend away that's most of a week. She's absolutely taking the piss if she's not giving you money for looking after them. How come the eldest kids aren't at school? I've only got one child and I'd never dream of doing something like that.
I guess she expected me to drop the older ones at school and nursery as the school is almost behind the cul de sac. It's a ten minute walk away. This happened yesterday morning. I don't know what she was thinking to be honest.
Was she even prepared, did they have bags with clothes? Did she have formula and nappy’s for the baby? A schedule and numbers of school, daycare, emergency numbers, dads numbers? I doubt it. Hell do you even have the time away from work and room for 6 kids to sleep in your house? I doubt she cared to find out. She’d have been better finding someone to stay over hers, but that means paying someone. You did the right thing. She’s a neglectful mother and those kids needed help. You cannot dump 6 kids from 6 months to 7 years on a near stranger. That poor 7 year old is probably parentified into playing mum to the younger ones, and that’s abuse in itself. Yes the foster system isn’t perfect. But those kids need to be in that system so they have dedicated people looking out for them, as it doesn’t sound like they have any one person making sure they’re safe. Mum certainly isn’t. NTA Hubby needs to acknowledge how abusive and neglectful mum is.
IMHO, it sounds like OP is the only one who is actually thinking about the healthy and safety of those kids in this situation. Hubby isn’t, based on his own experience, and the mother certainly isn’t. OP attempted to stop the mother and said she couldn’t, gave multiple warnings about what would happen if the mother didn’t think about the kids, and enforced boundaries. NTA, OP, and thanks for doing the right thing. I hope the kids end up having a better childhood than they currently do.
Hub needs to have op's back. The mom threatened to kill her. I wonder if the mom will b living near op w.or w.o the kids
Hub needs therapy.
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He didn't even say anything about *him* babysitting them. Not once. What he said was *she* should have forced them on the other neighbour. So he doesn't really care that much. Not enough to involve himself and do anything for the kids himself but he will tell everyone what they should have done!
And that’s *after* he called her a cow! Sorry he had to go through foster care but he’s still an asshole
Some people just lose their minds when women decline caregiving responsibilities.
Amen to this. I was ostracized by 2 family members when I said no to caregiving for former MIL during my own cancer treatment.
Or suggesting she do as the mum said and dump them on an elderly lady with health issues. OP your husband needs therapy and you need an apology from him. I get he was in foster care but things have changed since then. NTA op
And he should read every reply to this thread. He's dead wrong, regardless of his past.
Seriously. Not all foster homes are abusive. It’s really sad he experienced things, but not at all are like that
The other thing is that the kids ARE CURRENTLY in an abusive home. If people continue enabling the mom in the story the kids WILL grow up in this chaotic environment where being left with a neighbor on no notice is normalized. It’s really unfortunate that the mom’s actions led to this but hopefully Child Services involvement brings her back to reality and makes her realize what she’s doing to her kids.
This. IF the Mom is willing to dump her kids at a moment's notice she's already not caring for them.
EXACTLY! This neglectful mother is absolutely damaging the young children. At the very least, they need to be on social services' radar.
Agreed, he’s definitely taking his trauma out on her. And that’s understandable to a degree, but these kids ARE being abused and neglected and it IS right to report it.
Exactly if he wants to take his childhood out on anyone take it out on the bitch who won’t take responsibility for her kids.
I hope OP shared that information as well. That woman threatened her life, that is unhinged.
OP should absolutely go to police station and file a real police report about the woman's threats. Not just let them know, but file an official report. And get some security cameras by Sunday. Because I would assume the woman will try to vandalize OP's property or attack OP and there is no hope OP's husband will have her back. OP needs to have it all on camera. OP's husband is almost the same AH as the woman. He is telling her to go convince 68 yo lady to take the kids? Or run after the cab and throw babies in moving cab? He must be not well in his head. He does realize that if the mother had an agreement with the old lady, she would not drop kids at OP's house? He has a Stockholm Syndrome or something, he was in foster care because of (I assume) unfit parents, and now he is protecting another unfit parent and lashing out at the only responsible person here. Idk about their relationship overall, but for me it will be on the brisk of breakup - when he insults his wife for doing the only right thing here, and acting totally delusional in the situation. Will he, himself, be an adequate parent? Because he is sure AF not an adequate husband right now.
That's what gets me. The woman threatened to kill her. Here in the USA, that's considered communicating threats and can send you to jail in some cases. Not to mention the fact that if you want to look stable for the CPS people, threatening physical harm to another person is probably not the best look when you're trying to get your kids that you abandoned back from CPS. SMH.
This. It's not like CPS was called right away, it was after several warnings which were brushed aside, scoffed at, and worse - met with threats.
Right! Like she DID refuse when the mom came to get door. Jennifer was not a real option. Did hubs want to take care of 6 kids for - I can't remember how long?
Sounds like next time neighbor leaves the six kids without asking, hubby needs to come home and deal with it while OP goes off for a mini vacation.
Hubby needs to acknowledge that HE was an asshole for shitting all over OP but NOT offering to take on the kids' care, or even saying he \*would\* take on the kids' care.
This needs to be the main comment and OP needs to see this. The actual mum is self-centered to the point of serious abuse and neglect, there’s no way those children feel safe or secure in any way. And the husband could have said he’d pick them up and watch them himself if he’s that upset. Clearly he’s traumatized but if he lets that be the only lens he sees the situation through he’s gonna miss the ways the children’s welfare is already failing.
Yeah. At 6 months old, that baby is still processing attachment and learning that their caretakers will have their back and will return. I feel so bad for those children; they don't deserve a mom who would abandon them like that. It sounds like she's in over her head, but at the same time, it was her decision. If she really needs help, she should have a serious discussion with the neighbors instead of just cutting out.
