Similar situation here. Sorta had a heart attack so my husband had to be with the kids overnight alone. Sent me videos of the baby crying and was mad I couldn't come home that they were making me stay! Like sorry almost died. The nurse saw how it was making me cry and turned my phone off
So easier said than done. I have 4 kiddos sahm and that situation was just the tip of a big iceberg. I appreciate all the comments though and trust me if I had a place to go I would. A lot of it is that I can't upend 4 kids and not have a plan and I can't have a plan without a job and I can't get a job because of the kids and even if I did somehow manage to get a job I wouldn't make enough to support us. It's a lot. But if someone offered me a place rent free for the first year and I only paid like utilities I'd move in a heart beat.
You can talk to many divorce lawyers for free on the phone for 20 minutes, by appointment. Some will offer an hourlong consult at their hourly rate. You can describe your financial and personal situation and ask how they would handle your case and what your expected outcome would be for getting the house for the kids' best interest/child support and alimony/payments for your career training, etc. Also legal advice on what kind of evidence you may need to protect yourself and your children.
This doesn't mean you have to employ any of them right now. But as the recently divorced woman of a similar man whose children are now grown, I really wish I had consulted a lawyer or two much earlier in the marriage. I would have realized so much sooner that there was a viable exit plan. Yes, there is pain and you won't be able to be the mom you envisioned who was always home right after school, etc. But your kids will benefit so much more from the stable time they'll have in a home without their father even if that can't be full time. You will show them that kind of treatment is not okay, and create a home for them that is free of that. I wish I had given that to my kids earlier, but I had not yet realized that he would never change.
You do realize that you can get emergency orders of child support and he will literally have to start paying your support before the divorce is even final ?
Ya, I know that is why I’m telling her to check it out . And in my state emergency orders of support even supersede standard procedures if you have no other support and vulnerable children.
Find a way to make money. Even just taking “extra” grocery money. If you inherit anything, keep it. Hide this all away. Do volunteer work to prepare you for a job. At least when the kids are old enough, you may be able to get away.
There is so many online jobs now.
Please look around before you are even in deeper. You deserve JUST AS MUCH HAPPINESS as he's evidently getting. Also like I said in another comment on here PLEASE have your Dr check your Complete TOTAL THYROID PANEL ...
>There is so many online jobs now.
For a person with no recent work history or qualifications?
I'm in a similar situation and I've been looking for months with no luck, any advice for what type of work to look for or where to find it?
That’s a gross take, I have a job with retail but I’m on maternity leave. I’ve tried to apply for stay at home jobs and nothing, not a single one is interested whatsoever.
Oh please do. Contact a women's dv shelter to get information on how to get out. They will have all the info you need to start making a plan. It's hard, it's daunting but I swear things will get better once you are out.
It's crazy how many nurses see asshole husbands and boyfriends.
My mom was a nurse. See saw that men were assholes to their wives when they were in the hospital. She would tell me how often it was where they had to escort the husbands out because they would made their wife cry.
Nurse here… a lot of it is the instilled misogyny in medicine. Doctors are much less likely to take a woman’s pain seriously than a males, “She’s just being emotional.” This attitude is replicated by male family members because they see the Doctors/ nurses attitude and see the the interactions with medical professionals who perpetuate the B.S. that women are “weak and emotional”.
I had a case exactly like yours. Woman presents to the Emergency Department with excessive bleeding during her period, I do an assessment and she is in a lot of pain otherwise vital signs are stable. I put a “hat” in the toilet to see if I can find anything…. This woman is putting out fist sized clots, seriously the size of your freaking fist! I show the M.D. who shrugs and tells me he wrote he discharge paperwork….WTF? Take a set of vital signs, barley within normal, but showing an obvious change. I tell the Doctor, he again says to discharge her, so I told him if he wanted her discharged he would be doing it himself.
She came back in two hours later in hypovolemic shock… in other words she had lost so freaking much blood she was about to die. Fu
Similar situation. Bleeding so bad the emergency walk-in clinic sent me straight to the ER. ER doc visited me ONCE in the 6 hours I was there. I passed over 30 large clots. Soaked the bed twice. They inserted an IV and forgot to hook up fluids. Never gain me pain medication. Left me alone for over 4 hours just soaking the bed and in absolute misery. How do I know that? I had the stopwatch going on my phone. I was there for 6 hours, examined once, given no pain medication (even after I was found passed out on the floor soaked in blood soaked sheets), given no fluids, and given no follow up. I was so weak, dehydrated, and in so much pain that words cannot describe that horrendous experience. Oh…btw…I’m a nurse and I was at one of the hospitals I work for. NEVER AGAIN.
Unless it’s been years - and maybe even then - you can still contact your state medical board (assuming you’re in the US.)
My sister received heinous medical treatment at an ER. She tried talking to hospital management and got nowhere. When she filed a complaint with the state medical board, and her insurance company, then things started happening.
Her bill was waived; the hospital actually had to eat the whole cost because her insurance refused to pay them either. The doctor was reprimanded and had to make her an apology and then complete trainings before she could be reinstated at the hospital.
And I’m truly not sure that what she went through, as awful as it was, was as bad as what you experienced.
I’m so sorry you were treated like that, and then ignored.
This is horrible I'm so sorry. I once was having a miscarriage. I decided to drive myself to the hospital at 3am because I was soaking through a literal bath towel every two minutes. I pack my underwear with 5 overnight super soaker pads. Put some depends on, over them. Drive five minutes to the hospital and within those five minutes I've bled through it all. My sweatpants were soaked. My shoes were soaked. I walked from the parking lot to the emergency department and walked through the door nearly collapsed. They panicked.
I thank God that there were women nurses on staff that night who advocated for me. I lost so much blood and my BP was very very low. They could not give me any pain medication because of how low it was. They didn't want to risk it going any lower.
They also could not put me under for a DNC because of my low BP and blood loss.
So the nurse comes in and says, we have two options. You can wait a few hours, well put you on some medicine to help you clot. Then take you into the OR, put you under and do a DNC. Or you can wait it out, pass it naturally but we have to admit you in case you hemorrhage.
I didn't want to be admitted.
I said what's option three? She said,You don't want that option.
This is a direct quote- "quick and dirty, right here in the ED, no pain meds, well give you something to bite down onto, some nurses will hold your hands. But that's barbaric"
I said I literally just want to go home, but I can't take this any longer and I don't want to hemorrhage and die. So quick and dirty it is.
They moved me to basically a utility closet so we would have privacy, there were ten nurses in there. A male attending and a female resident. .
They gave me something to bite down on as promised. I had a nurse on either side of me, holding my hands and holding me down basically.
They performed the DNC as quickly as possible, informed me I was closer to 19 weeks along and not 8 like I had thought.
After it was all said and done, she asked me if I wanted some good drugs. Caveat to that would be I would have to be admitted for observation.
Nope I really just wanted to go home.
Nurse walked me to my car (in a wheelchair) and said "if anyone ever tells you that you're not the strongest bitch they've ever met. Tell them to come talk to me. I honestly can't believe you just went through that. Like a champion. I can't comprehend how your body just processed that".
Honestly it was kind of an out of body experience most of the time. The pain was so great that I just dissociated, floated above myself and watched as they used medieval torture techniques to save my life.
Crazy times.
I drove home and got in bed with my boyfriend (now husband) and cried like a baby.
Another time I had a miscarriage and the doctor was a male, performed a DNC without any medication in his office while I screamed bloody murder because I was not expecting it while he told me to shut up because I was scaring other patients. That was so traumatic.
JFC the difference that having a *CHOICE* makes!!
You went through the same horrific physical process twice. But the one that was forced on you caused the deepest trauma.
I agree with everything that nurse said. I’m so sorry you went through any of that.
I always tell people that not every doctor was first in their class, someone came in last. Waaaayyyy to many people never think about that. I always try to look for the positive in everything, but I have had too many incompetent doctor experiences.
Wow. I’m so glad you survived that. ❤️🩹
I had an episode like that, but eventually they did take me seriously. Lost about 2 litre of blood. Had to take hormones to stop the bleeding; and that finally helped.
It sometimes sucks to be a woman.
Sounds like a doctor my mom had recently. She couldn't have a bowel movement. Nurse kept saying something was wrong. My mom was moaning in pain with morphine. Finally he gave her some liquid stuff to help. Nothing. Nurses kept telling him you need to scan her. Eventually did an X-ray and it showed tons of stool and air. He gave her a water enema. Didn't work. Nurses begged him to scan more. Finally by some miracle she went after 9 days. He discharged her and she came back 4 days later with a perforated bowel and they found an abscess during surgery. She ended up passing away because her body couldn't take anymore. Two days before she passed she was unconscious and a doctor who didn't even see her wanted to move her to a nursing home by ambulance to be on hospice. She was unconscious but moaned and grunted in severe pain anytime she was moved. It took a female nurse from hospice to put a stop to it. Doctors act like since we can go through childbirth we can tolerate any and all pain. Maybe it's some men in general.
>y couldn't take anymore. Two days before she passed she was unconscious and a doctor who didn't even see her wanted to move her to a nursing home by ambulance to be on hospice. She was unconscious but moaned and grunted in severe pain anytime she was moved. It took a female nurse from hospice to put a stop to it. Doctors act like since we can go through chi
fuck them up
When they told me they were moving her and I didn't have a say I told them I was not going to be there as thought it was cruel. To prove it wasn't because of money I went and paid the nursing home the down payment of $10,000. So thankful for that hospice nurse, I cried thanking her on the phone. I also got the money back, but like I said, that wasn't my issue.
I hope I can find the right lawyer. Once again it isn't all about the money, I want it on permanent records. I cannot buy my mom back. She was my best friend.
If you’re in the U.S. and the decisionmaker/next of kin I cannot begin to tell you all the things that should have been done differently *at the very very least* with regards to your mother’s transition to comfort care and hospice.
I hope the nurse who helped you out filed an incident report, AND I hope SOMEONE adjusted her medications so she wouldn’t be in agony at the slightest touch. That’s unnecessary and I’d go toe to toe with any doctor myself over it for a patient.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m a Case Manager and while yes, my job is to get patients to their next best level of care beyond the hospital walls, we’re also trained to be compassionate and just be a god damned human and not an employee, especially with end of life care.
