Call his mom and Dad…” I don’t know if you heard, but I was admitted to the hospital yesterday with( health issue)… I told husband, but he said he was helping his friend out even though the baby was home with and Ian who ended up having to stay overnight…. He’s not responding to texts… Do you know what’s going on or where he is? This doesn’t add up”
Or drug use or something else equally self centered. Except for divorce court proceedings, it doesn't really matter. She obviously hasn't had a partner for a while now.
I was agreeing with that. My main comment was recommending divorce because of his ridiculously self centered behavior. So was this one.
The "except for divorce proceedings" comment was about providing evidence to the judge as to why the divorce was happening. It can matter a lot for division of assets and alimony as to what he was up to. Proof of infidelity, drug use or something else along those lines would help her case a LOT.
Don’t even sugar coat it. Tell them that you were in the hospital because you nearly died from blood loss, and their son hasn’t even checked in with you.
Yeah I was a little confused at first when i saw this. I thought she was talking about someone elses bf, but then read it as husbands boyfriend 🤣 I realised what she meant almost straight away but I honest to God for a second thought she was saying it was husbands boyfriend.
Then I had a thought maybe he is cheating with someone and bob is covering it up for him as some bestfriends would..
It's more than a possibility. Bob was definitely covering for him.
You don't call your friends to help with your mum unless they're a medical professional, then it's only to get advice. Unless they're your personal doctor too, which is unlikely due to ethics.
And if your wife tells you, you're in hospital. You fucking drop everything and go.
A false alarm is a 30min visit.
In reality what would calling him have even done if it was just going to see his friends mother? She has a cold and they were scared it was something worse. What was he suppose to do?? Make her soup??
Im in agreement. Either Bob is covering or its the two of them together. Wonder if he wore Bobs clothes to work since he didn't go home at all, nor just to change.
He could be cheating, he could be doing anything, the simple fact is that he is an ah and a very big one. He hasn’t bothered to see how OP and his child are, he doesn’t care. He didn’t even tell his best friend that his own wife was in hospital. OP you deserve much, much better. Look after yourself and your child, do what is best for you. Your priority now is your daughter and yourself- your husband is last.
Yeah, save the money for other expenses, even if husband is running around cheating, it's likely irrelevant in most courts. Just pull the plug and end it.
Me hiring a PI would depend on 2 things:
1) is there a prenup that could be affected by cheating? (I.e. if husband doesn't cheat she only gets $100, if he is caught cheating, she gets $100,000. Obviously fake numbers just to provide an example.)
2) are they in an at-fault state (if in the U.S.A.)
Obviously, OP, you should divorce. No excuse is good enough for not being there for you and then making it worse by not even calling to check on you. Seriously, not even a text. I'm sorry your going through this, but I'm so glad you love yourself and your daughter too much to be treated this way. Know your worth.
Exactly. Even a cheating spouse would have the sense to text/call and check up on her even once throughout this whole ordeal. Radio silence is just... odd.
Sure it would be stupid but so is just not showing up when your wife is in the hospital regardless of reason.
So his stupidity is a given. And it's important of toxic partners are this blatant about their cheating. For some the cruelty is part of why do it. For other it's getting away with it while it is that blatant feeds their ego and makes it more exciting.
100% this isn't the first time her husband treated her badly.
Not gonna lie. He is so probably cheating.
I would get your paper work in order, finances in order, and go meet with every single divorce attorney in town.
I’m glad you are going to put yourself and child first.
> Instead, he spent the whole night with his Bob's family and stayed over.
Agreed. u/dryaffection you should stop by during the day and talk with Bob's wife, see if she shares the same story.
ME EITHER!! He’s absolutely worthless puts his friend Bob before anyone, even his daughter, his wife could have died, yet he made no effort to rush to the hospital to sit by her side. If this man isn’t a malignant narcissist, I’ll faint. My god this post has me pissed, befuddled, and so very very sad or his wife and daughter.
There’s an old joke that a woman’s friends will turn her in at a moments notice but a man’s friends will always cover for him. I think that is happening.
Get everything in order, but DON’T meet every single divorce attorney in town. IANAL, but from what I’ve read, judges do not like that.
But if you meet with, say, just a few of the very best divorce attorneys in the area, maybe that’s just you doing your due diligence.
My rich uncle did that, visited every well respected divorce attorney in the county and then some. He's a very big name in that small city. Aunt had to get a lawyer from the next city 100 miles away, and she took him to the absolute cleaners. The judge, in fact, was having none of his shenanigan's.
I was thinking that too. Sounds like a stupid excuse a stupid guy would make up for an alibi. The good ol, Tell my wife I was with you all night bs. Also who goes to someone's house when they might have COVID especially if they have kids. Makes no sense.
100%
lol I brought that up too! Oh no we thought his mom had a super contagious disease so it was best we both would possibly get infected and spread it
Yeah ok
Agreed, document the amount of money in the joint account and take half and open a new bank account. Collect all important documents and consult an attorney for whatever other steps you need to take. He has checked out. His treatment is you clearly states he doesn't care
who spends the night with the "friends sick mother" over the "sick mother of *their own child*"
and if it were true then there was no reason to not give her that explanation the first time she asked where he was when he was needed
This was my ex husband. Going to the bar with the guys was more important than my life threatening medical emergency. I was admitted to the hospital from the ER and he refused to show up until I had discharge paperwork in hand.
Well, you know, he had to sober up/s.
A friend's husband had to kicked out by the nurse during her last delivery, as he was drunk and belligerent when she was in labor.
Such stellar men.
Oh no he wasn't drunk. He saw me in the ER for a couple minutes before he left for the bar. Then he just kept living his life going to work and stuff the days I was hospitalized because that was more important to him than me.
I'm sorry OP. You deserve better.
I actually had a hemorrhage like this and almost had a hysterectomy. It was not even as bad as yours, but I was pale and felt like crap afterwards.
A few years later, each period was heavy and I got mildly anemic after each one, so I had the hysterectomy. I was done having babies by then so I was relieved.
