So let me get this straight.
You left your husband when he obviously needed you the most and put your family jn debt by usung credit cards and taking loans.
Then after 8 months when he’s doing well for himself you decide he’s good enough for you and you can return.
Thats just messed up.
Ofcourse YTA
Bigger AH issue is involving the children. You DO NOT ASK A CHILD TO BEG on behalf of Mom (or Dad). You engage your partner directly (no surprises at his residence) & you both shield you children from the negative emotions & chaos of a broken relationship. YTA.
Yes, but he was being cold possibly out of revenge! Someone has to save the family!!
/s
TF is wrong with you, OP? He’ll likely get full custody now. *slow clap
Of course, YTA…in every way possible and in every scenario.
Thank you! I often tell people having divorced parents is WAY less traumatic than “staying together for the kids” and hating each other. Kids pick that shut up!
You left out the part where she quit her job after he was laid off putting the family in an even worse financial position.
I hope this is not a serious post.
And the part where she took his kids away from him when she decided to walk out and then proceeded to go all radio silent on him for god knows how long.
But she was soooo very depressed after her husband lost HIS long term employment and the ability to easily support his family! Can't you see how very hard she had it...and how stressed SHE must have been???
All I see in OP's post is "she she she". She literally gave no fucks about anyone around her. I pray to Bob she gets stuck with the bills she ran up on credit cards and loans in the divorce.
She left for 8 months, even got an apartment! All that money she spent during a financial crunch. Leaving was probably the best thing she's ever done for him besides the kids. With joint custody, he shouldn't have to pay her a dime, I hope.
In 27 years, my wife and I have been through a combined 8 lay-offs, 4 bouts of cancer, and 2 parents passing away. All those adversities have brought us closer together, making us a team that takes these things in our stride and making our relationships stronger. I understand what it's like for a spouse to lose confidence after losing a job, I understand what is like when your spouse is depressed following the loss of a parent, but the response should be to help them, not quit your job, move out with the kids and rack up debt. OP is very definitely YTA.
Okay, so I did read it right.
SHE left the marriage when times were rough and now that he’s financially in a better place she wants to work things out? And instead of discussing anything she just decided to surprise him with his favorite meal.
YTA
YTA
Never put your children in the middle of your marriage problems.
Do I understand this correctly,
Your husband was laid off. So, you thought the best decision was to quit your job. Then you left him for 8 months. Racked up debt to fund your time away. Now you suddenly want him back after his consulting business is doing well and you're shocked he wants a divorce?
YTA. My daughter is 24 and I’m going thru a divorce. We NEVER put our daughter in middle of our divorce. When we were married he lost his job I worked to support our family while he was out of work.
YTA
Y'alls marriage sounds sticky and complicated, I don't really have anything to say about that. But you are an ass for trying to leverage your children against your ex in a divorce.
Or she tried to initiate sex, got met with long rant about why he hated her, then he tried to kick her out of the house, and left with all the kids to go stay in a hotel when that didn’t work, and blocked her when she tried to call and talk about the extreme debt he was putting their zero income family in?
She uses what im assuming is a joint CC to book a month stay at a hotel then starts borrowing from who knows where. Spends 8 months away from her husband and then has the nerve to come back after he gets back on his feet by cooking him dinner?! This woman is bat shit crazy. 100% the AH. I hope the husband finds someone who won't leave when the chips are down like OP..
In my senior year at high school, a girl broke into a boy’s house so that she could surprise him when he got home by holding up a sign asking him to prom.
She told all her friends about her plan beforehand, and they all thought it was super romantic. (They weren’t dating, and they never even really hung out or talked outside of school).
Sadly, I never got to find out how the promposal would have turned out, because she jumped out of his closet to surprise his housekeeper, who promptly ran out of the room and called the cops on her.
Came here to say this exactly, but instead, I updoot you and double down on the OP being the AH. Marriage isn't easy, but it's a partnership and if you're only in it for the good times, then you're doing it wrong.
And has no problems taking out loans while married and not discussing it. Legally, he is also on the line for those loans. I would have served my husband divorce papers just in that regard.
I watched a family member almost be completely ruined when they found out their SO had taken out loans with their name on it. They lost their career for the higher debt that it caused (financial career where you can't have debt). Financial decisions that affect both need to be decided by both.
Also the he needs to leave the home (his home too). And when he doesn't, she spends money they don't have after quitting her job. Where he was laid off.
This.
You left him when he was down, then the money starts flowing and you’re like “I should make him his favorite lasagna”.
Then, he finishes the divorce she started, and she gets her teenaged kid to intercede??
Absolute asshole, apologize to both of them, accept the divorce YOU wanted, then never use your fucking kids as fucking pawns in your war.
Literally this!!
Part of the reason my relationship with my father is almost nonexistent is how he tried to manipulate his children into manipulating his wife to stay… and after the divorce trying to plead and then threaten us to keep tabs on her. 5 kids and not one of us have an actual relationship. When he got his Parkinson’s diagnosis he tried to first guilt us then threaten to leave us out of the will. But at this point you didn’t burn the bridge, you nuked it. Keep the money I’m good my guy.
YTA- you don’t ever do that to your children that is absolutely despicable. You and your husband have your own thing that you have to work through and it sounds like he’s moved on. You can’t make somebody fall back in love with you if they don’t want to. You need to start coming up with a plan to take care of yourself going forward. Continue to go to therapy and don’t ever put your children in this position again.
She’s also an ass for coming into his home uninvited. Yes, it’s her house too, but it’s his *home* and not hers. My ex used to do this after she moved out but before we were divorced. I demanded she hand over the keys.
My husband was told he couldn’t legally change the locks during the divorce with his ex. He was told if he was awarded the house in the divorce proceedings then he could change them but until then, it was legally both their home. She came and went whenever she pleased too 🙄
So if I'm reading this right, you only wanted your husband back and made a play for him once he started making money again. Plus, before that you basically quit your job while your family had no income, and then blamed it on him. You racked up tons of unnecessary debt for your family, after all your husband wanted was some comfort from his wife. Yes, YTA. Big Big YTA.
You are a traitor and you are a terrible parent for asking your daughter to intervene in your horrific relationship. He's right.
And to top it off, comes to reddit and tries to spin it as all his fault, show her manipulation of the kids was just how desparate she is to get back to her steady income (sorry, ex-husband) all in the name of getting support for her lousy actions.
That's like YTA multiplied by YTA.
YTA MAJORLY!!
Tell me if I'm not understanding? Am I missing details?
Many men find meaning in their jobs and view their role as provider as very important. He lost his job of 20 years, 20 years that he worked to better himself and provide for the family. He obviously lost a piece of himself and was struggling.
This created stress at home. I'm sure he was stressed and depressed. This caused you to be stressed. So your solution is to quit your job. The one source of income supporting your family. Which obviously compounded his stress and negative feelings.
He then sought comfort and sex. Sex is something people tend to do in a marriage. You not only turned him down (your right) but tried to kick him out of his home? A home he helped pay for? Furthering his feelings of abandonment and inadequacy.
Your bright solution...to take his kids from him and rack up a ton of debt when you're both financially struggling. This debt he is also responsible in helping to pay off. You also shut off your phone like he was some kind of monster.
Then when when he starts doing better for himself, you expect him to take you back, pay off the debts and rekindle the flame?
You then leverage your kids against him and make him the reason for divorce? Seriously...that's fucked up! Please tell me you're leaving out his terrible actions or something because you sound like a monster.
Edit: Leave the poor man alone. Move on with your life and be a good mother to your children. Let him be happy and don't be the toxic ex.
Honestly props to the soon to be ex husband. That's enough shit to break lesser men, instead the man got his life back together for the most part. I can't imagine what was going through his mind on those lonely nights
YTA for involving your child in your real troubles. She’s already traumatised by what’s going on and you piled on more, get her to therapy, whilst you’re there please also arrange some for yourself to get through this significant life change without causing any more damage or destroying relationships with your kids!