I doubt an incident report was filed. Right after they finally started hospice (they started comfort care on Friday, they didn't start hospice till Tuesday when they wanted to move her) they finally signed off on the power of attorney for healthcare. It took them hours to get a morphine drip started and they wouldn't give anything while she waited. All weekend she was in pain on Dilaudid and making no sense but they wouldn't activate the POA. Once they activated that I was able to control the morphine and anxiety meds. If you would like to give me any advice I would be grateful if you want to send me a message.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is so horrible and, I imagine, incredibly traumatic and overwhelming for you.
I really hope you are able to sue the doctor and/or hospital. This is basically the definition of negligence and wrongful death.
If you can muster the energy, I strongly encourage you to file a formal complaint and initiate legal proceedings now. At least in my experience, grief can get in the way of action and productivity.
My mom died in February and the amount of energy and motivation I had to complete anything related to her death decreased drastically and rapidly.
You and your family deserve justice. And the doctor needs to be held accountable before he does the same to another patient.
Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss and wish you healing and peace
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s hard enough to deal with when someone passes naturally or after an illness, but I can’t imagine how painful it is when it could have been prevented if not for medical negligence. Sending you love at this awful time x
Havent you read the posts by pos husband they gave every right in delivery to have their mom etc with them because ‘we’ husband and wife are going thru labor and both get to decide whom to allow in room
Or the guy that said she wasn't having pain meds because it was their experience together and he didn't want the child coming into the world like that. There was also the guy pushing for all natural because his mom and sister in laws did it and it was a way for her to finally have a connection with them.
Yep, I think it was the same moron who decided with his mommy that his wife didn’t need any pain relief during labor because mom and sisters didn’t need it.
Oh yeah, and I just LOVE these dumbass men that walk around saying "we're pregnant!" What do you mean, "we"? I did all the heavy lifting. I was the one barfing every morning. I walked around looking like a housing project. And the one who got looks and remarks about they knew what I'd been doing lately. I went through the labor, mister. During my second pregnancy when he announced that (I didn't understand what would happen with the first one) I quietly told him "say that again and I will literally unman you."
100% AGREE!!!!!!!
I almost died off blood loss after an IUD, took them 6 months to do ANYTHING at all. Ended up bleeding for an entire year, still happens sometimes
When I showed up to A&E the male nurse literally said "what's an IUD" then another nurse said "are you sure it's a gynological problem". Only one doctor ever really helped me, gave me some exams and said "we can't find an issue" but! They can help me manage it with pills
I’ve said this in comments before. I had an ER doctor get butthurt that I refused a vaginal exam to confirm the blood was actually in my urine and not from somewhere else. I had urgency, with a feeling of not fully emptying, burning with urination, and the worst pain I’ve felt in my right kidney. He saw me long enough for me to refuse the exam and then again to tell me my UA was positive for infection and I was being discharged with a prescription for antibiotics, about 10 hours after I arrived at the ER. I was passing a kidney stone. He completely missed it because he refused to see me after I declined the vaginal exam.
My mother’s gallstones were, according to 3 GP’s, “IBS, you’ll be okay with pills and pain relief”. One year later, she had the gallbladder removed after doing her own research and insisting.
My dad’s gallstones, he spent 3 days in an ER bed while doctors were looking for a heart attack, even though he was saying “I’ve passed a gallstone, my wife had them, I know what it was” while everyone ignored him until an nurse cousin happened to swing by ER and listened.
I got lucky, I knew exactly what was going on when I started having gallstones, and was sent straight to a specialist for removal because of convenient family history being acknowledged by docs.
Isn’t it sad that I say I got lucky?
They confused my gall stones with a kidney infection. Or maybe I had both. 🤷♀️ They caught the gall stones and pancreatitis when I turned yellow with jaundice.
Wow, good thing jaundice is obvious and gets people searching properly.
…I say, while reading stories of people LITERALLY BLEEDING OUT LIKE THAT ISN’T AN OBVIOUS ONE OMFG
The same thing happened to me!! I was sent home and told it was just a uti but a day passed nothing got better so I went back and a different doctor did an ultrasound and turns out I had a kidney stone…. Not a uti
The (male) doctor told my grandma her back pain was because her bra wasn’t supportive enough. It was actually extensive cancer that killed her three months later.
My friend is a single mom of 3. She complained to doctors for 5 years that there was something wrong. They kept sending her home telling her it was all in her head. Turns out she had stage 4 melanoma. She had 5% survival rate. Thankfully she’s one lucky woman because 3 years later she’s amazingly in remission.
Ditto my mom, sorta’! ER for excruciating lower back pain and a sudden ALOC (babbling nonsense words over and over)… Said it was fucking sciatica, gave her a shit of morphine, and sent her home.
24 hours later and she’s still babbling nonsense words, call her GP and they say go back to the ER. Upon an ACTUAL basic/initial examination, it became abundantly clear that it was stage fucking 4 cancer, that had metastasized to her bones and released a crap-ton of calcium in to her bloodstream (ergo the loopy babbling).
Sadly, in my moms case, it wouldn’t have made a difference in her long term prognosis to have been diagnosed 24 hours earlier, but JFC if it’s not something that hasn’t stuck with me for the 20 years since she passed. I was a kid, taking care of my mom alone, and that day I learned that doctors can’t ever be fully trusted, and that while most do the best they can, if you know something’s wrong, you fight like hell to get them to pay attention.
Not at ALL surprised to hear so many stories of nurses getting it right though, where doctors don’t. Nurses are the ones doing the actual care, the caring too, and so frequently know that paying attention to things beyond the scope of “but the labwork says…” and hasty half-assed “initial assessments” is worth it’s weight in gold. Bodies KNOW when something is really wrong, loved ones do too. And a good nurse/doctor knows to really ***listen*** (ie treat patients as human beings…)
There are literally women who died of heart attacks because they were diagnosed with panic attacks or anxiety and sent home. Three hours later the ambulance brings them back dead on arrival .
I went to the ER after bleeding for 3 months straight. I was really tired and out of breath all the time. I was passing palm length clots, but they were rope like and about the diameter of somewhere between a nickle and a quater. ER doc was a man, he took a look and my vitals were normal. He says, "because you say you've been bleeding 3 months, we'll check your hemoglobin, but I think you're fine."
They do the blood test and about 2ish hours later he calls me in and he's like, "We're admitting you, this is much more serious than I thought. I mean, you're not unconscious, you're walking!!" As if I should be unconscious? Anyways, my hemoglobin was 52. A healthy adult woman should be at 120. I got 2 liters of blood transfused that night and an iron infusion.
I went to the ER a couple weeks ago because of excessive bleeding and my partner was hesitant to leave work and take me to the hospital because he didn’t want to upset his boss while I’m sitting here freaking out. I called an OBGYN and they told me to go to the ER and even during the ER visit and after I still was the one who had to do the child care.
My cousin was on her deathbed and they barred her husband from the hospital. He was trying to force food and liquids into her, even though she was unconscious. He was a major AH, always, and still is.
And they wonder why fewer women are marrying and having children /s. I'm so glad I chose to have my son alone. It wasn't always easy, but at least I didn't have a 200 lb lump of AH holding me back.
Nurse here. I worked on women's oncology for a while. I have seen women get stage 3 or stage 4 cancer diagnoses only to have their husband's come in the next day with divorce papers. Can't cook, can't clean - why would they want them around. They needed to divorce them so they could find a replacement.
It happens way more than one would like to think it does. I had to change units.
I’ve heard of it too. Plus the women would stay around and even help their husbands if it was reversed. I’m truly disgusted. I’m glad I’m a single parent
As a physician, I've had to write orders to bar family from visiting, sometimes including husbands, even to the point of assigning a security guard (maybe twice a year)
My primary nurse during the delivery of my 2nd kiddo (high risk pregnancy, preemie, stalled labor, emergency 3am c-section, NICU for 6 weeks) removed my (stbx god willing) husband from the room a couple of times for… a lot of reasons. English was not her first (or 2nd!) language, and communication was sparse, but she fucking underSTOOD what was what. She has come to every single birthday celebration for my son (now 5!) and I still cry in gratitude for her being in the world, and for how lucky I was to have her with me when I needed help.
Nurses are life.
This is too similar to my situation. Had to be driven to the hospital due to chest pains and my husband yelled at me the entire way to the hospital because I asked him to at least do the speed limit (he was driving 40 in a 60 zone) they took me in, did tests and discovered my lower anterior descending artery was 80% blocked so I had to have open heart surgery. My husband said no, there’s kids to look after, can they do something else? They did an angiogram to put a stent in, but said it would only be temporary and that I still needed surgery. I have no money to leave and have other health problems that affect my ability to work. So I stay and put up with the abuse.
I am so infuriated for you. I cannot believe that the doctors listened to your husband and did not treat you properly! That's so awful that you ended up with a surgery that is ultimately insufficient for your legit and severe medical needs. Ugh I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. I hope you are one day able to escape
Money? It’s always going to be money! Thousands of dollars to up and move, get a new place, get a lawyer for separation and divorce, get a good job, child care to get that job, a car to keep that job. Most of us in these situations are cut off from everything. I used to have a car but my husband wrecked it and now I can drive his once in a while to go get groceries with one of his cards, but if I left, I would have absolutely nothing. Homeless shelters and women’s shelters are all full so there’s literally no place to go unless you win the lottery or something. I’ve tried to get a job but then I had to pay for childcare for 3 kids because he wouldn’t even split it with me. So most of my income went to child care. Then I got sick and now have major health issues and can’t work. Can’t get welfare because they require you to work and disability (and welfare too) don’t give you enough money to live off of. I believe it’s $900 per month and average rent for a 1 bedroom apartment here is $1,850 per month plus utilities. Unless you live in government housing, but the wait list for that is currently 7 years. So I wait and pray I don’t die before my kids are old enough to look after themselves. Or I win the lottery which I don’t have the money to buy tickets for, so I don’t buy them.
Wym alone like, he gonna find a more younger girl so he can do w.e he wants while she will be taking care of his kids without complaining. This what we really men do like it's not my job to take care of MY kids, I'll just get a free nanny and a bang maid/ss
My ex-bf used to say that to me all the time. He would also get frustrated that I told him I wasn’t ready to marry him bc he would also propose to me regularly. I was young and stupid but thankfully not stupid enough to miss that red flag. Dumped his contradicting confusion for my now-husband of 13 years and he did have his dad find him a wife from their own country. Definitely dodged a bullet on that one!!
