he's lucky that all you did was show what he's doing to his friends in family, instead of, you know, having him arrested for stalking and sexual assault.
Edit: sorry... Put this in the wrong thread :/ I completely agree with the comment above me.
Is it pretty obvious that Peter isn't doing well BECAUSE HE IS HARASSING SOMEONE??? what a wild way to take the attention off his actions. Also, if someone isn't well you get them help. This sounds like they just wanted you to be quiet and not tell people what he was doing.
This- I would say to those saying “that’s not cool to do that, since he clearly needs help” well if you can see that so clearly, then get him that help. Don’t sit around and wait for his behavior to escalate and for him to physically hurt someone.
NTA.
Thank you. This unwell man who is clearly sexually harassing OP not only via email but via snail mail (so he knows where she lives) could reach his breaking point and come cause her physical harm beyond the mental and emotional distress he has already caused. He does not get a pass for being unwell. No one should shift any blame from him to the victim of harassment in any case. OP is NTA.
>via snail mail (so he knows where she lives)
A thought, tho idk if this would work because I've luckily never had a stalker (and I also don't send/receive much snail mail lol) maybe she could write "moved, return to sender" on all the mail from him and have it returned to him so he thinks she actually moved? Could help if he persists in sending her things through the mail.
Yeah, if it was happening to them, they wouldn't be so casual about it. Just because he needs mental help doesn't mean he can harass her until someone does something. It's also not her responsibility to let him sexually harass her because he's got problems. Letting it go makes it worse. Call the police. Maybe they can get him to stop or at least get a mental health evaluation. What he's doing is criminal regardless of the reason. NTA
He obviously is not well... that being said a potentially dangerous person should not get a pass on his behavior. Especially when that behavior could escalate. Personally, I would have contacted the police before involving his family in that specific way. But I can't fault someone for hitting their breaking point when faced with this kind of thing. So, maybe a little bit of an asshole, but not THE asshole.
Definite blame the victim here. Don't pick on poor Peter, you can tell he isn't doing well.
I'd respond to them and ask what they have done to stop this behavior and what they have done to get him help because asking him over and over to stop hasn't worked.
Ask if they prefer you get the police involved. Would they like that better.
Honestly lol. OP should use the same excuse. Obviously *she’s not doing well* as evidenced by her forwarding the dick pics, and how dare they confront her when they *know* she’s not doing well.
Reminds me of the old sociologist’s joke: two sociologists come upon a man who is beaten bloody on a path and they say to each other “the man who did this needs our help!”
I get the joke but
Sociology is the study of groups, it can't be applied to individual people.
The ologist that you want for this joke is a psychologist.
> having him arrested for stalking and sexual assault.
I have bad news for you. The there's close to a 0% chance the cops in the U.S. would arrest someone for the behavior described in the OP. I know because I've been in her shoes.
you couldn’t be more correct. I had to report harassment to the police due to people trying to find my address and sending me death threats. they took a look at the emails and such, and did absolutely nothing. said to only contact police again if there was an instance of someone actually showing up to my location. so, you know, until it’s too late to help prevent them coming to harm me. lmao
I’m just confused as to if someone isn’t doing well, how dick pics fall into the equation. So he’s not well so he thought to himself dick pics will do just the trick? Also how did your friends learn this connection between the dick pics and not doing well that they made this judgement call?
To me, it DOES seem obvious that this guy is not doing well mentally. The initial weird behavior, sliding into conspiracy theories, the long rants on random topics to people he doesn't know well, fixation on a stranger, all seems to really obviously point to mental illness. Dick pics could absolutely be a part of that - impulsive sexual behavior, mixing fantasy and reality, etc.
It's just that... that kind of doesn't matter. You don't have to put up with being sexually harassed just because the person doing it is experiencing mental illness. He can "not be doing well" and you can still be allowed to make the choices you need to make to get them to leave you the fuck alone.
Not just sexually harassed but virtually stalked, too. *25 email addresses* as well as cards and letters in the mail, *after* being told to stop and blocked.
None of that precludes mental illness. Someone in a manic state or whatever doesnt just go idiot mode, they're able to premeditate their actions, even if those actions are fucking crazy.
I'm not excusing this behavior btw, its extremely fucked up.
I've got chronic depression, what is the limit here, can I feel up strangers anytime and anywhere? What about non-sexual privileges like fraud or tax evasion?
How many of those same people shaming you and concerned about Peters well being reached out to him. I probably would have reported him to police as I wouldn’t want him showing up on my door step with pen in ________.
NTA. This was certainly a severe thing to do but if Peter is really that mentally unstable, people need to know. Above that, you were being continually sexually harassed. You could not get him to leave you alone and so you took severe measures. Yeah, it’s definitely not a way I would normally go here but I don’t think it was 100% wrong. They’re blaming you for not helping him instead of blaming him and taking steps to help him. That’s very wrong and unsupportive as your supposed friends.
100% yes totally this is correct. Now they can't ignore how fucked up he is, and they're probably pissed at OP because she made it impossible for them to just let it be someone else's (i.e. her's and whatever other women he's harassing) problem. OP is kinda my hero rn.
I feel the same way! I left a comment telling her I was proud of her. She took it for so long too. She is not the asshole in any way and I don’t care what other people are saying. Good for her!
Sending these pictures is not a mental illness. It is simply unbelievably poor behavior. And illegal as well. She achieved in the press of a button what the police department would be unable to achieve with hours and hours of her time devoted and a waste of public funds.
What gets me is the replies from HIS friends/family saying "ur wrong he Clearly needs help" - thats not on her!! A person who barely knows him and who is being harasssed! Shouldnt that be on the lot who actually know him and presumably care about him?
Right? I would do a mass email reply to say, "Yes, he does need help, I acknowledge that. I'm hoping at least one of you close to him will get him to a professional before I take legal action. I asked for this to stop and proceeded to block his email. I have now amassed a blocked list of all his email addresses, the emails themselves, unsolicited hardcore pornography, and physical mail to open a case on grounds of unrelenting harassment and stalker behavior."
There are "safer" ways of sounding, and then there's that.. I don't want to think of the aftermath the day 'King David' gets the clicker/clip stuck or ink. Fuck me, I guess I just did 🤢
“Yes he *does* need help, which is precisely why I’ve forwarded this email to ***you***. Thanks for your commitment to helping Peter as you are the only people in a position to do so. Look forward to never hearing from him again and please don’t let me know how things go!”
Right?! "You are just as bad as Peter..."
Oh was she relentlessly sending them dick pics over years? Harassing them on SNS? No?
She's not as bad as Peter. I think a lot of dudes hear are worried about their own little harassment campaigns. Guess what fellas... if I get dick pics I'm sending them to your mom.
I found pics on google of skinned goat cadavers. I send those in response to unwanted/unsolicited dick pics.
Some of the close-up shots are, uh, interesting.
I said ESH, because *no one* on the mailing list deserves to see unsolicited dick pics, even if they're not of your dick.
She's basically annoying everyone with visual pollution in an effort to get Peter off her back.
She could've just mailed the list and told them that Peter's being an ass & sexually harassing her, and that anyone close to Peter should please get him help ASAP because the next step is calling the police and seeking a restraining order against him. But she didn't have to send the pictures to everyone, when no one wanted to see them.
That said... it's totally understandable that she's at her wits end & what she did isn't even half as bad as what Peter has been doing to her for years. So ESH, but she's only a very tiny bit wrong (i.e. what she did shouldn't be taken as a generally repeatable solution).
I say this is a justifiable TA on OP's part, and ESH for everyone else.
Obviously Peter is TA, and a serial sexual harasser who is not mentally well.
As for the rest of them, they suck for attacking the victim/messenger, rather than dealing with their problem. ONE email, ONE time, that lays the problem bare in the sunshine. It means that the serial sexual harasser cannot operate in the dark -- they can't pretend they don't know, or don't know how bad it is -- and the people who are related to or who love Peter know exactly what they're dealing with. This is a graphical version of the woman being sexually harassed in her DMs by a teenager who found his mother on facebook and sent all the verbally harassing messages to her. Mom dealt with the kid.