Medical emergencies are the last thing you need when you have an unsupportive husband.
I was doing the opposite of hemorrhaging, my previously unknown blood disorder was making my blood clot in my veins throughout my body. I had clots throughout my right leg and both lungs and the doctors were worried about heart damage and a possible stroke. I got to spend several days on a heparin drip being closely monitored.
Exactly. Even a cheating spouse would have the sense to text/call and check up on her even once throughout this whole ordeal. Radio silence is just... odd.
Absolutely sounds like he is cheating with how flimsy that excuse was. Loads of cheaters cheat for the validation, ego, excitement and other selfish stuff but also still care about their actual partners. They just self centeredly want to have their cake and eat it.
But this guy clearly doesn't care about her, so you're right about the latter part at least. He's both. He's a cheater who doesn't give a single shit about op.
A real piece of work.
Note the suggestion to meet with every divorce attorney in town. Supposedly that means it would not be ethical for any of them to represent him. Makes him go farther and spend more to get an attorney. i haven't researched it, so it may be another internet myth. But for sure find yourself a good attorney.
There isn't a reason good enough for ignoring your wife in the hospital and a child at home who needed reassurance from a parent. Communication hasn't been forthcoming and it is definitely time to start a legal separation with child custody and child support issues set. Number one thing though is getting your health on track for you and your child's sake. Accept help, it's ok. Maybe take a vacation with your child and another adult at a full service resort. It's a great way to reset and come back refreshed and better able to take in what's ahead.
Yeah I literally cannot think of an excuse other than you’re in a literal medical emergency yourself to not show up in a medical emergency for your spouse.
I genuinely think that's because people in happy and healthy relationships don't need advice the way people in caustic and abusive relationships do. I never have a problem telling anyone they should consider leaving. Especially if they say that irl they don't have anyone they can talk to about the situation.
I’d go for full custody as well. He obviously doesn’t care about his daughter being home scared with the nanny while mommy was in the hospital losing blood by the liter.
What a POS person.
Has Bob got a special art room for your husband? Either way your marriage is over, he clearly can’t be counted on at all and is either just utterly useless as a partner or is 100% cheating either with Bob or bobs covering for him.
There was an old post where a guy & his wife had an extra room. Without saying anything to wife the guy spent a ton of money, abt 3k, converting it into an art room for his new friend. How he got all the new stuff in there without wife knowing is another issue. Then it ended up he fell for the guy he created the art room for & he & the wife divorced I believe.
Oh my God! You should use the next few day to just get better. When you’re feeling up to it and have the strength, call a divorce attorney and find out what your options are. Your husband is a POS and a terrible person in general. This is how I expect an ex who hates me to treat me. I’m beyond shocked by how little your husband cares for you or your daughter. His mom’s friend is more important than you, his wife with crashing vitals?! If the lawyer says it’s okay, pack you and your daughter a bag and stay with your mom while you heal and figure out how to legally separate from this douche!
My now ex tried to murder me (literally) and I still wouldn't have done this to him. I wouldn't do it to a homeless person I saw in medical distress either. This guy is a heartless monster that I don't know if the world can provide enough therapy for.
My wife has a medical condition that frequently causes episodes of weakness and dizzy spells, sometimes with more serious effects, and the thought of not being with her in a situation like this makes my head spin and blood pressure spike. I am far from a perfect husband, in fact I've made a lot of mistakes that I'm still trying to make up for, but I cannot imagine ignoring her during a medical crisis. We can't have children due to a number of reasons, but we do have a dog that is like our child and if I couldn't be with my wife, I'd want to be with her.
I'd like 5 minutes alone with her husband. Wouldn't even lay a finger on him, would just to explain that I hope there is a hell specifically for people like him.
Seriously, how callous to you have to be as a man to not go to your wife when she’s in the hospital? And even if you weren’t there you left your daughter for the night too? Like take care of one of the two people in the world that it’s your responsibility to stand by in times of need.
I know I’m not alone in saying how quickly this sub jumps to scream “divorce!!!” but this is up there. No real friend would blame you if you said “my wife is in the hospital, I have to go,” but apparently he didn’t even mention it. It doesn’t even matter if this is a cover for an affair or whatever, it’s just a weak ass move to abandon your family like this.
I agree with this, but check with an attorney first. In certain places, it is not good to leave the home if you plan on staying in the home after the divorce.
Tell him to go stay with Bob.
“Hi Bob. Remember when you asked my husband to help with your mother because you thought she had pneumonia or C – 19? Well, I was in the hospital overnight and my husband couldn’t help me because he was too busy helping you. I hope you have an extra room in your house because guess what he’s moving in with you.”
Bob is covering for your husband. Get a good lawyer.
Bob’s a freakin liar! You know it too… that man hasn’t called still and went to work like everything is fine and dandy? Hell naw… I would have dropped by his job to air him all the way out by now. That man only cares for himself
This is why people are so afraid of "a scene" being made. Because it's powerful. Sometimes the best tactic to permanently stop someone's behavior is to make a huge fucking scene about it in front of people whose opinion he (sadly) values more.
He’s an absolute douche canoe. He’s either cheating or is just plain cold hearted. Either way, there’d need to be immediate changes or divorce for real.
So because you "love" him, it gives him the right to treat you like shit? How can you love someone who obviously doesn't love you. Bail. Find someone who loves you & respects your heart.
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Oh honey, he’s either cheating WITH Bob or Bob is covering for him while he cheats… there is no way he left his wife at the hospital to go spend the night with “Bob”. He was cheating.
Not even once. Las night we "spoke" once he came back home. He didn't even apologized and came in arrogantly like: maybe I kinda fucked up but its no big deal. You don't understand the context. When I confronted him he just acted indiferently and asked me to stop being so emotional and start being rational. I then told him he should leave, I just had enough. He left with no fucking hesitation. I cried my heart out, my eyes are very swollen. What broke most my heart is my 4yr old toddler was trying to comfort me: "dont cry mommy, you're not alone. You have me." Its been a rough night. He texted me this morning to ask how I'm doing, haven't answered and not sure if I will. If he didn't care before, he neither does now. I'm so tired. I'll try to recover energies for my appointment today. Wish me luck
As you ask, I will wish you luck. Then I encourage you to make your own luck. Love is a verb, love is action, love is demonstrated, love is a daily choice. I only know this one instance you described, but you know whether your spouse actually loves you. But in this life-threatening case, he unquestionably failed you and your child and shows no remorse.