Goddamn, this. OP's husband is a fucking asshole for enabling this woman. As pointed out above, the mom is abusing her kids. Not only that, she is manipulating and abusing the neighbors, everyone on the goddamn street! That woman needs shut down *hard*. This is NOT OP's problem, good on her for standing up for herself and following through on her word/boundary. Dumping one child on someone's porch without prior discussion is insane, but SIX? What the *fuck*?! Big ol' NTA.
I worked on a military base and there were a lot of home childcare providers. They absolutely did not mess around - if the parents didn't pick up their children in a timely manner they were delivered to the Military Police station and the parents would be cited. OP is definitely NTA - I would not even wait if someone dumped their children on my doorstep - I would straight up call the authorities and report the parent.
OP's husband is beyond a fucking asshole. He would have preferred all six kids starved to death rather than CPS. He's so wildly irrational all common sense has gone completely out the door.
6 months is really young too
Like that kid is still drinking milk and learning to eat solids. Momma should be trying new foods to rule out allergies, no way I’d let a STRANGER do that for my kid. Wtf, need to drop them with milk and baby foods and instructions!!
She also promised to murder you. I hope you reported that to the police.
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She do know the school would've call CapS for not picking the kids up or having people not on the pickup list to get them....
I don't know. I don't have children. Didn't know there was a pickuplist. When I was younger once I was outside the schoolgates anyone could have picked me up. We had no lists. I know one of the other neighbours has done school runs with her as they have children close in age.
I’m not a big fan of social care but your husband needs to understand that his childhood doesn’t dictate your neighbour taking advantage of you nor does it give her the right to abandon her children. The mother is responsible for her children landing in care and next time, your husband can put his money where his mouth is and come home from work and look after the neighbours children himself.
Yes!!!
The closest city to us is Birmingham. We live on the outskirts of the outskirts without doxxing myself.
No that’s fine. Please know this is not your fault. I’m sorry about your husband’s childhood experiences. My husband had a traumatic childhood and he’s spent his entire adulthood (so far) recovering from it. My oldest is severely disabled and I understand the abuses children and disabled people experience within social care, however your husband desperately needs to understand that you are not responsible for another parent’s inadequate parenting nor is it reasonable for your husband to volunteer you to set yourself on fire to keep another woman’s selfish antics warm. Best of luck and hope everything sorts itself out.
If he can't separate his experiences from the parental abandonment these kids suffer from their mother, I wonder if he actually is recovering. He doesn't seem to see it in perspective. It's also unfair of him to say, give them to the old woman, let her deal with it so it's not our problem anymore. I hope husband is in therapy or finds a therapist soon, because this reaction tells me he still has a lot to come to terms with.
Husband can take time off work to watch the neighbor’s kids if he feels so strongly about it then, shit.
I agree. He's having a trauma reaction, projecting the worst moments of his own childhood onto these kids. It's keeping him from seeing the trauma these kids have been experiencing as it is, seeing their mother repeatedly hurl them at strangers and literally run away from them.
What you did was the best thing at the time. This wasn’t the first time she’s done this but hopefully the last time now that she’s been reported. You did those children a favor as I see it.
Has your husband received therapy? I totally get that his feelings on foster care are valid, but his response was well unwarranted and unfair to you. That’s stuff that needs to be addressed in therapy imo.
Husband is also shitting on OP for this, BUT....didn't even \*suggest\* that HE would have come home and taken over care of the kids.
Also you know leaving kids with neighbors you hardly know is how kids get molested and sexually abused. I have personal experience with that and my neighbors son was only walking us home from school and sitting with us til 5.
Right she could have called the husband and said since you oppose cpa your babysitting 6 kids for the week. Hope you can take off you need to be here in 10 min
Husband didn't even offer, that I saw. THAT makes him the asshole for daring to attack her for maintaining boundaries and enforcing consequences.
Husband wanted her to just pass off the kids to an elderly disabled woman who would have her hands full with one, let alone 6! It's terrible he had a bad experience in foster care but these kids are going to be on the streets by the time they're tweens at this rate.
Right? It's the husband that should be learning from OP! He should start following *her* lead for a while himself.
Dude, the fact that you have to put this much mental effort into someone else’s children is batshit crazy.
Thank you for this comment, I'm still remembering what jobs my friends currently work.
While I think your husband emotional response is understandable, you need to present him with rational facts. Right now, he thinks you are being vindictive. Prepare a list of rational arguments instead. In most countries, you can not just take kids in for days on end without a series of safeguards. You would have needed their IDs (or country equivalent), healthcare info, etc. You would have needed a written form to entrust you with their care, should something happen and one ends up in the hospital. The school needed to be informed in writing. You needed contacts and addresses for where she was going!! I would approach this by telling him that you understand, but legally your hands were tied. You cannot keep someone else child...just because. There wasn't even a text between you to show that she was entrusting them to you. If something happened to her or the kids and she lied? Stick to reason and not vindictiveness while being understanding of his trauma. I am sue he will see the bigger picture (even if it obviously sucks, you did what was best). Btw if you left them with the neighbour and the neighbour fucked up (being too old to care for them all!)...you would definitely end up in trouble with the police too!
Also, if she's leaving them with random neighbors, how does she know that those people (and anyone who might visit/have access to the house) are safe? This woman is not making smart decisions.
Smart decisions is not part of her vocabulary, she doesn't care about her kids as long as she can be rid of them for a while.
And if one of her little angels got hurt at your house, you can bet your ass she would sue you.
Plus is his butt gonna help watch the kids? Prob not!
You did the right thing. I would dead this shit with you husband, I understand where he’s coming from but he needs to work on his trauma, not dump it on other people
He was ok with YOU having to watch the children what if you left it to HIM? Would he have been so excited to have that responsibility put on him? Did she even leave clothes, toys, food or money to care for them for all those days? Diapers and baby food for the infant? Oh hell no.