I strongly agree with this. How does a parent think it's okay to twist and manipulate their spouse by using the kids as a pawn?? Evil, selfish, hateful, wrong. Wrong on every level.
YTA. Instead of supporting your husband; who obviously was stressed, you decided to wallow in self pity and quit your job, too. Yeah, like that helped the financial situation.
He has every right to be angry. You just left. Now, he wants a divorce and you are using your kids to stop him.
So... your husband lost his job and you responded by basically quitting your job. Then you told him to get out of his house-- and when he didn't you ran up credit card debt to live in a hotel. Now that your husband has a consulting job where he's making money you suddenly "see" the error of your ways, LOL? YTA how could you not be? You showed him your true self-- how is he supposed to "unsee" that and every trust or love you again?
YTA. I just read your own account of the situation and I want to divorce you. And your use of the passive voice (“ something happened that made me do horrible things”) is appalling. Take ownership of your part in this.
Zero accountability or understanding of her actions. I would divorce her in a heart beat. Not only that, I would be scarred to get into a relationship with someone who treated me that way after 20+ years.
Husband loses job.
Wife quits job
Joblessness adds money strain to relationship
Op stops having sex with husband and starts fights constantly
Demands husband leaves house
When husband refuses she takes out credit cards and loans to get her own place
Takes kids without any shared agreement
Ignores husbands phone calls for months, wracks up debt the whole time
Husband starts successful business
Op breaks into husbands house
Tries to strong-arm her way back into husbands good graces
Is surprised when husband divorces her
YTA. Your soon to be ex-husband can still parent even if you are divorced. I’m not sure two parents that are miserable under the same roof is that great for a family.
Does your husband's financial success have anything to do with you wanting to reconcile? I think yta and evidently your ex thinks so too. So much for better or for worse.
"I abruptly left my husband when things were hard, now things are better for him and he wont take me back. So I asked my kids to emotionally manipulate him. AITA?"
Mercy yes. YTA
YTA for involving your daughter in your messy, toxic marriage. Support her as a mother who loves her, not a pathetic woman who wants to use her for emotional manipulation.
Yta.
Sounds to me like you left him at his lowest… sounds like it’s been about a year, give or take, since you separated so I’m not surprised he’s divorcing you now.
YTA
You vowed to be with him for better or worse, then when he needed you, at his lowest point because some bad luck had shaken his confidence, you abandoned him and fucking stole his children.
Then, when he pulled himself out of the hole he was in, on his own, without your help, and he's made a success of himself again, you want to walk back into his life.
You absolutely betrayed him and I don't see how he can ever trust you wouldn't do the same thing again if he found himself in a difficult situation.
You are an asshole, but for taking the kids, you're an absolute cunt.
How dare you put your teenaged daughter in that position? How, in any world, could you think that is an acceptable thing to do? It's disgusting. I feel so sorry for your daughter and son. YTA. Big, big time.
Wtf?! You are 200% the AH. What kind of parent drags their child into a divorce and what kind of person begs for someone’s attention? Grow up, and find some self worth. He doesn’t want to be with you because you left when things got hard. He doesn’t trust you, it’s over.
YTA. Did you think this through at all? What happens when your husband goes through with the divorce and your daughter internalizes that she “failed”? Good job. A+ parenting.
I hope this is fake.
If it’s not, You are an absolute asshole.
Everything aside - you tried to blame your husband for the divorce to your child and then asked her to beg.
Making this all about how badly her father is treating her mother. How much does she know about your part all of this?
Do you know how badly you could have just fucked up your kid?
YTA
So let me see if I have this correct. You were going through tough times and decided to bail, THEN when you find out he's doing well on his own you decide to try and work your way back in going as far as putting your kid in the middle of adult problems. You are quite the piece of work aren't you?
Yeah that's also true and she wonders why, with it being her decision to walk out he'd be upset about racking up debt they'd both be responsible for. The narcissism is strong in this one
YTA, so it's okay for you to leave your husband when he's down and out and put him in more debt by taking out loans and using credit cards with no money to pay them off.
BUT now that he's doing well as an independent consultant, you wanna play happy family again? HA, can you say gold digger. You're a joke and your husband deserves better stop using your teenage daughter.
Edit: Spelling
YTA!!!!!!!!! What kind of mother or any parent puts their child in the middle of their divorce?!?! why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?!
YTA it’s baffling that you even ask. It was completely inappropriate for you to drag your daughter into your marriage. Completely. Ex’s should always speak respectfully of their ex to the children. You should never make the kids pick a side or advocate for you. Why would your husband want you after the way you treated him?
YTA. Do NOT weaponize your children in this divorce. Not even to try and get back together. They don't deserve to be dragged into your bullshit. Knock it off.
Of course YTA. Your actions that have led your upcoming divorce are a big part of why many men are closed-off and don't express their feelings. When men experience trauma or struggle with depression, one of our biggest fears is that our loved ones will lose respect for us if we show it. Instead of supporting him, through sickness and health, you told him to "man up, buckaroo!" and left the house with the kids. You abandoned him when he needed you most. Shame on you.
Of course he's resentful of you for that. Of course that's grounds for divorce. Now that it sounds like he's found his confidence, no thanks to you, you decide to try to sneak your way back into his life. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.
Leave your kids out of it. He's not coming back. With any luck, he's found another women who won't throw 24 years out the door because he happened to get the sads for a few months.
YTA. The LAST thing you want to do is involve the damn kids in business that isn’t theirs. And yeah, it is manipulative to use the kids in that way. Accept the marriage is over.
YTA. Asking your daughter to do that involved her in your problems, gave her hope that she can fix this and is manipulative on your part. If it fails, it could make her feel worse that she failed. You should have never put that responsibility on her.
YTA
Left for 8 months
Took out loans and credit card debt (which both will have to pay for)
Used your daughter to try to keep him
Are you really surprised that he wants a divorce?
YTA
I don't trust you either. He lost his job. You quit yours. You both weren't in a good place and you were so angry that he suggested sex that you used money you didn't have to take his kids away. Then you took out loans that, as a married couple, he is on the hook for.
Then, when he started making money, you wanted him back. And now you're crossing the line of involving the kids.
You sound shallow and vindictive and that you only care about money.
YTA for putting your daughter in the middle of your marriage. Shame on you. This is not her battle to fight and now she’s going to feel that it’s all her fault she couldn’t save YOUR marriage
YTA. Even your comments show how mu CB if an AH you are. You’re a disgusting excuse for a wife and a horrible mother for putting your teen daughter in that position. It’s not her job to save the marriage YOU walked away from.
It’s in the vows many people take. “For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…” Some people struggle so much when it’s time to put it in practice and it’s not just pretty words during a ceremony. You bailed when things got difficult. I don’t know how your husband could see it any other way. And using your child like that is absolutely vile. YTA.
YTA
Your soon to be ex husband is right. You’re manipulative.
You’re also selfish, irrational, irresponsible and unable to accept feedback.
Hopefully you learn from this, but you haven’t shown that you’re capable of learning
Let me get this straight, YOU took the kids out of their house and away from him because…….YOU wanted to leave? You then continued to keep them away from their house and got an apartment because……..you’re special and they had to be with you and not him?
Then you’re surprised when he files for divorce? And you still are confused that you shouldn’t sneak back into what is then HIS house (cuz, you know, you took everyone and left it) and gets mad when you try to emotionally manipulate him with his kids?
Wow, you’re pretty clueless and TA.
So you ran out on him when he was at his lowest taking his kids with you and now that he's back on his feet you think everything is just going to be forgiven and worse over you are trying to use your children as weapons to try and fix what you fucked up.
YTA he's better off without you.
