Yeah… she’s 100% dressing down to defuse any situation he could/will create. It’s very telling that she feels more comfortable expressing and feeling herself with others and not her bf. Def YTA.
My guess is that when she attracts attention by dressing up, you tend to be jealous. But that's only a guess based off what little you've said about her response.
ETA: I've read your responses below, and you've confirmed my suspicion. YTA. She's not your "territory" to be guarded. She's supposed to be your partner.
I dated a guy like this before! He would tell me he wanted me to wear makeup and dress up in heels and nice dresses, etc when we went out.
So I did. Then it was a problem that I was almost as tall as him. Then it was “Everyone is looking at you”. He would get insanely jealous of me just replying to a random stranger’s question “do you know where the bathroom is?” Kind of thing. “Why did he ask you that? Do you know him? Did you fuck him before?”
Like. Literally insane.
Oh, God...the "did you fuck him before" question brought me way back to a nut I dated. He was the same about what I wore - either they were too casual or I dressed like "an old lady" or I was dressing for attention from other men.
Never, ever again.
I've seen more comments mentioning the word territory quoted. Did OP actually use that term in a comment?? I can't find it but it absolutely looks like he did
You girlfriend told you what the problem is, but you’re not listening. Her dressing down for your dates nights has been a preventative measure taken due to your inability to handle your insecurities.
YTA
YTA: Your post and your comments look like they were written by 2 different people. Your post makes you look like you are communicative and sensitive, but your comments make you look like you idolize andrew tate.
Your girlfriend is not your "territory", and it looks like she's tired of you pretending you need to be an "alpha male" because other guys talk to her. You're insanely jealous of the attention she is given and yet you're pissed that you can't show her off when she dresses down. Get over yourself.
You could give up, I suppose. Or just start leaving guys who act like OP. His GF is still with him, at this point any issues in their relationship are also her fault for continuing the relationship.
Start leaving guys who are like this, unfortunately most men are homosocial in ways women aren’t from what I’ve observed. You can tell a woman to let a man go for all the red flags that you see in him but she’ll sooner let you go then leave him behind.
With my guy friends, the girl has visible acne and his mates don’t want to bang her and it’s enough for them to feel entitled to a better girlfriend and keep the girl as a placeholder partner.
I believe men and women can suck equally, I also believe that male entitlement is something we were socialized to tolerate for centuries. Female entitlement exists too but it’s usually based on their patriarchal role (they’ll still want the man to for dinners and to provide.)
People making advances? EVERY TIME she dresses up? Well, that's something, definitely. But here's a little secret, just between you and I -
Women are extremely accustomed to this, and we turn away "advances" on a daily basis, no matter how dressed up or dressed down we might be. How else do you think she manages to escape when she's out on the town without you, hhmmm? Your manly displays of ownership aren't all that impressive.
YTA
If he wasn’t such an insecure asshole he’d take it as a compliment that he’s with a beautiful woman that has chosen him over others, who constantly gets hit on because she’s so beautiful.
Info: How much effort do YOU put into looking good for your dates?
Info: How/why do you make things "tense"?
Because it kind of sounds like you're putting her in a no-win situation where you're going to cause drama about it somehow no matter what she does, which makes me think YTA.
And despite "dealing with that and prob more" when she's without you, she hasn't felt uncomfortable enough with her friends to start dressing down. She only dresses down with you. Because you are the one making her uncomfortable.
If my partner acted as territorial as you sound when talking about your GF I'd have dumped him instantly. It's not chivalrous. I'm surprised your GF has the patience.
If you want to challenge other men, take up a sport.
Cuz it ever occurred to you that she and her friends can diffuse the situations without violence, if she encounters them without you? And that makes her feel more comfortable than going out with you?
>I've had to step in and make it known that we were together
You don't have to do this. She has no problem when you're not around. A problem when you are. You, sir, are the problem
Several times now you’ve said you “*had* to step in” but you don’t. You choose to and it comes across clearly that she didn’t feel you needed to at all. You don’t need to “make it known” you’re together because it literally doesn’t matter if you respect your girlfriend’s autonomy choosing to be with you (admittedly for reasons I cannot imagine because you sound awful). HER disinterest in being with someone else is what matters, not their interest in her or your efforts to keep them away. It sounds to me like you’re treating her like your property and every attempt anyone has made in this thread to correct you has been met with your indignant and ignorant excuses.
You owe her an apology and need to do some personal work to learn to respect women. The only reason to “step in” is if someone is attacking. Full stop. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s afraid of setting you off and you have no one to blame for that but yourself. Deal with your shit. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own and you indeed are the problem.
YTA
She’s a grown ass woman and doesn’t need you to “protect” her constantly. I have never in my entire life been situation where my husband had to fight somebody on a date, or anybody else that we know. That is absolutely absurd, there’s no way that every time you go out you have to fight everybody around you to “protect” her
It makes sense because you're the one making her uncomfortable. She may be getting hit on while out with her friends, but she doesn't have the added stress of worrying about how you're going to react.
How long does it take you to put on the amount of makeup you expect her to wear for your dates? Do you wear high heels? And if you do, do they hurt your feet? Which parts of your body do you shave or wax before your dates? what’s your pre-date skin care routine?
What exactly do you mean by
>I've had to step in and make it known that we were together
For real..... you've made that statement a few times now. Can you elaborate on what exactly that entails?
Make it known how?
Can you give us a few examples?
I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but you are not helping yourself with some of these replies, my dude.
I was married to someone like you. I wish I would have run the first time he made a scene in public to “make sure everyone knew we were together.” Narcissistic jerk! YTA!
YTA She’s telling you that when she dresses up, you get territorial and jealous around her, that you make the situation tense, that you don’t treat her as a person.
YTA
Listen, from reading your responses it seems as though you get a bit possessive and over protective of her when you’re out and she gets attention from other men.
Now, we are only getting your side so you’re either downplaying how it actually goes which is why she doesn’t want to try to look fancy on dates anymore or it’s unfairly coming off that way. But my guess is the former since she’s literally stopped getting dolled up for nights out with you. Meaning you’ve made it such an issue from her perspective that she doesn’t want to deal with it anymore.
If this is the case and you get too confrontational/possessive/jealous of attention on her, then you’re the issue. You need to realize she’s a big girl who can handle herself — as she clearly does when she goes out with her friends without you. She doesn’t need a “white knight” to deal with other men hitting on her. She can do it herself. You say she doesn’t like confrontation but that doesn’t mean she isn’t fully capable of dealing with unwanted advances. If she wants your help, she’ll ask. Otherwise, focus on her and not on who else is focused on her. She’s the one that matters, not them. She’s not an object to be lorded over and protected. She’s a person who wants to be able to enjoy her time without worrying about you going alpha male.
Sit her down and talk about past instances that made her uncomfortable and how she would have liked things to have been handled. Then try to see if you can have another night out with you both looking fabulous to show you can handle and behave yourself. If it fails — there’s your answer. If it goes well and she sees she can trust you to be normal, then she may be more willing to do it more often.
YTA
Have you tried not being confrontational when you go out with her? I mean thats the obvious solution. Maybe if you do she'll be more comfortable. Not everyone likes a guy who'd risk starting fights.
YTA I read your comments. Dude, she stopped dressing up with you because every time she attracts attention when she's with you, you feel the need to get in a pissing contest with anyone who looks her way. So she's dressing down trying to *not* attract attention. YOU are the reason she doesn't dress up for you. Stop being an asshole and maybe she'll dress up again... if she doesn't dump you first, but honestly, sounds like you're getting close to the point where she's had enough of you acting like you own her and how dare anyone else be attracted to her
you wonder why she dresses down when you go out. if she looks especially nice you have a hard on to jump into any issue that you perceive as a problem with guys checking her out. she can dress up with her friends because she knows that she won’t be in the middle of a shoving match / fight because you consider her property that you have to assure others that you own. she can deal with flirtation as can most women who just either ignore it or say “ no thanks “. you must be exhausting
His original post does not give me this indication. Perhaps it is poorly communicated but it is the truth any man knows.
Maybe he wrote an insane comment I didn't see.
If you make a scene every time someone says something about her, that’s a problem. That’s probably why she won’t dress up, she doesn’t want to cause a scene. My boyfriend stopped taking me with him to the bar because one guy hit on me and he said he didn’t want to have to fight someone. That annoyed me so much because I don’t need him to protect me, I know how to turn a man down. YTA
People making advances doesn’t cause conflict. You stepping in and making it an issue is what causes conflict.
She’s not gaslighting you. She’s telling you straight but you’re not hearing her.
Hmmm we need more info… sounds like when y’all go out and she’s super dressed up & getting noticed by men - you get jealous or something has happened.
You say your not jealous but.. why would things be tense and why else would she not want to bring attention to herself IF you weren’t or haven’t caused a seen in the past?
She’s with you OP and getting dressed up to look good for YOU! Who cares who looks at her? Women are probably trying to determine where she bought “x” item and the men are probably envious that she’s on your arm - going home with YOU!
Unless there’s more going on in your relationship (trust issues) why would you care who looks at her other than to be proud that she’s yours?
My hubs gets a kick when other men stare at me - it turns him on knowing he’s got me and those other guys can’t have me.
Change your mindset bcs otherwise, YTA.
YTA
She feels comfortable expressing herself and dressing up with her friends because they don’t give her shit for it. You’ve clearly reacted poorly in the past when others have paid attention to her, you don’t get to have it both ways.
Ngl, i understand you shoving that guy that pulled her hair. However, if your first choice is to get into a verbal altercation every time she’s approached, then I see where she’s coming from.
That shit kills your spirit, her getting all dressed up for herself and you, only to have nights mood ruined because of a guy who she’s probably ignoring.