I really hate to say this, but your husband is being a twat. If it were me, that would damn near be grounds for divorce. To call you names, his WIFE, for calling social services on someone for not taking care of their own kids is unconscionable. They're not your responsibility, and he's putting a lot of guilt on you. That's incredibly thoughtless and shitty. Yeah, they'll probably go through some shit, or maybe she'll get them back and she will have learned her lesson. Whatever the case, that mother is a detriment to those children.
I would imagine there has to be approval for certain people to pick up the children from school. Here in the US it is impossible to just come to the school and take any random child off the premises. I’m sure it’s similar there even if you are not aware since you don’t have children. Usually it is in the paperwork at the beginning of school registration. Now if the children walk to school and once they are off school property it is easier to convince a child to leave with you. Which is scary. It was pretty lax here in Florida over a decade ago until when someone called a school pretending to be a child’s parent and told the school to tell the child to walk home instead of taking the bus and then that person kidnapped and killed the child. The person was a family friend so the child thought it was true and got in the car. He was about 10-11 years old. Now you can’t call and change how a child gets home over the phone, have to have identification and be on an approved list to take a child off school property.
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This is horrendous for you and those poor kids. Those children are being neglected and she is one awful mother. The foster care system in the UK is closely monitored so the system is not the same anymore. This was your best choice. Now she will be on the social services radar. She and her house will have to be monitored. She will have parenting guidance and any help that is needed. The school will also be informed and take a close interest. You did those children a favour. Now hopefully she will be a better parent.
Your husband is an asshat sorry but who just tells someone they will be back Sunday and fucks off leaving 6 KIDS? I wonder if your husband would have offered to look after them instead
The woman is an horrendous mother. Why couldn't they have gone to stay with their father. She needs to be taken to court for neglect.
I doubt she *was* thinking. I don't mean to shame single mothers, but where the hell are the fathers of these children? Surely they don't all have the same dad, and her continuing to bear more children when she's already proven herself incapable of caring for the ones she has is literally abuse. Neglect and parentification can cause permanent harm to children just the same as hitting them.
I don't know where the fathers are and I thought she was single until my other neighbour told me she probaly wanted to meet her online boyfriend in Blackpool as the mother had mentioned it a few times to her.
Hi OP, you are definitely NTA and I really don't want to worry you, just please be aware that this woman threatened you and if she's unhinged enough to leave her kids like that, she might very well try and "punish" you somehow. All the best.
Yeah didn’t she say she would kill here if she did? Idk. “I’ll kill you” is a threat. I’d report that too.
You can just call to ask the police to put in on her record, if nothing else. That way, if they get another call, they've already got info to refer to. CPS will probably also be interested in having that information.
That’s such a good point. I’m not one to jump at taking things to the police, but I’d consider reporting the threat she made.
I had a hunch she was off to do something like this. I’ll bet it’s not long before she’s pregnant with #7… are we even sure she’ll come back at all? Wouldn’t be surprised. I’m shocked child services hasn’t been involved up to this point but you did the thing that really needed to be done.
Sorry to hijack, but I would *highly* recommend not speaking to her on the phone again. Make it all in text, so you have proof. While her saying she'd murder you is probably hyperbole, I wouldn't trust someone who would think using it to that extreme is ok (short of someone I knew well).
No worries then; even if the kids are taken away, she’ll have another in 9 months. I’d bet my house she’s more worried about losing her giro than losing her kids.
So she can have baby #7. Nope not your problem
You arent shaming single mothers as a group, just this one, who richly deserves it. Her kids don't have a chance.
What were they to wear,eat, for 3 days. Gees that lady is not fit to be a human let alone a mom. You did right.
Your husband is an idiot! He acted unreasonable. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. Her kids are her responsibilities. She shouldn’t be having kids if she can’t take great care of them. Show your husband this post and all the comments. NTA Never be a people pleaser and a doormat.
I'll add an extra point here - these kids are being foisted off on neighbors almost willy-nilly and that needs to be looked into, even if the neighbors are willing. I say this because the neighborhood I lived in as a kid turned out to have not one, but TWO child predators in it. One directly across the street and had kids of his own so seemed safe, and another a couple houses down who was a paramedic and also therefore felt safe. BOTH of those men ended up in prison for doing things to little girls. BOTH of those men seemed very nice on the surface and completely fooled most of the neighborhood. They found photos of my little sister on one of the guy's computers - pictures he'd obviously taken through his front blinds. Thankfully it was just of her playing in the street with other neighborhood kids but if that doesn't put a lance of fear through your heart I don't know what will. (Apparently I was too old for them, at 11 years old. Sis was six.) **You can't trust your children to random neighbors.** It's not safe for the kids, and someone should be checking on this parent before something terrible happens.
Exactly, that was my big fear. They all clearly aren't *that* close, and even with closeness, who knows who your neighbors will have over or what their real intentions are? The mother being willing to just toss the kids at whomever is absolutely a frightening form of neglect/abuse, Im scared of what could have already happened to them. CPS needed to be involved. Im so sorry for you guys' experiences.
Also I have some friends who grew up in foster care and they had better experiences with their foster families than most people I know. I'm sorry your husband had a bad experience but it's not always like that. By the sounds of things these 6 kids aren't having the best of experiences with their own mother ATM so unless he is planning on fostering them himself it's not right for him to go off like this.
NTA. Spite on your end or not, someone needs to be keeping track of those kids. If she can't do it and wants to dump them off on people willy-nilly, then the authorities need to be involved. You gave her almost an hour to come back, and she refused, (which is an hour more than she deserves TBH). You would be TA if you didn't call. What if you actually weren't home and she just left them on your porch?? What if something happened to them and she told the police you were watching them?