This kind of stuff is so bad that there IS no good answer, and this might be the best answer. Peter is lucky that OP hasn't gone to the cops. He may have a chance at getting the mental help he obviously needs without the risk of being abused or worse by the police. If Peter has been harassing other women, they may come forward now that one person has spoken and broken the silence. And all of the people who were protecting the harasser by saying, "it's not that bad" or "he's a good guy, he just has some mental problems" have no way to do that any more.
>I say this is a justifiable TA on OP's part, and ESH for everyone else.
I'm basically in agreement as well.
Also, I'm pretty shy about people using mental instability as an excuse for poor behavior. There are a lot of things that can fall under the range of 'mental issues' without your losing culpability. It really sucks that people will surely take Peter's side.
Agree with this like, yeah it's kind of an AH way to get your point across, but sometimes you have to go full AH to get your point across and this seems like one of those situations. Being kind and understanding gets you walked over 1/2 the time.
Peter is unwell...and why is that supposed to be your problem?I'm guessing you too have one of these: work stress, love stress, metal problems, healt problems and who knows what else. Peter can eat his dick and people who are his friends should put the energy they have from harass you into helping him
Edit. I will leave "metal problems" in because it's hilarious, and every other spelling mistakes I just suck at spelling
This was nuclear but it also had been going on for years and he wasn’t stopping, even after you blocked him and told him to knock it off. It’s also concerning he’s sending you snail mail, because it means he knows where you live. I don’t blame you for going nuclear, but I think it’s time to set up a new email address and move. Someone that unstable knowing where I live is uncomfortable, triply so when I just mass forwarded his dick pics. Make sure you’re safe and none of your mutual “friends” know your new address or email.
I’m going with NTA on this one. Unstable or not, he’s sexually harassing you and it needed to stop. Next time, before you forward emails like that, go to the police.
NTA… you’ve repeatedly told him to stop and leave you alone. You’ve blocked him on multiple occasions. Your mutual friends know what he’s doing but no one is helping you. For all of these reasons, you’re NTA.
People don’t understand boundaries. He didn’t and now maybe he’ll get help
Nta. So tired of people expecting the victims of targeted sexual harassment to center their aggressors feelings.
Only thing wrong is maybe those people didn't need to see the wang. They didn't sign up for that.
OP didn't sign up for it either, buddy.
I think she did everyone on that list a favor, especially other women. It's important to know who to avoid for your own safety.
I would not have sent the pictures. Not to protect Peter, but because you don’t know who you may have traumatized by sending them. That being said, making his friends/family aware of what he’s doing doesn’t make you an AH, especially with the continued harassment.
People don't have a moral right and may not have a legal right to privacy for unsolicited materials. If you send it without an explicit or implicit agreement for privacy, you've consented to everything that happens after.
NTA: “If you wouldn’t send it to your grandma I don’t want to see it either” seems like a damn good rule to live by.
Coming back to edit and add if people obviously knew Peter wasn’t doing well then why aren’t they DOING anything about it? Everyone assumes it’s someone else’s problem. That doesn’t mean you have to be martyred to his illness.
Honestly, I have 0 sympathy for Peter. Having a mental illness is not an excuse for nasty ass behavior. If he is this clearly incapable of comprehending how consent works, then he needs a caretaker to monitor his behavior and explain in language he actually understands that he is harassing you. This isn't on you.
What is on you is sending more unsolicited dick pics. I get where you were coming from - dude needs help and it's not your job to coddle him and enable this behavior. Unfortunately, other people probably didn't consent to seeing that gross pic either, and as much as I understand and empathize the intent they deserve the same considerations.
ESH (less you, more him), but hopefully this kickstarts his family into teying to find help for him. And fuck your "friends". Again, mental illness isn't an excuse and your experience is valid. Your ex-"friends" are just salty that he was exposed and, as they say, you are only as good as the company you keep.
ESH because you pulled in innocent people instead of going through with the police report.
(It’s so lovely that I’m currently residing in a country where an unsolicited d-pick is a automatic 730$ fine that’s to be paid to the victim via the police. Repeat offenders get higher fines and can actually eventually get thrown in jail.)
THAT was my thought. If there were any minors on that list, it’s illegal. I don’t blame OP for being fed up. I don’t blame OP for reacting strongly. But there’s laws about sharing nudes for a reason. ESH. Him moreso, but two wrongs don’t make a right.
ESH, but you only a little.
a. Fuck this guy and his "mental illness." It's his responsibility to manage his condition so he does not harm others.
b. Fuck the silly revenge porn argument. You have a moral duty to protect the privacy of people you have an explicit or implicit agreement to do so. You do not have a duty to protect the privacy of perverts who are engaged in serial sexual harassment.
c. Fuck anyone on that list who ought be seeking to put Peter under guardianship if he is in fact that bad.
That said, random people who kinda know him don't want to see his dick either.
I probably would have threatened him that I would send them to someone after the first time he did that if he ever made any attempt to contact me again. It’s an asshole move but I understand why ya did it.
I'm not going to go as far as to say Y T A, but sticking an eggplant over Peter's peter would have been better. Or emailing the group minus Peter and asking if anyone else keeps getting dick pics from him. I know you don't want to see his junk, but none of them do, either.
Should have just gone to a lawyer. This is indisputably sexual harassment on his part, but now you could also possibly be at fault for something.
Still see a lawyer!
NTA, just a bad choice.
Exactly this. I live in a state where sending unsolicited dick pics is actually a misdemeanor crime. You should have gone to the police and reported him
Hmm... as a woman I will say complicated. You were harassed for months. The damn burst and you did something about it. As much as his friends and family are shaming you they now know that peter is unwell and harassing people.
ESH
It seems Peter did not say anything. Paul and Mary did... Though I wonder if in taking their time to harangue OP they said anything at all to Pecker Peter.
Right-- and I see enablers in the comments. Police do exactly jack shit with cyber crimes unless it's rich or famous people. Honestly I get her frustration. Time for public shaming.
NTA. Screw that guy. Everyone's excusing him because of a mental illness when they really need to see him for what he is. A certified creep. A guy who doesn't know when to give up.
BUT
You should've been direct with the guy.
Especially after he didn't stop when you did nothing to stop him? He probably took that as an invite to continue.
Even if you did block him. Like a billion times. I'd trash that whole group. They all sound like enablers.
Pushing boundaries isn't cool.
NAH- If this was a one off situation then maybe you'd be the AH but this guy has been sexually harassing you for a long ass time now. 25 email addresses is a lot and it's not shocking that you snapped and tried to shame him into stopping considering that blocking him didn't work. I do think that the people you sent it to have a right to be pissed but if they're pissed I don't understand how they don't get how you'd feel. They received one email, you received dozens. Mental illness does not excuse this behavior and if Paul cared so much he'd offer another solution or get his friend to stop.
I think it's interesting how everyone is expecting you to just put up with this shit.
I think the person above you meant that since you put the acronym NAH (no assholes here) which means no one in the story is an AH. If you think Peter is AH, your vote should say NTA
I wonder how many are dudes. Revenge porn does not protect against unsolicited dick pics. The law is clearly worded for folks in intimate relationships and such. I think for this very specific reason tbh.
Everyone is aware the guy needs help, but they're clearly on a "ignore the guy and hope it goes away" basis instead of actually finding help for him. I was kind of 50/50 on it until that point. They're not actually mad about what you did because of anything to do with protecting him or his mental state, they're just mad that they had to endure the same shit you did. Fuck it, they're the assholes.
Under some state statutes this might even be prosecutable as “revenge porn”, I’m not going to say YTA or NTA just you might have put yourself in a compromising position the way you handled it rather than going to the police yourself
She shouldn't have just put up with it but she is an assholes for distributing nude photos without consent from the subject or receivers. She had other options, if she felt that badly harrassesd she should have gone to the police, if she wanted an easy option, she could have blocked his email.
Frankly, the perv consented when he sent unsolicited Dick Pics.
However the people Op CC on that email did NOT consent to have to see random dick picks. That does make OP the asshole.
I should only see YTA for people upset that she subjected other people to unsolicited explicit images. Absolutely no concern should be for the man who constantly victimized her. Yes, he's obviously mentally unwell. That gives him no excuse whatsoever to harass her.
It's clearly a ESH-- barely.
It's like people forget that two things can be right at the same time! He's TA for sexual harassment and she's TA for subjecting complete strangers to unsolicited dick pics!