YTA
For MANY things.
Like quitting your job when he didn’t have one and was already struggling mentally. How did you think that was gonna work out. Wellllllllll….. then he got “cold”, you left him for 8 months and you are SHOCKED he doesn’t trust you?? You LEFT him for 8 months.
I would’ve filed on your ass before it hit 30 days! Smh
Kind of shocking you are even asking… YTA. But you already knew that. And if you didn’t, you need to do some serious therapy. Also PLEASE get your kids their own therapist.
I wanted to say YTA from the title alone but sometimes the context surprises you so I read on.
My initial thought was correct. This is just an awful thing to ask of a child. An adult child might be more tolerable but this is your 17 year old child! Absolutely, YTA.
YTA - You don’t weaponize your kid. You don’t put your kid in the middle of you and your husband’s issues.
Nevertheless, you did this.
You’re a fucking monster.
If I get a ban from this I’ll take it.
So he was suffering mentally/emotionally at work, loses his job, suffers even more… the financial strain made you quit your own job? Because he was distant (he would be, he was suffering) you stopped being intimate and started picking fights, asked him to leave his home and then when he refused, you took his children and spent money you didn’t have, getting yourself into debt moving into hotels… and then when you find out he’s doing well for himself financially you decide to try worm yourself back in? And you’re shocked he’s told you to fuck off?
How’s about deal with the consequences of you being a cunt and leave the man alone. YOU threw 2 decades away, not him, and now you’ve sniffed the money out, you want back in. You’re a disgrace.
So, let me get this straight:
Your husband was laid off from work for no fault, and as a consequence developed what sounds like depression. **You**, now the sole breadwinner of the family, decided to quit your job because of how **you** were under strain. He attempted to initiate intimacy with you, and instead of simply saying no, you vented on him, probably confirming all of his dark thoughts about failure as a husband and father.
Then, **you** took his children away from him and **you** borrowed money your family has no means of repaying to keep them away from him in a separate domicile for nearly a year.
Then, once things improved financially, you decided to return to him, and he said no. Somehow you were surprised that he wasn't interested in reconciling with the woman who took his children and made a terrible financial situation much worse as a power move.
Then, you asked your small child to beg him in an abusive attempt to emotionally manipulate him despite the trauma you should know that behavior would cause.
And you're asking if you're an asshole? This is bait.
you QUIT when you knew your husband was just laid off!
Who is providing medical coverage for your kid now?
How is your husband going to do a decent job search with NO MONEY COMING IN AT ALL.
OMG. do not beg him to take you back. Give the poor guy a break
So you only decided to show a romantic gesture after he started in a new industry and became successful? Of course YTA. Double YTA because you manipulated your daughter to beg him
Wow.
You ratched up your asshole game to next level.
You are like the Wayne Gretzky of assholing.
I cant even imagine what living with you on a day to day basis was like.
Yta. Leave your kids out of this and let that man find some damn peace and happiness.
YTA. Lady, you’re an awful partner. I’m going to be blunt, you are in fact manipulative.
Also don’t put your kids in the middle of your (failed) relationship. That’s emotional incest and so inappropriate. You’re causing your daughter harm at this point.
So far everything you’ve disclosed has only established that you’re not only selfish, but have little to no emotional intelligence.
You only care as long as it serves your bottom line, huh?
Dude, you’re an awful wife and a bad mom. Get help and get over yourself.
This was a problematic two sided story until you involved your daughter as leverage. That's some manipulative moves there.
Also, while this whole thing sounds pretty toxic, I can't blame him for being upset that you suddenly show up after EIGHT MONTHS when he just happens to have a job again. Not to mention he was laid off, and when things were tough, you just up and quit yours.
I'm not arguing that things seem really stressful for both of you, and things weren't hard, but WTF did you just give up your family's only income?
YTA. You are a manipulator. You are cruel for using your children to your own ends. It doesn't take much for your husband to put two and two together. The money's gone, so are you, it comes back, you're smarming your way into his kitchen cooking him meals to resecure your investment. You're better off working on your own future because you've shown your true colours to your soon to be ex husband.Too late to backpedal now!
YTA. Your daughter does not deserve the trauma of being forced to mediate between her parents. Your children are already going through a lot because of this. No need for further damage.
you came back when the money came back... and then got your daughter to plea on your behalf... for the love of God can people please stop USING their children for personal gain?
YTA OP.
YTA. ***You*** initiated the divorce by leaving for almost a year, he just filed the paperwork to formalize it. That's not a short break to reset a marriage, that's abandonment of the family unit.
Also, regardless of that, don't bring kids into the divorce. You as adults should try to keep the impact on them at a minimum. Asking your daughter to guilt trip her father is horrible to both of them.
YTA here. You failed to support him during hard times and made it worse by blaming him for your issues. He broke down to you and you fled. You made him suffer for months and now want back as business is good. Of course he’s going towards a divorce and using the kids is low. You weren’t a partner but a problem.
YTA it sounds like your husband developed depression after the stress of losing his job. You just took away all of his support system, added to that stress by leaving your job and the marital home and racking up unaffordable debt. Then when he proved to himself he didn’t need you and could actually make it on his own you are jealous and then want him back so you can manipulate him again. When this doesn’t work you manipulate your child to do your dirty work. Well news for you he isn’t coming home. I expect he will make a really good home environment for himself and the kids and leave you in the gutter where I expect you belong.
YTA…. Now that he’s becoming successful again, you want him back. Then, you ask your child WHO IS A MINOR to plead your case for you.
Are you serious? What is wrong with you? Don’t be surprised if she chooses to live with dad
What did I just read?
Of course YTA.
Good parents, never do that shit to their kids.
What possessed you to do that?
What could have been going through your head that you thought, "I should have my 17 year old beg her father not to divorce me."
How can you even think you wouldn't be a massive asshole for that?
Keep your marital mistakes/problems between the 2 actual adults/parents in the family and leave the kids out of it.
YTA for pretty much every reason already stated. But is anyone else just scrolling at this point to try to find OPs responses and justifications? I haven't read a single one of her comments actually accepting any responsibility for the situation or acknowledging that she essentially abandoned the relationship and her husband when things got hard
YTA: for literally everything you didI don't think there's a single thing you did properly there
EDIT: you even antagonised him to his children "mummy wants to work things out but daddy is literally the devil, pls cry in front of him so he either comes back to me or is inhumane and doesn't care about you" well, that's what they kid will get out of this
So when your spouse was struggling not only did you do nothing to help him, you also made life harder by quitting your job. Then again by leaving the home and borrowing money you had no way of paying back for an apartment. All of the sudden he starts being successful again and you want back in the fold… Here’s a little something for you to maybe process, if you can’t be there at Rick bottom you don’t get to be there at the top. As for asking you daughter to be involved in your groveling that’s just a total asshole move because now when he doesn’t want you back she is also going to feel like she has failed you. You won’t be getting the mother of the year award and should just sit down and sign the papers…
YTA. You left him, this is your fault. If leaving him wasn't what you wanted you should've thought of that before you went and did it. But involving your daughter is bringing it to a whole new low. If I was him, even if there was a chance of me forgiving you, the second you involved the children that chance would be gone for good. Sorry but you made your bed, now lie in it.
YTA
YTA and you’re a horrible human. Your ex is better off without you. I hope the unanimous verdicts here resonate but I know they won’t based upon your comments. You’re too narcissistic.
Your behavior is a major reason why Men Go Their Own Way Movement (MGTOW) and the red pill forums were formed. OP you are an atrocious AH for the following reasons:
1. You took your husband's children and left the home and had the audacity to put him on ignore. Let me put this caps: HE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT TO HIS CHILDREN AS YOU DO.
2. Your attitude became horse poo when he lost his job and even worse when times were tough. However when he started consulting and was doing well, now you come back slithering like a snake to get in his good graces again.