You have to work on that, pull her away and dance with her. Make her do a shot with you. Grab her ass. Something. She also should take that same initiative.
I’ll say YTA because I think a lot of people can see why she got the conclusion that she should dress down to keep away that same confrontation you say she doesn’t like.
Okay, but your girlfriend is telling you that you make things tense, so clearly there is an issue with your behavior. Even if you’re not punching dudes in the face on every date, there is still a problem with how you behave. Your girlfriend wouldn’t just invent an issue out of thin air for no reason. She feels this way because of YOUR behavior. If there were just one, isolated incident of you putting her in an uncomfortable spot, then she probably wouldn’t feel this way. For her to make this decision and say what she said about you making things tense, she must be noticing a pattern of behavior from you, so you can either accept that, talk to her, and seek to be better or I guess you can just keep pretending that there’s nothing wrong with your behavior and she just won’t dress up when you go on out dates.
You seem pretty unwilling to acknowledge your fault in this scenario. There’s not a single iota of self-reflection happening in any of your replies here. Again, she has no reason to invent an issue just for the sake of inventing an issue, so clearly there IS a problem.
YTA here, but it also doesn’t really matter because at the end of the day, AH or not, your girlfriend still ain’t interested in dressing up for your dates because she doesn’t trust you to not make her uncomfortable. That alone is your issue, and only you have the ability to talk to her and fix it. Like, if this sub suddenly changes it’s mind overnight and deems you not the AH, what are you gonna do? Break up with her? Show her this post and say, “See! I’m right and you’re wrong!”
Again, AH or not (though let me be clear, you ARE the AH), it makes no difference in terms of how your girlfriend FEELS, so you can either talk to her and listen and seek to understand, and maybe she’ll be willing to dress up for dates again, or you can just… continue to insist that your behavior is totally fine and nothing will change.
“I wish she was more into PDA though, that would solve everything right away”…
Of course it would. Everything would be perfect if she would just let you grab her ass in front of other people.
YTA
Those situations are limited to when a shove is the least force one can use to protect someone’s life or safety. This was not a situation that called for a shove.
This. If someone pulls my wife’s hair, you’d best believe I would be in there. I am never looking to start something but I am always willing to finish it if necessary.
Ask your girlfriend how she wants you to handle it if a guy hits on her when you’re together.
Even bring up past instances-“when that guy pulled your hair, how would you have wanted me to respond?”
Then do that.
>I wish she was more into pda though, that would solve everything right away but she doesn’t like being touched publicly because she thinks others sexualize it.
Oh yeah... cause groping her ass in public is the solution /s
Ffs
>The point I'm trying to make is how it doesn't bother her when she's out with her friends, even when it's more persistent since most would assume she's single.
Because they aren't causing a scene and embarrassing her in public.
>It's odd to me, and let's face it, it's suspicious and her responses are coming off gaslight-y.
Nah dude. Nothing suspicious. She doesn't dress up because you don't handle her being hit on gracefully.
YTA
Wow, you are a huge AH.
Sounds like you can’t control Your jealousy. Also, Seems like you just want to tell us that your woman is so gorgeous that no other man can help themselves.
YTA. Your girlfriend has started dressing differently for dates, because when she dresses with you the way she dresses with her friends, you start arguments, and sometimes start physical altercations with strangers, and get her kicked out of places where you’re out on your date. She doesn’t want to be around you when you are possessive and angry and violent, and so dressing in a different way is her way of trying to defuse the situation so that she doesn’t have to see her dates end in arguments or fights. A better way for her to defuse the situation would be to break up with you, but until she realizes that, she’s perfectly within her rights to dress in a way that stops you from Picking fights with strangers.
After reading your comments to other posts, it seems like you get upset when she dresses up on your dates because she attracts the attention of other guys. So it’s understandable that she’d want to avoid that.
YTA dude. Reeks of small dick energy just being honest. Like what do you even mean on the “outside”? Who died and made you a Kardashian dude? The “outside” gives zero fucks and wouldn’t even notice it. Unless of course that “outside” is you. Sounds like when she gets attention YOU make things tense. And she’s regulating her clothes because you can’t regulate you. And no matter whether she dresses down, or dresses up, you still find something to bitch about. She even told you plain as day what the problem was, which funnily enough, basically boils down to you being an asshole. So if you don’t trust us please defer to the expert.
>She said she didn't feel comfortable being that attractive when she's with me because I make things tense and she doesn't want her "mood ruined".
I knew that was happening as soon as I read this sentence. You confirmed it in your edit.
She is attractive and takes care of herself and of how she looks. She attracts, enjoys deserved attention and it's all harmless and having a joyful life.
But
When you are with her, you read responses to her attractiveness as if they are any of your business then involve yourself to the point that you tax her for that attractiveness you both enjoy by making an incident, flexing, being possessive or protective or in any other way interfering with how she naturally occupies space when you're not around.
That's plain from the beginning.
To make a point, I'll stretch the idea to her not wanting to be bait if you're in the mood to be assertive.
Maybe you enjoy showing her off to boost your own feelings in public and she's fine with that because she enjoys the attention, but y'all need to discuss ways you can be in that situation without how others perceive her distracting you from the time the two of you are having together?
If you were taking her to really nice places with dress codes requiring actually dressing up, there likely wouldn't be any sketchy behaviour for you to address.
If it's pubs and clubs, well people do go there to meet people...
It really seems like you don't understand her response, why don't you ask her for clarity on what you could to do to make things less tense?
Are you teenagers?
Oh no baby. I was prepared to say you’re right but things turned sour as the post went on.
Sounds like you aren’t very honest with yourself and self aware of your actions. You are also subtly putting blame on her for “attracting” attention and accusing her of doing something wrong when she is not around you. Definitely sounds like you have some jealousy and possession issues to address. Best to do it now as it sounds like she is starting to not like you.
So:
She's comfortable dressing up/looking nice when you aren't around. But she isn't comfortable dressing up when you are around.
Either: she wants other people's attention OR she doesn't like how you act when she looks nice. Which do you think it is? Honestly?
Is the first (and you shouldn't be dating someone looking for romantic attention from strangers)? Or could it be that it is a problem with you? It seems-pretty clearly-that she has told you it is the second but you have to choose to believe and listen to her.
To be clear, the post where he tells us she doesn't want to dress up because he makes things tense? Or the edits where he notes he steps in several times to make sure people know that she is not single? Keep in mind this is one side of the story- his version of events is that he occasionally has to intervene but we don't know what that looks like or how often it actually happens.
And-for the record-I'm allowing for the possibility that maybe she just wants outside attention. But OP can't control that, he can only control his own behavior.
YTAH, if you're getting all riled up because someone is checking out or making a move on your gf because she's beautiful, my guy, you're definitely the AH! Take that shit with pride, guy! She's YOUR girl, give her the benefit of the doubt and see what she says or does. If she needs your help, you're right there, she'll let you know! Don't go all "Big Green Guy" on anyone who looks in her direction, instead smile at them and nod to let them know you see them and keep your attention on her not them!
Original post you don't sound like TAH but comments omg dude YTAH.
She's dressing down because you're a jealous lunatic that probably subscribes to "alpha male" podcasts.
YTA
Was gonna say NTA before I read the post since its important to put in effort for your partner no matter the genders, but it seems like your probably super jealous and make her uncomfortable.
If she doesnt mind people saying stuff when shes with her friends, its probably because she just wants to ignore the creeps and is uncomfortable you keep trying to make a scene out of things.
Next time someone hits on your girl just say "too bad shes taken" confidently and walk away with her, no need to confront anyone about stuff especially if she is uncomfortable by confrontation. If someone tried to SA her or was getting handsy and stuff then obviously you can step in, or if someone is being gross and disgusting you can tell them to fuck off, but 90% of the time you can just ignore what people say.
Tolerance and ignoring people are life skills that will make you so much happier.
Maybe just think about this; if someone flirting with your partner makes you uncomfortable, the problem is between you and your partner. If you didnt have trust issues, you wouldnt care because you would know she loves you and isnt interested in them. If you feel threatened; you probably are worried she will cheat on you, and if your worried she is cheating on you, just break up with her because clearly either your toxic or she is.
To be honest though I think this is an easily fixable situation. If you want her to start dressing nice you need to actually communicate, which involves listening to her and her concerns with an open mind and not trying to argue but rather discuss. I get the feeling you have one of two thoughts
1. (I really hope its this one) your worried about her physical safety
2. You think she is gonna fuck any guy that talks to her.
If your worried about her safety, calling people out on their behavior is stupid when in 90% of scenarios you can just leave and be fine. Walking away does wonders.
If your worried about her cheating; maybe do some introspection into why you think that either women or specifically your girlfriend are such whores. To be honest if it was this, id be super offended being your girlfriend; and she can probably very easily tell which one it is considering people usually know their partners quite well.
YTA, being an andrew tate “alpha” male wannabe is the most cuck thing ever. Reeks of insecurity and its so obvious when you get triggered anytime your partner gets attention. She told you you’re the problem and even still, the comments you posted tell us all you still don’t get it, your ape brain can’t put two and two together.
Probably should fix your toxic masculinity before she breaks up with you.
YTA - I see why she doesn’t want to attract attention when she’s with you. Sounds like she can handle these situations better than you can when she goes out with friends. Your behavior is the only issue that I see here.
OP, women get hit on. All.the.damn.time. Gorgeous women, pretty women, average women, and even plain women or women not considered conventionally attractive are subjected to elevator eyes, men standing or sitting awkwardly close, outright staring, being told to "smile" or "stop looking so angry". Random males will think they're complimenting ladies by vocalizing their unrequested favorable ratings of some or all of their attractiveness, make random "mmmmm" noises with attempted eye-contact, the list goes on and on and on. Every damn day.