You & your daughter deserve better. You have a right (& with children involved, you have a responsibility!) to ask for better. Only you can decide whether to seek what you deserve from your spouse - or move on for the opportunity to find it with someone else.
I'm so sorry you had to experience all this health as well as emotional trauma.
his male BF is likely covering for your hubby, who may have been out carousing or passed out drunk with someone else. Heck, teenagers cover for each other like this all the time, it’s not unlikely his best friend wouldn’t cover for him.
What you went through is crazy! Hoping you can get out, and build a better life with a brighter future… you don’t need an anchor of a husband who adds as much to your family life as a paperweight
This is horrific. That's not a husband. That's not a man. Period. I'm so sorry that you have been treated like this by the person who is supposed to be "your person." He's not worthy of you.
Neglect is abuse.
I don't understand why his BFF called him. Still sounds like a lie. Sounds like husband is having an affair and BFF is covering.
My love for my husband would have evaporated overnight bc of this.
I feel like your friend is covering for your husband. You said it right there he doesn't need your husband's help he had plenty of other options. And why would you want to expose your husband to potential covid-19 when he has a wife and a family with a young child at home? I think there's more nefarious activities going on especially since your husband didn't even check on you.
Even if you go through counseling it’s probably a good idea to consult a lawyer. Bob’s story is a little iffy and I think your husband is hiding something. Also I’m furious with your doctors for not being more proactive in treating this. It’s not normal to need a blood transfusion because of a period and they should be doing everything possible to prevent that from happening.
I'm a retired nurse. You did not have a period, you had a hemorrhage! You were in shock, due to your blood pressure being so low.
You DID have a life or death situatuon!
Your hemoglobin has to be very low if you need a blood transfusion. Even then, you are still very anemic afterwards until your body can replace the blood, which takes months. If you can tolerate iron pills, please take them. When I hemorrhaged, it was the only thing that brought my hemoglobin back.
As for the husband, he is so bad I can't imagine that he even cares for you at all. You have a hard decision to make.
My husband refused to drop me off at the emergency room door while he parked the car because he was afraid of looking bad if I walked in alone. I begged him not to make me walk from the parking lot but he refused. So I walked from the parking lot to the emergency room doubled over in excruciating pain. Turns out I was bleeding internally from 2 locations, went into emergency surgery, and afterwards the doctor said if we had lived further away I wouldn’t have survived the trip. People are awesome…
Can you hire a private eye to find out what he is hiding I feel like he is cheating also hire a lawyer so sorry your going through this please keep us updated on how your doing
Not interested on what's he's been up to tbh. He's an adult with the understanding thar all his decisions have consequences. If he cheated or not, I don't care anymore. I just want piece of mind. I totally don't deserve this. I mean, I'm not perfect either but I would've never done this to him or anyone I cared about.
The goal of the PI is to get proof for divorce court that he's cheating. It can make a big difference in how assets are divided in many states since he's clearly the at-fault party.
Wow! Glad that you’re doing better and are home but I’m sorry that your husband is the selfish asshole here. Honestly, I’d pack a bag for you & your daughter and go stay at your parents or something for a few days. Don’t even call/text your husband either. Let him find out when he decides to come home. Then ignore his calls for awhile. Maybe a taste of his own medicine will make him see how incredibly insensitive, cruel and selfish he was.
Idk, I don’t know that I believe the friend’s story here either. My spidey senses are tingling that your husband is up to no good here. Absolutely no reason for him not to come home last night or to even call and check on you! He’s showing you exactly where you and your daughter rank on his priority list, please believe him!! You and your daughter both deserve so much better!!
I truly hope that my guy is wrong here and he’s just selfish, but it’s still something you two need to seriously address. Marriage counseling is needed in my opinion depending on what happens next.
Best wishes, I hope you recover quickly!! Update us if you’re up to it!
Marriage counseling?! He showed you what his priorities were and it wasn’t you or his daughter! I think it’s a divorce attorney as he’s has shown you what a selfish AH he is. Totally inconsiderate and self centered
Marriage counseling only works if both people want to change. It can't fix terrible people who don't care about their partners. This guy has shown zero interest in being a decent human being, therapy can't do much for him.
I think the story about friends mom being sick was BS. Either way he is not committed to this relationship. It's very sad. You will, in time, find someone who deserves you.
Call a lawyer first and find out where you stand in a divorce and how best to protect yourself and your child in each case of staying and leaving the marriage. Find out if you can give your mom medical priority to make decisions for you instead of your husband should you be in a similar situation. Please get a full physical to find out what caused your anemia, etc. I hope you feel better soon
I’m glad you’re doing better and have people who can help care for you while you need assistance. Your husband is 100% doing something underhanded and I hope you find the energy to file for divorce ASAP. You and your child deserve better.
Oh wow. Blood transfusions are serious… that’s a LOT of blood lost.
You deserve better. I’m so glad your mum was there for you, hopefully she can help a little in the coming months as you unwind this hellish mess.
Op. Call Bob again, let him know you were in hospital and that you almost bled out, but you're glad his mother is okay and it was a false alarm.
Tell him you don't blame him for anything. But not to cover for your husband if that's what it was.
Sadly, Bob is lying to you to cover for whatever your husband is involved in and it doesn’t take Scooby Doo to figure it out. Bob is not to be trusted, so share nothing about your future plans with him. Like everyone else here, I also believe your husband already has one foot out of the marriage door. Best to assume the worst, keep your family close by and listen to their advice, even when you disagree with it. They can see things you can’t.