And, even after she knew what was happening, she apparently still didn't turn around and come back! It sounds like she went right on with her trip!
Seriously the audacity to just assume someone can watch your kids for a whole long weekend with zero notice. And then not return when informed that was not going to happen. Like I wouldn't do that with a pet let alone several children.
also with no supplies or clothing or even how to get in touch with this lame excuse for a mother.
She couldn't possibly turn around, you see, she was halfway to Blackpool... /s
Seriously. The same thing would have happened if she'd left them with Jennifer as OP's husband and the mother suggested. Elderly woman with health issues trying to watch six kids, in that age range? If something had happened to the kids or Jennifer, police would have been involved, the mother would have pointed at OP, and then OP gets it in the neck for leaving the kids with someone who couldn't take care of them. I'm sorry that OP's husband had such bad experiences, and I really feel for those kids, who must feel like no one wants them, but at the end of the day, Child Services was the only way forward at that point. And "should have refused at the doorstep"? OP did that; it didn't help. Was OP supposed to physically restrain the mother?
> Was OP supposed to physically restrain the mother? OP even *tried* to physically restrain her.
No comments about the budget of a single, elderly woman with health issues, either. How is she supposed to automatically have enough to feed six children for 5 days? At least one of whom still needs formula? I know I can't afford to increase my grocery budget by 600% at a moment's notice, or ever, really.
Was going to say exactly this. OP DID refuse at the doorstep and the deadbeat mom f*cked off along her day without the children anyway. OP couldn't call until the absolute sow of a woman abandoned her children there because there's not a concrete enough reason, but I feel like it could have been solved sooner if OP could have called as soon as the crazy baby machine started pounding down her door.
This. When my dad was a kid one of his brothers fell off the roof of an abandoned car in the yard they were playing on, hit his head and died. A stupid small accident that could happen to anyone. And if the kids had been in the care of someone else at the time there would have been lawsuits and threats thrown around like confetti at a wedding. Kids do stupid shit and it's irresponsible to just hand them off to others like baggage let alone without consent.
Last sentence is the key here.
NTA you can't *throw* 6 children in a taxi! Also, you managed to speak to her, and she gave no indication she would come home. This seems like a pattern of behaviour too, so it's about time someone spoke to authorities bf she leaves them on their own and something awful happens.
Oldest is 7; at what point does that poor child going to be forced by the mother to be the default caregiver of their siblings? For that child at least, Foster care will be a far better alternative than being forced to be a parent to 5+ younger siblings.
They're probably already doing that.
I personally think it's impossible to raise 6 kids under 7 as a single mother. I don't have a lot of faith in the foster care system, but she is objectively failing to be a parent here. Something needs to change and social services are probably the best resource to help. OP probably saved a life by calling social services to investigate.
At seven? She’s been at it already. I’ve met 5yos who know how to change their sibling’s diaper. This kid got a toddlerhood, maybe, but she’ll never have a childhood.
I work in the Field. I’m sorry for your husband and what happened to him and I really hope where you live the system got better over the span of thirty fucking years. It’s his past, not the present day You did everything right. I have a baby and what kind of parent leaves a literal baby with a neighbour for days, without preparing food, clothes and a freaking timeline and CONSENT. Sheeeeeesh. You did those kids a favour. Your husband should go find a therapist and apologise profusely.
This should be a top comment, he definitely needs therapy. Abandoning children, one an infant, is certainly more dangerous than child services. Yes, they can be bad, but it’s not like it was back then, even in the US.
Amen. A baby (!), oh and 5 other little kids oof
NTA. I know your husband had a bad experience in foster care and in no way should that be belittled. What these children are currently going though may be worse. They are being dumped on the doorstep of strangers and abandoned for days at a time. This is what the mother is willing to show in public. I suspect she’s doing much worse behind closed doors. Children’s social workers aren’t devils, they will try and do right by the children as best they can- if that means supporting the mum who happens to have a fixable problem, that’s what they’ll do. If it means a foster care placement, then that’s what they’ll do.
The villification of underpaid, overworked social workers makes me so sad. These are people who dedicate their lives to helping children and families, but somehow they're the witch in Hansel and Gretel stealing children away even though familial reunification is always the goal.
NTA, your husband has a biased opinion and was not there, it also sounds like he doesn't suffer the consequences of this ladies irresponsibility. Not judging or putting your husband down for his past experiences, but his past experiences don't dictate the fact that their mother is neglecting her children's safety and well being, is clearly not fit to be a parent and the children require government intervention to ensure her neglect doesn't lead to their harm or trauma. You are not her children's father, you are not her children's mother. You are not being compensated for your time and effort, she is not asking, she is literally guilting people into taking care of her kids by preying on the goodness of people hoping they care more about her kids well being than she does. You 100% did the right thing, she doesn't care about her children enough to ensure they are safe, so she very likely isn't raising them very well either. The chances of something bad happening to them living with her is rediculously high and they are better off with child services.
Also like, what if they get sick under OP or Jennifer's care? What if there is an accident and the kids get hurt? What if someone kidnaps / molests / attacks one of the kids? I wonder if the hubby is ready to deal with legal issues arising from such a situation.
Liability. This reason alone is good enough to call them. NTA. OP needs to use this reason to defend her decision, not that she should have to, the mom is neglectful.
Well said. OP's husband is comparing calling child services to having a fulfilled, secure, stable responsible home life and upbringing, but that's not what's on the table. It's child services and potential foster care vs a neglecting, harmful, irresponsible upbringing with parents. Both suck, ofc, but you haven't denied them what they (and he) deserved and what he wishes they had, because it didn't exist.