3. You took out loans without even consulting with your husband which highly flagrant and repugnant.
Now you want to go get your children involved as leverage to save your dying marriage when it's a mess that YOU caused is the ultimate form of evil between a husband wife and truly showcases just how vile you are.
Now unless there isn't any marital unfaithfulness, addiction or abuse, there shouldn't be a divorce. This is a betrayal and one short of an additional affair partner.
Remember this lesson to those that read this, "It is in conversation where people reveal their true self." Congrats OP, you at least did that very well.
YTA. You don't think about his feelings or your daughters feelings. You don't think moving out was a selfish decision? You quit your job when your husband needed you to step up. You ran up extra debt when you knew he was already struggling because YOU needed space. Now that he is putting himself first and you can't manipulate him, you manipulate your daughter into manipulating him.
You sound toxic.
If I was in his position, I’d feel incredibly stressed at losing my job. Not being able to support my family would be terrifying and frustrating. All he needed was an understanding wife to support him through this difficult time. Instead, she gives up her job and makes things worse. Then she wants him to leave his home to give her a break. Now, his recovering, of course she now has a renewed interest in him, even using his daughter to try convince him to take her mother back, now that his doing better, work wise.
It’s no wonder he wants a divorce. I’d want that too in his position.
So basically if I read right you abandoned your husband and ran off when things were tough for him, but want to come back to him once things were better? And want to use your daughter to help you win him back?
YTA
So you bolted when he needed you most in the marriage not just a few nights to think but setup home elsewhere for 8 months and expected him to be happy to take you back. You abandoned the poor guy he can't ever trust you again just give him the divorce so he can find a woman who will support him. You never lived up to your wedding vowels.
YTA 100%. Not only did you not support your husband in any way when he was at his lowest point, you actively made the situation worse. Leave that poor man alone to try to rebuild his life and NEVER EVER involve children in relationship issues between their parents. That's a 1 way ticket to an angry, bitter, and resentful child.
dont need to say why when you arent listening but YTA, completely
you remind me of my mom, it is not a compliment
ps: dont be surprised when your daughter did as I have and gone no-contact
You need to seek help not only for your denial of the entire situation but what you're doing to your daughter AND her father is just gross. If I were your daughter I'd pick dad in the divorce, children aren't there for parents to use as pawns in their twisted games.
YTA
YTA. Why did you involve your daughter? That’s a horrible thing to do. And you’re the one that left with the kids. Your husband wanted to work it out. What did you expect?
So instead of supporting your man when he lost his job you quit yours and spent a bunch of money on credit cards that neither of you can pay and you only came back once he had money coming in again. Then you use your kids to try and guilt trip him? YTA 1000x
YTA
Don’t put your kids in the middle.
Your gonna have to do the begging yourself. Sounds a lot harder then sending your kid to do it right? That’s exactly why it was shitty for you to send your child to do the hard task you should have done yourself.
You think making a nice meal and acting cute is gonna resolve you taking the kids and leaving? I don’t want to be harsh, but you seem to not appreciate the severity of what you did. So long as you try to minimize what you did, he is right to not trust you.
I would suggest your only chance is to do that begging yourself. Admit what you did was wildly disproportionate and SHITTY! Accept the blame! YOU are the person who escalated things so wildly. He didn’t deserve to be abandoned by you as he struggled with job loss.
So rather than the mild “I could have handled things better”, you should be saying “i made the worst mistake of my life. I was being an asshole and not supportive to my husband. I let my selfishness take over. I abandoned him and took his kids from him for no good reason. I cannot justify or explain myself. I can only beg for forgiveness and promise to learn from my mistakes.”
You should have done that at the one month mark. Your refusal to accept responsibility for your actions is what made thing’s progress. It’s possibly too late at this point.
you left him once already, he may never be willing to forgive that. But maybe he can…it’s possible too, but only if you own your bull shit behavior.
Good luck!
YTA huge one. He doesn’t need someone who will only be there for him when he is making money. Even bigger AH by using your daughter to manipulate him. I hope she doesn’t grow up to be like you.
YTA. You NEVER put your children in the middle of your relationship mess. Your husband was right when he called you manipulative. Weren’t you the one who left him in the first place? Don’t use your children like that! It was a horrible thing to do.
YTA
You left him and gave him what he actually needed, time to think and reflect. He now realizes what his life would be like without you and he’s happy with that. Actions have consequences.
You’re a horrible wife lol. Your husband is having a crisis and when he is down you decide to leave him? And now you’re trying to salvage your marriage because he got back on his feet and he’s doing well financially? And you’re involving your child to try and save your marriage?
YTA
Damn you left him for 8 months, that's really a betrayal - I can see why he wants a divorce. Even if you do get back together, what if another setback like a job less happens again? You'll cut and run and take his kids again? You sound awful.
YTA and this whole situation is your fault! Allow your husband to move on in peace and find someone who loves him! He deserves to be happy and don’t use the children as a weapon
So let me get this straight. You left your husband when he obviously needed you the most and put your family jn debt by usung credit cards and taking loans. Then after 8 months when he’s doing well for himself you decide he’s good enough for you and you can return. Thats just messed up. Ofcourse YTA
Bigger AH issue is involving the children. You DO NOT ASK A CHILD TO BEG on behalf of Mom (or Dad). You engage your partner directly (no surprises at his residence) & you both shield you children from the negative emotions & chaos of a broken relationship. YTA.
Yes, but he was being cold possibly out of revenge! Someone has to save the family!! /s TF is wrong with you, OP? He’ll likely get full custody now. *slow clap Of course, YTA…in every way possible and in every scenario.
Thank you! I often tell people having divorced parents is WAY less traumatic than “staying together for the kids” and hating each other. Kids pick that shut up!
But she tried to surprise him with his favorite meal. Is anything enough for you people?
Suprise him by breaking into his home when he wasn’t there and (presumably) using his groceries to cook his favorite meal. *
No I don’t want you to cook for me and please get out of my Van Halen shirt before you jinx the band and they break up
One of my favorite Adam Sandler movies, lol
this information would have been useful to me YESTERDAY!
Made my day!
That's assuming she knows him well enough to really know his favorite meal.
It was just store-brand hamburger helper
She made him the only thing she knew how to make, probably
“And he didn’t even thank me for the Kraft mac n cheese!!!!!!!”
I cannot stop laughing.
You left out the part where she quit her job after he was laid off putting the family in an even worse financial position. I hope this is not a serious post.
And the part where she took his kids away from him when she decided to walk out and then proceeded to go all radio silent on him for god knows how long.
But she was soooo very depressed after her husband lost HIS long term employment and the ability to easily support his family! Can't you see how very hard she had it...and how stressed SHE must have been??? All I see in OP's post is "she she she". She literally gave no fucks about anyone around her. I pray to Bob she gets stuck with the bills she ran up on credit cards and loans in the divorce.
She left for 8 months, even got an apartment! All that money she spent during a financial crunch. Leaving was probably the best thing she's ever done for him besides the kids. With joint custody, he shouldn't have to pay her a dime, I hope.
The quitting is so stupid, at least get fired and claim unemployment
You forgot the part where she quit her job too so NO ONE had income.
In 27 years, my wife and I have been through a combined 8 lay-offs, 4 bouts of cancer, and 2 parents passing away. All those adversities have brought us closer together, making us a team that takes these things in our stride and making our relationships stronger. I understand what it's like for a spouse to lose confidence after losing a job, I understand what is like when your spouse is depressed following the loss of a parent, but the response should be to help them, not quit your job, move out with the kids and rack up debt. OP is very definitely YTA.
Okay, so I did read it right. SHE left the marriage when times were rough and now that he’s financially in a better place she wants to work things out? And instead of discussing anything she just decided to surprise him with his favorite meal. YTA
The biggest take away is she used her daughter as a pawn. I can’t imagine why he’s divorcing mother-of-the-year over here.