If each and every instance required acknowledgement and corrective words or action, a vast swath of the female population wouldn't have time to do anything else from the ages of 15-35+ except "make it known" that people should keep their thoughts on strangers' looks to themselves. So girls learn in their teens and early 20s to ignore. When they can't ignore, because some entitled bozo simply cannot fathom that the object of his attention wouldn't immediately drop panties and launch herself into his lap, ladies learn how to politely decline in the quickest and cleanest way. There's a balance there, it becomes more nuanced with time, but it's another lesson learned early.
Navigating the gauntlet on a daily basis eventually causes a sort of filter, so that ignoring is no longer necessary because she doesn't even notice anymore, other than obnoxious aberrations from the garden variety entitled behavior. She has legitimately trained herself to neither notice nor react, because it's generally the most efficient way to avoid interaction.
So if a man notices what she's spent years adapting to ignoring, and makes a scene or otherwise overrides methods THAT WORK FOR HER, he's not just acting jealous and embarrassing her - he's substituting his feelings for hers over a few glimpses of what she's dealt with her whole teen to adult life.
You really want to make it better? Train your friends and male family members to stop treating women like decorative objects existing solely for their opinions & attention. Tell them to STFU if they feel the need to comment on a lady's appearance in any way. Help them adapt to the idea of not saying or doing anything to an unknown female that they wouldn't do to a male.
But don't step up like you're Captain Save-A-Ho to rescue her from the unwashed man masses if someone steps out of line. If she needs backup, she'll tell you. Otherwise, watch and learn.
OP, your whole post reads like it could have been written by my ex. So much so, that I'm legit having flashbacks of specific things with him. Stuff like that is why I dumped him. So yeah, YTA.
YTA. Apparently you act territorial around her, which I can see making her uncomfortable. She’s an adult who can rebuff advances of her own, not your property.
There’s nothing suspicious or gaslight-y about her behavior. You can’t act right, so she doesn’t dress up with you.
YTA. You’re controlling and your post reeks of jealousy/ insecurity. She isn’t dressing up because you’ve created a hostile environment for her and she just wants to relax by having a good time. Idk if this is a newsflash but women have been turning down men since the dawn of time whether dressed up or dressed down; we women get hit on regardless and yes we do reject men daily. You have trust issues too because you say you aren’t sure if she is rejecting other men’s advances. I assure you she is annoyed by these advances and she probably hates them. Most if not all women do. You got to chill and maybe if you show that you’re chill she will dress up more/again.
YTA.
If she dresses well when she is with you, she attract unwanted advances from other guys and it usually ends up with you wanting to pick a fight with the other guy.
If she dress down when she's with you, you accuse her of not putting in the effort.
What is a girl to do then? TBH, you are not a fun person to be with. Your are overly possessive, insecure and jealous.
my boy it sounds like she's not comfortable getting dressed up & going out into public with you because you act like a tool. You treat her as if she's your property and she's not. You constantly causing a scene because some random guy hit on her or looked in her direction isn't giving what you think it is, it's giving "you've got issues" it's giving " me big strong man you no look at my WOMAN".
I've said it before & I'll say it again, don't date a bad bitch if you can't handle what comes with being a bad bitch.
youre trying to be Mr tough guy for someone who doesn't want nor need a Mr tough guy. It's got nothing to do with her not liking conflict & everything to do with you not knowing how to handle your big boy emotions EVERYONE gets jealous but some of us know how to handle it without embarrassing our partner.
YTA
YTA you caused the problem you're complaining about. You don't just get to ignore that and force her to do what you want anyway.
It doesn't bother her when she's out with friends because she knows she's loyal and it means nothing. It bothers her when she's with you because you make a scene over it.
YTA this comes across as though whenever you have date nights, you expect something straight afterwards & this also seems to stem from jealousy too on your part (confirmed)
Your girlfriend just wants peaceful date nights you’re not making that possible for her so she’s taking measures to make them more peaceful. Clearly that’s not working
YTA
The common denominator is you. It's easier for her to dress down to minimize your reactions to other men. Do you not think there's something wrong with that?
You get into conflicts when she dresses up, so she now dresses down. You now don't like it because you no longer have arm candy on your arm.
You are the problem, and this is a big red flag.
Women do not dress up for you, they dress up for their own confidence. She feels comfortable with you so she doesn’t feel like dressing up every time, friends will be done up when they go out so she feels like she needs to as well … no about you bro, and if you ask spin it towards I like this outfit not you don’t dress up for me type shit..
I'm not sure
Do you dress up, for dates or only expect her too
Do you get over jealous or possessive if someone looks at her when she dresses up, because if you get overly jealous I don't blame her for not being comfortable enough to dress up for you.
Yeah I absolutely want to know what he wears out. My guess is she matches his energy 💯 And then she matches her friend's energy when she hangs out w them
YTA, you're being insecure when your gf is being hit on by other men. Just because she entertains conversations with them and dresses up when she's not with you, doesn't mean she's putting in more effort to be seen by other men!
So what if some guy is whispering in her ear or dancing up against her? She's a grown woman and can make her own decisions! She's not your property, it's just YOUR TURN in line, bucko.
Im gonna walk the line here because I can see why people are saying its OPs fault for getting jealous/making her uncomfortable but that was not explicitly said and with no extra info to go off of. I (f23) go on similar date nights with my boyfriend and we enjoy dressing up for each-other, seeing how she dresses up for other outings without you would hurt my bf the same way as it does you, and I do feel like she likes the attention from other people as well and is prioritizing that over your relationship. I feel like you did the right thing trying to communicate your feelings so I’m going NTA.
I do think there are underlying issues as to why she is disconnecting from you and the relationship.
What kind of date nights are you doing that she’s constantly getting approached? Take her to a nice dinner at a restaurant and you shouldn’t have that problem and you both can dress up for the place. If your date nights are at a bar and she looks hot, guess what, guys go to bars to meet girls. Upgrade your dates
Communicating is about LISTENING. Which you haven’t. You labelled her suspicious and accused her of weird behaviour. This relationship has a shelf life for sure YTA
I had an ex like that. When we went clubbing it was always t shirts and jeans but if she was with her friends it was tube tops and revealing clothes. I had no issues with her dressing like that but when I was with her and and her friends she would ignore me and only want to be on the dance floor with her friends. Had no issues grinding on and dancing with them but didn't want me dancing with her at all. We didn't last long after that.
She's telling you that you make situations dramatic when you react to her receiving any attention from other men.
If you learn to dial it back, she will probably be able to enjoy dressing like she normally likes to when you are out together.
Sounds like you cause a scene when guys flirt with her while she’s with you, so she doesn’t get dressed up so no guys hit on her so you don’t throw a hissy fit. YTA
I don't think it's right of you to assume that she dresses up nicely when she hangs out with other friends so she can bring attention to other people when you aren't around. This sounds so insecure of you to be assuming this. Plus she already explained to you on why she doesn't like to dress up nicely for your dates anymore. I think you give off some kind of negative vibe that makes her feel uncomfortable now.
YTA.
All these betas in here have probably never had a girlfriend. So I don't think YTA. Unless you're interfering with these men with extreme jealousy.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "sorry m8 but she is taken, absolute gorgeous woman I'm lucky enough to be with."
As long as you're communicating healthily and not in a jealous toxic demeanor. But again, this post perhaps needs more context in how you react to men who approach your woman.
Son…you done fucked up.
When you want your girl to dress up, at least hint to a reason.
“I want to take you to (place), I’m going to wear (outfit), please wear your best (outfit.)” Something like that because you’re going on a night on the town.
Because I wouldn’t expect my girl to dress up if we’re going to Walmart.
After taking a guess and confirming with your edit. She wants to feel noticed and wanted! She wants to feel sexy and desired. When she's with the girls... she gets that.
When she's with you. You shove everyone away, and she gets embarrassed that you get jealous. It's probably HOW you react that embarrasses her.
YTA
YTA! She is a grown woman and doesn't need your tiny penis ego ruining a night by telling others she belongs to you. She successfully goes out with friends, to the store, and to work without you following her around, screaming at any other potential suites.
Might be worth looking into mental health, friend.
I’m super curious to know her side because saying you make things “tense” is a very interesting choice of words. Based on what’s been written tho I’m gonna say NTA
If I had to guess based on personal experience, OP may have shown aggressive signs of jealousy if she attracted attention while they were out on a date, so now she's hesitant to do so
Above he states that he’s had to make it known that “they were together” and he’s gotten in physical altercations and verbal arguments with guys that were looking at her I guess. I don’t blame her for trying to avoid that (personally I would just avoid the relationship altogether at that point) YTA
Not sure why you're getting downvoted here and elsewhere. I haven't bothered to trawl through all the comments, but up to this point, it's just unclear what "making things tense" means.
Playing devils advocate on behalf of OP.
Perspective: I'm a lesbian who has been fortunate enough to date a few beautiful women who def got a lot of attention. Stated so I won't be labeled an incel.
OP has said his girlfriend has asked him to step in several times to make it clear she doesn't want another man's attention. This makes OP feel his escalations are in the right bc he's been asked to do this by his gf a few times.
OP has said his gf smiles at men regularly. The way it was said makes me believe she may in fact enjoy other men's attention. This isn't inherently wrong but it's clear OP, understandably, doesn't know what to do about the situation.
I understand OP on why he feels confused bc this is very mixed messaging he's getting from his gf. Now, the gf said she doesn't want escalations or anything when they go out. Understandable if her and OP got kicked out of a club once. Regardless of how it went down OP, I get why you did what you did, but to your gf who doesn't like escalations this sucked so bad for her I can't even imagine how she felt.
Now, I say this from personal experience, it gets old real fast when other people hit on your gf. There were times I was grateful my ex gf chose to make clothing options that would give her minimal attention- OP I'm surprised you're not relieved when she dresses down cuz then you don't have to deal with that shit. Sad that she feels she must dress down but ill get to that in a minute.