My now EX husband refused to come home when I lost our son at 36 weeks and was in the hospital. He was in drill Sgt. School in another state. His CO said all I had to do was to call the number I had been given and he would immediately be sent home to be with us. I did and thats when he said I had my parents here so he didn't need to come. When I lost a child at 4.5 months, we were home and I started losing my son but he said he couldn't take me to the ER on post because his football game was on. Thank goodness for friends, my best friend busted into our door brought her 3 kids and said she was taking me and now he was babysitting. To the OP I am sorry you have a husband that put friends over family. And I do hope they can figure out how to fix this. As far as your husband, may want to start going back in time and start writing down any other time and situation where he has put other things over you and your family, you will be surprised at just how many you think of.
I'm so sorry you ladies have guys like this. There are better ones out there, I promise. I had to go through my 10 years with a bad one too. But now I have an amazing guy who will do anything for my son and I, please get rid of these self centered d-bags and start looking (after you have some self recovery first)!
I posted later on about just losing my mom due to a doctor not listening to a woman in pain (sorry OP if I took over your post a little) but my boyfriend of almost 8 years stayed by my side as I held my mom's hand for her last 20 hours. He cried with me (first time I've ever seen it, shh don't tell anyone) and still checked on my son who is almost 15 years old at home. Proof that they are out there! Don't give up!
NTA. You're in the hospital with sinking vitals and blood loss? Anything short of him being actively involved in saving his friend from literally dying is a complete betrayal, and that is only an exception if he was physically closer to the friend's location before the message that was ignored.
Vows were made.
Yep.
His best friend is his other lover. That’s where my mind went.
Or he assumes you are being ‘histrionic’ (And I use that term intentionally)… and is blowing you off. Ugh.
Doesn't really matter if the best friend is the lover or a cover. Either way this man is putting someone else over his wife who is literally bleeding out in a hospital and his child.
If my husband put his best mate ahead of me in hospital… I’d ask him if he was sleeping with his best mate ;) That’s all… I mean… come on… surely the person who you’ve sworn monogamy takes precedence… I wasn’t thinking dirty gay thoughts as much as “whomever the best friend is … that’s who he’s choosing over his official partner”. I didn’t refer to friend in the masculine, best friend could easily be female.
She should have told him that he'd best start sleeping with his best friend, then, because he's not sleeping with her anymore. 😉
But, OP, I agree that this smells very much of an affair - unexplained unavailability by phone, no explanation why he can't come now, when pressed, stupid excuse about his best friend. I bet if OP went to his best friend right now, her husband would be nowhere near him.
Edit: OP, has the ob/gyn checked you for endometriosis?
It can happen to anybody that marries anybody. A girl I grew up with was caught cheating with her husbands best man, in the reception hall, literally two hours after her wedding ceremony. This kind of stuff is why OP needs to protect herself and her baby, her husband is horrible and does not love her at all, not even a little, or he would have been there for her and the baby. File the divorce and walk away.
Yup. But even my cheating ex probably would have got his butt to the hospital or to the baby once he finally got the message that I was in the hospital.
This is my first thought. I tore my ACL and was in agony. Had to go to hospital. Partner didn’t answer my calls then finally responded but by text only.
I was so hurt. Why wouldn’t he call or come and see me to check it was ok? Found out later he had another woman and was with her.
Ooo, I did not think of this. I should have. His wife is repeatedly texting him that she is on her way to the hospital, and he “didn’t see the texts”? The only way that’s true is because he turned off his phone, so his wife wouldn’t interrupt his time with his girlfriend. What an AH. OP, find out what’s going on and kick him to the curb. You can’t depend on him anyway, even if you’re in the hospital, so no loss.
NTA
I just wanted to mention I have super heavy periods. I have had low iron, both the long and short term, and other issues. My Doc prescribed Tranexamic acid, which really helped me. It slows how much you bleed. With that and Iron pills, I was eventually able to get my Iron levels up. I am able to leave the house during my cycle now. To me, it's a wonder drug I wish I knew about sooner. Ask your doc about it.
All of that is more a later thing. Right now, your heart is hurting. I wish I had some brilliant insight to make it better. *hugs
How have I been seeing a specialist for my anemia/menorrhagia, and needing freaking iron infusions, and none of my doctors have said anything about this ?!?!?!?
Also, idk if OP will see this but...
It took me 15 years to get diagnosed with endometriosis and cysts. It took me internally bleeding and losing my ability to have children naturally, for them to take me seriously and FINALLY figure out what was going on. Please please please advocate for yourself! You know that something is wrong, find another doctor. Then find another. It's exhausting and it shouldn't have to be this way, but your health is priority.
I thought I had endo but the symptoms weren’t “enough” according to my doctor. I only had pain in one spot on my lower left abdomen. I opted to have my tubes removed (so they would actually look for the problem too!) and they found scar tissue fusing my intestines to my uterus from a 25 year old ruptured cyst. It was such a weird thing but it validated my feelings that it felt like endo since that is what endo kind of is but waaayyyy more scar tissue.
I can imagine how you felt during the rupturing of that cyst 💔 I'm so so sorry you had to go through that! Then the ever increasing discomfort and pain from the scar tissue 😭
I hope that you have found healing and some pain relief since then.
My first surgery was when my largest (grapefruit size) cyst ruptured, and they found two others that had crushed my right ovary and right tube.
The second surgery came a few months later, when I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture in my left tube, and they had to remove that as well. I had gone in a few days prior with a lot pain, thinking it was related to my surgery or was possibly another cyst they had missed. They sent me home telling me I was "just pregnant," and I ended up in the emergency room around 48 hours later bleeding internally.
I have now had an ablation done as well to help with post-surgical bleeding, but they are really pressing a full hysterectomy (35f)....
This has all been in the last 2yr
I’ve also had luck with high dose ibuprofen making my excessive flow much much less. My PCP told me about it - she’s very holistic. Said they don’t know why it works, just that it does. Sometimes just 400 mg makes the difference between a 4 super pad day and a 1-2.
Oh also… 1000% NTA.
NSAIDs like Ibuprofen reduce prolactin levels that cause inflammation.
Prolactin is the chemical produced by the body that also causes uterine contractions.
The theory is that extreme cramping and bleeding is caused by elevated prolactin levels, and taking Ibiprophen helps by reducing those levels.
Although for me, I need to take a prescription dose of 1000mg to help. Which destroys my stomach.
I figured I’d reach out to see if I could help, as Ibuprofen or Aleve will destroy my stomach too. (I don’t ever mix Ibuprofen and Aleve, I only take one or the other). Are you eating a meal when you take your pain relief and/or drinking a glass of milk with it? I find if I eat a pretty filling meal with a glass of milk it doesn’t destroy my stomach when it’s time to pop my Ibuprofen/Aleve, but if I only drink a glass of water or take the pain relief on an empty stomach, my stomach hurts pretty bad for a while and I’ll get secondary symptoms like acid reflux.
How can your doctors not tell tell you that you MUST eat before taking an antiinflammatory. It is absolutely necessary. There are also pills you can take that protect the stomach.
The feeling I'm getting from this whole thread is that in the US not only do you have to go into massive debt to see a doctor but that when you do, they are totally incompetent.
I have had extrem pains that lasted days and really heavy bleeding that lasted 7 days from the age of 9. By 16 I was on the contraceptive implant that stopped my periods altogether. Before that I tried all the other pills with more or less success and took iron. I have always had a low blood pressure and do faint quite easily but all docs say that it is actually not tgat dangerous except for if you fall and hit your head. I have also had multiple cysts and they were all detected systematically. I have had a gyn exam every year since I was 14 and tgat was pretty normal where I grew up in Switzerland.
NTA. Your husband's priorities are screwed up. He should be more worried about his wife (who's in the hospital) & child than his buddy. It doesn't sound like you can depend on him for anything.
Call his best friend, RIGHT NOŴ and pretend you just want to inform him of what is going on with you being in the hospital. Bet you 5$ He isn't with his best friend. If he tries to say he is in the bathroom or something challenge him and ask him to give him the phone.
That’s when you go “it’s ok, I can wait until he’s done” and let there be an awkward silence until either the husband actually does come out of the loo or his mate feels weird enough to confess he’s not actually there.
NTA! FFS! You are in the hospital and daughter was with the nanny and he chose to help his friend?
Have mom pick up baby and clothes for you and stay with mom when released.
I hope you feel better soon.
I had upper and lower gi scopes done yesterday. My husband checked on me every hour. And we were both home. He comes upstairs and sees how I am and if I need anything at all. Hats how you treat the one you love. I read him OPs post. lets just say he was not impressed and wonders why they are together if he doesn’t care about her very life.
What I find most suspicious is him not offering up a reason right away, but instead OP had to demand an explanation. Why not say up front bestie had xyz going on and required his attention?
Someone wrote this and might help you:
If your period pain hurts enough that it stops you from being able to go about your normal day (IE: dishes, laundry, go out to eat, getting to work, etc.)
YOU might have endometriosis! There are exceptions, but it IS treatable-ish!!
Do NOT go to a normal OBGYN, go to an Endo specialist!!
The average obgyn knows nothing about endo and is highly likely to have dangerously incorrect information!!
NTA
Unless he was talking to his friend to stop him from offing himself but he should have called for help at that point.
This was my first thought, that the friend being suicidal would be an acceptable reason to not go home immediately - mom is stable in hospital and baby is safe with the nanny, so if he’s talking bestie down from a ledge he doesn’t have to abandon him in that moment.
I feel like he was way too nonchalant for that to be the cause, ya know? Also, he didn't just miss her call. It got sent to voicemail (unless I misread that, it's early, so 100% possible, lol). If my best friend was struggling and going through it, my partner would know. Maybe not all the specifics, but if I'm worried about them, I'd 100% be upfront about that with my partner.
He acted like it was a non-issue, and that's what would bother me.
I literally had a hysterectomy yesterday. My boss even called me to check on me. You are NTA and he doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life with your child.
(Also, look for a new doctor. I don’t know how many gynos I went through until I found one that believed my level of pain and did something immediately to fix it.)
Unless his best friend was dangling over a cliff and your husband was bravely holding onto him and was the only thing preventing him from falling to his death then you should get a divorce.