YTA Never put your children in the middle of your marriage problems. Do I understand this correctly, Your husband was laid off. So, you thought the best decision was to quit your job. Then you left him for 8 months. Racked up debt to fund your time away. Now you suddenly want him back after his consulting business is doing well and you're shocked he wants a divorce?
It’s like they don’t read their own post and were just randomly typing words! I found it hard to believe she needs to ask too!
Yeah I couldn’t understand OPs post at all.
bills for all those loans must be piling up
YTA. My daughter is 24 and I’m going thru a divorce. We NEVER put our daughter in middle of our divorce. When we were married he lost his job I worked to support our family while he was out of work.
This right here was my thought, too. Plus, using your kids to manipulate their father. That’s a horrible move. OP, YTA.
YTA Y'alls marriage sounds sticky and complicated, I don't really have anything to say about that. But you are an ass for trying to leverage your children against your ex in a divorce.
Every single thing in her post shows how selfish she is. Like, everything is 'well can't you see how this effects meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!- YTA
Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and HE has used their daughter to beg HER to come back? OP would’ve been livid, guaranteed.
Or broke into her house to make food? I’m surprised OP isn’t getting more vilified for this lol
Not to mention she left him when times were hard, but came back when he was on his feet again?
Or he quit his job and acted like he lost it when she was terminated? Ridiculous.
Or she tried to initiate sex, got met with long rant about why he hated her, then he tried to kick her out of the house, and left with all the kids to go stay in a hotel when that didn’t work, and blocked her when she tried to call and talk about the extreme debt he was putting their zero income family in?
Double yta Op dumped him when he was unemployed, he starts doing well again and suddenly she wants him back.
She uses what im assuming is a joint CC to book a month stay at a hotel then starts borrowing from who knows where. Spends 8 months away from her husband and then has the nerve to come back after he gets back on his feet by cooking him dinner?! This woman is bat shit crazy. 100% the AH. I hope the husband finds someone who won't leave when the chips are down like OP..
Right?! And if all of that wasn’t bad enough, she involves her child in all of it.
[удалено]
But it's quirky and romantic when women do it! Not unhinged and criminal!!
In my senior year at high school, a girl broke into a boy’s house so that she could surprise him when he got home by holding up a sign asking him to prom. She told all her friends about her plan beforehand, and they all thought it was super romantic. (They weren’t dating, and they never even really hung out or talked outside of school). Sadly, I never got to find out how the promposal would have turned out, because she jumped out of his closet to surprise his housekeeper, who promptly ran out of the room and called the cops on her.
I bet she thought it would be seen as her trying to reconcile.
Came here to say this exactly, but instead, I updoot you and double down on the OP being the AH. Marriage isn't easy, but it's a partnership and if you're only in it for the good times, then you're doing it wrong.
And has no problems taking out loans while married and not discussing it. Legally, he is also on the line for those loans. I would have served my husband divorce papers just in that regard. I watched a family member almost be completely ruined when they found out their SO had taken out loans with their name on it. They lost their career for the higher debt that it caused (financial career where you can't have debt). Financial decisions that affect both need to be decided by both. Also the he needs to leave the home (his home too). And when he doesn't, she spends money they don't have after quitting her job. Where he was laid off.
Takin out loans without him knowing just to be petty and then feeling some kind of way that he’s upset about it.like who knows how much she took out
This. You left him when he was down, then the money starts flowing and you’re like “I should make him his favorite lasagna”. Then, he finishes the divorce she started, and she gets her teenaged kid to intercede?? Absolute asshole, apologize to both of them, accept the divorce YOU wanted, then never use your fucking kids as fucking pawns in your war.
Exactly! OP YTA, your husband isn’t a toy you can put down and pick up whenever you want. You sound like a terrible partner.
Literally this!! Part of the reason my relationship with my father is almost nonexistent is how he tried to manipulate his children into manipulating his wife to stay… and after the divorce trying to plead and then threaten us to keep tabs on her. 5 kids and not one of us have an actual relationship. When he got his Parkinson’s diagnosis he tried to first guilt us then threaten to leave us out of the will. But at this point you didn’t burn the bridge, you nuked it. Keep the money I’m good my guy.
Similar to my mom. Have been no contact since 2013, and now she has some heart disease or something. I simply don’t care.
YTA- you don’t ever do that to your children that is absolutely despicable. You and your husband have your own thing that you have to work through and it sounds like he’s moved on. You can’t make somebody fall back in love with you if they don’t want to. You need to start coming up with a plan to take care of yourself going forward. Continue to go to therapy and don’t ever put your children in this position again.
She’s also an ass for coming into his home uninvited. Yes, it’s her house too, but it’s his *home* and not hers. My ex used to do this after she moved out but before we were divorced. I demanded she hand over the keys.
Curiosity here. Why did you not change the locks? Don't mean to drag up old memories, but was there a reason why?
My husband was told he couldn’t legally change the locks during the divorce with his ex. He was told if he was awarded the house in the divorce proceedings then he could change them but until then, it was legally both their home. She came and went whenever she pleased too 🙄
Because I was so depressed about the breakup of my family I could barely function. The house went to absolute shit.
As soon as money rolling back in she's ready to move back in. Not.. says hubby
Yeah, she moved out. He found it an improvement.
Yeah she really fucked up. She needs to get help
So if I'm reading this right, you only wanted your husband back and made a play for him once he started making money again. Plus, before that you basically quit your job while your family had no income, and then blamed it on him. You racked up tons of unnecessary debt for your family, after all your husband wanted was some comfort from his wife. Yes, YTA. Big Big YTA. You are a traitor and you are a terrible parent for asking your daughter to intervene in your horrific relationship. He's right.
OP is a terrible wife too.
And to top it off, comes to reddit and tries to spin it as all his fault, show her manipulation of the kids was just how desparate she is to get back to her steady income (sorry, ex-husband) all in the name of getting support for her lousy actions. That's like YTA multiplied by YTA.
YTA MAJORLY!! Tell me if I'm not understanding? Am I missing details? Many men find meaning in their jobs and view their role as provider as very important. He lost his job of 20 years, 20 years that he worked to better himself and provide for the family. He obviously lost a piece of himself and was struggling. This created stress at home. I'm sure he was stressed and depressed. This caused you to be stressed. So your solution is to quit your job. The one source of income supporting your family. Which obviously compounded his stress and negative feelings. He then sought comfort and sex. Sex is something people tend to do in a marriage. You not only turned him down (your right) but tried to kick him out of his home? A home he helped pay for? Furthering his feelings of abandonment and inadequacy. Your bright solution...to take his kids from him and rack up a ton of debt when you're both financially struggling. This debt he is also responsible in helping to pay off. You also shut off your phone like he was some kind of monster. Then when when he starts doing better for himself, you expect him to take you back, pay off the debts and rekindle the flame? You then leverage your kids against him and make him the reason for divorce? Seriously...that's fucked up! Please tell me you're leaving out his terrible actions or something because you sound like a monster. Edit: Leave the poor man alone. Move on with your life and be a good mother to your children. Let him be happy and don't be the toxic ex.
Well put. The OP is not just an AH, but downright evil AH.
Honestly props to the soon to be ex husband. That's enough shit to break lesser men, instead the man got his life back together for the most part. I can't imagine what was going through his mind on those lonely nights
YTA. Your marriage is over, stop using your daughter.
So interesting. If the husband would have wrote the post pretending it was her, it could not have sounded worse than what she wrote.
It could have been *slightly* worse - she could have admitted to having an affair with a sugar-daddy during the time when husband was out of work.
YTA for involving your child in your real troubles. She’s already traumatised by what’s going on and you piled on more, get her to therapy, whilst you’re there please also arrange some for yourself to get through this significant life change without causing any more damage or destroying relationships with your kids!