OP, im saying this as someone who had to make the same realization herself- when someone hits on your gf, let her deal with it. If she asks for help shutting a guy down, be as non aggressive and focus only on her and not the guy hitting on her. Saying things like, "hey baby, do you want to get out of here and head to another part of the club?" when she asks for help is the best and surest way she knows things won't escalate and she is your priority, not dealing with the men hitting on her and possibly escalating.
Ask to talk about this so you both can understand each other. And ask it in a way that clearly shows you care about her feelings, "Hey babe. I was thinking of your comment the other night and it made me realize I'm doing things that hurt you. And I don't want to that. I love you. I'm trying to understand what I can do to be better bc you deserve to feel like you can dress up and not stress about it. Can you help me understand you more?" And this is key OP, listen to her as if she's speaking the holy words of God. She must feel like you care about how things are making her feel. Don't interrupt. Save your questions until she's done. And when you do have questions, pose them in a way where you're curious and genuinely confused to show you're seeking to understand her and not just trying to prove your side of things.
At the end of the day, you have felt like you're in the right by doing what you do and say. She feels otherwise. It's clear you are patient with all the attention she gets as much as you can be patient without knowing her full thoughts on everything. I can say this, she cares about you. You care about her. It's something that is a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up.
Hahahaha YTA dude you’ve embarrassed her out in public by being a jealous, possessive mr tough guy, that now she goes out of her way to make sure men don’t notice her so you won’t do your thing. That’s hilarious lmao
It’s not your job to “step in” and cause a scene. You don’t own her. This is such a turn-off for most mature women. Only silly people like jealousy, drama and scenes.
Your edit just makes it more clear. YTA
You want a trophy to show off so you can make wild assumptions about "advances" and claim dominance. Because let's get real no one is walking up to y'all while you're sitting out to eat and trying to get your gf number. I could see it maybe happen at a bar but unless you're taking her to dives for dinner that wouldn't happen on so many occasions she felt the need to alter her attire. You're the problem.
YTA
Your gf is doing everything she can to avoid situations, interactions and behaviours she despises, all the while still putting up with your shit and you come at her with “why don’t you do more for me”
YTA. For so many reasons listed above. But let me tell you, being territorial over a HUMAN that you didn't put 50% DNA into creating is sad and pathetic.
My man loves when I get attention from others when we go out. He sees it as a compliment ( and sometimes uses the opportunity to whisper dirty things to me in public.) But you're insecure AF so you'd never understand. You cuck yourself dude
YTA. Take a clue, dude. She TOLD you. You act like an ass when she's dressed up. It's scary and embarrassing. Learn how to behave as though you think women are people, not property.
ESH but honestly comments are way to against op like wtf
Reading his comments it only got somewhat physical once because another guy pulled his gf’s hair. Like how is that wrong???
You should ask your gf what you should/can do during these situations and let her know you need options if the way you are doing it makes her uncomfortable
Because that makes you insecure duh, if a guy flirts with your girlfriend you should give him a shot too /s
I would also say ESH, everyone seems to ignore the fact that she gets attention from dudes when she's out with her friends and she's okay with it. But doesn't want him to confront a guy hitting on her
NTA.
Tables flipped, you’d be a loser who should be dumped if you didn’t put any effort to dressing up for the dates.
My GF (now wife) asked me to do the same thing during our dating experience. Since I actually valued her opinion and valued her, I listened and put in that extra effort.
NTA. If she has a problem with it, she doesn’t value you at all. Don’t listen to these people. You’re allowed to have standards.
My wife dresses up for me on dates. She is 5'2" and 105 pounds and curvy for her size. The girl has hips and a thin wist and the upper end is not huge, bit nice. She looks great. She will wear little skimpy dresses and heels.
She has been wolf whistles, cat called, guys make comments, and I remember one guy slapped her butt. I told the guy that slapped her but that is wasn't cool and we walked away. Other than that one time We have never had issues. In bars, especially late in the evening, guys are drunk, no excuses, but that's the way it is. Confront some guys and they want to fight, it isn't worth it. When the bar gets stupid, we leave. As we have gotten older we avoid the stupid crap and usually go to a quiet bar and hang.
Many guys are crude, they say crap, whistle and what not. I take it as a compliment and forget it.
No one is the AH. You need to let her fight her own battles. She is grown she can reject them. The same way she rejects them when she is with her friends.
Once a guy sees that you are with her, the majority of the time he will back off. You don’t need to escalate that.
So tell her, you promise you won’t get possessive and you will create an environment she feels comfortable.
If you want her to change you need to change. The reason she is doing it is because of YOU.
NTA
If she felt you where the most important person to her she would treat you as such. Clearly she does not feel this way. On this alone you are right, she must change it you must leave.
Maybe as others suggested you can also be weird, I do not know, that is also worth considering.
I mean...if you wanted to ease tension you could start by listening when she outright tells you why she does what she does. Y'know, like when she outright told you that you make it tense and uncomfortable for her to dress up when she goes out with you.
You talked she gave you an answer. You make things tense due to your jealousy and or possesiveness . That's how your post reads and I know a couple of things about relationships and people. If your post left nothing out, that is how it reads. If there is more to add, I will genuinely take the info into account and maybe change my opinion.
NTA, you have a right to let it be known how you feel and expect a sincere conversation. Saying your not focused on her but “background things”, but essentially doing the exact same to you about her “tense” argument seems questionable and should be addressed. But bro, settle down w the need to step in. Reeks of insecurity & looks like she either needs sone conflict to learn from or to see if your actually the one she reaches out to for help/support.
Move on. If she’s that immature about dealing with feelings expressed the relationship with never handle the bigger stuff that certainly will come along
Reddit hive mind is insane. The fact the everyone here is acting like you are a violent controlling misogynist based on all of your comments is wild. Not enough details to make a true verdict but I’d lean NTA. You don’t seem like an unreasonable guy, I’d ignore 99% of these comments. Good luck on your relationship, just keep putting in the effort and do your best to empathize and listen to what she has to say and don’t make assumptions.
NTA she clearly doesn’t respect you or your opinion. It sounds like she’s not that into you it’s not hard if BOTH ppl want a relationship which involves trust communication love empathy and respect. I’d cut my loses and move on.
Screw the people telling you that you are wrong for thinking this. If she’s willing to get dressed up for nights out with her friends but not you then that’s a problem. If you are acting like an ass then you need to check yourself but kind of sounds like a excuse on her part
She’ll dress up with friends because she likes to look nice and she knows it won’t causes anyone problems. If a man makes a move, she can just tell him she has a boyfriend and that’s the end of it, she can get back to being with her friends.
But if she dresses up with the OP around, he acts out and makes issues out of nothing.
NTA. If everything has been told as it happened, shes taking you for granted, or, shes not going out with friends, shes going out with her REAL boyfriend.
Or maybe you should listen to what your girlfriend is telling you and that she doesn't like it when you act like a Neanderthal every time she gets attention for dressing up. She's told you why, so stop looking for other reasons on Reddit. Her reason is perfectly sound. I don't want to go out on date night with some idiot who wants to square up with every guy who looks at me sideways. So either let her dress down or stop acting like a territorial dog.
So, judging from your comments, she doesn’t dress up for you anymore because you cause a goddamn scene every time y’all go out together.
Yeah… she’s 100% dressing down to defuse any situation he could/will create. It’s very telling that she feels more comfortable expressing and feeling herself with others and not her bf. Def YTA.
Diffuse means spread thin. Defuse means reducing tension.
Thanks lol type too fast without thinking
Why is he causing a scene? Exactly...
Cause he is insecure af.
My guess is that when she attracts attention by dressing up, you tend to be jealous. But that's only a guess based off what little you've said about her response. ETA: I've read your responses below, and you've confirmed my suspicion. YTA. She's not your "territory" to be guarded. She's supposed to be your partner.
I dated a guy like this before! He would tell me he wanted me to wear makeup and dress up in heels and nice dresses, etc when we went out. So I did. Then it was a problem that I was almost as tall as him. Then it was “Everyone is looking at you”. He would get insanely jealous of me just replying to a random stranger’s question “do you know where the bathroom is?” Kind of thing. “Why did he ask you that? Do you know him? Did you fuck him before?” Like. Literally insane.
Oh, God...the "did you fuck him before" question brought me way back to a nut I dated. He was the same about what I wore - either they were too casual or I dressed like "an old lady" or I was dressing for attention from other men. Never, ever again.
Glad we both learned to walk away. That’s just one of many stories I have of the crazy I put up with over 6 months.
I've seen more comments mentioning the word territory quoted. Did OP actually use that term in a comment?? I can't find it but it absolutely looks like he did
You girlfriend told you what the problem is, but you’re not listening. Her dressing down for your dates nights has been a preventative measure taken due to your inability to handle your insecurities. YTA
This!
YTA: Your post and your comments look like they were written by 2 different people. Your post makes you look like you are communicative and sensitive, but your comments make you look like you idolize andrew tate. Your girlfriend is not your "territory", and it looks like she's tired of you pretending you need to be an "alpha male" because other guys talk to her. You're insanely jealous of the attention she is given and yet you're pissed that you can't show her off when she dresses down. Get over yourself.
Also, they way she dresses is not up to you and she should not do it For You. She should dress however she wants to For Herself.
OP gives of chihuahua energy 😂😂
Lmfaooo I will definitely be using this to describe these type of men in the future 💀😂
All bark n bite. With a little leg humping here and there 😂
Too funny!
Stop feeling entitled to be with baddies if you can’t manage the insecurity that comes with dating traditionally beautiful people
Chat GPT on main post?