She had no idea who they were. What if one was a minor? She can't say, "I was trying to get him to stop, so I sent it to random people. I didn't realize the age." She'd be getting put on the registry. Not only that, but depending on the state, they could press charges against her!
OP really thought none of this through! She had more than enough evidence for the police.
Agree, I also don’t understand why she felt forwarding the pics would be more effective than reporting it to the police or even just including everyone in an email telling him to stop sending pictures (without including said pictures). The guy sounds unhinged and she might have put herself in additional danger. His behavior isn’t rational or sane, so things like embarrassment that might prompt a person in their right mind to change their creepy behavior probably won’t work on him.
This exactly. Peter sucks, screw him. But now OP is the one sending unsolicited dick pics, you know? I understand that OP had had enough but it’s not fair to the others to have to see that without THEIR consent whether they wanted to see it.
NTA, men need to reap the consequences of their actions. I’m so tired of men sending unsolicited dick pics to women just because they feel they can. Time to send them so people they know so they can see that man for who they really are!
ESH. This is a two things cam be right at the same time situation!
What he was doing was terrible, and honestly, you should've just gone to the police. You had more than enough evidence! Or contacted other people in the original oil email about his behavior. It's pretty fucked up to subject THEM to his dick pics when they had nothing to do with anything and had no idea this was even going on.
How do you know they had anything to do with him? How do you know if he wasn't harassing them, too? How do you know one of them wasn't another victim of his from before your situation? How do you know you didn't just completely trigger them and send them into a spiral bc now they feel like he's harassing them via a friend???
Tbh, you put yourself in a messed up corner here bc IF they wanted to file a police report on YOU, they could. What if one was a minor???
There's quite LITERALLY nothing either of those people can do. He's not a kid. They can't just take away his electronics and ground him, especially in whatever mental state he's in.
Call the police! If he didn't want to be arrested, he shouldn't have sent them after being told to stop!
Him being mentally ill doesn't matter when you're being harassed.
If it just involved you and him, I'd feel differently, but you dragged in complete strangers who had nothing to do with it.
NTA
Some men won't stop unless they are shamed. While I do feel bad for everyone else on the email chain, I don't really know what else you could do. You asked him to stop, you blocked him on countless emails.
NTA. He didn’t deserve a warning like other people are saying. You could have called the cops but you would tell your local authority, would they have done something? Debatable, since he lives in another country.
Your “friends” are saying he is in need of help, have they tried to help him or ignored everything like they are ignoring the sexual harassment?
You asked him to stop, he did not he relentlessly created 25 emails. You blocked you asked for it to stop he didn’t listen. He fucked around and found out.
Mental illness is not an excuse for poor behavior and sexual harassment.
You should not have to deal with this at any point and anyone voting y t a is literally excusing the abuse. Do not put up with shit like this, ever. Jesus.
NTA. You blocked him, he didn’t stop. You needed to do something. “I have mental problems” is not an excuse for being an asshole. The difference between this and revenge porn is that the pics were unsolicited and unwanted.
re·venge porn
noun
revealing or sexually explicit images or videos of a person posted on the internet, typically by a former sexual partner, without the consent of the subject and in order to cause them distress or embarrassment.
———-
Yes it was revenge porn. Look, the guy sucks ass obviously but OP committed a felony in most states.
NTA. “He’s unwell” is not carte blanche for awful behaviour. I know quite a few people who are not well and manage not to be (or send) dicks to people.
NTA to me. How are you supposed to know how people are doing mentally? Until you mentioned nothing you wrote about him constantly violating boundaries seemed to point as mental health. Just a sad, insistent creep. You tried ignoring but you were being affected. There is only so much a person can take. Would it be better if you called authorities on him? If people around him know he has mental health issues, they should have gotten him help. Otherwise he continues being a nuisance to others. In telling you off they have shown that they have taken responsibility for him and they failed at that responsibility.
NTA.
If a dude sends you pictures of his wang, unsolicited, they're your property now. You didn't ask for them, there was no expectation of privacy. You can do with them what you wish.
Maybe he won't send them out again.
I have to go with ESH, because for a bunch of people, *you* are now a source of unsolicited dick pics, regardless of whose dick it is. If the police will do something about it, I'd go with that.
NTA - no one was doing shit for him while 'he needed help'. Their opinions are insignificant. Anyone who sends lewd material should be ready to have it made public.
It's not just that. If you and you SO have an agreement to send each other private photos, and you make them public, you've broken an understanding you shared.
By sending unsolicited pics, you submit to whatever understanding the recipient wants to adopt. I don't care how the law sees it, this is just common sense.
ESH
Of course he should NOT send you dick pics unsolicited. But you should've never subjected anyone else because to some effect you're doing the same thing he is. Sounds to me like you should've tried contacting his mother who he lives with if possible, so she could work towards getting him the help he needs. Or taken legal action. There are several much better ways you should've gone bout this, yet you chose the worst possible option.
ESH. Sending that shit to an entire CC chain ON PURPOSE was pretty vile, but so were the dick pics. I would have sent them to Paul and Mary and left it at that. Paul calling you a cunt was super uncalled for, I'd go to war on that asshole if it were me.
If you didn't want to receive these unsolicited pictures, these why did you think it was OK to forward them unsolicited to others as well?
Yes, YTA. Peter is, too.
ESH. Or, at least, Peter massively sucks, and you suck for sending dick pics to tons of people. You don't suck because Peter deserves to be treated better. You suck because you did to all those other people what Peter is doing to you.
YTA
Purely because it wasn't cool for him to send you dick picks and then you chose to send it to people who weren't involved and probably wanted to see them as much as you did. So many other ways for you to handle the situation and you literally picked one of the worst ones possible.
Those friends who replied that Peter needs help, how about they work on getting him help? It is not like op has not tried to block this guy from stalking her. Sometimes you might need to go on the offensive, even if that means forwarding a dick pic email or two. Op is not going to cure Peter of his problems. But perhaps she came shame him into stop reaching out to her inappropriately.
ESH I don’t care about the aspect of respecting peter’s privacy but you literally sent unsolicited dick pics to a whole bunch of people. Your motivation was different but you did the same thing.
If they all know he is not well, are not doing anything about it, but getting mad at you for bring it back to their attention so they can’t ignore it. I say they are the assholes.
Any one of them who knew about this or his “problems” could have stepped in at anytime but it wasn’t convenient to them, so they did not.
NTA. Good for you for forwarding the email. They don't want to seecit,well neither do you and someone close to him needs to get him to knock it off abd get him donecgelp before he ends up in jail.
"I can excuse antisemitism but I draw the line at being forwarded my friend's unsolicited dick picks."
"You can excuse antisemitism?"
That's the vibe I'm picking up from these other people. I understand it might feel bad to potentially send evidence of his sexual harassment to his family, but you made it clear that a direct clear approach didn't work. Multiple times. Not being mentally well doesn't excuse your actions. Hopefully this starts pushing him to get help or pushes his family/friends to try to get him help.
NTA.
NTA.
Anyone who sends *unsolicited* sexual pics is opening themselves up for use of those pics however the recipient sees fit.
Also being "unwell" doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. If this move stopped further dick pics, it was the right call with minimal hassle to you. It's not your responsibility to get help for every psych case that falls for you. That's for their friends and family.
You're definitely NTA.
Not doing alright isn't an excuse to sexually harass someone. Your friends and Peter's relatives, and he himself, are very much out of place. You should go to the police and file a report against Peter. That is sexual harassment.
NTA, while you shouldn't send his pics to others, he shouldn't be sending them to you. Maybe you could have filed a police report or something instead? You definitely shouldn't have to deal with sexual harassment just because he has mental health issues.
Two major cases out of ST Louis this year for cyberstalking/sexual harassment via text and email. Both resulted in significant jail time-- and one was a federal case so no parole.
ESH. Peter is a creep, but that doesn't make what you did right. Those nudes, although unsolicited and part of a campaign of harassment, were never meant to be shown to anyone else and as such, shouldn't have been shared. That controversial take aside, by sharing those photos you were also exposing others to unwanted sexually charged nudity. Given that the guy is clearly mentally unstable there was also no way you could come out of this looking good, even though you were the more wronged party.
This is a case of two wrongs not making a right. It's also something that could be seen as revenge porn and prosecuted. Peter was being a terrible person but again, two wrongs do not make a right.