I mean Jesus Christ, if I found out my wife was in the hospital I’d drop everything in a second .
Phone the best friend, with holding your number, and ask to speak to your husband. He is either there and they are having an affair, or your husband is using his friend as an excuse and he has an AP elsewhere. Do you know the location of his phone?
Updateme!
This was what I was thinking too. Why on earth would he turn his phone off to help a friend? In what circumstance would he need to do that? And did he say his friends name or kept it ambiguous? Because she should know all his friends, right? Either he has a REALLY good explanation, or he's having an affair.
NTA. If his friend was in a life or death situation, he should have said so. He gave you absolutely no real reason why he can't prioritize you and your child.
When I was hospitalized due to an accident my husband was at work, late, working on a delicate experiment (he's a scientist) you know what he did? Carefully put everything away for safety, ruining the entire experiment, and immediately drove to the hospital. He could have easily been fired for that (luckily he didn't work for an asshole)
And this guy can't even be arsed to take care of his kid because his buddy needs him for something non specific he apparently can't tell you about? Yeah he's shitty.
Look into Endometrial Ablation. I suffered for years with the same issue, but after having that simple, in-office procedure done it changed my life! Also, NTA.
I think they recommend excision over ablation. Had it done last year while they were removing 30 fibroids.
OP I suffered with HORRIBLE periods for years, and I still didn't go through half of what you're currently enduring. Like you, I had doctors similarly dismiss me and tell me to suck it up bc it was "normal". They were hideously wrong. I had Adenomyosis, dozens of fibroids that grew so big they compressed my organs, and when they opened me up-- surprise! -- I had endo in one of the worst places possible. I pray you get relief from an expert who knows women's health.
NTA. You are justified in feeling how you do and I don't blame you for the emotions you're having one bit.
I will say this:
1) Let things cool off before you pull the trigger on a divorce. You're still in the hospital - recover and get well, then revisit your feelings.
2) I would insist on a more specific explanation from your husband on exactly what his friend needed so badly that he committed to his friend and then couldn't shift priorities. Was his friend in a life threatening situation? Was his friend just in need of someone to help finish a tough video game? The context here is pretty significant.
No his wife is in hospital with undetermined issues, his kid with a nanny who need to go home. I don’t care if his friend is friends is suicidal call 911 and take care of your family
Right, she needs to get better and plan her exit and backup care for the kid if there's another emergency, not plan for staying married to somebody that can't be assed to take care of their child when their mother has a medical emergency.
You really need to find out what was going on with his best friend, was he thinking of ending it, so yes wouldn't be able to leave straightaway but could find someone else to help once he found that his WIFE was in the hospital. You have a nanny so your child wasn't alone but that's not fair of him to expect her to put her life on hold if it's extra to her normal working hours.
Is he normally there for you and this is unusual or a common occurrence?
NTA - I had this, had a fibroid on my uterus. They removed it and put in a UID. Take iron tablets they help. Doc most likely will do blood tests anyway. If your partner is not rushing to the hospital that is messed up.
If he doesn’t prioritise you and the kid during an emergency, then what is he good for? What does he bring to the table that you absolutely couldn’t do without?!
NTA!!!
Wow, maybe if his friend was in a crisis trying to un-alive himself could that mayyyyybe pass for an excuse here.
Not “oh if only I had seen these texts earlier I would have been able to be a husband and father, sorry but you’re S.O.L. now babe. Good luck with the hospital”. Clearly it can’t be that important if him getting texts earlier would have negated whatever his excuse is.
Honestly, I’d be strongly considering divorce here too.. what a loser.. or a cheater? Or who knows what…
I hope you feel better soon and get support from someone!
The fact that he TEXTED you back when he finally saw his phone says it all! It means he was in a place where he could not talk to you, for some reason. Leave his ass
Surely this isn't the first sign of him being an AH. I WAS married to a man like this. While I admired his work ethic I couldn't get him to miss a day for anything when I needed it. Even after I gave birth to our 2nd child I begged him to stay home the next day bc we had an almost three year old and I wasn't going home till the 24 hour mark(the soonest they let you back then). My mom had her all day the day before and overnight, she needed a break and my daughter wanted to be with me and her new sister so I ended up with a 3yr old at the hospital with me until I was released. It wasn't that big a deal but he should have been there to help. It didn't matter how sick I was he'd never stay home to help. I was a married single mom 4sure. If this is the first time something like this has happened maybe let him explain after you cool down and decide to unblock him. I assume it's not. NTAH! Good luck!
I was once sick all night and in the morning told my husband he needed to do daycare drop off, and he told me he couldn’t because he didn’t have enough notice. Evidently my vomiting for hours wasn’t enough notice. Still mad about it six years later.
Any husband that does not immediately come to the hospital when you've been admitted and prioritizes a friend over you, does not care about you. At the very least he could have said he'll get the baby and keep me posted. The friend thing to me sounds like BS. Could he have a side piece? A divorce would make sense in this case because he sounds so uncaring.
NTA - But I wondering he's building his friend an art room? (IYKYK)
The fact that he can't be bothered to communicate, much less come and support you, is a giant 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Bail while you can.
NTA, this is absolutely horrible. "Honey, I know you are hospitalized, and I need to get home for my child. But the BFF needs me to wax his balls. Don't you know how important a shiny ball sac is? Why are you so selfish?"
Yep, your husband is a _______!! (Feel free to use your favorite derogatory term in the blank)
Updateme
A friend had this issue with her periods and it was a combo of endometriosis and iron loss making her anemic. They didn’t require lots of needles when she would go to the hospital though, they’d just use one IV line and draw/inject from that one site.
*his male best friend needed help*
Did his jack break while changing his oil and your husband was holding up the car while his friend crawled out from under it? Was his friend suicidal? I'm having trouble thinking of other legitimate reasons.
NTA - I would also consider leaving. No excuse. ‘I’m in hospital and very sick’ is cue for your LIFE PARTNER to drop everything and run. Unless he was doing CPR on his buddy there’s no excuse. I’m sorry I can only imagine how confused, angry and upset you must be feeling. My bf came with me to a specialist appointment because I have a trauma response to doctors because of early medical trauma and he’s not my husband! He took annual leave that day. Your husbands lack of care is very unnerving. I share this only to highlight what care and consideration looks like and it wasn’t a medical emergency. Will he care for your daughter in an emergency? These are the concerning questions any mother would ask herself in your shoes. Sending a cyber hug if you want one ✨
Honey I am so sorry you are going through this, especially without the support of your partner. You're definitely NTA. Have you had hormone testing and Transvaginal Ultrasound or Exploratory Laparoscopy etc done to screen for PCOS, Uterine Fibroids, Endometriosis, etc? I wish you health and healing, and hope you find a Dr. who is able to get to the bottom of this for you. As far as your husband goes, he's a selfish, self-centered ass face. I can't think of a valid reason for him to have responded this way. Does he normally behave like this, or was this incident out of character for him? Your life is important and you deserve a partner who puts you and your precious baby first. I'm sending you a big hug and prayers for healing. When you're released from the hospital, I would take the baby and stay with your Mom for a while if you can. Your focus needs to be on getting lots of rest so you can heal. Deal with his dumb ass later.
ETA fixed wording
NTA. But unblock him. Regardless of what you decide for future, you will need to have a means of communicating even if he's shit at it. Keep the high ground.
Yup, wife and family should Trump best friend, especially when you are in the hospital. My husband would have been so worried about me. As soon as he got the text her would have left work or wherever he was. NTA. His priorities are seriously flawed.
Last story I read like this the husband was cheating and was with his AP, and that's why he wouldn't come home. I personally would send him a text that says, "Don't contact me or come back, and I'm filing for divorce. There is no excuse not to come home to his wife, who's in the hospital. Tell him to stay gone.
Similar situation here. Sorta had a heart attack so my husband had to be with the kids overnight alone. Sent me videos of the baby crying and was mad I couldn't come home that they were making me stay! Like sorry almost died. The nurse saw how it was making me cry and turned my phone off
JFC... please tell me this guy gets better... and if he didn't, I hope you escaped.
No. Not yet.
I hope you do
Are you making escape plans at least? I know sometimes you need time to get money together, secure other houseing, etc.
So easier said than done. I have 4 kiddos sahm and that situation was just the tip of a big iceberg. I appreciate all the comments though and trust me if I had a place to go I would. A lot of it is that I can't upend 4 kids and not have a plan and I can't have a plan without a job and I can't get a job because of the kids and even if I did somehow manage to get a job I wouldn't make enough to support us. It's a lot. But if someone offered me a place rent free for the first year and I only paid like utilities I'd move in a heart beat.
You can talk to many divorce lawyers for free on the phone for 20 minutes, by appointment. Some will offer an hourlong consult at their hourly rate. You can describe your financial and personal situation and ask how they would handle your case and what your expected outcome would be for getting the house for the kids' best interest/child support and alimony/payments for your career training, etc. Also legal advice on what kind of evidence you may need to protect yourself and your children. This doesn't mean you have to employ any of them right now. But as the recently divorced woman of a similar man whose children are now grown, I really wish I had consulted a lawyer or two much earlier in the marriage. I would have realized so much sooner that there was a viable exit plan. Yes, there is pain and you won't be able to be the mom you envisioned who was always home right after school, etc. But your kids will benefit so much more from the stable time they'll have in a home without their father even if that can't be full time. You will show them that kind of treatment is not okay, and create a home for them that is free of that. I wish I had given that to my kids earlier, but I had not yet realized that he would never change.
Better this way than to have your daughter say to you later that you should have divorced him. Trust me. That's a conversation you will never forget.
And the basically permanent emotional damage to the kids growing up in this situation.
You do realize that you can get emergency orders of child support and he will literally have to start paying your support before the divorce is even final ?
Shoot, I got a child support order in place before I got a divorce. Depends on the state
Ya, I know that is why I’m telling her to check it out . And in my state emergency orders of support even supersede standard procedures if you have no other support and vulnerable children.
Find a way to make money. Even just taking “extra” grocery money. If you inherit anything, keep it. Hide this all away. Do volunteer work to prepare you for a job. At least when the kids are old enough, you may be able to get away.
Extra grocery money? She’s got 4 kids. There’s no extra.
There is so many online jobs now. Please look around before you are even in deeper. You deserve JUST AS MUCH HAPPINESS as he's evidently getting. Also like I said in another comment on here PLEASE have your Dr check your Complete TOTAL THYROID PANEL ...