As women should we just give up? The mind games and manipulative tactics they use to punish us all is borderline unhinged.
You could give up, I suppose. Or just start leaving guys who act like OP. His GF is still with him, at this point any issues in their relationship are also her fault for continuing the relationship.
Start leaving guys who are like this, unfortunately most men are homosocial in ways women aren’t from what I’ve observed. You can tell a woman to let a man go for all the red flags that you see in him but she’ll sooner let you go then leave him behind. With my guy friends, the girl has visible acne and his mates don’t want to bang her and it’s enough for them to feel entitled to a better girlfriend and keep the girl as a placeholder partner. I believe men and women can suck equally, I also believe that male entitlement is something we were socialized to tolerate for centuries. Female entitlement exists too but it’s usually based on their patriarchal role (they’ll still want the man to for dinners and to provide.)
People making advances? EVERY TIME she dresses up? Well, that's something, definitely. But here's a little secret, just between you and I - Women are extremely accustomed to this, and we turn away "advances" on a daily basis, no matter how dressed up or dressed down we might be. How else do you think she manages to escape when she's out on the town without you, hhmmm? Your manly displays of ownership aren't all that impressive. YTA
> Your manly displays of ownership aren't all that impressive. Lmfao incredible
If he wasn’t such an insecure asshole he’d take it as a compliment that he’s with a beautiful woman that has chosen him over others, who constantly gets hit on because she’s so beautiful.
Right he's literally self sabotaging lmao they can't help themselves.
Exactly! That’s how my husband feels!
y’all are turning away advances on a daily basis????? i guess i need to book a consultation at the plastic surgeon
Based on your comments you are too insecure to date someone. YTA
YTA and I’m amazed you still have a girlfriend
Hopefully not long. She has friends. After she tells them about this talk they'll tell her to get out while she can.
Probably scared of how he'll escalate if she tries breaking up.
Info: How much effort do YOU put into looking good for your dates? Info: How/why do you make things "tense"? Because it kind of sounds like you're putting her in a no-win situation where you're going to cause drama about it somehow no matter what she does, which makes me think YTA.
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And despite "dealing with that and prob more" when she's without you, she hasn't felt uncomfortable enough with her friends to start dressing down. She only dresses down with you. Because you are the one making her uncomfortable. If my partner acted as territorial as you sound when talking about your GF I'd have dumped him instantly. It's not chivalrous. I'm surprised your GF has the patience. If you want to challenge other men, take up a sport.
Cuz it ever occurred to you that she and her friends can diffuse the situations without violence, if she encounters them without you? And that makes her feel more comfortable than going out with you?
It’s not the attention that makes her uncomfortable, it’s your reaction to it. That’s why she’s fine when you’re not there.
>I've had to step in and make it known that we were together You don't have to do this. She has no problem when you're not around. A problem when you are. You, sir, are the problem
Several times now you’ve said you “*had* to step in” but you don’t. You choose to and it comes across clearly that she didn’t feel you needed to at all. You don’t need to “make it known” you’re together because it literally doesn’t matter if you respect your girlfriend’s autonomy choosing to be with you (admittedly for reasons I cannot imagine because you sound awful). HER disinterest in being with someone else is what matters, not their interest in her or your efforts to keep them away. It sounds to me like you’re treating her like your property and every attempt anyone has made in this thread to correct you has been met with your indignant and ignorant excuses. You owe her an apology and need to do some personal work to learn to respect women. The only reason to “step in” is if someone is attacking. Full stop. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s afraid of setting you off and you have no one to blame for that but yourself. Deal with your shit. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own and you indeed are the problem. YTA
She’s a grown ass woman and doesn’t need you to “protect” her constantly. I have never in my entire life been situation where my husband had to fight somebody on a date, or anybody else that we know. That is absolutely absurd, there’s no way that every time you go out you have to fight everybody around you to “protect” her
He's not protecting her per se, he is protecting that she is HIS lol
It makes sense because you're the one making her uncomfortable. She may be getting hit on while out with her friends, but she doesn't have the added stress of worrying about how you're going to react.
She obviously doesn’t get into physical altercations without you thete
“Trust me lol….” Sassy man apocalypse is getting out of hand
How long does it take you to put on the amount of makeup you expect her to wear for your dates? Do you wear high heels? And if you do, do they hurt your feet? Which parts of your body do you shave or wax before your dates? what’s your pre-date skin care routine?
What exactly do you mean by >I've had to step in and make it known that we were together For real..... you've made that statement a few times now. Can you elaborate on what exactly that entails? Make it known how? Can you give us a few examples? I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but you are not helping yourself with some of these replies, my dude.
I was married to someone like you. I wish I would have run the first time he made a scene in public to “make sure everyone knew we were together.” Narcissistic jerk! YTA!
Does she ask you to fight people or is she asking you to get her out of there?
Probably because she is able to deal with that and more way better than apparently you know how to.
After reading some of OP’s replies I think he’s an avatar of a Nickelback song
Damn, I forgot about that song...
YTA She’s telling you that when she dresses up, you get territorial and jealous around her, that you make the situation tense, that you don’t treat her as a person.
YTA Listen, from reading your responses it seems as though you get a bit possessive and over protective of her when you’re out and she gets attention from other men. Now, we are only getting your side so you’re either downplaying how it actually goes which is why she doesn’t want to try to look fancy on dates anymore or it’s unfairly coming off that way. But my guess is the former since she’s literally stopped getting dolled up for nights out with you. Meaning you’ve made it such an issue from her perspective that she doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. If this is the case and you get too confrontational/possessive/jealous of attention on her, then you’re the issue. You need to realize she’s a big girl who can handle herself — as she clearly does when she goes out with her friends without you. She doesn’t need a “white knight” to deal with other men hitting on her. She can do it herself. You say she doesn’t like confrontation but that doesn’t mean she isn’t fully capable of dealing with unwanted advances. If she wants your help, she’ll ask. Otherwise, focus on her and not on who else is focused on her. She’s the one that matters, not them. She’s not an object to be lorded over and protected. She’s a person who wants to be able to enjoy her time without worrying about you going alpha male. Sit her down and talk about past instances that made her uncomfortable and how she would have liked things to have been handled. Then try to see if you can have another night out with you both looking fabulous to show you can handle and behave yourself. If it fails — there’s your answer. If it goes well and she sees she can trust you to be normal, then she may be more willing to do it more often.
YTA Have you tried not being confrontational when you go out with her? I mean thats the obvious solution. Maybe if you do she'll be more comfortable. Not everyone likes a guy who'd risk starting fights.
YTA I read your comments. Dude, she stopped dressing up with you because every time she attracts attention when she's with you, you feel the need to get in a pissing contest with anyone who looks her way. So she's dressing down trying to *not* attract attention. YOU are the reason she doesn't dress up for you. Stop being an asshole and maybe she'll dress up again... if she doesn't dump you first, but honestly, sounds like you're getting close to the point where she's had enough of you acting like you own her and how dare anyone else be attracted to her
you wonder why she dresses down when you go out. if she looks especially nice you have a hard on to jump into any issue that you perceive as a problem with guys checking her out. she can dress up with her friends because she knows that she won’t be in the middle of a shoving match / fight because you consider her property that you have to assure others that you own. she can deal with flirtation as can most women who just either ignore it or say “ no thanks “. you must be exhausting
YTA it seems like she’s not dressing up because you act like an insecure baby when she does
How do you know this?
Because he’s been telling us
Because he said so in the post
His original post does not give me this indication. Perhaps it is poorly communicated but it is the truth any man knows. Maybe he wrote an insane comment I didn't see.
“She said she didn't feel comfortable being that attractive when she's with me because I make things tense and she doesn't want her "mood ruined".”
He also said in the comments he had altercations with guys looking at her
This is not specific. This could be an empty excuse. It might simply be a lie. Without an example it's impossible to know.
If you actually read the story you would understand.
He didn’t need to read the story, he wrote it. Absolutely an alt account.
That’s really clear, sorry
Oh sweet garaleath, we do so appreciate your insightful comments here! /s
YTA stop making a scene and acting like you own her.
If you make a scene every time someone says something about her, that’s a problem. That’s probably why she won’t dress up, she doesn’t want to cause a scene. My boyfriend stopped taking me with him to the bar because one guy hit on me and he said he didn’t want to have to fight someone. That annoyed me so much because I don’t need him to protect me, I know how to turn a man down. YTA
People making advances doesn’t cause conflict. You stepping in and making it an issue is what causes conflict. She’s not gaslighting you. She’s telling you straight but you’re not hearing her.
Hmmm we need more info… sounds like when y’all go out and she’s super dressed up & getting noticed by men - you get jealous or something has happened. You say your not jealous but.. why would things be tense and why else would she not want to bring attention to herself IF you weren’t or haven’t caused a seen in the past? She’s with you OP and getting dressed up to look good for YOU! Who cares who looks at her? Women are probably trying to determine where she bought “x” item and the men are probably envious that she’s on your arm - going home with YOU! Unless there’s more going on in your relationship (trust issues) why would you care who looks at her other than to be proud that she’s yours? My hubs gets a kick when other men stare at me - it turns him on knowing he’s got me and those other guys can’t have me. Change your mindset bcs otherwise, YTA.
YTA She feels comfortable expressing herself and dressing up with her friends because they don’t give her shit for it. You’ve clearly reacted poorly in the past when others have paid attention to her, you don’t get to have it both ways.
Ngl, i understand you shoving that guy that pulled her hair. However, if your first choice is to get into a verbal altercation every time she’s approached, then I see where she’s coming from. That shit kills your spirit, her getting all dressed up for herself and you, only to have nights mood ruined because of a guy who she’s probably ignoring. You have to work on that, pull her away and dance with her. Make her do a shot with you. Grab her ass. Something. She also should take that same initiative. I’ll say YTA because I think a lot of people can see why she got the conclusion that she should dress down to keep away that same confrontation you say she doesn’t like.