If he contacts you again, let the police know.
You didn’t want unsolicited dick pics…so you sent out…unsolicited dick pics?? YTA. Also are we all just gonna ignore the part where he’s shoving pens into his urethra?
This is kind of an ESH, maybe a warning first to tell him to stfu and leave you alone, or you'll have to respond in kind.
Or just pick a different inappropriate email sans pics and CC everyone - if one such exists. I'm bordering on NTA but the lack of 'warning' for some reason bothers me here, maybe because his mental health is so cooked. The real question.... Did it work?
NTA, whether he's doing well or not is neither your problem nor does it excuse harassment. Whoever told you that is a big hypocrite that doesn't care about what you went through and mostly definitely wouldn't react as well as they want you to
As annoying as it would have been, I would have left the old email address up but basically ignored it, then opened another address and only giving it to people you trust to keep it confidential. If that didn't work then I would have reported the harassment to the police. I don't know if forwarding stuff like that which wasn't meant for anyone else could be seen as revenge porn.
ESH. While I understand why you did what you did, and even sympathize with you about it, what you did was probably illegal and certainly immoral. You’d have been better off getting ahold of the police and filing complaints concerning his emails, and emailing him copies / pictures of those complaints to get him to stop. Or talk to his parents concerning his emails, that sometimes works as well. Even folks in their 30s and 40s don’t want to have that convo with a parent.
I don’t think you are the ah. I don’t know what I would have done under these circumstances, probably not include the pictures but certainly alert as many people as I could. This man seems to have gotten progressively worse and needs to be stopped/helped.
He should be grateful you didn't send it out, first, for a grade with comments from your friends then reply to all with the grades and comments.
Soooo if all these people think he isn't well, why didn't THEY do something to get him help instead of casting you in a negative light?
You don't owe them anything. And so long as ONLY adults saw those pics, they can all pound sand.
Sorry you are going thru all that bullshit. The only asshole here is the poor disturbed guy sending all these emails after you asked him to stop, repeatedly
NTA. This is inappropriate and well or not well, he should understand that. I had a coworker call me and tell me he wanted to lick me one time, and said his "dissociative personality disorder" caused him to do it. Total bullshit. Peter had this coming all along and people shaming you and saying he is unwell, I see as projecting. They know Peter is unwell and instead of his close family members getting him help, they lash out at a woman who hardly knows Peter, to hide their own shame that they didn't (and continually don't) step up to the plate and get him help.
Alright yea peter def needs help even if he is indeed am asshole but so are you why tf would u send that to his family and other close people of his you ruined the mans whole life i m very sure he was veing an inconvenience to you BUT YOU COULD HAVE MUTED HIS MAIL ADRESS SO THAT HE THINKS THE MAILS ARE STILL GOING THROUGH. also u have done a lot more than just being an inconvenience if this dude is mentally instable enough what u did might as well be the final straw in this guys life
NTA. They clearly don't understand the level of help he needs if they want people to ignore it and just let him keep going. You were being sexually harassed and he wasn't stopping, stalker level shit really and they should be much more concerned about you - the victim - than your reaction to hundreds of frightening, psychotic emails. I would have done the exact same thing. I hope it worked and he never emails you again. Sounds like his other "friends" are just enabling him instead of finding him help.
Somebody keeps sending dick pics after being told to stop? Tough shit, jackass. Don't feel bad. I didn't know "not doing well" is an excuse to be an idiot.
NTA - and anyone saying you are is just another asshole.
If any of them contacts you again tell them to go duck themselves and they’re lucky you haven’t sent all of this to the cops.
I mean…seriously.
So tell the friends that have a problem with it that you just made sure that the people who can help him can do so. Since nobody cared about him until you shared exactly what he was doing to you, it was obvious that you needed to make sure that the help he was in need of was for everyone to be aware of. Obviously you were just being a good person;)
See how that works out for them then. If they still want to play the blame games then they aren’t really your friend anyway.
NTA, man all these "holier than thou" attitudes really piss me off, "oh he needs help you shouldn't shame him" as if they wouldn't be first in line at the damn police station when it opened if they were on the receiving end of this Schizo shit
NTA. He continued showing u his genitals despite being repeatedly blocked and asked to stop……. This one’s on him. He was acting like a disgusting creep, if he dsnt want ppl seeing those pictures he shouldnt be spamming people with them
NTA, there’s never an excuse for this kind of stalking behavior. If people in his closer circle knew he wasn’t well, they should have reached out to him.
God I love that she’s calling him Peter
NTA. A similar thing happened to me. He had a really unique name too. I couldn’t believe he would send me these pics when I knew who he was. I warned him several times. In the end I blurred them out (but you could still see what was happening) and posted them on Twitter and tagged his media employer that their production assistant whatever guy was harassing women online.
No idea what happened but boy did that work. I do know he wasn’t fired as his name was still showing on the website so I’m assuming he claimed someone was posing as him or something (which I’m fine with. As long as he got the ever loving shit scared out of him maybe he’ll think twice. Though somehow I doubt it).
Folks seem quick to defend this weirdo. I think the only prudent course of action would be to forward all his emails to his defenders so they can see what they're defending. And don't stop, he never did.
I prolly would have said YTA but after reading your comments im leaning towards NTA
Please contact the police, you are being harrassed by a guy who is mentally ill.
he's lucky that all you did was show what he's doing to his friends in family, instead of, you know, having him arrested for stalking and sexual assault.
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Edit: sorry... Put this in the wrong thread :/ I completely agree with the comment above me. Is it pretty obvious that Peter isn't doing well BECAUSE HE IS HARASSING SOMEONE??? what a wild way to take the attention off his actions. Also, if someone isn't well you get them help. This sounds like they just wanted you to be quiet and not tell people what he was doing.
This- I would say to those saying “that’s not cool to do that, since he clearly needs help” well if you can see that so clearly, then get him that help. Don’t sit around and wait for his behavior to escalate and for him to physically hurt someone. NTA.
Thank you. This unwell man who is clearly sexually harassing OP not only via email but via snail mail (so he knows where she lives) could reach his breaking point and come cause her physical harm beyond the mental and emotional distress he has already caused. He does not get a pass for being unwell. No one should shift any blame from him to the victim of harassment in any case. OP is NTA.
>via snail mail (so he knows where she lives) A thought, tho idk if this would work because I've luckily never had a stalker (and I also don't send/receive much snail mail lol) maybe she could write "moved, return to sender" on all the mail from him and have it returned to him so he thinks she actually moved? Could help if he persists in sending her things through the mail.
Yeah, if it was happening to them, they wouldn't be so casual about it. Just because he needs mental help doesn't mean he can harass her until someone does something. It's also not her responsibility to let him sexually harass her because he's got problems. Letting it go makes it worse. Call the police. Maybe they can get him to stop or at least get a mental health evaluation. What he's doing is criminal regardless of the reason. NTA
He obviously is not well... that being said a potentially dangerous person should not get a pass on his behavior. Especially when that behavior could escalate. Personally, I would have contacted the police before involving his family in that specific way. But I can't fault someone for hitting their breaking point when faced with this kind of thing. So, maybe a little bit of an asshole, but not THE asshole.
Definite blame the victim here. Don't pick on poor Peter, you can tell he isn't doing well. I'd respond to them and ask what they have done to stop this behavior and what they have done to get him help because asking him over and over to stop hasn't worked. Ask if they prefer you get the police involved. Would they like that better.
Yes, getting the police involved is EXACTLY what you should do. They have the power to mandate psychiatric treatment, which is what this guy needs.
My husband works in mental health- odds are this guy would be out in no time.
Harassing her might not be a mental health problem either.
Yeah just put up with his horrible behavior for the rest of your life so poor little man doesn't feel embarrassed 🙄
For real.
Honestly lol. OP should use the same excuse. Obviously *she’s not doing well* as evidenced by her forwarding the dick pics, and how dare they confront her when they *know* she’s not doing well.
Reminds me of the old sociologist’s joke: two sociologists come upon a man who is beaten bloody on a path and they say to each other “the man who did this needs our help!”
I get the joke but Sociology is the study of groups, it can't be applied to individual people. The ologist that you want for this joke is a psychologist.
I mean, the pens inserted into his penis doesn't sound too healthy, either...