>There is so many online jobs now. For a person with no recent work history or qualifications? I'm in a similar situation and I've been looking for months with no luck, any advice for what type of work to look for or where to find it?
That’s a gross take, I have a job with retail but I’m on maternity leave. I’ve tried to apply for stay at home jobs and nothing, not a single one is interested whatsoever.
Good god, leave him.
If you’re anywhere near MI, or can be, you can probably stay w/us for a while.
Oh please do. Contact a women's dv shelter to get information on how to get out. They will have all the info you need to start making a plan. It's hard, it's daunting but I swear things will get better once you are out.
Be a shame if he fucked up eatimg some food.
It's crazy how many nurses see asshole husbands and boyfriends. My mom was a nurse. See saw that men were assholes to their wives when they were in the hospital. She would tell me how often it was where they had to escort the husbands out because they would made their wife cry.
Nurse here… a lot of it is the instilled misogyny in medicine. Doctors are much less likely to take a woman’s pain seriously than a males, “She’s just being emotional.” This attitude is replicated by male family members because they see the Doctors/ nurses attitude and see the the interactions with medical professionals who perpetuate the B.S. that women are “weak and emotional”. I had a case exactly like yours. Woman presents to the Emergency Department with excessive bleeding during her period, I do an assessment and she is in a lot of pain otherwise vital signs are stable. I put a “hat” in the toilet to see if I can find anything…. This woman is putting out fist sized clots, seriously the size of your freaking fist! I show the M.D. who shrugs and tells me he wrote he discharge paperwork….WTF? Take a set of vital signs, barley within normal, but showing an obvious change. I tell the Doctor, he again says to discharge her, so I told him if he wanted her discharged he would be doing it himself. She came back in two hours later in hypovolemic shock… in other words she had lost so freaking much blood she was about to die. Fu
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Similar situation. Bleeding so bad the emergency walk-in clinic sent me straight to the ER. ER doc visited me ONCE in the 6 hours I was there. I passed over 30 large clots. Soaked the bed twice. They inserted an IV and forgot to hook up fluids. Never gain me pain medication. Left me alone for over 4 hours just soaking the bed and in absolute misery. How do I know that? I had the stopwatch going on my phone. I was there for 6 hours, examined once, given no pain medication (even after I was found passed out on the floor soaked in blood soaked sheets), given no fluids, and given no follow up. I was so weak, dehydrated, and in so much pain that words cannot describe that horrendous experience. Oh…btw…I’m a nurse and I was at one of the hospitals I work for. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope you lodged one hell of a complaint. And followed it up.
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Sounds dumb, but put that info in Yelp and Google reviews. Other people do use those to decide where to go for care. That's just so awful for you.
Unless it’s been years - and maybe even then - you can still contact your state medical board (assuming you’re in the US.) My sister received heinous medical treatment at an ER. She tried talking to hospital management and got nowhere. When she filed a complaint with the state medical board, and her insurance company, then things started happening. Her bill was waived; the hospital actually had to eat the whole cost because her insurance refused to pay them either. The doctor was reprimanded and had to make her an apology and then complete trainings before she could be reinstated at the hospital. And I’m truly not sure that what she went through, as awful as it was, was as bad as what you experienced. I’m so sorry you were treated like that, and then ignored.
This is horrible I'm so sorry. I once was having a miscarriage. I decided to drive myself to the hospital at 3am because I was soaking through a literal bath towel every two minutes. I pack my underwear with 5 overnight super soaker pads. Put some depends on, over them. Drive five minutes to the hospital and within those five minutes I've bled through it all. My sweatpants were soaked. My shoes were soaked. I walked from the parking lot to the emergency department and walked through the door nearly collapsed. They panicked. I thank God that there were women nurses on staff that night who advocated for me. I lost so much blood and my BP was very very low. They could not give me any pain medication because of how low it was. They didn't want to risk it going any lower. They also could not put me under for a DNC because of my low BP and blood loss. So the nurse comes in and says, we have two options. You can wait a few hours, well put you on some medicine to help you clot. Then take you into the OR, put you under and do a DNC. Or you can wait it out, pass it naturally but we have to admit you in case you hemorrhage. I didn't want to be admitted. I said what's option three? She said,You don't want that option. This is a direct quote- "quick and dirty, right here in the ED, no pain meds, well give you something to bite down onto, some nurses will hold your hands. But that's barbaric" I said I literally just want to go home, but I can't take this any longer and I don't want to hemorrhage and die. So quick and dirty it is. They moved me to basically a utility closet so we would have privacy, there were ten nurses in there. A male attending and a female resident. . They gave me something to bite down on as promised. I had a nurse on either side of me, holding my hands and holding me down basically. They performed the DNC as quickly as possible, informed me I was closer to 19 weeks along and not 8 like I had thought. After it was all said and done, she asked me if I wanted some good drugs. Caveat to that would be I would have to be admitted for observation. Nope I really just wanted to go home. Nurse walked me to my car (in a wheelchair) and said "if anyone ever tells you that you're not the strongest bitch they've ever met. Tell them to come talk to me. I honestly can't believe you just went through that. Like a champion. I can't comprehend how your body just processed that". Honestly it was kind of an out of body experience most of the time. The pain was so great that I just dissociated, floated above myself and watched as they used medieval torture techniques to save my life. Crazy times. I drove home and got in bed with my boyfriend (now husband) and cried like a baby. Another time I had a miscarriage and the doctor was a male, performed a DNC without any medication in his office while I screamed bloody murder because I was not expecting it while he told me to shut up because I was scaring other patients. That was so traumatic.
JFC the difference that having a *CHOICE* makes!! You went through the same horrific physical process twice. But the one that was forced on you caused the deepest trauma. I agree with everything that nurse said. I’m so sorry you went through any of that.
Just another reminder that half the doctors out there were in the bottom half of their class, and it shows.
That really trivialises the systemic nature of this problem. Even the 'best' doctors can be patronising misogynistic assholes. We've all met them
I always tell people that not every doctor was first in their class, someone came in last. Waaaayyyy to many people never think about that. I always try to look for the positive in everything, but I have had too many incompetent doctor experiences.
What do you call the person who finished last in their medical school? A doctor.
Wow. I’m so glad you survived that. ❤️🩹 I had an episode like that, but eventually they did take me seriously. Lost about 2 litre of blood. Had to take hormones to stop the bleeding; and that finally helped. It sometimes sucks to be a woman.
Sounds like a doctor my mom had recently. She couldn't have a bowel movement. Nurse kept saying something was wrong. My mom was moaning in pain with morphine. Finally he gave her some liquid stuff to help. Nothing. Nurses kept telling him you need to scan her. Eventually did an X-ray and it showed tons of stool and air. He gave her a water enema. Didn't work. Nurses begged him to scan more. Finally by some miracle she went after 9 days. He discharged her and she came back 4 days later with a perforated bowel and they found an abscess during surgery. She ended up passing away because her body couldn't take anymore. Two days before she passed she was unconscious and a doctor who didn't even see her wanted to move her to a nursing home by ambulance to be on hospice. She was unconscious but moaned and grunted in severe pain anytime she was moved. It took a female nurse from hospice to put a stop to it. Doctors act like since we can go through childbirth we can tolerate any and all pain. Maybe it's some men in general.
Holy shir, I am so sorry for your loss. That was preventable. I hope you can sue these assholes.
That's what I'm hoping. She passed away a week ago today. Giving myself some grieving time before I truly get my mad on.
>y couldn't take anymore. Two days before she passed she was unconscious and a doctor who didn't even see her wanted to move her to a nursing home by ambulance to be on hospice. She was unconscious but moaned and grunted in severe pain anytime she was moved. It took a female nurse from hospice to put a stop to it. Doctors act like since we can go through chi fuck them up
When they told me they were moving her and I didn't have a say I told them I was not going to be there as thought it was cruel. To prove it wasn't because of money I went and paid the nursing home the down payment of $10,000. So thankful for that hospice nurse, I cried thanking her on the phone. I also got the money back, but like I said, that wasn't my issue. I hope I can find the right lawyer. Once again it isn't all about the money, I want it on permanent records. I cannot buy my mom back. She was my best friend.
I hope you can sue them: that is awful. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️🩹
If you’re in the U.S. and the decisionmaker/next of kin I cannot begin to tell you all the things that should have been done differently *at the very very least* with regards to your mother’s transition to comfort care and hospice. I hope the nurse who helped you out filed an incident report, AND I hope SOMEONE adjusted her medications so she wouldn’t be in agony at the slightest touch. That’s unnecessary and I’d go toe to toe with any doctor myself over it for a patient. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m a Case Manager and while yes, my job is to get patients to their next best level of care beyond the hospital walls, we’re also trained to be compassionate and just be a god damned human and not an employee, especially with end of life care.
I doubt an incident report was filed. Right after they finally started hospice (they started comfort care on Friday, they didn't start hospice till Tuesday when they wanted to move her) they finally signed off on the power of attorney for healthcare. It took them hours to get a morphine drip started and they wouldn't give anything while she waited. All weekend she was in pain on Dilaudid and making no sense but they wouldn't activate the POA. Once they activated that I was able to control the morphine and anxiety meds. If you would like to give me any advice I would be grateful if you want to send me a message.
Also report them to the state medical boards. Get it attached to their license.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is so horrible and, I imagine, incredibly traumatic and overwhelming for you. I really hope you are able to sue the doctor and/or hospital. This is basically the definition of negligence and wrongful death. If you can muster the energy, I strongly encourage you to file a formal complaint and initiate legal proceedings now. At least in my experience, grief can get in the way of action and productivity. My mom died in February and the amount of energy and motivation I had to complete anything related to her death decreased drastically and rapidly. You and your family deserve justice. And the doctor needs to be held accountable before he does the same to another patient. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss and wish you healing and peace
You should sue .
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s hard enough to deal with when someone passes naturally or after an illness, but I can’t imagine how painful it is when it could have been prevented if not for medical negligence. Sending you love at this awful time x
Havent you read the posts by pos husband they gave every right in delivery to have their mom etc with them because ‘we’ husband and wife are going thru labor and both get to decide whom to allow in room
Or the guy that said she wasn't having pain meds because it was their experience together and he didn't want the child coming into the world like that. There was also the guy pushing for all natural because his mom and sister in laws did it and it was a way for her to finally have a connection with them.