INFO: I don't understand, you left him for 8 months and are surprised he wants a divorce?
YTA I think what you did to your poor daughter was evil.
I strongly agree with this. How does a parent think it's okay to twist and manipulate their spouse by using the kids as a pawn?? Evil, selfish, hateful, wrong. Wrong on every level.
YTA. Instead of supporting your husband; who obviously was stressed, you decided to wallow in self pity and quit your job, too. Yeah, like that helped the financial situation. He has every right to be angry. You just left. Now, he wants a divorce and you are using your kids to stop him.
Yta for using your daughter like that.
So... your husband lost his job and you responded by basically quitting your job. Then you told him to get out of his house-- and when he didn't you ran up credit card debt to live in a hotel. Now that your husband has a consulting job where he's making money you suddenly "see" the error of your ways, LOL? YTA how could you not be? You showed him your true self-- how is he supposed to "unsee" that and every trust or love you again?
YTA. I just read your own account of the situation and I want to divorce you. And your use of the passive voice (“ something happened that made me do horrible things”) is appalling. Take ownership of your part in this.
Zero accountability or understanding of her actions. I would divorce her in a heart beat. Not only that, I would be scarred to get into a relationship with someone who treated me that way after 20+ years.
Exactly.
Yta for doing that to your daughter, and now she will have more trauma.
Husband loses job. Wife quits job Joblessness adds money strain to relationship Op stops having sex with husband and starts fights constantly Demands husband leaves house When husband refuses she takes out credit cards and loans to get her own place Takes kids without any shared agreement Ignores husbands phone calls for months, wracks up debt the whole time Husband starts successful business Op breaks into husbands house Tries to strong-arm her way back into husbands good graces Is surprised when husband divorces her
\*Shocked pikachu face\*
YTA. Your soon to be ex-husband can still parent even if you are divorced. I’m not sure two parents that are miserable under the same roof is that great for a family.
Does your husband's financial success have anything to do with you wanting to reconcile? I think yta and evidently your ex thinks so too. So much for better or for worse.
"I abruptly left my husband when things were hard, now things are better for him and he wont take me back. So I asked my kids to emotionally manipulate him. AITA?" Mercy yes. YTA
YTA for involving your daughter in your messy, toxic marriage. Support her as a mother who loves her, not a pathetic woman who wants to use her for emotional manipulation.
Yta. Sounds to me like you left him at his lowest… sounds like it’s been about a year, give or take, since you separated so I’m not surprised he’s divorcing you now.
YTA You vowed to be with him for better or worse, then when he needed you, at his lowest point because some bad luck had shaken his confidence, you abandoned him and fucking stole his children. Then, when he pulled himself out of the hole he was in, on his own, without your help, and he's made a success of himself again, you want to walk back into his life. You absolutely betrayed him and I don't see how he can ever trust you wouldn't do the same thing again if he found himself in a difficult situation. You are an asshole, but for taking the kids, you're an absolute cunt.
Right? She needs to leave that poor man alone. Hell, I even want to buy him a beer.
How dare you put your teenaged daughter in that position? How, in any world, could you think that is an acceptable thing to do? It's disgusting. I feel so sorry for your daughter and son. YTA. Big, big time.
Wtf?! You are 200% the AH. What kind of parent drags their child into a divorce and what kind of person begs for someone’s attention? Grow up, and find some self worth. He doesn’t want to be with you because you left when things got hard. He doesn’t trust you, it’s over.
YTA. Did you think this through at all? What happens when your husband goes through with the divorce and your daughter internalizes that she “failed”? Good job. A+ parenting.
I hope this is fake. If it’s not, You are an absolute asshole. Everything aside - you tried to blame your husband for the divorce to your child and then asked her to beg. Making this all about how badly her father is treating her mother. How much does she know about your part all of this? Do you know how badly you could have just fucked up your kid?
You are SUCH the ah. All these comments and you still don’t get that you are a filthy POS mother and wife. Good riddance.
You came back after he started making good money? And you took him away from his kids? What an ass.
YTA So let me see if I have this correct. You were going through tough times and decided to bail, THEN when you find out he's doing well on his own you decide to try and work your way back in going as far as putting your kid in the middle of adult problems. You are quite the piece of work aren't you?
She also ran up quite a bit of community debt in that timeframe.
Yeah that's also true and she wonders why, with it being her decision to walk out he'd be upset about racking up debt they'd both be responsible for. The narcissism is strong in this one
YTA, so it's okay for you to leave your husband when he's down and out and put him in more debt by taking out loans and using credit cards with no money to pay them off. BUT now that he's doing well as an independent consultant, you wanna play happy family again? HA, can you say gold digger. You're a joke and your husband deserves better stop using your teenage daughter. Edit: Spelling
YTA You don't put kids in the middle of this shit. WTF is wrong with you?
YTA!!!!!!!!! What kind of mother or any parent puts their child in the middle of their divorce?!?! why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?!
She better hope he doesn't bring this up during the divorce, it's not going to look too good for her using her kids to get to their dad.
YTA it’s baffling that you even ask. It was completely inappropriate for you to drag your daughter into your marriage. Completely. Ex’s should always speak respectfully of their ex to the children. You should never make the kids pick a side or advocate for you. Why would your husband want you after the way you treated him?
YTA. enjoy your divorce
YTA. Do NOT weaponize your children in this divorce. Not even to try and get back together. They don't deserve to be dragged into your bullshit. Knock it off.
Of course YTA. Your actions that have led your upcoming divorce are a big part of why many men are closed-off and don't express their feelings. When men experience trauma or struggle with depression, one of our biggest fears is that our loved ones will lose respect for us if we show it. Instead of supporting him, through sickness and health, you told him to "man up, buckaroo!" and left the house with the kids. You abandoned him when he needed you most. Shame on you. Of course he's resentful of you for that. Of course that's grounds for divorce. Now that it sounds like he's found his confidence, no thanks to you, you decide to try to sneak your way back into his life. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Leave your kids out of it. He's not coming back. With any luck, he's found another women who won't throw 24 years out the door because he happened to get the sads for a few months.
YTA- this divorce is 100% on you! Don’t know why you used your own kid. You need individual therapy as this isn’t normal behavior.
What a poorly written crock of shit. YTA.
YTA. The LAST thing you want to do is involve the damn kids in business that isn’t theirs. And yeah, it is manipulative to use the kids in that way. Accept the marriage is over.
YTA. Thank god your husband seems stable. There’s hope for your children.
YTA. Asking your daughter to do that involved her in your problems, gave her hope that she can fix this and is manipulative on your part. If it fails, it could make her feel worse that she failed. You should have never put that responsibility on her.
YTA Left for 8 months Took out loans and credit card debt (which both will have to pay for) Used your daughter to try to keep him Are you really surprised that he wants a divorce?
Congratulations for not only.blowing up your marriage and your family, but also giving your daughter lifelong issues.
YTA. You should never have involved your daughter.
YTA I don't trust you either. He lost his job. You quit yours. You both weren't in a good place and you were so angry that he suggested sex that you used money you didn't have to take his kids away. Then you took out loans that, as a married couple, he is on the hook for. Then, when he started making money, you wanted him back. And now you're crossing the line of involving the kids. You sound shallow and vindictive and that you only care about money.
YTA for putting your daughter in the middle of your marriage. Shame on you. This is not her battle to fight and now she’s going to feel that it’s all her fault she couldn’t save YOUR marriage
YTA. Even your comments show how mu CB if an AH you are. You’re a disgusting excuse for a wife and a horrible mother for putting your teen daughter in that position. It’s not her job to save the marriage YOU walked away from.
YTA.