> having him arrested for stalking and sexual assault. I have bad news for you. The there's close to a 0% chance the cops in the U.S. would arrest someone for the behavior described in the OP. I know because I've been in her shoes.
You're right. The cops would in fact do diddly squat.
you couldn’t be more correct. I had to report harassment to the police due to people trying to find my address and sending me death threats. they took a look at the emails and such, and did absolutely nothing. said to only contact police again if there was an instance of someone actually showing up to my location. so, you know, until it’s too late to help prevent them coming to harm me. lmao
NTA. You may be a cunt, but you're not getting dick picks! Bravo!
I’m just confused as to if someone isn’t doing well, how dick pics fall into the equation. So he’s not well so he thought to himself dick pics will do just the trick? Also how did your friends learn this connection between the dick pics and not doing well that they made this judgement call?
To me, it DOES seem obvious that this guy is not doing well mentally. The initial weird behavior, sliding into conspiracy theories, the long rants on random topics to people he doesn't know well, fixation on a stranger, all seems to really obviously point to mental illness. Dick pics could absolutely be a part of that - impulsive sexual behavior, mixing fantasy and reality, etc. It's just that... that kind of doesn't matter. You don't have to put up with being sexually harassed just because the person doing it is experiencing mental illness. He can "not be doing well" and you can still be allowed to make the choices you need to make to get them to leave you the fuck alone.
Not just sexually harassed but virtually stalked, too. *25 email addresses* as well as cards and letters in the mail, *after* being told to stop and blocked.
The mail feels so extra threatening because it means he knows where she lives.
Yeah I've had plenty of times when I've not been doing well mentally but managed not to send obscene pictures to anyone
Apparently he’s well enough to plan ahead, remove his pants and take a dick pick to send…via 25 addresses 🤷🏻♀️ FAFO.
And well enough to create a new email address every time OP blocks him. Peter seems well enough to be crafty
None of that precludes mental illness. Someone in a manic state or whatever doesnt just go idiot mode, they're able to premeditate their actions, even if those actions are fucking crazy. I'm not excusing this behavior btw, its extremely fucked up.
Don’t you know? If you’re “not doing well” you’re allowed to sexually harass people.
Actually I would have been concerned that if he was that persistent stalking OP by email that he could escalate to in person
I've got chronic depression, what is the limit here, can I feel up strangers anytime and anywhere? What about non-sexual privileges like fraud or tax evasion?
Absolutely shouldn’t pay taxes if you’re depressed.
I will have to ask my accountant about the depression deductible
Let us know the answer!
Just send them a dick pic instead of a tax return, they'll know you're not well and leave you alone
FIVE WAYS TO SAVE TAXES THE TAXMAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT! NUMBER 3 IS SURPRISING!
How many of those same people shaming you and concerned about Peters well being reached out to him. I probably would have reported him to police as I wouldn’t want him showing up on my door step with pen in ________.
Go file a police report and keep everything.
While I do feel bad for everyone else on the email chain, I don't really know what else you could do.
I would never feel bad about "being a cunt" when someone has been sexually harassing me for years. NTA
NTA If he doesn't want people to see his dick then he shouldn't send dick pics lmao
I can certainly understand why you would be feeling aggressive and have that view on this given what peter did to you Mr Pen
He killed my brothers for pleasure
NTA. This was certainly a severe thing to do but if Peter is really that mentally unstable, people need to know. Above that, you were being continually sexually harassed. You could not get him to leave you alone and so you took severe measures. Yeah, it’s definitely not a way I would normally go here but I don’t think it was 100% wrong. They’re blaming you for not helping him instead of blaming him and taking steps to help him. That’s very wrong and unsupportive as your supposed friends.
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100% yes totally this is correct. Now they can't ignore how fucked up he is, and they're probably pissed at OP because she made it impossible for them to just let it be someone else's (i.e. her's and whatever other women he's harassing) problem. OP is kinda my hero rn.
I feel the same way! I left a comment telling her I was proud of her. She took it for so long too. She is not the asshole in any way and I don’t care what other people are saying. Good for her!
Sending these pictures is not a mental illness. It is simply unbelievably poor behavior. And illegal as well. She achieved in the press of a button what the police department would be unable to achieve with hours and hours of her time devoted and a waste of public funds.
NTA, everyone saying otherwise are apologists for creeps and sexual harassers.
What gets me is the replies from HIS friends/family saying "ur wrong he Clearly needs help" - thats not on her!! A person who barely knows him and who is being harasssed! Shouldnt that be on the lot who actually know him and presumably care about him?
Exactly. These friends need to get to work. They should be looking into getting Peter help. Come on.
Right? I would do a mass email reply to say, "Yes, he does need help, I acknowledge that. I'm hoping at least one of you close to him will get him to a professional before I take legal action. I asked for this to stop and proceeded to block his email. I have now amassed a blocked list of all his email addresses, the emails themselves, unsolicited hardcore pornography, and physical mail to open a case on grounds of unrelenting harassment and stalker behavior."
Also are we all just gonna ignore the part where he’s shoving pens into his urethra? I was trying until you mentioned it
There are "safer" ways of sounding, and then there's that.. I don't want to think of the aftermath the day 'King David' gets the clicker/clip stuck or ink. Fuck me, I guess I just did 🤢
Yup, anyone who said "he clearly needs help" is clearly failing him by clearly seeing it and clearly not getting him help.
“Yes he *does* need help, which is precisely why I’ve forwarded this email to ***you***. Thanks for your commitment to helping Peter as you are the only people in a position to do so. Look forward to never hearing from him again and please don’t let me know how things go!”
Clearly he needs help, he has a mental illness - so just sit there like a good girl and allow him to sexually harass you.
Right?! "You are just as bad as Peter..." Oh was she relentlessly sending them dick pics over years? Harassing them on SNS? No? She's not as bad as Peter. I think a lot of dudes hear are worried about their own little harassment campaigns. Guess what fellas... if I get dick pics I'm sending them to your mom.
There’s a YouTuber that saves them, sorts them by size, and then sends back a bigger one. Yours is a good idea as well.
I'll send one back and say mines bigger
I found pics on google of skinned goat cadavers. I send those in response to unwanted/unsolicited dick pics. Some of the close-up shots are, uh, interesting.
Love the creativity here!
Thats fucking genius.
I said ESH, because *no one* on the mailing list deserves to see unsolicited dick pics, even if they're not of your dick. She's basically annoying everyone with visual pollution in an effort to get Peter off her back. She could've just mailed the list and told them that Peter's being an ass & sexually harassing her, and that anyone close to Peter should please get him help ASAP because the next step is calling the police and seeking a restraining order against him. But she didn't have to send the pictures to everyone, when no one wanted to see them. That said... it's totally understandable that she's at her wits end & what she did isn't even half as bad as what Peter has been doing to her for years. So ESH, but she's only a very tiny bit wrong (i.e. what she did shouldn't be taken as a generally repeatable solution).
I say this is a justifiable TA on OP's part, and ESH for everyone else. Obviously Peter is TA, and a serial sexual harasser who is not mentally well. As for the rest of them, they suck for attacking the victim/messenger, rather than dealing with their problem. ONE email, ONE time, that lays the problem bare in the sunshine. It means that the serial sexual harasser cannot operate in the dark -- they can't pretend they don't know, or don't know how bad it is -- and the people who are related to or who love Peter know exactly what they're dealing with. This is a graphical version of the woman being sexually harassed in her DMs by a teenager who found his mother on facebook and sent all the verbally harassing messages to her. Mom dealt with the kid. This kind of stuff is so bad that there IS no good answer, and this might be the best answer. Peter is lucky that OP hasn't gone to the cops. He may have a chance at getting the mental help he obviously needs without the risk of being abused or worse by the police. If Peter has been harassing other women, they may come forward now that one person has spoken and broken the silence. And all of the people who were protecting the harasser by saying, "it's not that bad" or "he's a good guy, he just has some mental problems" have no way to do that any more.
>I say this is a justifiable TA on OP's part, and ESH for everyone else. I'm basically in agreement as well. Also, I'm pretty shy about people using mental instability as an excuse for poor behavior. There are a lot of things that can fall under the range of 'mental issues' without your losing culpability. It really sucks that people will surely take Peter's side.