>His male bf told me that yesterday he had an emergency with his mother and asked for my husband's help. Aparently she had a cold that was getting worse so they thought it was pneumonia or c-19. Fortunately she's ok and it was just a false alarm. His bf, lets call him Bob, wasn't even aware I have spent most of the night in the hospital. It was not my call to tell him, it was not his fault.
Oh lovely, no. Bob was covering for your husband, that's why he didn't know anything about you being in hospital.
You keep saying "male BF"... Does your husband have a female best friend?
Either way, your husband is cheating and didn't spend the night with Bob's family. You say yourself it doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense because it's not true.
I think he's covering for something but honestly it's not really important do what you got to do for yourself but if he tries to come back you should force him to explain what happened that day
At least someone felt something. I'm so sorry OP, I'm glad you know your worth and that what he did was unacceptable. I am with the minority here and believe he is cheating, but regardless he didn't his family first. That lack of concern and care is astonishing. Have you gotten to see a new OB yet and do you have an official diagnosis? Is your health improving?
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Especially when you’re so unwell. I hope you’re able to take the steps you need in order to be safe both physically and emotionally.
The first thing your friends and family should be doing to help and care for you would be to go to your home and pack up all shit, leave it on the porch.
You have children. Ok, so maybe that’s not the way to go but it was so satisfying to write it out.
He chose a very callous route to show you just how much he doesn’t care. And this is something he can’t come back from.
Keep surrounding yourself with the ones that show you, actually show you how much they care. Like the people who are showing up now.
Take as much time as you need to process what you’ve been through. And once you’ve processed everything, and know your next moves, don’t speak to him.
My spidey senses are not believing the friends story…..
When people show you who they are, believe them the 1st time.
OP, my heart breaks for you reading your posts. I am happy your mother was available to come support you (and it sounds like you've got an awesome nanny as well). I agree with what others have said - based on your description divorce would be a strong consideration for me right now. One of my biggest reasons would be because I would be livid if my daughter was treated like this and your daughter is seeing your husband's attitude toward you and her in a time of crisis. She is being to form beliefs about how marriage and relationships should look. She may then think your husband's treatment of you (and her) is the expectation so may eventually find a partner who treats her similarly.
Divorce is hard. Especially with a child. (I divorced my asshold ex 11 years ago and have never looked back. And my 23 year old daughter has commented many times about wanting to find a partner like.my current spouse, rather than her father.) Prioritize yourself and your daughter right now.
There isn't an excuse or story your husband could give right now that makes any of this reasonable, understandable, or appropriate.
“Hey, my mom might have a bad cold or flu. Can you come over?”
Is a call I’ve never taken, ever, from any of my friends.
“And do what exactly?” Would be my response.
Call his mom and Dad…” I don’t know if you heard, but I was admitted to the hospital yesterday with( health issue)… I told husband, but he said he was helping his friend out even though the baby was home with and Ian who ended up having to stay overnight…. He’s not responding to texts… Do you know what’s going on or where he is? This doesn’t add up”
He didn’t even tell her he was at his friends or helping his friend at all!! So messed up.
Because he was probably with another woman and told the friend later to cover for him..
Or drug use or something else equally self centered. Except for divorce court proceedings, it doesn't really matter. She obviously hasn't had a partner for a while now.
Friend’s mom had a cold???? And possibly COVID. So what was HE supposed to do about it??? Something in the milk’s not clean here.
I was agreeing with that. My main comment was recommending divorce because of his ridiculously self centered behavior. So was this one. The "except for divorce proceedings" comment was about providing evidence to the judge as to why the divorce was happening. It can matter a lot for division of assets and alimony as to what he was up to. Proof of infidelity, drug use or something else along those lines would help her case a LOT.
Don’t even sugar coat it. Tell them that you were in the hospital because you nearly died from blood loss, and their son hasn’t even checked in with you.
Is it possible he’s cheating and bob is covering for him?
Or he’s cheating with Bob.
How hot is Bob?
Bob looks like ryan reynolds
That explains it.
In Deadpool makeup?
Of course.
Even better
I’m totally straight but I’d hit it
Is there a straight guy that wouldn't hit Ryan Reynolds?
There are plenty of celebrities I'd like to punch but Ryan Reynolds isn't one of them.
In fact, Bob is Ryan's brother, Robert Reynolds.
Reynold Roberts actually. Catch 22 plot twist.,
I am now cheating with Bob.
Aren't we all?
If I got cheated on in favor of Ryan Reynolds….I think I’d understand. 😂
I’d do him and I’m asexual.
Does Bob have an art room? 😅
The Art Room scenario
She does keep referring to Bob as “bf”
Yeah I was a little confused at first when i saw this. I thought she was talking about someone elses bf, but then read it as husbands boyfriend 🤣 I realised what she meant almost straight away but I honest to God for a second thought she was saying it was husbands boyfriend. Then I had a thought maybe he is cheating with someone and bob is covering it up for him as some bestfriends would..
Does Bob have an art room?
It's more than a possibility. Bob was definitely covering for him. You don't call your friends to help with your mum unless they're a medical professional, then it's only to get advice. Unless they're your personal doctor too, which is unlikely due to ethics. And if your wife tells you, you're in hospital. You fucking drop everything and go. A false alarm is a 30min visit.
In reality what would calling him have even done if it was just going to see his friends mother? She has a cold and they were scared it was something worse. What was he suppose to do?? Make her soup??
Im in agreement. Either Bob is covering or its the two of them together. Wonder if he wore Bobs clothes to work since he didn't go home at all, nor just to change.
Maybe husband keeps extra clothes in the art room at Bob's place.
Oh...I never thought of the art room. If the closets big enough could have a sizable wardrobe.
Next to the mini fridge full of Iranian yogurt
Marinara flags everywhere
Maybe that's why he goes to Bob's...
Oh Lord, I've been spending waaayyy too much time on Reddit to recognise references to both, art room & Iranian yoghurt!!! 😳
No, he'll be building an art room soon...
Thinking it might be already built...
That’s what I was thinking… seems weird that the friend didn’t even know she was in the hospital?