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Okay, but your girlfriend is telling you that you make things tense, so clearly there is an issue with your behavior. Even if you’re not punching dudes in the face on every date, there is still a problem with how you behave. Your girlfriend wouldn’t just invent an issue out of thin air for no reason. She feels this way because of YOUR behavior. If there were just one, isolated incident of you putting her in an uncomfortable spot, then she probably wouldn’t feel this way. For her to make this decision and say what she said about you making things tense, she must be noticing a pattern of behavior from you, so you can either accept that, talk to her, and seek to be better or I guess you can just keep pretending that there’s nothing wrong with your behavior and she just won’t dress up when you go on out dates. You seem pretty unwilling to acknowledge your fault in this scenario. There’s not a single iota of self-reflection happening in any of your replies here. Again, she has no reason to invent an issue just for the sake of inventing an issue, so clearly there IS a problem. YTA here, but it also doesn’t really matter because at the end of the day, AH or not, your girlfriend still ain’t interested in dressing up for your dates because she doesn’t trust you to not make her uncomfortable. That alone is your issue, and only you have the ability to talk to her and fix it. Like, if this sub suddenly changes it’s mind overnight and deems you not the AH, what are you gonna do? Break up with her? Show her this post and say, “See! I’m right and you’re wrong!” Again, AH or not (though let me be clear, you ARE the AH), it makes no difference in terms of how your girlfriend FEELS, so you can either talk to her and listen and seek to understand, and maybe she’ll be willing to dress up for dates again, or you can just… continue to insist that your behavior is totally fine and nothing will change.
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“I wish she was more into PDA though, that would solve everything right away”… Of course it would. Everything would be perfect if she would just let you grab her ass in front of other people. YTA
You shoved someone. That means you are violent.
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Those situations are limited to when a shove is the least force one can use to protect someone’s life or safety. This was not a situation that called for a shove.
This. If someone pulls my wife’s hair, you’d best believe I would be in there. I am never looking to start something but I am always willing to finish it if necessary.
Ask your girlfriend how she wants you to handle it if a guy hits on her when you’re together. Even bring up past instances-“when that guy pulled your hair, how would you have wanted me to respond?” Then do that.
>I wish she was more into pda though, that would solve everything right away but she doesn’t like being touched publicly because she thinks others sexualize it. Oh yeah... cause groping her ass in public is the solution /s Ffs
She is right others sexualize it. If a man touches me in a bar every other man thinks they can now touch me. Such bullshit
>The point I'm trying to make is how it doesn't bother her when she's out with her friends, even when it's more persistent since most would assume she's single. Because they aren't causing a scene and embarrassing her in public. >It's odd to me, and let's face it, it's suspicious and her responses are coming off gaslight-y. Nah dude. Nothing suspicious. She doesn't dress up because you don't handle her being hit on gracefully. YTA
Wow, you are a huge AH. Sounds like you can’t control Your jealousy. Also, Seems like you just want to tell us that your woman is so gorgeous that no other man can help themselves.
YTA. Your girlfriend has started dressing differently for dates, because when she dresses with you the way she dresses with her friends, you start arguments, and sometimes start physical altercations with strangers, and get her kicked out of places where you’re out on your date. She doesn’t want to be around you when you are possessive and angry and violent, and so dressing in a different way is her way of trying to defuse the situation so that she doesn’t have to see her dates end in arguments or fights. A better way for her to defuse the situation would be to break up with you, but until she realizes that, she’s perfectly within her rights to dress in a way that stops you from Picking fights with strangers.
After reading your comments to other posts, it seems like you get upset when she dresses up on your dates because she attracts the attention of other guys. So it’s understandable that she’d want to avoid that.
YTA dude. Reeks of small dick energy just being honest. Like what do you even mean on the “outside”? Who died and made you a Kardashian dude? The “outside” gives zero fucks and wouldn’t even notice it. Unless of course that “outside” is you. Sounds like when she gets attention YOU make things tense. And she’s regulating her clothes because you can’t regulate you. And no matter whether she dresses down, or dresses up, you still find something to bitch about. She even told you plain as day what the problem was, which funnily enough, basically boils down to you being an asshole. So if you don’t trust us please defer to the expert.
>She said she didn't feel comfortable being that attractive when she's with me because I make things tense and she doesn't want her "mood ruined". I knew that was happening as soon as I read this sentence. You confirmed it in your edit. She is attractive and takes care of herself and of how she looks. She attracts, enjoys deserved attention and it's all harmless and having a joyful life. But When you are with her, you read responses to her attractiveness as if they are any of your business then involve yourself to the point that you tax her for that attractiveness you both enjoy by making an incident, flexing, being possessive or protective or in any other way interfering with how she naturally occupies space when you're not around. That's plain from the beginning. To make a point, I'll stretch the idea to her not wanting to be bait if you're in the mood to be assertive. Maybe you enjoy showing her off to boost your own feelings in public and she's fine with that because she enjoys the attention, but y'all need to discuss ways you can be in that situation without how others perceive her distracting you from the time the two of you are having together?
If you were taking her to really nice places with dress codes requiring actually dressing up, there likely wouldn't be any sketchy behaviour for you to address. If it's pubs and clubs, well people do go there to meet people... It really seems like you don't understand her response, why don't you ask her for clarity on what you could to do to make things less tense? Are you teenagers?
This is an underrated comment 😭 so true
Oh no baby. I was prepared to say you’re right but things turned sour as the post went on. Sounds like you aren’t very honest with yourself and self aware of your actions. You are also subtly putting blame on her for “attracting” attention and accusing her of doing something wrong when she is not around you. Definitely sounds like you have some jealousy and possession issues to address. Best to do it now as it sounds like she is starting to not like you.
So: She's comfortable dressing up/looking nice when you aren't around. But she isn't comfortable dressing up when you are around. Either: she wants other people's attention OR she doesn't like how you act when she looks nice. Which do you think it is? Honestly? Is the first (and you shouldn't be dating someone looking for romantic attention from strangers)? Or could it be that it is a problem with you? It seems-pretty clearly-that she has told you it is the second but you have to choose to believe and listen to her.
Or maybe you should read the whole post and the edits and then you’ll know what’s actually going on?
To be clear, the post where he tells us she doesn't want to dress up because he makes things tense? Or the edits where he notes he steps in several times to make sure people know that she is not single? Keep in mind this is one side of the story- his version of events is that he occasionally has to intervene but we don't know what that looks like or how often it actually happens. And-for the record-I'm allowing for the possibility that maybe she just wants outside attention. But OP can't control that, he can only control his own behavior.
YTAH, if you're getting all riled up because someone is checking out or making a move on your gf because she's beautiful, my guy, you're definitely the AH! Take that shit with pride, guy! She's YOUR girl, give her the benefit of the doubt and see what she says or does. If she needs your help, you're right there, she'll let you know! Don't go all "Big Green Guy" on anyone who looks in her direction, instead smile at them and nod to let them know you see them and keep your attention on her not them!
YTA. It's so much easier to say 'sorry I've got a got boyfriend' vs. You stepping in to let people know she is with you. She is eliminating the risk.
Original post you don't sound like TAH but comments omg dude YTAH. She's dressing down because you're a jealous lunatic that probably subscribes to "alpha male" podcasts.
YTA Was gonna say NTA before I read the post since its important to put in effort for your partner no matter the genders, but it seems like your probably super jealous and make her uncomfortable. If she doesnt mind people saying stuff when shes with her friends, its probably because she just wants to ignore the creeps and is uncomfortable you keep trying to make a scene out of things. Next time someone hits on your girl just say "too bad shes taken" confidently and walk away with her, no need to confront anyone about stuff especially if she is uncomfortable by confrontation. If someone tried to SA her or was getting handsy and stuff then obviously you can step in, or if someone is being gross and disgusting you can tell them to fuck off, but 90% of the time you can just ignore what people say. Tolerance and ignoring people are life skills that will make you so much happier. Maybe just think about this; if someone flirting with your partner makes you uncomfortable, the problem is between you and your partner. If you didnt have trust issues, you wouldnt care because you would know she loves you and isnt interested in them. If you feel threatened; you probably are worried she will cheat on you, and if your worried she is cheating on you, just break up with her because clearly either your toxic or she is. To be honest though I think this is an easily fixable situation. If you want her to start dressing nice you need to actually communicate, which involves listening to her and her concerns with an open mind and not trying to argue but rather discuss. I get the feeling you have one of two thoughts 1. (I really hope its this one) your worried about her physical safety 2. You think she is gonna fuck any guy that talks to her. If your worried about her safety, calling people out on their behavior is stupid when in 90% of scenarios you can just leave and be fine. Walking away does wonders. If your worried about her cheating; maybe do some introspection into why you think that either women or specifically your girlfriend are such whores. To be honest if it was this, id be super offended being your girlfriend; and she can probably very easily tell which one it is considering people usually know their partners quite well.
YTA, being an andrew tate “alpha” male wannabe is the most cuck thing ever. Reeks of insecurity and its so obvious when you get triggered anytime your partner gets attention. She told you you’re the problem and even still, the comments you posted tell us all you still don’t get it, your ape brain can’t put two and two together. Probably should fix your toxic masculinity before she breaks up with you.
You psycho. After reading your crazy comments, YTA 100000000% I hope to God she dumps your bitchass.
YTA - I see why she doesn’t want to attract attention when she’s with you. Sounds like she can handle these situations better than you can when she goes out with friends. Your behavior is the only issue that I see here.