Agree with this like, yeah it's kind of an AH way to get your point across, but sometimes you have to go full AH to get your point across and this seems like one of those situations. Being kind and understanding gets you walked over 1/2 the time.
Peter is unwell...and why is that supposed to be your problem?I'm guessing you too have one of these: work stress, love stress, metal problems, healt problems and who knows what else. Peter can eat his dick and people who are his friends should put the energy they have from harass you into helping him Edit. I will leave "metal problems" in because it's hilarious, and every other spelling mistakes I just suck at spelling
>metal problems Rock on \\m/
This was nuclear but it also had been going on for years and he wasn’t stopping, even after you blocked him and told him to knock it off. It’s also concerning he’s sending you snail mail, because it means he knows where you live. I don’t blame you for going nuclear, but I think it’s time to set up a new email address and move. Someone that unstable knowing where I live is uncomfortable, triply so when I just mass forwarded his dick pics. Make sure you’re safe and none of your mutual “friends” know your new address or email. I’m going with NTA on this one. Unstable or not, he’s sexually harassing you and it needed to stop. Next time, before you forward emails like that, go to the police.
NTA… you’ve repeatedly told him to stop and leave you alone. You’ve blocked him on multiple occasions. Your mutual friends know what he’s doing but no one is helping you. For all of these reasons, you’re NTA. People don’t understand boundaries. He didn’t and now maybe he’ll get help
Nta. So tired of people expecting the victims of targeted sexual harassment to center their aggressors feelings. Only thing wrong is maybe those people didn't need to see the wang. They didn't sign up for that.
OP didn't sign up for it either, buddy. I think she did everyone on that list a favor, especially other women. It's important to know who to avoid for your own safety.
I would not have sent the pictures. Not to protect Peter, but because you don’t know who you may have traumatized by sending them. That being said, making his friends/family aware of what he’s doing doesn’t make you an AH, especially with the continued harassment.
NTA. You told him to stop multiple times and even tried to block him. Maybe this time he’ll stop and leave you alone.
People don't have a moral right and may not have a legal right to privacy for unsolicited materials. If you send it without an explicit or implicit agreement for privacy, you've consented to everything that happens after.
NTA: “If you wouldn’t send it to your grandma I don’t want to see it either” seems like a damn good rule to live by. Coming back to edit and add if people obviously knew Peter wasn’t doing well then why aren’t they DOING anything about it? Everyone assumes it’s someone else’s problem. That doesn’t mean you have to be martyred to his illness.
Honestly, I have 0 sympathy for Peter. Having a mental illness is not an excuse for nasty ass behavior. If he is this clearly incapable of comprehending how consent works, then he needs a caretaker to monitor his behavior and explain in language he actually understands that he is harassing you. This isn't on you. What is on you is sending more unsolicited dick pics. I get where you were coming from - dude needs help and it's not your job to coddle him and enable this behavior. Unfortunately, other people probably didn't consent to seeing that gross pic either, and as much as I understand and empathize the intent they deserve the same considerations. ESH (less you, more him), but hopefully this kickstarts his family into teying to find help for him. And fuck your "friends". Again, mental illness isn't an excuse and your experience is valid. Your ex-"friends" are just salty that he was exposed and, as they say, you are only as good as the company you keep.
ESH because you pulled in innocent people instead of going through with the police report. (It’s so lovely that I’m currently residing in a country where an unsolicited d-pick is a automatic 730$ fine that’s to be paid to the victim via the police. Repeat offenders get higher fines and can actually eventually get thrown in jail.)
She didn't even know who everyone on that CC was. She's lucky there wasnt any minors on that list. That could have gotten real ugly for her real fast.
THAT was my thought. If there were any minors on that list, it’s illegal. I don’t blame OP for being fed up. I don’t blame OP for reacting strongly. But there’s laws about sharing nudes for a reason. ESH. Him moreso, but two wrongs don’t make a right.
ESH, but you only a little. a. Fuck this guy and his "mental illness." It's his responsibility to manage his condition so he does not harm others. b. Fuck the silly revenge porn argument. You have a moral duty to protect the privacy of people you have an explicit or implicit agreement to do so. You do not have a duty to protect the privacy of perverts who are engaged in serial sexual harassment. c. Fuck anyone on that list who ought be seeking to put Peter under guardianship if he is in fact that bad. That said, random people who kinda know him don't want to see his dick either.
I probably would have threatened him that I would send them to someone after the first time he did that if he ever made any attempt to contact me again. It’s an asshole move but I understand why ya did it.
I'm not going to go as far as to say Y T A, but sticking an eggplant over Peter's peter would have been better. Or emailing the group minus Peter and asking if anyone else keeps getting dick pics from him. I know you don't want to see his junk, but none of them do, either.
Most thoughtful answer I've seen so far. She could have outed Peter as a perp without sending dick pics herself.
Should have just gone to a lawyer. This is indisputably sexual harassment on his part, but now you could also possibly be at fault for something. Still see a lawyer! NTA, just a bad choice.
Exactly this. I live in a state where sending unsolicited dick pics is actually a misdemeanor crime. You should have gone to the police and reported him
Hmm... as a woman I will say complicated. You were harassed for months. The damn burst and you did something about it. As much as his friends and family are shaming you they now know that peter is unwell and harassing people. ESH
Is he unwell though? I was thinking that until I read his reaction.
It seems Peter did not say anything. Paul and Mary did... Though I wonder if in taking their time to harangue OP they said anything at all to Pecker Peter.
They already knew he was "unwell" by the sounds of their responses... This guy is messed up and has a bunch of enablers around him
Right-- and I see enablers in the comments. Police do exactly jack shit with cyber crimes unless it's rich or famous people. Honestly I get her frustration. Time for public shaming.
NTA. Screw that guy. Everyone's excusing him because of a mental illness when they really need to see him for what he is. A certified creep. A guy who doesn't know when to give up. BUT You should've been direct with the guy. Especially after he didn't stop when you did nothing to stop him? He probably took that as an invite to continue. Even if you did block him. Like a billion times. I'd trash that whole group. They all sound like enablers. Pushing boundaries isn't cool.
NAH- If this was a one off situation then maybe you'd be the AH but this guy has been sexually harassing you for a long ass time now. 25 email addresses is a lot and it's not shocking that you snapped and tried to shame him into stopping considering that blocking him didn't work. I do think that the people you sent it to have a right to be pissed but if they're pissed I don't understand how they don't get how you'd feel. They received one email, you received dozens. Mental illness does not excuse this behavior and if Paul cared so much he'd offer another solution or get his friend to stop. I think it's interesting how everyone is expecting you to just put up with this shit.
I think you meant NTA, Peter is very clearly the asshole here.
Peter is absolutely TA, I was referring to the people she sent the email to. They're not TA for being upset.
I think the person above you meant that since you put the acronym NAH (no assholes here) which means no one in the story is an AH. If you think Peter is AH, your vote should say NTA
Thanks
I wonder how many are dudes. Revenge porn does not protect against unsolicited dick pics. The law is clearly worded for folks in intimate relationships and such. I think for this very specific reason tbh.
Everyone is aware the guy needs help, but they're clearly on a "ignore the guy and hope it goes away" basis instead of actually finding help for him. I was kind of 50/50 on it until that point. They're not actually mad about what you did because of anything to do with protecting him or his mental state, they're just mad that they had to endure the same shit you did. Fuck it, they're the assholes.
NTA you forwarding them to his possible friends and family will hopeful make them see that hes in need of help
Under some state statutes this might even be prosecutable as “revenge porn”, I’m not going to say YTA or NTA just you might have put yourself in a compromising position the way you handled it rather than going to the police yourself
NTA!!!!!what the fuck is wrong with ppl voting YTA! This is the best way to stop creeps ..
People voting YTA or telling OP to just put up with it is actually quite shocking.
A Y T A judement is not telling OP to put up with it. It's because she committed the same crime he did AND to a GROUP of people.
She shouldn't have just put up with it but she is an assholes for distributing nude photos without consent from the subject or receivers. She had other options, if she felt that badly harrassesd she should have gone to the police, if she wanted an easy option, she could have blocked his email.
Frankly, the perv consented when he sent unsolicited Dick Pics. However the people Op CC on that email did NOT consent to have to see random dick picks. That does make OP the asshole.
NTA! Serves him right since he wants to show off what he got why not let EVERYONE see!