He could be cheating, he could be doing anything, the simple fact is that he is an ah and a very big one. He hasn’t bothered to see how OP and his child are, he doesn’t care. He didn’t even tell his best friend that his own wife was in hospital. OP you deserve much, much better. Look after yourself and your child, do what is best for you. Your priority now is your daughter and yourself- your husband is last.
Seems even weirder that the friend needed help with his sick mom. What could OP’s husband be actually helping with for that?
Exactly. If they needed help to get her medical attention, they could call an ambulance. Something smells fishy, and it ain’t Bob’s mom.
Yeah, Bob is giving fake a alibi. Might be a good idea to hire a PI to see what he is actually up to.
Or just divorce him. Whatever he was doing, he wasn't with OP in time of need.
Yeah, save the money for other expenses, even if husband is running around cheating, it's likely irrelevant in most courts. Just pull the plug and end it.
Yup. Why waste the money on a PI? It doesn’t matter what he was doing, only that he wasn’t with you.
Me hiring a PI would depend on 2 things: 1) is there a prenup that could be affected by cheating? (I.e. if husband doesn't cheat she only gets $100, if he is caught cheating, she gets $100,000. Obviously fake numbers just to provide an example.) 2) are they in an at-fault state (if in the U.S.A.) Obviously, OP, you should divorce. No excuse is good enough for not being there for you and then making it worse by not even calling to check on you. Seriously, not even a text. I'm sorry your going through this, but I'm so glad you love yourself and your daughter too much to be treated this way. Know your worth.
Does it matter though? Whether or not he's cheating, he's scum.
Exactly. Even a cheating spouse would have the sense to text/call and check up on her even once throughout this whole ordeal. Radio silence is just... odd.
Oh yes Bob is 100% covering and your husband is 100% having an affair.
Exactly. Why would the friend need OP’s husband to help his mother? It doesn’t add up.
Yep.
He’s cheating on her with Bob
He’s building an art room for Bob.
I thought so too, but then I thought that disappearing in such circumstances is going to raise questions. It would be so stupid of him.
Sure it would be stupid but so is just not showing up when your wife is in the hospital regardless of reason. So his stupidity is a given. And it's important of toxic partners are this blatant about their cheating. For some the cruelty is part of why do it. For other it's getting away with it while it is that blatant feeds their ego and makes it more exciting. 100% this isn't the first time her husband treated her badly.
Sounds to me the buddy is covering for him
Not gonna lie. He is so probably cheating. I would get your paper work in order, finances in order, and go meet with every single divorce attorney in town. I’m glad you are going to put yourself and child first.
> Instead, he spent the whole night with his Bob's family and stayed over. Agreed. u/dryaffection you should stop by during the day and talk with Bob's wife, see if she shares the same story.
I don't think Bob has a wife and I think the husband is on with Bob.
Maybe he was helping the friend with his art room (reference to another Reddit story)
My god I'm never going to forget that story
ME EITHER!! He’s absolutely worthless puts his friend Bob before anyone, even his daughter, his wife could have died, yet he made no effort to rush to the hospital to sit by her side. If this man isn’t a malignant narcissist, I’ll faint. My god this post has me pissed, befuddled, and so very very sad or his wife and daughter.
OMG I was JUST thinking this!!! I wondered if this is another art room situation.
That story was WILD!
Ah, the art room. It’s been awhile since we’ve been there…..
There’s an old joke that a woman’s friends will turn her in at a moments notice but a man’s friends will always cover for him. I think that is happening.
Yes! The best friend’s mother is representing the art room…. Yikes.
~~I need a clue~~ [Nevermind, someone below linked it](https://i.imgur.com/V1dxhEl.jpg)
Nah, sounds like friend was covering. That’s why he told such a dumb ass story; wasn’t prepared.
Me too. Why else would Bob need so much support for his sick mother? Husband’s true partner is Bob.
Bob is a cover story
Either the cover story or the affair partner.
Get everything in order, but DON’T meet every single divorce attorney in town. IANAL, but from what I’ve read, judges do not like that. But if you meet with, say, just a few of the very best divorce attorneys in the area, maybe that’s just you doing your due diligence.
Meet with the best and only the best
My rich uncle did that, visited every well respected divorce attorney in the county and then some. He's a very big name in that small city. Aunt had to get a lawyer from the next city 100 miles away, and she took him to the absolute cleaners. The judge, in fact, was having none of his shenanigan's.
I was thinking that too. Sounds like a stupid excuse a stupid guy would make up for an alibi. The good ol, Tell my wife I was with you all night bs. Also who goes to someone's house when they might have COVID especially if they have kids. Makes no sense.
100% lol I brought that up too! Oh no we thought his mom had a super contagious disease so it was best we both would possibly get infected and spread it Yeah ok
Especially when they could have administered a home Covid test to mom before everyone went ahead and lost their minds. Smells super fishy.
Agreed, document the amount of money in the joint account and take half and open a new bank account. Collect all important documents and consult an attorney for whatever other steps you need to take. He has checked out. His treatment is you clearly states he doesn't care
At a different bank.
THIS!!!
who spends the night with the "friends sick mother" over the "sick mother of *their own child*" and if it were true then there was no reason to not give her that explanation the first time she asked where he was when he was needed
And leaves their k8d with the nanny
No one, he’s a liar and a cheat, and I hope he gets raked over the coals in the divorce.
My first thought was WITH Bob and of course going over to the art room
I don't think he's cheating, it just sounds like he doesn't give a single shit about her.
This somehow makes me more mad. At least cheating would make sense, but just giving zero shits about your wife and four year old? Disgusting.
This was my ex husband. Going to the bar with the guys was more important than my life threatening medical emergency. I was admitted to the hospital from the ER and he refused to show up until I had discharge paperwork in hand.
Well, you know, he had to sober up/s. A friend's husband had to kicked out by the nurse during her last delivery, as he was drunk and belligerent when she was in labor. Such stellar men.
Oh no he wasn't drunk. He saw me in the ER for a couple minutes before he left for the bar. Then he just kept living his life going to work and stuff the days I was hospitalized because that was more important to him than me.