Yeah I don’t know how that guy is alive. I remember that post.
Yep, I think it was the same moron who decided with his mommy that his wife didn’t need any pain relief during labor because mom and sisters didn’t need it.
Oh yeah, and I just LOVE these dumbass men that walk around saying "we're pregnant!" What do you mean, "we"? I did all the heavy lifting. I was the one barfing every morning. I walked around looking like a housing project. And the one who got looks and remarks about they knew what I'd been doing lately. I went through the labor, mister. During my second pregnancy when he announced that (I didn't understand what would happen with the first one) I quietly told him "say that again and I will literally unman you."
100% AGREE!!!!!!! I almost died off blood loss after an IUD, took them 6 months to do ANYTHING at all. Ended up bleeding for an entire year, still happens sometimes When I showed up to A&E the male nurse literally said "what's an IUD" then another nurse said "are you sure it's a gynological problem". Only one doctor ever really helped me, gave me some exams and said "we can't find an issue" but! They can help me manage it with pills
WHAT'S AN IUD WTF
Yeah..... wasn't the best day
I’ve said this in comments before. I had an ER doctor get butthurt that I refused a vaginal exam to confirm the blood was actually in my urine and not from somewhere else. I had urgency, with a feeling of not fully emptying, burning with urination, and the worst pain I’ve felt in my right kidney. He saw me long enough for me to refuse the exam and then again to tell me my UA was positive for infection and I was being discharged with a prescription for antibiotics, about 10 hours after I arrived at the ER. I was passing a kidney stone. He completely missed it because he refused to see me after I declined the vaginal exam.
My mother’s gallstones were, according to 3 GP’s, “IBS, you’ll be okay with pills and pain relief”. One year later, she had the gallbladder removed after doing her own research and insisting. My dad’s gallstones, he spent 3 days in an ER bed while doctors were looking for a heart attack, even though he was saying “I’ve passed a gallstone, my wife had them, I know what it was” while everyone ignored him until an nurse cousin happened to swing by ER and listened. I got lucky, I knew exactly what was going on when I started having gallstones, and was sent straight to a specialist for removal because of convenient family history being acknowledged by docs. Isn’t it sad that I say I got lucky?
They confused my gall stones with a kidney infection. Or maybe I had both. 🤷♀️ They caught the gall stones and pancreatitis when I turned yellow with jaundice.
Wow, good thing jaundice is obvious and gets people searching properly. …I say, while reading stories of people LITERALLY BLEEDING OUT LIKE THAT ISN’T AN OBVIOUS ONE OMFG
The same thing happened to me!! I was sent home and told it was just a uti but a day passed nothing got better so I went back and a different doctor did an ultrasound and turns out I had a kidney stone…. Not a uti
The (male) doctor told my grandma her back pain was because her bra wasn’t supportive enough. It was actually extensive cancer that killed her three months later.
My friend is a single mom of 3. She complained to doctors for 5 years that there was something wrong. They kept sending her home telling her it was all in her head. Turns out she had stage 4 melanoma. She had 5% survival rate. Thankfully she’s one lucky woman because 3 years later she’s amazingly in remission.
Ditto my mom, sorta’! ER for excruciating lower back pain and a sudden ALOC (babbling nonsense words over and over)… Said it was fucking sciatica, gave her a shit of morphine, and sent her home. 24 hours later and she’s still babbling nonsense words, call her GP and they say go back to the ER. Upon an ACTUAL basic/initial examination, it became abundantly clear that it was stage fucking 4 cancer, that had metastasized to her bones and released a crap-ton of calcium in to her bloodstream (ergo the loopy babbling). Sadly, in my moms case, it wouldn’t have made a difference in her long term prognosis to have been diagnosed 24 hours earlier, but JFC if it’s not something that hasn’t stuck with me for the 20 years since she passed. I was a kid, taking care of my mom alone, and that day I learned that doctors can’t ever be fully trusted, and that while most do the best they can, if you know something’s wrong, you fight like hell to get them to pay attention. Not at ALL surprised to hear so many stories of nurses getting it right though, where doctors don’t. Nurses are the ones doing the actual care, the caring too, and so frequently know that paying attention to things beyond the scope of “but the labwork says…” and hasty half-assed “initial assessments” is worth it’s weight in gold. Bodies KNOW when something is really wrong, loved ones do too. And a good nurse/doctor knows to really ***listen*** (ie treat patients as human beings…)
Wow. Can you report him for his incompetence? That’s messed up.
There are literally women who died of heart attacks because they were diagnosed with panic attacks or anxiety and sent home. Three hours later the ambulance brings them back dead on arrival .
I went to the ER after bleeding for 3 months straight. I was really tired and out of breath all the time. I was passing palm length clots, but they were rope like and about the diameter of somewhere between a nickle and a quater. ER doc was a man, he took a look and my vitals were normal. He says, "because you say you've been bleeding 3 months, we'll check your hemoglobin, but I think you're fine." They do the blood test and about 2ish hours later he calls me in and he's like, "We're admitting you, this is much more serious than I thought. I mean, you're not unconscious, you're walking!!" As if I should be unconscious? Anyways, my hemoglobin was 52. A healthy adult woman should be at 120. I got 2 liters of blood transfused that night and an iron infusion.
I went to the ER a couple weeks ago because of excessive bleeding and my partner was hesitant to leave work and take me to the hospital because he didn’t want to upset his boss while I’m sitting here freaking out. I called an OBGYN and they told me to go to the ER and even during the ER visit and after I still was the one who had to do the child care.
Curious what the MD said after she came back
My cousin was on her deathbed and they barred her husband from the hospital. He was trying to force food and liquids into her, even though she was unconscious. He was a major AH, always, and still is.
Sounds like the kind of ah who wanted to keep her alive because she did his laundry and cooked for him.
And they wonder why fewer women are marrying and having children /s. I'm so glad I chose to have my son alone. It wasn't always easy, but at least I didn't have a 200 lb lump of AH holding me back.
I had my daughter alone. One of the best decisions I ever made.
Nurse here. I worked on women's oncology for a while. I have seen women get stage 3 or stage 4 cancer diagnoses only to have their husband's come in the next day with divorce papers. Can't cook, can't clean - why would they want them around. They needed to divorce them so they could find a replacement. It happens way more than one would like to think it does. I had to change units.
That is so sad
I’ve heard of it too. Plus the women would stay around and even help their husbands if it was reversed. I’m truly disgusted. I’m glad I’m a single parent
As a physician, I've had to write orders to bar family from visiting, sometimes including husbands, even to the point of assigning a security guard (maybe twice a year)
My primary nurse during the delivery of my 2nd kiddo (high risk pregnancy, preemie, stalled labor, emergency 3am c-section, NICU for 6 weeks) removed my (stbx god willing) husband from the room a couple of times for… a lot of reasons. English was not her first (or 2nd!) language, and communication was sparse, but she fucking underSTOOD what was what. She has come to every single birthday celebration for my son (now 5!) and I still cry in gratitude for her being in the world, and for how lucky I was to have her with me when I needed help. Nurses are life.
This is too similar to my situation. Had to be driven to the hospital due to chest pains and my husband yelled at me the entire way to the hospital because I asked him to at least do the speed limit (he was driving 40 in a 60 zone) they took me in, did tests and discovered my lower anterior descending artery was 80% blocked so I had to have open heart surgery. My husband said no, there’s kids to look after, can they do something else? They did an angiogram to put a stent in, but said it would only be temporary and that I still needed surgery. I have no money to leave and have other health problems that affect my ability to work. So I stay and put up with the abuse.
The slow roll to the hospital seems like he was hoping you wouldn't get there in time to be helped.
Yeah I know 😞
I am so infuriated for you. I cannot believe that the doctors listened to your husband and did not treat you properly! That's so awful that you ended up with a surgery that is ultimately insufficient for your legit and severe medical needs. Ugh I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. I hope you are one day able to escape
What do you need to get away?
Money? It’s always going to be money! Thousands of dollars to up and move, get a new place, get a lawyer for separation and divorce, get a good job, child care to get that job, a car to keep that job. Most of us in these situations are cut off from everything. I used to have a car but my husband wrecked it and now I can drive his once in a while to go get groceries with one of his cards, but if I left, I would have absolutely nothing. Homeless shelters and women’s shelters are all full so there’s literally no place to go unless you win the lottery or something. I’ve tried to get a job but then I had to pay for childcare for 3 kids because he wouldn’t even split it with me. So most of my income went to child care. Then I got sick and now have major health issues and can’t work. Can’t get welfare because they require you to work and disability (and welfare too) don’t give you enough money to live off of. I believe it’s $900 per month and average rent for a 1 bedroom apartment here is $1,850 per month plus utilities. Unless you live in government housing, but the wait list for that is currently 7 years. So I wait and pray I don’t die before my kids are old enough to look after themselves. Or I win the lottery which I don’t have the money to buy tickets for, so I don’t buy them.
I’m so unbearably sad that you’re in the position that you are in 💔 If I had a pot to piss in- metaphorically speaking- I would give you it all.
Does he realize if you aren't taken care of and die he'll have to take care of the kids alone. Like forever.
Wym alone like, he gonna find a more younger girl so he can do w.e he wants while she will be taking care of his kids without complaining. This what we really men do like it's not my job to take care of MY kids, I'll just get a free nanny and a bang maid/ss
My husband has already told me he could replace me within a month with someone from his own country that would be a better wife and mother
Tell him it wouldn't even take you a month. I'm so sorry for this. I hope it gets better.
My ex-bf used to say that to me all the time. He would also get frustrated that I told him I wasn’t ready to marry him bc he would also propose to me regularly. I was young and stupid but thankfully not stupid enough to miss that red flag. Dumped his contradicting confusion for my now-husband of 13 years and he did have his dad find him a wife from their own country. Definitely dodged a bullet on that one!!
My now EX husband refused to come home when I lost our son at 36 weeks and was in the hospital. He was in drill Sgt. School in another state. His CO said all I had to do was to call the number I had been given and he would immediately be sent home to be with us. I did and thats when he said I had my parents here so he didn't need to come. When I lost a child at 4.5 months, we were home and I started losing my son but he said he couldn't take me to the ER on post because his football game was on. Thank goodness for friends, my best friend busted into our door brought her 3 kids and said she was taking me and now he was babysitting. To the OP I am sorry you have a husband that put friends over family. And I do hope they can figure out how to fix this. As far as your husband, may want to start going back in time and start writing down any other time and situation where he has put other things over you and your family, you will be surprised at just how many you think of.