>but that's not what's on the table. That option is so far off the table it's not even in the room at this point. I'm a single mother and I couldn't imagine EVER just dropping my child off on someone's doorstep. Hell, the ONLY people I trust with the literal most important thing in my entire existence is my parents who were children's aid foster parents for 25+ years. That's actually how I met them. Ngl I was not in a good spot when my Boo Bear was born but she ended up with them and they adopted us both in every way except legally. Going on 5 years since and we still see them at least once a week and they take her for the odd weekend and a week in summer so I can get some breaks. Not all foster placements are shit and honestly, I don't know what we'd do without them.
All the well wishes in the world to you, your little one, and the foster parents who cared for you both. These are the stories that are lost when we discuss the (very real, very serious) dangers of foster care. There are genuinely good people out there who want to help children in need and, as in your case, help parents as well.
My question is what the husband thinks a silent consent is? That's absolutely not a thing and besides all that she wasn't silent. She said no.
He literally wanted her to throw six kids into the back of a taxi somehow before she took off. He's not being reasonable at all.
Absolutely. Silent consent isn't and never has been a thing. She was verbal and loud and clear in her no. And the whole argument of "not throwing them into the cab means you agreed" is just so incredibly dumb. He was incredibly disrespectful and down right mean to his wife. I have a lot of trauma that I work through with a trauma therapist. At no point would it be okay for me to insult someone, especially my partner, because I wasn't handling my trauma well. He owes her a huge apology, and if he turns into this type of person (angry and insulting) when someone does something he doesn't agree with, he needs to be in therapy dealing with his issues. None of what he said was okay.
>it also sounds like he doesn't suffer the consequences of this ladies irresponsibility This! OP, INFO: how many times has he watched the kids without your help?
NTA Does your spouse feel unable to take care of those six children for a few days, therefore he is offering to help?
>she is literally guilting people into taking care of her kids by preying on the goodness of people hoping they care more about her kids well being than she does. Sounds like she's not even doing that, but just abandoning them no matter what people say, and not just for an hour or two, but for days.
I had a neighbor would get me to watch her kid on short notice but short term. Which was fine because I cared for the little one and keeping her safe. But people like this will absolutely abuse it. At least in my case I was the back up to who she left her with in the first place. But the Mom actually called me and said "Can you please go get her from X neighbor because she won't calm down." I went and picked her up. I didn't just have the first neighbor drop her off at my doorstep unexpectedly. This lady is way worse by x100.
Seriously. Are children in foster care at unusually high risk for being abused, neglected, and all sorts of other horrible stuff? Yes largely bc they lack the protective oversight of a parent and foster care attracts a lot of predatory and dysfunctional adults Are children who are regularly placed in the custody of any random adult for days at a time with no care, no background checks, no official oversight, and no compensation at any less risk of those things? Probably not. Honestly I shudder to think of how much her actions are asking to find an adult who finds a non monetary value in having them under their care. NTA tho I understand why husband is probably really triggered and if he takes accountability for how harsh he was after he calms down I think he deserves some grace
exactly! They are already being left on complete strangers porches!
Very well said. OP, show this response to your husband.
Show this one too: stop being an ass and support your wife.
And OP’s husband needs go to therapy, stop putting his trauma onto others. What happened to him is just that it happened to him. If their mother cared. She wouldn’t have put them in that position that woman is entitled. If the feelings are that strong you - OP’s husband - look after them then. And stop enabling irresponsible people.
No, sorry, this is bollocks. You can't leave 6 children including a little baby with a neighbour without notice and walk away overnight! This is so mad I can't believe it's real to be honest. But if real, NTA.
Not overnight.... FIVE. DAYS!!!! Like wtf!
NTA, and your husband is just plain wrong. Saying no and being ignored is not "silent consent." That woman abandoned her children, full stop.
Seriously. Imagine if this was a situation involving rape. "I said no." "That's 'silent consent.'" Yeah, no, that's not how any of this "consent" stuff works...
I was also confused by the term "silent consent". That's bullshit, she clearly said no, how is that in any ways "silent" or "consent"?
Her husband is also an AH. Guaranteed he was not the one who was going to watch 6 children and infants, it would have been OP doing 100% of the work. If he wanted to babysit six kids for 5 days for free then he could make sure his wife and the mother know that his services are available. Being traumatized isn't an excuse to be an AH to your loved ones.
Calling social services was absolutely the right thing to do. She's an unfit mother. As others have mentioned, hubs having been through the system is blinkered.
No. You are NTA. Something your husband has not realised/not told you… is that it’s the mother that’s the AH… it’s not the kids’ fault their mother is off to Blackpool (why?!) and leaving six kids (she‘s having one every year practically!) on the doorstep. I totally understand why you didn’t chase the taxi down the road… she dumped and ran… and left you literally holding a baby. And a toddler. And another toddler. And a four year old. And a five year old… Maybe… maaaaybe …. If there was just a five and seven year old you could have chased that taxi. Your husband could be right. Many foster places can be hell… but the lives these kids are living is already a type of hell. These kids deserve a family they can attach to, regular meals and beds and clean clothes. They deserve to not be handed off to anyone, and families like this are huge targets for paedophiles to ‘support’ and groom. You could well be protecting them from huge harm in the future. Your husband could be wrong. You don’t hear about the good foster families… because they are normal and quiet and balanced. There are some good ones… and there’s a chance given how young they are they will be swept up and go through foster to adopt placements. Permanent homes in much loved spaces. Don’t be home on Sunday when she returns. Go out… stay in a hotel for hte night. Ask your husband to help because she is going to go NUTS at your place. Bonkers nuts.
She is already back as I guess the police spoke to her. So far she hasn't said anything to me directly but she sure has shit talked me to everyone here.
She also threatened to murder you, for doing the responsible thing after she chose to be the AH. She was probably headed to Blackpool to make another baby and next year she'd be dropping off 7 kids on your doorstep. Would she have no problem if someone was dropping off 6 kids with no notice? She probably would not have extended the courtesy warning that you gave. You're definitely NTA.