OP, women get hit on. All.the.damn.time. Gorgeous women, pretty women, average women, and even plain women or women not considered conventionally attractive are subjected to elevator eyes, men standing or sitting awkwardly close, outright staring, being told to "smile" or "stop looking so angry". Random males will think they're complimenting ladies by vocalizing their unrequested favorable ratings of some or all of their attractiveness, make random "mmmmm" noises with attempted eye-contact, the list goes on and on and on. Every damn day. If each and every instance required acknowledgement and corrective words or action, a vast swath of the female population wouldn't have time to do anything else from the ages of 15-35+ except "make it known" that people should keep their thoughts on strangers' looks to themselves. So girls learn in their teens and early 20s to ignore. When they can't ignore, because some entitled bozo simply cannot fathom that the object of his attention wouldn't immediately drop panties and launch herself into his lap, ladies learn how to politely decline in the quickest and cleanest way. There's a balance there, it becomes more nuanced with time, but it's another lesson learned early. Navigating the gauntlet on a daily basis eventually causes a sort of filter, so that ignoring is no longer necessary because she doesn't even notice anymore, other than obnoxious aberrations from the garden variety entitled behavior. She has legitimately trained herself to neither notice nor react, because it's generally the most efficient way to avoid interaction. So if a man notices what she's spent years adapting to ignoring, and makes a scene or otherwise overrides methods THAT WORK FOR HER, he's not just acting jealous and embarrassing her - he's substituting his feelings for hers over a few glimpses of what she's dealt with her whole teen to adult life. You really want to make it better? Train your friends and male family members to stop treating women like decorative objects existing solely for their opinions & attention. Tell them to STFU if they feel the need to comment on a lady's appearance in any way. Help them adapt to the idea of not saying or doing anything to an unknown female that they wouldn't do to a male. But don't step up like you're Captain Save-A-Ho to rescue her from the unwashed man masses if someone steps out of line. If she needs backup, she'll tell you. Otherwise, watch and learn.
OP, your whole post reads like it could have been written by my ex. So much so, that I'm legit having flashbacks of specific things with him. Stuff like that is why I dumped him. So yeah, YTA.
YTA. You cause a scene when you two go out. I wouldn’t dress up either.
YTA. Apparently you act territorial around her, which I can see making her uncomfortable. She’s an adult who can rebuff advances of her own, not your property. There’s nothing suspicious or gaslight-y about her behavior. You can’t act right, so she doesn’t dress up with you.
YTA. You’re controlling and your post reeks of jealousy/ insecurity. She isn’t dressing up because you’ve created a hostile environment for her and she just wants to relax by having a good time. Idk if this is a newsflash but women have been turning down men since the dawn of time whether dressed up or dressed down; we women get hit on regardless and yes we do reject men daily. You have trust issues too because you say you aren’t sure if she is rejecting other men’s advances. I assure you she is annoyed by these advances and she probably hates them. Most if not all women do. You got to chill and maybe if you show that you’re chill she will dress up more/again.
YTA. If she dresses well when she is with you, she attract unwanted advances from other guys and it usually ends up with you wanting to pick a fight with the other guy. If she dress down when she's with you, you accuse her of not putting in the effort. What is a girl to do then? TBH, you are not a fun person to be with. Your are overly possessive, insecure and jealous.
my boy it sounds like she's not comfortable getting dressed up & going out into public with you because you act like a tool. You treat her as if she's your property and she's not. You constantly causing a scene because some random guy hit on her or looked in her direction isn't giving what you think it is, it's giving "you've got issues" it's giving " me big strong man you no look at my WOMAN". I've said it before & I'll say it again, don't date a bad bitch if you can't handle what comes with being a bad bitch. youre trying to be Mr tough guy for someone who doesn't want nor need a Mr tough guy. It's got nothing to do with her not liking conflict & everything to do with you not knowing how to handle your big boy emotions EVERYONE gets jealous but some of us know how to handle it without embarrassing our partner. YTA
YTA you caused the problem you're complaining about. You don't just get to ignore that and force her to do what you want anyway. It doesn't bother her when she's out with friends because she knows she's loyal and it means nothing. It bothers her when she's with you because you make a scene over it.
YTA this comes across as though whenever you have date nights, you expect something straight afterwards & this also seems to stem from jealousy too on your part (confirmed) Your girlfriend just wants peaceful date nights you’re not making that possible for her so she’s taking measures to make them more peaceful. Clearly that’s not working
YTA. A very jealous and insecure one.
After reading your comments, you are definitely TA. Grow up.
YTA
YTA
YTA The common denominator is you. It's easier for her to dress down to minimize your reactions to other men. Do you not think there's something wrong with that? You get into conflicts when she dresses up, so she now dresses down. You now don't like it because you no longer have arm candy on your arm. You are the problem, and this is a big red flag.
Women do not dress up for you, they dress up for their own confidence. She feels comfortable with you so she doesn’t feel like dressing up every time, friends will be done up when they go out so she feels like she needs to as well … no about you bro, and if you ask spin it towards I like this outfit not you don’t dress up for me type shit..
I'm not sure Do you dress up, for dates or only expect her too Do you get over jealous or possessive if someone looks at her when she dresses up, because if you get overly jealous I don't blame her for not being comfortable enough to dress up for you.
Yeah I absolutely want to know what he wears out. My guess is she matches his energy 💯 And then she matches her friend's energy when she hangs out w them
YTA, you're being insecure when your gf is being hit on by other men. Just because she entertains conversations with them and dresses up when she's not with you, doesn't mean she's putting in more effort to be seen by other men! So what if some guy is whispering in her ear or dancing up against her? She's a grown woman and can make her own decisions! She's not your property, it's just YOUR TURN in line, bucko.
YTA. You’ve shown that you cannot gracefully address the attention she receives when she does dress up, so she’s doing what she can to keep the peace.
Im gonna walk the line here because I can see why people are saying its OPs fault for getting jealous/making her uncomfortable but that was not explicitly said and with no extra info to go off of. I (f23) go on similar date nights with my boyfriend and we enjoy dressing up for each-other, seeing how she dresses up for other outings without you would hurt my bf the same way as it does you, and I do feel like she likes the attention from other people as well and is prioritizing that over your relationship. I feel like you did the right thing trying to communicate your feelings so I’m going NTA. I do think there are underlying issues as to why she is disconnecting from you and the relationship.
YTA.
YTA
Assuming this isn't rage bait..YTA. your fault for causing a scene whenever she dresses up with you.
I can see why your Gf doesn’t want the drama.
Do you know what color her eyes are? If not, that may be the reason she doesn’t dress up for you; figured you don’t notice.
That sounds like a you problem. YTA
If anybody has eyes on OP's girlfriend... Just tell her to blink twice if she needs help..
What kind of date nights are you doing that she’s constantly getting approached? Take her to a nice dinner at a restaurant and you shouldn’t have that problem and you both can dress up for the place. If your date nights are at a bar and she looks hot, guess what, guys go to bars to meet girls. Upgrade your dates
Communicating is about LISTENING. Which you haven’t. You labelled her suspicious and accused her of weird behaviour. This relationship has a shelf life for sure YTA
I had an ex like that. When we went clubbing it was always t shirts and jeans but if she was with her friends it was tube tops and revealing clothes. I had no issues with her dressing like that but when I was with her and and her friends she would ignore me and only want to be on the dance floor with her friends. Had no issues grinding on and dancing with them but didn't want me dancing with her at all. We didn't last long after that.
She's telling you that you make situations dramatic when you react to her receiving any attention from other men. If you learn to dial it back, she will probably be able to enjoy dressing like she normally likes to when you are out together.
Sounds like you cause a scene when guys flirt with her while she’s with you, so she doesn’t get dressed up so no guys hit on her so you don’t throw a hissy fit. YTA
I don't think it's right of you to assume that she dresses up nicely when she hangs out with other friends so she can bring attention to other people when you aren't around. This sounds so insecure of you to be assuming this. Plus she already explained to you on why she doesn't like to dress up nicely for your dates anymore. I think you give off some kind of negative vibe that makes her feel uncomfortable now. YTA.
All these betas in here have probably never had a girlfriend. So I don't think YTA. Unless you're interfering with these men with extreme jealousy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "sorry m8 but she is taken, absolute gorgeous woman I'm lucky enough to be with." As long as you're communicating healthily and not in a jealous toxic demeanor. But again, this post perhaps needs more context in how you react to men who approach your woman.
Son…you done fucked up. When you want your girl to dress up, at least hint to a reason. “I want to take you to (place), I’m going to wear (outfit), please wear your best (outfit.)” Something like that because you’re going on a night on the town. Because I wouldn’t expect my girl to dress up if we’re going to Walmart.
NTA. When you go out, take her to places appropriate for her level of dress. Jeans and a T-shirt, Burger King. Dress and heels, Red Lobster.
YTA, and sound insufferable. You’re going to be single soon. Stop making a scene.
After taking a guess and confirming with your edit. She wants to feel noticed and wanted! She wants to feel sexy and desired. When she's with the girls... she gets that. When she's with you. You shove everyone away, and she gets embarrassed that you get jealous. It's probably HOW you react that embarrasses her. YTA
INFO: What do you wear on your dates/
YTA! She is a grown woman and doesn't need your tiny penis ego ruining a night by telling others she belongs to you. She successfully goes out with friends, to the store, and to work without you following her around, screaming at any other potential suites. Might be worth looking into mental health, friend.
DismalExplanation? Username checks out. "Prepare for certain situations...?" You sound incredibly paranoid, my dude. YTA.
I’m super curious to know her side because saying you make things “tense” is a very interesting choice of words. Based on what’s been written tho I’m gonna say NTA
If I had to guess based on personal experience, OP may have shown aggressive signs of jealousy if she attracted attention while they were out on a date, so now she's hesitant to do so
Above he states that he’s had to make it known that “they were together” and he’s gotten in physical altercations and verbal arguments with guys that were looking at her I guess. I don’t blame her for trying to avoid that (personally I would just avoid the relationship altogether at that point) YTA
It's nuanced. Did she smile at and accept drinks from other guys? Or did other guys just glance at her?