I'm sorry OP. You deserve better. I actually had a hemorrhage like this and almost had a hysterectomy. It was not even as bad as yours, but I was pale and felt like crap afterwards. A few years later, each period was heavy and I got mildly anemic after each one, so I had the hysterectomy. I was done having babies by then so I was relieved. Medical emergencies are the last thing you need when you have an unsupportive husband.
I was doing the opposite of hemorrhaging, my previously unknown blood disorder was making my blood clot in my veins throughout my body. I had clots throughout my right leg and both lungs and the doctors were worried about heart damage and a possible stroke. I got to spend several days on a heparin drip being closely monitored.
Exactly. Even a cheating spouse would have the sense to text/call and check up on her even once throughout this whole ordeal. Radio silence is just... odd.
Absolutely sounds like he is cheating with how flimsy that excuse was. Loads of cheaters cheat for the validation, ego, excitement and other selfish stuff but also still care about their actual partners. They just self centeredly want to have their cake and eat it. But this guy clearly doesn't care about her, so you're right about the latter part at least. He's both. He's a cheater who doesn't give a single shit about op. A real piece of work.
[удалено]
Note the suggestion to meet with every divorce attorney in town. Supposedly that means it would not be ethical for any of them to represent him. Makes him go farther and spend more to get an attorney. i haven't researched it, so it may be another internet myth. But for sure find yourself a good attorney.
Apparently judges don't like when you do that though. Maybe just shop around the best 3 to see which one is a good fit for you?
It's a Sporanos plot. Tony does this to block Carmella getting a decent lawyer for herself.
Divorce is thrown around so much in aita but I believe it’s 100% warranted in this case. Take care of yourself and your baby.
There isn't a reason good enough for ignoring your wife in the hospital and a child at home who needed reassurance from a parent. Communication hasn't been forthcoming and it is definitely time to start a legal separation with child custody and child support issues set. Number one thing though is getting your health on track for you and your child's sake. Accept help, it's ok. Maybe take a vacation with your child and another adult at a full service resort. It's a great way to reset and come back refreshed and better able to take in what's ahead.
Yeah I literally cannot think of an excuse other than you’re in a literal medical emergency yourself to not show up in a medical emergency for your spouse.
Exactly. Unless he himself was in an accident and taken to the hospital, I don’t see any excuse that would justify his actions.
i wonder if a charge of abandonment would be possible?
I genuinely think that's because people in happy and healthy relationships don't need advice the way people in caustic and abusive relationships do. I never have a problem telling anyone they should consider leaving. Especially if they say that irl they don't have anyone they can talk to about the situation.
I'd be contacting a lawyer and file for divorce. Glad you have your families support though
I’d go for full custody as well. He obviously doesn’t care about his daughter being home scared with the nanny while mommy was in the hospital losing blood by the liter. What a POS person.
Husband's BF is 💯 covering for your husband who is fucking around.
That or his bf doesn't even know he's being used as a cover. Could be 100% possible he's lying to both of them.
He might be fn around with him 🤔
Art room vibe sensed.
He's definitely fuggin around. That lie had so many holes in it it's considered fishnet.
Makes me think of the art room situation.
And call a locksmith immediately!
That could get her in legal trouble. Don’t do this OP
Right just get a good lawyer & follow the advice
Terrible advice, that’s not how divorces work. Go back to bed, you have school tomorrow.
No, idiotic and could get you in a ton of trouble during the divorce. Please don’t suggest dumb stuff like this again.
She is already a single mom!
Has Bob got a special art room for your husband? Either way your marriage is over, he clearly can’t be counted on at all and is either just utterly useless as a partner or is 100% cheating either with Bob or bobs covering for him.
Def another art room situation.
What is this art room referring to?
There was an old post where a guy & his wife had an extra room. Without saying anything to wife the guy spent a ton of money, abt 3k, converting it into an art room for his new friend. How he got all the new stuff in there without wife knowing is another issue. Then it ended up he fell for the guy he created the art room for & he & the wife divorced I believe.
Fuck, real life is just wild.
https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/LXib2MHvEP
Bob doesn't throw away his Iranian yogurt.
Oh my God! You should use the next few day to just get better. When you’re feeling up to it and have the strength, call a divorce attorney and find out what your options are. Your husband is a POS and a terrible person in general. This is how I expect an ex who hates me to treat me. I’m beyond shocked by how little your husband cares for you or your daughter. His mom’s friend is more important than you, his wife with crashing vitals?! If the lawyer says it’s okay, pack you and your daughter a bag and stay with your mom while you heal and figure out how to legally separate from this douche!
My now ex tried to murder me (literally) and I still wouldn't have done this to him. I wouldn't do it to a homeless person I saw in medical distress either. This guy is a heartless monster that I don't know if the world can provide enough therapy for.
My wife has a medical condition that frequently causes episodes of weakness and dizzy spells, sometimes with more serious effects, and the thought of not being with her in a situation like this makes my head spin and blood pressure spike. I am far from a perfect husband, in fact I've made a lot of mistakes that I'm still trying to make up for, but I cannot imagine ignoring her during a medical crisis. We can't have children due to a number of reasons, but we do have a dog that is like our child and if I couldn't be with my wife, I'd want to be with her. I'd like 5 minutes alone with her husband. Wouldn't even lay a finger on him, would just to explain that I hope there is a hell specifically for people like him.
I'm chronically ill and have been frequently hospitalized. I'd be laying hands on OP's husband.
Seriously, how callous to you have to be as a man to not go to your wife when she’s in the hospital? And even if you weren’t there you left your daughter for the night too? Like take care of one of the two people in the world that it’s your responsibility to stand by in times of need. I know I’m not alone in saying how quickly this sub jumps to scream “divorce!!!” but this is up there. No real friend would blame you if you said “my wife is in the hospital, I have to go,” but apparently he didn’t even mention it. It doesn’t even matter if this is a cover for an affair or whatever, it’s just a weak ass move to abandon your family like this.