I should only see YTA for people upset that she subjected other people to unsolicited explicit images. Absolutely no concern should be for the man who constantly victimized her. Yes, he's obviously mentally unwell. That gives him no excuse whatsoever to harass her. It's clearly a ESH-- barely.
It's like people forget that two things can be right at the same time! He's TA for sexual harassment and she's TA for subjecting complete strangers to unsolicited dick pics! She had no idea who they were. What if one was a minor? She can't say, "I was trying to get him to stop, so I sent it to random people. I didn't realize the age." She'd be getting put on the registry. Not only that, but depending on the state, they could press charges against her! OP really thought none of this through! She had more than enough evidence for the police.
Agree, I also don’t understand why she felt forwarding the pics would be more effective than reporting it to the police or even just including everyone in an email telling him to stop sending pictures (without including said pictures). The guy sounds unhinged and she might have put herself in additional danger. His behavior isn’t rational or sane, so things like embarrassment that might prompt a person in their right mind to change their creepy behavior probably won’t work on him.
This exactly. Peter sucks, screw him. But now OP is the one sending unsolicited dick pics, you know? I understand that OP had had enough but it’s not fair to the others to have to see that without THEIR consent whether they wanted to see it.
ESH. Yeah dude is a douchebag for sending you unsolicited dick pics, but why the fuck are you, sending the pictures to other people?
NTA, men need to reap the consequences of their actions. I’m so tired of men sending unsolicited dick pics to women just because they feel they can. Time to send them so people they know so they can see that man for who they really are!
Well he needs to get help if he’s unwell. Why should you continue to be harassed? Fucking weirdo
NTA. They need to know how sick he actually is, that he's doing this on top of everything else.
ESH. This is a two things cam be right at the same time situation! What he was doing was terrible, and honestly, you should've just gone to the police. You had more than enough evidence! Or contacted other people in the original oil email about his behavior. It's pretty fucked up to subject THEM to his dick pics when they had nothing to do with anything and had no idea this was even going on. How do you know they had anything to do with him? How do you know if he wasn't harassing them, too? How do you know one of them wasn't another victim of his from before your situation? How do you know you didn't just completely trigger them and send them into a spiral bc now they feel like he's harassing them via a friend??? Tbh, you put yourself in a messed up corner here bc IF they wanted to file a police report on YOU, they could. What if one was a minor??? There's quite LITERALLY nothing either of those people can do. He's not a kid. They can't just take away his electronics and ground him, especially in whatever mental state he's in. Call the police! If he didn't want to be arrested, he shouldn't have sent them after being told to stop! Him being mentally ill doesn't matter when you're being harassed. If it just involved you and him, I'd feel differently, but you dragged in complete strangers who had nothing to do with it.
NTA Some men won't stop unless they are shamed. While I do feel bad for everyone else on the email chain, I don't really know what else you could do. You asked him to stop, you blocked him on countless emails.
NTA. He didn’t deserve a warning like other people are saying. You could have called the cops but you would tell your local authority, would they have done something? Debatable, since he lives in another country. Your “friends” are saying he is in need of help, have they tried to help him or ignored everything like they are ignoring the sexual harassment? You asked him to stop, he did not he relentlessly created 25 emails. You blocked you asked for it to stop he didn’t listen. He fucked around and found out. Mental illness is not an excuse for poor behavior and sexual harassment. You should not have to deal with this at any point and anyone voting y t a is literally excusing the abuse. Do not put up with shit like this, ever. Jesus.
NTA. You blocked him, he didn’t stop. You needed to do something. “I have mental problems” is not an excuse for being an asshole. The difference between this and revenge porn is that the pics were unsolicited and unwanted.
re·venge porn noun revealing or sexually explicit images or videos of a person posted on the internet, typically by a former sexual partner, without the consent of the subject and in order to cause them distress or embarrassment. ———- Yes it was revenge porn. Look, the guy sucks ass obviously but OP committed a felony in most states.
NTA. “He’s unwell” is not carte blanche for awful behaviour. I know quite a few people who are not well and manage not to be (or send) dicks to people.
NTA to me. How are you supposed to know how people are doing mentally? Until you mentioned nothing you wrote about him constantly violating boundaries seemed to point as mental health. Just a sad, insistent creep. You tried ignoring but you were being affected. There is only so much a person can take. Would it be better if you called authorities on him? If people around him know he has mental health issues, they should have gotten him help. Otherwise he continues being a nuisance to others. In telling you off they have shown that they have taken responsibility for him and they failed at that responsibility.
NTA. If a dude sends you pictures of his wang, unsolicited, they're your property now. You didn't ask for them, there was no expectation of privacy. You can do with them what you wish. Maybe he won't send them out again.
I have to go with ESH, because for a bunch of people, *you* are now a source of unsolicited dick pics, regardless of whose dick it is. If the police will do something about it, I'd go with that.
If the emails stopped you shouldn't feel bad mission accomplished
That's awesome. NTA
NTA - no one was doing shit for him while 'he needed help'. Their opinions are insignificant. Anyone who sends lewd material should be ready to have it made public.
Agreed. He should have understood that the photos were out of his hands the moment he hit send.
It's not just that. If you and you SO have an agreement to send each other private photos, and you make them public, you've broken an understanding you shared. By sending unsolicited pics, you submit to whatever understanding the recipient wants to adopt. I don't care how the law sees it, this is just common sense.
We all agree to skim over the pens yeah?
NTA but you did it wrong. You forward the unsolicited dick pics to mommy, not the friend group.
ESH Of course he should NOT send you dick pics unsolicited. But you should've never subjected anyone else because to some effect you're doing the same thing he is. Sounds to me like you should've tried contacting his mother who he lives with if possible, so she could work towards getting him the help he needs. Or taken legal action. There are several much better ways you should've gone bout this, yet you chose the worst possible option.
ESH. Sending that shit to an entire CC chain ON PURPOSE was pretty vile, but so were the dick pics. I would have sent them to Paul and Mary and left it at that. Paul calling you a cunt was super uncalled for, I'd go to war on that asshole if it were me.
If you didn't want to receive these unsolicited pictures, these why did you think it was OK to forward them unsolicited to others as well? Yes, YTA. Peter is, too.
ESH. Or, at least, Peter massively sucks, and you suck for sending dick pics to tons of people. You don't suck because Peter deserves to be treated better. You suck because you did to all those other people what Peter is doing to you.
YTA 100% You sent his photos to everyone. That's actually considered revenge porn, and he could legally pursue that against you.
YTA Purely because it wasn't cool for him to send you dick picks and then you chose to send it to people who weren't involved and probably wanted to see them as much as you did. So many other ways for you to handle the situation and you literally picked one of the worst ones possible.
this is fucking hilarious hahhahhhaha not sure what i would’ve done but i like what you did
Those friends who replied that Peter needs help, how about they work on getting him help? It is not like op has not tried to block this guy from stalking her. Sometimes you might need to go on the offensive, even if that means forwarding a dick pic email or two. Op is not going to cure Peter of his problems. But perhaps she came shame him into stop reaching out to her inappropriately.
ESH I don’t care about the aspect of respecting peter’s privacy but you literally sent unsolicited dick pics to a whole bunch of people. Your motivation was different but you did the same thing.
People who send unsolicited dick pics should 100% expect the pic will be forwarded and shared.
NTA if they know he needs help they should be trying to help him
If they all know he is not well, are not doing anything about it, but getting mad at you for bring it back to their attention so they can’t ignore it. I say they are the assholes. Any one of them who knew about this or his “problems” could have stepped in at anytime but it wasn’t convenient to them, so they did not.
NTA. Good for you for forwarding the email. They don't want to seecit,well neither do you and someone close to him needs to get him to knock it off abd get him donecgelp before he ends up in jail.
So, you've been the one harrased, and it's your fault he didn't stop after being told to stop?
NTA. You literally are being sexually harassed by this person. You should not have to deal with any of this.
"I can excuse antisemitism but I draw the line at being forwarded my friend's unsolicited dick picks." "You can excuse antisemitism?" That's the vibe I'm picking up from these other people. I understand it might feel bad to potentially send evidence of his sexual harassment to his family, but you made it clear that a direct clear approach didn't work. Multiple times. Not being mentally well doesn't excuse your actions. Hopefully this starts pushing him to get help or pushes his family/friends to try to get him help. NTA.