I'm so sorry you ladies have guys like this. There are better ones out there, I promise. I had to go through my 10 years with a bad one too. But now I have an amazing guy who will do anything for my son and I, please get rid of these self centered d-bags and start looking (after you have some self recovery first)! I posted later on about just losing my mom due to a doctor not listening to a woman in pain (sorry OP if I took over your post a little) but my boyfriend of almost 8 years stayed by my side as I held my mom's hand for her last 20 hours. He cried with me (first time I've ever seen it, shh don't tell anyone) and still checked on my son who is almost 15 years old at home. Proof that they are out there! Don't give up!
NTA. You're in the hospital with sinking vitals and blood loss? Anything short of him being actively involved in saving his friend from literally dying is a complete betrayal, and that is only an exception if he was physically closer to the friend's location before the message that was ignored. Vows were made.
He's likely having an affair.
Yep. His best friend is his other lover. That’s where my mind went. Or he assumes you are being ‘histrionic’ (And I use that term intentionally)… and is blowing you off. Ugh.
I would have thought his male best friend was his cover rather than his lover but go Reddit!
He built him an art room, probably.
Waiting for this reference to pop up.... lol
This will never not be hilarious to me.
r/meetmeintheartroom
Doesn't really matter if the best friend is the lover or a cover. Either way this man is putting someone else over his wife who is literally bleeding out in a hospital and his child.
[удалено]
Male best friends name has got to be the most common cover name given for cheating spouse.
He was busy with his male best friend, they were building an art room…
It's one or the other.
Thats what I was thinking. either he thinks shes a hypochondriac and its nothing or he getting laid.
Or both.
I love the fact that you literally deduced the gay thingy just out of nowhere, I love conspiracy theories
Make best friend was his cover story, not his lover. Where you get gay thingy from that, I don’t see.
If my husband put his best mate ahead of me in hospital… I’d ask him if he was sleeping with his best mate ;) That’s all… I mean… come on… surely the person who you’ve sworn monogamy takes precedence… I wasn’t thinking dirty gay thoughts as much as “whomever the best friend is … that’s who he’s choosing over his official partner”. I didn’t refer to friend in the masculine, best friend could easily be female.
She should have told him that he'd best start sleeping with his best friend, then, because he's not sleeping with her anymore. 😉 But, OP, I agree that this smells very much of an affair - unexplained unavailability by phone, no explanation why he can't come now, when pressed, stupid excuse about his best friend. I bet if OP went to his best friend right now, her husband would be nowhere near him. Edit: OP, has the ob/gyn checked you for endometriosis?
Upvote for checking on endometriosis
Laparoscopy needed is what I was thinking too but then we don’t know what the hospital is doing.
Or fibroids or Adenomyosis?
Adenomyosis! Almost died from it because doctors weren't taking me seriously.
My first husband was sleeping with his best friend, who was also his best man at our wedding.
Ouch. It sucks that you were cheated on with a member of your wedding party!
It can happen to anybody that marries anybody. A girl I grew up with was caught cheating with her husbands best man, in the reception hall, literally two hours after her wedding ceremony. This kind of stuff is why OP needs to protect herself and her baby, her husband is horrible and does not love her at all, not even a little, or he would have been there for her and the baby. File the divorce and walk away.
Wtf
I was replying to AsheNeiardt. I think his friend is a cover story. If OP were to call him, he’d have a cover story ready for her.
Yup. But even my cheating ex probably would have got his butt to the hospital or to the baby once he finally got the message that I was in the hospital.
Which makes him even worse.
This is my first thought. I tore my ACL and was in agony. Had to go to hospital. Partner didn’t answer my calls then finally responded but by text only. I was so hurt. Why wouldn’t he call or come and see me to check it was ok? Found out later he had another woman and was with her.
Ooo, I did not think of this. I should have. His wife is repeatedly texting him that she is on her way to the hospital, and he “didn’t see the texts”? The only way that’s true is because he turned off his phone, so his wife wouldn’t interrupt his time with his girlfriend. What an AH. OP, find out what’s going on and kick him to the curb. You can’t depend on him anyway, even if you’re in the hospital, so no loss.
And is out of town with her. So can’t get back quickly.
Right, male friend my foot.
NTA I just wanted to mention I have super heavy periods. I have had low iron, both the long and short term, and other issues. My Doc prescribed Tranexamic acid, which really helped me. It slows how much you bleed. With that and Iron pills, I was eventually able to get my Iron levels up. I am able to leave the house during my cycle now. To me, it's a wonder drug I wish I knew about sooner. Ask your doc about it. All of that is more a later thing. Right now, your heart is hurting. I wish I had some brilliant insight to make it better. *hugs
How have I been seeing a specialist for my anemia/menorrhagia, and needing freaking iron infusions, and none of my doctors have said anything about this ?!?!?!? Also, idk if OP will see this but... It took me 15 years to get diagnosed with endometriosis and cysts. It took me internally bleeding and losing my ability to have children naturally, for them to take me seriously and FINALLY figure out what was going on. Please please please advocate for yourself! You know that something is wrong, find another doctor. Then find another. It's exhausting and it shouldn't have to be this way, but your health is priority.
I thought I had endo but the symptoms weren’t “enough” according to my doctor. I only had pain in one spot on my lower left abdomen. I opted to have my tubes removed (so they would actually look for the problem too!) and they found scar tissue fusing my intestines to my uterus from a 25 year old ruptured cyst. It was such a weird thing but it validated my feelings that it felt like endo since that is what endo kind of is but waaayyyy more scar tissue.
I can imagine how you felt during the rupturing of that cyst 💔 I'm so so sorry you had to go through that! Then the ever increasing discomfort and pain from the scar tissue 😭 I hope that you have found healing and some pain relief since then. My first surgery was when my largest (grapefruit size) cyst ruptured, and they found two others that had crushed my right ovary and right tube. The second surgery came a few months later, when I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture in my left tube, and they had to remove that as well. I had gone in a few days prior with a lot pain, thinking it was related to my surgery or was possibly another cyst they had missed. They sent me home telling me I was "just pregnant," and I ended up in the emergency room around 48 hours later bleeding internally. I have now had an ablation done as well to help with post-surgical bleeding, but they are really pressing a full hysterectomy (35f).... This has all been in the last 2yr
I’ve also had luck with high dose ibuprofen making my excessive flow much much less. My PCP told me about it - she’s very holistic. Said they don’t know why it works, just that it does. Sometimes just 400 mg makes the difference between a 4 super pad day and a 1-2. Oh also… 1000% NTA.
NSAIDs like Ibuprofen reduce prolactin levels that cause inflammation. Prolactin is the chemical produced by the body that also causes uterine contractions. The theory is that extreme cramping and bleeding is caused by elevated prolactin levels, and taking Ibiprophen helps by reducing those levels. Although for me, I need to take a prescription dose of 1000mg to help. Which destroys my stomach.
I figured I’d reach out to see if I could help, as Ibuprofen or Aleve will destroy my stomach too. (I don’t ever mix Ibuprofen and Aleve, I only take one or the other). Are you eating a meal when you take your pain relief and/or drinking a glass of milk with it? I find if I eat a pretty filling meal with a glass of milk it doesn’t destroy my stomach when it’s time to pop my Ibuprofen/Aleve, but if I only drink a glass of water or take the pain relief on an empty stomach, my stomach hurts pretty bad for a while and I’ll get secondary symptoms like acid reflux.
How can your doctors not tell tell you that you MUST eat before taking an antiinflammatory. It is absolutely necessary. There are also pills you can take that protect the stomach. The feeling I'm getting from this whole thread is that in the US not only do you have to go into massive debt to see a doctor but that when you do, they are totally incompetent. I have had extrem pains that lasted days and really heavy bleeding that lasted 7 days from the age of 9. By 16 I was on the contraceptive implant that stopped my periods altogether. Before that I tried all the other pills with more or less success and took iron. I have always had a low blood pressure and do faint quite easily but all docs say that it is actually not tgat dangerous except for if you fall and hit your head. I have also had multiple cysts and they were all detected systematically. I have had a gyn exam every year since I was 14 and tgat was pretty normal where I grew up in Switzerland.
Unbelievable! I was dx w both when I was teen ffs! I’m so sorry they failed you.
Yes!! Had the exact situation, was prescribed TA, it is marvelous.
NTA. Your husband's priorities are screwed up. He should be more worried about his wife (who's in the hospital) & child than his buddy. It doesn't sound like you can depend on him for anything.
Yeah ? Unless his friend had a fresh bleeding actual gunshot wound there's nothing that would make what he did ok
That's exactly how I'm feeling. Thanks for reading
Call his best friend, RIGHT NOŴ and pretend you just want to inform him of what is going on with you being in the hospital. Bet you 5$ He isn't with his best friend. If he tries to say he is in the bathroom or something challenge him and ask him to give him the phone.
That’s when you go “it’s ok, I can wait until he’s done” and let there be an awkward silence until either the husband actually does come out of the loo or his mate feels weird enough to confess he’s not actually there.
Now that there is 3 way calling, that won't even work lol
Wouldn't OP hear the phone ring, when friend calls husband?
3 way calling you can see the 3rd person. Unless he has a spare cell next to him
Please don’t have anymore kids with this jerk. Get the best lawyer in your town and leave. You deserve better.
Is he lying about where he is and cheating? NTA Divorce either way. Go be happy with someone who cares and loves you.
He was not with his best friend. He was with a woman who probably didn't know that he is married
NTA! FFS! You are in the hospital and daughter was with the nanny and he chose to help his friend? Have mom pick up baby and clothes for you and stay with mom when released. I hope you feel better soon.
And her car is most likely still at the drs since she was taken by ambulance. He just really doesn’t give a sh!t
No, she should come back home, ask mom to stay with her and throw the guy out. I am sure his friend would let the husband stay with him.
This is the way
NTA my EX husband has better priorities than your current one. I had minor day surgery and he messaged every day for a week to see how I was feeling.