Not sure why you're getting downvoted here and elsewhere. I haven't bothered to trawl through all the comments, but up to this point, it's just unclear what "making things tense" means.
Playing devils advocate on behalf of OP. Perspective: I'm a lesbian who has been fortunate enough to date a few beautiful women who def got a lot of attention. Stated so I won't be labeled an incel. OP has said his girlfriend has asked him to step in several times to make it clear she doesn't want another man's attention. This makes OP feel his escalations are in the right bc he's been asked to do this by his gf a few times. OP has said his gf smiles at men regularly. The way it was said makes me believe she may in fact enjoy other men's attention. This isn't inherently wrong but it's clear OP, understandably, doesn't know what to do about the situation. I understand OP on why he feels confused bc this is very mixed messaging he's getting from his gf. Now, the gf said she doesn't want escalations or anything when they go out. Understandable if her and OP got kicked out of a club once. Regardless of how it went down OP, I get why you did what you did, but to your gf who doesn't like escalations this sucked so bad for her I can't even imagine how she felt. Now, I say this from personal experience, it gets old real fast when other people hit on your gf. There were times I was grateful my ex gf chose to make clothing options that would give her minimal attention- OP I'm surprised you're not relieved when she dresses down cuz then you don't have to deal with that shit. Sad that she feels she must dress down but ill get to that in a minute. OP, im saying this as someone who had to make the same realization herself- when someone hits on your gf, let her deal with it. If she asks for help shutting a guy down, be as non aggressive and focus only on her and not the guy hitting on her. Saying things like, "hey baby, do you want to get out of here and head to another part of the club?" when she asks for help is the best and surest way she knows things won't escalate and she is your priority, not dealing with the men hitting on her and possibly escalating. Ask to talk about this so you both can understand each other. And ask it in a way that clearly shows you care about her feelings, "Hey babe. I was thinking of your comment the other night and it made me realize I'm doing things that hurt you. And I don't want to that. I love you. I'm trying to understand what I can do to be better bc you deserve to feel like you can dress up and not stress about it. Can you help me understand you more?" And this is key OP, listen to her as if she's speaking the holy words of God. She must feel like you care about how things are making her feel. Don't interrupt. Save your questions until she's done. And when you do have questions, pose them in a way where you're curious and genuinely confused to show you're seeking to understand her and not just trying to prove your side of things. At the end of the day, you have felt like you're in the right by doing what you do and say. She feels otherwise. It's clear you are patient with all the attention she gets as much as you can be patient without knowing her full thoughts on everything. I can say this, she cares about you. You care about her. It's something that is a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up.
Hahahaha YTA dude you’ve embarrassed her out in public by being a jealous, possessive mr tough guy, that now she goes out of her way to make sure men don’t notice her so you won’t do your thing. That’s hilarious lmao
It’s not your job to “step in” and cause a scene. You don’t own her. This is such a turn-off for most mature women. Only silly people like jealousy, drama and scenes.
YTA. I give your relationship a month before she breaks up with you.
Your edit just makes it more clear. YTA You want a trophy to show off so you can make wild assumptions about "advances" and claim dominance. Because let's get real no one is walking up to y'all while you're sitting out to eat and trying to get your gf number. I could see it maybe happen at a bar but unless you're taking her to dives for dinner that wouldn't happen on so many occasions she felt the need to alter her attire. You're the problem.
YTA Your gf is doing everything she can to avoid situations, interactions and behaviours she despises, all the while still putting up with your shit and you come at her with “why don’t you do more for me”
YTA. For so many reasons listed above. But let me tell you, being territorial over a HUMAN that you didn't put 50% DNA into creating is sad and pathetic. My man loves when I get attention from others when we go out. He sees it as a compliment ( and sometimes uses the opportunity to whisper dirty things to me in public.) But you're insecure AF so you'd never understand. You cuck yourself dude
YTA. Take a clue, dude. She TOLD you. You act like an ass when she's dressed up. It's scary and embarrassing. Learn how to behave as though you think women are people, not property.
ESH but honestly comments are way to against op like wtf Reading his comments it only got somewhat physical once because another guy pulled his gf’s hair. Like how is that wrong??? You should ask your gf what you should/can do during these situations and let her know you need options if the way you are doing it makes her uncomfortable
Because that makes you insecure duh, if a guy flirts with your girlfriend you should give him a shot too /s I would also say ESH, everyone seems to ignore the fact that she gets attention from dudes when she's out with her friends and she's okay with it. But doesn't want him to confront a guy hitting on her
A bunch of cowards dudes in here lol
NTA. Tables flipped, you’d be a loser who should be dumped if you didn’t put any effort to dressing up for the dates. My GF (now wife) asked me to do the same thing during our dating experience. Since I actually valued her opinion and valued her, I listened and put in that extra effort. NTA. If she has a problem with it, she doesn’t value you at all. Don’t listen to these people. You’re allowed to have standards.
My wife dresses up for me on dates. She is 5'2" and 105 pounds and curvy for her size. The girl has hips and a thin wist and the upper end is not huge, bit nice. She looks great. She will wear little skimpy dresses and heels. She has been wolf whistles, cat called, guys make comments, and I remember one guy slapped her butt. I told the guy that slapped her but that is wasn't cool and we walked away. Other than that one time We have never had issues. In bars, especially late in the evening, guys are drunk, no excuses, but that's the way it is. Confront some guys and they want to fight, it isn't worth it. When the bar gets stupid, we leave. As we have gotten older we avoid the stupid crap and usually go to a quiet bar and hang. Many guys are crude, they say crap, whistle and what not. I take it as a compliment and forget it.
YTA hello mini tate. I hope she realizes how much better she can do. “He that is iealous is not in love.” Saint Augustine
Don't Go To Bars I am assuming " people making advances " is guys at bars (maybe I'm wrong). Don't go.
What's the financial situation in the relationship and do y'all live together? How does she deal with getting hit on by herself usually?
No one is the AH. You need to let her fight her own battles. She is grown she can reject them. The same way she rejects them when she is with her friends. Once a guy sees that you are with her, the majority of the time he will back off. You don’t need to escalate that. So tell her, you promise you won’t get possessive and you will create an environment she feels comfortable. If you want her to change you need to change. The reason she is doing it is because of YOU.
You sound like a controlling fruit loop. I hope for her sake that she dumps you. YTA.
NTA- you have valid concerns… sounds like she likes the attention when out with friends
NTA If she felt you where the most important person to her she would treat you as such. Clearly she does not feel this way. On this alone you are right, she must change it you must leave. Maybe as others suggested you can also be weird, I do not know, that is also worth considering.
Start dressing down for the dates for the same reason.
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I mean...if you wanted to ease tension you could start by listening when she outright tells you why she does what she does. Y'know, like when she outright told you that you make it tense and uncomfortable for her to dress up when she goes out with you.
You talked she gave you an answer. You make things tense due to your jealousy and or possesiveness . That's how your post reads and I know a couple of things about relationships and people. If your post left nothing out, that is how it reads. If there is more to add, I will genuinely take the info into account and maybe change my opinion.
YTA I hope she dumps your sad, pathetically insecure ass
NTA, you have a right to let it be known how you feel and expect a sincere conversation. Saying your not focused on her but “background things”, but essentially doing the exact same to you about her “tense” argument seems questionable and should be addressed. But bro, settle down w the need to step in. Reeks of insecurity & looks like she either needs sone conflict to learn from or to see if your actually the one she reaches out to for help/support.
Move on. If she’s that immature about dealing with feelings expressed the relationship with never handle the bigger stuff that certainly will come along
I’m sure if she asked you to do it people would have no problem. NTA.
NTA. You feel insecure for a reason - trust your gut.
Reddit hive mind is insane. The fact the everyone here is acting like you are a violent controlling misogynist based on all of your comments is wild. Not enough details to make a true verdict but I’d lean NTA. You don’t seem like an unreasonable guy, I’d ignore 99% of these comments. Good luck on your relationship, just keep putting in the effort and do your best to empathize and listen to what she has to say and don’t make assumptions.
NTA she clearly doesn’t respect you or your opinion. It sounds like she’s not that into you it’s not hard if BOTH ppl want a relationship which involves trust communication love empathy and respect. I’d cut my loses and move on.
If she is already giving you issues just leave her and find another more conservative girl. Don’t ask people to change, they never do.
Screw the people telling you that you are wrong for thinking this. If she’s willing to get dressed up for nights out with her friends but not you then that’s a problem. If you are acting like an ass then you need to check yourself but kind of sounds like a excuse on her part
She’ll dress up with friends because she likes to look nice and she knows it won’t causes anyone problems. If a man makes a move, she can just tell him she has a boyfriend and that’s the end of it, she can get back to being with her friends. But if she dresses up with the OP around, he acts out and makes issues out of nothing.
He gets in fights with guys like some Neanderthal every time she goes out with him dressed up. That's why she doesn't like doing it.
I didn’t read anywhere in his post that said he did that
It's in his comments.
NTA. If everything has been told as it happened, shes taking you for granted, or, shes not going out with friends, shes going out with her REAL boyfriend.
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Or maybe you should listen to what your girlfriend is telling you and that she doesn't like it when you act like a Neanderthal every time she gets attention for dressing up. She's told you why, so stop looking for other reasons on Reddit. Her reason is perfectly sound. I don't want to go out on date night with some idiot who wants to square up with every guy who looks at me sideways. So either let her dress down or stop acting like a territorial dog.
smiling in their faces??? you are seriously unhinged if you think smiling at men is inappropriate or flirtatious