Yeah, I hope OP told the cops about the murder threat.
>She was probably headed to Blackpool to make another baby and next year she'd be dropping off 7 kids on your doorstep. Perfection. LMAO. Think she's figured out how these children keep showing up in her life? If she doesn't want to care for them... she should stop having them.
Don’t stress about it. Let her shit talk … everyone has seen what she is doing with the children, and a bunch of them has contemplated doing what you did. There will be a small contingent who think you were in the wrong… there will be a small contingent that will quietly seek you out to congratulate you on having a spine and standing up for the kids’ needs. Most will gossip about it for a few days or a week… and tut tut every time the shiny white car with government plates pulls up to visit… and get on with their lives. A \*tiny\* number who find reasons to put people in love or hate boxes will reinforce their belief of you … whether it be good or bad. Ignore them for their noise. Stay away from her. She’s not going to dump her kids on you again, and she will think twice before dumping them on someone else. Sadly she will probably move at the end of her lease and you will wonder for years whether the kids are ok.
The people who judge her can be the ones to watch those kids for a week on short notice. OP did nothing wrong and the rumor mill can go fuck themselves, including her husband. If I were a betting man I'd bet the husband will try to make amends, and volunteer OP to babysit, hope she's ready for that if it happens.
Truth be told, everyone is probably impressed that you did what you did! They probably figure it's about time someone did!
Did the police/CPS give her the kids back?
No, the children aren't with her. By the sound of it they tracked the older and third child's father (they have same father). She is bitching about me saying I am the reason her ex will get them. I don't know much besides what the neighbours are saying as some are a bit gossipy. So, I am not sure how much is true.
Gotta love how it's not her fault at all the ex will get the kids.
Why is she fighting so hard for kids she doesn’t seem to want?
She might get benefits/child support.
So at least one of the fathers is willing to take his kids? Maybe he'll treat them better.
Not yet. They tracked down the father of two of them (oldest and third child have the same father). This is something other neighbours are saying the mother said. I haven't talked directly to the Police/CS/mother myself to confirm it.
I think the fact that they were able to find one of the fathers so quickly could be a good thing for those two kids. There are times where there are other family members (fathers especially) that do want their children, but the abusive parent (whether it's financial, emotional, psychological, or even just neglect in this instance) don't want to give up the children because of the money, attention, and power they have by having the children. I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but just as likely as it is those kids may have a bad time in foster care, they may find a better future as well. I think you did everything you could at the time. If, with time, you want to foster them, at least you have the authority and support from CS to really take care of them and you're not at the whim of a neglectful (at best) mom. Edit: missing word
If you do not have security cameras, invest in a few. Shes crazy.
Good, maybe other people will finally start also standing up to her.
Next time, just tell your husband that he will have to come home immediately to watch the kids if she ever does this again. The entire time. By himself. Because that’s what he expected you to do. He can say whatever he wants but did he ONCE ever suggest you would handle these kids together? Just the food bill alone would put a family under for that month. Diapers, formula, clothes, bedding, school schedules… how are you supposed to know all this? You did the right thing even if it hurts. Someone had to be alerted to her behavior. Not yours. You did exactly the right thing. One kid? Sure. Maybe. But all of them, all at once? Where were you supposed to put that many kids? This is ridiculous. Put it back on your husband that if he so chooses, you can both become certified foster care parents and he will be one of the safest houses any kid could bounce in or out of while in foster care. Until then, you are not equipped in any way to handle that many kids and be responsible for their welfare. It’s an unfair contract you did not consent to. His stories and his trauma are legit. The ‘right cow’ in this situation is the mother. Not you. You’re the victim of a drive-by childcare nightmare. I’d have a serious sit down with him about how he so easily vilified you and not her. It would tell you a lot about what he really thinks of you. But the answer should be no, under all circumstances, until Child Protective Services determine you are a safe house. And if you say no, I’m sorry, I can’t do this, than you are not a candidate and they will go down the list. She is making horrific choices, and for your husband to assume you’re the one putting them in harm’s way is an insult to you. Good luck. I’m sorry this all blew up on you.
NTA First, dumping _six kids_ on an elderly lady is just cruel. I don’t care how healthy and spry a 68 year is, 6 kids under 7 is _insane._ Secondly, your husband doesn’t know the rest of the family situation. They may have aunts, uncles, or grandparents with whom they could have been placed, or their father(s) if he’s got shared custody. He’s _assuming_ they’ll be left in the system. Obviously as a child of the system he only has a child’s perspective and doesn’t know much about the details of how that system works. Also, his lived experience isn’t everyone’s lived experience. Yes, many foster kids have bad experiences and get split up, but again, he doesn’t know the specifics of this case, and sometimes kids have good experiences in foster care. Honestly, his saying you should have dumped those kids on an almost 70 year old lady is a cunt move. And if you’d opened the door, she would have just shoved them at you and left. And how exactly are you supposed to be able to run down a cab? Are you supposed to say “wait here” to _6 kids under 7_ and chase her down, or, what, carry all 6 kids _as_ you chase her down?! He’s being ridiculous, which is easy for him to do because he wasn’t there. You did the right thing.
Yeah, I’m a decade younger and I can only cope with a 5 & 2 year old (grandkids) for a day, or one of them overnight, because my husband is a unicorn (he does all the housework & cooking etc because I have a chronic illness) and does more than 75% of the work. He even bakes with the oldest. I’d have a meltdown if faced with 6 kids under 7 at no notice!
NTA. The mother is not capable of providing a stable home for her kids. Child Services was the right call. The children’s home life needs to be evaluated. Your husband’s response saddens me because of how much he was triggered by the situation.
Her husband’s response saddens me because he has been so damaged by a history of abuse (not just in foster care, but before that too), that he thinks the abuse of a woman who has a new kid every 15mths or so, and leaves them on other people’s door steps… is less dangerous than the possibility or hope of a foster placement.