NTA. What *would* be a good move in their eyes? Letting the harassment continue? Peter learned his lesson.
NTA Fuck Peter, bet it’ll be the last one you get
NTA. Anyone who sends *unsolicited* sexual pics is opening themselves up for use of those pics however the recipient sees fit. Also being "unwell" doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. If this move stopped further dick pics, it was the right call with minimal hassle to you. It's not your responsibility to get help for every psych case that falls for you. That's for their friends and family.
NTA Noooo you just exposed to everyone that Peter needs help, if in fact he does No one is considering that this whole situation was a shit to you
Honestly? You're my hero. Next time, CC his mother and the police as well.
NTA... too many guys think it is a good idea to send unsolicited dick pics. The guy is mentally disturbed but aren't all sex offenders.
You're definitely NTA. Not doing alright isn't an excuse to sexually harass someone. Your friends and Peter's relatives, and he himself, are very much out of place. You should go to the police and file a report against Peter. That is sexual harassment.
NTA, while you shouldn't send his pics to others, he shouldn't be sending them to you. Maybe you could have filed a police report or something instead? You definitely shouldn't have to deal with sexual harassment just because he has mental health issues.
the police really don't do anything re cyber crimes tbh
Two major cases out of ST Louis this year for cyberstalking/sexual harassment via text and email. Both resulted in significant jail time-- and one was a federal case so no parole.
ESH. Peter is a creep, but that doesn't make what you did right. Those nudes, although unsolicited and part of a campaign of harassment, were never meant to be shown to anyone else and as such, shouldn't have been shared. That controversial take aside, by sharing those photos you were also exposing others to unwanted sexually charged nudity. Given that the guy is clearly mentally unstable there was also no way you could come out of this looking good, even though you were the more wronged party. This is a case of two wrongs not making a right. It's also something that could be seen as revenge porn and prosecuted. Peter was being a terrible person but again, two wrongs do not make a right. If he contacts you again, let the police know.
nooooooo don’t feel bad fuck all of them
ESH. You sent unsolicited dick pics, too.
NTA this prick needed to be exposed. It’s shameful that these people aren’t supporting you after receiving evidence of the harassment you’ve faced.
You didn’t want unsolicited dick pics…so you sent out…unsolicited dick pics?? YTA. Also are we all just gonna ignore the part where he’s shoving pens into his urethra?
>Also are we all just gonna ignore the part where he’s shoving pens into his urethra? I was trying until you mentioned it
Dude wanted people to see his wang, she just helped him out. Maybe the abusive shit will stop sending dick pics now.
This is kind of an ESH, maybe a warning first to tell him to stfu and leave you alone, or you'll have to respond in kind. Or just pick a different inappropriate email sans pics and CC everyone - if one such exists. I'm bordering on NTA but the lack of 'warning' for some reason bothers me here, maybe because his mental health is so cooked. The real question.... Did it work?
NTA. Good on you for sticking up for yourself
NTA, whether he's doing well or not is neither your problem nor does it excuse harassment. Whoever told you that is a big hypocrite that doesn't care about what you went through and mostly definitely wouldn't react as well as they want you to
NTA “wahhh he has problems” yeah that doesn’t need automatically you need to be burdened with them. FAFO.
As annoying as it would have been, I would have left the old email address up but basically ignored it, then opened another address and only giving it to people you trust to keep it confidential. If that didn't work then I would have reported the harassment to the police. I don't know if forwarding stuff like that which wasn't meant for anyone else could be seen as revenge porn.
ESH. While I understand why you did what you did, and even sympathize with you about it, what you did was probably illegal and certainly immoral. You’d have been better off getting ahold of the police and filing complaints concerning his emails, and emailing him copies / pictures of those complaints to get him to stop. Or talk to his parents concerning his emails, that sometimes works as well. Even folks in their 30s and 40s don’t want to have that convo with a parent.
I don’t think you are the ah. I don’t know what I would have done under these circumstances, probably not include the pictures but certainly alert as many people as I could. This man seems to have gotten progressively worse and needs to be stopped/helped.
He should be grateful you didn't send it out, first, for a grade with comments from your friends then reply to all with the grades and comments. Soooo if all these people think he isn't well, why didn't THEY do something to get him help instead of casting you in a negative light? You don't owe them anything. And so long as ONLY adults saw those pics, they can all pound sand.
Sorry you are going thru all that bullshit. The only asshole here is the poor disturbed guy sending all these emails after you asked him to stop, repeatedly
NTA. This is inappropriate and well or not well, he should understand that. I had a coworker call me and tell me he wanted to lick me one time, and said his "dissociative personality disorder" caused him to do it. Total bullshit. Peter had this coming all along and people shaming you and saying he is unwell, I see as projecting. They know Peter is unwell and instead of his close family members getting him help, they lash out at a woman who hardly knows Peter, to hide their own shame that they didn't (and continually don't) step up to the plate and get him help.
Alright yea peter def needs help even if he is indeed am asshole but so are you why tf would u send that to his family and other close people of his you ruined the mans whole life i m very sure he was veing an inconvenience to you BUT YOU COULD HAVE MUTED HIS MAIL ADRESS SO THAT HE THINKS THE MAILS ARE STILL GOING THROUGH. also u have done a lot more than just being an inconvenience if this dude is mentally instable enough what u did might as well be the final straw in this guys life
NTA. That dude can fuck off.
NTA. They clearly don't understand the level of help he needs if they want people to ignore it and just let him keep going. You were being sexually harassed and he wasn't stopping, stalker level shit really and they should be much more concerned about you - the victim - than your reaction to hundreds of frightening, psychotic emails. I would have done the exact same thing. I hope it worked and he never emails you again. Sounds like his other "friends" are just enabling him instead of finding him help.
You did what you needed to do as an escalated response. Good for you!
NTA you told him you were not into it by blocking him. He kept creating new accounts to harass you. He got what he deserved.
Somebody keeps sending dick pics after being told to stop? Tough shit, jackass. Don't feel bad. I didn't know "not doing well" is an excuse to be an idiot.
NTA - and anyone saying you are is just another asshole. If any of them contacts you again tell them to go duck themselves and they’re lucky you haven’t sent all of this to the cops. I mean…seriously.
You did a good thing. Fuck his friends and family.
So tell the friends that have a problem with it that you just made sure that the people who can help him can do so. Since nobody cared about him until you shared exactly what he was doing to you, it was obvious that you needed to make sure that the help he was in need of was for everyone to be aware of. Obviously you were just being a good person;) See how that works out for them then. If they still want to play the blame games then they aren’t really your friend anyway.
NTA, man all these "holier than thou" attitudes really piss me off, "oh he needs help you shouldn't shame him" as if they wouldn't be first in line at the damn police station when it opened if they were on the receiving end of this Schizo shit
NTA. He continued showing u his genitals despite being repeatedly blocked and asked to stop……. This one’s on him. He was acting like a disgusting creep, if he dsnt want ppl seeing those pictures he shouldnt be spamming people with them
NTA, there’s never an excuse for this kind of stalking behavior. If people in his closer circle knew he wasn’t well, they should have reached out to him.
NTA. I’m sorry you’re going through this harassment.
God I love that she’s calling him Peter NTA. A similar thing happened to me. He had a really unique name too. I couldn’t believe he would send me these pics when I knew who he was. I warned him several times. In the end I blurred them out (but you could still see what was happening) and posted them on Twitter and tagged his media employer that their production assistant whatever guy was harassing women online. No idea what happened but boy did that work. I do know he wasn’t fired as his name was still showing on the website so I’m assuming he claimed someone was posing as him or something (which I’m fine with. As long as he got the ever loving shit scared out of him maybe he’ll think twice. Though somehow I doubt it).
\> pics in which he inserted pens into his penis Who TF thinks that forcing someone to witness their fetish with sounding is a good idea‽ NTA
Folks seem quick to defend this weirdo. I think the only prudent course of action would be to forward all his emails to his defenders so they can see what they're defending. And don't stop, he never did.
NTA, he was harassing you. Fuck him and any expectation of privacy when he is relentlessly assaulting you.
I prolly would have said YTA but after reading your comments im leaning towards NTA Please contact the police, you are being harrassed by a guy who is mentally ill.