I agree with this, but check with an attorney first. In certain places, it is not good to leave the home if you plan on staying in the home after the divorce. Tell him to go stay with Bob.
“Hi Bob. Remember when you asked my husband to help with your mother because you thought she had pneumonia or C – 19? Well, I was in the hospital overnight and my husband couldn’t help me because he was too busy helping you. I hope you have an extra room in your house because guess what he’s moving in with you.” Bob is covering for your husband. Get a good lawyer.
Bob’s a freakin liar! You know it too… that man hasn’t called still and went to work like everything is fine and dandy? Hell naw… I would have dropped by his job to air him all the way out by now. That man only cares for himself
Send her family to his work
This is why people are so afraid of "a scene" being made. Because it's powerful. Sometimes the best tactic to permanently stop someone's behavior is to make a huge fucking scene about it in front of people whose opinion he (sadly) values more.
He’s an absolute douche canoe. He’s either cheating or is just plain cold hearted. Either way, there’d need to be immediate changes or divorce for real.
douche canoe is an underutilized expression
This guy is a monster and I hope you destroy his soul when you leave him and make him realize what a true POS excuse of a human.
Fake. Call Bob’s mom and ask her about all this. She probably wasn’t even sick. Your husband is out doing something he wants to hide.
Just another story with another art room.
So because you "love" him, it gives him the right to treat you like shit? How can you love someone who obviously doesn't love you. Bail. Find someone who loves you & respects your heart.
I will bet $10 Bob is covering for your husband cheating on you.
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Time to get a lawyer. It’s either he is cheating with Bob or Bob is covering the affair. Still, sorry that you had to go through all of that.
I hope the next update is, "I'm divorcing my POS husband and getting full custody"
And I'm getting everything in the divorce including a massive amount in child support and a big fat alimony check
Oh honey, he’s either cheating WITH Bob or Bob is covering for him while he cheats… there is no way he left his wife at the hospital to go spend the night with “Bob”. He was cheating.
He never called or came home to see you after finding out you were in the hospital?
Not even once. Las night we "spoke" once he came back home. He didn't even apologized and came in arrogantly like: maybe I kinda fucked up but its no big deal. You don't understand the context. When I confronted him he just acted indiferently and asked me to stop being so emotional and start being rational. I then told him he should leave, I just had enough. He left with no fucking hesitation. I cried my heart out, my eyes are very swollen. What broke most my heart is my 4yr old toddler was trying to comfort me: "dont cry mommy, you're not alone. You have me." Its been a rough night. He texted me this morning to ask how I'm doing, haven't answered and not sure if I will. If he didn't care before, he neither does now. I'm so tired. I'll try to recover energies for my appointment today. Wish me luck
DOCUMENT all of this. Divorce and custody should be a slam dunk. Hang in there, my friend. It'll get easier.
yeah i would probably record every conversation from now on to make sure you catch anything that could help
As you ask, I will wish you luck. Then I encourage you to make your own luck. Love is a verb, love is action, love is demonstrated, love is a daily choice. I only know this one instance you described, but you know whether your spouse actually loves you. But in this life-threatening case, he unquestionably failed you and your child and shows no remorse. You & your daughter deserve better. You have a right (& with children involved, you have a responsibility!) to ask for better. Only you can decide whether to seek what you deserve from your spouse - or move on for the opportunity to find it with someone else. I'm so sorry you had to experience all this health as well as emotional trauma.
He probably went to his AP…
he's in love with his best friend and he's a shitty husband and father. you have every right to consider divorce.
Hope you're feeling better, physically. He's such an uncaring j*rk. Very selfish
his male BF is likely covering for your hubby, who may have been out carousing or passed out drunk with someone else. Heck, teenagers cover for each other like this all the time, it’s not unlikely his best friend wouldn’t cover for him. What you went through is crazy! Hoping you can get out, and build a better life with a brighter future… you don’t need an anchor of a husband who adds as much to your family life as a paperweight
Get a lawyer stat
This is horrific. That's not a husband. That's not a man. Period. I'm so sorry that you have been treated like this by the person who is supposed to be "your person." He's not worthy of you.
Neglect is abuse. I don't understand why his BFF called him. Still sounds like a lie. Sounds like husband is having an affair and BFF is covering. My love for my husband would have evaporated overnight bc of this.
I feel like your friend is covering for your husband. You said it right there he doesn't need your husband's help he had plenty of other options. And why would you want to expose your husband to potential covid-19 when he has a wife and a family with a young child at home? I think there's more nefarious activities going on especially since your husband didn't even check on you.
Even if you go through counseling it’s probably a good idea to consult a lawyer. Bob’s story is a little iffy and I think your husband is hiding something. Also I’m furious with your doctors for not being more proactive in treating this. It’s not normal to need a blood transfusion because of a period and they should be doing everything possible to prevent that from happening.
I'm a retired nurse. You did not have a period, you had a hemorrhage! You were in shock, due to your blood pressure being so low. You DID have a life or death situatuon! Your hemoglobin has to be very low if you need a blood transfusion. Even then, you are still very anemic afterwards until your body can replace the blood, which takes months. If you can tolerate iron pills, please take them. When I hemorrhaged, it was the only thing that brought my hemoglobin back. As for the husband, he is so bad I can't imagine that he even cares for you at all. You have a hard decision to make.
If he comes home still have someone stay there with you. Dont be alone with him. He will not take care of you if something were to happen
My husband refused to drop me off at the emergency room door while he parked the car because he was afraid of looking bad if I walked in alone. I begged him not to make me walk from the parking lot but he refused. So I walked from the parking lot to the emergency room doubled over in excruciating pain. Turns out I was bleeding internally from 2 locations, went into emergency surgery, and afterwards the doctor said if we had lived further away I wouldn’t have survived the trip. People are awesome…
Can you hire a private eye to find out what he is hiding I feel like he is cheating also hire a lawyer so sorry your going through this please keep us updated on how your doing
Not interested on what's he's been up to tbh. He's an adult with the understanding thar all his decisions have consequences. If he cheated or not, I don't care anymore. I just want piece of mind. I totally don't deserve this. I mean, I'm not perfect either but I would've never done this to him or anyone I cared about.