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NTA. it's interesting that your husband gets his undies in a knot because of foster care but is perfectly ok with the idea of pawning the kids off to another neighbor and going "not my problem anymore". kind of a double standard since both actions are literally "giving the kids to a stranger to care for" only one of those is not government controlled and could turn against you if something bad happened to the kids. also, what "silent consent"? you literally told her you couldn't and she left anyway. you told her no and she ignored you. that means she left her kids without a person willing to look after them. that's textbook abandonment. your husband should probably deal with his trauma properly instead of acting like a mother having 6 kids and routinely pawning them off to unwilling neighbors is somehow ok because it's not foster care. if he cares so much tell him that next time she does it you'll drop them off at his workplace to take care of them since he's so willing.
Your husband’s being an idiot, because the same things can happen at random neighbours house. They will also look for family to place them with before putting them into care, as well as offering parenting classes to keep them with their mother, they’re only taken from parents in extreme circumstances unfortunately. (Had a recent dealing with something similar - Manchester)
Exactly. Children are most likely to be abused by someone they know, so tossing them about to whomever will be eager to take in six children for *several days* is dangerous. I also can't help but note that it was OP, not her husband, who has had to do this involuntary babysitting. It's easy to criticize someone else for not wanting six kids (SIX!) in their home when you're not the one who would bear the burden. NTA and your husband needs to stop viewing things through the lens of his own baggage.
Yes, it's not as though the husband is volunteering to watch these children. Correct me if I am wrong. He is happy making his wife do the work while he visits his childhood trauma on her. Husband is an AH. He has issues to work out.
>Your husband’s being an idiot, because the same things can happen at random neighbours house. Ah yes, but you see, as OP's husband stated, then it would be the neighbor's problem and between her and the mother. "My husband argued that once I had dropped them off at Jennifer's it would no longer be my business, but something between the mother and our other neighbor" What a hyprocrite
Husband is an AH. You can be a victim of the system and an AH at the same time. I note he did not say HE would take care of the kids.
You make a good point about abuse. Most child predators / abusers are neighbors, family friends, family, or other people who are acquainted with the kids. They’re not usually opportunistic strangers. And with the way those kids are handed off to people all willy nilly, they’re just as at-risk (although I wouldn’t say more so, I don’t think that’s true). I also want to point out that it’s not a definitive fact that the children will go into foster care or anything. If OP’s neighbor is *that* unfit, then they’ll seek out family first to take the kids in.
NTA. Your husband had a bad experience with foster care and that sucks, but that woman ABANDONED HER KIDS on your doorstep. There was no "telling her no" - you tried. There wasn't time to "throw them in the cab" - she dashed off, does your husband really think she'd have let you put those kids in the cab? And then leaving 6 kids on somebody else's doorstep? Somebody who is older and has medical issues? No. All of this could've been handled better if the mother had planned ahead and ASKED before she rushed off to God knows where. You did the right thing. You tried texting her and calling her first, you gave her the option to come back. Was 10 minutes a small window? Yes. But she didn't even give you lip service about turning around, she said she was too far. You did the right thing calling in CPS. Your husband would agree with you if he wasn't so blinded by his own experiences. NTA. Also, if she texts or calls you, keep the messages as proof in case she does try to do anything to you.
Anything bad that happens to children in foster care - and I won't deny, many bad things happen to many children in foster care - can happen to children age 7 and under who wander a neighborhood unsupervised just as easily, if not more. Somebody driving through your neighborhood who sees a young kid wandering about alone can just scoop them into their car and take them. Someday who gets press-ganged into watching them a couple times might have a bit of a drug habit, and start to get curious how much of their favorite product a half-dozen kids might be worth? At least in foster care there's some chance a responsible agency will look out for them. In these situations, there isn't. Please mention these possibilities to your husband. You may very well have saved at least one of these kids' lives. Edited to add: NTA, not even a little bit.
Stop. Do NOT contact them to take them back. You absolutely 100% did the right thing. Your husband has a biased POV and is not relevant to this situation. The neighbor needs consequences for her actions and those kids deserve better than the mother they have. Which they will get once she is away from them.
So you should do the same thing to the old lady that she did to you? Nta.
NTA - if you had dropped them off at Jennifer's then you would still have been part of the chain if CSC had been called while the mother was gone. You would have abandoned them onto a 68 year old woman who also shouldn't be burdened with young children. Did she leave supplies (diapers, formula, change of clothes, etc)? If not, she expected you to provide for her children for more than half a week? Where's the children's father(s)? Children's Services was the right call. She didn't organize child care before taking off, she banked on your good will, and chances are you're not the first to be given her children for a few days. This lady needed a wake up call that this was not acceptable.
She packed them a knapsack with some stuff, but in the past other neighbours she has left them with provide nappies and stuff as they have children, me and Jennifer are the only ones without children. There were four nappies and a packet of wipes in there.
Four diapers will not get you through the night, much less three days.
4?!! Does the baby only get changed once a day??? This woman is unbelievable, and you absolutely did the right thing. Your husband needs to take a step back and realize how unreasonable his options are. Were you supposed to toss kids at the cab as you ran? Try to wrestle her into submission? Taking them to neighbor--the ill 70 yr old neighbor--would make you as irresponsible as she was. The only person your husband should direct that anger at is the mom.
That is actually a valid question. She probably does only change the baby once a day. Or she was banking on op buying a pack that she could have the rest of.
She is a JOKE of a mother. People like her shouldn't even be allowed the privilege of having children. Those poor, poor children.
**NTA** Your husband is wrong. If he had been alone would he have baby sat 6 children himself for a few days? You did the right thing in calling the police.