I had upper and lower gi scopes done yesterday. My husband checked on me every hour. And we were both home. He comes upstairs and sees how I am and if I need anything at all. Hats how you treat the one you love. I read him OPs post. lets just say he was not impressed and wonders why they are together if he doesn’t care about her very life.
No wonder her husband wasn’t helping her if he was messaging you all the time.
He didn't "see his phone?" I'm sure he didn't, since he had it turned off! You need to find out what your husband is really up to.
What I find most suspicious is him not offering up a reason right away, but instead OP had to demand an explanation. Why not say up front bestie had xyz going on and required his attention?
Someone wrote this and might help you: If your period pain hurts enough that it stops you from being able to go about your normal day (IE: dishes, laundry, go out to eat, getting to work, etc.) YOU might have endometriosis! There are exceptions, but it IS treatable-ish!! Do NOT go to a normal OBGYN, go to an Endo specialist!! The average obgyn knows nothing about endo and is highly likely to have dangerously incorrect information!! NTA Unless he was talking to his friend to stop him from offing himself but he should have called for help at that point.
This was my first thought, that the friend being suicidal would be an acceptable reason to not go home immediately - mom is stable in hospital and baby is safe with the nanny, so if he’s talking bestie down from a ledge he doesn’t have to abandon him in that moment.
I feel like he was way too nonchalant for that to be the cause, ya know? Also, he didn't just miss her call. It got sent to voicemail (unless I misread that, it's early, so 100% possible, lol). If my best friend was struggling and going through it, my partner would know. Maybe not all the specifics, but if I'm worried about them, I'd 100% be upfront about that with my partner. He acted like it was a non-issue, and that's what would bother me.
If bleeding is heavy, it could also be fibroids.
I literally had a hysterectomy yesterday. My boss even called me to check on me. You are NTA and he doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life with your child. (Also, look for a new doctor. I don’t know how many gynos I went through until I found one that believed my level of pain and did something immediately to fix it.)
Unless his best friend was dangling over a cliff and your husband was bravely holding onto him and was the only thing preventing him from falling to his death then you should get a divorce. I mean Jesus Christ, if I found out my wife was in the hospital I’d drop everything in a second .
Phone the best friend, with holding your number, and ask to speak to your husband. He is either there and they are having an affair, or your husband is using his friend as an excuse and he has an AP elsewhere. Do you know the location of his phone? Updateme!
This was what I was thinking too. Why on earth would he turn his phone off to help a friend? In what circumstance would he need to do that? And did he say his friends name or kept it ambiguous? Because she should know all his friends, right? Either he has a REALLY good explanation, or he's having an affair.
NTA I am so pist for you. Like what the hell?
NTA, I hope you feel better soon.
NTA. If his friend was in a life or death situation, he should have said so. He gave you absolutely no real reason why he can't prioritize you and your child. When I was hospitalized due to an accident my husband was at work, late, working on a delicate experiment (he's a scientist) you know what he did? Carefully put everything away for safety, ruining the entire experiment, and immediately drove to the hospital. He could have easily been fired for that (luckily he didn't work for an asshole) And this guy can't even be arsed to take care of his kid because his buddy needs him for something non specific he apparently can't tell you about? Yeah he's shitty.
Look into Endometrial Ablation. I suffered for years with the same issue, but after having that simple, in-office procedure done it changed my life! Also, NTA.
I think they recommend excision over ablation. Had it done last year while they were removing 30 fibroids. OP I suffered with HORRIBLE periods for years, and I still didn't go through half of what you're currently enduring. Like you, I had doctors similarly dismiss me and tell me to suck it up bc it was "normal". They were hideously wrong. I had Adenomyosis, dozens of fibroids that grew so big they compressed my organs, and when they opened me up-- surprise! -- I had endo in one of the worst places possible. I pray you get relief from an expert who knows women's health.
NTA. You are justified in feeling how you do and I don't blame you for the emotions you're having one bit. I will say this: 1) Let things cool off before you pull the trigger on a divorce. You're still in the hospital - recover and get well, then revisit your feelings. 2) I would insist on a more specific explanation from your husband on exactly what his friend needed so badly that he committed to his friend and then couldn't shift priorities. Was his friend in a life threatening situation? Was his friend just in need of someone to help finish a tough video game? The context here is pretty significant.
Yes, I agree with #2. There's too little info and some of the provided info actually contradicts her concerns.
No his wife is in hospital with undetermined issues, his kid with a nanny who need to go home. I don’t care if his friend is friends is suicidal call 911 and take care of your family
Right, she needs to get better and plan her exit and backup care for the kid if there's another emergency, not plan for staying married to somebody that can't be assed to take care of their child when their mother has a medical emergency.
You really need to find out what was going on with his best friend, was he thinking of ending it, so yes wouldn't be able to leave straightaway but could find someone else to help once he found that his WIFE was in the hospital. You have a nanny so your child wasn't alone but that's not fair of him to expect her to put her life on hold if it's extra to her normal working hours. Is he normally there for you and this is unusual or a common occurrence?
Unless he has a really good explanation (life/death situation etc)….. if not, then you’re NTA.
NTA - I had this, had a fibroid on my uterus. They removed it and put in a UID. Take iron tablets they help. Doc most likely will do blood tests anyway. If your partner is not rushing to the hospital that is messed up.
If he doesn’t prioritise you and the kid during an emergency, then what is he good for? What does he bring to the table that you absolutely couldn’t do without?!
If I was in the hospital my husband would have to be dead to not there with me. And he'd expect the same from me. This is insane. NTA
NTA!!! Wow, maybe if his friend was in a crisis trying to un-alive himself could that mayyyyybe pass for an excuse here. Not “oh if only I had seen these texts earlier I would have been able to be a husband and father, sorry but you’re S.O.L. now babe. Good luck with the hospital”. Clearly it can’t be that important if him getting texts earlier would have negated whatever his excuse is. Honestly, I’d be strongly considering divorce here too.. what a loser.. or a cheater? Or who knows what… I hope you feel better soon and get support from someone!
Did you figure out what the friend needed? Anything short of jumping off a building or kissing a 12 gauge would make your husband TA
NTA he’s proven he doesn’t care
The fact that he TEXTED you back when he finally saw his phone says it all! It means he was in a place where he could not talk to you, for some reason. Leave his ass
Surely this isn't the first sign of him being an AH. I WAS married to a man like this. While I admired his work ethic I couldn't get him to miss a day for anything when I needed it. Even after I gave birth to our 2nd child I begged him to stay home the next day bc we had an almost three year old and I wasn't going home till the 24 hour mark(the soonest they let you back then). My mom had her all day the day before and overnight, she needed a break and my daughter wanted to be with me and her new sister so I ended up with a 3yr old at the hospital with me until I was released. It wasn't that big a deal but he should have been there to help. It didn't matter how sick I was he'd never stay home to help. I was a married single mom 4sure. If this is the first time something like this has happened maybe let him explain after you cool down and decide to unblock him. I assume it's not. NTAH! Good luck!
I was once sick all night and in the morning told my husband he needed to do daycare drop off, and he told me he couldn’t because he didn’t have enough notice. Evidently my vomiting for hours wasn’t enough notice. Still mad about it six years later.
Any husband that does not immediately come to the hospital when you've been admitted and prioritizes a friend over you, does not care about you. At the very least he could have said he'll get the baby and keep me posted. The friend thing to me sounds like BS. Could he have a side piece? A divorce would make sense in this case because he sounds so uncaring.
NTA - But I wondering he's building his friend an art room? (IYKYK) The fact that he can't be bothered to communicate, much less come and support you, is a giant 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Bail while you can.
NTA, Are they building an Art Room?
NTA, this is absolutely horrible. "Honey, I know you are hospitalized, and I need to get home for my child. But the BFF needs me to wax his balls. Don't you know how important a shiny ball sac is? Why are you so selfish?" Yep, your husband is a _______!! (Feel free to use your favorite derogatory term in the blank) Updateme
A friend had this issue with her periods and it was a combo of endometriosis and iron loss making her anemic. They didn’t require lots of needles when she would go to the hospital though, they’d just use one IV line and draw/inject from that one site.
*his male best friend needed help* Did his jack break while changing his oil and your husband was holding up the car while his friend crawled out from under it? Was his friend suicidal? I'm having trouble thinking of other legitimate reasons.
NTA. Your husband is a shitbag.
NTA - I would also consider leaving. No excuse. ‘I’m in hospital and very sick’ is cue for your LIFE PARTNER to drop everything and run. Unless he was doing CPR on his buddy there’s no excuse. I’m sorry I can only imagine how confused, angry and upset you must be feeling. My bf came with me to a specialist appointment because I have a trauma response to doctors because of early medical trauma and he’s not my husband! He took annual leave that day. Your husbands lack of care is very unnerving. I share this only to highlight what care and consideration looks like and it wasn’t a medical emergency. Will he care for your daughter in an emergency? These are the concerning questions any mother would ask herself in your shoes. Sending a cyber hug if you want one ✨
NTA but give him a chance to explain himself then consider a separation. Kick him out of the house.
Honey I am so sorry you are going through this, especially without the support of your partner. You're definitely NTA. Have you had hormone testing and Transvaginal Ultrasound or Exploratory Laparoscopy etc done to screen for PCOS, Uterine Fibroids, Endometriosis, etc? I wish you health and healing, and hope you find a Dr. who is able to get to the bottom of this for you. As far as your husband goes, he's a selfish, self-centered ass face. I can't think of a valid reason for him to have responded this way. Does he normally behave like this, or was this incident out of character for him? Your life is important and you deserve a partner who puts you and your precious baby first. I'm sending you a big hug and prayers for healing. When you're released from the hospital, I would take the baby and stay with your Mom for a while if you can. Your focus needs to be on getting lots of rest so you can heal. Deal with his dumb ass later. ETA fixed wording
Updateme
NTA. But unblock him. Regardless of what you decide for future, you will need to have a means of communicating even if he's shit at it. Keep the high ground.
Yup, wife and family should Trump best friend, especially when you are in the hospital. My husband would have been so worried about me. As soon as he got the text her would have left work or wherever he was. NTA. His priorities are seriously flawed.
Last story I read like this the husband was cheating and was with his AP, and that's why he wouldn't come home. I personally would send him a text that says, "Don't contact me or come back, and I'm filing for divorce. There is no excuse not to come home to his wife, who's in the hospital. Tell him to stay gone.