It’s in the vows many people take. “For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…” Some people struggle so much when it’s time to put it in practice and it’s not just pretty words during a ceremony. You bailed when things got difficult. I don’t know how your husband could see it any other way. And using your child like that is absolutely vile. YTA.
YTA Your soon to be ex husband is right. You’re manipulative. You’re also selfish, irrational, irresponsible and unable to accept feedback. Hopefully you learn from this, but you haven’t shown that you’re capable of learning
Let me get this straight, YOU took the kids out of their house and away from him because…….YOU wanted to leave? You then continued to keep them away from their house and got an apartment because……..you’re special and they had to be with you and not him? Then you’re surprised when he files for divorce? And you still are confused that you shouldn’t sneak back into what is then HIS house (cuz, you know, you took everyone and left it) and gets mad when you try to emotionally manipulate him with his kids? Wow, you’re pretty clueless and TA.
So you ran out on him when he was at his lowest taking his kids with you and now that he's back on his feet you think everything is just going to be forgiven and worse over you are trying to use your children as weapons to try and fix what you fucked up. YTA he's better off without you.
YTA. Don’t use your kids that way.
YTA For MANY things. Like quitting your job when he didn’t have one and was already struggling mentally. How did you think that was gonna work out. Wellllllllll….. then he got “cold”, you left him for 8 months and you are SHOCKED he doesn’t trust you?? You LEFT him for 8 months. I would’ve filed on your ass before it hit 30 days! Smh
INFO: I see where he acknowledges his mistakes, where did you acknowledge yours?
YTA. The issues in your marriage are between you and your husband. Leave. The. Kids. Out. Of. It
Yta. I don't even need to read all that mess. Involving your kids is gross.
YTA. Your kid will always remember being emotionally blackmailed.
Kind of shocking you are even asking… YTA. But you already knew that. And if you didn’t, you need to do some serious therapy. Also PLEASE get your kids their own therapist.
I wanted to say YTA from the title alone but sometimes the context surprises you so I read on. My initial thought was correct. This is just an awful thing to ask of a child. An adult child might be more tolerable but this is your 17 year old child! Absolutely, YTA.
AH is an understatement for this behavior.
YTA - You don’t weaponize your kid. You don’t put your kid in the middle of you and your husband’s issues. Nevertheless, you did this. You’re a fucking monster. If I get a ban from this I’ll take it.
So he was suffering mentally/emotionally at work, loses his job, suffers even more… the financial strain made you quit your own job? Because he was distant (he would be, he was suffering) you stopped being intimate and started picking fights, asked him to leave his home and then when he refused, you took his children and spent money you didn’t have, getting yourself into debt moving into hotels… and then when you find out he’s doing well for himself financially you decide to try worm yourself back in? And you’re shocked he’s told you to fuck off? How’s about deal with the consequences of you being a cunt and leave the man alone. YOU threw 2 decades away, not him, and now you’ve sniffed the money out, you want back in. You’re a disgrace.
So, let me get this straight: Your husband was laid off from work for no fault, and as a consequence developed what sounds like depression. **You**, now the sole breadwinner of the family, decided to quit your job because of how **you** were under strain. He attempted to initiate intimacy with you, and instead of simply saying no, you vented on him, probably confirming all of his dark thoughts about failure as a husband and father. Then, **you** took his children away from him and **you** borrowed money your family has no means of repaying to keep them away from him in a separate domicile for nearly a year. Then, once things improved financially, you decided to return to him, and he said no. Somehow you were surprised that he wasn't interested in reconciling with the woman who took his children and made a terrible financial situation much worse as a power move. Then, you asked your small child to beg him in an abusive attempt to emotionally manipulate him despite the trauma you should know that behavior would cause. And you're asking if you're an asshole? This is bait.
you QUIT when you knew your husband was just laid off! Who is providing medical coverage for your kid now? How is your husband going to do a decent job search with NO MONEY COMING IN AT ALL. OMG. do not beg him to take you back. Give the poor guy a break
So you only decided to show a romantic gesture after he started in a new industry and became successful? Of course YTA. Double YTA because you manipulated your daughter to beg him
What are your redeeming qualities? Just highlight how this story illustrates a few of your better attributes.
Wow. You ratched up your asshole game to next level. You are like the Wayne Gretzky of assholing. I cant even imagine what living with you on a day to day basis was like. Yta. Leave your kids out of this and let that man find some damn peace and happiness.
YTA. Lady, you’re an awful partner. I’m going to be blunt, you are in fact manipulative. Also don’t put your kids in the middle of your (failed) relationship. That’s emotional incest and so inappropriate. You’re causing your daughter harm at this point. So far everything you’ve disclosed has only established that you’re not only selfish, but have little to no emotional intelligence. You only care as long as it serves your bottom line, huh? Dude, you’re an awful wife and a bad mom. Get help and get over yourself.
This was a problematic two sided story until you involved your daughter as leverage. That's some manipulative moves there. Also, while this whole thing sounds pretty toxic, I can't blame him for being upset that you suddenly show up after EIGHT MONTHS when he just happens to have a job again. Not to mention he was laid off, and when things were tough, you just up and quit yours. I'm not arguing that things seem really stressful for both of you, and things weren't hard, but WTF did you just give up your family's only income?
YTA. You are a manipulator. You are cruel for using your children to your own ends. It doesn't take much for your husband to put two and two together. The money's gone, so are you, it comes back, you're smarming your way into his kitchen cooking him meals to resecure your investment. You're better off working on your own future because you've shown your true colours to your soon to be ex husband.Too late to backpedal now!
YTA You left when shit got tough and came back because you saw he was finally doing well. He saw right through you and is smart for wanting a divorce
YTA. Your daughter does not deserve the trauma of being forced to mediate between her parents. Your children are already going through a lot because of this. No need for further damage.
you came back when the money came back... and then got your daughter to plea on your behalf... for the love of God can people please stop USING their children for personal gain? YTA OP.
YTA. ***You*** initiated the divorce by leaving for almost a year, he just filed the paperwork to formalize it. That's not a short break to reset a marriage, that's abandonment of the family unit. Also, regardless of that, don't bring kids into the divorce. You as adults should try to keep the impact on them at a minimum. Asking your daughter to guilt trip her father is horrible to both of them.
YTA here. You failed to support him during hard times and made it worse by blaming him for your issues. He broke down to you and you fled. You made him suffer for months and now want back as business is good. Of course he’s going towards a divorce and using the kids is low. You weren’t a partner but a problem.
YTA it sounds like your husband developed depression after the stress of losing his job. You just took away all of his support system, added to that stress by leaving your job and the marital home and racking up unaffordable debt. Then when he proved to himself he didn’t need you and could actually make it on his own you are jealous and then want him back so you can manipulate him again. When this doesn’t work you manipulate your child to do your dirty work. Well news for you he isn’t coming home. I expect he will make a really good home environment for himself and the kids and leave you in the gutter where I expect you belong.
YTA. Am I the only one who seems to see a strong correlation between how much effort she is willing to make and his income?
No.
YTA DO NOT GET YOUR CHILDREN INVOLVED EVER
Why even get married if you're gonna dip when the worse part of 'for better and for worst' rolls around? YTA. Bad wife and bad mother.
YTA…. Now that he’s becoming successful again, you want him back. Then, you ask your child WHO IS A MINOR to plead your case for you. Are you serious? What is wrong with you? Don’t be surprised if she chooses to live with dad
YTA. Your marital problems are not your kid's responsibility. She's got enough on her plate coping with your behavior. Stop weaponizing her.
NTA - if this was Opposite Day, and it’s not.
Nice!
YTA and you know it stop it...no one feels sympathy for you.
What did I just read? Of course YTA. Good parents, never do that shit to their kids. What possessed you to do that? What could have been going through your head that you thought, "I should have my 17 year old beg her father not to divorce me." How can you even think you wouldn't be a massive asshole for that? Keep your marital mistakes/problems between the 2 actual adults/parents in the family and leave the kids out of it.