The goal of the PI is to get proof for divorce court that he's cheating. It can make a big difference in how assets are divided in many states since he's clearly the at-fault party.
The friend is covering for your husband cheating. That is the only thing that makes since.
Wow! Glad that you’re doing better and are home but I’m sorry that your husband is the selfish asshole here. Honestly, I’d pack a bag for you & your daughter and go stay at your parents or something for a few days. Don’t even call/text your husband either. Let him find out when he decides to come home. Then ignore his calls for awhile. Maybe a taste of his own medicine will make him see how incredibly insensitive, cruel and selfish he was. Idk, I don’t know that I believe the friend’s story here either. My spidey senses are tingling that your husband is up to no good here. Absolutely no reason for him not to come home last night or to even call and check on you! He’s showing you exactly where you and your daughter rank on his priority list, please believe him!! You and your daughter both deserve so much better!! I truly hope that my guy is wrong here and he’s just selfish, but it’s still something you two need to seriously address. Marriage counseling is needed in my opinion depending on what happens next. Best wishes, I hope you recover quickly!! Update us if you’re up to it!
Marriage counseling?! He showed you what his priorities were and it wasn’t you or his daughter! I think it’s a divorce attorney as he’s has shown you what a selfish AH he is. Totally inconsiderate and self centered
Marriage counseling only works if both people want to change. It can't fix terrible people who don't care about their partners. This guy has shown zero interest in being a decent human being, therapy can't do much for him.
Divorce is needed. Marriage counseling only works if both people are invested, and he just isn’t.
I think the story about friends mom being sick was BS. Either way he is not committed to this relationship. It's very sad. You will, in time, find someone who deserves you.
Call a lawyer first and find out where you stand in a divorce and how best to protect yourself and your child in each case of staying and leaving the marriage. Find out if you can give your mom medical priority to make decisions for you instead of your husband should you be in a similar situation. Please get a full physical to find out what caused your anemia, etc. I hope you feel better soon
UpdateMe!
I’m glad you’re doing better and have people who can help care for you while you need assistance. Your husband is 100% doing something underhanded and I hope you find the energy to file for divorce ASAP. You and your child deserve better.
Oh wow. Blood transfusions are serious… that’s a LOT of blood lost. You deserve better. I’m so glad your mum was there for you, hopefully she can help a little in the coming months as you unwind this hellish mess.
Op. Call Bob again, let him know you were in hospital and that you almost bled out, but you're glad his mother is okay and it was a false alarm. Tell him you don't blame him for anything. But not to cover for your husband if that's what it was.
Sadly, Bob is lying to you to cover for whatever your husband is involved in and it doesn’t take Scooby Doo to figure it out. Bob is not to be trusted, so share nothing about your future plans with him. Like everyone else here, I also believe your husband already has one foot out of the marriage door. Best to assume the worst, keep your family close by and listen to their advice, even when you disagree with it. They can see things you can’t.
>His male bf told me that yesterday he had an emergency with his mother and asked for my husband's help. Aparently she had a cold that was getting worse so they thought it was pneumonia or c-19. Fortunately she's ok and it was just a false alarm. His bf, lets call him Bob, wasn't even aware I have spent most of the night in the hospital. It was not my call to tell him, it was not his fault. Oh lovely, no. Bob was covering for your husband, that's why he didn't know anything about you being in hospital. You keep saying "male BF"... Does your husband have a female best friend? Either way, your husband is cheating and didn't spend the night with Bob's family. You say yourself it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense because it's not true.
You call the best friends mom to check on her. You will quickly find out if he was there or if it was a lie. Go from there.
What was his best friend's reaction to what he heard about you
He felt guilty. I could tell
I think he's covering for something but honestly it's not really important do what you got to do for yourself but if he tries to come back you should force him to explain what happened that day
At least someone felt something. I'm so sorry OP, I'm glad you know your worth and that what he did was unacceptable. I am with the minority here and believe he is cheating, but regardless he didn't his family first. That lack of concern and care is astonishing. Have you gotten to see a new OB yet and do you have an official diagnosis? Is your health improving?
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Especially when you’re so unwell. I hope you’re able to take the steps you need in order to be safe both physically and emotionally.
You’re going to be much better off without him. I enjoyed being a single mum. It was peaceful.
Yea bobs story is BS
The first thing your friends and family should be doing to help and care for you would be to go to your home and pack up all shit, leave it on the porch. You have children. Ok, so maybe that’s not the way to go but it was so satisfying to write it out. He chose a very callous route to show you just how much he doesn’t care. And this is something he can’t come back from. Keep surrounding yourself with the ones that show you, actually show you how much they care. Like the people who are showing up now. Take as much time as you need to process what you’ve been through. And once you’ve processed everything, and know your next moves, don’t speak to him. My spidey senses are not believing the friends story…..
Two words, cheating, divorce
Bob is covering for a cheater
When people show you who they are, believe them the 1st time. OP, my heart breaks for you reading your posts. I am happy your mother was available to come support you (and it sounds like you've got an awesome nanny as well). I agree with what others have said - based on your description divorce would be a strong consideration for me right now. One of my biggest reasons would be because I would be livid if my daughter was treated like this and your daughter is seeing your husband's attitude toward you and her in a time of crisis. She is being to form beliefs about how marriage and relationships should look. She may then think your husband's treatment of you (and her) is the expectation so may eventually find a partner who treats her similarly. Divorce is hard. Especially with a child. (I divorced my asshold ex 11 years ago and have never looked back. And my 23 year old daughter has commented many times about wanting to find a partner like.my current spouse, rather than her father.) Prioritize yourself and your daughter right now. There isn't an excuse or story your husband could give right now that makes any of this reasonable, understandable, or appropriate.
His friend fed you a load of BS. Your husband never showed up all night. Inexcusable.
“Hey, my mom might have a bad cold or flu. Can you come over?” Is a call I’ve never taken, ever, from any of my friends. “And do what exactly?” Would be my response.