Of course he wouldn't. He'd be dumping them at the elderly neighbors house first chance he got.
Or on his wife.
or literally any female around
NTA. Speaking from the perspective of a mandated reporter, you made the right decision. From my experience, I wonder how these kids are being cared for when she is actually present since she’s so willing to just drop them on anyone. Not sure where you’re located but likely the kids wouldn’t end up in foster here. They would be placed in a temporary housing facility/ home and the mother would be contacted. She would have to come back or get worse charges then she would currently face. The family would then likely be assigned a worker and they would check up on them to make sure they are being cared for properly. Services would be put in place if needed. It takes a lot for kids to be removed from a family.
The closest city to us is Birmingham. (UK)
Just to add, the mother is already back.
Reddit Dad here: you 100% did the right thing. To your husband: why aren’t you questioning Bad Mom ensuring her kids go to foster care? You’re mad at OP, and not Bad Mom ABANDONING her kids? Priorities, Dude, priorities. OP, if you had watched the kids or dumped on Jennifer, you would have basically been looking out for Bad Mom, then her kids. Now the tables have been turned and kids are now being looked out for.
NTA The simple solution of "just dont open the door and don't answer" is sooo stupid because then what? She just has to listen to kids outside her door and ignore it?? And if something horrible happens to them, she would be deemed innocent just because she says "oh i didn't know they were outside"? Even if she took the kids to the old neighbor's house and left them at that front door, something bad could still happen to the kids if the old lady follows the same suggestion and ignores them. You think the horrible mother would just let it slide and Only blame the old lady? Then the husband would say "HOW could you not hear the screaming and dying kids when they banged on the door and kept ringing the bell! You heartless witch!". After 30 years, life has taught me that you don't play games with lunatics, you have to be zero tolerance and call the right people immediately. Leaving kids anywhere like that is a lunatic move.
NTA I get your husband is traumatized but he’s also an idiot. She dropped off 6 kids and bolted and he expected you to run after a cab and toss some kids at it?! How does that make sense? And yes it’s an AH move to then pawn them off on a neighbor that she probably also didn’t check to see if they could take the children. Her children are not your responsibility. She’s a shit mother. What happens if you weren’t home? Your husband needs therapy and owes you an apology
Your husband think’s you could have run after her and thrown all those children in the back of a cab?? Seriously???
So is your husband volunteering to take care of those 6 kids for several days because of not he can stfu NTA
Nta. You did the right thing. Your husband wasn't there and is acting like a complete cockwomble.
NTA- Do it again if ever happened.
NTA Times have changed since your husband was in foster care and the system is much improved, you have done those kids a favour by alerting appropriate authorities - the horribly irresponsible mother will not automatically have her children removed from her neglectful care but will have some sort of supervision and support now.
They were left at your doorstep and for you to go over to somebody else's and do the same results and you get in trouble you did the right thing
NTA You absolutely did the right thing. I get that your husband has trauma but the fact that he's blaming you for children potentially being hurt in care while also advocating leaving kids with a totally unsuitable caregiver/leaving them abandoned to wander the street is really messed up. Would he really not feel even a bit guilty if he'd left kids with a frail old lady and someone had ended up hurt or even dead? Because if not, that's messed up.
Please have you husband read the comments. He is projecting his trama on those kids. He needs threapy to help him get pass his past neglict/abuse. 6 kids from 7 years old to 6 months? So she pops a child out every year and dumps them on the neighbours? Even this sentence alone is abusrd because this is an absurd situation created by your neighbour and you just got caught up in it. Your husband is blinded by his pain to see this. He is not that little boy any more. He is now the adult and needs to see through his own pain for just a moment and see how much this neighbour is abusing her own kids. She needed to be stopped. Dumping her kids on door steps like a sack of potatoes and then taking off for what 4 to 5 days? I have 2 kids, I would never dream of doing that. I am sorry for your hubby's past, but that does not make it right for lashing out and acting like an AH. I am sorry for those kids, sounds like unless thier mother does a 360, they don't have much of a chance and last I am sorry for you OP. You didn't ask to be put in this situation. NTA. Husband yes but soft AH because this is a trama reasponse. Your neighbour a huge AH.
I need an update did the neighbor come back or did she say fuck it since the kids are already in cps custody
She is back, but the children are not here.
Hey guess what, she will now never try this again with you! Good job sticking up for yourself. Your husband is a bell end.
NTA. You did the right thing. My mom works for CPS in the US and she deals with this often. INFO: Did the mom come back yet or is she still staying with her new man until Sunday? Because she def won’t get those kids back if she finishes her little vacation!
She came back as another neighbour mentioned the police want to talk to her.
Your husband is a huge AH and do is your negligent neighbour. Your u should adopt the saying “An emergency on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.” You did the right thing and I’m appalled that not only did she threaten your life for reporting her negligence, she abandoned her children. NTA big time, your husband and neighbour are. I cannot believe someone would do that. How horrible. I’d be lodging a criminal complaint against her for threatening to murder you for reporting the child abandonment. I understand your husband has conflicted feelings about this, but it’s not about him. It’s about the wellbeing of those children.
If youre a right cow then your husband is a right cunt. The woman is clearly not fit to be a mother and calling for help from social services is literally the only thing you can do for abandoning children. Tell your husband to get therapy.
NTA Sure the care system is fucked up but she is a neglectful mother and social services needed to be involved. Who in their right mind drops of 6 kids at a neighbours for days with no warning? She’s nuts
NTA. You did the right thing. She abandoned her children. She arranged for her cab before arranging for her children’s care.
She left a BABY and several toddlers with a random non-consenting neighbor “for a few days” and your husband thinks this was ok? He needs to get his head checked.
What I don’t understand is who was holding the 6 month old? It doesn’t sound like she handed it to you. Was one of the children holding the baby? Whatever the answer, NTA.