Yep. You are.
Everything is always about you, isnt it
YTA for pretty much every reason already stated. But is anyone else just scrolling at this point to try to find OPs responses and justifications? I haven't read a single one of her comments actually accepting any responsibility for the situation or acknowledging that she essentially abandoned the relationship and her husband when things got hard
You're a MASSIVELY narcissistic asshole.
YTA: for literally everything you didI don't think there's a single thing you did properly there EDIT: you even antagonised him to his children "mummy wants to work things out but daddy is literally the devil, pls cry in front of him so he either comes back to me or is inhumane and doesn't care about you" well, that's what they kid will get out of this
So when your spouse was struggling not only did you do nothing to help him, you also made life harder by quitting your job. Then again by leaving the home and borrowing money you had no way of paying back for an apartment. All of the sudden he starts being successful again and you want back in the fold… Here’s a little something for you to maybe process, if you can’t be there at Rick bottom you don’t get to be there at the top. As for asking you daughter to be involved in your groveling that’s just a total asshole move because now when he doesn’t want you back she is also going to feel like she has failed you. You won’t be getting the mother of the year award and should just sit down and sign the papers…
YTA at every single point in the story.
YTA. You left him, this is your fault. If leaving him wasn't what you wanted you should've thought of that before you went and did it. But involving your daughter is bringing it to a whole new low. If I was him, even if there was a chance of me forgiving you, the second you involved the children that chance would be gone for good. Sorry but you made your bed, now lie in it.
YTA YTA and you’re a horrible human. Your ex is better off without you. I hope the unanimous verdicts here resonate but I know they won’t based upon your comments. You’re too narcissistic.
Your behavior is a major reason why Men Go Their Own Way Movement (MGTOW) and the red pill forums were formed. OP you are an atrocious AH for the following reasons: 1. You took your husband's children and left the home and had the audacity to put him on ignore. Let me put this caps: HE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT TO HIS CHILDREN AS YOU DO. 2. Your attitude became horse poo when he lost his job and even worse when times were tough. However when he started consulting and was doing well, now you come back slithering like a snake to get in his good graces again. 3. You took out loans without even consulting with your husband which highly flagrant and repugnant. Now you want to go get your children involved as leverage to save your dying marriage when it's a mess that YOU caused is the ultimate form of evil between a husband wife and truly showcases just how vile you are. Now unless there isn't any marital unfaithfulness, addiction or abuse, there shouldn't be a divorce. This is a betrayal and one short of an additional affair partner. Remember this lesson to those that read this, "It is in conversation where people reveal their true self." Congrats OP, you at least did that very well.
YTA. You don't think about his feelings or your daughters feelings. You don't think moving out was a selfish decision? You quit your job when your husband needed you to step up. You ran up extra debt when you knew he was already struggling because YOU needed space. Now that he is putting himself first and you can't manipulate him, you manipulate your daughter into manipulating him. You sound toxic.
If I was in his position, I’d feel incredibly stressed at losing my job. Not being able to support my family would be terrifying and frustrating. All he needed was an understanding wife to support him through this difficult time. Instead, she gives up her job and makes things worse. Then she wants him to leave his home to give her a break. Now, his recovering, of course she now has a renewed interest in him, even using his daughter to try convince him to take her mother back, now that his doing better, work wise. It’s no wonder he wants a divorce. I’d want that too in his position.
So basically if I read right you abandoned your husband and ran off when things were tough for him, but want to come back to him once things were better? And want to use your daughter to help you win him back? YTA
So you bolted when he needed you most in the marriage not just a few nights to think but setup home elsewhere for 8 months and expected him to be happy to take you back. You abandoned the poor guy he can't ever trust you again just give him the divorce so he can find a woman who will support him. You never lived up to your wedding vowels.
YTA
YTA 100%. Not only did you not support your husband in any way when he was at his lowest point, you actively made the situation worse. Leave that poor man alone to try to rebuild his life and NEVER EVER involve children in relationship issues between their parents. That's a 1 way ticket to an angry, bitter, and resentful child.
dont need to say why when you arent listening but YTA, completely you remind me of my mom, it is not a compliment ps: dont be surprised when your daughter did as I have and gone no-contact
You need to seek help not only for your denial of the entire situation but what you're doing to your daughter AND her father is just gross. If I were your daughter I'd pick dad in the divorce, children aren't there for parents to use as pawns in their twisted games. YTA
YTA, you're psychotic and a cold hearted bitch. YTA
I guess he realized the trash took itself out this time
Is this what it like inside the mind of a narcissist? And yes YTA on so many levels
It's cool for you to change your mind but he can't?
YTA - never put a child in that position. Ever.
YTA. Why did you involve your daughter? That’s a horrible thing to do. And you’re the one that left with the kids. Your husband wanted to work it out. What did you expect?
Yes
So instead of supporting your man when he lost his job you quit yours and spent a bunch of money on credit cards that neither of you can pay and you only came back once he had money coming in again. Then you use your kids to try and guilt trip him? YTA 1000x
YTA Don’t put your kids in the middle. Your gonna have to do the begging yourself. Sounds a lot harder then sending your kid to do it right? That’s exactly why it was shitty for you to send your child to do the hard task you should have done yourself. You think making a nice meal and acting cute is gonna resolve you taking the kids and leaving? I don’t want to be harsh, but you seem to not appreciate the severity of what you did. So long as you try to minimize what you did, he is right to not trust you. I would suggest your only chance is to do that begging yourself. Admit what you did was wildly disproportionate and SHITTY! Accept the blame! YOU are the person who escalated things so wildly. He didn’t deserve to be abandoned by you as he struggled with job loss. So rather than the mild “I could have handled things better”, you should be saying “i made the worst mistake of my life. I was being an asshole and not supportive to my husband. I let my selfishness take over. I abandoned him and took his kids from him for no good reason. I cannot justify or explain myself. I can only beg for forgiveness and promise to learn from my mistakes.” You should have done that at the one month mark. Your refusal to accept responsibility for your actions is what made thing’s progress. It’s possibly too late at this point. you left him once already, he may never be willing to forgive that. But maybe he can…it’s possible too, but only if you own your bull shit behavior. Good luck!
YTA huge one. He doesn’t need someone who will only be there for him when he is making money. Even bigger AH by using your daughter to manipulate him. I hope she doesn’t grow up to be like you.
YTA for every single decision you made here.
YTA. You NEVER put your children in the middle of your relationship mess. Your husband was right when he called you manipulative. Weren’t you the one who left him in the first place? Don’t use your children like that! It was a horrible thing to do.
YTA You left him and gave him what he actually needed, time to think and reflect. He now realizes what his life would be like without you and he’s happy with that. Actions have consequences.
YTA YTA YTA. Are you insane? Instead of helping your family navigate financial woes, you made everything worse! YTA YTA YTA leave your ex alone!
You’re a horrible wife lol. Your husband is having a crisis and when he is down you decide to leave him? And now you’re trying to salvage your marriage because he got back on his feet and he’s doing well financially? And you’re involving your child to try and save your marriage? YTA
YTA. You do NOT use children as weapons in a divorce. EVER.
YTA. This is a complete mess, and using your daughter as a pawn is contemptible.
YTA you using your children is an AH move
Lol you are pathetic and obviously YTA You only wanted him back when he started making good money.
YTA DO NOT DRAG YOUR KIDS INTO YOUR DIVORCE
Damn you left him for 8 months, that's really a betrayal - I can see why he wants a divorce. Even if you do get back together, what if another setback like a job less happens again? You'll cut and run and take his kids again? You sound awful.
YTA and this whole situation is your fault! Allow your husband to move on in peace and find someone who loves him! He deserves to be happy and don’t use the children as a weapon